The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 11/11/2012 - The Church Of What's Happening Now # 27

Episode Date: November 12, 2012

Joey and Lee talk about his trips to Chicago and San Diego, Joey's regret about not joining the armed forces, and Music from the Santana Brothers. Joeys friend, also named Joey, calls back to talk about reading his dad's name at the Vietnam memorial and to tell North Bergen Stories.Recorded live on 11/11/12

We've come a long, long way together. Our time's in the good. I have to celebrate you, baby. I have to praise you like I should. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Here we go, motherfuckers. It's Sunday. The Lord's Day.

I got to praise you like I do, motherfuckers. The church of what's happening now. Lee Syatt, the flying Jew. Blast this, motherfucker. Oh shit. Oh shit. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive, brother. Whether you're hung over, you're fucked up. You lost a finger last night. It don't matter. It's a beautiful day to be alive. The fucking Lord's Day. We're smoking dope. We're smoking the vapor pen. I hope you guys are doing great. I missed you, motherfuckers. It's been a couple days, Lee. We've got to do this more often.

I miss Lee. He's looking good today. Fuck, I feel great, man. I haven't had soda for four days. I feel fucking fantastic. So what are you drinking? Just water. I normally would drink just Diet Coke. I didn't even drink regular soda. And one day, I didn't even plan on it. One day I just had water and I was like, let's try this out.

And I'm a little bit more tired because I don't have the caffeine, but I sleep like a baby. And I feel fucking, I feel great. You look good. You look good, Lee. Your hairdoes all sharp today. Look at you. You got those three little hairs on fire up there.

Listen, did you see that picture that dude sent for us? His name is Carl, MGB. He was 550 pounds. Oh, I read that human-in-four-pound. Fucking guy, got to take my hot out to him. That's me next. He went from 550 to, like, a fucking X-ray. Did you see this guy?

I don't know what he took. I don't know if he took a staple bag or whatever he ate, but my heart goes out to you, bro. When you're 550 pounds and you're trimmed down like that, it's fucking tough. And every day that you live, it gets tougher. Like, every day you live, you burn less calories. It's a fucking nightmare.

Trust me, I go through this shit every day. I jump up and down, and I still gain fucking weight. So I want to take a minute and give them a ploy. here, a church of what's happening, applause. How was your weekend and so far, Lee? I worked, but it's been great. Fuck it. You got to work, your cock suck, you got to keep the lights. I don't think keeps the light.

They just stay on by themselves, you fuck. You got to work. But one thing I love about you, Lee, is that you work Saturdays and Fridays. You don't give a fuck. You're not missing nothing. You know, you're not one of those guys that gets easily convinced, oh, I can't work. I got to go to the standard and hang out and talk about acting class.

Who gives a fuck? I wish. Yesterday I went to Rout's, the supermarket. There's a young girl that works in there. She's been working there for a long time. I mean, my wife go to Rops as a supermarket chain. I become friendly with her, you know, and I hadn't seen her no one. And yesterday, Father, somebody came up to me like two weeks ago.

You shop at Rops because my daughter says whatever, like, tried to put it together. And yesterday I went, and I started asking her creepy questions. And she's like 19. She works 40 hours a week, and she takes 18 credits, which is full time. Yeah, it's full time. And this girl said, she goes, I got a car that pay for on a phone. And I asked her, what are your parents doing? Her father's a stage hand, the mother's the teeth.

It's not like they're fucking broke, but they just taught her the right way. They took her and they said, fuck it. You're going to work on the weekends? And I go, don't you miss things? And she goes, I do, but what are my options? And that's a great work ethic, you know? Like, who gives a fuck what you're missing? You're not missing anything.

At the end, when I was young, I used to train myself to miss shit. Like, on Fridays, I'd force myself to stay in. Yeah, I'd stay in with a half gram of blow and drink some beer and whack off till I was green in the face. But I'd stay in and people would lose their minds. What'd you do last night? Nothing. I stayed in. How can you stay in?

I did that as a form of discipline in my mind that wasn't missing nothing. In the morning you wake up, what are you miss? Nothing. Lee got drunk. This chick blew a fucking bartender. It's the same shit every fucking day. So as long as you know this, this is what we're talking about football. You just make your time out.

Who the fuck knows Lee? I was in Chicago. This weekend was rough. Let me tell you something about Chicago, bro. I've been going to Chicago for To Do Comedy since like 2003. And every time I go to Chicago, I like it more and more. Look at this shirt. My man gave me.

Carl Michael Warden. This wall didn't. This motherfucker has been to like nine shows this year. I met him at the Chicago show at Rogan. Then he came up to my Germantown show and then they showed up Saturday. Me and Ari had a great time. Thank you. If you came to the show, Clay Gwita came out

threw his shirt from the balcony. This guy threw his shirt. We sold a bunch of posters. I hope you enjoyed the posters. We want to start making more posters. Lee and I were talking about what we have in store for you in 2013. We're going to make the posters and the church of what's happening shirts. and it's all coming, guys. So just hold on.

Chicago was great. I basically left for Chicago, six in the morning Thursday. The flight was at six. I had to be there at 4.45. You know, I got the American airline cheap tickets, and then they upgraded. So me and Ari flew in first class smoking the fucking vapor,

the whole thing. Yeah, he busted a video on that. That's pretty funny. Did he bust the video? Yeah, yeah. We're Cuban Jews, though. You buy the cheapest plane ticket, then you get upgrades, and you bump up.

So I flew first class to Chicago and back, but $260 fucking dollars. on American Airlines. I was shit in blood. You smelled the shit I took. I mean, from the food they give you. But you sit like a civilized human fucking being, like a doctor, as they say.

Even though I'm not a doctor. Like I said, even though you're not a doctor, you're living in first class, like a fucking doctor. Went to Chicago, checked into the hotel. You know, people picked us up. We went to the House of Blues. I mean, it was fucking packed with lunatics. Those are Chill came, the guy that wrote the song.

It's on iTunes or Joey Diaz. Chill showed up. Clay Gweed. I mean, it was just a fucking great thing. I got up at 4 the next morning on Friday and took the 7 o'clock flight out of Chicago, got back here at 9, didn't fucking sleep. Then did a spot at the Laugh Factory, which I ate the box of dicks.

I always lose. I lost them until, like, the 8 minutes, and I had to bring him back. I don't even know how I brought him back, and I got the fuck out of it. I abandoned ship on the light and everything. And then last night I drove two hours to San Diego, did the show with Joe and drove back. And I'll tell you what, it's 8 in the morning.

I'm fucking energized. and shit, you know what I'm Jesus Christ Yeah, I'm ready to rock I'm ready to stab somebody in a fucking heart dog But listen now Chicago people

I fucking love you San Diego There was some crazy motherfuckers last night But every time I go to San Diego It gets more and more packed Like it was tough Even getting out of that last night

Oh yeah The traffic's insane It's fucking crazy downtown So I got on the five I did my 80 I got home in an hour and 40 last night 45 minutes I don't fuck around

Yeah you were breaking it down for me There's different zones You go in You break it down All right When you leave downtown San Diego You keep it at six

60, 65. Once you get about 10 miles out of town, you do 80 all the way to the border, where they stop you and ask you if you have any fucking Puerto Ricans in the trunk? Yeah. You have anything in the trunk? No, what the fuck you stop me for? Check the fucking thing.

They don't even stop you anymore. No, they don't even stop you. There's not even a guy out there. Oh, really? It used to be a guy out there. They paid them like eight bucks. They's like, give up. Who gives a fuck love to come in?

They're going to mowons. Well, that ain't bothering. Nobody bring in good blow and fuck these poor Mexics because they've got to jump a fence and shit. And then after that, you slow it down. to like 70 when you get to the border. Once you get to that thing where they ask you for fruits, you go 90 to 100 to Irvine.

Okay. Okay, because there's never a fucking cock to Irvine. Then once you get to the Irvine Mall there, you slow it down again. And once you see the sign for 39 miles out, you step on that motherfucker until you get the commerce casino and it says 19 miles out to L.A.

Yeah. And you step on that motherfucker again. I avoid the 101. I shoot on the 5. I get to the 134. Bang! I'm in the fucking valley, just like that. And that's without Coke. Remember, I used to fucking go to San Diego,

and before I got on stage, I'd fill the car up with gas because my Coke dealer used to close on one during a week and two during the weekends. Did you know that, Lee? You know what it is to do comedy and race against the clock? So what I would do is I'd park my car positioned to go on the fucking five. The first show, I'd go late.

Yeah. I'd go a little couple minutes late. And then the second show, I'd tell them, listen, guys, there's going to be a quick fucking show. I got to be offstage by 1215, the latest. There was no goodbyes. There was no hellos. I didn't sell shirts.

Nobody got a hug. Nothing. I looked at that clock when it said 12 o'clock. I started wrapping it up. If I get out of it like five after 12, dog, I would walk straight from the stage to the fucking car, point north and break it down. In those days, I didn't even have a system.

I just did 100. All fucking way, cutting people off. You know, I didn't give a fuck. I get to the drug dealer's house. It's amazing. I don't do it. but I realized I could do it an hour 40. I think one night I did San Diego on like 1.30, 125.

Yeah, at that time it's not that bad. I broke no. On the way down there, it's two hours of fucking traffic. That's why I don't go to Comic-Con. You leave here at 2 in the afternoon. You get to San Diego 5 fucking 30. But you go at night and it's an hour and a half, and you're like, what the fuck am I doing?

You know, I'm into saving time. I can't sit in traffic. You know, a lot of people go, well, you have to be here at a certain time. Leave early. If you leave early, you sit in traffic. So I leave at a quarter of seven And I catch the tail end It's dark out

I get in the HOV lane And nobody knows You just keep your eye open for a truck And you get in front of the truck And you keep your eye open for a motorcycle cop And that's it's how you do it guys You know what I'm saying And it's not a bad thing to do

But you're in a fucking rush You got shit to do All these momos are sitting there Bump of the bumper traffic For a fucking bomb to come down I'm gonna sit there I got this type of time I'm this type of time

I'm running out of fucking time Lee I just have this image of you speeding down With like the vapor pan just puff up the window. Oh, oh, vapor pen. Where is it? Puffing like a fucking,

like a fucking Vix box. You know what I'm saying? Like a savage. You probably have to change the cartoons halfway through the ride. No, no, no, no. These cartridges last. This is, I don't know,

this is headband and I got the other one, but I switch them. Oh, okay. I imagined after like an hour and a half of puffing the entire time. I mean, I have to do it. No, no, but all you need just three or four fucking pups

and you're good to go. You should have seen me on the plane puffing this shit like a doctor. I was blowing it on Ari. I was half asleep with his goggles on it. Because Jews always have those black goggles. You sleep with those black goggles?

No. He puts like dollar signs in him and goes to sleep on the inside and shit. You just put them on your eyeballs. I'm not a real Jew, I guess. You got to get it together. I'm going to rat all you motherfuckers out to the Jew patrol. Is you a Jew patrol?

I got a Jew patrol. If you're fucking not cheap enough, then shit, I rat you out. If I see you tip on, like 20% I'll rat you out. This guy's not a Jew. Get down, he's tipping too much. Come over here. Because you'll see a Jew with a calculator.

They narrow that shit down. 13% to the penny. That's my mom's favorite thing on her phone. She doesn't have a smartphone, but her favorite thing is a temp calculator. She loves it. She breaks it out at every restaurant. Let me tell you something.

You fucking break a calculator. You break a Jews calculator. That's like calling their mother a cocksucker thing. They will snap. You break a Jews calculator. You don't know what to do. His head will fucking blow because they got to do the fingers long ways. They don't like that type of time.

It's all about time, fucking Lee. We ain't going to sit here and do fucking math all day. Break a juice calculator. Fuck yeah, you bring a juice cow. You tie a Jew up, you take them to an ATM machine. You take this card and you put it in there. You just take 20s on, rip up the 20s in front of his face. No, no, just kill me, Joey.

Just fucking kill me and then you fat cocks sucker. Just kill me. So that's it. Two more weeks to fucking Thanksgiving. What are you going to do? You going home? No, I'm saying. I wanted to go home and surprise my family, but it's $800 for a weekend.

And I don't get Wednesday off. I get Thursday and Friday off. I can't go home. $800, those fucking Everline cocks. What's the Occupy People? What happened to those little faggues? What happened to occupy this and occupy that? They realized that battery was low on the iPhone.

They had to go home and charge it. What happened to the fucking Occupy movement? Yeah. It died. It fucking died, bro. That just goes to show you if it doesn't come easy in this country no more. We don't want to fucking pursue it. Well, the new iPhone came out.

Yeah, they cracked them. Remember the day they were all down and junked them down? The new iPhone came out, they were fucking history. They went home, washed their feet. And they weren't hippies no more. They weren't fucking hippies no more. It's amazing. Oh, I put that Go Daddy commercial up for you people last night.

That was hilarious. And I thanked the people on Twitter because you guys basically got it for me without even fucking knowing. Really? Yeah, because I went to the initial and I seen the people looking at me weird. And then when I went to the callback, they were fucking like happy to see me. And they were like, no, no, no, no, go crazy in the room. Okay. They were like, everybody else was like they didn't want it New Yorkie.

They're like, we don't want it to be New Yorkie. I go, dog, I am. what I am. You know what I'm saying? I can't do it. What do you want me to do? Missouri style? And they were, no, no, just do your thing. And I wanted me. I could see the one guy laughing. He was like, kept giving me. I got in the car and I called Ari. And I go, Ari, if I didn't book this commercial,

I didn't book shit. It's me and Ari with the same commercial agents. Ari got me with that agent. Okay. So, fuck. And I'm like, me and Ari always talk about that type of shit. Like, if I didn't book this commercial, sure enough, I'm on a plane with Ari. And when we touched down, I told the agent that that night, I go,

dog if I didn't book this it's a miracle yeah he's like come on I'm telling you they're gonna put me on a veils then they booked this well sure enough the motherfucker I didn't believe me next day I get off the plane Joey call us immediately I told you the fuck call we're gonna shoot it on Tuesday but they use it it's print it's video oh great and it's gonna be online so yeah it's gonna be pretty good I lucked out and I was on children's hospital finally I haven't seen that is that good I didn't see I know the show is great the show is fucking crazy on adults swim I shot that in the 7th Yeah, you shot that a while ago.

Probably. What's the other hospital show you shot? Yeah, I shot General Hospital. And I shot Children's Hospital. And I shot Children's Hospital, the same fucking month. That's crazy. January and December last year. That's why I thought they played that.

I never heard nothing. I forgot what fucking died of it. I bumped into Rob Caldry. Very nice guy. The guy that does that show, he's a fucking sweetheart of a guy. The people on that show are sweetheart. I mean, from him to Fonzie, Adam, whatever's name is, you know, the Fons.

Henry Winkler was cool. He's on it? Oh, shit. Yeah, he's one of the doctors. The hot chick that was in that movie with Alex Baldwin. I'd just seen her at the stand at downtown, and she waved at me, which is fucking, they don't say nothing to me. She said, hello, hi, hi, good to see you.

Usually they just look at me and fucking turn away. That girl in your Go Daddy commercial was hot, too. I didn't see her. I seen her at the audition. I didn't know who it was. I'm sure she wasn't there. No, she wasn't there at all. It's amazing how they shoot those things.

Yeah, how many times did you have to do that shot with the flower? Because you look pissed. When you shoot a commercial, it is, A day of torture. Like, they made me open up the thing and put the pizza in there 80 times. And they didn't even use it. Didn't even use it.

Do it again. Do it again. Do it again. I was there six hours too long. Like, if I look at the video, what happened to this? What happened to me throwing the pizza up in the air? What happened to this? They didn't play none of that.

None of that shit. I was there from six in the morning to like three in the afternoon. Wow. They shot two commercials in one day, though. Okay. They shot two of them. They shot that one, another one.

And I could have fucking been there. I could have got out of there. An hour. An hour and a half. I don't know what all the drama was and shit. But it was a fun shoot. They were great people. They had great fucking food.

I want to give a shout out to some of the people that have been supporting the podcast and the heavy duty rotation. I love you motherfuckers, all right? The Puerto Rican for Fondian, whatever his fucking name is, Kurt and Michael Walden. My man, Kyle A.BS. To fuck, for losing the 500 pounds. Fabio DiAgostino, whatever your fucking name is.

Jamie, I love you. Constant. I love you. And Ted in Philly, you bad motherfuckety. You guys have given me an unbelievable support with this thing. And I don't know what the fuck to tell you guys. I mean, this podcast is blowing me out of the fucking water.

I like doing it. I really enjoy coming here and fucking around with Lee, Lee, Lee, and torture him. He won't stop calling me. When is she going to fart in my face? Is it going to hurt? Oh, Jesus. I was considering putting goggles on your face

because she's going to have like buckshot, like, you know, and they spray a little. but it's going to be alright. People have been sending pictures. All you guys, I love you for looking out for Lee Lee Leelan. Leelan's a good fucking dude. One guy did a picture of a girl with hairy armpits. No, no, we don't need no hairy armpits.

I need a hairy asshole. So when she farts, the hair goes back because it's like that you could see you. Like, we're going to put like a wind meter in your head. We're going to do the whole thing. We're going to take care of you. He's going to get it. You're going to do good. We're going to put it on fucking Amazon.

And your mom's going to see it. They're going to be proud. You fucking made it. You came out and some. chick farted in your face. There isn't even a will, but I'll be cut out of the wheel. The what? Yeah. What do you do, Lee? And Lee, you know what? Today's gambling Sunday.

Listen, I'm going to talk to you guys about something. I have been in a fucking shitstorm lately. Everything else is going good. My gambler isn't the fucking shitter. So I appreciate you guys holding. I gave out the under Monday night. We almost fucking had it. I know that Brendan Walsh bet a bet a hundred. I lost 110. We all lost. But what do you want? But just because you fucking lose,

don't mean you stay there. and call me and say, Joey, we lost. When I give out winners, nobody says dick to me. So today, I'm going to give you a fucking winner, all planned out. I was going to go with New England, give me the 13 of the half, but they always fumble against fucking Buffalo. Buffalo, and they're playing in New England, and the over and under is 53 and a half,

which Buffalo can't fucking score, so I don't know what the 50s. Unless this guy got a blow job from Adrazel, Jabambezell, and he throws fucking 19 touchdowns. He's such a bad, motherfucker Tom Brady. But the game I really like, because everybody's right. He is a bad,

motherfucker, Tom Brady. You're fired today. No, I love Tom Brady. He's fucking great. The guy I like and the white kid from Denver is killing him. He's 80 years old.

He's with a bad back. And I knew it. Him and his brother are savages. His brother's not doing that good. Well, the brother loses against shit teams. Put him up against Jesus and the apostles and he'll throw 19 fucking touchdowns.

That's why he kills New England every fucking year. He's a New England killer. He doesn't... It's some shit team. What do I give a fuck? Some blonde's going to suck my dick after. With a Christian thing on the head.

What do I give a fuck? But you put him up against a good fucking team, and he gets scrappy. Yeah. He's scrappy. I don't know if you remember when the Giants first beat Buffalo. They had a quarterback named Jim Hostelder or Jeff Hostelder. No. Because they beat Denver first with Sims.

Okay. And he went 22 for 25, which is amazing because that guy never made 22 completions in his fucking life. But against Denver, he went 22 for 25. Then they won a couple years later. when they beat Buffalo with the field go. Okay. It was Jeff Hosteller. Jeff Hosteller, nobody ever talked about him again.

It wasn't like he was the best quarterback in the league, but he was fucking sloppy. They had Mark Bavaro. He was sloppy, you know? Yeah. If you put him, if you charge eight motherfuckers out of him, he figured out how to get out of the pocket and throw a fucking pass. He was that good.

You never heard of him again? No. Never. So they have that type. He's that type of player, that kid, the little one, the little young one, you know? Eli. Yeah. The old one is old, and he's fucking.

I took this year. He would get hurt because he doesn't have great mobility. He doesn't, but Denver, I thought Denver was a great place from Denver is a good team. Denver's offensive line has always been fucking great. They protect their quarterback, always there, which he puts a little extra money in the offensive line because he knows. Probably. Without the fucking offensive line, you got nothing. You got to go deep into the farms and get big-ass fucking corn-fed motherfuckers that don't give a buck that fart and scratch their ass.

They ain't scared of black people. You don't give a fuck. You're going to go out there and shoot that gap. Hell, back the fury, bitch. Chop him off, you know what I'm saying? Well, it's hitting that whatever that blindside movie was, that the top paid player on the team is the quarterback. Second top paid is the left tackle, left card or whatever,

whoever protects him. So, I mean, it makes sense. You got to pay for a fucking great offensive line. You grab them and go, I'm going to pay you. Eight million, you fat fucking big cuck sucker, but that quarterback better not get around you because I'll fucking kill you. That's what happens. Those guys are badass.

It's tough being out. offensive lineman. If you've ever seen an offensive lineman, their feet are fucking crazy, quick, their mobility, their side to side movement is amazing. Those guys, you've got to pay them. They're 6'6, you know what I'm saying? They can't be that big because you can't look over them,

but they could. Like, you don't remember, like, in the 80s when the Redskins had the hogs, those motherfuckers would just pick up defensive lines and just go with, they just pick you up and run with you, with the quarterback on their back, with the ball and the running back going, why am I on top of this guy's shoulder? So it's very interesting. We got a

great call today from one of the guys I called the beginning. Joyful, I don't want to give a shout out to Veterans Day. A lot of veterans out there. One of my biggest mistakes on Life, Lee, was not joining the fucking service. You think so? I've always been very upset about that. You don't say you have a lot of regrets, but that... It was a bad mistake.

It was one of my mother's wishes for me to join something, you know? And at the time, if I would have joined the Marines at 18 or something, I wouldn't have been here talking with you. I would have still been in Vietnam killing motherfuckers. It's like giving... an animal, you know, human blood. Once you give him human blood, it's like that leopard that killed 15 people in Nepal. Did you read about that shit? Oh, yeah. You know, and it's funny because

for years, everybody's looking for the toughest fucking animal. Like, you're too young to remember. When I came from Cuba, you had a German shepherd. Really? Then it got a Doberman. Then you had to have a Doberman. Fuck Shepherds. They're not tough enough. Dobermans robbed a bank. There was a movie that the Doberman gang about this

guy that trained Dobbins and they robbed the banks and all the whole country was getting fucking Dolomins. Then everybody was getting like, wolves and then you had to have a wolf bro my wolf is tougher than your fucking dogman all right bitch then there was an alaskin malamute then there was this any fucking day after I read that article with the leopard

killing 15 people in the pal I go any day no you need some black fucking rich athletes to say I need myself fuck a pit bull bitch I'm getting a motherfucking leopard killing you see he was killing kids they won't eat the whole body they eat the body but they bring back the head

or they leave the fucking head that's a bad motherfucker right there that's evil Did you imagine if he gets a hold of you, that leopard drags you in there? Start to eat your little Jew dick with fucking, that little kosher asshole of yours. It's all overly. Take you into the fucking swamp, eat you, and then drop you there. Thank God I don't live in the jungle, man. Fuck that shit.

I'm scared. They're beautiful animals, those leopards. They're fucking beautiful. Not even. Even when they're behind the fence, I get scared. Do you hear about, I think it was like San Francisco or something in California. This mom took her little kid and put him on top of the barrier of these, like, like jungle cats. It wasn't even like a big tiger.

And like, because she wanted him to have a better view. He fell in and they had to watch. They watched the kids come and kill him. They had to watch. Like the zoo people went in with guns to try to get them away, but they were in a pack and they just attacked. And like the mom had to watch her son get fucking eaten.

It blew my mind. Because she picked him up and put him on top of the barrier because she wanted him to have a better view. Some fucking Momo parents, though. So fucking Momo parents. Oh. You know, man, I go to these places and I got to tell you, this country is, I mean, I've always considered a white fucking country and I love it. That's why I live here. It's white, you know, and you get a guy that's

very intelligent, but then you get some fucking white people that you're like, you're embarrassing to the rest of the white race. How fucking stupid are you? You know, I go, when I fly, I look at people and I go, how fucking stupid are you? Like, there's people that get out of the ramp and they stand there. And then when you tell them, excuse me with your luggage, they get mad of you And they look at you, like, get the fuck. You're in the way of the fucking ramp calling your sister to tell her to pick you up in front, you fucking MoMo. I mean, they're supposed to be the smartest motherfuckers.

They set the example for the rest of the fucking world. But half of them are the dumbest motherfuckers ever. They're so fucking dumb. And you're like, I can't fucking believe this shit that you're this dumb. These black people are looking at you saying, wow is this white dude, fucking dumb. When Mexican fucking revolutionaries that don't speak English,

like looking at you in the security line, looking at you because you can't fucking figure it out. you're fucking dumb. How dumb are you? I mean, you just sit there and go, I can't fucking believe this is happening. If this was happening to an immigrant, somebody didn't know the language,

and they acted this way, I understand. They don't travel. But this motherfucker, they just stopped. Yesterday, I've seen that. So they walked up the ramp and they'll pack their line and they just stopped in the middle. So where do you think we should go?

Not here. Not fucking here. So anyway, what are we talking about? Anyway, you cock suckers. We got Joey calling. He's going to call in. His father was in Vietnam and died. So they put his name on the wall a couple years ago.

So I guess he wrote in and they invited him to the ceremony on Thursday and he went and had to read like a poem. Oh wow, that's great. Oh, he's calling right now. He is. There he is. Joey Boom Boom Falado. What's happening, baby?

Nothing much, man. What's going on? Mr. Joey Cocoa, Dian, and the flying Jew, Lai, Sayat. The Laet, Sayat. I was just telling him about your, Your weekend, I was telling them that I fucked up and I didn't join the service. The service, you had to join by

by 77th in Bergenline, across from Bigmouth. Do you remember that down the block from the wing phone? Oh, yeah. My step... I remember that. I remember that there with the little military post right there.

You just sign up and give you all that bullshit and tell you how you can go see the world. Back then, you could go see the world, though, and you wouldn't have to get into a war. Right, right, right, right. You know, nowadays it's fucked up. They send you, you shoot a fucking... You know, I like to say, I just want to,

I want to, you know, wish a happy Veterans Day to all those veterans out there, especially those who definitely lost their lives for us to have our freedom. It's amazing. Tell them what happened. Tell them what happened. You entered a contest or did you write a letter? How did you get to go to the war? Well, let me, I give you the history.

First of all, you got to know who my dad was. I never met the man. And it killed me, you know, just to think about him. But, you know, back in the 60s, you know, Memorial High School in West. You know, you went to Memorial, you were the shit. They had the best football team ever back then. They were like the Yankees. They were winning all the state championships and shit.

So my dad, he was like the Gia West New York, you know, back in the 60s, he made all state, he did everything. And, you know, when they had that Vietnam conflict, you know, back then everybody had a draft number. So, you know, they were taking people that weren't married, and then my mom got married to him, and then they were taking kids that went out. Excuse me, they were draft, you know, people who didn't.

have children, so they were trying to get pregnant. And finally, you know, my dad got shipped out to Colorado. He got drafted, and my mom went out there with him. And they had me, you know. I was born in May of 67. My dad got shipped out of February, excuse me, December of 66, went to Vietnam, got shipped out from Colorado. I mean, he knew my wife, excuse me, my mom was pregnant, but then he died of February

of 67. So he was only in there for two months. He died in the providence of, I think it was, Ben Den, South Vietnam from Mortifier. The whole platoon got it. So he wasn't there for a long time. So, you know, for me, really, every veteran's day, it hits home because I lost my dad. And this year they had the 30th anniversary of the wall, the Vietnam War. I don't know.

Have you guys ever been there? No, no. No, I have. It's great. In Washington, D.C., yeah, it's beautiful. I got you, such a moving experience. I was there about 15 years ago for Memorial Day, and 50,000 people you can hear a pin drop.

So this year, we had the 30th anniversary, and they were reading the names like 9-11. So we found out last year, I'm involved in this organization called Sons and Daughters in Touch. It's for servicemen and women that your parents died in the war. There's a group of us, you know, that we get together every so once in a while. You can go down and wash the wall in Vietnam, excuse me, and Washington, D.C.

So they had a contest that you can read the name. So I put my name in, and about a year ago, and about six, seven months ago, I got an email that I was able to go down and read my dad's name. So I was really excited about that. That's amazing. They had an opening ceremony, so I flew down into Washington, and had an opening ceremony on Wednesday, and there was thousands of people there, you know, down by the wall, and they had five-star generals and all these politicians and everything,

and they opened up with reading the name, just like 9-11. So I went in and got there Wednesday, Thursday was my day to read. So I got there at 7 o'clock. I had to read my dad's name at 806. And what they did is they went in progression of what year you died and what panel you're on. My dad happens to be on panel 15E line 32, which is like right in the height of the war. So I don't know if you know what the wall looks like. It goes up into like a pyramid point to where in the middle, like 67 to 69,

was probably when the most people died. There was a 10 offensive and stuff like that. So, I mean, it was a real moving experience. I got up there and I read his name, I would bowl in like a fucking 2-year-old, you know. And then once people know about it, all these other veterans come and, you know, they hug you, they kiss you, they take pictures of you. I took you. I was just so excited I was able to do that in my life, you know, and honor him.

it's really hard, you know Especially, I'm a fucking clone of him I'm a twin, you know I'd be walking down, Cokes on Bergland Avenue, you buy Flesingers or you remember Lebeys and stuff like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'd be walking down when I was in high school and somebody would stop me and say,

man, you're fucking Joey Falado. Holy shit, you look exactly like your father. You even talk like him. One thing, though, you were just a little shorter than him. It's funny because I call T, you know, I'm tight with T, and T called him to the podcast. Mr. T is one of my teachers that I kept in touch with, and he speaks really fucking highly of your dad.

He always did. He would talk to Darren about it. He always did. When I called him the other day, I wasn't asked him if he could call up, and he had to do something with his wife this morning. They go somewhere in the mornings on Sundays, and he goes, I won't have a landline,

so where I have is bad reception. But he said to tell you that your fucking dad was all world, that he was like the mayor of West New York at the time. Yeah, he was at the time. He was like the, he was, he was, my mother told me he was the first guy back in the 60s using hairspray. He was like the first original, Nikki Newick. Nicky Newark. He had the Cadillac, he had the mohers, and he had the big giant, you know, push back hair with the hairspray on and everything.

And he was back in the 60s, he was it back in West New York. And then he was like one of the first people to die from West New York in the Vietnam War. So, you know, I mean, he had the military. funeral by Fyella right there by a lady Libra School I got the pictures it was pretty cool I have all his medals I have its purple heart and stuff like that and I wore that down at Washington D.C.

And a lot of people man just a bond that you have because they realized it lived that the people that were there and then they realized the sacrifice my father gave so you know veterans today it's kind of hard for me and my mother but you know it's life things happen you know

for a reason. Life would have been so much fucking different if you would have been around My Aunt Lorraine said he would have kicked my ass and Darren's ass with no problem. You know, it's crazy that I never got to meet my father. And it's weird when you, I knew him, you know, I mean, he was around until I was three. But you lived the rest of your life not fucking knowing.

You don't know. You don't remember. My mother said that whenever he'd come in, people would open the door. I'd always run to the door to see if it was him that we were really tight. And it's just an amazing feeling. It's better in a way, because you didn't get to know him.

But then again, it's painful because you wish you would have known him, you know? It would have been worse if I would have known him until he was six and died. And I would have had to live the rest of my life, you know, saying, yeah, so it's better in a way that either I knew him completely

or I didn't fucking know him. And we both have that bond, you know, that it's, and a lot of people have it. They don't even know who they're fucking fathers. I mean, they know, but they don't know. My mom said, I always asked my mom, did he know that he had a, you know, a baby, He didn't know if it was a boy or girl back then,

but my mom said she knew that she was pregnant and stuff like that. But he told her, like, in December of 66, he left from Colorado, and he gave my mom this gold horn. And he said, he'd take this because I'm not coming back. And my mom said, what? What? My mom and Aunt Lorraine were there. And he's, no, no, you're going to.

And he goes, I'm not going to come back. He goes, I know it. And then, boom. He said, two months later, he was over. for them. It's hard to speak about, but I'm so glad I went down to the wall and was able to honor them.

I was out there, you know, I get up there, and I got my little guinea hat on, all the black hat went on and everything, and, you know, there's like 5,000 people up there. I'm supposed to read a bunch of names. I read my dad's name.

I started talking about him, and the lady goes, you got to keep reading. I had to keep reading some names, but it was kind of emotional. It was the best thing I did. I'm so glad I got picked for it. I'm fucking proud of you, Joey.

If these motherfuckers only knew the other side of your life and what you're telling me right now, when I called you last week, it was just to say hello because I was trying to call you for New Jersey and see, you know, we were both in the same neighborhood and what you had heard about down the shore. And when you told me you were going, Joey, it was,

it broke my fucking heart. I was like so proud. I mean, Joey, we've both done great things the last 10 years and how we turned our life around. You were here a couple years ago, and you guys were trying to have a baby, then you finally adopted and she's beautiful and she's healthy, you have a great job.

And you know, man, I've got to tell you, our bond is your cousin. You know, your cousin was a strong fucking headed dude. I don't mean to harp on this people, you know. Last week I had a friend of mine with a five-year anniversary and she was dead and it bothered the fuck out of me for a weekend. But as far as your cousin's concerned,

his death bothers me every fucking day. Every day I get pissed off about Darren. And it's so weak. that our connection, you and I are like brothers now, the same connection you had. Look at the whole thing. Like, when we were kids, your aunt and his mother were fucking super tight. They played cards together. I mean, it was like the weirdest thing.

I can't imagine how your mom feels without his sister. But she was even there when your father took off to Colorado. That's how tight the sisters were. Carmella and fucking, it was just a beautiful family. I'm so happy that had seen it. I ate at your house when I was a kid. You know, I ate at Darren's house. and I think of John, I think of Darren.

My Aunt Lorraine, Darren would like his mother. My Aunt Lorraine used to say, how don't fuck you so crazy? She was fucking crazy, you know what I mean? My mom was the fucking scared one, and my Aunt Lorraine would go out and she would be starting to fight with guys. Yeah, Lorraine was crazy.

I remember one fucking time we were all in the car. It was fucking funny. Coak, me, Darren, and Johnny in the car, we had to be fucking kids. Somebody touched them and, like it in the back and pulled out and the Aunt Lorraine in the finger. We were on Bergland Avenue, she'd chasing the fucking Fort Lee,

in the fucking car chasing him, the fucking Fort Lee, and finally got down and fucking started to tell point that thing out and shit like that. And she wondered where Darren got it. You know, Darren got the fucking from her mother, from him, you know? You know, it's just amazing how you... Connection with Rego. Yeah, it's just amazing that 30 years ago, we were smoking bazookas and snorting Coke

and trying to figure out fucking how to rob people. And now I'm... The fucking bazookas, man. The fucking bazookers, man. I tell you a fucking funny story about Raygo. You know, his mom, everybody used to call him Monday. And Monday, what do you mean? Well, you go out on Friday?

You come back on Monday. You know what I mean? You come back on Monday. So, you know, we go out on Friday and, you know, with fucking Russo and all the fucking guys and DeLenzo and Kurtzellento and everybody's hanging up. You know, turns into Saturday afternoon, turned into Sunday. All of a sudden it's fucking 9 o'clock Monday morning and he has the ice box. Now, I'm driving the icebox.

fucking 16. The car had no heat, the ice box. It had no fucking heat. So we called it the ice box. Yeah, yeah. If you guys don't know, he had this, like, 71 automobile, like, it was fucking super clean. But it had no heat. So it was cold inside the car.

Oh, it was horrible. So, you know, I take it's like 9 o'clock. I'm driving the icebox. You know, remember we used to live on 70 feet with the garacchi's down there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He can't even walk now. He's jarring up a fucking storm left and right, left and right. He's gone for three days.

I picked him up. I bring him up in the house, and all of a sudden I open the door, and my Aunt Lorraine is sitting there with the glasses on the nose, with the fucking beehive had to reading the Daily News. She turned around. I remember like it was fucking yesterday, go-go. And she's like, where? He's like, joring like a storm.

He's like, don't even ask. Don't even ask, dog. I've been smoking for three fucking days. You know, when I was a little boy, and my dad died, my mother would always say to me, you know, don't worry about it, he's watching over you. And for some stupid reason, I've always believed that. And I've had my doubts when I was sitting in a prison fucking thing

or when I was, I really did. I really, till this day, I believe my father looks after me. I don't know how much to an extent. But I will tell you one thing, I believe Darren looks after us. To the fucking Max. And he laughs. He laughs. Absolutely, without a doubt.

There's shit that does, the shit that goes on in my house, and every time I, like, a light pops on, I'm like, motherfucker, that's you. Don't shut the light off, Darren. Like, you know, I got my little, I got my little girl. I just pick, you go to my house.

It's like a shrine for Rego. You know, so my little girl knows him, and, you know, that's Uncle Darren in heaven. So anytime something happens, oh, it's Uncle Darren doing it, she says, you know, and she don't even know him. But it's just a hard fucking thing to go on. Especially, I think,

I thought the same way with you, like, with my father. I still think it to that day. That's why I still think I'm alive. For all the shit that I did, I should definitely be dead. You know, with the other stuff, with the gambling and the robbing the drug dealers

and doing all that kind of stuff. That's right. My whole life was left in that. You know, from fucking 18 to 32. I remember your cousin taught me how to rob drug dealers. Your cousin in 94 taught me how to rob drug dealers, bro, with the fucking D.E.A badge and Spanish Harlem, and we'd follow the fucking cars.

Yeah. And I can't even... That's what I loved Robin drug dealers. I'm reading a book. If you get a fucking minute, do me a favor, brother. I'm reading a book, Joey, that if you read three pages a day, you'll fucking die. It's like the guy is talking about us. The name of the book is American Desperado by John Roberts,

aka John Rickabini. He's from Teaneck, New Jersey. He was the white guy and cocaine cowboys. Did you see cocaine cowboys? Oh, I know. That white skinny dude. Cowboys, you got to read this guy. This guy also went to Vietnam.

He talks about skinning people alive and how they look at you with their eyes and how to beat somebody with a bat. I mean, this guy, this book, but right now I'm up to the part where he joins forces with the Medelline cartel. And he doesn't even know it. And he's talking about what's Carlos Lader

and he's talking about these people. Like, it's fucking amazing. It took me back to North Bergen. He's talking about the Cubans in 80. how Castro let him out in 79 and he goes, the Colombians had the cocaine but the Cubans invented how to move it.

And then the Colombians had to take it how to move it and they took it back from them. But LaDade had put together the deal with Fidel Castro where he was processing the leaves in Cuba when President fucking Reagan went down there in the search of drugs, they didn't have no leaves. They were processing. This book is amazing if you get a chance.

And it's like reading our life. His mother died, his father died, his mother died first, his father died. You know, he played basketball. I mean, he had so many things that it was my downfall. You know, my mother died and then reed and benched me that year, and that ate me alive. Then the drugs took over, and here we are.

But I really, every time I go on stage sometimes, I'm nervous, I think, about Darren. Because if Darren was a comic, he wouldn't have been nervous. He would have ripped the fucking curtain down and got up there and told them all to suck his dick and fuck you. And, you know, we talk. I was going to fucking flip at people. It's funny because whenever you and I talk,

it's because we've seen something from Darren, like he touched us in a way. Like he touched our lives. Exactly. Let me tell you what happened Thursday. I don't know if I told you guys this. You're going to die. There's a guy that used to hang out at my mother's bar.

His name is Miguel. And he lives in Miami. And he works early morning shifts. He's a truck driver, and he goes to work at four, and he gets home at 12, and he hangs out with his wife and he sleeps. In the 30, 40 years I've known

You there? Joey. Yeah, I'm here. Can you hear me? Yeah, in the 30, 40 years that I know this guy. I can hear you. I got you. Okay.

In the 30 to 40 years, I know this guy, he never calls me at night because he's always sleeping. So it was November 7th. My mother died November 8th. On Thursday, it was a 32-year anniversary of being dead. Oh, man. And Wednesday, November 8, I'm sorry. No, no, no. It was a long time ago.

I'm sitting outside. smoking a half of fucking vaporizer, whatever I do outside. And the phone rings the other night, like at 9 o'clock, and it's Miguel. This guy that never calls me in the daytime. Now, he lives in Miami. So it's midnight in Miami. And let me tell you what the guy says to me. He goes, Coquito, I couldn't sleep.

So I figured I called you. He goes, I've been thinking about you all fucking day. And I go, really, thank you. November 8th? And I go, you know why you've been thinking about me? Because it's my mother's anniversary time. And when I went to Miami this year, do comedy, he gave me a cigar, and he goes, here, smoke this in your mother's name,

because Cubans believe that the cigar smoke goes to the spirits. So it's amazing that Wednesday at 9 o'clock, this guy called me. And I said to him, you know why you called me, right? And he goes, why? Because it's my mother's anniversary tonight, and he froze. He's like, I, you, when he goes, when I woke up this morning, I thought of you all day. So these fucking spirits and these people who look over us work in mysterious ways.

I know there's some listeners going, You fucking guys. What the fuck are you guys talking about? But there's other people going, Jesus Christ, I have a grandmother that I can swear that things look over me, you know,

that things are going my way, you know? Give us a Darren story for these cocksuckers that think we came from like fucking Disneyland or something. I got the best one. I got the best one. It's fucking hysterical.

It's terrible. Remember, you know, we had the Hammer House gym over there, right? Yeah. Fucking 64 street. For those people listening around the fucking world, we had a gym in my house

that was like going the gold gym back in the 80s. We had 35 guys lifting there. This is 82. Everybody juicing. Everybody. Everybody was juicing. So we got there, we had the hammer house jackets. We got fucking everything.

Then we had this little skinny kid. And Rego started it all. You know, he fucking, he was the matriarch of that whole thing. We had this kid. I don't know if you remember his name was John Petina. I remember John Petitna. He used to live in my house. He used to have a really night.

Remember he was friends with like Anthony Tagnosy and those kids? Right, right, right. I don't know if you remember those guys. So he had this really nice Camaro, 69 Camaro, but he was never, he was like a little skinny kid. Take his steroid never got big. So he was fucking open up his mouth about Rago, about Rago, Ducson. He wouldn't be there if he didn't have the juice. So Darren got wind of it.

So he used to work down on Pathmark. You remember Pathmark? Fuck yeah, Virginia Bromowitz. Yeah, fuck yeah. Virginia Brombo. So one night, it's like fucking two in the morning. Ray goes, jawed up with Luso and me and Freddie Clegg, and he goes, take me down there, I got to go.

So we get the path market, like fucking 2.30, there's nobody in the joint. He's screaming the guy's fucking name going up and down the aisle. All of a sudden we get to the bread aisle. He fucking pulled one of those long Italian bread. You don't want him like in a white fucking bag? Yeah. So now he's got in his fucking hand. You know how hard those things are.

You guys don't know about the East Coast bread. It's fucking unbelievable. You know what I mean? So he's looking, he's looking for it. All of a sudden he finally finds him in one aisle. He fucking rips the fucking Italian brick out of the bag like it was a sword. You know what I mean? And he started fucking jabbing the kid with the end of it in the stomach.

The kid goes down on the floor. Darren takes the bread and starts banging it over his fucking head. You talk about steroids. I'll fucking kill you. They're hitting him with the end of the bread in the fucking face. I swear to got it. And fucking pass marks. The manager comes over.

You gotta stop. He goes, you're going to kill the kid. I don't care. He took the kid by the head and then waxed him. One more time with the breath. We'll fucking terrible. Let me tell you something, bro. That pathmark.

That fucking pathmark, we fucked that pathmark up. I must have stole a thousand albums from those people. You know who I lit on fire out there one day? Bobby Calendrillo. Remember the guy I lived in the fucking field? Oh, yeah. He came out. He had...

Oh, me don't tell me. You guys. He had a fucking... I used to go to the fucking Kmart and get the Blount Punk radios. Oh, my God. We used to rob so much in Kmart. Didn't you steal one?

Didn't you steal one because Rago and Russo had to go to the fucking, um, the senior prom, and they needed a radio for the car, so you stole one. Fuck yeah, I used to right out of a fucking box. We'd walk out of there with a box of Blout Punk stereos out of the pastoral.

I had, I had a hundred albums that I had stole. I would go in the daytime and put the albums together that I wanted and put them close to the fence. and I would go there at night buy a gallon of milk and steal fucking 30 albums of the shot It was just

But one night we're down there Because it was next to a liquor store It was next to Tulley Liquors Which was gigantic in those days It was gigantic It was the size of a fucking Kmart The size of this Tully Liquors And they had cheap beer

So we go in there Me, your cousin Fernie Basasasuto Glen Conti And we sit outside here And all of something We see this fucking Bobby Cow My Bobby Cal

Andry came from a huge family His brother's one of the best basketball players This country is produced he led the fucking nation and scoring at Seton Hall. Fucking amazing Danny Callandrillo. Danny, and he still talks to Greg Herenda. It's amazing. His one kid plays for somebody.

I mean, that's how good the Calendrillo family was in basketball, this kid. But he had a brother who lived in the park. And every time he had leaves in his hair and fucking... So one day he came, so he's like, guys, can you let me $3? We're like, listen, we're going to give you the fucking Finn to buy whatever you want, but you're going to be our entertainment. And he had like the whole cover all. outfit. It was in the middle of the winter.

You know, like the ones mechanics put... And we had a newspaper, so we put glue on it, we lit it on fire and put in his back... We put in his back pocket. And he's talking to us, like, it's just another fucking day. And meanwhile, you could see the smoke and the flames packing up. He's like, man, it's getting hot. And he's saying all

this shit, and we're fucking rolling. Finally we got to throw him down and turn them off and shit. Oh, my God, fucking Joey, man. I love starting a week talking to you. These motherfuckers don't know. You know, I had Danny Bianculo calling here lately.

That fucking moon attack. Next time you see Danny, right? Well, you talk to Danny. Ask him about 178 in fucking St. Nicholas when we robbed the drug dealer right there. We said, we went into the guy's house, we did everything, and we, like, couldn't find anything. And we, like, we found a guy's gold chains,

and we were like, don't tell Big Lou. And all of a sudden, then we found the shit, and then everybody was happy and stuff. But Danny was on that crew. I mean, he remembers. We used to go, we used to have a crew. We used to go up from Washington Heights and drive around in like a fucking fake police car. And that's it, just take down people and shit.

It was fucking nuts, man. I remember we had the jacket with the DEA. It was on my crew. I had the jacket with the DEA on it. I had the whole fucking thing, that whole little windbreaker shit. Yeah, we had to be that. Everybody has a team. I was going into places and no guns half the time.

I mean, bro, I don't need to even be here. We're both so fucking lucky. That's why every morning when I get up, These motherfuckers don't know I go on Twitter and I say it's a beautiful fucking day to be alive, cock suckers. You have no fucking idea how many times I could have fucking die in this life. No clue. Oh my God, I'm going to rob this one Martin the Fag. Do you remember Martin Fag in downtown?

His brother owned the Spick Store on 39th Street and Liberty Avenue. I went to Rob Martin the fucking Fag one time and that guy was in there. Martin Fagg was a good looking faggot. He was a Santa Ria guy, but he'd hide the Coke and his Santa Ria stuff. And I knew about it. I went in there fucking Martin the Fagg. Fucking was going to kill me for years. I mean, you know, this is just the way life is.

They called him Martin the Fag. He was the first fag in the 70s, and he made it. He walked around because he sold cold. Yeah, back in that neighborhood. But we rolled him. We rolled him. I didn't roll him. I broke into his house with a glass cutter with Tommy Russo.

I went to the hardware store and got those glass cutters. I thought I was fucking Simon LeBonca some shit. I thought it was the Pink Panther. Next time you talk to Danny, too. Tell you, I don't remember Danny's cousin, Jimo. He used to live out in California. I seen him last Sunday. He came to the Ontario Shore.

Remember, he used to send this weed from Cali in the 70s and 80s. Yeah, yeah, we went out there, and we set JMO up. We fucking, we got to bring 200 pounds to the hotel. He only bought 50. And fucking we went out there and we fucking did it as cops, me and Big Lou and shit. And fucking Danny set him up. We got the fucking 40 pounds.

Beech feet, we're in L.A. We beat feet down the Diamond Bar, California. Had a party for two days and sent him back to Danny's uncle's house and fucking Patterson. It was fucking thick. That's fucking amazing. It was crazy the shit we did. I remember Danny when I came out here and tried to rob my uncle in 84.

Dan. Danny was out there. Danny was out there. Danny was out here. He's the one that bailed me out. Yeah. He's the one I called from the airport. He said, I'm broke.

Him and Jamo came and got me and took me to a hotel and fed me and took good care of me. Joey, I'm happy you fucking called today. You know, I love you. Right with all my heart. Oh, much love in my heart for you, man. I'm always listening to those podcasts that I hope it takes off. I see you've got some sponsors now and everything. Good job.

We're trying, brother. But listen, it all started with you. You've been calling in since the first day. So thank you for calling and being honest and setting these motherfuckers straight. No problem. I'll always call. And the baby's good. Your wife is good.

Your mom is good. I'm always called. Okay, I love you, brother. Don't forget about it. What do you want to say? I love you much love, the flying Jew. Thanks. You need to talk a little more there.

I try it. I don't end up, Joey. I do want to say before you go. I'll be out there soon, Coach. I love you, Joey. Take care yourself. Hey, I'll talk to you probably next week, but good luck on that baby. Congratulations, man.

I hope he's okay. I love you, man. Everything is beautiful. All right? All right, man. I love you, buddy. Bye. Take care yourself.

Bye-bye. What were you going to tell? I do want to say the stuff you guys were saying about your dad's was really great, and I actually, my dad's turning 60 in February, and I told him the other week I'm flying a fly. lying him out here for his birthday. And just hearing you guys talk about not even getting to meet them is, it just makes me happier that I'm doing it. Guys, listen, man, you're living at home.

I know you're out there. You're struggling. You've had problems before with your family, an uncle, a dad, a mother. We all do, man. But it's more of a problem if you don't have one. So if you have one today, as soon as you listen to this podcast, you call them up and you say, dog, I love you. because Joey and Joey have no fucking fathers. So please do this.

This is why I tell you, motherfuckers to honor the people around you because when they're gone, you can't fucking do it. You can't do it. So give them all the fucking respect they deserve. Take the stick out of your ass and forget about him not going on your football game

or whatever stupid fucking hang-up you have with your parents or your family because without them, that's fucking pain. You have no fucking idea. And on that fucking note, cocksuckers. The lock of the day today is Baltimore, giving the nine points.

Baltimore without Ray Lewis. They don't have knives, but they got darts. You know what I'm saying? So Baltimore minus the nine. I want to cover music with you guys. This is really important today. One of the listeners yesterday, one of the guys on Twitter says he was listening to Abraxas.

Oh, okay. And he really hit home with him. If you guys don't know what Abraxas is, we have to take it to the beginning. We have to take you to a guy by the name of, Carlos Santana. I was watching television in the United and Carl's in the Macy's commercial. Oh, Jesus. Okay, and I'm looking at Carlos Santana. I'm thinking to myself, look at fucking Carlos in the Macy's commercial.

Looking old, he's 60 or 70, whatever old he is. And then I think about what Carlos fucking did. You know, Carlos was up and a lot of people don't know that him and his brother George used to give out chicklets. Used to sell chicklets at the Mexican border and play the guitar for people. Wow. And next thing, you know, you know, they travel. I don't know the whole story. I have to break it down for you guys.

We don't have that much time, but they end up in San Francisco, and they put this band together. You know, George wasn't with them at the time. And if you listen to Abraxas, the first album, well, I think it's the second. I don't know right now. It's 1970, 1970. And you got to remember people.

This is, you know, this is the Beatles, and this is Jimmy Hendricks, and this is Janice Joplin, the Doors, and all this shit's going on. And all of some of this fucking Mexican dude shows up to whatever record label and says, Listen, I have an idea.

I want you to hear this. You know, Graham discovered him and all this shit in San Francisco, the hippie movement with Grateful Dead and all this. And this guy wasn't, you know, a white dude with long hair. This guy obviously looked like a fucking spick that he is. And, you know, at the time in the 70s, you know, it wasn't like we were hugging spicks.

It's like the A-Rabs now. We see an A-Rab now. We're like, what the fuck is that? That was a spick 30 years ago. And that was the same way the Irish must have treated him. That's why you have to be nice to everybody. Because I thought about that one day. I'm in a coffee shop.

I'm sitting next to eight Arabs smoking cigarettes drinking coffee. I'm like, look at these motherfuckers. Who the fuck am I to judge? That was Cubans 20 years ago. And white people were probably going, look at these fucking spakes acting like, you know, whatever. Yeah. But I always keep that in mind because when people come in,

it's like today, if you have a record label and an Arab comes in and says, hey, I have an idea. I'm going to mix Arabian music with fucking white music. You're going to go do me a favor. Go smoke your hash and get the fuck out of my office, all right? But sometimes the result is. the Braxas. And if you don't know

nothing about Abraxas, it's got just, like you buy an album now, you got two songs if you're lucky, and you got seven songs of fluff. Fucking Abraxas says, Black Magic Woman, Oye Comova,

fucking night in whatever the fuck. You know, Sarkabo, Samba Petit. I mean, this album is fucking amazing. And I remember, you guys don't know, Columbia House. Columbia House was a thing

that made a deal with you for a nickel. You got 19 cassettes as long as you bought three of them a year at the regular price. Oh, wow. So what they did, yeah, but you know how much they charge you for throw? Your one cassette, 1995. That's how they made their money back. But what you did was you got your 18 cassettes, and then you stiffed them.

You told them to go, fuck yourself. They went tear-hard, Indiana, and they kept sending you letters. And then you got even cockier. You looked at people in your neighborhood scheduled to see if they weren't home when the mailman got them. and what you did was you mailed the fucking Columbia records to them and what they would do is they put a box in front of their house so you run up the stairs and take your box with your 18 CDs I did that all over my block and then there were no CDs

there were cassettes I had like 3,000 fucking cassettes because everybody in the blocks signed up for Columbians and eventually ruined people's credit people thought they were slick Columbia House didn't lose a dime all Colombians did was make copies of your album and send them out they didn't lose a dime and the record labels knew it and never but anyway I bought a And I remember listen to this fucking album because at the time I was confused. I'm a Spanish kid.

I'm trying to fit in. And here's this fucking thing I could relate to. So put out in one jam for us, Lee. We're gonna start at... Let's see here. The end of Black Magic Woman and Tohoya Come Along. Listen to this shit. Boom, boom, boom.

This guy got the fucking guitar. Put some bongos, some fucking Puerto Ricans. And the result is this. Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? This is the beginning, though, so... No shit. Yeah, I know it's not the end, cock's sucker.

This is one of the great beginnings of our time, bro. Listen to this guitar. Hit it, Lee. Feels like you're going to get a bag of dope. If you have not listened to this album, it's entirely, guys. Hit it! Jesus Christ! Oh, shit.

Break out the heroin. Hit it! Are you kidding me? And you're sitting there going, I love this fucking his spragic. I mean, but this is the same thing. But this is the same thing. 60s, brother. Listen to the shit. Hit it.

Who the fuck the singer was? I have no idea. Some guy he met in the club. He did a little oil come over off with these cossuckers. I mean, this is a fucking tremendous album. Some guy. Oh shit. You know what Sabre means? Flavor. Play that again for the police. These motherfuckers know. This is Sabore's flavor. Listen. Are you fucking kidding me or what?

Every time I hear this, I want to stab some of the fucking neck. Don't listen to this shit. Are you fucking kidding me? Un-un-un-fucking believable, though. Just... This is too much, man. So before you put Green Day on, like a fucking Momo,

get this album, download this shit. You're gonna die. Oh, shit. This is what I play when I get blood taken out of me. Really? This is the same song. What do they say? What does this mean?

Like, why you come up on? Listen to me. My fucking music. Oh, okay. Listen to this shit. Are you fucking kidding me or what? What the fuck do you think you're dealing with? You're gonna show up with some fucking Momo with a banjo.

Listen to this shit. Pull a little samba pati on for these motherfuckers. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Guys, I don't give you fucking bloopers. These are all-time tested albums. You know what that means?

I must have smoked 80 fucking numbers to these things. and done two shots of H for this shit. I remember doing heroin for this. A little line one time. Listen to this and just my head was blown. Now, that's Carlos Santana. On the other side of the spectrum, there was a guy his brother named George Santana.

Let me tell you what George was doing. There was a label in New York called the Fani All-Stars. We're going to talk about them. They did a movie in 1971 called Our Latin Thing. This company was owned. The Fani All-Stars was owned by FACN Mursucci. this fucking Jew that was a cop and went to Cuba, went in college,

and fucking fell in love with the music. Then he went back, he was a Jew. He got a blowjad from a Cuban girl. He was done. He cut the fucking things off. He lit his Yamacan fire. He's like, fuck you. I'm going back to Cuba. So he went to New York.

He became a cop. After a couple years, he said, fuck this. My heart is in music. He got a Puerto Rican front man, Johnny Pacheco, and they started to find the All-Stars. And it was a label. Farnia and they had Willie Cologne and Celia Cruz and they had all these fucking bad Roberto Rorana and the Apollo fucking sound. Are you kidding me or what? So now with these, and this was

straight up Puerto Rican salsa. So they did this movie called Our Latin Thing and they blew up. Fucking blew up. I went to see the movie every day that summer. They had a Jew piano player. His name was Larry Arlo. They had a Jew conga player. They had fucking Jews in the trombone section. This was a Jew-run band, but they've changed their name. Like Ismail Miranda, Ishmael. How many fucking Puerto Ricans? You know, Ishmael? Fuck that.

He changed his name to Miranda. He's really a half a fucking Jew. But he's a nephew of Moses. Can you imagine those Jews going home in those days and telling their moms? Like Larry Harlow, I see an interview with him and he was like, dog. He goes, I went to music school in the 50s up in Harlem. That's the music school. And he goes, the first time I heard that Puerto Rican music, he goes, I bought it out of him.

I couldn't even listen to it at the house. With traditional Jews, I could not listen to it. this shit in the house. But listen, guys, when you want to do something that's in your fucking art, you do it. It doesn't matter with nationality, what color, just do it. It's like that fucking those black guys that were rockers in the 80s. Look in my eyes.

What do you see? Yeah, there were black things. They called the personality. That's in their heart. Who gives a fuck? Don't get qualified. So here, these motherfuckers went home. They started to Farnier label. Fonnell label got popular. I played Hector Levo. Tolo Tiena's Sufinal a couple weeks ago

That's from the album El Malo But they put it together They called the final authors And they went on tour And one of the tours they went to was Japan They went to Africa And they made a movie called Soul Power

I played the James Brown video On Joe Rogan's podcast And you motherfuckers went crazy He was 50 years all the time He's dancing and spinning He's jumping around Like fucking Michael Jordan Right he's 55

The shirt Chicago Bulls My boy Kern Michael Walden So they went to fucking Africa And they brought And this guy, Chelle Feliziano Does a song called their Raton Which means the rat

And they fucking, it's a smoothie jazz thing But Carlos, so listen to what George did Pretty much Carlos fused rock With fucking With Spanish music And George took rock music And fused it with salsa In a jazzy way

Hit it Lee! This is live from fucking Africa, 1971 or two or three, when Muhammad Ali was going to fight Frazier or one of those, they did the thing in the... Rumble in the jungle and they had this thing. Hit it, Lee. Here's the salsa with George Santana. So next time you see the Santana's, respect, motherfuckers. What?

Like the fucking guitar solo for you, motherfucker? That's great because they have like eight Jews, dude. I'm telling you. This is tremendous. Tremendous. Hit it Lee. The guy singing is a Cuban singer, Isneil Miranda, and Hector Levo are singing backgrounds. This is how strong this band was.

The bongo players were Roberto Rorana, the piano player was fucking Larry Harlow, and the DJ even had a DJ on a thing called Symphony Sid. Are you kidding me? Hit it, Lee! Oh shit, I throw you fucking heat. Hit it! The trumpets and the trombones, and then he mixes it with the guitar. And then he mixes it with the guitar. Are you fucking nuts? Don't make me stab a motherfucker today.

I'm giving you brilliant bitch. I'm the Lord's Day. Hit it! Listen, like you. Pake so on me baraka. E. Chango, chak, chak, chak. Come on, guys.

I give you nothing but love with this music. All right, cut that shitly. I'm going to have to go shoot a $10 bag of heroin. On the Lord's Day, you guys got me so fired up. Listen, guys, the fucking Lord's Day. This is the best day of the fucking week. Now, today, before the day is over, you write your fucking goals for the week, what you want to do,

you want to get two blow jobs, you want to make $50 fucking dollars, and you break it down and figure out, you got to do that by the end of the week. This is your week, guys. No more fucking around. This is your fucking week. Listen, this week coming up,

I'm going to be in Scottsdale at the Comedy Spot. There's 100 seats at this place. I'm doing Friday and Saturday, so that's 400 seats. This shit's going to sell. Get your tickets early. It's going to be a fucker. I get in Friday. I leave Sunday, but it's two fucking days.

We're going to rock it up, all right? No fucking drama. Do me a favor here, because these iTunes motherfuckers are getting kind of kinkered with me. Today, before, or as soon as you listen to this podcast, I need to you for you subscribe, number one. And number two, I need for you to say, Joey, what the fuck? I love you, cock sucker. Or even if you say, Joey, you're a fat fuck. Need to lose weight of.

Joey, fucking Lee, some chick is going to fart in his face. Why does it have to be a black chick? Write it down. Because they're going by that shit now. I need to get the sponsors. Hopefully this week we'll get on that I'm bored. I got the fucking mangrade on board.

We got some fucking shit going on. It's all because of you guys, you know? I work hard at this with Lee because of you guys. So thank you very much for listening. Leave a comment, subscribe. I'll be in whatever. What else we got from Testicle Testaments? It's still on fucking iTunes.

and it's still on the billboard fucking billboard late oh shit it was like number four again thanks to you guys number one and two is still up there you know the podcast is coming down today leo dropped this one tomorrow we got another more Monday another one Wednesday the gambling pick is baltimore minus the fucking nine in baltimore bet the fucking farm i've been to kiss of death lately that all ends today who says so i fucking say so cocksucker that's who say so that's who I'm blowing this motherfucker. You bad motherfucker. I love Lee Syatt.

You know, keep sending them emails. Follow Lee's a funny motherfucker. And I love him on a sad note. And here you heard it here. Beauty and the Beast is no longer. The awards are still up. So go to the podcast awards and vote for us so we could go out in the high limp.

Nothing happened. We just did 100-something fucking episodes. Two years. And we thought it was time to move on. She's doing, she said what? I'm doing this one. You know, it's a painy ass to get fucking guests for both of them. I'm having a hard time having my gumbas call fucking up, but I got tons more coming,

but it just got too much. I got a kid coming. I got a fucking movie. I got a shoot. You know, I got a lot of shit going on. So, you know, Felicia is still the heart. My heart, I love it dearly. We're just going to move on.

Just listen to her fucking podcast. That's all you need to do. Listen to she said, what? Listen to this one. And you still have his boat on our fucking life. What's the big fucking deal? Cock suckers. We got sons of anarchy coming this week.

Season 8. I got my sons of anarchy T-shirt. They mailed it to me. Oh, shit. Guys, I fucking love you. Again, I want to give a shout up to all my brothers. Fucking, I can't see without my glasses. Plus, his vapor pens.

Got a motherfucker fucked up. Kyle, who lost the weight, the Puerto Rican, Undian, Stoondian, Kern Michael Walden for the shirt. You're my heart, cocksucker. Thank you very much. Fabio L. Diagastuno, whatever your fucking name is. Jamie, I love you. Ted and Philly, you filthy cocksucker.

Constantine. He just saw it on Twitter. I love you, too. Guys, with all my heart, thank you for coming to the shows. Thank you for supporting myself and Lee. Thank you for everything that you do. This show would not be possible without you dirty motherfuckers. What are we going to end, Donnell?

Think about what's something you want to do for a practice. But before we go, I just want to say there was a kid in my hometown who was a green beret or something like, and he went to Afghanistan and he got killed. So it's great to be doing this on the Veterans Day. So his name is Scott Millie. and rest in peace and he like it was a he was crazy for that to happen to my town

because there's not many kids in my town who did that and on Mike Ronner he was in the the Marines out down in San Diego and he got killed so it's great to do this on Veterans Day thank you very much for the veterans and what you do and you're also going to make the local papers when it's that black hawfarts in your face and the tip balls and shit like that

they're going to say my little Jew friend from fucking American heroes American hero gets farted in his face a little auier Como Vali Blast these motherfuckers out the hard way here. It's 7.15. Have a fucking, it's 1018. Have a great day, guys.

I love you, all my heart. Have a great day with your family. Hit it Lee. Oh, shit. Sawol, motherfucker. That means flavor. That's how we do it, motherfuckers. Thank you.