The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #110 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: October 27, 2021

Welcome to The JOINT..... It's Wednesday, October 27th..... This episode it dedicated to Mom… This episode is brought to you by Me Undies, DraftKings & CBD Lion….. Go to https://www.MeUndies.com/JOEY & Try it for FREE for 30days with 15% OFF your 1st Order! Download the DraftKings SportsBook App & Enter Code: JOEY https://www.DraftKings.com/sportsbook to bet $5 on the UFC 267 Main Event to win $200 in Free Bets! Go to https://www.cbdlion.com Use Promo Code: JOEY or JOINT For 20% OFF Your Order! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

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Let's get this motherfucking party starting. What's happened? You bad motherfuckers. It's Wednesday. The 27th of the month. Halloween week. I love this fucking week. I've always loved this week. I mean, listen, it's not like I'm going to go fucking

trick-or-treating or whatever. I eat like a bag, M&Ms, that's it. You know, lately, that's how I fall asleep. Because at night, when I go upstairs, I stop in the spare bedroom and I get the cat. She's out cold in there laying down. I need my little service cat, so I go in there and get gray. And when I'm going together, what I do is I turn the light on, but there's a ceiling fan. If you turn the ceiling fan on, she don't like it.

She's scared of that fucking ceiling fan. She just keeps looking at the ceiling fan the whole time when you turn it on. So I'll stop by the office And my wife had all My wife's doing trunk or treat You know You get your cars And you put them in a parking lot

The kids come from trunk to trunk So they're fucking Her and my daughter Upstaffing bags up Of candy So for the I swear to God Like maybe not last week But maybe the week before

For like three nights in a row I would go upstairs and get the cat And I would look on the bed And there'd be a bag M&Ms Those little little tiny bags Those little snack bags Like eight M&M

I'd fucking open those things up right as I'm going to bed and I'd put them in my mouth as I'm walking to piss before I go to bed and I'd lay in bed for 10 minutes. I get a little sugar buzz but what comes up must go down. That's the best sleeping pill there is. Fucking nine or 10 M&Ms. I was sleeping like a fucking baby dog. Just grabbing some M&Ms and hitting the fucking crib and bab boom. That's how you sleep. No, it's true.

You get that little sugar buzz. and next thing you know, I'm waking up at 5 in the morning going, fuck, I passed out. I ate those nine fucking M&Ms. I'm fucking out of it, Jack. Great week so far. Shitty day yesterday. Fucking World Series last night.

Tremendous. I love, listen, I love this time of the year. I love the weather is nice. I tell you, when it comes to Jersey, New York, the East Coast, listen to me. I don't know. Boston gets a little colder. I got to be honest with you. The best months to be here, April.

April and May and fucking September of October. The summer sucked this summer. We got rain every weekend. We got rain during the week. Fucking September 1st came. And it was beautiful. It was 60 to 80 every fucking day. Sun shining, hotter than fucking.

Look, I walked around with a fucking tan. I just sit out there 10, 15 minutes a fucking day. It's been a gorgeous fucking month. The leaves are starting to change. You know, this time of the year is fucking great. There's only one thing that gets to me around now. Once I see the Halloween commercials, like once October 15th comes, I start getting a little sad, man.

It's weird because I keep my composure pretty much. I think I broke down on here one time in February when it was Ralphie May. I was taking those pain pills and I was all fucked up. But it's weird. I don't really get down about things. Like I got down a couple weeks ago when it was Ralphie's anniversary. On October 6th, when I say get down, I mean, I just get quiet for a few hours, you know. It's not like I'm crying or I get fucking depressed or, you know, none of that shit.

I'm not going to tell you it's the end of the world, none of that shit. You know, these people, I'm having a rough day now. This shit, this makes me think. It just makes me think. Like this time of the year makes me think because November 8th, not this Monday coming. This Monday coming is November 1st. But the following Monday is November 8th, and that's my mother's 42nd debt anniversary. 42 fucking years.

Now, I sit here sometimes, and I sit at myself, what the fuck happened? Like, how the fuck did I live 58 years already? 58. I'm 50 fucking 8. I was just 21. I was just 27. I was just 33. I was just 44.

I was 50. And then one day you're fucking 58. You don't, that's, that's the, those are the denominations I remember. I'm not going to lie to you guys. I remember when I'm 21, when I'm 25, I went to jail. When I'm 33, I got into comedy. I remember that. You know, when I was 37, I was in Seattle fucking around.

When I was 40, I was now, you know, I was in L.A. when I was 37. What am I talking about? But, and then I was four, I remember being 44 and going, I got to quit doing Coke. I got to get my life together. And here we are. 14 fucking years later. But time fucking flew.

I mean, you know, when you're in high school, time is like fucking debt. Even the summer is a slow. But once high school ends, it seems like it just moves. It just moves. I just remember it being August 28th and me going to fucking Pittsburgh.

It's already October, fucking 27th. I was just in Pittsburgh two fucking months ago. Those two months just flew fucking by. I still remember going, wow. In three months, and many saints are coming out. It's out. It's been out for a fucking month.

It's just time is flying, but not to lose track of what we're talking about here. When it comes to my mom, like, everybody knows I experience death at a young age. So it's kind of crazy. Whenever somebody loses somebody, I'm their first fucking email. I'm their first message.

And I'm not talking about friends of mine. I'm talking about people who follow the podcast, people who follow me on Patreon, people who follow me on Twitter, Instagram. I swear to God, when they lose a family member, nine out of ten, I'm the first guy they send a message to. And it's a sad message. You know, I got a couple on Patreon this summer

from guys that lost their mom and they were fucking miserable. And they always asked me the same question. They go, Joey, how long am I going to feel shitty for? And I lie to him. I lie to him. I lie to you and I'm sorry I do. I have to lie to you because I cannot tell you the truth at that time. I lie to people.

When they email me, I tell them, listen, man, I'm sorry for your loss. I know how close you were with moms. I mean, everybody's close with moms. We have disagreements from time to time. We don't agree with them. But it's your mom, you know. So I understand where you're coming from. And to answer your question about how long do you feel shitty for,

I go, just you're going to feel shitty for a while a bit you know that's a big fucking lie and then I tell them the simplest answer right now because it's what I did grow up to be the man your mother wanted you to be you ever been in the kitchen and your mom just says stupid shit to you like I really want you to join the Marines and you're like oh boy you know I really want you to be a doctor and you're like, fuck, I really want you to do this. My mom used to talk to me about that shit, the way all moms do.

I don't know if your mom talked to you about that stuff, but she would talk to me about, you know, when you get older, when you get married, I don't think you should fucking drink. My mom would say little fucking things to me, you know? And I would like say, I'm fucking eight. Who's thinking about getting married? Who's talking about getting married?

What the fuck? Who brought that up? You know, my mom would just say, she would just say little things like that. So what I tell people usually is, listen, man, you want to make this easier? It's going to take a while. But to answer your question, grow up to be the man your mother wanted you to be. And then they write me back.

That sounds great. Thank you for getting back to me. I don't think they really understand what I'm saying. Nobody does. Nobody can understand. What do you mean? The man, my mother wanted me to me. if they say their father died

I also tell them that grow up to be the woman or the man your father wanted you to be that's really fucking important right there that's really important I when my mother died I'm gonna tell you guys the evolution of it and some of you are gonna be like what the fuck Joey

when I found my mother on the floor November 8th that night at 3 in the fucking morning I was tripping on acid and I found her on the floor. I didn't know what to expect. Even today, it still feels like a fucking dream. It was all a dream. I used to read Wordup magazine.

You know, I thought it was a fucking dream. You know, finding your mother on the floor, it's something that you never imagine. You know, growing up or whatever, even now, not really growing up because you don't imagine those things. But now, like I'll look at people and go, man, that guy is getting off. old he's getting up there i don't know how much time he's got left you know and uh and whatever you know

you know with my mother i never even looked at her and went like i couldn't even imagine my mother dying i could not even process that through my brain the test of that was in the eighth grade i dated a girl i was gonna go down there and fool around with a little bit i mean we weren't having sex we were dry hump and sucking tits, that type of shit. I was going to go down there to hang out with it one afternoon, like on fucking Columbus, it was in February. It was like one of those Washington birthdays. In the old days, for you people who don't remember, they celebrated Lincoln's

birthday on the 12th and George Washington birthday on the 19th. So you got two Mondays off back to back in February. Now they're fucking chintzy about it. They give us one fucking day for both fucking dudes. That sucks, dick. But I went down there on a Monday. We had off, and I was all hot and sticky, ready to fucking go. And I said, what times your dad get home?

She goes, about five. I go, what times your mom get home? She goes, my mom is dead. Hard on, died. Listen to me. I was in the eighth grade. You know when you're in eighth grade, you're eternally fucking horny. Like, that's all you fucking think about is fucking sucking, but nobody's fucking you.

Nobody's sucking your dick. You're not even in the fucking ballpark, you know what I'm saying? but I was hoping that, you know, I would have sex. I hope, I think, you know. And I go down there and she tells me that she's got no mother. Holy fuck. My dick just died. I looked at this chick and I was like,

what do you mean you got no fucking mother? And she's like, my mother died when I was a little girl. In the back of my mind, I'm like, what could you have done in your previous life to lose your fucking mother? That was like fucking unheard of to me that your mother died. I didn't think moms died. I thought moms died when you turned 50 or something, when you could handle it. But for your mom just, I swear to God, for your mom just to die like that, just die?

I never even thought of that was possible. I never thought that was possible. I dumped that girl. When I walked out of that fucking apartment that February 12th, that Monday at 2 in the afternoon, I never fucking saw her again. She kept calling me. It took me about a week to say, listen, I can't see you no more because I'm going away for basketball camp and I'll be training for freshman summer ball and all this shit.

And she's like, what are you talking about? You live three miles away. And I'm like, yeah, but I'm just going to be, I did not want to. She called me crying. She was upset. I did not give a fuck. I was not hanging around with somebody who didn't have a mom. That is not going to happen in my realm.

So what happens two years later, I lose my fucking mom. So the first person I came to mind when I saw my mom on the floor with that purple fucking arm was Colleen. That was her name, Colleen. I'll never forget it. In fact, I've even, you know many times I've gone on Facebook, found her, and I want to send her a message to apologize from my behavior in 1978, and I can't. I can't. I was a fucking jerk off to her.

You know, at least I, and I wasn't mean to her or anything. I just stopped talking to her. I just couldn't even deal with a person that didn't have a mother. I was like, this is terrible, you know, this is like Satan's cousin or some shit. She don't have a fucking mother. I can't deal with her. So I even go on Facebook now. She lives in Ramsey, New Jersey or something like that.

I found her she's still a fucking knockout. But, I mean, for the five years, for like 10 years, I've been trying to apologize to her. And I just can't. So when I found my mom, I mean, I was numb. When somebody dies, you're in shock. Your body goes into shock. You don't know it.

You don't feel it. You don't feel it coming over you. But your body's in fucking shock. your mental's in shock. I remember the next day I went to fucking school. In fact, that's what really made me think about my mom because it was, I took mercy last Monday to the baking class. And as I was going in, they said,

remember the state fucking whatever, the teachers convention, no school, November 5th, 4th, and 5th. And I'm like, fuck. And that was the week my mother died. My mother's anniversary is really the 8th. But she really, she died on a, Tuesday night and that that's the week that you have school on Monday and Wednesday, but you're off Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday.

So when I found my mom on Tuesday night, dog, I went to school. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't sit along with my fucking thoughts in a house that I was fucking scared of as it was, a haunted fucking house. So I just got up and went to fucking school. I didn't know what to do. And then one of the teachers saw him and he goes, didn't your mom die last night? I'm like, yeah.

And he goes, what the fuck are you doing here? I go, what are my options? What are you going to do? Sit at home and wait. And they go, no, we got to take you home. You can't be it. So they drove me to fuck home. And I went home and I had to deal with it.

But what really bothered me about my mother's death was after I buried her. I'm ashamed to tell you guys this. But, you know, I'll clear it up. For 45 days, I didn't feel nothing. We buried my mom like under 12. to the 13th. My aunt Zerida, the lady I did the Comedy Central,

this is not happening about, stayed with me till Thanksgiving Day until I moved in with the Benders. And I got to be honest with you guys. I didn't feel anything. I didn't feel numb. As a matter of fact, like by mid-December, I was questioning myself.

Like, that I not loved this woman? What the fuck is the matter with me, man? I'm not struggling. I was out partying at night. I was having a good fucking time. But that album by Pink Floyd came out to war. And the war had a song, Mother, on it.

That album came out November 28, 1979. My mom died November 8, 1979. So that album was the most popular fucking album of all time. So the whole month of December, that album was playing. Anywhere you went, that album was on. And there's a song in that album called Mother. Mother, do you think she'll drop the bomb, all that shit. And I would go to these places and I would be in there and this song would come on and I would fucking shun it.

Like I would just shut it down in my mind and in my ears. I would just try to shut it down as much as I could. And this went on for a few weeks every time that song came on. And I could see even my friends. Whenever we were playing that song in the shed, my friends would always like, you know, try to lower it or let's put on a different album. And I would go, no, no, no. Leave the wall on. Don't fucking change because of me, you know.

But one night it was like fucking little after Christmas, a couple nights after Christmas. And I went to one of those fucking parties, and I was sitting there with my friends having a great fucking time, and that song came on. And I was high, and it just took me somewhere. I don't know. It's just my emotion, my whole state of mind changed.

Like a sadness just came all my fucking body. rough. People told me that when somebody dies, the hardest is the first holiday, you know? Thanksgiving was a little rough. But again, that's why I was like, fuck, I'm not really going through this. I thought I would be breaking down

and crying all the time. That wasn't the case at all. December came, as the holidays approached, I got a little sad, but again, I was just sad enough to stay in or anything like that, so I just played the fucking hand. But that night after Christmas, like two or three nights after Christmas,

whew, whenever I think of that, man, I fucking was at a party. We were all having a good time talking to chicks, you know, the whole fucking deal. And all of a sudden that album came on and mother came on. And I was like, fuck, I'm getting anxiety. Something wasn't right. I didn't feel right. And I went outside and I stood by a car for a little while. And all of a sudden I started feeling dizzy.

It wasn't the alcohol. It wasn't the weed. It wasn't the acid. It wasn't none of that shit. I know you're like, Joey, you were probably on two hits of acid and drinking. No, no, no. I'll tell you when something like that. Just something, it was like my whole body was sad.

And I went outside and it was December 28, 27th guys. It's fucking freezing out. And I couldn't go back into that party. This thing had taken over me. And out of nowhere, I started barfing. I don't know where I just started barfing, barfing, barfing. It was like my stomach had had it, everything had it. And all I could think about was my mother in that cemetery freezing,

because it was so fucking cold out. That's all I could think about it. I go, she's out there with a fucking dress on in a casket freezing her assaw. And in my fucking acidy mind, I'm like, I'm going to go down there and get her out of that fucking casket. That was horrible. I fucking went down

You know There was a fence You know Outside the cemetery And I knew the post That lined up With her grave You know, with her gravestone

I already knew the post Because when I would walk to school I would stop and just look at the grave For a few minutes Just to make sure she was dead At this point 45 days later My mind was telling me she wasn't dead

It was fucking horrible So I'll never forget That I fucking jump the fence and I had gloves on and I go, you know what, I don't have a fucking shovel. I have nothing. I found it like a fucking twig and I started digging up the fucking body

like not digging it up. I was like scraping the dirt. The ground was frozen. I wasn't going to get nowhere. After about 20, 30 fucking minutes, I started scraping that fucking ground, scraping it scraping. And I'm like, you know what?

This is fucking crazy. And there was something else going on that I need to tell you. this is how fucking crazy the mind is. At her wake, everybody kept putting little bindles of cocaine in her casket. I stopped counting like at 20. There must have been an ounce of coke

and little aluminum foils in that casket. I was also going to break into the casket and try to steal the fucking Coke too. Don't get me wrong here. Don't think that I'm a fucking angel. All Joe, he's going to dig up his mother because he missed her. Now there was cocaine in that casket.

That's what else I was fucking thinking about. You know, I'm a dirty bastard. But the beautiful thing was that while I was digging the fucking, while I was trying to dig the grave, I caught myself. And I was like, what the fuck is going on here? And I remember that like it was yesterday, me just like straightening out and going, God, just fucking take me, you know. I don't think I could do this anymore.

And I lay there for a couple minutes. It was fucking freezing out. And I go, you know what? She's not even in this fucking grave. That's how demented I was. I was like, she's home. And I got out of the fucking cemetery, and I walked straight to my fucking giving that terrace.

And I'll never forget making that left turn on the corner and looking at my house, and the lights were all turned off. I was like, fuck. So I walked up to the house. I had the keys to the house, but I was too scared to open the door. so I just rang the doorbell.

I must have rang the doorbell 50 fucking times. And I kept telling the ma I opened up the door. She was fucking dead. I saw her at the funeral parlor. I saw her in a fucking casket. I saw them close the casket. I saw them do the math. The mask, the math.

I saw them do the mass. And I saw them put her on the fucking ground. I actually personally picked up a shovel and threw dirt on her and threw a rose on. top and my mind still couldn't believe that she was fucking dead that's insane to me when i think of that it just makes me fucking sad as fuck you know the last year i struggled a lot with my mental health with the withdrawals i was just fucking going nuts and uh i thought about like almost the last time i struggled like this and it was then i couldn't get it together you know the reason why i

write a journal for my daughter. I give them to my wife. I tell my wife, I go, listen, I'm going to probably have 10 journals. I don't know what I'm going to die. I mean, that's a $1,000 question. I don't know when the fuck I'm going to die, but I don't know how many journals I'm going to have for her.

But as soon as I die and as soon as you bury me, you have to give her these journals. Because I don't want her to lose it the way I lost it. You know, as children, we all have questions. you know, when you lose a parent, we forgot to ask them certain questions. You know, I was 16 when my mother died. When I was a kid, I asked questions,

but once I turned to, once I became a teenager, I never asked any fucking questions. What do I give a fuck? I'm trying to get my dick sucked. I'm trying to fucking figure out how to get my dick sucked. I don't give a fuck about what my grandmother was born or when my father went to school or that shit.

I didn't give a fuck about that. But that was part of my torment. That's what drove me to snort coke. That's what drove me to far. I mean, when I got back to New Jersey last year, I, you know, I was scared of COVID. We all were, you know, we were cautious of COVID. But I also had a little fear in my heart of coming back here for all the things I had done. You know, I really let my friends down.

I let myself down. I let a lot of people down. I did some fucking bad shit before I left here in 83. And when I got back here, I remembered a lot of those things. Like it came up to my mind. And it affected me a little bit. It affected who I talked to. I just wanted to make sure that there was no bad blood.

I didn't want any beefs or anybody. You know, I was coming back here for 20 years, just a weekend or two weekends a year. I knew it was going to be different when I moved back here. So I thought about all the bad things I had done. And I couldn't believe that that was me. And I'm going to tell you something. I would love to be able to blame it on cocaine. You know, everybody blamed shit on cocaine.

And there's a lot of things I blame on cocaine because now I realize that it was the cocaine that made me do it. I didn't have those things in my heart. It wasn't in my heart to kidnap somebody. It wasn't, that's never been in my heart to throw somebody in the trunk of a car. It's never been in my heart to steal something. I always hate a stealing something. Don't get me wrong.

I love shoplifting lighters from time to time, from 7-11. You know what I'm saying? Everybody likes to steal a good lighter. But my, I was never a fucking thief, guys. I never dreamed of robbing a jewelry store or robbing the amount of houses

or robbing the businesses and the drug dealers I did. I'm very ashamed of what I did. But I got to be honest with you. I was out of my head at the time. I was a 17-year-old kid who had just lost his fucking mother. I didn't know whether I was coming or going.

You guys know me for years. You guys are, no, I'm not a big guy for making fucking excuses. But this is an excuse I have to make because it's the truth. And I just realized that recently. I realized that maybe six months ago when I was journaling that the things I had done weren't from the heart of Joey Diaz. It was from the heart of the cocaine.

The cocaine just had me fucking crazy. I didn't know that. I would never blame anything on cocaine. You guys know that when I kidnapped Kent Vela, the attorney even said to me, hey, you went to the dentist this morning, they put you on the nitrous oxide. I can maybe get you a fucking different case,

maybe get the charges dropped. You didn't know what you were doing. And I said, no, I knew what I was doing. I knew what I was doing. It was the torment of the Coke that made me rob that guy. Don't ever get it wrong. Yeah, you know, I got my teeth fixed that morning and the whole thing. But that's bullshit.

It was me who did it. And it's the same thing. when I talk about these things that I did. Listen, guys, when I was a young kid, I was confused. I had lost my hero. I was trying to figure out the world without my fucking hero. And I did some things that were fucking, you know, if I would have been a woman, I would have been promiscuous.

You know, I didn't think any, I had no value in my life. I had, I had nothing. I had fucking nothing. I had nothing to rest. back on. I had done anything. I hadn't done anything. Nothing. I was just a fucking kid. So I didn't know one thing or another. Now I know if my mother was to die today and I went out and started robbing houses at 58 years old. We got a fucking problem. You know, first of all, I don't even think I could rob a fucking house. I'm too fat to be a burglar. I don't think I could fit

in a fucking window now. I remember when I tried to break into my own house? I had a hard time. I climbed in the window and I landed. My stomach landed on the windowsill. and I got stuck there for like fucking eight minutes and all I could do is feel the shit coming out of my asshole and I had a shit in the backyard and the landlord thought it was a fucking bear. I can't break in the houses no more. My fucking burglary days are over.

It's got to be a quick one. I kick the door in, take the fucking box of cookies and get the fuck out. I don't have time to be looking around and I have cardio or endurance. When you fucking rob shit, your heart beats up a storm and you hear like a little fucking whistle

while you're robbing. You hear like a little beep. because you're nervous, your adrenaline is up, your fucking heart is bumping. I would have a heart attack now. My fat little heart couldn't fucking handle that. But to get back to the fucking story, I would have lost my mind. Like I said, if I was a woman, I would have probably became promiscuous. I would have done shit like that because you do things to yourself.

I would have probably become a slicer. Years later, I mean, the thievery, once the thievery disappeared, the cocaine took over. It wasn't even the pain of my mother anymore. It was the fucking cocaine. And I fucking was picking my face with a tweezer and getting holes in my face, which is another fucking gesture for fucking slicing. It's slicing, but in a different fucking way. I wouldn't look at myself in the mirror when I was coked up.

All these things were from Coke. That's a complete different fucking story. When I kidnapped Bella, that was from Coke. But all those things I did early on before 1988. like when I fucking beat my godfather. Do you have any idea how much I love my godfather? I think about my godfather. Every time I see Charles Bronson,

every time I see Steve McQueen, every time I see one of these old movies that I saw as a child, I think about my fucking godfather and how good he was to me. What the fuck possessed me to beat him, you know, not beat him in a fight. I didn't beat him like that. I beat him out of money for cocaine. You know, what possessed me to do something like this?

You know, I hunt him down. You know, I don't know if he's dead. I don't know he was alive. Last thing I heard, he was down in the Florida Keys. When I hired the investigator from my daughter, I had him fucking look for him. He couldn't, my daughter, he could find this guy. He could not fucking find.

He could not find a death certificate for him. So we're trying to figure out what, yeah, I don't know what happened to my God. Yeah, still, I don't know where my God, I mean, he's 80-something years old. You know what I'm saying? He's not mad. at me no more, but I would love to, I would love to get the chance to apologize for what I did to him. You know, my uncle, I fucked him with him up too. Thank God we have a great relationship today.

I was mad enough to fucking go down there, shake his hand, and apologize to him. I have no problems with apologizing. Right now what I'm trying to get to the root of the matter is why I did it. And that's why I did it. My mother's death took me down hard, man. It just wasn't a death. I see people, listen, there's always a reaction to death. You're always going to react a certain way.

You're going to notice that you're drinking a lot more. Maybe you're doing more drugs. Maybe you're doing more anxiety medication. There's something. But there's always a reaction to a death. Sometimes it's minimal. Sometimes people, I have a friend who lost his daughter, lost his fucking daughter in a car accident. I talked to him monthly.

We've been friends for Fuck since I started comedy Maybe 92 You know And he lost the daughter I call him a lot I talked to him a lot Didn't affect him at all

He's got another child And he moved on from me You know I was thinking about Sylvester Stallone the other day He's re-releasing Rocky 4 And I was thinking Oh he lost his son Maybe eight years ago

Seven years ago six years ago and he's doing great. He didn't end up robbing anybody or fucking jumping out windows or lighting anybody on fire. You know what I'm saying? I mean,

the way I reacted to my mom's death is the way a child would react to something like that. I didn't fucking know any better. But today, in 2021, 42 years after a debt, November 8th,

this weekend, this Halloween weekend. and what happened basically was this Halloween, 1979. I went to a party. I told my mother, it was an adult party. It was an older kids party. I told my mother a few days before that, I'm going to this party, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

She's like, listen, I don't care if you go to the party. Just remember the fucking rule. Let me know what time you've got to come home, call, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, you got to call every. So what it meant was as I was leaving the house, If I looked at it and I go, I'll be home early. She would say what time? I would say, let's say midnight.

So during the week, I would tell her my curfew was 12, and I would be home at 10, 45, 11. I just would say 12. But on the weekend, I would say 12. And if I wasn't home at 12, I had to call her. I had to stop what I was doing, call her, and say, listen, I'm not going to be home. And then she would say, what time are you going to be home? Two. I would just throw out there too

And she would go fine I'll see you at two If you're not gonna be home at two Make sure you call me That was the rule in the house And I stuck to it I stuck to it because I didn't want any problems And I didn't want to get punished

I had a great life I was allowed to stay out My friends could only be out till 10 o'clock I could stay out till 2 There was only two kids in the neighborhood That could stay out till 2 Me and this other fucking guy That's it

Brett Ernst has a great joke About that he grew up in Jersey And growing up in Jersey there's always one kid that's always out. You can go out at three in the morning. He's always out. What are you doing? That was me growing up.

I was always fucking out. I didn't want to go home early in case I missed something. You don't want to be Joe Jerk off after you leave. Some chick shows up and sucks everybody's dick. But you were at home watching Betty Hill like a faggot that you are. You know what I'm saying? So you never want to go home when you're having fun when you're in this neighborhood. So I just didn't.

I didn't have a fucking curfew. So the night of the Halloween party, it wasn't really on the 31st. It was like on the weekend. I stayed out though 5 in the morning. I called. But the last time I had called, she sounded tired.

So I said, I'm not going to call anymore. I've already called her eight times in a fucking night. And when I got home that night, we got into a fucking argument. She's like, what the fuck have you been? You're supposed to call? And I was just sick of his shit. You know, I was 16.

In my mind, I was a man. I was a man, so I gave her some fucking bullshit answer. And she smacked me. Smack me like once or twice. I went to my room. I could tell that she had a lot in her on her mind. My mom at that time, she was broke. She lost her business.

She was struggling. I, on the other hand, I was making money. I was selling drugs. I hit the number. I was helping her out with dope. And she came up the next morning, and she woke me up and apologized. and she said something to me that stayed with me the whole fucking time.

And I heard it right after I thought about Colleen's mother. My mother said, listen, I really don't give a fuck what you do. I just, you know, the only thing that's important to me is that you grow up to be a man. Now, she had said this to me a couple times over the years, but this time it sounded, this time it sounded, real and it sounded different. Like after it was all over and when I was out that day, I thought about it.

I can't believe my mother told me to grow up to be a fucking man. And by a man, she doesn't mean a guy that's getting his dick sucked and fucking on. She just, you get, to understand, my mother was a big woman lady. Like, she wasn't a feminist or whatever these fucking crazy women on today.

She just backed women, you know? Like, my mother raised me to be fucking tight with women. So she would mention to me little things that I had to do as, you know, she would just say to me, when you get older and you're married, you got to do this for your wife, you got to do that. And I would look at it like, who the fuck is getting married? You know, like, I would always say those things to her, but she was preparing me.

She was telling me little things. And after she died, like, that day, that night when I found her on the floor and I looked at her, and I'm like, yeah, fuck, I can't believe I would not friends with Colleen anymore because she didn't have a mother. Now I'm the same person. I also said, fuck, she wanted me to grow up to be a man. Now I understand what it is. And after the fucking ambulance took her that night, I sat on my steps for maybe an hour and a half thinking of those words. And part of the reason I was cutting myself all those years, part of the reason I was doing the drugs, part of the reason I wasn't happy was because I wasn't a man. November 15th, 2007, that's the day I stopped snort and cocaine.

And that was the day I was officially on my way to becoming a man. And after I got my head clear, like after 60 days and stuff, I didn't go to AA. I didn't use AA to stay clean or N.A. to stay clean. They would have been a great option. I didn't use them not because I didn't want it. Because I used my mother's words as my therapy. All those things she had said to me over the years, you know, whether it was grow up to be a man, you know, when you take the garbage out for your wife. No woman wants to come home and see her husband sitting on a couch watching TV.

my wife my wife my mom would just say little things to me like little things like listen your wife doesn't want you to clean the house but she appreciates if you clean your toilet you know my mother taught me to clean the bathroom so I would clean the toilets and today from time to time I clean the toilets I take the garbage out from my wife I support my wife I'm a father to my daughter you know when I make a mistake I cop up to it hey I made a mistake What do you want from me? These are all the traits of a man. This is what a man is supposed to do.

The bigger the man, the bigger the mistake. You know, apologize. Fucking stick to your word, you know. When you're right, your goals, stick to your fucking goals. You know, I was telling somebody that I've been tapering for the last six months. Nobody's watching me. I'm not part of a program. I'm not involved with a rehab or anything like that.

I can do whatever the fuck I want. I have not missed it one time. You know why? Because I finally became a man. And I became a man fucking late guys. I became a man at the age of 49, at the age of 50, was when everything came to my mind for me, that I was prepared to be a man.

I was not a man before that. I was just a fucking big kid. And I'm a big kid now. I laughed and farts and I scratched my nuts and sniffed my fingers and all that dumb shit. But in the big picture, I'm a man. And that's what I'm very thankful for. Like for me to bust through this fucking thing I was going through,

you know, even like the other day, I was talking on a podcast about better help with therapy. All this has helped me. But my therapy was made easier because I knew that I had accomplished my mom's dreams for me. sometimes we achieve our goals and I achieve my goals. I hit the spot. I did more than when I anticipated I was going to fucking do it.

That's okay. But there was one other thing I had to do until for me to be happy. And that was become a man under my mom's standards worth of being a man. And I reached it. And for that today, I'm proud. So I want to dedicate today's uncle. Uncle Joey's joint to Dinoa Valdez, my mother. Because for the first time in my life,

I could look at the pictures and be happy. I'm going to tell you something else. I don't care if you people think I'm crazy. I don't care if you people think I'm out of my fucking mind. The last year, every night, I don't do it every night. I do it maybe four or five nights a week. I turn the TV off. Before I go upstairs, I got a picture of my mother in the basement.

I got a picture of my father. I sit on my chair and I just have a conversation with them. As crazy as it sounds. I thank her for giving me those words for me to become a man. And I thank my father. I tell him to look after my child. I tell him to look after my wife. I tell him to look after me and I tell him I love him.

I do that four or five nights a week to myself. Sometimes out loud, sometimes to myself. I like to do it out loud. So I hear the word. so it makes me feel better and it brings me comfort. So today's podcast is dedicated to DeNora Valdez.

She's going to be dead 42 fucking years and I still miss her like she died fucking yesterday. I still love her as much as I do. So when you reach out to me with a message about somebody in your family died,

your mom or your dad, I'm going to lie to you. But I want you to understand that it never goes away the pain never goes away the thinking about them never goes away missing their food never goes away missing their smell the way their hair smells it never goes away and guess what that's good because they're not dead do you follow me dead dead when you don't stop thinking about them but every time you think about them and go mom thank you for today dad thank you for today dad thank you

you for today, you know, all those things, you're keeping them alive. They're not dead. They're still alive in your heart. So, I don't know what you do to make yourself feel better when you think about a grandmother or grandfather. I know there was a lot of loss with the pandemic the last two years. I know a lot of people suffered. So I hope these words help you. These words comfort you.

I haven't done one of these podcasts in a while. I'm sorry, I didn't have a guest today. But I wanted to do this podcast from my mom. I had been thinking about it for a week. And I was starting to go into it on Monday's podcast. And I was like, no, I'm not ready yet. And today I was ready. So we'll have a guest next Wednesday for November.

I'll light a candle for her on November 8th, two Mondays from yesterday. And that's it. Guys, the pain never goes away. or you could do is be a better person to make them happy so you could be happy about the transition. I don't feel bad about my mother no more. Like there was a time I felt shitty because I wasn't living the life she wanted me to live.

Today, October 27, 2021, even though it took me 42 years, today I'm living the life she wanted me to live. And for that, I'm fucking happy as fuck. And that's today's Uncle Joey's joint. I hope your motherfuckers enjoyed it. I hope you motherfuckers got something out of it. I know a lot of years, like I said, lost somebody. I hope this podcast helps you today.

And that's it. I just want you to know I'm in your motherfucking corner. You got this. And if you didn't get one of those laughing gas blunts yet, you're fucking slipping cuckers. Because that'll help you get through the pain. I don't know if I was telling Mike, for you guys that don't know, that laughing glass blunt has an eighth of weed in it.

It's got an eighth of fucking weed in it. I want you guys to know, you fuck with that blunt. You're going to fucking end up on the losing side of that fucking blunt. I'm just letting you know right now so you know. Laughing gas blunt is available at the ice cream shop. It is fucking tremendous. That weed won another award last week in San Diego. Diego. It had won that cup when it first came out a year ago. That weed is on fucking

fire. So if you're not fucking around with laughing gas, now I'm going to bring it to you with Packwood's blunt. You're going to pay for it. But remember, it's a hell of a fucking blunt. And it's got three and a half grams in that. It's not your fucking ordinary blunt. And it's got treated THC paper to push you over the top. So if you didn't want to jump off that building, when you smoke this, you will jump off that motherfucking building. I hope this podcast helps you out. Thank you for listening to the joint. Thank you for watching the joint.

I love you motherfuckers with all my heart. I'll see you cocksuckers next Monday, November fucking first, all souls day. Stay black, have a great weekend, and I'll see you motherfuckers Monday morning. Tip-Tock Magoo, November 1st. Stay black. And now for a word for my motherfucking sponsors, Jack. All right, you bad motherfuckers. I want to thank you guys for listening to the dedication to my mom today.

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