The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #111 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: November 1, 2021

Welcome to The JOINT..... It's Monday, November 1st..... This episode is called "Proving Your Point". This episode is brought to you by Liquid I.V., DraftKings & Zip Recruiter….. Go to https://www.Liquid-IV.com Use JOEY at checkout for 25% OFF! Download the DraftKings SportsBook App & Enter Code: JOEY https://www.DraftKings.com/sportsbook to bet $5 on UFC 268 to win $200 in Free Bets! Go to https://www.ZipRecruiter.com/EASY & Try it for FREE! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

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Let's get this party started. It's Monday, November 1st. We're starting a month and the week on one day. I love you. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? It's a beautiful fucking. Monday to be alive. Welcome to the joint. It's November 1st. I am fucking fired the fuck up. It's official getting ready for 20-22 day. That's what you do, man. That's it. If you're not getting

ready for January and February and what the fuck you're going to do, you're slipping. But who gives a fuck? It was a great weekend. I hope you had a great Halloween. Let me tell you something. I was watching TV two nights ago. Just minding my business. You know, at the end of the day, just put the fucking TV on. And I'm not talking about politics here. I don't want you to the guys that think I'm political, whatever. There's an election tomorrow. I don't know, for some of you people who live in a fucking cave, whatever. You know, Murphy and Jersey and New York's looking for a new fucking mayor, right?

They're dying to get this de Blasio out. So they're down to two guys. They're down to his brother, Eric, whatever, an ex-cop. You could tell he's fucking a savage. And he's down to Curtis Silva or Silwa. Curtis Silver, for a lot of people who don't know, is the president of the fucking Guardian Angels. this guy has been fucking lurking in New York since I was a kid

this guy tried to fuck up my parades all the time because we used to go to fucking Harlem the cop the dealers would be, hold on, we get the guardian angels around. I'm like, who gives a fuck? There are a bunch of guys with a whistle. It's not like they got to arrest you a fucking, who gives a fuck, you know?

The Spanish dealers never gave a fuck. But like the white dealers up in Harlem and shit would always give you a hard time. Like, all right, nothing's going on. The guardian angels are around. I fucking hate the guardian angels. at all my life. But let me tell you something about Curtis Silver.

That motherfucker has been beat up. Goddy shot him. Like one of Goddies people, I think shot him. They beat him up. Something happened. You got to check it out on Wikipedia. Something happened. But he's running for mayor tomorrow, right?

Tomorrow's the election. And he's over there campaigning on fucking Saturday. This is what I saw yesterday, right? I was fucking dying. I was watching the NFL. And then the news came on, whatever the, you know, the late game last night. and the news came on

and the next thing you fucking know they're like Curtis Silver didn't take the day off whatever's name is don't quote me on the name Curtis Silver didn't take the day off he's out campaigning and you see him inside

the guy of fire department and he's talking to the fire department he's telling him listen if I'm the mayor there'll be no mandates and they're just looking at him like Curtis come on guy there's like three firemen

listening to him the rest of them are mopping they don't give a fuck like nobody's paying attention but the best shot they showed was he got hit by a car on Saturday. Some taxi cab hit and run Curtis Silva. Now listen, let me explain some to you. I'm no fucking genius here.

But I take messages from the universe, okay? If I get hit by a cab on a fucking Saturday before the election on Tuesday, and the guy doesn't even stop for the next mayor in New York, I'm not saying he's going to win. I'm just saying you're driving down the street, right? you know and all of a sudden you're like fuck it, it's a beautiful day to be alive the sun goes in your eyes

you bump, you hit somebody right? You look at the guardian angels the guy that's running for man and you're like you know somebody would go oh my God he's running for male let me pull over this whoever hit him was like fuck this dude like he ain't running

this is horrible they hit him with the fucking car he went down went to the hospital but here he is campaigning now when I was growing up Curtis Silver whatever his fucking name is Swaywa, I don't know, he had like, you know, Guardian Angels. There had to be 30 fucking dudes,

a couple white dudes, a couple black dudes. They were all yoked. You know, they were young. They were walking around like they were fucking, you know, into it. They showed him with, like Curtis Silver's, whatever fucking campaign. And they actually showed this poor bastard.

And he's down to like three little skinny crackheads. Like they couldn't protect himself. Three little skinny dudes, like, you know what I'm saying? And he was holding on to him. He's got the fucking arm. He got hit by the cab, so he got the arm. It's busted. And he's like, I'm Curtis Siva, and I'm running for you.

Don't forget to come out and vote for me in the polls. Let me tell you something. I got to be honest with you. I got the felonies and shit. But right when I finish this podcast, I'm calling my attorney, because I'm voting for him. Because he needs every vote he could get. If I'm going to goof on him, he earns my fucking vote. I ain't voting for a governor.

I ain't voting for nobody, but I'm voting. for this guy, because if he gets 13 votes, that'll be a lot. You know what I'm saying? Like, you ever see somebody? You're like, God damn, that poor bastard. If he gets 12 votes, like his mother's going to vote for him, his grandmother, you know, like an uncle that's in prison, shit like that. That's who's going to vote for that poor bastard.

He ain't got a suit on. His shirt is sloppy. His beret got dirt on it. Come on, Curtis. Give me a fucking break, man. I mean, I don't like to piss on people's legs or fucking cancel somebody's parade, but I got a better chance of running from mayor. I guarantee I would get one more vote than Curtis Silver.

I get like 15, 16 votes, but I'd be happy. That's my expectation. Let me tell you a little fucking... Let me tell you a little Guardian's story, right? In 2005, you know, the longest year it comes out, right? I don't know nothing about nothing. I've never been in a big movie. I'm just a...

I'm a cokehead. I'm fucking just a dirty comic and shit. And I'm in this fucking feature. and everybody's talking about and there's billboards and I'm in the trailer and shit. So the first weekend I picked for the longest yard

was Jersey City. There used to be a club in Jersey City called bananas. They're still around. They're in like, are they still? I don't even fucking know. I don't even fucking know

if they're still around. I think of, oh, no, no, no, no. It was Rascals in Jersey City. Rascals used to be in West Orange and off a rascals shore. And then this guy bought the rascals. So he added one in Jersey City and one in some part of Boston that shut down in a week.

I think they lit it on fire. They don't have comedy on that side of Boston, you know what I'm saying? So this guy opened up a club in Jersey City. I figured out of respect the closest to North Bergen is fucking Jersey City. So I did the weekend. I did one show Friday, one show Saturday. Nobody came to see me, you know, just people that are going to vote for me in the mayor of the election. I had like 30 people, 15 on fucking Friday and 15 on Saturday.

No big deal. So I wanted to promote it. So my friend got me, I was never on their radar, you know, at all. I knew Jim Norton from opening for Andrew. So he got me a spot on Opie and Anthony. I was fucking thrilled. Like Stern wouldn't take me. Nobody would take me, but Opie and Anthony will.

So I go to Opian Anthony. Now the best thing about going to OP and Anthony is when you walk out of there, there's a hot dog stand up to fucking corn. I love that shit by the Avenue of the Americas. There's always a guy. Even when you go there fucking early, like you go to 7 in the morning,

there's a fucking hot dog guy up there. Like when you go in there at 8 or something like that, you'll hear people, Arab people talking. That means they're selling gyros and shit already. I swear to God, they're like on a fucking loudspeaker, like talking about gyros or allah. So I went up there.

I went in. two doors down from fucking opie and anthony in that building it's not opium anthony it's serious two doors three doors down i saw club soda kettie you know and uh he goes there's a great fucking ham and egg place over there so you know what at the time of the longest shot i'm 400 fucking pounds why stop at a hot dog let me get four or five hot dogs and i'll go over and get a fucking you know tail of ham and egg on the cheese you know what i mean that was my fucking breakfast at that time. So I get out of Opie and Anthony, you know, and I walk to the fucking corner and I grab my two chili dogs at fucking 8.30 in the morning, the fat fuck that I am, right?

And I'm eating the two chili dogs. And I swear to God, guys, who comes up to me? But a skinny little brother that's a guardian angel, right? I mean, you can't, I don't know if I'm on. That, at that time, Ralphie Mae was doing. Carolines that weekend. If you look it up, May of 2005, Memorial Day weekend, Ralphie was doing Carolines. So Ralphie offered me, he got an extra hotel room. He goes, I got an extra hotel room so you could stay with me in the city. I was like, fuck it.

So I went to the city to stay with Ralphie, and then that morning I got up and I went to do O.P. And Anthony, no big deal. I go get my fucking two. hot dogs and who jumps on me but a skinny fucking uh african-american dude nice brother you know a little he wasn't all there a guardian angel he's like what's happening man he goes where you going you're in that movie and shit and i'm like yeah thank you i saw the movie it's a fucking hit you're a killer i saw you eight years ago and i always had your back and all and i'm looking at this guy like i wasn't

even around that years ago i don't know what the fuck you're talking about eight years ago is 1997. I was just doing fucking, you know, feature sets up in Seattle or some shit. He's like telling me, I saw you in Jersey. You fucking hit it out of the park. And then he was talking about Rogan, so I'm like, oh, this guy got some credibility. He has

probably seen me. And he's talking to me. He's like, you by yourself? And I'm like, yeah, I'm just walking over to get an egg sandwich. He goes, you're going to eat two hot dogs on an egg sandwich? Chubby, you could eat and all this shit. We're just going back and forth. And he goes, at the end of the thing, goes, man,

you by yourself, you need security. I go, what? And he goes, you need security, man, you're a movie star. My God, Jesus Christ, I'm no fucking movie star. I thought about that Kevin Hart bit where he talks about security. You know, like he needs security. He don't need rock security.

He needs security for people who, like, fucking spit on glass and go, when he's eating at a restaurant and all that shit. That's me. I don't need no fucking... Nobody even fucking talks to me. He goes, you need security, man. These are my motherfucking dick.

I'm an expert in Kung Fu, gung-fool fucking dog. This guy had a list that did not fucking stop. He hit me with 20 different karate styles that he knew and shit like that. And then to top it off, he fucking started doing moves on the street, guys. You don't know what embarrassing is when there's a skinny guy doing Bruce Lee moves

on the fucking street in front of you and people are looking at you and you're like, all this is not happening. So I go, listen, I got to go. I got to go, dog. Things are happening. He goes, let me walk you to part of the third. I'm like, listen, I'm cool.

I'm going to take a cab. I was flat, fucking broke. Like I had maybe 20 bucks. I was going to take a bus over, but I didn't give a fuck. I had to get away from this guy because he was just embarrassed to me doing sidekicks. He started stretching to show me how fucking whatever he was. And I said, hey, hey, hey, listen, I got to run. I got to go do this and this.

Let me come with you. No, no, no. Listen, you can't. I'll work security for free. Let me do you a day for free. and if you like me, you pay me. If not, I'm like, listen. It was like those disco mixtapes.

You know, these brothers that come up to you and they give you a mixtape. Here you go, man. You're like, what's this? It's my mixtape. You want to donate some money? Not really. I wasn't looking to donate dick today.

I'm not looking for any fucking rap albums. Last time, last rap album I bought was Biggie, ready to die. And last time I checked, you ain't fucking Biggie. You know what I'm saying? So get the fuck. I mean, they would do that shit to you and they come up to you and put the CD in your hand.

So this guy kept fucking going, kept going, kept going, kept going, kept going. I'm like, you know what? I got a go guy. So he gave me his number. He's like, take my digits and shit. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, oh. And he saw that I had a cell phone.

I'm like, God damn it, because at that time I had a pager, I was very happy with my pageer. When I had a pager, nobody would ask me for my fucking number. They'd see the pager and go, we don't want your number, you're low rent. That's how I want. I don't want to give out my number.

But he saw I had a cell phone. And he goes, let me get your number. So I gave my fucking number. That was a mistake. every day he called me. So I flipped it on him. I did a Joey Diaz. I started torturing the motherfucker.

Hey man, what are you doing? Do you have a bazooka? And he would go, no, why? You need one. I'm doing a show up in Brooklyn and the fucking the mafia's coming and I just would blow smoke up his ass. And I would give him a fucking date

and he'd fucking call me two days later and go, what the fuck happened to you? I waited. I was at the Gramercy Hotel. I was waiting there with three motherfucking killers to do security. for you. I'm like, oh, I'm sorry. The plane got delayed. So I did that then like six times before he

caught on and he disappeared from my life and life went on. But that's my guardian angel stories. This guy tortured me for at least a fucking year. And I finally went, you know what? I got to get rid of this guy out of my life. He would call me at two in the morning, four in the morning, six in the morning. So I started just calling him and going, hey, you know Cleveland? Yeah, there's a club called fucking the Matador. There's no club called the Matador. and he would fucking go, all right, I'm going to get my partners and go there. And then he would call me back. I looked in the yellow pages.

There ain't no matter door. I'm like, no, I said metaphor, you know, and he would fucking call me back. Metaphor, I can't find Club metaphor. This went on until he finally just, I told him to go to Pennsylvania to Wicksbury. I swear to God, I go, meet me at Wilkesbury, Pennsylvania Friday night. We're doing the fucking theater there. There's no fucking theater there. I just made up a name.

Linda Rowe, a booker, a great lady used to book a room of, there like a barn and I had the itinerary and when he called me I was looking to what given I just go just fucking meet me at this barn that was where I sent him the last time he called me I'm like I'm here I'm surrounded by white motherfuckers and shit up here in pennsylvania there's an Amish I said I don't know what to tell you they never called me to fuck back and that was the end of my experience with the guardian fucking angels so I don't know if you're going to vote Monday I don't even know why I went into this fucking story it's Monday morning we got to talk we got to talk about what the fuck is cracking in the news the other thing i saw this weekend which was very fucking impressive

this shit i like guys i don't know about you guys you know i really don't care about the ufos in new jersey i mean i got to be honest with you guys i'm to a point in my life and it's not a point in my life it's if i say that the i'm wrong this is the way i've always been i've always been i've always been a fan of Rocky stories. In any situation, in any situation at all, I've always been a sucker for that shit. You know, when I was a kid, I was watching TV one day, I was watching college football. I didn't even know what the fuck, college basketball, I didn't even know what I was watching. And I saw a fucking kid and he was from Jersey City.

He was a freshman. He was starting. And he inspired me. You know what I'm saying? when I was a freshman in high school, I went to see a kid play basketball, and he fucking scored 68 points, and he broke, you know,

my man's record out of Union City, St. Michael's, the announcer of the Celtics, and I was very inspired, you know, like that. I get inspired from Rag to Rich's story. You know, a lot of people get inspired by fucking, you know, Marvel war, you know, they stand online for Spider-Man. I've never really, that's my main thing. I like reading books that, you know, like Leia Eocca's book,

the crazy guy from Texas's book, the guy that ran for president, I became a fan of his. I like reading stories of struggle. I love struggle, you know. I see a beauty in struggle. I really do. I rather, you know, I'd rather, you know, I see the beauty of Miss Pat's story.

I see the beauty in my story, you know. Sometimes when I feel down about myself or something's got going on or I can't make a decision about something, you know, I'm not the number one. I'm not the best, what's that shit? Like, I don't think the best of myself, you know, and a lot of people have noticed that over the years,

I break my balls. I don't think the best of myself, you know. And whenever I do get into those funks, I think about success stories, people who have applied themselves, people who have said, you know what, this is what I'm going to do come hell of high water. And guess what? I don't have the wins behind me. See, when somebody goes for something, like I like to talk to you in a comedy sense or in a sports sense, but people would take this the wrong way. When I see it, I appreciate Gabriel Lacey's story more than, let's say, I don't know. I don't know.

I don't even know another comic. I was there with Gabriel. I saw Gabriel start as a 17-year-old kid. You know, a lot of people fucking hit me up sometimes, you know, jerk off people. And they'll go, hey, man, you're retweeting this guy, or you're retweeting. that guy, you're retweeting this guy's date, he's not funny, this guy's not funny, she's not funny, people always got their own opinion of who's not funny or whatever. When I retweet these people, I personally think they're funny or personally, I think they're amusing. I don't

think they're fucking the funniest person in the world. I don't think they're my fucking, you know, but I know their story. Do you know what I'm saying? Like I know that fucking story. And their story makes me want to stand behind them. Just because you don't know that fucking story doesn't mean, you know, there's no fucking, I love camaraderie. I love supporting people.

But I also love the story. I fucking do. My dick gets hard when I found out that, you know, Doug Stanhope was living in his car when he won the San Francisco comedy competition. Did you know that story that the night of the final,

somebody broke in his car and stole all his fucking clothes and every possession that he had. And he still went up there and destroyed that fucking room and won first place and beat fucking, I mean, look it up. He'd beat Dane Cook. He'd be, I think Rob, I don't even know, Vinnie Faberito, don't quarry, but I know was Dane Cook and somebody else. That Doug Stanhope. Doug Stanhope could fucking run somebody over with a car.

he could hamper his career, whatever, he could pull an O.J. And I will still respect somebody like Doug Stanhope because I know the work he put in to his career. Do you know what I'm saying? Like you respect those people. Like I saw Doug go in a car and fucking put a pole in the back of the car and hang his clothes back there. And he went on the road and he dedicated himself to this.

And not once did he come to me and go, you know, I don't have enough Instagram friends. or he just put his head down and went. Those are the people that inspired me. When I see a guy like Ralphie Mae, who dog, Ralphie was a funny comic, funny as fuck. Great guy, worked hard, taught me a different level of work ethic than Joe Rogan taught me.

Joe Rogan's got a great work ethic. But Ralphie May had a complete different work ethic, and I took a little from his worker. But let me tell you something, bro. Let's get an example. you, Tiffany Haddish, Ralphie Mae. Tiffany Haddish had been

busting her ass since 2000 three. I know for a fact. That's how long I know Tiffany Haddish. When I say busting her ass, I'm saying busting her ass on a Tuesday night babysitting to make money for rent and then running down and doing a spot

at the comedy store on a black show and, you know, she wasn't well known. People didn't receive her much. She was a woman, a female. She would get out late. You know, when I see Tiffany Haddish, I love Tiffany Haddish. I communicate with Tiffany Haddish every two weeks on a text. I'm watching you, girl, because I was there.

I saw Tiffany Haddish sharing it apart. I remember when Tiffany Haddish lived in fucking Ontario to save money, Ontario, California. For you people who don't know, that's an hour and a half to two hours all day long from Hollywood, no matter what time it fucking is. And she would bust her fucking hump. You know, there's a difference between making it and there's a difference between making it when you have no fucking sales behind your back.

When there's nobody helping you and there's nobody pushing you. Ralphie Mae, I was there with him in those meetings. I was there driving him to those meetings when he would come out and with a fucking face and his cheeks were red and you could see he was deeply fucking upset and they would tell him no. He was too fat. Ralphie had a battle in a fucking half.

Everybody kept telling him, you're too fat, you're too fat. You know who didn't? Mitty Shaw. That's what didn't tell him he's too fat. She put him right up there on the stage. And I gotta be honest with you, Jay Mousada gave him a ton of fucking love, no matter how big he was.

So when you see there's certain comics that they get to L.A., and they got everything pointed at them. They're good-looking. You know, a manager signed him right off the bat. Ari came down last week and me and I were talking to them like Ari, you know what the best thing about us was? They were all against us. For years, they were all against us. They hated us.

And we fucked them up. They had to sniff our dick at the end of the fucking. At the end of it all, they had to suck our fucking dick. Even though they hate us, why does Rogan bring them on the road? So I always love it when an underdog, an underdog, an underdog, underdog, who's busted this fucking hump for years. and has been told no, no, no, no, I love it when they fucking come through. You have no idea. And even if, listen, even if they don't stay with that fucking tower, that position, it doesn't matter.

They reach the goal they were intending to reach. And it's over. You guys are talking to me like, Joey, what the fuck are you talking about? What are you getting that? What's this fucking ear beating? You're giving us, why are you putting us through this torture? Listen to me. I was watching.

I didn't know what time the UFC game came on, a fight the other day. I didn't have time to bet it. I wasn't going to bet it or nothing like that. I had to take it my daughter to kickboxing. I had to take it to this Halloween thing. I had to run some errands, and I come home,

and a friend of mine calls me and he invites me to some things Saturday night, and he goes, I don't know, I invited you because the U.S. season of daytime. I didn't think he could do it in the nighttime. I go, what do you mean the U.S. in the daytime? He goes, yeah, they're fighting in Abu Dhabi, so the fucking card starts at like 10 in the morning. I go, what the fuck?

It was about lunchtime. I didn't know. Guys, this is how out of the loop I am. So I fucking run to the TV. I'm searching for this fucking ESPN. It was a free fight. Everybody told me, it's a free fight. It's a free fight.

Hurry up. Go watch it. Great fucking card. I wanted to watch those Khabib looking like cousins. Khabi must have had three fucking cousins on there yesterday. Shaman Kalikinoff. The other guy with the beard. They threw beatings on fucking everybody.

I don't know. I forget the country. I'm not trying to be insulting here. It's like a little part of Russia underneath Russia. Afghanistan, wherever he's from Abdullah. I don't know.

But I'll tell you, those little fucking guys that Khabib is sending over about to unleash ass whippings on this fucking UFC. That Kamail kid. And listen, I'm not good with the names.

The one who big jinging that was fucking tremendous. So I was, you know, I was busy doing a couple of things. I really wanted to watch the Dan Hooker fight. It was too late, so I ended up watching Glover against whatever.

Now, all week long, I'm not going to lie to you. I thought Glover was old. You know, I liked Glover. I met Glover years ago. I didn't know he was 42, but I know Glover's been around the Globe for, you know, he's been in the game for a long fucking time. I met him years ago. You know, I'm not good friends when we met like,

hi, how are you? Very nice to meet you. I'm a comedian. and your Glover. You know, yeah, what do I say to that guy, you know? And I always knew he was Chuck Liddell's training partner. You know, Chuck always spoke about him and interviews and stuff like that. It was Chuck who blew him up and, you know.

So getting to my point, I'm not going to lie to you guys, Friday night when I got home from whatever the fuck I had to do, I went on draft kings. and I just wanted to see who was fighting what the card was. I had my whole, I had the weeks confused. Frankie Edgar is this motherfucking week

with UFC and fucking MSG. That's a great fucking card. But anyway, I don't want to get ahead of myself. I'm watching, I go, let me sit down, let me look at this card, and I actually went to see what, Blankowicz, I think that's his name,

who fought Toshara. I wanted to see what, he would pay to win, and it was like 20 fucking bucks. And if I bet Dan Hooker, I would have won a lot of fucking, like, I don't know, if I bet 50 bucks on Dan Hooker, I would have won 125. But if you bet 50 on the kid he fought, I swear to God, it was like take home $63. I'm like, you know, because with baseball and, like, football, you could bet $25. I'm like, you know, 60 bucks, 70 bucks.

if you bet like a $25 parley on draft kings you get like $130 that's a fucking great deal I don't know if you guys know a five-time parley is 35 no five-time pala is 17 to lose 35 to win and then it's 70 to win 35 to lose or a 10-time fucking paulet that guys I'm I've been on draft king so long I forget what the fucking odds things are with the regular book But, like, if you bet a $25 on a Parlayon draft Kings, you'll get like $93 fucking dollars. That's not too fucking shabby. You know what I'm saying?

That's not too shabby. But if you bet Blankowitz, whatever's name is, against fucking Glover, it was like $63, the same with the kid who fought, the money line, the same with the kid who fought Dan Hooker.

And there was another fight I looked at. It was the same thing. So I go, there's really no money in this fucking fight. So I'm not going to sit here and put myself through hell to fucking bet this shit. So I turned on the fucking fight

and I got to tell you, man, I watched Glover to Toshera. And I said, let me watch this. This is an interesting fucking fight here. And I felt kind of shitty for even, you know, like pushing on Blankowitz, whatever his fucking name is to win.

I just wanted to see, you know, I don't know if he was an underdog. Look, when you bet football, you're giving six and a half, three and a half, two and a half. You know, when you're betting those, UFC's, it's more moneyline. That's not my, I don't know much about money line.

Joe Rogan knows a lot more about the money line. He could break it down for you. I cannot understand the fucking money line. So, forget about the money line. Who gives a fuck about the money line? I'm watching this fucking fight. And next thing you know, Glover to Chera takes the guy's back and he wins, he taps him out with a rear naked choke.

I got to be honest with you. My inside's broke. My eyes swore a little bit. I was not expecting that. I didn't know what to expect from Glover. You know, from the minute I turned it on, Glover was having his fucking way with him. So I didn't really fucking know what to think of the fight.

But when Glover tapped him out and he got up and I looked in his face, I got to be honest with you guys, I felt for the fucking guy. I was happy. I turned the TV off and it made me want to get in the car and take a fucking ride. And I was thinking about it.

You know, these are the things I like. I love fucking Rocky stories. You know, I love Rocky, man. That's my fucking movie. If Rocky's on, I'm watching. I know that right now, Rocky Released Rocky 4, the one with Drago. I think that's what he's calling it, Drago or whatever. And you can't even get tickets for it.

They were showing it in Philly the other night. Fucking sold out, like, fucking eight screenings of Drago. And they want like 20 bucks. I mean, they're not fucking around. So I was like, And people love Rocky. Sure they do. We're fucking Americans, man.

We love that story. We love, listen, I'm going to tell you something. This times I feel shitty about myself. Like I'm not doing anything with my life. You know, the felonies. I lost a daughter. I think about a lot of crazy shit at times. I got to tell you something.

Then I think about my life. And I go, you know what? I did everything I wanted to fucking do. I really did. I had my daughter. I have a wife. You know, we're happy. I mean, I don't fucking jump up and

down on top her. She doesn't have to beat me to fuck up. We giggle. We laugh. We go to stupid fucking things. As far as comedy's concerned, listen, guys, I fucking did. I wish they wouldn't have towed my car. Remember the apartment they towed on me?

Like, I had this fucking car. I parked it outside my fucking girlfriend's house, and they towed it. I held like 800 and fucking tickets. I didn't have the registration. It wasn't my registration. A girl had to pay for it. I still feel awful about it. I should look her up

and try to give her a couple fucking yards things. But they took my notebooks. I would pay, I don't know, a thousand bucks from one of those notebooks today because there was one notebook that was what I was thinking. You know, my car got towed in 98. So that car had my thoughts

from the very early beginning of what I was thinking in L.A., you know. I never wanted to be a fucking, Star, I never wanted to be like on HBO. I swear to God, like, I didn't expect any of this shit. There was no Netflix when I started.

None of that shit was around. I just wanted to prove my point. I just wanted to prove my point. What was my point that I could do this? And who was I proving it to? Let me explain you some to you. I was proving it to a couple fucking

shitheads, you know, like when I first started comedy, not many in Boulder. I could say there was a lot. There weren't many. Just people who made fucking little remarks. But the people I really wanted to fucking prove my point to was all the scumbags and all they all the fucking know it all. Guys, if you ever get into comedy or acting or writing

or anything to do in the entertainment business and you end out dealing with agents and people who have control over your decisions, don't let them get you down. down with their little, listen, all those people never got to reach their fucking goals. Think about it. They never got to, they're an A&R and they're 24. Show me what band they fucking created.

What Led Zeppelin band did they fucking put together? And they're going to come and tell you what you should do and what you should wear. And then you get down on yourself from some fucking 28-year-old that never did what you're even trying to accomplish. He probably had a rich mom and dad who sent. them to fucking college. They went up to Syracuse and got a degree and whatever. Now he's walking around with this fucking attitude with his little fake fucking hairdo and the one earring and one ear to seem really cool so you're fucking impressed.

And he maybe gets a Guns and Roses tattoo which blows you to fucking way apart. But that guy's got control over your life. Only if you let him. Only if you let him. That's when you start proving your motherfucking point. And I don't want you to go back and knock on his door and say, fuck you, bitch, I told you I knew it. No, no, no, no.

A wink is as good as a nod to a blind fucking horse. A wink is as good as a nod. You know the great time I had the last fucking seven years in L.A.? Because I had to go work for people who told me I sucked. I had to work for people who told me I was too old. I had to work for people who told me I was too dirty. You're too dirty? Oh, my God.

What I... Look at this audience. Look at this fucking audience. offended they really offended they're doing this thing on the World Series I know a lot of you guys are watching it

when you watch Atlanta they're like oh you know they do that and you know fucking everybody's like all the liberal sports writers every day Atlanta's got to really

get woke and all this shit fuck you let me tell you my wife is Indian and the other night it was on and we were talking about I go mercy, look at those people. In fact, me and my daughter will sit there at night and go, uh-huh, with the Tomahawks,

we're cheering for the fucking braves. We do it. Me and her do it, and my wife just looks at us like, what the fuck. My wife is a Cherokee Indian. You know, she's got friends of the fucking Indians. Her mother's a fucking Indian,

and she's got friends of the fucking Indians. Just for a goof last week, I go, honey, let me ask you go. You know, I told my daughter that you can't fucking do. that shit. It's offensive, you know, but we could do it in the fucking house. You know what I'm saying? Like, you know, just do it in the fucking house while watching the game for some

fun. I asked my wife, I go, do you get offended by that? She goes, no. I think it's funny. I go, do you, like when you go home, does your mother say anything to you or your aunts? When you go to your fucking little Indian shingdings in Tennessee, do you guys sit there and talk about

the fucking braves? And she goes, no. No, it's the fucking... What is the home of the free and the land of the brave? Right? They're the Braves. That has no, Joey, what the fuck is I got to do with the Indians? But what I'm trying to say is that think about it.

They're telling you that it's offensive. Every time I heard for like a week, I'm not going to lie to you, for like a week maybe, I don't know, a month ago, whenever I saw the Braves, I'm like, man, there's an Indian at home. No, they're not. You think Indians at home drinking fucking gin going, One of the Braves going to stop this shit. You know what I'm saying?

I can't get my life together while the brave fans don't stop doing this shit. So, anyway, to get back. Oh, yeah, they do it every night in Atlanta. They do it every fucking night in Atlanta. They just go fucking off. I mean, they just, and they're winning. You know, they won.

I don't fucking know. It works. But, you know, it was interesting to ask my wife, like, can I talk, you know, we talked, like I talked to her without. my daughter and then I spoke to her with my daughter in the room but we got more into it I think it was like a breakfast one day we were into it and I go did they ever like when you go to the indian things in college now now now nobody's ever said you know what we got to write a letter to the

Atlanta people they got to stop that's just some fucking imaginary person who throws that out there like fucking you know it's like uh defund the police and it sticks somebody actually fucking the word fucking sticks. But anyway, going back for what the fuck I was talking about here. Proving your point is huge. And when I saw Glover yesterday, Glover's head, he's 15 and 5 in the fucking UFC. That's 20 fights. He's like 31 and 17 overall.

You know, that's like 50 fucking fights. I've never gotten into 50 fucking arguments. None of mine 50 fucking fights. You know, that's, he's 42 fucking years old, and he finally got the gold. That is just, it gives me hope in this shitty fucking world. In this world right now with all the fucking mandates and, you know, 11 to 12, and you got to be a kid to take this. And if you take $600 out of the bank, they're going to charge you with taxes.

and, you know, with all this shit going on in the world, with all this bullshit, because it's all bullshit, you know, with fucking people shooting people on sets, with fucking stewardesses getting fucking their faces punched in. Did you see that shit? You know, with all this stupid shit that's going on in the world right now to see someone being able to prove their fucking point

just makes my fucking dick hard. I swear to God. I was so happy last night. I went over to the pickled herring, my favorite Jewish deli and I got a fucking sprinkled cookie. I swear to God, I didn't give a fuck about weight watches.

I didn't give a fuck about my points. I didn't give a fuck about anybody. I did go to the pickled herring. The pickled herring is a fucking Jewish deli in fucking Marlboro, New Jersey. It replaced another Jewish deli that was there. Let me tell you something. I was there Friday.

Friday night for dinner with Jimmy Florentine. I'm in that fucking joint. That's the first time I sat down for dinner. My wife and my daughter went to, we went to a softball, all-star fucking thing. But before that I had some time and I had to do something. Oh, we went to the kids parade. That's what it was. Me and Jimmy went over to the fucking kids parade for Halloween, tremendous.

We saw a blind. I think there was nobody there. I don't think anybody works in this fucking area. They were all there to see their fucking kids. When I got there, guys, I thought there was going to be like maybe 10 parents. Everybody fucking works. No shit. There was not even parking spots on me and fucking, we didn't have the softball dinner until 7.

So me and Jimmy ran over to the pickled herring. Oh, my God. I got myself a nice pastrami with a coleslaw. He went in with a fucking turkey and rose beef with French dressing on rye. It was like eight inches fucking big. Jesus Christ. I loved that fucking place. Jewish delis in this area.

There's the Jewish bagel place. I don't know what they are. They're the pale Jews. They don't fuck around. They don't even serve meat in that motherfucker. You're not getting a slice of cheese in there or nothing. It's either white meat or fucking tuna

or egg salad. Plain and simple. They're on the fucking nine. But in Marlboro, if you ever in the Marlboro area, stop at the pickled motherfucking herring, get an egg salad. I take him Rich Voste there.

His fucking Yamika was spinning for an hour, Jack. Let me tell you something. I'm bringing Lee. When Lee comes down and visits me, you don't think I'm taking them to the pickled

herring, and you're out of your fucking mind. I take fucking everybody there. They got a square canish, they got a circle canish, and they got a square conish. Are you fucking kidding me or what? They got fucking egg salad

on a Kaiser roll with seeds. Hmm. They got fucking pastrami. That's second to none. They got a great corn beef. And let me tell you something. I love my favorite thing about that place is.

They got every flavor wise potato chip ever fucking invented sour cream and onion onion and garlic garlic by itself i saw something in there there i never even fucking seen they got these little fucking cookies they got the chinese cookie with the black dot in the middle you know what i'm talking about ooh with that black dot of fudge with that little fucking i don't know i want to say ginger but it's not fucking ginger i get those they have the sprinkled ones and then they have the chocolate sprinkled ones come on jewish people rise up motherfucker. I got your fucking deli. You know Uncle Joey's looking out

from my fucking Jewish brothers and sisters. The pickled herring. I told him, when Ari came, Ari comes down and they get Chinese. Because I got a great little Chinese joint. They got fucking gentle towels chicken that'll make your head fucking blow up. It's fucking delicious. But the next time

Ari comes, I'm taking him over to the fucking pickled herring. He's going to lose his fucking mind. But I'm in there two, three days a fucking week. There's a waitress that I'm confuses me. She's beautiful. She's a sweetheart. She's blonde. I don't know. She's Jewish. She's got tattoos.

And every time I go on there, I'm like, man, I don't know. Jewish people must be looking at her like, what the fuck? You know, you're not going to be able to get buried in the Jewish fucking cemetery. But every time I see her, she's great. She tells me your son listens to the podcast, so I want to give them a fucking shout out. I don't know what your name is, kid. But I love you. You got a cool mom over at the deli. But back to what I was talking about before we wrap it up in this motherfucker. fuck on a Monday morning

November the 1st I am fired the fuck up you're asking me Joey why you fired up because dog we got a new set of goals going up today I love all this shit I really do I love it when it I love the beginning of the month and for it to fall on the fucking Monday

my dick is really fucking hard this is when I go to fucking work guys obviously you can tell I'm doing a lot better thank you for hanging in there with me a lot of people took off for garlic This is the last eight years We've spent together

You know what I'm saying? Listen, man, this is what happened. We did a podcast for fucking nine years. Me and Felicia did one for one. Me and Lee did one for eight. I decided it was time for a fucking change and moved. And after all the sweat, after all the drugs I did.

After all the drugs I did for you people. You people, what are you talking about? Do you tell them? No, you people. No, this ain't fucking. fucking disain't this ain't that movie whatever the fuck the irishman you people you know what you said you people we got to take care you people i did all those drugs for you people i did fucking ketamine for you motherfuckers i did acid with ria to smell his judeau fucking night and lisa

a hat flies i come here i get a little down on myself i have a fucking mishap and you people say i'm not funny no more and you fly the coop and you leave me cock suckers i'm happy you fucking left go fuck yourselves you didn't give anybody a chance you got to take the lows listen bro you know what a real fucking person who loves a band is you got to take the highs and the lows with that band you know it's not like i sat here and was trying to be something i couldn't be or didn't want to be i couldn't do it i was all fucked up my head was all fucked up i had PTSD i was withdrawn. I had fucking 20 things going on plus the shock of moving. You know what I'm saying? I couldn't even fucking talk guys. I couldn't even improvise it was it was horrible. I lost my timing. I lost at all but you know

what I could have just quit and went under a fucking couch and said fuck it. I said no I'm going to keep fucking pushing I did what I had to do and we're fucking here you know what I'm saying again I had point to fucking prove. I had something to fucking prove. I had to prove it to myself that I could still do this dumb shit and come on here and giggle with you motherfuckers once a week

without smoking pot or eating 20 million fucking edibles. Can you guys believe that I'm down to seven joints a week? I used to smoke seven joints in three fucking hours. I'm down to seven joints a fucking week.

That it just blows me My fucking, it just blows me to fuck away. You know, and I haven't changed. I'm still the greasy cock sucker that I always was. You know, I just tape it down a little bit. I'm a little older. We got a house now.

We got a studio butt. I'm going to talk to Mike today. We're going to start expanding a little bit and doing some fucking things differently. I see some changes coming. Maybe in January. I will keep you motherfuckers posted on it. And that's it, man. I was just really happy about what happened Saturday with the UFC

because the one thing that we always strive for is, yes, success and security for our families and whatnot. But you also want to leave this fucking planet proving a point. You know, I talked to the guy who took me in when my mother died. He lost his wife three years ago, Mike Runny. I was talking to him on the phone Saturday. I had to do some errands and he called to ask me a question. about something. And we were talking about, he was telling me about his kids. His daughter,

Alexa, and his daughter, Lindsay, remember my niece that had cancer. She had went away and she's healed down. She's traveled. Ever since she's gotten the cancer and beat it, her and her sister Lindsay and their husbands and boyfriends, they set a goal every 90 days. And they do something. They travel. they go to a certain restaurant they go to a beach you know and and she said that after she got cancer they had to do that because

they all had to talk you know like Mike after the wife died and all this shit and they were saying that she didn't that there was things that he wanted to do that he never did like I thought you know Mike we chose cocaine we didn't travel we didn't do any of that shit

we didn't go to Europe we didn't do anything we fucked up. We chose cocaine. Reefer. We chose you know. And I feel bad about it, but I don't know. It's the decision I made when I was a kid and I'm stuck with it. You know what I'm saying? But if you're young,

pick something to do every 90 days. Every 90 days, you want something out of this. I never even got this. I never did half those things, taking little trips. You know, I travel because of comedy. I didn't travel because I wanted to fucking travel over there. I'm happy I went to play. I went to

places like columb i was watching the columbus ohio state game the and i and i looked at that fucking stadium in ohio state with the red and you know guys that's the shit that i love you know i didn't go to college i didn't play fucking college sports but if a regret that's a regret not going to college not being a part you know who gives a fuck you paint your face you take your shirt off you put some fucking cologne on your nipples and you go to a gaming act like a fucking jerk off with a bunch of other people who gives a fuck but I always I always had a stick in my ass

like I was always like not too good to go down to a stadium and take your shirt off and jump up and down and cheer for a team like I always thought it was fucking stupid no I don't no I don't if I would have done that I would have never been involved in cocaine for 30 fucking years you know that's the shit I would have been doing

So even at 58 now, I'm starting to look at my life and going, yeah, I accomplished a lot of things. I went to Hollywood with what they taught me in North Bergen and guess what? They had to suck my dick. They suck my fucking dick in Hollywood. I did movies. I did TV. I did soap operas. I did voiceovers.

I fucking accomplished my goals. I proved my fucking point. And guess what? I didn't have to prove it to the Joneses. I'd have to prove it to all those dumb fucking bookers that would tell me no. I was too fat, I was too old, I was too dirty. Guess who I proved my point to me? That's the most important person you have to prove your point to.

So I don't care what you take out of this podcast. The name of this podcast today is proving a point. That's what you're going to do with your life. Prove a fucking point. Guess who did that with their life? Your uncle motherfucking Joey. But I didn't have to prove it to those people. people in North Bergen,

of those people in fucking Hollywood, to my ex-wife with her fucking bullshit and all these other people pointed their fucking fingers when I was fucked up and I went to prison. I had a great fucking time. I was thinking about Halloween in prison the other night. We had a fucking good time.

But listen, I just want to tell you something. If you take anything from today's podcast, it's about proving your motherfucking point. You did it. Who gives a fuck? You're not doing it to impress nobody. I'm not looking to impress nobody. I don't give a fuck if I ever do

fucking stand-up comedy again I don't give a fuck if I ever do another movie again I don't give a fuck if I do a TV show again I did it I toppled it off with a guy and a movie that I wanted to work for for years I hit it to 30 fucking years I did other movies

that I never dreamed of doing these things you think when I started comedy I'm like one day I'm gonna be in a fucking theater I'm gonna show them no no I just kept work and I just kept fucking going, you know what, let's try this goal. Let's see if we could sell out one night at a club.

You guys remember, this all started with the Brea Improv doing one night a month. One night a month for about three years. I started with eight people coming to the shows. Then I went up to 12. Then I went up to 15. Then I went up to 31.

Then I started figuring out how to fucking lie to people and shit. Come on down. Lindsay Lohan will be there. They're bringing blow. She's giving out blow jobs. People had actually come to Bragg going, where's Lindsey Lohan? It was fucking tremendous, guys.

Did she bring blow? It was fucking crazy. And then fucking he cut my deal because it was $400 guarantee. Then they said, cut it. You're going to have to do 100% of the door. You know what that means, guys? You start at fucking zero.

So when I tell Mike that I'm going to pay him 100, when I tell Lee, I'm going to pay him 100 to come down and do the show, I'm not going to know until I get there. I'm going to have to hit the ATM and I lose money out of my own pocket. That's how I learned how to learn how. to fucking promote. And then I hooked up with my agent. He started booking me on the road.

And I started selling out one night. One show. Let's sell out one show. Then two shows. Then three shows. Oh shit. We sold out Friday late. Because Friday late,

nobody wants to see you Friday late. They're tired. They're drunk and they want to get their dick sucked. They got to go to work Saturday morning. Guess what? You start selling out Friday late. Now you move up to fucking theaters and so on and so forth. I proved my fucking point.

Yeah, I went to prison Yeah, I did a lot of shitty things as a kid But I turned my life around I looked in the mirror one day and I go, you know what? I don't care about this, I don't care about that I don't care about status I don't care about a Porsche I just want to prove my motherfucking point

I drive a Subaru by the way Anyway, I love you motherfuckers at all my heart Thank you very much for watching the joint We did it all the way to fucking November 1st And just remember this month when you start journaling and stuff, it's a whole new set of goals. And remember,

start that page where you're going to fucking prove your fucking point. Whether you have a band, whether you're an artist, whether you're a roller skater, whether you're a comedian, or just want to suck Coxie. You want to break the record in the fucking whatever. I love you, motherfuckers.

Have a great week. Stay black. And I'll be back Wednesday morning, tip-top Magoo, with another episode of the joint. I love you. motherfuckers. Now there's here for a word my motherfucking sponsors, Jack. All right, you bad motherfuckers. Thank you very much for supporting the joint today.

Listen, the joint is brought to you by ZipRecruiter. You can do almost anything with just a click of the button. Listen to me. It all starts with ziprecruiter.com slash easy. Whether you're looking to hire or you're looking for a job, ZipRecruiter's got you covered. When you create a free profile with ZipRecruiter. They send you jobs that match your skills and experience. When you're looking for help with ZipRecruiter, just go out. They send you all the applicants you need. The great applicants after they scan everything. You can apply to most jobs that ZipRecruiter sends you with just one click. No more filling applications. It's that easy. It's amazing that you could do anything with just one click on ZipRecruiter. And now you could do more.

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Stay black.