The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 09/19/2012 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #8

Episode Date: September 20, 2012

Joey and Lee talk music, the best comedy movies, and about the character of the people in this country. Joey's childhood friend Martin calls in for one of the best conversations so far.  Live streamed on 09/19/2012

What's happening, ball lickers? Namaste, cock suckers. A beautiful day to be alive. Welcome to the church of what's happening now. Joey Diaz, my main co-host, Lee, fucking, aka the Flying Jew. What's happening, baby? Not much, man. How are you doing?

You know me. It's fucking a beautiful day to be alive. It's Wednesday. A lot of people don't like Wednesday. I'm tired. Whatever. Fuck you. You should stay at home, smoke some dope.

And watch sons of anarchy last night. Jack's got mad. Who the fuck gets married when the cops are looking for you? You know what I'm saying? That's a brilliant move That's brilliant Because now he gets better visitation I was gonna say that's where I would get married

Yeah you get married Right before you fucking turn yourself in I mean the episode was great last night They were looking for brothers They ended up finding a black guy Fucking a white chick in the muffler It was the fucking bike his daughter The guy got married

Fucking Now you like that show Because I haven't got into it And it's on Netflix and I think I'm sorry You know what man I said I've said it before that I had friends on there And my wife would watch it sometimes

And then Katie Segal, I mean, half of us grew up on Katie Seagal with children. That was the best show on fucking TV 20 years ago. Yeah. I was in prison when that show aired. Wow. Like when that show started coming out, I was locked up. And I thought it was just amazing. And I thought she was hot like then.

She was kind of a big with her fucking hair doing the little blonde, little fucking nerdy-looking boy, and the black belt jihituzos on it. That's a great show. So it just, but it's so weird what it's becoming. A lot of people don't see what sons of anarchy is becoming. A lot of people don't know The Sopranos had a plan When the Sopranos first started

The deal was It was going to end with the mother Running the family But it didn't end that way She died during the fucking episode Season 2 In real life So what's going on right now

With this is At the end You're going to see it That it's going to be him and her Running this fucking family This son's an accident But it's an interesting show You know why bro

Because it's like what I like I don't want to see the same shit fucking over and over again. At least these guys are fucking trying. You know, I got a problem with fucking Fox, but FX is doing a phenomenal job. Fox is a bunch of fucking sheepy fuck.

But FX, somebody's over there, I think it's Fox 21 over there, whatever. They're really trying. You know, when you watch Sons of Anarchy, they're saying cunt and cock, and they're selling drugs, and Mexicans are getting shot. It was a great scene with Jimmy Smith last night in the Jacks, where they're getting chased. Okay. And they, and

Jack says, you know, drop me off at the corner. Fucking Jimmy Smith's turn makes a you turn and goes no let's go straight at him I mean it's just the fuck is what it's supposed to be balls to the wall on a motherfucking Wednesday what did you think a Monday night football I told you that

that game there that that game that's what boredom was fucking invented this is football on Monday it's tough this country forgot you young motherfuckers don't know what it was people didn't go out on Saturdays to go out on Mondays really yeah because it was huge I couldn't

wait to go on Monday we used to go to ground around and then you were clips and we were going there and they would have a happy hour on Monday nights, ribs, chicken wings, you know, shit like that. But anybody knows. Englewood's down, it's like a bad, that's what Travolta's from.

Okay. But we go up there, but I don't know, remember when we did the interview with George and he was talking about the place? I used to dine and dash out of it. Yeah. Run around out. That was the place. Oh, Jesus.

But we go at night for Monday night football. And it was rocking. They put music. People get a half gram of Coke. You know, Monday Night Football's was rocking in the old fucking days. Yeah. No, it was a, it was a boring game. but Matt Ryan looks really good.

He's the Falcons quarterback. He was great, and then Peyton Manning. Well, there's the thing about this fucking country when I was a kid growing up. We had to fucking win six, seven games and get all fucking excited. Now a quarterback has a great weekend. Oh, my God, it's the return.

What fucking return? He won't fucking game. You know, it's the same thing happens in UFC. Some guy has two good fucking fights, and all said, oh, fuck, this guy. What's wrong? with you. It's a short attention, man.

What the fuck is wrong with you? Some guy wins two fights. Anderson's silver-winning fights since 2001, and people are still doubting him. But some guy wins two fights, one with a lucky punch, and one by submission against some guy that's overweight or whatever.

Oh, no, he's back to return. Get the fuck out of you. He's got to bang it off to six or seven pipes. Who's the guy who's had like 50 fights and he had the arrow with his chest hair like the last couple fights? He fought in two or three fights ago, and then the next card they brought him back.

I forget his name. I forget him. He's a guy who I think you'd like because he's fought like 50 times. He's never been the champion, but he always fights hard. And he's had like 50 professional fights. So it's a difference between a guy like that who's been solid in the UFC, like 40 or 50 times. And a guy who I don't really like, what's the Benson Henderson, he's the champion right now, right? I don't really like him. He's fighting Diaz in November.

I think Diaz is going to fucking line them up. But there's a UFC fight. This week. John Jones against fucking Vito Belpour. People have been hitting me up already. Joey, what are your picks? It's fucking Wednesday. Yeah.

It's fucking Wednesday. I don't know. I want to see the way in. I want to see their look on the face. So it's very tough to give a pick. Right now, with the fight I like this weekend, the best. I mean, one thing about the fight card this weekend is that it's got, it's Henderson against whatever, Vito. That's a great fight.

But the fucking card's got some bangers. I don't have time to go into this because we only have an hour. But between you and I, the fight I like this week is fucking Benavides against Little Johnson. But that's going to be a hell of a fucking bang. These two guys are going to throw punches out of each other from all angles. You know, you don't wear 3D glasses and don't get stoned. Because this is a fight of fucking speed. This motherfuckers are going to be going in, out, in, out, in out, punches, kicks.

And that Benavides kid is fucking solid. Anyway, I like Joe Benevite's so far. That's what I'm going with so far. everything else's background is like I said there's no reason to sit here and tell you eight fucking picks because nobody's gonna hit him anyway get one pick

blast it like you fucking own it and go for it you cock sucker anyway what's going on over there it's a beautiful day to fucking be alive I'm not smoking on there no more I'm getting stoned in the morning and I'm also not eating those edibles Lee I was getting too fucked up

you know by 12 o'clock that edible that other boy fucking six in the morning is ruining my fucking day exactly I come in and you want me to do the chocolate Because I'm like, ah, let you get a day off one little

Pete. Like Sunday, we're doing a special beauty to be Sunday and that's when we'll fucking get blasted up

because what are you doing the one? No, do it on Sunday, but you want me to do it four hours before I go in a little little piece. You get the wing going

and you get a little hot. I need a whole fucking bar. Oh, I don't know how you're still alive after that. No, I eat a whole fucking bar. So by 12 o'clock I'm walking around thinking

because it's like by 12 o'clock you're feeling like you either going to have the diabetes is kicking in and yeah, Yeah, it's fucking amazing. You don't know what you...

I was walking around. I found myself on Lancashim and fucking Cunga Street. Oh, that would never happen to me. Oh, sweating profusely. I don't know how you find yourself walking around on that. I can barely find myself moving from my thing. When I get high, the first thing I get, like, 10 years ago, you know, for years, I love getting high and working out. Nothing better than fucking smoking a half a number.

Putting a fucking... Well, I started with the fucking walkman. Now it's an iPod. Putting your speakers in and going to the gym and just letting it all hang out of it for your own personal. fucking gym. I got the kennel next door. If you got your own personal fucking gym, you just go blast it, you know, whatever music you listen to it and start fucking lifting

and stuff like, you know, you forget. I get so into the workout when I get high and I go down there, forget when you eat an edible. Like, I like eating an edible Monday mornings because I'm tuned up by the time I get the yoga at 1130. Yoga was meant to do with a fucking edible inside. I'm over there stretching.

I'm doing yama stairs. I was just going to ask you because I'm doing downward fucking dogs. To stretch when you feel the stretch, that she says breathe into the stretch. If you're a little high, you're more conscience of it, you're looking the other way. I focus on my breathing because I have a hard time fucking breathing. You can hear it on the mic. That's why I say

lower the mic. They think some fucking guys coming out or whatever. But I love it, but I can't do it no more. Besides, you know what fucking piss me off? I've been eating bang chocolate and talking about bang for a long fucking time. They make a great product, guys. They really do. I like the

cookies and cream. I like the fly at the restink. And don't get me wrong. there's stuff that's stronger out there there's stuff that don't fucking get it right yeah there's stuff that don't kill that but I like the taste of that chocolate it's fine chocolate they do a good job with it it's low on points if you eat like one strip it's like three points of

weight watches but here's where it fucking kills me that I've been putting it on here now listen guys I ain't looking for dick from nobody as you motherfuckers know I don't time waits for nobody you know me and Lee put a CD together we do the test of the pessimists I don't wait for a record label I don't got no mind fucks

either you're on the program in my life or you're Don't. That's part of the church of what's happening now. This is our motherfucking playing field. I come here for months. We go on fucking podcast. We talk about, you know, I go on 30 million podcasts. I talk about weed, this, that, edible. You know, I tweet them.

I reached out to them a couple days ago. We, bang, we show your thing. You know, send us some fucking love. Say support Churchill what's happening now. Send the T-shirt. Send me two free chocolates. I don't give a fuck. I'm still going to go buy your product.

These motherfuckers on Twitter acting like, you know, their shit don't stink. I don't return nothing. Then I went yesterday to Divine Wellness to get the chocolate bar, and I asked the guy, did he come yet with the cookies and cream? Guy goes, no, he hasn't returned alcohol. Has none of nothing. So I go, you know what?

These motherfuckers suck cock from head to toe. Listen, you know, me and Lee were discussing something before. I didn't want to bust it out early, but I'm going to go into a little bit. You know, everybody's waiting for Obama and fucking Romney or Jesus or fucking Mormon God. What the fuck your God is to save the world? That's not going to save the world. is going to save this motherfucker. This guy was telling me yesterday.

He's called bang ten times. And they haven't returned his calls or fucking even brought any more chocolate down. That's number one. Number two, the fucking guy, I've emailed him. I've read his fucking, I've tweeted him like twice, told him about bang how I loved it. They don't even have the fucking. So if you listen over at bang, go fuck your mother. I'll never fucking put bang chocolate up here again, you miserable motherfuckers.

Now you'll get emails. Because in this world, listen, these motherfuckers, I had a situation yesterday where I've been talking with some guy, and I've been calling them, because I call people. I don't have time to be texting people, hide behind some fucking phone. I call people. The motherfucker didn't show up to the meeting, and two hours later, he texts me. Nothing pisses me more than that shit.

Call me. At least the guy text me. I ain't mad at that. It's these dumb motherfuckers who you leave a message for, and they don't find the time to call you back, especially when you're doing them a favor or whatever. You know what? Have some fucking balls.

Somebody calls you, pick up the phone, and call them the fuck back. Let them know you're in the area, but there's a lot of motherfuckers, especially in Hollywood in this area here, who thinks that, I never understand, who they think their fucking time is more important than your fucking time. And nobody's time is more important than your time. If you treat it

that way. If you don't treat it that way, then that's what people are going to do. You know what? Somebody fucking calls you. Call them the fuck back. But these motherfuckers don't even call the weed store back, a place that sells for them. They're up there, wherever the fuck they are, walking around with sandals on, looking at high time. Hey dude, dumb motherfuckers.

call back bang we need your fucking chocolate you fucking douchebag or twit me you fucking cock suckers it's too early for this shit Lee let's talk about the fucking alma the week because i gotta drop this on people because people don't know yesterday it was jimmy hendrous 42nd uh birthday or whatever his anniversary was dead okay and you know i played dad i play fucking sound garden i love pearl jam i like all this shit and it's funny that people understand you know i got so deep into the coke after 85 and 86 I didn't even buy fucking new music I remember bits and pieces of history

like I remember pour some sugar on me from 87 and you two whatever Bullet for Blue Skies whatever the Joshua Tree which was a brilliant album I remember bits and pieces don't ask me who won the championships in 87 or you know who won baseball in 89 I have no idea I blacked out

I was just on drugs I was another trip you know sometimes you head somewhere else and I fucking was dead basically. And for some reason, in 94, I was living in Boulder. I was living in the North Boulder, across from the North Boulder Recreation Center there to keep myself in shape. And I was walking.

And I heard these guys, there'd be like 17. You know, I'm probably 30 or something. I see these guys listening to this music and they're banging their fucking heads, right? And I'm like, look at these fucking momos. This is our future right here, right? but what they were listening to

was so fucking unreal that after like 10 minutes I had to walk to these idiots and go listen, not for nothing guys what the fuck is this? And they showed me the album cover and I listened to the name of the band and that afternoon

after I worked out I took my fucking bike and I went over to whatever record store I was going to em Boulder at the time sorry people and I walked and I bought this album and I brought it home and after three songs I had to get up, put the album down, the cassette, whatever the fuck I had bought, the CD it was. And I had got a bag of weed and come back and start from the beginning because it had moved me so fucking much.

I like this style of music so much. And if you look at me, you can't tell. I love grunch. I love it. We live in Seattle. Yeah, I loved everything. And I was an old man when I lived up there, considering what was going on. But I loved the whole thing about it.

I loved fucking, when I heard Pearl Jam, I lost my mind. But the album that pushed me was an album called Bad Motor Finger by Soundgarden. It is one of the great, and it opens up with Rusty Cades. I know right away 200 of you momos are going to say, listen to the Johnny Cashman. Listen, you dumb motherfuckers. If I wanted the Johnny Cash one, I would have put on the Johnny Cash one. So when I put on music, don't hit me with, what about the cover from Fake No More? Suck my dick.

I don't want to hear Fake Buckin no more. I want to hear it by Sabin. That's why I'm fucking playing it. But the funny thing is, this Soundgarden Alme destroyed me. Like I sat there for two hours, smoking dope, rolling joints, and crying. When I listen to music and I cry, that means I'm just... And then I put on, you know, then after that, it didn't stop. Then I was some chains, then that's that other band up there.

There were like four bands up there that were throwing fucking heat. And I moved to Seattle, and I go to this club giggles in the U district. Okay. It was run at the time by a Vietnam vet that he was a pilot, and he got hit in the head with a fucking missile. or something, and he would lose his memory. So I would work all weekend, right? Yeah.

I would call him Bob or something with his name. I'd call him on Monday and go, Bob, who's the feature act this weekend? And he would say, nobody. I go, can I feature? And he'd go, yeah, show up Thursday in Tacoma or, forget whether Thursday night gig was on Friday and Saturday or in Seattle in the New District. So I would work, but I knew the waitress is so good. That's Sunday nights, I would ask Saturday nights, I would ask the waiters,

go back there and see who's featuring them next week. And they would come back and go, nobody. and Monday, 9-01, I would call Bob and go, Mom, who's featuring this week? Who's this? Joey Diaz. Why, you want to feature? Yeah, when was the last time you were at the club? He'd ask me.

I'd say nine years ago, right? All right, see you Thursday. I would do this three weeks in a row, and he would never remember. But the best was, you know, the mind of Joey Dears. I'm always fucking criminalizing, you know what I'm saying? I would go in there on Thursdays and ask him for a draw. Okay, on the paycheck. Yeah.

And then by salary, he'd forget. Gaggaggaggagg And then I call him again on Monday Go hey Cucksucker Who's there on this weekend? Nobody When was the last time you were at the club 18 fucking years ago See your Thursday

That's hilarious But there was a waitress there Little white dirty fucking thing That I loved She was just I never fooled around We never fucked around We never fucked on them

We were just tight We'd smoke joints together Uh huh She had the blonde streaks And they had real fucking petite Dirty feet like I like them Little tits No bra the bra

Brow smelled like fucking ginger snaps They got that Pachugi juice Their fucking monkeys probably smell like Pussy juice and Pachugi juice meats With a little Chinese fucking deli You know what I'm saying? It's tremendous. That little noodle smells like that little wap.

Like when you lick the noodles sometimes I got that glazed down pee Like it's like glazed onions Carmelized onions. You never eat that clit When it's got that little fucking I never liked it before. Ooh, it's got a little baby pee smell

to that little clit. It just pops open like a fucking soldier. Anyway, she would always tell me if you want to get a little bit. If you want to get it. you fucked up. Come with me to Queen Anne Hill. And I would go, what are you talking about? She's like, the people from Allison Chains, the band, the singer has a house and a bunch of people go in there and they do fucking

H. And I'll tell you what, guys, God did me a favor when he put me on this planet. He made me not like fucking needles. Because if you go to a guy that's shooting H and you go to their house and tell him, you know, I'm smoking, I'm going to snort it, they'll look at you like, you know, me coming here and me going, hey, let's do a bong him. And they're like, no, I just want to vaporize my lungs. I'll smack you. So when it comes to heroin, you can't be playing with these people like, hey, you know, I'm kind of come up here and do a line.

So I never went up there with this girl. Trust me, I want to do anything to rape this fucking girl. She was beautiful. I would love to freak out with an age. You don't know what it's like a little sex on a fucking age. Your dick gets all hardly. You get a little feather and tick her asshole. Forget about it.

Your nod, your drool. Your drool. Heroin looks like something. I can never mess with me. Oh, it's tremendous. I just, I'm telling you. I'm scared of it. I did it.

That's how I got all blowing. Five years ago. That's a different fucking story. But it's funny, I would never go up there. And I asked her one day, who is this band? And she's like Alice and motherfucking chains. And I'm like, are you fucking serious? And then I went home and I got some album by them, the first album.

And I nearly fucking freaked out. It wasn't dirt. It was something else. I forget the fucking arm. Too high. We got a call coming in. Do it, baby. Yo

Who's this? Martin Perez Oh shit Martin we were talking about something But let me give him a little insight into who the fuck Martin Perez is When I first moved to North Berger I lived downtown and given a terrace

My mother had a bar in Union City And one of the guys She hung out with his name was Machito And he had a kid named Julie And a cousin that was Martin Perez And me and Martin became friends And we'd fuck around I mean, this is somebody that I met in the sixth grade of Mr. Lovito's class.

He had the wig then, correct? The what? The wig. Lovito had the wig, right, in the sixth grade already? Yeah. You know, I just talked to fucking Lovito a couple weeks ago. He was Mario Arias in Las Vegas. Mario and Zaldevar.

Louis Zaldevar was his name. Louis Zaldevar and Mario were on the pilot program in the sixth grade, correct? They were like 16 in the sixth grade. they had the mustache, the beard they drove their kid to school and then they came upstairs in North Bergen, right, Martin they had the...

Zaldevar's father was strong as shit. Oh, Zaldevo. Bro, I seen him smack Leo Gatoni one day, the principal. He smacked them downstairs in the fucking basement. That's the way I... We lit the, all the bathrooms

on fire and we got suspended. Zaldava was the one that sneaked on us. McKinley Me and Peter has had to do this That's right We had to go this

For arsony We had to go like For a month every day And I used to write my little Mini bike To this arsonous thing What kind of mini bike did you have Did you have a little Honda trail like me

Or did you have one of the ghetto ones That you had the loan mower No I had come on man I had the Yamaha 80 Oh shit That's right We all have a little fucking bikers

Remember we used to go down And uh Rob the train Did you go down there, Martin, and rob the trains by Sea Quakers? Yeah, the ones we robbed them. The Erie Lackawana and all that shit. Remember they used to shoot us with... Go ahead.

20 motorcycles from a train and we were 12? We were 12 one time, and we robbed a bunch, and you had to carry them home. They weren't built. Remember, they were in a box. There were small bikes. Not that you had to build them. The gas tank was off, the seat was off.

So you had to put all this shit on once you got on. You had to open up the carbure. in those days. And remember they used to shoot us with salt and pepper guns down there. You ever get shot with a salt and pepper gun?

I still got my scar on the side. Like a motherfucker, bro. It's like rotten pussy juice in your eyeball. You know what I'm saying? It's a gun with like salt. Yeah, with the cubes and when they hit you, they blow up salt and pepper

and you scratch like a motherfucker. Martin, tell these people who your father was and what you remember from these times, brother. Oh, my father was a colonel in Cuba's second chief of police of Batista.

and he was a real real strict guy I was raised in Jersey and he couldn't keep a good eye on me all the time so he got into a lot of mischief and he would always sell Martincito was real real you know strict that my mother's side of the family was kind of wild

Machito you know that was the front of your mom's Coco Machito your uncle Mike? Yeah. And when they used to go to the bar and all that shit, what do we call middle class gangsters? Yeah, yeah. We were middle class fucking gangsters.

One day I was sitting there writing one of the testicle testaments. I wanted somebody other than myself to describe my stepdad Juan. And I had the only person allowed. So I called Martin and I go, Martin, if you had described one, how would you describe him? A scary motherfucker He was a real You know You know

Very very hardcore guy To tell him what he did for him No you can tell him I don't give a fuck A fucking guy Was a hit man I mean it was amazing You know they had an article

The other day by Jose Battle In the fucking And then somebody on Twitter Hit me up again Do you know who Jose Battle was Martin Jose Bacler Say Yamada Lottlet

battle was a guy that fought for you he went down with the United States and CIA to Cuba for the Bay of Pigs and when all that shit went down he got pissed off when they let him out of jail he told the fucking CIA that he didn't care about he wasn't mad at them

he just wanted to do his own thing for 10 years so he ended up becoming one of the biggest fucking bookmakers and fucking and he lived in West New York so that's how all those people Yiko and fucking Juan and all that shit but I wanted to tell a story with you Martin real quick about a

when we did two things I really remember about Martin that we laughed our asses off in the sixth grade where one people used to put glue on trees on the wall and you light the fire on the glue then you blow it out and the fucking your initials were on the wall right this is what was big then

and on 26th Street projects so I used to hang out and Martin used to live down there which was a tremendous fucking place tremendous there was a tree and one night me and Martin and his cousin went and bought the fucking glue and we were going to put it on the tree and me

and Julie did it and when it was Martin's turn he put his initials on the MP and he lit it on fire but some glue or something hit a leaf and it could only happen to Martin right so here for two months everybody's been right in their initials nobody gets in trouble next thing you know

the tree is on fire and Martin is blowing on it and that's what I remember you blowing on it me go why are you blowing it and then we and all of a sudden out of the corner he's like a golf cart coming with fucking three or four cars and with three or four guards on it

and they weren't arrested him so this is... Yeah, they took me away and he took him away and his cousin were downstairs Howland Oh Jesus Howling were downstairs And how about the time

that Julian was my cousin He was like two years younger than me was he? Yeah, yeah three years younger Because he was two years younger than me or something He looked exactly like me. So he beat up a little kid that was his age. You remember that? He beat up a kid that was his age.

And the little kid thought it was me. And he came into my house and said, Oh, he beat me up. Well, I didn't beat you up. I'll get me up. And my father was ready to keep my ass for beating up on somebody's less, you know, underage. Until right when my father had the belt and his hand in the air

ready to beat the shit out of me, Julian comes out and goes, oh, it was me. So he's ready. I take my ass for him. Hey, talk to these guys about McKinley, about Mr. Kingwell. How many meetings that Mr. Kingwell get to the seventh grade teacher from students and parents? What I remember

about Kingwell, what? He was the seventh grade teacher. When we walked into the day, we used to go in the day before, the last day of school, you used to go to your next year's class. So this is the first day I ever go to his class, and he's standing in

the front of the door saying, you're going to fail, you're going to fail, you're going to fail. Remember that, Coco? Yeah, yeah. He used to poke you in the fucking ear and punching the ribs, like give you a little taps and shit. And now whose sister beat him up? Your sister? My sister, he slapped the shit out of me one day, and my sister goes over there and go, my sister's like half his size and poking on his stomach and telling him, what the fuck?

Hit me, hit me. You're lucky my father doesn't come over here. Who gets the shit out of you? Now were you in the class when he hit one of the Carverhals? And Mr. Carverhalla now, to describe the Carverhous Maria is on Facebook. She's beautiful. These guys were like Neanderthal Cubans. They were all like chunks.

The whole family, they called the one son the beast. He's a truck driver. He's bigger than a truck now. But the father was gigantic. And he was from the, what were the Cubans called Wahito, right or wrong, where they're country motherfuckers. Okay. But those are the ones that will kill you.

and he used to wear his little Wairoleta shirt with a fucking cigar that looked like a baton his cigar looked like a baton in front of 26th and I guess one day Unbelievable. Unbelievable. One day he hit one of his kids and at 3 o'clock that day you heard and they were like open up and it was Mr. Carverhaar

Mr. King will look at him and he goes I'm going to do to Jew what you do to my son and he smacked the fuck out of him McKinley was crazy man and remember who replied you had left already but you know that the guys that replaced Mr. Lindsay, Wally Lindley Lindsay

replaced like, what was the Ethel Welsh and Ms. Verger, right? Were the 8th grade teachers? Oh my God. And Ethel Walsh was... We retired them too late. We retired.

She kept saying, I'll be here after you come and go. Ethel Welsh were retired and Ms. Vergas retired first. Afterl Walsh, we tortured. But the guy that replaced Ms. Verger, his name is. was Wally Lindley. He was the mayor of Wee Hawking, but he was also a school teacher

in North Bergen. And he's the one that sold the waterfront out in Hudson County there, so they erect, the ATF arrested him in the 8th grade. Think about being your fucking class sitting in the school and all of some of the fucking ATF shows up and takes your fucking school teacher.

That's the school we fucking grew up, man. What did you leave? What was, Joe? How about that, that guy? Remember when we were in in PE? and was Joey Coco

Garamo and the PE teacher smacked us Mr. Tatora, tell him the story. Tell him the story.

Tell him this. I'm sorry. I don't remember the guy's name that his father came in with his mafia and told the principal

I want to see the I want to see the the PE teacher. I want to see the PE teacher. No, no, no. What was the his name? Carmine Balzano.

Balsano. Anta he pulled Cotora pushed me, you, and Anthony Bousano for speaking Spanish. And Anthony Balzano stuck up for us. He's like, I don't give a fuck, you can't tell these guys what to do it, not to speak, and this teacher hauls off and starts hitting us, but he pulled

mine and Martin's heads, and he banged them. Like, when we went upstairs, we were going through our hair, and there was hair on the sheet. So when Carmine came in, he got, you know, right away Anthony's like dad let me tell you what happened he didn't let these guys talk Spanish fuck that it's a free country

but he's like but Anthony you're Italian so what you gotta stick up for Spinks you know what and the next thing you know this fucking guy went into that principal's office and was that fucking teacher there next day hell no they transferred the toilet no he was gone Hey

and Goko one we counterfeited the lunch tickets Oh yeah we were I haven't heard that one. Oh, fuck, because I forget all this shit, dog. This is how much... We sold more counterfeit tickets than the school day. No, this is fucking classic shit in North Bergen, though. We ain't fucking...

12-year-old counterfeiters. 12-year-old fucking counterfeiters. We used to deliver pay everything. That whole... All those neighborhoods were never safe with us. We were always trying to flip a buck. You've been doing your whole life. We were kids that were always trying to flip a buck, man.

There's no fucking games And playing Game Boy and all that shit We lived it though We didn't have time to watch a TV And steal a car in my mind We lived it Fucking little momos today Let's go play fucking Game Boy

You gotta live it bitch Go ahead Martin Hey Joe When we used to take the orders from people Give me your order for lunch Give me your order for lunch And then get Hey Joseo to go steal it from

ShopRite ShopRite He'd go into shop right and take all our orders and just pack in a brown bag. He'd walk down the aisle, just putting it into a brown bag, and walk out of the store like it was his house.

We grew up with some pretty fucked up fucking people. Hey, did you go with us to do our confirmation, Coco? No, I got thrown out of that. It was the place in Union City, not St. Michael's, but the other one. Not St. Rockos, but there was another one where I went like two or three times, and one of you guys

asked the fucking priest, who wrote the Bible and was it real and how that we know that this shit was real and he threw a bunch of us out. You don't remember we had to go to we had to go to come up. I remember and then it was me uh, Dean LaPree, John Vander, Vanichek, Q

like 20 of us 20. We used to go to Blimpy, smoke dope and then go to fuck it. In the seventh grade, we go to Blimpy, smoke dope and then go to community instruction. So if you ain't topping that one, kids, go fuck yourself. You follow me?

the confirmation at the end, I don't know if you went, but we changed all our names, our last names, ourselves, like Dean Le Prick, Martin Perquez, John Fender, and this is the priest, the preacher, the priest, and our confirmation saying all these names, and we were rolling in the middle. I gave him the fucking worst, they gave him the wrong fucking names, man. No, this was, Martin, I'm happy you called, because you had come to my house swimming at the pool. you had come to my mother's bar I mean you were around for years with me we used to go to movies together

I used to go to 7th Street and watch Martin do judo class remember Martin down in 7th? Remember La Lupe and her son? La Lupe and her son La Lupe is a Cuban performer that's on YouTube that while she would sing she would rip her fucking clothes off who would

not even pink doing somersault could do that shit this Cuban lady used to rip her fucking clothes I can't remember you I can't believe you Sturma L'Alupe at my house. Yeah, La Lupa used to go to your house, too, right? Yeah, yeah. I used to watch her unchanged, and she had a skinny pussy.

I remember when I was a young kid, her pussy was skinny. Her little hair looked like Eddie Munster. A little pussy hair was scraggly. Martin. Hey, what was... Dave, everybody was... You were banking big time when she was like a cousin of yours or something. Oh, I banged all my cousins.

You know what I mean? No, she wasn't a cousin. See, my mother had baptized. the Evie from the Bronx, the Puerto Rican girl. Yeah, she taught me how to eat pussy a little nasty bitch. I remember the first time I ate her monk and even have hair or nothing. I forgot all about it. I had Evie, I had Evie, and I had the other Puerto Rican that my mother.

My mother would baptize all these kids. She'd be their godmother, and they'd have to spend the week with us or something. Oh, okay. After the third night, I'd be dry-humphing. Yeah, that's very big. It's big in the Catholic religion, being a godparent, you know. Matizito, I love you at all my heart. calling, bro. Anything you want to say at the end?

I just want to say, Coco, I love you, brother. I love you. My brother. No, no, no. I told him, my son. I didn't see Martin for 20 years, and he showed up to Miami Improv. And he gave me a hug, and I almost fucking died. So we've, uh, this, bro, I'm 49 years old, Martin. How old are you? 50. 50. So we've been fucking running since we were 13 and 12 and 11 with Peter Jimenez. And we used to walk up and down that hill.

And what about the fucking riots against you? Union City throwing eggs, the projects. Oh, remember the day before Halloween, the Michigan night? Devils, Devils night, dog. They don't do this in this country. Oh, we're fucking wars, bro. We used to have egg fights for wars. Remember throwing eggs at the Hasidic Jews?

Do you throw an egg of a Hasidic Jew and they chase you from Union City to fucking Jersey City? Those little stinkies, they don't stop, dog. Remember we used to go and glue the... And he's on the... We were bad, but... Remember we used to go to Dura Test and throw light bulbs at people and the fucking light bulbs? Remember that were the irregular

light bulbs? You were throwing light bulbs in here? Yeah, they made all light bulbs and beams, you know, those long tubes, so I would come up to you with one of those things and hit you. And the thing would just blow up and white powder would go on your face and shit. Oh, my God. And then we used to have... Remember the bonacas? Caval was the one that threw an apple

through the Jewish temple thing, and then they said it was a brick and they put him in prison and everything. They put him in jail and everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Alex Galois. This is like that's right in the tunnel. Which one?

One arm, what was his name? Oh, the one guy who got caught. Yeah, he got caught by, he was robbing trains, wasn't he? And his arm got jacked. He got, he got electrocuted? Yeah, that's the last time I went down there. Once somebody gets electrocuted, the party's over. Takeo, Mimada.

I forget what his name was. He's driving a cab now. Yeah, and you remember Lewis, the crippled guy on the bottom floor? And we used to take him into it. Man, that was fucked up. Debbie Slow, you remember Debbie Slow? Debbie Slow. We used to have a lot of crazy people that name with it.

I got to run, Martinsito. Takeiro, Mimana. My brother. I'll call you next week. Lava Tchotu. Bye. Bye. That's fucking nuts, huh?

Now, for people my age, and he brought it up, but I didn't want to stop you guys talking, explain who Batista is, because it's a story that I don't think people my age would understand. Batista was the guy who was running Cuba before Fidel. That's who Fidel won and succeeded. It was a guy in Batista, Fuhencio Batista. And in reality, Batista was a bad motherfucker.

I mean, because, yeah, on one hand, he had Cuba. It was booming. I mean, all the stories you hear by Cuba, is when Batista was running that motherfucker. But on the other hand, the poverty was at fucking tremendous levels. He was robbing his people. He was worse than communists in a way,

because he was shaking him down to live. So when Batista got knocked out of that, Batista had to go in exile. Because fucking Cubans don't fuck around. They don't forget nothing. They forgive for a little while, but they'll go get them, you know? So I don't know what the whole thing was Batista,

but a lot of people like Batista and a lot of people were fucking against Batista. And at the end, when Fidel came in, he brought a promise. Fidel lied to the Cuban people. He brought in a promise that he was going to change things. And look, he was a comedy. So, but my point was, so his father was like a general or very high up in his army. Very high.

So the people around you, I can't even imagine how strict his father would be. And then there was your father and it's just. Martin's father was a no-nonsense guy. Whenever he said, Martin Cito, everything stopped. He was big. You know, and what made me think of Martin was I was at Eddie Bravo's house, and I watched a fucking video about Cuba that he had with Batista there, and I seen Martin Perez standing next to him.

He looked just like Martin, who I had on the phone. Yeah. And I go, look, I got to call Martin because I talk to Martin a lot. I talk, you know, he has a big company in Florida. I mean, he's down there fucking making it happen. But I'm just happy that we're still talk. I mean, how lucky am I? Yeah.

You know, he's one of the few people left from that side. of my life from that side of my life, the life before my mother died, that could vouch for me in any situation, there's maybe three or four. Yeah. And that's why I honor this guy so much. And I believe all your stories. I don't, like, I never in my head think you're lying. But, you know, I have stories from my childhood that are kind of, they grow over the years.

And I couldn't imagine out 12 stealing motorcycles off of a train. And he called and he brings it up. And I get, like, throwing mics off of a train. Listen, first off, I had nothing to lose. So, you know, I had nothing going on in my comedy career. I had nothing. I was doing sets. Yeah, I was doing movies and my name is around.

People were impressed or whatever. But I didn't know what was going on. And I started doing a podcast with Felicia, and I started telling stories about my life, man. You know, and a lot of them, you forget. They're so fucking terrible. A lot of them, you forget. I'm not going to lie. You don't want them.

You don't want nobody, you know. And I started saying them. And you know what? I would show up to fucking these shows and people would be all around going, dog, tell us that story again, do this. And I go, are you fucking people kidding? You know, I always thought everybody had stories. Yeah, that's why I didn't want to tell nobody.

Some of them I can't tell. Listen, I got 800 stories. 300 of them I can't fucking tell you. You know what I'm saying? Because it's just not right. And you'll hear them as they go along because people are going to call them, slip or whatever. But I got no reason to learn. I'm the real fucking deal.

Exactly. I'm the real fucking deal. And this is just, I sit here sometimes. Like I said, I thought everybody lived a lot. I thought everybody went and robbed trains when they were 12. And these were middle, these were middle, what do you call that? Real class kids? Middle class kids.

These were middle class kids that hung out at projects to hang out with the other kids that didn't have so much. You know what I'm saying? We didn't judge. There was no judge. And we knew who to hang with. Who rocked? Who had your fucking back in those days? Yeah.

Not like these fucking momos with a skateboard going, let the fuck. You know, after school, some of the kids had money, some didn't. We would walk a mile to. the fucking metal lands where the metal lands are now there'd be trains out there by Seekawkers, every like a wanna. And the trains would go by and we would position ourselves and you'd have to jump on

a train and break the fucking seal and then open the door and then get in there. We're 12. Was the train moving? The train was moving on a slower pay. Still, Jesus Christ. And the cops would be driving the, not the regular cops, but the transit station, Amtrak. I don't even know if it was Amtrak then.

So you had to take the boxes, throw them off the fucking trains. Hide them in the weeds like Sons of Anarchy in the episode last week with the guns and then have walk back to North Bergen eat dinner, pray that nobody steals your stash and then get one of your older brothers and one of his friends

you got to pay him 50 bucks, you're 12. So that means you guys say, listen dog, I have six motorcycles. Help me along them back. Once I sell two of them, I'll throw you a fucking half a yard or $100. We were 12. Wow. And that's something when he was talking it, it made me realize when you were talking about selling the lunch tickets and then going

before church going to Blumpies to get a sandwich and then smoke. You really haven't changed that much so in your life. No. I mean, you grow up and you mature a little bit

but you're doing the same stuff. Listen, man, all you do is rub out the edges and make them not as sharp. That's what you do. But you are who the fuck you are. I am who the fuck I am. You know, in those days

the deal was, let me tell you, let me bring it down more on Fridays. If you didn't want to go to school in the afternoons, you either had to go to school or you had to go to California, Catholic community education, CCD.

I don't know what they call. They still have it. They still have it. So you had to be there at one. So basically you would go to school from 9 to 12. Some of the pimps would sign up and go to CCD. And the other ones would stay in because we had Levito. So on Fridays, Mr. Levito at 1 o'clock since half the kids were gone,

he would put a record play on and you were allowed to listen to music. But guess what? Mr. Lovito knew I was crazy. So he let me go on stage every Friday after they threw me out. because I went for like two weeks and one of the kids raised their hand and he's like, excuse me, Padre, how do I know the shit in this book is fucking real?

I giggled and somebody else giggled he threw all of us. I didn't make my confirmation but I was 29 years old. Oh, okay. I went back to get the Holy Spirit put it into me because I thought I was crazy. I thought that would help me. But that's a complete difference.

That was in my Buddhist, Molder days. That was when I was, because I don't believe in organized real religion. Like I said, I'm a Jekundo. I got the Catholics, the Buddhists, the Santoreas and the Jews. and I put it all together It works

You know what I'm saying So some days So me Some days I got a Yamaghan I got a cut of chickens Head off Fuck it You gotta do

What the fuck you gotta do So On Friday's you had to either Walk up to that thing Uh huh Which was a blast You got to walk From that school

Up Route 3 Which is a thousand million cars Coming at you You went to shop Right You shoplifted gun Gum Guns

Gum Then you walk like Three blocks And then there was The 4 star Dine which had a tremendous BLT, one of the best I've ever had.

Oh, those are great. You had the burger place on the corner. You had all these fucking places to go mingle, but you had a Blimpy base. In those days, a roast beef from Blimpy was trying. Go to Blimpy and I got a roast beef. Rose beef from Sub, let's say Rosie's pussy. It's all brown.

And fucking the noodles is brown. Don't eat roast beef from Subway and on that shit. They should kill you. But in those days, we go to fucking Subb, Blimpy on 31st in Burger Land. We blast off a fucking joint. We go in there and they put on, oh, mama me, ah, mama me, huh? We giggle.

We go in there and giggle at waitresses. We'd giggle at people. In those days, we used to smoke with a fucking glass tube. Okay. Somebody had a, we used to go to a headstock or east west, and it was a glass tube, and you rolled the joint, and you put the joint in the tube, and that was the card. So you suck it in like a fucking glass fucking thing. And we get hammed.

No matter what we smoked. And you were 13. 12, 6. gray bitches for all you people like, well, I'm considering, go fuck yourself. This shit goes deep, deep, deep into the mental block. Anyway.

That's my favorite thing you says. Anyway. Yeah, what do you get me on hot and sticky for? So, uh, we would go to sit in this fucking Catholic fucking thing over there and listen to this priest for two hours, talking about the Bible. You had to do that for like eight months, 18 years to turn it to your confirmation. Once

we got thrown out, I had to stay in school two or three. But guess what, all the boys would go up there, so all the chicks would stay, hang around. And on Fridays, instead of listen to music at one point in the afternoon, this is, I've never repeated this in a podcast. Okay. He would let me go up on, in the front of the class

and sing a song, and I would lip sync, My Eyes adored you by Frankie Valley in the Four Seasons. That's why, when I was in Jersey for the UFC, I was standing, Mario Arias called me from Vegas, another kid that was in our class in the sixth grade, to tell me that he was hanging with our sixth grade teacher, Mr.

Lovito, in Vegas. Holy shit. So this is how tight we are. Like this is something, everybody was in a Levitos class. And I still talk to people who I had with the teacher Kingwell, the one he was saying that he would hit people. Yeah. That's the motherfucker that left me back. Wow.

He's the one that left me back for eating in New Yorker. He reads his pussy in the seventh grade, that motherfucker. I'll never forget him. But you know what? It was a wake-up call because he was a good teacher, Kingwell. You had to read a book every month. I'll never forget that. You had to read a book a month, and he gave you an oral book exam.

Whoa. So you actually had to read it. You had to read it. You had to read it. You had to read. And guess what? Today, I read because of that fucking guy. He got me into reading.

Like the summer, when you get put into his class in the seventh grade, he'll give you three books and say, you've got to read these. Three fucking books. So when you come back in September, the first week, it was what do they call? Book of All examination. Before we get the fuck out of here,

excuse me, people. Before we get the fuck out of here, I want to show you something that I got yesterday. Just to let you know where our head's at. First off, Thank you very much for all the love we got on this fucking podcast. You guys are some bad motherfuckers. I know Lee wants to thank you.

It's unbelievable. Everyone who writes to me on the email on Twitter, everyone's so nice. So thank you guys. You know, my brother Joe Rogan always talks about being positive and stuff. I don't talk about it that much. I just live it.

And it's just an understanding. None of the understanding. We're all positive. You're going to have good and bad days and shit like that. Listen, man, I get up at 5 in the morning. I come here. For the last two years, I've been on Twitter. And I get up at 5 in the fucking morning.

I'm with you people playing. I'm smoking with you through osmosis. We're all having a great time. I started doing videos and shit Joey Karate's years ago. And it was the weirdest thing, man. I would get these. I would, you know, at those days, I didn't know much about the computer. And I would fucking shoot a video with my friend Dan.

His son's going to be a year old. Happy birthday. My man, Dominic, my nephew. And we would shoot a video and put it up. And, you know, you'd get great video funny, Joey's funny, whatever. And then somewhere in the... middle of the night, I'd wake up, and I check it or a week later, and I get like, you fat fuck, I hope you die.

I couldn't figure out what it was, so I click on to the person's link, and I go to the YouTube page, and I would go, you know, fuck you, you motherfucker, I hope your mother gets hit by a train, and then I realize I'm doing the same thing he's doing, you know, what the fuck is wrong with me. I mean, then I understood what people do that. They just go from computer to computer site, and they write shit on people's thing. And I never understood it. I wasn't raised to shit. I was raised belly to belly.

belly of belly guy. That's why I don't text. I don't do nothing. I want to look at your fucking eyes. Take your sunglasses off when I talk to you. That's how I was raised. Yeah. I wasn't raised with sunglasses with flip-lops trying to be cool and shit. Talk to me like a fucking man. I'm all about fucking, before we become anything, directors, comedians,

superstars, podcasted, you know, with fucking men. So you always have to act like a fucking man. That's the bottom fucking line. Right? So, you know, I was raised, if I got to say something, I'll say it to your face. I don't fucking say it at all. Yesterday, after all the shit we do and all the fil-o-fattle we have, we have a great time.

This is what I got yesterday sent to me. He sent it to me your fucking worst nightmare, right? This is classic. Hey, fat, fuck, retard, hack, loser, piece of shit, Rogan, Shine Boy, bitch. Go fuck your dead fat mother. Hope you stroke out before that whore has your cock-cold kid. Can you believe this shit? Now, my whole take on this, and for you people, let's hunt this motherfucker down,

because he doesn't know I called a buddy of mine in Jersey. I got a buddy in Jersey. loves doing this. You pay them $200 and they trace this in 70 fucking two hours. And then we sent two other fucking gorillas to knock on your fucking door and let you know what you did. Now this guy hit me up before

as something else one time and I fucking shut him down too. He called me a fat nigger and a spick. I mean just, you know, but this one here, it's the weirdest thing because whether this guy's 13 or 27, he's got no fucking

life. He's got no life. He's got no. He can't claim responsibility. He can't do nothing. He's got to know. This guy's going to be living behind the fucking shadows all his life. These are the kids that you see walking around. This is the kid that I'm going to a fucking post office and kill somebody or waste a kid. This is how

it starts. Yeah. Because who raised this fucking maggot? Who raised this fucking kid? A computer raised this fucking kid. A computer raised this fucking idiot. Because he's been listening. It's not like he downloaded the podcast. He knows my wife's pregnant. He knows my mother died.

knows him with Rogan. This is what he writes. It cracks me up. I laugh because I turn it around in my mind that I feel bad for this dumb fuck. I feel bad in the sense that he has to go through life living like a fucking mobo. And that's how you're supposed to look at it.

If I got that, that would destroy me for days. No, because you're not supposed to put it. If he knocked on my door and said that to my face, I'd shake his hands. Because at least you had the fucking balls to do it in the fucking honesty. And you know what? Get your mother on the phone.

She did a fine job. she instilled fucking you know not hiding behind a computer but how do you hide these are the same and I get these on Twitter and you laugh you sit there so if you do this by the way let's hunt this motherfucker down people because I know there's some fucking 10 year olds that can find you they'll find fucking Obama Apple 6 at gmail.com I got it working from the other side

when we find you we're gonna fucking make you fucking write an apology and I'm gonna go to your hometown I'm gonna pay a black guy with the biggest dick in town. I'm going to go to one of those sex clubs and go, I want the biggest blackest motherfucker in here with a big pink fucking helmet. One of those Mike Tyson Cox, which is so big in black,

the black goes pink from black to pink like a fucking, like a fucking scale on a toaster. You know what I'm saying? And I'm going to make you suck his dick just like that. How's that one for you? Let's have some fucking fun.

Oh! I'm sorry about talking that way. Yesterday somebody sent me a flyer saying you're invited to an evening of smart comedy. So we're back to that again. Oh, my God. We're so intelligent. We're voting for around me.

It's smart comedy. We're doing at 7.30. And the thing about that is, is he definitely knows you. Yeah, he knows me. He's probably the type of kid or person, whatever, however old he is, he probably goes down. He's like, who do I follow? And I'm going to send us to every single person I follow.

Like a different one for each person. It's very sad. I never understood that. I never was raised to act that way. So I don't understand. It shocks. the fuck out of me, Lou. It takes me and it just rips me

apart inside for two seconds because, not because of what he said, his words, come on. I've heard fat fucking cunt mother all my life. If words bother you. It's just that where the fuck is he coming from? Yeah. What's he going to do the rest of his life? Waring, wear a fucking dress and I would make-up on?

And this is coming from you who robbed trains and did all that bad stuff. You know, because I know you got to look at a man's eye, dog. Yeah. Always got to look at it. That's why I don't like texting. What am I texting for? I text somebody when I go out my dixon. That's a booty call.

When somebody calls you, call them back. This is all part of being a fucking man. This is all part of being Wednesday. Every fucking day, you got to act this fucking way. These fucking jerkoffs doing this kind of shit. I'm like, get the fuck out of here.

Lee! Tell these motherfuckers what's happening Sunday. Sunday, we have the biggest show we've ever done. We have the recap of the John Jones, finally fighting. We have a preview for a, Sunday football and Monday night football. Well, no Monday nights. We don't preview Monday nights here because that's a losing night.

And my people aren't getting back. The people we run with, we're fucking winning. We're winning. We lock it up. We go upstairs. We give Mama stab and Monday morning, wake up and go to work and we don't got to worry about who's playing Monday. Am I got to win my money back? Fuck no. Why are you chasing fucking Mondays? Fuck Mondays.

We do our work like silent fucking savages. We're chasing your fucking jewels like Tupac says on a Sunday. So we're trying to make some money as we can. I had the under on the Giants. The week before that, I had against Denver. I bet against Denver. So I'm one in one.

This week I'm going to redeem myself with a winner. As far as the UFC, like I said, dog, it's fucking Wednesday. I got to see the Wayans. But right now, my heart, I really like Benavides. And sometimes your first fucking thing is the other. And I want to go back to what we're talking about. Play a little bad motor finger for your fucking Uncle Joey.

I got to get something to drink real quick. I'll be back, bitches. All right. Yeah, I want to get mine. Tremendously. Put the second jam on, Lee. Come on. What's the one after that one?

It's the album, correct? No, no, this is just the first one. Let me get the second one. Forget it. Don't worry about it. If you didn't get the album this morning, don't worry about it. All right, brothers, it's fucking Wednesday. What else you want to talk about, Lee?

What's on your fucking mind? We got bad motor thing. Oh, I know what I want to talk to you motherfuckers about. Very important, man. I begin all these fucking messages about movies. Listen, I love movies. But I hate this new shit that. fucking comes out. The last movie I seen was the Disney one with Jennifer Gardner and the

fucking kid with the leaf on his fucking ankle. I went to see her with my wife and she cried. I got high. Whatever. It doesn't fucking matter. But the other night I was sitting in a goddamn living room and all of a sudden death wishes on, right? And it's the part where they raped his daughter, they rape his daughter and his fucking wife and it's Jeff Goldblum. So I'm sitting there like it's 9 o'clock. I don't have to be on state so 10.30. I might as well watch it. I've seen this movie. I mean, I've seen this in the fucking movie, dude.

I might as well watch this. I'm fucking sitting and I'm watching this, and I'm getting sucked in, Lee, just sucked in. Yeah. Because after, you know, on paper, it's a movie about Charles Bronson, who they kill his wife, no biggie, you know, revenge fucking movie,

and then he goes out and he shoots people. That's what it is on paper. That's what I remember it as. But for some reason, when you don't see a movie for a long fucking time, you see all these things that you haven't seen before. Exactly. You know, I watch the Chinese Connections Since I gave it out last week, I watched it the other day

And I saw shit There's a move when he goes to fight At the last scene, he walks out And he throws a kick and he turns around with an elbow I've never seen that move I've been watching Chinese connections since 1971 It's fucking 12, 12, 2012 And I just caught that scene

So now I'm watching Death Wish the other night And he goes to Arizona And he meets this fucking guy who was a big character actor In Arizona, Tucson And he teaches him how to shoot They talk about the service and what he had done before. And on the way up to the fucking, on the way out to the airport, you know, he's explaining to him he should get a gun to live in that big, bad city.

Yeah. And he's like, I don't want no guns. So, fucking, he puts a gun in his suitcase. Oh, Jesus Christ. Did you know that? Yeah. You've seen this. You've seen this movie.

So I have forgotten all this shit. You know, I've forgotten about it. I mean, fuck, you have a lot of other things on your mind. He gets to New York. He finds the gun. You know, he finds out that the daughter's not going to be the same. He's in shock, so it starts hitting him. And he takes the gun to go for a walk one night for protection.

Because throughout the whole movie, listen, New York City in the fucking 70s was horrible. It was horrible. You got to applaud whoever, Giuliani, whoever. It really was bad. If you have a problem, go to YouTube, go to our Latin thing, the first scene, and watch one there on the streets in New York. The trash was everywhere. I remember I was a kid. I lived on Riverside Drive.

I lived on 89 Street Riverside Drive with the Jews. then I moved to 205 West the A Street with more fucking Jews So don't tell me about my fucking goddamn New York And they had trash all over the place and whatnot So he goes out and some guy comes to attack him on the side And he goes, hey man, give me your money And Charles Bronson looks at the guy And he looks straight, he's over by like Battery Park or something

And all of a sudden he turns around And the guy's like, hey And Charles Bronson turns with the gun already, Pam, he shoots the guy and he runs home He holds on to the gun he gets home and the weird thing is when he gets home something I didn't remember as a kid or anything

he breaks down he breaks down he goes on his hands and knees and he looks at his hands and he can't believe what he's done a real reaction to what he just did yet real reaction like I'm like look at Charles Bronson dropping

you know knowledge on the acting department and then he was creating like an archer like I was fucking really impressive I'm like look at Charles and what they did and this is a Dino Dilerentice movie these were fucking movies Charles Bronson movies

Dino D'Lorentz is like Spielberg today you know Even bigger, Dino Dorettis, walks into a place, takes his dick out. Everybody's got a sucker, even the bus boy. So fucking, it's brilliant. You know, he starts crying. Then you see him watching. You watch him grow as a, you know, it's like anything else.

He got the smell of blood. He got the taste of blood. You watch him fucking grow as a vigilante. And now he's shooting motherfuckers every night. He had a cop following. So if you get a fucking chance, I know that you guys like Joey, you're an old fuck. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about movies. Watch death wish on.

watch the yard. I watched Death Witch one and two. Death Twitch 2 wasn't bad. Jimmy Page did the fucking soundtrack. I haven't seen that one. That one's a good one. 82 or something like that. I remember I was at the movie that I was a senior in high school and I'm sitting in front of these fucking women and the one lady goes, ooh, look at Charles Bronson.

He's so ugly. He's good looking. I was like what the fuck is these freaky motherfuckers? But please, you know, these movies from the 70s and 80s, sometimes you're watching a little slow. Yesterday I was an IMDB for something. And I was watching somebody's list of movies, you know, for

top comedies. I was shocked by their fucking predictions or selections. But what I really was, you know, like they have no planes, trains, and automobiles on there. And to me, no. And to me, if you don't have trains, planes, and automobiles and

Caddyshack on your comedy list, I can't look at it. If you don't have easy money on your comedy list, you're wrong. You know? You're just wrong. You're just fucking wrong. If you don't have Ghostbusters on your comedy list, I can't talk to you. If you don't have stripes on your comedy list, I cannot talk to you.

If you don't have Animal House on your comedy list, I cannot talk to you. Where do you fucking people make these fucking lists from? Have you not watched a movie? You just watch three fucking movies and make your fucking pics, you dubs. And was Hangover on the list? Oh, please. Hangover one and two, and everybody's dancing and singing. and, you know, Chinese people with their big side.

Oh, yeah, you know. But if you don't have any of these fucking comedy, if you don't have a Woody Allen movie, as intelligent and smart witty as you think you are, the one when he fucking blows the Coke, when he goes to go over, he goes to snort it, he blows it out. The one with the fucking house and boulder that they use,

if you don't have bullets over fucking Broadway, as honorable mention, with Chas Pomerty as a mobster with that guy as the writer. I've never seen that? Oh, my God. These are fucking comedy gems. These are things that you don't have to push. You know, again, I read an article on

they're still working under funniness of the rest of the... I mean, how much fucking writing does this thing need? Oh, my God, they've collaborated. You know, two of the funniest writers have collaborated. Oh, my fucking God. And poor night, Michael Jordan can't say, just do it one more fucking time. Just fucking do it, you know?

This bio channel from time to time Has a history of a movie Okay, that'll be great You see that? Like, yeah, what happened on the movie? And they had Caddyshack on Sunday. Oh, Jesus. And I was coming back from fucking Minneapolis,

which, guys, I still fucking love you. Tom Bernard, you bad motherfucker. Please support Hasek County this weekend. My man, uh... I don't know. Who's there? I'll find that for you. Anyway, what the fuck was like that?

And I also want to give a shout out in Minneapolis to a cool motherfucking black dude that man fucking cool sour d i love you the death i forgot to give you some love everybody else i met out there we were smoking out there and that fucking moan mother asked me but anyway so yeah you were talking about the uh the history of the movie the history of the fucking movie and they went and they were going about

caddy shack how and caddy shack they were fucking doing pounds of blow tony montana was on the set on a fucking on roller skates giving them all blow so uh they had to go down there they had to stand the studio down there to see what the fuck they were doing yeah like what the fuck you guys do like you can't snort for two or three days and the one guy said, if you

weren't Caddy Shack and you remember you, you weren't there. Because nobody fucking remembers it. I mean, those guys, and like Bill Murray was the big star of the movie, but he was only coming in, Brian Caller. Yeah, I just found it again. Who you think you're fucking dealing with? By the time you

get the fucking name of... But the time you get the name of it'll be next Monday, you're fucking They still, they still view on their website. Who don't view? Who? They miss you. Who? How's it comedy? You're still on the front page like this. Oh, really? Dancing and singing?

Yeah. Oh, that's nice. So yeah, Brian Callens there from tonight until Saturday. So go enjoy that. But yeah, I heard stories about that, especially that scene with Bone Murray knocking the flowers with the golf. Like, that was just improv.

I mean, I'm sure the writing was great for that. But it's kind of like the music of the 70s and 80s. It really is the voice. I watched 16 candles the other day. And that was fun. fucking giggling. How can I look you in the face and tell you, I wasn't giggling with some dumb young gun. You know, come on, guys. You fucking giggle. You laugh from your fucking heart. You know, I got this movie on DVR that I adore. Guys, and you're going to laugh at me and think I'm a

fucking faggot and I don't give a fuck splash. Because you have to see John Candy. I'm going to get fucking emotional when I see, listen, guys, I didn't go to no fucking, uh, I didn't go to no fucking, uh, I didn't go to no fucking groundlings and jump up and down with kids and I-O which is great for them coming out of college I learned comedy the other fucking way okay I learned it by watching Jackie Gleason you know who wants the honeymooners at the night on Monday nights

by mistake at the end of the brilliant episode of the honeymoon was like when he handcuffed each other with the fake fucking things look and see how many writers are on this two there was two Jew writers and Jackie Gleason and Jackie Gleason rode them like he just was on him but you watched the end of Saturday Night Live

they got 90 fucking Yeah. And what do they give you an hour and a half? Two fucking sketches. So look at the work we're doing. Look at what we've been. I'm a pioneer. I watch the fuck pioneer.

I ain't no fucking pioneer. I'm like, I'm whatever the fucking call. I always get high and I forget my words. You know, I learned I'm watching timing from Jackie Gleason and fucking, you know, Dick Van Dyke. And fucking the odd couple and Red Fox on Sanford and Sun. I mean, that's what my comedy balls came from. And then I became a, you know, I listened to Richard Prype,

bicentennial nigger and the nigger's crazy and all three or four George Carl and I was the fucking one I can't remember the one name where I sat there and wrote it out and I would practice it in the fucking mirror when I was you know 12 comedy wasn't something that I did to pick up chicks well

comedy was for me listen I was I got out of prison I was just getting divorced I was a losing I had nowhere to fucking go and I figured I'd kill some time and do some comedy for a couple years and I was still crying me and next thing you know with here 30 years fucking later but that's the point.

The point was I was a student of the fucking game and I watched it and I give props to anybody even if I don't like them if somebody takes me to that next level in comedy you watch Bill,

you watched what's his name? Yeah, he's great and Uncle Buck and he's great in the fucking he's brilliant transplains an automobile

he's opposite Steve Martin I mean when Steve Martin got that call that day and they said you're working opposite John Candy when he hung that fucking phone down what he went through his head What am I going to do against this savage?

You know, you're going to read the script and go up head to head with John King. That's never going to fucking happen. So he sat back and he played this character who they just jizzed together. He let John Candy do. Listen, when you go up against guys like John Candy, the guy from 30 Rock, the black dude from 30 Rock, that the natural fucking people, they can rock with the best of you. You play a square, you play a four, what's that defense they play on Michael Jordan? when they guard they let him do what he does

but they fucking guard everybody else tight that's what you do against those guys you guard it with fucking people like John Kennedy you just let him go they know what they're doing don't look over their shoulder and you can see it in splash and splash he's so fucking strong with that one scene at the

bar where Tom Hanks is up and he goes listen I gotta leave he goes where are you going he goes I'm going to Cape Cod he goes why hang out I got these two chicks and you look at John Candy the lighting was brilliant They made it red and he had a red shirt on. But guys, he was fucked up. I've been fucked up on coke and weeding booze a million times.

He was buzzing on that scene. And you could see it in his face. And he's like, come on over. I'm dancing with these girls. And you can see him shake his little fat body. He's like, we're going down to Rio, baby. That chick's got some type of condo. And also he goes, no, no, I'm going to go find myself.

I'm in Cape Cod. And he looks at me. He goes, really? You okay? Seriously? He goes, you got enough money? Yeah, he goes, can I have some? But the fucking timing, I have it.

I watch it. When I go to an audition, I watch fucking John Candy. And he was brilliant. So, you know, before you motherfuckers make a list, make sure John Candies, even if he did a fucking camera, even with all space balls. Are you fucking kidding me?

Are you fucking kidding me? You fucking morons to hangover with this other, please don't get me fucking star anymore. Good movie, but they're not fucking classics. They're classics because they're coming out now. And nothing comes out now. It's a fucking classic. How many classics you've got a year?

Nothing. How many people are going to see these movies And they're coming out 20 years from now? Nobody. So what the fuck are they talking about? And you brought up Steve Martin a couple minutes ago And does that kill you when people are came to stop? Like he's in a couple movies, but nothing that great

And he doesn't do stand-up anymore. Does that kill you or does it just... Why does it kill him? I don't get him. What the fuck these people know? He doesn't do stand-th. I mean, it was a fucking tremendous stand-up. He had a fucking arrow with his head.

You know, he had a fucking arrow with his head. And he quit. I wasn't around for his foot. fucking stand-up. Nobody was. Do you? Nobody was. What are these kids? He doesn't do? Nobody was around. When I was a kid, I'd seen him on sound like, do King Cut with the fucking arrow and he said, and I don't even know he did stand-up. I'd never seen him do stand-up. I've even heard of it. I watched Richard Wright. What's his name? The guy from Boston do stand-up, I see those guys later on, but I was too young for Steve Martin. Nobody remembers fucking Steve Martin doing stand-up.

These guys are walking around like, nobody remembers him. I don't remember him. Oh, okay. Yeah, no, no, no. I don't know what the fuck happened with him. He was one day I seen do Ken Cotton The next day he wasn't a man with two motherfucking brains Another classic You know Steve Martin, all of me Yeah

Are you fucking kidding me One of my, I think my favorite or close to favorite of his is the jerk Oh please You know this is just guys We have There are so many movies The History of the World Part 1 and 2 Monty Python

Guys there's so much shit we have Catching up to do But we can't do it all in one day Because it's motherfucking Wednesday You have shit to do It's the church of what's happening now You're smoking dope. You're eating breakfast.

You're trying to get healthy. What's your fucking day look like, Lee, the rest of the day. My day's looking like work, and then that's it, man. But I'm happy to be here, and this is just great being here with you. Okay, I'm happy you came over this morning. I'm happy for all you motherfuckers for tuning in. Listen, do me a big favor. All right.

Tomorrow night, I'm in Madison, Wisconsin, bitches. With Duncan, yeah, that's great. With Duncan fucking Troutful. Tickets are $20. They're on fucking line. We're at champs. Come on by 8 o'clock show. Friday, I'm in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, the home of Duke motherfucking Rufus.

Hopefully we'll get to see him, and we will be in Germantown. Tickets also are on PayPal with fucking my brother, Duncan Trussell. Brown paper tickets. Brown paper tickets. I'm sorry, next week we're in fucking Baltimore. What else we got going on here, brother? Thank you for all the fucking love on this podcast. I mean, me and Lee, every day, Lee, we just giggle.

It's funny. Joey's really intense, but he'll call me. He'll be like, oh, are we still number one? I say, yes, and it sounds like he's going to pass it. I can't believe it. You fucking guys, we never expected this. We just wanted to try to give you a great podcast and try the best we can. That's all.

We're not here to lay claims. We're not fucking, you know, you know what I'm saying? But I love you motherfuckers from the bottom of my heart. I really do. I know Lee does least really starting to get into this. We love you. I'm sorry if you get offended today. I'm really not fucking sorry, but I'm just saying this shit.

You know, the sponsors or whatever. Thank you for all the fucking people who are coming, call us, and contacting us with sponsorship. You know, I'm going to run it about my attention. And we'll get to you guys next week. I'm going to run by Lee and see which one works best for us. So slow down for a few days because we got overwhelmed. And I'm just looking at them now and I sent them to my attorney.

So thank you very much for the sponsorship consideration and all that stuff. Thank you for buying the CDs. Thank you for coming to the shows. Hopefully I'd love to see you motherfuckers. Milwaukee. I'm going to go down to that little Italian neighbor where they had Donnie Brasco. You know, Donnie Brasco arrested people in Milwaukee. It's not in the movie.

But if you get the book, he went there to meet with some people. and he arrested a lot of bosses out of the Midwest. They have some Italian food and motherfucking Milwaukee in that little neighborhood where the comedy cafe used to be. I think it's still the comedy cafe. Amazing and cheap.

I got a meatball sandwich for $2 10 years ago. The fucking fat was running down my face. It's another Midwest place like Minnesota. Hey man, the fucking Midwest food. I'm still counting points. Lee's going back to the gym. I'm working out this morning.

Guys, have a great fucking weekend. I love you, motherfuckers, all my heart. Today, for people who are looking at this. Today, I will be on the Rogan podcast at 3 o'clock with the director from Cocaine Cobboys. Oh, shit. I'm bringing my books. I'm bringing the whole fucking thing.

All right, I love you guys. Stay black. Please support that squad. Beauty and the Beast, Duncan, Joe Rogan, give more love. Get your half a brain stiggling your asshole. They'll get your fucking rocking and shit. Stay black. Glee, give him a kiss, cuck, sucker.

Bye, guys. We've got Frankie Valley. My eyes adored you on the way out. There you go, brother. Like a million miles away from me, you couldn't see how I... So close. So close. And yet so far books from school