The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 10/06/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #117

Episode Date: October 7, 2013

Joey and Lee solo on a special edition lords day podcast. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Visit Dollarshaveclub.com/church for great deals. Streamed live on 10/06/2013.

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of its shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus. When you go to Huluplus.com slash Joey, that's Huluplus.com slash Joey. And by Dollar Shave Club.com. Get high-quality raises sent to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now, go to dollarshaveclub.com slash church. That's dollarshaveclub.com slash church.

Or just go to Joey Diaz.com and click. on the Dollar Shave Club Bainer. Oh shit. Oh shit. It's fucking Monday. Somewhere, cock suckers. Somewhere it's Monday, Bangkok.

Bangladesh. Bayonne, New Jersey. I love you, motherfuckers. A little deaf leppin, let it go. Circa, 1981. Rocking the fucking house

on a Monday blast that motherfucker Lee. What? Oh shit. Shit, get it together, Lee. What the fuck is this? This joint ain't fucking rolling, right? What's happening, baby?

Nothing, dude. I'm fucking... I had a good weekend. I haven't seen you in a fucking week. Yeah, since Monday. It's been crazy. Huh? Tuesday, the storyteller show. Oh, yeah, that's true.

That's true. That's a fucking cheetah. It's been a hell of a week, guys. I'm sorry. Fucking Monday, September, what? September, what? October. October 7th.

Seventh? Yeah, yeah. Are you kidding me? Or what? Poop, poop, boop, be do. Fucking tremendous. It's been a great week. Sorry we didn't do a Wednesday podcast.

That was part of it. I started on a movie. I got six days. Tuesday's my last day. So Monday's podcast, we don't have it. We're going to give you one Sunday night, which is really Monday. So it's the Lord's Day spectacular. So it's a good night to smoke some weed and read the fucking Bible, rub your feet.

Do whatever it is you do. It's going to be a fucking good week. You know who said so? You said so, cock sucker. That's how it goes. Now, Lee, what's happening with your little brown golf shirt? You're looking handsome. You got a haircut with mama today.

Yeah, dude. I'm really happy right now. How about you? I'm having sex. You're eating. You fucking kick the blender, which I knew. Well... I couldn't bet against you what I knew.

You didn't look enthused. You didn't have it. You just don't... You're in love. What are you doing? You go to the Spanish chick's house. Yeah. You can't show up with a green milkshake.

It's... And we were talking about it before, and it's something that I've struggled with for literally my entire life. And I know there's a lot of people. So this is why I wanted to talk about it, because you were nice and we were talking off here because you care about me. But I want to, like, it's something that I've struggled with. No, no, no, no.

I wasn't being nice. You know I don't give a fuck about you. No, but I'm a little Jew cock sucker. But I love you. And I knew when you were starting this shake that I could tell by your enthusiasm, you didn't like it. Now, you ever see me eating at some. I know that's a good fee. But you know what?

It's a waste of time. Mike Dolce is one of my closest friends. Yeah. I love, but I don't like fucking queen out. Quino whatever that shit is I'm not gonna fucking eat it I don't like

gluten free fucking pasta I'm not gonna fucking eat it you know I'm not gonna eat bread and I watch what I eat I went from 415 to 418 to 270 I'm up to 3 of fucking 10

311 now I'm stuck too but you ain't gonna see me drink no green shit because that's not how you're gonna drink and eat when you're on the street so

yeah I do is how to fucking compose yourself. Instead of eating two double fucking woppers, you eat one without the fucking fries. You follow me? You could eat, but you got to eat, and that's what I have it too, bro. And I could blame the food,

and I could blame dating someone, but it's not that. It's like I'm never really enthused about anything that involved losing weight. Like, I've gotten lucky. I'm not a drug person. I'm really not a drinking person. You don't drink at all.

You didn't drink. Every once in a while. You drink. What you drink with the girl? No, we have... We joke around. We have fucking tequila in the freezer and, like, little beers in there that's been in there for months. It's not really my thing.

Food has always been my thing. And the other thing it is, is it's laziness, but it's selective laziness. Like, I work a lot, and I do that, but I'm late... Just working out has never been my thing. And what you were saying, it's true. It has to become my thing. It has to be something I can do. that I'll enjoy.

You shoot a picture I posted the other day from high school. The basketball one? The basketball. Did you look at my arm? You were tiny. Did you look at my legs?

I used to buy those magazines to be big and to lift weights and shit. So my mother had these sliding doors just how you have. The ones that you pull out. Okay. So instead of being 56 inches,

they become 26 inches horizontally. Okay. And I would put it on two chairs and I would get dumbbells. the ones made out of concrete, and I would do fucking pools, bench presses. Fuck.

And I would do one-on pools, and I would do curls, and I would do shoulder presses, and I would do jumping jack. So at that age, I tried to put muscle on because I wanted to be a forward in high school, and I couldn't put muscle on because of the amount of fucking cardio I did.

You know, I can play fucking 19 basketball games a day. You see North Bergen. You know, I was telling people that about a month and a half ago, six weeks ago, I went to the doctor, He did one of those things where they fucking do your heart. Even better.

They did the better one. Because they did it from my knee. That's how they see when you have tendons broken and all that shit. He did one until my heart. When I met one three days later, he goes, I got to tell you something that shocked me about you and with all your cocaine stories of shit. Your heart is as strong as a bull. And I went home that weekend, a week before, the week after.

And I looked down the hills, and I seen those fucking hills. Those monster hills in North Bergen. And I walked on those. So I was so skinny even though I was lifting heavy weights and eating and drinking milkshakes It was hard for me to put on weight till about I was 17 then I started putting on muscle weight Because I stopped playing basketball and I stopped riding my fucking bicycle So it's reverse you know what I'm saying I've been telling you out of all the evils what have I been pushing on you since I met you Working out got a workout yeah, and I'll tell you why because

Working out for you is better on paper than what you think it is What do you mean by that? Working out is so fucking good for you on so many levels, especially on the creative level, especially if you deal with people, especially if you, you can come to me and go, Joy, I have an idea for this, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'll say, you know what, it is a good idea. It's just missing something. And you, as a man go, you're right, it's missing something. You know what I'll find the answer?

At the YMCA. When I'm hitting the bag, when I'm on the bicycle, when I'm back, when I'm on the bicycle, when I'm peddling for 35 minutes on the epileptical. Because your body's doing something they you don't want to do. When I go to Jiu-Jitsu, I win fucking two times. I win because I went and I win because I went. Do you follow me? When I go to get acupuncture on Tuesdays, I win two times.

I win because I go and I win because I overcome my fears. My Jiu-Jitsu fears being on my back and not breathing. I still get fucking scared. I'm not going to lie to you. I didn't even go to J-Jitsu last week. because I couldn't. All the hours, I worked on that fucking movie till that time, you know?

But that's just the way it is. That's why I do those certain things. Now, you know, I went to kickboxing. I broke my fucking toe. I didn't like that they were headhunting in there. Now what I do is I go to Jiu-Jitsu. I go to the Hawaiian and do the epileptic because I want to raise my metabolism up again.

I'm fucking 50. I got no metabolism. What raises my metabolism when I get on that fucking bicycle, I want to go for fucking walks with the carriage with my dad. daughter in the daytime and I walk faster to raise my heart rate you know what I'm saying and even on the epileptic you could judge your heart rate and whatnot so I win twice in your

position when I leave here in the mornings from that podcast right away you're dressed even if you smoke these fucking joints with me and walk around your block two times and then increase it to three which you're right pilot on listen to those fucking Jews jumping up and down from Israel you like that's what it's all about and you'll be walking it's outside it's sunny out the sun's in you're getting vitamin D That's when your legs move and your arms move, man. You get fucking creative. You think of things.

I don't know what it does to your mind. I could sit here and read a webpage and lie to you people and what it does, but you know what I'm talking about. Yeah. Like I told you before, the fucking podcast was turned on. Do you think everybody you see running or bicycling or going to the gym likes working at? No, so they don't. They've made it a part of their life because they know it makes their life better.

and because I push this on my wife and I push on everybody. I may be a fat fuck, but my head is sharp. You know why it sharply? Because one hour a day I take care of me, whether it's stretching, whether it's going to yoga. I think, look at people when they have their phone to the gym, and I feel so bad for them. I feel so bad for somebody when they have their cell phone in the gym. Why? Because they're not giving themselves an hour.

They're not giving themselves no respect. one fucking hour Listen, I live with fear of my daughter too Of something happening to my daughter My daughter's fucking nine months You know my daughter does all day? She falls She gets up and she falls on her ass

And every three or four falls She lands sideways and she bangs their head Well eventually after one or two of them All those bangs She's gonna crack her fucking head open one day And they're gonna, I need two stitches But I know that me turning my phone off at the Y For one fucking hour

And leaving it in the fucking car ain't going to change that and she ain't going to die Wanda's there or whatever and she's in this area right here so she's not going to if there's an earthquake I get in my car and go right to fuck home do you understand me but that one hour off the phone

is for you is for you not to look at your Twitter you not to look at your Facebook you not to look at your stupid emails for you to overcome you that one hour at the fucking gym I've never disrespected nobody and brought that phone into the gym never since I've been going

to YMCA ever. Ask my wife. I refuse to, because it's disrespect to you. That's why you go to a YMCA. That's why you go to a gym. That's why you go for a run. To establish the high of you, that's you. That's what makes you go

down there. And I'm guilty of smoking a couple of bonk hits and going to the fucking gym. I need to. You know, I need to. I'm an only child living in my fucking head. But I'm still experiencing me. I don't, I don't, even when I go acupuncture. I don't bring a fucking cell phone in there. So you go to a Y,

Lee, that you like, and you look at the classes they have to offer. It doesn't have to be the YMCA, brother. It could be 24-hour fitness. You look at your schedule and you get something started. For the first month, you put a chart on your wall and you take a walk every day. Some days you walk to Chandler, some days you walk to Falkin Ventura, some days you walk to Magnolia. You do that for a month. If you do that for a month, you drink water. You know, we don't know what we're doing wrong. When we go to a restaurant, the chips and salsa, we all fucking know. And if it

it means going to wait watches, and counting your points and whatever it could be, or maybe get the Dolce book. I'll give you the book again. You eat that stuff. If you like that stuff. But when are you going to take this Mexican chick to a fucking restaurant and you're going to go, let me get Red Quinau,

whatever the fuck is in there? Do you follow them saying to you? So these are all specialized recipes that you have to make at home. I love my doche. but guys like you and me I'm on the fucking move after fucking Thursday I'm on a fucking plane this is when it either gets difficult or this is where it gets tough for me it gets easier because I know for breakfast

I can get oatmeal at the hotel and I know I can get a fucking whole wheat fucking turkey on white at the hotel and I know for lunch I get a salad at the comedy club usually when I go on the road I lose fucking weight I don't drink alcohol do you follow me so there's cookies I eat You know, when I come home and my wife has

those little individual cookies she buys for her lunch and then I eat one, I don't do that on the road because I'm not going to buy fucking money. You don't have a car so you can't let go? No, I really take care of myself on the road. When I go to a hotel, when they send me the addendum and I look at the shit, I look at the hotel and right away I click out online,

ooh, they got a heated pool. I put the bikini with me. Ooh, they got this. I bring that with me. So I already know. I bring my iPod everywhere. So I know just in case I can, fucking walk. Remember, when you have an iPod, you can walk

from here to fucking internally as long as you have a fucking number in your mouth. See, because it hasn't been an issue for you. Like, I've never liked working out. Has you, have there been been, have you liked it more since you've done the stuff with Berducci? Because I'm like, no. I liked it more

after, all right, I stopped working out in 97 when I left Seattle. Mm-hmm. I moved in with Josh Wolf. I didn't do shit. I walked, and That's when my sleep at me was starting to kick in. If I think back, it was like 98th when it started kicking in.

99, 2000, Gavin Boyd, was my friend at the time, told me that I was snowing a lot and blah, blah, blah. I started dating Terry. Before that, I was dating this girl, and she told me one time, she goes, you snore really loud. I had to sleep in the other room two nights in a row. I don't mean to say that she should maybe check it out or whatever the fuck it was.

That whole time I wasn't working out. Then I met Terry, moved in with her. And I remember that the sleep at me was alive and kicking. And there was one point that I booked a Penswell commercial. Now, the whole time Terry didn't have a scale. We didn't have a scale at the house. I didn't know what was going on. Okay?

Mm-hmm. And I remember that when I lived in Seattle, I was probably about 220. Okay? When I graduated high school, I was 197. I was a big kid, but I was a bodybuilder type guy that squads and all that shit. And then I moved to Aspen and I got to 213. Then I moved back to Jersey. And up to 95, I was working out maybe twice a week, three times a week, shit like that, you know.

Whose phone is that? Not here? No fuck was the phone ringing. So I didn't really work out until about. 2005, but in 2002 or 2001, I booked a Pender commercial. And Josh Wolford got this deal from Fox. And I called them up and I told him I needed money for clothes and he gave me 500 bucks. And I went to that suit place on Hollywood Boulevard.

And I bought three suits, three shirts, a pair of shoes for $250. I got home, I put a suit on for a commercial audition. About a month later, I went to put the suits on. They didn't fit around my stomach. I couldn't button them, even if I pushed my stomach in. That's how much weight I gained in six weeks, guys. Think about that. Usually you gain weight that you can tuck your stomach in and go, wow, that's weird.

Oh, my God, I must be holding the water. You know, no, no, I gained that much weight that I couldn't put that clothes on. Then I didn't fucking work out. I didn't do shit, right? But I remember going to the doctor for sleep at me. And I remember getting on this scale dog And say it if it's at 288 pounds No

Yeah In a year In a couple fucking years I was at 288 Or maybe even more I don't know Maybe I'm lying to you people It was maybe more

I don't even know why 288's in my fucking head Because I got up to 418 And at 288 Yes That's what happened I was 288 the next time I looked at the scale

I was $3.50. And then after that, I was like, I'm never going to I don't know what's going to happen. Well, I'm going to keep eating. And I went up to and from 203 to 205 between the blow, not sleeping,

the sleep at me in my diet. When I did the longest yard, we went to the table read, we had to go into another room and get our blood pressure taken. And once I got my blood pressure taking, they had to make fucking calls. Because that's how high my blood pressure was. They had to make calls and see if it was okay if I went, get on the plane.

So I lied to them. I took some medication that I had with me. And I relaxed and it went down. And they said, it's okay. But I remember getting on the scale of the doctor's office. When I started the longest year out, I was 411 pounds. The day I left for fucking Santa Fe, New Mexico, I was 411 pounds, like snorting a gram of blow a night, you know, eating, drinking like a fucking savage.

That's no shit right there. That's crazy. And then when I got back from the longest yard, was in, but when I went to New Mexico was when I started lifting and fucking around a little bit. Because you had so much free time? I had a lot of free time and everything. was around me for all the football players and the football players, but I wasn't doing the right things, but at least I was moving.

I wasn't doing nothing like that up here. At least I was doing curls and doing push-ups and doing sit-ups, and they were teaching me stuff to do with the ball. I didn't know what I was doing. I wasn't doing nothing strenuous. I know that I know I was doing push-ups. I know I was doing lifting, and that's no good.

I was lifting heavy. Like, they won't know look and notice my stomach if my biceps have a vein of them. You know, it's like, fucking stupid shit. Then that's when I got back and I went to the Y and in those days you signed up

for the Y and they assigned you a trainer. Okay? And that trainer took you upstairs one day and he told you, he gave you a health evaluation and he told you what you needed.

And I'll never forget he was a little gay guy that was cool as fuck. And he walked me in and then I used to smoke three packs of cigarettes a day. This is Three? Yeah. And if I did blow, I would smoke another pack and a half.

Fuck. I wouldn't smoke the whole thing, I would smoke them and then just put them all. When you wake up in the morning, there'd be a mountain of half-smoked cigarettes in my fucking ashtray. So I went in there probably January of 2006. I'm walking to the YMC after living across the street for five years. Yeah, you showed me.

Five years. I lived across the street. Never dreamed of going into the YMC. It was the last fucking, and I'm not talking about people. I'm not talking down the block or a block away. I'm talking about I lived across. If I looked out my window as the YMC fucking A, knowing I was sick, knowing I was going to die,

I wouldn't walk across the fucking street, though. And then I went down and the guy put me on the treadmill. At 0.5, not even 1.5, but 0.5. Going that way uphill. I mean, put the speed like a 3. And he had to shut it off for four fucking minutes. Four fucking minutes the motherfucker shut off and see you gotta get off

and sit down. He went, he came back and he was in a little talk let's be honest. You gotta quit smoking and say this and come back and see me. He almost just had a heart attack. It was that bad? It was that bad.

Fuck. And I didn't mean, well, how has the testosterone thing changed for you? Because that's a big thing right now. I'm sitting here going, I'm sitting here thinking about getting off it because I want to see what the

I'm still fucking sore. Okay, I go to the gym, listen, I can go to the Y, four nights a week, but I don't because I want to mix it up Mm-hmm. So now I go to the kettlebell gym, which has the TRX ropes and all that shit Okay, I go there twice a week, I go to Jiu-Jitsu twice, and I'm gonna do the Stairmaster twice The Epileptical Twis. Mm-hmm. If I can do two or three Jiu-Jitsu, I should burn. The problem with Jiu-Jitsu when I go is I was putting too much calorie intake on the J-Jitsu burn, so I was eating double because I'm going on the Jiu-Too's heart. You sweat a lot. When I go to Jiu-Jitsu, that fucking shirt is drenched. That jacket is fucking drenched. You want some of this dog?

You're going to sit down like a fucking orphan? This jacket is drenched. That fucking t-shirt is drenched. My knee pads are drenched. My pants are fucking drenched. You know, you fucking get drenched. And that's the other aspect of it. Lee, you got to sweat.

Sweat is good for you. Sweatting is very fucking good for you. It's, I think, in my heart, it's one of the best things when you're sweating, how good you feel. Like the first 10, minutes when your pores open and your sweats come out, it's terrible. You smells and taste some wild shit. Then after that, or at least it appears that your sweat is kind of weird, you know?

And then after that, the more you sweat, that thickness goes away. But if I don't sweat every fucking day, like tomorrow, I got to do something. But I got to be a work of 715 tomorrow. I'm on the set at 715 tomorrow morning. So I got to work out tomorrow. Tomorrow, I got to work all day. Tomorrow I got to fall downstairs. This is one of the old Disney movies I do with Dean Kane.

Like today, I ran up a fucking flight of stairs 15 fucking times. Do you think I want to go to the gym tomorrow? But I still got to start going to fucking jiu-jitsu. So I got to go to jih Tzu. The only way to get your endurance better is to do it. It's, uh, I gained a lot of respect for people who, because the schedules that people who work, like regular jobs have and then still go, I can't even imagine it.

And, I don't know, the only thing I've ever really, like doing is riding a bike and the thing is drivers are crazy here so I need to find a place to do it can't ride a bike you're doing shit that you can't do how about riding the bike in here putting a bike in here look at the Israeli flag put your little friends on and jump

around and look straight for 35 minutes to start off that's not a bad idea but you're not going to buy a bike and put it up here because that's going to last for a week because there's no motivation there's nobody to push you you know the other day I went to the Y not last night but the night before for. So I got up Saturday. My wife and me, I had the day off. So we went, did something in the

morning. I took her for breakfast. In the afternoon, we went. We went somewhere to shop for the baby, and then we went to Arcadia to go to my friend's soccer game, their little girl. And from there, we went to J.Rs, which is, I loved the food there. Again, I had a couple of chicken tortilla soup, which out of all the evils had the least calorie intake. Yeah. You know, chicken tortilla had like 300 calories. The chili had 600 calories. I know from weight watchers a couple fucking Chili's eight points. Like Chili's taboo.

I got the Chinese chicken salad, which again, the salad's heavy because there's shit in that. Yeah, the dressing. But it's better than eating a cheeseburger with a fucking triple strawberry cake. Yeah. You know, I don't like those salads from that place you go to. Oh, yeah, well, that's terrible for you. But there's different, you know, years ago, what got me motivated on the other end

was reading the article about how diet is 60% of your weight loss. You could run from here to fucking eternity. The reason why I tell you is to get your metabolism gone. Just start with the running and still eat what the fuck you're eating for four or five weeks. And then one day you'll come to me,

you know what, I walk from fucking my house to law can in to fucking whatever. And I walked home, I got on the scale, and I lost a pound all week. And I'm going to say, close your eyes and what did you really? Yeah, exactly. You're gonna go, I get it.

Like, I kept it at a normal level. Not normal, I was big, but it wasn't as bad while I was living in Boston. I could walk around. But do you ever, and this isn't a pot, like, I shouldn't be thinking this way because it's not going to help anything. But I'm so jealous of the people who don't have to work out.

I fucking would trade anything. I would trade like 10 years of my life. Like, the people who don't have to work out. No, you don't. Because it's part of your journey. I just told you. You know, some people like to go on a corner and cross their knees

and put their hands out, go, and whatever. Everybody got a different way to get in touch with whatever the fuck we got to get in touch with to move forward. For guys like me and you, sometimes a little run, which run and will kill you.

That sucks. I think I said to you jump in the pool. Yeah. I think I'm telling you all summer, you just threw away three months because now it's cold. You're going to jump in that fucking pool. It's freezing.

I wouldn't jump in the pool. But in fucking July, you could have done some push-ups, ran a little bit you know and then gone in there warm and after why you get used to it I'll tell you you run in a fucking pool you do three laps in the pool

four five you run back and forth back and forth back and forth after why you don't lose weight the pool's great it burns the most calories per fucking minute now they're coming up with all this shit but everybody knows and you don't there's your injury free

and you can pull to all the fucking capacities of your elbow movement and your knee movement that's why I mean you recover before and after a knee surgery they want you in there because your knees go up It's low impact. You know what I'm saying?

You got a lot of fucking options. You're the king of your own fucking destiny cock suck. No, it all makes sense. Fuck that green shake. Take your vitamin, jump up and down, drink water, get some good sleep, and cut the shit. Stop with the potato chips. You don't think you. You smell like potato chips.

Where's the music? Where's I want to be around? It's Monday fucking morning. We've got people up. Get up. Do a jumping jack. You fuck. It's a beautiful day to be alive.

Life is fucking in front of you. You're sitting there thinking about it. I don't know what the fuck me thinking about. I don't know. Maybe I should go to IT. tech. There ain't nothing for you at ITT Tech. Life, you fuck. They're gonna teach you about how to move a wrench. Get the fuck. You're gonna get up. Go get a job. We'll get a gun do something, but you can't just fucking sit there. Where's Tony Bennett? Where's the reefer? You gonna smoke some reef with your Uncle Joe.

You're gonna sit there? You smoked all the reefer. Where is it? You took it all? No, I didn't. I left everything here. Oh my goodness. You took all you smoked everything. I don't smoke anything. up the pieces when somebody breaks my refill what did you do with a concept

you sold it to the Mexicans which one of your bitches which one of your bitches called this week no one called I'm working and I spend the other time with that girlfriend

don't be lying with me you got a couple of bitches she'd kill me her and her mother would kill me We were... Oh, look at the mother.

He's trying the mother in. You want to smoke some of this? I'm upset. What do you mean you're all set? You're just getting them warmed up. It's the fucking Lord's Day slash Monday morning. Somewhere.

You gotta get fired up, Cox, second. Wait and see. See how he does it. When he breaks your heart to bits. Let's see if the fucking puzzle Fits.

With that piano again. What's with the music? Let's with the music. Enough. I'm getting all sentimental here. We'll tell you what happened last week. What happened? So last week, last Tuesday, Ari Shafia did the storyteller show. And it was off the fucking chain.

Camijon Johnny. What's his name? Kumil Nanjani He was off the chain Big Jay Operson Good fucking show Good storyteller show And I'm gonna tell you something

About you guys What else happened We were gonna do a show Friday morning But The Mark Maron podcast came out We were doing a Joe Rogan 400

I felt it was just too much Fucking flavor Lee It was just too much I don't need to hear myself Talked that much So we took a couple days off And we're back

like fucking HIV on a Tuesday whatever the fuck I don't know so that's it Lee you gotta put something together you're a young kid I want to see you do good you know I'm a 50 year old beat up fucking halfway then I'm still alive I'm jumping up and down for joy but you're a young kid I met this girl

you want to keep giving that fucking Jew Maraca stick right you want to keep giving a little fucking Malook stick right absolutely I do right so you gotta get in shape you have to push-ups you got to do jumping jacks you know And right now, yoga's not, just go for it. Whatever you do, go for something that you're going to sweat and you're going to lose 60 pounds in three fucking months. Yeah, I got to do something. And that's not a quick fix.

You got no head. Look out. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Let me see it from the side. Let me see it from the side. Oh, shit. Bam. Let me see the other side.

Bam. Look at that. What's the name of the guy who cut your hair? I don't know. Is this black chick? What was her name? I don't know. Is the who there's ever?

Did you tip her? Supercuts? Yeah, absolutely. How much you tip? Four bucks. That's it? That's what they do. It's a super cut to 16, so you tip 4 to make it 20.

Are you fucking crazy? You got to give them like a fin, those poor people. They live on $4. They got a pick that comes and takes two of the four. Did you know that shit? There's a fucking haircut. There's a super cut pick up? Yeah, it comes and takes two of the four from those poor fucking people.

You got to give him a couple dollars, Lee. I did. I give them four. You got a card for the church of what's happening now? You got the cards on you? What card? You didn't get the cards? Cocksacker.

You didn't get the cards, cock-suckered. The Lee fucking sprung for a lady that came in clean. This place looks. Fuck you. No, you got, it's, uh, it's not that expensive, but I understand. Like, I couldn't do it up until this point, but fucking I needed to do it and it's worth it. It's worth it, yeah. Sometimes, you know, you're not a professional.

And you can work around this for a few weeks and then make it come in. So she's going to come in once a month? Yeah. She has fucking, uh, 60 bucks, 15 bucks a week. At 7.20 a year. Yeah. And your house smells good. You feel good.

You're looking better by yourself. And the girl's happy. Yeah. So you're going to love cuffs up? Yeah. You give her a ring in or anything? No. You play Spanish music?

No. Not yet, nothing? Not yet. And it's, I've talked a lot about, I don't understand how people can stay home and do like the boring nine to five jobs. I still couldn't do it, but I could see if I had somebody like this and I decided, well, I could live on $50,000 a year. I'm out every night at five. and I get to go home. Fifteen thousand a year.

Fifty thousand a year. Like, I'm like, I could live on that, but I'm out every night at five. I have all my weekends, free of all the holidays. I couldn't do it,

but I can see how, when people have someone like that, that they could do it. And you would put a ceiling over your head at 50,000 to sell the rest of your life. For that, that's what you're trying to tell. No,

I'm saying, I'm not, I'm saying, you're worth millions, late. You're a fucking secret storm. And that's what I always want people to realize. Next time somebody offers you $12

in John, an hour, you're not college education, maybe you may be college. Think about it. You're putting a ceiling over your fucking life. And that's what you've got to look forward to that.

Every week, and then in six months you're going to go into, they give you what, 38% more? 38 cents, I'm sorry. Yeah. That's what you're going to do every fucking year. Go for something that you get, that you can get what the fuck you're worth.

Have you seen this, there's a commercial, I think it's like Lincoln Financial or whatever the mutual, one of those sites, and there's this guy, he's saying, if you could get paid to do what you love, what would you do? And I would own a bakery. I would own a bookstore.

And the guy's like, well, we can do that for you because you're going to pay yourself because isn't that what retirement should be? And it got me so depressed. I'm like, how would you wait till 65 to do that? Like there's a commercial that plays during football there. It's like, just wait until, just wait until you're 65. You know, why? There's those Mukyak sit there and that's what they're waiting for. Today, no, today, last Sunday I got a call from a fucking friend of mine that I was very tight with I go, where are you at? He goes, I'm at my neighbor at bar. I do this every Sunday during football season. I'm like, what the fuck guy?

But you're unemployed. He's telling me how he's unemployed. He's in between jobs. He's doing construction or whatever there. Anyway, don't fucking put an income ceiling over your head. Never. Don't ever do that. That's what killed me about having regular jobs. I don't even give a fuck if I make $1,000 a month. But all I know is if I make $6 an hour for you, that's not $1,000 a month. And some months are going to be bad. And some months are going to be but you always get to fucking control that. You're in charge of your fucking life.

It's scary. It's fucking scary. It's fucking scary. But you know what, Lee? We got together with nothing and we made little fucking videos and we did the video and we sold that

and we fucking went on it and we did this and this and the CD and it all escalate from that. Now we do the podcast and we have some fucking sponsors and now it's not like we sit back and eat lobster tails

and throw shrimp at each other's fucking fucking mouth. We still got to fucking work every day. Yeah. But because we put the effort in the 18. fucking months now that you get to see a little fucking bit of daylight and that happens in life too

that happens in life all the fucking time if you put the effort in the more you hang in with something the easier fucking gets the percentages of shit gets fucking easy is it me or is it just like a bonfire we're just breathing fucking refra in this room it is look at this I have the AC off I can't get to open the door

why not just open the five minutes it's all right now talk while you're walking over it's like you can do a couple jumping jack I can get the fucking... Because I'm never going to get my deposit back on this apartment. What deposit? If you do what? If it stinks a weed.

Open the fucker. People weaving you. The only guy in this building that smokes weed. By the way, I saw a little fucking Asian girl walk out of your building. Have you seen it? No. Oh my God. What the fuck are you thinking? This is why you got to go by the pool window. Look at the smoke how it's coming out of the fucking apartment.

Look at this fucking thing. You're killing me. You got me sitting in this fucking... sex pool of studio turn the air on a little bit you're killing me you can't be smoking there you want to take some weed or one

what you want to go back to you and go back and lay down where you're going I'm on him here you're here where you're here what fuck out of you cock's sucker by the way I've been getting a lot of thank you emails I mean I get a lot of fucking emails about a lot of things and I like when you guys email me because you're involved in us

you're thinking of us and I appreciate when we get either emails on the Gmail page or Facebook or Twitter or other fucking source you send them. But I've been getting a lot of emails of people thanking us for the different things. And you know what? Like I told you people. You know what?

I'm a fucking, I used to be, I've never been a fucking whore. Okay? Like I told you, I don't like selling shirts after a show. There's a lot of shit I don't like to do, even though I could do it.

Even when I was a fucking junkie, I wouldn't do it. Now I definitely don't fucking do it. You know what? I like doing a podcast, and I really enjoy talking to you people. I mean, you know what, I don't give a fuck if I get paid for this. I really like when you people come to the show

and now at least you know if we're going to get along or hit it off. You know, you're not making a fucking mistake because you know what I'm about. You know what the flying Jew's about? The Jew knows what I'm about. Everybody knows what everybody fuck is about here. But you know what?

Now we get a couple fucking sponsors. What was I told about? The thank you emails. Thank you emails. And people always say, well, thank you for... You know what, Dollar Shave Club is a great fucking product. I've been using them and switching the razors all. and they work.

You know, if a razor goes too long, no matter what manufacturer, it's going to go fucking dope. Well, you're supposed to change it every week. And every week. And you know what? I'm a lazy fucking juke. I give it like 10 fucking days

and I get pissed off of people. You know what I'm saying? And my wife is shaving her fucking monkey with her legs because I know we got in the fucking shower. Plus, I got one on the road with me. Dollar Shave Club is a gay fucking bargain. For $9 fucking dollars or $6. Listen, go with the $6.

You're broke. Go for $72 a year, but at least you got a fixed income on you. You're fucking shaving. Who the fuck has that? Governments don't fucking have that. When people come to you and people go, what's your budget a month?

I don't know what my budget is, bitch. But I know I spend $72 a year on shaving products. That's minus the fucking shaving cream. I steal that from my sister. She uses this hair. You know what I'm saying? You're putting air on your dick? No.

Why not taste the hair right off without shaving? Because it, that can't feel good. That burns, like, melt hair. It doesn't burn. A little, bitch. They put them a lighter on your toe. Wait, do you shave your balls? No, but I'm saying that if I had to put it in there.

I just recently shaved, I almost zipped my fucking thing. You know, I fucking shave it all in one? Yeah. I got, I started going swimming. I do the mommy and me swimming with the baby. And whenever you fucking swim in chlorine and shit, your head gets tough. So I condition this fucking hair, but for some reason I was getting itchy fucking balls. This is because the hair was so dry and brittle down there, I wouldn't condition it.

So I said, fuck it. I kept forgetting to tell me. my wife to cut it. One that I got so fucking aggravated. I just took the zip zip and I just went to town. I cut the afro down. Some sides are bigger than the other. And I zip my dick and burnt like you're just... You know, and sometimes

they burn you in the tail, like they do your ear. I did the same thing to my fucking helmet, so I'll never zip it again on my own. I can't see. You can't fucking see down there. You got problems. You can't fucking see, you know what I'm saying? But Dollar Shave Club is a good value. Go to dollarshaveclub.com or go to

joeydea's.net. Press the dollar shave link what are you pressing there church church c h u r c h seventy two dollars a fucking year or go for the dollar a month i don't give a frenchman's fuck it's not like i'm telling you you you get a good fucking deal the twelve dollars what is it twelve dollars a month nine dollars is you live like a doctor you get the peppermin the wipes for your fucking cool no they're separate they're separate but they're fucking great they're fucking good your asshole smells nice i've been using them on the set because i don't wear underwear i don't want my ass all to fucking smell bad so i I wipe my ass with a peppermint.

The chicken costume was like, this chubby guy's asshole smells like fucking a mint julep. You know what I'm talking about? And the biggest part for me, like what we were just talking about, people who work a lot, it's in your mailbox. You don't have to go back to order it.

Like a doctor. Right to your fucking house, you go in there. In fact, that night you don't have to shower. Just take that peppermint patty and wipe your little fucking helmet. You pull the skin back. You twist that fucking dick like a pop.

You know, you take the lid off of a fucking beer. Yeah. How you twist it, you do the same thing to your helmet with that peppermint patty. Forget it. She sticks that peppment patty in her mouth that's like that mint fucking come up. What's that chocolate mint people used to bite and make him go fucking into convulsions? I don't know. What the fuck are you stretching your face for?

You ready for a Cheebo or one? No. You think I forgot about it? I got a gooby bag. I'm aware you didn't forget about it. What do you got over there? None. I know you got some.

I had got shit. What did you do with the gummy bears? You took them. You're sure? Yes. I don't trust you. You came in here and you like him the gummy bag. I know you're not going to eat them.

It was all right. We're going to have a call tonight, but fuck it. Since we haven't done this in a couple of days, I want it just to go acopelo with my main man, Lee Syatt. Man, we're talking about that protein drink. Don't drink that no more. Take the fucking blender and just give it to the homeless. It wouldn't hurt as part of a good diet,

but I can't use it as a one quick fix. Oh, it's right, yeah. Yeah, and it works, but it's... It tastes terrible. It's terrible. Yeah. And I, you know what? I could see you doing it like once a day.

with two meals and lifting or whatever exercise for him you decide to fucking do. You're 25, you're a young man. You don't want to have diabetes. No, that's what that's my nightmare. And Jews don't have diabetes.

Because I can't do the needles. Once Jews don't have diabetes is like animals that. The rest of the Jews push it to the side just wait for you to die so they can take your carpeting and shit. You know, these fucking Jews don't take a fucking scab off an Iranian's tub.

They don't give them fuck. Oh, Jesus. Do you imagine what they do to you? They take a, fucking scab from an Iranian's toe and put that in that fucking hummus and give it and give it to me

you would pick your fucking toenails. What do you do with the toenails when you finish? What are you doing? You eat them? No, I don't. Yes, you do. I see you eat them. I leave them on the floor and I vacuum them. You eat them? No, I never ate them. Yes, you do. Yes, you do.

Have you seen my toenails? I don't know. I got the fungi under a fucking nail. It's grown out with my toenail looks i don't even know what it looks like it looks like a shovel filled with shit and i just have to scrape it out and it's like bonnacle fucking juice it's gooey and shit so that adds the flavor i don't want no flavor in my toe what do you think people suck my fucking toe for a living what's wrong with you get it together so what we're going to do what do you want to start you want to you want to start running on the streets i can't see that's a thing i'm 50 all right i my simple fucking day. You know, I love special

K for breakfast. I love cereal for breakfast. I love a piece of fucking fruit for breakfast, you know? My lunch, my lunch is a little complicated because I go home and sometimes either I eat leftovers. I just get the easiest thing, which is tuna and white

or a fucking ham and cheese sandwich on white with mayonnaise and a big piece of tomato and lettuce and no chips, no side stuff. See, that's what I do. I just don't believe in fries or nothing, you know? My wife made cheese burgers this week. You know, it's not like I put shit on that. I put a raw onion and a piece of cheese and, you know, and mustard.

So it's eight points. You know, it's not the fucking, like the in and out juice. They put an in and out burger. And I'll tell you Lee, I don't even like fucking burgers no more. Around here, I'm sick of these fucking... Oh, they're great. You know why I don't like the burgers? Why?

Because nobody has a good fry. Yeah, that's true. Have you thought about that? Think about where the fuck we live We don't have a good fry You know who's got a good fry? Who? Jerry's deli.

You got to get the steak fries Oh, they got steak fries right Who's got? Nobody else got a fucking steak fry With my cheeseburger I want a fucking steak fry We got none to talk about You give me those skinny fries

I think of like those skinny fucking fries I don't like them from fucking in and out I don't like them for five guys burgers I don't like none of those stuff The French fries suck Not the french fries suck Not to compliment the egg

The fucking burger The fry has to compliment the burger The fucking burger don't compliment the fucking fried. So if you're going to make a nice fry for me, you've got to make those rice. Have you ever taken you to the Korean up the corner from the fucking... No, you've told me about it, though. From the divine wellness.

I've got to take you in there one time. They make nice fruit, natural shakes. All right? They even do the shit you do, like green stuff. But they have a steak sandwich. They take like a cheese steak, but they shrink it. Their way is mayonnaise, tomato, lettuce, and cheese. I tell no cheese, no mayonnaise, just put the tomato and I put Franksart sauce on it.

Oh, shit. It's not bad, but I really go for the French fries because the French fries are the crinkle-cut ones. I go once every fucking six months. I used to go there for the chicken terriaki, half chicken terriacchi and salad because they put a good sesame seed dressing on the salad, but the chicken terriacchi is so fucking bad there. Oh, no. Yeah, they give you like the toes and the fucking kidneys and the shit. Next thing, you know, you're biting into shit.

shit it's got blood in it. I don't need that aggravation and all that. And they're nice people. The girls are great and stuff like that. Another nice place that has a great chicken tariaki lunch is sushi dan on Ventura. Okay. They got the lunchbox chicken, white meat with some rice and some salad.

If you want, you get two pieces of fucking white tuna just to get the party started to get your sushi. You like sushi, don't you? I love sushi. Your sushi, you could eat tons of it. Do junk. Yeah. You're a savage, but you're also going to drop $10,000 a day because when it was the last time you ate sushi.

That was cheap. What? What? I can't do that grocery store sushi. It's disgusting. Oh, no, no. Listen, if you do grocery store sushi and blood comes out of your asshole, you deserve it. All right?

You can die on fucking contact, but I don't want you to die. I just want you to bleed out of one of your fucking nipples. You know what I'm saying? If you buy sushi at a supermarket, I don't even want you around me because you're a fucking dummy. Eventually, you're just playing Russian. How are you going to eat fucking sushi that's been sitting at raw fish? That some fucking white dude with fucking gummy fingers, it's probably in a halfway house,

he scratched his balls, and now they train him how to do sushi. He comes out of prison. His name was Chuck. My house's name is fucking Chino. And he's trying... Are you fucking kidding me? You're going to eat that?

I took it home from my wife. Then both these are going to get sick. Nothing. You got to eat that shit fresh, dog. And even then you've got to be fucking weary. You don't know what the fuck you're eating with sushi half the time. Is there a good sushi in San Francisco? If I had a cigar, I'd probably fucking put it in your forehead.

Why? Because of a... And when people look at you and they say, is he Jewish or is he a Hindu? Or do we have to stab this motherfucker? Yeah, they got sushi. It's next to the ocean. I know they have it. Is there good?

You know what? My little brother, I don't remember eating it. I thought about that too. You know, whenever I go up there, such an Italian concentration? Is it really? Yeah, they got good Italian food up there like a motherfucker. Good pizza, good spaghetti of meatballs, good fish. San Francisco is a very well-versed.

food for and I started eating in San Francisco in 1985 when I was on the fucking run Jack I was on the fucking run big time San Francisco used to have some great fucking food I used to go to a hotel California and I used to go to these places for pizza I used to go to original Joe's is always one of my favorite fucking spaghetti places in the country and they're not even original Joe's like I liked original Joe's in San Jose whenever I worked in San Jose improv I go to original Joe's all three nights with butch Escobar who's opening for us at cops. Oh, awesome. So it's going to be

me, you, Butch Escobar, fucking Ari Shafir, I hope Tom Rhodes coming by and says hello. Yeah, I'll be up there Saturday. Smoke some dope, the fucking Jews coming up Saturday. I have two Jews in the house at the building falls. I'm in good fucking hands, you know what I'm saying?

I'm getting a piece of something as the bulk building fall. And that's it. That's how we're going to make it fucking happen. You know what I'm saying? That's it. Playing the fucking simple. I'm excited. The week after that I'm in Ontario, the week after that I'm fucking, where am I the week

after that, Tarzanini? Let me find out. Oh, Jackson, Tennessee. At Harvey's County... Jack to Tennessee. Oh, shit. One night, one show, 9 o'clock. 20 fucking bucks come on down. Taking a fucking leave with that, spaghetti and meatballs, whatever you want. And you know what you can do on the

flight to the internet? You can do Hulu Plus on them. Right on the flight. Who told you that? I know it, because I've done it. That's how... They have free Wi-Fi on your phone, your tablet. Probably take it. My wife can probably take it. She got the free...

Especially for mercy? Just throw a SpongeBob Squarepants on it? Fuck yeah. Just go to Huluplus.com slash Joey. Get two weeks. You get the flight for free. They have the free Wi-Fi on them now. I fucking love it.

And what code do they put in? They put in Joey. And how many weeks do they get for free? Two weeks. Duce! Fourteen days. Two cocks sucker. Who gives you 14 anything for fucking free?

The only thing you get in this world is Jesus or a black dude to fuck you in the ass for 14 days straight. Besides that. Where do you get that? Who the fuck knows? Who the fuck knows? Who gives you anything for free anymore? Who's going with 14 days for free?

All the shows they got on there, the original content. Then after two weeks, you give me a credit card. Boom, how much a month? $7.99. $8 a month. You know what that is? $96 a year, right? That's right.

$10.88, $96 a year. So $96 for that. $72 for the blades. On it, whatever. We'll put you on the fucking payment plan. To PayPal on that, you know how we fucking do it here. Speaking of, when you were doing the math, how did the tutor go? Did you do it?

What did it? The tutor. What did it? No, I had the fucking movie. Oh, okay. I had the movie. But she told me to read. Really interesting.

She told me to read this book. So I had to order the book on fucking Amazon, and I just got it yesterday. So I'm going to read it. I don't have to meet with her until I'm going to read the book. We're going to meet that Monday when I get back that Sunday. We're going to meet at 3 o'clock for the first time. I've been fucking busy, Lee. Yeah.

You know, I've got to tell you some people, you live your life, you have a 40-hour work week, and you juggle it with whatever dream you may have, whatever activity you may have, and whatever obligations you have at your house. And every once in a while, shit happens. Shit goes astray.

You know? I didn't expect the Brooklyn 9-9, and then six days on this. The only reason why I took this movie, I don't like doing these movies. I'm out of this loop because it's nothing new. So I read the script one time and I'm good to go. I go there and I'm really 50% prepared until I go there.

You know, I know the character. I've done it 18 fucking times. Baya. That's a tremendous fucking... That's a cheeseburger coming out. No, what came out? What did my wife make? Oh, fish, sea bass.

He's tremendous. A little sea bass with a piece of fucking corn. You know, we try it to Diaz residence. We get up early today. We went to the farmer's market. We bought a little halibut. We bought a little seed bass, you know, some fruit for the week, a little watermelon juice while you're there.

We fucking try. You got to try, Lee. That's all I ever wanted for me. That's why I said to you. Got to walk. You got to break up shit. You got to sweat every day. And after that one day, you go, you know what, I'm 25.

You get the world by the ball. You've got to be in shape. You got to run. You know, you want to run, you run. If not, you join a gym, you go on the apolitical. You have a little personal training. Do some jumping jacks. You come out.

to a time. I have a friend and she drinks. And we've had a thousand discussions. In the last discussion, which was about three months ago, four months ago, had nothing to do with her quitting drinking no more.

Leave you're 40. Let's accept it. You like to do it. So now we've got to figure out a way to make this negative thing, even though it's negative, fit in your life and make you a productive member of society

until you decide to quit. And that's right. did with cocaine from the age of 35 to 44. I knew I wanted to quit, but I had to figure out a way on how to get the cocaine, the movies, the stand-up, and my wife, who at the time was my girlfriend, how to get them along the picture and for an alter fit. So you've got to get a piece of paper on top of that paper,

you have to put cocaine down, because that's your number one love. And you commit to that five to six nights a week from 12 o'clock at night to five in the morning, sometimes six. And you have to figure it that way. So I have a commitment to cocaine for 42 fucking hours a week. If it's six hours every time I do a line, seven days a week, that's 42 hours a fucking week.

You know, I got a commitment to auditions, I got a commission to, I got a commitment to go back to my room on Sundays and send out envelopes or whatever. But what people, what I've told her a thousand times is, listen, in 95, When I went back to Boulder, and I was having all those problems of drugs and whatever, I joined a program that was Tang Sudo. I knew nothing about it. I just went to a place one night,

and I watched what they were doing. And it's Taekwondo that went to the right side. It's a Chuck Norris one. So Chuck Norris went with Tang Sudo. These people went with Subhobo, which is a former Sanctuco. At the time, it was 60, 65. $70 a month, unlimited.

Who gave a fuck? All I had in my life at that time was my daughter, Jackie, and time to be mad about my situation. Woe was me. So I started going to this karate, and I started noticing that by going to this kung fu class, this Taekwondo class, that instead of snorting at 5 now at night,

I was still snorting at home, but I wasn't snort until 10.30 at night because Taekwondo was from 7 to 9.30. And I had to ride my bike home and stop and get the blow, and are you following me? And that's what I told her. I said, listen, okay, so instead of you drinking at 11 o'clock, I'm like, I know you're doing, the tank suit,

the same one that saved me to a degree is right around the corner from my house. How do I know? Because I used to go. That's where Joey Karate was invented at that Tangsudo place on Sunset Boulevard. I go, so go, she's like, she's like, well, it's 8 o'clock at night.

So you're going to drink that night. We all know that. That's great. Before Tang Suodeau, go buy the beer and bring it into your house. and once you put the beer in your refrigerator take your karate suit and walk over there once you do your hour of karate

one hour then you go back to the house I don't give a fuck if you shower I don't give a fuck if you shoot it intravenously in your fucking veins and your eyeballs you made your commitment to the daytime you know what I'm saying so it slows you down

and at least you have a purpose now that's why you always like martial launch pick a fucking class maybe you just too hard for you right now maybe you want to put on a karate pants and learn karate from day one and throw some kicks and you get you still let me see to throw a little side kick for the people at home okay when's the last time he threw a

sidekick you always throw kicks at me you shit fifth grade look at that foot you got a foot like me you kick a fucking building and might go done how much you think your foot weighs you ever kick somebody with that fucking galop no let me see you what da look at that fucking let me see what more for a good job let's come on one more let me throw a side of cake ready people at home they got the camera on yeah all right right right right Let's do this. There you go.

Fucking tremendous. Last time I seen a kick like that, the guy went down. It was UFC fucking 13, live from Bogota, New Jersey. You're looking good, baby. I care about you. You drink water?

Yeah, not enough. I need anything. They need to drink more. Listen, nobody hates water. More than me. I fucking hate it. But I take those little bottles and I try to drink 10 of those fucking day

and water as I'm walking in my house. Does it help? Who the fuck? I know I'm still here I know my skin is a little clearer and it's color in my cheeks and that's all that fucking matters we give an effort

so pick something cock-sucking and stick to it no more quit because when I'm going to San Francisco all week you didn't know there was Chinese food in San Francisco You didn't know there was fucking Italian When you called me and asked me like There's Italian food we're going to feed you up there

to the eyeball pops out And right there you fucking took that blender You threw those tomatoes out the fucking window and you said, fuck it. I ain't never blending shit again. When did you crack yesterday? Last night, when after you called? How long after I called you that you cracked?

Ten minutes. Yeah, right there. What did you eat? Mediterranean food. I eat good food. I ate a grilled chicken and Greek salad. Oh, yeah. It was nice.

You loved that. How much hummus did you? A side of it, yeah. What do you think that's free? Hummus isn't bad for you? What was the last time you seen a skinny arrow? all the time all of them

when are the last we saw fat hair you're your fuck oh you motherfucker you keep it up I'm gonna burn this fucking thing way in your head

that no no you gotta do what you gotta do I love did you see fucking mad flavor throwing did you see

fucking Lee boom boom throwing what the fuck his name was shut my shit what

he said some guy in two So his name was fuck. His name was Chuck. Now it's Chino. It's true. Bro. I was talking to this.

I was talking shit in the hallway when I was shooting this morning. This lady comes on and she's Asian, Vietnamese or whatever fuck. And she's like, my husband's Cuban dude. And I go listen to me and she says, what's your nickname,

China? And she goes, how did you know? Because Cubans are in racial, are insensitively racial, racially incensit. They don't give a fuck what Asian community you belong to.

You always be a cheetah. Unless she's, the way the fucking ball bounces, you know what's going on, Lee? Why are you sitting there, giggle? Where's the sidekicks you were going to throw? Where's the love you were going to give? What happened, Lee?

You got to say. How stone do you? You're like, you don't make you. You're just going to be. Breaking into the song. I'm fine. I got to break into song. It's the fucking Lord's Day podcast.

Write your goals. Get up. Write the three things you're going to do this week and how you're going to do them, how much Gitas? Whatever the fuck. Fuck it. It's Sunday night, bitches,

aka it's Monday Somewhere, you know what I'm saying? What's that? What's that? No, I'll say the amount I've had them good. Why not? Because I don't need fucking Fulphal joints.

I don't like a good amount. I'm gonna eat at. I don't know. Eight trips back and forth on them. Take my more. Take two more. This is good. She is the shit.

There's the shit they gave Benny before he stole the honor of the second day. I love smoking marijuana people, especially at night, fucking tremendous. I'm going to go home now. I'm going to drink some coffee. I'm going to stay up for another hour. I'm going to get up six hours and go there shoot this fucking movie. I got two days left. Jesus Christ, he just burned my hand.

What is this, Auschwitz? He just threw a fucking flamer at me. Hitler, Jr. over here. That's still the worst joke I've ever heard Shut up I run the porn division in Auschwitz I laugh at it like three times a week I just think about it

You're a honey little dirty bastard You got any bottled water Yeah And I get one man I'm over here fucking seeing mirages You even offer me a fucking drink nothing I'm over here smoking 20 pounds of weed

20 pounds of fucking weed Nothing My throat's dry and shit Leaves a good man Lees the fucking host We got to, I love Lee to death. Lee's been a big part of my fucking life success with the church,

the success with the CDs and whatnot. So I want Lee to, uh, he's in love. When you're in love and you, I've seen this before. I didn't know it was late to be 25 and in love. I was jerking my, you want to close the door? What happens if somebody comes in there,

I gotta fight the fucking do. What do you make the faces for? Look at you what your new fucking, look what your new fucking hair do. I fucking, I said I didn't want to open the door. Now the door's open. Well, you let someone the fucking smoke out. Oh, Jesus Christ.

I mean, it was like, I couldn't even see you. I couldn't even fucking see you. There was smoke everywhere. What the fuck? Oh, my God. What were you saying? I have no idea. What are you bothered me for?

I'm sitting over here mind in my own business. I don't know. I said you were jerking off and then he asked me go get you water. No, I was a jerk at all. No, when you were 25. I don't know. I just walked in on it. I don't know.

I got together. I'm saying you're 25. We've done a lot of good things. I care about you. I want you to be healthy. You know what, man? For years, I didn't take care of myself. And from 25, I was telling me from 25 to 35, would save me

was that from time to time I'd work out. I believed in walking. I believed in fucking sweating. You know, if I dated a girl and she had a pool, I jumped in it while I was living with her. Or if I was somewhere for a few days, I always used the facilities, curls, jumping jack, whatever I could do, you know, so it all helps. When I got sick and I gained all that weight, I thought about something. I remember that it all helps.

It all helps. Every little bit helps your heart. It helps everything. But most importantly, when you work out, it helps your head because you don't think you could do it before you go in. You know, when I go to Jiu-Jitsu, I swear to God, I'm still scared to go in the back of my head. Even with the therapy and the fucking cardio work. Because I choke me. It's fucking tough.

You're sitting there. And what it comes down to is I can keep lying to myself. So I got to lose this fucking weight. And I've looked at a couple options, and the option is an astringent fucking diet for me, you know, like weight diet, which I don't know if I could fucking do either. I don't know if I can fucking do that, so I'm not to have to fit that halfway

and overburn calories, do something consistently. It's high cardio, high cardio. But I don't think my body could take it. I can't run no more. He didn't want to run. I mean, Doche's got a great running program in his book, which is to run two minutes, walk two minutes at a high pace and run for 30 seconds

and that's great. I don't want to walk around. My knees don't have to hurt at this age. I need my fucking stand-up comedy. Do you follow me? That's why I do the epileptical because it takes the weight off my knees and takes some of that pounding off my fucking knees.

That's why people said it's better for me so that's why I fucking do it. Who gives a fuck? Who gives a fuck it? It's Sunday night I don't want to talk about this shit. No more. You're going to be healthy. You're going to be a bad motherfucker.

What the fuck is this shit? By the way, I'm going to give some shoutouts. That's what I got to give. My man, fucking bang, gabrieone, whatever, Bing, Gengi. I don't even know my writing people. What are you people asking me to do this shit? Something Greg Long Island, congratulations. Mario Greco, Marley Greco, happy birthday, Luke Greco's daughter.

Fucking, look at this. I can't, I'm telling you, my eyesight is gone. something Powell I got one Junior Who fuck ask you Can I give my shout out to you I don't know

Can you? Who are you gonna give a shout out to To Robert Ramirez Who's that He was cool He listens and he invited me And my girlfriend To his family

As a private party For the Rose Parade And he invited me I'm gonna be back in Boston But it meant a lot It was a very nice invite So They got some good people

Bro we're part of a very good We're part of a very nice network Yeah You know I don't like calling them fans Because these people are not my fan I don't want them to fucking look and be my fans.

I want them to be on my level. I want them now to make me fans of them. And that's what I look forward to. That's what I mean them at the show, and they're like, I'm fucking Jewish Lightning. I'm Gabriel Cardenas. I'm this fucking guy. I go, oh, my God, I remember what you said,

and become fans. Man, thank you for coming. It's weird. We're part of a network. And that's what's going to make us fucking stronger than anything. You know, with Joe Rogan and Duncan and all these people. That's why after shows, I come out, I get your fucking armpits on my fucking neck

and I get you let you breathe on me and shit because I want to see what the fuck I'm doing business with I want to see what people are you looking up for like there's something wrong with your eyes cock sucker I just had an idea what I did you fuck it you're gonna kill me but do it people coming to the shows on Saturday bring hummus oh no one of a big show yeah

somebody brings hummus yeah oh it's like I would die How about the second show when that chick shows up and farts in your face? What are you going to do that? It's worth. It's worth seeing me eat hummus. The cops is a big stage.

Second show at cops. Me and Ari are paying some lady 300? You said she's going to be able to fit your fucking nose in her asshole. That would be worth it. You're going to get on your knees. If enough people brought hummus, oh. You're going to get on your hands and knees. Good.

And she's going to blow that out on you. It's all over. For once in your life, you're going to be able to fucking live and be able to fucking live and breathing. I'll have to hear this no more. You'll never have to... I'm ready for it. I know, you were... You've made some big... You're like Ozzy in 71. You're going through changes.

Absolutely. You've made some fucking big changes. I can tell by looking at you. You've got the hairdo. You're in love. Yeah. Who's... You know, how much? When are you going to give her the ring? And not for a while? Don't be bullshit. You got to give her something by Christmas. What? Why do I got to give her... We're not... She's a fucking in-lost. I'm not... We're not ready for that.

What are you going to do? Bring it home in front of the Jews and not give her something on fucking Yamaka? What's the Jewish holiday? Hanukkah. What are you going to do? Sit there and look at each other at Christmas Eve. Ha ha ha ha ha. Who, who? No.

I'm going to give her an engagement ring? I don't know yet. We'll give it a little something. Give her a promise ring. That's too soon. You know what you do? You give her a ring with Jesus getting stabbed in the neck. I haven't told her I love it.

I haven't gotten to the point where I'm, like, it's weird. You haven't told you loved that yet? Not even after you fucking give her a stabbing. You look from each other. You both feed each other. It's at that point we're about to, but it's weird. You got to do it. You're the captain craig.

I'm going to say it. You're the boss. And you're eating her pussy. You don't say, I love you, dirty bitch. No, I don't want to say it there. Why not? If you say it into the pussy, it goes right to the brain. It's like a shock.

Hello. Whisper a minute. You eat that monk and you tell her, I love you. Sick, motherfucker. What do you wait for? Or you eat that pussy and you get in a face and you tell her you love him with that pussy. breath on your mouth like a fucking

like a I don't even know like what you know I'm saying like something I don't know like something You've been dating her for a year No it three months

And you still haven't telling you Love her No it's early But What's the matter with you It's scary What's so scary About your lover

You like the girl She comes over Spends a weekend Yeah You sit down the couch You still didn't get a robe No I don't wear a robe Nasty

You know that No A robe's nasty. You sit there with panties on? Yeah. You sit there with your little blooms on. And no, you don't naked like that? Then a t-shirt, yeah, yeah.

And no blanket, nothing? No, always. What's the matter? A robe is gross. You sit in a robe. You farting in it all week. Then you wash it. How open do you wash it?

Every fucking week, twice a week. But I'm just sitting in a fucking robe naked. I got like hundreds on or box-in-pants. So what's the point of having a robe? Why don't have to go a t-shirt on? When I get up in the morning, we only got heat in the fucking hallway, cucksucker. That's why. So when I get up in the morning and before I go pee, I got the air on, it's cold, I put the fucking robe on, I go pee, I put the heat on, I walk around, I make coffee, then bang.

Then I take the robe off like 30 minutes fucking in. But when you're sitting there with your girlfriend, you don't want to sit in the living room on that fucking, you have leather furniture, correct? No, no, it's cloth. Cloth, whatever the fuck it is. You don't want to sit there in your little boxing, short naked, in front of your leather. You're fucking, lead the flying Jew, the flying Jew, Cyat, director from Israel, and many other fucking things. So you don't want to sit there in boxing shorts because it makes you look like the regular fucking schmuck.

You want to sit in a robe with some nice sandals on. I look ridiculous. You're your feet elevator with your potato chips on your thing like a soldier. And if a potato chip should happen to fall on your robe, fucking power to you. Julius Caesar wouldn't wipe it off. He'd just fucking leave it there. That's how you get striped.

Why are you fucking questioning me? I got to question you. You know what I'm saying? I lost it there. Is your hand okay? My hand is always okay. I take my fucking fish on. I'm ready to go, motherfucker.

I'm ready. You know me. What? Nothing. What? I don't know. What don't you know? You got me high.

No, you know. What? I'm in San Francisco. Thursday, Friday, Saturday. At least I ask. I'm going to be a guest host on fucking Saturday night. We're going to eat some edibles with Ari. We might give him an ecstasy.

Oh, Jesus. Want to do ecstasy in San Francisco? No. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Put the blade on the ones. Aren't you supposed to do this? with a girlfriend? Why would I want to do something

that makes me want to touch people with you and like you and Ari? You're not going to do with us. We're going to give it to you and we're going to put you in a cab. You're going to San Francisco. Go have a good time. What are you going to do? Go back with us to the whole tournament. Talk about what?

What do you want to? I see you all the week on the podcast. I want to hang out with you now. I want to hang out with you now. Thanks. Just kidding you. Break my heart on. You don't want to do no ecstasy and jump up and down?

Not really? And get thirsty and get a lollipop. No. Put the Jew music on and jump around for me. you haven't done it in a fucking long time. Did you take the girl at the concert? Yeah, fuck yeah. She'll never go back.

There wasn't one Mexican there. Or a couple. Get the fuck out of. You're confused Mexicans. Walking around, no oblo. Yeah. Yeah. I'm excited about starting my own podcast.

Look at the fucking shape. When are you going to start the podcast? I'm going to record a couple, but my first episode is going to be me and my dad when he comes to visit next month. What is it? What date? I don't know. I'm not going to do it on the East Stream. You know, how many fucking things are going to have? What are you going to do with him? You're going to tape them and sit? Huh?

What are you going to do with it? You don't do with on your news? I'm going to just record an audio podcast. And do you want to talk about the news, current events, what's going on Israel, skateboards? What are you talking about? What's your hobbies? I don't even know what your hobbies are. I don't have. I do this. This is my hobby. Hanging out with Uncle Joey Fuck yeah Smoking dope

What are your hobbies When I'm not around Interconnect stamps Movies and fucking Movies, what else Do you like stand-up comedy? Yeah, that probably What else do you like?

I'm interested in people And that's well because The reason People always wanted my dad back on After he was fucking obliterated on the editable That time I threw up The first time you may throw up

So that's the pilot episode It's gonna be me and him And we're gonna talk about He was on the radio for 25 years and he did a show and he did that so he has a lot of cool stories. I'm gonna have a co-host No

It's gonna be Lisa at show Well yeah with him And then I also Because I know I see how hard it is for you To book people So I know not every week I'm gonna have somebody with an interesting story

I'm gonna do this And I'm gonna We're gonna have Collins I think Regular people who want to talk And I think that's the one thing missing from a podcast what they want to talk about.

Anything. I don't know. I think that's the one thing by saying. People don't have a way to really... They connect a little bit, but it's always after the show's already over. You're going to take a picture for the podcast with this haircut. I like this.

I have no hair. This haircut is one of the sharpest ones. You put gel in it. No. I know you didn't put gel in it today. But I know that if you put some fucking gel in your hair, you look like fucking Liberace. You'd be your handsome,

Your handsome dude, Doug. Look at you, smile for the camera. Give me a little. What are you nuts? Or what? Lee motherfucking Siamap, people. I love you, cuck, sucker. You know what I'm saying?

But I just want to apologize for people. I didn't, I really, even though I'm tired, I could have got on the bed before. I really wanted to do this because I hadn't seen you people or talk to you motherfuckers in a week, and it was starting to bother me. It really was. I need to do it.

It was weird. We haven't had that much time off. You know, I really enjoy this period in my life. I enjoy this. When I do these movies, I realize how much I love podcasting. I realize how much I like the process of podcasting. The podcasting going on the road,

talking to people, meeting people in that area, you know, smoking the weed, they're smoking, what they're eating, and I get to know them a little better. You know, I'm going to be as honest I can with you. I'm over the movies in the TV realm in my life. After this movie, I don't want to do these no more. I want to do movies that, big movies.

You know, that's what I want to do. I want to do a big TV show. I'm ready at my point all the way around. I'm watching who's on TV now, you know, this pilot season, and it's fucking bad. Did you see Rolling Stones top 50 people? Oh, I saw that they did it and then look at it. You see that? You know, man, and there's a difference between being commercial funny and being funny.

When you look at that list, there is shit on that, fucking list that even people who don't know comedy know that that's not the end all deal. That it makes Rolling Stone make worse on what the fuck they are. I mean this is a like they said in that movie they tortured. Rolling

Stone destroyed everything Zeppelin ever made, you know. But not only that, I just see those lists and I see people on that are not comedians. They're television comedy personalities. They've never put the sweat into it. They've never put

the work that Joe Rogan or Bill Burr or Tom Rhodes or Mark Maron or Jim Gaffigan or any Anzianzari. They never put that work in. They've gotten on television, you know, with comedic actors, and then they got cut and direct. They don't know what it is to do with an improv fucking troupe on a Tuesday night with four fucking drunks. You know, and people say to me, well, you don't know. I don't have fucking respect to them. And it disrespects me when they call them comedians, the top 50 comedians. Half of them are comedic, fucking actors.

You fucking dummies. When are you going to fucking learn? There's a big difference. What Joe does, like again, what fucking Duncan does, what Ari does, what Jay Orkison does, what Komi Unjali does. That stand-up comedy. That's a complete different art. But don't put fucking, you know, these people who've never done this. Their television cuts and directs and ha-ha-ha.

And oh, my God, last night my brother told me that joke. And fuck you. I'm talking about people who sweat and people who sweat their rent. And people like, you know, what's the guy that used to hang out with, that still does with Jason Tebow, those young guys that sweat their rent every month. And Rick Ramos and Jerry Rocha, those guys that sweat it out every fucking month. At the end of the month, they pick up two weeks, and it pays for their rent and their fucking comic books or their fucking cheese pizzas or whatever it is.

I have the utmost respect for those fucking people because they took a chance. I get people in this town that call me, and they lay. guilt on me for some reason. My wife just bumped into somebody a couple weeks ago that said something to my wife, that my wife came home and said this dumb fuck said that you're on the computer all day and he doesn't want to do that. Well, he's got a fucking day job.

You follow me? A stand-up is something that the more you do, it's like Jiu-Jitsu, it's like any fucking thing else. The more you do, the better you get at it. And what do I say do? Well, I sat over my friend's house and we watch stand-up and we don't. No, I'm talking about getting on fucking stage every night.

Making time for what you want. You know, Lee, like I told you, Saturday, I had to go to that soccer game. But I knew at 4 o'clock I had a consultation on the phone to help me write the book. And I knew once that half-hour consultation was over with, I was going to the YMCA. Because I know I could hit the back for 20 minutes

and I could do the epileptical for 40. And I could stretch and do hip escapes and shit like that. I make time for it. And I'll tell you, I'm 50 years old. I don't want to go nowhere. I don't want to go nowhere Saturday. I went out Friday to it and did the show with Edwin San Juan, the Flappers. It was fucking packed down there.

I had a great time. I didn't eat. Again, if you want to get some good fucking food, flappers has great fucking food. I remember eating there. Jesus leave. They have those, when I'm the last one way, they had like a whole pizza that this guy was eating in the front row.

You know, it's funny. They have one of those good fella tables there. Oh, really? Which in the back, that means in the kitchen. Yeah. They have two tables, right in the kitchen, and you can sit there and eat and see that. So I sat there with Edwin just to talk because I got there early.

And it was fucking amazing the food that was going out of that. Preferably, you know what looks really good in there? The chicken wings. With the blue cheese, with the mixture. Look at me talking food, two fat fucks that can control themselves, that got to drink green. I'm thinking of going on a, like a protein shake once a day. doing the kettlebell classes

and the jih Tzu and fucking doing the epileptic on I really like to get my first goal would be like maybe just a 300 stay on half a two or three weeks and then dip again you know so we're on the same thing fucking togetherly

trust me so I'll never think that I'm looking at you you know it's just how funny like once you called and said we were going to San Francisco I don't take all excuses you blame it on me that's right

don't blame it on me no I'm not blaming I never blame you you were thinking all you had that man the Ritean food on your Riteenna. What do you usually get from the Ritinandah steak? Steakabab steak. What is it?

Grilled steak, rice. It's not bad for you. Grilled steak, rice, Greek salad, and hummus. What do they put on the kebab? Tomatoes? No, no, they don't put anybody. It's just meat. Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah. Good for you. I'm proud of you. You're a fucking savage. You're in love. I'm trying.

Got to get the robe and the slippers. I hate slippers. You got a pedicule? So you walk around fucking with those fucking feet. I get hot. I can't have anything. You got to have something. You got to have slippers. You got to go for a pedicure and have them stick the fucking thing and take that toe jam you got. Oh, Jesus.

Have you ever see how much toe jam you got in your toe? I cut my toenails every now and then I don't know. When you've got, you bite them at your toes? I can't bite my feet toes. No. I have fucking toenail clippers. You can't put your foot in your mouth? No, can you? Fuck yeah.

No, you can't. I'll try. Do it. Not right. I can get it up there. I could probably get it here. Hold my breath and maybe bite a toll. I wouldn't want to.

Do you think TV's about to get better? Because especially this year, they have a Robin Williams show, which I think he's funny, but, I mean, he doesn't need to be on TV anymore. They have a Michael J. Fox show and a Sean Hayes show. That guy from Will & Grace.

There's like the three new huge shows. Well, you're familiar with who the fuck they are what they do, you know, which is good. Would I watch them? I don't know, unless you watch them and told me it was great. I can't be good. I can't see me staying home and want. Listen, man, it's tough to compete with Breaking Bad.

It's tough to compete. Every time those shows come along, they raise the bar for every other show. And when you're not even halfway, the fuck there, do you think Robin Williams on CBS is halfway as good as Breaking Bad? No. No. Okay. What the fuck is Michael J. Fox?

What the fuck is that motherfucker I do? I mean, no fucking disrespect to you. Really? 10 million fucking comedians walking around. Why do they got Michael J. Fox Day? Because every fucking person who shakes up and down is going to watch that fucking show. And cheer for this

fucking guy. Dirty fucking million fucking comics out there and you got to get fucking back to the future a fucking show. And I got nothing against him. I love him to death. I love him to death. More power to him. The other fucking guy Sean whatever. Fucking eight years he hasn't been on TV.

Three years or something, right? He was on that darn whatever show, which I loved. It was one of my favorite. Him and the fucking chick stole the show. Will and Grace? Will and Grace. Him and this chick stole the fucking show.

Oh, yeah, that hype. Yeah, the fucking chick stole the show. That's one of my all-time favorite shows of all time. But, again, there's 15 fucking comedians walk around. Give them a chance. But no, I understand the mentality. The mentality is they're known already, they'll pick up an automatic audience and whatnot.

And you know what? It's mostly, like Fox. Fox puts a lot of fucking money and behind Brooklyn 9-9. Well, guess what? They got another 11 pilots. Besides the stony fucking guy on Monday night, the black dude that rides around Headless Horseman,

what's that show on Fox is a success? I have no idea. Monday nights. You don't know what I'm fucking talking about. Go to Monday Night and Monday Night lineup on Fox. Okay. The new show. They got a new show on Fox

that's about some fucking Henless Horseman and people are chasing them and whatever the fuck it is. I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. Monday night. Sleepy Hollow? Sleepy fucking hollow. What is Sleepy Hollow about?

Probably about that. It's a new show. It's not a show that's been out forever. That's what I'm talking to myself here, Mr. Wall? Let me talk to the fucking wall. Because maybe the fucking wall on the couch would answer me better than you what I'm talking about here. You're lucky.

Look at the people on Twitter. I fucking go over and kick me in the stomach. Maybe, I don't think so. Waterboxer. Anyway. Yeah. What? What's the show?

show about. Oh, I don't know. Read the synopsis of the fucking show. All right, let me find it. Please, if you don't mind. You aggravate me now. You're supposed to be on top of this shit. I didn't know how to be on top of what Sleepy Hollow was. All right, let's find out. Find out more.

Oh, the thrilling new mystery adventure drama from the Star Trek and Transformers and Fringe, Modern Day, twist on Washington Urban's classic. I have no. I don't know. They're redoing it. And it's a whole bunch of black keyboard.

That's what I'm saying. So I don't know what the fuck's going on. But that's the only two shows that they really have breakthrough shows. But they put a lot of money to Brooklyn Nine Nine, but they probably have 11 other pilots or six other pilots, you know, two dramas, a game, whatever. It's just weird that, listen, like I said, breaking bad. The Sopranos set the level for a while. and now people do, they outdo each other. Something's going to come along

and it's going to be breaking bad. I doubt it's going to be the fucking Michael J. Fox fucking show. I doubt it's going to be the Robin Williams fucking show. It's going to be something on FX, AMC. I mean, look what fucking happened on. I know you don't watch Sons of Anarchy. No, I heard it's great, though. But what happened last week to me was phenomenal.

And I saw it go down. It was right before I had to go down to the storyteller show. and I watched this whole thing play out about this. First of all, it was Donald Lowe's character, bothered the fuck out of me because he was walking around charming like he was God's gift. He was trying to get these guys for the wrong fucking reason.

Well, they killed his sister, but whatever. They killed him in a prison. It was Otto. This guy was busting everybody's balls. He killed the fucking hooker, put the DNA in Jimmy Smith's car. And then at the end, fucking whatever had to go see Otto with this guy

that gives him the Shiv. And I told my wife, right there I go, Otto's gonna kill that shit, that the range or whatever the fuck he is. And my wife said, I don't know. And I go, listen, watch, Aado's got nothing to live. If Addo wakes up every morning,

a black guy fucks him in the ass. Can you imagine? If I woke you up every morning and fuck you in the ass, that's how you opened up before breakfast. When you were a biker, for 30 fucking years, you were stabbing people, getting your dicks up and coming on people

and shit like that. Now you're waking up to cock every morning. You're waking up to one of Liberachi's little fucking slaves. You're waking me. You know what I'm saying? You're waking up with a fucking cockootsie and your muffler. You know, you're waking up crooked. So, my point being that fart,

smelled pretty fucking good before. It's still lingering over here. I'm sure it is. You got to give something like that respect. It must have been the hemp force protein shake I had. Anyway, stop breaking my concentration cost. What was I talking about? What was I talking about?

I was fucking the show. I knew right there. And next thing you know, bro, he walked into that motherfucker and the auto stabbed him in the neck. Otto stabbed him two times in the stomach. He goes right all. Everything you know. And he goes,

I'll give you something. But he had the things on. So he goes, you've got to loosen my fucking thing for me to write. Right there, I knew it. He took the pad and he started writing. And all of something,

because he has no tongue. He bit his own tongue on. He gives it to Otto, to the guy and the guy reading. He goes, I hope your sister's pussy to her taste as good as the blood. I don't fucking know something. He turns around and starts choking Otto.

Otto has the knife right there. He just starts stabbing him the fucking side. Gets out of the bed like a fucking animal. Like a guy. caged animal gets him by the fucking neck wait until his cops come in and even you could see

I mean Donald Logue did a great part of acting because he let what's the drug that gets released into your system right before you're going to die that the rabbits Oh I have no Let me find out With your Rogan post?

DMT DMT gets released and you're going to that Mo Moe state Yeah you could see Donald Logue even out of it he goes I never saw it coming

and he knew he was going to die He was bleeding out and the guy had his shift to his neck and he had this guy and all of a sudden he just started stabbing him the fucking neck. It was beautiful. But it's amazing how I haven't seen

now it's going to really pick up. Sons of Anarchy is really going to fucking pick up. They're going to war with whites supremacy, the Irish, their own fucking motorcycle gang is breaking into two

because the other guys want to become nomads. We're onto something. We're not to fucking something, Lee Syatt, cock sucker. That's right. So how do you like them there, apples?

I love all those apples. That's why. I don't know if fucking Michael J. Fox is going to whatever. Just live on back to the future, man. I heard the commercial for it the other day, and they're pushing it in a weird way. And you know what? I hope it does. Listen, anybody who's been in this business for a long time, I want them to get something for five or six years.

You didn't get into this to fucking starve. If you got into this, you might as well get some of that TV money at some part of your career. That's what being here is about. I don't care how you get it. I don't care of you a game show host. I can't be mad at it. Aisha Taylor. Can't be mad at her for getting Drew Carrey's job.

Oh, she got that job? Yeah, she's the moderator and whatever that job. Oh, I know that. You know, and I can't blame that shit. That's what happens to comedians. That's one of the levels in your life. You know, I'm doing this movie right now. Do I want to do this movie?

No. But why do I live here? Not to do movies. I remember last year I did one of the Disney shows. Some kid was like, you're a fucking sellout to stuff. What the fuck are you talking about? It's called insurance. bitch. You can do comedy all fucking year, not having insurance. I'm doing insurance. I live in LA.

I'm part of a motherfucking union, okay? Did I ever dream of being part of a union? No. Did I ever thought I ended up in the union? No, I never dreamt of this, but things worked out that way. And this is part of the fucking perks. You know, I do TV, I do movies, I do drama, I do comedies, you know, I do a podcast with you, I do blogs, I do stories, I do stories, I do stories, I do stories, I do a storytelling, this is all part of who the fuck we are. So don't ever think that if you're a plumber, you can't. You know, what makes GSP so good? That he incorporates everything into his training,

which at the end helps accelerate the final result. Correct? You know, when I did that movie with De Niro, did it make me a better person? No, but it gave me more confidence. Somewhere along the line, I had to give me more confidence with it because it made my stand-up a little better. It did.

And you go, um, listen, man, when you watch a stand-up on stage, the first 48 seconds you're making a judgment call. And he basically has you on energy. Did you ever go into work on a Monday morning and told some of the jokes that the same comedian joke said and your friends look at you like, are you fucking retarded? Yeah, no, I try to do that with what you sell me on the phone. And I'm like, it doesn't work. It's the timing. It's the energy that you put behind it. It's all these factors that go into it.

Yeah. You get caught up by the steak, but you don't see the sizz. Or you see the sizzle. You don't see the steak. Because we've been doing it for fucking so long that it appears to be very easy. That's where the professional comes in. The same thing when a painter comes over in my house. And for a week, it took me and you a week to paint this room.

A painter will come over and do this in two hours. And you're like, what the fuck just happened? This is a professional painter. so always understand that whether you're watching stand-up or an actor when I got into this I wanted to do everything I can't believe I do movies with Dean Cain and this is one of the only ones

that nobody's in this movie it's just me Dean Cain I forget it was playing Dean's cousin nice guy Morrooney Paul Morroney or something like that Okay Pat Marrooney or something like that and that's it I don't know nobody

I know no director I don't know anybody they cast me in this because I've done is before, not because I do a podcast with my main man, Lee Syatt, the director from Israela. But I feel good, and I'm happy I got to do the podcast tonight and see

you people and talk to you people. And we're going to come back on Wednesday with a guest in the old-fashioned type podcast, and we're going to make this fucking happen to you. Don't forget, man, on the way home now, I brought it in my fucking, it's in the car. I got my little new mood. I'm going to pop it. I'm going to take an extra water from you if you don't mind.

I'll pop a fucking new mood right now. Within 45 minutes, I'll sleep tight, and I know I'll sleep a good six hours. I'll wake up like a new fucking man, get up, a couple of alpha brains, smoke a joint, and go to work. I'm doing this all over tomorrow, 7.15. So we won't do a podcast tomorrow morning, but you will be getting this today, Monday. So make believe you're going to fucking listen to this, and you're going to get up, and you're going to fucking do, and you're going to fucking do. Because it's Monday.

Wash your pussy, wash your feet, do the fucking listerine, eat some pussy, be prepared. It's fucking Monday. It's a whole new week and it's gonna fucking work out for you. This weekend, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. I'm at Codbs. Next weekend, the 17th, 18th, and 19th. I'm at the Ontario Improv

and the following Saturday. I'm at Jackson, motherfucking Tennessee. That's right. Jackson, Tennessee at the Italian enjoying Harvey's. Go on to Jackson comedy scene and that'll tell you the rest of what you gotta fucking do. One show, 9 o'clock Saturday fucking night.

All right. Lee Ceyadle be in San Francisco. Go to onit.com, pressing church. Church. How do you spell church? C-H. You are C-H. Who the fuck you think you're dealing?

Even though he was fourth place in the seventh grade spelling bee. Oh, it's third place on the technique. Shut the fuck. Oh, my gosh sucker. And besides that, I love you guys. Have a great fucking week. Thank on it.

Thank fucking Hulu Plus. And thank our sponsors, uh, Dollar Shave Club. Please go to their web pages, visit. See what they're about. And give us a chance. Thank you guys. Now that the show's over, don't forget to sign up for your free trial of Hulu Plus.

Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to Huluplus.com slash Joey, or go to Joey Diaz.net and click on the Huluplus banner. And don't forget to sign up for Dollar Shave Club.com. You'll get high-quality rangers sent to your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollarshave club.com forward slash church or go to Joey Dias.net and click on the dollar shave club. That's right, bitches. Have a great week.