The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 11/04/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #124

Episode Date: November 4, 2013

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go to Joey Diaz.net and click on the Dollar Shave Club banner. Oh, motherfucking shit. It's that time. Monday, November 4th. It's a beautiful day to be alive. Only you make it better, cock sucker. Wake up, you little dirty bitches.

Do your jumping jacks. Out of the brain. Oatmeal fruit. Take a shit. Wash your ass. Wash your monkey. Do what you need to do. What's happening?

baby. No, this is a relaxing. It's just a relaxing. It's fucking opening it up like a doctor this morning. The church of what's happening now. We're back, bitches.

That's what I'm trying to tell you. Get up, do what you need to do. What's the story with Lee? Look at Lee. Fucking serenading me, cucked sucker. It's a beautiful day to be alive. Thank you for coming on to the church of what's happening now.

Monday, November, fucking fourth. Rent's due again. That came up fast. Fucking rent. Six and a half. Half weeks to Christmas. That's it.

It's over, motherfucker. Next thing, you know, you'll be eating fucking turkey where you won't. You'll be with

your father all bored to pieces eating some rubber fucking turkey of mashed potatoes somewhere. The chick will be done in Mexicoville

fucking devouring turkeys and fucking chihuahas and whatever. You should have what they made me yesterday. What they make yesterday. It's like a Mexican

pot roast and my mom makes pot roast and it's like one of my favorite things she makes for me but this one was like spicy and had like

Spanish rice with it and like they poured the sauce over the rice and I'm like and I'm gonna fuck it up and come out here for Thanksgiving. No it's good I mean I'm gonna go over there for Christmas and sit over here and do what? He Boston

Mark and Turkey like a fucking communist? No we're gonna go to a restaurant her brother is moving out of the state so it's in and he's like they haven't told him about me because he's like I'm way Jewish and he's like really intense Mexican so like they want to spend one more holiday with him so I figured it's go whatever your dad

listen just give you dad five bucks It's gotten less and less money each time. Drop them off of fucking Denny's for Thanksgiving and shoot down to this Mexican's house and partaking on Mexican Thanksgiving. You're going to be very happy. You're going to shit blood for a year. Who gives a fuck? It's Thanksgiving. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. Well, he was supposed to come next week or this week on Friday. But it's what happens in this town. I mean, I knew I was done sometime around now, but my work needs me next week. So rather than have him sit in my apartment my whole time, I just paid for the change ticket. now he's coming at the end of the month. I was the weekend, cuck-sucking. Perfect.

I had the girlfriend. I saw you Saturday night for some tacos. Whenever my phone rings at like midnight on the weekend, I'm like, it's Joey Diaz. Once I get tacos, it was great. It's a lot of fun. I haven't had fun like this with a girl for a while. Good for you, man. I can see it.

I can see it in your face. You're a changed man. You're out of your fucking shell. You were walking around like fucking Adrian when I first met you're out. Have you heard from Ashley? No, I told you. What happened to you your friend? They ain't your fucking friend.

Now you're fucked up. Now you should have learned you should have just came on her face. Because either way, she wasn't going to talk to you. I tried to tell you. You should have shot out. She would have been sleeping with a mouth open, hung over from the night before. You know, banged when I hit her with something fucking juice sperm to the cheek. It's all over.

She would have been walking around like the president of Russia. Remember that splatter on his fucking head? She would have had it on her cheek for life. Who did that thing? I don't know some fat little fucking Jewish guy. Fucking tremendous. See? don't talk to you anyway. I told you. All that friend shit, that shit passes. Once they start

sucking somebody else's pole, there's no more friends. That's why you got to get them while they're hot while they're on your couch. And this isn't the reason why I couldn't keep the dog, but my apartment complex is a really strict, apparently no pets policy. And she stayed here for a few months. And my landlord was like, we had this problem before. I'm like, no, we didn't. And she's like, well, one day when we came up to do work, that girl was there and she had cat. I'm like, I don't think that's my apartment because I'm really allergic to cats and I don't really, I don't have, I've never

had one in my house. She's like, oh no, it was your apartment and we told her she couldn't have a cat. So she must have brought a cat here a couple of days when I was at work or something. I was like, fuck. So I was kind of pissed off. So, what are you going to do? You said, you should have came on the face. Now next time you fucking know I was right. Anyway. Anyway, how was your weekend?

My weekend was tremendous. It started I mean, you know, man, Listen, and I don't fuck around with nobody when I tell you this shit lately Because it's going to happen And you have to accept this in your life That it's going to happen in your lifetime Somewhere where you're going to be

What happened Friday at LAX I mean, when I first heard about it I thought about my friends, the comedians Who fly out Friday mornings That first I went to your website I woke up at like 10 I was like, fuck is Joey flying today Yeah, I mean

You know and this is what I tell people This is going to happen in your lifetime The days are you fucking around on your phone, looking at your stupid fucking phone to see who text you. And this is why I don't take fucking texts. This is why I don't fuck with Twitter on my phone on that dumb shit.

Because you need to pay attention in today's world. I don't give a fuck who's texting you, who's messaging you. Tell people no more. You have to pay attention. Those idiots you see, giggling, and walking down the street, those are the first motherfuckers

that are going to get shot. And they deserve to get shot. because you're not paying attention. You have to keep your eyes open. You got to look at all directions. I mean, that's how my mom raised me 50 fucking years ago. Shut your mouth and keep your fucking eyes open. You ever see these people that drive 30

and they're looking all around like sightseeing? Don't fucking sightsee on the road. Go to fucking a mountain and get binoculars or a telescope. You want a fucking sightsee. Pay attention to your surroundings all the fucking time. I might be fucking stone but you ask people who run with me Harry I fucking pay attention

you don't think I'm watching but I'm fucking watching the door I'm watching your legs I'm watching your hands especially now you don't need this shit in your life and it's gonna happen I always knew it was gonna happen to LAX it was just a matter of fucking went

you know Alex Jones is a crackpot to some people but I told you and I've said this story before 80 times on the podcast and I will tell you again the motherfucking to me in Houston that in five years by fucking 2015 there's going to be TSA everywhere

that's what they want. It's going to be a little Cuba. In Cuba there's a fucking cop on every corner. Yeah, it's like that initial too, yeah. This is going to be TSAville because the next thing they're going to hit is a kids park. Some fucking Thanksgiving party at the park in warm weather or something.

Then after that they're going to hit an amusement fucking park. That's going to be fucking soon. Then after that they're going to hit a professional event. That's coming up any day soon. Yeah. Whether an NFL, NBA, UFC, something. Because this is what their plan is.

Who's planned, Joey? I don't know. I don't fucking know. I'm no conspiracy theorist. I'm just telling you that every fucking week, when somebody shoot somebody, we hear about it right away. Yes, the power of the computer to give us up to the minute last fucking news. But no, this is what they want us to hear.

This is what every fucking day there's a shooting there. Yeah, every fucking day. This fucking shooting was a 23-year-old kid from Jersey. Whether it's one of those AR-15s, whatever the fuck those. A big fucking gun. Guys, you know, you got to pay attention. Just do me that favor. I mean, I was sitting there going, what if...

That's why I fly early, too. Because shooters don't shoot fucking early in the morning. They don't come out at 7.30. Nobody got shot at 7.30. Yeah. Everybody gets shot later in the fucking afternoon. That's why I do my business in the morning. Because fuck it.

I ain't getting fucking... No, fuck you, man. Fuck you. I've lived the hard enough life to run. into some fucking guy that snapped or whatever the fuck they're saying happens to these fucking idiots. So let's say you were there and I'm not saying you would be a hero

but let's say you saw a kid walk around looking weird you think you might have seen something like would you go to talk to somebody or like I wouldn't know what to do in that situation. In the situation the guy's got a fucking weapon you got a split second to decide. Yeah. So you got to tell somebody and then grab fucking cover or go for little kids or whatever the fuck you're going to go

for. Okay. You know, We spoke on the phone yesterday. Yeah. And I'm going to get emotional about this, people, because it's a fucking tough, fucking subject to me. And it pisses me the fuck off constantly. I'm sorry to start this Monday morning, but Lee asked me what happened.

I got to tell you guys the stories that you brought a family. I didn't even tell Lee on the phone yesterday. I go to Farmer's Market yesterday. No one on Laurel Canyon? Yeah, you go every week. Every week. It's a half a faggy fucking place. It's a family place.

It's kids. It's 60% kids. About a year ago, I go up to there and some fat fucking Japanese guy looking retarded Japanese guy and his fucking assistants come up to me and they're like, hi, what paparazzi's can we ask you some questions? And me and my wife are just sitting there eating a pizza.

This is way before my wife was pregnant. Any of this shit, this was even longer. It was a long time ago. And the conversation started off, great, man. Hey, Ben, you're in the longest yard. Tell us what the experience was. Then he's like, did you ever fuck Adam Sandler in the ass? I mean, just saying shit like this to me in front of my eye.

And I go, listen, man. It's to your best interest just to get the fuck away from me. Look at all fun and games with me, bro. I love having a great time. Like I said, you call me your fat speak, blah, blah, blah. Don't ever involve my wife in your fucking little charade. That's a big mistake. Don't ever involve my wife in your charade, bro.

Because she don't like it either, and she's going to say something to you. So yesterday, we go to Farmer's Market, and she was going to go to 10 o'clock church. So we go early. We get fish for the week. We get fruit, tomatoes, shit like that. We got a watermelon juice, we split it. But there's another half of the farmer's market where they have the petting zoo. And it's basically snow cones, you know, popcorn, anything fucking kids on that end.

That's why I don't go over there. Ice cream. You know, they have the ugliest fucking animals that they want you to pay $3 and you go pet them and shit behind cages. They got a water fountain. And that's great. My wife goes, let's kill another 20 minutes. So we walk over to the fucking water fountain, the doggy, fucking whatever. the fuck it is the petting zoo and I don't know who was in there you know every week

somebody different in there the one week it was the black guy from son to anarchy the guy that they killed the other week it's always somebody different I don't know who it was this week but they were taking pictures of like six or seven fucking paparazzi's but like three of them were across the street three of them were up close and there's a bank there first national bank of whatever the fuck it is and there's a little security guard Lee this guy's five for five maybe four five maybe 45 years old he's balding never bothered nobody maybe his family needs eight bucks an hour whatever minimum wages now a guy didn't have a weapon so what the fuck are you doing working on a sunday you know what I'm saying like they have him there to guard the bank don't stand on the

wall don't put your drinks there guys are sweetheart I see him there all the time now I'm watching these paparazzi he's telling him please get off the property they're like fuck you fat man this ain't all this shit to and I'm sitting there and I'm getting heated and heated and heated and heated because again if you want to fight the guy put the camera down and fight the guy one-on-one they're not even it's six of them it's like four of them at this point and they're taunted them they go ah and he's like well if you stand on the sidewalk i can block your view of the pictures and the guy goes if you block our view go ahead block our view see what happens to you and the guy's like i'm gonna call the police and he goes what the fuck of the

police going to do and all this shit so i'm sitting and i'm thinking to myself this is the paparazzi a man's got to make a fucking living but this is a shitty fucking living over here there's a thousand places you could go to in hollywood and get pictures or bever hills or whatever this is the valley this is quiet these people are half of fucking fags at the end of the fucking day they're half of fags they're those waspy people that things everything is beautiful it's not their world brother this is not their world get the fuck out of here so the one fat fucking japanese retard comes up to me and he's like hey man how you doing i know you aren't you lucky we're not bothering you and i go You know, you're lucky and not bother me.

This is Sunday. These people are family. These are kids. Really? You're up here wasting these people? I could see somebody on the other side. You guys are sneaking pictures. They're not a chunky Mexican guy comes over.

He's like, they're a palm. I don't know, there's not a problem. But you think about it, bro. This is Sunday. You really guys are here? This is the best you could do on a fucking Sunday. Then I looked at them in the eye and I talked to him in Spanish. And I said, you're Mexican.

You're fucking manhood and everything about. you is all about family this is what you're doing and he wouldn't fucking make contact with me wouldn't even he knew he knew i'm like really this is the best you got on the sunday his mom probably said it too you know look at these people they're out there having a good time with their kids i don't even know who the movie star is there's no movie star out there just a guy that you guys are fucking thinking whatever you know and the guy got up and walked out and they all chased them so now they started to come back one by one there's one fucking arabian whatever fuck he was comes over and he's like i hear you have a problem i go no i don't have a problem

but think about what you guys are doing. It's fucking Sunday. There's the best you gun. He goes, fuck you Italian fat, man. And that's when I just went off. Fuck you, cunt motherfucker. Your mother drank the best part of you. I go, this is all you got.

This is the best you got, taking pictures of these people. Lee, if they were making $10,000, $20,000, I wouldn't care. But all of them are chumps. You could see what they're wearing. They all got chump change. So we start arguing. My wife gets in the middle of this. We walk back.

My wife says, get the fuck out of here. We walk back to the car. As soon as I get to the car, the fucking Arabian guy follows me, and I just snapped. I run over to him, and I tell him, he was like, I'm going to hit you with the cam, and I think I spit in his mouth. He was opening up his mouth, and I spit in his fucking mouth, and then the security got involved, and they said they called the police. You know, I got in the car, my wife couldn't understand it.

I'm from North Bergen, New Jersey, and we're on front. You want to fight somebody, you fucking fight him. You fucking fight them, okay? You take your shirt off, and you go, let's fight around the building, but you don't gang up on some fucking guy. that one of you could beat up with a blindfold on. The security guy had nothing going from himself. He was just doing it for his family or whatever.

And these guys, and my wife understood it, but she didn't understand. And later on last night, she said to me, I understand now, you know? Yeah. There's one thing about bullying. I don't believe in bullying, but I don't believe in you backing out either.

He ain't going to kill you, Lee. Take his shirt off and punch him in the face really hard. Worst case, now he's going to punch you twice. Just go down. He ain't going to kick you when you're down. I'm here. But you're going to have to fight him, Lee. Fight them. Just fight them. Just fucking punch them crazy for 30 seconds. And that's it. But you're not going to let three people hit Lee or anybody else that's not. No, no, no. There's people that deserve to get fucking hit. There's some people you ever go to a bar and there's that drunk bitch outside the club. And you're like, somebody please smack this motherfucker. Even girls that are against domestic violence. Like, would somebody please smack this bitch? There's some people don't deserve to get hit or it's not their world. It's not their world. When it's not your world, you don't understand.

understand how shocking it is to your system. No, it is. I can't believe you're talking about this because I was thinking about it for the past couple days. So we've talked about bullying before and I've been bullied. And there was one time in high school where I actually fought back and I got suspended for fighting. But I don't have a lot of regrets in my life, but something I do regret is not fighting a lot. I think as a kid I would have fantasies about punching the guys who were mean or whatever.

I never did it. and it really uh... and it's one of my regrets but what's been going on in the news a past week or so a football player on the dolphins got bullied or whatever and left the team I saw that and yesterday they suspended the guy who supposedly did it

and they're having this whole big thing and everyone on ESPN saying it's terrible and it is and the guy should have got suspended but I'm just as mad and I don't know the whole story so it could get worse and I can change my mind but I'm mad at the guy who got bullied because he left like he left the team

he's like a lineman he's a huge 300 pound lineman and you just leave because you're getting bullied like how can like how can you like if you were a father and you didn't stand up for yourself like how can you face your kids like I didn't fight but I never ran like you can't run away from that like that's like in none of the football players are saying it because they're on ESPN and like

They'll get fired if they say what they should say. But how could you not... Just punch the guy in the face. Like, how can you just... Listen, it's not about punching people in the fucking face. But you can't run away and leave the team. You can't run away and leave the team, but you have to fucking stand for your space.

Listen, man, I had a horrible experience happening. I mean, I was a kid. I got beat up at the fucking park and my mother made me go back to the next day. And I talk about it on stage because it was such a painful situation day. Because I was the only spic of the neighbor, I got beat up by a white kid and Italian kid.

You know, people liked me, but I knew I was going to get my ass kicked again, and now my mother's going to the park and making me fight. You know, and I got beat up again that day, but throwing that punch at that kid and hitting him in the face liberated me for life. Yeah, I wish I had done that. It really did liberate me for life. To punch him, you could see the blood come down his nose, then he beat me up. But I always, my mother raised me to, A, stick up for yourself,

and B, stick up for the people around you. There's some motherfuckers that just look for trouble. Fuck them motherfuckers. Yeah. But there's some people that one day they wake up and they just want to take out their fucking horrible life on somebody who this is not their world. You're saying, Joey, what's not their world?

I've been smacked and I've smacked people and I've mugged people and I've done this and this. It's my world. You know what I'm saying? I'm not saying I'm a bully or I'm a fight. I'm nothing. I'm a 50-year-old man that'll get beat up in two fucking minutes. What I'm saying is, though,

even though I'm a 50-year-old man that'll get a bit beat up in two minutes. minutes, if you drive me to that point where I believe, not that I'm getting bullied, but I'm getting disrespect. My space is taking up. Okay. Because I can't figure out, even in my world, I can't figure out what happens here. All I can worry about is what happens in this space, and I'm holding my arms up like I'm going

to hug somebody. I know I'm the type of person I can't stay hit. I know it would drive me crazy if somebody hit me, and I didn't hit that person back, and it would get worse because it would escalate. I would go back with a pipe. I know me in my heart, but that punch that my mother forced me to throw. I'd gotten into fights as a kid in New York,

like in the first grade and second grade, and I got stitches, and it wasn't that I could fight. I didn't give a fuck. I was crazy, so it's not that I knew what I was doing, it's not that I knew combinations. I was just crazy. I probably held my breath when I punched.

But I was so crazy, I won a few fights. and then when I went to Sacred Heart School for boys that had gotten taken away from me there was no fights there was no real fights there the only action I had was on the weekends of an 148 street by my godmother's house there was always action up there there was always a smack

or somebody got hit with a chair you know there's always somebody got stitches but then I got beat up by the nun and I fucked her up and that jaded me for a while when I hit that nun back that day at first I felt good about myself but then I felt bad about myself

and I remember going to martial arts I was going to Gush and Roo Karate at the time and I was holding back like I was holding back even at Gush and Roo I wasn't really, that fucked me up and for some reason I said fuck it I'm gonna keep my hands to myself that's the safest way to fucking keep them

and then that thing happened at 38th Street Park with Richie Ferrar with this kid who hit me and bullied me and the next day my mother made me go back and that put me back and then she started talking to me and I started once I saw my mother in action then I said I can't I understand now and I understand what it means to stick up for yourself

you know a lot of people don't like me in this town Lee and you know why? Because I've opened my fucking mouth because I've opened my mouth and asked what's coming to me and that's a no-no in this town because God forbid you say that there's a lot of people who don't like when you say shit to them they don't you know and they don't have the balls to come back a week later and go hey man I thought about the situation you know the bigger the man the big of the fucking mistake I fucked up

Let's move on with this relationship. Fuck you then. If you don't see it that way, fuck you then. You know, I've gotten mad at the... Right now I'm reading about this Mr. Blue, this guy that... In prison. The guy that was my counselor. Okay.

In prison, that was his fucking redneck. That hated Spicks, niggas, Chinese. He just hated everybody. Just the way life is, man. Some people... And he was a prison counselor. But he took a liking to me. After a few weeks, I would bust his balls back.

I didn't give a fuck. I would break his balls back. Fucking redneck and all this shit. He called me fat spickball. It was a spic boy. At that time, I was in fat in prison. And, you know, there's a diagnostic file. When you go to prison, there's a week that they hold you back at a place called diagnostic.

They take your blood out. They check all your physicals. They check your mind. They test you your aptitude. Even back then they did that? Yeah, 87, 88. They test you on aptitude. But then there's two days that they just run you through psychiatric testing.

Just a lot of psychiatric testing with different doctors and blocks and what. What do you see when you see a black chick fucking a white guy in the ass with a bazooka? You know, they just ask you a bunch of shit, and you have to give them answers. Yeah. Well, that information goes to the FBI. And it goes to, I don't think it goes to your attorney. They won't tell you what's on that information. But when I got locked up, the final destination was Camp George West.

And everybody there kept saying, well, you know, it must be in your file or whatever. And I was like, my file. What the fuck you're talking about it? I'm like, hey, it's in your file. you know if you ask your counselor he'll tell you what's in that file so I started bugging him blue what's in that file he would always say you don't really want to fucking know you don't really want to fucking know

and this is the same guy that when I walked in called me a kidnapper and just said a bunch of things to me but then after a while I did everything I was supposed to do I did my classes I did my fucking chores I didn't my job I never really got a write-up in prison you know I got into a fight in the age unit though one time on a Sunday during the Cleveland Denver Bronco game with Savarino

Serapino, whatever his fucking name is, and I kept bugging him, what's in that file? He would always say, you don't want to know, bug fucker, you don't want to know,

bug fucker, you don't want to know, bug fucker, I asked him, and he was pissed off, and he goes, he says that, you know,

you're a piece of shit. It says that if I had something you wanted, you would get it, no matter what you'd have to do, you'd get it.

I didn't know what the fuck he was talking about. I just knew, he goes, so he's telling me on my fucking thief. And he said something that really,

he goes, if I had something, no, he goes, if you, is there something you really wanted? You could get it. That's how dangerous you are. You're a dangerous person. And I left. I didn't talk to him. I didn't talk to him for about a month. Then one day he goes, what, you're mad at me? I told you didn't want to know. And he goes, you didn't get what I was telling you, that you could do whatever the fuck you want. Even though you could be a bad criminal, but if you had a million dollars, you could figure out of the way how to get into my house, that's also for life. You could also do something good with your life, you know?

and you don't fucking know. You never fucking know. But you have to stick up for your ground, Lee. You always have to stick up for your ground because once somebody else sees that you're not sticking up for their ground and they get a little fucking edgy with you. You know, the guys will test you. You know, they'll come up and when you go to the bathroom

and hit on Paula. Yeah. If you walk back from that bathroom and you don't say something to that dude, there's somebody in there that saw you. So the next time you go to the bathroom, some other guys want to come with you to say something to Paula. So you got two.

options. You got to come back and say something so outrageous. So fucking outlandish at him, you know? That his head will fucking go in, because that's the only other option you have but blasting him. When you punch somebody really fucking hard, they go into some

other fucking planet. And birds spin around them. I'm not talking about that stupidity. I'm talking about you, you go into shock. Your body, why they're hitting me. You start thinking different options. You could be the best fighter. That's why it makes your best fighter. That after you get hit how you react to get hitting.

But there's also things you could do and say that it's the biggest smack in the face. He loses face and he's out of that. And you just scrambled his fucking brains. It's like on 30-30 when Roberto Duran, so when Sugar Ray Leonard was wife saw Roberto Duran. And Roberto Duran walked up and the sugaray went to give him a hug and he goes, fucking something and your fucking hooker wife. It destroyed his insides. He couldn't understand how and he couldn't hit him because then he couldn't fight.

he fucked up his head. So there's a particular comedian that likes to hit on chicks. When I first moved to this town, I was at the improv one night and sure a lot, I left my girl at the bar, came back three minutes later,

and there he was hitting on him. And I fucking said something to him. Oh yeah, I looked him straight in the fucking eye and said something to him. My girlfriend at the time froze because in reality, that's not a man's job. That's a woman's job to say, excuse me, I'm here with somebody.

Do me a favor. Get off that chair and get the fuck out of here. That's a woman's job to say that. How high? How are you? Sit on your head? Oh my God, you're so funny. No, that's not what your girlfriend's supposed to act like. Get the fuck out of here, sit down.

The fuck out of you, sit down. I'll smack you in the fucking head and sit out. So it's true. It's fucking true. Why come from? You can't sit next to my fucking girlfriend and talk to her. No, I know why you married Terry, because she would absolutely say that. Yeah, Terry would say, do me a favor.

Get the fuck out of this fucking chair, will you? So a lot of people don't like that. So you really have to, you know, and it's like Tony, Montana said you have to step in your mark and enforce it. The line that the fact I tell Scarface Al Pacino is the best line ever, they should have stopped Hitler and Munich. That tells it all.

If they would have stopped Hitler in Munich, which is true. If you read that history part, it's true. They would have stopped them to fucking Munich. So you have to nip these people in the butt because then it just keeps growing late. And that's the mistake we make as children and we get bullied. And that's something that my mother always clarified. for me. You know, if you're at your fucking job, there's some bosses that say

shit to you. A boss is a boss. He's supposed to instruct you. He's supposed to, you know, help you. He's supposed to give you support. Yeah, you know, if you fuck up, he's straightened you out. But there's a thin line of straightening people the fuck out at work. Yeah. And I was one of those guys. You better

watch what the fuck you're saying. You better, you're trying. It's tough. And it's very tough. You know? A couple years ago, I shot that fucking Carl's Jr. commercial. And the one thing I can't stand, I told you a thousand times, and we talked about the artists in this town, the artists. You know, and I showed up.

It's fucking 30 degrees. This director has tattoos all over him with a wife beater on. 30 degrees in Long Beach. But he wants you to know he's tatted up with a little fucking hat and two earrings and an earring in his lip, you know. So I'm a director. So I should be fucking impressed. You know what I'm saying?

And the next thing you know, they put us in these trucks. It was a commercial where a guy's laying there with ketchup on his shirt. Okay. Remember, you never seen that? It was a Carl's Junior commercial. I'm going to remember. A guy's eating. He didn't have to be.

It was a national commercial. It was Carl's Jr. Or what's Carl's Jr.? I think it's Hardee's? Hardys. It was a commercial where they were eating fucking something. And all of some, two mobsters pull up, and they pull up to the window and the guys asleep with ketchup all over him.

And it looks like somebody shot him. And the two guys are somebody already shot him. They get back in the car. Well, that one person was me. It was me and Masi Furlad. he's in the season open NCI says a little Italian guy and I don't know nothing

They go you have a driver's license Yeah all right you drive the SUV And Mosse's gonna drive the fucking whatever call Mosey'll tell you the fucking story And I get in the whatever But the thing is rigged It's got lights in there If you ever do a car with a commercial

A car with a movie It's not what a car is It's a car with lights And they got a camera over here And a camera behind you And a camera and both fucking things It's amazing When you see it in a movie

You don't see any of those cameras but it's pretty fucking cool it's there so fucking I get in the car boom I started and I drive it and you're supposed to get out of the car in a hurry well I went to step on the emergency

braids and there was no emergency break the thing just went down and I had to get out of the car and do what I had to do and the car kept rolling and the guy's like who let that fucking car rowing who's the idiot and I go I'm the fucking idiot stupid motherfucker I go you didn't

fucking fix the fucking break and he just froze like all the A.D froze everybody froze because nobody's ever talked to you know Johnny artist but I wiped that artistry with my dick yeah I wipe that shit my fucking asshole I don't give a fuck about your fucking tattoos and your fucking wife beat it's 30 degrees everybody got a hooded sweatshirtion on and this fucking moron you know so I don't give a fuck but he didn't fuck with me the rest of the shoot yeah you know he didn't fuck with me you know when when I did the movie the longest yard

that shot Romanoski hit me with can of corn okay he was hitting me because I was provoking him. But I didn't know he was that provocable. I was just thought I was being cute. But after he hit me and I seen the anger and I kept asking, this is the best you got. And he kept on fucking hitting me and my helmet would flip around.

Bro, he was hitting me that hard that my helmet was turning around. That's hard to get fucking hit. And I would look at him and go, fuck, that's nothing. Oh, my God. And I don't think he talked to me after that. Really?

Yeah, I don't think he's a crazy guy. Yeah, he's a crazy dude. But it's crazy. And, like, I'm going, like, they change my schedule again at this job. I'm done in two weeks. And I should just say, fuck you. And I don't need the, like, I think after taxes I'd make less than two grand over these next two weeks, I should just say, fuck you guys.

But it's tough. And, like, the guy, the football player, it's been going on for a year and a half. And he just left the team. And, like, as someone who got bullied, I'm like, that, you shouldn't, you're sending a bad example. You know, man. Like, what if you were on a TV show? Where's he going to go now? Any team he goes to, they're going to torture him.

Oh, yeah. Like, they didn't even sign that gay guy, the gay basketball player. He's not playing for anybody. He's not that great, but he's a good bench player. And, like, there's not how much controversy is going to be in a locker room. Exactly, yeah. That's what people are going to, oh, he's so proud for saying that, yeah, but he's unemployed, bitch. Yeah.

He's going to be coaching a girl's fucking team now because, fine, he came out of the closet, and we should all be proud of them and whatnot. But how much damage is that going to cause on the team? what they're going to do, fly him and give him his own fucking locker room? Yeah. That's what you're telling me? Big fucking black dudes or big dicks. Don't like a gay guy in the fucking locker room.

Trust me. Trust me. Those NFL fucking players, yeah, they walk around with their fucking pink ribbons on because they have to. They don't give a fuck about anything. They don't give a fuck about anything. Trust me, I used to hang out with those dudes. I was one of those dudes. They don't give a fuck about gays, whatever.

They don't want no fucking gay guys in the thing. They have no sympathy. They're too young to understand. They're too young to understand. Unless they have a fucking, you know, gay cousin or a flower. I don't fucking know. Who the fuck know? And how, like, with comedians, like, you and I joke around.

And, like, let's say I got offended one day and said, oh, don't call my fan. Like, I got all upset. How could we do the podcast? Like, how could we, like, how could, if he goes to another team and, and they're joking around, they're going to be like, oh, we can't joke around with him. Like, I understand bullying. He's bad, and he shouldn't have been getting bullied, and I'm sure it was terrible. but you can't let it go on for a year and a half

and then just leave the team I don't know it pissed me off people's people's pain threshold is getting simpler and simpler I this weekend did what I do

every Saturday when I went to my friend's kid's soccer game I was very I'm not pissed I'm not hurt by it but I was very in shot they have three boys okay

I'm a girl and the kids are great guys when I tell you these kids are great the boys are great the older one I don't see them but the two medium ones the 13 to 14 to 12 I see a lot I go to their basketball games

blah blah blah so we usually go to a soccer game with them as a family we cheer for a little girl and we all good lunch this week went to red lobster which was fucking terrible and we're sitting there and all of a sudden they're throwing spitballs at each other right so there's a bag

there's a to-go bag, right? Like, over here. Like, it's a long table. It's eight of us. So I'm at the table with my daughter, my wife, and the little girl's next to me, and over there is Griffin. And there's a bag in front of Griffin.

And after the spitballs are fucking around with the two brothers, I take my pencil, and I hit the bag. And it goes, pamp. Once I get another spitball, and I hit the bag, and they go, and they're laughing. We're all fucking laughing.

And finally, the brother, hits Griffin with a spitball and a spitball hits the brother but the brother goes to get one and there's a bag so he's hired, I basically can't see it he's behind the bag, right? So he fucking shoots the bag he shoots the brother

I get my spitball and I go to hit the bag again to make that noise he moves the bag over to use it as a shield so the spitball I shoots hits him close to the mouth or right on the front you're almost going to rest in

for being. up a paparazzi and you're doing spitballs at Red Lobster. No, right, so these are kids. I'm a fucking big kid. So the spitball hits him on the lip and it bounces off and we die a laugh. Even he's laughing. Yeah. But when he looks up and sees everybody's laughing, he just went into tears.

I had to get up and apologize and say, I was sorry. And I don't think he knew why he was crying. My wife was like, Joey, did you feel bad? I go, how do you fucking, I don't go around to make people cry. I feel fucking terrible. That's my buddy. I play basketball with him. him we fuck around a couple weeks ago he's Asian you know he's Filipino and I said

something he goes what are you talking about he goes I'm not that Asian you know he's just a funny fucking kid you know a couple weeks before that we went to the girls game the soccer and he looked at him and he goes why do you keep going to soccer games it's so boring come to my games and he's a little he's the little as fucking Chinese kid on the team Filipino kid because it's an Asian community but he's the smallest woman and he plays like he's six foot seven so I love the kid you know what I'm saying but just to see him cry like like that the other day, put me

in shot. Yeah. Like when I was after fucking the age of eight, you had to hit me with a fucking dump truck for me to cry. Like, you really had to hit me with a dump truck. Like, I was done with that shit crying on demand. Once I got to that 148th Street realm, all that shit went away.

Once my stepfather moved in the house, I couldn't act like that no more. I couldn't act like that. Like, cry around my mom. Like, they were doing something different with me. It was the weirdest thing. I've been thinking about this ever since I hit him with the spitball that day because I felt fucking terrible

How old is he? He's 12 Oh that's too old to cry about that Yeah so You know And kids are sensitive You know and I know that Because of the internet

Because of TV Kids are programmed To act a certain way But then again Every fucking kid show I watch They're always doing martial arts Yeah So aren't these kids going

And when you go to a jiu jitza school Basically I heard Eddie say this the other day and it confirmed it to me. You know, the place I go to VMAQ and the Valley, great place. But those guys aren't killers. They're very decent kids. They're computer kids.

They have jobs. It's not like the kids over there, killers or nothing. But if you go to any school, it's not that they're killers either. I don't want to call them there on the gateway of being nerds or nothing because they're not nerds by any matter.

By the way, my man fucking Zach at VMA always asked me, when are you bringing the flying to? You have fat. They're all 25, Lee. They're all kids, so they know who you are. The one girl friend of me today on Facebook, she's a kid, but she's a big Joe Rogan fan from Jiu Jitza. So it's just weird that they're all programmed to be martial artists.

Like when I was growing up, I had Batman and Superman, and he beat some bitches up, and you had Popeye who stuck up for olive oil. So I don't know the differences of why the bullying issue is so big right now. I don't get it. Well, I went to, I did like six or seven years of Taekwondo. And, but they always, from the first day, they jamming into you, like, you're doing forms and, and this isn't for fighting. This is for self-defense. That you should never use it.

And I almost wish that I had gotten into fights because I didn't. And, uh, like, it's, I think that people are going because, like, they realize they missed out on something. Like, a 12-year-old, you shouldn't really, you shouldn't cry at that. And, and it's, I understand he was embarrassed. Like, it was just a reaction. But the reason you didn't cry is because you were running around, fighting on streets. And if you cried, you would have gotten probably more, like, not being up, but I don't know what would have happened. But these kids have been in, and Jiu-Jitsu and all that stuff is great.

But at a certain point, it's just, you're just doing forms, and it's the same thing as Zumba and yoga and stuff. It's weird how I, you know, when you talk about the word streets, you say streets, like it's this. After school, it wasn't like we went and fought and we went in, we were regular kids. We played football, two-hand touch, and after three or four games, we went over to the basketball court and played three or four games. After that it was over with, they didn't want to do that. We went into the woods and lit a fire. You know, and after that, you know, you did so many things.

Sometimes along that way, especially at the basketball court when you're playing sports, they'd be misunderstandings. But I don't want anybody to know when I was growing up in North Burden. It was a fight every day. not like that. There wasn't a mugging every day. It's exaggerated on my part, and it's exaggerated in society. They say the street. The fucking street. The street is a state of fucking mine.

I've been to people's houses that it's worse than the fucking streets. You might get mugged in their living room. Yeah. But like the kids nowadays, like you see you play football, basketball, and you go lit a fire. Now kids are playing Madden NBA games, and they're playing Grand Theft Auto. And it's just different. Like, you don't run into that. and I think it's also weird

because people get this false sense of like luckily the people who listen to us are most of the time cool on Twitter. I don't really get much hate at all. But some of the stuff, like the people were writing about like this football player yesterday on Twitter, a different one who, like

the quarterback from Houston who got benched. And some of the awful stuff they're saying that they would never have the balls to say to this huge guy in person. And it's a half. It's a hacker, I don't know what you want to call it, for saying, oh, there's two, people get

too tough behind Twitter and stuff, but it's true. Like, you were out playing football and basketball and there were little arguments, but they were over. Like, there's 10-year-old kids now committing suicide because of people what people are saying on Facebook. It's just,

it's, it's crazy, I can't even understand it. You know, again, the first thing, the first stupid fucking mantra you learn growing up is sticks and stones will break my bones. Words can never help me. I hurt me. Call me this, call me that, call yourself a big fat rat, right? Something like that. Wasn't that the fucking trust? I knew the first one. I didn't know the second one. And that was the mantra. After a while, you know, you could call me fucking names, whatever,

you know, whatever you say to me goes back to you, sticks on glue, whatever the fuck, you know. I mean, all that stuff worked for a while. Yeah. I would never, after a while, you said something that was very interesting. You said that you fantasize yourself, a bunch of people. Oh, yeah, all the time. Every fucking child does. I think we all do. You know, I fantasize for years. I'll listen to Sabbath, bloody Sabbath, and want to kill my fucking stepfather. That's what's about.

It's about people lying to you. People, you know. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Hello. Oh, shit. It's my little brother, Danny. Be in the fucking house.

That's right, my man. What's going on? Nothing, Danny. I've been watching you on Twitter lately in the last couple months, and I see that you are one of the hardest working fucking men in the sports betting industry and these fucking idiots aren't catching on to what you're doing

and starting to piss me off. What are you going to go? It is what it is. You know, personally, I'm just sitting here waiting for the lesbians to drop off my weed. That's all I care about right now. The lesbians, they're running fucking late.

Howley later, they run in these two little dirty bitches? I don't know. Me and my wife, we got this hookup in Eastern. These two lesbians, they drop off all weed and they're running behind him. They might be in the bed thing. I don't know what the hell, but they're late, and I'm getting a little fucking fucking fucking pissed off at him.

I think you're looking at there's one chubby with the fucking military haircut and the other one's hot. Pretty, no, they're pretty much both banged up, but they're nice girls out of Long Island, but yeah, they drop it off, you know? We don't got the convenience stores like you do, and the chewy chews and all that neat shit here. I'm trying to get the white to move out west, man. It's a hard sale of, really is. No, no, no, stay where you are. You got the world by the balls. You got your home there.

It's very nice. Basketball season is upon us, Danny. And with these fucking wackadoos don't know, it's six and a half weeks away from fucking Christmas. Nobody wants to be hungry on Christmas. No, it is what it is. Basketball, you know, most people, unfortunately, they don't even think about basketball

until after the Super Bowl. It is what it is. College basketball starts up this week, too. Saturday, I believe, you know, we have football all week long, but, Coco, it is. You know, nobody cares about basketball until football. they're stupid because the lines are soft, you dumb motherfuckers.

When the lines are soft and people don't know what's going on, this is your chance to steal, especially Tuesday nights. The whole month of November, you should be making a killing on Tuesday nights, killing on Tuesday nights that you could just fan your fucking dick for the rest of the week. You don't have to steal. You don't have to lie to your mother. You don't have to do nothing.

Just pick up the check on fucking... It's true, Danny. Football's tired of never now. Football's tighter than ever. What were the upsets yesterday? Let's see. what happened yesterday. We almost had Seattle losing to Tampa. Yeah.

They fucking came back. Houston, well, it wasn't really, you know, it's funny because Houston, they were kind of like a pick-um playing a colts, and they fell apart. Big upsets, I don't know if anything was big yesterday, any big upsets. The favorites kicked ass the week before.

Yesterday was a lot of balance, you know, yesterday. The Jets beat New Orleans. Yeah. Yeah, the Jets. Yeah, the Jets. There you go, Lee. Did we say that. They were a plus six. They beat those a... They beat those a...

In the motherfucking metalands and shit. Yeah, there you go. The Jets fans are excited about that, you know? How about the coach last night for the Texans being caught it away? I hope he's okay. What do you think happened there? That's Coobiak, right? Poor Cubiac.

Remember, in Denver, he sat on the bench for 10 years behind Elway, scratching his fucking head. Gary Cubiard. Gary Cubi. And then whenever they're... How's the baby? Let's talk family. How's the baby? You know, bro,

uh, it's something, it's something to look at and go, you scratch your head every fucking morning. You scratch your head, you get more and more scared about life. You hugger more, you know,

it's, it's great. It's great that it, the wife is around now all day lurking like a fucking spider. So that's good, you know. Yeah. But besides, my little guy,

my older guy, Jaden, Okay, he's mild. He's a little spoiled, a little prissy. You know, we spoiled him. But my little guy, J.T., is a fucking monster. Cute as hell. But he reminds me of my brother Gary, which scares me.

He's doing shit at this age that you shouldn't be doing. He's thinking things. He walks around with a bono all day long. He's always look at it, Mommy. It's fucking weird. But, uh... Let me ask you something, Danny. It's challenging.

You have a boy, and I know you a long time, Danny. You're a never-say-die motherfucker. You're like me. That's the two-thes-old. things that came out on North Berger, that we're too never, they're going to have to kill us with fucking bazookas, then stab us,

then throw stones at us, then chop us up, then light us on fire, then bury us, then take us out of the sea and bury us in the fucking ocean. Because it's just, how do you raise your boy,

Danny, in this world of people getting bullied? Well, you know what? It's tough, you know? Even the NFL players, look, the one got suspended indefinitely for bullying on an NFL. I mean, come on, when you've got a 34-year-old bullying a 24-year-old, that's pretty sad.

But as far as the kids go, I don't know, it is what it is. You teach him not to be aggressive, but to protect themselves, you know. My little guy don't have to worry about it. He's going to be able to handle himself, you know? And getting back to what you said, we've been burned, drowned, tortured, but we're like Jason. He ain't going to kill us. Michael Myers, he ain't going to kill us. He might slow us down a little bit.

But I'm getting back on my feet every time I get. get knocked down and that's life though you know uh even my business now coax it's it's changing everything's on the internet nobody wants to talk to anybody everybody's bashing everybody and it's pretty awful but you know i'm comfortable in my own skin so i'm okay with everything you know it is what it is what do you tell you nine-year-old if somebody pushes them to fucking bit slap and what do you tell him dann well you know what he's he's into that wrestling shit that w-wee shit so everything with him is a headlock a bite and a pin and a inch and a scratch. Actually, we got a little note that he punched somebody in the face on the

bus the other day because the kid was teasing him about his girlfriend because he's into girls now. He found his first little girlfriend, to be honest with you. She's pretty ugly. I don't want to tell him that because it'll break his heart. But yeah, so the kid was busting his ball. So he took a swing at him or something like that. We got a little warning note, you know, but he's not a bully. Now, the little guy, he's a bully. He's the guy that we're going to have to watch. You know, so... Not to interrupt you, but what would you rather him do? Bring an ugly girl home or an ugly little boy home.

You know what I'm saying? Well, yeah, there's two state of minds. I'd rather the motherfucker come home with the bride of Frankenstein than show up with Louis, you know, the DJ over at Sugarcues. No, she is a nice girl. Actually, she's got a twin sister. I don't know what happened. He picked the wrong sister.

The twin, I don't know. I guess they're not identical twins, that's for sure. But yeah, he has his first little crush, and he's getting sensitive, and, you know, actually, actually, and he's doing weird shit in his room, man. I don't know what the fuck's going on in half. The four-year-old or a nine-year-old? You know, he's fucking won't open the door.

The four-year-old? No, no, him. He's already doing weird shit, too. But the nine-year-old's starting to find himself. I guess he's getting his pubic hairs going and all the time. You know, the changes of becoming, you know, nine, ten-year-old. He's fucking nine. He's already getting hard-ons and whacking off this shit.

No, no. No, no. Listen, the four-year-old, he's, slinging, man. He's slinging. He's walking around like, I'm looking at him like, damn, man. You sure you're my son? Where the fuck did that thing come from? But yeah, he walks around all day and he looks at it. He's got his face on. He's under the blanket. He's looking at you. He goes,

Mom, look at the size of my bone. And it's pretty weird. But, you know, kids, you know. But, yeah, the older guy, yeah, he's got a little crush going. Like I said, she's, I think she's homely. But like you said, he's not bringing a man home. No, what happens? Like I said, you know. At least not now anyway. He shows up a little black DJ with a little cute haircut and an earring in his nose. What are you going to do?

What's up with you, man? What are you doing? You're hitting the sticks again? You're going to North Carolina this week? North Carolina. I go to Long Island. I go to St. Louis to see Joey Falado. Then from Thursday night, Thursday night, the 21st.

I'm doing a club with Ari Shafia. Joey Falado is already taking the day off. You know, I might as well on. include Joey into the mix of motherfuckers that you have to shoot with a bazooka. You know, he's very, he adopted a baby. Oh, good. He lives in St. Louis.

He runs a car dealership. He makes fucking tons of money. He, you know, he loves it, that his wife has a baby. And that's another guy that got caught Robin, and he got a couple smacks, and he changed his life around. And now I don't think he does anything.

I don't think, Joe... Yeah, I'm sorry. Me and Joey did some heist with him. Big glue. I don't know if you remember Big Louie Esa. He came around in the late 90s, early 90s, a big dude out of Passaic. His old man was called Bonesy

Issa. But anyway, Big Blue was like 6'7, 300 and something pounds of it. He had contacts with the retired DEA agents, and they used to squat on the drug buildings in New York City, so we used to get the phony John Doe warrants. And me and Joey Falado were in deep

with the guy. We owed him a lot of money, so to work off our debt, and we started going on a little drug heist with him. So me and Joey were, yeah, we were sidekicks there for a while. You know, we had, well, I can think back, but we had some crazy times, man, and today, in 51 years old, I can't even believe I'm still alive,

I'm healthy, and there's my fucking phone. Now, who the hell is this? It's a solicitor. I can't stand this, son of a bitches. Well, time to suck your dick and call you, Shorty. I got into a new office, and I inherited new phone numbers, and everybody,

they're looking for wine, and Diego and Jose and they owe money and this one and they want to give me student grants and blah blah blah put it this way if it was if that was potential clients calling I'd be on easy street my phone rings all day long and it's nobody calls no more Coco you know nobody calls no more the live podcast the other day I don't know somewhere in the live podcast we started talking about people we knew and I talked about I just stopped and for some reason I thought about Darren Reagan what Darren would be like today and I told the story about one of

Last times I saw Darren, I did a show in New York City, and I stayed out. I had no money for a hotel, Danny. I would stay on Mike Asklees's balcony. When I went home in the late 90s, I would sleep on Mike Asklees's balcony. He lived on the 34th floor, and I had my clothes outside, and I'd walk through his living room. He was sleeping on the couch, and he'd leave me blankets and a pillow on his balcony, and I'd sleep out there. This is how poor I was, doing comedy, going back to New York.

I was living out here, but I went back one night, and they told me Darren lived by the park, by Hudson County Park, right by Bergerline, those buildings. The guy who was fucking his wife, his ex-wife, owned those buildings, and he went to him and said, you want to fuck my ex-wife, I want an apartment for free. So the guy gave him an apartment. I went up there, Darren had two bedrooms, no furniture, no nothing. It was just beer cans everywhere that people had left because he wasn't drinking because of the hepatitis D. And there was a cop, like one of those, you know those, you know those.

cots that you open up there was one of those that's in the black and white television and I stayed outside there until about six ringing the doorbell and he finally let me and he goes I fell asleep at eight I was up for three days partying with the Jap you know and I asked him about this chap

and I go what are you doing he goes whoa when I'm not unloading planes I'm a bodyguard to a Japanese guy that flies in and he pays me like $2,000 $3,000 and he gives him ecstasy and heroin and special K and MDMH

It was like the late 90s, so ecstasy was big and all that shit. So we're eating at that fucking breakfast spot on Bergen-Line Avenue. What's that breakfast spot on 70-something street? The kitchen coffee shop. The kitchen coffee shop. That's right. And he tells me, first he tells me that I go something about fighting. And he goes, ah, he goes, I can't even, nobody will fight me no more.

I've got to fight my friends. It's like, I'm dying of laughter. And this is at the time when the hashways had fucked him over. So he wanted to beat up one of the hashways, and he cornered them in his car and slapped him hysterical. But he also told me a story about what he does with this Japanese bodyguard. And this is serious. And you know I ain't lying, Dan.

He grew up with the guy. He goes, at 11 o'clock, I eat like a fucking couple volumes. Then at 12, I do some MDMH. And then at like 1.30, I do some heroin. And then at about 3, I'd do a little Coke to come down. But don't drink because that'll kill you. I'll never forget him saying that to me because he couldn't drink because of the hepatitis D,

but he would do drugs all fucking night. And I can't tell you that, you know, these guys that listen to the podcast, you're young and shit, I miss Rego today. I miss Dan Regal more than I miss my mother. Do you know that, bro? Wow. Wow. I miss down Reagan.

I miss him more today. Yeah. Let me get off of this speaker phone. This fucking thing sucks. Okay. Yeah, is that better, buddy? Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I miss that kid more today. I look at that picture on my wall every morning, and I would feel bad that that kid was still alive because I know he'd be here. Yeah. I know he'd be out of here. I know for a fact he'd be out of your throwing people up balconies. Just having a great time.

You know who called me yesterday, Gary Richmond. Gary Richmond. Gary Richmond, a cop, to ask me a favor if I knew Lewis C.K. Because Lewis Stitzer was driving a car for Lewis C.K., and he fired him. Louis Stits it, man Willie and I go back to Robert Fulton, man, that's a long...

Hey, you know, we're talking about Darren, and the first thing that I visualized, Darren, besides being a little pit bull-looking, his fights with Kenny Edler. If they weren't the classic fights, Friday nights, Saturday nights, outside of the Midtown, outside of Corkies,

those were some wheel, and then that, before you know, they were all shaking hands doing a blast together. It was the fucking funnest times. And, yeah, Darren, We all miss Darren, you know. Anytime it's been 10 years plus, right? What is it?

12 years, maybe he died. It's something that I can't even, I put away. Like, I don't even really think about it. I don't think about them sometimes on purpose just because I know that if I go too deep into Darren, I'll get sick on my stomach. I get sad because his daughter just got accepted into fucking East Stroudsburg State. Oh, fucking crazy.

Strasbourg? That's by me. That's not far from me. Yeah, his daughter just got accepted up there. So Danny, tell me what you're doing for the NBA. You're doing any approach? Because what I'm trying to tell these people is this. I'm not encouraging you to gamble,

but you're going to probably gamble on your own and you're going to lose. I'm like Danny said, a lot of people right now are trying to figure out next week's Sunday and Monday. Good. Have a great fucking time figuring it out. I know Danny's got something for you

for Tuesday and Thursday. You don't have to worry about the weekend. Or you're going to be a fucking Puerto Rican win money on Tuesday and Thursday, then lose it all on your own because that's what these fucking idiots do on their own. And that's why Danny comes in. You get a guy like Danny to walk you through the steps. What are you doing now? Something like a dollar a day

or something? Yeah, you know, it's even cheaper than that. You know, it breaks down. It depends on, you know, if I like you or not, if you're a church member or somebody that, it breaks down to 50 cents a day. You know, they sign up on the internet now. Nobody wants to talk to anybody. So I come up with this idea. You know what? Let me make it affordable for everybody. And I'm showcasing some young talent. You know, I've had Tim Donegie, the Philly Godfather, all established guys. But this is a young man's game now. Everything with gambling is called algorithms.

There's that. It's like I'm impressed by somebody young talent. And for the last, I don't know, maybe about a year, they've been all trying to get on my show, sending me plays. So what I've done is I'm now showcasing some of the younger guys in the business where you contract their plays for as little as a dollar a day. But if anybody signs up, I normally double their membership. hypothetically, if you sign up for 90 bucks

for three months, I give you six months. So it breaks up like 50 cents a day, and there's always an offer of my plays up there periodically, but it gives these young guys a chance to show their skills because nobody's doing that far. And believe me, I'm catching heat. People are like, why are you doing this? Why are you putting these government? Don't spend a fucking dollar. I don't care.

It's to show these kids are good. They're sharp, you know, and they're the way of the future. So I just started this about about a week ago, not even, and it's going pretty good already. You know, I just, my problem is I don't have enough people on the Internet following me, and I'm not going out of my way to do that. I need to spend more time focusing on the Internet. But it is what it is. I'm an old-school guy.

I'm just trying to keep up with the changes of time. And these kids are pretty sharp. Yesterday we did well. We were 5-0. Saturday they were 3-3. Friday they were 1-1. But if you ride these kids out, they're good. You're really sharp kids, you know?

And that's what I'm working on right now. A dollar a day. I mean, who the hell? It's fucking a cup of coffee for Christ. I'm thinking how to hustle, cock sucker. Go with Danny B. Wins. Go to the fucking webpage. See if he's got the offer you.

What the fuck? I'm going to encourage you to go out there and gamble, but you're going to do it on your own anyway, like some fucking schmuck. You might as well get help. If you were going to do kettlebells, you're going to do them three, four weeks on your own, you're going to hurt your fucking back.

You know, look at some tape on YouTube. You're going to miss a fucking small detail. You're going to miss a small detail because this is not your world. You go to a coach. That's all Danny is. He's going to be your fucking gambling coach. Give him a shot.

What the fuck you got to lose? A dollar? Well, you know what? Here's the deal. The new site for these guys, it's, I made it simple. It sounds catchy, too. Danny wins the number for you.

Danny wins the number for you. And I think it's going to take over in time. It takes time. I got my assholes that are attacking me on Twitter. You've seen a little bit of that shit, you know, trying to bring up my past. Well, that's his big secret. I got a wrong.

arrested a couple of times. But here's the thing, who wants a fucking attorney that hasn't done, that hasn't snorted coke? Do you want an attorney and never did a line of coke and never ate some chick's ass?

For what? He doesn't know the other side. He doesn't know how to protect you. He hasn't eaten somebody's ass. And that's what I don't understand when they were attacking you. So you did time. You've been involved in this

for 15, 20, 30 fucking years. You gotta get something out of this. You know what? I'm not the best comedian in the world, but I've been doing this for 20 years. I know a thing or two. Give me a fucking shot. And that's what I'm a lot.

I know this kid's been doing this since we were fucking kids. That's all his whole family fucking talks about. His whole family. Greg yesterday, hit money. He put it on Facebook. He was jumping up and down. Jamo finally gave a winner. Jamo, my cousin, gave who a winner, Greg?

Yeah. Oh, my God. They were out in Vegas. You know, they do the Facebook stuff. I'm not being on Facebook, but my wife keeps tracking him. I'm like, what do they do? They're in Vegas every weekend. I haven't spoken to James, but a few times.

recent in the last few months but yeah they seem to be doing out it's tough this this shit's tough it's not easy man I've seen even like the guys like the Philly Garfather better professionals for 30 years they get their asses with people want to judge you by one or two days and that's what it that's that's not fair you know I get people give me one winner and if you win I'm gonna sign up so you're telling me if I win this game I'm a god and if I lose it I stink that's not fair that's why this dollar a day gives you a enough time and it's very inexpensive to follow us over the course of time because

anybody can have a good or a bad weekend you can't judge anybody by that you know you know you know Danny you always know where to fucking find them he's always here these other fly-by-night operations they'll be with you for two months and they change their fucking phone number yeah Danny B in the fucking house you bad motherfucker on a Monday morning look at Monday tell him by Mike Ronnie waiting for the lesbians waiting for the fucking lesbians waiting for the fucking I've been without my poo-poo now for about two days. They don't bring your Chimo juice?

Yeah. So you're going to go to Long Island? Yeah, I'm going to go enough. Here's the problem, though. My wife's birthday is on that Saturday, the 16th. You're coming in on a Thursday, right? I'm not coming on Tuesday for the New York Comedy Festival, Manhattan. Oh, man, I'll come up during a week.

If we can't go up during a week, that would be better, because I can't be gone on Saturday. No, no, no, no, no, no. Plus it's a busy day for me on Saturday. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, yeah. I got my radio shows. No, I definitely want to come up.

Listen, man, I have a blast. But the problem is, I take you, give me those fucking chewy shoes, and then I go into a fucking coma. And then I don't even know where to fuck them at. Did you get fucked up last time? Yeah, that's close that window. Close that window. Oh, you were there with us that Friday night,

or you were there Saturday with Roney? No, I was there with the closed-the-window guy, and that little man running down the street yelling. Fucking motherfucker got a fucking carluck out of the fucking motherfucker. Now let me tell you something. Saturday night Mike Runny showed up. Now, besides you and me, and I say this on the air, like fucking soldiers, beside you and me, Ronnie is another one of the third fiends of North Bergen. If the Lord didn't touch me six years ago, I'd still be doing blow.

You follow me? Mike Runny still does powder on the weekends. He told me he doesn't jaw no more. Remember when we were kids, he jaw fucking uncontrolled. People you've never seen a man. jaw move to either the line of coke with Mike Runny. But this night I told him, don't fucking show up and do that shit. So he promised me he wasn't going to do it.

I took a 500 milligram anti-delores chocolate fucking pop tart, whatever the fuck those things are. And I chopped it up four ways. Now, you know Mike Runny has eaten quailudes. He's done everything. I chopped it up four ways. Everybody was fucked up that night, including me. Mike Ronnie looked like he was an old man.

He was like walking slow, like with a cane. You know that that was on a Saturday night? You know Tuesday he called me? He's like, Cokes, what was in that fucking thing? He goes, I was high-toe yesterday. Holy shit. He goes, I will never eat one of those fucking things again. I don't give a fuck.

He goes, I ain't even come to California to visit you. That's how bad that was. So the other day I spoke to them. It's like the Tutsi rolls. You got to have the minis. When you're not used to, you can't go ahead and eat the big Tutsi roll. You have to start with the little mini-sized ones. What happened to you last time?

You were fucked up in the city, and I gave you when you went to Weehawking, you ate a pizza. Dude, it was fucked up. I was having a time of my life. I'm laughing. I'm fucking sitting there with Mario Cantone's brother, Craig, Darren's stepbrother, actually. And I'm fucking lively. And then you give me, the next thing I know, I walk into the club, and I just humming, a hum on a hum and I didn't know what happened. I'm sweating.

All the mad flavor fans are talking to me, and I couldn't even. I was like, please, bro. My eyes are bleeding. I'll talk to you later. And I stayed high. I stayed high, but you know what? And somebody tweeted me. One of your, the guy from the chewy place, he's like, yeah, you need to come out to California just recently.

This morning, this morning. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I saw that. I was like, but what makes my eyes bleed, brother? But no, I listen, I'm a big weed guy. I've been smoking since some 10 years old. But that shit's different. That's like fucking eating dynamite. I was in Europe, in the Army, smoking the best hash in the world.

But this shit is, what is it? That's what I want to know. What the fuck is it? Hey, Dan, let me ask you something. because I didn't know you back then. Did you ever get bullied when you were a kid? Who bullied? Did I get bullied?

Yeah. I was molested as a kid, but I don't know about being bullied. No, you know what? I was pretty tough kid, you know? I was a pretty tough kid. I wasn't a bully, but I wasn't afraid to throw down. Did I get bullied? You know what?

You know who bullied me? Scott Zemanek's brother, the older brother, what's Glenn? Glenn Zemanack. he bullied me for a while I did something to him and I was fast and you couldn't catch me and then one day

I wasn't looking and was on Park Avenue and next thing I turned around somebody tapped on my shoulder and fucking lit me up and it was him broke my nose actually then he did it again

a couple of weeks later but I was like 10 or 11 years old but no I can't say what's going on with the bully why is this a topic today what's going on somebody picking on you brother no no no no just to see what want me to come out there

and fucking bring some guns no no no no I was pleased. I was way ahead of you. No, no, no. Just, it's a big topic, and I'm trying to remember, you know, like, I had a situation when I first moved to North Bergen, downtown, because there weren't that many Cubans in my area there. But after that, it got smoothing, and after that, you know, you just grow out of it. And I don't know if, I know that, you know, he used to fucking really love you as a kid, Glenn Conti. Glenn Conte, always. And I loved him, too. I really still love him. I haven't talked to him since 94 or whatever, but I wish he always loved him.

He was a tough fucking kid when he wanted to fight that motherfucker. He used to stick his tongue out, remember? He used to do the tongue. He used to come out of the side of his mouth. Oh, my God. You know, yesterday had a situation, Danny, at the farmer's market with some paparazzi. And I got in my car, and I drove my wife to church.

And I went home, and I thought about it. And I go, you know, 20 years ago? I mean, you know what really happened yesterday, Danny? I had the guy. I could have beat the fuck out of this little fucking Arabian photographer and his buddies. and I walked back to my car and it was wide out in the open

and they followed me to the car and I turned around and I walked up to the guy and he was yelling at me and I spit in his fucking mouth that was classic there was nothing he could do Danny I got in my car and left and before I got in my car

I really thought about fucking fighting these guys for about a second and then I saw something I saw one of these pussy testosterone fathers walked by me with a cut off t-shirt and this little 40, 50 year old muscles and there's three little fucking kids

and this cunt wife and he just looked over at me. Here I am, I'm sticking up for the rights of this fucking thing. And a couple people helped me out. A couple people got involved. This is Mexican fruit market guy that always gives me the apple. Every Sunday comes from around the fucking corner and gives my wife an apple. And my daughter, he gives the baby an apple.

That motherfucker ran to my aid. But I knew, Danny, that at the end of the day, guess what, Danny? I'm all alone. I'm all alone out here. I sometimes forget that I'm 50, and I sometimes forget that. I don't live in North Bergen no more, where all I got to do is pick up the phone and make one fucking phone call, and I can have three people there with a bat, and they're not even thinking about the repercussions, because when we strike, there's no repercussion.

We're not going to get caught. You can still make those phone calls. People would be there. I know I would be. Oh, no, I'd be there also. That's not the point, Danny. You don't need to do time. I don't need to do time over some guys that don't even deserve it.

But it's so weird, that's what I thought about yesterday. I thought about how we could, all I had to do was go home, make a phone. call we could have pulled up, got out of the car, they would have been on the corner, they wouldn't even have seen this coming. That's how good we were at that age. We would have got out of the car with pipes, hit them all with fucking pipes in the leg, break their cameras. The fucking people in Studio City had never seen that because we would have done it so fast. It just would have been pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop and a kick to the mouth and we would have broke their fucking cameras and ran back to our cars with the fucking fake license plate and drove away and people

would have applauded us. People would have fucking applauded us, man. Well, I beg the differ, probably we would have kept the cameras and fucking hawked them. Oh, fuck you. I'm breaking them. We probably would have hacked the fucking cameras. But you know what? You should be, you know what? I don't know your situation. You're being, fuck. People love you, man.

I mean, were they busting your balls? No, no, no. I was at the farmer's market, Danny, and there's paparazzi. And there's two sides to the farmer's market. There's an adult side, then there's a little kid's side. And there was like eight paparazzi's taking pictures of somebody. And the security guard was this Danny, you know people who are meant to fight,

and you know people who aren't meant to fight, so they're just good souls. This guy was working on a Sunday for maybe $10 an hour to feed his children. You know, no weapon, and he's out there with a walkie fucking talking. These paparazzi, the guy's five-foot-fucking five, and they're in his face, and they're going,

blah, call the police stupid. And he goes, well, if you guys get on the property, then I can obstruct your photographs. And the guy goes, go ahead, go ahead, get in front of the camera. We're going to knock the fuck out of you. And right there, I couldn't take it no more. I had to say something. But do you know what, Danny?

There was 50 other people standing there. And it just surprises me that nobody in this fucking country has fucking balls no more. So when they don't have fucking balls, how do you expect that fucking little fagger kids to have fucking balls? Do you understand me because balls is something that's passed on? My mother must have might have been stupid and she might have been a fucking immigrant and a spick and the business and the drugs.

But one thing my mother had was fucking balls, Danny. And she passed that on. Until this day, let me tell you something, Dan. I got a wife and a kid. But I also got myself and you got what the fuck we're about. And I know you. You're one of the last guys I'd want to see in a bad situation, especially at this fucking age, because at this age, we're just going to kill you.

Like yesterday, I could see myself, if I had a gun, I would have shot that fucking Arabian in the fucking leg once and for all. I would have just shot him in the fucking leg outside. But we live in a society now where everybody's a crime stop, everybody's got their camera on, everybody's a fucking nosy, rosy little dirty fucking cunt. You know, if you're sticking up, up for somebody. It's like what happened with Joe Rogan and Carlos Menciah. Joe Rogan stuck up for the fucking comedians. And these motherfuckers till today, talk to this guy, they shake his hand,

they fucking, you know, this is the society we live in that. You don't even know when you have something good in front of you. It's like you. You're providing a good service. You're a fucking real gambler. This is what you eat, sleep, fucking shit, fuck. You're fucking your wife and you're thinking about the fucking Knicks tonight. Are you not Danny Bianco? You know what? It's fucked up because That's so true. We did our thing last night, and I'm watching the game. I'm like, motherfucker, and she's like, what? I'm just shush.

Later, put the pillow over you head. Shut the fuck up. Go back to sleep. What's the, what's the webpage, Danny B? The new one is Danny wins the number for you. Danny wins number four you. It's pretty easy to navigate, you know. It's very inexpensive.

And, hey, anybody that's looking for some help, any church member, I'm doubling up their time. Whatever, you just come in, leave me a little note. charge on the church, so now I'm giving you twice as much, so it breaks down to 50 cents. I think a White Castle Hamburg is more than that now. I think they're like 70 cents for a white castles. They're good, but they make your shit a lot. But you know what? It's good times, man.

And as far as fighting and going to jail, you're right. I do think twice because my bail starts at a quarter of a million dollars. Tell me about it. I can't even fucking get a traffic ticket. I'm afraid. You know what, put fear in me. Not afraid of being beat up or shot again or stabbed again, losing my kids.

Not being able to see my kids. So that instilled I really fucked one up. Take that away and I'm a fucking reckless motherfucker. I'm already fucked one of those things up. I love you, Danny. I'll call you during the weekend.

I'll be on your show next week, my friend. I love you at all my heart, my friend. I think the lesbians are ringing the bell now. This is perfect time. I got to go, buddy. In the 30 years, I love you more than ever, buddy. Stay black. Beautiful child, beautiful family.

Proud of you, brother. All right, brother. Stay black. Let me give some fucking shoutouts there to my man. Eamon Brady, his brother Thurlock, fucking the mailman up there in Ireland somewhere. I love you, Cogsucker. Thank you for supporting me and listening.

I heard you're a bad motherfucker Thurlock. Landon Thomas, Andrew Stevens, Johnny Ray Montiaro, Bergabrigalian. Congrats, brother. Congrats on the wedding. Nick Leotis and North Jersey Scott. You know, I always got you motherfuckers in my side. Beside that, on it, you bad motherfuckers,

I've been living off that. the fucking vanilla ICA fucking vanilla shake. I put a little gluca core, gluca thing in it. Okay. To recuperate, I put a banana in there. Oh shit. Go to onit.com. Stop fucking kidding yourself.

They may be a little pricey, but they're fucking worth it. That protein powder is spotless. The hemp forest bars are spotless. The fucking stivier for your coffee. It's fucking tremendous. You can order it on there. The fucking on it, the new mood is tremendous. The shroom tech, the sport is tremendous.

I started on the immune because I thought I was getting sick on Saturday. I popped a couple of immunes, and I guarantee I'm going to fucking work this nigger out, Jack. On top of that, I love you, motherfuckers, always. It's Monday, bitches. Get your shit together. I'm happy Danny Cawley. This is a good fucking podcast today.

I'm going to leave you and have to strangle the motherfucker. And last week I had days. Every day I had drama last week. Really? One day I was going to the Weaves Store, Divine Wellness. I'm walking in. I walk out this two, like, 19-year-old. I was in a fucking skateboard, which already I'm aggravated.

I'm aggravated already when you're 19 on a fucking skateboard. Already it tells me you're half a fucking momo with a fucking skateboard. And they come up and they go, can we get a dollar for the bus? I looked at both of them and I said, listen, I hope those skateboards work good because I ain't got a fucking dollar. And I just laughed and they looked at me like I was on another planet. At that age, I would never ask nobody for a dollar. But the best one of the week was the one two days early at the ATM.

I go to the ATM machine. It's packed. You know, there's a long line. But there's a couple in front of the line. Like she's 22. Yeah. And he's like 23. It's two in the afternoon.

I go, it's my turn. I'm looking at them like, why aren't they getting money out? But then I see they're talking to people. So I turn around as I'm walking. The guy goes to me, hey, can I get five bucks? I look at him. I look at the girl. I look at him and I go, what?

She doesn't suck dick. Listen, man. you got a 23 year old fucking strong young man asking me for five bucks in front of a beautiful fucking woman. On top of that, you're a beautiful woman letting this fucking idiot of a man ask me for $5, where's your fucking heart and soul at, you skinny bitch? And this motherfucker,

so if you're not going to have no respect for yourself being hanging around with this muddy motherfucker looking for $5, then you might as well suck somebody's dick but she don't suck dick. I'll give you $50, at least let us suck my dick. He just looked at me, dog. Like he never heard that before. But it's true.

You're going to fucking act like that. You're going to ask me for money in front of a girl? How fucking embarrassing is your fucking life? How embarrassing is your fucking life that you got to get money from a fat fucking speck? This is what I'm dealing with. So this is the week I had last week. So the paparazzi thing yesterday was just a cherry on the fucking Sunday.

Oh, shit. You have bad luck at that ATM. Yeah, just the one day. Anyway, forget the fucking ATM machine. also on the agenda. Let me tell you, some Hulu Plus is getting better

and better. They're adding more shows. You know what I've realized when my wife told me about Hulu Plus that I didn't know that she just watches like the whole fucking season

in two days. Oh yeah? I didn't know that shit that. They went home, her and her sister watched some fucking shit on Hulu.

They have seasons of everything. Of everything. That's the main thing. You smoke 55 fucking joints. You got a bottle of water and you watch Hulu. Who's better than you?

You either on the fucking head force chocolate bar or something like that. Go to On it. And in the box, press church. No, Joey, I'm sorry, I get all fucking confused.

It's Monday morning. They took an hour back. And if not, go to Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus, that's the best shit going in the world. $7.99? $7.99 a month? Are you fucking serious? And you haven't done this yet?

You're spending thousands for fucking cable and all the worthless other shit. I'm asking you for $7.99, and I'm going to give you two weeks for free. All right? Go to joeydeers.net. Go in the box and press. Joey.

Joey. That's what I'm talking about. As far as Dollar Shave Club, they're getting better and better and better and better. You understand me? That little fucking one swipe fucking Willie You shud one wipe Charlie

You wipe your asshole With peppermint's fucking tremendous Especially for the holidays Nobody wants a stinky ass close to fucking Thanksgiving You're going to people's houses You're taking shits in their bathroom You bring one of those one white louis with you Who is better than you

Why would you want to go to the supermarket Every month And stand on line with fucking razors Behind some old hag Who's going through her change And her food stamps And a fucking wick card Where all you got to do

Is go to fucking joeydiers. go to the box for dollar shave club and press church that who who what church c h you are c h fuck that lady with the change in her fucking pennies talking about her cat and the fucking malaria in her left foot i don't give a fuck about that dirty bitch what i'm worried about is getting home and watching fucking sports and hanging out my family and whatever the fuck i do when i smoke dope or whatever the fuck i do it is when i get home but that's it why fuck around you get dollars you get raises for a dollar six dollars a month or nine a month. You pick the fucking plan. You pick the package. Who's better than that?

$6 a month is $72 a fucking year for raises. That's when you spend a month on that stupid fucking ass water at Starbucks. So you can talk to your buddies. Ha ha ha ha ha. Like a half a fucking fruit cake. And talk about shit. You ain't never gonna fucking do anyway. With some other half of fucking fruit that's never going to fucking do it. Ha ha ha ha ha. I'm saving up money to go to Belgium. Fuck you, bitch. If you can't go tonight, you ain't real, motherfucker. Anyway, I gave you shout-outs. You got your fucking sponsors. What else do you fucking

want? You got a day's lesson. All revved up in the church of what's happening now. You're going out there. The world is fucking ready. Are you fucking ready for it? Tell them, Lee. What the fuck? You're going to go for a walk for the league? Oh shit. Yeah. I die, die, die, die. You're stumbling. How fucking high were you on the live podcast yesterday on that?

I haven't listened to one of our podcasts and I listen to that one. If you listen to it and if you haven't listened to it, yet you're slipping. But you can hear me laughing and I go, ha. I was just dying Lee was that the highest you've ever been since we've been together?

No, it's hard to tell, man. Then you drove. That was the fucking crazy thing. Already got mad at me, yeah. We all got mad at you slipped. Well, I mean, what am I going to do? Sit there for 18 hours? Like Yoshi, but I drove and I had it down.

I would go, one, two, three, pedal off, one, two, three. And I was going like 45 on the highway. And I have a rule, I can't take edibles from you offstage, but then you get all mad and you start yelling we're for real cocksucker you can't take early

edibles and then always on stage you give it to me and it's just it's so fucking strong what's strong bro that's cheaper cheap don't fuck around

if you're taking the cheaper you're gonna go see the devil I'm thinking of taking one today not right now because it's too early I got to go to class and do fucking kettlebell TRX and whatever fuck

listen people it's a beautiful day to be alive all right holidays are coming go out there set some goals write some shit down get your life in order whatever you fucking need to do this is easy this is fucking easy man you got this so please get up today write your goals down drink some water go for a fucking walk call somebody tell them you love them or tell them to go fuck themselves

whatever on your agenda whatever makes you feel right don't let nobody fuck with you right don't let nobody fuck with your personal space don't let nobody fuck with the people around you right if you feel you got to speak up fucking say something that's why god gave you a mouth say something stick up for yourself and they'll never fucking cross that fucking line with you again. I love you, motherfuckers. Have a fucking great day. Stay black, be strong, sling dick. Remember, it's either you get your dicks up or you suck somebody's dick.

Wait, give him some love. Tell him something for the day. Don't leave them like this. Tell them to stay Jewish, at least. Stay Jewish. If you're fucking lost, you don't know what religion, go see the fucking Jews. They always got something for you. They do.

Get a bagel with walks and cheese. Oh, I wish I had that right now. Oh, me too. I love you guys. Have a great day. the music today. I got some tool lined up. Oh shit. Before that, now that the show is over, don't forget to sign up for your free trial of Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus let you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime, anywhere, on your TV, PC,

smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to Huluplus.com slash Joey or go to JoeyDia's.net and click on the Hulu Plus banner. And don't forget to sign up for Dollar Shave Club.com. You'll get high-quality razor just sent to your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollar shaveclub.com forward slash church or just go to joey dyes.net and click on the dollar shave club banner.