The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 10/17/2012 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #19

Episode Date: October 19, 2012

Welcome back! Joey and Lee talk about Lynyrd Skynyrd, working out and much mucch more. This is a crazy episode. Find out what happens when Joey gets too high before he goes to the YMCA. Joeys friend Political Pete calls in and they talk about the cop owned strip club, the Meadowlands Inn. Finally, Joey breaks down one of the greatest movie monologues of all time! Dont miss it. This episode is brought to you by Audible.com. Go to audiblepodcast.com/church for your free audio book download. Streamed Live on 10/17/2012

Here you go, motherfuckers. Good morning to all you bitches out there. It's Wednesday morning, October 16th or 17th, whatever the fuck it is. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. Welcome to the church of what's happening now. Lee, blast that shit. Fight the fucking power. We're back on Twitter, bitches.

Fight the power. What? We're back on Twitter, verified. The nut sack is gone, but I don't feel too good myself. You know what I'm saying? What's happening, Lee, Lee, Leeland. Turn that shit off. What's happening, my little brother?

I'm fucking great, man. You guys inspired me. It's always talking about working out. I actually went home at 5 o'clock yesterday, and I worked out for half an hour, and I felt great. Actually, I got too energized. I couldn't go to sleep. So it fucked me up a little bit, so I'm going to have to change it around,

but I felt good. I'm actually working out. I've got to work out in the mornings and shit. Welcome to the church of what's happening. And now, Joey Cocoa Diaz and the main man, the flying fucking Jew. Lee Syatt, you bad motherfucker. Before we even start this, this podcast is brought to you.

by Audible. Go to Audible podcast.com slash church and get your free download book. Fucking tremendous, okay? Get a free book. You get the Iceman book on there. You get the Steve Grabo book on there. I'm not sure of Mike Dolce's on there.

Not yet. But go get it, download it. Tell me what you're thinking. And then sign up. You're going to fucking love it. I love reading. You know, it's fundamental. People who don't read, you have fucking momos.

And that's just how it works out. So go to Audible. They're fucking tremendous. I worked with them on Beauty and the Beast. got no complaints. All right. Go to audible slash or the audible podcast. Dot com slash church bitches and get your free book.

Beside that, like I said before, it's a beautiful motherfucking day to be alive. I love it. It's Wednesday morning, Lee. You know what happened to me yesterday and you want me to tell the people. Oh, my God. Let's get it out of the fucking road. Tuesdays, I don't know what's going on on Tuesdays, but at one or two, I usually go to acupuncture.

Before I go to acupuncture, I stop on Lankisham at the Dore. Divine Wellness. That's my motherfucking joint. And I get myself, I haven't been smoking lately. Just a vapor pen, Eureka vapor in the fucking house. Check it out. I put the new tube on to their Girl Scout cookies. It tastes like mint. I was like, what the fuck? Am I higher?

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Fucking tremendous and shit. Anyway. So I go to Divine Wellness. I buy a lollipop. It's 120 milligram, and they give me an orange-flavored one, like an orange cream one. Okay. And then they go, bro, try this brownie we got.

Let us know what you think, right? It's not made with cannabis butter. It's made with cocoa butt, whatever the fuck. You know, because they know about their fucking edibles over there. So I get it. And before acupuncture, I eat a lollipop in the car. I'm talking shit on the phone. I mean, I can't believe I'm eating an edible because you can feel the needles.

When you do an edible, I can feel the needles going in and I'll faint. The times that I fainted at acupuncture has been because I can feel the needles. I've eaten an edible. Yeah. So I get up there and she's a Jew with a fucking with needles. So, you know, Dr. Amy's my girl. You know, I've been going to Dr. Amy for six fucking years, a year before I stopped doing blow. And I feel great.

The acupuncture, for me, it works. And I know that you have to stick it out. I know there's a lot of people. There's skeptics. Fuck you. You know, stick with Eastern medicine. And whatever the fuck. They give you pills.

That's it. You know, I take a couple pills for blood pressure, and that's it. I used to take like four or five of them. Now I take two of them and I eat fish cap tablets. I eat like 10 of them. But anyway, to get to the story. I eat the lollipop. I go see Dr. Amy.

She's blast me. needles. It was interesting because she asked me yesterday, she goes, are you in a bad mood? I could tell because one of the needles is spinning. And something hadn't been bothering me for a couple days. I was really pissed. I was pissed at two fucking people because we usually get pissed. It's an easy emotion to get at people. And she goes, I'm going to put a few more needles in you. And before you say something to them today, I want you to wait and wake up tomorrow and see how you feel about it. And I'll tell you, I woke up in a great fucking mood. I wasn't, I didn't have that constant. And now I know what I have to do. But get into the story. So she needles me. I get in the car.

Once I get in the fucking car, I'm on Van Nuys, whatever, I pop the brownie, right? I'm eating the brownie, I'm driving home, I'm not even realizing what's going on. I come home, I hang out with the cats, I pop the lollipop. And for people who don't understand, one of these should be enough. One of these could kill somebody, right? And I'm just eating them because I'm bored. It's 3, it's 240 at this time. I got three edibles in me.

I'm four hours away from the son's an anarchy. I'm just getting ready, dog. How the fuck can I get up on a Tuesday and put on iTunes stabbing? your neighbor's wife or fuck your donkey in the ass but don't fucking get high for sons of anarchy you gotta get prepared for sons anarchy that's what we do especially when you're fucking stoners

dog let me tell you something by 315 320 my mind was going a million miles a minute right so I said to myself now usually on Tuesdays after I go to acupuncture I just stay home drink a lot of water I don't go out Tuesday nights I have date night with my wife sometimes you go to the wine just swim or something because she's pregnant

but last night I said fuck it I'm gonna go at 315 my I'm 2 high to be here. I was too high to be at home. So I get in the car. Usually I walk to the Y, I said, fuck it, I ain't walking today because I got to be back by five by the time my wife gets home. I go to the Y, get on the bicycle.

First, I hit the bag a little bit with weights in my hand just to loosen up. I stretch out. I get on the bicycle. My plan was to do 20 minutes on the bike and just lift, do the whole body worker. I get on the fucking bike and 10 minutes in, I could feel this fucking edible zooming like it's

taken off, right? And next to you know, I'm like, oh my God, I'm fucking high. I'm going to have an overdose. I've already, like three or four or five months ago, I hit a piece of banana bread and I overdosed on Chandler on the way home. I had a suit on. My body started overheating. I puked and I should.

I had to drink that warm water gave me titties from the estrogen. And fucking I'm, uh, so I'm on this bicycle and it's hit me. Now I know when I eat an edible and I start working out that it just kicks it into high fucking gear. Now I get on the bicycle, my heart rates 120, right? And I'm peddling. I'm having a good time. I'm listening a whole lot of love. And it sounding tremendous on this fucking edible.

And I look down and the body rates, like the bicycles, I got 160. It's what a 10-year-old would be doing on a bike. And here I am 50, and I'm pedaling. I can just see my fat little feet are fucking moving. They're fucking movingly. And I'm thinking to myself, holy shit, I'm going to pass out and have a heart attack on this bike. Now, I've already drowned at the YMCA in Hollywood one time. Five, six years ago when I was really fat.

I drowned at the fucking Olympic fool. If I jump, what if I fucking fall off this bike right here and have a heart attack? And I don't like working out inside the air condition. I work out outside so you could sweat. And the fucking sweat was coming out of me. The beads were hitting the floor and I could hear him going, bap, bap, that's how high I was. Everything was fucking sensitive to my needs. So I said, no, no, no.

I'm going to pass that right here at the Y. So I said, let me just pedal until 20 minutes. I'm seeing stars. I'm seeing the flying Jew. I'm fucking seeing spots right. I'm like, oh, no, if I could just make it to the water fountain. Let me tell you something That walk from the bicycle to the water fountain

It was like from here to Chicago It seemed like an eight hour walk Because everybody was looking at me My eyes were fucking beat red And I'm getting higher and higher I get to that water fountain I put my lips on the fucking thing And I suck it down to like a fucking grape

You could hear the metal going to go I just sucked that fucking water out of there Let me tell you something I got in the car And I had two missed calls I didn't call them back I just started that car I got home in 1.2 minutes from the wire

right on my please lord don't let no cops pull me over i pulled into the fucking house i came on the couch i didn't even take a shower i was there for a half hour only and i didn't even take a shower i just sat there lee my wife came home i tried to pull it off and talk to her but i was seen two of her son's of anarchy came on i can't give you a son's of anarchy review today because i don't fucking remember it you know i know they killed the fucking one cop from the prison and it was tremendous i love all that revenge shit fuck that motherfucker they beat them in the head with that Christmas fucking thing. I love Jack Stella, because he ain't fucking around on FX.

But I remember I was watching the presidential fucking debate, whatever the hell that was last night. I could see two black dudes and two white Milton Romneys, whatever's fucking name is. I didn't even know what they were saying. Finally, at like the 20-minute mark, I got up and went outside and just got there for 20 minutes. I think I called you.

I didn't make another phone call the rest of the night. I watched Sons of Anarchy. As soon as it ended, I excused myself. I went inside. I brushed my teeth. I didn't even clean the little boxes. I went to fucking sleep. and I passed out straight till 4.13 this morning. Yeah, and I think you called me right when you got home from the wine.

Oh. Because I was just waking up, like, I woke up earlier in the day, but Joey calls me once a day, or twice a day usually, and he called me and I was kind of half sleep, half awake, and I was laughing so hard. And you almost, I got hiccups, because you were talking about, like, I almost fell off the bike. Oh, my God, I almost fell off the fucking bike.

I thought I was going to fall off the fucking bike. Dog, you know how embarrassing it was when I almost drowned? down at the Y, those little kids looking at me and shit. You know what is to fall off the bike going? I'll slip my fucking head open. So now I'll see the blood and I'll fucking pass out. I'm due a pass out after the Rick Story choke out when the blood came from his mouth.

So I'm doing. Pass out is lurking in my fucking future. You understand me? So when I feel that feeling late, like when I get it in the afternoon sometimes, sometimes I get really high or I cut myself, first thing I do is take my shirt off and shoot in front of the air conditioning

and just sit there with it on fucking 50. There's penguins flying out of it. hit me but I'm telling you man I faint all the fucking time a couple weeks ago right behind you I opened up that closet I went to take laundry out to do laundry yeah and there's a wood fucking thing behind the suits okay banged it so fucking hard with my head I looked at my head there was a little blibb I already knew I already knew dog when I banged my head I could feel the faint coming in I looked at my hand I there was just a little bit of blood Lee a dot of blood I got on the cell phone and I called my wife I said listen if you call me and I don't answer it's

because I passed out she goes what are you talking about I go I go I'm going on the couch. I fucking sat on the couch. I take all my clothes off, and I just get in front of the air conditioning, and I just breathe and pray. And while I'm in my breath, it's so weird,

because while I'm in my breath, I'm thinking of a fainting, a cat always jump on my lap and just sit there. And I want to choke the cat at first, but by petting the cat, it really calms me down. And they know when I'm fucked up like that, when I'm about to faint.

I fainted a couple times this year at the house. I fainted. I faint doing the fights, huh? From weed or from hitting yourself? No, no, from hitting myself? sometimes like banging myself or cutting myself. I fainted one day. I ate something.

And I came home and I shit and puked all over myself. You think I'm kidding, you dog? I sat on the couch and puke all over me. It was like oatmeal puke. It just sat down my titty's and dripped off my nipples. It was disgusting unless you're a Go Daddy fan or some shit. Anyway, enough with the fainting stories. I got political Pete Bousano calling up today.

He should be calling it at the 35-minute mark. Pete Bousano was Carmine Bowsano's son. If you watch a documentary, I grew up in their house, and Carmine saved me a couple times. So he should be calling. I also want to talk about something very important today. My buddy from the Shoot to Thrill podcast, Vinnie Paulino called. He's on a rock chest.

He's a comic up there. I love him dearly. We've been friends for a long time. You know, he's a very fucking weird guy. I love him. I shouldn't say weird. What I love about Vinny is that he doesn't look like a rocker. Vinny looks like a guy that works in an IT office all day,

and he's very sore-spoken. I'll put Vinny up against anybody when it comes to the passion of fucking music. because he knows his music. He's a white boy. He smokes his weed. This motherfucker was married. This wife didn't even know he was getting eye. This guy would call me and say, Joey, I'm getting eye.

My wife don't know it. I mean, he's a pro. He's just like me. We need fucking reefer to listen to music. He's with a full patois. Okay. This bitch calls me up the other day and says, listen, can you do my podcast this week?

I want to review Leonard Skinner, Screet Street Survivors. Now, for you motherfuckers that don't know, I know you've heard me and Joe talking about it, and Joe talk about it. about all the time, Leonard Skinner. We love fucking American dirty white bands. I love him. Leonard Skinner, the Alman brothers, the Doobie brothers, the Eagles. That's American fucking music right there. That's made in America. That's as good as it fucking gets.

Okay? When I was a kid, I knew about Zeppelin. I knew about Black Sabbaths. I knew about all the bands. I had seen Ted Nugent, but I had this friend, Dominic Specialia that's not with us anymore. God bless his soul. He died in 1980. He used to turn me out to Skinnet. And I would go, Dominic, you're fucking Italian, you're listening to this fucking country shit. I didn't know. I was negligent. I didn't know. In the summer of 77 or whatever, he used to play Free Bird for me, I couldn't believe it.

It was a great song and ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. What happened was, in October of 77, they released street survivors. But three days after they released street survivors, a plane went down, they died. Now, if you know anything about Leonard Skinner and you listen to their fucking music, they don't give a fuck the reason why Leonard Skinner is so fucking good is because they don't give a fuck do you understand me

before they bought it that plane there's a room and that said the pilot said I want to check this plane again and the singer said fuck it why check it again when it's your time to go it's your motherfucking time to go when you listen to their music it is that's how they lived you listen to a lot of bands today or whatever

listen let me tell you something if Leonard Skinner wouldn't have died in that plane crash they were about to take over the world He called back Vinnie Paulina And he goes that was 35 years ago They would have taken over the world At the time they were on tour with Ted Opening for Ted Nugent

When the plane went down Ted Nugent had Derek St. Holmes This is when Ted was Ted When Ted Nugent had a singer After fucking I think double live Gonzo fucking Derek St. Holmes left And started a band with Brad Whitford When he left Derosmith

A lot of people don't remember The Whitford St. Holmes band But Uncle Joe is here To fucking drop some knowledge on you today I'm hitting this vapor pen So listen After Vinnie fucking call me, I come in the room,

and I was riding, so I put on street survivors. And dog, after that smell, I had to stop and wipe the tears from my eyes. Something made me look at their tour schedule. Look at their tour schedule. A lot of people don't know this. In 75 or something,

let us get it opened up for the Who. They had the reputation of getting booed, anybody who opened up for the Who. They blew them off the fucking stage. I heard they went to Edinburgh, music festival, and they opened up for the Stones. It's on you. YouTube. You have to watch it. It's fucking magical. The shit that Leonard Skinnet was doing on

stage. They were just a bunch of white dudes, dog, ripping it up the way Americans should be ripping it the fuck up. This is what America's about. When they do all this made in America, if you're not using Skinner or the Doobie brothers or one of these cock suckers, you're fucking out of your mind. So I had Lee, I'm telling you, today, just take a minute, put on street survivors and listen to it. I mean, by this time, these motherfuckers were snort and banging fucking white chicks. They were taking showers and AIDS. They didn't give a fuck.

They didn't give a fuck. And if you don't live by the way these motherfuckers lived, you're missing it. This is why I got into comedy to live by the seat of my fucking pants. I didn't get into comedy so my life would be pre-planned. I read, ladies and gentlemen, Lenny Bruce, and I read about how he would do fucking blow and heroin with strippers and then go back to the Chelsea Hotel and hang out with jazz musicians. That was my idea.

It was like being an outlaw in a way. And when I listen to the outlaws or Leonard Skinner or fucking the Doobie brothers or the almond brother, the fucking Armin brothers. When you put on the fucking almond brothers, there might be a omelman. Are you fucking kidding me? We used to tape those albums live and fucking, the Fillmore East and the Fillmore West. Mr. T who called the radio station said he went to see the almond brothers with Santana. They were throwing fucking black beauties.

I mean, this is when music was music. You listen to music today. I got a lot of arguments from people. Joey, you're an old fuck. That's right, I'm an old fuck. But even if I was 20, I'd still respect the music from the 70s, 60s, and 50s. Because if you don't know your fucking past, you won't know your fucking future. You goddamn pieces of shit.

Anyway, I love you, motherfuckers. Play that smell for these guys. By this time, one of the guys in the band was just getting fucked up all the time. They wrote this fucking song for him. Play that smell for these motherfuckers. Listen to these guitars, though. Next time you want to talk about this guy or Uvi Monvogland or fucking or Randy Roach. Listen to these guitars.

Two drummers. I'm a blast this shit. Oak Tree, you're in my fucking way, okay? There's too much coke and too much smoke. Look what's going on inside you. I did blow for 30 fucking years and I didn't know there was a smell surrounding me. So after I got off fucking blow, I didn't know that I had a certain look at my eyes. You know, people said to me,

I can tell you're not doing blow no more. You don't look all beady-eyed and shit. You know, it took me 30 years to realize that these guys wrote a fucking song about it because they know when you're in that lifestyle, you have this aura of fucking bad luck around you and everything goes bad. I mean, they were crashing cars. They were a millionaires. These were fucking, it's like the duck dynasty that people love.

We love that shit. But there would have been no duck dynasty. There would have been no guys with fucking beards or zizi top if it wasn't for these motherfuckers. These motherfuckers are just, to me, when I listen to it, So do yourself a favor this weekend on the anniversary, which is the 20th, light a candle. Smoke a fucking number. Sit down and watch streets and listen to the street survivors from beginning to end, both sides, and then send me a fucking email.

Get back to me. Listen to what it was like before they were about to take over the fucking world. So they wrote that song in 1977. I don't know that much. I've heard their songs. They don't know that much about them. And 77, when they died and I don't know when they died, were they huge then? They were still opening up, but they were about to go big.

In those days, they were still touring two people. They were very smart. Okay. You would go see Ted Nugent with Aerosmith. You'd go see Black Sabbath with Ted Nugent. A lot of people would double up. I've seen A C.D.D.C. with Ted Nugent. A summer of 80, Highwood Health, one of the greatest fucking live things I ever seen.

They used to do some up. They were about to take over musically. Okay. They had no inhibitions. They didn't give a fuck. When you listen to that smell, there's a couple fucking songs in the album that. There's another one on that, that I can't think of the name of it, that I tell you what will bring you the fucking tears.

Your knees will go down. Let me tell you how strong fucking the other day I went under with street survivors. I had to put animals to take me down, Bing Floyd animals, and listen to dogs and sheep while I was crying. My wife came in and she goes, why are you just sitting there? I was just sitting here with earphones on like a fucking Lomo.

I don't even know if I was high. I was just sitting here in awe because if you want to create something, you have to be inspired. And this kind of music inspires me. My problem was I was too much of a pussy. to make a commitment to be a musician, and it eats me up till this day. But I got into comedy, and everything's all right.

We're doing the podcast. The church, a motherfucking what's happening now, cock suckers, and this is what it's all about. It's Wednesday. Sons of anarchy last night, I tell you, I remember when they beat the shit out of the cop. I don't know why the chick killed herself. You know, there's some shit that happens,

but I do want to say something. Kurt Zuda, you're a bad motherfucker. I watch what you do. I follow you on Twitter. I fucking, I look at his videos when he puts him up. But most importantly, what he's doing on Tuesday night. He is killing motherfuckers on Tuesday night. Now, is it the best show ever written?

Is it the honeymooners? No, it's a great show, but it's real. And people are sick and tired. It seems phony. That show on TV, Vegas on Tuesdays is the worst fucking show I ever seen in my fucking life. It is the worst fucking show. Michael Chickless is a... I just can't take it no fucking more.

I can't take it no more. And the people wonder why. It's about dirty white people riding motorcycles. Listen, the guy that... rattled on me in the trial was a biker, a pseudo wannabe biker. So I always had this little fucking hatred for bikers

that because of him, I was very shallow. Then I got locked up and I met other bikers that were really cool and I understood the lifestyle, you know? And one of the guys, one of the original guys that put the church of what's happening now into my head was a half-ass biker. He would bike half a year

and the other half the year was a corporate guy. And for six months, he did he did coke, he fucking shot people. But for six other months, he was a general manager, the car deal. I'm not even kidding you. The guy who originally turned me on, the whole foundation of the church of what's happening now. Shine your shoes, be ready for the fucking day. Who gives a fuck what's going to happen in six months?

Like, uh-uh, you came to me this morning. You're like, well, we're going to talk about the UFC, what? Signing versus fucking, who gives a fuck? It's in April. It's fucking October. I got to wait until April to watch those two fucking momos slice each other up. You know, I don't give a fuck. We worry about what's in front of us.

What's the next fucking fight? Carlos Condo versus GSP. I'm not even worried about that. I'm worried about next Wednesday. Testable Testaments with me and Lee go up to the fucking ice ice. Why worry about what's fucking in front of me? That's the number one thing of the church of what's happening. Who gives a fuck what's going to happen in December?

It's like my wife is pregnant. Every day, feel my stomach. I don't feel fucking nothing. But, you know what? I know it's coming. But I don't even think about it. She asked me where we're going to move the studio. I don't even think about these things, Lee.

You worry about fucking today. You give it all you got. Because what happens if we get hit by a truck tomorrow? Then all that waste of time. We were thinking about two years from now. It's like people when they said, I'm thinking of starting coming out to LA. And I said, when are you moving to LA in two years?

The conversation ends. Yeah. I don't want to talk about two fucking years. What's a thousand things? You could get a chick pregnant. Well, I'm putting away money. No, bitch. You go, you borrow 50 from all your friends.

You put up $6,700. You get in a fucking car. You put on Led Zepp from physical graffiti. And you go west, young man. If you're going to sit there and procrastinate and think about what you're going to do, it ain't never going to fucking happen. I thought about coming to LA.

I got the idea about coming to LA in November, and by January 15th, I was like the clampets. You know, I was moving the fucking Tennessee. I had the whole truck packed. I had the dog, the stripper. That's how you do it, pro. If you're going to make a move, make a move. I'm going to worry about what's going to happen in three years or two years. Who gives a fuck?

Yeah, the way you say it, everyone should be a criminal because this mindset must have come from being a criminal because, I mean, you had to get money every day and you have to focus on that day. You didn't have time to think about down the road. Think about it. How many times have you sat there and mind fucked yourself about what happens? And all of a sudden, nothing happens. I don't know.

It's a joke in my family that I never focus on now. Like, I always focus on years ahead. And it's like, it's a waste of your fucking time. I understand you've got a plan ahead. When I hit 2016, I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about. I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about. You know, I'm the type of guy that these people that get ready for Christmas in October and they go Christmas shopping, what are you talking about?

I don't go Christmas shopping until the 24th. I want to see what's crack I lack it. So you don't line up for Black Friday? No, I used to shoplift on Black Friday. I never lined up for Black Friday in my life. I can't see it. Why do you shoplift on Black Friday? Is it better?

Security can't catch up with the masses. No, I don't know. I'm just saying. I never shoplifted. I always waited to what I used to do. From 93 to 96, you know, I found this fucking loophole in the law that if you didn't walk out of a store,

you didn't rob it. So I would just pick stuff up and go up to the customer service and say I got it for Christmas, but you can't do that year round without a receipt. Okay. So you could only do it. So you had like a season?

You got a season to shoplift. So it starts December 26th, and it goes to Valentine's Day. Okay. And these days you can't do it no more either. This is 20 years ago when I got into comedy. I was broke, and this was one of my part-time jobs,

was doing returns. And I would walk into stores, pick up a blanket from May DNF, walk it up and say, oh, what would happen? My mother got me an extra one. You know, there's a blanket with flowers on it, pink. And they would look at me and go, are you fucking serious?

Yeah, but by law, they had to give me my money back, plus the tax. Plus the tax. And I would do that scam until February 15th. You got away with that. After that, you can't do it no more because there's no more receipts. Yeah, you can be busy for a month. You know, you went away out of the country, and then you come back and go, my mother got me this knife and I already killed somebody with it, whatever.

Go to audible podcast.com slash church and get your friends. free download go to audible do what you need to do they got great books on there i went over there the other day they got the graybow book they got the ice man book they got a van an i turn so go to audible dot com slash no go audible podcast dot com slash church audible podcast dot com slash church and get your free download you're gonna fucking love it sign up you're gonna love it trust me i'm telling you i wouldn't blow smoke up your ass you We got a couple of other sponsors coming on. We're not going to kill you with the fucking sponsors

because I don't want to disrespect you people. This is free, free, free to you. And this is what it's all fucking about. What are you talking about, Lisa? Jew alert, Jew alert, that's free. Jew alert. Fat man alert, they fucking took the... Fat man alert, fat man alert,

they took the fucking peanut butter recall again. But you know what it is again? It's not Jiff or the main... It's those ones that everybody wants to be now. Like, you know motherfuckers that always want to be different. Fucking kill me. Because you want to be different for the wrong fucking reasons. I don't buy corporate brands.

If anybody, what happened to occupy? What happened to those fucking momos? What happened? It's been a year. What happened? They're still walking around, not taking showers. I told you, these guys weren't fucking prepared. You gotta be prepared.

You gotta be prepared. And they were fucking occupying the wrong businesses, and they were bothering the wrong people. Like right now lately, I got a fucking, I'm gonna kill them. The Q-Tip people. Why? Because the Q-Tip people has been the biggest scam of all time. Listen, the best days I use Q-Tips,

when they used to put fucking cream in my nose after an eight ball blast. You ever clean your ears with cuttips? It don't fucking work. It's like packing a cannon with fucking dust. And then you got to go to the doctor and they clean out

and they think you're a filthy fucking animal because you don't clean your ears. We got to call. We'll finish the kitchen later. What's happening, brother? What's going on, Joey? What's up? Why are you calling me Joey?

You know the street name is Cocoa cock-sock. What's happening, Pete? Is that's what a fucking... Fuck. You know, I always get some times when I first called. when I first go to. Listen, you want to be polite, go to charm school. We're from North Bergen, Coxucker.

You know what I'm saying? The name is Coco, and you're my man, political fucking Pete. Yes, talking to you on the church of what's happening, is that it? The church of what's happening now. Don't ask questions, Coxucker. What's with the questions? How you doing today, buddy? Not much, man.

I'm sitting on taking a look at North Florida from the New York side. What street are you on? Right now I'm on 120, 5th. and the West Side Highway. Oh, shit, if you were. That's why I seen my first body, up on 148th on West Side Highway. I was six years old.

I was hanging out with Ricans at the time. It's a tremendous museum over there. What's going on, my friend? What do you do for a living? Not much. You've been working on elevators for a long... I know you've been working on elevators for a long fucking time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you have my brother Frankie. We both do that. That's our stick now. Frankie, Richie Vanichek, Bob Banta, all you guys, working on elevators, even 30, 20 years ago. Bobby Banta. Bobby Banta, that's a name I haven't heard

in a long time. I was talking to a villa yesterday, and we're talking about when Banta knocked out one of the endless teeth, and that's why I had Bobby Banta on my mind. He was always a tough guy, Bobby, you know what I mean? And he was a good guy. He put a few drinks in him, and he'd go after anybody. The biggest guy around.

Yeah, he was a tough motherfucker. I remember watching him. I remember watching him. He didn't wrestle a bear at the Meadowlands Fair out in New Jersey, a giant stadium. And I used to have the carnival, and he went and he wrestled the bear. And I almost thought he was going to beat him, too, you know? A fucking real bear or an animal dressed up like a bear? A real bear, man.

A real 600-pound bear. You got to go in there and wrestle the guy. See, if you can pin him. That's fucking... That's fucking crazy. Pete, the reason why I had your call today was because... You know, we grew up together. And I wanted you to just talk about the neighborhood a little bit

and explain for these people. How come I'm fucking crazy and the church of what's happening now and the whole thing. So, you know, I pretty much grew up in your house. I tell people the story. I mean, your name is out there every fucking day. I talk about the Balzanos, how your dad helped me out one day with Anthony

and I went to your house. And even though I was Cuban, you guys treated me like I was one of you guys, you know? You didn't give a fuck that I was a spick, you know? I could walk in your house and eat your mom's creole. Your mom used to make the best cream puffs in the world. No problem.

My house was like the community house. Anybody was welcome, you know what I mean? You just woke up and you went in there. We had the yard. You know, we hung out in the back by the pool. You know, you were able to do whatever you wanted. I used to play a lot of basketball on that bass. Remember, your father found out that me and Anthony were playing a lot,

so he just built a fucking thing, and we were played there until midnight. We just lost his call. Pete. back. Yeah, he'll call back. I could tell that he had the fucking cell phone. I told him to call from the goddamn office, cocksucker. And this is what happens when you call from a cell phone. You got a call from a Jesus Christ. You got a call from a goddamn line phone. Because if not, this is what happens. I got to hit it. Here he is. Pete. I lost your cock sucker. That's all right. it happens brother.

Yeah, yeah. Hey Pete, you know what I was thinking about last night? We were thinking about what story to talk about. Do you remember we were swimming in your pool and my mother came and got me with the stick in the hand and she was yelling Coco in Spanish? And I may believe, like, I didn't know it. Do you remember that?

Yeah, she would come over looking for me and talking Spanish and I may believe I didn't speak Spanish and I didn't know and shit. And I remember one time, she jumped over the fucking fence by the pool and she was going to hit me with a stick and I ran home. and she chased me with the fucking steak. But what's up, Pete? What do you want to talk about today?

Park somewhere so we can talk. Stop driving. But I guess I hit a dead spot. Get out of the way. Get out from under the bridge, your fuck. From under the bridge. I got a hooker with me right now. Oh, I bet you do. Hey, Pete, remember we were kids. Tell these guys about the Meadowlands Inn, because I keep trying to find somebody to talk about the Meadowlands in.

The Meadowlands did. That was a crazy place, man. I remember they used to have erotic banana night on Wednesday nights, and you give this the stripper... They had bottle night. They had bottle night where the chicks to sit on the bottles. Green. The door was painted green. Behind the green door with Maryland chambers in Deep Road.

And what about when they opened up a flea market slash go-go bar in North Bergen? Talk about that. The flea market? That was the day what it was... That was what it was legal, it was something. What it was legal and sell slack. Yeah, we could smoke.

But you know what happened there? That used to be Rendell Lumber and Marine, and you used to work there, and when you quit, you gave me the job there. Remember? And you said to me, listen,

I'll give you the job on one condition. You got to steal. Because if you don't steal, then they'll know I was stealing. You know what's me. Jesus Christ. I used to make fucking

8, 900 a day stealing plywood out of that. Plywood was a deal. You're here? Yeah, I'm here. I have this. Dandyville. I had this Cadillat. And me and Richie used

to go there at night, pick up the plywood, and I used to, and go up to Nick's pizzeria. Oh, I sold Nick so much pli. I used to steal, I used to sell Nick stolen gold, and then go back and steal it from him and try to sell it back to him three days later. I hope I got a good spot now. I moved

to a different spot. All right, how you're sounding? Do you hear me? I think I'm sounding better right now as long as we're here. But do you hear me? I hear you fine. Okay. You know, I always try to fill these guys in on how we grew up because it was fucking crazy, you know?

And like I said, living down by our area was even the craziest with your dad and, you know, the Vanichek's and the vendors. It was the best, Joe. We were so close to the city, like you say, like you say, we were so close to the city, but yet we were in the suburbs. You know what I mean? It was real good. You know, it was political. Why, you're breaking up real bad. No, I'm here with you.

I'm here with you. That's why I thought you were going to call from the office. Because it's better if you call with a dry line, bro. I should have. Yeah, it's way better from a fucking ground line. Do you hear it now? I can hear you. I could hear you.

But just tell me a story or something you're fuck before you tag up. Tell me something that you remember from down there. Come on, how much time do I hear? What do you want to know? What do you want to know? What do you want to hear about the... You want to be here about the strippers?

You want to hear about the drugs? What do you want to hear about the drugs? What do you want to hear? Let's talk about the fucking drugs. Whatever. Music, the drugs, you know, anything. The music is the drugs.

Oh, and Ali? That's where I got the Kualoo. Then that I broke into Lucy Snorbush's house and they ate a pussy. We used to get Kualoolew from J.C. up there. The fucking little guy with the beard. Juicy Lucy. Juicy Lucy.

I can't believe I broke in the house and ate my little fucking monkey. You know what I mean? We were fortunate. You know, we were fortunate. a good area that bothered us because of our contact

it was good it's all right I hear you just tell the story you fuck don't worry about the phone I'm with you all right

you want to how about you how about you but they were making out even better right we were fucking I was killing them

when I was working at Rendal lumber Richie was a good guy he's still alive I think your dad still talks to him and shit he's got another

love yard up in West Gilbert I'm surprised he went back into the lumber business I thought I took him for everything that cock sucker the most fun I can't believe your dad had the combo flea market in the daytime and at night it became a strip club I never went in there I had never gone in there you know that right I don't

remember the video arcade extoroyed all the ball time yeah I was I'm telling you your dad didn't let me in there why did that thing close down why did that think there was a problem why they all got excited remember that's right they all got excited No, they tried to burn it down They burnt it down That's what it was That's right You know there's a fucking donuts

There's a fucking donuts That's what I heard And I heard that if you go in there Still smells like fire Those fucking They got some Jews to burn that fucking building down That was old school Jewish lightning They didn't live nothing there

But a couple rocks and a fucking dead stripper That was on fire one day the building was gone to next. There was nothing there. It was fucking amazing. They built that, they burnt that motherfucker down to the nub. And it was gone.

It was gone to the day, man. You went back there the next day, it was gone. I think, I think I was down to Jersey Shore with Ritchie and Bobby, and when we fell back,

it was all gone. You know what I mean? But, Hey, do you remember, you know what I was trying to tell these guys? Remember?

Let me tell you how political it was in our hometown. Do you remember when we used to, the A team, when we used to drive in the car and ripped the posters down and all that shit. We were little kids. I probably was 11 or 12, Pete.

And me and you were in the fucking white, in Frankie's white car going out, ripping down signs and fucking driving people to the polls. And, you know, it's really hard for me to be. Go ahead. He was with Tony Bagelino back then days, but he married Doreen. Tony Bagelino.

My God, that's an old fucking name. Yeah, he married Dahlene Bagelino. Mike. It was a big hard place out of the transfer station down in Jersey

City. Remember we used to have Putnam fuel down there I must have robbed that gas station

three or four fucking times. You had Putnam fuel and keep your tummy happy, go to Snappynappies

that fucking restaurant little place down there they had the diner there. Snappy nappies we used to

ride our motorcycles down there. We were motorcycle Helians Pete. We all had fucking motorcycles back then. I used to ride an XL 175.

I remember your dad bought your motorcycle. I can't believe I never rode a motorcycle again after I had that accident. That was fucking amazing. Yeah. Hey Pete, why don't you call me next week from a fucking ground line and we could talk and I want you to think of some fucking stories, cock sucker? But you know what? I'm talking to Joey. It's

back feeding into me. I should have called from my office. We'll try it again next week. You know, I love you, Political Pete. And I gave him the name, Political Pete. Yeah, I'm sorry about that. No. And I gave you the name, Political Pete,

35 fucking years ago, and it stuck, didn't it? You could give me that name, you know what I mean? You gave me one other one, too. You gave me Stomper. Stompah. Because I think that we used to play basketball, I used to step all over your feet while you were going to make a drive.

You had big fucking feet. I'm going to have Frankie on here, too. Frankie was supposed to call a couple weeks ago. And, uh, you know, I always think a couple weeks ago, Pete, you put a picture your mother up on Facebook on her birthday, you know? And I walked in here,

and I put the computer up, and I saw the picture that I almost fucking died. I almost died, Pete. I had to catch my fucking breath. I miss my mother a lot, man. She was good people. You know, and I miss your mother a lot. I remember when my mother died,

she came to the funeral. She lived right across the street, but they opened up the side gate. I always tell, I always tell fucking the flying Jews. Lee, because Lee went over to tape the documentary of me and how close your house was to my mother's grave. And I'll never forget when they threw the dirt on it,

I turned around and your mother's face is right there. I'll never forget that, Pete. Yeah, you know, I'll call again, all right? No worries. Political Pete, you know I fucking love you, brother. We got a good story. How many fucking... God, I'm sorry.

I tell people's stories over here, they don't believe them. Yep, you know what I mean. They don't believe them, you know. You know, but I'll call back, Joe. Sorry about that, all right. I love you, cocksucker. Have a great weekend. We'll talk, all right.

You're here? Yeah, I'm here. All right, I'll do that. All right, I'll do that. All right. I love me Christians. I love you. I love that motherfucker. I really do love political Pete with all my heart.

He was, uh... He doesn't even remember. You know, a lot of these guys don't have the memory that I have like that. But I was at his house a lot, man, before my mother died. And then me hanging out with him and his family gave me, gave me, like, credibility. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I had to do some crazy shit when I hung out with them.

I had to. It wasn't like, you know. To keep up? Yeah, I don't do that stuff. Like, I had to. I had become an Italian kid. And when you become an Italian kid in their family, I was part of the fucking family.

And that's really hard to explain to people. When you become part of somebody's family, it's amazing. And this was before my mother died. So I was in there with them. I went away on vacations with them. Really? Fuck, yeah. They used to take me to Long Island.

They had a house where everybody goes to now, where everybody's rich and got a dress on white and shit like that. The Hamptons or whatever. They had a house there way before. And then the father got accused of writing a check on the town check for the house. Fucking classic shit. This is classic shit. I'm going to try to get Mike Duffy on here next week.

Because I met Mike Duffy's father before I knew Mike. That's the circle I was in. I was in with adults at this time. But Carmine used to take me with him to different places and tell people I was his son. So it was hands out. Listen, today I'm alive because those years when I was fucking up in Jersey,

I was with Carmine. Everybody knew I was with him. And it's funny, some jerk off yesterday from North Texas, Dom 420 or something, said, you always talk about the past on your podcast. You know what? You got to remember your past if you want to know your future.

I think of my past every morning when I'm in the fucking shower. I think about, you know, waking up with a piece of dog shit next to me. I think about being in prison. I think about being in the halfway house. I think about all the times I was in a bad position. And I think about today and how today is fucking different. I'm going to make a difference.

Fucking today, I'm going to smoke dope. I'm going to go to the Y. Fall off the fucking... 50 years old. I'm still fucking getting high of marijuana falling off bikes. You know how I'm embarrassed I am to tell these fucking stories, Lee? I appreciate that you hear and you make me fucking tell them because I would never tell these fucking stories.

That's the best story ever. So, but yeah, I saw that. And, and you, when, like, it makes, like, I understand where he's coming from when you say church of what's happening now. You're supposed to think, you're not supposed to dwell on the past, but it's not about dwelling on it. It's about not making the same mistakes or learning from your past. I want to tell you, motherfuckers, what I was against.

I want to tell you, you know, the biggest problem I see on Twitter and Facebook is the same part. Yesterday, somebody sent me a note on Gmail that they're 24 and they're trying to get it together. I have fucking applauded him. I applauded him And I told him the truth I said You're trying to get it together At 24

I didn't even try to get it together To I was 30 And I got it together In my 40s So if you're trying to get it together At 24 I fucking applaud you Because at 24

I didn't know what was going on Like I'm really proud of you You pretty much got it together At 24 You're not drinking You don't go to strip clubs You know You pretty much get

You know through drugs Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out though What are you missing out? I don't know man I went to a school In the city So I had friends there because I grew up in Boston, but I went to school and hung out with them.

But I never, I don't know if it's just from the movies and you see people going out to clubs and doing stuff you did. I don't know. I mean, I'm happy and I, trust me, I'm 24 and I've done a lot of cool stuff. But sometimes I'm like, shit, should I be living in New York going to clubs until six in the morning every night? I mean, listen, unless you're born to that or you want to do that shit. I don't like it at all. I don't like it.

Listen, listen, let's get something straight. I started getting high at 13. From 13 to 16, I hung out with guys the way you do now, back of a school or somebody's house or a house party or whatever. I done it at like 16, yeah. I thought I wanted to be one of those nightclub guys. So from time to time, I would meet my friends' brothers and I would go into the city. At 18 and all that shit, yeah, I was going to those high-level clubs. Did I like it once I was there?

No. That I had as much fun on the club as when I went to a concert. No, fuck no. Yeah. I felt that going to clubs, I was just like advertising myself. I don't know what it was. It just didn't fit for me. And I went to those clubs in the city and everything. And I remember leaving New York City for once and for all in 85. And I remember being on the plane or however I got to Colorado going, I'm so happy. I never have to go out at night again.

Really? I was true with going out at night. I just never liked it. I had grown up in a bar. I had seen what happened at night when people go out of night and I never really liked that I wasn't a big drinker

I was always a cokehead so I like sitting in a fucking room by myself looking out of window jerking off with dead dick you know I liked all that dumb shit but I went in coke and levels but even when I did coke and I would go out of and want people to see me

paranoid or join or fucking with a weird looking mind so I basically stayed in don't listen to those stories of me going out that was a very fraction of my life then the other life with stand up. I got to be out at night.

Yeah. And when I would go to Miami and those things like that, yeah, I would go to a couple clubs but never VIP. I don't understand VIP. I don't understand paying $1,500 for a bottle. Oh, yeah, that's stupidity.

I don't understand that shit. I don't understand Vegas. I'm embarrassed. Listen, I didn't like going out when I was 24, 25. Once you're 30, 31, 32, when you go out, you start seeing college kids.

And you know what? College girls are pretty cute and whatever, and you want to do stuff with them. But they're not. it's not going to work it's too much of a brain thing they're looking for something different so then what happens

you want to be 40 and go going out listen the sicker I get is when I go to Las Vegas and I get out of dinner with Joe or I stop doing comedy at 11 and I walk around and I see people my age with white hair fat fucking cooos with heels on with their foot fat

and shit trying to wait online to go out what are you going to do in that fucking club see and I like hanging out people but I much rather like two or three people me and you after the ice house we sit outside with Jordan yeah that's all of the other fucking guys that come up that we know gustin alley whatever we hang out we smoke a fucking number some people drink sodas and we all go home by 1130 that's always been me I don't like you know people say to me where's the after party what

after party you're talking about it's in my hotel room and you ain't invited it's two order it's two fucking episodes of law and order it's a couple bong hits and maybe a bag of fucking nachos like little hotel Variety, nacho cheese. That's the only time I eat whatever, nacho chips. Do you know that? Doritos? Doritos.

I don't like Doritos at all. Just in hotels? Yeah, just in hotels. At the end of the night, I'll get a little fucking three-ounce bag, the little ones you pay $22 for them at vending. Yep. And that's what I fucking do. That's all I do.

I don't do shit. I really don't do anything else. No, and I'm happy with my life, but there's points where I'll be sitting at home and like, shit. You should be doing more. You should be getting. your dick suck. Well, with dick suck comes a lot of other shit. You just don't go out and get your dick sucked and your balls. That's

why I understand the concept of getting a hooker. It's not for me, but I understand it. By the way, I got an email from somebody and they said that they have a strip club in L.A. Okay. And they have a black chick there that's hotter than hell, and she will fart in your face. I love how it switches.

It switches from me farting in her face to her farting in my face. You have to listen. It's something you have to overcome. I don't like needles so I go to acupuncture. You don't want to sniff a girl's asshole, but how about she just puts it right here? And I told him, we're going to get a pet.

We're going to have to eat some yogurt, a couple nachos, some Popeye's chickens. You're going to get that muffler nice and tight for you. And then somebody's going to punch her in the back, and the fart's going to come right out and hit you right in the face.

It's going to go through your muscles, through your spine, shooting, you're going to come right there. You're never going to have that problem. Let's overcome this. Yeah, but what if that becomes my thing? What if I can't get off without having a black girl fart in my face? Well, you were looking for a life, weren't you?

Now you got. I don't know if that's what I want. Here you are like Anthony Quinn and I driving around the valley. Looking for a, excuse me. Would you fight my face for 20? You know, I had a friend that would just get hooked us to jerk him off with his feet. I was just going to say it's like that guy. Yeah, so why don't you fucking just do it, overcome this.

You know, break this rusty cage. Don't make me put on a sound guard or Johnny Cash and, you know, the fucking rusty cage. Let's get this over with a little black chick. Oh, you wear a 400-pound chick to give you the full fucking patois, right? Oh, I think it's passed out. Like, that's no, you want. You love it. You inhale it with your mouth open.

Science. Oh, my mouth open. He's dying. He's a terrible black chick. It's in his nature. He's a fucking Jew. They love him. But they know if they deal with a Jew or a spit girl,

they get fucking ousted from the will. He knows that. He won't get a red fucking dime if he dates like a non. You got to hook up with a nice Jew chick with the nose. Oh, I've never dated a Jewish girl. Well, you got to get on board. The monkey ain't bad. It's just a little koshton.

It's got that little kosher salt on it. You dive in there like a savage with your Yamakan. Lee, Syed, I love this motherfucker. Lee, you're not missing that on nothing. If I sit here and I tell you what, man, I had all the 30 years of drugs I did and what it got for me, it got me nothing. You know, all those people I had conversations with and all that shit. That's why after the 10-year part I stopped doing coke with people because I didn't want to hear that bullshit no more. It's all bullshit.

You know, did I meet people? Yeah, I met some interesting people that I learned some stuff. I learned some stuff. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't have gone into the drug coach. I would have been a fucking Marine what I was supposed to do. But maybe in the next life.

For right now, I enjoyed what I did? I did it. And what am I going to do? No, yeah, and it's... I say I feel like I'm missing out sometimes, but I just... When I try to go do it, I don't like it. Like, it's...

I like hanging out with a couple friends, and it's just the drunk girls annoy me. They're fucking... Like, the girls you see in Vegas. So I'm happy with what I'm doing. Get it together. You got to be. happy with you side. You know, listen, man, I always

picture the life of staying in. When I went to Colorado, I was 20 years old. And I never went out. When I lived with Jimmy Burke on those guys, I stayed in every night. I came home, I ate a fucking salad. I worked out. I still did Coke, and I still ate Kualoos. Don't get me wrong, but I did it in the confund. I never wanted to show my weaknesses out in public. You know, I never wanted people to see me with my jaw going from side to side. Don't get me wrong. There was some exceptions. You know, some nights you got to go out and cop and your jaw.

going and you're drunk but I never really wanted to see people and the last 10 years like when I used to have to go to El Compadre and Cop and around here I had three different drug dealers because I didn't want them to know the extent of my drug problem. Really? Yeah, I had a black guy, I had a Mexican guy at El Compadre and I had this little Mexican that hangs out on Western and Sunset by the supermarket out there, whatever it is, that ghetto supermarket on Weston. John's or some or that.

John's, there's a McDonald's there on the corner and all you got to do is drive on that street and make a U-turn. And after about three minutes, this motherfucker come running to your car. I've told this story before. He would run up to the car. I didn't know his name. I didn't have his phone number. I just knew he would be there.

And I never went there, and he wasn't there. Right on Western and the Sunset. Holy shit. I would go down there and make a U-turn and make believe... And I could go there at 2 in the morning. He said he wouldn't get there to about 12, 30, 12. I would get there. He would come running at you. He'd ask you to open the window. What do you want? 40.

he'd go in his pocket while he was going on his pocket instead of asking you like are you a cop like these other idiots excuse me you're a police officer he'd just put a coke rock in my nose that's it there was no conversation he didn't speak it he didn't speak English I met him at El Capadre one night and that's his opening line he would just put a Coke rock in your nose to make sure you weren't a cop and then he'd give you the coke rock in your hand he wouldn't put in a dollar bill nothing which is unheard of I'd have to drive home

hoping that my fucking moisture in my hand wasn't fucking melting It wasn't melting. Now the Jew and me has a question. Would the Coke Rocky put in your nose? Did you charge you for that? No. Okay. It was like a $10 rock he put in.

Oh, no, no. This is customer service to the utmost. This is real street customer service. You know, people, you had that heard, I've seen somebody on Twitter say something to Joe about Joey Dears is a marketing genius. No, I'm not. I'm just a good drug deal. I was a good drug deal. I know how to get people out of the fucking house.

You have to give people. When you sell drugs, I go to a bar, and I'm wait there by the bar like a fucking Momo. And you could either do that Or when you see people coming in You can take them into the bathroom And give them a bump and get the party started When I wake up in the morning, I get the party started That's what you have to do

You got to play the fucking music You got to let these motherfuckers know They got to wash their balls It's going to be a heavy duty day What if they bump into a bus Full of Runaway cock suck If you want to be right there Ready to get your dicks up

How you ever see these people They walk around with their hair Sticking up and dirty feet with a fucking sandal I know that didn't wash their fucking ass I got to sit there and play the fucking I got to sit there and play the fucking gets the stink of the ass game by myself. You ever look at a chick and go,

I wonder what her asshole smells like, or you know. But I'm with you, every girl that walks by. You got to imagine, what does that chick's fucking monkey smell like? You got to see, maybe she's got a heavy duty.

Whatever, I don't fucking know. Anyway, so, what we're saying here is that how can, you ever see those women, do you ever go for breakfast, and you're drinking coffee, you're having a great day, and a woman comes by you,

that's a tent, but the back of her hair is still sticking up. She didn't wash her pussy, when she got up that morning. Whether she's dirty or not. You got to give that fucking monkey air. You got to give it some water. The same thing with your fucking cock.

When you wake up in the morning, whether you took a... Even when I take a shower before I go to bed, I take a shower when I wake up because a thousand things could happen at night. You could have fucked the peg leg and she could have left a little speck of fucking dust on your helmet, and that shit starts to fucking grosser.

You got to wash before you go to bed and when you get to fucking bed. I mean, godliness is next to cleanliness. Is it not? Or the other way around? I don't know what fucking... I don't know what... with, uh, you're right.

Isn't that the 10th commandments? Not only it's the 10 commandments, but it's... But it's fucking true. How are you going to leave the house, a woman in today's fucking age? How are you going to leave the goddamn house with the back of your hair sticking up? Some guy banging you all night. Shot that fucking goo in your fucking snatch.

And that thing turns into a fucking sea monkey. You know what I'm saying? In your pussy. Next thing they've got voices hearing out of there. Fucking wash that thing. The same thing with a guy's ass. You got to wash, you got to wash your balls and put powder on it.

If you sniff my balls right now, they're not going to be, you know, complimentary. It's not going to be the sniff you want. But it's going to be a lot better than a lot of other people walking around. Because I fucking stay on the nooks and crannies. You got to get in there with the fucking hand towel and the Zet. You brought it up on the last beauty of the beast,

but the baby wipes? Yeah. I just started grabbing them every time I get toilet paper. I love it. Oh, you walk your asshole with a little baby wipe and now your asshole has moisture to it. It's not, you know, are you to look at your asshole with a mirror? No.

Get a mirror and look at your asshole, Lee. It looks like... I don't think I want to do that. It's disgusting. It's all dry. It looks like fucking. It's dead. Somebody hit it with a hammer.

It's flat. It's brown. It's got that stuff around the sides. Like a skin marks. Like around the side of your ass. A woman wants a tongue of your ass. Oh, she sees that. That's dead goes.

You got to wash that shit on the sides and get that finger, that machine gun, that little muffler. So everything's all right. The prostate's shiny. And you're ready for war. I love it. It's fucking Wednesday morning. The church of what's happening.

Now, Lee, I'm very proud of you. Our Monday, podcast next week will not be till later I'll keep your posted Lee's mom is visiting and he's gonna have a good time with it Lee I was gonna talk about a movie today too because a lot of people like movies I don't know if you could find it I want you to look for the outlaw Josie Wales on YouTube but I want you to see there's one scene where it's an Indian face and I'll look for it with you because I want to play this the other day I was with Joe Rogan in Arizona

by the time we get to Arizona and we were sitting in the dressing around room and on Reels. I did outlawed Josie Wales Indian face and there's like, the first one that comes up is like Indian with like a blue face. That's it. Play that. Play that, all right? Let me speed it up.

I just want to make sure there's not a commercial before I put the volume on. No. This is. All right, you ready? Yeah, this is a great scene. Josie Wales goes to, if you know this, I have.

So he's riding up on a horse. He's riding up a mountain. I have a poster of the Outlaw, Josie Wales behind me. It was one of the greatest movies I ever saw. I probably saw it in 79. I don't think I've seen this yet. Because you're fucking crazy, okay? So I want you to speed up to the two-minute and 25 second thing.

He has to go talk to this guy named Ten Bears. Ten Bears is played by a man... 225? Called Will Samson. Let me tell you the movies Will Samson was in. He was in a bunch of other shit. I reckon not. But his main movies were

The Outlawed Josie Wells He's the Indian, one floor of the cuckoo's nest. He's the Indian and one floor of the cuckoo's nest And where the buffalo roam With motherfucking Charles Bronson, bitches And uh, turn this up All right. Got nowhere to go.

And you will die. I came here to die with you. Dying ain't so hard for men like you and me. It's living. It's hard. And all you've ever cared about has been butchered or raped. Governments don't live together. People live together. Governments you don't always get a fair word or a fair fight while I've come here to give you either one or get either one from you

I came here like this so you'll know my word of death is true and my word of life is then true Are you kidding me? Are you serious I'm gonna have to watch this weekend Are you kidding me listen to his words I will only hunt what we need to live on same as the Camacho does And every spring when the grass turns green the Camacho moves north You can rest here in peace, butcher some of our cattle and jerked beef for the journey. The sign of the Comanche that will be on our lodge. That's my word of life.

And your word of death? Here in my pistols, there in your rifles. I'm here for either one. These things you say we will have. We already have. That's true. I ain't promising enough an extra. I'm just giving you life and you're giving me life.

And I'm saying that men can live together without butchering one another. It said that governments are chiefed by the double tongues. There is iron in your words of death for all Comanche to see. And so there is iron in your words of life. No signed paper can hold the iron. It must come from men. The words of tin bears carries the same iron of life and death. It is good that warriors such as we meet in the strength.

we meet in the struggle of life or death it shall be life you dig motherfuckers you're gonna go out into the world listen to that fucking monologue that is the greatest monologue ever told behind fucking

Alec Baldwin and Glenn Gary Glenn Ross that is phenomenal all I ever tried to do is live one by my words of fucking life that's it that should said you that's the church of what's happening now that is the moniker to that get the poster you put the tattoo of fucking the

Camanche on your fucking arm which me and Lee are going to do out of respect that's how you got to live your life it's either your words of life or your fucking words of death he dropped it right there ain't nothing to disgust that's it that's it when I saw that at fucking 1980 or 79 because when my mother died I seen a couple movies that changed my motherfucking life and it was that one taxi driver deer hunter and I saw a movie by the name of

The one when he goes to fucking Turkey And he gets the heroin Midnight Express For you motherfuckers that are always looking for movies I just gave you the classic one that I live my life by That monologue right there You could hit that from every angle If Rodney would have taken that monologue

And put it behind Clint Eastwood And Clint Eastwood walked out to the stage That night instead of talking to the puppet Like a retard Right now it would have been 80 to 20 Because that's what it does It's not about politics. It's not about

fucking what's going on around your life. It's about you. It all starts with you. And your fucking words of life. So when you go out this week, you watch this fucking movie. You watch the other one I just said, Midnight Express, when he bites the motherfucking tongues, the guy's tongue off and spits it up

into the fucking air because the guys are rat. When you believe in something, you fucking go for it. And that's how I live my life. If you're not living like Leonard Skinnan and the outlaw Josie Wales, go fuck your mother. That's the only way we can end. Here it is plain and simple. The new testicle testament comes out next Tuesday

the 23rd. We're performing a new one on the 24th at the Ice House. Get your tickets quick because this one's selling out in the back. 626-577-1894. November 1st, second, third, and fourth. I'm at the Ontario Improv, dropping some fucking knowledge. Hopefully, Lisa Ad will come out Saturday night and say hello to the troops. He's going to give away some free t-shirts

for Beauty and the Beast and whatnot. Then November 8th me and my other fucking best friend, Jew, Ariza for you, the nephew to Maya Lanski, one of the baddest fucking Jews ever to live next to Pontchus pilot. We're doing the Chicago House of Blues. So let me break it down for you. Have a great weekend.

We're going to be back Monday, not Sunday, because Lee's mom is in town. I do not have a football pick for you. I don't know what happened Monday night. I know they came back. Oh, yeah. San Diego. Who gives a fuck.

I got emotional today when I talked to Pete and when I dropped this video on you. Today was one of the best podcast ever. I've been involved because I felt I got to you. It was with this fucking video. at the end. You gotta live by your words of life. It's all about us. Today, it's fucking character. Let's play some music

for these motherfuckers. And what's the name of that Leonard Skinner album? Street Survivors. Street Survivors. So we got Ain't No Good Life from that album. Let's do it. That's a boy, Lee. Lee don't fuck around no more. Let's go smoke some dope and get some breakfast. This is live from Osaka, Japan

January 18th of 77. Look at Lee. Dropping dates on you, motherfucker. Thank you very much. And don't forget the email us. Thank you for hitting us on Twitter and subscribe. We need all the fucking help we could get. Let's get the word out there. We're fucking savages on here. Joey Coco, my little brother, the flying Jew. We got some great guests for you next week. Chris Gaynor, an ex-North Bergen cop. My brother, we play freshman basketball in eighth grade together. And I got some freaks calling up next week. Stay black people.

Have a great weekend. Have a great time with your mom, Lee. Thanks, buddy. Bye, guys.