The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 09/05/2012 - The Church Of Whats Happening Now #3

Episode Date: September 5, 2012

Joey and Lee chat about music, comedy, tv and life. Mr. T, one of Joeys teachers calls in. Originally aired 09/05/2012.  

Let's do this. Good morning, Coxsuckers. Good morning, guys. Welcome to the church of what's motherfucking happening now. Joey D. is here. Lee Syak, co-host, what's going on, people? It's a beautiful motherfucking day to live. To be alive, let's spark this fucking joint and get the holy smoke cooking in this motherfucker.

Good over here at 5.30. You already had to be smoking. I opened up this morning with a little fucking black Sabbath, Sabbath, bloody Sabbath for you guys. Let me tell you some. when I was in my downest times I started listening to Black Sabbath when I was like in the eighth grade but when I was going through all my bullshit Sabbath

fucking saved me especially Sabbath put that, let me explain some to you this album came out in fucking 73 Sabbath bloody Sabb you look at the front cover the front cover's them surrounding some fucking guy that's dying when you turn the cover around

instead of those family members it's the fucking devil's fighting for his fucking soul Jesus is fighting Satan it's a beautiful album cover it's got killing yourself to live on there looking for today Sabot bloody fucking Sabbath

killing yourself to live tremendous fucking jam but Sabbath bloody Sabbath some of our bad Sabb Buddy Sabbit when I was 15 after my mother died I listened to it let me tell you some my mind was going fucking fuck kill it Lee Sabbath bloody cock suckers

here you go from the beginning Lee from the beginning isn't that fucking guitar here you go you're fucking up with this music already Lee cocksucker that's the same music

He didn't be played with the beginning. Oh, yeah. A little Sabbath early. You know what Sabbath does? It cleans out the fucking spirits, the bad spirits. As I call him, the Espiritos Malos. A lot of people are mad at me about the Mrs. Obama comment I met last night. Listen, I love Ms. Obama.

No disrespect to him. Let me tell you something. I said that, you know, I was going to eat her black little monkey. She's tremendous, Ms. Obama. So I'm sorry if you got offended. But here, I forgot to tell you, not only will I eat her black little monkey, I eat that black little fucking muffler, too. It probably smells like health.

You understand me? So beautifully, we're Sabbath bloody Sabbath. Kick that motherfucker. It's still fine. Turn it up loud. We're killing the bad spirits at the holy smoke.

Here, take a hit you, fuck. That's a boy, cock sucker. We're spreading it, man. This show's about getting up, being in the fucking good mood. People always hit me back. Joey, what the fuck ain't a bad mood about or what are you in a good mood about?

I turned the music, though. We're talking now. There's a good fucking mute mood in the morning. I got a picture of these guys, see, I grew up with. That's Dominic Spatial, Darren Rago, and Anthony fucking Balzano. They're dead, and they died when we were young. This is the first thing I look at in the morning. I get in a fucking good mood because they're not here,

so I got to do what the fuck they're not doing, so I got to cover the spread today. That's the mentality of the church of what's happening. Now, you're thinking, Joy, what the fuck of your glasses? My glasses, I don't want to be like one of those black basketball players. You see, these motherfuckersers. It all started about 20 years ago, like all these fucking, Actors once they get a little old they start wearing glasses and I can see the husband the wife saying you look so sophisticated

And so smart wear the fucking glasses so they started with that bullshit now I got Kobe I got the guy in fucking Miami everybody's wearing fucking point Dexter glasses for $9,000 to look more intelligent get it together cocksucker You're a basketball player not a scientist all right the fucking little Halloween costume ain't gonna work bitches What you're do leah I got some knowledge on these cocks suckers early because if not they think I'm over here fucking around did you work out yesterday and leave? Yeah, I did. What'd you do? I was supposed to have a training session, but the woman apparently has too many trainers, so

I went over to the gym at my complex and I'm just starting out, guys. I don't know if anyone else is starting out, working out too. I haven't worked out. I wrestled all throughout high school and I probably haven't worked out since wrestling season stopped my senior year. That's probably like six or seven years. So I'm starting out fresh, and I'm doing the stationary bike for

like half an hour, and I can do the elliptical for about 10, 15, and then I I pass out. That's all you fucking need to get the party started. What you want to do is the fat guys, get the fucking blood going. That's what I had to do. I mean, they threw me out of the Y the first time I walked in there. Really?

The fucking little trainer, because you sign up for the Y in Hollywood. You go down there and they give you like an evaluation to see where the fuck you're at. So I thought I was still like in high school. I went in like seven, eight years. I went right after the longest short. I thought I was still in high school. I could do a thousand jumping Jackson shit. He put me on the treadmill to start and put it up like 1.5.

Let me tell you something, my friend. At the four minute mark, I tapped that. out. He was a little cute little gay guy. He goes, listen, Doug, I love you the dead, but don't come back here till you stop smoking cigarettes, till you start getting it together. You can't even walk on a treadmill. So that's why I fucking started. I started

at 4 fucking 15 where you walk a half a block and your joints hurt, your knees hurt your feet. So I put the whole training session in my head. I knew by going to the fucking wine that they have a heated pool. So I just started going to the heated pool and I would run back and forth and I would swim.

I would swim 15 minutes, 20 minutes. I got cocky, and I overslept one night, and I jumped into the Olympic pool, because in bold, I used to be part of the Master Swimming Program. What's that? The Master Swimming Program is where you go at 6 in the morning and at 6 at night, and the lady's name was Jane, and she would just work you like a fucking slave in the water, and right before I got locked up in prison, there was a UPS guy at the Hertz where I worked at, and he was in great shape, and I said, how'd you get in that fucking shape?

And he goes, I started going to the Master Swimming Program. Stop up the fucking volumes already. They're saying it's too low. These fucking people always say it's too low. Put your ear next to the fucking thick. Like when you were a kid and your mother was in the other room. Like when you listen to Richard Pry album.

So you go at 6 in the fucking morning and Boulder, Colorado, and the dead of the fucking winter. And the pool would be outside and they'd be surrounded by snow where they shoveled. And you'd have to fucking dress yourself in a little hut and fucking run out and jump in the pool. And you have to do two of those a day,

three times a fucking week. And she would train you for little triathlon. Not triathlons. The double ones. The ones where you swim. and jump up and down for a half hour. Not really like all three of them ride your bike. That's a triathlon and minstreet.

So I always like fucking swimming. Not to mention I'm Cuban. You know, I swam around the fucking island as a young man, like a savage cocksucker. Oh, Jesus. So I went back and I jumped into the Olympic pool and that's when I almost drowned. I almost drowned it to a wild.

I almost drowned. I don't know if people have heard it. Do you want to tell it again? Fuck no. I almost drowned. I went to the while. I jumped the fuck in the pool. And you know what?

When you're going to a training pool, it's heated. But when you go into a regular Olympic pool, it's not fucking heated. Well, that's a, it's a different, it's 30 degrees. So first thing it surrounds your lungs, you can't fucking breathe. Here I am in the middle of the pool. My fat legs were just fucking moving. I wasn't going nowhere, though. I just was spinning around like a motherfucker.

Swimming's tough. I mean, I used to swim. I used to work. I mean, I was never really in shape when I wrestled, but I was more in shape. And you went around the track, and I play football, and you run around the thing. And running and swimming are two different things. Swimming is tough, especially when you're, out of shape. It really shows you when you're out of shape like, wow, I am out of shape.

But it gets you in the best shape. The problem with swimming in the exercise doesn't go with you the rest of the day. Like when you run for half hours, six in the morning, that raises your metabolism. It goes at you. You release sweat. When you go in the pool, it burns the most calories per minute. Okay. But when you get out of the pool, you don't take it with you as much. It doesn't burn like throughout the whole fucking day. That's the problem with swimming. A lot of people don't know that. Okay. I'm saying. So I worked out yesterday. I had a good time. I went over there I got on the treadmill I hit the bag for half hour then I got on the treadmill and ran that did the Mike Doche two minutes on and a half and not 30 minutes

of 30 seconds of running and I got on the bike to close it out look at that shirt fucking swelly right next to you today I might eat some sushi I got I got dig going on today you know what I'm saying oh yeah it's it's rough man I mean it's uh there's not much there's not much going out I mean I'm working on a TV show but everything that's going to be in production's in production and I feel bad for you guys I mean there's not that much shooting right now I don't give a fuck about that we're always doing something like what the fuck that the show is about getting up in the fucking morning and going there that they're tackling the fuck everything

you just got to make it happen yeah there's always action out there you gotta just get up you gotta get up with the fucking mentality you've seen trading places that's great brother's at the end of the floor mortemers on the floor dying because your brother's dying fuck them we gotta do what the fuck we do here you follow me so don't worry about the fucking weight watches or whatever the big topic that I've been hearing about lately is just all the Blanco let's break it down I've never been fucking impressed the cocaine cowboys and I'll tell you what why because they're talking about it in

1979 you know I would go to Miami in 1970 as a kid my mother baptized a girl down there and I would go down there and spend time with them in the summer I loved them Rodolfo and Vivian was a school teacher Radhaf was a construction mogul he would go into we built

all that shit the falls in Miami that's the north southwest southwest southwest 100th Avenue and 130th I was 7 and 8 and I go down there we clear bushes me and the sun and the door and we do the whole thing. Now at night, the three kids would go to sleep, and I would hang out with Radolfo. So Radhaffo knew my father. I mean, he grew up with my father, and he always assumed

that I knew what my father did. So when I would go down there, I would stay with Radhaff in the middle of the night. He'd go, come on, let's take a ride. And we'd go to La Guaitha. La La Guillaquita in Miami's a little fucking, it's a gas station that doesn't sell gases. They just sell beer, milk, and bread, and cigarettes. And you could go there late night, but it's the coldest fucking beer you'd ever had. and we drive out to the Lachita, and he'd get me a soda, but he let me drink out of his cold,

budwires. That was like a big tree for me. Of course. And we'd go to his boat, and we'd get on the boat, and we'd go out like 10 fucking miles out, and he'd pick up bales of weed. This isn't the 70s.

And then we'd drive him back in, like nothing. It was like stealing. They would float into this thing. He knew the people, and that's what he did for a living, you know? And I remember going down,

when you watch, because Giselda, the documentary, they talk about how she ran, shit in Miami in 79. By the fuck, 79 is when I started doing blow. What happened in 79 also, this all went down to 7. What happened to 79 was Mario Litos came in.

Those fucking Cubans that started killing them, 130,000 Cubans Fidel let them out of their jails in 1979. 130,000? 130,000, 100,000 of them were fucking in jail. And these weren't, you know, like for smacking their wife or something. These motherfuckers were in El Morrow, this fucking jail where you walk around half naked, there's a hole in the middle of the fucking floor. And you've got to go pee and shit in that fucking hole.

When people tacky you and take you in the fucking hole and fuck you in the ass after your shit. So these were the type of criminals that came over. This is the type of criminal. You know, when he, in Scarface, they show the hand. They call the Abaquas. And these people are fucking nuts. For example, my stepfather's name is Milito Quarito, which means four wins.

And he had three brothers. Two of them came from Cuba at that time. And four of his nephews or three of his nephews. Within the first year, four out of four nephews were dead, and they shot both his brothers. because they didn't know anything else. They came out and got into the fucking cocaine business, and by that time it became Barakuderville.

That's where her claim to fame was that she shot now. Let me explain some to you. I watched the first documentary, and I bought into it and bought it not, and then the second one was just a waste of my fucking time. But it's funny because the other night when it happened, I read it in the afternoon, and I went out and not thinking nothing of it,

and I went out, and Rogan called me that night. He goes, he-hee, they shot his Alle Blancor, and I go, fuck her. And we started laughing. It's like, you know what? the lady killed or supposedly killed all these fucking people, a two-year-old kid, you know what, she was walking around knowing it was coming. If you, you know, one of the reasons of why I got out of crime was one thing. You never want somebody to knock on your door when you're 50 fucking years old.

You know, whatever you do at 20 is great. You don't want to do time at fucking 50 and above. You don't want to die in a fucking can. That's a bad fucking life. What is that? The Ghost of the Gislda. Giselava, that cocksucker. So you don't want to end up in.

That was the biggest deterrent I had was seeing my uncle in Miami go to jail at 50. And, you know, when he went to jail, he was a millionaire. The next thing you know, he's got to move into an apartment in Atlanta because the federal penitentiary was in Atlanta, even though he was rocking in Miami, he had to move to Atlanta and put his kids

in a two-bedroom apartment, three fucking kids. So I see what it does to you. I see what it does to your family. But the worst thing is that you don't want to die in the can, and that's the worst thing about Carmen, man. That you're walking around when you do something, like there's people, in front of my house here that park and then go to work.

Instead of parking for free parking, they park back here because they don't want to do the sticker or some shit, and they park in front of my house. Every fucking day I wake up and I see the same cars, and I'm going to go over and stick a nail in front of them or flatten their fucking tire or scratch their door. You know, my stepdad was a fanatic about the spot in front of his fucking house. Oh, yeah, of course.

On his mind that belonged to him. Was it in New York? It was in Jersey, New York, and New Jersey. He would sit there all fucking night, watching the spot and with somebody parking it he'd go out there and flatten his fucking tires I got to the point where nobody would park on the fucking block because they know their tires would be fucking flat what do you look at the fucking thing for I'm talking to you cops I'm sorry no that's uh yeah so I sit out there sometimes

I'm like you know what I'm gonna flatten this guy's tired today almost thinking I getting cat shit and putting it on a door handle you know at 49 I know one thing if I do that I'm gonna walk around I got something coming to me oh yeah I never wanted something coming to me that's the problem with fucking So Gisela, whatever, rest in peace, but dirty bitch, you knew you had it coming. You're out there sling and blow, getting your fucking little black pussy suck or Colombian pussy suck. They killed in front of a daughter-in-law's some shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't fucking know. Two people rolled up on a motorcycle and shot around the head. Yeah, fucking New Jack City style, you know what I'm saying? That's nuts. I had a question. I was thinking because I read that article, and I was thinking about it the other day, do you know anybody who's, like, has been a drug dealer or doing that stuff for their entire life and actually gets away with it

and doesn't go to jail or end up dead other people who can do that for like a lifetime or is it? A lot of people do it for a lifetime but there's never, you always pay somewhere. Okay. You're always going to pay somewhere. Somewhere you've got to pay for your fucking sins. So you might rock and roll and make some money

but you might have other heartaches that are associated with that. And you know, you know when it's kind of, Maya Lanski, he made a bunch of money but he had a retarded son and his wife always blamed that. Really? On the retarded, you know, what he had done.

done her and I shouldn't say retarded he was fucking mo-mo whatever I don't fucking know but they she always blamed on that you got to come always remember that the church of what's happening now let's play some fucking music what are you to move for today do you want to play more Black Sabbath or do you want

to play something else I don't know I'm in the mood for something exotic what are you fucking think Lee like that we haven't done any real we've done a little bit of rap but not really or any country country that's not fucking bad you know what do you know about I love fucking country.

I like this, the fucking chicken, the guy, the lady, Altabellum. I like those fucking two. They're savages. Don't forget. Mr. T's calling in today. My high school teacher's calling in about 20 minutes. Mr. T's a very interesting guy. I love this guy, and I've spoken to him.

I keep in touch with him. He was my teacher from freshman year to senior year in high school. And pretty much after that, he kept me out of, he kept me from fucking taking a swan dive, as he would call it. Joey, I hear through the fucking ranks. You're thinking of taking a swan dive. It ain't worth it. So I didn't see him from the time I graduated in 82.

And in 84, I seen him on a street corner. He pulled up next to me. He goes, you're looking like fucking Mortovan. Death of Warmed Dover. Look at you, you filthy fucking savage. Look at this bad motherfucker. So he said, you know, you got to get your life together. You can't keep hanging out on corners.

And the next thing, you fucking know. I had to leave. I had to leave in North Bergen. New Year's Eve, 1984. New Year's Eve, Jesus Christ. Because I fronted a half ounce of blow. So I figured I'd front a half ounce of blow, keep the pocket money, and start a new life. I called him about six in the morning. He picked me up and took me to Creskill, New Jersey, about 15 miles away. And he took me to a few AA meetings and he believed in me, you know, and I got a job in the city. And I got a job at a liquor store. And I kept fucking doing my thing.

So after two months, one day, he goes, I got a call from the cops. Do me a favor. Don't come back to you pull up with a fucking Cadillac. That's fucking intense. I went to Rascals one time and I called him. I go, I ain't got no Cadillac, but I'm getting on stage. Do you want to come? And that was about 15 years ago.

We've been tight. And whenever he sees me on TV, he calls me, and he's my high school teacher. Wow. Mr. T. And I love him to death. This is the reason I do this shit, you know, to make people like that proud.

They want on a limb for me. So I'm trying to go on a fucking limb for them. You know what I'm saying? Looking back into those times when you were when those people would help you out and you were still doing crime or still doing drugs Did you feel bad doing that and you just couldn't stop or you just didn't even know I didn't give a fuck? Why do I give a fuck? You're doing your thing though When you do your thing you commit you don't fucking look back with When you got to pull out a fucking gun on so what are you gonna do I mean you know you you you're caught up in different things in your life You know I made mistakes like everybody fucking else some women suck 50 cocks

You know I tried to roll the fact what are you gonna fucking get it happens sometimes in your life but I'm here to tell you I wasn't not happy about it now I'm gonna have a child I don't want the fucking kid to know but what are you gonna do the kids gonna know and you live with it you stick with your decisions the things we do when you ain't got a fucking gun leave about a little fucking Allison chains this morning down in the hole direct from the from the murky waters of the underworld where there's aged this fucking everything you understand me and if you find the live one do it but just go off of dirt just to get people in the fucking mood today

because this show is about getting you up it's six in the fucking morning we think I'm doing up here I'm here for my fucking health or what when I was a kid and I'd get up there'd be the news the news and Jack Whelaine doing fucking sit-ups in a body suit like Bruce Lee without the fucking stripe here you got a bunch of shit you motherfuckers got 800 channels and then you got mad flavor you got it what Allison Chan's song do you want to play

down in a motherfucking hole okay great fucking album dirt one of my all-time favorites. I mean, let me tell you something, man. I was down and out with music. After the 80s, I was like, fuck this shit. And when all that stuff came out of Seattle, I was never so fucking happy.

I liked that shit so much. I met a girl moved to motherfucking Seattle. That's how much I liked it. Soundgarden, Allison, chains. I mean, all that fucking shit. Pearl Jam. It was just a beautiful time to be up there, and I was very fortunate.

Too bad, I was on probation the whole fucking time. What are you going to do? Lee, what are you looking for? A fucking crystal ball over there? It's loading, man. Give me four seconds. Loading. What are you got AT&T versus for?

What are they fucking loading? They're not fast enough. These motherfuckers, they charge you for fucking everything. It's going to be the speed of light, and then nothing fucking happens. They're the biggest fucking rip balls without a gun. AT&T, sprint. I love them to death. I love my fucking sprint phone.

I don't like this is falling or something? No, no, I'm saying I'm running. Oh, who gives a fuck, Lee? Don't do that, Lee, because you throw me off. Okay. When you move your head and you tell me, I don't know what the fuck's going on, You're in the middle of dropping fucking knowledge. What are you doing?

Look who's coming. Cock suck is here. Where the rest of them, Terry Clark? He's the only one who wanted to come. What happened? He's the only one that wanted to come. Come here, Papa. There's gray, gray.

They're all fucking here. Who are you kidding? All my little cats are here, these cops suckers. My pregnant wife is here. I got weed all over my shirt. What's happening, guys? Come on. Do you want to say hello, Skinny?

Skinny, Kenny. My little man. Skinny Bomb Benny. Say hello, Coxucker. Say hello. That's right. Say hello. Say hello. Go ahead. Speaking to the mic, cuck, sucker. All right, that's my boy and shit. See? We got a third co-host. This is my old boy here. I got some fucking peck greens, cat-knit buds. This is the real fucking deal, people. If you got cats and you love your cats, don't fuck around.

You know what I'm saying? Don't smoke the buds. Look at that. They look like fucking medical marijuana buds. Like any kind of butt. Look at this shit. and your cat goes fucking man. Look at Harry Wong. He's right here next to me. What's up, Harry. Wish I'm Harry. Wish I'm Harry.

You know, I love my fucking cats. I love animals. If you've got a dog, if you've got a fucking cat, go hug that cock sucker right now. Namaste, cock suckers. It's a beautiful day to be alive. Go out there. Bow out of those nuts.

Wash those fucking nuts. Those balls. Lee, what's up with the fucking air? I'm over here sweating like a... I don't even know. You motherfuckers don't want cat. Fuck it. I smoke it myself.

And this reefer brought to you today by No Ho C.C. I don't even know what the fuck it is. Like Superman Bud. I got my fucking vape over here just in case there's an earthquake and I can't find my lighter. Like a doctor. A little something for Obama. Milt Rodney. Put this in your fucking pipe doc sucker.

that motherfucker is anti-marijuana. Oh yeah. So for all you motherfucking Republicans that voting for that fucking Herman Monsle-looking motherfucker, just remember he goes into office. We're really going to get down here. There's going to be no reefer, no nothing, but I don't give a fuck.

Look at this. I got the paper pen. And worst-case scenario, you know me, I've smoked these fucking cat buds. I order these from fucking Amazon. Go to Amazon. Pet Greens, catnip buds. I love this shit from my cat. They're getting used to it, though, now. See, they get the resistance like weed. Every once in a while. You're

attention for the phone this motherfucker might call it's on whenever he's ready he might call in a couple minutes so that's how lucky we are so I still keep in touch my high school teachers cock of suck we're gonna have to get Barone to call if anyone watched the documentary Barone was on in the guy with the red shirt and the blue background he's great that's a good fucking idea I'm gonna have a X the stripper call I called her this morning she ain't fucking answer and I want to see what her deal was wait that fucking freak up and talk about hand jobs and whatever the fuck she does who's this

this motherfucker's sending an email this early about travel. They send you this fucking abouttravel.com. Who gives a fuck? If you keep sending me emails after a year, and I don't get back to you, why you send them to me? What are you wasting your time? You think I'm going to change my fucking mind about your product?

Now I got Boston Market sending fucking emails. You get their emails? No, don't. Come out to Boston Market. Yeah, listen, man, when you're a fat fuck, Boston Market's got great turkey. You go there, you get a little slice of fucking turkey with a little stuffing. You get double sides of meat.

You get extra protein. You put that trip to fucking norm in your system You go home and take a nap You smoke a fucking blunt So it's not bad because you're not gonna make a fucking turkey every week Turkey's dry too much though Man I tend to stay away from it like a turkey dinner I'll have turkey sandwiches but turkey's dry

Yeah but the problem is because you're ordering a turkey dinner On a fucking Wednesday by that anything's fucking dry Her assholes fucking dry You gotta eat the turkey dinner when it's fresh on a Sunday Even a no-ho CC down the fucking corn I don't know ho CEC and no whole diner Which you ordered the spaghetti and found out how bad the fucking food was they got a great turkey on Sunday

they slice it thin the mass potatoes blow and the fucking gravy looks like pimple juice like white head pimple juice that hits the fucking mirror it's thick but he's calling

no not yet what are you looking at me for like I'm on probation cock sucking looking at you wherever I get yelled down when I look at the chat I yell down when I look at you

I don't know what the fuck you're doing you're confusing me you know what I'm saying everybody everybody that you saw last night listen I don't know how to break this down for you because people are going to get pissed off

but I don't give a fuck. And here goes, right? When I turned out at the Democratic Convention last night, and I seen that Puerto Rican Mexican dude

and his last name is Castro, I almost shot myself. That was a fucking weak move putting up a fucking Castro. Last Castro, that fucking talked to people, took over a fucking island and shoved it up their fucking ass,

and it's never going to, I hate Castro everything. Yeah. Castro convertibles. I hate the fucking... I hate the old Castro. I hate them fucking all. So I got pissed off,

but thank God my... And you know what? I'll tell you what I have. always think this election was going to be won by the women on this one because they're fucking close. I thought Obama's wife was going to go up to and throw up heat. I love Mrs. Obama, so don't get me wrong. Oh, that fucking thing was brutal.

She, that was, that fucking speech was giving me an earbeat. Talking about her family and walking up the stairs and seeing her father. Who gives a fuck? All right? Let me know what your husband's going to do. I got to sit through this fucking thing. That's one of those cocaine ear beatings when you want the chick to suck your dick. But you got to let her tell a story to get there.

You know what I'm saying? She's talking about her father. home and she'd be on the top of the stairs. Do I need this fucking aggravation in my life? Just lick my nuts and move on with your fucking long story. Yeah, no, I can't stand this time of year. I get yelled at all the time because I just don't vote.

They're all liars. You got to go fucking vote, but they're all fucking liars. At least you see through it. I mean, you know, the big question is how much has your life changed the four fucking years? Guess what, Lee? Obama didn't change my life. Lisa, yeah, changed my life. Joe Rogan. So you follow him, saying to you? But, you know what, man? We're not doing

bad, the people we know I'm doing bad because we live here. You know, I get to travel. I'm really fortunate. I get to go to Pittsburgh where the sport bars don't fucking open unless there's a Pittsburgh pirate game and they're in town. If they're away, there's no business. I go to

Buffalo where it's half to, you know, it's half the fucking business. I go to Cleveland, I go to Cincinnati. I go to a lot of these cities where you look around and go, what the fuck? Even last time I went to Houston, it wasn't booming on there. There was a lot of strip malls that were fucking open. and whatnot. So, you know, the country is not, it's not, everything is not LA.

I said, we get, you know, we see fucking Jews driving BMWs and fucking out of these, those fucking filthy fucking hypocrites with their fucking little half Yamika. Wait till we make our fucking Yamika line. Fuck you pay me. That's the name of our Yamika line, me and Lee. It's going to be a white yarmica with fuck you pay me on it like that. Just look at a motherfucker. I don't know what time of this.

Fucking Jews driving Mercedes-Benzhener. When you told me that one time, my feelings got her, I never really thought about it that way. those fucking momos you go on to town with a fucking Honda what's up baby no it's you gotta pick up the phone 818 he's not called he is you got to call back at that number brother he's gonna switch it on now 7-719 yeah all right brother we'll be here all right stay black bike that's my man freddie boom boom terenova my fucking mentor in life right there that's how we do it I've been running with mr. t since It was 1979. Freshman year, I met him.

And I ran out in the football field. I go, T. Am I going to play? It was freshman year. And he goes, yeah, sitting on the sidelines or something. So I got, I don't know, cold feet. I'm on the sidelines talking to these guys. And he's like, Diaz. And I heard him.

I'm like, I'm like, I'm fucking playing out. There's like four minutes. I run over to him. I go, yes, coach. And he goes, where the fuck you've been? Sit there to your ass grows roots. There he is. Freddie T.

Yo, how you doing? What's happening, baby? How's Mrs. T. doing? Mrs. T. T. She's waiting to go in there and get the right medication. All right, you're beautiful.

What I was telling these savages not to cut you off was that, you know, you were my high school teacher we became friends. Nobody ever cut you. You had a great reputation because you always cracked the joke. And then in 85, in 84,

you see me standing on the corner, you pulled over. You're like, look at you. You look like death warmed over. You need a meeting. You need a shower. and then two weeks later you put me in your home and it started this great life of mine and then the cops called you one day and I called you and you go do me a favor don't come

by until you pull up with a Cadillac and I was just telling that you changed it all brother yeah well that's good man you did good you came a long way from 1977 wearing your sneakers to school you were the first one not to tie your laces because she was a lazy bastard, man. That's right, though. You was. A skinny, lazy bag, you must have weighed about 120 pounds.

You know what I mean? Really fucking food. In your yard in North Bergen. But you did good in school. You and Farnie, Basuto, Roger Holloway, all the dogs,

man, all the dogs came in. We're in red shoes, red vest, green hair, everything. I got his every day, though.

Remember fucking Hoobah, the Hindu girl with the big feet? Ha-ha-ha-ha. Oh my God. And we would say, Hohuba. And she had dirty nails and everything.

Oh, yeah, yeah. You would say, you would say, lighten up on the fucking Hohubas. That's it. Lighten up on it, you know what I mean? Then we had you in summer school. We had you in summer school. We would go and you would teach history.

You would go, this ain't fucking history. History is Woodstock, Alvin Lee. And you turn this on to Alvin Lee. Till this day I listen to Alvin Lee because you know, I laugh every, fucking time. Every time.

Alvin Lee, 10 years 10 years after, I'm coming home. I'm coming home. Did you go see Santana and Alvin Lee or something at the Fillmore East? Yeah, yeah, and the Fillmore East, they played all night. They were throwing black beauties up in the air

all over the joint, man. We were up for like a week. I mean, it was like funny, man. It was really good. They played all night, Santana. I'm staring. They stunk in the beginning, and they played. What?

Did they really stinking? the beginning? Yeah, yeah, he was stopping every five minutes. He would stop the band, stop the band, stop. He did it for like an hour. And then they got rolling. We didn't, nobody care, but it was wrecked. The whole turn was wrecked.

And then he started playing, and he said, we play it all night. And we left out of there like seven in the morning, man, all on the east side in the village. Yeah, it was like great, man. It was a great shot. Even had like a warm-up before he came on. He had a band called King Crimson, who had the first synthesizer ever.

You know? I mean, it was back in it, thank. T, dropping fucking knowledge. Oh, T, you were the best, you know, T, to go to school, nobody cut you, for number one, and you made kids want to go to school because you'd always make a fucking comment.

And since then, I've had the utmost respect for teachers, because in reality, you guys raised us. You know? You got to know something. You got to learn something. If you come every day, you'll learn something. and that's all that counts

as soon as you learn something man you know what I learned I learned fucking comedy dog because you would you would call attendance and get everybody up and goof on their t-shirt and look at your fucking head

where'd you get those shoes worn I remember the day the Puerto Rican kid some Puerto Rican kid in front of the Spanish cafeteria stepped on your shoes and you looked at your and you said

get those I must have killed them you said get those hoop doop de doop murengay shoes off my feet oh man God, I told him I do a cha-cha on its face. But, yeah, I was a goof, man.

A cafeteria duty was a goof. I used to cut that myself. I got caught. I got hollered up by a vice principal because I was with McGreg watching football films downstairs. I was supposed to be on duty in a cafeteria. I was with McGrath. I wonder if he's still smoking camels, man.

We used to call him camel breath, because he used to smoke the camel rads and his fucking George George the Camel McGrath his uh his uh his beard his mustache was orange

remember Mr. T from the fucking camel was orange man he had orange he was ugly he was ugly big fucking Irish dude but he used to be in charge

of driver Ed and he'd drive us up to Chan's dragging in to get steak on a stick how fucking cool was that George the Camel McGrath man he used to have his fingers

were fucking orange right Tee his fingers, his mustache. We used to call him George McGrath. We used to sing him that deaf leopard song he loses fucking mind. Good guy though.

Him and Mr. Zampella, Randy fucking shave. I bumped into Tommy Heitzen in Atlanta and I said to him I was the disciple of Randy shave and he just looked at me and shook his fucking head. I hear you.

I hear that man. Tee, I was talking, I haven't. started even telling these motherfuckers Rago stories yet because I don't think they're ready yet I'm looking at a picture of Rango right now

all muscle build it up this is before he passed in 99 this was we were always me and Rago were his fucking bodyguards we didn't give a fuck and I talked to Joey Falada I talked to Joey Falada Monday

he called he's been listening to the church of what's happening now yeah me and his father were friends me and Joey's father were friends man Yeah, he went to Vietnam, that's right. Yeah, he played for Memorial, and I played for North Bergen,

and we used to hang out together at night over in Washington Hill. But Regal was the best, man. He was the freshman, he broke his leg, and I went to the hospital, and I stayed with him in the hospital until his mother got there. That was like the...

He never forgot. He never forgot. Nah, T, we never fucking... Hey, T, 30 years later, I'm still on the fucking phone. We are out of respect, man. Yeah, how about that? So I love you at all my heart

And I'm happy you called it and you made my fucking week here Show these motherfuckers What's really cracking in the church of what's happening now, Tee Okay, man Hey, we'll talk, META, give him a META do Hall and Company That's it, Methan Enderu Hall and Company One time we're selling them on a corner here

From Method Enderu Halling Company That's the label of your new album, man Send it in. Hey T, what happened to the time? What happened the time you got surrounding in West New York at the pool hall by Puerto Ricans. You said, one dime, one phone call, 20 Puerto Ricans. That's it, man.

That's what I said. Are you kidding me? Oh, my God. That was like a fucking scariest time of my life over there. But that was good. We get out of there. That's it. One dime, one phone call.

10,000 hoets. Tea, I love you. I'll call you during the week. God bless you always and the boys and Mrs. T. Send them all my love, man. We'll go, man. And stay blessed. In fact, T, that's the most important fucking thing.

You know that. Well, yeah, okay. All right, brother. That's as good as it gets for me, guys. That's Freddie Teranova, my fucking teacher. And he's on my wall, and I'm happy fucking call today. So, Musically, where's the fucking musica here?

What do you want to play, man? You're killing me. A little fucking mama. Papa was a rolling spoons by the temptation. Let's put some fucking soul into their life before I send them. to the fucking world. All right.

So that was pretty crazy, man. It's something that I've learned hanging out with you for a while. Your friends and family, and I'm just seeing you right now, they're really important to you, man. This is my life, man. I get emotion.

I'm thinking about, you know, all the times you went into school and he'd be there. You didn't want to fucking be in school, you know? And you'd go, and he'd be there and fucking just make you laugh. The only reason when you went was because you knew.

You didn't want to be. miss what Mr. T had to say. He never wanted to miss what he had to say. You didn't want to miss one of his jokes. And, uh, you know, until this day, man, whenever I'm having a bad week or whatever, I'll give him a call and just, just two minutes on the fucking

phone with him. Refuse me, you know, it fucking really does refuel me. So, uh, that's basically it, man. Churchill, what's happening now is about getting you out there in a fucking good mood, go out there, slink some dick, you know, what's you know, what did I write yesterday? I write

shit and I forget. Oh, you said if you're not going to eat her pussy, why turn her over? Yeah, if you're not going to eat your ass, why turn her over? That's the fucking motto. They go out there, wash your fucking balls. Listen, man, we all have bad days. Who gives the fuck? I've been waking up with no fucking dough and having to go to a diner and front breakfast. Like, eat it

and the big up. Front breakfast? Front breakfast. Say, listen, I don't have money to pay. I forgot my wallet. Come back tomorrow. You know, and then start your day. Once you have nourishment, you can go out there and fucking rob. So, or whatever the fuck it is that you do. Rob, sell stock. You know, edit fucking film, whatever the fuck you do.

You know, so that's what we do here is just get you stronger so you can get out there and fucking sling dick. You understand me? Because we all going to walk into the fucking mouth of the tiger today. We all fucking start at minus. And it's all about just getting on your fucking horse and going out there. Fuck these motherfuckers. They can't stop you, bro.

I bumped into my main man, Brody Stevens the DNA. And we're at the Laugh Factory. Does I tell you about this? No. And I gave him a big hug because I love Brody Stevens and all my heart. And I'm proud of him for his show on HBO Go. And he looked at me at one point. He got, I go, you know, I'm really proud of him.

He looked at me. He knows what school I thought I'm from. He knows I'm an old school fucking Jew from fucking long time ago. J-Cundo style, Jew mixed with... Listen, I'm a Jew that went to Catholic school. That's when the motherfucker shows up with two guns. It don't get better than that. I got the best of all your education.

I threw Santa Ria on top of that. I mixed it with some Buddhism. What I got together is better than fucking J-Cundo. So I look at Brody, and, you know, Brody's gone through a lot in the last couple of years. He looks at me with his fucking little piercing Jew eyes. And he goes, don't stop. Keep going, right?

And I go, dog, I'm fat and I'm ugly. But I got a big dick, a lot of personnel. They ain't stopping me. You know what I'm saying? They ain't stopping us. Those are you got a big dick and a lot of personnel, they ain't going to fucking stop you. Whether you have a big dick or not,

we all got a big dick. It's how you walk on the street. Yeah. It's how you perceive yourself. Go out there. You got the 10-foot fucking dick when you walk down the street. You don't see you, nobody will fuck with you. Go out there, people.

So there's you a fucking lucky day, cock sucker. Little temptations. I got to get something to drink real quick. What do you got for me? Poplar was wrong. Drop it on these motherfuckers. I'll be right back. I'm coming back with.

Listen to this shit. You know, this is as good as it gets in my fucking eyes. I'm going to hit you with rock music, disco music, fucking knowledge, and now I'm going to hit you with the core. These are fucking five starving brothers,

wherever the fuck they were from, Detroit, Michigan. They were from all over the south. I love the fucking tations. This shit. I'll be right back. Play it up loud for you. You want some of the drink.

I found my little girl. This is Grey Grey. This is Gray. Hey, you're my Gray Gray. This is my little girl. This is the last one I brought up. She was the, I told you guys, she was the owners next door. And she would come by every night.

I'll call for me. She's my little sweet angel. These dogs, these fucking cats, man, when you wake up in the morning, I don't give a fuck what mood you make up in. They always put you in a better mood. Just this, just hugging them, playing with her nose,

because she gets pissed off. She don't like all this love. She's a little dirty bitch. But when you don't give her love, then she gets pissed, right? Beat it. What else, dogs? Did you play it already?

Yeah. It ended? No, it didn't end, but you were talking. So you turned it off? It's paused. I got to teach you how to fucking play music. You're slipping with the music. Put the fucking music on cock-sucker.

You hook them, it's like you gave him a hand job Mike they were going to come. You fucking got your hands off that cock and you let them go. I told you he doesn't, man. I'm going to eat a little wheat watch his breakfast this morning. I got my little weight watchers, power booklet right here. So you get 50 points and you write down all the fucking points, you know. So I used to eat like three eggs, a half a pack of fucking bacon, a loaf of fucking white bread, and a tub of fucking hotel bar butter.

Now I eat one egg, one piece of toast, a little bit of butter. and the three or four pieces of center cut Oscar Meyer fucking bacon all total two for the egg two for the piece of bread one for the butter which is five about three for the fucking bacon eight point breakfasts it ain't bad

Mike Docher's a little pissed off of me because I don't like the bowls and shit but I don't like no vegetables in the fucking morning I like my vegetables later on and I'll fucking smoke them what else is going on in cock sucking you're sitting there you don't give me no music you love it on these fucking people Look, kick that shit That they all

Always remember Oh shit I love to sniff Obama's wife's ass-hound This Just sniff that little motherfucker Oh what do you think that's smell like She's kind of dope Oh I love her

I love that fucking buck two bitch I love it I love it I love this little The bad things are better Papa I'm depending on you To tell me that you What? Oh shit. Oh shit. Here we go, motherfuckers.

Uh-uh, uh-uh. Little fucking green red tea. Who are you thinking you fucking dealing with cocksucking? And we got no sponsors. But we tell them, we're looking for fucking national sponsors. I don't know why Castle, get your shit together, you motherfuckers. They get me on Twitter saying that they want to fucking sponsor me. They want to hang out.

And then I hit them back. They're thinking about it. They gotta go talk to eight white dudes with suits on. It's fucking White Castle, all right? One minute you eat a burger next minute you're shit in blood. We're trying to get fucking people to White Castle. White Castle, I grew up on fucking White Castle. You understand me, one of the best establishments,

but it's not for the fucking food. It's for the ambiance and entertainment. Where else do you look at a burger? Three burgers for a dollar and see some Puerto Rican getting staff. Ah, Papa was a Rolling Stone. Cut that shit, Lee. Lysayat here, the fucking mastermind of this motherfucking organization. Don't play me, man.

The podcast is getting downloaded on iTunes, so don't hit me no more with no fucking questions. It'll be on iTunes, and it's a good podcast. You know what I love? I love it. Would you kill the fucking music? Now it's fucking music here.

Now we're going to talk here about some shit. I love these, like, they're bringing this show, a rest of development back, right? Yeah. Now, why'd they cancel the show? It's supposed to be the funniest. Oh, my God.

It's the funniest string. It's intelligent comedy. Listen, do me a favor of you intelligent comics. Go fuck your fucking mother up the ass with that shit. Intelligent comedy. If it was so fucking intelligent, why didn't it stick around? Now it's taking another two years to put the fucking show on the air. Oh, we got Ron Howard.

This guy's making a comeback. Why don't you suck my dick, you fucking sheepy comedy fucking fans? If it's not arrested development, it's fucking Chuck. It's fucking Conan. You motherfuckers, the show goes to get canceled. Next to you know, you're jumping up and down on Burbank. Save Coco. The motherfucker still nobody watching.

that fucking show. I like Conan O'Brien. Chuck, I never watched the fucking show. But again, the momos came out. When you let Chuck, the fucking show. I watched it one time. I almost shot myself in the fucking head from boredom. And there's the rest of development. If it was so fucking funny, what the fuck is it? What the fuck is wrong with you people? You always want to be different than you. Oh, because it's intelligent conno. You put your little fucking fake glasses on and drink a little fucking snippet of wine or tea. Let's just suck my dick and get on board and get on the real motherfucking world. And stop being a fucking fake.

That's where the fucking country is going to change. Obama and Romney, and none of these motherfuckers are going to help you. We don't help your fucking self. So all you motherfuckers with your iPhone and your iPad, the answer is I. You know what you need to fucking do, walking around with your fucking fake fucking glasses on,

talking about intelligent. Or rest of developments making a fucking Ron Howard. Ron Howard's a great director. I never seen Ron Howard on stage fucking killing for 10 fucking minutes, all right? For you, all you motherfuckers. Well, he's a great comedic actor. You know what the difference would be... We need comedic actors and what I do.

Cut. That's the fucking difference. And they could cut and they could do it again. And you motherfuckers at home. Oh, my God. Did you see him there? And I fuck you. What stand-up comics do when we go out there and they ain't no fucking director.

They ain't no producer. It's just us. There ain't no cut. There ain't no do-overs. You go out there and you fucking do it. So get your shit together on your judgment. The rest of development, you fucking momos. Yeah, it's been weird because they canceled it after three seasons.

And they've been talking for years. Oh, go fuck your ears. Intelligent comedy. Go fuck your mother. Intelligent is what you make of it. What good is if you're fucking intelligent, but you're waiting online at Starbucks in the morning with a fucking iPhone like a Momo for a cup of coffee.

It's a fucking cup of coffee. They got them at 7-Eleven, which is even probably a lot better. You ever drink Brazilian Bold? No, man. It's like doing meth in fucking Tennessee, okay? You will be up for two fucking days drinking Brazilian fucking bold. You think I'm kidding you.

Go to 7-Eleven and get a cup of coffee for a fucking dollar. Go smell a Hindu. Start your day off on the run. right fuck go see some sandals or some shit I made the mistake of going to Starbucks after the last podcast and there were three guys behind there only one guy was making the drinks and I just waited in line for 15 minutes

for an iced tea and I just I went halfway through it was like I already made the decision and there you are standing like a fucking momo like a sheep like what you what your mother raised you not to fucking be first thing your mom said to you before you left was if three people jump off a cliff are you going to fucking jump off a cliff

I want half of America to think about that shit every fucking morning are you going to fucking jump off a cliff are you gonna put your fucking pants on with the two buttons in the back and you're a guy and you tap out shirt and look like every other fucking mom or are you gonna have your own fucking identity your own set of balls that's why i write shit about balls every morning because women and men have fucking balls turn that air on it's fucking sweating i'm sweating up the fucking storming here i'm wearing white you know women when i write those things i'm not writing them just for guys we all have fucking balls league but they do you no good if you're not

doing nothing with them yeah get up in the morning it's fucking early I'm going to have my little weight watchers breakfast You know what I'm saying I'm gonna write it down on my book looking Look at great Shit in the cap box right in front of me Great get your shit to get over here Look at it taking the shit right here

You know what I'm gonna do I'm gonna tie her up and shit in front of her fucking face That old lady never walked back down This block again Oh she couldn't That was a fucking hilarious story I laughed just thinking about Just thinking about it

I told my wife this story She couldn't fucking believe I farted outside Gave or what a four minute Four second fucking walk 30 seconds 30 seconds before she walked there and the fart just elevated.

It was like, it was like David Copperfield. It just stayed right there. You got to love fault. I love it. I love it. Oh, Joey. That's not intelligent comedy. Well, is Bill Maher. And I love Bill Maher.

I love fucking Bill Maher. I watch the show. Bill Maher put me on Politically Incorrect one time as a mobster. Yeah, me and Sebastian Manascalco. Oh, he's funny, man. Yeah, Sebastian's real fucking funny. This is when politically incorrect was still on. They had Mob Week.

And they were looking for promos. So me and Sebastian went down there and we got booked. I remember taking Sebastian by handling. Let's walk in there. Fuck these motherfuckers up. I haven't heard from him in a while. He did that special a while ago. That fucking Showtime special was hilarious.

Oh, he did Showtime when I saw his Comedy Central one where he did the jeans and he was waiting through the jeans. Right. And Ross. No, he did one that got released. Sebastian's a great kid representing fucking Chicago. For all you motherfuckers that don't know next week, September 14th, me and Ari are going on pre-sale in Chicago. House of Blues. House of Blues.

That's a great show. Such a great gig. Please come out and support. Fucking Chicago. Bring a hot beef sandwich. I love it. You ever have a hot beef Italian sandwich? No, man.

I was just going to ask you. I haven't been to Chicago, but it seems like a place that I would like being from Boston, I would love. Is Chicago awesome? I'm being from Boston. Being a fucking Jew, right? Let's get to the fucking, being a good American fucking Jew. Yeah, you need to be the fucking Chicago.

It's a great city. You know, my love for Chicago is the fucking, I love everything. Southside, fucking Northside, Hold him the wall at Italian place in the north side. I like downtown, but my heart's in the side. You know, man, I'm a dirty fuck. I belong in Tinley Park down there with fucking riddles and all those comedy clubs down there. You know, if you, Bernie Mac, all those guys are from there, you hear some fucking great comedy stories, man.

If you're a comedian and you love that shit, you ever see Cheryl Underwood, pull her aside. Cheryl's on that show, a morning show. Okay. But she was telling me some fucking Chicago stories when they'd all get in the car for 15. 50 bucks and shit like that. So Chicago's my heart, man. Every time I go, oh, my God, a nice... When I used to go to Riddles, there was a restaurant

close by in an Italian restaurant. I would call them, they would deliver a hot beef sandwich, and then the sandwich, they'd make a pipe for me out of aluminum foil, and he put a little button there for me. Are you serious? Yeah, to hold me over until the fucking club started. That's how cool the fucking guy was. So, I'm a big Chicago guy.

I'm also... Next week I'm going to Minneapolis to Rick Bronson's House of Comedy. I'll be there from the 13th through the 16th. I'm going to have a great time. I don't know what the fucking number is, but go to Rick Bronson's. The website, I'm doing Thursday show. I'm doing Friday and Saturday.

A week after that, I'm going to Madison, Wisconsin. Fucking great town. I'm going to go up there and slink some fucking dick and shoot some fucking gallons of fucking milky milk. And the Rick Bronsonsons, if you go to House of Comedy.net, you can get the tickets. And then we got Milwaukee and Madison, and they're on my site.

They're brown paper tickets. I would repost them on Twitter today. Then I go to the fucking one of the baddest cities in the country. And I'm looking forward also to going to Baltimore. Because that's the wire, bitch. You know what I'm saying? That's the motherfucker liar, bitches. I haven't been to Baltimore in about 15 years.

Oh, so you probably haven't been to Camden Yard. That's a great stadium. Oh, don't fucking, don't skip me. That's a great fucking stadium. And they're in first place now. Fucking Baltimore. The Yankees are falling. The Red Sox are falling.

Baltimore is in the first fucking place. Did you give Lee a piece? You didn't ask. I didn't fucking know. That's a wait-watcher breakfast right there. Say a lot of the people at home, honey. Show them the belly. Let me rub the belly.

All right. That's my little girl. Sophia, look at my wife with the miniskirt. A piece of bacon. Sure. To hell you over. There you go, buddy. So now it even gets it low.

So this is it, man. This is it, Mo, a fucking piece of egg, yoke. I don't like egg whites, all right? Fuck you guys. Oh, gross. I fucking hate egg whites with all my heart. I'm an egg.

Why suck a dick and drink the milk? pre-cup you know what I'm saying that's and we were talking earlier that's the thing I can't stand people who eat healthy and they're like oh salmon is great and boiled boiled broccoli like you can eat healthy but it doesn't have to be disgusting there still can be good tasting food that's why like weight watches this your own fucking food yeah so so you can eat the two eggs and what will you have for lunch on it like not a normal day I guess that night chicken salad is my fucking soda well that's your soda

Today I don't know. I have a bunch of fruit, a little one. For lunch today, maybe. I don't know. Maybe you get sushi today. Sushi's great, but then it's, I mean, it's a standard joke, but you get hungry like an hour later, which is tough. I love sushi, but it's anything like that.

It's all the rice or whatever. I don't know what it is, but it gets you really hungry later. But I saw something the other night, which I don't know if you'd like, because it's all in Japanese with subtitles. The documentary called Giro Dreams of Sushi. It's about this, like, 90-year-old sushi chef in Japan, who got kicked out of his house at the age of nine

and has been apprenticing in, like, the baddest sushi chef in Japan. He's like, he has, like, the highest-rated sushi restaurant in the... That's what you're watching, and instead of going to the wine, and saying, doing jumping jacks, you're fucked about a sushi chef. That's why I love you, because you understand. Was he fat? No, he was skinny. I fucked him. I don't like skinny chefs. I don't trust him. Let me bring this back.

Put on some music leave for these people. Hit him with some Black Sabbath Snowblind. A little song about cocaine. And we'll wrap this motherfucker up to you. For everyone else, Giro's Dreams of Shoesey is a really good documentary. Oh shit. This is a live bird.

There's a snow blind line. This motherfucker always messes up the lyrics live. Oh really? This one might be good. Feeling happy in my brain. What? Ice it goes within my van. This is cocaine.

That shit used to drive me crazy. I'd go home and whip out of grandma blow and do it to this shit. I even lie in a fucking cemetery in the afternoon. Under the sun. I swear to God, when I was like a soccer, I go to a cemetery with my boys. Didi Contra, we take like a half gram, do a couple bumps and listen to this with a ghetto blast. How retarded were we? Jesus Christ.

It's weird seeing him because this is the videos of him live and he looks young. This is bad. Listen to this shit. This is unfucking real. Fuck yeah, Lee, we're having a good time. a good time. I'm happy people coming in, you know, stick them.com. Let's give them a shout out for letting us on there smoking dope, cursing,

talking about Obama's wife's asshole. You know the thing. No, and it's been unbelievable the amount of love we've gotten on Twitter and I've been getting emails. Oh, speaking of emails, please send us emails at Church of What's Happening Now Pod at gmail.com. We already answered an email. We'll answer as many as we can. Any questions you want to ask Joey?

Joey, uh, Joey's really good at breaking things down. And it's, uh, it's, we love to questions. We're still looking for intro songs, and I've gotten a bunch of great ones already, but what we're looking for is, like, a rock one with maybe Joey sang, Church of What's Happening Now, or we could record it here, but just, you know what kind of music Joey likes? I got a fucking studio, yeah, I can record it somewhere. No, yeah. We can do it right here. That's right. Who the fuck you think you're dealing with Joey bananas,

bitches? But, you know, but, like, this Black Sabbath is the stuff he likes, and just make it, make it as rock as possible. It's the church of what's happening that we want to wake people up with this song. This is it. You're going out into the fucking world. I'm like your mother right now. I'm your mother. I'm your daddy. I'm that nigger in the fucking alley. You know what I'm with you? I'm with you all fucking day, dog.

Fuck all this shit. You're not alone no more. And I walk the fucking steps. You know what I'm saying? I'm still walking them every day. That's why I love walking. I'm a yucke's suckers. Maybe I'm going to put, we might do Burke Kreischer. I'm beating the beast today. Oh, that's cool. I saw Felicia last night.

Police is a really great woman, and she's a really beautiful girl. Honestly, God, I'm really lucky to have that crazy bitch in my life. She's a fucking animal. She really is a savage. I didn't know until about three fucking months ago how lucky I was to have her around. So keep listening to Beauty and the Beast also. We're fucking doing it all. We'll cover him.

We've got interviews, so we might put Bird on today because we had a fucking guest fighter going to come on, but he couldn't fly out. He couldn't make his fucking flight. Oh, that's tough. Bert's a great guy, though. Bert's good on Paul. Podcasts.

Bert, listen, man, these podcasts, I listen to a lot of them, and I see which guys I haven't struggling with them because they can't be honest. They think this is fucking radio. The reason why we do this, because it ain't fucking radio. So why are you treating it like fucking radio? Yeah. You know, why the fuck are you treating it like radio if it's not radio?

Get on there and tell these fucking people are true. Tell them what's in your fucking heart. These people want to go in there, oh, I didn't be fucking radio. You ain't selling shit. Tell these motherfuckers what's crack. I like it. That's why I had tea on this one. I got really emotion when I talked to tea.

You have no idea where my heart in my head was. That guy kept me fucking alive. That guy kept myself, Fernie Bossa Suda. That's funny because Timmy Holloway. I talked to Timi Holloway yesterday. And he asked me about Fernie Bossa Sudo. Furni Bossa Sudo and I were brothers. Rago, Clinconti, Librano, Roger Hollow.

These fucking guys are my brothers. And the Furny thing is really sad. I was there with Furni when it started. He got hooked on gambling. Oh, he was the one who'd been on the Super Bowl, right? He was on the Super Bowl. he was up fucking 20 he ended up losing fucking 60 right out of high school

1983 the rest of 60,000 for being up 20,000 to being down 60 what a fucking change and he had to get three jobs and it never he never recovered from it you know and he fucking turned into a junkie they said whatever but he's

cooking somewhere in Hoboken I heard he's a great chef and he hits me up on my life from time to time who's on fucking my life they want to charge you like $80 to join my life I think that's a scam man Yeah, I think it's a scam. They always say Fernie Bossa Sudo's looking for you. I'm whatever the fuck of it is, but I think it's bullshit.

But whatever, T raised a bunch of us. You know, myself, Darren Rago, we were there. Every day we go to school looking for T because, God forbid, you missed what the guy had to say. God forbid you've seen somebody in third period. They're like, Dog, you should have heard what T said this morning. Because you had different periods that went in there. He took care of me in 85. And dog, it's fucking 2012.

I still talk to the guy once a week. He's in Sarasota. They don't have that much now, and it's really something special when you get a teacher. Because, like, you've said before, when you're a kid, they spend, like, 80% of time with you. And fucking percent of the time with you, you know? And now, since all these budget cuts and shit, you get the low end of the totem pole. People that molest kids. Listen, when I went to school, I never heard of fucking teachers, a male teacher, assaulting a female or nothing like that.

Yeah, like I said the other day, there was a female teacher that was sucking restless dicks. That's a complete different situation. She likes sweaty balls and all that shit. She likes smelly, sweaty balls. I'm talking about, you know, people molesting kids. That didn't happen in my fucking society. You don't fucking kill you. That's not accepted.

That's not even something to think about. You know, the shit that goes on now. So you have a certain trust in a fucking teacher. How's he going to be following your dick? And don't get me wrong. You know, by the time we got out of high school, we were partying with these motherfuckers. I mean, he was talking about George McGrath,

the Camelbred. You know, George McGrath, Camelbrett sold blow for a guy, helped him out. that they had to make deliveries. And you couldn't, you know, you're white. You can't have a fucking Colombian kid coming over here. So he'd be the white guy. He'd delivered to white people for this guy.

You know, he'd have parties and shit. As a teacher delivering Coke. Coke at night to make a fucking living. You know, I mean, this was that area. This is 1980 in Hudson County, fucking New Jersey. This is the second, you know, the Coke comes in, goes into Miami. And from Miami, we go to Hudson, fucking County. It's Cuba fuckingville.

Yeah. And that couldn't happen now with Facebook and said that would get out in two seconds. Well, it wasn't that. He wasn't selling it to kids. He was doing it outside in New York City. So the guy he was working for was in New York. So he would have to go to New York. You know, a white guy's having a charity. You know, you know, those people. They want to give $50,000, but they want everybody in the world to know. Oh, my God. You know, so they call somebody in McGrath would fucking come bring a fucking package. That's what I'm talking about. It wasn't like some guy at a bar. No, he was delivering it to white people, people, Republicans, you know. People who got done living the fucking Upper West Side, Upper East Side, you know.

And he got into selling it for a while afterward. Because what happened was we robbed the, the story goes like this. We robbed a Coke dealer two weeks after the guy. He was the guy that beat us for the Ozzy Osmore tickets. Okay. When I went over there, he goes, no, the Coke is really 120 a gram. We're like, you've been charging us 60 the whole fucking time. His name is Mike.

And I went in there, we robbed him for a half ounce of fucking blow. And that Sunday, we had Fernie in the car. It was summer school. you had three absences, they would throw you out of summer school. Wow. So fucking Fernie had two or three absences. We were up all night doing blow. So we had to go to T's house and tell T if he could cover for him in summer school.

This is the kind of, this is how we had it. And I remember we knocked on his door at seven of the morning. T's like, his wife comes. She's like, oh, my God, Coco, Ferney. How good to see you. She's like, I'll get Freddy. And he comes over. He's like, look at these fucking guys.

So he goes like, go outside and wait for us, you know. So it's me, Fernie, this kid Conti, sitting in the fucking car. And all of a sudden, downstairs from T, there was a teacher named Jerry Compasto, a real Greek geeky motherfucker, good guy. And he would drive Freddy to school, and Mr. T came down the stairs, and he's like, what's going on here? We showed him a half ounce of fucking blowing a tin. And he went crazy.

He was like, he was telling him a teacher two minutes. And finally, when we showed him the tin, he was like, Composto leave without me. And he drove with us. I thought it was him. I was going to break it up, but I was. That was like, no, we weren't going to bring it up and done. And I gave McGrame a blow. And a week later, I had to go collect the money.

And he goes, go to George McGrath. And when I went to George, George goes, of course he did. Of course, he snorts and I pay, you know. So he goes, you thought that was good shit you gave me. And I go, yeah, he whips out of a fucking bag out of his freezer. It had to be two fucking kilos. And he goes, try this. So for weeks, I was fronting from Mr. McGrath.

Fronting going over and going, Mr. McGrath, give me an eight ball. Joey, you owe me $2,000. When is this going to end? I would go put it on the arm and he go, my arms are heavy. My arms are fucking heavy, Coco. I don't like putting on glasses. I feel like that fucking dude from whatever.

But it was funny because I always was friends with McGrath after that, and I was friends with tea and stuff. And the other day, when we had Luby on, Louby was talking about robbing Hess, a gas station. We robbed the Hess one time. And the funny thing about the Hess was that, We robbed something and it was a big bag. We looked at each other and we're rich.

We get in the fucking car. We open it up and it's filled with singles. Oh, Jesus Christ. It looked like $8 million, but it was all singles. And I remember getting 300 singles together for George McGrath. I call him and going at 3 in the morning. Mr. McGrath, we're going down the shore. Front me out, give me an ape on him going, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You owe too much already, Coco. And I go, I got cash. And he goes, I'll see on the corner in three minutes. I swear to God, that's how the conversation was. And I met him, and this bag, 300 hours, looked like one of those bags in cartoons that have the money sign on him. Unbelievable.

It was this fucking big, and he looked at it. He was like, thank God you pay me the money home. About an hour later, I called him, everything all right. He goes, 300 fucking singles. 300 fucking singles. What am I going to do with this shit, you fucking moron? That was, McGrath is on fucking Facebook. You won't friend.

He won't be my friend. He won't be my friend. That's a shirt for you. He won't be my friend. Facebook. So what are you got on your agenda today, Lee? What are you going to do today? It's a beautiful Wednesday day. It's a beautiful day I'm going to try to work out

before I go to work, man. That's all I can do. All right, so I'll be around, so maybe we'll work out together. I'll be here, gosh. I'm going to go to the Y again today. I don't have much on the books today. But I'm happy you came over. I'm happy fucking Mr. T. I'm happy we've got to do our fourth fucking podcast. It'll be up later this week. Yeah, it'll be up by tomorrow. It's amazing

talking to the people you talk to. And we all heard stories about them. But it's hearing him on the phone he wasn't when I thought he was going to sound like. I can just imagine him in Sarasota, Florida right now. Just walking around with white socks on and long skinny legs, telling people, go on with your bad self. Yeah, and what did he say the end? Like the ohiers or whatever?

Oh, the fucking oh yeas. Because that's how Latinos, oh, yeah, how much are. They always say, oh, yeah. So he came from a different society. He's like, the fucking ohia's. It's really amazing. It shows where you got your comedy from every person we talk to. It's like a little piece of Joey Diaz.

No, he was one of my biggest fucking mentists. And that's it, brother. When are we coming back? We'll be doing another podcast. Do you want to do one Monday or do you want to do it before? Let's do one fucking Monday. Perfect. Maybe we'll do one before church again.

We don't know. Okay. On a Sunday, because last Sunday was fucked up. We'll have to take him to the hoop. Lee, thank you very much for helping me and all that you've done for me. I want to thank everybody who watched. I want to thank everybody who fucking download this motherfucker also. Also, we did not discuss it.

it is the season premiere of NFL football this weekend, but I have no lines. I can't. I have to watch a few games, and then we'll make you guys some money, because I'm going to make you money for fucking watching the show. Trust me what I'm telling you. Lee, tell him.

Tell him. I'll take you to the hoop. I would be working with Joey from about a year, and he would call me every Sunday morning. Joey calls me about every day just to check in, and he would call me on Sunday morning and say, what are you looking at, and I always want on the Patriots,

and he would break down. He's like, who's playing today? Who's playing today? He'd break like the Browns. He'd break down every game. And he would be like the Browns and Cincinnati, which no one wants to watch. But he said, that's where you put your money.

That's where you put your money. Why bet the games every other fucking momos watching? Be fucking unique. Be yourself, bro. That's all that fucking matters. Don't forget Minnesota next week, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, and Madison, and then we got fucking Baltimore. Beside that, go to Joey Cocoa Diaz.net.

We got don't eat blue cheese shirts. We got stay black shirts. J.R. sending them to Australia to England. He don't give a fuck. JR's my little black brother up there in fucking Rochester, New York. JR productions, he'll be tweeting. He's a fucking savage lead.

I love your cocksucker. Have a great week. I want to hear about you working out and your diet when you get back. You got to go to weight watches. You can eat whatever the fuck you want. You know, instead of eating 20 pieces of chicken, you can eat one piece of chicken with a salad.

Yeah, we'll talk about it Monday. I love you guys. Thank you very much for paying attention and for watching and stay black. Stickem.com. Get it together, cocksuckers. I'm watching. You know, I love you.

Here's some Black Sabbath war pigs. Go out to the world on that fucking note, cocksuckers. This Jew is making a comeback today.