The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 10/24/2012 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #21

Episode Date: October 26, 2012

Joey and Lee with guest Chucky from Joey's days playing basketball in North Bergen. Listen to fond out how to get into Madison Square Garden without a ticket. Recorded live on 10/24/2012

The church of what's happening now. Fucking full effect. Wednesday, October 24th, a week away from Thanksgiving. The church of what's happening now, fucking full effect. Yeah, something's going out. What's going? We're good. We're good now?

Everything all right. What's happening there, Lee? It's Wednesday a little fucking new bots today. Joey Coco Diaz, my man Lee Syatt, the flying Jew is in full effect with his new little Barnabas Collins' hair do. Look at him. He's been polishing it in the morning. He's got a little girl on Twitter. He's a fucking savage. He's going to go to Boston.

She's going to lick his little fucking glooms. Look at him. He's all giggly. His face is red and stuff. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. Whatever the fuck you want to do, you could do it. Churchill, what's happening? Now, full effect. A week away from Thanksgiving. What are you going to be for Halloween?

I'm nothing for Halloween. I'm working Halloween. What the fuck kind of player are you supposed to be? You're sitting here last week? telling me you got to be doing more with your life you're not going to be out there you're going to dress up like the flying Jew if I was you I'd get the strings to hold that high like some little Chinese guy that's out of work and get strings

and put a Yamaghan and fly around the fucking city throwing pennies at cock suckers you know what I'm saying I'll let you do it I can't dress up I haven't dressed up since I was 15 fuck that shit last time I dressed up my mother died a week later it's bad luck you know what I'm saying I can't have that shit I can't have it fuck it sons of anarchy

last night the plot is Sticking, if Gemma is not the kiss of death this year, I don't know who the fuck is. I know people are going to come back to me and say, Joey, spoiler alert, yell it. Fuck you, Cocksuckuckers. Watch it when it comes down. I've really seen the episode twice, and I'm fucked up. I've seen the episode one and a half times, and I had to go to Laugh Factory last night. There was 18 people out last night at the fucking 9 o'clock at night. But I told my wife before, I left that people ain't going to spend a dime until they decide who the new

present's going to be. You don't think so? No, people ain't, no, that's it. This is the time of the year for the next two weeks. People won't spend a dime until the next president gets elected. It's over. It's over. People just sitting here waiting now because they've seen the last debate on Monday night.

See, that's like fucking all these Republicans and all these fucking wasp. You see walking around, they believe every word. They're watching that thing going, oh, my God. What am I going to do with my money and shit? Who am I going to vote on? So people are all fucked up right now. They're all confused. So we got next week people will be walking around like momos.

Then the following week they vote on Tuesday, correct? It's the 60s. I have no idea. What kind of American are you? I mean, I can't vote. I got felonies, and I'm on top of all this shit. You're a young man. You've got to get it together.

You're not dressing up for Halloween. You're not voting. What the fuck? You should dress up like a Jew that's voting for Obama on Halloween. That's almost all the Jews. That's not really dressing up. A Jew dressing up like they're voting for Romney is a Jew dressing up. Fucking Romney with his little hairdo and shit.

I love him. I love Milk Romney. Oh, Jesus Christ. Fuck that dude. Besides that, what else? Anyway, what else is going on, Lysayat? and Carlton Fiss got a DUI. You guys are saying, Joey, who's Carlton Fiss?

What's it got to do with my fucking world? This is the church of what's happening now. Carlton Fiss hit one of the greatest home runs in baseball history. When I was in the 6th grade, the Cincinnati Reds played the Boston Red Sox. And let me tell you some, I grew up a Cincinnati Red fan. But my second favorite team was the Red Sox. I was like a closet Red Sox fan. And I told you about Louis Tianto of the fucking Cubans.

And this is all that series. This was a beautiful series. And in game six or in game five, fucking Carlton Fiss hit a home run in like the 12th inning. I mean, I don't even know what fucking anything it was that my head almost blew up because my mother was a Red Sox fan.

And let me explain some to you. We're Cuban. Baseball is everything. So if my mother would have won the World Series that year with the Boston Red Sox, I would have never heard the end of it. The eggs would have been red. You know what I'm saying?

She would have bought me 10 dozen Red Sox. She would have broke my balls. But even though I was betting against the Red Sox when Carlton Fiss hit the home run, I had tears in mind. When I still watch it today, because put the motherfucking home run on Lee.

Show these people how we do it here. We ain't fucking around here. Four years later, under a full memory, stayed up past midnight to see possibly the most exciting World Series game ever played. That's right. Boston's Carlton Fisk

climaxed game six against Cincinnati. You see that? 12th inning home. 12th fucking inning, Cops, up the past midnight. Half of you's had your pajamas on. You think I was sleeping? Fuck, no.

I was asleep at one eye open watching this fucking game praying. People running on the field that's crazy. Oh, you never, there was no security then. There was no TSA. There was none of those fucking momos. If somebody hit a home run and you wanted to run out in the field and tackle them, you took your chances in those days. And somebody tackled them right by the third base line.

Somebody grabbed them and shit. If you get a chance, go to YouTube and watch Carlton Fiss, 177 home run or 76 whatever the fuck it is I'm not good with 75 whatever the fuck it is you know I'm uh dates my man Fren's here from Sticcum he came to visit us this morning I didn't hear from him so he should knock on the door and ate after fucking five I had to go get the fucking gun I didn't know who the hell it was because I had just spoken to Lee and Lee goes I'll be there 530

so I'm in the bathroom I'm about to take a shit of debt and the door bangs and I go what the fuck I go out then I see this little fucking Ephra's head I'm like oh Jesus you gotta come back Cocksucker. I'm not ready for all this. It's too early. I haven't even cleaned a cat litter box. It smells like 10 dead fucking cats in here. And that's it, Lee. It's fucking Wednesday. Nine weeks away from Christmas, seven weeks away from Hanukkah.

What have you fucking done, cocksuckers? What have you done? Anything? Did you get up? Did you go out there mug somebody? Huh? Anything? Everybody's crying. I got no work. And this is the time of the year. You got to go to work. You know, shoplifting season starts in about six weeks. The day after Thanksgiving, shoplifters come out and fuck in with long

jackets and big hats and they try to shoplift it's a beautiful fucking thing that's what I love about the holidays people let themselves go you know what I was big into that when I was a little kid shoplifted but nothing big like I would go to the stores and try to pick up like a little like the biggest thing I stole was a like second

season of house on DVD and I was like the most nervous had ever been I can't even imagine you I gave you a hit a hash your head almost blew up your face got red your eyes were spinning like a fucking casino machine you were a shopliftily at one time Nothing huge.

Like little, little, like, I remember there used to be a store called, it was a fucking music store. Strawberries, I think, or something like that. And they had little IDs, like, like the best, like, like, uh, female booty inspector IDs and those goofy things. And I would go in and steal it. Like, it wasn't that big. How old were you?

Ten. Oh, yeah. Eight. That's when you get away with it. Like, I would, I would get really nervous as I stepped over the boundary for the, for the out of the store. Like, I'd get really nervous. Oh, it fucking kills you.

Yeah. I still shoplift. There's lighters, though. Every once in a while, one of those Hindus is looking around at 7-11, I clip him for a fucking light. I love it. They put, like, a lighter right there. And you shoplift in front of people.

You don't fucking walk around. Oh, that's what I do. So I shoplift right in front of people. I usually take the fucking lighter and keep it in my hand. And then when I go to get my cash to pay for it, I drop the lighter, and then I give him the tent, and he looks at me all confused. One guy on Curson told me to take my hand out of my pocket. Let me see what's in my pocket.

I told him to suck my dick. But I broke my own record one year. I used to steal the NFL light. You think I'm kidding you. You know, I'm a... You're a record. I'm a klepto in heat. And I used to fucking...

This is about 10 years ago. I had a hat. Ask my wife. I had a hat. Filled with fucking football liars. I had any... Every NFL team like eight times. I need it like three fucking teams.

They wouldn't make them. I need it like the diners, you know, the Minnesota Vikings. I needed like the Texans or something like that. So every day, I finally went in and just stole a fucking rack. I had more lighters. I had more fucking lighters than that curse on 7-11. They used to put camel cigarettes out.

to steal the camel cigarettes. This is till 10 years ago. It keeps me sharp. When you're shoplifted, it keeps a guy like me sharp. You know what I'm saying? Now I don't do it. I get scared. I used to shoplift at the airport.

But it's bad fucking car. Yeah, because I ain't paid $8 for those fucking disgusting sandwiches. So when I used to travel as a young comic and I wouldn't have enough money, I would just shoplifted all this shit at the fucking airport. They want $3 for a newspaper at the fucking airport for a New York paper.

You put that right under your arm and you walk out of the fucking place. I ain't paying $3. for no fucking newspaper. But shoplifting is bad karma, so that's why you gotta stop. Did you ever get nervous, or didn't, like,

that was like the lowest thing you did, so it didn't really bother you? No, I mean, you always get nervous, your heartbeat, you always gotta stay on top because that's when you get caught. Okay. On those little things, you follow me? You think you go in there

just to shop with something, then I gotta catch you. Like, the time me and Ray were gonna rob the gas station, and we went to rob a fake fucking plastic gun from the supermarket. I got caught robbing the fucking gun. I wasn't thinking about it,

because I, like a gorilla, I walked in there and just took the water pistol and thought I was going to walk out of the store. They just fucking had me and I had to cry my way out of it and shit and tell them that I was supporting the home and I had six missing brothers and shit and they let me go. Did you ever cheat in school? I cheated in school a couple times.

I got caught once on a big one and it was like the most nervous I'd ever been. We had a test and it was on the book and I had the book under my shirt and the teacher saw me do it and when I stood up from the desk, the book got caught under the desk and it like extended like it pulled out from my shirt. certainly saw it. And nothing really happened, but it was a... You lose face. When you cheat, you lose face

if you get caught. It's like doing steroids and trying to fist fight on a fucking Saturday. You lose face, you know what I'm saying? I never know. We used to have my buddy lubes who was really smart. We used to erase his answers or look over his paper, shit like that. You know, I never really like cheating in school. I don't know why. I never

really dug it too much. I tried. You put your hand... You put your fucking... Oh yeah, I wrote on my hand. Your spelling on your hand and shit. After a while, you're like, what the fuck? If I don't know, I just don't watch TV at night for now when I go over my words. I get this shit. You know, I like school, man. I never had a problem.

Never had a problem in school. When I had to quit school, my junior year broke my heart. I had to quit school because my mother died. I had to get a fucking job. It killed me because school came easy for me. A lot of people have a hard time in school. School is as hard as you make it. If you take the notes, if you listen in class,

and you take those fucking notes home at night, you review them. Because what kills you is when you have those, end of the fucking season exams. Yeah. And you got to go back and learn about the cumulimbus clouds and the fucking nimbus clouds. You know, I don't give a fuck about clouds. You know what I'm saying?

They got to know five fucking different clouds. You know, that's what kills you. But if you stay on top of it throughout the whole semester, by the time you get to the end, it's not cramming. You're not fucking cramming. You're just reviewing. It's easy. I just, for some reason, I fought.

I cut right through it. It was the weed. And the older I got, the better I got at it. Oh, I got worse at it. No. The older I got, the better I got. Yeah, I have a good memory, so I would never take notes, and I would do the home-rupper barely, and I would always get a B or something, and if I even tried, I would get an A or a good grade.

But I just, for that stuff, when I think something's boring, I don't really, I don't really work at it. It's all fucking boring, but the way I put it, look, I got left back on the sixth grade, not because I was retarded, but because I fell in love with some chick. I really did. The pussy got me going crazy, and I had to go to summer school, and I wouldn't even go to summer school. I would stalk the girl and eat her little monkey every fucking day, and I failed out. But that experience got me so fucking embarrassed.

It made me so fucking embarrassed. Plus, I didn't tell my mom, so I couldn't have my mom come back to the school, so I had to do fucking good in school. And that's how I figured it out. The second time around the seventh grade, I really figured it out that this isn't as hard as I make it. Yeah, if you neglect it, it's like anything else, man.

You know, you got to write every fucking day. I got to write comedy every day or a book every day or something. When I don't write for three or four days, it gets that much harder. So even if I write two sentences a day, they tell you for a book, it's a page of fucking day. That's what you should be writing. But there's days, if I don't write for two or three days because I'm busy, I can feel it when I go back.

So now I always try to write something every day, even if it's just a sentence. The guy I write with, Omar, the editor, he tells me, even if you just write a sentence, but your mind is still in that direction. The same thing happens with school, you know? College, I was going to be a fucking attorney, which is you've got to be on top of your homework.

You have to be on top of reading, and my comprehension sucks balls. Like, I have no comprehension whatsoever. I got to read tweets eight fucking times. It's two sentences. But I have no comprehension, because as I'm reading, I'm thinking about, you know,

going to fucking 7-Eleven and shoplifting a lighter. I'm not thinking about what's fucking important here. So that's what happened. The only thing, I got to change the subject real quick. Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert! The only good thing about last night on Sun's Anagam,

It was a great episode last night, but they beat the fuck out of Joe McCale. And I can't tell you he didn't fucking, he had it coming to him. Because I watched that fucking show, and that show blows. I haven't laughed at all. And I like Joe McCale and stuff, and he's great on community. But that talk soup, I know a lot of fucking youngsters watch that show. Put a gun in your fucking head.

I've watched it 18 times, and I've sat there going, somebody make me laugh. He's worked hard on that fucking hairpiece, and nobody's fucking laughing. But I'll tell you what, Jimmy Smith threw a tremendous beat on him last night. And I got nothing against Joe McCale. I think he's a nice guy. He's very sweet. I just never thought Talk Soup is fucking that funny.

And I would sit there for hours and wait for fucking something to happen and nothing fucking happens. So, for you people who laugh at that shit, shoot yourself. I don't know what the fuck are laughing at. You fucking moan's. I don't know what the fuck are laughing at. I don't even know why they laugh at me. I'm just a fat fuck that stupid. I look like I got hit in the head with 15 fucking axes or something shit like that.

Today, my good friend is calling him. And listen, let me tell you something about the guests who call this show, Cogucker. These are not professional guests. These guys are not fucking comics. These guys are street guys. What happened the other day with Chris Gainer was, Chris Gainer's a great guy. I grew up with Chris.

Me and Chris didn't really run together. We ran together as a whole, but Chris is a nice kid. He grew up to become a cop. You think Chris was out there mugging fags with me and fucking going into the city and getting eight balls? So when these people call up sometimes,

they don't really fucking know. They're not, you know, they're not hip like fucking Lee that they can talk on a dime. These guys are fucking regular street people, so please. Work with them, cock suckers. They're beautiful people.

They're helping me out. They calling up. Today I got a kid, Chuck and McBreen, calling up that I've known Chuckie since the seventh grade, probably. Seventh grade, before I got left back. He was always short, but he played the fuck out of basketball. And today he's a coach. He'll let you know where he's a coach at what college. And me and Chuckie were bad.

Like I said, I was a sports geek. I'm a sports geek when I was a kid. You know, and I used to follow teams. But I never liked really, like, I'll tell you what, like Phil. Jackson. Phil Jackson turned out to be a phenomenal coach. Won a bunch of championships in Chicago. What a bunch of championships in the Lakers. He was the worst fucking play ever for the Knicks.

Oh, really? Whenever they put, Phil Jackson was the sixth man, and he was really skinny. He had these needle shoulders. And whenever we were in the sixth, seventh grade, me and Wiety O'Donnell, another friend of Chuckie, we bet games, and we watched the Nick games and talk on the phone while they were going on. Okay. And we bet like 10 bucks,

15 bucks, 20 bucks was like a lot in those days. and once they put Phil Jackson and we just hang up. You go on to bed and I'm going to bed. They put Phil Jackson in. Phil Jackson went out to become one of the best fucking coaches of all time. But these are the guys we used to watch.

Me and Chuck used to go to Boo's basketball camp and went to Five Star Basketball camp and went to Willis Reed basketball camp. That was our fucking life, you know. So I kept in touch with Chuck McBreen because he was always a good friend growing up and we played for Our Lady of Fatima. and I play for St. Michael's in Union City.

And one time we were playing them. You know what the Raiders, what the Texans? What's that team? The New Orleans Saints did where you had to go out there and fucking kill somebody and they give you a bonus. Let me tell you how good of a shot Chuckie had. The coach at our team said, here's the deal. If you block his shot, I'll buy your lunch.

But if you block his shot and take him out of the fucking game, I'll give you $100. That's how good of a basketball player, Chuckie was when we were kids. And he was a short guy? He was a short guy. He would pop him from fucking 40. And he had a brother that had a fucked up elbow. He had surgery, so he'd call him banana bone.

He'd always elbow you with that little thing. He was terrible, but he was Chuckie's brother. So it was like, what are you going to do with fucking the terrible one? So he always tried to live up to Chuckie, and then he had to go to St. Joe's. It was a fucking nightmare. Now he's a cop, and he got hit in the head. So he's on disability.

He came out here to visit me with the mother. And not Chuckie, but his brother. His name is, I forget, Bruce, but we called him Freddy Free. Because when he played basketball, he played like Lloyd Free, but he was crazy. So he'd call him Freddy Free, and he would lose his fucking mind. And he hung out with this other kid that was half Puerto Rican, half black, and half French. His name was Figgy. That kid caught more beatings than anybody ever seen in my life.

He was the toughest kid ever Pete Balzano beat him up. Everybody beat Figgy up. I even think I threw him down the fucking park stairs one time, because he just got on everybody's nerves. He was half a fucking something, so nobody really dug him. So what are you going to do? but this is the shit I got to live with this is what I got to fucking live with you understand

me I want to give a couple shoutouts today to my man Mitch Nutter he's got a hiding from his wife he's got a podcast I want to give a shout out to the guitar center in Memphis I want to thank the people for making testicle testaments number one yesterday on iTunes it's back to

being number two where I belong but for a little time I was at number one because that's how we roll the fucking vapor pen is on fire today like Madonna's ass old 84 wall. Now I know why we do the podcast so early because when we did it later on Monday, you had the vapor pen for a couple hours and it was, and you were stoned. Oh, I was drooling.

You know, it's 65% T.8C in this motherfucking pen. We just had those guys on Being the Beast. This Eureka vaping. I haven't been smoking refueled. I just been hitting a vape. I smoked an R. Yesterday, he rolled a bone. I took the great 12 of it. But besides, I don't smoke pot no more, I'm trying to condense the fucking lungs. This vapor is tremendous. Can you notice a difference with now that you're not? smoking actually yeah I was smoking an eighth a day I'm hitting bong I threw how to throw the bong away and everything you see the other bong broke an eighth a day jesus and that's the shit that kettli smoked when his head blew off I ain't smoking that suss or an afucking weed I'm so I go into these stores

I look them in the eye and I tell the motherfuckers I want what what fucking satan would smoke if he came in if jesus came in here right now and said listen I haven't seen satan in 20 years it's time that's what I want to smoke and you can't say that like if you go to the stores in hollywood Like there's a store on Formosa That's like the gayest waspiest store of all time Everybody goes in there with sandals And they've all been to France And they've all cool and shit

And they go into like, yes, I'm high I like to get medicated Something that will not get me that tired Just smoke the fucking thing Better yet, by the way you're talking Just go suck a dick Because that's your best fucking bet Hopefully you'll get you high

That's your best bet You want to go into these stores and go look I'm paying 20 fucking bucks for a gram I push my fucking head back You know I want to What was that commercial

With a bad tub Take me away Calgon That's what I want to do I don't want to smoke And now they got all these names When I was a kid You just smoked debt

That's it For 30 years Everybody in this country Smoke fucking debt Now they want to smoke Well I smoke Sativa And I smoke an indica blend

Stop Grab the cock And stick it up your ass And it already You're acting like a fucking Momo You smoke whatever the fuck They give you

They got it Well The Sativa You smoke in the morning because it gets... Get the fuck out of here. Because the Teva don't even work after fucking 1 o'clock. It's mobo fucking weed. It goes, oh, it makes you think.

Get the fuck out of here. I'll go over there right now. I'll go over to Divine Wellness right now and get the church. The one they grow out of respect for the church of what's happening now. For motherfuckers that I'd like to see the devil a couple times a day. That thing is like 30%. You fucking dry that. You think people go in there and say, I'm going over to Divine Wellness

and see the church or they have something else. White Death or something. something like that it's called you go in there you see those two weeds that both 18 dollars and you're like that's what I want I don't get nothing else well the best is when you go buy weed from a girl in Hollywood don't think all the taste listen bitch if I want taste I get life savers I don't give a fucking a taste like a black chick's fucking asshole before she fart in Lee's face if it takes me to the next level that's what I'm smoking that's what I'm smoking dog what do I you know they make such a big deal like

they're doing something better everybody got good weed in this country you know something better than others you got Mexican brown weed Let me tell you some, I smoked some brown weed in Philadelphia one time. I was high for 12 fucking hours. So you don't know what the fuck you're getting. So don't be surprised. The other day, though, on 60 minutes for you people who watched 60 minutes. I've been watching 60 minutes because, like I said yesterday,

I watched 60 minutes and I watch HBO Sports. You ask me why, and I'll tell you why, fucking Lee, because HBO Sports always does a great job, or whatever the fuck they can show. Do you see the episode about the Indian fucking camel jockeys? No. They star them, the kids in India. It was the most interesting thing I remember.

ever saw in my life. When was the last time you watch what's that Bill Maher, that show with him at night? Never. And it's fucking interesting. That's why I learned my politics. I don't watch the news to learn all that shit. And I watch 60 minutes because it cuts to the bullshit. At 6 o'clock every night, yeah. 6.30 I watch, what's the name?

Diane Sawyer, that's my fucking girl. The World News Tonight. But she always starts with some bullshit. Then they show you some blind kid that can play the drums at the end. So they go from fucking killing motherfuckers to like the story of the day. Five black kids in Chicago. yesterday about that, that they're overcoming

fear. You don't watch world news. You don't watch world news tonight. Nobody watches the fucking world news tonight. What the fuck? I'm the only mom. I'm the only mo-mo that watches that. But anyway, back to 60 minutes. I'm watching 60 minutes the other day. They had a story about a vice president that left

Goldman Sachs. And they had another story about Steven Spielberg making Lincoln. That's what I need, Spielberg. Fucking Lincoln. It's 2013. You want to make a move? Everybody's waiting for Martians in two months. Now I've got to go fucking watch. worry about Abe Lincoln. The movie's 85 fucking years too late, okay?

It doesn't even look that good. I saw the trailer. Oh, they just wear you out. And what? It's Tom Hanks in it again? How many more movies are they going to put fucking Tom Hanks in? How many more movies? How much longer do I got to see this fucking guy walking around?

Nobody wants a team. After Larry Crown, I almost shot my fucking self. And I love Tom Hanks. I loved him in fucking Splash. I loved him in Philadelphia. But I banned him because he won the Oscar, and he cried like a pussy at the Oscars. There's no crying at the Oscars.

There's no crying at that. fucking Oscars. If Marlon Brando didn't cry, you can't fucking cry either. So we got that. We got the one with baseball. He was brilliant in that. But as you could see, the oldest getting his head looks fucked up. And I met with Tom Hanks. After the longest shot, he's a great guy. But if you see him, as he's getting older, his head looks all fucked up. He's got that Dick Clark-type fucking head, you know, that he scared the fuck out of me. The last two new years ago, they had Dick Clark. I smoked some dope. I put TV on. Dick Clark almost scared the fuck. I He fuck Sinister

and a nightmare on Elm Street His head was all fucked up Look at Tom Hanks's head You think my face is fucked up Look at his head And his son, the one that was on next That's an ugly little motherfucker too That little big head of fuck

He was at the podcast festival Doing a podcast for what Your father's Tom Hanks Jackoff Stay home and smoke dope And get your dick sucked He's at the podcast festival Hanging out with a bunch of wassy motherfuckers Looking at each other with

Oh shit We got the call of day Ring it Suckie fucky Chucky Chuckie, What's up, my man? How we doing? You know me, dog.

Trying to put two and two together here at the church of what's happening. Now I've got the flying Jew, Lee Syatt, the studio. How are you today, my friend? I'm doing good, as always. I know you're a bad motherfucker. What's going on, Chuck?

Tell me something good in your world. What's been going on lately? Just get ready for the season. You know how busy this time in the year's basketball time. Everybody takes his baseball, football. I can give a fuck less about either one of those fucking sports.

I'm worried about basketball right now. And when is your season start? Well, we started practice October 15th. We had midnight matters on October 14th, and then we get officially started on November 17th, so first real game. Currently, we're ranked number 17 in the country. That's my boy, Chuckie Mack.

But you know why, Chuckie Mack? Because you've been playing basketball since before you had hair in your asshole. You've been playing basketball since you were five. You've got to turn me onto the hoop. Chuckie had a fucking dirt basketball court in his backyard, never mind concrete. It was dirt. Every once in a while you bounce the ball on a rock ricocheting and hit you in the fucking head. How dirty would we get back there, Chuckie?

We'd be covered with dust when we were done, but we had some good times because after when we could jump in the pool. Right in the fucking pool. And I figured out all the spots of that court where not to go, especially if you don't want to fall down the freaking steps. Oh, my God. We used to fucking play until we used to turn the lights on back there. and your mom would make Kool-Aid for us. It was a fucking, it was a party,

and we had Freddie Free to deal with. What a nightmare to deal with that, cocksucker. That was a nightmare. That was his brother. His name was Bruce, a sweetheart of a guy, but he had, like, a little thing with his elbow, and we used to call him Banana Bone. He'd lose his fucking mind, but we loved him to death.

He'd show up with Figgy, the fucking Puerto Rican French guy. It was about four doors away. What a train wrecked that cock sucker was? Oh, Figaroa. What was his real name? What was his real name? It was Figgie, but his real name was Raymond Figueroa. Raymond Figgie.

That's right. Chuck, I always tell these guys the story about the eighth grade when we had Wally Lindsay as our teacher in the eighth grade. He was the mayor of Weehawken. You know the town when you pull out into the Lincoln Tunnel and the Sopranos, the first town he goes around when he comes out of tunnel? That's Weehawking, New Jersey. And our teacher was a mayor in Wehawken,

but he was an eighth grade teacher in McKinley because he replaced somebody, correct? Yes, he did. I don't remember off the top of my head. That's what happens when you get old. You can't remember shit anymore. But fucking, we had it from eight grade. And he's the one who got a basketball program rolling by hiring fucking Turk Jordan. Right. This is the one guy we want to talk about. You know, when you're a mayor, you dress, you have like these guys that hang out with you and they wear suits and they're very nice people. He had those. But he had this one guy in a black leather jacket. the bad toupee. Remember how bad his fucking wig was? That toupee was terrible. Later on in life, when you were out in L.A.,

he took that shit off and went bald, but he should have took that shit off when he was coaching us. What was the last time you saw Turk Jordan? That night, or no, you saw him after that? No, I saw Turk after that. You know, after high school, I saw Turk.

I mean, I haven't seen Turk now at least 20, 25 years, but, you know, I saw him after we graduated high school, probably even after I got out of college, I think I saw. Did he still have the wig? No, no, I said at that point he had it off. Still crazy, he's a motherfucker, though. That guy is one of the craziest individuals. He used to play ball every time he would shoot from half cord.

He would yell out of his mind. That's right. He got us motivated to fear. We were fucking scared of him. We were. He was fucking scary, man. Now, were you guys on the same team when Barone was your coach? Barone was our teacher.

Barone came in high school. Oh, I thought he said he caught you guys. No, no, no, no. Barone taught his plays in the eighth grade. We needed a coach really bad. Somebody quit. Remember Renee Frank's brother quit? He caught me, close that door for a second room, brother.

He caught me finger-banging the sister on his balcony. René Frank. Remember he hated Spicks and Niggers and Jews? He hated everybody. Remember the fireman we had for a while? You know what I'm talking about, right? Who was that? Remember we had a coach.

First, we had the guy with the long hair. that could slam dunk. Pete Ware, he had no teeth. Then he quit. Yeah, he quit. Then we had Frank, George Frank. George Frank was a fireman in North Bergen, a real chubby, built guy.

George, Frank, right by Lion Eddie Fuel? Yeah, right by Lion Eddie Fuel. George E. Frank. He fucking hated. He hated Spanish people. He hated fucking everybody. He ran that fucking taxi dirty service. That's right.

But, you know what? Like, I always tell people, If you're going to be a racist, you better not have a sister. Because I started dating the sister. I ate her pussy behind McKinley and shit one night after one of those Holy Rosary games. Because remember Holy Rosary? You remember the shit. I banged her and I ate her monkey second.

She was a virgin, so I had blood all over my face. And I went home. My mother's like, who'd you fuck around with the wolf man? I had blood all over my face. I had died fucking pubs. But then one night I was fingering her on her balcony and her fucking father came out and caught me. And my hand was in her pants. And she was never allowed to hang out.

out with us no more. They put it like a military school. They fucking put a belt on her. But then we got Turk Jordan. And then we got Turk. And then we got Turk. And then we got Turk. And we wanted to go to the six a game at the Garden. The Sixers were playing the fucking Knicks on Christmas Day. Chuckie, take it from here. Yeah, well, how the story goes is Turk Jordan, Cocoa and I were the two best players on the team and we changed this program around from a program that was losing when Chuck. came all of a sudden.

I think we went like five and three or something our last year with McKinley. But Turk took a liking to two of us because we're the best two players. So we invited us to go to the 76 Nick game at Christmas in the garden. But the game was sold out. And unbeknownst to both us, we had no tickets. So we get over the garden and we got no money and we got no tickets. So we said to this guy, what are we going to do? And all he said, just do whatever I do and follow me.

and stay close. So the line in the garden is packed. We're waiting, I mean, long time walking up the line. We finally get through the front to the ticket guy, and he knocks the usher down right on his ass, and there's a stairwell right to the left in the garden. Right when we take off up these stairs, and one of the young kids are seven or eight-grade,

this guy's flying ass up the stairs. We can't even sit with him. Hey, Coco ain't no thin. You're a little chubby at that time, so I'm a quick little fucker. I'm trying to stay with him. You went down to stay well behind me, trying to get him while we finally get in

and get to the inside the place. And fucking now we've got no seats. He finds an empty area for three seats and we get seated and we're enjoying this nick game and then everybody's walking back and forth coming over the top of us trying to get out in the aisle and get to the concession stand

and he starts killing people, yow don't have people at all. He tells them the next time you fucking She'd go to the fucking YMCA to get more exercise I'll never forget that I'll never fucking forget that

The look on my face He was going to go back And you come back and fuck on me One more fucking time I'm going to throw you down About five rules Now These aren't our tickets

We're just macking on tickets People are in their real tickets Walking past us And he's telling people And next time you Fuck and get up I'll fucking kill you That's how crazy this guy

was and me and Chuck you're looking at each other with tears in our eyes because this is not what we wanted we just wanted to go to a basketball game that was it and how did the game end basketball and Chuck he's wanted to see a that's all we wanted to do so now it's half time and he leaves us me and chucky is sitting there by ourselves up in the fucking nosebleeds and he comes back and he yeah forgot about but he comes back and he goes I got your tickets let's go and he took us down to the floor that's what the party really started. Tell him, Chuggie. He came a hundred timers on a game and shit, and he's fucking arguing with fucking coaches, players, everything. I even heard of the story that he was on the front page of Sports

Illustrated because his guy had bet so much money on games, he would go to games and fucking run out on the court and everything. He's out of his mind. The rumor was he smacked Red Orr back in the face and went to jail for two years. That was the fucking rumor about Terge Jordan. He was known for that. He was in the cover of Sports illustrated. Like this is the guy who took us to a basketball game. I don't even I was a coach. No, he wasn't. He coached us

part-time, like something happened, like he couldn't coach us because he probably had felonies or he had raped somebody or some shit. But this is the guy they entrusted. And Chuck, how lucky were we are? It's not like we were around molesters and nothing in those days. There was no molesters. We fucking kill you.

Nah, that fucking guy. I think that's why we're fucking as crazy as we fucking are. A deal with a fucking people like that every day where we came from. That was the norm. You have people like Valzano killing people. You had turned Jordan scared of shit out of people. It was fucking crazy.

But then at the end of the game, we're sitting there. Some guy told him to move and tapped him on the shoulder, and he grabbed the guy's hands and squeezed it in front of us and turned. You know how people turn your wrist? That's what he did to this guy. It was one of those games where I shit my brains out the whole time. But, Chuckie, and I asked Chuckie about this yesterday, that he told us if we had a winning season

he was going to get us laid. I don't know what get laid means at the time. Chuckie, we weren't even into girls. We were into basketball, 38th Street Park. We were into just basketball. We had a couple girls in the neighbor, Lucy Snorbush, and we had fucking, you know, Lisa Messina and whatever.

You used to date Lucy Snorbush. Did you not or know? Correct. That's correct. Lucy Snorber was a fine piece of ass. Lucy Snorbush was a fine piece of ass. but to make the good times we had good times with all the people we hung out over there we had some great stories of some great times i'm going to try to get sabatino on the show

i got his number from veneery the other day but i'll never forget that at the end of the i didn't graduate the eighth grade remember because i went to uh five star that year do you remember that we had a lot of snow that year so school got pushed back to like the end of June and I had already paid for 5 star but when I got back from 5 star that day we're all on the courts like me Sabatino Michael Specialo Dominic before

he died and was sitting on the court and the car pulls up and it's Turk Jordan and he comes out of the car and he's got this chick with him because he always asked us if we got laid or whatever I didn't know what the fuck he was talking about you know and he has this chick with him Chuck now

how old was Turk when this is going down maybe 30 Do you think maybe a little bit more? Maybe, yeah, 35, maybe 40. He shows up with this chick that had to be like 55 with organic tits, uglier than debt. He picked her up at some bar and we hawking. I don't know if you've checked lately.

There's no beauty queens out of fucking we hawking, all right? And he shows up, he walks over to the court, and we're sitting in, he's like, guys, you're ready to get some pussy? And we're like, pussy, what are you talking about? And he tells the chick to pull her shirt up to show her tits, and she's got like cigarette burns on her tits. Somebody stabbed her on the tit. And I never forget that we looked at each other with tears in our eyes.

Like he's like, all right, who's first? You could fuck her in the car. We're in the eighth grade. We're going to be freshmen here. And he's like, who's going to fuck her first? And we all looked at each other and we're like, we got to go home, Doug. We got to go home.

Holy shit, that's my mom calling me. That's the last time I saw Turk joined. And let me tell you something. Let's say that lady would have sucked all our dicks and lit our assholes on fire. We wouldn't have said a word to our parents. It's in my line, Chuck, not like lead little faggots today. They got a blowjob in high school

when they run home and tell mommy. We wouldn't have said one world. We would have died with that story. I remember having Ms. Brando in the sixth grade in McKinley and getting her in the closet and squeezing her tithies when she was pregnant. That's how fucking crazy I was. Remember Ms. Brando?

She's still around. And I've guaranteed Ms. Brando still fucking polish at home. She was... She became a vice principal at North Burger High School. She became a vice principal. I've seen her in 94 and I'm like, Ms. Brando, let me squeeze your titty. She's like, stop it. I used to squeeze her tities in the sixth grade in the closet when she was the art teacher.

She was pregnant in Levino's class. You don't me, dog. I've always been a little freak. I don't fuck around. Wait, did she let you or did you do it? She thought it was like a joke. He was like, it's like a joke. Oh, he's so sweet.

I would squeeze those big fat fucking pregnant tities. I didn't give a fuck. And then I had her in high school for all. And I would torment them. Ms. Brando, let me eat your ass. Stop it, Coco. You're so cute. I would get fucked up.

I would go to and get fucked up before school. In the back of my mind, I'm going to go get a booty call from Ms. Brando third period. Like, Ms. Brando was going to suck my little Cuban dick in the third grade in the third period of school. That's how crazy we were. Chuck, I know you a long fucking time, man. A long fucking time. I laugh all that. Chuck is a nice kid.

I grew up to become an animal. Chuck is a Christian, nice little boy. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, not always, man Come see me on the basketball court When these kids piss me off Hey, that's nice to Hey, what about all the great times

We had on the boulevard bus Covered a hole, everything And fucking owning that bus Feeling it like we were the only ones out there Fucking people will just get off Eight Stock too soon Because they can't get any more Done

Chuck, let me tell you something A lot of times I tell people I lie to people Because I tell people I started comedy When I got locked up But between you and me That's when the beginning of my comedy career was Was on that number one bus

Because we were without a doubt I would get on that bus And we'd sing the Oscar my The Oscar Madison song We'd do the odd couple first And then we'd do scenes from the honeymooners And then we'd start torturing Anybody who was on heroin

And sleep on the bus drooling We torture them I've told the stories We had to go by Lincoln School With the windows open on the fucking bus And people throw snowballs at the buses We tormented that bus driver The number one bus driver we tormentor.

Gainer! I had Gainer on the phone on Monday. We're talking about freshman practice with Mr. Reardon. How much that motherfucker would make us run, sprints? Yep. Fucking, I still see him. He's the woman's coach at Norbergen. He coaches the Boston girls.

And I still see him. He lives out not far from me in Harrington Park. So I see Danny every once in a while. I can't believe that he's still coaching. You know, and he had us back in. in what it was, the 79, 80, whenever he coached us back then. And he's still coaching.

And he's still drinking, remember he used to fuck that one teacher. That was cute. Miss Serta, she was friends with Gina Giacone. We had some fucking good times down there, Chuckie. We had some good times in that fucking neighborhood down there. Remember, Dini Cardnelli's mother, how good looking she used to be.

I tried to fuck her one night, too, when I was like 15. Remember, she used to walk across the dog. She had the French poodle that was blind. I think it was Fay. Fay. Faye Cardnelly, that's right. Faye Cardnelly. She used to come out with her hot pants,

and we used to go fucking bananas over down to basketball court. Is her daughter the one, Kathy? She's still alive, or? No, Kathy died. Kathy and Dattie. Dattie's married to Bobby Benden. Kathy died.

They found her in a car dead. God bless her, so it was a fucking. We lost a lot of people down there. We had just the two we ran with. We ran with Little Anthony, and we ran with Dominic. I still talk to Dominic's sister. She's going to call in on the show.

in a few weeks for a woman's perspective. Yeah, Vita. I still talk to her, so it's really interesting. I still talk to all you motherfuckers, bro. You guys keep me grounded. I'm surrounded by these fucking waspy fucks that don't have no word to them. So I got to call you guys.

You guys keep me grounded. You know, I was just telling my man Efford from Stickham the people I'm surrounded with out here. You know, you get these people that... They just talk, Chuck. They just fucking talk. and they don't come through on anything, you know, and where I came from, your word was everything,

you know, when you talk to somebody that was everything. Here, I got nothing. These people talk on a Monday, and by Wednesday, they're on to their next fucking mind fuck. But, you know, I learned a lot hanging out with you down there. And I grew up at your house, Chuck. Your mom came out here, and I hung out with your mom and Bruce,

and it's an honor to still have you in my life, you know? It really is. Yeah, thank you. I appreciate that. Hey, what about the time? What about the time when you play for Michael? You got a stacked team with you, Mahoney, Whitey, I think Louis or Dave, one of them,

you play for Rubinaccio, right? Yes, St. Michael's. And you guys played my team with All-Aidiafant of him, and we had me, Lincoln, Glenn Conti, and fucking, I was the leading scorer to link and Rubenacho told you guys if you fucking steal a ball for me or block a shot of mine

every time you can get a slice of pizza. What I tell you? I told these guys. You're worried about blocking my time. We fucking ended up upset and you'll beat you. We had the best team in the league and we were so focused on killing Chucky that he fucking killed us.

It was amazing. And Steve Rubinacho, I mean, that's my real first taste of Hollywood because Steve Rubinaccio was a cameraman on fucking days of our lives or something. Remember that shit? Yeah, you know, I still talked to him. He refs college basketball in our league on the woman's side, and he also

still rushed high school basketball. So, in fact, last year I bumped into him out of game, and he asked me, do I still speak to Danny and wife? And I said, yes, and he asked me to get him in the number. You wanted to reach out for him. So I got him a number, and I believe he reached out for Danny and Whitey.

Well, give him my best. I always love Steve Rubinaccio and Steve O'Charty. I love those guys. One last thing I got to talk to you about, because we didn't grow up racist, you know, not at all. I mean, you're Irish, I'm Cuban. I love the problem. Not where we're from.

But remember when Louis Hernandez first moved to our neighborhood? Louis Hernandez was Dominican, and he was dark skin. So we used to call him Louis the nigger, just out of principle. We called him Louis the nigger. I mean, he wasn't even black. He was Dominican, but they didn't care. And we used to blow shotguns in his afro. Do you remember that?

Behind the fucking... We used to blow shotguns in his afro behind the pool. And he would all take, like, mescaline or smoke pot and drink. and he would let us blow the pot smoke in his afro, and like 10 minutes later the smoke would come out of his afro. We thought that was the coolest thing in the world. I love Louis Hernandez. I talked to him from time to time, David Ruiz and all those guys.

They're all down in Florida, in Jersey. You know, whenever I go to North Berth, whenever I go home, Louis always gets a hold of me, and I used to meet him at Hashways, but I haven't seen him in about four years. And David Ruiz calls me about once a year to say hello. I think he's in Miami somewhere. But you know what, man, I always love hearing from you guys.

As you know, Chuck, I try to call you as much as I can, and I wish I talked to Whitey a lot more. I got a picture of Whitey on my wall from when I seen him five years ago, and I love you guys, Chuck. I always have, and thank you for being part of my memories. I know you to remember this story. We were up at Shudson Park in the soccer field. It was Bannich, you, and a bunch of guys,

and I don't know if you remember this story, but I've never smoked pot in my life, and those guys held me down, had me pinned down, everybody had me down, and I tried me down, and you had the joint, and Van Tchaik was trying to force me to smoke it, and you said, under no circumstances, he's clean, he doesn't want him, he don't want it, I'm not giving him the joint. Do you remember that time? No, I don't. Yeah, it's a true story, is you had the joint back in the day, up at Shipson Park, you know, where that

overhang was, where we used to hang up, and all up there at that dirty fucking dirt soccer field. And there's a smoking pot and fucking, I wouldn't smoke it in a bench, they got me pinned down with a couple other people. And I don't remember

because Caldell's, David Phelts, there was a bunch of of guys there, and at the end of the day, you had to join and wouldn't fucking make me smoking. Well, you know me, dog. This fucking character, I'm a fucking douchebag, but I still had character back then, so you were a good friend. You were a good friend, so I know you didn't want to get high, and I'm not wasting pot smoke on something you don't want to get fucking high, you know what I'm saying? In my life, I've got to drank a fuck a little bit in my lifetime, but I never tried that shit.

No, I'm happy you didn't, man, because you turned out to be a good man and you're coaching, I'm proud of you. I'm fucking proud of you. I can't believe you're on the phone with me, Chuck, and I'm happy that you called, and I'm sure you're, sure the listeners are going to love you, man. Thank you very much for helping me out, Chuckie. I love you at all my heart. I love your family growing up. Anytime, man. All right, brother.

I'll give you a call next week. Thank you again, Chuck. You got it. Stay black, baby. That's the last of the real Irish right there in my life. That's why I love Irish people because of those motherfuckers. And Whitey O'Donnell, Danny Mahoney, these motherfuckers were the Irish. And a lot of times I'm online.

I got a lot of guys that I fuck around from. Scotland and Ireland. This is one red little headed motherfucker that I call them Irish and that's why. And it's funny because I always like these Irish kids and they were tougher than death. Wiety O'Donnell and Mahoney, these kids were tough. This kid was 5'2 playing against fucking 6'8 guerrillas. He didn't give a

fuck. I learned so much from the Irish and then one day I read John O'Sullivan was another Irish kid I hung out with. And one day I couldn't believe how tough they were. And one day I read that The I, you know, he told me that his uncle was Cuban And I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? John O'Sullivan.

He's like, yeah, my uncle grew up in Cuban And all this shit. And I thought he was lying to me. He knew all these words in Spanish. And if you ever go to an Irish party, they're fucking Cubans. They act just like Cubans. You know, the party will start

till somebody gets drunk. Then it's a fist fight. Now you have a party. That's how they act. They're like fucking Puerto Ricans, the Irish. But one day I was reading some When I got to the University of Colorado,

and it said that the Irish and the Cubans were very close because in 1690 it was the Battle of the Boyne. So there was only Ireland and Cuba was the only other Catholic country. So a bunch of people that didn't want to fight that wanted to keep drinking and argue with their cousins, flew down to Cuba, and that became a, you know, there's a lot of little communities in Cuba. There's a big Sicilian community in Cuba where they have pizza.

And I remember my mother telling me about the pizza had lobster on it. That was fucking amazing. And they also put octopus on it. pizza and shit like that you know but uh it's so weird that years later i really found my connection with these guys what it was with it was chucky or mahoney mahony had like six irish brothers and you had a fight all wady old donald i got a picture on my wall i mean uh me and his sister his grandfather used to take us to all these other fucking places so i'm tight with the irish serve you irish i always fucking love you till the end because i know that you're not a waspy

fuck. I know that if shit goes down, you're going to stick around until the last man is fucking down. There's something about Irish people. And the Irish chicks, too. My wife's Irish. Really? The girls in high school I dated, McNeil and Colleen Maynes. I get along with Irish women. My wife is Irish and American

Indian. Some about Irish women and me, I spot them a mile away that white fucking potato skin, and it drives me fucking crazy. Their feet always got a little wank to them, but it's the best pussy in America. You know what I'm saying? Look at that Siddin there looking at the floor.

We're over here talking about a nice piece of Irish pussy, and you're looking around the fucking room. Effron's a nice little Catholic boy. That's why I like him. That's why we're hanging out and shit. So not all your friends were gangsters. Like, Chuckie was tough, but he wasn't running with you doing drugs and all that stuff. He never did drugs.

He never robbed nothing. No, no, no, no, no. Listen, man, let me tell you something. A couple years ago, we were having dinner or something in Vegas, and I got into a conversation with any bravo about that. But I, you know, you don't smoke. pot all day. You're not a criminal. I always kept a circle of different people around me

to balance everything happens. I hung out with Chuckie and his family in the daytime, and I hung out with the criminals at night, and I kept him separated. I never wanted Chuckie and those people to see me in that condition. I never wanted any of those friends to see me fucking coked up. They knew what I did, but that's good enough. You know what I do.

I never wanted to disrespect them. They were my friends. I had friends. I had friends. I have friends that will fucking shoot me, will shoot you for me, but they don't want none to do with drugs. I have a friend that asked me till this day when I get in this car. You're not holding anything on you, no, bro, because I know it's disrespectful to him. But I know at any time he'll shoot somebody for me if I need it.

I have all friends that are different. I don't just hang out with people who do drugs. I like to balance it out. And when I was a kid, you know, I came from craziness. So Chuckie's house was the American house. I wanted to be. I wanted, you know, when you're a Cuban kid and you come to this country and you don't know the language and shit, I wanted my house to be like Chuckie's house.

He had a brother, he had a sister, they drank Kool-Aid, the father came home from work at five and they made dinner, they were normal people. I didn't have that growing up, so I always hung out with kids that did have that because I loved that whole feeling. I didn't have that. My mother had a ball. My father worked in the daytime. There was, we never really sat down for dinner.

So these were the kids I really hung out with. I mean, we all hung out at calm my mom. all hung out at Kama and Balzano's house. He mentioned it, Carmine shot a guy down there seven times of the back in self-defense. Did we not go to his house no more? No. We were a family. That whole neighborhood was a family. That's why I shot the documentary

with you, because that's what it's about. I wanted people to see this. This is very rare where a Cuban kid moves into a white fucking neighbor and they accept them. I was the only spick of a neighborhood in the 70s, dog. It's like having a white community now and an Arab moves into your neighborhood. You know, they don't know how they're going to treat you,

but these guys all treated me with love and respect and I never forgot that I never forgot that man especially this kid do you think they gave up on me when I got fucked up they didn't give up on me they never gave up on me they knew I was fucked up up they didn't tread my in my way and they didn't let me sleep at their house and they wouldn't let me their car but they knew that I was just going through something when you're 17 and you lose something and a parent or something you go through all these little things you know and and I went through them and I was supervising myself so I love these guys I will talk to these guys so I go to the because they were there when I had a mom and a dad,

and they saw me then, and they accepted me. So, and even though they all called me Spick, do you think I got pissed off? Do you think I let a stupid word, hey, Spick, let's go play basketball. I know that at the end of the day I was going to dinner at the house, and that's all that fucking mattered, you know what I'm saying? Look at you. You're a Jew, I'm a Spick. We get along just fucking fine.

Who gives a fuck? You know what I'm saying? If you look into that shit, then you're really faking the fuck. It's like, you know, now you have to have a Hindu buddy to be cool. 20 years ago you didn't want to talk to a Hindu they wear sandals now you gotta have an Aza Azzanri

fucking CD to show people that you're cool 20 years ago if you had a bunch of white friends what'd you do you invite you invited a fucking black guy over to let your fucking buddies know we're not prejudiced

but yes you are because you're thinking about this fucking black guy don't tell me everybody wants to be you know it's funny somebody was talking about a international

what were we talking about it we were talking about oh oh they were talking about how a comic could be shit in the States, but he goes to Australia, and he's huge in Australia,

and then you get somebody like Jim Jeffries, who's a brilliant comic, and he's shit in Australia, but he comes to the States, and he gets a TV show. You know, we always want to be somebody else. If you call any agency in L.A. right now, call APA, call CAA.

It's always somebody with an English accent that answers the fucking phone. Good morning! Thank you for calling CAA. We as Waspy dumb fucks. Oh, my God. They're so international. Oh, my God. Get the fuck out of here.

They're just trying to impress a fucking peanut brain like you. That's all they're fucking doing. Oh, my God. They sound so, so, what's the word I'm looking for? Sophisticated. They have an Englishman over there. They have snatch answering the phone. Who gives a fuck?

Get it together, you fucking phony fuck. But, you know, it's like here, we love English comedy. They can be a great comic here. We don't give a fuck about it. We want to be an English comic. Where's Ricky Jerva? And I like Ricky Javis. I'm just saying.

But in England, they don't want to see Ricky Javis. They want to see our crazy asses go over there and talk about America and how fucking crazy it is here and Obama and all this shit. Who gives a fuck at the end of the week? It's the church of what's happening now, bitches. Lee motherfucking Syatt, the flying Jew. We're back on Sunday.

We're going to give you a lock. Last week I gave out USC minus the 41 against Colorado at my alma mater. This week, Danny Bianculo is calling again on Sunday. If you're looking to make Christmas money, I would watch this fucking show. If you're looking to make Yamaka money, Hanukkah money, I would watch this show. If you're looking to not stay at home by yourself on Christmas Eve

and eat fucking Boston marketing, whack off watching fucking It's a Small World, watch this show on Sunday. We're going to learn how to make a little money. We're going to give you a pro pick. We're going to look at the UFC. We're talking about what happened the last couple days. See if Lee got a hooky yet to fart in his face for 25 hours. People are sending me pictures about that.

I told you. They're ready. I got a chick here who says if I take you down to L.A., downtown to a pool hall, she'll take you in the back room, but she'll tune you right up. Oh, Jesus Christ. This is a pussy will get nice and wet, like a chocolate Sunday. That black fucking juice will come out of it and all over your face. You know, you ever have pussy juice on your face?

You've even wipe it off. Like, you've ever seen the movies if somebody shoot somebody, the blood hits somebody, they got to wipe. Yeah, but I never had to go fart in my face. I don't want that. You're losing, dog. This is what I'm told you. You got to reassess you.

goals you know what I'm saying anyway anyway I don't want to fucking get people going somebody hit me up there they joy when you talk to Lee like that you get me horned up I had to block them I gotta block them I gotta block these people 7 in the morning you can't be whacking off while you're driving anyway

that picks me out don't want to go on this is chucky call today I was thinking about what album to gave you I gave you a great album last week I gave you a great movie to watch this way I gave you the public greenwich village I don't know if you're going to watch on that but I'm going to give you an album guys that I feel is one of the strongest albums I've ever listened to I grew up listening to all this fucking dumb shit at my mother's bar.

Who wasn't dumb shit? Spanish music and soul music. And I wasn't sure about rock music. You know, I would look at these people and they had long hair when I was in the fifth grade. They didn't take showers. And they did the same drugs. My parents did. I didn't want to listen to this creepy shit.

I didn't want to listen to this creepy shit. And my buddy turned me out. He's like, Doggy, I listen to this band. They call Led Zeppel. And I'm like, fucking who? No, no, no. I'm not listening to old dirty people. And I bought Cream magazine.

or whatever it was in that day and I looked at that picture and I'm like, no, I'm not listening to this shit. And I went over to his house with Naina and he talked me into taking this album home. He's like, just take the fucking album, you don't love it. I had to be, I had just gotten thrown out of

Catholic school and I had moved to North Bergen. The kid's name that gave me this album was a year younger than I was. This is how embarrassing. He was in the fourth fucking grade. And he gave me Led Zeppelin, the fourth one, what's name of it? How's the Holy? The Name of the Alam, are you sure? Woman Dick right now.

And the song is, The albums on that are Dancing Days. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, no quarter. The fucking Ocean, the song is the same. Right there, you got five fucking monsters out of eight. And I know that I like to cover American music. I was going to cover the Outlaws this week, or I was going to cover the fucking Eagles.

I really wanted to cover what kind of love if you got that one song by the fucking Eagles. That second album is brilliant. But I was listening out of respect for Chuck and McPreen. This is what we listened to it. was a kid Pauli Kelthos that used to live behind the basketball court. He put his speaker out his window. And at night, he would play the song.

He made the same for us, but that was years later when I got older. But the first time I heard this album, I thought my head was going to fucking explode. And every time I hear, How's it a Holy till today. Is that the name of that album? The fourth album? Yeah, the fourth album. The fourth album is Sepplin 4. This is the fifth album.

Whenever I listen to this fucking album, I still think of the summer days when I would take my basketball and put it in between the 10 speed. right up in hills because this is what I was listened to. You didn't have an iPod Dan or a Walkman. You had to listen to music at home and take it with you in your fucking mind and sing it with you. Play the ocean.

This is the fourth song on the first side. I don't even have to look. I know this album, Front Wars and backwards. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. This is it. This is the fourth song. Every time I hear this, I think a sunshine to smell of ruff.

the smell of fucking asphalt. Just everything burning in that North Bergen court. Because it's human. It's like 80 degrees. It's fucking seven of the morning. Here we go. Crank that motherfucker. Oh, shitly. Where's that jointly? It's time to smoke that motherfucker. Pass it around to get you

on a Thursday. It's a Wednesday. It's a beautiful day to be alive. I don't know what you guys got in mind. But this is the album here. You want to hit on this? You're in on this or what? You're going to sit there like the fucking driver in Apocalypse Now, you're in on this or what, Lee? It's a beautiful Wednesday morning.

We'll get you out of the house with a great mood. Wash that pussy. Wash that ass. You got to brush your teeth. You got to comb your hair. You got to shine your shoes. You got to be out there like a fucking soldier. This is getting tough out there.

You know what I'm saying? Lee, look at Lee. Taking baby hits and he can't get a hold. Look at his tiny. Grab that fucking thing, Lee. Like a prostitute grabs a cock. Grab that fucking thing. Cock sucker.

I'm happy you guys took the time to listen today. I don't even know what fucking time is, man. We've been talking shit for a while here today. Listen, motherfuckers, I don't know what you guys got planned today, but I hope you have a great day today. You got Thursday and Friday left. Tonight, I'm going to be at the Ice House with Lee Syatt doing Testicle Testaments at 8.30.

I think it's 10 bucks to get in. There's usually 100 people down there, people out there smoking dope afterward, taking pictures. Come on down. Next week I'm at the Ontario Improv. Thursday through Sunday. I don't know the fucking number. on improv.com and get your tickets.

And then November 8, it's me and my other favorite Jew, fucking Ari Shafir. This is the flying Jew. He's the Jew and he. I've seen him yesterday. He looked great. He's a handsome. He's a handsome little Jew. He's walking around with four free tracks for you from his CD. So if you've got iTunes to Ari Shafir, I don't know,

you think you've got to put your email in, you get four free tracks. And beside that, what can I say to you, Motherfuckers? I love you. Lise Ayat. What are you going to tell these people? You don't know what? When he told me the story about getting into Madison's Square, and he didn't tell me they knocked down the usher. Bro, this was, and, you know, I could tell you the story

and tell you like I was a tough guy. I was shit in my pants, dog. I just wanted to go see Julius Irving play the fucking game. When he knocked, he smacked like three people at night. That wasn't the only guy he smacked. You don't understand. This is stayed in my mind forever. When I tell this story, people like Joey,

you can't be serious, a high school teacher. This guy was crazy. We didn't go to your regular grammar school. But I'm happy you guys got a chance to listen to Chuckie McBride. He's a good man. and support Ramapo State College, whatever the fuck he goes. He's the head coach at Men's basketball coach at Ramapo State. If you live close to the area and you're from the Jersey, you know, I love you motherfuckers anyway.

Lee, what else you got for these people? That's it, man. Just come out tonight. I'm looking forward to it. What movies are you going to see this week? Any new movies coming out was Cracken? I want to see the seven psychopaths. I know you've talked about it.

Not a bad movie. I see an argo already. Not a bad movie. You know what? It's not coming out for a while. But the trailer came out yesterday for Iron Man 3 and it looks badass. He looks badass. Ben Kingsley's in it.

Yeah, yeah, it looks badass. The Iceman movies coming out. We'll talk more about that. The movie with Brad Pitt. Listen, it's Wednesday. Go out there, sling dick with three hands. Even if you don't have a motorcycle, you're still in the suns of anarchy.

Get a tricycle, get a 10-speed with one. I don't care if you got one fucking leg. You're still a gangster today. It's a beautiful day to be alive. Go out there. We love you. Stay black. Lee, where's the music?

You fuck, you're slipping. Where's Timber and McGoo? Where's Carl and Fisk hitting home runs? Where's the ocean? Where's the Saramay's the same? It's the song of the main right here. Hit it. Hit it.

There you go. Blast this motherfucker on the way out. I want to thank my man Effron from Stinking. Stick him to come down here, stink it. Unbelievable. It stinks like we. My man, Effron from Stickham.com for coming down here and checking out what the fuck's going on.

It's not going to lag. Hopefully we'll get a new computer. We'll figure this out. Sponsors are coming next week. I love you, motherfucker. Stay black. Lee, throw a kiss at these bastards. I love you, cock suckers.

Listen to this shit. Oh shit. That's a real fucking bass player. Listen to these drums right here. He comes out throwing it. Like he fucking, right, hit it. Oh shit. Oh shit.

Oh shit. This is as good as it gets, people. Have a great day. Sean Clark, I love you. Sam Hi Am. I love you. Heidi from my wife, I love you. Jay Grimsie, I love you.

Jack Walker, I love you. Keith Pridot. I love you motherfuckness for supporting your show and for giving us a shout-out. Be water, my friend. Be water, yeah, skulls and crowns. Go fuck yourself with your Bruce Lee Tommy. Have a great day.