The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 10/10/2012 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #16

Episode Date: October 12, 2012

Joey and Lee talk about how much going home can help someone in need, what it means to have a women in your life and weed stories. Speaking of which, George calls back to tell us what happened when he left a pot cookie out at his 91 year old grandmother's house. Streamed live on 10/10/2012

Check. Check, check, check, check, you bad motherfuckers. Welcome to the church of what's happened now. Wednesday, fucking October 10th. Lee Syatt, the flying Jew sitting in with me today. The bad motherfucker, the baddest Jew ever. He's like 82 days from Hanukkah. He can't wait.

It's great to be. Play a little Led Zeppelin, dog. What the fuck? It wasn't April morning when they told us we should know. Kink that up, Doug. This is a fucking jam right here. It's Kelly's last stand. It's a beautiful day to be a lively.

Fucking beautiful day. If you want to do something until they get up, grab your fucking balls and go out there and do it. You know what I'm saying? It's that type of atmosphere. We got October. We're two months away from the holidays and you're sitting there unemployed or scratching your head.

What's next? You know what's fucking next. You better get your shit together. You don't want to get up and be giving people handshakes for fucking Christmas. That's a motherfucker when you're just shaking people's fucking hands and you've got to look around like a fucking Momo. It's a beautiful

day. It's great to be here. What's happening, Lee? Not much, man. I had a crazy night last night at work. I, uh, it's weird. I normally don't want to promote other podcasts on the show, but it's a, it's Duncan's and he had a great one. He had one that I listened to last night with his mom, and it, you lived to like an hour or something,

and like half of the way through, you find out that he's had breast cancer for about four years. The mother. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And it's just, like, it rocked me. Like, it just, they were talking, and it was like, beautiful. At first I thought it was just a nice conversation between him and his mom And then he was getting choked up and it just like that

I live like a third Across the country from my mom I hear about twice a year and it's just Thinking about that and hearing that it just that's one of the great things about this is that he'll be able to listen to that When she eventually passes away and it was just it was it was a beautiful thing to hear You know people don't have a fucking idea yesterday. I went to acupuncture and She was talking to me about something I don't know Spirits or something, you know, Dr. Amy's a fucking trip. We were talking about family and whatnot, and I got sad.

It really overwhelmed me how I thought about my mother for something, you know. Let me tell you something, guys. I lost my mother, young age. You guys all know what I talk about. I'm a mama's boy, so I'm a little fucking fag when it comes to that. But let me tell you something, man. If you're not in communication with your mother, you really got to get your life fucking together. Because I see it.

I see it around me. Sometimes I ask people, hey, how's your mom? Oh, I haven't talked or whatever. You know what, man? I just got one thing to say about not having a fucking mom. And it's like when I lost her, and I could lie to you people. And I see it in myself. I see it in the mirror.

I see it in myself. My life has never been the same since I lost my mother at 15. It's like to describe it, it's like eating food for the rest of your life with no fucking salt on it. It's food and it's okay and the chicken cutlets are great. But there's no fucking salt to flavor this shit. And that's the way my life has been. I can't lie to anybody. Yeah, I have a good time and I do comedy and everything.

But I think that the constant pain in my heart always is missing her. I just don't think about it anymore. I mean, at some point, you couldn't. Yeah, I don't think about it no more. You know, when somebody, when a man around me or a woman around me is close with their mom, it makes me happy because I know for a fact that you're keeping it old school. Everybody in this country has problems. I tell people all the time, bro, when you have a problem, go home.

Go home. The answer's at home. Sleep on your mother's floor for five fucking days. The answer's right there. She'll tell you your fucking answer. She knows you better than anybody. Go the fuck home. These people, you know, they have problems and they want to fight them out by themselves. You can't do it sometimes. I don't care how smart or how tough.

You know, I always get pissed off at people that we don't need psychiatrists. You know, everybody has an iPhone and an eye fucking pad. But the last person they go to an answer for whenever they have a problem is I. Nobody knows you better than fucking you. Why are you going to talk to a fucking psychiatrist? I'm going to tell him my problems. What fucking problems? Your life, you fucking know what's going on.

Nobody can handle you like you. The best psychiatrist you have in your life is your mother. You just don't want to hear their fucking mouth. Exactly. Nobody wants to hear your mother's mouth. But you know what? Once your mother's mouth is gone, you're going to fucking miss it, you know? And that's what these people have to know.

So when Duncan told me that he went to North Carolina and put his mom on the podcast, I told him it was going to be a lethal combination. me and Duncan are trying to do a podcast You know my uncle lives close to Duncan Okay Two blocks away So I'm trying to get my uncle and Duncan To go to Mimi's

We'll get a fucking steak And then from there we'll go to Dunkin's Have a few cocktails Get my uncle all sourced up And have him do a podcast And I know that he'll be great With Duncan, you know Duncan's a fucking great guy

And I've told people for years That Duncan was missing for my life For five or six years I really didn't see Duncan And I could tell the difference in my life He was the best psychiatrist I had out here. You know, those kids I have at home that are my friends, like lube's, and a couple of them are my psychiatrist.

Not on record, but then my psychiatrist. I talked to him. I run shit by them. And fucking, I didn't talk to him. He's a smart motherfucker, Duncan, especially when it comes to little nuances. He's very smart. So I would always refer, you know, rely on him for things. You know, I just ask him stupid questions.

What do you think about this? What do you think about that? and he adds the flavor to my life. It's so weird how we're always looking for answers to our problems, but the answers are right next to you. But we don't take certain people's word as we don't view them like that. Like for comedy and movies and all this shit. For years, people have a manager and stuff like that.

I have my wife. Who's a better manager than she is? She's an accountant. She doesn't fucking play games. She could care less about Hollywood. She can care less about the bullshit or who it is. when something comes in, I always run it by my wife. They want me here for two nights.

They want to pay me. She'll go, no, what are you gained for a minute? She's absolutely fucking right. So it's amazing. All our life, we're looking for fucking answers, and we just don't find them. Sometimes they're right in front of us. The answers are right in front of us.

So I'm happy that you brought that podcast up because I had forgotten all about that that he had his mother on there. Yeah, the interesting thing is with that thing, with the answers, a lot of times they'll be right there, but you don't want to hear them? No, you don't want to fucking hear them. Nobody wants to fucking,

Nobody wants to know what to fucking do with their life. We all know. We just don't want nobody telling us, but until somebody tells us, we don't want to do it anyway. You know, I see this constant, and I saw it with me. You know, I was out of shape. I was breathing heavy. I mean, I still breathe heavy, all these things.

And I knew I had to make different things. And people always want to, oh, I have to do this, and I have to do this. Basically, there's just a couple things that you could do every day. You know, I had this karate teacher that used to always say to me, when are you coming to class? And I go, ah, I'm on the road. I'm doing comedy.

He's like, Joey, if you come once a week, you're helping yourself. Even if you come once a week, throw a few sidekicks, drink some water. And I try to do that every day. I try to better it every day, you know. That's just for the weight stuff and to be a little healthier. I can just imagine other problems people have, like drinking. I have a friend that won't stop fucking drinking, you know, and she won't go to a rehab. She does everything but go into a fucking rehab.

If anybody needs a rehab, it's just jay. Usually I don't fucking believe in rehabs But for this chick She needs to go away She needs to walk a different path She needs to see different fucking people So she won't do it We all know the answers to our fate

We all fucking know the answers It's just sitting down Putting time aside for it And getting the party started Yeah, absolutely What's up Lee? You flying fucking Jew Cocksucker you What's happening? You know I love you

What's happening? You're moping around for you Like somebody stole your last Yamaka You know you cock suck You got a half a mill hidden somewhere All you Jews do. You always got you, Josh Wolf, all you cocksuckers, always got a half a mill

hidden under a mattress telling me walking around saying, no, no, no. If I had half a mill, I wouldn't be here at 5 in the morning. Get the fuck out of here. You'd definitely be here 5 minutes. That's the heartbeat of a Jew.

Keep going. They don't give a fuck. Keep going, cocksucker. Keep putting every day you put a dollar in that fucking bank. At the end of the year, you got $365. See, people don't remember that shit.

In the old days, you had a, you had a Christmas clubs and shit. See you only remember a Christmas club. Christmas club, you walked into the bank in January. You go, listen, what do I need to do? I got a piece of pussy and I want to buy a ring next year. And they go, all right, how much do you need?

And you sit there, you go, ooh, I need about $3,000. Done. Come in here every week, give me $25. I'm just saying, and at the end of the year, you'll have your $3,000. And they used to have Christmas clubs. So what you had to do is when you cash your check. Okay.

And you put money in the savings. you put money in checking, you put money in your Christmas club. Okay. And at the end of the year, on the 20th, they give you a check with your Christmas club money. And some employers in the old days used to match it. Oh, sure. So at work, people put money in, and they would put, you know, a dollar for every five.

You put in, but it's say you put it on at $125, they give you $25. Who's giving you fucking $25? Exactly. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. What the fuck? I opened up with Achilles' last stand off the album's presence by Led Zeeland. Deppelin, one of the greatest groups of all time. You know what? I always hear shit.

I give videos from time to time. Joey, Led Zeppelin, they're a bunch of thieves. Listen, I don't give a fuck. When it came to that shit, they bet it. I don't even know. I looked at the videos. I don't know what songs they pilfer it. I don't give a fuck.

I'm too old for this shit. All I know is when I shoot fucking heroin and I listen to Led Zeppelin, it feels good, all right? I don't give a fuck where the fuck they stole it from or what little black musician is out there eating fucking grits because Zeppelin stole the song. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. But it's funny because the last two days

They've been talking about Zeppelin reunions And I've never seen a country I've never seen a country They get so fucking fascinated By the dumbest fucking things in the world It's like how many times Can we digitally remaster a fucking album or a TV show

As many times as people will buy it Many times as these fucking momos are by it If they find one more album Unreleased a John, listen The reason why people don't release songs is Because it sucks That's why. Get it in your fucking head, you fucking momos. The reason why people leave unreleased songs are because they listen to it said,

this song fucking blows. I'm putting this in a draw hidden deep, deep, deep in the catacombs of fucking hell. But no, but then some nosy white fuck opens up a ball. Because that's what it is, a nosy fucking white fuck. Never a Jew. A Jew will say, fuck it, this sucks. I can't put this out. Maybe we'll fucking put it on the underground or some shit. But these people keep putting out these music and it's momos like you that keep buying them. Stop with the digitally remastered. You could just make a movie look so fucking good. You know what the fuck? Every five years, they take money out of your pocket. Number two,

these dumb reunion tours. Let me tell you something, man. I've seen the Stones about 10 years ago when he was 60 or 50 something. I got to tell you something. He was great. He was great. I see him at the Hollywood Bowl. Let me tell you some. Danny Merr took me from the Hollywood Improv, the Tempey Improv. Danny Murray used to run

the Tempe Improv. He looked like, I don't even know what he looks Like, this guy was the most fucked up guy you ever met in your life. And I loved him. I loved Danny Merck. He was a club manager there. Everybody talked about how he always did blow and was crazy. Yeah, he did blow.

I never did none with him because I couldn't take the guy straight. Let me tell you some. I couldn't do blow with everybody. A lot of people think, like, there's not too many people out that said, I saw Coco do and blow. In the old days in Jersey, I did blow with everybody. It was popular. But once I got out of there, few people.

I always snorted by myself because I don't like movement. I could never snort with Felicia Michaels I'd stab the bitch right in the fucking heart because there's always movement They move around too much It's like when I'm in the green room to do comedy I don't like that much movement I don't like people in the green room talking

I'm watching a TV show I'm relaxed I'm getting my head I gotta go perform You ever have people like to move I don't like movement in my life But doesn't Coke like really jazz you No no no no it energizes you to sit there Mind your fucking business

And look out of window and be paranoid Or get a chick to suck your dick You know when I was on Coke I was really weird the last 15 years because I did Coke for 30, you know, and I should have gotten off to Coke after 15 years because I should have outgrown it, but I didn't. I was a junkie, and that's what happened sometime. But it's funny.

I used to have this girl I used to fuck from time to time, and this is how I was with Coke. I knew her period. I knew her cycles of period. And when she had a period, she called me drunk, come over, let's fuck, and I'd go, fuck. I wouldn't tell her fuck, no. I'd say, yeah, I'd be over there an hour, and then I'd see her the next day I'd fall.

I never wasted coke on a chick with a period. I ain't have time for that shit. If you got your period, it looks like you're partying by yourself. You know what I'm saying? I got no time to hang out with you because there's no payoff. Yeah, you can suck my dick, but how am I going to eat your monkey? You're sticking in you.

I'm not sticking into that bloody fucking disgust bag. So that was never going to happen. Bro, that's how I wasn't my blow. You don't know how many times I crushed up aspirins and had a girl come over and I give her a line of good stuff, and I give her 10 lines of aspirins. She wouldn't know. I ain't wasting fuck.

And especially if she ain't sucking my dick. She ain't getting nothing out of Uncle Joey Fuck that shit Come over and party You gotta go You know a lot of girls Like I have a boyfriend I'm coming on

Once you come into my layer You're sucking my dick I don't care about your boyfriend Or your husband I just put out 10 lines of fucking coke You're sucking something You know what I'm saying You're sucking something

Don't think Nobody got out fucking From that layer of then And that's why I didn't even Like people around me Towards the end If I knew you weren't going to suck my dick You weren't gonna come over

I don't give a fuck Jack I wouldn't waste my time I don't like movement like I'd rather be by my fucking As cold-blooded as that is. Anyway. Getting over the Sons of fucking anarchy last night. I don't even know what happened on Sons of Anarchy last night.

I can't even remember. All I know is, let me see, Jack's fucking... Took pictures of this fat fuck with a chick to try to get charming, to turn it around. You know, the Mexican smacked fucking... Jemma for 56 is a dirty whore, and I love it. I love the death. I love the characters on that show, but I don't even know what the fuck happened. I got to watch it again today, and we'll talk about it next week.

because everybody was like, Joey, you're a spoiler. It's not like I'm a fucking crime stopper. I just want to talk about the show, cocksucker. Anyway, back to fucking Led Zeppelin here. Now they're saying they want to get a fucking reunion. Let me tell you some. I love Led Zeppelin. Have you seen what Robert Plant looks like lately?

No. Looks like somebody dropped a box of bricks on his fucking head. You understand me? And he's looked that bad for 40 fucking years. I've seen Robert Plant December 1st, I think, 1988, or 83 at the Garden with Phil Collins, was his drummer from Genesis. He did this little band.

He did this little tour that was pretty fucking hot. And I went over there, and I love Robert Plan. Then again, in 94, before I left Colorado, 95, Led Zeppelin toured with these Hindus on fucking mandolins and fucking people with violins. It was pretty interesting. And I went to see him with this comedian named Todd Jordan. We went to Red Rocks.

It was like a mini Zeppelin reunion. But that was fucking 20 years ago. I'll tell you who bothers me from the whole Led Zeppel. Let's get something straight. Zeppelin was the first band I fell in love with. There's times I'm listening to Dancing Days, whatever the album, I forget what the fucking album is called. It's got Dancing Days.

The song remains the same. It's got some great. It's the fourth album. No, the third album. Is it the third? Whatever. Yeah, because Zeppelin 4. This is House of the Holy, I think it's called.

Because there's Zeppelin 1, 2, House of the Holy, the 4th album, presence. fucking physical graffiti, the live album, and yeah, all of my love and all that shit. That's the last album. But that album, House of the Holy, was basically the third album, the first album I real bought that I really bought and brought it home.

It's got the ocean on it. It's got no quarter. It's just a phenomenal album. And there's times. I have it on my iPod. I'm at the gym. I'm sorry. I got a backwards.

I'm at the gym. And one of those songs will come out on the ocean, How's of the Holy, Dancing Days. here again and I gotta tell you it fucking buckles me because it's uh it's house of the holy it buckles me because it was the first album I ever had I mean I fucking love Zeppelin I had that album I remember getting a bunch of ludes one night and getting fucked up me Carlos Perez Dominic special Salatino going to my house and fuck we were like 14 maybe 50 yeah my mother was still alive and I had this big poster of Led Zeppelin on my wall and I remember fucking uh not lip

lip-syncing, but playing the egg guitar, like three momos, and I remember on my block, it's funny. I talked to Bobby Bender the other day, one of my buddies from the neighbor that his family took me in, and he was married to this chick Cardinelli, Kathy and Dedy Cardnelli. Let me tell you something, when we were kids, Mrs. Cardnelly was a hot piece of fucking ass. Is that the one you told, like, you look good tonight or something? Oh, yeah, that's the one, and she used to cross the street every day. She had a French poodle that was blind, so she would have to cross him a street to the park and put him down. She couldn't let him walk.

Okay. And she used to be, like, she was the original fucking Cougar. Like, all these people talk about Cougar. We had to be 14, and this bitch, she was like Stacy's mom. She was just banging. And I remember one night, I got all fucked up, and I'm like, you know what? I'm going to fuck Mrs. Cardinelli.

And I went over there, and I asked her about the meat between her legs. Like, I touched it, like, under the shorts. And she was like, you're so drunk. Go home. And I'm like, come on, Dedy. Just give me a kiss. And she gave me a kiss on the and I nearly fucking busted in flames and sperm. You know, because when you're 14, the woman kisses you,

you just, your head gets fucking harder than hell. The sperm comes out of your asshole because you're so fucking excited. You really are. Did you get to get a chick to fart in your face yet, Lee? No, that's, uh. Three fucking weeks later, you still haven't gotten yourself a black hook and sniff their asshole. This is what I'm talking about, Lee. You're slipping, cock sucker.

That doesn't sound like that they're feeling at all. You got to get one of these chicks on cupid.com or match.com. you got to have it come over you gotta eat a pussy from behind but you gotta sniff her ass or it smells like gunpowder you ever sniff a chick's ass oh no why not that's a whole patois the monkey you follow me

maybe it's an age thing or something there's no age age age age you're 24 you're ready you were sniffing ass at 24 I was sniffing ass at 18 I was a savage who cares that's when you get your first medals you know what I'm saying when you go on the fucking Marines they don't give you a medal at 40 for sniff

they gotta do it when you're young you gotta get out of the way so you know I don't know. The next will chick you're with, especially if she's Jewish, because they have those little tight assholes. Oh, I'm never with Jewish. Oh, it's a little kosher asshole, and she's got a little kosher soft on and forget about it.

Put a little yarmac on and rub it at the same time. You rub your yarmac and you rub your nut sack while you're licking her little monkey tremendous. Everybody feels it becomes a spiritual fucking situationally. You know what I'm saying? Everybody gets theirs. I feel like I have to go to confession. Jews don't even have a confession.

No, you got fucking atonement. Don't just sit at home. You sit at home and you stare at a $100 bill and you're telling him your fucking sentence. What kind of fucking justification is that, these fucking Jews? You got to love them. I live in Van Nuys and I had never, like, I never had seen like actual hookers before. And they're all up and down in Van Nuys. Come on.

And like huge, like six-foot-tall black girls and heels. They're not six-foot-tall black girls. They're transsexuals. Don't get one of those. No, I'm not. You got to look at the throat and make sure you can't hook up with a transsexual. Really? Do you think they're transsexuals?

I've only seen them. like four in the morning. Yeah, well, what do you think they're fucking six in the morning? Yeah, they look hot because you're fucked up. Then you take them home and you go for that fucking monkey and they got a dick bigger than yours. What are you going to do, Lee? You're going to do?

I think it'll probably pass out. You wouldn't take the camera and tape and invite a overdo of a podcast, cucketka. Lee, just get yourself one of those hookers from Van Nuys and get it over the way. You can't bring them to your house, though. Pay the 40. Bring them to one of those hotels.

Get some crabs. You remember when that one hit us up, hit me up at the ha-ha, right? That crazy girl? One night we were there, and we were talking, and this girl came in, down and said next to me, and she had, like, a bandage on her head, and she just kept talking, and she was like 35, and you left because you're smart.

I stayed there talking. Oh, yeah, you went and bought her a fucking drink, like a mom and thinking there was a future. You want to have kids with her and shit. That shit's got a bandage on her head, really. All you got to do is take her in the alley, ask her the suck your dick, if not give her another bandage on her head.

That's it's over. You never did it do that. Take a chick behind an alley. You're going to suck my dick. I can't. It's over. It's like when we used to mug kids in Hudson County Park

we'd take them under a treat. Yeah, I'll suck your dick for $35. And the next thing you know, we'd fall out of a fucking treat. It's over. That's all you hear. No, what did I do? You know what you did?

Cocksucker? You came up to the park looking for a blowjob like Sandusky disguise. Sandusky got 60. Sand... Sandusky got fucking 60 years. Oh, he got 60? I heard that.

30 to 60. 30 to 60. He's doing a minimum of 30, but fucking 60 in a day. Could you mind? Wouldn't it be great if he outlived him? Wouldn't it be great if Sandusky did like a shot of kid's sperm and it fucking... It's like wheat grass juice. He did like some five-fucking-year-old spring fucking sperm juice.

And it's like the fountain of youth and nobody knows it. And he lives to like 190. He's in there sucking dick playing with yo-yo. He comes out of it when he's like. like a buck 40 looking like fucking Yariah Faber and heat and they're like fuck you outlived the 60 years I told you I didn't suck no little boy's

dick can you imagine that was like the fucking like sucking a little boy's dick that's five is like the fountain of youth and he sucked all the youth out of him and he lives like 190 Sandusky did you see him yesterday? He's going crazy he's saying he didn't do it

that the kids are lying right now there's nothing in the world that guy wants more in little fucking balls like little Filipino No, kid's balls. Like, he would, that's what he'd do right now. He'd do anything to sniff. He would do anything to sniff like a little fucking midgetleys asshole. He would do anything after practice, that filthy fuck.

And the fat fucking cunt wife was there yesterday. Let me tell you some. I sit here and make jokes about it. You know, I'm having a child, so I shouldn't make these type of jokes. And I know that those people are victims and they suffered and whatnot. The fucking real cunt in this whole case is the wife. The wife is the one that should get 190 years. And if you haven't put that together in your mind

or you're getting off the podcast because I said the word cunt to describe this lady then go fuck yourself. Let me tell you something. I sit in my office at night by myself. I smoke dope. I write, my wife will come in here every 15 minutes to break my balls about something

that has nothing to do with the price of eggs. And my wife ain't that fucking special. My wife is not that special. So every wife does this. That you can't get away from your wife. Oh, yeah, she knew. She fucking knew. You know, you're in the garage.

whatever they were in the fucking basement she's upstairs let me tell you some every wife would come downstairs every 20 minutes and all for coffee a glass of milk you know are you hungry that's what a woman does you know and then after about two hours

they start bothering you how long is this gonna take are you gonna watch this movie with me don't forget to bring back the boxes when you're on the way up the stairs you know women always check so for her to walk around and get held and tell people that she didn't know they should give the wife 40 fucking years

because anybody who's got a brain on their head knows that that dirty bitch fucking did something. So I don't want to tap on the Sandusky thing. You know, we could crack. We could sit here. Can you imagine if those little kids' dick was a founding of youth?

Anyway. I'm just going to, I didn't bring that up because if I brought that up, you wouldn't have stopped yelling at me. No, no, it's a truth. I don't fucking know. I know that he's getting 30 to 60 years at 60 years old. That means he's not going to come out.

He's fucking done. And before we end this topic, Is he going to survive a week in jail? You know, man, listen, he's up there in Pennsylvania. You know, they said they're going to put him in solitary for the rest of his life. Let me tell you something, man, I don't know. I can't see him surviving Dick. I can't see him.

But he's also going to have a lot of eyeballs on him. Okay. But it depends. If a guard doesn't like him and blah, blah, blah, he could turn his back for five minutes and they'll fuck him in the end. and hit him with Penn State helmets until he fucking drops to his knees. You know, I don't, I would never want to be in his shoes.

I would never, you know, it's just an ugly fucking thing. I feel bad for the families and everything. This guy was a fucking monster. And I think he's getting off easy by going to jail. I'd shoot him fucking once a day for the next 10 years in the fucking leg and keep him alive, you know. It's funny, man. I read this book years ago that I was talking about,

you know, I grew up in a mafia fucking neighbor. That's just the way life is. I grew up in a mobbed-up fucking neighbor. That's just the way it is. I knew some parents. I didn't know some parents. I don't know nothing. But I understood the fucking lifestyle.

I understood what they were doing. For some reason, people have been hitting me up about this lately, about Richard Ku Klinsky. Who's he? Richard Kuklinski was a Polish guy from Jersey City, New Jersey, who was a killer for the mob and other people. And they did HBO, fucking 15 years ago. Thank you for those people who sent in Dr. Bowden.

because that's the baddest motherfucker all time. These youngsters don't know who Dr. Bowden is from that show on HBO. But one of the things he did was the interview with the first couple ones. HBO was really fucking hot, and they did a series on the Iceman. And the Ice Man was a hit man that was killing people in New Jersey and New York City. His name is Richard Ku Klinsky. They called him the Iceman.

And for some people, for some reason, people keep asking about him. Did I know this guy? No, I didn't know. But the guy who taught him how to kill with Sinai, John Prongay, that I knew. I grew up with his two kids. I showed you the house on Charles Court when we shot the documentary right there.

I tried to fuck the mother years later when the guy died. Because the guy died near. Yeah, I went to Gennaro's one night in Hoboken. I took a quailude and Mrs. Prongate was there. She was blonde and really cute. And we started dancing to like staying alive or whatever. And, you know, I went to a house as a kid and drank milk and drank Gatorade, you know, whatever,

Kool-Aid, whatever the fuck it was. And I remember trying to kiss her. And she's like, Coco, what are you doing to me? I'm like, oh, Miss Prongue, I'm in love with. He's like, knock it off. I could be your mother, you know, because she was a mom. But Prongay taught the Iceman how to poison people or some shit. When we were kids, I used to see the Prongays.

And I'd always ask him, your father has a Mr. Softie truck. How come you don't fucking sell ice cream when the Prongers would go, my father don't sell that type of ice cream. And then the Ice Man story came on. It's funny because my friend Rago, who Joey Falado, who called his cousin, lived on 68th, the New Kirk up there. in North Bergen, it's a weird place, but it has these garages,

and that's where the Iceman had his garage in North Bergen. The Iceman, one of the murders he did when he froze the body, that's where it was in North Bergen in my hometown. The first place, he killed somebody, cut the guy in half, and put him at the York Hotel across from McKinley School, where I went to grammar school

on Route 3. There's still a hotel there. We almost stayed there. Remember, we stayed down there in that area by my grandma school. Yeah. When we were shooting a documentary, a little hotel, people were checking into the room, fucking. and they didn't know that they were sleeping on top of a dead body. The guy had cut him and put him under the bed. So for three or four days until the stink started coming,

can you imagine fucking and there's a dead body under your bed? And you're thinking, boy, I got to talk to this girl. I'm starting to smell worse and worse. But it's a fucking body under your bed. So that was my whole thing with the Prongays. After John Prongay died, I guess the kids, one kid died in the car accident. And the other one, because I guess Mr. Prongay and the mother,

were separated but he his part-time job was he dug trenches at a cemetery like with a with a machine like with a high-low and I guess that he had an apartment there and one night there was snort and blow there fact I have Joey Falado next time he calls tell the story and they went through his house and they found the body they found grenades and knives and bullets and clips and you know shit like that so that was my only contact with them I could lie the entire I knew them or whatever they were from Dumont Jersey which is basically 30 minutes from North Bergen. I live close to Dumont. When I was

hiding out, I lived in Creskill, which is the town over. So I knew what Dumont was. I knew exactly where the guy lived. I mean, the street, you know, right there was like a big, broad street or whatever, I'm not sure. But it's funny that he killed, he was, where I used to snort Coke in high school at the coat factory. He used to live across the street from there, Richard McClink. If you read his book, his first wife, and his first wife cheated on her, and he fucking cut her nipples off with a knife. Oh shit. Yeah, Richard Kuclinski was a bad motherfucker.

He was... And it's funny because it could be any of us. When I was a kid, my mother died, and I was 16, I had watched the mechanic. And I thought, what a great fucking career, just killing people on contract. And I thought for many years that I was going to be a hitman. When I went to Colorado, I teamed up with this guy Fred that taught me all about weapons. He was a Vietnam vet, and he taught me all about weapons, how to kill, how to kill, you know, with fucking homemade devices. if you're going to stab somebody,

how to cut the court so they can't yell. I mean, this motherfucker taught me shit, and I thought that's what I wanted to do. I had that anger in my heart. My mother had died. I was angry at the fucking world, but eventually God filled joy in my heart. I got to meet the flying fucking Jew,

and here we are. 30 years later, doing a podcast at 5 in the morning, like two fucking momos. Let me tell you something. My man, George is calling to him. George is called before, but he snuck his grandmother. He carried the groceries up to you.

day and he had a pot cookie in his car and he put it on top of the table when he went out to watch the yaggy game and his grandma ate the fucking pot cookie he was 91 years old so we're gonna get a call from george and give us a report on how grandma's doing two days later you had the pleasure of meeting grandma we interviewed her yeah it wasn't in the documentary but grandma eating a pot cookie is i can't even put it into words she's like the oldest person alive and she's sweet and she just She just talks and she watches TV and just the thought of part of a pot cookie. I'm surprised she was made it through. She still goes to bingo.

She still has like a male caller that takes her off of coffee and treat tea. You know, George was scared that the priest was going to appear. The male collar. Grandma's a trip. And like I said, I lived with George in 85 for a year. And then he became out to Colorado and he was there when I kidnapped Vela. And in 91 when I got into comedy. I got divorced and I had nothing.

I went back to New Jersey. I lived with George and his grandmother. He was on heroin and we had the best nights of our lives. I wouldn't be here tonight. I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for those nine months. I lived in George because I hate to say the word depression. I didn't go into depression. I went into a funk.

This had to do with my daughter, Jacqueline, who, you know, she had just been born, and all I wanted was a family, and now I'm breaking up. And I had nothing but comedy. You know, like I told the testicle, The last one that it started off as a hobby for me that I fell in love with. It saved me. This hobby fucking saved me.

So I always want people to know that the comedy fucking saved me. This was a hobby that I started touching on. And eventually, you know what, it led to something. And I never expected for me to do anything with this. I don't have that type of, you know, strong security bond. I just was doing this to kill time. And 20 years later, here we are in a fucking bedroom. Doing a podcast and I'm smoking a fucking vapor.

I'm smoking a Eureka vapor pen. And a lot of people don't know about this. I don't smoke this to be cool or whatever. You know what? I wanted to cut down on my smoking solid THC. So I got this little fucking Eureka vapor pen. And the people heard me, and they're going to do the other podcast today, Beauty and the Beast.

Here's my man, George. What's happened, little brother? Good morning to you, my friend. How are you, my friend? and everything going all right. So give us the whole grandma story, and this is my man, Georgie. You know, Georgie lives in Jersey.

He's my brother. He came out here to do Comic-Con, and one of my friends brought him a fucking 10-st-drink cookie. So take it from there, George. I actually got a whole bag of goodies. It was a bunch of brownies, a bunch of stuff. And I'm a lightweight because I'm from Jersey. So I put a couple in the freezer just for a rainy day.

and I had some at my friend's house and so I took it out of her house the other day and I was bringing it home but when I left her daughter was selling candy so I put a bunch of candy from the school or put it in the same bag I was really tired I came home and staying with my grandmother so I put the bag down and then

the next thing you know I forgot her newspaper and my grandmother she's got a routine she's got to read her paper out of the area every day She goes to bingo twice a week, and she drinks a lot of tea. So I went, put the bag down, went to the car, I got the newspaper. I didn't take anything on it. I went to bed. I wake up the next morning.

I see the candies all stacked night. The newspaper was read. I'm saying, wait a second, where's that cookie? So now I'm looking through the refrigerator. I take everything out of there. going through every shelf. I went through everything. I got up at 6 that morning because it had to be in a work girl.

So now we're talking about 8.30 in the morning. I have to pick my daughter up to take her to school. And I'm looking at my grandmother, and she's, like, hanging half off the bed. So now I'm shaking her, and she's screaming at me. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. I'm like, oh, my God, what's wrong with her? I'm looking at her, and she's got that day sort of look.

and now I'm like where is the cookie did you put the groceries away where is the cookie and she's looking at me and she's so incoherent I didn't know what I mean so I'm looking at her

and I'm like did you eat the cookie so she's talking to me in half Spanish and half Martian and I don't know what she's saying and then she starts saying Escribe! Escribe!

Which means write it out. Which means write it so she could read it. So I go and I get a big piece of cardboard and I write in like

two-inch letters, did you eat the cookie? She looks at me and she smiles and she points through her mouth and then she passed out and I'm like, oh my God. Now I had already gone through

what you said, the cabinet, the refrigerator and garbages all of a sudden I look she's got this little like a waste basket next to her bed and uh you know there's a couple of tissues in there whatever I don't know

so I look in there and there it is and this was the one cookie there was no markings on it was just a rapper it didn't say what it was you know so I pick up this wrapper and I smell it and I'm like

she ate the whole fucking cookie now you know I can't eat a whole cookie If I eat a whole cookies, I'm done. I'm done for a month. My grandmother's 91. She weighs 85 pounds.

He's laying there. So now this is, I'm figuring she ate this cookie between 11 and 12. So now I got to. And this is Monday night, right? This is Monday night when she ate the cookie. This was Monday night. Yeah, yeah, Monday night. So now, now a little frantic.

I got to get my daughter to school. I got to get to work. I got a lot of shit on my plate. Smash the phone starts ringing. I got to call my sister. I got a, you know, cop to what happened because I don't know. You know, I don't know what to do. I call my cousin.

You know, she's like, well, I just let her sleep it off. You know what? She deserves to get hot. She hasn't picked up a drink in 40 years. She had to smoke a cigarette. She smoked three packs of porn more reds. And you could probably a half a bottle of scotch. When she put it down, she put it down.

It's 40 years. And we always wanted to get a higher drug, ever? Yeah, we've always tried to smoke a pot with it. Never. Never. You can't. Someone gave a champagne once at a wedding, and, you know, she had the lamb shade on her head.

She was doing the meringue day. She was out of control. So now I'm looking at it. Now, everybody's like, don't want to. Now, I don't care that she got high. I mean, she deserves to get high after all these years. There's no doubt. But I'm worried about her getting out of bed to go to the bathroom.

You know, you start seeing shit. You're tricked from that stuff. Especially her. She's never gotten in. So now I got to even call the neighbor. I'm like, listen, I'm going to leave the door open. Just check on her every couple hours. Make sure she's not spoiled out somewhere.

So she's sleeping there with the cat. And I got like a cane because she needs to help walk it. I got a cane on one side of the bed, a cane on the other side. Just in case, you know, she tried to, you know, get off the bed. So I popped in, probably 1130, I think. I try to wake her up again. You all right?

She's like, make me tough a tea, he says to me. So I'm looking. She's got cotton mouth. They got a gallon of water next to her anything, you know, to keep her. So anyway, so I popped in two or three times. And every time I walk her, she wanted a cup of tea. So I made one cup and I just left it near there. She never touched it.

So now about 5.30 I passed by. My cousin's there. I'm like, what's going on? She's up. But she slept from whatever, 12. She woke up five the next day. I don't know how many hours that is, but that's what? That's 17 hours.

Yeah, that's a lot of fucking hours. 18 hours she was knocked out. So she brought her some high rooms, you know, the hot dog place in Jersey. So she's sitting there, and she's got mustard from underhandos. all down her house dress, and she's just grinning. She never ate something so good, so she waxed the hot dog ass. I told my cousin, what's going on?

She's like, I don't know, I didn't wake her up. She was mopping at 5.30, with two mops. I don't think she could stand up. Oh, my God, George. So, yeah, so. How did it go last night? How to go last night? So she's, well, I said to her, you know, what did you dream about?

He's like, oh, she's like, I don't feel good. I said, don't worry about it. I go, what do you dream about it? She says, I dreamt like I was in a plane and I jumped out of parachute without a parachute. And I just kept falling. That's fall. She's like, I think I have to go to the doctor. And I go, listen, I think we better wait 30 days just in case you got to drop a urine in there.

I don't want anything coming up She's coming back Positive Poor fucking So how's she doing today, Joyce? How's she doing today? Well, listen, I got two days worth of the newspapers It looks like they moved

And I actually heard her about 7 o'clock this morning Speaking English In a cat So, but she's still not up You know? So as of now, I think she might be in good shape. I think after 32 hours,

the ride might be coming to an end with her. I don't know. But when I left that, like 9-30 and 9-15, you know, she was still curled up in that same fetus position. Yeah, the fetal position, you know, the diaper is big as, you know, Kardashian's ass right now. She's a little woman. I'll tell you, she's full that diaper like a,

chance. How long has she had the diaper for, George? I never knew her with a diaper. I don't know. I didn't know until yesterday when I said, geez, you got a big ass, you know? It's got to be a diaper or something. I don't know.

George, tell us these people how much we love grandma, how much fun she is. What would you do without your fucking grandma? She'll break your chops with the best of them, you know? She reads the newspaper every day. She watches the news. She doesn't understand any of it. But she talked politics with her,

and she will take a stand even though she has no idea what she's talking about. No idea. She hates Obama. She hates Castro. I know that. Oh, she fucking hates Castro. She fucking hates Castro. She says that Castro was a punishment that Cuba worked up to deserve,

because it was too crazy. They were like, that was a crazy place. That was a punishment for all the bad things they did, which you have to really think about. loves Bush. You gotta say Bush. She loves Bush. She hates Clinton. But when she became a citizen in like 93 or 4, I was Clinton, whatever Clinton was president. She got that letter saying that she's a citizen.

She's got that on the wall. That's the only thing she likes about Clinton. He wrote her that letter, you know? But, yeah, she's insane. I got to go to work now, and I got to hope, you know, she's okay. I still don't know. But I'll tell you, I put a bunch of Halloween candy, and I told her don't touch it.

And there's long time during the night, she broke into those little mini-snickers. This shit all over there. There's rap is like she's fucking 10 years old. It's everywhere. Remember when we used to smoke pot when we were kids? Keep the cookies away from grandma. Keep your cookies away from fucking grandma.

Remember we were kids and we'd smoke dope, and she would say, you guys are smoking eke-eek. She used to call it. And the pop-pop. The pop-p-p-p-p-p, and the eke. Pop-pap. I remember me and George used to be all fucked up, and we'd be fucking sleeping and bed waiting for Grandma to go in her fucking bedroom as night.

If I ever, ever, George, get a show on television, that is one of the scenes that is definitely going on, George. Because to me, in my life, the gong. Grandma had this big gong in the hallway. This thing had dents in it. It was a big metal, like, cable top from Thailand. It was a big year that hung on the wall. So I used to work in the city, and George used to live there, and we both, it's his grandmother.

We both lived in the back bedroom, and it was 1993, and we're both living in fucking hell. I was addicted to fucking powder. George was addicted to other things, and I'd come home at night, and I couldn't wait to fucking get high. And George would be waiting all day to fucking get high. And we'd wait for grandma to go in the bed, and I would wait. George would get right up and go to the back. bathroom first. I would do a couple bumps right there in the bed. That's when I used to go to

the city with Ronnie. Runny called the other day and he talked about the place on 178 street. When you made the right to those buildings on the third floor, we'd go up there and get coke from the Dominicans. Yeah, right by the gambling joint. Right by the gambling joint. Remember the time me and Regal were coming back and we picked you up walking across their

fucking bridge, cocksucker? I wasn't walking. I was on a stolen bicycle. You were on a stolen bicycle. But we'd be laying there. at night and once and I would wait for George to go into the bathroom to get his party started and I would go out in the hallway

and bang the gong as hard as I could and I'd get right back in bed and grandma would come out like three minutes later. Coco, what the fuck is that? And then she looked, where's George? I go, I don't know what George is and she'd shoot to the bathroom. Georgie, open up the door. I know what you're doing in there and I would sit there

fucking howling. I would have to recreate that fucking shit. I'm thinking of shit. Leave me alone. I'm thinking of shit. Leave me alone. I remember one time I got up early and went downstairs. It was snowing out of some, and I went to the basement to smoke pot, and they had smoke detectors. Oh.

I'm down there at 6 in the morning inhaling this chocolate Buddha tie fucking joint. And all of a sudden the smoke fucking inhalers went off, and she fucking ran outside. What, the building go on fire? I'm like, nah. There's a Cuban smoke. That's a lot of sirens and shit when that thing goes. Fucking sirens were going off, bro. I wanted to talk to you about something real quick.

Guess who emailed me this weekend? Kent Vela. And he said he was going to show. Kent Vela, the guy I kidnapped. And he was going to show up to... There vaguely rings a bell. Yeah, you know who I'm talking about. Cucksuck.

And I was going to go... He was going to show up to the second show in Tempe. And then I got a Facebook from him. And he said that he was sick. That's why he couldn't come down. And it's funny, George, because you were right there when I kidnapped that guy. You talked to me to the...

and you talk to me then, and it's two different fucking people in the room, you know, and I still think about that day in that whole episode, and it's funny. You know, we laugh and we have a good time, but man, George, where was our head at and where was my head at?

Yeah, well, it was a hard time. And that time of year, too, you know, you lost your mother that time of year. Yeah, November. Is that now, right? Yeah. Yeah. And I know Thanksgiving is always, like,

a little tough for you, you know, Yeah, November has always been a little tough. Oh, please. But it was a beautiful plan. It was a beautiful little thing. There was no kidding. There was nothing. It was in and out.

Keys into the apartment. He's at work. Nothing. It just snowballed into something just out of control. I guess getting caught up and all that shit. But it was supposed to be, bam, lunchtime. Send them for a hot dog, all those keys in and out. He never knows what hit him.

He'll take the blame because he was a piece of shit. You know? He was stealing from the guy anyway. Yeah, he was stealing from him. That's why I decided to rob him. So, no, no, there's no. Yeah. Yeah, this is a tangle web we weave when we tangled to the seed type deal.

And I deserved everything I was getting them happy. I'm happy because we're here. No, you didn't deserve it. But I think what happened was you sort of been. What happened was it didn't happen when it was supposed to. You know, it just didn't work out that day. and then it got complicated because, you know, the longer you plan these things,

shit always happens in between you don't expect. And unfortunately, fucking Pitwell popped up, you know, friggin Rambo. That fucking... Rambo without a fucking heart, you know? Rambo without a cause. And he was the dumbest man. I mean, I try to tell people that the reason, his motivation,

like when you get a movie, when you go to act, your motivation is something like, you know, you want to change your life, or you want to get to the top of the hill. This guy wanted money because he wanted to pay off the girl that lived with him that wasn't fucking him. She was a stripper at a nude place,

but she wouldn't fuck him because she was still married and she was Catholic. So just the whole thing, I deserve what I got, and I'm happy it went down how it did. But I'm trying to get Vela on the fucking... on the podcast. So I've exchanged a couple of Facebooks from him, and hopefully we'll get this together.

So we could all have like a three-way call. We'll get you on that day, right, cock sucker? Go check on grandma. I love you, man. I'm happy you call to it. I'll give you a call later. Let you know how she's doing, and I don't know. I'm going to have to bring her something huge to eat, I think.

Bring us some chans dragging in. Bring her some wonton soup from chans. That'll bring her back to a fucking census. There you go. You know I'm always thinking, brother. That's what it is. You know I don't fuck around. Have a great day.

The flying juice sends you a kiss. Bye, George. I hear you're in love Are you in love? Is it true? Me or? Oh, no, that girl on my Facebook is just a friend. Oh my God, you're teasing us.

You're teasing on. I'm trying. We're trying to get lead to sniff some black hooker's asshole. He keeps telling me to get a black hooker and let her fart on her face. I'm telling you, George. He doesn't know what he's missing. A little fart to his fucking face. You know, no, you got to be like the Chinese.

You know what I mean? You throw the net into the water. pull a bunch of fish out. You keep tasting them until you find the one in your life. That's right. Have a good day. Tarzan. I love you. Love you.

All right, man. Bye. Bye. Thank you. Hey, you gave your dad a fucking pot cookie. I didn't know. Tell the fucking story. He called, because he listens, and he's probably listening right now.

You gave him a pop. So. You told me to give it to him, you fuck. He wanted it. So he was here for about a week, and each day, like, I had some caramel milk cookies you'd given me. And then we. came here and we ate some of that chocolate

which was a killer. Oh, that's right. You guys went home and vibrated next to each other for two hours. We didn't move for like six hours. Oh, that's hysterical. He choked and we got sodas and he choked he didn't know how he didn't remember how to drink. But then I think it was either the day before or on the way

to the airport. We drove by here and you gave him a chocolate chip cookie. From NoHo CC, which people, these things are like fucking vikings. Yeah. When you eat a cookie a chocolate chip cookie from No-Haw? Go ahead, I'm sorry. And no, it's fine.

And you know how Joey is. Like, even with the people, he likes him when people get fucked up. But he told my dad, he said, listen, eat half, see how you like it, and see what happens. And that tells you how strong it is, because he likes it when people get fucked up

and he's giggling that a 91-year-old grandma ate a cookie. So I dropped my dad off at the airport, and he was nervous about going to security with it. And I dropped him off. He said he was going to eat a little bit of it. I got I he got out

he went through and then I tried trying calling him and we speak about once or twice a day and I couldn't get through to him at all I couldn't get through to him

and I was worried that TSA found the chocolate chip cookie so I actually called the airline to make sure he got on the plane like the next afternoon we spoke he ate the entire cookie at once before he went through security

because he was nervous about it the entire cookie he passed out it's a great story at the gate he passed out of the gate he woke up and couldn't speak and had to show someone his ticket and they walked him onto the plane

and when he got on the plane he takes a high-duty sleeping pill so he got on the plane he took that they had to wake him up like everyone like people in his row had walked over him to get off of the plane they had to walk him to his car and then he got pulled over on 95 south

in Florida doing about 16 miles an hour And he just had to sit up and I'm tired, so he didn't give him a ticket or anything. But he was high for about two days after that cookie. That cookies... Listen, bro, I went to acupuncture yesterday. Now, whenever I go to acupuncture, I don't plan nothing that night. That's why I go on Tuesdays.

I try to keep it light. I take an acting class or something, half a momo-ish. But, you know, it's son's anic, yeah, I relax. I don't try to get involved with anything because I know that I sleep hard. But yesterday, I went over to the divine. And I got a fucking bang bar 180 milligrams. Oh, Jesus. And the kid,

McLevin, who's cool as fuck, gave me one of those lollipops. Now, I ate the fucking lollipop on the way of acupuncture, which is a no-no. Because you'll feel those needles going right through your fucking skin. That's how I hurt my knee. You know, I got a lie to people and say, yeah, I was lifting and I hurt my fucking meniscus.

Fuck, no. I got a needle to my throat. I passed that one. I fell off the table. I twisted. I twisted my fucking knee, and that's the honest, it got true. Like a lot of people and tell them that, yeah, yeah, I was kickboxing, and I hurt my knee. No, I fainted and I twisted my fucking knee like a fucking, yesterday I gave blood, too, in the morning.

So I had to go to Waxler in the morning, give a shot of blood yesterday for blood pressure and for my liver and to check on some other shit. And I didn't pass out. That was two weeks in the row. I gave blood. That's big for Uncle fucking Joey. So what are we talking about here? I'm stoned. About how you got the lollipop.

Oh, so I got the fucking lollipop. On the way that Dr. Amy. While she's needling me, I'm starting to get high off the fucking lollipop. It's 120 milligrams of fucking THC in this lollipop. And I ate the chocolate bar as I left Dr. Amy because I wanted to be in peace yesterday. And I wrote, you know, I came back yesterday, I wrote, I cleaned the house a little bit, I made some calls. There did a lot of shit yesterday. I think you're listening to this.

I think you slept through all the entire day. No. I can't, you give me about a third of the chocolate bar, and you just said, and I can't move. You just said you ate the entire chocolate bar. The whole fucking thing, I counted the six points. And you're getting home and sweeping and writing. I came home, and don't get me wrong.

I was pretty fucking high. I mean, I had to talk of myself for an hour or whether or not to go to the gym. You know, it was a long conversation there, whether or not I should go to the fucking gym last night, and the couch won, because I had gone to the gym Sunday and Monday and Saturday, and I went to the gym Friday when I was in Arizona.

So I wanted to take the day off And then I get too fucking sore, you know. I'm with 300 fucking pounds, Savage! So I watched Sonsa Anarchy last night. That's why I said to you, I was pretty fucked up last night. Yeah, I could tell.

I don't remember Sons of Anarchy at all. I was giggling by myself last night. I was having a good old time. I love it. When I get to that certain point, I get all giggly at night. I love to be giggly by this point, but I got to get it before and eat an edible,

then I'll be fucked up the rest of the day, so that's not happening. One of these days, one of these Sunday once, I'll eat an edible or something. Yeah, but then you got to stay on, the floor for three hours. I can't have that. I'll fucking kick you. The cats will fucking stab you and shit. You know, the cats don't like... Oh, the cats

freak me out. Like, when I first started getting high here, I ate the chocolate and I thought one of your cats was chasing me around the coffee table and I was just trying to say hi to me, but I was running around the coffee table. You were outside on the phone or something? Oh, Fadot was torching. He was running around the coffee table. Nah, they fucking love you. They fucking love you.

But, you know, it's no joke. Sometimes this THC shit is no joke. Like I said, I'm trying to calm down the smoking. So I've been hitting this Eureka vapor. In fact, I've got to put a new fucking thing in here because this one's Thursday. But I'm meeting the two guys today. Oh, the two guys from Eureka Vapor?

Yeah, they're coming up. At 11, we're going to do the Beauty and the Beast podcast. Sweet? Yeah, I'm going to get them on. I got to switch cartridges because I don't think this cartridge is hitting anymore. Well, I got to clean out this thing. See, this is how quick and easy it is. You go over here,

you take out this one here. Because I got two of these motherfuckers. Did you know that? And you know it's easy if Joey will do it, because if it's not easy, he's not going to do it. Nah, man. I like all my shud easy. I like no drama. I'm a stoner.

You take this. You put it on here like that. Clock, clock, clock. That's it. Like a doctor. Then I go, one, two, three, four, five. And then you press it. You let it boil a little bit.

Oh, there it is. Oh, yeah. The Eureka vapor pan. Different flavors. I think this is candy corn. I don't know what this one is. This is some type of OG, but I like this. Did you hit this yet today?

You didn't even take a fucking bong hit today. No, because when I'm trying to set up every two minutes, what are you doing over there? I get all this clicking, and I'm trying to set up for the podcast every two minutes. What are you doing over there? You sure? Yeah, because you don't, you know, you come in here,

you're wild in the morning. But anyway, let me tell you what's cracking this fucking weekend. All right. Last week, you know, it's funny. If you give out a fucking pick and it loses, Oh, all these motherfuckers hit you back on Twitter. You fat fuck, this and this. We lost.

You gave us a Fulgazy pick. But when I win and I give out a pick, nobody says nothing to me. This week, me and Lee gave out San Francisco against fucking the Buffalo Bills, the under. And the final score was what? 31 to 3 bits. So in my book, that's 34. The under was 44. That game came under.

Not one of you thanked me. Some guy on Twitter hit me with the lock of the week, and I gave him that. Didn't even fucking thank me, you cocksuckers. I will never, ever, ever again give you motherfuckers another free pick, unless you fucking thank me. Now, this week we got the UFC. You got Anderson Silver, you got Stefan Bonner, you got Glover-Tuxeria, you got Rick Story against Damien Ma.

You got a bunch of fucking cards. But let me tell you what happened. This card was doomed from the fucking beginning. Remember we were supposed to be somebody else, and then somebody else fell out. So I'll tell you what. I like a couple of fucking fights on here. Like I like this,

Glover-Tex area if you don't like him, but I'm not even going to go there. I'm going to give you the football pick on Sunday because we're doing another church of what's happening now. Sunday, 9 a.m. Pacific, 12 o'clock lunchtime, we're going to give you the lock of the fucking week like we did this week. And if we could do Sundays, if Lee's not rest,

Lee, you've got to shave this week. We're not going to make you look like Hardy Lang no more. We're going to get you out-dived up. If you have a beauty salon in North Hollywood, studio city area, you want to do a before and after on Lee, hit this up. Send us a thing. I want Lee to go in there.

I want you to curl his little Jew hairs, give him a little Yamika curl over on the side, lean into the side. We are releasing the yarmacas from hell before Hanukkah this year. Oh, I can't wait. The first one is going to be, fuck, you pay me. People are going to love it with a little X in the middle. Also, tomorrow night, Thursday, the 11th of November, we will be. I will be at the Portland Helium.

Tickets are still available. It's close to selling out. So get your tickets today. be a great fucking time. What else? November 1st through the 4th. I'm at the Ontario Improv. And November 8, we're at the Chicago House of Blues myself and my other

favorite juice. It's Maya Lansky, Ari Shafia, who I love dearly. I wish I could go to that show. No, you fucking don't. It's going to be a great show. What are you talking about? What you come? What you should do is come there and then go to your mothers for the weekend instead of flying Thanksgiving and you save on money.

That's what you do. So you go right from Chicago. You come, you take some pictures. This is going to be six, 700 people there. I'll bring you up on stage. You can bring me an Ari up, say you're the flying Jew. Maybe I'll give you a yard or two for coming. Then the next day you go to Boston for two days and you see your mom. Two days is better than nothing.

You follow me, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, you come back Monday. Mom's happy. Everybody's fucking happy. Because remember, if mom's not happy, dog, the last thing you want in your life is not to see mom or something and for her something to happen to us. You just make a point on seeing mom twice a year. Don't cost you a lot if you fly at the same.

You would do something for Christmas. It's fucking boring over the holidays. So we expect to see people for shit to be crackleck and fly your hilly. You know why? Because you got Universal City. You go up there and see the dragon. See some Mexicans walking around. She don't see Mexicans where she lives.

And you can take it to Disneyland. You follow me? Listen, guys, it don't take much to spend time with mom. You know, the reason why I fucking don't work Sundays and everything is because I make an effort to spend time with the people that you love. That's the most important thing in your life. man spend time even if it's once a fucking week obviously you can't do that leave because both your parents live in Florida and in Boston but you call yeah I speak to the call

at least like two once a week a couple days a day some I never tell this to people but the night I found my mother dead see my mother used to come home every night and wake me up and break my balls not that she would break my boss she'd bring me food from the diner or a Cuban sandwich and that night I heard her calling for me that night but I didn't come I'm downstairs. For the rest of my life, I got to live with whether she was yelling for me because she was having a heart attack.

I don't know this. I could sit there like a little fag and cry and go, I didn't come to my mother. No, because I know when God punches a ticket, God punches the ticket. There's nobody who could save your fucking life. But you always got to be there for them because they brought us into this fucking world.

This sounds corny and shit, but I tell you, man, one of the reasons why I married this Terry Clark girl was because one night we're having a few beers and she looked at me and she goes, you know, as a woman, I could tell that you had a woman. woman missing from your life. Wow.

And I like that and it bothered me at the same time because I liked it because she was paying attention. But I didn't like it because it was the truth. You know, it's the truth. I had my mother taken from me at 15. So all I'm trying to say here, people, is we're going into the weekend. It's fucking Wednesday. I want you to have a great day.

But any of the next day, a couple days, call somebody. Call somebody and change their fucking life. Call them first thing in the morning and say, good morning. What's happening, cock sucker? Even if they go, what type of language is that? That they're gonna giggle and you made somebody giggle and in turn that'll help your fucking day out. In the mornings when I get up and I put stupid shit on Facebook, whether it's wash your pussy or namaste cock suckers, I want to start my foot off on a fucking good way, on a happy way,

something that makes me laugh because that'll carry O for the rest of the day. That's the same reason I do this podcast with you guys. And sometimes I forget that I'm supposed to come out here in the mornings and be happy so it carries over. You guys have a great day. And Monday, I said some fuck them shit. I was angry about something Monday. So I carried over into a podcast. So I always thought it was a bad podcast.

So I'm sorry about my behavior Monday. And hopefully this will change. And you guys have a great day today. Don't forget tomorrow, Friday to 12th is my man, what's his name again? Brendan Walsh is at the San Francisco Comedy and Burrito Festival. He's going to be at El Elbow Room. He's taping a CD. Listen, give him some death quad support.

The guys are fucking great. guy and he's a savage warrior I even called red band yesterday oh he's a bad motherfucker he was drinking those vodka doubles the other night like they were fucking lollipox I wish I could have a cocktail sling dick like that I'm too much of a fucking pussy but go support them thank you for supporting Tom Segura thank you for supporting Ari Shafia CD and thank you for supporting the podcast and my brother Lysayat he comes right from work and he does this for it's for fucking free I mean getting a lot of people that want to donate let me tell you something guys if you want to

donate, Leo sets something up for you and he'll get back to you. I hope you don't. I'm just happy that you support us. Pretty soon we're going to start having Audible, podcast.com and H&R Block. We got these people that support them because I don't want to have somebody as a sponsor that I don't even use. H&R Block, we all fucking use.

Oh, I use them, yeah? Yeah, we all use them. So it's not like I'm selling something. I'm just telling you guys about a good service. If we're looking for donations, we'll let you know. Hold on to your fucking money. Me and Lee got a bunch of plans. stuff coming up in the next year. Lee.

So Sunday 9 o'clock, tell these motherfuckers. We're going to give them a football lot. Who's New England got next week, Lee? We have... Fuck, who do we have? Fuck. Oh, Seattle. Seattle is what I'm talking about.

The youth of America, you gotta know who your team is. By now, at least who you're betting. Lee don't betting. I don't want you betting on New England or against New England. I always lose one. I like the quarterback with the Brazilian hot chick. I love that motherfucker. That's a dick-slinging motherfucker.

Oh, she's so hot. And he left a hot one for her. Yeah, he left another. He left her when she was pregnant. And she went to another heart. Hit the road check. And take that fucking lump with your cock sucker. Most important, have a great day.

I love you guys. Thank you very much. It's important to church of what's happening now and everything we do. Lee, thank these motherfuckers from the bottom of your heart. Thank you, guys. He's the flying Jew. If he thinks you, what do you got to close up with today?

We got the doors. Who do you love? All right. Here, let's listen to this shit a little bit. I want to thank Stickham, too, for sticking it out with us and cleaning up the web. Everything's going to be fucking beautiful.

Thank you for supporting. Have a great day. You know, don't fucking cut nobody off. If they're Asian, keep driving, fuck them. They're going to cut somebody off those cotsuckers. Stay black. Have a great weekend. We'll see you, motherfucker.

Sunday, 9 a.m. on the church of what's happening now, with the lock of the weeks you get paid. Hit it leave. Oh, shit. Bye, guys. Oh, shit. This is it.

Gwatt today. Get a good breakfast. Gwatra and sling some dick. And ask the bitches. is too fucking money what oh shit made of a human skull tell me who do you love have a great day motherfuckers who do you love bitches