The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 09/09/2012 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #4

Episode Date: September 10, 2012

Joey and Lee get ready for the first week of the NFL season, and more important betting season. Joey tells us about something great he saw at the ATM drive thru. And childhood friend Greg calls in.  Streamed 09/09/2012

What? Good morning, bitches. The church of what's happening now is in full of fucking fact. Joey Diaz, my main man, the fucking flying Jew. Lee Lee Syed, it's fucking Sunday. I'm fresh. I'm back from fucking church. Everything is beautiful. Thank you for coming in and sitting around for an hour before football.

What are you going to do now? Watch him NFL and all these fucking old guys. This guy's going to win this guy. Who fucking gives this shit? These motherfuckers never put a bed in all that goddamn life. We got the fucking Eureka Vapor smoking like a fucking doctor to the chronic. One of the best albums ever put on vinyl on 92.

The reason why I love that album so much, the chronic, the fucking music, all that shit. Snoop Dog, bow, wow, wow, yippy, all that shit don't matter. I just want you to do something when you watch that, when you listen to this album next time. Look at the cover. Oh, it's a great cover. Just look at the cover.

It's a picture of Dre, surrounded, but look at his eyes. Look at his face. Look at the expression. On that fucking day, he could have been anything he wanted to do when he took that picture. A fucking president or pilot.

He could have been a cop, a lawyer. Doesn't matter about color, or was he Chinese or was he a Filipino? Who gives a fuck? On that fucking day, when he took that picture, he could have been president of the United States, just like you motherfuckers today on the church of what's happening.

Let's get this party started. For starters, the weed stores are opening up. They're staying open until March, so stop what the fucking haters. What are you going to do now? Joey, there's no stores. Listen, Even if there's no buildings, I'm still going to be smoking dope with three fucking hands.

So relax. This is the morning. I went to church this morning. They gave me the body of Christ. This, what I'm going to give you motherfuckers and take care of Lee is the body of life. You see that what it says on there, motherfuckers? Prescriptions, R.X. You see that?

I want to say on the bottom, thank you. Not only are they weed doctors, but they're also fucking polite. You open this motherfucker up. Sorry about that, Lee. It's like Christmas Day here. and you got bang chocolate. Lee, what are these things fucking do to you? Jesus Christ.

One slice. That's one. Look at the bar. Joey gives me about a third of it, and I'm gone for eight hours. Joe eats the whole thing, and he's gone. Like a soldier. Now that I'm not smoking, like, our physical weed, just a fucking vapor pen. Forget about it.

I want to send some love all to my people over there at fucking NoHo Organic. They sell the Eureka vapor pen, all different flavors. Birdbank and Lancash and go give me some love And cock suckers We got the bang chocolate bar these in the valley The only people I know who have them Are my people over at divine fucking wellness Lee get ready for the body of Christ

It compels you You see what I'm saying? It comes a little rapper And this ain't chocolate It tastes like Hershey's chocolate This is fucking French Fucking Bulgarian chocolate Here you go Lee I'm gonna give you one slice

And this is the fire The power of Christ compels you Lee There you go, cocksucker. I'm going to have a fun day watching the Patriots. Look at this, a double. I don't know. Mr.

Put that music on, cocksucker. That's how we do it here. The church of what's happening now, the Holy Eucharism. Everybody's doing fucking bonnet. Let's get this motherfucker started right. Huh? Huh? Huh?

Yeah. And this is Joey at 9 a.m. in the morning. Fuck it. We got to live this motherfucker out for it. Oh, yeah. If you went in Hot By 2, go fuck you, your mother for raising you because she fucked up.

All right. Big topic today. Last night, I got to tell you what I seen. By 8 o'clock, I went to get this bang bar, and this is the fire. This is the shit that they gave Madonna up her asshole before she sang Lucky Star. But because it comes in different flavors.

I usually get the cookies and cream. Oh, yeah. They're out of cookies and cream, to go with the fire, which is spicy. What is it? Like pepper chocolate? With orange. I can't really taste the difference. I just taste... Oh, it gives a fuck. You just want the T.HC to go into your fucking molecular structure

and spread the beauty. Anyway, that's night at about 80 o'clock. A. fucking clock. My wife's pregnant. You gotta go to fucking bed, you know? I'm sitting there like a fucking momo. I go, you know what? Let me go get a vapor. And let me go get a chocolate bar for the morning.

Leaves coming over. I want to be empty, fucking handy. You're a good host, man. I go over, and I didn't have any cash. I had, like, a little cash. Let me go, let me go to the ATM machine, but I go to a fucking drive-thru. I'm not going to tell you what bankers, they all suck dick with their rates. I'm not advertising banks here, but I go through the drive-thru, and there's a car by the window. It's a middle car with three white dudes in it.

I didn't know how young they are, and myself. The car in the fucking front getting the money out of the ATM is some fucking Arab and a BMW. Real fucking cool. I got nothing against Arabs. I'm just telling the story. And he's taking his fucking time. Young guy, 26, 27, the jewelry. The fucking tap-out shirt.

They're going out. He's got the chick in the car. But he's standing in front. There's a drive-thru. He's taking his fucking time. I'm looking at the clock. Three minutes go by. Four minutes go by.

Five minutes. You waited five minutes? I'm on the phone. I was on the phone with a friend of mine, just talking. So I wasn't noticed on what's going on. Finally, I see this motherfucker go into the passenger seat and his fucking cunty girlfriend takes her credit card out and puts it into the machine.

after nine minutes of fucking being there. So just so people understand this is the drive-through ATM. This isn't like an ATM outside. This is a line of cars. So I'm sitting in a room and I'm about to say something with the window's closed. I didn't need to. One of the white dudes yelled that, hey, what the fuck?

This fucking guy pops out of the car with fucking... No, no, no. He's wrong for starters. Listen, you got to be considered other fucking people. And here's the funny thing. 20 yards away, this is the regular fucking ATM machine. Too of him. Yeah. But this motherfucker didn't give a fuck about nobody. He just thought about himself,

which if you ever come to California, especially Hollywood, you'll notice that these motherfuckers just give a fuck about themselves. Don't double part. I mean, you're waiting to go down the block, and all of a sudden you're looking at it. It's a fucking guy making out with his fucking girlfriend. You want to get out of the car and smack them, but they don't think of it because they're stars or the broad suck somebody's dick last

night that was important. So they could just double fucking part. But there's some motherfuckers who don't tolerate it. So I'm sitting there, and I see the Arab guy get out, what? Motherfuckers, what? This fucking two white guys guys got out. The driver and the passenger side. Usually, you know, white dudes get out and

they start arguing, what, what? And they go back and forth. I didn't do nothing. Next time. This is what I do. Said, what the fuck? Walked up to him and hit him with three fucking shots to the fucking head. Holy shit. Bam! Bam! Guy turned around, fell on the hood of his fucking car. The bitch girlfriend gets out, you know, Miss White America comes out

crying. What happened? What happened? Call the police. Call the police. These white dudes get back on the car. They were from Jersey or New York and Connecticut. Because they fucking just drove right off. The guy, they picked them up a little bit. He was yelling. Help me. She's looking at me. By this time, she moves the fucking car. Of course. People behind, like, beeping, like, move the fucking car.

So she moves the car. She gets him. He's holding on to his face. He's bleeding. And the fucking pussy that he is. He was a tough guy. He's called the police. So she looks at me. And, like, hey, you know, are you going to wait? Are you? Excuse me, sir. You have to wait and talk to them. I didn't first him off from New York. I'm from North Park of New Jersey.

I didn't see dick, motherfucker. And two, if it was the three guys that jumped out and beat him up, we have a problem. But you know what? He was a fucking tough guy. He was wrong. He was fucking weak in his fucking character. Like half the fucking morons that are walking around Hollywood in this area here that think they're cute because they got the BMW,

but they ran into the right with the wrong white guy. He fucking knocked. His fucking mouth was bleeding. It was big. His nose was bleeding. He had a patch of blood. The motherfucker who wants to call the police. And it happens.

I see it all the time, these tough guys that happened to me at the Ice House. About two years ago. I'm up there with Felicia and some dude I had a beef with this Jeff Valde. is this fucking douchebag, a producer here, Latino producer, he cares about the he doesn't give a fuck about nobody but his pocket. I see him at a fucking ice house one night. Two years ago, Felicia,

this motherfucker's like, eyeball him. He's like, let's fight. Come on, you're scared of me. So I spit in his fucking face, which is what you do to people. He didn't know what to do. So I fucking bit slapped him, and he calls the police. After all that shit, he talked, he got 9-1-1 and all this shit, he gets bit slapped. You know me, the cops, they got to

work hard to catch me. He calls 911, him and another comedian, I'm not going to mention one of these cunty ones. They called the police because there was like 50 comics, but only him and the other comic were really going to testify. On the way out, I told everybody, you don't see nothing, and you didn't do nothing. That's the way it fucking

is. Nobody's seen nothing. They were all Mexicans. They knew what fucking time it was. The guy that was rat me out, wasn't even white. I can't. He was black. We'll discuss it some other time. That fucking mutt. But it was funny because I was walking out, they had a helicopter and a cop car coming in. And I was walking out with a friend of my, Rick Ramon,

and we walked right past the fucking cop car, like I've done thousand times. It's your body language. And I get the fucking car and I take off on the 134. My buddy Felipe Spars is calling me. He's like, hey, fool. The cops are here looking for you, fool. They're taking the CSI is taking the spit off Jeff's face and putting it in a bag

for fucking... But I don't even give a fucking, the cops can get me now. The problem was he opened up his mouth. He thought he was a fucking tough guy and he got whacked. Don't open up your mouth unless you're going to cover the fucking spread. And that's what it's all about on the Lord's Day. NFL fucking said. You got to lower this mic, dog. It's on fire. You know that. I can

If my ball moves right now, they'll fucking pick it up on the thing. You motherfuckers are complaining. You can't, you can fucking hear me. You just want HD fucking sound. You can fucking hear me, okay? You know I move around, I get animated, I get him animated, I get me a mic for my neckie,

in fact, because that doesn't even work. They've got to put it in my fucking bro. I got to come out here and start it like Lebrano. Anyway. So Joey called, Joey called me, you called me last night. Right away. It's stunned.

And it made me so happy. Because I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's here. It's here. It's here. It's a lot of rich people to be around. It's rich motherfuckers that are confused because they got a BMW. And he had like a three, which I don't even know why you got the fucking Beamer stupid.

You got a fucking Hyundai Alintra. And it's a better fucking car. Yeah, like, they'll do anything, you know. And every time I see those guys, I mean, listen, I fucking hate BMW owners anyway because they're doing 60 on the 101 in the left-hand lane. You got a BMW 5 step on it. If you can afford a BMW, you got no problem with the fucking tickets and you can pay off a fucking judge. If not, don't get a fucking BMW. That's me.

I got a BMW. fucking 90. When a cop pulls me up, I ripped the fucking ticket up in his face, and I call the baddest fucking Jew out there returning, we take care of it. That's how you... But if you're not going to do that, go fuck yourself. Get a tricycle or Prius with the rest of those fucking momos and do 45. Another thing they do in California,

don't do 60 in the left-hand lane all the way over, and they won't move. Anywhere else, people are polite. Those are the same motherfuckers that were at that bank last night. It's how the way life is. You know what, man? Let me tell you some. I thought I was cute, too. Thank God. I got that shit out of the way when I was 18. A fag. Beed the fuck out of me when I thought I was fucking cute and that's what happens in life so

if you're gonna be cute expect the fucking beaten if not don't think the cops are gonna save you because they didn't save Nicole fucking whatever name is those restraining orders don't work either so if you're gonna be a man act like a fucking man that's it that's it fucking Churchill what's happening now

is in full effect bitches little sabbid bloody sabbath for these cock suckers to get you fired up I listen to sabbent bloody sabbath every day from the age of 15 when my mother done to about five years ago just to fire me up to get me back at these cocksuckers. Listen to this shit and I'll play this every fucking episode

because this should be your motivation. One fucking song, cox suckers. Dig it. What? The race is full. The moon is red. Begins begins to show. There you go cocksuckers. The truth is out. The lies are old. But you don't want to know. Kill it Lee. Cut this shit. When you have to ask reasons why? Who gives a fuck? Who gives a fuck?

Get out there. Get up. Smoke some reefer. Get a yo-yo and a knife and go earn, you cock-suckers. A yo-yo on your own. All right, cut this shit. That's it. What's happening?

So today is the kick-off. People always ask me, Joey, what's your favorite team? Who do you? I look like a fucking cheerleader of you. Look at the type of guy that shows up with a hat. You ever see those momos of the game? They show up with the whole outfit. Don't have the team losers.

You got to walk out. out of there, like a fucking moke. Oh, yeah, each team has like a guy. I know the Jets have a, like, Fireman, Ed, or whatever, and they show up in full paint, and, yeah, it's ridiculous. Get it together, Carrey. If you're over 10, you know, once you throw a hat with the kazoo away, you're a man now.

You go to the fucking game. People are, who are you a fan? I'm a fan who ever covers the fucking spread, all right? Some people go to a game with a little hat. I go to a game with a fucking hat with a minus seven bitches, because that's how I give. Seven. By the way, today's a fucking big day in football,

because you can't pick this shit. Let's get this start. a lot of people are going to email me, a lot of parents and say, hey Joey, you were talking about gambling, whatever, listen, parents, your kids are going to do it. They're going to fucking do it. You got cigarettes, you got booze, you got drugs, you got gambling, you got prostitution, you got eating pussy,

got sucking dick. Your kids are going to do one of the fucking seven evils. What I'm going to do today is control them a little bit and how to teach them how to make a living. See, when I was 18, I didn't know gambling was about making a living. I thought gambling was about going to the bar with those fucking idiots you hang out. Who should we bet?

So here you are sitting with six other losers and you've got to go partner this with them. They're going to take, it's like going out. Would you take six guys out to go get pussy? No, because not all the other guy has to drive home, the other guy gets sick in the trunk. No, when you gamble, it's a solo fucking sport. Don't listen to these idiots.

When you do go to the bar, you ask them who they like. And five or more of them say they like that team, bet's fucking against them. Because you go against popular fucking opinion when you come to sports betting. Again, you know, when I was 18, I thought it was about talking shit and drinking. It's about getting paid every fucking third.

Whether it's $100, whether it's $50. You're in this for business. Vegas is not a fucking playground. They tell you it's a fucking playground. It's not a charity. They're not running a bingo game. They're getting fucking paid. I like all these idiots.

I went to Vegas last week and I want $800. I know you didn't. You fucking Mo Mo. If everybody won, how come it keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger? So get your shit together. What we're going to do today is how to teach you how to bet a couple fucking bets and pick up a payment on Thursday that you don't need a part-time job. How's that?

If I can make you an extra 10 fucking Gs a year Uncle Joey, wouldn't that be better If I can teach you how to make it So I'm not supporting gamble At the present time I do not gamble I put a bet on every once in a mom And I fucking love something And you know what? I usually go fucking six for six in a year

Because I don't do it as a gavone I don't do it with my nostrils wide open I do it as a hobby I know what it is to be 18, 19, 25 And think you'd do it to make a living When I was fucking 20 In fact 30 years ago September 15th

I robbed the jewelry store in Jersey because I had to pay a book out. I didn't have to fucking pay the book, but he was one of my high school teachers, Mr. McGrath, the guy we were talking about? I didn't know you did that to pay a bookie. I didn't pay the fucking bookie. So that's the trouble I had gotten into now.

I didn't have to pay that bookie. I could have told him to suck my dick. He would have gone back and forth. Then I'm going to break my legs, but it was the character type thing. And I beat a lot of people. Don't get me wrong. I'll beat you over something stupid.

But at that time, I had to give him like three or four grand. I had Monday night football, like Pittsburgh against Dallas. And I made the wrong call. and I had to give them money, and they collect on Thursday. It took me that lesson to rob a jewelry store, and then six months later, my friend Ferney Bossa Sudo, for the Super Bowl, was up 20 grand,

ended up losing 40, so I seen both. Nobody wins. My needs get weak when you tell that story. Yeah, but you could win if you do it right. I like these idiots that get... Joey, I'm going six for six on the UFC. No, you're not. No, you're not.

You might do it this week, but they'll get you three weeks in a row, stupid. I'm going to teach you how to do it, so you make a little fucking... every week. You start off on a Wednesday like this week. Football started on Wednesday. Can you believe that? You know why it starts on Wednesday? You think it starts for your entertainment? Look at how nice and nice they are.

No! They start because they're looking to get fucking paid on Wednesday because they're going to put... Who won Wednesday night? Who really had the Dallas Cowboys? Nobody. The Giants are at home. They're breaking up the Super Bowl thing. And all those idiots with the blue shirts at Giant Stadium, all those momos are fucking shuffling today. Because now you've got to bet that Thursday night game. Who was that?

pit against somebody else Thursday night in college football. Then Friday, you got to bet fucking baseball because now you're two down. Then Saturday you got... Listen to the opportunities of gambling. You got one, two, three. Then Saturday, you've got the early game in college,

the late game. And then you've got another game, and if you lose all three, then you've got to bet fucking Hawaii and do coke and stay up until four in the morning just to bail the fuck out. Trust me, I've been there. You're like, Joey, how do you know my life?

Because I've fucking been there. Then you've got to get up Saturday, Sunday morning, and watch those dummies on TV because now you're lost to go to the bar. or call your grandmother who went seven for seven on her fucking Paul A card, which that never fucking happens every week either. And now you're down. So they have a 10 o'clock game, they got a 1 o'clock game,

then they got that America's fucking game, which America's mean getting fucked in the ass. You remember Jesus? You ever go to church, you see the 12 stations of the cross. That's the 12 stations of gambling. They start fucking you on Wednesday, Thursday with another game. Friday with baseball, late, two games. My fucking son, my Monday night football,

all you're waiting on is for them to put the crowns. on your head like they did Jesus. You're already fucking hanging. And this week there's two fucking games on Monday night. It's not only going to fucking put thorns in your head, they're going to fucking take your balls off and feed them to you as you're fucking dying. I'm here, so that doesn't happen. Okay? You're down

some money. You've got to look at this shit scientifically in the way. What time is it? Because we have my main man, Greg calling and I grew up with North Bergen talking about this guy was a, he's got some fucking heavy duty ones today. This is going back to Louis Fritz from the FBI. That's how deep our Jimmy runs

and fucking North Bergen when he busted one of our But but anyway Let's talk about the situation at hand right here For example Not right now you're down I'm sorry about the glasses I'm an old fucking man

Alright I have a line if you want me to read it to you What brother I have all the lines If you want me to read it to you No I'm okay I don't need no fuck What's wrong with you

You got Atlanta Kansas City at 1 o'clock I don't even know who's giving through I don't even know how to fucking read this shit I'm looking at something That's just bet As Global Bet Online 5 dimes and bovada

Five Dimes it's 5 G-Bos For you fucking momos I'm going to Five times. I got five. No. You got Philadelphia giving 10 to Cleveland at Cleveland. You got Washington giving eight and a half.

New Orleans getting eight and a half, correct? New Orleans is getting... New Orleans is getting? Yeah, I would imagine. I can't fucking figures. I can't fucking figures. New Orleans getting eight and a half of Washington. All right, I got eight and a half, and I got New England against Tennessee.

I got Miami, Houston. Now, if I was a betting man today... Wow, they're given Houston 13. 13 fucking points. Now, have you... call your bookmaker, no, no, Houston's giving Miami 13, they're at home. If you call your bookmaker, and that line shifts to 14, take your mother, punch her in the head, bandage her up, and bring it to the bookie's house and bet the

fucking farm. I learned that in the 70s from the Celtics from the Celtics. On Friday nights, whenever the Celtics would play at home, the line would always be heavy, 12, 13, you call the book, you went up to 17, but everything you got. Celtics never fucking losing home on a Friday night in the old days. Jojo White, Hablich, Dave Collin, you know what I'm saying? Old school motherfuckers, not these fucking punks walking around with the LeBron James glasses. Look at me.

I'm fucking smart, but you didn't get out of college, you fucking Mo Mo. I hate that shit with the fake fucker. That's why I don't put him around him, because I don't want people to think that I think I'm fucking intelligent. Just because you ever see those swarmy motherfuckers? Like they put on glasses. Like, you look at him like, there's no way this guy should have it. He hasn't read a fucking magazine in 10 years. But if they wear glasses, you people buy into it.

Oh, my God. Look at him. He looks so stuffed the fuck out of it. You're still a dumb fuck. You still fucking take the fucking 405 to the airport, you fucking cunt. Anyway, I'll tell you what, if I was a betting fucking man today, and I'll tell you with other people, like you get sucked in. Avoid the TV games.

Okay. I fucking hate TV games because people think they're going to get back on them. What's a TV game? Wednesday night, it's a huge game. Everybody's watching. Thursday night is a college football. College football, big game. In college, when I used to bet college football, I like the whack.

Because nobody watches the whack. Nobody want you, New Mexico, given this. Those teams, nobody's watching them. So you could bet fucking 2000 on them and win big. Nobody's watching them. So they wouldn't pay as much attention to the time? You think I'm going to sit here and figure out if Auburn's going to beat Alabama? I can't figure that shit out.

Nobody can't. Nobody fucking can figure out. Those top five teams, you can't figure it out. But if you take those teams and you fucking bet them, the top three every week and you put 100 on them at the end of the year, you'll be a winner. If you just did that. Do you understand? Because even if Alabama goes six and three, you still got three net winners. So if you put 2,000 on each, you still won $6,000 for the year on them.

So this is how you bet, ladies and gentlemen, not those parlay, you fucking idiots with your parley. Bookies love when you call a parlay. You call a book, you can go, hey, I want to bet with you. And he goes, no, you owe me $10,000. And you go, but I got a lot, what is it? And you say, I got a parlay, he'll take your fucking bet, because he knows. You got to go for two. You know what the odds are to get two?

You have a hard time getting one. So what you want to do is maybe start Saturday morning Forget that Thursday night game This NFL game of the week Start Saturday morning Some small fucking collars And nobody's even looking at You bet your money

You win two, 3,000 What are you gonna do? You're gonna go back and play fucking games? No, you take your money and run Worst case scenario is you lose a thousand on Sunday You still clear 2000 But you were a fucking winner that weekend Why would you try to swarm it up again?

You know why? Because it's about our greed all we're looking to do is get fucking paid. And hey, listen, I was one of those guys. The best thing about getting old or the best thing about going through shit is once you go through it, you go, woof, I'm never going to go through it again. I went through my gambling phase of 21.

It used to kill me to pay a bookie. I finally figured out if I'm going to fucking pay some man, I might as well snort blow and get something out of it. At least look out of a fucking window. I'm going to go give some guy money on a fucking Thursday. You follow me? So let's say you win early or you win the late game on Saturday. You win two, three Gs, maybe a thousand,

maybe 800, but you don't want to go over your head. Hold on to your money. You want to go to the bar on Saturday and Sunday and you want to go to Big Wangs and watch. Put 200. You know, never bet on the team where you live. Never bet on the team where you live. Never bet on the team where you live.

Never bet on the team where you live. If the giants are fucking your team, do not bet with them or do not bet against them. Do not let the motion get involved with the Jets. I won't even look at those motherfuckers. because they're in my backyard when I was a kid. And every time I bet the Nats or the Jets or the Giants,

I'd take a fucking beating. Okay. Okay, so if you're in that bet, like right now, I wouldn't bet the rate. I wouldn't even talk to charges, nothing, even though that is a good game on Monday. Again, Monday Night Football is to get back your paper. So let's pretend you win another 200 on fucking Sunday.

You bet two fucking teams. So you bet Saturday one game and you won, Sunday one game and you won. Do you want to bet Monday night if you're going to go to the fucking bar or if you're going to sit at home and watch it. Because I know what it's like to watch a game without betting it. There's nothing fucking there. I'm not 10 anymore.

I don't give a fuck about these guys. They don't give a fuck about us. It's like, what's his name said in Bronx Tale? Does Joe DiMaggio, Mickey Mantle, care about you? No, they don't. So what are you guys jumping up and down for? I see people at these UFC matches jumping up and down. Like in Denver one time.

Some guys in my face, yeah, yeah. And I go, what are you jumping up and down for? He goes, car check one. I go, what did you make on him? Nothing. How about I piss on him? All the jumping and fucking. You're a grown fucking man.

Let me smack you the fuck now. Even with UFC betting, that's great fucking betting UFC. But again, people get fucking greedy. The best way to bet a UFC, though, is to go there and bet as the fights are going on. You put a pigeon at the fucking casino and call them. That would be the best way to bet you a Cic, because sometimes shit don't go. But on every UFC card, there's one fight you can pick. There's one fight on every fucking card.

I give out a parlay on the video because people don't put a way I want to pick. All you need is one. One pick. And if it's on the fucking prelim card, then so be it. You want to sit there and scratch your head and see who's going to win between those Santos, the fucking cane and scratch. You don't need that aggravation.

I love those medium cards, those prelim cards. It's like college football. Those guys want to get to the fucking top. That's great, you figured out that fucking Anderson was in a dumb jail son. Nobody knew that. But there's easier fights in the bottom. What we're trying to do is get you a fucking envelope.

because at the end of the week that's the most fucking important thing. You want to go around? No, an envelope. You keep it to your fucking self. You shut your fucking pile. And you can win every week. Football, the reason why they give out

injury reports in football and all the shit that football has because it's built for betting. They don't have football here for you to jump up in that. Yeah, in the Midwest, they cheese heads, but half of those motherfuckers in the stadium

are betting big money. In college football, all those boosters wait. They're boosters because they want to be boosters. They're back half. for those motherfuckers are banging out. By the way, Penn State lost the squeaker, like Sandusky, the squeaker.

You know what I'm saying? They lost the squeaker, 17 to 16. They got the kiss of death on them. They lost by a fucking field goal, supposedly. In Miami, one of my tight, tight friends growing up with, Donofrio's down there coaching the fucking defense. Seriously, one of my boys I grew up with coaching the defense. They took a fucking beating yesterday against Kansas State. So I do pay attention. It's just not my life.

Like, when I was a kid, if you told me Julius serving, suck dick, I'd stab you the neck 15 fucking times. I was a fan of the sport Once you see right through the fucking curtain And then when it goes a fuck You're gonna sit there and talk about sports And meanwhile the fucking neighbors Fucking your wife up the fucking ass

You're at the ball with your friend You know what I'm saying? Pay attention to them. This is a living guys That's why they do it And you could either lose I know fucking guys that make a fucking living What's a living?

You drive a Mercedes and get your dick sucked But no A living You have a car You get up in the morning You get a bagel Nobody bothers you you may fucking help somebody load a truck once a week or something just to make ends meet

but you're making a fucking living which a lot of people in this country ain't fucking making gambling is a living it's not just a dude of twisting by the fucking pool you know telling people your girls like and it's funny because I used to work for a sports betting service and that's you know I grew up in numbers which is the Cuban lottery out of Tampa started out of Tampa which is three numbers but at the place since they took numbers they might as well take gambling So I seen gambling since I was a little kid, but the biggest lesson I got with gambling was my mom. My mom lost it all on those fucking Yankees

and those fucking Mets like a fucking Mook. And the Red Sox too. Because she was a Red Sox fan all those years, betting the fucking Red Sox. When they were struggling with nobody. I mean, I bet her when Cincinnati played the Red Sox in 75, Lewis Tiant and shit. And in my heart, I was a closet Red Sox fan,

but I couldn't let her beat me because that's a Cuban house. In the Cuban house, if you stake a fucking baseball team and you lose, I would have got red eggs every fucking day. everything I would have done. All my socks would have been read. You know, that's a Cuban fucking mentality. They're going to torture you. Where's my fucking cell phone?

I don't know if I got to call my buddy. What time is it here? It's 9-30. Oh, shit. He's about to call. See? I can feel this shit. It's ready.

Whenever he calls. He'll call right now, hopefully. Let's see. So the main point you're making is just relax and don't go after, like, the Patriots, or don't bet on the Super Bowl of the week. Bet on where you're going to make money. Like tonight, the big game, and everybody in this country is going to want.

watching is fucking Pittsburgh against Denver and Denver. That's the premier game. Everybody's going to be watching my man. Everybody's going to be watching my man. The line on that fucking game is the line on Pittsburgh and Denver is...

Two. Denver's giving two points to Pittsburgh. Which doesn't make sense to me at all. Why doesn't it make sense? Because Peyton Manning was out all year last year. Granted, he's still probably great and he has a pretty good receiving court. But Pittsburgh made it the playoffs last year against Denver

but I mean it just and that's that's probably where I'd get sucked in I'd see Denver getting to or giving to and I'd be like oh I'll bet Pittsburgh and then of course I'd lose because that's probably what they want you to think this is a tight game I know what they want you to think

I know that they want you to fucking think that manning is going there and blowing the fuck out that's that's what America every being their mother's going to be betting okay if you ask 50 fucking people who they bet tonight they're going to be betting that It's America's team. Oh, he's calling.

What's happening, Greg? What's up, Coco? How are you, my little brother? I'm all right. Bless me, father, for I have spent. It's been fucking 98 years since the last confession. When I talked to Greg this morning at 8.30, I said, Greg, 30 years ago, we'd be getting ready to go make the fucking third one of the night for that last eight ball

and go to a liquor store and get a fucking carton of cigarettes. Look at us. Now we're talking early in the morning, like, over coffee and a fucking donut. but things fucking change we're talking we're talking about gambling today Gregi and uh if anybody had their fucking flavor with gambling it was us coming out of north bergen because it was all around us I mean how old were you when you were fucking gambling first you know honestly it started at a very young age I mean I can remember pitching pennies when I was six years old up against the you know the back of the church

that's gambling but uh you know Honestly, we were doing the football tickets and all of that when we were like 10, 11. You know, we started going on the track when we were 13 years old. So, you know, there was always a way of life back there. Remember when the track first opened? I mean, we were there. We were there when the track first opened. We were there when the metal lands first opened.

I remember when the track first opened, Mr. Bender would take me out to the track, and when people would win, I'd cash in their tickets and make money. I was 13. They would go on my social fucking security card. They would win 800. They owe child support or something, and I would get like 30 fucking bucks or something like that. I love that.

He would say to me, none of my boys go out there with me. You're going to come with me and then I fuck you. Here I was 13. I go home and my mom. Where'd you get $90 from? I don't worry about it. Hustling out in the fucking track. Walking home.

I remember walking. You ever walk home from the fucking mental is, Craig? I never did, but I can tell you honestly. I know my brother did a lot. I did twice. He'd bet his last friggin' dollar and then start crying. and then just start walking. And this is the brother, the crazy brother we're talking about,

the funniest man in America. Well, yeah. Yeah, you can say that. Yeah, the funniest motherfuckers in America. I remember hanging out with you on 80th Street. But as we got old, you know what this week is, Greg, just to let these motherfuckers know because the show is about gambling. I put a bet in on a Monday night on Pittsburgh or Dallas at Joe and Marries.

We're Conti and the boys, and we lost. And I had to give him a graph, like two grand. and he was our high school football. You know, he helped us, and we had to rob that jewelry store. This week is 30 years ago since we robbed that jewelry store on Bergen-Line Avenue. The driver is going to call the show on Wednesday. 30 fucking years ago, Greg. And it was all because of gambling.

What's your best gambling story? Drop one on me. Really, bro. There's so many. I mean, me myself or I could tell you about other people. Oh, remember we used to, we were talking, we were having a discussion about the gangsters in our neighborhood, how we used to put bets in with them.

I always used to put bets with the Avellas, and they'd always try to fucking beat me, and fucking, it was amazing, and I'm putting in five timers and ten timers and 20 times, and next thing you know, you're putting in 100 timers, and you're fucking losing it. We had to go down the boulevard East and roll some fucking Sanduskies, and, uh... Yeah, go faggagging.

Go fagging. Love fucking time. I got to tell you, I remember, you know, I started to tell you last night about, you know, my brother, he got really heavy into it. I mean, you know, you're talking five, ten times as a matter of fact, I got him calling me right now with his pick of the day, but he can wait. But, you know, I remember going, we were going to visit my grandmother who was dying of cancer in the hospital down at Palisade General Hospital. and we got the, I think we had the Yankees and the A's on the radio. And, you know, he's like, if this one doesn't, this one doesn't come through, I've got to get out of here. Well, what are you talking about?

He goes, you don't know. Because I've lost everything. And, you know, he had a lot of money. So, anyway, the Yankees wound up losing. And he just hung his head out of the window and started crying. I mean, crying like a baby. I'm like, what did you lose? What did you lose?

What did you have? It was one game. $8,000. 8,000. What the fuck is wrong with you? Next day he was gone, on a plane, out of here. But, yeah, there's so many stories to tell. I mean, you know, I could tell you how the Palosos came to my father's house

looking for one of my brothers with Chris Costa and, oh, I shouldn't say name, should I? Whatever. They're fucking dead and gone by now. They're somewhere fucking doing time. Yeah, the Casas. I don't even know if they're still around. That's going on. Those were two fucking degenerative.

or gambling bastards. But, yeah, they came, Paluso came to my father's house with a bat. I'm like, what the fuck you've done with that bat? Where's your brother? He owes me three grand. I go, get in line, buddy. I go, he ain't around,

and you don't ever come to my father's house. Not with a bet. I'll shove it up your ass. But, um, I don't know, bro. It's just, and you know what? It's funny if you go back there, the same people are still doing the same things. It's crazy.

It's fucking crazy. I couldn't, Greg, I could put in like two bets a year. No. I don't, you know, I don't mess around really at all I mean, you know, once in a while If I go to Vegas, I have a little bit of fun But, you know, I got I got kids to take care of, buddy

You know how it is No, it's weird because I used to always gamble When I was stealing and doing this and that Because you don't give a fuck about the money But when you get up early in the morning And you got to work for it That motherfucker hurts when you got to pay a bookie every day That hurts

When you're selling coke and hustling and beating people Who gives a fuck? This is another part of your agenda I know, I know It's like, you know, you got all this money. What do you do with it? So many people did the same thing back there like that. People that was selling drugs and had all that money, that was more money that the bookies were making, too.

Because when you're all fucking banged up on coke and drinking every night, you're losing. You're not making money until you don't even think straight when you're gambling, when you're all banged up, you know? I would gamble to figure out Friday. Like, I would go, all right, the bookies are going to pay me on Thursday. What do I need? I need a hundred a night to drink, and Joe Marries.

I need $100 for Graham I need 50 for Kueludes I want to fuck Lisa so I need another 100 So I go alright I need 700 for Thursday That's what I'm going to gamble And all of a sudden you lose We have to go to the fucking owner of Joe Marries George and borrow money

On the juice from you know how many times I fuck I owe that guy like $80,000 in juice George remember the owner George From the Joe Marries With Lila and all this shit I used to take 500 a day from him 500 to pay back $750 I go to him and go hey

You know, Greg, Greg got his girlfriend pregnant and he needs money for an abortion. And he would give me 50 bucks for getting the loan. But little did he know, the loan was for fucking me. Wow. So he would give me 50 bucks for giving a loan to Greg, but little did he know the money

and then he wouldn't ask you. So he would ask me about it. So once I left one day, he started asking people, where's my 800? Like, what fucking 800? I lent you 800 a year ago. Your girlfriend got an abortion fuck? I don't even have a girlfriend. You know, Greg, I laugh Because it's like

We're here in Cali now together You know, I saw you last year One of the shows And we both cried Because we grew We were like little kids together But it's I always tell stories on these things

And I want you to verify one thing Remember when we were in high school Weren't we get in California We'd sent out to us From California, Greg? Absolutely Federal Express packages, baby Do you remember Mr.

Pullman that used to get weed From Hawaii for us? Do you remember that? at the high school. Bob Pullman. I used to do all kinds of coke with him at his fucking apartment. There you go, ladies and gentlemen, you fucking morons. These young kids today that teacher

sucks their dick and they go home and tell their mom, what do we do with teachers? Remember that shit? They used to fucking sell weed to us. When I was a junior, he used to get these weed sticks, these Hawaiian tie sticks tied up, and he'd sell them for you for 35 bucks, for three joints. That was a lot in

1979 and 80. We were 16. Our parents did, though. Holman used to get them sent to him in like these, like, cookie cans, and he'd get them shipped over from Hawaii, and it was like a tie stick. It was really some of the best shit I ever remember having. Oh, my God, it was fucking amazing. And they only had, like, two. Remember, we used to get the scents from fucking L.A.

and the tie stick from New York. That was it. These idiots today walk around, oh, my God, I smoke the sativa. Get the fuck out of here. Just go smoke and shut your fucking mouth. What's that? I said the chocolate tie. the chocolate time.

We used to call it the chocolate traumatized. Your brother used to have it too. Your brother used to have it down on fucking 80th Street down there. Those are the days, man. But I want to let people know, Greg, how deep we were in when we were 16 and 17. I look at kids today, 15. I look at them and I go, they couldn't handle what we were doing at 15. We were crazy, bro.

I mean, seriously, we were. I can't. I tell my kids things, and they just look at me like, you know, you know, they don't believe it, but when I take them back there and they hear from other people and other family, you know. But yeah, we, uh, we did some absolutely crazy shit. I mean, I remember James, you know, here's a kid who had three cars before he ever even had a fucking license. I remember he used to do the, the drive-by 88 Street Park. He would just drive by in that big Plymouth Fury and just take, you have everybody's order,

and he would just throw the fucking bag out the window, and he just kept driving. up the hill to make his other deliveries. It's crazy. You know, I get sad when I think about that, because we almost didn't make an outbreak. We're very lucky to fucking be here, man. There's a lot of people. Look at Raygo's dead.

A lot of people that, you know, we were with. I mean, I get sad. I'm very fucking lucky when I wake up every morning. I did a podcast last week, and some guys are like, well, what do you really want that you're in California? I'm like, these motherfuckers don't know. I'm just happy to get up every fucking morning. That's why I'm doing this.

To let people know, man, we were almost done, Craig. I mean, there were so many things that could have killed us. Drugs, number one, everybody had that fucking head in the bag back then. It was the 80s. It was like weed is in California now. The Coke, you know, they talk about Hoselda and shit. We had fucking blow in North Bergen and 76. By 80, everybody in high school.

I remember doing lines in sophomore year in fucking Susie and Mr. Zinks class with lube's doing fucking lines passing the package as a sophomore. As a fucking sophomore, you know, and some of it I'm proud of him, some of it I'm not proud of, but thank God we got it all out of the way. It took me 30 years to get off that garbage. But in the gambling, you know, I learned all my lessons early, you know, and

we used to have some fucking laughs though, Greg. I mean, none of us came from the Brady Bonds type of house, but we kept it together. Who disciplined you, Greg? Nobody. No, not really. When you were 15 and 16, nobody disciplined. We took care of ourselves. We took care of ourselves. I mean, it's a fucking wild thing.

When I seen you and your brother in San Diego, I had to leave because on the drive home I had a cry, Greg, because it's just amazing that we're still here. I mean, where's fucking Freddie Halton? Who the fuck know? Where's half of these fucking guys? So any other gambling stories you got from Yonko Greg? Something to hit these motherfuckers heavy?

You know, like I said, I could tell you a lot of them, but I don't want to, like, really... You know, I don't want to hurt anybody by saying the wrong thing about, you know, me and myself, I never really got that bad with it. You know, I did my, you know, my little 10 and 20 times back in the day. Never crazy, crazy. Like, I mean, the book he's never came looking for me, you know. But like I said, I could tell you stories about other people, but I don't want to,

I don't know if it's the right thing to, you know, say that right now at this time. I was telling Lee about your crazy cousin, the sports guy. You know which one I'm talking about, right? The one that bit Roger's ear off, New Year's Eve, 1983, and we had to put in the bag of you and take it home on ice. Long before Tyson did it. Well, I was thinking about a story about him when I used to live in Colorado, and I used to bring him guns.

Remember that? I do. I remember those days? And one day I met his house, and he's got to say, safe open. I could see all the little vials of steroids and stuff. And he's snort and coke. And at the same time, he's shooting a fucking steroid in his ass. Do you remember? They all did him, Russo, Rago. Do you remember that shit? Do you remember when I brought the back of mushrooms? He'd make me stay up all night. Then he would want to smoke it.

And there'd be nothing to smoke it out of. He'd go upstairs and his mother's refrigerator and get a fucking pickle jar, a mayonnaise jar, make a pipe out of it, pull the screen out of the dry then cut it out, make a base pipe, and then he'd want to go work out, that's Berkles Garage. I remember when I brought the bag of mushrooms, and his younger cousin, the crazy one, was 14 or 13,

and I left the mushrooms on the table, and we were in the back bedroom, and he started eating those fucking mushrooms thinking they were potato chips. Oh, Gary. He was 13. He must eat a fucking quarter of fucking mushrooms. Greg, it's a fucking pleasure, man,

and I'm happy that, You took the time to come on today. You know, I love you at all my heart and your brother and your families. I just, I do this church to let motherfuckers know, Doug. What the fuck is really cracking? I'm not one of these how-hally he comedians they think they see. And we're the real deal here. So I like to let them know that we came from a fucking heart.

Dog, I can't believe we're here, Greg. Yeah, I mean, you know, we could talk for hours and hours and weeks about a lot of stuff. But, you know, thanks for inviting me. Appreciate it. Anytime. I love you, too. Who are you betting today? who you like I gotta tell you

usually the first week of two I got the line up right now you know it's really it's tough you gotta kind of let like a week of two go by

so you get a good feel of what's going on I like the under on the Pittsburgh Denver game that's my pick right now the under on the Denver fucking Pittsburgh game that's my lock of the fucking week right now

because everybody's gonna be watching it and this is what's gonna happen those fucking Pittsburgh That's the 5.30 game tonight. Yeah, that's America's game. And I usually don't like fucking with it, but I'll give out the fucking total on it, because Pittsburgh's always the lowest payroll,

and they got the fucking, they got, you know what they call, I call their defense, night of a thousand niggers. They just come at you from every fucking direction. It's like the fucking Disney. It's like a Wizard of Oz. At the end,

it's like, night, what the fuck you're laughing about? It's true. They're the lowest paid team, and it's nine of a thousand niggers. Every time you turn around, there's a black guy right there fucking blocking you. That's the way.

defense is supposed to be. If they come out like that, this guy's no snowy Joey Montana. Remember when Montana got hurt? And they said he got hurt for six fucking weeks and whatever. It wasn't hurt. He was in a fucking rehab. That's why he came back after six weeks and threw 3,000 fucking touchdowns. This guy, I don't think he could do it. He never had

the mobility originally. I love him. He's one of the funniest fucking guys I've ever fucking met my left the quarterback from the Broncos or whatever. Manning is hysterical. But today we're talking about Getus, so I'm going to go with the fucking under. Because if they knock him out, You know, that's actually a good bet.

That's a good fucking bet right there. I don't have to worry about who's going to win or who's going to score. No, nothing. I'm just cheering for them not to fucking score. That's the lot for the fucking week right there. You know, I know that's where a lot of people make their money is on under and over. That's it. That's where the pips fucking.

You don't have to cheer. You don't have to worry about that. You're fucking. There is a strategy to that. You're praying for fumbles. I'll go down there and put butter in all their fucking hands, those cock suckers. I love you, Greg. Stay black, cocksucker.

We'll talk during the week. buddy, you got it. My best of the family. Thanks, folks. I love you, I love you. Take care. You too.

That's how we do it here. I know I said a couple fucking thing. Fuck it. You got to stand by it. That's what the church of what's happening now is I'm taking, I'm giving you something

so you can take out of here all fucking week and live by it. That's how we do it here. Lee, what's up in your fucking world? You haven't said much today because I haven't shut the fuck up. It's like somebody gave me

I'm getting off on that truck. I'm getting creepy. Oh, yeah. No, it starts tingling up in your head. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. But, no, I'm one of the guys. I can't, well, the New England game is about to start.

I'm DVRing it, and that's why I can't bet, because, like, I'm doing fantasy football, which I'm not even going to bother asking you about because I'll get yelled at. But I can't, I, like, I can't bet on New England because I'd always bet for them to win. I can't bet for them to lose. And I, like, I went to Vegas last year with friends when the Celtics were playing the heat the first time in the playoffs. And I was up for the weekend. Granted, of course, I paid a bunch for the whole year. tell and I was down overall, but I was up for the weekend, and I was stupid and bet 200 on the

Celtics to beat Miami in the first game of, not the last, the last playoffs, but the last before it, and the heat destroyed the Celtics. So I just, I'm a fan, so I, and I'm, I'm too stupid not to, not to bet on my team, so I just Well, now you know, not that you didn't stupid, you didn't know, Lee, and that's the same, but I bet the Giants, I remember going to see the Nets against the Sixes with Julius Irving playing for the fucking Sixes, given four, and I, and I, look, and I, look, and I, look, And I bet the sixes and they lost the nets. I don't bet with or against them.

Don't bet with or against your home team. Just don't do it. It's not worth the aggravation. You'll say to yourself, fuck, I've done this. I got emotionally covered this, that. By the way, I do like the end of the Denver game tonight. So if you are going to put a bet in, tell him your uncle fucking Joey sent you. And that's 45 and a half.

And then like that's just like up. We were talking before it started. The guys who do it are fucking, if the guys who were doing this, we're trying to get the cancer cure, they would get it because it's, it's perfect. It's just enough because they have been Lothusberger and paid Manning. Look at the fucking totals. They're 46 and a half. That's 23 points.

That's fucking, that's like fucking... Three touchdowns in the field goals for each one. But in reality, it's what, six fucking touchdowns, right? Yeah. Six touchdowns in a field goal. They could fucking Hollisberg, Ronslerberg could score 10 by himself. Exactly. And Manning could throw 10 by himself.

Irving their mother's batting over, especially when they call. and the point goes up or the point will go down. They'll push you down and you'll bet the over. If it stays where it is, don't worry about the points. Just go with the under because they're trying to... They're going to pull some scam on you tonight. You have to assume. It's like when you jerk off in Las Vegas in the hotel room,

you have to assume they're watching you on fucking camera. You have to assume they're going to throw over by the way at you tonight. Don't believe the fucking hype. Just bet the under, stay right there. There's a problem we'll talk. That's what the best thing about football is. There's 17 weeks in the playoffs. You always make your money back because you get stronger,

You strengthen your picks. If there's nothing there, there's nothing there. If you don't see nothing there, why are you fucking betting it? No, go home. Go for a fucking jog and forget football for the day or wait for tennis or whatever fucking is you do. Yeah, that's tough, especially when people are in Vegas, they're there to have a good time. And especially during baseball season, when games take fucking four hours.

And it's one-run games, it's killer. Betting baseball is like having a black do-do up your ass. You don't do it. It's just a fucking nightmare. Till the series. Till the series, then you can really back, because it's really true to form. But if you get caught, it's like basketball.

If you get caught up with basketball, it's like there's an old joke, Robert Schimel. God bless his soul used to do. He used to say in the 80s, you guys are too young. There was a commercial. The guy would be on this front step, and he'd be laying and he pop his head up,

and he'd go, I lost my house. I lost my wife. I lost my job. I lost everything to cocaine. And the camera would go on a partnership for a free cocaine. He had a joke that said, I lost my house, my wife, my car, my job, my dog. Let's party. Dropping on a fucking Sunday today, Lee.

What do we got on top of the week? We got a podcast tomorrow, the church on Monday, 6 a.m., 9 a.m., New Jersey time, which is East Coast. And then Wednesday, and then Thursday, I'm going to fucking Minneapolis to Rick Bronsonson. Then the 20th and 21st. The 20th, I'm going to Madison. My man, Duncan Truffle, get your 10th. Tickets on brown paper tickets. On the 21st, I'll be a Milwaukee with Duncan Trussell.

Get your tickets on brown paper fucking tickets or brown paper bag. What are you got to say? You got something like somebody's fucking choking you. What's the matter? Nothing. No, I was wondering if you were, like, I know you don't work Sundays, but, like, I listen to Bill Burr's podcast. When he goes, he does the road, he goes to, like, a football game every weekend.

And I haven't been, like, I'm only been to, like, the Patriots. So I would love to go to each stadium. Do you, did you used to do that at all when you would travel? Yeah, I used to go to a lot of more. You know, like if I'm in Texas, in Houston especially, like, Houston's a good pick today. At home, they're fucking tough. But it's the first game of the season. The bookmakers are in the mood to fucking he ass this week.

I also like New England not covering. Winning, they're giving six. I like them winning, not covering. Winning by a field goal. They still win. New England Patriot fans don't get mad at me, but they just don't cover. And you know New England's known not for fucking covering every once in a while. Oh, no, they have a pretty bad defense.

That's why it's not a fucking bad. And I just want to say some. Lee, first off, thank you very much for convincing me to do this. You're a gentleman, you're a top-notch producer. Without Lee and Joe Rogan,

I'd have dick, because Joe gave me the light and Lee passed the torch up and something else. I want to thank you people from the bottom of my heart. When Lee fucking called me and said that we were on the charts,

I almost blew a gasket. But when he called back and he said that we were number five, that's something completely different. That means you guys are doing this from your heart. and I fucking appreciate it because you know what

I love you guys I'm here for you motherfuckers I'm crazy and nobody gave me a chance but you guys have you guys are my fucking world on Twitter and Facebook and iTunes

I love you and Lee loves you and we're gonna do this twice a week we're gonna give you the best fucking Joey Dears Rants Night of a thousand niggers

we're going deep because this is the only thing that's gonna get you motherfuckers going guys I don't have time no more I've been busting my horn for 15 years

nobody did nothing I see you guys on Twitter tweeting me going how come you don't go on this guy's podcast they won't put me on. They won't put me the fuck on. But now we're going to make our point. For all you

motherfuckers that supported me and Lee and gave us love with the CD, the testicle testaments. It's about to make our point. I'm going to take you motherfuckers into deep water. In the year, you're going to be telling motherfuckers on a daily basis to suck your dick because I got Uncle Joey in my corner in the fucking flying Jew.

In a year, Lee's going to have a fucking Yamika with diamonds in it. You understand me? Old School. Blood diamonds. With a black fucking finger hanging from the top of little blood. I was hoping you'd say that. Fuck, yeah, because that's how we do it here, the church of what's happening now. Listen, man, give a lot of love to Joe Rogan and all my Debt Squad fucking brothers, from Shafia to Duncan.

Felicia's going to stop by tomorrow. Tuesday, me and Felicia are going to go do a Be in the Beast acupuncture. We're going to go interview her. She's going to take pictures of putting needles in my asshole. I'm going to even try to put a needle in my nutsack for you, motherfucker. Look, I get excited. I got saliva. I'm high on the chocolate.

Listen, have a great day with your fucking families, okay? them do what the fuck you need to do your animals take them for a walk exercise Lee I offered them a BLT he didn't want nothing today it was 8 in the morning I don't want to eat a fucking eggs right now I'm sick of fucking eggs all week Sundays when I get my power points

from motherfucking weight watches see I got the menu going I got my workouts for the week with days I'm going to work out I got the flying in there and then already I had the thing I got an extra like 30 or 40 action points the reason why I fucking ate the bar so early is because once Lee leaves I'm going to go shop with my wife

because I hang out with her on Sunday. She's pregnant. Then when I come back, I hit the fucking wire. Let me tell you something. When you eat an edible, then you go to the Y, you got on that bicycle, and you put it on your fucking little iTunes, an iPad, whatever the fuck it is on your ears,

and you start peddling. And all of a sudden, your heart goes up to like 140 on that thing, and you listen to Let's Get It, give me back my fucking bullets. Oh, my God. And you start hitting it. Let me tell you why I eat the edibles. And I don't want you people to think,

well, Joey, you're a fucking idiot or whatever. When Bruce Lee died, they found weed in the system. A lot of people, People don't know is that weed or marijuana or even what we have is hash takes the acid out of your body, like out of your muscles. It gives you the same reaction you get when you eat lettuce. Like people always say eat lettuce after you work out because it takes the acid out of your muscle and you won't be that sore. You won't be that tight. T.HC does the same thing.

A lot of people don't know that. People have told me on the slide. They don't want it to get out because whatever, people who work with you privately or will. say, oh, you can't be smoking pot or whatever the fuck. People stare at the stigma. That's why, whenever I work out heavy, I always eat one of those hash bars, because the next day I won't be sore. When you're 300 pounds, your joints

are just the way life is. That's why I tell people, if you're 300, you're starting exercise routine. You're going to go run. You're going to quit after four days because your joints are going to fucking hurt. They're just going to hurt. If you eat the marijuana, don't smoke it, just eat it. After your workout, it will take the snoring this away. And I know I'm going to get

tweets, Joey, you're a fucking savage, or you're an asshole. Check it out. I wouldn't fucking lie to you. I'm the one that started at 4.15. And that's what I used to do. Nobody knew. Whatever, he used to have hash butter cookies. That you take them, and the next day, you felt like you went for a massage. So I put

two and two together. I said, that's why Bruce Lee used to eat that shit, because he wouldn't be sore. All the acid would be taken out of your fucking muscles. No, I feel great the next day. And the next day, I don't know about smoking it, but I know when I eat something hash concentrated, and I work out, and I do, like, the bag

for 30, I'll do the bike for 30, and I'll do the treadmill for 30. Guys, I'm still fucking $2.98 around there. My joints hurt. When you eat a little piece of that, it takes that tension off. Whatever. I know you're saying, Joey, you're a junkie.

I was a junkie. Today, I'm just a medical marijuana practitioner, my brother, Lee. Lee, any kind words to get these motherfuckers going today? No, yeah. We've gotten a bunch of great songs, openings, which are gone. And if you want to send one,

it's Church of What's Happening NowPod at gmail.com. And send out any questions there. We've gotten a bunch of great questions. and we're probably going to do another week of the song sending. Looking for a song and then we'll get it going. Tomorrow I'm going to have Devon call. My ex-girlfriend from Seattle.

Oh shit. The bottle in her pussy. The blood came out. Is this the one that the little Hershey's a little boy? The little Hershey chocolate came out of her ass. She's calling tomorrow. And Wednesday I'm going to have my buddy Timmy called, who was the getaway driver of the jewelry ice 30 years ago that I did for gambling

because I lost money. So I'm not talking to you guys out of just some fucking jerk off. I'm talking to you guys on experience. Do me a favor. Wash your nuts. It's real out there. Go out there and do what the fuck you want to do because this world is yours, motherfuckers.

Don't let nobody stop. You don't let nobody tell you no. I love you guys. Lee, throw a kiss. Love you guys. Stay black, motherfuckers. The church of what's happening now. Tomorrow, 6 a.m.

Have a great day. Out of the chronic, here is these nuts. Yeah. Oh, this bitch, raggedy, yeah. What's up? Nothing. What you doing? Man, just kicking it.

Are you all dead? No, what you gonna do? today? Um, I ain't gonna get my nails done. Yeah. Why, what's up? Did what's your name and get out you yesterday? Who?

These nuts. Oh, shut up, nigg. But I want to ask you one question. If I had some nuts hanging on the walls.