The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 11/05/2012 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #25

Episode Date: November 6, 2012

Joey and Lee are back. Joey talks about losing his dear friend Marilyn, the movie Once Upon a Time in the West, and some of the famous singers the Joey cannot stand. Joey's friend Mike calls in to talk about elections in North Bergen. Streamed live on 11/05/2012

Oh shit Oh shit It's my Lee's blast that shit It's Monday bitches The church of what's happening now It's full effect Monday November 5th motherfuckers

A little clips for you here you go Pick a league Uh Uh Uh Soft-spoken with a wild side Oh shit I was moving bodies before we hit the party

Before the DJ started cut I was already fucking hit it Lee. Good morning to all you bad motherfuckers. It's Monday. Joey Coco Deers here, my main man, Lee Syatt,

aka the flying fucking Jew and Heat, you know what I'm talking about? It was a great weekend. First of all, I want to give a shout out to motherfucking New Jersey. Half years are still out of light,

water hang in there. It's fucking coming. The camels are coming, cocksucker. Obama's showing up with like 15 fucking mules. But everything's getting better. I know there was an earthquake.

That ain't going to stop New Jersey. That's where I'm fucking from up in northern New Jersey. I love it. Jersey pride in the house. I talked to Frankie Edgar this morning. I was worried about him last week when I did M.M.A. junkie. I asked if they had heard from him. He's a Thomas River boy.

Nobody had heard from him. I hit Mike Strachka up. He didn't hear it. I just went direct and everything is beautiful, man. We can't have any problems with motherfucking Frankie Eager. Number two, I want to thank the Ontario Improv this weekend for fucking rocking. Lee came down last night. We had a great time.

Edmund San Juan. Felicia Michaels was down there Lana Turner was down there My Mexican brother George Perez I mean it was a great fucking weekend The Smash Brothers Corey and Chad If you came out to the show I love you at all my heart

If you came to Saturday Late show you're some bad motherfuckers They must have been 22 pounds A reefer Cains Fucking explosives Dogs, bitches with tits It was fucking phenomenally

You fucked up You were working I know George told me it was great It was like every seat was sold out It was crazy It wasn't even about the seats It was the attitude of the people. It was the church.

It was the church in full effect. They were yelling, screaming, people were shooting heroin. That's what I want to see. I don't want to see no fucking people sitting there like a Christian at church on a Sunday. We got a great fucking show for you today. We got my man Mike Duffy calling him from Jersey. I got a movie that will rock your motherfucking world.

And it's just a great day to be alive. Go out there and tell them they owe you fucking money because that's what's cracking today. We got it's a great movie. I hope you had a happy Halloween. You know, my weekend was kind of fucking. this weekend. I didn't tell nobody about this. It was one of my best friends died five years ago.

Her anniversary was on Saturday. It was also Charles Bronson's motherfucking birthday on Saturday. It would have been 83 years old up there in hell, shooting black people and white muggers. Got to love Charles Bronson, but it was fucking me all weekend. It was a five-year anniversary. Her name is Marilyn Martinez.

Five years ago, she got, you know, she had cancer, and at the time, I was dear friends with Marilyn, but at the time when she got, taking down with the cancer we weren't talking me and you know we were fucking best friends you have arguments whatever and i started hanging out with her again i went to the hospital a couple times and they sent the home after they did the operation and she didn't look good and uh you know she had never judged me ever everly ever judged me as a human being you know she used to hide my coke for me

for years if i had a big bundle of coke i'd give it to her and her husband and they hired it from me they lived in echo park and after she got out of the hospital to cancer she was sitting in the bed one day and I went over there with a bunch of people my wife and some friends and we're all talking people you know in somebody's house people are scattered along the house and she uh was talking to me about just fucking life you know like she was saying that if she went back to comedy if she got the strength to go back to comedy that she wouldn't work dirty because while she was under uh god came to her and told her you were accountable for everything you did in this fucking world and she was very religious i mean she was crazy her opening joke was she love

sucking filipino dick because it was small. You could roll around in your mouth this shit. I mean, she was filthy. But she told me this. And while she was explaining to me that, you know, you're accountable for your actions on this certain time, I mean, it was a speech she was giving me

that was really hitting home. I couldn't believe she was telling me. In the middle of this fucking speech, she just looks at me, and her eyes locked into my eyes. And she goes, Joey, you really got to stop doing blow. And my fucking insides froze. Really?

They just fucking froze, man. And that was the same week. All that shit was going on with the cats and everything, like the cats were sick. It was a week coming up to that when I stopped doing... It was like, once she's bred me to fucking Rine Act, I was done with Blow. Just the way she told me and the look,

like when somebody's talking to you and out of the blue, they got a thought. Like, they just remembered. And she goes, you know what? You really got to stop doing Blow and you've got to get your life together. And I fucking froze. I didn't say nothing to nobody.

And she probably died a month later when I was in Jersey. I went back to do a benefit for the fire department in Hoboken and the police department in Hoboken in my high school and she died and I had to come back and at her wake I caused fucking havoc. I almost smacked the motherfucker you know because you know how I get at wakes and shit. It's funny because Marilyn lives with me. You know, I always tell people, November's my money month. November's the month that, you know, I went to jail. November's the month that I stopped doing blow. November's the month that I got arrested. November's the month my mother died.

You know, November's my fucking battleground month, as they say, for these presents. So when she told me It was just weird. I had stopped doing blow a couple weeks later. It was a fifth anniversary, and it's weird because I'm dear friends with Rick Ramos, one of my biggest movie friends. And he called me, and it was his birthday, and we talked to him. I can believe it was five years ago, you know, and she's been dead. And it's amazing, man, that you meet people on this planet, on this world.

And some people come and go, you know, but some people stay with you, you know, and they die, and it's weird how they really. really, really, really affected your world. It's fucking weird. It's, you know, when somebody's dead and you can't call them no more or think about them or, you know, it's just the weirdest feeling, you know. And I'm helpless without us sometimes because I want to talk to somebody that I could talk to her.

She was a Mexican chick. So, you know, if you have somebody a good friend, you know, call them up, tell them you love them. Because you never fucking know. You never fucking know. But anyway, back. We're back, bitches, you know. I just get emotional because. She was Mike Gumba. What are you going to do?

You know, sometimes you have a dear friend. You don't know. You don't fucking know how they're going to affect you, man. You know, it's really weird when somebody leaves and you think about them, and you go, wow, my life is different that they left. It's really fucking weird. So if you have somebody out there, you love and shit, call them every day and tell them so. You don't have this situation when somebody passes, you know. And it was November 4th was the anniversary when I came home late.

I was 15. I came home late. and my mother smacked the shit out of me and took me to bed, you know, threw me in the fucking room because I got home late. It was a week before she died, and she also woke me up the next morning. She was like, hey, I didn't like fucking smacking the shit out of you last night, you know?

But if you're not going to be home at a certain time, you got a call. You know, she was a, I hadn't have a curfew growing up, but whatever time I got home, I got home, she just didn't give a fuck as long as I called the reality. And said, Mom, with Lee, I'm going to be out. You know, I was 12. I had no curfew 10. I raised myself. I had no fucking curfew.

So I was 15. I came home late. I stopped calling her after three. And that morning she looked at me and she goes, listen, motherfucker, you know, someday you're going to be married. You're going to have a wife, a girlfriend, somebody who counts on you. You have to call in. You have to check in with them because that's what it means to be a man. And it fucking stuck with me.

A week later, she was in a box, and that speech even amplified in my head. And it still amplifies in my head, you know, that you're a fucking man. Stick it out and here I was 15 But it's that type of fucking day today A little, where's I want to be around? Did you even log it in today? What happened? You forgot about me?

You're slipping and shit like that? I got a great movie for you motherfuckers today Because out of respect for Charles Bronson And one of the guys on Twitter First of all, I want to give out some shoutouts To my little brothers on Twitter Who'll give me some love. First of all, I want to give a shout out

To my girl Angie Z-pop She gave me this shirt. She owns, she has a creative Colony and of creative people and stuff like that. She came down to the show. I want to give a shout out to my man Buster Nuggles. Curtis Cotchy, Peter

Marin, Curtis Harrison for smoking me out in fucking Ontario. I want to give a shout out to my man Sergio Otega and all you motherfuckers, Mikey Royalis, all you motherfuckers that pay attention and send love and are sincere about the podcast. I love you guys.

Because it's fucking Monday, bitches. Take off your fucking sunglasses. I want to look in your eyes when I talk to you, bitch. I hate wearing these fucking glasses. Even though I need them, but I hate wearing these glasses. I'll tell you why. Because everybody wears these glasses like they want to be swarmy and shit. I got two-pegged glasses.

Either the other fucking fat glasses I got. This make me look like a computer fucking nerd. These are my Kaiser glasses, and these are my fucking sag glasses right here. I got this on SAG insurance. This is on my wife's insurance. I don't like wearing them out in public. Not that they make you look weak,

but all these fucking momos put glasses on to, like, impresses. people. You ever see that? Like one night you watch the Oscars and Tim Allen, and I love Tim Allen. I'm just using them as a thing. They wear like little glasses to look more fucking intelligent. I don't look intelligent. I'm a dumb fuck and that's how I wanted to be. I wear these glasses

because I can't see. You're looking at me going, joy. You're an old man, you're blind. Bitch someday when you turn 44 with all these computers and shit, you just stop seeing. You just stop seeing. It's nothing you could eat carrots. You can shove a carrot up your ass. You can hang out with fucking bunny rabbits. It don't matter.

Once your eyes start going and I ask my He says that it's the amount of light that goes into your eyes. Okay. That's all it basically. I can already see it tell a difference. What do you mean? I mean, I started a computer screen for 10 hours a day at work, and I can at the end of the shift sometimes. It's going fuzzy, and I have to like shake my head, and I can only imagine after 50 years of looking at the computer screen.

Yeah, I think it was the computer. Once I really got into writing on the computers and my eyesight started going. Oh, yeah. And it's funny, man, this weekend, Friday, there was a benefit. And I got to tell you people that's just to get out of the way. benefit Sandy. You know, listen, man, this is a national fucking crisis. If you could send

$3, it helps to the American Red Cross. And usually I'm anti-donations because they only get 30% of something. Yeah. They only get like 30%. 70% goes to administrators, cost and shit. So if I give you $10, you only get three fucking dollars. But I donate a $50 just because what are you going to do? And I know that

I have friends that are going to be in problems. This week, I have one friend that has to take a plane ticket to North Carolina and she can't get to the bank, you know, nobody's working. So people are going to need fucking money, so I already started getting it together to send a couple of my friends when I spoke to a buddy of mine yesterday and they

destroyed his job. He's on unemployment. Like the fucking thing knocked down the building or some shit. Oh, no. He's on unemployment, you know, and they're used to making a certain amount. Unemployment pays you, what, $4.50 a fucking, that's $1,800 a month. If you got a mortgage, you know, people are hurting as it is. But please

help out. They could use your help. But Talking about Hurricane Sandy and all that shit, I got to tell you guys something. I don't know if you know this. People fucking brace for this one. I can't stand Bruce Springsteen. I can't fucking stand him. You understand me?

And it's not just something. I can't stand him for 30 fucking years. I'm from northern New Jersey. I'm from Hudson County. We didn't into all that river and all that shit. You know what? Born on the run was good, and the other one,

the 10th Avenue freeze out. I can listen to it if you put a gun to my head. But looking at the motherfucker drives me crazy. Okay, I'm not going to... Another guy, let me tell you something else that happened to me on Saturday. for you motherfuckers that don't know. Marilyn Martinez was really into Tom Waits, and she'd always call me and tell me Tom Waits stories,

and I'd guess the death. Well, Sunday, Saturday, I was here by myself. I was feeling sad about Maryland, so I lit a candle. I got some flowers. I had to take them down because the cats destroy the fucking flowers. Oh, no. And I sat here and I put on Tom Waits.

I put on like a thing, like a piece, like eight songs. And I was cleaning. You know, I was moving around the room. I got to tell you something, you Tom Waits, people that always think you impress me at fucking parties with your Tom Wade suggesting. That is the worst shit I've ever heard in all my life.

I like to take Tom Waits and Bruce Springsteen, tie them both up and shoot them both in the fucking head. And for you motherfuckers that think you're cute like you show up with your parties with your pipe and your little fucking tipped hat like you're better than everybody else. And you always suggest like, put on Tom Waits. Listen, go fuck yourself, okay?

I can't stand that shit. When people show up and they want to, they always want to like you. Don't put on fucking the black crow. Oh, no, no, no, no. They want to hear something like exotic, like to impress people with their fucking musical choices, and you put this shit on, and it's fucking unlistenable. It's unlistenable, and you're over there snapping your fingers like you're smarting everybody in the room.

Fuck you, motherfuckers, all right? It's Led Zeppelin, it's Tony Bennett, it's Sinatra. Nowhere that I fucking... This Tom waits after, like, two songs, I'm like, is this some fucking different language I don't fucking know about? And I came in here, I listened to two other songs. It was fucking horrid. It was the voice that you.

What the fuck is that shit? No wonder she fucking died. That music was so bad listening to that shit. That is the worst. And you motherfuckers that think you swarming, they come into parties and they always suggest something else. Like, oh, no, no, no, put out a little read or Iggy Pop. Listen, go fuck yourself, all right?

I'm sick of you, motherfuckers. You fake fucks with your musical choices to impress me. When I moved here, Lee, I used to cater in 98. Okay. It was a pro comic, and I cater. And I go to all these houses in Beverly Hills, and all these fucking little waspy fucks will be playing the same. song that the Latin thing of Bambolayo.

Bambolayo. And it all sit outside like, oh my God, I love this Hispanic music. I want to stab in the first one, that ain't fucking Hispanic music. Those are a bunch of confused fucking Puerto Rican's Bambolayo. Get the fuck out of my face. I hate all that shit. So you motherfuckers that want to impress me with your little musical chick, listen, bitch, I got a message for you.

It's Zeppelin, it's the fucking who. They're the background of this fucking country. Leonard Skinner, they're the backbone. People grew up on that shit. Later on, they want to put them get cute with their little hat. and hang out the fucking at Los Felice with those people. I think they're smart on everybody. You're a bunch of dumb fucks with your little attitudes, all right?

You don't know dick about dick. You just do shit so other people think you're cool. Oh, look at him. He's cool. They wear fucking designs and hats and a little goatee like somebody fucking knows you slick. Fucking people. Sorry about the rant this morning, but I can't stand Tom Waits and all that bullshit that comes with. And Springsteen, I hope your fucking house got hit the biggest out of all of them.

You're fucking miserable cocksucker I can't stand you with that bullshit all the time He shows up He's 80 with his little fucking Nazi head Do you're fucking Jew Act like a fucking Jew He shows up with a fucking little Nazi head

He does With a little black leather jack With that ugly fucking redhead Oh we're impressed He has a black friend Well he died God forbid I like Clarence Clarence You know

He always got a black friend on his saxophone Oh he puts on a great show So did fucking the B-52s All right Don't make me put a black friend on rock lobster, put little rock lobster for these motherfuckers league and show him. You're going to show up with that boring ass fucking

music that, you're playing a piano looking like somebody kicked you in the face 55 fucking times. I hate that shit, man. You know, I like music because I like it. Not because I'm here to impress people. The music I play in the morning is I listen to this shit. I live by it. This is what I rock

by. This is how I get my day fucking prep. That's a bad recording. That's alive. I need a fucking the album with six of them standing in the front. Another guy over here listens to fucking Tom Waits. When till I see you, I'm gonna strangle you too and shit. Fucking best thing to come out of dirty jersey. I hear you.

My man, Jay Robinson on Twitter, knocking some fucking heat out there. And I'm sorry if you're a fan from the heart, like if you really like them. But you know what I'm talking about? It's like the type of people that come up to you and like, oh my God, I love Yoko Ono. Have you ever heard any Yoko Ono music? Lee, have you ever heard any Yoko Ono music? I don't know. I don't think so.

No wonder. To speed that up to like, uh, uh, Let me see, speed that up to like three minutes, see where we're at. I'm going to show you, motherfuckers. I want to see these guys in 1980 New Year's, right? Right there, crank this motherfucker. Everybody was on a quailude. The album is tremendous.

Let's do this league. Watch this, this guitar player. He was on the first two albums, amazing. Speed it up a little more, Lee, a little more to show these motherfuckers or this guitar player throws some heat. And where's a little bit more? Where's my man Mike Duffy in the house? A little bit more.

More, okay. Move it up. This is the Eddie Monster type right here. So for you people, I like your fake fucking music interests, so people think you're cool. Keep it up. Keep it up. Keep it up. You stop it?

No. Speed it up a little more, a little more. A minute. There's only so much of the song. Come on, Lee. A minute. All right. Come on, Lee.

Right here. Listen for this shit right here. Crank it, Lee. Listen to this motherfucker fucking guitar player. Shred this guitar. Solo. He was heroin, he was nodding, he didn't give a fuck. There was 8, 700 people in this room at the Ritz or one of those places, New Year's 80. And I remember turning around in New York and looking, and everybody was moving to the same beat in this room.

And I go, you're fucking in New York. This is what it's all out. Listen to these motherfuckers from Atlanta. Bown, boom, bam. What? Break out the reef of bitches and the vapor pen. Oh! What the fuck? You hit it from that. I can't even do bomb it.

You were smoking for Jerry's kids today. You know what I'm saying? Cracket Lee. Nobody can't that motherfucker. It's in my pocket. I knew it was somewhere like that. Yeah. You knew it, but you didn't say nothing, Lee.

You're supposed to say. You see, I'm fucking freaking out about Springsteen and Tom Waits and Duffy. I don't know what the fuck he is. I called his cock sucker. Election Tuesday. I hope your motherfucker is going to be. It's really important that you get out there and vote.

I can't vote. I got felonies. At this point, it was like 20 years ago. so I can register, but if I vote, I gotta go to jury duty. I ain't got time to go to fucking jury duty and sit there and judge somebody. Who the fuck am I to judge somebody?

That's the real reason. And they always send me for jury duty. I always get letters. I'm like stupid. I got felonies. I can't judge somebody. No, we don't care. Come on down.

That was a long time ago. Oh, God, I haven't got it yet. I'm dreading that. You haven't gotten it yet? No. Did you register? You don't want to vote. What the fuck is wrong with Julie?

It just, I'm not even political, but everything, everything I see is them lying, both of them. and if I vote for, like, if I vote for, like, a random guy or Ron Paul, isn't it the same as not voting? Lee, get down there and vote. You're a young guy. This is how Clinton won the election in fucking 94 or 92.

You got to get down there and vote. Voting is very important for this country. Everybody's got to get out there and vote. No matter what age, you're a young guy. I can't believe you don't act like young guys. You don't want to do nothing. You don't want to do nothing. You don't want to vote.

Most of these young mooks walking around, they're walking around with their backpack today. they got 10 books in there they're analyzing everything Obama and the other fucking MOOCs got to say I mean they're all going to do the same thing the only different Romney's going to do a little bit he's not going to give as much out

as far as like assistance but I don't know they're not going to give them nothing out this is great in the United States of America we're supposed to be rocking on our own here you know I know unemployment's high and I know shit's going on if you want a fucking job you'll put a job together

you put something together you're putting an asshole factory or fucking sucking dick somebody calling? He doesn't call yet. I don't know where the fuck Duffy is. But that's my point. Like if, no matter who gets elected I'm still going to find

the way to have a job and be okay and I don't know. You still got to go around you still got to pay for gas. It's just the cost of doing business. You got to vote. Get out there and vote and register this election. It's going to be a motherfucker. It's a very important election. So get out there and vote. Very important.

You know what? I might even, not this time but I might even get that. I just didn't want to go through all this shit. I got letters saying that I was allowed to vote now, the felonies. And I still vote in Jersey. Right now they're going to have email votes in Jersey. Are you fucking kidding me? Oh, yeah.

How are they going to do that? Are you kidding me? Let me tell you something. I'm on an absentee vat. I can have 92 felonies be in prison, and they still figure out how to vote, let you vote in Jersey. Those Jersey motherfuckers don't fuck around. Yeah. You know, before I left Jersey, you're like, oh, you got assigned some paper.

You're an absentee ballot type of motherfucker. So they just make the decision for me. Now, those don't even make sense. Do they count those? Because they know who wins that night, but people are still sending it. You got to send it in before the fourth. What do you think? It comes in on the 8th, and they hold it until you know.

You know that night, so you have the bulk of it, but you have to send it in. You have to be responsible and get down there. It's funny because I don't like, I'm oppositely. You know, I grew up. I came from Cube and I believed in the system, and I believed. I really still do. So this day, I believe in the system. The problem with the United States is we're fucking distracted, bro.

You know, we have too many distractions. We have bones. We have this. We've let ourselves. We used to be a great fucking nation, and we buy into all this stuff that, and all we have to do is keep doing our job, keep picking up papers, keep helping your fucking community, you know, donate, help with blood drives, you know, be a fucking mentor in your community, help these kids that don't know nothing. You know, you walk around these communities and there's no kids in the neighborhood. If you're not working and you're a parent, go out there, say, you know what, on Tuesdays, I'm going to start a volleyball league on the street, and people are going to, and we take donations from the parents, you know. Everybody's forgotten that in this fucking country.

Everybody wants it handed to them. You know, if you're not working or you're not doing something, become a part of the fucking community. Pick up papers, you know, chase people out of there. You know, after you leave, I go out there and tell people not to park on this block that don't live on this fucking block. You got to stick up for your own communities. And everybody does that in the community, the country becomes strong, bro.

Because every community is tight and we're next to each other, everybody's working together. But nobody wants to do that. Because everything is split up. If you have an iPhone or don't have a fucking iPhone between the haves and the have-nots, you know what I'm saying? That's all it is. We're communities. Start as a community.

We start as a community. We just grow outward, man. That's it. You start in your fucking community. But with the United States, we're always worried about somebody else, how to take over another government. And, you know, let's go to Magumba and help them. Help the motherfuckers in Cleveland. Help the motherfuckers in Ohio that are under. That's who we need to fucking help.

That's the problem right now. This country's in fucking, like I was telling my friend Duffias, I travel and I see what's going on. You know, and people get confused. Oh, this guy has a Mercedes-Wore in L.A. There's traffic. Everywhere else is fucking hurting. Pittsburgh, you can't, the bars around Pittsburgh.

Pittsburgh, Jay, Bascherro in the house, giving them a shout out. Those bars don't open unless there's a baseball game. You know, embarrassing that is? Because the other side of town, it's like these cities have put, you know, they work against themselves. For 20 years, you have a waterfront. People respect that waterfront, and then 10 years, the developer comes in, let's build in the downtown and call the Yards District, and everybody tells downtown to go fuck themselves. Now you have these owners that have been making money and have restaurants that depend.

end on the traffic. No, they go somewhere else because Tom Waits music. They're playing that. So the sheet go over there and eat over there and shit like that. You know, we got to start working as communities. And as communities, then we get stronger. You know, when I was a kid in Jersey, listen, those mayors were thieves. They were fucking thieves. Joe Marco, Peter Markle. I love him to death. By the way, little Marco fought fucking Saturday night or Friday night. I don't know if he won or not. He's fighting out of America's top team. My heart goes out to him. But his Uncle Peter was a mayor. But let me tell you something. Peter's, stole, Peter's still a big shot in fucking Jersey City.

But let me tell you something about Peter. When I was a kid, if I called the mayor's office, they answered. And if I asked for Peter, Peter would fucking, it'd take me on hold for eight or nine minutes, and Peter would pick up the phone. Really? And he'd say, what's up, Coco? And I go, Mayor, you know, our net is broken down here. And within 20 minutes, it'd be a truck with a guy with a ladder putting a new fucking net for us.

Our park was immaculate. And yeah, Carmine Balzown lived across the street, so that raises, you know what I'm saying? Like, let's say if your father's like the chief of police and he lives in this area, this area will be nice. Well, legally, they'll pick the garbage up first. When it snows, they'll shovel the streets first because the chief of police lives in the fucking area. You know, so everybody thought it was because of that.

No, those mayors care. So did I really read the fucking newspaper articles when they caught stealing or corruption? I didn't give a fuck because I know when I needed something, they fucking cared for me. That's just a part of doing business, you know, in Jersey. That's why I wanted Mike to call up. I hope he calls up to explain Jersey politics to these people.

That's why I don't believe in it in a big level. But I knew growing up in Jersey, a man, my hometown right now, Nicholas Sacco. He's been there since 1982. Some people like him. Some people don't. Governor Christie fucking don't like him. They say it's corruption. But let me tell you something about Mayor Sacko.

I heard praises this weekend. I heard praises from people saying that Sacco, this fucking town, he got it cleaned up, and he worked hard to get the lights put on. You go to fucking North Bergen now. Let me tell you something. As much as it's communism, they have cameras on every... Remember the hotel we stayed at? Yeah?

I remember being out there with you, watching the cops, pulling people over. They have cameras. You know? My hometown, Jersey, it's a fucking armpit in one way, but it's beautiful. They've made it beautiful, you know, in my hometown. They have programs. Sacco works fucking hard. They got schools for kids that are, you know, accelerated.

They have schools for kids that are artistic. You know, they have schools for kids. kid that are at their test. They have all these programs in North Berger. So I don't give a fuck what Sacko's doing in a social life for these molesting fucking women because they always got him for sexual harassment or there's allegations or whatever. You think I give a fuck he comes true. It's the motherfuckers that tell you they're there for you and don't come through for you. Those are the politicians that piss me off. They're worse than

fucking criminals. They're worse than criminals. They're lying to you. You voted. You gave you gave them their trust and they're fucking lying to you. You follow me? And they're not doing shit for you. They don't care about you. Like I said, when I was growing up, I grew up on a very political, heavy political environment. I used to have to rip signs down. Every four years in North Bergen, you've got to work, bitch. You've got to pick aside and get out there

and fucking pound the pavement and drive people to the polls and pick old people up. I mean, you had to do all that shit in North Bergen. Rip people's signs down and throw fucking firebombs. That's old type. Politicking. What was somebody saying yesterday that? Did you hear what Romney did?

Oh, yeah. George was saying that Obama gave out Romney hats that said Made in Taiwan, and Obama was was giving out Obama hats saying made in America. That's dirty politics, but that's what politics is all about. That's Chicago politics. That's why that happened. Chicago politics are on another fucking level.

New Jersey politics, another fucking level. They know how to, you know, it's marketing, bro. It's getting down and dirty. You're two days before the elections. It's getting down and dirty. You got to pass hats out with a picture of Lee going to fuck you. What are you going to do? Made in Taiwan.

It's classic shit. Yeah, I don't mind that. It's just like the stuff with both of them, like they'll have videos of, them giving speeches where they'll say, oh, I don't believe in the death penalty, and then two years later, I do believe in the death penalty. And I don't know. It just seems like a waste of time. It's always fucking amazed me how the biggest issue is abortion. Everybody cares about what the president thinks, oh, how he feels on abortion? This isn't a fucking woman. So how can he feel?

How the fucking shit? What does that have to do with us? But the fucking Christian states, oh, you know, he feels this way about abortion. Listen, now I feel about abortion, I can't stand it. As a Catholic and a man, I can't stand it. But I am the same. understands women's situations and it's their fucking body so they're free to do whatever the fuck they want with it I wasn't there when they fucked with guys I know if you fucked me I don't know why my wife I'm a loser sometimes the chick hangs up with a loser she gets pregnant she don't want to have the kid the kid can't support they give it up her whatever that's not my call I have to mind my business but everybody's involved with how they feel on abortion

it's a woman's issue got nothing to do with me bro yeah if they talked about cutting cox off that's got something to do with me you follow me but a woman what am I going to do What do you want me to do? Sit here and make my decision on how you feel about it. Nobody likes abortion. I don't even want to hear the fucking word. I don't even like seeing tampon fucking commercials on television. I was telling these guys this weekend.

That's what offends the shit out of me. When I'm sitting with my wife, I'm with Felicia at her house and their kids in it, and then they pop a tampon commercial. That's offensive to me. Yeah. But everybody fucking freaks out and everything else. A fat fuck talking dirty. I don't give a fuck.

Abortion, I don't want to hear about it. If you're a woman and you want to go out there, it's freedom. It's what you do with your body. It's got nothing to do. with me. So if you hate me for this, hate me, if you don't. My real beliefs, I'm Catholic. How the fuck do you think I feel? But it's got nothing to do with me. See, when Jesus

wrote the book, you know, they want a freaks out there. That's the thing, like, it's nothing religious with me. Like, I thought about it because I had to think about it. I never had a scare or anything, but I thought one day, I was thinking, God, if I, I don't know if I could live with myself knowing that that that happened, but the people who are so, like, even,

not even abortion, but against anything like that that doesn't involve them, like gay marriage? Like why do they get it's all set? Why the fuck would you care if two men want to be together? It's got nothing to do with you. Yeah. But what do I tell my kids? Nothing. Shut your fucking mouth. Tell them nothing. What are they, oh, what am I going to tell them?

Two men holding hands. They're fucked up. What do you want me to tell you? I don't know. They have a choice. This is why it's a fucking America. You know, I've seen a show on one of these oxygen or something called Balceros about these Cuban dudes that come over. And they show these two Cuban dudes that were gay

and they show the whole thing how gay it is in Cuba. You know, it's like fucked up to be gay. You know, like, if you're a parent, they'll walk away from you in Cuba. Like, my mom used to say it, that there were stories of them taking kids shark hunting. Oh, no. And they're gay and shit like that.

I ain't going to lie to you. But what are you going to do? You want me to hate somebody? Because I don't hate somebody if they're gay. That's their sexual fucking preference. That's why we live in the motherfucking United States of America leave. Because we have that shit.

That's why, brother. Because we have those freedoms. Why live here? It doesn't, and then, I don't know, it all goes back to the voting. Like, Romney, his fucking entire family lives in Mexico, but he's big against illegal immigrants, and it's just, it's unbelievable. I don't know. You know, if I was going to run for president, I'd be prepared at what they're going to say about me. I know I was a burg, I know I robbed a couple people.

I know I sold drugs. You probably should run. I should run, because I'm better than half of these motherfuckers. But you don't want, because I'll look you in the eye, dog. I'll look you in the eye, tell you, no, yes, if I could do this shit. These motherfuckers, they always stay their noncommittal. They like agents and producers. in L.A. They'll never call you and tell

you no, because you might get big someday and then you'll hold it against them. You know, business is business, and personal is personal. I know about business. You can't use me for that movie. You're looking for a Chinese guy, and you can't put me in the movie. You think I'm going to get mad. There are people who get mad in this time. My friend Lee's doing a movie,

and fucking he didn't put me in it. Bro, he needed black people. You're fucking, you're Mexican. What the fuck is wrong with you? What do you think he's not? You know what I'm saying? People just don't understand. This town here, it's like anything in life. You know? I want men to look me in the eye. That's why I don't hang out with people with sunglasses

who think they're fucking cool. These are decisions you make in your life. Who you want to hang out with? Who you want around you? Who do you fuck do you want around you? All these other people, they come and go. It's like Tom Waits fans with their little hats on. You know, I can't stand fake cool people.

I still got my 1980s fucking hairdo. I wear Adidas with stripes on them. You know, and I'm not old school. I don't want to be categorized. I'm a 50-year-old man, but I'm who the fuck I am? And that's all who the fuck you are. These people who dress up. I wasn't allowed to wear sunglasses in North Bergen growing up.

It wasn't allowed to have an earring growing up, you know, or to be a fake fucking person. People hit me up on Twitter. Oh, you're real, whatever. I've always been real. Because you want me to show up like a fake with a hat to be cool? I hang with people to be cool. There's people in this town that hang. I remember you went high school when somebody had a Camaro and they had like a convert.

When you hung out with them to be fucking cool, meanwhile, you were a fucking moan. That's fine when you're 17. But when you're a fucking adult, a 40-year-old man, and you have decision, I see people hanging out with stars that think they're fucking huge, and they're walking next to them, like, look at me, fuck you, stupid. It's like when the president talks,

those idiots that stand behind them. They drive me crazy. You know? You ever see, like, the video to, I like the Wopper, hit the Big Mac. If you like Static, raw bass and all that shit? You ever see that video? What's his name's on the phone? They love that shit. The brothers love it.

You ever see a news report in their interview on somebody, and there's a couple brothers in their back, and they're smiling this shit. Look at us. Look at me. What is wrong with you? What is... Get out of that fucking camera, cuck, sucker.

What is wrong with you? But everybody always wants to be cool. You can't be cool. Either you are cool or you're not fucking cool. You're who the fuck you are. Just because you wear a hat and these cute little sunglasses, and you don't shave, and you walk around like you're depressed. Get the fuck out of here.

Get it together. That works on these little 20-year-old momos. that had no fathers that didn't get talked and shit. When I have my daughter, I'm going to raise that bitch to hate all these motherfuckers. You know, it's so funny. The other day I was in, I went to Ontario. Friday night, it wasn't Friday night. And some guy came up to me, he said, hey, man, nice show.

We had a great time I take pictures with him. I love taking pictures of people after the show. Some people have fucked up armpits, though. And I got to tell them, I could smell that shit, and they hug you on the fucking shirt, and then you have an armpit on your fucking sleeve. The whole goddamn drive home. But this guy came to me.

He goes, hey, you know what's funny? I worked in Northbury on a construction job for six months. And he goes, on Friday nights I would go to bars and it's so weird how you people are. He goes, first off, you people are very, uh,

to yourselves. You don't like outsiders, do you? And he goes, that's fucking amazing how, even the women in North Bergen, I would try to talk to them at the bars and they didn't bite at all. They would shut me down. I wasn't local.

I wasn't, you know? And that night I drove home and I went to 7-Eleven and I'm waiting on 7-Eleven. I was getting like something. for my wife, a donut, and there was these two girls behind me that were kind of cute. And there was a quarter of two. So we're trying to get beer and shit.

And this white dude came in, just a disgusting man, and he starts. He gets like two beers, bottles, and he's being cute with the girls. And I can't believe that this guy's drunk. He's like, where are you ladies coming from? And these two girls are talking to him, like, you know, we were partying out. And I'm looking at these two fucking momos, and I'm thinking, this is how women get killed. Why are you talking to this fucking idiot? Look straight.

Smile, say hi, and look fucking straight. And don't look over there. Mind your goddamn being going to talk to this fucking Momo. And I get in the car and I go, I'm going to watch this play out. And sure enough, he's out there working him. And these two girls are like, oh, my God. And then he's working. And these aren't 20-year-old girls.

These are girls that just go out of bartending. They worked at a, first of all, and when they worked, when they were standing, I knew they were retarded. They worked at that howl at the fucking moon. Where two momos get with P. and they play cover songs and people sing along. Every time I see that shit,

I wish somebody comes by with a machine gun and sprays the fucking building because you're halfway, you're halfway dead. You're on vacation in California. You're sitting in a piano room singing fucking Billy Joe. That's another guy can't stand. Did I tell you that? I can't stand Billy Joe.

All that fake New York shit drives me fucking crazy. New York State of Mine. When the fuck that he mug somebody? You know what I'm saying? He's in the New York State of Mine. All that shit drives me crazy people. I don't like Billy Joe. I don't like Bruce Springsteen, but Tom Waits,

I'll kill you if I see you on this street, you're miserable cock-sucker. What time is it here? Where's Mike Duffy? It's 645. I don't think Mike's calling today. Mike had flight school. Mike's a pilot.

He had to fucking fly people around the world. You know how that goes? Well, while you call, I wanted that, I'm sorry, I didn't get your name, but there's a couple guys last night. There was one guy who, he said he works at the Coles Distribution Center, and 10 hours a day is moving boxes, and he's listening and I just wanted to say it was a

like it's still like I mean I work with you but it doesn't I'm not really I don't think I'm anything special and people came up to me and said started saying hi and to think that you're working 10 hours a day moving boxes and you're still listening is a You're a flying too what are you wanting to do what do you want to do when you I move around here I listen to

the podcast listen to music these motherfuckers got to listen to something yeah no but it was great to go out and meet there was a bunch of people out there last night it was a lot of fun and listen man these shows it's funny when you see these people from Twitter, you know, and you see their faces.

This girl, you know, Al Jizzi, the girl that brought me this shirt. J.R. Gomez in the house. I love you, motherfucker. What does I say to you? This girl that gave me the shirts. You see them on Twitter. Yeah. You see them and you communicate with Twitter. Now you get to meet them.

And it's something special. I ain't going to lie to you people. I thought all you motherfuckers were retarded on Twitter. I didn't sign a Rogan podcast. Now, I count on you guys. I count on you guys. everything. You guys are tremendous. I love you guys with all my heart. I really do. I love when they come to shows and they

shake my hand. This fucking kid, this Curtis, whatever, I can't see without my glasses, Curtis Harrison, whatever's name. That's a cool, motherfucking white guy. We smoked 20 fucking bowls of bub about there. I almost didn't get home. I almost pulled over at the Anheiser bush plant over there. I mean, you know what, man? And yeah, there's

crazy people everywhere. But you know what? I'm very happy with my Twitter family. I'm fucking happy with them. I'm happy when I see them when they come out and we talk. There's some great fucking people across the country, man, that I was confused about. I always knew it. You know me, I love Americans. I love fucking traveling and going to Texas and going on all these crazy states, Mississippi.

You know, next year I want to go to Utah. I want to go to Tupelo, Mississippi. I want to go to Alabama. I'm going to the South, bitch. I'm going deep next time. I'm going to make a lawyer. I contacted my attorney. We're working on that warrant.

I might have to pay a fine, and they'll drop it. If they drop that warrant in Seattle, and I could do individual deals, you know, like go to Canada, and pay taxes and do the gig and come right back. I'm ready, man. I can't wait to get to Canada. I've always loved Canada. Toronto was smoking dope 20 years ago. These people who think they're cool walking around California.

Oh, my God, let me tell you something. In Toronto in 90s, I was getting weed delivered to my hotel room. Oh, sure. Those motherfuckers wrote the book in Toronto. Toronto's like a little New York, a little on the different cooler side. They got this Blois Street. They got movie theaters with waitresses that bring you foodie. Oh, my God.

You could smoke in there. I mean, Lee, this is a great little city. If you ever got a chance to go to Toronto, they used to shoot a lot of movies out there. Great fucking food, great Cuban food, and great communities. You know, you got, you know, and that's what I love about traveling. I can't stand these fake people that want to go to London and England. And, you know, they always want to, not London and England, but they always, Tom Waits people. I'm going to take a flight to a little island off the course of Singapore.

What the fuck happened to go into Kentucky? Yeah, that was great. I drove cross-country coming out here. and it was fucking, it was the best time I had, because it just, just driving for like 15 hours a day. And you get mugged? You don't shit like that.

You got to wash your car. No, and everyone was nice, but I'm a Jew from up north. I had never been, I went to Florida to Disney World, but other than that, I had never been south of Virginia. And everyone, like, Kentucky,

Oklahoma, they're the nicest people. I couldn't, like, it took me, like, it's not as bad as, or not as intense as North Bergen or Jersey where they're, like, kind of rude.

or abrupt, but Boston people, they're nice, but they're not going to, like, be overly nice to you. And the people down there were, like, weirdly nice. It was great. It really is. When I first started coming, I drove everywhere in a shitty car, Nissan, B-210 or something. And I remember I was in Nebraska, though. I used to meet some amazing people.

And it's like if you travel across the country, and if you drive or something, it's like being like a hitchhiker in a way and just letting your mind, so you bring a little reef with you, you talk to people, you get your dick sucked, because you'll meet some free. on the road I remember I met this my car broke down I had a the frame kept breaking from the fucking car oh shit and what happened was I was I was standing there stranded I changed the tie I thought it was the tire that just popped but it was the frame had broken it was rubbing against the tire and after two miles a

tire would get hot and it just go pop so here I am out there with two back flat fucking tires and I'm never forget this I'm standing down the side of the road I wasn't even asking for help I didn't have a cell phone it was 95 or something 94. I was just starting out on the road and some fucking car pulled over. I forget what type of car. And some chick came out with like a spring dress with no bra on and big titties.

And she fucking's like, do you need a ride? And I'm like, this is like one of these stories from the men house. Yeah, there's a porno. And I sit next to her and I get my luggage and my clothes. And she's like, if you'd like, we could go over to my, where I live, you could take a shower and spend the night if you'd like. And I'm like, oh my God,

this is easy as shit. And she starts talking to me and talking to me and you know we and then she starts saying we okay she starts saying we we cook and we listen to music at night we play songs you're gonna love it you're gonna love it over by us and I'm like I'm something looking at the tits I'm getting four I'm like oh I'm gonna pull over and suck a big fat fucking nipples and next thing you know she made like a left or something and a bush of hair came out from under arm bill I mean it was two bushes just came out bam bam and I'm like oh my god it's patty smite I didn't know who the fuck this was

She had some huge armpit, like hair. Yeah. And I couldn't smell her or nothing. I don't care if you got big armpit air. If I can't smell you, I'm going down. I'm taking it down like a soldier. Oh, that'd freak me out. Then she keeps driving, and she keeps telling me how.

Then she just busted out. There was some Christian organization, and da-da-da-da-da-da. And, you know, Christ really needs to accept you. This is Christ who did this to make you meet us and come to us. And I'm like, listen, here it is. Pull over. Let me get the car told her. And she's like, oh, I just called.

and they're ready to have a cot for you, and I'm like, listen, if I ain't sleeping with you and that fucking cot, I ain't going. She just looked at me like, what? It was Ogilal-Lah, Nebraska. She's like, what, bitch, listen, if it's not you and that sack next to Uncle Joey,

I go hang out with no dirty fucking Christians, so get your shit together. And she got back in the car with her no bra. I think she was like a pigeon. Like, she would just drive and pick people up. Like, they said, you go out and find. Really? Yeah, like, go out there and find the congregation for us.

and she was going out there with no brawn and she was a good-looking girl with no brawn like you know those girls that like have no brawn but the thing keeps falling and the it'll half pop up and you're like come on get it together you're sucking my dick or not you're walking around with a half a fucking gunner the movie I wanted to talk to you guys about

is one of my all-time favorite movies somebody tweeted to me the other day that had just watched it on my great idea and two days later was Charles Bronson's goddamn birthday so one of my all-time favorite's movies is a movie called Once Upon a Time in the West. It's Sergio Leone.

Sergio Leone directed the whole dollar trilogy, you know, for a few dollars more, fistful of dollars. And he did a movie called The Good, the Bad, the Ugly. He also did Once Upon a Time in America with Treat Motherfucking Williams. If you ever get a chance to watch that movie, that's a badass movie. Once Upon a Time in America, Treat Williams, Robert De Niro, fucking full blast movie. It's a five-hour movie about Jewish gangsters. Did you know that?

Five-hour movie? It's about Jew fucking gangsters. Noodles. That was De Niro's Carri. Noodles. Just amazing. And he's playing like a Maya Lanski, and he goes to Israel,

and they give him the keys. I mean, it's a very... In fact, go and find a trail. Let's play once upon a time in the West. Sergio Leone wanted to work with Charles Bronson, of course. And he offered him the ugly, and the good, the bad, the ugly. And Charles Bronson said,

I don't want to play the fucking ugly. Fuck you bitch. So what he did was, he offered him once upon a time in the West and he plays harmonica man. Oh, shit. They call him harmonica.

And the beauty of this movie for you young guys, listen, I tell you about these movies and you're gonna call me back or hit me back on the tour and go, Joey, I watch once upon a time in the West, I almost shot myself. Sir Giuliani is a very precise director

and he takes his time. He shows you everything visually. There's no explosions. There's no cool music in the background like as they're chasing somebody, he guitars and shit like that. No, no, no. He sells you to.

the visual side. He wants your mind to do that, to play the music. That's what the directors from then do, and the directors now, they write a script that's worth $3, they put explosives, they put Zach in it, and that's your movie, and you buy it, and then you never mention the movie a quote the fucking movie again. There's nothing to quote. It's a mention one. I'm not putting Zach down. I love Zach. I'm just saying, that's the formula for a movie now in Hollywood. Either Zach, Tom Cruise, or what's the other fucking moron's name? You know, now that's the black guy that, well, I play Ray. Oh, that's it.

There's no creativity in Hollywood, no more. I got none against Jamie Fox. I love Jamie Fox. I watched Ray again the other day. That's why I was saying, Ray. You know, I watched some good movies this week, and I watch Moneyball again for the 80th time. For you motherfuckers who have a problem with Brad Pitt,

you better check yourself, motherfucker. And I watched the movie that, listen, I don't give a fuck about Scientology and all that bullshit. But when it comes to a movie, you know what? Tom Cruise is a bad motherfucker. He's great, Tom Cruise. And I don't give a fuck. And I've seen him all in the sky.

I watch all his fucking movies. Because he doesn't get $80 million a movie unless you could sell it. That shit comes out of your pores. I watched Collateral the other day when he goes into that fucking Chinese bar and he starts shooting those motherfuckers in Chinatown right in Korea Town

and Holland. You never seen that, did you Collette? I feel like I have, but I don't remember. Him and Tommy, whatever. Jamie Fox. Oh, okay. I have seen that. Oh, I had to.

Oh, yeah. He sends Tommy. He sends Jamie Fox into a Mexican joint. down in Washington down there and fucking Royal Heights of one of those nasty motherfucking Mexican neighborhoods and he's got to talk to Javier

Bardem and my boy Amelia Rivera walks into the table and Harvey Yette gives him like a little attitude and he looks at him and he's like fuck you bitch but what about all the work I've been doing for you I mean Jamie Fox really does a great job but Tom Cruise in that Japanese bar

when he starts shooting motherfucking military style because there's two ways to shoot people there's the ways that you can be a half of Puerto Rican and do all this shit and there's military style where they actually teach. That's a style I learned in Colorado from a buddy who wanted me to be a hit man. He taught me how to shoot military to style. Two to the sternum, one to the fucking head, knee on your back. I had to learn how to shoot from all fucking angles. That's military style shooting.

You use the least amount of bullets. You're going for fucking death. Death is your friend. Anyway, we're going to talk about once upon a time in the West. So Charles Bronson plays Leone. Hit it Lee. This is the opening scene, which takes about 90 fucking minutes. This is Charles. Charles Bronson playing the harmonica here and he shows up on the train station there's three guys waiting for him Frank Frank sent us you bring a horse for me looks like we're looks like we're shy one horse you brought too too many they just freeze oh yeah this is Sergio only on directing so everything takes a while he makes you sit into your fucking heart it sits into your soul this is what the movies are about you're supposed to

That's the horse fucking at the, he didn't shoot the horse, but that's Sergio later. Now you're staring at a fan that just keeps spinning. It just keeps spinning. These three guys are on the floor dead. Charles Brunson's looking around about the fucking pop of Tick-Tacin. The fan is still spinning. Please watch this movie.

It's a long movie. Now, look at the trailer for once upon a time in America, okay? I'll find it too. I got it. And shoot these people, this shit. No, it's crazy. Like, just, for example, when we do the Mad Flavors role, people get, like, there's YouTube videos that are very flashy and stuff like that.

But I love movies like this where it takes a long time and you sit there and it could get boring. Some people think it's boring. I love it, man. I love watching and thinking about what's going on. All right. Look at the trailer for Once Upon a Time in America. See what they say that. This is the Nero Tree.

Williams. Do you want to play them from the beginning? Yeah, just play the trail. I would see what this says there. I'm not interested in your friends in high places, and I don't trust politicians. No, if we listen to you, it would still be rolling drunks for living. Are you broke? You'll carry that stink of the streets with you the rest of your life. I like the stink of the streets. It makes me feel good. I like to smell it. It opens up my lungs.

Arnon Milshan presents a Sergio Leone Phil. God damn it. ...once upon a time in America. The story of... friends. As boys, they made a pact to share their fortunes. Agreed. Their loves and their lives. You'll put up and you'll shut up. You hear nothing and you see nothing, just like you did for Bugsie. Better hope you stayed in the Bronx. As men, they shared a dream. I swear to God, know those you and me together, we can make it come true. To rise together from

poverty to power. There they are. These are the fucking Jews, nobody know about. The 1930. These motherfuck has opened it up. Through two decades that changed the nation. Then the Guinea show up. You set yourselves up in business? Oh my god! They forged an empire, built on greed, violence, and betrayal. Today they ask us to get rid of Joe.

Tomorrow they ask me to get rid of you. Is that okay with you? Because it's not okay with me. Open it! You want to go swimming? Yeah, let's go for the swimming. We're gonna need you guys today. You're the only person that I've ever cared about.

Maybe Sharkey was right. Maybe I'd just dump you. He's gonna do this. He's gonna do it with or without you. It's Tuesday Well. You know, they do a robbery and they rob a Tuesday Well, right? Mm-hmm. And then they go, they're at a party and they see Tuesday Well at the party. They're like, look, that's the chick we roughed up, that she loved it. Like, they went in there to rob them at a bank or something.

Yeah. But when they smacked it, she got horny. She's like, I love this. and she left with them, way before the town. So that's why when you see all these movies, you'll see where they stole the rest of the movies that you guys are watching. Look at that.

I've seen that before. I've heard that line before. They stole them from these fucking movies, guys. These were the Bible. So if you get a chance this week, I know it's Monday, I don't want to plan about Friday, because you don't know what's going to happen. But watch Once Upon a Time in the West,

it's Henry Fond's only role as a bad guy ever. It's a very intense movie. I know you guys want me to tell you about our goal and new movies. The Seven Fucking Prophets. Where is that movie? That's it. It's came and went.

You'll never hear from it again. This is what I'm telling people. These movies are garbage guys. They just package them and that's it. If there's no explosives, there's no chase scenes with music, there's nothing. These fucking movies,

you've got to sit there. You think Sergio Leone's got five hours to throw away. This motherfucker don't fuck around. He's in Italy shooting fucking bully. Why are you looking at me like that? You're going to cry. What's the matter? It's about Jews.

Don't get offended. I'm not. I'm just watching. That's why I call all Jewish guys noodles. Really? That's why all my tight fucking Jew friends, except for you. You're a flying Jew. But everybody else is noodles, brother.

Oh, shit. You know, and I'm disappointed with Mike, but what am I going to do? You know, I let him know yesterday he posted on Facebook that he was going to do the show, and then maybe he'll call me. You sure he hasn't called? It's been open. Yeah, because I don't know where the fuck he is. This guy, he's on Facebook talking about politicians all the time.

He calls Obama the Kenyan. Oh, my God. The Kenyan said this and the Kenyan said that. So I figured this guy would be a good call today. But hey, what are you going to do? These guys fold. They think that I'm going to fucking ask him questions. Because when you put it on Facebook that he was going to be on,

some guy put on there don't mention any names. You know, and it's like, are you fucking kidding me or what? That's crazy. So what are you going to do? On to the next one. That's it, Mike. You're done. Because I really do.

I ask you for a favor at one time. If you can't come through from me, why am I going to bother you again? And that's the thing with your Twitter people, When you were saying it last night, you say things, you put the balls up, but it cuts out the people who weren't really that into you. So if people are sticking with you through this, then they're going to be your people.

Listen, the balls were there, so when people are looking at it, they go, they get offended. If they got offended, I don't want you around. It's like people who serve blue branch with blue cheese. You know, it's like people who fuck up pork fried rice. It's like, when you go to a restaurant, you open up an appetizer, the appetizer blows. Why are you ordering a fucking entree?

If the appetizer blows, and it's fucking simple, Why are you ordering a fucking entree? You're killing yourself to live. Get up, get the check and get the fuck out of it and go to the place that you know what's fantastic. Right or wrong, that's what I would do. That's just me. People always get mad when I go out to eat.

People will get weird stuff on the menu. And as a fat guy, I know you get the easy stuff, people can't mess up, and it's always going to be good. I almost never have a bad meal because I get the simple stuff. People who go out trying to be fancy with it. Yeah, that must have been you. That must have been somebody else that ordered the spaghetti at the no-ho fucking diner.

One time. We went to a diner at 10 of class. pocket night. On this fucking mook ordered spaghetti at this place where they fuck up the soup. Well, I didn't want, I didn't feel like a burger. Everything tastes the same. The chili, the spaghetti sauce, the soup, everything tastes the same. I love Nohold diner.

I used to like No Hodana because they let you smoke in the back. You go down back there and smoke a meat and get a bowl of soup and me and leave. We go back there and talk shit until two in the morning. But now they closed off the back, so there's no reason to fucking even go in there because they fucked up my ham and eggs one time. My wife had to send her fucking eggs with ones. Two times. You've fucked up eggs.

How can you fuck up some of these eggs? You know, they got these Mexicans for six bucks an hour. Teach him how to fucking cook. Teach him how to fucking cook. You know what I'm saying? Call in, brother. We're waiting on you. I just texted it to you. Okay, I'm gonna text it to you because I can't say it over the year

because it's not these Puerto Ricans. I'll meet it. All right. That's my boy. What are you playing songs for in shit? Don't be playing those songs. Don't be playing songs, Lee, cocksucker. So while we wait for it, I was thinking about it

I was thinking about it. We talked about it last night. For people who keep tweeting at me, are you going to have a black chick fart in your face? I'll do it, but one of them is going to have to give me a blowjob. Lee, shut up, Lee. They're not going to. Why are you getting upset about this stuff now?

He was talking about this shit on the way home. He's going to change the chick if she fart in his face. I'm just telling you live your life. We don't worry about you're going to enjoy this. Why are you so panicked about a chick farting your face? Because you said, like, oh, it's supposed to taste like shit. That's the exact reason. I don't want to do it.

I don't want to taste shit. You know, how bad does it taste, Lee? It tastes bad at shit. No, it does not. A girl is clean. No. What I'm talking about is when she farts in your face,

they're assholes sometimes if they go to work or whatever. It gets, you know, the sodium packs up around the muffler, plus toilet paper. You ever go down that chicken? She got a little toilet paper and a muffler. That's what are the soldier? What are you going to do? You got to fucking go away?

No, you got to do what you got to do, Lee. You know? So when she fart, in your face, your mouth's going to be up. And I want, you know, you're going to have a little residue like you might have, it's like me shooting somebody in the head next to you. The brains are going to go on you, you know what I'm saying? It's no

big deal. They don't worry about it. It's no big deal. You're worried about this shit for no reason. No, he asked me about eating the girl's ass 80 times yesterday. What am I going to do? Look the fuck. It's just live and learn. You never had a one night stand? You'd take a chick home and you look at the pieces for where they stay, Lee?

Yeah, not eating ass, though. Fuck. Lee, what is wrong with you? It's part of your out of me, it's beautiful. I don't know. I don't know about beautiful, man. You've never looked at a chick's muffler. That's what the problem is, Lee. You've got to look at it. Give it a chance. You don't even flip her over and stick a finger. Have you ever stick your finger in a chick's muffler and sniff your finger?

That's what you're supposed. That's how you start. And you don't put the big finger in that you put the pinky in that they get your party started. Is my man. What's happening, little brother? Morning, buddy. What's up? How are you? Where you been? You've been flying around the fucking world? What are you doing? I just got down

I had a student nice when you pay people to try to kill you Oh I hear you But on the phone is my main man Mike You know I met I knew Mike's father Before I met Mike's one of those politicians

Mike's father was a politician I talked about that cared about You know if I went to Mike's father And said I need a basketball rim On 38th you Was there 10 minutes fucking later Him and Peter Mark On those guys who I love dearly

But I met Mike I was a junior in high school the work study program, CIA, where they give you 15 credits for working, and you got out of school at one, and Mike came in, he was in the Army at the time, stationed in Hawaii, and we spoke, and then six months later,

I ended up in Aspen, Colorado, and who's there, my man, Mike. And we've been brothers ever since, man. What's happening, Mike? Tell these motherfuckers about North Bergen politics, Mike. Ah, Nordbergin. I got, yeah, my father was heavily a politician, and he was basically the Prince of the Young Dem movement back there in Hutchin County.

So when the Kenyan idiot comes on and preaches his stool bummery, I basically understand the playbook because I grew up with it. But there's one story in particular in mine that I told Coco one time, and Coco remembers it and brought it up to me yesterday. Some of the hijinks and the craziness we used to mix up and get in trouble as kids. We had the Bicentennial in 1776, and the place was mobbed with people from out-of-state plates up on the Palisades, which is where our town was located, North Bergen. We were watching all out-of-state plates having nowhere to park and want to get a shot of the tall ships and everything in the harbor,

and a buddy Steve of mine, whose last name, remained anonymous, Jimmy, another buddy of mine and myself, and come up with the idea that there was a baseball field with a wooden horse in front of it that's at HCPD, that's in County Police Department, making sure nobody parked on it. And the day before, we had gave an unfortunate crossing guard a bit of a something and took his little flashlight in his badge. And we looked at each other, and it was like a little light bulb in the cartoon over the head. And we decided to move the horse,

and we had stole some tickets from a carnival that had been in town about two weeks before. And we gave them out and said admit one and let people in the baseball field to park their cars from out of the football. charge and $5 dollars a car. Got about a half hour into that, and Hunting County Police Department pulled up, and asked what was going on, and we threw the flashlight and the badge

and the car and the tickets and said, can't park on the field like these people. Basically, the Hunting County cops said, no, you can't park on the field. We headed off to White Castle with our daily revenue regenerating from it, and basically sat in White Castle and watched all these poor people

with out-of-state plates being towed away. So they sold fucking parking, and then give off... I mean, that's what, that was, that's fucking American ingenuity right there. You see an open parking lot, you're fucking using it. You give out some tickets, who gives a fuck guy? That's right. That's Hudson County Hoodlam at its best right there.

And we mixed it up, absolutely. You know, we grew up in society where every four years. We did. You know, and I know people out there basically have a hard time believe in some of the insane and crazy stuff that you come up with and telling, this is this tell all book you're telling, which is probably going to rock some worlds. But I got to tell you, it's,

99% of it, if not 100%, it's true. I mean, people don't believe it. When I, down here in wonderful Midland, Texas, tell some of the stories about my childhood and the insanity and the fringe felony that we operated on, but, I mean, it's a lot of it's true. When we had breakfast that time, I was out there in June, when I flew the family out there that I fly for out to the Scientology Center out there,

we had a laugh a second at the table, And it always seems like when a bunch of us get together from Hudson County, especially from North Bergen, it's a laugh a minute. Just remember in some of the phraseology and some of the crazy stuff we did. It's hysterical. You can't even, like for years I shut my mouth, Mike, because I thought people would look at me with three heads. Even when we lived in Aspen, we lived in Basalt,

and Jimmy came home with the fucking steering wheel from the car because the car went off the cliff. It was my car, and he came home and gave me the... the steering wheel, he goes, here's your car. You know, and he was hanging from the bumper. How about the logic he used on the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the sheriff up there, when the sheriff pulled up from picking county and everybody else, and they were sitting there, and, and I'm listening to him, explain

the situation and saying, look, it's not your mountain, it's my car. I don't have a problem with this. I mean, it was fucking amazing. I mean, we had such fun, no matter where we went. I mean, remember his adventures of Rhino Man, when he would have a full. four or five drinks and run through screening glass doors. He was a madman. No, we used to call him to Marquis the side.

He would start smoking cigarettes, and his eyebrow would go up. Women would leave his bedroom with bites on their back. I remember one night he punched his fucking chick in the head that the Paragon and Aspen because she wouldn't serve him. He gave... Yeah, he got us in a war. He took the bloody Mary and drank it and held her,

and then she smacked him, and he punched her back, and she held onto the pole and spun her... This is what I'm talking about. It's for chivalry, right? This is what I'm fucking talking about. Like, we just start going, man. You know, it's really interesting. I did a documentary, Mike, and I went back, and I showed Carmine Bousano.

And I try to tell these people, he shot a guy in the back nine times, and he got away with it, and self-defense in the back. Tell them, Mike. These motherfuckers don't believe it. Oh, forget about it. I mean, what about the whole Debrane Balling all thing? I mean, you know, she goes to testify and winds up dead from an overdose. Some of the things that went on in that town.

No, no, no, no, but the Debrianne Balling all thing was that she was sucking dick on 80th Street for years. She had a, either she wouldn't leave her light on. If her light was on, that means she was open for business. I never went up there to get my dick suck. Me and you were in Colorado, and the DeVincense got voted in. And then all of a sudden they got this hooker, the Mockwood administration, or somebody got this hooker to say that she had blown the DeVincense and sucked their dick and licked their asshole. And I bet that hookah fought in their fucking face lead.

That would say them crying. And they went on eyewitness news and they believed it. a year later they found the fucking dead. I helped set up the camera through the pizzerie into the barbershop where it was going on. What are you kidding? I was in the middle of that. This is what I'm saying to you people.

This is what I'm fucking saying. You know, every four years in North Bergen, most kids, every four years we went to work, Mike. We went to work. You had to get in the car. With the war. We went to war. We went down signs and fucking.

This was old school politics. You know? My friend. This was if you had a sign on the front. front porch of your house, you lost your railing along with the sign. Because we threw, we had renter cars from McGuire and Enterprise, and we would throw a grappling hook on your banister and pull the banister down with the sign. I mean, there were beatings going on, there were renter trucks being turned over.

And the insanity of it all is if you just look at it, when you and I look at it through street common sense, my father busted his behind to get an $8,500 a year part-time job, and they spent almost $200,000 a candidate. it getting it. Why? Come on, wake up. You know, I don't even, I don't even react to politics no more after what I seen growing up. I can't even react to politics. You know, every mayor, and I had such a passion about it because, you know, I was in the middle of it. I mean, I was out there, I was one of the troops on the front line. You know, I was one of the lie lieutenants out

there running the sign crew and doing all the night maneuvers and you can't believe. And Mike, And you were 16. Climb water towers, ripped signs down. I mean, it's crazy. You were 16 and 17, Mike. You know that? That's how old you were when you were doing this shit. We were young fucking kids.

I'm doing a... Remember something. My father ran for the spirit of 71. Oh, my God. That's how far back I'm talking. Oh, my God. He was a truck driver for war trucking, and he brought the teamsters in in the 50s and the 60s,

but Prolanzano and Hoffin and all the boys and Mikey Skiara, Ray Carney. All these guys, my father, that's what my father was. you know the amazing thing about him is that he came he grew to be such an extreme and good politician without ever spending a day in college he was just a natural item he walked in ran for assemblyman he lost 300 votes to assemblymen and chris jackman who won was assassinated a week later in hoboken so i mean it was it's insane it's i'm not saying there's a connection i'm just saying it's madness with what went on the politics

was so extreme and so venomous, and that's why people, a lot of times on Facebook, and they don't understand how I get so adamant about it and so intense and passionate about it because I see, and I know the evil, I was part of it. You know, Mike, I know that, you know, we both grew up in North Bergen. How do you feel about what's going on in Jersey right now?

My heart goes out to the people getting the pounded and the beating they're getting. But, you know, the sad thing is FEM is dropping the ball left and right on everybody I talk to, and I talk to. to a lot of people back there. Phenna's dropping the ball. And a lot of public officials are running around pounding their chest

like they're doing something good. You know, during the Bush administration, basically it wasn't any worse with Katrina. And the mayor was the boob down there and what they do. They hung George because he's a conservative. And they're giving this Kenyan idiot a past because he's a liberal. And that's the bottom line. They didn't vent him the first time. You're known by the company you keep Bill Ayers, Marshall David.

I mean, come on. The list goes on, Reverend Wright. I mean, and now Benghazi, Jesus Christ. I mean, Benghazi, this is a travesty. This is a travesty when Fox News and other news corporations walk through the embassy, and this idiot back here, along with the Secretary of State all the way down the line, is telling you we don't have answers yet. What do you mean you don't have answers?

The press is walking through it. Where were your answers? Eight weeks later. Come on, seven weeks later. That's a travesty. I mean, Watergate sucked. Nixon was guilty, absolutely, and got what he did. But you know what? Nobody died in Watergate. Come on. This is a travesty. And it's really fired up all the veterans across the country. People like myself and everyone else is served. It's pissing us all off. Because this guy is just, he'll say anything and do anything. Look at a speech at the other day. Vote to revenge. And then you got Romney saying vote for country. I'm sorry. I don't want to vote for revenge.

Every once in a while the lips let it flip out. It flipped out. Oops. Again. You know, these guys were saying that he gave out a bunch of Romney hats with made in Taiwan on him. You know, that's old school politics. And he gave out a bunch of Obama hats with made in fucking New Jersey. They complained about him riding his dog on the roof 30 years ago on his car. I mean, is that the best you can do? Please. And you and you and I both know it.

Never, the liberal tact is never argue the facts, especially when you're losing on them. Let's just sling mud and cloud the way. water so the issues don't become serious anymore. They just don't. The issues don't matter right now. It's an era of divisive politics, and this country has never been so separated. This was a guy four years ago who was going to work with both sides, who was going to change the landscape of politics. He hasn't changed anything. He's to split this country. It's more divisive right now that I was in a, I was in West Texas in a bank yesterday, a Wells Fargo, not yesterday, two days ago. And a woman came in,

a black woman with an Obama badge on, and she went to hand a lollipop to a child. The woman refused a lollipop to her child and said, no, don't give anything to my child. That guy on your, the button you wear on your shirt's done enough to his future. Why don't you give it to him?

He's the real sucker. I mean, I've never seen that around the country, and I fly land at a lot of little airports with the family I fly in with their private plane. And I hear a lot of people out there that are venomously mad about this. About the usurping of the Congress,

about taking our rights, forcing things on our religion. This is a very upset country right now. And I'm telling you, if this canyon does pull it off, you're going to probably see places like Texas to see. They're talking about it down there, and they're serious about it.

Hey, Mike, what was the last time you were in North Bergen? What was the last time you got down? Last time I went to North Bergen was about four years ago, and I parked in front of my house, and my old house that's now sold, that my father left to my, thank God. And, uh,

I don't know, a lot of memories came flooding back. But the strange thing is, uh, you knew my mom and my mom knew you. And, and basically Alex called me about, I'd say about a year later and said he did the same thing

and parked in the same spot. And he swears, he saw my mother standing on the porch. That was scary to me and a little, little hair raising, but it's, I can see. that I can see her having so many memories

and not having to have, not wanting to leave. Hey, Mike, I got to ask you one last question. The town has changed. Oh, the town has changed. But, Mike, didn't one of your friends try to blow up the principal? Yeah, buddy, him, Steve. His name was Mr. Farley.

He was our eighth grade teacher. He was my high school fucking principal, that douchebag. No, this was in grammar school. This is Robert Foote. No, I know, but then he became a high school principal years later when they went to the four principal system in North Bergen. So now, you know, they have four principals

at the high school, correct? Yeah, they have to, right. Ray Farley was his name. He wanted to suspend me, and Dalton stuck up for me. Dalton said, you can't suspend him. He's an athlete, he's a good man. So if it wasn't for Ray Dalton, that motherfucker, the principal you guys tried to blow up with a pipe bomb fucking...

Farley. They tried to blow up. You guys, that maniac, yeah, yeah. Blew him off the bike, blew everything but one long finger with the knuckle, the index finger. and it's like an extended, it almost looks like a tentacle, and he would get down to shore and wear a glove, and we were down seaside one time,

which is now more longer there. But we were walking, and a girl asked him why he was wearing a glove, when it was 93 degrees out on the beach, and he yanked it out, and he started, like, curling it around, and he says, because it's my sex device, and he chased it down the beach. This guy, I mean, we, you know, is amazing that you hear all these things about teachers,

teachers sucking dick, and the kids go home and saying that, teachers sucked out dick in that high school. Nobody said none. I'm a guy grab him as brand those tits in the sixth grade, grade when she was pregnant in the art room. I didn't give a pop, Mike Duffy. Mike, it was so crazy growing up when we grew up, and I'm happy you came on and just, you know,

teachers got smacked. You know that. Teachers got smacked when we went to school. I was playing volleyball. I watched the aide dive up on top of Micella and give him a good ass with. I hit him in the back of the legs with the paddle. Tabuccino jumped in. It was a mess.

It was a fucking mess. I mean, back then, you know, teachers didn't get in your face and tell you where did you belong? You know, our year was notorious. Where do you belong? Get out of my face if I punch your teeth out. Remember, they wouldn't let you leave for lunch, and we had to sneak out for lunch, and they come get us at hashways and shit?

Oh, about when they chased Kevin Valentine and hit him with the softball bat with the tape on it, said, hey, get him, put him through the window hashways. When it was the smaller store, because we were out breaking the high school, you know, no out lunch policy. No out lunch policy. And they pulled up in the driver-ed car, four of them pile out, and I hit in the bathroom, and they knocked on the bathroom door in the back. And I said, I'm busy.

And basically it was me and Calabria in the van for him. And it didn't fool Dalmat's a Tissima. It was basically, oh, come on out of it. We know it's you. Duff, we're going to talk. We'll be with baseball. It's on tape. I'm going over.

We're going to talk next week after the election and see what goes on. Any last words for these badass motherfuckers and iTunes and everywhere else in the world? Yes. Smart enough for your kids' future and vote around me, please. I got four kids. I'm voting for Rami. I can't afford to have them in that 216 each. I can't do it before they even get to college.

Mike, you know, I love you at all my heart. You say, hey, you call me back, and I'm willing to come on your show anytime. You're a good friend, you're a good man, and I got a lot of respect for what you've gotten to. God bless you, Joe. God bless you, too, Mike. I love you with all my heart, Mike, Doff. Love you too, buddy.

Stay black. Bye-bye. That's a crazy motherfucker. Fucking Kenyon. And he calls him the Canyon. He goes, It was crazy. It was a very obscure podcast today.

I'm happy you guys stuck around and did it. Leelie Leelan talking about, worried about getting some shit on his face and stuff. I don't need this aggravation. As you know, you bad motherfuckers, we are in Chicago at the House of Blues. I think it's close to being sold out. Myself and Ari Sheffia Thursday night, 8 o'clock show. What else is going on? Wednesday, we got a great show for you.

This Wednesday, I'm not even going to tell you who's going to call. I got a special guest for you, motherfuckers. Next week, I'm in Arizona. in Scottsdale, just Friday and Saturday, it's 100 tickets each. Thank you for making testicle testaments, number three, number four on fucking Billboard. I mean, like I said, you Twitter people

and Facebook and all the internet, I love you guys with all my heart. MMA junkie, I love you. I love anybody who supports the podcast. Remember, dog, it's fucking Monday, right? Go out there and make somebody pay for you waking up. Go out there. Shine your shoes. Be fucking positive.

Love everybody. If somebody fucks you, you're going to get to smack them in the face. That's the way things work out. until that point love people go out there have a great day Lee Lee and throw a kiss at these cocksuckers what are you playing on the way how about I want to be around that's what I was gonna do hit it Lee for my mother's spirit Thursday 32 years she's gone

it still tastes like fucking air out there I love you guys have a great week thank you for putting up with our shit stay black I want to be around the pieces when somebody breaks your heart some somebody twice as smart as I. A somebody who swear to be true

as you used to do with me who leave you to learn that misery loves company