The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 10/03/2012 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #13

Episode Date: October 4, 2012

Joey and Lee talk about Joey's upcoming blood test, other "medical tests." and some of the teachers Joey had as a kid. Joey's friend Uncle Mike called in to talk about their days as "running partners" in Boulder and later in Los Angeles. And you'll never guess who contacted Joey on Facebook. Streamed live on 10/03/2012

Get a grip, motherfucker. Yeah. This album is dedicated to all the teachers that told me I never amount to nothing. To all the people that lived above the buildings that I was hustling from that call the police on me when I was just trying to make some money to feed my daughter. And all the niggins in the struggle, you know what I'm saying? So good, baby, baby. It was all a dream.

I used to read Bird Up Macon. Oh shit. It's that time. Play that motherfucker league. Let's do this. Come on, baby. Oh shit. Little Biggie for you, motherfucker.

fuckers here. All right. It's Wednesday. Get the fuck up. The world is waiting for you. Watch that fucking monkey, cock suckers. The church of what's happening now. Turn that shit off. Here you go. We're here, coxucker. The church of what's happened now. It's a beautiful

fucking day to be alive. October 3rd. I got Minnie Finney. Say hello. That's right. Coxucker. I got Flying Jew. Lee Syatt in the fucking house here. How's everybody doing? What's happening? Lee, Lee, Leeland? Everything is great, man. It's fucking October. I'm ready to go.

Fucking the playoffs, right? You're happy. The Red Sox in? No, the Red Sox couldn't be further out. They're fucking... Fuck it. Next year. Whatever. I don't know. There's too many games in baseball to pay attention, man. I love the Red Sox. It's fucking April and, man, I only watch baseball in fucking October anyway.

It's only good. It's only good live, man. I haven't been to Dodger Stadium yet, but, I mean... What the fuck is wrong with you? You didn't go and get hit in the head yet? You got to go down to Dodger Stadium? Get out of there. fucking Mayans. It's like Sons anarchy at the fucking Dodger Stadium. That's why me, and why G doesn't go. I go to Fenway Park

and sit in the nice seats and I have a beer and I leave. Shit, Fenway Park those are fucking savages there too. I love Fenway. But they like me because I wear their, I'm a fan of their team. Go to fucking Dodgers and they punch you in the eye. That's right. Fuck it. I punch you the fucking eye too if you sat in front of me. Last time I went to a

Dodger game. Why? I'm sure. Do you can see over me? I want my fucking uncle. Let me tell you something, dog. I love those Dodger games. You go. You eat something heavy before you go and you fart at those fucking games. There's usually a kid in front of you with his dad. One time I went, I went to prime rib, and I had the horseradish. Oh, come on. That's not even fair. Oh, and there was a kid, and his father said, next one he got him once a week. The kid had the glove and everything. I'm sitting there, and this tear gas is coming out of my little muffler, and I bounced it directly,

so it could bounce off the chair right into their fucking space, and they just kept looking at each other, and going like this, and after like 16 of those fucking horseradish farts, they looked at each other, they got up, and they abandoned shit. Well, they would have caught horse raters sports with you. That's fucking miserable. Fucking Sons of Antiquy last night, bitch is tremendous. I mean, last night was okay. You follow me?

I mean, the fucking actions. One thing about Sons of Anarchy, I learned when they went over to Ireland to get the kid. Jesus fucking Christ, they will milk it. But every episode, somebody gets a beaten, somebody gets stabbed, some chick gets punched in the fucking face. Jemma, somebody gets fucked. Somebody gets blown up. Shut the fuck up, Phidney. I'm trying to drop some knowledge here.

Look at this guy pissing right next to me in the fucking litter box. Staring at me in the eyes. Staring at you like he owns the fucking bathroom. But last night, the best thing that happened was a tit and a fucking thumb. They went looking for his hooker. And the guy goes, all right, you're going to kill it. We want proof, eh? Then there's a fucking tit and a thumb.

That's old school. A tit and a thumb. How about just a thumb? We call it fucking even. I got to come up with a fucking tit now, too. To satisfy your little Mexican cock suck. I can't even imagine cutting a tit off. That's fucking...

You never have to cut a tit off. You can just fucking squeeze him and suck him. That's it. I wouldn't have to, but Jesus Christ. Sometimes they're dead. You gotta do it. You gotta do, you know, the fucking payment. You didn't see the, there used to be this doctor on HBO.

Nobody remembers. Dr. Bowden, Dr. Biden, whatever his name was. It was like fucking before CSI. They would go to this guy with real murders. All right? Dr. Anthony Bowden, I forget what his name is. If somebody remembers on Twitter, twit me. This motherfucker here, if you're dead, if they call him in,

he's going to find out who the fuck you are. And the one time they killed his stripper, and they threw her, They cut her in half and they put him in the jersey short. This motherfucker from the torso, no head, no arms, just from a torso, found out who the chick was and who killed her. Was it because, like, the breast implants or something? The breast implants had codes in them, not to mention. Not to mention.

He had fucking, she had clams in her stomach. See if she was a dirty hoe. She went in order, like, expensive clams, and you could only get somewhere else from, that's what she had in her stomach. So Dr. Biden went to all the fucking restaurants that sold those type of clams. Oh, my God. Boom! caught her with the fucking dude.

Close that door for your uncle Joey there because if not, I can't fucking focus here. But it's a beautiful day to be alive. It's Wednesday. I'm happy. Everybody's fucking happy. What else is going on here? A lot of people have been caught. You know what? Piss me off. I hate wasted fucking time in life. Wasted time

is the worst thing in the world. Especially when the government or somebody's wasting our taxpayers. They're still looking for Jimmy Hoffer. Who gives a fuck where Jimmy Hoffer is? Let this cock suck and die. Like listen, if you don't show up after a week, your family

starts to think about, what does he do? He roller skates, he does this, he's a fucking momo, whatever. If 37 years later, do you think they give a fuck how he died? Only if he gives him a fuck how he died. That was 37 years ago. Obviously, you know he ain't coming back for fucking dinner.

You know what I'm saying? Like one day, you're like, oh, he hasn't shown for a year. Maybe he's dead. Nobody leaves for 37 years and disappear. Stop looking in fucking Michigan. You know where half his body's at? Japan. They put it in a fucking car and shipped it to Japan right after they killed him. The car got fucking squashed. It's over. Stop looking for Jimmy Hoffa. Nobody gives a fuck. You might as well go to Mars and do all the other. You're wasting your fucking time here.

We got 10 million fucking Americans without fucking work and you're spending thousands to find out where Jimmy Hoff is. Leave Jimmy Hoff for the fuck alone, wherever the fuck he is, dead and bury these under giant stadium. He ain't nowhere. He's dead. They crushed his fucking bones and sent them to it in a fucking car in the trunk to Japan as a stolen car. When they got there, they fucking squished it. That's the story on the fucking street. And I'm just some fat fuck from Hudson County, New Jersey,

where it all went down. So I don't want to hear no fucking stories no more. No more Jimmy Hop. I don't give a fuck. Why are we concerned? Write a cold case. Oh, they murdered this fucking old lady in 1964. What's it got to do with me?

If you didn't figure it out in a week, it's 40 and that's what they got a show called 48 fucking hours. If we can't figure out 40 hours, we'll just pretend. We'll just fucking pretend or assume where the fuck you're at. So you don't care who killed Tupac or Biggie or anything? What's it got to do with you? When you go to Rouse tomorrow, you still got to pay.

What's it got to do with you? What are you going to do? Sit there and know I knew it. I fucking knew it. They want to be able to write the movie. What fucking movie? There ain't no fucking movie. That's because they don't know who killed him yet.

Would you stop? They know who fucking killed Biggie. It was the cops from LAPD. It was cops. And they got all twisted. Tupac was what's his name? You ever see Tupac in the last picture they took of him in the fucking car in the BMW?

He's looking at the camera. He knew right there he was going down. You know, a lot of people don't know, Tupac was about to leave the label. He was dating Quincy Jones' daughter, something to do like that. She knew the whole story. And they knew it.

They were the fucking, he was the cash cow on the fucking label. What are you going to do? You're going to let your fucking cash cow leave? You think Rogan would let Red Band leave? Fuck no. He's put 22 bullets in that motherfucker. That won't be no more catch with little fucking things around.

It's just the way it is. It's all about the paper. It's all about the fucking Benjamin. So what are you going to do? We got my buddy Mike Kessler today. I've known Mike for fucking 20 years. I've known him from Boulder when I got out of that joint. I was in the halfway house and I would walk past his dealership every day.

We became friends. I got him calling him from Colorado. He's one of the first people you told me about when we first started working together. You just told me like he's Jewish, right? He's fucking Jewish, but he's the man. He's my fucking uncle. I don't give a fucking uncle. I don't give a fucking V.A.

Listen, I'd rather hang out with you if you're a fucking Jew, because I know where you're head and you're harder from. I know that somewhere along the line, you had a hard work in Jew and your fucking family. And they commit. Once a Jew commits, you think they sit there and throw rocks. You think fucking Israel is a powerhouse. They kill Jesus. Those are the people you want. They don't get emotionally fucking involved

in those fucking Jews. It's all about the Benjamas with them and the Yamaka. That's it. It's how much is in my fucking Yamika, cocksucker? You're going to show up here and talk to me about Jimmy Hoff. Who gives a fuck? Jimmy Hopper hasn't put a dollar in my fucking Yamika in years. That's all you got to worry about. Don't worry about fucking the

Yamakas or nothing else. And for fat alert, fat people alert, fat people alert, there's a peanut butter fucking recall. You understand me? Now, let me explain some to you. If you go to all these fucking little health food stores and buy peanut butter, you're going to fucking shit in blood, and you're going to get salmonella, and you're going to get a bunch of fucking 1003 temperature.

Why do you go to these dummy places to buy peanut butter? Oh, I want all natural with low sugar. Peanut butter is peanut butter, all right? You go to fucking Jift. That's the best of, and I'm not even my sponsors, I'm telling you. I've been eating Jif. Since the beginning of fucking time. You don't see me shit and blood and complaining.

Well, that's for all the reasons. What the fuck is wrong with you? I'm serious. You don't see me shit and blood and complain. Peanut butter is easy if you go to fucking jiff. The creamy shit. I hate nuts. Oh, crunchy.

It's awful. Especially when you buy it into it. I like it like prison. It's fucking creamy. They got the jelly. They got the white bread that's soft. You cut the fucking angles off. I grew up on.

I love peanut butter and jelly. No one's ever said that. Before I like it. I like the peanut butter. I like the peanut butter. Yeah. It's peanut butter. Let me tell you some of the best fucking peanut butter in jelly you get.

This prison because they got nothing else. And they give you the shit fucking peanut butter. You could taste the difference. But when you're in prison, you can't complain. You know, you're lucky you got a peanut butter sandwich, never mind fucking jib. Yeah, the only time I ever bought crunchy is when you had me smoke cash. And I went to Ralph's, and I was spent like an hour and a half, and they're just walking up and down every aisle. And I just grabbed the wrong peanut butter.

I got home it was crunchy. I was in my cup. I bet you ate a cocksucker. No, you didn't put in your peanut butter for you. No, I had it. I ended up eating it. Sure you did. I went out and got creamy the next day.

By the way, last night, let me tell you some. I got off the plane on Sunday from Baltimore, which the more I think about Baltimore, I love it and I seen a good friend there when I was there. John Rallo, bad motherfucker, muscles on top of muscles. He's having an event at the First Mariner, October 19th, like an MMA event. The word on the street are like little UFCs.

If you live in the Baltimore area, go support him. John Rallo is a bad motherfucker, and he puts on a good event. I'm still thinking about Baltimore. Well, those fish, those crab cakes. Wow. World class, man. I'll never eat another fucking shit crap cakes

at McCormick and Schmitz are nowhere else. No, no, no. But last night, when I got off the fucking plan on Sunday, I went to Divine Wellness, because when it comes to fucking edible, divine wellness has your edible. I'm not even fucking with you. They got edibles.

They want in the back, and they go, do you like lollipops? Oh, you show me then. I said, everybody likes lollipops. And they were like, well, we got a lollipop for you that was dipped in the fucking pot thing. This is what they gave Jesus in the fucking cave.

And they're called, I don't even know what the fuck they're called here. I got to put my glasses on an old fucking man. They're called the Bud Barber. That's what it's called Budbarber.com. There's a strawberry banana suckle. And it's got 120 fucking pure THC with protein. You can't beat that one. It's T8C with farts.

Way protein, you'll fucking fart up the... I've been farted. It smells like a fucking ginger tree all day in my back room. But these lollipops, if you can hang your hands on these fucking lollipop. Oh my God You eat it And like fucking four hours later It just comes upon you

And it waxed you like a fucking left hook Lee tremendous I'm gonna give you one for work And you're just sucking at work By 12 o'clock you'll be tapping on it You'll be calling your mom collect Mama Mama you'll be talking Israeli

Mama It's the flying Jew Send me some fucking paper What else is going on Cotsucker? Tell me something You know what I forgot I've been A couple people told me to talk about a couple topics today

But I've been Thinking about, you know, I can't believe how many Pink Floyd people we have on Twitter. Like, when I put a Pink Floyd song on, and we talk about Pink Floyd, I put, I made Rogan put echoes on live from Pompeii one time of his podcast. You know, I got home. I had a thousand fucking people who love Pink Floyd. And there's a kid that's been hitting me up on what to listen to whatever. I'll tell you, the other day, Steve Avillo was on. And that kid, Steve Avillow turned me on because I was into Wish You Were Here, and I was into Dark Side of the Moon, you know, in 19. Like every other fucking Momo

Because it was commercial You know But he turned me on to animals Which is one of the greatest Pink Floyd albums All fucking time It covers sheep, pigs and dogs And you can pick which one you're gonna be in your life They just break down fucking society

You could be a sheep You can be a fucking pig Three different types of sheep But dogs I listen to dogs I gotta tell you almost as much As I listen to black fucking sab Because the story of life

You know you gotta be crazy You gotta have a real need You gotta sleep on your teeth You got to sleep on your toes when you're on the street. You've got to be able to pick out the easy meat with your eyes closed. This is it. He just breaks it down to you. I can tell you that you need success in a high school diploma.

You need to be a fucking savage. You need to go out there every morning and appreciate the day. You know, I went to 7-Eleven at the morning. I got up earlier 430 and I got a hot chocolate. And when I was there, I seen one of the guys from the wine. He goes, you're always in a good mood in the morning. And it was crazy because I wanted to break it down to him. Like, I've woken up in the morning with no money.

Like, never mind $2,000 in your person. Just nothing. Just nothing. Wake up and you got to go to the fucking Charlie's deli and you got to fucking put it on the arm. I grew up with these kids, the Acharles, when I was a kid, up to 83, and I would go to their deli in the morning, get the newspaper on the arm. That's 50 cents on the credit.

And I would get two eggs with bacon, toast, potatoes, all that shit. And they would give me a 10 out of the register to get my day started. That doesn't happen anymore. No, and I would sign for it. And I come back and Archarly is on fucking Facebook. He was one of my brothers, and I always thank him for that because he took care of me. But to wake up with no paper, to wake up with no hope. I would wake up and look at the paper and read the lines for sports gambling

and see who I was going to bet tonight so I could make a living. And I get up early in those days because when you're playing in a heist, you've got to get the day going. People go to work early, so you want to at least break into the house by lunchtime or one o'clock. You need a couple hours to fucking jump and break the window and get to the same. A thief with a conscience. It's a thief with an agenda. It's a work ethic.

but what's the difference between breaking into a window and auditioning or going to do something that you love? It's the same type of concept and that's all I did. I took the love for that like he says in juicy. I took the love for that and I turned it into love for this and here we are 20 years later. It's the same fucking dynamics. When I get on Twitter in the morning, it's the same fucking dynamics. You know, when you go into a bar, it's so fucking blow. You just go into the bar and tell people I got blown.

No, you got to call three people over and give them a fucking bump and let them know what's crack or lack. And then they come back and they go, Joey, that's the shit that's the bar. fucking Kennedy snorted when his head blew off in Dallas. You follow me? And then they come and then do business with you. Same thing with Twitter. I got to give them something. I got to get up in the morning and let these motherfuckers know what time is crack-a-lacking.

What videos are in my mind? This morning I was outside smoking a fucking number, 445. And Guns and Roses came into my head. Fuck it. If it's a guns-and-rose type of energy, we spread that shit. It's a fucking Wednesday. Everybody hates one. It's fucking hump day.

Today's a beautiful day to be alive. You know why? Because you got two more and you're smoking dope and you're eating somebody's asshole. That's it It's fucking Friday Two more What hump day Oh it's hump day

Every fucking day It's beautiful Whether it's Saturday Wednesday Listen I gotta get up You know me Lee I gotta go this morning

For a blood test Usually when I got to go on For a blood test By this point The damn stabbing motherfuckers That God that let me eat It's not one of those dry They are?

Yeah yeah I've never heard of that Yeah yeah They're not checking Oh Okay Anyone on the 101 Just get off

Whenever Joey needs to get on Oh Well I got to go for a blood test I'm just giving myself excuses. And then I get there and I put fucking Santana on and I put on Oyakomo Vaugh and I looked the other way and they stick the fucking eel

in my arm and I'm gone. That's it. It's over. And you know what? A blood test take one minute but in my world it takes 10 years. Yeah, well you were thinking about it last night. Oh, I was thinking about it. But I went Monday and they couldn't give me a blood test because I didn't have my insurance card. So I already walked through and I already went through the whole fucking thing in my head. So I'm going to

go in there until they're like a soldier! And just put my fucking arm out, tie that motherfucker up and blast it. It's too bad, Dr. Amy can't do it for you. Ah, you know what, man, Dr. Amy's great with the fucking acupuncture and leave her at that. You know, the reason why I went to acupuncture was to overcome my fears. I have a fear of fucking needles. And what a better way to start.

And I've been an acupuncture now for five or six years. Wow. I've been going. And I still faint from time to time in acupuncture, not as much as I used to because what happened was I eat an edible. So I used to go to acupuncture on Tuesdays in the old days. And my buddy had a weed store in Holly would need to go. If you come here Tuesday mornings, the owner's not here. I'll give you all the...

And he was a baker. He was a world-class baker, so he would always make chocolates and puddings with THC. And I would go there at 9 in the morning and blast the pudding. Well, when 1 o'clock, I go to acupuncture, my mind is a different fucking dimension. You know what, a needle feels different in your skin going in?

I can imagine. When you're on T-HC... You can probably feel the whole thing. Oh, you feel the whole fucking thing going. So a couple times she put needles on me, and she'd go, are you cold? And she put a blanket on me, and the blanket would move, and it would be hanging off a needle,

and it'd be fucking poking up to my... Ah! So I faint from the fucking thing. I just love that 10 years ago you were doing bumps and now you're doing it. Now you're just slamming puddings. Oh, please. I'm slamming puddings like a doctor. Well, he's not there no more.

He moved to the skateboard company or something now. But the point being that I would go in and get all fucked up. I don't faint that much no more. I put my head down and I don't think about it. It's the thinking. It's like I told the doctor Monday. I went for that shot a month ago. I didn't feel it, Lee.

I could lie to you. I didn't fucking feel it. I didn't fucking feel it. I didn't fucking feel it. I didn't know. in your ass. Oh, I couldn't feel that. Not in my asshole. In my ass cheek. I know you. I know you. You're over there thinking,

you got a needle in your ass? No, I didn't get a needle in my can you imagine a needle in your asshole. That's got to be a fucking nightmare. I'd smack the doctor. But I put the thing, I didn't feel it. It's when he took it out and I got up. I said, I let somebody put a needle in my ass cheek. Dog, I was sweating, fucking propusiously.

I was green. They kept coming in. They wouldn't let me leave. My blood pressure was 2000 over 90. It was a beautiful day. Have you had the doctor done the prostate check with you yet? Oh, fuck yeah. It's tremendous. Really?

A finger in the ass from a doctor. I can't believe you let him do it. What are you going to do? I'm going to die of cancer because I'm not going to finger up my ass. What are you going to do? You know, for a long time I had that, oh, fuck it. I'll check myself. Let me know what you're looking for.

If I got a bump with fucking strings on there. If your ass feels like a treat. But you go one, let me tell you someone. Have you got a doctor? Have you had a finger up your head? It's fucking magic. It's magic. What?

The first time it freaked me out. I had to cancel my fucking day because. because you want to go home and get a hug. It is traumatizing. Because he doesn't even, like, when you stick your finger up with a girl's ass, usually when you're eating a pussy or she's in the kitchen bend it over and you stick that fucking daughter up her ass.

But when a doctor sticks your finger up your ass, he lays you down, he goes, going to the feeble position. And he checks like your lungs with a fucking thing. And also without you knowing, he puts his fucking pre-com on his finger, and he slides that finger up your fucking muffler, and you feel it in your belly button. Everything stops

when you get the finger. As a man, when you get that finger in your ass, everything fucking stuff. Don't get me wrong. I've had to like chicks put a little pinky at my ass, but that's nothing. That doctor had a long fucking finger dog. And it's up to the knuckle. Oh my God. And he's twisting and turning. And I felt it. When he took that finger out, he told me

to wipe, I thought I had a dirty ass. Because a lot of times you take the shit, you walk around for 20 minutes with a little dirty ass. You get that after residue. You got to do a couple wipes and sticks on to your hammer or whatever. And the worst part, like the fetal position is the thing that got me because I just sat like, you sit there

and they put the glove on you and they're in the fetal position and I've only had it happen once and it's just it was it looked at 30 seconds took 10 minutes. We'll keep talking about and put it on the finger up your fucking ass. That's when the podcast is over guys. I still got it, you know what I'm saying? I still got it.

I still got it. Anyway, fucking right away with fingers in your asses. Where are you taking these young kids? They're going to be scared they were all going to be walking around with fucked up fingers in 30 years and texting. All you young fucks with your arthritic fingers are going to be walking around. What am I going to do Uncle Joey? I can't finger bang nobody because you're texting

consock. Can you imagine the 20 years from now there's going to be arthritis for textures? Oh, absolutely. Where you were heavy texter in 2010. Call us now. We'll fix your fucking fingers. Your fingers will be all flat and shit from texting you fucking momos. Just pick up the phone and call

the bitch and tell us, Luke, who's slinging dick? Daddy, motherfucker. I can't fucking believe. And give it out, Bubba. Felicia Michaels just texts us 18 fucking times. to remind you, motherfuckers, that they're doing a podcast awards. We want you to vote in for Beauty and the Beast.

So go to podcastaward.com and vote for Beauty and the Beast. In the comedy section, yeah. It's a comedy session. It's a great podcast. We've been doing it for two years. You know, we're always on iTunes, and we want to promote it.

Felicia's starting a new podcast. Yeah, it's great. You know, we're trying here. We're trying here at fucking Mad Flavor Enterprises to get this motherfucker together. We have the Flying Jew. Lee Syall. What else? Lee, what else you fucking got it? This week I'm going to Phoenix

with the boys. The following week, I'm going to be in Portland, Oregon, October 11. Solo, like fucking Robin Plant. You'd be nervous when you're flying over Seattle. No, I don't fly over Seattle. Don't you have a fucking B in geography? Portland comes before fucking Seattle. Oh, really? I didn't know. I do. Seattle's

all the way in the corner up there with the felons and Portland's before. Don't you have a problem? Didn't you get an A and geography? Nope. Obviously not. I'm going to Portland, Oregon, and I'm having a lot of fucking fun. October 11th. I like Portland, Oregon. They ain't fucking around up there. I used to go to Portland.

I used to go to Oregon from Portland all the way to Grant's fucking past. I know Oregon like a motherfucker. That's a great, beautiful state. I got into fight with the fucking retards and Eugene at the finals that time. They had like the... What? Yeah, I told you when they had the

American fucking retard associate. I don't know. Some fucking association. And what club are you in Portland? I'm at a helium comedy. club. This is that we were at Eugene at some hotel there and they had the Junior Olympics, I shouldn't call him in the time. They had the Junior Olympics and some

fucking kid went astray and Jody Ferding my friend with the fucking tits and he ass was on stage and the tart saw and he got like super tart strength. You know they're fucking strong and there was four black guys working the door from the University of Oregon football team. This guy was going around them like they were nothing. Do you understand?

And they were trying to tackle this fucking guy. Finally the Humane Society came. Where were those people? They tackled them. They had to give him a shot. Fucking poor momos on the floor rolling. And he kept young, oh, yo, yo, yo, y.

He was dancing with a first. That's what happened. He broke away from his dance. Okay. Right there had like this big Junior Olympic dance. And he broke away from their dance and went into the comedy show. And then they were playing music afterward. The girl was dancing.

So he started dancing when he started looking at the tities. You could see he was drooling his shit. He was cool fucking bananas. He was looking at those tities. He was drooling. And all of a sudden, he got him. kept leaving and he kept coming back he was thinking about the tits finally i seen him

they grabbed and he was just smelling her tits and she was goofing on she's like oh he's so cute and I'm like dog don't fuck with that motherfucker those little tarts they'll take in the back room this will be a cvu a c u svue episode motherfucker dog you know this that they told him to stop okay she was dancing by herself

he came back and he's like yeah you you tried to get it i'm not kidding you dog i wish i was lying i'm not even trying to be funny and the black guys like, listen, dog, you can't come in here. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. This motherfucker started doing turnarounds. He started swimming through the offensive line like he was fucking Lawrence Taylor. Four fucking yams, four big brothers couldn't fucking hold his poor kids.

Finally, the fucking handlers had to come and tie him up. It was like, it's fucking. He was fucking crazy. Dog, I had a teacher in high school, Mr. Panacucci. He lost his arm in Vietnam. So he had a nub and, like, an arm. When that motherfucker would hit you with that nub, it was all over this. He was hit you with a nub.

my god, he would nub you would nub you right in the kidney. You would go down like a fucking box of chocolate, dog. I'm telling you. Mr. Panacucci would fucking give you a little nub and he would fuck you up, dog. Jesus Christ, the nubs and the fucking tarts. Yesterday, yesterday I got this fucking thing. I did this commercial

for Godet and they put this chain on me. I played a pizza owner and they gave me this fucking chain and it's like this little horn is like the Italian Maluk. You know, you're telling me. It's like a pepper. In gold, it's not really gold. It's probably stanned. If I take the to the porn shop they'll throw me out.

But I fucking, you can always tell when you got bad jewelry because the hinges. If the hinges are good, you got shit jewelry. If the hinges are good, like the lockets, if they're good, you have good jewelry. That's how you can tell if it's fake, fucking gold. This is a Puerto Rican hinge right there. This is

nothing. This is gold play. This is coming from a guy who robbed the jewelry store. Sure, I know all about this shit. This is my life. When you fucking depend on bringing in jewelry and getting 10% every day, you got to know what it looks like before you show up, because then you're looking to go fucking Momo. You show up with something bad.

It's a show up with purses. Yeah, but right here they have this horn, right? And Mr. Barone, I teach it. I was a documentary. Who in the sixth grade, he'd go, this is why I put on way ten of these when the Yankees play the Red Sox. And whenever Reggie Jackson slides,

I put the fucking horn on them, break your ankle, you fucking black cock sucker. This is what this teaches tells us in the sixth grade. That's why I love them. Still till today. But fuck it, Lee, we got a bunch of shit cracking soon. I don't even know. I don't even know what time it is.

what time this guy's in the call. Like I said, I can't even smoke dope this morning because I've got to go to the fucking doctor. Why can't you smoke? Because it's psychological. When I sit there with the needles, she puts it, and this is the first time I'm going to this place. Like, see, it's SAG. I already know those people down at Bob Hope Medical Center. I've been going there

for 10 fucking years, so I'm used to this one beautiful black sister that takes blood out. She wears a little wig, hot in the motherfucker, and then they got this little Mexican girl that's quiet. I don't even feel it. They put that kid's needle in me, and they put the liquor cocaine on my arm. I look at the other fucking way, boom, they get those five tubes out of you.

I got coconut water to replace the fucking blood cells. I feel like I should call the nurse and just Warner as I'm leaving. You have Joey Diaz coming in a... They're fucking no. I got wanted posters everywhere. This man will faint. Dog, I fucking faint. I'm telling you right now, but I've been good. That's why

the good Lord did me a favor. When he didn't let me do fucking war, because I love heroin. If the good God would have made me been able to fucking shoot, I wouldn't be here right now. I'd be in a cornish, ribbled up, nodding. Yeah, that one's scared. me there was a scene in a breaking bat a couple seasons ago where they were on it and they were just they like they were dead they were dead and walking and they were just like passed out for days

and that one looked scary oh heroin is good when you your dick sucked on heroin you do a little fucking snort of heroin and shit you put a little lead zeppelin no quarter on and you tell you ever see the movie pinero no there's a movie called panero with the guy from law and order from law and order okay the regular guy the spanish guy okay he plays this guy penero Miguel panero for a lot of people don't know was a playwright who went to jail and he wrote a play. I forget what the name of it was, something eyes. Got a call coming in. We'll finish Panero after the call.

Mike Kessler. No, what's happening, Cocksucker? Hey, Mike Kessler, let me ask you something. Uh-oh. Mike Kessler, what's the name? Oh, Panero's play, which called Short Eyes, correct? The one that won, everything on Broadway? Right.

Miguel Pineiro. Edward James almost in that. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, those are Puerto Rican guys. Anyway, don't worry about fucking I-N-D-B. Uncle Mike, what's happening, cocksucker? None. I'm up here in Paradise. I'm up in Woodstock, New York. Not where all those dirty hippies hung out, but the actual town of Woodstock.

All right, what's going on at there? We're a couple of ran into some fantastic musicians, and I've been writing and recording. You're a fucking savage. You missed Boulder, Colorado? I'm always missed Boulder, Colorado. I drove through there on my way out to New York when I left L.A. back in February, just due time to watch the Giants beat New England, you know? I hear you.

Oh, Jesus Christ. You know, you got the flying Jew in here. He's a fucking New England Patriot fan. He just killed him. That's the saddest thing in the past three Super Bowl. What's that? The past two times we played him and they killed us, it's funny. It brings him nightmares back.

But anyways, Joey has some great stories. about it for you. Uncle Mike, I go over here. When one of your closest friends, Don Marino says, packed the car, and his entire family

does nothing every Sunday for the last 40 years, but watch your Patriot games. It's a lot of fun when that game was a lot of fun. Hey, Mike Kessel, I was sick. I was texting is for.

I was thinking about you in bold of the other day. I got a nickel. All right, I was thinking about you in bold of the other day when the time we bought the eight ball and you were going to a wedding the next day and you hit the eight ball in the dollhouse, and you told me to go to your house,

walk the fucking dog. And I'll tell you what, I went in this house, and I retrace, I retrace Mike's steps, and I haunted down the fucking eight ball. It was the most brilliant thing

I ever done in my life. I was a burgling. I've gone into people's houses and I found the fucking eight balls all the time. But this time was amazing because I did not know where it was. Why'd you fucking hide it, Mike, cuckucker?

Did I even know I hit it? I mean, those are some, like, very, you know, foggy kind of days, you know, and it was like, I mean I was blind

Somehow I managed to buy a house through all that I have no idea how I did that And I should pay for the fucking thing It actually worked out It's about the only thing I did right It's a nice house It's a nice, bolder, beautiful place to raise your family And as you could probably

Tell by my accent I come from the same neighborhood as Joey On the other side of a river And you get to Boulder And it's the wilder's the widest place Is there any place wider than Boulder Than you think of Than the smartest people in the fucking world?

but the dumbest motherfuckers in the world at the same time. Remember when somebody put the box by Bank of America, by Bank of Hub, that thing on 30th and Iris? They put a box in front of the Bank of America, and they said, the deposits are closed. Put your deposits in the box. And these motherfuckers put the deposit in the box. These guys are astronauts walking around.

Mike, how long have we been together? How long have we been fucking hanging out for? I was thinking about it. You know, when we talked last week, actually, I said, you know, geez, must have been like 88 or 89, and I kind of left New York in a hurry, didn't know what to do, and when all you can do is bullshit, you know, you get a job selling cars, right? So that was my first car job, and I'm standing out in front on 30th Street.

Now, I've got to anybody ain't ever seen a picture of it. It's a fucking postcard, you know. This gorgeous place, and I get a job with little Nissan stores. It's really nice people, not the criminals that are usually in the car business. And this guy comes walking down the street. And he kind of looks like a young and pretty bucabrotsia, which means he's probably from like the neighborhood, you know. And he starts to, he starts to, you know, Joey,

he talks to anybody, starts a conversation with me. I talk to anybody, so we talk back before we know it. And I go, well, where are you going? I'm going to my job. Where do you work? I work at the puddle car wash. You know, he's the only one who wasn't Mexican. I worked at the puddle car wash.

So I said, what are you doing that? He goes, well, you know, I'm living in a halfway house. Halfway house, what was it, a rehab? But he was not. He just got out of prison. Oh, what did you do? Well, I was in for attempted murder. I said, oh, only attempted, eh?

All right, just not bit. And that was the first day I mentioned. It's hysterical. And from there, it was, how long do we live in Boulder together? Ten years? Yeah, but you know what's funny? You were there when I started comedy, dog? You were there when I was still married?

I was there. I was dead. You know my daughter? I was in the night you started telling me. Yeah, and then he used to drive me to club mix. I was in a night, we used to run around. I don't know what, but what's going on? Can I tell the Christmas shopping story?

Oh, fuck, yeah. Okay, so it's like Christmas. All right, you know, I have a job. He barely has a job. We're always trying. And we both had little kids. My kids were older. I'm older.

My kids are teenagers. It wasn't a big deal. And he was, you know, come on. I mean, I could have been, like, I swear of you, I could have been like. December 24th. And he, uh, he,

uh, he goes, I pull up him in the shopping center. And I, you know, he's, I got to say, these are all white people.

I've got to shop and he goes, wait here. And he comes out with 40s nintendo's, you know, or Atari, whatever was at the time, the big video game

that everybody had to have. And he's got four of them and he's got this guy wearing a jacket. They works for toys are us holding the door from helping him to the fucking car. He just walked in and picked up

these four Atari's and, and just took him. out. I mean, he didn't bother to stop by the cancer. It was fucking amazing. What are you going to do it? What are you going to do it for him? He goes, well, we're going to bring three and I'm back, and we're going to go get

the refund. So, which was another story. That was about it. And that was 89, and then then you decided, oh, you decided you had to go to work. So we got your job in the job in Flatiron's

accurate in Subaru. And he gets on the floor, he probably the best salesman there, and sells like two cars in two days. But by day three, he's got the general manager pinned against the wall with his hand on his throat, saying, you never saw anybody. So they come and get me to, you know, because somebody had to pull him off. I didn't have to pull him off. What are you doing?

And that was the end of his career, Tuesday career. That was the other. He still had problems following. He had problems following in direction. from guys from Indiana. No, I like Jeff. It was the way he talked to you. You know, I was really rough then.

So if you talked to me a certain way, I didn't know what the fuck was going on. I just came out of the joint. But one of the best stories, I just remember what Mike was. Mike was working at this dealership. And I tell Mike, I go, Mike, I got, I need fucking cash for the rent.

I don't know what to do. And I'm over there one day talking to Mike. He's giving me 10, 15 bucks from time to time. I go around a bicycle. And go, Mike, I need money. He'd give me $10. Like, I was his son. He'd give me $10.

And one day I'm opening. He goes, hold on. I got to get cash out of the spiff box or some shit. And at the dealership, at the Subaru dealership, they have this fucking box with cash in it. And he, you know, changes the $20 in there for $2.10. And I go, what do they put that box? And he goes, don't even think about it.

So it's a Friday night. So what I would do is at night, I would go to King Supers, which is the grocery store, and I'd buy a piece of Adam cheese, crackers, and a container freshly squeezed on. juice. I love that meal. And I would eat it at the Acura lot and look at the cars.

So one night I'm at this acry lot and I go, I got to get that Spiff box. I basically took the door off the fucking hinges. I mean, I ripped it open. When it did, the closet was open, I took the fucking Spiff box, 400 bucks. I paid rent and I kept 50 bucks for the weekend

or something. The next day, Mike calls me. He knows it's me. Go ahead, Mike. He didn't announce his plans in advance. I was a No, I'm not. Go somewhere else, will you? I walk in, and they go, I'll break it. We're going to break it. It's a fucking car deal with you.

You know, we had to break. We barely used to lock the doors, but we like these to us to show roof with it. And I walk in, and I see this big door. You know what kind of door it is? It's the kind of door where you have, when a little kid goes to a car shop, he goes car shopping, and you go, how do you get the cars out of here, you know? Well, it's that door. The big fucking door to drive a car door.

So I picked it up, like Hercules. And the door is, and he picks the fucking door. I mean, it's a huge door. It's off their inches, and it's generally, you know, to break it, gently laid against the wall, and they come in and they go, and now I know these guys. These guys were like, these were the nicest people, you know, they ate the bread, and they put up with me because that was a bit of a nutcase, but I sold cars and it showed up.

Who do you think it was? I can't imagine. They go, we think it's an inside job, and I'm going, yeah, who was it, inside job? What was in an inside job? And they go, let's blame. I don't want to mention a poor guy. They blame somebody.

Yeah, he was absolutely, you know, the type of person that everybody would have assumed needed money for blow and that he took it. And I went like this. They looked at me. I said, wow, that sounds sick. He sounds guilty of me, you know. And it never, ever, ever, ever came up. They still don't know if they hear this.

up you guys, I apologize, but it was only 400 bucks what you're going. Here's a good Mike Kessler's story. Mike Kessler's daughter is an editor and she was at the University of Colorado and she wants to shoot a movie. By this time I'm tight with the Kessler's. My daughter. Right, I'm going to the house and I know all the girls

and I'm playing with the dog and I know the mother. The mother's making me veal scampini and they love me on the weekends. I go there with my daughter and they play and we shoot this movie and we're up and what's the name of the city where we're shooting this movie? Lions, Colorado. So they make me go up there

11 o'clock in the morning. What city? What city? It's three stories. Right, right. It's just fucking nothing. So we got this restaurant for the day. I go up there.

I didn't know the filmmaking process. I had no idea about movies. This is my first movie ever. It was a college movie. And his daughter was the director. So I get there. They don't shoot all day. I get that 11.

At one in the morning, I still have a fucking shot. And I'm furious. So there's this truck, right? There's this truck with a shell, like a Toyota truck, and they go, if you want, go lay down the truck. So I go later on the truck. And also about 20 minutes later, this chick lays down next to him,

who's a friend of Mike Kessler's wife. And I'm 29, maybe 27, 28, and she's got to be 40-something. She had a fucked up face, but the body was banging. So she lays down next to me, she's rubbing me, and she's like, you know, it's going to be all right, don't worry about it. And we start swamping, and spit. And I feel her pussy, and there's little chains on her pussy on her clip.

She had like little chains, like a wind chimes and shit. So we start making her and I turn her over to fucking doggy style, but I put my dick in her ass and I put my dick in her ass and I come and I turn over and go to bed. The next day I get the restless house and all the women are mad at me because they said I fucked her in the ass and gave her what? What did I give her? I gave her some disease, Mike, what I give her. They're still mad at you.

And by the way, I think it might still be when you find its performances. Oh, wait. You tell me this, the movie, the movie was based. No, this was, my kid, it was a senior film. She was at the CU Film School. She's got a, University of Colorado, got a decent film school. She's a senior film school, and she's going like, and somehow I guess we had told her this story.

And she had a big chance. No, my kids were raised in. They were really raised Manhattan. So, I didn't have too much. So, if I think, well, why did Joey go to prison? So we start telling them roughly. you know, a real complicated version of exactly what happened. But I said, well, essentially, Joey rips off the Coke,

he puts him in the tape of the car, and leaves him there, and the guy, and I thought, you know, I have made it up. The guy's the version of it anymore, but the version I went into the movie was that he walks into the Tulsa and there's this guy, freaky-looking blonde, kind of like, you know, somebody looks at him. He looks at him like Andy Warhol, right? But he walks in, but where is there? James, he smashes a bottle over the gun,

and then throws him in the back of a car, and we bark from Jack Snoo. He was working with a carolky, some black sedan, and, uh, and the way, she won first prize. Yeah, she won first prize. I sold, uh, if you want me to tell you the funniest thing, guess who Facebooked me on Saturday morning? Kent Vela, the guy I kidnapped 24 years ago.

He did. Kent, Kent Vela, Facebook me. That's the guy in the trunk. You're right. You can see he was all fucked up. Let me read you the fucking email So you read it And you guys

Go to Go to Kent Vela On Facebook And hit him up Tell him Tell him that you want him to do the fucking podcast Because I asked him I go hey man

It was a long fucking time ago You know What the fuck Just do the podcast I apologize Let me read you the fucking note He sent me Just so you motherfucker

Maybe he erased it Because he was embarrassed Yeah he erased it But I hit him back last night Yeah, I hit him back last night. Listen to my wife sneezing. She's a fucking animal. It drives me crazy when she sneezes.

It's like being around a fucking animal. I've never seen that like that in all my life. All right, listen to what he wrote. September 28th, he wrote, Cock Sucker. And, uh, hey man, let's get real. When you contacted me, I'm kind of puckered up. Didn't know you were still, Mr. Stuffalofficus.

Had no idea you were sweating like a fat fucking LA. I'm in the fucking desert. Fuck stick prick motherfucker You hot it twice Motherfucker He must have been drunk as a skunk So I wrote back I hope you're doing well

And I wrote back You know Thanks for saying hello Even though you were high as fuck I'll be in Phoenix I'd like for you to call Into the podcast And then I hit him again yesterday

You were fucked up to the Gildy on night Anyway do me a favor Can you do the podcast for me Let's talk about what happened It was over 20 years ago And we're still here You know so please If you listen to this podcast

Go to Kent Vela He's in Tucson Arizona own in Facebook, message him until he fucking calls us back. We want to hear his story about what happened on that fucking day. And that's it brother, you know? I just want to get it out there in the open and let people know.

Mike was my you know, it's funny, I've been clean for five years and when I got here about two years later, Mike moved to L.A. And it was the best thing of my life because I finally had somebody that I trusted. And we were run together, all Felipe's bars

and Gabriel and Gleases, all those guys called Mike Kessel a wolf. Whenever I see those guys, they always go, how's no wolf doing? He's here to clean up the mess. But me and Mike were what we call running partners, which a lot of people will never fucking have and dirty in all their life. Which means

he would pick me up at 801, on the dot. We would both have no money and our goal was to get blow and get money. And sometimes we fucking went to the store and borrowed money and got a gram each and some weed and $10 to go. And sometimes we split a $60, but we always

went home with something. And it was amazing. Yeah, real proud. We're real proud of all that shit, aren't we? Hey, man, you've got to be proud of that. Because a lot of people don't have that life when you have an addiction. Listen, it was the best.

That went on for, like, what, two years? Two or three years, we until I fucking quit. Two or three years. And I got to see more comedy than anyone that's not a comic ever saw. and uh and and and and i kept going besides besides that we you know we were like you know sort of kids and spirits in it in the devil's way but uh you know because we were both like you know and nobody needed to know what nobody knew what the fuck that did but anyway he uh but i got to

you know go to and hang out in the back the comedy store the laugh factory and the improv and i would hang on the back and i would sit here like a lot of people who ever got a laugh in a living room thinking like, I could do that, you know? And it's like, and then you see how hard it is and how much steady. You know, when you see how bad the open night, Mike saw her. Hey, listen, I remember how bad Joey Diaz was the first time he went up at, what was that? The broker-in. The broker-in, in bold.

I started with a contest there. I told the story last week on the Testicle Testaments. Right. About, you know, it's been 20 years, and it didn't feel like 20 years, Mike. And Mike, you sold me my car to go on the road. Remember, you sold me the Docks and B-2-10 to go on. the road you and uh you you and uh you and uh you and uh you and you and stanhope i just saw me you got a showtime thing right right yes you sold he sold and you sent me yes stanhope

they had just yes i told you the car and i told stanhope a car stanhope's car i think it's still running yeah it's a little hot it's a uh uh chrysler but the stanhope you did a solid for stanhope he didn't have a license and you put the car in your address and uh for a lot of stanhope fans this guy bailed out fucking Stanholm so Stanhope had a license could put to my friend's house. That's how we run. If you're in a fucking bind, we'll help you out.

I mean, another thing, I gotta tell us something about Mike Castle. That's very important about this podcast because it's the spirit of this podcast and with the church of what's happening. Now, Mike is 60-something, he's retired, and he wanted to fulfill his dream in life

at 60 guys, which is to put a band back together. And that's why he moved to New York. And I miss him dearly. wish he was here with me. He'd be doing the podcast every morning laughing and giggling with me and the flying Jew. But for you motherfuckers that can't get your life together and all this shit, think of this guy. This guy at 64. How old are you, Mike?

65. He put a band back together. And he writes. I put the band back together on a Medicare card. On a Medicaid card. So for you motherfuckers that are young, I can't get your mind together and don't know what to do next. Please. We're talking about two guys here that me and this guy were as junkie as you.

can be, man, from smoking crack to doing whatever. I mean, what's your crack dealer's name? Flaco. It was always Flaco. It's always Flaco. But to have that desire at 60, for you guys who put down drugs and talk shit or whatever, listen, it's all in your heart, man. The drugs don't do nothing.

The drugs just help this journey get smoother or get harder. The decision's up to you. But you still got to have a fucking something, a target in sight. You still got to have a fucking goal in sight. And when this motherfucker told me at 64 That he was moving back to New York To start a band I was sad

Because I was gonna miss him But I also knew that You have three fucking lives in this life You have like 10 lives in this life You can make you know One day you're a photographer making millions The next day you're in a fucking band You know

But you're living your fucking life You know And I wish at 65 I had the balls to try something new So I love you Mike And I want these guys To give you the fucking respect You deserve

If you see Mike pick up his groceries and walk him home, you know what I'm saying? I'm keeping a little bit close to the cuff with some of the stuff, but every fucking day. And by the way, even in the worst of the times, this fucking guy would be, he'd be calling me at like 7.30 in the morning. You know, and I'm going like, what are you doing up at this hour? I mean, we were out to 2 o'clock, you know, and he's up at 7.30, and he's writing every morning. And every time his career was going, you know, it was like, well, about. By the way, in this three years, in case something, if anybody's thinking of it. He would get up, we would drive, you know, we'd drive to a comedy store, pick up $20.

What were you making there? I mean, you go to, yes, other players for $40. And then we drive out to the fucking Inland Empire, okay? And we go out, we had to go through Comedy Club, we had to go through a metal detector. We made $50, and we'd spend it. And this guy would get up and play for nothing, because that's essentially what he was doing. But he would play because that was his act. Same fucking story.

When the Beatles got good, they went to fucking Germany and played every night to $6 a night. So I want to be done at any point in your life when you make this. I mean, what was it? Every six months, you know, come on, I'm going to go call a Ford store because you know, I'm going to tell a Ford store. You know, I'm going to go, I'm going to go to work four days a week and stuff. And then I'm going to go to my store. And then he'd go back the next day. You know, I interviewed at the Ford store.

And I go, you ain't going to go for Ford. He made a decision that if he was going to be successful, he was going to do. He's very lucky because he had incredible woman in Terry. as part of what made it work, but it was telling you that story. Because when I came out of yet, the guys that came out to start, I'm working with, I'm working with two blackest music is coming. You know, I haven't sent you anything, Joey, but eventually I'll send it.

You know, you're playing on the fucking show, Mike, Kessler. You know, so. Is there a band name yet or not yet? You got a band name yet or no? No, no, no, no, no. What happened is I just got back. We liked ourselves in a house. Because Denny King, I got, here's what I got, I got Denny King, Steve Woolley, and Will Tyler.

Will Tyler's 25 years old, and he raps. And Denny King plays every instrument, and he's one of these wizards on the Pro Tools. And Steve Woolley plays bass and keyboards. Nobody reads a note of music, and you will not believe. More importantly, these guys are like 40 years old, 25 years old. And for some reason, we hit a chemistry. and I'm doing lyric and melody and stuff. Two weeks, I just got back.

When you called me last night, after two weeks we laid around, like old school, you know, smoking weed, bad drugs. You don't do bad drugs. They don't even drink. I'm the only one to drinks a little bit, you know, especially when you're doing vocals. You leave it. And, you know, we got the TV screen on with, like, the world dumbest criminals, you know, shit like that, you know. And we're writing beautiful. And we're writing love songs and we're writing.

It's, and everything's different, but it's been a process. I've never experienced anything like this in my life. This is not what I came out. I joined some guys in my mind. Well, you figure out who the fucking, you figure out who the fucking savages are. Look, you went out there to be with somebody else, and you went out there for to do something, you end up doing something else.

But the bottom line is you took a fucking chance, Uncle Mike. And at the end of the day, like, like, like, in the first Rocky movie, remember? I'll take a shot. You got to take a shot. If not. He took a shot. If you don't take a shot, you're never going to fucking know.

Mike, I got a boogie. I love you, cocksucker. When you get the song out, send it, these motherfuckers will want to hear you. I'll call you in a while. I'll send you some long. All right, cool. We'll put it up here.

Lee, say hello to the flying juice. Say hello, Coxsucker. Bye, Mike. I love you, Mike. Hey, how you doing, Lee? I'll find out of your answer as well where all the dust settles. He calls me last night at midnight. He said, good morning.

I love you. Bye, buddy. That's the real. real fucking deal there. I mean, for you motherfuckers, I don't know what to do with your life. At 65, this guy left. 64. Because, yeah, you think, like, even at my age, like, I'm thinking, oh, I've got

to get the job is going, and I can't be, like, I don't want to mess up my credit score. You got to live your life, guys. You got to live your fucking life. Don't worry about Joe Rogan or Joe Dears or this guy or that guy. You got to live your fucking life, guys. And go out there and give it everything you got.

And if you fail, fuck it. You get up every day. That's what I tell you, fucking guys. Every day you have a new chance of doing whatever the fuck you want to do. Hit them with that fucking dog solo from David Gilmore. Because I love this fucking song. This is the backbone. Some kid keeps hitting me up going, what's the Pink Floyd show? I listen to, I sent them on animals.

Now I'm going to put them on metal, and then we're going to move up to wish you were here. But let's kick it, this guitar solo by David Gilmore. Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me, people? You can feel the pain right there. Listen to this shit, people. This is, yeah. Roger Ward is this and this, but listen to this fucking heart in this right here.

He's just beating the fuck out of this motherfucker with his phone. For you motherfuckers that are confused and want to hit me back, listen to this guy's version. Listen to this. Kick it now. And when you lose control. Kick it. You reap the harvest you have sown, you dirty motherfuckers. Claim responsibility.

It's Wednesday, you bad motherfuckers. I want to thank Mike. Kessler again for calling Lee the Flying Jew, October 11. We're in Portland, fucking Oregon. This week, I'm in Arizona with Joy and Debt Squad and the boys. I'll be there only Friday and Saturday because I got to go back and go to New York and all this shit. But we're going to do a special edition church Friday morning. Yeah, 6 o'clock, a little gambling thing.

We're going to help you out. Maybe a couple football picks. I'm going to try to have some lunatic call up. And that's fucking it, man. I'm happy you guys are tuning in. the church of what's happening now. You guys is please subscribe. We want to get to the top of the fucking charts and kill

everybody. Thank you for supporting Ari Shafia and his number one CD Demetri's Martin knocked him out. Yesterday I love Demetri's. But we got to put fucking Ari back because he's the king of the fucking Jews. We're going to keep them up there to what's the next Halica. Yamika. Hanukkah. We're going to keep

it next to fucking Hamika. On top of that me and Ari are doing the Chicago House of Blues November 8th on the Thursday night. Fuck work on Friday on the night. Come on tickets on sale. It's half sold out already. We got a few tickets left, but this show's gonna fucking rock. You got the number one

fucking CD and Joe motherfucking Diaz, the savaging heat, slinging dick, we clean fucking nuts because that's the most important thing. Wash that dick till they wash your asshole. Cleanliness is next to godliness motherfuckers. If you guys don't know, and that applies to the Jews and you

fucking Arabs too. Wash that fucking pussy. I love you, motherfuckers. The Armenians, the Germans. I love you. all. Don't forget, Lys Ayat, what's going on? What are you got to tell these people? What are anything good? I'm foaming at the fucking mouth. I'm just laughing at all the two. We have to make up a new calendar

with your sayings, and then it'll be the new the holidays. Hamika. Hamika, Yamita. You know what I'm talking about. You pick up a fucking envelope, you juke-up. That's all that matters. Grandma puts you in the fucking will. I love you guys for listening. I'm sorry I went fucking straight today, but that's the best thing about

having a podcast. The most important thing is the church of what's happening now. We fucking got you Lee we got these motherfuckers you got the dates if you're looking for t-shirts I'm gonna restool I'm gonna re-stool I'm gonna refuel refuel I'm gonna fucking restock the joint pretty soon with the new sayings and some church

t-shirts we gotta get rid of these go to joey cokodias.net Beauty and the Beast don't forget tonight we got a podcast tonight at the ice house I think so I think they're doing the podcast but besides I don't know what else to fucking tell you Lee we had a great week so far I booked the commercial I worked out I went to the doctor I'm getting

the blood test, I'm going to get healthy. You know, I'm up to like 305. I put on some fucking weight because my wife is pregnant, and all she does is have fucking, I went to eat fruit last night because I like to eat fruit before I go to bed. Yeah, so it comes out, yeah, and the fucking. The fucking bananas were fucking ripe. I hate right, but I hate like when they got brown spots on them.

Oh, okay. I eat the banana and cut around the brown spot. Oh, I don't like that shit. It drives me fucking obnox. I think that's a bad guy, because I do that too. I'm a little excuse enough to eat at all. I've got to cut out the banana. Oh, I hate that.

I like my bananas with a little green on them. I like them fucking strong, hard like a black cock. Fucking fear of a black fucking. What music you got to tear these people up to? We can do a biggie. Let's see what they got. I love you guys. See you Friday morning.

Thank you very much. Thanks to Mike Kessler for the inspiration this morning. And like I said, live your fucking life, guys. Who gives a fuck about fucking the office? Fucking shit shows anyway. Get a grip, motherfucker. Yeah. This album is dedicated.

Oh shit. For all the teachers that told me I never got up. Look at Lee. Looking like the guy from the office. Little chubby guy. shit. It looks like I'm constantly I love you Lisa. Thank you very much for being here. The Flying Jew

follow him on Twitter. Matt Flavor. I love you guys. See you Friday. Have a great day. It was all a dream. Here we go. It always starts for the fucking dream, motherfuckers. What? What? Fuck the weather. You control your fate, motherfuckers. Here we go.

Oh shit. Bamboo sipping out private. Stop. When I had the red and black lumberjack. With the hat to match Remember rapping do Da Ha, the ha, oh shit But take it this fall

Now I'm in the lime like Cause I rhyme tight Time to get paid Go up like the world's trade Born center The opposite of a winner What? It's fucking Wednesday

Get up out of those nuts Brucey B kick a free Funk master flex Love bug stars geeks I'm blowing up like you thought I would Call a Crip same number same But it's all good So good

And if you don't nose like your nose dick a song