The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 09/03/2012 The Church of Whats Happening Now #2

Episode Date: September 4, 2012

Joey and Lee talk about everything from cats, sports and music. Joey's childhood friend Loubs calls in. Originally aired 9/3/12. 

Man Fidelito. Say hello these people. It's Monday morning. What's happening? You fucking savages. Good morning, guys. Good morning, you fucking savages. Man, flavor here.

In full effect, I got the fucking goggles on. Welcome to the church of what's happening. Now Monday morning, September. Fucking third. What's happening, Lee? It's unbelievable, man. No, I'm excited. Did you hear about the earthquake last night?

What fucking earthquake? 3.3 in Beverly Hills. Come on. No, it's big. And I work in Beverly Hills. The one night I'm out there a week. Thank God. But just in Beverly Hills.

That's it. where else? Well, that's where it's like where the center of it was in there, around there, but yeah, right in center of Beverly Hills, yeah. Holy shit. See that people fucking earthquakes. I don't even know what the fuck's going on. And you know what? That's what it means to be part of the church of what's happening now. I don't give a fuck. I was driving. I was at a Mexican bar last night where they were they killed fucking anybody. I'm lucky I got out of there alive. I went down to do some benefit for some kid in a fucking wheelchair or some shit. I thought they were going to kill me.

But anyway, I made it home alive. What's happening to leave? Labor Day. weekend nobody's got to go to work. We're right here with the church of what's happened now. Sparking. We got music. We got movies. We got everything. Sports today. We got everything. You know what I'm saying? Only there was no NFL. NFL's Thursday, correct? I think the Giants and the

Cowboys are playing Wednesday maybe? Yeah, it's like they're getting the fucking gambling started early. It's a bad motherfucking economy. So let's spark the holy smoke. This is a white debt from fucking divine wellness. I know your people are saying, Joey, what the fuck? They're supposed to close the weed stores this week.

closing dick what happened was I guess they had to have an addendum of 25,000 they got 50,000 signatures so they're pushing it back to fucking saint generos day and you know what it didn't mean much to me because I knew they weren't going to close and guys look at all these people like ah you motherfuckers are out there selling weed illegally let me explain some to you they voted in me they wanted to have like people working on fucking their own grass or some shit like you had to do your own growing that's the new thing they're going to close the stores I guess and you got to grow your own weed. Do I look like Dr. Green fucking thumb to you?

No one's going to do that. I've never grown fucking dick in my life. I try growing weed one time, and I smoked it before it hatched. I smoked it like when it was real... I couldn't have it. It's like Christmas fucking day. I couldn't wait to smoke it, and I let it dry. The only thing that's going to do is bring back the drug dealers

and make it worse. They're going to create more crime for them, and they can arrest more people. There's no matter what. The problem is that... You know what, it's nice. We're already used to it. For me, I get weird. no matter what. I don't give a fuck if you close them, let them open, light them on fire.

It ain't going to stop Mr. Flavor. I've been smoking since 79. Yeah, flavor ain't going to stop now because you close the stores. And neither are a lot of people. Now, let me ask you this. I smoke a little bit, but in California, since it's legal, are there still weed dealers? I mean, I know there's dealing other stuff, but do you think

there's weed dealers still? Yeah, some people don't want to get a license. Some people don't want that. It pays to smoke the best. Fuck the lump. Fuck the lung When you're smoking good reef a fuck And I have to vaporize I'm trying to keep it healthy lately

But for you guys in the morning I smoke a bone Because hey, we're all smoking a bone Not everybody has a vaporize I'm in the city of like fucking thirsting Hoverthard You know Oh my God I'm so fuck you

We're all together on this one So if I get the fucking cancer from the paper You get the fucking cancer from the paper Yeah College football on last night I've seen that Yeah my Miami one right They're winning pretty big

Yeah I don't know who the fuck that'd be Who played last night? I have no idea. Nobody gives a fuck. I don't like follow college. That's the church or what's that. It's too confusing. It's every week and some people.

But it's what it's all about. It's where the fucking money's at, man. A lot of people like college. I watch it. I just don't know what the fuck's going on. A lot of people like it better than pro. And they say the players are playing for more. I like watching professional.

I like watching people who get paid. In college, the players play for white women. when you're black that's what you're playing for those white little chili is from fucking small towns when you're a pro you don't give a fuck you got money you get whatever color you want black white Chinese a Filipino chick from the hospital from the hospital yeah that's that's something I never got into man but I don't understand how they there was something in LA a couple weeks ago how the quarterback of USC was on a billboard promoting getting to sell tickets but it was near UCLA and they got all

set, but I don't understand how colleges like this can make millions of dollars off of the players, and then they don't get paid, and that's why some players have to go and do other things on the side. They've got to suck, dick, and strip. Get the fuck out of here. They get envelopes like everybody else. It's these little rats that, you know,

there's little third bench guys that rat on the other guys. Let me tell you something. Would you play for free for a fucking education? Yeah, you know, most Americans would, but trust me, they got something else going down there for your ass. No, yeah, they have to. It's just about fucking free. They got to give you something else. Listen, come on down, play some ball.

We'll give you a little... You ever watch a movie one-on-one? No, what's that? It's an old moor of Robbie Benson. About a small-time, All-American, that goes to a big fucking school. And it's like nothing. He sits at the end of the bench. Like, he was this big-time fucking kid.

And all of a sudden they torture him. He's too short. But he has a job fucking $50 an hour. The teacher would suck his dick. You know, he had perks. You know what I'm saying? And in those days, a teacher could suck a dick with a clean conscience. Yeah.

Now a teacher sucks a dick. She's got a worry. She can't sleep in there. She got a toss and turn. These little faggots are going to rat her out. Yeah, there was one in Texas that got caught having sex like five students. Listen, there was one when I was growing up in North Bergen that sucked everybody's dick. She's still anonymous.

You know, now everybody's getting caught. All these kids go home and they fucking crack because she won't give them a game or whatever. In my day, you got your dick sucked on the B and everybody was fucking happy, you know? Yeah. Nobody fucking complained. These little fucking faggots still. They go home, mommy, the teacher suck my dick. What the fuck is wrong with you?

How are you going to cop to that shit? You don't say a fucking word somebody sucks your dick. But these fucking weaklings today, you know. What are you going to do? They're too busy. They've got to get their dick sucked and get on the skateboard. You know what I'm saying? Why is it such a huge difference between female teachers with guys and male teachers with girls?

Because a female can suck your dick when you're 12 when it ain't creepy. A guy could touch your titty and it's fucking creepy when they're 14. You can't do that shit. But listen, like I said, there was never, I grew up in a different time. There was never a fucking sexual deviant guy in my school, but there was some sexually deviant fucking teachers. I was an ugly guy, so the chick didn't want to suck my dick. She didn't suck my dick.

I'm not going to sit here and tell you she blew me. The teacher that was sucking dick in high school never sucked my dick. She sucked other people's dick, but I was an ugly fuck, so they didn't bother me. But none of those kids till today, nobody knows about that teacher. That teacher is still fucking teaching and dancing and whatever. She's about 60 now. She ain't sucking no more dick. But back in the day, she was giving head in our school.

That's just the way it works out. That's it. What are you going to do, me? I don't know about no fucking billboards. I don't know about no fucking billboards. Why you talk to me about billboards and quarterbacks? This is the church of what's happening. I don't know about this shit.

All I know is who covered the fucking spread. That's all that you need to know about sports. Anything else is background fucking music. When I was a kid, I'd sit there for hours and watch basketball. And then as you get older, you get older shit going on and you don't watch that much. Like, I don't watch that much baseball. like toad, but I like baseball. But if you think I'm going to sit there all fucking summer long

with a hat in a kazoo at my house, doing the wave solo. And I went to a couple Dodger games. They're a fucking blast. I might go to one. I go to Costco. I get two fucking tickets for $25. Yeah, they sell.

And you get floor tickets, and they give you a hot dog and a fucking soda. Jesus Christ. Yeah, I love baseball, but it's just, you have to be there. Watching it on TV is murder. You go to the game, you smoke a fucking number. I want a couple weeks ago.

Let me taste something. Those hot dogs, they'll go right through your ass. eating a hot dog until they and they gave you like the first one the first them I took a bite out and it tasted like tofu then my uncle goes no no no no no don't eat those you gotta eat the fucking all beef ones you got to eat the fucking

all beef ones taste it worse than the other ones then they had a higher level the black angus ones let me tell you there was no angus in that fucking hot dog it was just black I mean the hot dog was even fucking gray so forget about eating the only thing about Dodger Stadium is they have like

they have other type of restaurants they have mean garlic fries but you know what man you go to those stuff things, you eat a hot dog, I'm already fucking full. The games are at seven. You know, what I did, my uncle's a fucking peanut guy, so he ate 92 fucking bags of peanuts, my uncle.

He's 76 from Cuba, old school. That motherfucker, he's more peanut. There was a... Arri Shafia is the only Jew that could eat a peanut like is the end of the world. The USC, we'll get fucking stone, and he'll buy a bag of fucking those peanuts with the shelves. My uncle killed him. My uncle did three bags

in fucking nine days. I helped him. I helped him. You know, I'm not going to sit here. tell you that he was a fucking solo artist that he was, you know, he was Joe Perry when he left Erosmith. Speaking of Erosmith, you know what, I never broke down the album the full way, and I feel bad. The album of the week this week, by the way, the church of what's happening now is coming at you two times a fucking week. Monday early to get your week going nice and Wednesday early in the midweek. Sometimes you fall behind, you forget to wipe your ass. It's fucking Wednesday.

And also Uncle Joey shows up and says, hey, it ain't that fucking bad of a day. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive, by the way. It's Monday. I love being home Monday mornings. If you have a good Monday morning, it makes the rest of the week go by early. People always say to me, oh, you don't work Sundays in common. You know why? Because I want to be in my bed fucking Sunday night.

So Monday morning, I wake up. Play a little fucking Tony Bennett, I want to be around. Play a little Tony Bennett, I want to be around. Every Monday when I was a kid, every day when I was a kid, I go to my mother's bar. And she opened up the door, turn off the fucking alarm. And she'd go to the jukebox, turn on that, turn on that, turn on that. the fucking little game

that you go back and forth. And on Mondays especially she'd get a glass of water, put it on a table and she'd play, I want to be around because it was her and my father's song when they came from Cuba. I don't know when Tony Bennett wrote the fucking thing. But she would play that first

every day out of respect for my father. It says it was the number 14 Billboard hit in 1963. That's tremendous. Play the fucking song. Now you want to be Casey Kaysom, Cucksucker. That's what it says on YouTube. All right. 63 that's the year was born I didn't know that it was in 63 so every time my mother would go to the fucking bar she played this song first just to give a reference to my father

so every Monday morning is what I do is I get up early I make the coffee I clean the fucking little boxes and I get on here and I play I want to be around and I respect every fucking Monday morning and I love it sometimes I do it during the week too first thing Lee what are you looking for nothing it did it doesn't want to play give me a second You know it's right there Lee it's two clicks or what it's all it unclipped on it it's just the video is not playing Give me a second keep talking I think you got the fuck in you verse I did Cocks sucker is what I'm talking about I gotta watch Lee even though he's Jewish I love him to death

But I got to watch we're bringing back the Yamika people this week we're gonna have it online Fuck you pay me the new yarmica line from Uncle Joey tremendous Nice little white yarmica I would fuck you pay me they know exactly where you're coming from Let me tell you what the thing about it is in life You know a lot of people kind of half a phony because they want people to know or people to lure

or they want people to think that that nice motherfuckers or whatever I always, I'm how I am I curse in front of people on how I am because I want people to know where they're coming from when you're friends with me this is what the fuck expect

this is why I'm like, here you go, beautiful song I used to listen to this shit this is the first song my mom played every morning she died in 79 I mean if I would have brought her back to the grave

it would have been easier for how to play this fucking song and find it. Took you an hour to Lee Coxon. I don't know how much of a funny. It's a lot. It's a beautiful jam.

It's a beautiful motherfucker going to be a lively. You got football this week. You got the day of. You go to a barbecue and grill at your buddy's house and scratch your fucking. fucking nuts all day. I think there's a Law & Order Marathon. There may be not. Oh, there's always a lot of order. I work nights, and that's the best part about working nights,

is on 2 o'clock, TNT, TBS. 2, 3, but they cut them down, they've been replacing them with the fucking mentalist. They pissed me to fuck off lately, a little fidget guy with the fidget fucking girl. You know, I like the show. It's a good show, but Law & Order is a stable. Been around for 25 fucking years. You're going to change it up on me now. Two o'clock sometimes I come home. I'm running around all afternoon. I want to see Law & Order. I got up here and there's no fucking law and order. No, and that show was on for 20 years, and I can't believe they canceled it. 25 years.

That's a lot of residual money right there, a lot of criminals. Yeah, but then they tried Law & Order to L.A. for a while, and that can. It's not on? I don't think so. They canceled it with J. L. CooJ. If they didn't, then they're about two. It's something terrible. Nah, law and, you know, it's about fucking real stories.

What's the one we were talking about last night? Wasn't it you, we were talking about a law and order episode? No. Don't fuck with me Lee You're trying to put something out there And you're trying to change it up on me Cocksucker Churchill what's happening now

Monday morning I'm happy you're fucking here Last week we were talking about Aerosmith You know I was telling Lee Yes I was telling Eddie Bravo Last night That you know

You know sometimes You have all your life To have a great first album Yeah Then your second album Usually tells you what's going on The reason why I like those older guys Especially Eerosmith was

That third album is a masterpiece But so is the second album Get your wings Don't get us confused here The first one was Dreamline with Walking a Dog. You got one good song and the other one. The second one was Get Your Wings, which is a fucking masterpiece because they didn't come out fucking throwing heat right out.

There's a lot of slower ballads on there. Same old song and dances in a slow ballad. But you got train kept their rolling where they went from a studio version into a fucking live version. But Jesus Christ, fucking rocks. You know, throw me a song from rocks, anything. Not back in the saddle, but there's got to be. You got back in the saddle.

You got nobody's fault. Let's see what else. Let's see if they have the full album on there, maybe. Yeah, they got the full out. Rocks. Here we go, full album. All right, you're pressing rocks. There's a lashed child, rats in the cellar combination, sick as a dog.

Do you have one you want to start with? Let's start with nobody's motherfucking fault. Go to the 20-minute mark right there. It's going to take a while to link up. I know that, but these motherfuckers are. You do? Let's see. That's my main man.

Lee Lee's one of the baddest motherfuckers I've known. You know that? A lot of people always said yesterday to me, Ah, Lee's a good... Let me tell you something about Lee. Lee got the ball going. Lee's the executive producer on fucking Etita you or the priest.

Lee also helped me with the documentary, the mad flavor world. The mind of Lee, he's a crazy motherfucker. He wouldn't be doing this. He'd be doing fucking arson. He's that type of Jew. He'd be lighting buildings down

to the fucking nub. That's how he rose. Jewish lightning, motherfucker. We got to tape Beauty and the Beast today, 11 o'clock. Not you. You'll be in bed by that. I'm dreaming of fucking cheeseburgers.

Do you want to play the song? What's that? Do you want to play the song? Absolutely, my little brother. What the fucking? Sit there, let's warm it up. Where the cats, the cats are fucking sleeping. I don't know why, bro.

These motherfuckers, they're, uh, they gotta get it together. They really got to get it together. They disappear. Pays that. Kick it. I didn't say lower. I said to dance.

They can't hear. Stickham.com slash Joey Cocoa. We're back. I'm ready for the fucking day today. And for everyone who doesn't know, we made the Facebook page yesterday. Facebook.com slash the church of what's happening now. There's a Stickham app on it so you can watch it straight on Facebook. Stickham also has an iPhone and a droid app so you can watch it on your phone if you're in the car. We're going to do this every week, two times a week.

in the car, man. I didn't know about this. This is why I fucking Lee's a savage. Me, I'm trying to make moves. I'm trying to figure I was going to win next weekend.

So I'm going to have some picks for you, hopefully next weekend. It's tough the first fucking month of football. It's really tough. You've got to find the gauge. I mean, you can gamble if you want, but whenever I give you something, it's to give you something

so you can bang it to the fucking walls. You follow me? I don't want you out there fucking hanging out with one nut. You got two of those motherfuckers. Make them wiggle-cocks suck. Last night I was coming home And a buddy of mine called me

Who I haven't heard from me He's like hey man We're having this fucking party At the strip club In downtown LA I'm like downtown LA I didn't even know there was a strip club Downtown's creepy and strip clubs are creepier

Listen bro I've been in L.A. for 13 years And I've been to two strip clubs I'm not a strip club type of guy No I'm not like I've been to the The Sienega one Because I had to pick up my ex there It's funny, I should call my ex and have a call in.

She called in last week, the strip. This is the same one I fucking pulled the Hershey rapper out of her muffler. She called in last week and told me that she was, maybe we should call her the fuck up and see what she's doing, that dirty bitch. Maybe she'll call in and talk about having arthritis and her wrist from giving out fucking hand jobs. Hysterical. That's what she told me last time I talked to.

There's some women who don't mind talking about stuff like that. No, no, no. She's the original. She's the last of the real motherfuckers. fucking deals. But what were we talking about? Oh, and I was thinking about how, you know, why don't I go to fucking strip clubs ever? I never really go to strip club. And I don't like them. I feel uncomfortable in there. But the real reason was because I was like fucking 15. There was a bar in my hometown named the Metallands Inn. It was run by a bunch of fucking

cops. And they had a couple broads that danced on there that weren't even hot brards. They were good-looking broads, but they were fucking animals. They were way beyond the animal mark. There was this one. Her name was Tina. She was beautiful, long-legged. But the claim to fame of this bar was that they put a galley. She would sit on a galeano bottle and go up and down a galeano bottle. They would take Budwis and put them in their fucking monkey and drink with their pussies. Take all the fluid out of the fucking Budweiser and then splash them back on your face. Wednesday nights was erotic banana night and fucking that.

And you give them $2 at the door and they fucking take two bananas and put them in their pussy and give you one and you had to eat it in front of them. peel the banana and these chicks had been, they had had a thousand dicks in them, right there. The whole fucking, all the apostles fucked them. I mean, these chicks were just dirty, filthy fucking animals, you know, but you don't know when you're 15, you go down

there, but I remember I was down there one Christmas Eve and I seen some chick take an old man's teeth out of her fucking mouth and put him in a snatch and give him right back to the old guy. He loved it. His glasses were all fogged up and this bar was really small. This place was

like a, the bar was small. The bar was small so the chick was right in front of you so all she would do is throw her leg you'd be drinking right here and her leg would be right here and they'd come over you'd help them over and they'd squat right in your fucking face like a savage for like two bucks I mean what type of woman let you eat

her pussy for two bucks I mean that's what you gotta think about but while you're there intoxicated two bucks seems like a bargain to eat some chick that's been passed around the fucking room God knows what's in that fucking dirty snatch but anyway the church of what's happening now let's keep a positive here you know what I talk about dirty

fucking monkeys on a Monday. Remember, wash those nuts. You might bump into a hot chicken. A fucking barbecue today she needs to suck your dick. You don't want to have stinky fucking nuts. You want to call again, you know what's today, Lee, Leland in the fucking house here. What's today's date, Lee? September 3rd.

That's crazy, man. What's crazy? It's September 3rd already. What do you expect? This day goes by. What's that jointly? You're smoking by your fucking self-cockeptu? I'm sorry, man, no. You're seeing me here here all solo. I'm over here smoking like fucking John Lennon when he left the Beatles. You got me. I'm here fucking doing my thing.

Yeah, I got to cut this motherfucker. I want to give a shout out to everybody from Twitter that's out there. My man, little fucking Leon Ali Baas, fucking monkey Todd breaking my balls yesterday. I thought it was somebody else. Fucking fist-a-cuff radio. I mean, come on now. Everybody's up watching fucking Stick-em.

That's why there's soldiers. Yeah. There's a chat going on Stickham, and someone just said that someone owns the Church of What's Happening Now.com already. Someone bought the website. I don't give a fuck. You don't need the website to fucking own it. You know what I'm saying?

I've been living under that fucking, under that genre of umbrella for 40 years. I mean, the original church of what's happening. Now, you can do whatever fuck you want, own it, suck it, fucking lick it. I don't give a fuck. Yeah, you were saying yesterday after I brought up Breaking Bad that some people said watch Breaking Bad, he lives Breaking Bad, and then you told me a funny story

about you dealing with someone like that. No, I wasn't. I was in 1985, I left North Bergen, and I went to live with a fucking, teacher that I knew from North Bergen name Mr. T. I still talk to him, by the way, is two boys. And he took me to an AA meeting. He was in AA at the time. It was 85. I was fucked up. He goes, maybe you need to go to a fucking meeting. So I go to this meeting and I'm sitting there. And at that time, it was 85. And I was a movie buff. I was always a big movie buff. Scarface was

the movie. And I remember I'm at this thing. I look at this fucking guy and I go to him, uh, did you see the movie Scarface? And he just looked at me and he had like fucking missing teeth, they were green, he goes, see the movie Scarface? I lived it. And he just turned his head. I understood not to mess with this fucking guy ever again because what are you going to do?

You know what I'm saying? You got to do something. I mean, you know some people who were real, and you know some people, this guy was real. He was a white guy. I forget what his name was Captain or something. Captain? Something, because he was friends with Mr. T. That's the teacher. I was down to. Mr. T's a good man. Mr. T. Kept me together in high school.

Yeah, you lived with him for a while. I lived at Mr. T in 85. I graduated in high school in 82, and I had lost contact with him in 83, 83 and a half. And then one afternoon, I was standing on the corner of North Bergen, 85, and he pulled over 84. They told me I looked like a fucking mess. I had to get my life together.

Look at you. You're a fucking savage, but you got to get it together. So I had the plan. I was going to take Coke from this Coke dealer, not paying back. And with that money, start a new life, in Creskill, New Jersey. Creskill is this high-grade fucking white community. It's a great community, man.

And it's real close to New York City. And that's where T owned the house. So that was my plan. So it was funny that T picked me up that morning, New Year's Day, 1985, at like 8 in the morning. I did Coke all night. I had like $1,600 bucks. My plan was to take a plane to Arizona to see a buddy in mind, Gerard Bazako, who was a study chiroprack.

He was studying to be a doctor, ASU. Okay. That was my plan. But that plan got changed like two nights before that. Mr. T said, if you want to come over here and get your life together for a few weeks. He had two little baby boys at the time, and he goes, come on over, and I'll have somebody to hang out with. So the whole time, I think I stayed there for like two months. I didn't drink at all.

I didn't do blow. I just smoked pot. He didn't know. He knew it. But I had a job at a liquor store, a place called Kreskill. a place called Creskill fucking liquors. And brother, they had one of those old registers. Oh, really? Like one of the button ones?

One of the button ones where, let's say you came in and got something for $11.50. I would just press 50 cents in and keep the $11. Jesus. So, I mean, I was just robbing these guys. I mean, this is when I had no responsibility. I thought I was slick and a cute guy that I was getting over on people. You know, you always pay for everything. But anyway, that's a different fucking story.

The funny thing was that I I stayed there for a while And the guy fired me He eventually caught on that I was robbing him blind At Creskill Lickers And I moved to Tentafly Then I got arrested in Tentafly For possession of whatever

And then I finally Got the balls to move to Colorado But it was funny because one time T said to me Listen man I tried to give you a life We're done

Don't come back here Unless you drive back in a fucking Cadillac He goes, don't talk to me Unless you come back in a fucking Cadillac So I said, fine And I think by 95 I called him back No, no, once I got basketball

Like in 98, I had the balls To call him back and tell him, hey, I got my life together I still was doing powder and shit But I called him and I Met him in Jersey At a comedy club called Rascals And we've reconnected We talk once or twice a week

And he's in Sarasota And I'd like to go back to Sarasota, Florida And see him There's a club there called McCurvey So if anybody lives in that Florida area, Sarasota, please start calling McCurdy's, tell them I want to come down there and rock the house. Plus, I lived in Sarasota in 82. I went there on the lamp. Yeah, you said after you run the jewelry store.

I went to Sarasota. At that time, Sarasota was where boredom was fucking invented. I understand me. It was fucking boring. There was one movie theater and the Road Warrior was playing. The Road Warrior and Rambo, the first one. Oh, wow. And I would go every day to watch either one of them or both of them.

I do every day. I go to Bonilo Nietzsche, which is a black neighborhood and I get weed, me and Gary Hartman and then from there we'd fucking shoot to the movie thing. I was living with Gary. His mother was fucking cooking for, I mean, it was a crazy month and a half, but what are you going to do? The church

of what's happening now, bitch, number four, calm is a motherfucker, you're always going to pay for it. Remember, nothing is free. You're always going to get a fucking receipt. So if you do something 83, they might cash it back in in the 2000, fucking 12. Look at it. My wife is pregnant. Here I thought for years the feds were going to kick the door down for something I had done.

Somebody did whisper in my ear, my wife. She's like, guess what? You knocked me up, Chubby. I don't even know the fuck she's out. She's still sleeping. When I woke up at 5, she was wide awake. She was on the couch watching fucking Discovery Channel, some about guns or some shit. Yeah, TV, that late gets creepy. It's weird. Well, last night, we were at a friend's house for dinner, and she was almost falling asleep because the history channel was on. And when she got in the car, I go, Jesus Christ, we started talking, you woke right to fuck up. and she goes, well, when we got in the car,

she goes, think about it. If you want to go to sleep, just put the Discovery Channel on the History Channel. They got boring shit on late night. I don't look at it that way. I like it. I like it, but she'll fall asleep to the History Channel. That's about it. Don't forget for all your little fucking cat treats.

These are right here. Temptations. This is the dairy flavor. These motherfuckers go crazy. Except now, I don't know where they are. See, when Terry's fucking sleep and these cats don't come out, though. Their mama's cats. So right now, They're trying to work out. Look, a one cat came out.

This is my girl, Gray. Come here, Gray. Say hello, Cops. Gray learned from yesterday. Oh, there's Harry Warren. Come in. Come on, come, come, come, come, come, say hello. Oh, people are asking for Skinny, Fennie.

Where is he? Skinny, funny, you hear? He's fucking young, this, what are you? They're super bad. It's amazing with Joey and his cats, because they, it's like Pied Piper, and it's, it's, it's something crazy to watch. This is my Greg, Gray,

Say hello these people at home. Here's my gray, gray. I got these fucking momos who are going to fight right next to me. You can't see them. They're on the floor. That's how they roll. Those two fucking idiots, super bad and Harry. When did you start getting into cats? When I met my wife, man.

I met my wife and, you know, I didn't know about cats. I was like everybody else. I fucking hated cats as a kid. And then my mom died for the people I live with. I know, right now. They had a cat named Frisch. that looked like that black and white but Frisky was a tough motherfucker

he was missing an eerie shit he had an eye patch, he smoked cigarettes he was a crazy motherfucker Frisky Frisky you'd wake up in the morning there'd be a skunk in your living room or a fucking possum or a fucking two pigeons or a chicken or a kid's hand

Frisky came home with fucking something that was my first discovery I remember one night being on the like when you wake up in the morning hung over you just stay in bed and think about your night who was putting up course he ate, who you stabbed, who's purse you rub. I'm laying there on this

couch, and I'm watching him meowing at me. He was meowing at me because the window was open. And when I turned around, I never forget this, when I turned around, there was like a blue bird, whatever the fuck, I'm no bird ontologist. There was a bird with fucking wings on or whatever, and Frisky kept

meowing through the window. The window was half open, like the screen. I swear to God, man, I got up to puke or whatever it was was, by now away, that fucking same bird. was on the front doorstep, dead, decapitated. Frisky was that type of cat. So I met Frisky, and then I didn't have contact with cats for close to 10 or 15 years.

I had dogs. I had Hercules. I had the black German dog. My wife took Hercules. He was my little German shepherd. That was bad for the bone. My wife took that motherfucker. Those are beautiful dogs, man.

This guy was beautiful. This guy was really beautiful. He lived through, it was tough, because I was getting chased by the cops. I had Hercules since 86, and obviously I got in trouble 88 and 91, then we got separated. So Hercules went through all this,

but Hercules is very good. I don't have any pictures of him. He was a beautiful German Shepherd. Then when I met Terry in 90-fucking, in 2000, she had Finney. She had Skinny Finney already. Skinny Finney was a year-old kitten. And you know what?

I liked them. At first it was hard. We used to have war. because it was like that was his mother. It was like a stepfather moving into a fucking house. Really? Yeah, it was hard. He used to bite me and he didn't like, but I always play with him.

Oh, okay. And now, you know, I look at Finney and it's like he's the longest male that I've had around me as a kid or whatever, a pet. So in reference, he's my child. He's my boy. That's crazy. He's been around me for 13 years. I've woken up with Finney every day.

When I met him, he was just a little fucking kid. And it's weird because, uh, Cats are weird Listen man Animals are weird I mean some people don't like Fuck the snakes I dig it

Some people don't like I dig it You know It's whatever you fucking like But you know what I like every animal I mean I would feel uneasy

With a snake in my house Maybe maybe not You know I'd feel bad for my wife For the kid Or whatever the fuck But I like animals

So no animal I'll find the beauty And a fucking animal Absolutely I'll find the beauty An animal That's no biggie to me And these cats

I'll tell you I wouldn't know What to do about somebody just sent me an email to the beauty of the beast page about they lost a cat how would I handle it and my answer was I look at my cats every day and I say to myself what or what no I say to myself uh like I don't want to outlive that because the pain's going to be too much yeah when I move super bad or finney or harry or demi I mean I don't know what my world is going to be like because I get so much laughter and satisfaction from them yeah I read and I but I do that

If I had a dog, a chihuahua, a pit bull, you know what I'm saying? If somebody came to me and said, the dog, I got to get rid of this dog, I would probably take him. I don't care what, he's an animal. He's a human being to me. I don't know. I feel weird about animals. Yeah. But I don't know what my day would be like without these cats.

I'm telling you this, as reality, as honest as I can be. I don't know what my day would be like because they got, they take half the pressure off my day. And people who are animal lovers know or animal owners know that you're, to be in the worst mood of your life. You can walk in and the dog wants to go out and he keeps bringing in the leash and just about you're about to stab him. You look at

his beautiful eyes and you go, I get it. If this is a human, I'd probably stab them. But this dog, this cat, they don't want nothing from me. They don't want money. They don't want me to go on a date. There's no bad intentions. All they want for me is love, you to feed him and take them out

or walk him. You know, I spend I can be honest with the general public here my whole fucking day is revised around these animals because I want to come home every hour no matter what I'm doing I want to be around every two three hours just to check in say good morning feed them give them a treat they're part of my fucking day

for me to just leave for 10 hours and my wife will leave for 10 hours so when I go on the road yeah I miss my wife but I'm concerned about them when if there's an earthquake then I got to know what to do they look at me for fucking help advice these dumb fucking animals. Didn't you, like, didn't your wife go home to visit family or something and you stay home?

Yeah, I won't go, we won't go on vacation. Because that's a commitment I made when I adopted these animals. Yeah, I'm going to have to now. With the baby, we've left for three or two days and gone to Tennessee together, or I'll go do comedy, or she'll come on me to go do comedy for a few days, but we've never really left

for seven or eight days because I worry, I can't put them on somebody else? Yeah, now, can cats, because I had a dog back home, and you can bring him no kennel when you go on vacation. Do cats do that? Yeah. You can bring them to,

they have tons of places. You know, but cats, cats, the reason why I get along with cats so much is because they're only fucking childs like me. You've got to consider that they want to be alone.

These cats sleep 16 hours a day. They're only awake, eight hours a day, these motherfuckers. But they can just fall asleep in and out quicker than we can't. So what they do is they take little power naps

and we're not around. But when I'm home, as soon as I'm home, I just got to mess around with them. Who's all over by you? That's great. They're just gray. Yeah, they're over there torture and Terry right now.

They're trying to get Terry up. What time is it? It is 6.45 a.m. Yeah, they're trying to get Terry up. Put on back to the hotel. I got to get something to drink. I'll be right back. Don't go nowhere.

Welcome to the church of what's happened now. I'll play something from Arrow's. Holy smoke number one has gone down. I just got to get a sip of something. I'll be back, bitches. All right, Leon, if you want, for a couple minutes, when Joey's taken a drink, if you guys have questions for me, I'll answer them.

Oh, they asked me to answer questions. So when you were gone, I was going to answer some questions. Don't be answering no questions. Minnie Fennie here for you, motherfuckers. The man of steel. This is my oldest son right here, Minnie Fennie. He's 13. He's a good fucking man.

This guy's solid. Right, Daddy? Look at him. He opens up his legs. Here's my boy. When we first started hanging out and doing the Mata Flavors role, you can make him meow. And if you can see it in the first couple of videos with him,

The camera was jumping all over the place. It was the most hysterical thing in the world. Get it together. Get it together, cuck, son. Get it together. I know. He's my boy. He's a tough guy.

He just hit me with a shot of bad breath in the fucking ear. Get it together, cuck, son. He's my little boy. This guy digs me and I dig here. You give me. This guy, I said, huh? Huh? Come make me go.

That's skinny, fanny from the brain. He knows skinny, you know? Look, he thinks he's fucking back. Who you think he's fucking dealing with? Who are you dealing with? Hey, mamma me, sweet little. Muh, ma lambangay. Say hello to these people.

Let me kiss. He's unhappy. I bet I give you a fuck. Oh, now he wants to be my friend. Oh, the cat nip, yeah. Fuck, yeah. One of the weirdest things, you got me high one day over here, and you had to walk outside for a second,

and Fidel had me cornered on the couch, and he just meazzed at you and stares you in the eyes, and it petrified me. He was chasing. I was running around the coffee table because I was scared he was going to attack me, but he was just saying hi. See, but you got to deal with this fucking, this is all day.

Don't be licking this bitch. Look on, look on. Eating up that cat in it. Getting ready to get high with his uncle Joey. Look him. Look at that. That's the real deal right there. See? And these are buds of catnip. I ain't messing around. Don't be calling the cops.

Somebody saying, Joey's giving it. This is catnip. This is some of the best shit if you got a cat. Look at him. He's going fucking crazy. Catnip buds by pet greens. Get it together, cocksucker. Get it together. Don't you talk back to me, Marine. Let me kiss.

All right, get out of here. And don't come back, cocks sucker. See, I got to deal with. That's great. Anyway. You want to answer an email, man? Sure. Let's answer.

fucking email. Which one you got for your uncle Joey? All right. We got it from TJ yesterday. Let me open it up. Oh, we got a bunch while we've been on there. T.J. has a question for you, Joe. He says... Hit me, brother. Come on, TJ. Joey, can you please talk about why you think unemployment rate in New Jersey is so low? I've been out of a job for four to five years now, and I can't do shit except try to get involved with

in what interests me. I'm at the end of my... He's getting involved with who? With what interests him. He got a felony when he was 20, and with all the red tape for four or five years he hasn't been able to get a job he says I'm not a bad guy and I'm a good worker but this red flag shit is driving me up a wall do you have anything that would say to encourage me listen things are fucking bad all over okay things are bad all over and I agree with you first off get the felony off your fucking thing stop with the felony there's no felony once you walk out of prison or once you walk out of

that courtroom there ain't no fucking felons it's over they don't need to know they're all I need no basis. If they fucking find out, then they find out. Who gives a fuck? But you got to go for a bro. As soon as I walked out of that prison, I don't know what felony they were talking about. I don't give a fuck. Until recently, I wasn't going to work with kids. I'm going to take an assistant coaching basketball

job with kids. Do I tell you about that? Yeah, exactly. Because I wouldn't do it, because I was scared that they're going to find out. First off, I'm a different person was when I had them. The only felonies I have under that is kidnapping. The only one. Aggravated robbery. I got an assault up in Seattle.

like that but there's no finger and little kids in the ass or taking a pull of a Sandusky and other that shit not to mention when all that shit went down you know I was a different fucking man so you're a different man now

from whatever felony or whatever probation you got so get that right off the board you don't have a you paid your due to society and how you moved the fuck on you've been unemployed how long?

Four or five years well we got to get it together it's time to kick it up a little bit obviously you're not trying hard enough a year ago I got an email from a fucking a little Jew kid asking me if you want to do videos.

And the year later, we're doing a fucking podcast together. We've done two testicle testaments, and we lost two or three of them. We've done a CD. We've done a documentary. We've done videos. We opened up a new chapter of work for ourselves. I know that you want to, there's no work, so you might as well do what the fuck you want to do now. If you started collecting cans a year ago, right now, you would have a huge can collecting company.

So the quicker you start something That's what this is all about This economy This economy isn't about Well I'm gonna sit around and find the job No no They're doing you a favor of this economy Because they're making you do what you really

Like now you could do what you're really Like you got another lose you're not working So you're not making money So you might as well do what the fuck you want to fucking do Whether it's stand up Whether you want to fucking You know I have a friend that's unemployed And I keep telling them that

Listen man I was out there for years So you can't bullshit a bullshit there's a job up here where people saw warranties on the phone. This is an actor community here. This is actors and agents. So not everybody could work a fucking full day. People go to auditions. So they have all these jobs out of here.

I did this dumb movie. I played a... I was telling you, I played the cameraman. Yeah. And the producer on that has a great story. One of the best stories I've ever heard. He was 49 years old, and he was addicted to crack and coke, and he came out of a rehab at 45.

fucking nine. 49's an age. 49's how old I am. 49's an age where you look at yourself and you look at what you got left. You're like, fucking, the average age of a man is 74 years old. I basically got 15 years. What is it that I really want to do?

So this guy started selling tape on the phone from a rehab with no teeth in his mouth. He couldn't take a job that you kind of see him because he had no teeth from the crack. So he had to get a fucking job that you couldn't see him. So he started telemarketing him. For starters, he started a whole new career of 49. He was something else.

He was an ass juggler or whatever he was doing. And now he went in and he worked for a company. After two or three years, he said that he took a bus. He lived downtown in a shelter, but he had to take a bus to Pasadena every day. Oh, Jesus Christ. So he watched the Disney Center or something get built. That's how long he was on a bus for until he put away money to buy a car.

And then after that, he decided that he had learned to sell tape. So he moved into his girlfriend's garage And he started his company in the fucking garage And he goes At that time he was making so much money It wasn't even about putting the money away It was where to stock the tape That UPS couldn't come to his house that much

But it was killing the trees on the block It was destroying And he had no credit So he had to put away $100,000 For a security deposit for a warehouse Because he had no fucking credit this guy Listen to me $100,000

dollars. A while ago. And he was getting $10 an hour. So he said for months he only ate potato chips and something else and fucking put away money until he bought that warehouse. He got a down payment on

hence 12 years fucking later at 62 years old or 13 or 14 years ago he gets $8 million from 3M because he becomes one of the tape guys. So he signed an agreement where he couldn't He couldn't open up, he couldn't go to work again for a tape company.

He had to wait five years or something. Okay. So he recently opened up a tape place in Van Nuys. If you're looking for work, he's told me a thousand times. You're going there at 7 in the morning from 7 to 1 and from 1.30 to 7. This guy's making $8,900 working part-time. Selling fucking tape on the phone. Wow.

Yesterday I'm at Marie E.T. Waiting for you to show up. Remember yesterday or the day before? Yeah, yeah. Was it yesterday? We met yesterday, yeah. But I got there late yesterday. No, no, I got there late.

It was a day before I had to meet somebody. I was there writing. And some kid came, and I asked him, I go, what do you do for a living? He goes, you know, for a long time, I was here for six months. I couldn't find a job in production. So he goes, I'm selling warranties on the phone. I was happy to talk to me. How long have you been there?

It goes, about nine months. I go, you like it? He goes, dog, I'm making fucking bank there. I go, did you ever do it before? He's a young kid. And I go, what shift do you work? And he goes, I work from 12. There's a different company up in VanVen.

All these telemarketing companies are in Van Nuys. Yeah. So they have tons of them up there. You go one at seven in the morning. You're going right now and be out by one and make $6,700 and have your whole fucking day ahead of you. What the fuck is going on over there? Is that you? No, that's one of the cats.

Which one? That's gray. Wait until she fucking gets electrocuted. You're like, peaches down. All of a sudden you see a cat go up in the air. And that's the end of that shit. Stop fucking around back there, Greg. But if you really want a fucking job, they're out there, guys.

I know what they tell you, 8.4, unemployment, 8.7. and that I understand. That's for people who are engineers, who are skilled workers, a skilled labor or whatever. Listen, there's jobs out there. Go be a fucking Mexican for a week. I'm sure when they jump a fence and come from Mexico, they find a fucking job, but they go down at Home Depot. If you really want to work in this country, there's fucking work guy. I don't give a fuck what anybody that says,

and I'm not insulting you in Jersey, especially in Jersey. You can pay somebody to get you a fucking job. So, you know what? You're talking to the wrong fucking guy. There's work out there. You just got to become a Mexican, go out there, and find it, get up at seven, you know, brush your teeth, shine your fucking shoes. There's a lot of people go looking for jobs at 11 o'clock or 12 in the morning. I never understood that.

You got to get the fuck up. Oh, yeah. You're going to get the fuck up and comb your hair and put on a shirt. You know what, man, I've slept in fucking cars. The guy I sent the email to, I got an email from a guy yesterday. The last two years he's been email. He's in a bad position. He's in Florida.

He's living in his van. Well, so did all of us. You got to get up and you've got to justify your fucking existence. You got to get up, smoke a half a joint And figure out your plan What is your plan? I'm going to live in the van for three months Ooh

There's the first fart of the morning I hope you guys enjoy it I'm creating a system from the podcast That you can actually smell these motherfuckers It'll come up over your speaker like UPorn You know what I'm saying Like a UPorn has that you press a button You can smell the pussy and the lady's feet

It's fucking tremendous Anyway Lee what is this podcast gonna be at This video is up I submitted the last one to iTunes, so I'm hoping by the next one we do, that'll be up. But if you want, you can go to our RSS feed, which I know everyone from Death Squad is going to find hilarious. But if you go to, let me find the exact website for you right now, but it's on Lipson, and we have a website we can download them. But I'm assuming if you listen to this one, you're going to be listening to the last one.

Let me find the website Joey really quick What page you're looking for? Everybody's sleeping on Twitter this morning What's going on? Everyone has the day off. Everybody's fucking sleeping hard I don't mind.

I love it. I love that you motherfucking sleep But I'd be up early getting out there and shit We've got to get over to Denny's before the church crowd The fucking satanic shirt Don't they go to church on Mondays of Satan people? I don't know when they go to church, man That sounds creepy

So yeah, if you want to If you want to download the audio before it gets up on iTunes or you have droid or a weird FP3 player, if you go to the Church of What's Happening Now. lipson,L-I-B-S-Y-N dot com, then you can go and download the straight audio. And yesterday's is up, and today's will be up later today. But hopefully it'll be up on iTunes

and then eventually Stitcher in, like, the next couple days. And I want to thank everybody who fucking supported me on testicle testaments too this last week in the Testicle Testament 1 and the CD and the documentary on fucking Amazon I mean we've done this together but you guys are the real fucking test call the number Loobs I'm going to have my buddy

Jimmy Lilleloobs call in so call that number I gave you all right? Right now Bye Joe people are asking if they're ever going to do gigs in Europe and who what? People want to know if you're ever going to come here and who what?

Sorry. Yo. Yeah, you. What was your question? Just call that fucking number. There's no passport, so probably not. All right. What?

No, I can't do fucking gigs in Europe until I get my passport. You guys know that. I got no fucking passport. How am I going to go out of the plane? What are you going to do? Sit in the fucking tanker in the back with three Chinese people and go the other way. Stop it. That's too much fucking action.

I'll be there, though. I'm going to come to the UK. I'm going to fucking Ireland. I'm going. I'm going to Melbourne, Australia, I'm going to Sydney. I got a couple spots. I got some people. I got a fucking visit.

You know who the fuck you are. I got some freaks in Hong Kong that want to sit in the living room, getting it on, and they ain't leaving until 6 in the morning. So what you want to do? Where's this motherfucker? You're supposed to call up? I don't know. I love this vaporizer.

People ask me all the time. Joey, what vaporizer is? It's called Eureka vapor. The reason why I went back to the vapor for eight days, I didn't smoke reefer, because I spoke to a referee, a friend of mine, he was telling me that ever since he stopped smoking his wrong capacity, he got better than stuff. So I wanted to give it a shot.

So I didn't smoke, I was smoking just this vapor. This Eureka vapors, this shit. You take it in every week, they install the oil in it. See, you turn it off, you go one, two, three, four, five, beep, beep, and you can turn it off like this, and then it breaks away from the compartment. They fill this up, and every week you go in there, I think it's $40, and they fill it up.

up with an eighth of fucking weed or something something that's ridiculous that's crazy that's my man right there he is Jimmy Loobbs what's up started with Loves going here what's going on buddy how are you my friend no good Jimmy Loobes is a documentary Jimmy Loos is one of my childhood brothers I love this guy you know that I was thinking about Loubs the other day in 83 when I left the half ounce at your house and you went into the city and I went and woke your mother up and took it out of the jacket. Could you imagine that you get home? Can you imagine that you get home with your mother's like your friend was here at 4 in the

morning? He wanted something out of the jacket. What's up, buddy? You're off tonight on school? Yeah, off of school. Studied all weekend. What did you study? What are you studying? No, I was thinking about with this long weekend at the time,

me, you were sticky when went down ashore? Yeah. In the Voxing of Meal? Yeah. And we stood at the weekend inside the room? Oh, that's the time We robbed the gas station. Yeah, we robbed the gas station

And we went down there in the fucking Volkswagen That you couldn't, it didn't go in reverse So you had to take your feet out of something And push it into fucking reverse We went down to show, we sat in the hotel And we snored like an eight ball But that's the weekend we bumped into Rago down there And the Black Made

The Rago was down there doing Coke with us I think it was either Raygo or Conti Stinky Conti Conti We would do He didn't say words The whole weekend The whole weekend

This guy would not say a fucking word He'd just look around He'd seen a black maid He'd remember there was a black maid or something And she knocked on the door with toilet paper Stinkia almost had a fucking heart attack Oh is that the one who was in the car Yeah he's like

There's a fucking black maid at the door I don't know what she wants What's up? Loobie what are you going to do today on Labor Day? Nothing I was study this weekend That's it That's it You're not going out tonight and nothing like that?

What's that now? Good boy. No more work. I'm being good now. You know? What do you mean you're being good? I basically closed up shop, you know? Who closed up shop?

Yeah. You did? Me? It's over? Yeah, basically. Well, just a couple of, you know, select customers, you know? I hear you. I hear you got to do what you got to do.

I just want to make my, you know, 300 a week in that, you know, just for gas money or cigarettes and with toll money, you know. That's it. That's it. keep it low. Fuck it. I ain't mad at you. Yeah. We can't sling forever, Jimmy. Hey, I'm a, I'm, I'm off of, I told you, I'm off for probation now. Your probation, all right. So did you see Steve?

No, I'm done, I'm done. I'm finished in that. I went to, she, she violated me again, right? For missing classes and that, some time going there. But what happened was, Stevie, Stevie Runny used to, was working inside the probation office. So as soon as my probation officer left for lunch, he would call me. I'd be in school. I would run over. Go upstairs. She wasn't there.

I would sign in and I'd leave in that. So she goes, she goes, I haven't seen you in like two months in that. I said, well, I'm there. Every, you know, I have lunch from school. I go to stay. you're never there. I said, I basically signed signed in and then I said,

I said, I basically know the cop, too. He's seen me. So that she violated me. I went in front of the judge. I said, listen, John, I said, I've been coming every week. She should be giving me a house. I said, I've been doing it for eight years now.

The eight years, he got to get it. You're done. So he just terminated me. You were on probation for eight years. Your probation is over. You're a fucking sad. Well, I'll tell you what, man. We're going to get gone.

we're going to send you a fucking plane ticket and not you're going to leave the state you're going to come out to California and hang with us on your next break bro I love my I might I might once I finish school I might come out that way and just look for jobs there

who knows man We need the job stucker We need We need fucking workers here brother Jimmy Loubs I've been friends of you Since 1979 I love you man

You're a You're the last of Rio Mohicans 79 was the first time we played hookie We robbed that beer thing We went over to your house With the I don't with the I remember taking the, uh,

I, I, I remember taking, taking tests in that, and you're like changing, changing my answers in that. I said, I said,

pass up my, my test saying, this is an easy hundred and then, and I get it back, and I get a 20 in that because Cocoa's fucking scratched out of all my answers. I wouldn't say, because you have to pass the paperwork

up to the front, so, but this kid's the last real fucking Moheekin's, what happened? Yeah. What were you saying? And I wound up being,

and I, and I wanted to be, and I, them getting pushed back into all like the easier glasses. We'll better you guys in them. That's right. But you ended up going to MIT. You're a smart motherfucker.

You're a bad dude, dog. Yeah. They don't even make them like you no more. You know what I'm saying? That's it. And JIT's graduate. Don't forget about me. I'll give you a call during the week.

Jimmy Lewis. Next week we'll talk too. Every week you're going to call. I love you, buddy. Have a good week. No problem. What are they making today? What are they cooking today?

I'm going to have to make it. I'm going to have to get some adventures for. you then. So what? So in a week. Okay. I can give you stories about my dad. That's unbelievable.

He's got worse or worse. Oh, please. How old is he now? Oh, 86. And you still take him to the track every day? 86. Yep. He's got one more good fight left in him, he said.

He's got one more good fight. He said, one more good fight. I'm saving it. So be careful. One more good when he goes. What's your mom cooking for? Anything good? Today? Today's

Well, today's Monday. Yesterday she made homemade raviolos and that. My brother and his son came down. Oh, that's fucking nice. And your mom's one of the best there is. One of the best there is a fucking fucking dog. Nice. From the chicken cut,

it's everything. Parmesan, the meatballs. Nice. Ooh. I made a salad. I said, who wants a salad home? When you have ravioli's, ma.

He's sausage. And it got them blunty bread, The hot, Blentie bread yesterday. Nice. Now, are you allowed to smoke refere again? Yeah. Oh, shit. I never stopped, though.

I only had that for, like, three years. They kept on violating me. They kept up saying, you feel casting that. Come back, come back, come back. So it took me like eight, eight years to do, like, a three-year stint in that. Fuck. I just should. Fuck.

All right. I love you, buddy. Have a good week. All right. Stay black. Let me explain something to you people For your people at home When I started hanging with this kid in 79

Like a month before my mother died We robbed a beer truck Yeah Now explain that because people don't know what you mean by that We didn't rob a hijack a beer truck In the old days people would pull up with a beer truck Going to a liquor store by themselves We'd watch you

And then we'd follow you for a couple blocks And when you unloaded like a lot of cases of beer We'd go to one side Open up the latch Take a case of beer Put in the fucking car take off, you know, when you're 16, 15. Or we take it and run.

And if you chased us, then we robbed the whole fucking truck. So you got an option. So most guys just let us rob a fucking beer truck, just would let us steal a case. So me and this kid robbed the case of beer like October or September, 79.

And we got Anazette and vodka, and we shaved ice. Okay. And we put it in a rock glass. We didn't know what the fucker were doing and we went out I had stolen cocaine from downstairs in the basement that my mother was hiding for somebody like a couple of pounds I was a sophomore in high school and I took the bottom out and I went to his house and we drank the beer it was quartz okay so when you steal a case of

courts they're warm so you're fucked they take a longer while to chill so we put them in the bathtub but we had a little bit of money and we got the vodka and this is 79 we're sophomores in high school we mixed the vodka and the peppermine schnapps together and then we sprinkled the coke on top we put in the freezer we didn't know what we were doing we were just stupid kids but it was weird because there was a gang

of kids called the little boys there were the boys and the little boys and the little boys didn't fucking like me because I was a druggy I was kind of crazy but Loubs was part of the little boys and he always hung out with me but he didn't give a fuck what they said even though his brother was in that gang

and all that Luke still hung out with me me. So what happened was I was put into the little boys and then I had a party at my house and I invited people from outside circles and the little boys got mad at me. And I'm like fuck you guys. I can't bring my friends. I'll get the fuck out of here. I just got to be

with 16 guys and they wanted girls and they sang in a corner and they all hugged each other at the end of the night. I want to get my dick sucked. I don't want no guys fucking hugging me. But out of that crew, Loubs is the only one that always hung out with me. So it was weird. We graduated high school. We

Both got into crime, even though he's a genius, and he went to, like, MIT. You know, he was working at a gas station, Hess is a manager. But all those binds I got into from 81 to 85, I talk about in 87, and when I went back in 94, all I got to do is call this kid, and it's over. Yeah, you said you call him any time in night. Any time, any day, you know, he's my right hand for years. He was my little brother. And until this day, he's a tough key.

He doesn't get along with a lot of people. I still back him 150%. I'm friends with everybody, but I back him 150% because I can't start to tell you. I mean, I can tell you stories that we go to New York and it being cold on. I got to do a set in the city. And I'm still strung out on Coke. Like, I want to get Coke that night. He would fucking pull over with his car, get me right into the city, give me 20 bucks,

give me a rock of Coke, and give me a couple of values. That's not a friend. I don't know what the fuck is, you know? So it's just amazing how lucky I am to 24. to somebody that I grew up with. I don't just have him. I have 10 other guys that I still communicate with on a daily basis. We're going to talk to Roger.

We're going to talk to a villa on the show. These are guys who made me who I am. I can't move forward unless I talk with them. You know, this last week we did a testicle testament is about making people proud of you. Yeah. People that you're fucked over, proud of you, you know. It's such a great feeling. You can't give them money.

There's nothing you could give them. But to make somebody proud of you after they, they wrote you off is a very big fucking gift in life, you know? So that's all I want to do with these people is keep in mind that, listen, I don't want to be rich. I don't want to do nothing. I just want to be happy. That's all the church of what's happening now is about as being happy and getting you motherfuckers off on your day, because that's what it's all about.

It's what happens in that first hour of your day that gets the rest of the fucking day going. If you have a shitty first hour in your day, you're going to have a shitty fucking whole day. I don't want that to happen. And that's what I'm here for, to avoid that. We got the music, we got the Riefer, we got the conversation, we got Lee Lee, we got the fucking cats. And that's it. It's Labor Day. What are you going to do the rest of the day, Lee?

The rest of the day, man, I'm going to sleep, and then one of my friends is going to have a barbecue over in Culver City. I'm going to go there. You're going to go there and have a good time, okay? I'm not going to do dick. This is it. I'm going to take my wife for a nice long walk in the park to get her moving today. We're not going to do nothing. My wife's done enough yesterday.

When you're fucking pregnant, man, things change like this. I mean, I look at her eyes. My wife's got beautiful blue light eyes. So sometimes you look at it and you're like, oh, that bitch is doing heroin because their eyes get pinned. No, my wife would never even look at a heroin capsule. This is just that she gets tired. She's been pregnant.

We could be doing something one second, and the next fucking second, those eyes get pinned on her, and you've got to take her home. I got to bring her home, man. It's tough on us. Must be crazy. And today, I got to spot at the Lafactory tonight.

Oh, wow. Yeah, I got to spot at like 830.30. So if you want to meet me down there after the barbecue It's going to be quick, you know Next week I'm in Minneapolis at Rick Bronsons's House of fucking comedy From Thursday to Sunday For a lot of people that don't know

Call tomorrow I don't even know what the fucking number is The number got taken down I had it over here I don't know what happened to it This is history right here Well the Joey Diaz does another phone number Yeah I didn't know it

I usually haven't prepared this stuff So next week I'm also on the 20th and 21st We're doing two clubs. We're doing me and Duncan Chaucer. That's a great show. I'm doing Milwaukee. And we're doing

Madison with motherfucking constant. All right. For everyone in Minnesota, the phone number is 952-8-858-8-558. And if you go to House of Comedy.net, you can get the tickets.

And then you're in Wisconsin. And then you go to Baltimore, right? Then I go to... No. And I go to... What days? What were you saying? Just now, I'm sorry.

After with Duncan, you go to Baltimore. No, yeah, after Duncan, I go to Baltimore to Baltimore's Comedy Factory. That's a 27th through the fucking 29th. And that'll be great, too. Let me just give you the exact dates. Because I get confused, Lee. You confuse me.

That's why I love you. That's the Jew and you fucking confuse me. And for all the Jews out there, the real motherfucking Jews out there, good morning, you bad motherfuckers. That's why I love you. Where's my beautiful? for wife. We're going for breakfast. What are we doing?

All right, September 13th to the 6th Street, you got Rick Bronsonson, Minnesota House of Comedy. 952-8-858-58. September 20th, we're in Madison, Wisconsin with my man Duncan. Tickets are on Prong paper tickets. It's a Callahan Sports Pub. My career is on a fucking upswing. And then in Milwaukee, I'll be performing at a place called Bubbs Irish Pub in German Tickets of 20 bucks for me and Duncan That's a fucking steal. We're doing one show and I don't want to hear no fucking drama

And then the week of September 27th to the 29th We're at the Baltimore Comedy Factory Lee, you gotta come on one of these gigs I'd love to. People to get the fucking know you. I'd love to. People are asking you to go to Boston and when you go to Boston there's no way I'm not coming. All right, we're going to by now. I want to give a shout

to my girl Taylor Marie in Puerto Rico and the show Oh my mama, you know what I'm saying? And to all the motherfucking savages I have on Twitter. Let me tell you something. I love you, motherfuckers. Twitter, Facebook. My day wouldn't be complete without you. From Whiskey Jack to fucking Monkey Todd to Ali bars,

to fucking leash, to Luke and the D-D. I mean, it's, you guys have really taught me a different way to live, man, because I was a little fucking bored and lonely. I was just about to break the law like Judas Priest in 82. And then I'd bump into you, motherfucker. So what's up? We're here. We're done for the weekly.

We're done until Wednesday. What do you want to do it? Yeah, we'll do it Wednesday. Speaking of Facebook, again, we have a new Facebook page. That's right. Facebook.com slash the church of what's happening now. And we're going to post, I post it like an event when we're going to go on the next day. And just go on there, man, ask us questions.

We'll read more emails. We want you involved. We want to be involved. We want to be, we want you to wake up with us every fucking morning. Let us know what the fuck we got to do. We got to play more music. Then we'll decide. You want more news.

You know what? You get news for fucking free. If I'm going to sit here and tell you about the shooting at Pacmark and New York, Jersey it's sad I don't want to open up your day with that I want to open up your day you ever sit in front of the fucking TV in the morning and they talk about a kid they got fucked in the ass in the sixth grade and the three people who died in the car accident who got hit by a DUI I don't want that going into your head in the fucking I was doing it I was trying to look at stories to see if there's something I wanted to bring up and CNN the videos

I watched were kids getting bullied a guy in the army getting hazed and then what's going on in Iran and it's just depressing I don't want to do that to you people I want to give you more than that. I want to wake up in the morning in a good mood. I want you to smoke a fucking number or not smoke a fucking number. I want you to eat your oatmeal. I want you to get an apple inside you to get the day going. I want you to take a walk. I just want you to live. That's what the church of what's happening. Now it's about, bitchy.

And you want him to watch a movie, right? A Bruce Lee movie? Don't forget about the Chinese connection. I'm going to be checking emails and see what you motherfuckers think. Watch Bruce Lee's performance. Not only does he kill people in that movie, he fucking hangs him afterward. That's Kleeney's with dirty type shit from the fucking early 60s. Giovanna Rabisi shit

I don't even know what the fucking thought I'm going to man I'm happy you guys tuned in thank you very much thank you to fucking stick in for giving us a show go to Joey Coco Diaz.net

and get t-shirts and whatever you fucking need yeah so Jordan if you're up or I don't know he was wearing one of the Stay Black with Fidel on the front it's a nice shirt man that's a nice shirt yeah that's one of Aris

that's one the Arias that's from the Arias Shafia collection no no no it's not you saw on your website is it on my website that one yeah I mean it's not from the Tori you guys did in Buffalo at the same picture but it says add mad flavor on the bottom

Okay, all right, I didn't see that one. That's one of the fucking J.R. making shirts that black dude up and fucking rock chest. I love you, Cox. Yeah, I can't wait until we start selling the yamakas. That's going to be... The yarmacus is going to be good. They're going to say, fuck you pay me. That's the way. That's what's in a real fucking Jews mind all

day. Lee, you know, I love you. One of my favorite Jews behind Ari and fucking, uh, and uh, and what's the mafia Jew I like? I don't know. The guy, the main mafia guy of all time. I didn't know there are Jews in the mafia, man. Fuck it. The main

guy is fucking Jewish. Nobody knows that shit. No. No. By the way, go to your library and get this book. This is given to me by Felipe Aspars. This book is like $300 online, but you can go to most libraries and read it there. They want you to take it out.

It's called the Pleasant Avenue Connection when it explains when the Jews ran thing selling heroin in the 60s in New York. So this is how deep my Jimmy I just don't talk shit. I do the fucking work. You know what I'm saying? Stay black.

Have a great labor day with your family. Fucking God bless you, motherfuckers. Have a great barbecue. Pout of your balls. Go out there and do what the fuck you want to do today. Stay black. I love you, motherfuck. That's awesome.

For people asking my Twitter's L-E-E-S-Y-A-T-T. And, Joy, we're going to leave them with some sick of the dog from the Aerosmith Rocks. All right.