The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 09/04/2013 - THe Church Of What's Happening Now #109

Episode Date: September 5, 2013

Joey's childhood friend Steve calls in again. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Visit Dollarshaveclub.com/church for great deals. Streamed live on 09/04/2013

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or just go to Joey Diaz.net and click on the Dollar Shave Club banner. It's that fucking time. Wednesday, September 4th, 2013, some fucking 64-year-old lady swam for 50-fucking three hours. I can't even swim for five fucking minutes. And neither can have for you, motherfuckers. What does that tell you about society? Get up, bitch.

Get a protein shake. Eat an apple. Wash that ass. It's a beautiful. motherfucking day to be alive, baby. Oh shit. Kick that shit leave. Kick that shit.

It's fucking Wednesday. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. Listen to this motherfucker. Another guy that fucking got hit by a fucking plane or something, Randy Rhodes. Listen to this shit. Oh, fuck. And you guys want to tell me about the new fucking

Ozzy, the new Sabbath? Listen to this shit and then get back to me, all right? Listen to the voices. Even this, his voice was a little redone. By now, they had to fucking put a little bit of it. a whole new voice in there. And you guys are jumping up and down and shit like that. I love sad.

It's a beautiful day. Get up, cocksucker. Grab those nuts. What's up, Lisa, you bad motherfucker, you? Nothing. I feel great. We're the happiest dudes to be up at 6 a.m.

Bro, listen, if you ain't fucking happy when you wake up, go fuck yourself. That's the problem. Everybody gets up in a bad mood. I'm only getting a bad mood once in a while in the mornings. When I go to, like, get coffee out. Especially like a Starbucks. You ever go to Starbucks?

I don't go to Starbucks. I don't go to Starbucks. all, but if I wake up in a strange time, I try to go to Starbucks. Why they've got to ask you 18 fucking questions? Let me go to the country. Let me get a venti call. First of all, you got to, it's no French. I got to walk in there and think about fucking French words at 6 in the morning.

Venti, latte, whatever. Listen, just give me a fucking black coffee. Yeah. That's it. Black is beautiful. You didn't get the memo? What size would you like? Would you like some room in there for cream?

Do you want to shut the fuck up? Just give me the fucking coffee. Here's the $2, $3. I put a dollar in the fucking tip jar. And that's it. That's why I don't go out for coffee. That's why I don't drink coffee. Mainly, I mean, I'm sure I could get myself to like it.

But it's so subjective. Like, you ever hear people like, oh, this coffee sucks or this is great? I don't want to, like, why not just, I want to smack them in the fucking mouth, too. You know what I'm saying? You want to smack them in the mouth when they sit there and talk, well, this coffee is robust, and it's got so much dark flavor. What the fuck do you know? You suck some guy's dick last night.

Now you want to tell me about flavors. What the fuck do you know? You fucking flavors. What flavor do you have in your mouth? Vodka and sperm from last night. and you're going to talk to me about some fucking coffee robust Just give me the fucking coffee, all right? I didn't even drink coffee until I was 30 something

Oh really? Nah, I'm not. I thought that that was a lazy thing. You know, in my mind, I get up, my world, I'm in the fucking shower washing my pussy, you know, as I'm in the shower, I'm thinking that's waking me up. I come out, I smoke a half a fucking number And about 2000 was the first time I really drank coffee.

Growing up, I do a shot of Cuban coffee but that ass water that people... You do a shower? out of Cuban coffee. Oh, fuck yeah. I had a fat guy who up in a Cuban house and they play.

They play games after dinner. They get Cuban coffee for the digestion. Fuck. Did they keep you awake? Oh, when you're fucking 10, you're awake all day on your own. What do you give the fuck?

No, I didn't, you know, that's even today. Well, let me tell you what happened last night. Last night, yesterday and my schedule was fucked up so I couldn't go to Jigua on the daytime. And I'm lucky because the guy got, the guy couldn't make it.

He heard his back was a weird story. He called me after me after it. And I go, no, I couldn't make it. I had to go to acupuncture. I was caught at a meeting. So I got caught in the middle there. And so I went last night. That's always a fucking mistake.

I went up to 10th Planet Van Nuys with Alder, Coach Alder up there. That is a fucking great school. If you're thinking of getting into Jiu-Zits, when I've been up there, it's like the fourth to fifth time I've gone up there. I train the back with Salami. He's got a little room in the, Eddie's Black Belt, John Salami, fucking great guy. He's back there. So I've been working out with him.

Once a week, I go up there just to get a different floor. You know, they tell you when you're doing Jitoo get different flavors. So we did a geek thing in the back, but I was watching the fundamental class when I got there from 7 to 8 or 7 to 8.30. He's doing a great thing, man. And then 8.30 come to killers until 10 o'clock, you know. Oh, okay. So I went in the back there, and I knew as I was doing it. I looked at the clock.

It was 9 o'clock. I'm like, what the fuck am I doing? And right there I go, you know, I don't like working out. And I'm telling him as I'm on the mat, sweat and drenched. I look at him. And I go, you know, I don't like working out of the night because I'll be a lot. But I don't really have anything in the morning. I go, oh, yes, I do.

So I went home and I knew. I didn't get home until 10 to 11, 10.30 when I called you. I called you late. Yeah. You know, so I stayed up until like fucking two. And then I tried to sleep. But Gray, sleeps in the room with me. Yeah.

You know, she's never left the room. Every since she came back, she said, fuck, I don't want no myself. I'm going to ever again. So fucking, every time I, like, my hand drops when I'm sleeping. Yeah. She bites it. She needs to play. Yeah.

She wants to play. And it wants to play. And I put it up last night and she swept at it. And often I heard, and she ran off the bed. She thought, like in my sleep, she thought I was fucking with it. She didn't know that I didn't even know what was going on. So, oh, the fuck no. So that's what happens.

You stay up when you get all worked up. Yeah. I don't react to like Red Bull. You? Oh, yeah. Do you? I haven't had them for a while, but I used to live on them in college because I never did a paper in my life before the night. It was due.

So I just, I pulled all that it every week. Oh, my God. I don't know. You motherfuck. I could do that shit. Because we're lazy. I didn't do that. You know what's crazy?

When I got left back in the seventh grade, I swore I was going to change everything about school. Like what I had, for me to go to school, to take classes, I told you that I went up to that Valley College and tried to register. No, no, no.

I was fucking done. By the time I got up there in July, they were like done. All those classes, done. You got to register like a fucking three months before up there for a history class or something. So I talked to one of the councilors. And he's like, listen, I don't know if you want to fucking come here.

And I go, you don't understand. If I buy a history book and I read it, I'm not going to comprehend it. And I want to ask questions. You know, I want to talk. I want to ask questions. So I guess I'm going to go in January. I just fucking had my wife take a look and pay it now. So we're done.

That's great. Tuesday nights at 7.45 to like 10 or something. Listen, man, I'm sick and tired of being a fucking idiot. That's it. You just get sick and tired of not knowing shit and being embarrassed. And I'm talking about political powers in Syria And you're sitting there with a thumb up your ass You know, but I am excited

I tell you, man, I cried every time I see that lady Fucking run across the swimming thing Sixty-four years old Oh, I was like, where you go? Last year we had my uncle Mike Kessler. Mike Kessler, I've known Mike Kessler since, you know, 95 when I was fucking still a half a criminal, 93 when I got out of halfway house.

Yeah. And, you know, he, I did his daughter's first movie And, you know, we moved out here together And he was my best man two years ago and all this shit three years ago. It's amazing that, you know, when he came to me last year, 63, and he's like, dog, I'm moving to New York. We're going to start the band up.

You know, they're still rehearsed three days a week, Mike Kessler and his band? Really? Wow. And he's trying to take his fucking real estate test. He's 65 years old guys. And he's taking his real estate exam. This is a guy that from 30 to 45 doesn't remember a thing from heroin. Doesn't remember a fucking thing from doing heroin guys.

Jesus. My uncle Mike, the Jew, Mike Kessler. Yeah. Doesn't remember a fucking thing about doing heroin. Doesn't remember 15 years. He's 65. He's taking his fucking real estate exam so he could sell houses in New York State. So guys, tell me again why you can't fucking get up today and do something in the right direction.

Tell me fucking today. Tell me. 64-year-old. 60 fucking 4-year-old lady. They said she went up to that Pasadena pool. You ever go up there? You ever see the... No.

I've been up there. I looked. I fucking ran out of that. Because my friend swims up there. That's where you go to swim if you want to swim. The Pasadena Rose Bowl Aquatic Center. Okay. That's where the real fucking swimmers go.

You drive up there and you fucking swim. Are you fucking kidding? I went up there with my friend this kid because they had like a kid program. I was going to take mercy. Yeah. I was intimidated just walking in that motherfucker. This is a real pool. You could smell the chlorine.

That's not one of those Puerto Rican pools and people jumping up and down and somebody's cooking a barbecue. You go to this pool to fucking swim. Yeah. Like you don't go to this pool to take a ball out and, you know, put on Led Zeppelin music and play. fucking with the ball. You, you know, I've been up there, and she would sit in a fucking pool for 12 hours a day

and swim for 12 hours a day. 50 fucking 3 hours. And yeah, I read a bunch of shit online, a bunch of negative people who said, you know, fuck her, that they milked her across the way. You sit in that fucking, oh, just being in that water. Listen, I was going to have this guy call in today. Yeah. And I couldn't find this card.

I told you, when me and Rogan went to Vegas, the limo driver was a Cuban guy. He was out there for three weeks in a raft. Really? And he goes, as you're out there in a raft, there's, one point that you start seeing a rash with no bodies in them. The Sharks got them or you know the raft is cut in half.

You start seeing this and you start thinking about your faith. She said at one time she was just seeing like the Taj Mahal. Can you fucking imagine? Can you fucking and we get pissed off if we I don't get any sleep at night. This bitch was in the water for 50 fucking three hours. Getting stung by jellyfish.

By jellyfish. You see when she walked out of her legs were troving? Yeah. Like fucking somebody made a cum real good. That's what happens when you're sticking that cullo and shit, and you play with that monkey. They start shaking in bed like a fucking... It's fucking Wednesday, Lee. What are you going to talk about?

You know what I'm saying? But I did read last night late. I didn't read into it. I don't even read into that shit because I don't want to go into my mind late night, but the other guy killed himself. Yeah, that was funny crazy. The one who had the chicks downstairs, you know, that crazy motherfucker.

I mean, you know, when I first read it, or when I first read it on TV, you know, to have a chick in your basement that you can fuck whenever you want. It sounds like fun on paper. You know, it sounds like you go throw them a fucking steak and go down and give him some dick and go back upstairs and lock them in and shit.

You know, but you have to find somebody who's in conjunction with you. You have to find like a runaway that's like, listen, I don't want to be a part of life. I'm going to keep me downstairs, fuck me in the ass and feed me pork chops. You just throw a pork chop down there. She's got like a cat.

She don't come out and see daylight. She goes to get suntane with chain on her ankles. That's got to be sexy. Put a chain like a dog with chains. on some bitch's ankle and she's out there taking a sunt tan with like a chain connected to the fucking house. There's got to be some freaks that do that shit. What are you going to do?

What are you going to do, Lisa? How is your day? What's going on in your world league? Fucking a lot. I'm just trying to get through this job until the end of November so I can just start doing this. You like this gig? Yeah. I don't like when people pretend what they're doing is the most important thing.

So it's just like everyone has that boss who comes. and it's like, they treat their shitty job, like, it's the most important, and they need it right away. Like, I had, so the show them on, they're not very happy with the way the first edit's going, so they're bringing editors on the weekend. And they come to me and the night, eight, the night is an editor, being like, we need you to work Saturday and Sunday. And luckily, she wanted to work, so she said she'd take it, but they're not paying her overtime.

And I said right in front of my boss, I said, you're nicer than I am. I don't work Saturday and Sunday without overtime. People try to do that. They'd like, oh, we'll give you Monday off, and you had yesterday off, so we'll just, you can work Saturday, and that won't be overtime. I hate people. I don't like, I don't think the good way to run a business. I don't like companies that try to do that. So it's just, that's essentially why I'm trying to get out.

Like, can you imagine that working on a Saturday after a full week and me like, yeah, we're not, well, we won't pay you overtime, but we'll give you a day off in a couple weeks. Like, I'm... Let me tell you something, man. When I was out there fucking banging it. I guess I worked every day. Like, I didn't care. After a while, it doesn't really, you know, I, I'm the type of person that if, if I take a job on a weekend and you're going to the beach, I'm kind of happy that I took the fucking job because you took the pressure of me and going to a wedding. You know what I'm saying?

Like, that's why I really got into comedy. 60% of my comedy career choice was the weekend shit. That now I have something to do on the weekend. I'm one of those guys that's always fucking bored. Yeah. You know, I'm always bored. Other than New York, I was bored.

We used to call New Jersey where we were from the desert because there was nothing there. It's the most visited spot in the fucking world in New York City. Everybody wants to go there. To us, we were so spoiled by it. Yeah.

Because it was right there. Big fucking deal. You know, once you learn the five burrows, and you know what to get the best pizza in the bronze and the best pizza in Long Island. Ireland and a hot dog it wears off so for me it wore off

like 19 like how cool can you fucking be so what yeah you know so it wore off but it was like think about it that that's how fucked up like I'm bored to pieces in California I don't know how people live out of you I don't even know how people can come out of your visit at night you ever drive around these streets at night

they ain't a soul on the fucking streets no you know you go on Lancashion there's a couple you go on Ventura the bars are fucking empty I don't know what party people they're fucking talking about on TMZ. All those idiots on Sunset that stand on line and all that. But besides that, I mean, you're out till two.

You know, sometimes, I don't know. When I was young, I was done with going out. Like, I knew it early on that it was not for me. The whole going on and being buddy-buddy-buddy and drinking at a bar and trying to make it be like cheers. I don't know. I didn't fucking like it. So I liked something that took up that time.

What pisses me on? Like right now today, I work seven days a week. I don't give a fuck. I don't like traveling on Mondays. That's my big thing. That's my big thing. I don't like traveling Monday mornings. You know, I live in Los Angeles.

I like that Monday here. I don't like working Sundays. You know, I never saw a good Sunday show. Joe Rogan has good Sunday shows. But then we get back Monday at 2, 3 in the afternoon, so I ruined the whole day. Monday, I like waking up my own bed. Yeah.

You know what I'm in particular about. Now, when I work on movies, there's a lot of these $100 a day movies. You know, you know, you know, sag the screen actors guilt, when I got here, and I've said this before, I worked tons of fucking movies at scale. And all of a sudden, five years ago,

there's other things started coming, where people calling you for an all-day movies. And they want you to work weekends. That's where they're angry. You know, you've got to work weekends because we've got to shoot this in three weeks. Yeah. So you've got to work weekends.

Now, in my world, in my world, Saturdays is a good fucking working day. You could put an 11, 12-hour day shooting or whatever the fuck you do. But Sunday you want to work? Let's do this. If we usually do three walls, we paint three walls a day. Sunday, let's paint one more and get the fuck out of here.

Let's go get a steak. I need a good lunch, and I'll send you home to be with your family. That's what my Sunday work schedule is. Yeah. So it's funny. Paul T. Murray hit me up on an email last night. I saw him hit my Facebook page, and that was a movie I did called Boilermaker that I had a problem on the set.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they had no food and stuff like that, but that was what pissed me on. That Sunday was when I snout. that. Yeah, I've worked weekends before. I don't mind that. I just don't, I don't like not being compensated. Like, because everyone out listening has the same thing. Like, we're working to make other people rich. So don't, don't try to jip us out of 50 bucks extra a day for working overtime. Like, even, like, when I used to work at the movie theater, a manager, a part of a manager's

job was to make sure you didn't go a minute over that 40-hour week. That you didn't go a minute, even if you were scheduled, even if you were scheduled, even if you wanted to take the shift. I just, I don't like that way of doing business. I don't know. It's like if they asked you to do a Sunday show

after you weren't already scheduled, you weren't paid for it. And you've told comedians have told stories about this. They're like, well, we can't pay you, but you'll get a show next week or something. And it's like, like, when you're first starting out,

you have to really do anything. I mean, you tolerate a lot of shit when you first start out. Yeah. I mean, it's like anything else. No one day just fucking hits you that, you know, Enough is enough.

And that's really when you start getting good jobs. Like, I didn't get a, it took me like a year and a half after I got my first job to get another job. And when I first started saying no to shit is when you start getting a lot of jobs. Like, you can't just take anything that comes towards you. And it's a hard thing to learn. And it took me about two years to be like, I can't say yes to every job. Listen, bro, when I first started calling, I was poor no matter what. So I just wanted to get better.

And I knew by getting better as going. Yeah. Going is the key. Getting on stage, getting on stage, getting on stage, getting on stage, writing. In the beginning, the first, I say the first fucking seven years, you should not have a life. If you do, you're doing something wrong. You should have a girlfriend and you should have a day job for the most part until you could, you know, go amok from the fucking reservation and you can still cover your bills. But see, we all do that.

We all get into comedy and after three months, we're like, we're artists. We don't want to work and it becomes a struggle. but it becomes a struggle because we want to become a struggle. You can borrow money and sell weed or whatever, but you don't want me. You're fucking want to be a comedian. That's your thing. Yeah.

And for some people, they can handle a day job and in the back of their mind going, this sucks ass, but I know that in a year. I'll be on stages. I'll be getting 300 a week, but now the money has gone down. Really?

To be an MC, yeah. If I was going to start to be an MC in today's fucking world, I'd have to have a job till you're, a feature act you know when I first started doing comedy feature acts got a hundred a show okay no plane taking a hundred a show so I'd say you did seven shows you could drive that's 700 fucking

bucks if you could drive and 200 for gas you walked out of it with 500 bucks you did three of those a month that's $1,500 a month you're living at home you're keeping your rent low you know whatever that's how you start comedy you have a girlfriend you live in a house together whatever now they want to pay you $50 a set and no travel

no nothing they don't even want to give you a fucking hotel room to features. Because they have so many of them in their area. Why are we going to bring somebody out? Let's save the $400. Yeah, I was saying about that. How are people in L.A. and you did it for a little bit in New York, but mostly, I don't know, how do people before they start touring survive on the $15 shows at night?

You got to tell the market? You know, when I got here, the hot thing was cigars. Really? Cigars were huge. Everybody was smoking cigars. Demi Moore was on the cover of a sudden magazine smoking a fucking big, black cigar. So everybody, every place you went had cigars.

Okay. And there was a store run. There was a place. I still see the guy. Fifteen years later. He runs a cigarette shop now for a big company. Okay. By Sunset and La Brea. Okay. In that little shopping center where there's a Chinese mall,

a karate school, and there's a bunch of, there's Wendy's. You don't go to Hollywood as much. I do know. Right on the Sunset LeBrias, you're going west. You cross over. There's a mall there. In that mall in the back, there's a cigar shop, cigarette stores. Cigars, he runs it.

15 years ago, when I got to L.A., I was living. First, we were living in the trailer, then we lived in Hollywood. Since we would break up and shit, I need to have a fucking job because I didn't have, and I did little hustles, but so I got a job selling cigars. It was from 7 in the morning to 12 at lunchtime. Shit. And it was, you know, $10 an hour, but you made $200 a day. commission.

Oh, wow. So you would just call bodegas and stores and go, hey, listen, I want to sell you a cigar case for $300 bucks. Five different cigars, $20 a piece, and we also send you a whatever the fuck you call it, a humidor. There's no fucking humidor.

It was some box that some fucking kid made in the third grade project, and we charge you $300, and I think I got like $80 of that. I would sell three of those a fucking day without even batting a nine. And then you do commercials. I would go for auditions on commercials

When I booked that first Taco Bell That kept me in blow And cheeseburgers and hotel rooms For seven months Jesus Yeah Like our buddy Jordan's been acting a lot He just quit his job

Yeah And like but I don't like You don't always get that talk about money Isn't it sometimes it's like 200 bucks or Dog depends on what you book Sometimes you might book a non-union They pay $800 flat And they shit eric till you fucking die

And you don't see a fucking who got Somebody sees that money That's a rip-off Somebody sees that. Exactly. You don't get a fucking dime of that. When I first got you, I shot 90 non-union things that they would pay your great fucking Do-Rémi. But then you see it on TV.

You're like, wow. You still see it right now. Yeah. You're like, what the fuck? That was 100 pounds ago. You know what the fuck? So I busted that first Taco Bell with a dog in it. And it was one from Miami.

Dun-da-dan-dan-ton-da-da-da. Oh, yeah. So when I first came, I walked into the improv, and I got signed by Sutton Barter-Mannari in 1987. It was the biggest commercial agency. Okay. I had never even fucking audition before. I did that movie from my Kessler. I had done an improv class in high school, my sophomore year.

Yeah. That's it. I had never, I don't know, acting, cut, drama. I watch movies. I watch movies like a motherfucker. So I get to town and I work for a sudden bark to Minari. The first commercial they get me out for is church is chicken. I'm not a thing on sunset, right across from where the man.

Mexican places now. What are those Mexican places that are owned by McDonald's with the bowl? Chipoli is right across the street that used to be an audition place, something else. So I started going out with them like in March. March, March, March, March, March. Nothing happened.

April, I would go out like for two auditions a day. Nothing happened. And then one day I went into South Bundy. The guy's name was Kinka and he was running a Taco Bell commercial. I was booking three commercials. There was a fat kid dancing. Yeah.

Something else. And then my thing. You were going to go to Miami and shoot the commercial for three days, five days. Wow. So I went in there as a Cuban cab driver, got buying the cab driver, made them laugh, whatever. They called me back a week later. It was 4th of July a week, and they called me back. I was going to El Paso, Texas, for $400 for the week. And I had to take a bus, $37 each way. 13, 14 fucking hours.

But before I got on that bus, I went for the callback. And they had me in there for a long time. Yeah. As the cab driver. So they were shooting three commercials. So what they do is they shoot three commercials and a five-day block. So they start on Monday. So they'll shoot one on Monday and Tuesday.

The next one, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. And the next one, Friday. You get three of those days. You follow me? So they'll make you come in one day for wardrobe. And you sit around and you read the paper and they cut you loose before you hit overtime. The next day you work and the next day you work. This is a true story.

Boom. Before you're on that fucking bus, then I got a call from seven bar from night. congratulations. You booked the Taco Bell commercial. Okay, I go to fucking El Paso knowing I got the commercial. I come back. I shoot 4th of July weekend. I shoot July 3rd. It was July 3rd

on a Monday or something. I get down there, dog, my first fucking commercial Kinka Usher, pulls me to something. They wrote the commercial lot. Come down and sit here for two or three days. So that means they weren't going to do your commercial? No. My commercial got cut from the schedule. My scene?

got cut. Okay. But we're sorry, but do this. Sit down for three days. Come down here, get paid. It's $1,800. It's three days of $600. Come on down, eat our food, and hang out.

You got nothing else to do. You never know what's going to happen. Yeah. So Monday I went down. That was very disappointed. Here I booked a national fucking Taco Bell commercial, and I'm not getting no fucking love. I already told a thousand people.

It's why you don't say shit. Now I'm going to have what happened to the commercial? So I get there the first day. It's a long day. It's like six to seven at night. 13, 14 hours, I made $1,000 maybe, you know? Wow. For doing nothing.

For doing nothing. I get in my fucking car. I come back to Hollywood. The next day I go down there, and during lunch, we're all sitting together at a table and Kinka and there's Taco Bell people sitting over there. And something happened, and I went off. I just went off. And after lunch, he came over them. He goes, come here.

because listen, you were killing me at lunch. I heard what you were saying. You were killing me. You were killing the Taco Bell people. We're going to find something for you. Wow. All right. So there was a scene where a guy is sitting there

and I'm shining his shoes. Or he's shining my shoes. Okay? So the other scenes were Cuban guys playing Domino's. So they had the Domino, they had the little Taco Bell dog running through. Yeah. And then me sitting there.

sitting there while they're getting your shoes shining. You don't even see me, dog. Okay? He goes, sit down. Boom. The guy that was shining in my shoes, I forget it what his name is. He's a comic. He's a Spanish comedian that's a tennis coach in the daytime.

Okay. He was a union extra at the time. At those times, they used to use union extras all the time, $356 a day. Wow. Not to $40 they pay now. Like, now you've got to sit in the barn and they whip you and they throw hot water at you. And they pay you $40 for fucking 80 hours.

No, now. this was when there were union fucking whatever so the guy shakes my hand and he goes bro great job who knows but what I was there I made friends with a guy like you he was a sweetheart his name is Buzz Bay Mundo

he was an old time comic sweetheart his wife was an agent and this guy was going to help me we became friends and I would call him and he would call me back and he's the star of the commercial okay he's the star of the commercials

You know how I am with people. Once I love you, we're in, boom. We're talking every day. We're meeting for lunch. We're smoking dope. I said, August comes. We shot this for Fourth of July weekend. August comes.

I got a check. Twinketose. I got a check for like $6,000 fucking dollars. My head almost explodes because they picked up the commercial. They paid me for the 14-week cycle. He calls me the next morning. Right? And he goes, hey man, did you hear?

And I go, no. And he goes, didn't you get a check? And I go, yeah. And he goes, I got my check too. They cut me from the commercial. So here I got put to the commercial and they cut him from the commercial. Oh, no. So I had to tell him.

I'm like, no, they cut me too. And that fucking week, it was like September, they started playing that fucking commercial. And they were playing it. And then they got popular and they kept playing it during the World Series. And I'm making buckets of money by fucking mid-September. I'm getting checks up to, by mid-October, I'm getting these fucking checks in the mail that are ginormous. It's like every time I go to the mailman's $4,000,

my Coke prom is out of control. You know, at that time I lived in hotels in Hollywood. Really? Yeah, I lived anywhere on Sunset, all those hotels. Yeah. I lived in each of them for a week. I would go into, because I was always going on the road. What am I going on the apartment before?

Yeah. So I would just get a hotel, not the nice ones either. Yeah, of course, the one with the hotel running on the side. Everything from fucking LaBreya down to Western. I stayed at all those hotels. My favorite being Schrader, whereas now a hostel. Schrader was a hotel that was a fucking dive.

And their partner hotel was on Hollywood Boulevard, across from what's a pizza place now. So you could either stay there or the other place. And once you got to know him, you couldn't stay at each place for longer than 10 days. You had to go to the other one for 10 days, then come back. Oh.

So I would stay for 10 days. I love Schrader. Shreda that was action. What means action is an ugly guy like me could get his dick suck and his balls lick. Because I would get back at night in the comedy store and all the young girls would be getting back. A lot of people would stay in the

like three girls will come from New Jersey and they would go online or call and it's a cheap hotel. So they would take it. Then when they get to they go, ugh. Like in the brochure it said swimming pool. When you got there was like a little tub with leaves in it and fucking beer bottles and shit. I mean it was

just a disaster this hotel. The phone Booth was in the in the fucking hallway like those movies. That's why I found that I got the movie basketball. Really? At that hotel. They're like, who's a Joe Diaz? I'm sitting there watching TV. Joe Diaz, Joe, who the fuck?

I go out there. What's up? There's a call here looking for you. And that's why I found out I booked basketball. I lived in that fucking hotel. Holy shit. And then they had a job opening nights. Three nights a week and two days.

I thought about getting that fucking job. Fuck. What is it like living in a hotel? Because you're not technically homeless, but you are. Like, you still have to pretty much have everything you own in a bag. Like, that must have been crazy. From fucking 84 on, I pretty much lived in a hotel. Like, all those stories I tell about New Jersey in 85.

I lived in a hotel in 85 that whole time. Fuck. I was sick and tired of living on people's couches. Don't get me wrong. I would still crash for a week here or a week there. But I love all those hotels by Fort Lee. I used to rob them all, too. But before George Bunting Bridge there, I stayed at all those creepy fucking hotels.

I was just a hotel guy, man. Sometimes that's just the way life throws you a fucking deck of cards. Is that part of the reason why you're so happy every morning? Because, I mean, your place is great, but it's not like, people must think when they see you doing comedy. It's like they must think you have like a mansion in Woodland Hills. But like, it's like, because for how many years did you like live in a hotel and you had a roof over your head, but you didn't, you couldn't put. pictures up like you never really felt at home listen having a roof over your head and having

a home and two different stories yeah having shelter and having a home I don't have a home I have shelter I live there it's not my home that's what the confusion that's going on right now we're trying to look for a home yeah you know like a buddy of mine

one of the guys he listens to the podcast great guy just got a house yesterday in North Hills well I seen him yesterday he was telling me I got this house with a fixer upper do I look like the type of guy that's a fixer up type of fucking guy. I could mop. I could cut lawns. You know what I'm saying? I could paint. Yeah. I don't have the fucking time

to redo the sod or redo the fucking driveway or, you know. Yeah. I don't know. I know it's 10% for a down payment. I don't fucking know. I just meant like, is it crazy? Like, just going from like hotels to having like a place of your own.

Like, is that like, that must be that must be a crazy feeling. Listen, from 1980. Yeah. 1980. I lived like a nomad. That's crazy. People's houses. Then I got the condo in Boulder, and I was okay until 95.

I was on my own. Then when I got into comedy full time like that, I went broke, and you got to sleep on couches. And I still had a little, no, because in bold, I paid $400 for that little Rocky apartment I had with the stand-up shower. Yeah. You know, but basically in those days, I just lived in dumps. I wanted shelter.

I wanted the Rocky apartment. We all want the Rocky apartment. That's the real man's apartment You just have one big room A fish tank A refrigerator, a hot plate That's the desire You know, for guys like me

Yeah And uh Oh, then you Here you call the man Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit is right

Is it real The door open Anybody will show up Is it my little brother Steven Villa What's happening baby How you doing You know

Trying to put the pieces together. It's a beautiful Wednesday morning. Here, where are you at work? You're home? I'm actually working from the house today, which is a beautiful day. I can sit with my laptop down on the deck. You can listen to music. Absolutely. As a matter

of fact, I've been doing a lot of listening to Pink Floyd these days. You know, man, we had this discussion last week when I listened to the wall. I went really high to the fucking YMCA and I put the wall, I put on the animals and it killed me.

That night when I got in the car, I said, that's it. I'm going to talk about how I could finally put animals up against the White Album. That's it. It's that fucking good, you know, and I saw that. You're having a show this weekend, correct? The benefit? Is it this weekend or next weekend? No, it's this Saturday.

It's a Saturday over of Mexicali Live and Teaneck. Okay, so I saw that yesterday, and I thought about you all day. I was writing something, and I thought about you, and I worked out last night. I went to Jigito, and I sat down last night. I had to make notes, and I had to do a few e-mail. so I put the wall on. And the villa, it took me right back to your shed. It took me about eight minutes to start crying.

It took me about eight minutes to actually put the... I couldn't close the laptop, but I had to stop what I was doing and take like three fucking bong hits and just sit there and ball for a couple minutes. You did with me tonight out. The wall, you know, took us to a lot of strange places, but one of the things that it did was, you know,

That's when I started, you know, thinking I was an artist and painting the murals on the wall. Were you there or not? I was doing the freehand painting on the wall for the words. And Chickensick was there, Delfecchio. Oh, my God. With the black, the black hash. Do you remember that? No, I wasn't there.

I wasn't there when you were painting them. I showed up a week later and also on all these fucking portraits of Volume 4 and, uh, and, uh, and, the wall, the wall, Steveavilla, the wall that you painted of the wall was fucking beautiful. You know? It was, I was driven by that hour. That album just took this, you know, and for a while I couldn't even listen to it anymore. No, that's what happened.

You know, the wall came out when I was really, really hanging out with you full-time, me, you, Diti, and Conti, and, you know. Yep. And I remember the rotation was the wall, Cars Candio, which is a fucking great album. Yes, it is. But one of the things I hated about the wall, one of the things I did not like about the wall that I didn't find out until last night

was the mother references. Because my mom had just died. So here I am in a room full of guys, and every time that everybody knew, my mom died, every time that mother would you steal, me, stopped the bomb, all that shit. There's like two parts of that album that take you right to your mother.

The beginning, in the flesh, when the baby's crying, Mama loves your baby All that shit tears me to fuck up And then the second half You know, that was fresh My mom died November 8th The war came out November 29th or something like that

Something crazy December 4th, something crazy Yeah And at the end of it too with the trial You know, come to me hold you in my own I never wanted him to get in any trouble No no fucking just a I listened to the whole

You know I couldn't fall asleep last night It was a mistake me going to do Jiu Jitsu with fucking 8.30 at night. You know, I got home at 10 to 11, and as I'm drinking fucking coffee, I'm like, it's 10 to fucking 11. But I rolled a big old fucking joint of villa, one of those 1982 fucking joints from the shed

that will kill 20 fucking Puerto Ricans. And I smoked the whole thing down to the finger. I smoked that fucking roach to the finger last night. I love doing that shit. Listen to the music. Love it, love it. It's my second favorite thing to do. You know how?

You haven't smoked. anymore, right? You're done. You're cleaning no, no, that I'm way done with that. How many years of music? It's my second favorite thing to do. My first favorite thing to do is no shit. Yeah, you're still fucking playing in the, so this thing you're doing it's for Bob Shepard?

Yeah, Bobby Shepard Bobby Shepard was, there was a band back, God, this predates us. I mean, we were kids when they were playing, they were doing all, like, the high school dances, and I think I saw them at, like, 82nd Street Park and I must have been, like, I only met him once. I met him

Dennis de Carlo. Do you remember Johnny Reggo's band, Tokyo Rose? No, I remember Johnny Rego. On 51st Street. On 51st Street and they came down there the one time and, you know, typical bands that they did like Beatles and Stone, nothing too difficult. These guys came down. They sat in one night

and played around. Watching and seeing these kids play this intricate music, and they were, you know, like 16, 17, 17 years years old, George Havlin, Monty Mendel. You know, playing this great music. So above everybody else back then.

And the classically trained musicians that are left over from this band. Anyway, Bob passed away four years ago, mesothelioma. So this benefit is the second. Fucking tremendous. Great stuff, man. O'Vill's, you're playing a lot of fucking gigs these days, huh? You guys like the popular fucking band around there.

Three states, a couple states. We built quite a following. That's an amazing fucking thing, Vils. I'm proud of you. You fucking stuck. You like that lady who fucking swam for 35 years. actually made it across the

I just read about that it took it 35 years to do it but she finally did it fucking imagine that shit 35 fucking years training for that that's a horrible swim that's got to be a fucking horrible swim it's not even about the swim it's about the things you're thinking about and the fucking

Cubans floating past your caucuses and shit baseball bats bit in half by sharks and shit yeah I mean it's definitely shark and festive water that's the damn shore, you know? You know, people probably

going next to you with boats with shotguns, you know? Yeah, they were. They were driving next to her with boats, with shotguns, and they could see for sharks underwater. They had all the electronic stuff. They were feeding her peanut butter and honey. She had a mask on to prevent her from the jellyfish. I mean, that's why, because every time she learned something else,

you know, it's like she learned something else that she had to avoid. But I can't, you know, I've spoken to Cubans that have done it on, you know, a fucking raft and shit. like that, it's scary, man. Just the thought, you know, we want a new life. You join the witness relocation plan. They'll put you in Iowa in a fucking cornfield.

But these motherfuckers got to get on a boat, just a raft or a homemade raft or something like that. And then they got to fucking make it in and play tag on the beach. You know, it's a fucking nightmare of a little. Yeah. So I'm going to see you next week. I'm very excited, brother. Yeah, I'm looking forward to it too, man, Friday night.

Couple fucking guys already hit me up, man. A couple fucking people. Frankie Jansen hit me up. You know, and I'm coming in. I'm doing Gotham, which I've never been to on 23rd Street. I have no idea where the fuck I'm staying yet, whether I should stay in the city or in the Jersey side. You know, the shows are 1145, so I don't really have to be in the city until night.

You know, I like to go to the San Giro Feast one night. But I'm still deciding. I think I'm going to stay either like a Wehawk in or one of those fucking hotels down there. Fuck in a Vils. you know we walk in or or uh well i don't think the only hotel down in hoboken is probably something that's like 400 years old you know no hoboken might have one of those old scary buildings with like a dumb way to run it's amazing what they did with hoboken that is one place that gentrified so much it scares me yeah like that place i last time i went to hoboken i was like you know what this will be the

probably the last fucking time i'm going to hoboken Like, that's how much it changed in my world, in my eyes. I used to go to Fort Street Park down to that little ghetto down there and play basketball. It was amazing. Yeah. Like, I guess back in the day when all those shipyards and stuff were active, it was probably a thriving town.

And then when all that dried up, you know, there was, you know, do you remember there was a kid that played for the Vikings? He was always messy and dirty or whatever. And Dennis Brow was nicknamed for him was hoboken because he was just a disaster. and that's what Hoboken was. It was just a mess, you know? Different now.

You know, it's like Yuppie Haven. You know what I mean? So I don't even know if Yuppie's the right word anymore. I don't know what they call them now. They're these motherfuckers with these mustaches and shit. It's amazing, like having that mustache, like Nick off him and makes you fucking cool now. You're like, really, Doug? Really, Doug.

So they smack you now or smack you later? And it's funny because those guys, this is a little. what's funny about the guys that you're in the band with, like now and like the Bob Shepherd guys, weren't the guys you in a band with involved? We were talking about it a couple weeks ago in here, like three times that comes up.

Weren't they involved with like the bangs? Yeah. And then the bangs. And then the guy that the singer owned East West. I don't know if he owned it, but he definitely worked there. Right. He thought he was God's gift. Yeah. He thought he was God's gift to the world, the singer.

He thought he was fucking Johnny Banan. and all that. If you look at one of the old videos, somebody put him up. I remember him being a young guy and you go on to East West and asking him a question about one of the live albums

and he would be a douchebag to you. You know, he would be like a fucking con. No, but he thought he was Johnny Bananas. He didn't know that, you know, nobody, he didn't get the fucking memo. If you look at the videos now from the bangs, watch him. He really thought he was fucking, you know,

David Bowies until somebody took that dick, out and showed them what that hole was 4. Like the pretenders in fucking 82, you know I'm saying? Fucking a billow. When I see you on Facebook I still think of all the crazy shit. You tell your daughters what you did a villa?

No. No, no, no. No, no. No, no. No. Do they ever know that you smoked? No. You ever mentioned? Did they ask? They ever asked Dad? What was the craziest No, they haven't asked me yet, and if they put me on the spot, you know, I can't lie. I won't lie. But, you know, I'll tell them the truth.

They'll tell them what I did. And, you know, it's been a long time. I don't do that anymore. Last time was actually Woodstock, the second Woodstock at 94. No sure. We walked in there. I was there before the guys, my brother, my cousin, my wife's cousin, I don't even remember. But we walked in there with like 12 cases of beer the last three days.

No food. No, not 12 cases of beer. And this guy in front of us was there with these two strippers. And I swear to God, Coco, you know, maybe it was the beer, maybe it was the lead or whatever. But he looked just like Jesus, this huge bag. So he gave a huge bag and the thing of rolling papers, and that was the last time. You know, it was great because, you know, at night, we drove home, like, almost naked because, you know, they're priceless. Fucking the villa, you know what I still think about, you know, I got a memory that is horrible.

But I still think about one night when my mom was still. alive. I had a party at my house when Eddie Borelli almost fought Louis Hernandez and Chris Donovan stuck up for him. I don't know if you were downstairs but at one point of that night I was looking for you and I couldn't find you and you were upstairs in the attic with some broad

and I turned the light on and you fucking turned around and gave me the look from death and I just turned the light off. I was like Jesus Christ, the villa's up there turning it up. But that night it got ugly in the living room and I don't remember if you were in the living room I think you were when Eddie Borelli came back with those guys and they were looking

for Louis Hernandez for fucking what's her name? The blonde. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I forget what I remember that. Yeah, I was. I forget what her name was. And somebody took one of the fucking crutches from the saint,

Chris Donovan, told Eddie Burrell he's going to break his head or something. It was fucking classic. Yeah. He was a big dude back then. Who's that? Chris Donnell. He was in Northburg, and everybody's like 5'8 with no neck. You know what I mean? Myself included.

But he was, he was, I guess he was big for the town. He was probably like six feet. He was the original Red Devil. That's what Calangelo used to call him. Red Devil. He used to say, Debbie, that's right. Debbie.

Daddy Colangelo was a, oh, what a nut, man. That was possibly one of the craziest people I met at that age when he told me he would buy acid by the sheet. Yeah. He bought acid by the sheet in high school, this kid. So he would buy 100 shit in him. Teta and his brother would go camping and eat the whole thing. And I remember going to Kennedy School a couple times at those lunatics and going to a party in Kennedy School.

And they wouldn't let you play anything else but Zeppelin. And he would go into one of his alcoholic comers, Dennis Klanjel, every 20 minutes you'd pop his head up and go, the Kings of Rock. And he'd go right back to bed. The Kings of Rock, bitches. And he'd go right back to the fucking... I remember going to some point. party downtown.

There's a whole bunch of people down downtown people. Fontana. I think you were there with us. I was there with you, Higgins, Vanichick. It was someplace downtown at some like apartment complex or whatever. It's like projects that's down like in the 20s or teens or something like that. And we were in the garage. And I remember the garage was like you had the regular garage number of these gigantic boulders, I guess,

that they never blasted away. Black lights. And like you said, Zeppelin. all you heard these. I still remember one of the craziest things that if I ever write the script, I'm going to write it into. Was when we were kids and we'd get beer delivered to us.

And the guy was in the spot. And he'd show up and there'd be 19 fucking guys. And they'd send you to like an address. Like we'd send you here. So when you pulled up, you go, that's the beer delivery. We got your money. The guy would go, no, it's for an adult. No, it's not. It's for us.

And we had That was the guy from Embassy, man. You know, he lives up by me? I met his wife. Um, oh my God, where the hell was it? Well, the guy that used to sell us to be it was. My wife. Yeah, it was Zemanak, Zemannick, Glenn Zemanak was a delivery driver for a while. Yes, he was. Yes, he was. But the guy, he knew, he knew who, you know, we used to phone the orders in. You call the order in the delivery. How out of control is that? How fucking crazy is that guys? There you go, bitches. And they deliver, they would let you have it?

What are they going to do? What are you going to do? You got two choices. Either you give it to us and we give you a $20 tip or we're going to take it from you. Eventually, one of these crazy motherfuckers just going to jump you. Because a lot of people delivered in those days. It just wasn't them. That was the big thing.

Can you imagine sitting at home and all of a sudden you want a six-pack? You know, they had mom-and-pop liquor stores. It wasn't all these big liquor stores inside a supermarket. They were mom-and-pop liquor stores. So a kid that came in from four to seven just to deliver dog. deliver booze and beer and if you gave him a 20 he'd stop for you and get your three fucking white castles

yep and the thing is these guys who were delivering were friends are like friends of friends friends of all the brothers yeah so what are they going to do you know come on you know you would you call it up and they'd bring it right you know we used to we used to hang out down on the other side of Tunley

on this big mountain and and they would deliver down there they you know especially the guy at Embassy Liquors who came to know us I mean, he knew who he was bringing the boost to after a while, and he would deliver right to the base at his hill in the middle of nowhere. It's the place to hang out. And the guy on 43rd Street wouldn't service,

but you know who would always service the guy on 91st Street? When you're going into Hudson County Park, that guy would always fucking serve you when you were 16. And then Ernie. He would go to Thelman's too. And Thelman's and Ernie, Ernie would always serve you. He would sleep on his pool table. And you could knock on the window,

and he would fucking give you the best. beer. It was the coldest beer in town. Yeah. Once we were 16, we were fixed as at Joe and Marys. Yeah, once you were 16, you went to Joe Marries. It's just how the system work, and you hate those fucking sandwiches. That's why I used to piss on the dog.

Towards the end, I pissed on Lila's dog. What was the barmaid's name? Lila, she committed suicide. She jumped off a building. And the John Cowan was next door with the chicken company, and he would bring us free chicken. We grew up the fucking Joe Marries. you know, I can write a,

and then we used to borrow money from George's a loan shark who owned the place. He was a loan shark. He was a mob loan shark that loaned zero to fucking $100,000 on the spot. Wow. I remember that I didn't know.

Yeah, I remember my cop came in one night. Shaking him down and he fucking spit at the cop's bag and threw him out of his fucking place. And like a week later, something was like, he was tied in big time, George, days. I didn't know that until years later myself. I borrowed money from him. I probably owe him like 20,000. Because I would go to him and say, listen, Steve Avillo got such and such pregnant. He's embarrassed to ask you for the money. He needs 500. Give me 500. I'll give it to him and I'll just

charge it on points. And he did that with me forever. Me and going Conti took him down for thousands. Every girl in that bar ate abortions as far as he's concerned. He didn't want no kids at the bar. He didn't want no problems. So that's what you were Talon dog. I knocked up Lila. Nobody ever knocked up Lila. She was like 150 fucking years old.

Nobody ever hit on that dirty bitch. Honey, remember she used to make you those strong fucking grapefruit and vodka. She put like a drip of grapefruit juice. You get fucked up with John Marys for $6, dog. You get fucked up there. You gotta be careful up there. Yeah.

I mean, you basically, the first one you ordered would be like a regular one, you know? And if the night went on, you basically just saw your fingers through the other side. They became clear. They became clear. The drinks became clear. It was fucking crazy.

It wasn't good vodka either, you know? No. Once the cocaine scene hit, that really killed us. Then we moved on to the Midtown with Sharples. Oh, Tommy's place. And that was the beginning of the fucking end. What a nut house that was. And, you know, you think about it, the nights we used to beat her on Wednesday nights.

Wednesday night was a big man. I used to, well, I'm going to tell you the truth about that? Here's the truth about that. Fernie lived across the street from Sharples' and some nights I used to live with Fernie in 83. When I came back from Sarasota, Florida, in 82 I lived with Fernie. And me and Fernie would have nothing to do. And we'd cross the street to Sharples' bar.

And it was all old people. But during the week they had the girl with the big tits with a glass eye, Janie. She had big fucking tits and a glass. ass eye. You can't write this shit. This is my, that's what I'm trying to fucking say to you people. This was an old man bar, like guys with wigs and white

hair and, you know, talking about, they would get dressed up to the nines, they'd go on and drink. And her night was like Tuesday night. She had gigantic tears. A tremendous ass, but a glass eye. She'd look at you with that fucking glass eye, you'd say, what the fuck did I do? But you would fuck her, you'd just twist it to the side.

You just push her head to the side and keep banging like Biggie in 85. I mean, she was fucking hot. So we went to Sharpels and we're like, Sharples, dog, we got to, we come here at night we do bumps in your bathroom, it's a great little bar, he's like, what are you talking about? Don't go down there, that's my grandpa's bar.

We're like, no, we go down there. We got a grandma blow me in front of him. We go in there and drink and watch TV and he used to get pissed. And then one day I go, go down there on Wednesdays and bartend, that's how the whole thing started. We used to get him to go down there and then Wednesdays. Then it just became

something fucking completely terrible. Yeah. Like by 83, 84, that place had become a fucking... By 80, yeah, 84, because I left in 85, and it was already... By that time, the kid's car was on fire. The kid's car blew up in front of the place. It was a fucking, a pretty intense bar. And yet they had corkies, which...

Till this day, that's probably why I don't go out. Because for a bar, a neighborhood bar, that was as crazy as it fucking got in my world. That was a nutty bar. That really was a huge. He played the jukebox so loud. That's how he wanted it. Yep. He played the jukebox.

It was loud. Pool games were violent. Everything in that place was just over the top. Do you know until this day, John Kelly will not talk to me because of Sunday nights there? Because the big night at that place was Sundays. It would go ten deep with bodies. But what we would do is we'd take quailudes and position ourselves in different parts the room and every time Mike

Kelly would turn around we throw ice cubes at him. He would lose his fucking mind. He would lose his fucking mind. In fact, he would walk away from the bar and say, that's it. I'm not going to fucking serve cocktails so people stop throwing ice cubes

at me. It's amazing that you still talk, you know, Villas, you went to my mom's wake. You do know that, right? Yeah. You, Tommy Sharpels, Glenn Conte, I still think of that shit. You guys walking up that Monday morning. He going, why are you guys here?

And your mom, and your mom came, too. So that's how long I know you, Cucksuck. I love you, the debt, men. Many years, many bones, many miles. So what are you doing Thursday? I come in Thursday. I'm going to do Ardy Lang. I'm going to go eat.

You know, you're always welcome. I'm going to go to the palms. I'm around on Thursday. Yeah, I'm going to go to the palm and get a steak with Timmy Holloway with Marblehead. And then we'll go do, if you like to, you're always welcome to come do Arty Lang with me. me at 10 o'clock and then Friday and Saturday, whatever. When you come a Friday, hit me up, you can pick me up and we'll get some dinner or something. All right, that'd be cool.

All right. And I'll give you a little Cheebo Chewle, a little medical marijuana chocolate ball. You can take a bite of that and see the devil. Give that to your bandmates and do a fucking rehearsal down there. They'll never be the same again. You'll be playing fucking roundabout backwards. What Beatles songs do you have in your repertoire now? Much of peppers.

Got to get you into my life. Only when the horn players show up. Hard day's night. We used to do like some mostly early stuff, like it won't be long. Helter-skelter we did. You kind of recycle stuff, and then you move back to it again.

You know what song we're going to play on this Saturday, though? We haven't played it in six years. Speaking of the wall, it's comfortably numb. Fuck, we're going to put that on today. That's how we roll on the fucking show, see what I'm saying? Aville, we're with you fucking... psychologically and mentally. The other thing that's really cool is the folks from the band Paixote and myself and Russell

Garcello are joining them on stage. We're doing Dark Side of the Moon the entire thing. We'll make sure you fucking tape it and put it on Facebook and break it up into pieces, all right? We'll do. We'll do, man. I love you. And I'll see you next Thursday.

I'm happy you called up today. You're a good man. You put me in a good mood. Same. Stay black. Say hello to the family. I love you. I will fuck my Thursday, brother.

It's a long fucking time. I know that fucking savage. Trick with a glass eye. She did have a glass eye, though. Big tits, real. Tremendous ass, great smile. But that glass eye was on fire. She had a contact on you.

You know what I'm saying? Let me give some shout-outs here to my main man, fucking Blake fucking coop. I got some beauties today. I got some beauty motherfuckers today. You know what me. Fucking Queen Saga, fucking Cleo.

You're sats. sexy motherfucker. Chris Garcia, North Shore Scott, Lewis Martinez, my man, Jimmy Daniels, all that's while of Illinois's, you know,

fucking ugly kid Joel, Mac Hard, you know, Mac Hard, whatever your fucking name is, Jake Cub Chavaria, and as usual, the fucking water box

of the pool pros. I love all you, motherfuckers, you know what I'm saying? And talking about, I think, next week, or the week after,

we got my man from Dollar Shave Club. Yeah. Go to fucking my web page. Joey Diaz.net. Okay. Go to Dollar Shave Club, click on,

what are you put in the box? Church. Let me tell you what you get. For a dollar a month, they'll send you, how many razes? They send you four raises. Four fucking raises.

A dollar a month, and these ain't these ok-a-dote fucking things. You can use this as a weapon. You can stab a motherfucker in the eye. It's got a thousand uses. For $6 a month, they send you how many raises?

Four, but it's three blade raisers. Three fucking blade raiser. Not one, not two, but three blades. You understand me. You're fucking working like a Puerto Rican with this trip. with the aloe.

For $9 a month, what are they saying? They're saying your bag and cocoa butter and the whole thing. The $9 is four blades. For extra, you can get the shave butter and the one-wip charlie's. One-wipe fucking Charlie. So let's say you're out, you're driving, you got to take a shit. You don't have toilet paper. You got a one-wipers-on-you-allie on you.

Who's better than you, Charlie? You follow me? I use that. No, I hate toilet paper. No, I know. Me too. I've always had, I always put hot water on toilet paper and wash my nugget. Anyway, what they got to do?

They got to go to fucking dollar shave club.com And press what? It's a forward slash church. And you can, I think there might be a box. But why do that? Just go to joey-dias.net. Just go to joydias.net. Give it a fucking shot.

Columbus did. You're not going to be sorry. I'm on it. I'm on. I get my fucking razors every month. Look at me. I'm a fucking savage and shit. Handsome as a motherfucker.

Anyway, go to Dollar Shave Club. We gave you some. Where's the music? You have some comfortably number for me? I do. Let's do this shit. We're out of Rifa. What type of party is this, Lee?

I got these roaches and shit. I don't want to be rolling roaches at 8 no more. Get up, you fucks. It's a beautiful day. Why fuck around? Get out there. Is it a villain the singer? Come on.

What? This is it, people. Break, fuck, work, falling sick. Tell him to suck your dick and call you shorthy. Break out a fucking number. Put the earphones on and listen for this shit. This will take you back deep into the murky waters of the underworld. It's Wednesdays.

You know what? It's time for a fucking G-bo-Chu. Oh, shit. I popped one already, but I got to keep it alive. I got to go 140 today. What's up with the music? Oh, time. You know what I'm going to Cheebochua out of respect and shit.

And look at this shit. This is a TiVo. Oh, shit. Googly-moogly! Oh, fuck, I got to call it the Agostino. I was going to meet him to write to that. That's my boy. Lee, you're working on the CD.

The CD's coming out. Yeah, this. September 24th, motherfuckers. I'm in New York. September 13th, Friday the 13th, Saturday the 14th, Gotham Comedy Club. Go get tickets. 920. We're at the Ice House Live on a Friday fucking night. And 924, the release of the new CD.

Do we have a name yet? No. Nothing. To be determined. To be determined. It's a prize. This fucking thing. I love it.

Here you go. I'm going to kill this fucking Cheebo Chu this morning. I got to go to doctor. heart'll be pumping fucking Joey Joey, what have you done? Fucking Chewok-soca, look at this one. Ooh.

Comptibly numb. Oh, Jesus. Fuck it. 7 in the morning. I got to set an example. You know what? Dude, on fire later. Oh, you fart?

No. Oh, my God. It smells like rotten. fucking ass or something. I could be a rotten ass from the other fucking day. You sure? I'm sure.

Turn the music off. What are you doing? Even though the cheaper cheese, you start smelling stuff. I don't know. Maybe I did fly. Sometimes you forget. You're blasphemy. It's Wednesday.

That's all you got for me. Cucksuck. You got no stories today. No Cheebo shoes. You're working on a CD Lee? We got to stun this out by Monday. Don't make me come over here on Saturday. interrupt the love nest.

You don't have to interrupt nothing. No, I'm trying to think any stories. What are you doing this weekend? That's it. You're just hanging out with Mama? I got to go to that family trip. But I'll tell you what, the Dets Squad people are coming in. That's going to be awesome.

I don't know if Monkey Todd. I know Yuck Nasty and my girl Jill, motherfucking Hemitsu. Yeah? They're all coming in. They're going down to Brea. I see Joe on Saturday. They're going to the Ice House Friday.

I see Brian. You know, I wish I would be in town. but I took this little fucking jaunt before but I'll be back Monday morning ready to fucking rock we'll be here. I think I'm going to make it in. I think I'm going to make it on. I'm going to switch flights I think. Fuck it, I was going to pull the podcast off on Monday but I take some shit care of some shit on Monday and Tuesday.

Okay, sweet. So, fuck it. You're a savage leisat. What are you going to do? What are you going to fucking do? That's it. I got nothing. Today I'm at the ice house. I got to go for a shot in the ass and a little while. I got to go to the ice house. I'm taking pictures today. Oh, cool.

The kid from fucking Grudge match. It's going to come up to Warner Brothers, and after Warner Brothers, he's going to call me about 12, 1230. Have you seen it yet or not yet? You won't see it until the premiere. I won't see it to the fucking premiere. Why don't want to go see that thing? I don't even want to see it. I don't even want to see it. I don't know how it works. I don't know if they send it to you or... Hmm. I don't send me shit. I don't mean nothing to those people. They wouldn't give a fuck. If I told them the movie sucked, whatever, they wouldn't get to wait. They send you in calls. How do you look, do you? Is there any scenes you want to okay?

They don't give a fuck. Once you sell your soul, it's over. That's hysterical. I'm excited to see that. I'm excited to see a lot of fucking things. I'm excited to see Batman. Fuck Batman, that fucking douchebag, you fucking morons. The Batman, motherfuckers.

Then you know why I get pissed off all the fucking time. I'm going to know what I'm going to go to Jitsu. Tomorrow and I got a spot Universal City. Okay. I don't love it. Okay. I've never been there. That's the one that's the one I've never been to.

Where you've been? You've been here three years. You haven't been to the club? We haven't been to Universal City. Either. What are you thinking? It's an experience. Fucking it cuss. I was going to go one time to the amusement park.

It was like 80 bucks. My wife gets pissed. If there's a movie plan that she wants to see and it's there, that's the only time she curses and fucking the face gets rid of the shit. Why? Because it's like $30. She gets fucking pissed. She wants to go to the NoHo 5 or some shit out of it. I don't know. That's a little weird.

When I moved up to NoHo, they were still the only movie theater that took the sack card. They don't take it no more. Oh, they don't take it? No more for movies. My wife don't say dick, but when she has to go up there, she went to see something up there. And when I got back in the how was the movie? She goes, it was $27. That's how the movie was.

They charge you $11 for parking or something. She was furious. She's like, we go to the other place for $27. I least I eat something. She goes, it was $27 plus the fucking, uh, so I told me. Can you go to Universal City? You got to do the whole thing. Like, you should take your girlfriend.

You go on the rides, right? Yeah. You could eat and you can watch a movie. Then it's worth the fucking $20. They make your park. Yeah. You know, but didn't you go up there with me? No.

Maybe we'll go tomorrow and I. Go up there. See what it's all about. They got, like, food up there. They used to have Cuban food. I don't even eat. I used to go up there when I first moved here. I used to go up there and give free comedy.

Club comedy. Comedy. my ass is itchy like the ass cheek is fucking itchy stretching I'm around like a fucking yellow staring right on my eye but I wasn't scratching like my ass hole like on the ass cheek sometimes

I put cream on it is dry I'm dry this morning this fucking heat is drying out my shit Lisa oh fuck oh my god and don't fucking forget you didn't talk about Hulu dog

you're slipping I'm sorry man what happened with Hulu this week what shows have you been watching on Hulu You don't say nothing on. No, I do. I went to a hotel. You didn't bring the Hulu with you? I did.

I did. That's all you have to do. Bring it off the time. And what did you watch on Hulu this weekend? Daily show, John Stewart came back, so I watched that. How many episodes? How long has he been gone for? He was gone for the summer.

He was filming a movie in like Saudi Arabia or something crazy. Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah. Because they did a story a few years ago about this guy speaking against... I don't remember which country it was. But after they spoke to his show, they thought, the Daily Show was a real show, so they arrested him and put him in jail. So they were doing a movie about that.

But, no, I love it. And it's, I mean, I've gotten to the point where my free trial is over, so I've been paying. It's awesome. It's just, it's $7.99 a month, and there's nothing more I could want. $7.99 a month, again, fucking $96 a year for fucking television. I'm giving you two weeks for free, and then you're going to get $7.95 a month. Listen to me, $7.95 a month. Fucking cut the lattes out.

Cut the ventis out. Get that cup Chachuk machine where you put the coffees in and hit the fucking thing. You can make green tea. I'm telling you, I make green tea at the house now.

Yeah. I don't go over $3. I was paying for a fucking thing. For $3, I get half of China. Fucking $3 for green tea over at those fucking... For $3, I don't even send a Chinese guy at the house

to make the fucking tea for you. I don't get what fuck. It's pretty interesting because... So how did this guy die? This... Castro? Did they say he just had a heart attack? I am not.

I'm sure he hung himself They poisoned that motherfucker I thought I said that he hung himself But I was actually gonna ask about that Like for someone like him He must be on suicide watch Right so that he did it in like a total Probably like five ten minutes

They wouldn't put They wouldn't put someone like him on suicide watch That's crazy Unless he tried to kill himself Why would he be on a suicide watch He did a time He got a hundred fucking years Listen

The biggest cop The biggest killers in this country are cops I was thinking about this the other day. Yeah. Who killed Tupac? 15 years later, 20 years later, nobody knows who killed Tupac? Who killed fucking Biggie in 97? You know, 16 years later, nobody knows.

Who could kill you and get away with everything? Have police radios? The cops. Yeah. The cops killed Biggie and Tupac. And I'm not mad at it. When I was a kid, cops helped me out sometimes. You got to throw beating on somebody for 200.

They'll go down and knock them the fuck out. You know, what are they going to say? We got knocked out by the fucking cop. But in jail, those fucking cops get together. and they just get an invict. They'll just give a pass to an invict. Oh, okay. So instead of coming through the main thing

and being on the camera, there's a way through the fucking kitchen, which nobody knows it. There's a black spot there. They'll send the fucking Ortiz there to get a mop, and you're waiting for him with a fucking shiv. Yeah, he hung himself.

Did he hang himself? Yeah, they took him at fucking, he knew. Somebody talked him into it, like Hannibal Lecter. He was in protective custody, but they wouldn't put someone like, who did something like that, fuck, that crazy. they wouldn't check on him every 20 minutes? They do checks once an hour,

but what do you, you know, who, you know, I mean, how do you hang himself with his fucking clothing or sheets? He has sheets, whatever. It's a fucking nightmare. I mean, he did a fucked up then. He got busted. He got away with it for a long time. I mean, that's the creepiest fucking thing in the world

to kid something like that, keeping in your fucking basement three. And they have a kid with one of them? And where'd you have the kid right in the house? Yeah, yeah. He made one of the other girls deliver it. And they cut the amblybical cord and that's it? Fuck.

And yeah. Where's that poor kid today? She's with her mom. She's like six years old. That must be fucked up. It's fucking tremendous. She must look like the kid. Like the kid must look like the father.

So she's going to like remind her of that. But did you ever, did you ever, like, I mean, you had a much shorter sentence. So did you get like down and think about doing that or not really? It was just so short. It didn't bother you. It was six years. Four to six years. I knew they were going to reconsider my.

sentence to four, which will make it 48 months. At the time, they cut your time in half if you have a nonviolent crime. That's why my attorney went to second to be burglary, an accessory to a felony, which were both nonviolent. The court tried to argue the accessory

to a felony was violent. My attorney beat him with some fucking thing. So it was down to 24 months. You're eligible for a halfway house at 16 months. They put your paperwork in, and you get transferred to a halfway house at 16 months. So worst case scenario, I would have done eight months, which is exactly what I did.

You only did eight months in jail? Eight months? I was eight months away, eight to nine months away. Then I was in the halfway house for two fucking years, which is worse than being in. Oh, it is? Yeah, they watch every step. They paid you. They call you.

If I come to Lee Syatt, I got to call him and say, I'm going to Lee Syatt. If this is his address, this is his phone number. Before I leave here, I got to call again and go, hey, I'm getting on the number two bus. where on fucking Magnolia and Scramillo Street where are you going? I'm going to downtown LA How long is it usually three hours? All right call us as soon as you get off the fucking bus. Shit. As soon as you get off that fucking bus

you got to call him, hey, I'm over here on Fifth Street and Alameda. Where are you going? I'm going to the L.A. fucking fill. How long are you going to be there for? Two hours. Who are you going to talk to? Lysayette's mother. What's her phone number? 626-577. That's what it is. Think of doing that. Think of fucking doing it. And you were there for, you were in halfway house for two years?

A fucking a year. A good fucking year. What I did was, I didn't have a job. I got a pager. I told him I was a detainer. So I had a pager. Plus, when I did get a job at a car place, I would say when they call,

I don't know a demo ride. Oh, okay. So I would buy time, and then they would call me on the page and go, they're looking for you. They're there, no, they're at, they called in. Okay, so I would call them from a dip.

They didn't have caller ID that. Oh, my God. The problem me, so you'd call them at some leaves. I could be eating fucking pussy. Get my dick sucked in Chinatown. I'll call him and go, I'm going to leave Syatt's in the village. You know, and whatever, and, you know, Studio City, whatever the fuck. You follow me?

That's crazy. So think about that. That sucks. That's how they nail you back. That's how they get you right back. So I would have done two years out of four, 24 months. But here's where it gets better. I was under a state statute.

First time nonviolent offender, house billed 1204 with 1206. Cuts a time and half again. So all this. was going on. So you do a month or two in county jail, that counts for double time. That's four fucking months. So I went in with 20 months. Left.

So two months, I'd be able to. All I was going to do was... Okay. Do you follow me? There's so many things that people fucking don't know. You know, if you stay in a county jail for a year, that's two years. You get two for one in the county. Wow. So by the time I go to trial, they give me

two years. I'm out that fucking day. Time, sir. Really? Yeah. It's time served. Do you watch any of those jail documentaries? Because, like, I loved them, but it terrifies me going to jail. Do you, like, just, like, not watch it? Like, you don't want to see that stuff?

I watch everything. You know, I try to watch anything, you know, something like that. But you have to watch it because I was in that for a while. I don't watch the MSNBC ones. The MSNBC ones are very good. I don't watch jail on Spike with drunk people coming. Oh, no, like lockup. Like lockup isn't bad.

They show you the different fucking prisons. And you can. you get to talk to these people who are proud. It's like if you ask me, what were the best comedy clubs you performed? I'd say the punchline in San Francisco, you know, Cobbs,

you know, the club in Utah. Wise guys is a great fucking club. The club and Lexington's are great. No, there's a lot of great. What are your favorites? Well, when you talk to these people, you're like, where are you meant? They're like, dog, I did time in Pelican Bay. I was in Lucy's fucking basement in Arizona.

Like, they try to brag it to you. Like, dog, did time in Chicago at the fucking Capone's jail. Fuck you. I did Papillon. Fuck you. I was in a jail in Saudi Arabia getting butt-fucked by Arabs. Fuck you. You know, it's amazing that it's like a resume for them. They want to build that resume up. That's when it got scary for me.

Yeah. When I heard people talking about their resume and dog, it was a party over there. We were shooting heroin. Whoa. A party. It's a party where somewhere where people are not telling you what to do all day. That's a party for you. Like, I remember this one particular guy.

I don't know what his name was. I think I mentioned my podcast before that one day we were talking about Guns and Roses out and was out. Okay. I got locked up Guns and Roses, 87, Welcome to the Jungle. That was huge. Yeah. In 88, that was huge.

And we're at the front of the stooping that Mr. Brownstone is on. And I go, they're singing about heroin. This guy jump right, and he wasn't at all. No, they're not. They're singing about this chick that used to. And in mid-conversation, you know, he was the guy with the sideburns that were trimmed. You know, he had the fucking, he was a biker dude, short, everything for fucking, like, attention. Like, yeah, you know, and with sunglasses that were cut in half.

And he was like, yeah, I just came from there. Like some guy was like, yeah, we were in an alter. Yeah, I just came from there. It was a fucking party. I'll never forget looking at him and going, why am I going to argue with this guy? Yeah. This guy's an idiot. He's just saying that he came from a prison where it was a fucking party.

party. We were shooting dope every night and the guards would let you get your dick sucked. You know, there was this chick that came in. What are you talking about? Meanwhile, you're looking at eight fucking years. You have pictures of your kids and you have all these tattoos of your kids

who's feeding these motherfuckers. That's the best when they have tattoos of their kids. Like, I love this motherfucker. Then why are you in here? Why the fuck are you in here? You love this fucking kid so much. You know, it makes you think. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? I love her, man.

Really? You love her? So calling her every day and abusing her on the fucking phone all day long. What the fuck you were at, man? I call, you know, they stay on the phone all day with these women. Jesus. Like, let's say you get to work at 9. I'll call you at 9.01.

At your desk. Hey, man, what so. The whole day you're trying to work with some convict on the fucking phone, telling you about how he didn't get enough string beans for breakfast. It's fucking amazingly. I'm very, very fortunate. Very fortunate. But I looked at that and I was like, that's cool.

It was a great experience, but this ain't for fucking me. And I'm very lucky, you know. So whatever. We all catch a break somewhere, man. I couldn't imagine doing eight months. I have a friend that turning himself in the 19th of this month. Really? I can't imagine being him.

For how long? Three years. And he's around your age? 50 years old. Right now, tomorrow. I got to go in September 19th. you imagine that that's uh my i

have to surrender myself i have like three weeks left on the street what am i thinking right now at 50 yeah that's my dad had a friend of a friend who did that like he was he was drunk when he ran he ran somebody over and so after after the court i got was probably like seven or eight so i don't i don't think i even knew the guy but like he had to go and turn himself in in like a month or two so like they were taking him out to like the football game and stuff like that but i can't imagine he enjoyed it. Like, how can you enjoy that with, like, in the back of my mind, if I know I have to go to fucking the doctor,

I don't enjoy things. Like, you were, how long were you out before your trial? About a year. And were you freaked out the entire time? No. No. I had realized, it's funny, after the, that I got out, I tried to sell cars.

Yeah. And I was so psychologically damaged by what I had done. I couldn't even talk to people. I didn't sell a car for like seven weeks finally the management called me and they gave me like 500 bucks and I said Joey take some time off and I went back to Boulder

and I just tried to get into college I tried to clean up everything but I really wasn't trying to clean up I was trying to clean up for the court I wasn't trying to clean I wasn't cleaning up for myself Lee which is always bad I was trying to stay out there I tried to stay clean and give a piss test

not to the third one I had to withdraw for the program. They were just hotter than fuck and with coke and weed so I didn't want them to use that against me so if I were to stay clean they could use it for you or you.

But, you know, so I abolished that and I was just trying to clean up everything to look shiny so I wouldn't have to go to jail. I really wasn't looking inside myself. I was too young at the time. I didn't even know what was going on. I was so fucked up in my own head

that I hadn't done anything. till today I'm telling you I didn't do nothing until there's Vela Kid this is something that happens every day in the drug world Yeah Where somebody gets cocky They get pinned down And they get robbed or they get taken

I fucked up He kept getting in trouble You know Vela kept getting in trouble I don't know what Tidwell's life is today The other fucking idiot that got involved I know that it didn't hit me till that morning Like it was a party the whole time I was out Like I was lifting weights I was running

I was swimming You know, I was riding a bike to everywhere I was eating good But once I went in I was addicted to Coke You know, I took three or four weeks to get over You know, to get my head right That was the first time since I was a fucking kid

That I had been off drugs You didn't try to get him While you were in there? So from fucking 15 to 28 I was never off drugs Wow That whole, from 15 to 18 You shouldn't be on fucking drugs

I was never off drugs And I got high until 28 And going in there and clean me up for six months And it made me think of what I had to do. And one of the things was not going back. That's for fucking

damn surely. Like that's just not my you know, at the time. So I'm very fortunate. And trust me, there were some times I could have gone back

so I lucked out, man. I really lucked out. I got arrested after that a few times, but... I just never seen you back? No.

You know, I got arrested a few times for that, the fights, the assaults up in fucking Seattle and whatnot. But, you know,

I'm very happy. I'm very fucking happy because I got a gun. I'm worse, you know. We're here. That's awesome, man. You know, so whatever, man, you could start at any fucking day. Every time I see this lady that swam at 64,

really makes me want to go to the gym. It really, my, man. She's fucking 64. Did you see her walk out of there? It was like Jesus healed her. When she came out of the fucking water, dog, I still can't take that memory. Swimming a hundred miles of nonstop. A hundred fucking miles.

I can't walk a hundred fucking miles. Never mind fucking swim a hundred. God damn miles. Anyway, Lee, you know the fucking deal as usual, dog. We got the fucking Hulu. Yep. Go on my webpage, Joey Diaz.net.

Yep. The word is what? Joey. All right. Then Dollar Shave Club. Go to Dollar Shave Club. Watch the fucking video. We're going to try to have him on the show next Wednesday.

So have Dollar Shave Club. Go to the Dollar Shave Club.com. Look at the video. Look at the Mexican guy in the warehouse. See what this guy is doing. He's doing a great fucking job. And he's passing the savings on to you. Six fucking dollars.

And she could shave her pussy. And you could shave. And you get four razes a month. A dollar if you don't have a girlfriend. A dollar for fucking a month, that's $12 a year. I'm not fucking around with you guys. This is a great deal. Do what you need to do.

And never, ever, ever forget on it. This morning, I was in a pinch this morning. Boom, what do I have? I had a hemp force fucking protein shake and a hemp force bar. You don't hear my stomach grounding or nothing. No. I'm energized. I feel good.

I slept three hours. I know my body will make it up later. I took my little pack in the fucking morning. I'm telling you what, I go off the alpha brain. I'm not going to tell you, I take the alpha brain all that. I say, take the shroom. Before I work out, I take the packages. You know, the two packages today, one in the morning and one at night.

Go to fucking on it, man. They're doing a lot of great things. I know they just added a heavier, whatever the fuck you call it, bell, whatever. They're not going to make the 100-pounder with my face on it. That's not going to happen. So don't fucking worry about it, you dirty bastards. I love you. But look at the ropes.

Look at all the shit they got. But what I'm really concerned about is fucking getting your body healthy. You know, the water, the fucking, even if you don't take that on it, just you drinking water makes me fucking happy. You know, last week I didn't drink no. Diet soda. Really? Yeah, that's it.

That's it, man, because it's too much sodium. Anything, I'm not doing anything that helps my hurts my blood pressure no more. But I tell you what? When I take that shroom tech, it calms me down, that fucking nighttime stuff they have. That stuff is really fucking good. You know, you're saying that you were going to go to sleep, I'm going to give you a new mood. And you tell me what the fuck you think. And here's the secret with that stuff.

If you buy melatonin, serotonin, whatever's in Turkey, what the fuck is in Turkey? What the fuck is in Turkey? Melatonin? I don't fucking know. I think seroton in Turkey, but melaton is a different kind of night. Right. If you buy that stuff, let's be honest. After four days, it wears off.

You can't fall asleep. That's why you have to take those. You have to do exercise. You have to have reifer. Because not everything's going to put you to sleep. You know what I'm saying? If you're tired, you fall asleep. If you're like, when I went to the fucking zoo the other day

and walked around with the baby, 18 miles for three fucking animals. I was fucking tired. That slept like a baby that fucking night. But go out. Go to audit. See what the fuck they got. Go to honor.

What do they press on that one? Church. Go to honor.com, press church. Get 10% off. Get 10% off. They put on the list. They give you great deals. Honit don't fuck around.

Here's the thing with Honnett. Sign up for the mailing list. Because they're always doing something. Aubrey's always coming out with a new fucking thing, man. He should be up here next week. And I guarantee he'll fucking bring me something next week. I'm sitting there going, Aubrey, you're like a fucking... I can't wait until those alpha brains come out for the flying.

Remember the packages that you put in water? Guys, this is cutting-head shit. This is the fucking future. The same centrum. around for 10,000 years and you don't even know what I buy those centrums over 50 packages I don't know what the fuck they do for me at least this I'm going somewhere you I hope you learned something today I hope that this is a great podcast for you motherfuckers saying I hope you have a great day and I hope you have a great Thursday and I will see you

next week in fucking New York and that's the end of that bitches oh shit now that the show's over don't forget to sign up for your free trial of hulu plus Hulu plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime anywhere on your TV PC smartphone or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus.com slash Joey or go to JoeyDiaz.net and click on the Hulu Plus banner.

And while you're there, don't forget to sign up for Dollar Shave Club.com. You get high quality raise your sent to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollarshave club.com forward slash church or go to Joey Dias.net and click on the Dollar Shave Club banner. That's right, bitches. Have a great day

and stay black. Oh shit, little Tupac here for you, fucks what looking back at the world goalie let me see a little wiggle from Joe multiple gunshots to block the fun stop snitch was calling cops people shot nobody stop I wonder when the world stopped care of last night you get shot why the whole