The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 10/28/2012 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #22

Episode Date: October 29, 2012

Joey and Lee have another special edition Sunday gamblng podcast. Joey also gives Lee dating advice. Special Gambling guest Danny B calls in again. Recorded live on 10/28/2012

Oh shit. The church of what's happening now Sunday, October 27. Lee, shine on crazy diamond. Play that motherfucker for these beautiful people. Oh shit. We're all a bunch of diamonds in the rough, motherfucker. It's the Lord's Day. Lee Lee Leland, aka the Flying Jew, Joey Coco Dears,

the church of what's happening now, little Pink Floyd to get your Sunday off started right. I hope you had a great weekend. Lee, what's happening? You bad motherfucker. I'm doing great, man I'm just a rough night last night But I'm doing great

I'm happy to be here You work like two 10 hours shifts Didn't you? Yeah, it's I've been thinking about it man And this guy I've worked with posted a picture And he's like 80 years old And he posted a picture on Facebook last night

He said Him and his wife were the only two people Out of 10 people still left in the picture And that like it fucking blew my mind I'm like shit When I'm 80 years old Do I want to like be here Like think back to my Saturday nights

And I've been working And I'm like, I don't know if it's worth it, but I'm doing it right now and it's all right. You're 24 fucking years old, Lee. What are you worried about when you're 80 for? What happens if you leave here today? Go for Burger King, get the croissant, and it blows your ass whole lot. And all that, you know what I'm saying? Live your fucking, I think you think you're missing something.

You're not missing anything, Lee. You're 24 years old. What do you want to be doing? You want to be at the clubs dancing, chick sucking your dick. You can't even have a black chick fart in your face without having a heart attack. If a chick puts that monkey in your face, you're going to do. die. You're a good fucking kid. You've a good kid. You got no drug problems. You don't drink. You mind your business. I know. It's just like seeing that picture and then thinking like, oh, shit,

I'm at work on a Saturday night until 4 in the morning. I'm like, oh, God. Well, what are your options? You know, listen, let me tell you something. When I was a kid, I had to get a job and I would work Fridays. I would load trucks on Fridays and Saturdays. But after a while, I knew that I would party during the week. It was no big fucking deal. I was still going to do you. You're not missing that. You got a nice job, you know? How many people in this don't have fucking jobs today. Yeah, that's why I don't quit. You got your head together.

You have no substance abuse problems. You know what I'm saying? You got to go to the gym like me and that's it. But besides that, you're a good fucking kid. You're not missing them. I mean, it seems like you want to go out there and be hanging out with people. What's going on with this broad? You send this broad to picture your dick yet?

That's what you got to do. You got to work on these chicks. You got to practice on these fucking freaks, you know? I've actually, because when we went to the Ice House the other night for Testicle Testaments and you and Jordan were giving me shit. and I wasn't really raised religious. I mean, a little bit, but nothing really that crazy. And it just makes me so uncomfortable to be that straightforward.

I've always been nervous around girls, but the thing, like, tell them you're going to light that asshole on fire. I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack. What do you want? Look, let me explain you to you. I'm going to tell you something, and I'm going to tell the people home something that I've known for a long time,

and I just never like to talk about. When I'm on stage, I talk about sex sometimes. But I tell you why. I talk about sex sometimes. Not that I'm a dumb fuck, which I am really a dumb fuck. The problem where I talk about sex is because I hate it. Since I was a kid, I've always hated sex.

You know, I'm good at basketball. I'm good at talking shit on the corner. I'm not good at it. I was always very... I can't even go for a massage. Do you know that? Like I went to my wife three months ago, she said her stomach hurt,

so I took her for a massage over here. They don't give you a hand job or nothing, but still, just the thought of people touching me and shit like that drives me crazy. You know, when you're a kid, you always want to have sex. The sexual experiences I had as a kid, fuck me for life.

You know, I was thinking, it's Halloween week, and I always hate Halloween, not because I hate Halloween. I never got dressed up for Halloween after I was 15. But one of the reasons why I hate this weekend. It's this weekend and next weekend I really don't like it, is because it was one of the last weekends I had with my mother.

Mm-hmm. And I remember staying out with Joe Foucaracho and Steve Avillo and all those guys and getting home, and she smacked me because I came home with five in the morning. And later on, she told me she wanted me be a man or whatever and I always think about that I forget my train of thought I'm fucking stone but anyway uh anyway it's just so weird that I last night I was driving home and I'm seeing all these fucking zombies and shit and I'm like you know what man I haven't dressed

up in years what the fuck is wrong with me you know but I'm too uptight and it's funny that I was thinking about after my mom died this girl called me up with sympathy pussy so I had not had sex with before like sub the titties I was like 16 15 and she was she called me and she's like I'm sorry about your mom and stuff do you want me to come over and she fucking I don't we were both kids so I had to walk to her house get it and walk her back to my house now for like 10 days after my mother died I stayed in my house by myself with an aunt that I had Zerida from New York City and I remember her Zerida would get fucked up at night and she was passed out so that night this girl Helene came over was her name and I and I had like

I said I had fooled around with her like sucked the tints and shit like that and that night she took a I remember we were swapping spit and then she fell on the bed and I was taking her pants off And as I was taking her pants off she had a fucking period it was that time of the month But she didn't have a tampon and she had a cortex and it popped open like a fucking tongue from a Like a tongue and I never forget I was mummified I was fucking mummified I just looked at the pussy looked at the tail whatever it is not the tampon but the cortex And it was just it just fucking shelled me and I remember telling her like I can't do this like I'm too depressed my mother and walking her home wanting to kill her and walking home and I never really seen her again she's on

Facebook now obviously like all the freaks are but those little stories I tell you fucking traumatize me my friends took me to the 1040 club it's a joke I brought on stage that really fucked with me because I was too young I was too prepared I wasn't prepared I thought I wanted to do it we all think we can handle fucking everything and we're kids but we really can't but it's stay with me so it's funny I don't have I don't put a lot of weight on sex I have friends to look me in the face and go, I got to go out and get sex.

So because of all that shit that I don't really like sex, I've always attacked it as it's not worth the drama. Like, to me, it's not worth the fucking drama. Like, I got to take you out to dinner, listen to your bullshit, you know, pay for dinner, pay for this,

take it to a movie, and then maybe we'll get lucky. And the first three times is the most awkward you ever going to be in your fucking life. Yeah. Like, the first time you take a woman's clothes off to me is the most awkward you are.

Yeah, I talk shit. But I've realized the reason why I did all that stupid shit I did, like getting my dick sucked in closets, at comedy clubs and shit, just because I really don't like the contact. I really don't like the contact too much, you know what I'm saying? Don't get me wrong.

I get horned up like everybody else, and I bang one out, or you don't bang one out. But that's what it is. Sometimes, like, I'm horned up, and I go, I'll go to a bar and pick up a chick or go to a strip club. Me banging one on for three minutes, it takes care of all that. Like, it's not worth the weight.

So by me, not putting that much weight on sex, I had a friend Glenn Conti who his brother's going to call here in a couple weeks Glenn was a very good looking guy He was Navajo Indian and an Italian So think of it a dark Italian With blue fucking eyes The guy would sling dick

But it wasn't as much as he was good looking As what he would say to women He would throw them for a fucking loop In 1982 I hung out with Glenn Every night And I'll tell you what Every time we went out He would either get his dick sucked at the bar

Or fuck the chick Or fuck him in a car Or have a story and I couldn't figure out because he was good looking. No, because he had no fear. There was no net for him. He'd go up to a woman and go, excuse me, you're looking beautiful. I want to suck your pussy to that.

And either they'd smack him or they'd walk away from him or sit there and enjoy it. Yeah. And I asked him why he did that. And he goes, you know what? It just gets me closer to them. I'm like, let's you closer to him. But then years later, I worked for a very smart Jew.

And he told me that in his pitch, I used to tell him market for him, that the first fucking paragraph of his pitch was to get people to hang up the phone. Like he wanted to blow them out of the water. So I started figuring out what my friend Glenn was doing. He was just blowing chicks out of the water. So either it's like I'd say to you,

it's either blue cheese with wings to go fuck your mother. If you don't have blue cheese, then we have nothing to talk about. There was nothing to talk about. What are we sitting here? Same thing with whatever. It's like when I had my ball sack up at the fucking avatar on Twitter

and people get mad at me. That's what I wanted. I wanted people to go, I don't want to follow a guy with his ball. And they're like that, we end this right now. We don't have to, I don't have to get offended if I watch, you know, wash your cock and sniff your balls. It's Friday. I don't need somebody to get fucking offended. You follow me.

I'm too old to offend people. If you don't like it, go fuck your mother. Go listen to somebody else. That's fine. That's what life is about, is a variety. That's why we live in America. We have choices on what to listen to. But back to that anyway.

Now you got this chick. And what are you going to do? You're going to sit there and talk about what? You didn't talk to them. My grandmother and make-believe, like, you give a fuck. Because that's what we do is, guys. We make-believe, we give a fuck. You and I both know what the square root of this is.

It's that little dirty fucking pussy that you got between your legs. And I hate putting it like this. If ladies are listening to it, but this helps you because now you know where the fuck you stand. You know, in this life, I want to know where the fuck I stand. So that's the whole thing. So you go up to a girl, Lee. You're like me, Lee. We're not fucking, we're not Brad Pitt's.

So we're working on personality. We're working on energy, and we're working on dick slinging. And Dick slinging is how you walk up to this bitch. You ever see an ugly fucking dude with a hot bitch? Is it because he's got $3 million? No, he probably eats a pussy, and he's probably confident. She was looking for a confident man. That's my thing.

It's confidence. I've never had a problem. Like, when I have sex, it's not, the sex isn't the problem for me. I've been fine with it, and I've never, that's not, that's not my issue. I've always been terrified of a pro, like, just the talking thing terrifies me. Well, terrifies me. So that's why I say to you. What the fuck?

Just get to the heart of the fucking noodle. You know, when you eat that pussy, you got to tear through skin to get to the four patois. The clip somewhere in there. Same thing in the relationship. Somewhere in there. Yeah, to quit somewhere in there. Oh no, go higher.

Finger it up. I don't need this act. I got to get gloves and fucking goggles and shit. It's a point being that if you don't like it like me, just fucking drop it. Listen, man, I've been sitting here for an hour. You're a beautiful woman. Why don't we cut this shit?

You shaved your pussy tonight. You deodorized those tities. Let's take your whole. let's do what you came out to do let's do it but we're gonna lie to each other and put through this I like music I like this I like Pink Floyd no you don't no you don't then a year from now you gotta tell the truth that you hit for you hate fucking Pink Floyd now you got no fucking relationship yeah no relationship at all listen I've been with this woman I'm with for 14 years she's seven months pregnant

you want me to tell why it lasted because it's never been bullshit this is day one yeah there's never been like the first 10 days I explained who I was what I hated what I didn't like like that that would That's why I'm with this girl, because I didn't know, like any other guy in the beginning. Oh, you like pink, I like pink. No, you don't like fucking pink. You hate pink what a little fucking devil head do. You hate fucking pink.

Now, oh, I love, you know, whatever. It kind of bites you in the air somewhere along the line. That's why when comics date hot comic chicks, nine out of ten, the hot comic chick isn't that fucking funny. But they date them anyway with the thing that they are funny. Yeah. That they lied on. Now they're stuck with this woman for fucking 15 years of not being funny.

What are you going to do? You're going to tell at the 11th year, you wouldn't have a funny. I just wanted my dick suck. That's why I'd be honest with everybody from the beginning. If you be honest in the beginning, you've got no fucking worries, man. I could say whatever the fuck I want in front of my wife. Because she knows from day one, I've been honest. I'm not here to bullshit, nobody.

You know, it's the reason why I do this podcast. The main thing about this podcast is this podcast is called the church of what's happening now, motherfucker. But I have a lot of friends on here from the old days. You know what I have these friends on? For credibility. You know why? Because it haunts me credibility. because I know 15 motherfuckers that are on TV shows

and another 50 that have podcasts another 50 comedians that people think of great people and they're fucking scumbags. They got you confused. When I talk dirty up front, when I say this shit, because I want you to know where to fuck you stand. If you don't like me, go listen to somebody fake.

You're probably a fucking fake yourself. That's why you enjoy that shit. Yeah. That's why you enjoy that shit because you're probably a fucking fake yourself. You know, I see these people on TV and I'm like, oh, they're fucking... You know, I hear people in interviews

that did nothing. And they talk about like they played football for 15 years or they did something for 20 years, they did it for two fucking years. I've never told people it was a gangster or mom's, I told people I've made fucking mistakes. Am I proud of them? Fuck no. Would I do them again? Hell yeah! That's how you

fucking learn. That's how you have a good day. These stories that I tell people, they fucking just get fascinated. They did all fabricated. I'm sorry. Sometimes my fucking English ain't that good. It's time to hit the vapor penalty. That's what the fuck the problem is. Lee didn't get high this morning, cock suck. I'm watching you.

Two, three, four, five. But I'll tell you this thing has been saving me lately. Really? The King fucking Louis. I'll tell you how popular they get. They're out at No organic. No organic. They're out.

I went in there last night to get another tube there out. I got to wait until I see the kid next weekend. In Ontario at the improv, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Don't forget about me, cock suckers. If you're close by, San Diego, whatever, come on up. We're going to have great weeks. Thursday, I got Corey and Chad featuring. George Perez.

Friday and Saturday. I got Felicia Michaels. Oh, she had Sunday. I got Edwin San Juan. Felicia's freezing her ass off right now in Alaska. You know how that goes. But that's why I do this shit, you know, and eventually I'm going to have a different guest on. This week I'm going to have a guest, Jim Handy on,

who really taught me how to become a comic. He taught me about goals. Like when people go, you know, by the end of the year, I want to have $10 million, that's great. But how are you going to achieve these fucking goals? I got to go to work every day. I got to invest. I got to have my shoes shine.

I can't fuck. You know what I'm saying? That's what he'd make you do. I worked to Jim Handy when I was a car sales. not Toyota. Yeah. And I had learned how to sell cars

from this guy, Ardy Pressler, but Jim Handy really taught me life because what he taught me applied for the rest of my life and everything.

When I come to you and I go, I got to have 10 minutes in 10 days. I don't just write that in my notebook. I got to have 10 new minutes. I write down,

A, I got to perform every night. B, I got to write jokes every fucking day and I got to put them together. What things are going to get you there? And I do this, I do monthly goals,

weekly goals, and I do fucking yearly goals. and quarterly goals. Why not? We pay taxes quarterly. You might as well do your shit quarterly. So I'm going to have him calling. But after a while,

I'm going to have like Josh Wolf and friends of mine that are coming from today, calling them more. The problem is all these motherfuckers living in LA. They don't wake up at 6.30. Yeah. I'm a sole fucking survivor here. So I got to get up,

and this is why, because I want to have credibility. Nothing hurt me more last year when you and I shot where I got my boss from and we went to Twitter and we got $3,100. After fucking three weeks, people are like, where's the fucking document? I mean, what's wrong with you? Are you a fucking idiot?

And then every month I'd have six guys. Like, where's the documentary guy? You know, we have to edit it, put music. You know, it took a lot of fucking work. Listen, we shot it in September. We released it when? February, March? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's fucking seven months for two guys. Two guys. We hired two other guys to do the sound and some other shit editing. Great guys, by the way. And the graphics, yeah. And the graphics. But I got to call the graphic guy.

He's a fucking great guy. He adopted the dog. We were there and stuff. And we had it out in seven months. Nothing. What did I say to you, bro? How many times I said we've got to get it done because I don't want to let people down?

You know, it was $31.00. People sent us $5 bills, $3 bills, $50. Felipe Spars. It gave us five. It doesn't matter. I always want a credibility in your guy's eyes. That's very important to a guy like me. I don't ever want somebody to be beat around me or nothing.

You know, I thrive on that shit. I don't want these people. So that's why I have these guys call up from time to time. They're crazy. You've heard Mike Runny and Falado. This is where I came from. This is why I try to tell you people. This ain't fabricated.

This is, you know, I always hear these things. I'm from Jersey, but bad boy or Jersey. I don't say nothing about Jersey. I'm mad motherfucker. Blame up, bitches. And speaking of phone calls, who we have calling today? Danny Bianculo, because we got the pick of the fucking week.

What time is anyway? Yeah, we're going to do some gambling today. We're going to make you some money. Last week I had USC giving 41 to Colorado. Yeah, you told me about that. And then I loved Texas. on Sunday, but I didn't do nothing against Baltimore. He should be calling any minute.

You know, Danny owns that company. Vegas, whatever, he's going to give us the webpage, then he's going into business with the referee when he gets off probation a little more week. So if you guys are looking for fucking picks, take this guy's information down. I know for a fact he's fucking good. He was telling me today

that he pays attention to these couple guys, you know, and they're bet big, and he sees where the money's at. I mean, Danny's always been a smart guy, and I'm lucky. We're going to have him on all the gambling shows. He's going to be our gammon expert. Today, as far as me, who's your team playing today, cock sucker? Who are the Patriots?

We're playing in London against St. Louis, which... In London? Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ. They can't cover it here. They ain't going to cover London, fucking New England. We're minus seven right now. I see that.

The Jets are playing Miami. The Jets are playing Miami. They give them one at home. I don't like the Jets. No. You got the Giants against the Dallas Cowboys. My pick for you, if you want to make a little cash today, we're going to vapor.

Oh, shit. King Louis. like a motherfucker. It pays to smoke the best. My pick today is Philadelphia Eagles against the Atlanta, whatever the fuck you call.

Falcons. They're giving points. They're getting points. I think they're two points. I don't give a fuck. I'm going with the under on this game. It's 43. It's 43, and I think it's going down.

It was up at 44. It's going under this game. So that's my pick for the week. I love the fucking under. Why? Because the bookies raped you motherfuckers last week. And they're about to rape you in the end.

ass again. Don't believe the hype. Tonight you got a great game. You got Denver against New Orleans Saints on the game of the week, but the over and under, you know what it is, Lee? 55. 55. Yeah. That's great. How many touchdowns is that Lee? Quick, quick, quick. At 7. No, that's 8.

8 times 7 is what? 56. Okay, so yeah. 7 times 7 is 49. You're going to get 7 touchdowns and 3 fucking field goals. You follow me? So you need 8 touchdowns to get the over on that. No, I'm looking at it right now, and Green Bay is playing Jacksonville, and they're giving Jacksonville 16 and a half. Now, Jacksonville sucks.

They're starting quarterback. Where are they playing? At Green Bay. Okay, so they're giving 16 points at home. It's cold out. Hurricane Sandy's coming. Well, it's coming to the other fucking thing, but it's affecting everything. It's coming anyways.

It's coming anyway. It's even going to affect here. You've seen this week what happened here. We got rain a couple days. Yeah. So, you know what? Don't worry about that. 16 and a half points.

If the line goes up, if you live in Green Bay, that line is 17, or there's no line on that fucking game. Okay. Because where you live, the points go high. So, I don't know. What do you want to do here? That one, just because their quarterback went out, their star running back is out, or the quarterback might be anybody's hurt.

And that's the one, like, the USC one where you did, where I might bet Green Bay just because Jacksonville's garbage. Well, whatever you think, don't know. Who knows? Let's see what happens tomorrow. All I like is the fucking on. They're right. Don't bother me with Jacksonville Green Bay.

What are you tortured me for with this shit? Lee Lee, Mother fucking Leland. I had a great weekend, Lee. What did you do? I smoked vapors, no. I went to the Laugh Factory. The Laugh Factory gave me a bunch of spots this week.

All right, so you're not that often. You know what? I used to do Laugh Factory once a week in the fucking early 2000s on Mondays. You know, Jamie's always said it was more of a club act. And then about three months ago, he called me when they did if you want to start doing spots. So they started sending me emails. I went to Long Beach and I went to Hollywood. You know, I didn't do too well last week in Minneapolis.

It bothered me. It bothered me because I had been there six weeks before on my writing. So it's really funny. You know, some people get beat up by a manager. I beat myself up. Nobody beats me up like me. Yeah. So this week I went back to basics.

I met with Tony Hincliffe. Oh, yeah. And we're going to start writing together. I want to put that special again in September. So I'm going to go into a special training camp. I got a couple headlining dates. I'm home. for two months, you know, December and January.

I got a great book today this week. I got Stephen King on writing. He recommended it. Somebody else I recommend it. I read, he has two forwards in here. So I read the first forward last night. It blew my fucking mind. But the book I really got caught up on was American Desperado.

I don't know if you guys listened to Mike Robo called where I lived in Aspen. There was a guy that got blown up in a fucking jeep by a pipe bomb. His name was Steve Grable. And I talked about it. And a bunch of people told me to read this book. it's American Despera. Guy's name is John Robbins.

His real name is like John Rickabini or something. He's from fucking Teaneck, New Jersey, home of the fucking Antonori. You know what I'm talking about? A lot of people don't know I know about the Antonori. They think I forgot. But I didn't. But I've been reading that book,

I read about three chapters. It's got me, Lee. It's a heavy-duty book. I have to start reading again. I haven't read since college just because it put such a bad taste in my mouth, like when you have to read. Listen, reading a book

and sucking a day. dick is two different things. How you got a bad taste in your mouth? That's up to you. Maybe you should go see the Scientologist or your fucking dentist. What don't you like about reading? It's fundamental. I liked it when I was younger, but going through school when you're forced to read I don't know. It just

killed the fun for me and fucking, there's just so many great movies and TV when I have 20 minutes I'd rather watch TV. You got to read the book. You got to read reading his knowledge. Knowledge is power. I look. to read because it takes me away. A movie's great. Don't get me wrong. I love it. One of the best books you'll read is Silence of the

fucking Lumps. You know, that's one of the best books you'll read. I mean, there's 2,000 million great books out there. I like to read because I like to see the styles of the different writers, and it's just a different patois of entertainment. You know, we're forgetting about this shit. You know, I just read that Newsweek and it's

laying off people. In the year, we're not going to have magazines or newspapers. And yeah, we have Kindles, and you have audio, whatever books. And I like all that stuff. I like listening to books, but fucking, there's nothing like reading, man. Nothing like really reading something and getting involved in it. I don't need the glass of wine

and the pipe to make believe like I'm. I don't need none of that shit. All I need the silence, a good fucking joint, I smoke it, and I need my focus. You know, I'll put a big book away in three or four days. Oh, yeah, that's the best. Yeah, because I like him in chunks. I'll read a fucking book. I can't wait to read the Stephen King book. Do you do it on the road a lot?

You know, man, when there was more Wells, Fargo's, when there was more Barnes and Nobles on the road. I would go to a hotel and I'd ask whether the barns are no, and I don't like, I don't give a fuck if the book is expensive, you know, I understand that that guy put effort

into writing that. Yeah, some of it goes to the publisher or whatever, but I know. I've been trying to write a book for fucking eight months. I'm up to page eight. You know, it's fucking tough to write a book, so when somebody does something like that, I want to support whatever the hell they're doing. It's just you're supporting somebody else. And I don't like reading, use fucking books.

It drives me crazy, though. My wife goes to the library. Sometimes I have a pick me up a book in a library downtown or there's a great library down the corner that I walk through sometimes I just go in there and write jokes but it's boring you can't eat there you can't do nothing there's homeless people I'm trying to read a book about philosophy

and there's a guy smelling like dog shit next to me I can't see you in a library fucking drives me crazy but you know you look at the schedule they have free movies there on Wednesdays they show like old westerns and stuff and sometimes you know what you go down there you know I like I like to do different things

like that shit that I can do by myself and just go down there and analyze the situation, but I love going to the library, man, all that stuff. It just fucking kills me. And books, they're great. I could have spent the whole day at Barnes & Nobles yesterday. Really? Oh, fuck yeah.

I went over to get some clothes at the Fat Man store. Glendale yesterday. Had you dick up there. This is what sucks about being fat. It's not your health or your heart or your capillaries or that your toes hurt or that your feet hurt or that when you take a shit, you break the toilet. It's got nothing to do with a fat man alert.

Fat man alert. It's got nothing to do with that. The hardest thing for being a fucking 2x guy is to find shirts. They had jackets that cost $50. They wanted $330 for it. I don't mind if it's a great jacket, but they're garbage. I couldn't find. You know this shirt here?

You know why I like this shirt? I bought this at a fucking Walmart in Tennessee three years ago, and it's still solid as a rock of fucking Gibraltar. Yeah. You know, I like all this shit. I don't mind paying money for great clothes. You know what I ended up buying? Nothing.

Suspend. fucking suspenders to wear my suit and shit. I mean, I want to tell you, this is like the third time. So now, you know what the fat man stores are to you around here? Where?

They ain't none. You got that one in Glendale and then I got to get in the car and go all the way to like Tarzana to a fat man store. You know what happened? I did this commercial for Comcast and I got this big check

like three or four years ago. Yeah? And then I went to wait watches. But I went up there, I swear to God, Lee, I must have dropped three, four grand in clothes. I went to weight watch and dropped the hundred pounds out of a giveaway all that fucking clothes. I got a warm-up

suit in there that's beautiful. I had to give it away. 4X. I had to give away all that shit. People don't know how hard it is to get closed for the fucking fat man. It kills me. That was the thing that really kicked me into getting to start losing weight. When I went to graduate college, is I went to stores and

they didn't have my size anymore, and I was like, shit, I got to lose it. So I went, and I spent $200 on stuff to where to my graduation, and then I wore it there, and I lost 50 pounds, and it doesn't fit anymore, but it's nice to have in my closet just because like I hadn't

realized it because I was working and I just didn't, it never really clicked um. Lee, you got to smoke some dopely. What are you talking about? The suit, it don't fit. No, no, I was saying the fat man's store. No, you're saying about the suit. I don't get what happened. I bought, what? You bought the suit at the fat man store. Right. And then

you lost the weight and it doesn't fit. And where's the suit now? In my closet? At home? Is Sherman Oaks? Yeah. It fits now though? No. It don't fit no more. No. What the What the fuck do you bring it for? I bought it when I graduated college. I was saying that's going to that store was what told me I had to lose weight. And I'm still not there yet, but I'm just saying that's...

Wait, I have to stab you in the neck today. What are you talking about? You're smoking too much of the store? No, you're over here talking about the store and losing weight. I'm talking about the fat man fucking store. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. But you bought the suit here? No, in Boston.

When I graduated college... So why the fuck did you bring it out with you if it don't fit? Lee. That's my question. I don't know. For fucking inspiration? Because my mom. Because my mom moved and I brought everything I owned.

Oh, I see what you're saying. Your motherfucker. I don't know. I got to go up to Tarzan. I got to go all the way up. See, when I used to go to Texas, if you're a fat fuck, you go to Texas and bang. It's everywhere. You know, Texas is to the Houston.

There's number one state for five. Number one's saying the country for fat people. Oh, shit. What's up, Danny B? What's going on, my friend out there? How are you in beautiful California? Where are you at, brother? I'm outside building a rap.

You know, we're waiting for this fucking storm. So I'm trying to get the games in and trying to talk to my clients and build a raft at the same time and I'm burping on my breakfast. So it's a good day besides that, though, Joey. How are you? You know, me up here in California,

the sun's out, I got the flying Jew over here breaking my balls about the fat man store. I'm fucking believe. You and my cousin. You and James. You, Greg, James, all living out there while I'm here floating away. Let me tell you.

I'm going to see the boys next weekend. I'm going to see the boys next weekend. I'm going to see Greg and hopefully Jmo. Greg's children because I got to show out in Ontario So I'll see those motherfuckers next week They were up here for my birthday Greg You know, I had a blast one He's a funny motherfuckers

What did we call him when we were little? De Sala? Didn't you do that little Popeye dance? De Sala something The brother was Jamo Bombita's And he was a freak You know what? He's kind of dry right now He's kind of boring You know the last few years

He's not himself, I don't know I liked him when he was younger and sold weed he was funnier. Remember when... I call him the coach, the coach. Everything's what a coach. He walks around with stirrups all day. You were telling me the story

about like 20, 30 years ago, and I spoke to Greg about it. When you were home and you lived at that block, and I'm 70s down the block from Fifth Street, Delly, and you woke up like 11 in the morning, you were walking down the stairs, and you saw Greg on the bottom of your stairs, and you're like, oh, Jesus, you go, Greg,

what is it going to take to get rid of you? A quarter gram? Remember? He used to just show up your... Honestly, honestly. No, Joe, you know, it's so true. Greg was funny back then. We were all a mess, though.

But I do remember that, those big stairs, Jimmy Vendor, the fireman owned that building. Yes, he did. But he wasn't the only one at. I used to got guys throwing pebbles at my window. It's 3 o'clock, 4 o'clock. You just hear, you know, my mother coming downstairs, they're fucking guys in here again.

And then my mother'd be giving him bags of Coke. It was fucking hysterical. It's sad at the same time. Those were many years ago, but Durham Avenue, too, behind the high school. Right behind the high school there. Hey, let me ask you this something. So you've been on fire lately. We talked last week.

We had a great week last week. What do you got going on for these people today? Well, I'll tell you why. You know, it's a tough board. The weather's definitely going to factor in, but I did okay yesterday. I tell you what, let's start with yesterday. I had Ohio State in Georgia. Then I lost the Notre Dame over, you know, and that could have hit if the guy didn't get the pass into Penn.

Today I got a small play that I'm, you know, it's a little late for guys if they can. Get us something, something small on the Jets today at home, you know. Nothing crazy, though. Nothing crazy. A lot of people are betting Miami, I disagree. Something small on the Jets, but, you know, with the weather the way it is, I'm backing off today. But tomorrow, I'll tell you what, that San Francisco, Arizona game, that's the one that I really like.

So if anybody out there, Joe, that listens to your show that likes to play the games, I love tomorrow. You call me the Monday night gorilla. I'm knocking them dead on Monday nights. Call me what you want, but make sure they call or they can visit us, as you know, at Danny B. Winds.com, Cole. Yeah, tomorrow night's game, I love it. I love the side. I love the total.

Today, I'm just, the weather. It definitely scares me. The winds are kicking in already. The lines are, you know, and so I'm going to go small on the jets, Coco. How about yourself? I like the under on the Philadelphia Atlanta game. It's 43 or 40-something. I like the under on it.

Yeah, let me check that. In Philadelphia, I know that the weather's going to be a factor there also. Yeah, like I said, I'm building a fucking raft. I'm about 45 minutes away from the stadium. The total dropped from 47 all the way down to 43. I'm looking at a screen yet because I can see shit you guys can't see. Yeah, it's a tough day on the East Coast, you know. You kind of want to focus on maybe the West Coast, the giant Dallas game.

I don't know about that, so I'm backing off of that. And, you know, maybe you've moved for maybe the Charger game tonight. I'm sorry, not the Charger game, the Denver game tonight. Well, the Denver game, I was telling Lee, that's going to be on. That's 50. Lee, do you remember when we were kids? Fucking, who played on a Monday night? The Chargers and somebody else,

and the score was like 54 to like 48 on a Monday night game. I know it was the Chargers in, like, Oakland, two offensive fucking machines, but 55 points. Was that a Coral? Did we watch that at fucking corkeys? We watched that at corkeys on a Monday night or Sunday, before Hashways burnt down, before Gary, the brother burnt it down with the crack pipe.

Was it Gary, you know, with the crack pipe? Yeah, he was in the basement, and he was smoking crack, and he got paranoid. And when he went to listen for the noise, the pipe fell down. The blow torch fell down, and it caught the fucking basement on fire. That's the word on the street.

You know what? Listen, listen, I was never on to the pipe. That was not my gig, but they used to call me bazook. Remember how you used to take the free base And you're cooking and put it in the weed And burn it down in the oils Oh, I love that shit

I got sidetracked for a couple of years on that You know I got sidetracked for six months on that Oh That was such a fucking That was an intense high And it was the worst point of my life But Jesus

Those were the days though We're talking 84 85 I remember that one time I ran out of rolling papers And I was getting a bazooka paste And putting it in a bond Over the weed

and my wife had given me not this wife. When I was a kid, that wife gave me a bong for Christmas. The next morning the bong was fucking melted. It had crumbled like one of the World Trade Center towers. It just fucking... You think I'm kidding, you dog. It just went out from the bottom, and it just got...

It was like a two-foot bong, and it went down to like eight inches. It just crumbled, like one of the fucking Arabs knocked it over with a fucking plane. That's how many bazookas I was smoking, Danny. We were fucked up on those things. Dude, I'm fucking... I'm shitting.

in my pants thinking about it. Remember you used to, when you used to anticipate the bag of Coke or whatever coming, you start shit. Oh, my God. When I quit doing coke,

I didn't shit for three weeks, dog. I had a fucking snort fucking toe jam to get this. That's amazing. Somebody was just telling me last night. Listen,

you weren't as bad as some of the characters, though. You remember fucking, what's his mug? Ronnie Montnelly. You'd be coming across the bridge. You just see him carrying a fucking TV on his way to the Bronx.

Oh, it's fucking tremendous. Just fucking two, 3 o'clock in the morning, you know, and that was Chichorelli's, they were a mess, too. I mean, a lot of people, you weren't that bad. I mean, yeah, you picked out of window or two, but who hasn't? My brother saw dinosaurs. Yeah, no, no, no.

Yeah, I have to tell you this. Hey, you know, Gary how messed up he was. Yeah, you know, Gary. You know, my brother. You know what, anyway, he's about ready to come out of jail after like 20-something years. You know, like I said, they're messing with him, though. Well, they broke out of the prison. But, 1989, I'm playing cards with, I don't know, Zeminac, I think Joey Falado,

Gary goes off on a little mission to drop off an eight-ball call-go. And then we're realizing two hours to go by, where's Gary? You know, I start taking the shit out of him. And then finally he calls me back. I'm like, God, where the fuck are you? He's on 78. He's like, there's a dinosaur chasing me. And I just like, what?

And he says, there's a dinosaur chasing me. I'm like, gosh. I'm like, man, guys, there's a dinosaur chasing, Gary. Somebody give me a ride to where are you? So he's on 78th in Burguline Avenue. So I'm looking for him. And all I see, Carl Cochle, there's a phone booth, the old-style phone booths that were the boots. All I see is a little head peeking up and down, up and down.

You just see it. It looks like a little jack in the box. And I just tap on the window real quick and scare the shit out of him. Really if he jumps up. And I go, what the fuck's wrong with you? He goes, I said, where's this dinosaur? He points across the street. And at the Kodak, the film place, they were promoting the Jurassic Park thing.

They had the big blow-up dinosaur. And the thing was just going back and forth. And that's how fucked up he was. Do you remember, I wanted to ask you to let these people know about a story because I was talking about paranoia. I used to get paranoid. Mike Ronnie called, and he said that one day he gave me a hit off the free base,

and I got really paranoid. Do you remember when Kurt D. Lorenzo lived on the 34th floor of the grinder, the building, and he would put little parachutes on his cocaine? The grease, the grease. He would grease his poles. You know, because I got an apartment right there in a Wehock, and so every time I passed that place, you also know that across the street, Hudson County Park is,

is where the most UFO sightings were ever reported. It's because everybody was fucking paranoid in that, the human grinder. Yeah, he used to put fucking Crisco Oil on the 30, and I asked him, I almost broke my neck. I'm like, whoa. And I go, crap, what the fuck? In case they start climbing down at nighttime.

I'm like, who? Dirty fourth floor, he would put Chris Cole on the bar and on the fucking boutany, ladies and gentlemen. He used to draw, he used to put parachutes on the Coke. He used to tie a string around his wrist, connected to the door handle so the string would be 40 feet so if you turned the doorknob

you would hear he would get the pressure on the string that's the paranoia of cocaine ladies and gentlemen at coke how about when he fucking almost took somebody's eye out with an ice pick that was looking through the fucking people that's right remember that's right

remember that? Remember that? We called them dirty curdie, dirty he was so Metro even back in the day Metro Kurt but he's the same guy to go in his fucking laundry bath and pull out a shirt he wore three weeks earlier and it still looked good on him. That was the ironic thing, but talk about a fucked up dude.

I got high with his... I loved his family, but he had the brother Chris that I seen about seven years ago, I stayed at his house, and with Chris, whenever you stayed at his house on Friday and Saturday, you had to lock the doors because he would wake you up in the middle of night. He'd be so fucked up, he'd wake you up to talk to you. And he'd talk to you about the presidents and about the Kennedy assassination and one night he woke his father up.

That's how fucking. and coked up he was. He woke his parents up, sat in the room and started talking to him at the Kennedy assassination, and the father's like, get the fuck out of the room with that white lightning, you cock-sucker. You're right. He used to get kind of when he got fucked up, he became smart.

He thought he was, anyway. He'd start dropping knowledge on you, like, and they'd be like 3 o'clock in the morning, and they get, you know, even Kurt, remember that look, they used to give you, like, staring into space that, I tell you, on a fucked up time, I'm at Kurt's place on Park Avenue, Darren Rego is still alive. He's in a late

Kurt got a nice little corner unit, very nice place. I know exactly where it was. With that, but the day the bat was in it, at fucking like 5 o'clock in the morning, the bed that we feel like there's a bat in the house. And Gina's sleeping on a couch. Gina Geocona is sleeping on a couch, and I just see Kirk pointing. And I'm like looking at him, because he got weird. You know how he did that little point coat of?

Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, and there was a fucking bat in a house. So for about three hours, we didn't know what to do with this bat. So, I remember it came after it. It looked like Grandpa from the monsters. Just changing, but some fucked-up shit happens when you're on Coke. That's why I don't do that no more. No, thank God.

No, no, no, no, no. Anyway, the last time I seen his brother, though, I stayed at the house. The older one, Chris, this is a true story. And I hear somebody banging on my door like five, and it's the mother. The sweetest lay in the world, she goes, Coco, you got to help me. Chris is outside naked with a flashlight. He's looking for a leopard. So I run outside.

I grab this motherfucker. I got to carry him in. He's like, stop it. Stop it. I saw the leprecon. I saw the leprechaun. So I sit him down, right? And he's fucked up.

He's fucked up. He looks at me. He's like, you know, you suck dick. I almost had the leprechaun. And he was completely naked. Oh, and they believed it too. They believed it to. And honestly, you've got to know the family to fucking understand what Joe's saying.

It's fucking so did the weirdos. Funny. And Bats. That was the name. She was a drunk. No wonder she drank to deal with that crazy shit that the both brothers, and Emil, too. Amiel died. Amiel died, who I loved, the heroin guy.

Babs died. You know, Babbs died. She died last year. Kurt's mom died? Yeah, so it's just Kurt and Florida who's fucking crazy. The father's crazy. And I don't talk to Chris no more. I love him dearly, but I had to stop talking to him.

But he was putting fucking glasses. That's sad to me. She was... Oh, she was the glue of the family, man. still think about it every day. Yes. Mrs. D. Lorenzo took care of it.

I was just thinking about her. Yeah. I was just thinking I was because I drove by that area not too long. I thought this is what Kurt's mother and father kind of will left next to North Bergen. But yeah, that's sad to say. I got to get Kurtie a call. No. I haven't seen Kurt since 2005.

Listen, I was down in Miami Beach and Sunny Isles. Had a beautiful place. Overlooking the water, the inter-coastal, et cetera. He used to come there every day, Coco, with a briefcase, a computer that, never fucking worked and like a six-pack he pulls shit my baby's like five months old then i'm on fucking probation too you know for the fucking gambling tinch so the thing is he'd come i get the guy at the door say hey you frank kurt's here should i let him in i asked i was to grease the door guys like 50 bucks a day just to let kurt in and out because it was embarrassing but he'd come up

there with he had no nails on his hands his toenails were off and but anyway he was to say his toenails were off So what's the lock of the day? Give it to me so these motherfuckers can make some money. And what's the webpage they got to go to, brother? You know, there's a couple of others. I promote a lot of different shit. I got this NBA referee, Tim Donagy, that's going to be interesting.

Real quick, you can catch me out right now at Danny B.Wins.com. Danny B. as and boy wins. But Tim Donaggie, the former ref, you know his story, Coco. We're going to go to his first NBA game since the scandal, the betting scandal. You know, mob involved, fixing games, et cetera. November 9th at the Garden, Dallas plays the Knicks. Too bad Stato Myers hurt. Now, Winski's hurt.

So besides that, it should be interesting to watch the camera, you know, follow this guy into his first game since the scandal. It's like the Pete Rose of, you know, of basketball now. But, uh, Danny B. Winns.com. But tomorrow night, man, honestly, you guys got to listen in. All you have to do is say, encourage you on the Joey Coco Diaz podcast, my boy, I'll hook you up.

Man, San Francisco, Arizona, side in total. I really like it. Today, light play. I went light on the jets. I wouldn't go crazy. I don't like the action much today, Coco. I don't like it either too much. That's why I just keep with the over on Philadelphia and Atlanta.

Nice and light. Just some entertainment in the afternoon. I spoke a few numbers. I go to the YMCA and I'm back to normal. You follow me? Do you do the karate still? You'd still do that little thing with the karate. I'd love that thing.

No, I don't do Joey Karate's no more. But Danny B. wins. I will start doing M.M.A. picks on Wednesdays before big fights. So let your people know that I got some nice inside info. I know a lot of couple managers. I know some of the training camps, so I get some good stuff sometimes.

I don't bet on the main card. I got a, I got it. I did some networking for us out on a boat Thursday night in the Hudson, Ron Tudor, the fucking gazillionaire. Met some interesting people. You got, when you come into town, we got to talk. But yeah, I had a great week, man.

Again, yesterday did okay. Today, not crazy. A little something, something I'm on the Jets. Tomorrow night. Love it, marry it, et cetera. But, Joe, man, you got to come see the family. I got to see your family. We've got to get together soon, kid. I love you, brother.

Thanks for calling the show, and I'll call your show Wednesday, brother. You'll do that, man. The last time you had an interview, you kept me hanging. I kept talking you up. No, Wednesday had an audition. Sometimes on Wednesdays, I'm fucked up, especially at 10.30. So we'll talk Tuesday night after 7. I've known my schedule for Wednesday.

I love you, Cocksucker. Thank you, my friend. I love you all my heart. You too. Thank you for a lot, brother. Bye-bye. So go to Danny B-Wins.com, get your pick. He's a good guy.

You know, we're starting to get some action now. We're going to have a... I was talking to Omit Labs. On it. On it. And I tell you what, man, that fucking protein powder is delicious. Oh, you like it?

Yeah. The Kemp, the Kush. Hemp? Hemp. Hemp. Hush. What the fuck. The hemp protein powder.

The chocolate is delicious. and some of the best chocolate. I got two other proteins in there, and vanilla. But I really like the chocolate, but we'll get in depth and more talk about that this week. What else is going on, Lili Leland? I got a movie for these motherfuckers, okay? I got a friend, his name is Rick Ramos.

He's a comic, he did Paiasso Slam with me. He talks about this movie like a religion. It's one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. It's one of the most character-driven movies I've ever seen. It's a movie by the name of Midnight Run, uh, 1987. for some reason in those couple years some good genre movies came out

this morning I woke up at 6 and guess what I was watching laughing my ass or the movie with Nathan Lane and the bird cage you never seen the bird cage no this is what I'm talking

this is the youth of America and they want to sit there and tell you how good fucking Avatar is and the fucking honeymoon movie what is it with Zach Gallafanakis and tell you those movies won't even be around the fucking three years You know, I went to see seven of psychopaths last week.

Let me tell you some guys. It was an okay movie. Ask me a scene from that movie right now, and I could not tell you. You know, I sit here every fucking week. I go on the Rogan podcast, and I put down the movies from today, and I get this hate mail,

and I'll tell you why, because 10 years from now, you'll never be talking about them. They have not a sense of substance in them. I went to see Argo. That was tremendous. Yeah. Fucking, what's his name is becoming a hell of a director.

You know, the town and that. I went to see seven I hate comedies anymore because they're so fucking overrated Listen, when you see a comedy Gets 5 stars That means you got four fucking laps coming The rest of the movie

You're just gonna fucking look at it And I ain't lying to you people And your people sitting at home going Joey You're a fucking hater whatever I'm not a hater Because I'm gonna follow up with movies Like I always tell you I tell you train planes and automobiles comedy movies

We were talking about Ghostbusters Fucking Midnight Run With Robert De Niro It just it never ends It just Dennis Farina this movie never ends. A bunch of character guys. I love the movie.

The fact that the guy that plays the cop in Pope Greenwich Village plays the guy in the bookie office, the guy from Hoboken, New Jersey, on the soprano, Joe Pantleianos in this movie. I mean, it's a great movie. But one of my comedy, one of my idols, believe or not, if you came to me today and said, what mobster would you want to fucking play?

Would you want to play Michael Corleone? Or one of the guys in Goodfellas? I liked all those movies. but my favorite mobster of all time is definitely Dennis Farina in Midnight Run. But he's also a great mobster in Snatch. He's been a mobster in Romeo's bleeding.

He's been a mobster in great fucking movies. Don't get me wrong. But I think, and this one is his best one. The funny thing is this is 87. This is after Crime Story, which is another TV show. You ever know about Crime Story? No.

Dice was on there. He was fucking tremendous. The guy from Major Crimes is on there. at the Times. Play this segment. It's called the best of Jimmy Serrano. They made a fucking thing about the best lines from this movie. Midnight Run, 1987 De Niro.

Quickly before I play it, you told me he was a Chicago cop. He was a Chicago cop. And he did Man. He was friends with Michael Mann. So Michael Man made him the cop and Man Hunter. He also put him in the thief, all his early movies in Chicago. Play it. All right.

Is this Moron number one? Put Moron number two on the phone. Yeah, Jimmy. He's right here. He's pissed. Yeah. I thought you told me this guy was going to be on the plane. That's the information we got, Jimmy.

That's the information we got. I'm going to tell you something. I want this guy taking out, and I want him taking off fast. You and that other dummy better start getting more personally involved in your work, or I'm going to stab you through the heart with a fucking pencil. Do you understand me? You got it, Jimmy.

What are you hanging around for it? Take a walk. I heard somebody picked up my dukes in New York. It's old news, Sidney. I'm already on it. I don't have to tell you what will happen if he becomes a government witness. I can assure you that will not be the case. Yeah, I assure you.

you were taking that position, but I'm supposed to advise you against such acts. Sidney, relax. Have a cream soda. Everything is going to be all over within a few minutes. Sorry, Jimmy, it didn't happen. It didn't happen. Say that again, Tony. It just didn't happen.

I mean, there was cops all over the place. There was a million fucking feds all over. Jimmy, it was a mess. It was a real mess. You better get off the line, Jimmy. If I've got a tap on that line there. Sidney, shut your fucking mouth. Now listen to me, dummy.

Do they have Mardukas in custody or not? I don't, I don't. Jimmy, I don't know. I mean, the cops are small over the place. We couldn't say anything. Let me tell you two stupid motherfuckers something. I don't want to get another phone call like this because if I do, I'm going to get on a fucking plane and I'm going to blow torch the bolt of you. You understand?

Blow torch the bolt to the boat. What are you doing? You should have killed Walsh in Chicago a long time ago. Walsh's been there. Don't say a word to me, Sidney. Don't say a fucking word to me. I'll get up and I'll bury this telephone in your head. These are all these lines guys.

I don't understand the problem with you two. The guy's a fucking accountant. Jimmy's the bad luck right down the line. Plus, this guy Walts is pretty good. If he's that good, Tony, maybe I should hire him to hit you. I hope there's no chance if any of this coming back to Jimmy. No chance. You rented the chopper out of Kansas City.

He's five times removed from you, so you're clear it is. Don't worry. Hey, shit, Jimmy. The man, the guy is still out there, ain't he? Let me tell you two guys something. I'm not interested in seeing either one of you two alive again until you get the accountant. You got the message? All right.

This is it. Tonight is the fucking night. You understand? I'm sick all of these screwups. As soon as I get the discs from Walsh, you guys drop. Walsh and you drop the duke do you understand I get the discs you drop them okay I don't think you should do this oh really what do you propose that I do I send somebody with a cash

offer but don't do this I know Walsh he won't take any money from me he's a very self-righteous type of guy it aggravates me in his mind this is clean he gets what he wants I get what I want the guy's a fucking burn out Cindy yeah Jimmy sit on relax have a sandwich drink a glass of milk do some fucking thing this is all like six scenes he always torches Sydney. So I'm finally in the presence of greatness, huh? The Duke.

The guy that steals money from the scum of the earth and gives it to the... I forget who the Duke is played by, but listen... I wanted to meet you face to face. Do you actually think the number two. Tremendous. You know, I was... I was thinking maybe if you were... Don't waste your fucking times with these new fucking movies. The movies that I'm giving you guys

are fucking classics. I might not be a genius. And my fucking podcast ain't in my movies. up and down here. When I give you motherfuckers a movie, you're going to hit me back and go, Joey, God damn, I'm not

going to give you a motherfucker as much. On about two weeks on November 18th, one of those, I'm going to cover the Godfather and the whole fucking podcast with Lee.

Oh shit. I'm sure. We're going to do the baptism. We're going to do two. I'm not sure about three yet. But I give you good movies, folks. This midnight run,

this was a tremendous movie. See who played the guy? I mean, this is a, they were going to read, listen about this movie. They were going to make this movie because at that time, what's the fucking guy

Morque? Robin Williams They won it Robin Williams for this movie For what? For this movie They did not want De Niro And they did not

It was supposed to be De Niro and Robin Williams That's weird De Niro picked this guy With the fucking wig This guy that was the advocate And the OJ Simpson trial He does all those movies

With the dog Uh huh I forget what his name is He's if you get a chance Watch Midnight Run 1987 One of De Niro's best Because he had a big

He had a big comic You know If you know anything about De Niro, De Niro don't fucking say much. I mean, he's a great actor, but what makes him a great actor is that he's got the personality of a fucking dog.

I mean, I'm just quoting here. You know, when they had Rickles on Larry King Live, he said, De Niro, talking to Niro's like one hand clapping. So whenever you see De Niro, what's the guy's name? Whenever you see De Niro

doing something in a movie, think of a guy that doesn't say nothing. It's like Chris Rock. Chris Rock, if you're sitting around Chris Rock. You don't say fucking two words. Then you see him on stage and he's a fucking savage.

You know, it's like kinetic energy. It's just potential energy. It's just fucking sitting there. Do you know if the Duke had a different name in the movie because it's not coming up on IMDB? No, don't worry about it. It's all right. They'll figure it out.

It's going to take you a 19 fucking years. I haven't seen the movie. This is what I'm talking about Lee. This is what I'm talking about. Half of you guys are like Lee, I need for you to see these movies. You're going to really enjoy them. You know, I try to give you guys heat.

I try to give you guys books. I'm going to try this on writing. This is a recommendation from Tony Hinkley. Like I said, Tony Hinklin's a young kid That's a comic, he hangs around with Brian up at the Ice House And I got much respect for him He's written on the roasts And he also was a writer on the Byrne

He's good friends with McGuire and Jeff Ross And I like him And like I said, if you're looking for a good book to read This fucking American Desperative You want to read about people getting, you know, falling in love or whatever Get 50 shades of gray and go fuck your wife up the ass But if you want to take your mind away And have a little fun or whatever

this is the way to go. I want to give, you know, I love Twitter. You know, I was dead as a comic, and you guys on Twitter have put a fucking spark under my ass. I love you guys. It's like a Twitter family we got. And I want to give some shout-outs to my man, Pittsburgh, Jay over there. Pittsburgh, Jay, Bashero, and Pittsburgh.

I love this motherfucker. I want to give a shout out to DeHaven Clark. I want to give a shout out to my little Mexican, Lewis Martinez, and my man Whiskey. Bandejo way, Carla from space, I love you to death. And I want to give Cuban Ann with that hot little pussy A shout out, you know, dog, did you tell that chick to send you a picture on pussy yet?

What the fuck are you fucking around for? For example, go to Cuban Ann on Twitter right now. I've told you this a thousand times. You're a big fan of Cuban Ann. Cuban Ann, I tell you why I'm a fan of Cuban Ann. Because she's what a woman should do. Every woman in this country, Charles Groton, thank you. Every woman in this fucking country.

She hasn't tweeted since the 7th, but that don't mean nothing. Maybe she's in jail. Look at her. She's a picture right on her fucking thing, Cuban Ann, of her little fucking pussy, okay? Look at it. Did you see it? Yeah, I've seen that. And one day we were just talking, she's Cuban, and she said, look what it says in the bottom.

Ha, ha, no, I'll show you mine, not as sexy, but it's real. But I think on you, that means it's for you, cock sucker in Spanish. Look at that little monkey right there. She's a lesbian. She doesn't even like dick. But I asked her, she's solid as the rock of Gibraltar, and she's got to do what you got to do, because that's what you do.

You show the fucking guy your monkey when he asks you You want to hold on to it like it's a national treasure So ask it because it cuts right through the bullshit Don't be ashamed You're just doing your job as a man You're talking to a woman online What is there?

A fucking computer You got after a while You talk to me I talk to you look at it Would you take a picture Your little helmet and send it to her? Sure why not Would you brush it nice

And polish that little helmet Send a little picture of your cuckoza? What do you think? You got no, stop giggling you fuck I'm trying to fucking take Take end of my wings So you can sling some dick Let's do it.

I don't know what you're slinging big dick. You're not going to become a manhole because look at it. I ain't no fucking... Listen, man, like I said, I hated sex. For me, it's a joke. It's a fucking joke. That's why I talk about on stage. It's not that I'm so shallow.

Oh, Joey. Fuck that shit. I hate it. I fucking hated it. I don't even know how my wife ended up pregnant. Because if I fuck three, four times a year. But what happened was after the fucking knee surgery, I was lifting on my legs when testosterone got horned up.

She's my wife. I must fuck her. That's what my wife. is four. You know, in my mind, you fuck when you're going to have a kid. That's it. Like, we were talking about it yesterday, like, just me, how I am. And she goes, who do you find the tractor? We're talking about my friend, the Asian girl that we hang out with. She's beautiful. I love it at that, but I don't look at it like that because she's got four kids. Every time I look at the kids, I'm like, oh, you know what I'm saying? I look at a woman

like that. Felicia's beautiful. I don't even look at it like that because of the kids. Once a woman had kids for me, it's kind of weird. Don't get me wrong. I'll let one suck my dick. That's the best blow job. A single mom? Shit. A single mom will take your dick to the hoop, Jack. She's been sitting at home all week, selling down the kids, lying to the kid about his father. He's a hero. He's out banging bitches. A single mom will take that helmet.

You know, I was looking at the town, Micas, one time when he's on there yelling at people. Single mom stay away from a single mom will work you, Jack. And single mom's a great. I was raised by a single mom in a way. I love it. My mom had one boyfriend the whole time she was alive around me. You know, she had my stepfather. husband. But it's weird.

I couldn't imagine. I could never disrespect like a fucking like. If I'm 12 and some guy hit on my mom, I'd knock him to fuck out. I go for that motherfucker. I don't want that shit around me, you know, so I understand. So that's why I respect moms when I see him, Felicia, all these ladies. You got to. You can't fuck everybody.

But there's women that are out to that they want to be victims. And that's what you got to do. You got to say, don't listen. Let me take you home and put a firecracking your asshole. And they'll just look at you. Like, really? You got firecrackers? I got firecracking. I tell Ralphie me, that's story about that girl that wanted to borrow money from me. Yeah. And I told him,

man, listen, I'll lend you the money, but you got to lick my nuts. She's like, no, I can't do that. I go, listen, $15 an hour's a lot of money. Now you're going to pay me back. I don't know. She goes, well, I'll shoot this movie and I'll pay you back. Forget about it. Give me a piece of ass. And she's like, all right, I'll call you back a little while. So

I run downstairs and I get in the car at Ralphie, and what's all I'm on? I said, the phone rings. It's the girl. She's like, okay, I'm ready. She goes, do you have the money? I go, yeah, meet me at the four seasons. And I had $10 the fucking bank And I'm like, listen Don't forget when I go down

I'm gonna light your asshole I'm fire! You can hear her going I'm going to have to call you back She called me back like 10 minutes later Forget it I borrowed the money from my uncle You're fucking lucky you dirty animal

Light that asshole on fire No, you gotta have a good time I just want you to be happy leave At the end of the week we goof around here I don't want you people to think I'm a fucking dirty freak I'm just trying to help the kid out You know he's a nice kid He's a sweet kid to me.

He's a good catch, this guy. He's loyal. He works hard. I mean, fucking Lee just worked 20 hours in two days on Friday and Saturday before fucking Halloween. How many of you motherfuckers work Friday and Saturday, 20 hours before Halloween? I got a lot of respectfully.

I break his balls, but he knows I care about him. We've done great things in a year. Now I want him. For Christmas, I'm going to tie him up and get three chicks to fart in his fucking eyeballs. You understand? Because he's never had nobody fart in his fucking eyeballs. You know what?

That's it. Lees is just a eye. Hey, listen, man. I love having fun with all you guys When I look at Lee, I think all of you guys are listening to the podcast And hopefully you're getting something out of this I really care by you guys

Uncle Joey loves you motherfuckers to death You give me a lot of hope in my day And that's all I do by trying to do this podcast We've got a great fucking podcast Coming up tomorrow Another one on Wednesday We'll take it next Sunday off Let me see if we covered everything

We talked to Danny Bianculo We played Shine on You Crazy Diamond Which a lot of Pink Floyd songs Are written about Sid Barrett And a lot of people don't fucking know that Sid Barrett was one of the founding members of that type of music and he took too much acid and he went off the fucking deep end. You follow me?

So Dave Gilmore replaced him. And all those little songs that they've done him too high to think of all of them right now are all pretty much dedications to him. What are we going to close with, bro? I got a surprise for you. Okay, but I'm not closing yet, but that's why I play a lot of Pink Floyd in those songs. Shine on you Crazy Diamond. It's a tribute to you motherfuckers on a Sunday.

I love you guys. The love you give me online on Facebook. and Twitter. Oh, testicle test and it's still up there, number three. Fuck that shit. We're knocking that motherfucker down to number one because that's how you motherfuckers do it. Also, this week, I'm in Ontario at the

Improv. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Ontario, California, get tickets because those tickets are going to go. And next Wednesday, November 8, next Thursday, those tickets, there's probably 40 tickets left for myself and Ari Shafia at the Chicago House of Blue Chicago. You know, I love you. Stop

bucking around. Let's get this party started. I want Reefer down there. I want bazookas. I want chicks with fucking crabs down there. If you got crabs and you're a girl, don't go to the pharmacist. Come on down and spread them that night. I don't give a fuck. You don't know what life is, you get a crab in your eyebrow and shit. You're at the pharmacist

and the motherfucker jumping around. What else do I got? I'm at Arizona and Scottsdale on the 16th and 17. Lee, where are you at this week, Cuck Sucker? I'm at home and then, who knows, maybe I might show up one night at the Ontario. Beautiful. Thursday is all Saints Day and All Souls Day, right?

Correct? On Monday and something like that. Light a candle for your grandfather, anybody who you miss. And that's basically it, guys. I'm going to be home December and January, all the home, so I'm going to be doing some solid podcasts, at least taking a week off, a week off, right?

Christmas, between Christmas and New Year's, but we'll probably record a couple before I go. And then I'm going to shoot a special in L.A. somewhere. I'm hoping on January 25th, somewhere that's not like a theater or something. I'm thinking about my uncle's bar. I only have about 100, 150 people there. I don't know if I'm going to have it charged up or whatever,

but we'll talk about that, but I'm going to be in training. So if anybody wants to get together and write. Mitch Nutter, I love the new podcast, hiding from my wife. I want to give him a shout out. You know, we get a lot of support on this podcast. You know, Lee, we're very lucky. We got a lot of friends and a lot of people listen to this.

So we want to thank you. We want you to have a great week and have a great Sunday. Forget, Danny gave out the Jets minus one. I'm giving you the under on the Atlanta, Philadelphia Eagle. Anything else we need to cover here. We gave you Jimmy Serrano. We'll have music. We'll have more movies.

We'll talk about fucking life all this week. Like I said, credibility is the biggest thing in your fucking life. And sometimes I know you guys get upset with me. Like, ah, Joey, this get, hey, fuck you motherfuckers. I'm trying to give you a piece of my heart where I came from. I don't want you to think there's a made-up character. A mad flavor is a figment of your imagination. And I don't ever want you to think the fuck.

Flying Jew is a figment of your imagination. He's a bad motherfucker. Give him all the love and respect. The Hanukkah line will be coming out soon. The Hanukkah will be coming out soon. The first one, the first Yamika we're going to have is white. It's going to say, fuck, you pay me for all you dead hard fucking Jews out there that I love representing the Flying Jew.

We're going to make a special Flying Jew Yamika for this fucking sick fuck. We're going to put a one stay black. Everybody's going to be wearing a Yamika 2013, and we're doing that I respect. I love you guys. Hit me with some music. Lee Coxucker. All right. Better be something funky.

I'm going to stab me in the neck. What is this, Lee? It's supposed to be. Are you ready for some football? Lee, am I ready for football? Do you think that's what I want to hear, Lee? Put some Biggie on hypnotize. What do you want to hear?

You're killing me. Biggie hypnotize. Something funky. You don't ever close it, that football shit here. It's a betting one. You're betting on some guys saying, are you ready for some football? Yeah, why not? I can't leave these guys like this.

You're killing me. Lee, salt in my eyes. No more surprises. No more surprises. No more surprises. I'll stop me in the neck. You're slipping the last two weeks of the closes songs. What are you got ahead and write ready last time?

Come on, let's go. Here you go. Here it is. Bye, guys. Oh, oh, what, what, what, what. Do itly, shakily. Here's to my hooligans in Brooklyn. What, what.

Have a great day with your family, guys. Go out there. Slink, dick. Don't let them lie to you. You know who the baddest motherfucker is out there. Do it! The flying Jew, baby. What?

What? Uh. Short-like, slussy handhunts. What? Oh shit. At last, a nigga rapping about blunt from bras, tits and bras, menager, menager, tics, and tics, and braves, sex and expensive cars. What? Keep my peace.

Humans with a Jesus piece. That's my peace. Sometimes your world is hypnotize me, and I just love your flashy. Yes, that's why they're broken. You're so keen. Diggy, diggy, diggy, can't you see?