The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 11/18/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #128

Episode Date: November 18, 2013

Kent Vella calls in to talk to Joey on the 26th anniversary of Joey Kitdnapping Kent. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Visit Dollarshaveclub.com/church for great deals. Recorded live on 11/18/2013.

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of its shows, anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus. When you go to Huluplus.com slash Joey, that's Huluplus.com slash joey. And by Dollar Shaveclub.com. Get high-quality registered sent to your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now, go to dollarshaveclub.com slash church.

That's dollarshaveclub.com slash church. or just go to joey ds.net and click on the dollar-shape club banner oh shit oh shit Monday November 11th no November 18th oh shit get up shake it motherfucker blast that Lee what the fuck that's some real motherfucking black people there what uh huh with suspension like a sports car uh huh

shot to gap like a puno star uh huh put it on tim like a puno star uh huh run back the tape in the visi up I'm coming, baby, like the big black. Are you fucking kidding me or what? The church of what's happening now? Monday, the 18th of November. I don't care if you're white.

You got a black dick today. Work that motherfucker. You hear of Black Friday? It's Black Dick Monday. White, Chinese, Filipino. I don't give a fuck. You got a black dick. Shake that motherfucker.

What? Huh! Are you kidding me or what? Go out there, get your dick, tell him I'm arrived. Ooh. What's up, baby? I'm on fucking, I'm really a stab a motherfucker

right in the earlobe. What's going out, baby? Everything all right now? Nothing. An amazing weekend. I don't have. What'd you do? Nothing. It was great. How fucking amazing is it? You didn't do nothing. You went to the thing? You got some fish, right? They cooked the fish for you?

No, I was thinking about it. Thinking about what? Fucking relax. He comes in this morning. It's like you fucking... I said he drank a Red Bull, and he yelled at me for about 10 minutes, only faggots drink Red Bull. That's right. Red Bulls for fucking faggots, all right? Real motherfuckers grab their nuts, and that's where the

energy come from. Your chakras. That's where the patois comes from. Your fucking cock. It's all based around the core. You grab that motherfucker when you're on where... It's Monday. Oh, my God. Oh, don't give a fuck. Grab that fucking cock. You get in the shower, you put some hot water on you.

You fucking eat the coffee fucking cup, and you get out there on Monday, right? Forget drinking coffee. Oh, my God. Fuck you, bitch. You fucking get out there. It's Monday. Somebody's eating your fucking lunch

and you're playing fucking games, reading a comic book or watching break them back. Get your shit together, motherfuckers. That's all I'm telling you. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. I agree. It is. Strong Island, I love you.

Governors, whether it's the fucking one, McGuire or governors, I love you people. You people fucking crazy. They sent lease shirts. I mean, it's like a little home for me. I love you guys.

Thank you for you. coming back. I got shout-outs for you, but that's fucking later on. It's Monday. I said it last night on Facebook at the 26th anniversary since I kidnapped Ken Vela today, so I'm feeling kind of, you know, whatever they call, lemon lime. I don't know what's that expression, you know. I don't know. Oh shit. Love to love to love you, Lee Syatt. We got fucking the church of what's happening now, a serving. Lee's not working no more.

He's done. No more editing two in the morning. So now he calls me a day, I'm going to Vegas on vacation. What fucking vacation? It's not vacation. Now is when we're going to fucking work. What vacation? You'd be fucking around for six months editing and putting fucking videos together with white people cooking

and some guy with a fucking dog. I don't even know anymore. I'm just happy to be. I'm happy with people awake. I'm happy with people doing your thing. Got a lot of emails. I didn't watch the fights live, but I watched them when I got home yesterday.

You know, I guess chair of son, it ain't the great white fucking husband. hope. Well, they're having a fight every two weeks, it seems like it. Well, in November, they were busy. They had a big card in November. And you see, Grudge Match sponsored the fight. Yeah. They showed the fucking trailer and shit. They showed the trailer. I got about a thousand fucking hits, so thank you. But it was really weird about GSP. I've been thinking about GSP and a lot of people, whatever, whether he won a long, you know, I think what's his name, beat him, or maybe on points or something. I mean, he fucked his face up.

I mean, GSP was fucked up. Yeah. And the other guy was not even a mark on his face. And he was very upset. You know, Mike Dolce was in his corner. Mike Doce prepped him. But it's really funny about GSB. He wants to take some time off.

And I did a video years ago that I fucked with Duncan. He's a Satan guy. And I tell him, Duncan, you know, and the main thing of the video was about knowing what you get yourself involved in. You know, 15 years ago, you're going to a fucking gym, Lee, and you start doing push-ups. And also, you start going to smokers. and you fight for free, and then next thing you know, you're fighting in some small league,

and next thing you know, you're fighting the UFC, and before you know, you're the champion in the World Weight Division, and life goes from being 22 miles an hour league to 98 miles an hour. And overnight, your life gets thrown fucking upside down, and it's not about training no more. It's this, you know, and if you know him, he has an addictive personality. I mean, when GSP trains for a fight, it's nonstop. It's gymnastics.

It's basketball. He runs. He swims. You know, he does ballet. I mean, this fucking guy prepares himself. He understands he's a true champion. And people don't realize, you know, when you get yourself involved in something, what you're really getting yourself involved. And it doesn't become about fighting no more.

It's about the media and advertising and who goes on your shorts and who's sponsoring you. And who doesn't want you to say this in interviews. and, you know, he's got, I don't know how many millions of dollars from Gatorade, and so your life goes from one extreme to another, and you really got to know how to handle it. You know what I'm saying? It seems like he's handled it well. I mean, I'm a new fan, but he doesn't seem to be crazy.

Well, he's been the, no, no, no, no. He's a great grounded guy. You know, he's had the title, I think, since 2009 or 2008. I don't know dates, but in my mind, that's a lot of fucking years. Yeah. And that's a lot of pressure, and that's a lot of whatever, sacrifice. Is it the same thing that happened to Silva in the last fight, you think? No, no, no.

It's the same thing that happens to a lot of people. Life moves too fast, and you have to know what you're getting yourself involved in to Lee. You know, sometimes, like, I'm telling you, Lee. You know, sometimes life, you, you profoundly find your dream, and you find your voice, and you're just happy to be doing it. And next thing you know, life just gets turned around on you. And, you know, you don't need money, and now you have 15 people around you at all times. And you went from having a manager to having a publicist and a friend.

fucking agent and this and that and this and that. And life just becomes overwhelming. And at one point you have to catch it and go, that's it. You know, and it happens a lot of different fucking aspects of life. You know, I got an email yesterday from a kid in Miami who lives with his father. He's 20. He wants to be an artist, you know, and he's emailed me before, and I told him to get a job, and he got an apprentice.

I don't know what the fuck happened, and it worked up. Another job is ending, and he's getting pressure with him as father again. And we've all been in that position. You get pressure from your family, you get a fucking job. But you want to be an artist. Whatever you want to choose. You want to be a musician, whatever he wants to do, you know. There comes a point where all you need is money to fuel your dream.

But you don't want to work. You can't take a day job because you're busy with the band or whatever you're busy with. So your living becomes hard and it becomes frustration. It gets fucking so frustrated. Yeah. That now you found your dream, but you're fucking broke. You found your dream But now you're fucking broke

So now you got to find out a way To finance your dream And that's by just keep working harder at your dream Some people say fuck it Well I'll get a job and work it slow No because the quicker you dive into that dream The quicker you'll make a living in that dream You know?

I'm going through it right now I still my parents still now Because they knew the job was at And we're like are you looking for a new job I said no I'm just going to do this But it took me three years And I saved up enough money for probably like six months if I had to,

and I'm going to get unemployment. And you were like, what's all this bread for? I went and got, like, fucking peanut butter and bread, and I'm still going to go out with a girl on the weekends, but I'm going to just eat here for, like, the fucking... No more Mediterranean food? Oh, and I'm going to have to. I love it.

I do it even just for the phone call, because I know you're calling 20 minutes. Well, hummus is cheap, right? That's like peanuts and fucking Barbados. You have two things of hummus in the fridge. I bet you do, you nasty motherfucker. You probably rub it all over your body, but it's really weird what?

When you're home and you're frustrated, you really want to do something. And that frustration sometimes, I don't want people. If you get involved in something, and you really have a dream, don't let that frustration beat you. Don't ever let that frustration beat you.

Use it to strengthen you. You know, I was in the same boat as you, motherfuckers. I was living in Seattle. I was starting to get funny. I had 22 minutes. I'm making fucking $50 a set. I'm living in an office, and I wanted more.

You want more so fast. You want more so fucking fast. You want more so fucking fast. But then you get it fast and you don't know how to handle it. So I'm happy it came the way it did, little by little. Every year I got better at what I did. And every year I picked up another movie. I picked up another 30 minutes of comedy.

You pick up things along the way. But sometimes it gets overwhelming, like for GSP, and that's why I tell people you have to know what you're getting yourself into sometimes. You just can't look at the short range. You have to look at what happens if I do that. What's going to happen to my family? I got to travel. Has this something I want to do?

I've met stand-up comics that one day came to me in Seattle and said, bro, I don't like going on the road. I don't like going on the road. Is this still going to work out for me? Yeah, you have a dream, but part of that dream you have to work around. It's like doing jiu-jitsu. You just can't become the king at your gym. You have to go to different gyms and see what other people have to offer.

And it makes you better. That's what makes you better. And, you know, years ago, three years ago, I was going to fucking quit and just do comedy locally. And I'm happy I didn't. I'm happy that Twitter came along And I'm meeting Because right now

The stand-up is good But it's the people on meeting That's even better Like Stephen Quayle Fucking tweets me every fucking day Comes to the show on Long Island Saturday night and leaves I always go outside

But I take 10 minutes Just to drive the sweat off me To drink some water Let it cool down So the waitresses could pass their checks So it's not a commotion He left I like meeting people

Who communicate with me on Twitter Or Facebook Or fucking however Instagram I don't even have fucking Instagram But whatever the fuck they do I like when people connect with me and shake my hand at the end. I see their energy.

And it's just so weird how the GSP thing mess with me because I know what it is to get caught up in something. He said something that he couldn't even sleep at night. When something's affecting you that you're not sleeping at night, maybe he's not happy with it no more. Maybe he's hit so many plateaus that he's just not happy with it no more. And that's why somebody like Diaz, I get confused between Nick and Nate.

Nate's the younger one. Nick Diaz doesn't want to fight no more because he enjoyed fighting. for what it was, then it became something else. It became something else. I'm getting paid way too much money to do this shit. People want autographs. Some people can't fucking handle it.

Some people really can't fucking handle it. So my heart goes out to GSP and whatever the fuck he wants to do. Whether he won or not, I don't know. I'm no fucking fighting judge. I know his face looked like he got hit by a fucking truck. And it's sad. There was some good fights, though.

I know you watch them and shit, but I don't fucking know. What else is happening, at least I had. Well, I didn't get to watch him. But it seems like, especially with John Jones and whatever that, Gus does that fight last time? Yeah. It seems like when you're the champion, you really have to,

you really have to beat the champion. It can't be, because even the people apparently who said that, what, the Hendricks won, it was only like by like one or two points. It wasn't like he destroyed him in the points or something. And, like, I didn't see it. So I'm sure he did win. But it seems like you always have to, like, in the NBA.

They always give the season guys, the benefit of the doubt with the fouls, and you really have to, like, convincingly, can't leave a doubt of their mind. So I'll have to watch it later today. But that's what you're on the way out. He goes, the next time I learn something, the next time I won't leave it in their hands.

Yeah. You know, that's a big lesson. You want one of these brothers? I'll take half here. Let's get this fucking party. Start a class. Cheebo Chu sponsoring this fucking podcast. Yeah, they're fucking cool.

They're cool people. Now, Cheebo Chu, I'll tell you, I was looking at their shit this week. I was looking at the 70s, the ones with the medical, they have the aspirin, the pain relief. That's the most genius thing I've had. Sometimes I work out. Does it help you with your joints and stuff?

Yeah, it takes away the little bit of a knee pain. You know, listen, man, as far as the... I remember, like, smoking dope when I had a two-take. Yeah. You know, I had this really bad road canal one time, like five years ago when we lived in Hollywood. And it was throughout the holidays, so the dentist was closed and blah, blah, blah.

And I remember smoking pot and going, this ain't medical, this shit don't work. And then 30 minutes later, they're going, what happened to my toothache? I got so high, I forgot about my fucking toothache. So I guess it does fucking work. You know, I'm paying. That's what it is.

It's what's something that tastes good, don't it? You know, you're going into the void. It's the only, I can only do gummies. Yeah, no, the gummies are very, and they're easy. Look at your face. You start breathing, your eyes. What happens to you? Why do you get panicked?

You can't go into panic mode. I'm not panicked. It's just remembering fucking the last live podcast. You're just walking into the fucking void. You know what I'm saying? Do me a favor. Yeah, what's going on?

Put it into the void by Black Sabbath. Sure. Just put it into the void. Just so you can listen to it. This is where your mind is going when you eat a fucking Goomy Bear. I can still type so it hasn't worked yet. No, no, no, no.

It's not going to fucking do that. Listen to this motherfucker. This is what happens to you. We need one of those gummy bears on a Monday with your big black dick. What? Crank that motherfucker This is what happens

What are they called? Fucking green hornets from Cheebo 2, 70 milligrams of death How many did you eat? You ate half of this? Yeah, ain't half, yeah. That ain't half, cock sucker. Take another little bite.

Oh, no. That ain't half. That ain't half. We eat the other half before I leave you. I'll eat the other half next Monday. Next Monday? Yeah, we're having Monday animals. What happens?

That's a nuclear fucking bomb next Monday. What are you going to do with that? Speed that up a little bit. Listen to this shit. Okay, speed that up a little bit, speed it up a little bit. A little bit more. Oh shit! That's it, that's a cheap-o-chewer entering your head right there.

Crack it, Lee. Oh shit. Oh, shit. Back on earth the flame of life burns low. Everywhere is misery and whoa. Cut that shit. What motherfuckers! Break out that fucking number.

It's Monday. Anyway, last night I put, there was 26 years since Ken Vela, and he won't return my calls. And do you know, 10 minutes later, the fucking phone rang, and it was Kent. And it's weird because I hope he calls today. You know, I didn't schedule another guest. I just wanted him to call. I'll call about a quarter of seven to remind him,

and hopefully he calls. He might be embarrassed. But it's weird, you know, how I feel. I always feel weird on this day. I always think about the kidnapping. I wear it close to my heart, like a, metal of honor and I tell you why because it changed my fucking life completely in so many fucking levels it changed my life completely in so many fucking levels and I'm not saying that

maybe you have to go to prison to find out where you stand in life but it seems sometimes nothing really nothing really good comes out of your life unless you take a big chance and then you find something out about yourself and you shock yourself that you did something like Leah for example how many of your fucking friends are out here that you grew up with None. Not many of them. You're out here and you've been out here for four years now. Yeah.

It shocks you. You haven't called home for money? No. It just shocks you. It shocks you. It really does that you made a move. So that's why I always tell people, make a move sometimes. You know, for some people it's just moving out of the house.

For some people, it's going away for school. For some people, it's joining a service. But it makes you find out so many things about yourself. It makes you find out so many things about yourself that in a way it's empowering, and a way it makes you feel bad. Like this kidnapping. The thing that was that I found out, listen, man, I feel bad that I did a crime. I feel bad that I took a guy and tied him up.

I feel bad that I double-crossed the guy. And it wasn't who, it's not in my DNA to do something like that. I blame it all in the addiction, but I take responsibility for it. Again, the Coke addiction took over me at one point. From 84 to 80 fucking 8th. And who am I lying? 2007, the Coke addiction took over my mind. It was just going somewhere else.

You know, it just went to different places. I knew what I could do, and I knew what I couldn't do. Do you think it was, like, a negative? Like, you turned it into a positive, but, like, you found something out about yourself in a negative light, kind of. I found something about myself in a positive light, and I found something about myself in a negative light. There's so many levels of this where I found something out.

I didn't like the part of tying them up. I didn't like the part of the guy with a machine gun. I didn't like all that stuff. I'm an old-school guy. I'll put a gun in your fucking mouth and make you kneel down and let's fucking rob you. I didn't like all that shit. I didn't like how he popped up and did all.

That's not my world at all. You know, that's not my world at all. I like doing shit straight up with people or not at all. You know, it could have been Vell. It could have been somebody else who I kidnapped that day for drugs. Eventually, I was going to do something. I was already treading in that world where it's bad enough as it is because you're going to rob the wrong fucking person.

They're going to shoot you. So I was treading in that world. I knew, but I didn't know, but I didn't give a fuck at that time. I really didn't know. I was stuck. I was stuck in Boulder. I was doing good, which meant I was stuck. For the first time in my life, I was doing good.

I was making a living. I had clothes. I drove a car. I had an apartment. I lifted weights. I had a dog. I had a girlfriend. I ate at restaurants.

What didn't I have going on? I went to classes two nights a week, but that wasn't good enough. Did you ever think that's why? Like, if this was a movie, you would have had the before. You would have been in Boulder, and he would have had a moment like, you freaked out and like, oh, now I've got to do a big score because this is too normal. There was no reason to do a score. Yeah.

It was so normal. There was no reason to do a fucking score. There was no reason. But it was that thing they called self-sabotaging. You can self-sabotage yourself. That's all it was. I didn't want to go do good in life. I didn't feel that I was good enough to move forward.

Sometimes it's not that life or whatever. Sometimes it's you that stops you. Sometimes you don't feel you're fucking good enough. And at the time, I didn't feel I was good enough. I still have that shit. I still have that. I watched Tyson last night. Did you watch that?

Oh, you don't have HBO. That's fucking right. You want to save the $18. Well, Tyson does a one-man show and it was on last night. Oh, they filmed that? Yeah, they talks about cocaine. Okay.

And how, you know, you take cocaine and you fuel low, what is that? Self-esteem? Yeah, that's what, everybody has that shit. You know, nobody looks in the mirror and goes, today's my fucking lucky day, unless you work yourself up, unless you do things to find out things about yourself

that make you believe that. You know, that day when I kidnapped better, The most important thing I believe was, and I tell you these people and you could fucking stop watching this or keep watching this, I don't know how to say this without fucking insulting nobody

or even not saying it right because I usually say a lot of fucked up shit. Yeah, who's going to insult this point? When I went out to the car to pull the gun out and I wanted to go on and shoot them, you know, I realized that was a pussy. For not shooting them, made me feel like a loser

for not shooting them but on the way home I realized that had done the right thing I didn't want death in my life I had already death in my life I know what happens when you dabble in death where your life goes but it's not that I didn't like Kenvela

or I didn't like Tidwell when I robbed them whatever when that went down I didn't like myself you know I didn't like myself and that was the most important thing I learned about that day you know I don't know

know if it was a negative or positive. Right now I'm stuck. It was a negative because I hurt someone and I ruined somebody's day and that's anti what I believe. I really ruined his day, you know, even though he kept ruining his day after that. You know, a lot of people don't know this and if he calls, I'll tell him in 97. I hired a public investigator for $2,000 when I got to talk about a bell commercial just to see how he was doing. You know, and the guy said he was in Arizona and he had a job. Whether he was doing drugs or whatever, I didn't know. But the last time I saw Vela, I bought

Coke from him in Boulder in 1994 or something like that. At some bar or something like that in downtown Boulder. I know the name of it, but I don't. I feel pearls. But it's so weird how, it made me find out so many things. And I wish I would have done something different. Listen, sometimes you go to college.

Sometimes a young man or a young woman goes to college and they go to college for philosophy. They just want to get a degree to skate through to please their parents. And while they go into it, they find out they like fucking aerosmith engineering. Aerospace engineering or something. I'm just making something up, guys. But you end up striving because you went.

You went, and you thought you were going to be mediocre, and you ended up going and said, fuck mediocrity. I'm going to be the best I could be. I'm going to find myself. This is what happened by me going to prison. By me paying my debts. And trust me, man, I had chances of leaving. There wasn't America's wanted, wasn't on yet.

I had a friend in South America who had a Hertz dealership who said I could go down there and be a trainee and work with him and make money in South America. Those were the things that didn't make me a loser. Those were the things that didn't make me a fucking pussy that I didn't run away. I said, fuck it, even if I get to six years, I'm going to go do my time,

and I don't know what I'm going to come out as. I don't know if I'm going to come out a better person, but I'm getting what I deserve. I figured that if I did the time, I was paying the penance for all the bad things I had done. I was even with society because I had a chance to split and I didn't split. So by me doing my time, going to court that day and reporting as Jose Diaz and putting the handcuffs on me and walking into myself, that whole thing was for me to get even with life.

For everybody I robbed, every fucking piece of gum I stole, that was my way. You know, I didn't go to jail for Ken Vela. If you know the story, I mean, it wasn't like I robbed some innocent guy that was at home with $10,000 of his life savings. No, I was robbing a drug dealer, him in his roommate. We're fucking drug dealers. That doesn't justify what I did at least I had in no means. But there's levels to this to make me feel better about what I did. Yeah.

Hopefully he calls and we can straighten this fucking shit out. You said at the beginning that every year like you think about it and you value it for what it did for you did like, I can't imagine just knowing what you did after you got out until 2007. Like it doesn't seem like you did that every year from the time you got out. I would imagine it's a new thing within the past 10 years. maybe or something. That you value your time there.

Like when you got out where you like, like you weren't negative or anything about, really it was right away? I knew. I knew I'd gotten a chance. I knew I'd gotten away. It was two or three years in my life. And I knew that I had gotten away with murder

for the things I had done, but now we're even. You know, I didn't pay taxes from 91. It's in 2005 or 2006 or something like that. I went down to the tax thing with my wife and we worked out of doing. deal because I went down there and worked out of deal with the IRS they forgot they only went back seven years which they do on everybody but I went and worked a deal out

I didn't strike you know I'm saying I walked in there voluntarily myself they were just gonna garnish me they don't give a fuck the government will garnish you yeah shit you know but it's just amazing sometimes when you have to face your responsibilities and I didn't even know what I was doing I was facing my responsibility but I wasn't claiming responsibility yeah there's a big fucking difference yeah I was just gonna say like I mean I I don't want it to seem like I'm busting your balls and more getting paranoid because of the fucking edible.

No, no, no. But, like, if you, if when you got out of prison, you were like, you saw it for what it was immediately, why did you keep doing coke for all that time after? Because in reality, you were clean and after you got out of prison. Oh, yeah, I was clean, but all I was doing, it was a part of my life. I was chuckling and jiving, brother.

That's what I did best. I was chucking and jiving around the topic. You ever have to clean that printer? You have to clean that printedly? You have to clean it. But you don't want to clean it. You'd rather paint the fucking wall than clean that printer. We used to have a friend that had always things to do.

There was always a podcast to edit. But they would do everything else, but edit the podcast. And then when they wouldn't edit the podcast, they use it against me. Do you understand me? Well, I did videos. Well, I could care less about the videos. You were supposed to edit the podcast. There's a lot of people who lived their life like that, that charge it.

Clean the printer. That's what I was doing. I was never cleaned the printer. I was doing everything around here but cleaning the printer. But I cleaned the door. But I did the windows. But I vacuum. But I put the scum off the fucking couch.

That doesn't matter. I didn't take care of what was supposed to take care of. The fucking coke problem with me, man. I wasn't out of fucking prison a week. And I was already had the line up my nose. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you, you know, I seen the light. Oh, my God.

No. I got it better. You know, when you walk into the jail, your office and a gentleman, he says, you didn't get your shit together. You just polished up the corners a little bit. When I get out of jail, I didn't get my shit together. I just bullshit it myself and polished the corners a little bit. Now I knew how to worm myself around the system more. I knew that I was never going to cop over an A ball and have it on my person.

I always knew that I was cop coca gram at a time, so if I got arrested, I could blame on the addiction. I knew so many fucking things now to escape. When you go to prison, it makes you a better. better criminal. Yeah, you were saying, you know, it makes you a better criminal. If you meet different people, you can become a better criminal. Some people will be a criminal all their fucking life and end up dying in prison. Take somebody like Carlos Ladegh, who was New York City born and raised, whatever the

fuck he was, and he went into time, and when he was doing time, he figured out routes from Columbia. So when he got out of prison, he went to the meddling cartel and he said, I want to handle your transportation. he became a better criminal when he went in. He met old-time guys who said, no, you don't fly into Miami.

You should fly into Arkansas and cut a deal with Clinton. You know, that's where all the Coke was going. Everybody thought it was going to Miami. That's what the amateurs were taking the Coke. The real motherfuckers are taking it to Arkansas. You follow me? There's little things when you go to prison

that you only find out when you're in prison. The thing that devastated me the most was people talking about undercover cops, how they would get busted and then three weeks later go to the preliminary hearing and it was an undercover cop but he wouldn't show.

They just had testimony from an undercover cop and then by the time you went to trial the undercover cop would show up he would go to rehab and you get cleaned up he would get his arms his tracks would go away

he would shoot in his toes or whatever and these undercover cops were doing drugs with people which in a way is like entrapment you know listen the only way I'm going to sell you a fucking kilo blow is if I see you do him blow you understand me

you're not going to show up with a suit and tie and say I'm a businessman not in my fucking one That shit works on Miami Vice. You show up to see me to buy fucking Coke from me. You better fucking do a fucking eight ball in front of me. You follow me? That's just me.

So I found out things like that. I mean, I heard stories about undercover cops taking rides with people to Miami to buy fucking cocaine and coming back. I heard about stories about people, how they would go to a hotel room and leave Coke in the hotel room to sell and go to eat breakfast.

And they come back, the cops were waiting from because the maids would ratchet out. You know, it's just I learned so many different precautions. I learned, you know, just you learn so many fucking things and so many different convicts and how they got caught. So it makes you a better. So when I came out, I was still a motherfucker, $300 a day fucking criminal.

My goal was to go out and rob every fucking day, whether it was shoplift or bump into a truck or rob a fucking house. But I did everything under the radar. I did everything under the radar. When I got out, My wife had to draw up The fucking

A background report last week For the student loan people Yeah I got a student loan drawn at me From 2000, 1990 Something like that a student loan So my wife had a police report To prove them

I had felonies at the time And the student loan Let me tell you how fucked up I was guys You want me to tell you how fucked up I was Just so you people are at home going I can't get my life together I get out of fucking county jail after doing a month

for kidnapping, aggravated robbery, I get out on bail. I post a $50,000 cash fucking bail. My in-laws posted for me. I get out. I can't get a job selling cars. My name was in the papers.

My head was somebody up. And where else? So I got a job working at hurts. Until I found that job, I shoplifted. And what I would do every day in Boulder, there was these stores on the hill by the college that buys.

CDs. Every college has them. Buy and sell CDs. I would go to Sears, Robuck, and walk out of there. I was on bail. $50,000 cash bail. I just spent a month in county fucking jail, and I'm robbing fucking CDs. Every day to make a living. That Bruce Springsteen one, the collection, the seven CDs, whatever, I would take that shit, walk it up to the fucking hill. They'd give me $150, and that's how I lived. I bought a bag of weed, some blow, some food for the house. I picked my fucking, whatever I fucking did at that time. You know, whatever the fuck I would do. I didn't stop. So one day I get busted for the fucking, all right, I walk into Sears, I put the CDs

together, I get like a shirt, I wrap them around the shirt, I walk out of fucking the Sears. It's the backside of the mall, so nobody can say I'm walking to a car I borrow from somewhere, and I hear, hey, you, stop. And I turn around, it's a black guy running and a little skinny Mexican guy and a scooter. Like one of those shopping carts. Yeah. And I fucking start running.

I start running. running like a motherfucker. They're chasing me. They're in a hot pursuit. I'm a little thin. I'm out of county jail. I'm running. I'm in shape.

I'm fucking sprinting down. But they're a hot pursuit. They're young kids. And I'm throwing the CDs out. I like to throw them off. And they're spinning and hitting them in their head and shit. So I finally fucking, they get me. The cops come.

They arrest me. I gave my friend's name in Jersey. I never told you this? I think you still told them on the last podcast a little bit. They started it. They took me to fucking jail. Yeah. They took me to county jail.

I told them I didn't have an ID. Yeah. So they said, well, you got to call somebody to come in here and get you. I called a friend of mine. I go, hey, yo, this is da-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. I gave him the name. Come on down here. Like, who?

It's Joe Diaz. I go, no, no, no, no. It's this and this and this. Come down here, tell him you know such and such and such. Lisa yet and get me out of here. And the person's like, what? Trust me, just come down to the county jail. Yeah.

An hour later, somebody's like, somebody's here for you. They're going to say that you're Lysayat and they got me out. Let me tell how demented I was. I got a letter because I gave my address. This is how fucking retard that I am. Some way or another, I found that I had to go to court for the shoplifting. They called it theft, theft under 200 or something like that. I knew it was a misdemeanor.

So I gave him a fake fucking name. I gave him a friend of mine from Jersey's name. There's some good motherfucking reefer today. Or the edible's kicking in already. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. Coxuck. It's Monday Madnessy on the church.

I get out of fucking jail. They send me in the county jail. They send me a letter. I got to go to court for theft to answer. I go down there under the name of whatever. Plead. They give me six months probation. And 60 days community service will have to go.

I pick the AIDS house where the people have AIDS. I go paint every day. I go get them lunch. Nice people. This is how crazy I was. Now your friend is a criminal record because of you. About two years later, three, four years later, I go to Jersey. I meet him.

My friend says, look, somebody got arrested and used my fucking name in Colorado. Can you believe that? He knew it was me. He just... Oh, would have killed you? Because they send your fingerprints to Washington, D.C., and that's when they come back

and go, this ain't Lisa. That's fucking crazy. So I had to learn my lesson, Lee. That's what you're saying. The cocaine, man. Do you regret doing it? It had become such a part of my life. Well, after the kidnapping,

I didn't really let it become my life anymore. Like, from fucking... 83 to 87 until I kidnapped that kid I didn't stop You ever remember when you ate the edible? Yeah Bermibas in the ice house last time

The next day when I called you You told me you were still high That night you were still high And if you tell some people that you're like You're fucking crazy Well let me tell you something You do cocaine five nights a week You never come down

You come down off the high But you don't come down off that shit That exploitation of your dopamine and all your fucking levels of your body. So your body and your mind are thinking somewhere. Your thinking becomes different because all you're thinking about is that drug. For some people, toxicotin, for some people,

for some people, for me it was cocaine. And no matter what, it's always in your mind. You can't commit. I look at my baby now. I look at Mercy. And I play with it. And I love and I throw up in the end. I'm having a great time.

And I think of my first child, Jackie, how I remember throwing her up in the end and all that stuff. But I wasn't having the same time. The same great time. It wasn't getting to my bones. You know why? Because I had an addiction. And when you have an addiction to something,

you can't give 100% to something because this shit goes into your fucking soul. And I didn't know that until the age of 50. Now when I saw Mercy, the differences, you know? I would have been a different person at that part in my life. Maybe if I wouldn't have been on Coke, I would have never left Boulder in 95 to try to be a comedian. You know, there was so many different.

So I don't know what the Coke did to me and what it didn't do. But if a little fucking edible stays in your system for 24 hours, I can't imagine what cocaine does when you're doing it four or five nights a week. It's got to be all you think about. It was up in my stage act. It was in everything, man. And that's the bottom line with that shit.

It just gets into you. And until you get it out or until you defeat the beast that's making you snort that shit or drink that shit or inject that shit, your life will be fucking the same, man. And I'm sorry I did it. I really don't give a fuck if he calls or not. I'm just happy I got this shit off my chest today. Thank you for beating it out of me. Let's put some Tony fucking Benet on and see what's cracking.

No more talking about this dead shit and kidnapping. That was a long time ago. We put it behind this. This is all that. Come to smoke some dope with y'all. Come here, cocksucker. It's Monday. I can't move right now.

You can move. I'm fine. To pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart. It's a beautiful fucking jam on a Monday. I only listen until that on Mondays. Somebody twice as smart as I. Really is. I can't believe my mom used to play this every day. Fucking amazing.

Like the bar. It's fucking beautiful, fucking jam. So it's all about people. The church of what's happening. Now I'm happy you're listening. I'm happy you're having a good time, but you gotta get up and get the fuck out there. People are waiting. Somebody's got your Guitus in their fucking pocket.

What happened to the music, cuck-suck? I'm just dropping some knowledge over TB. over TB. You know, TB? I know him personally. That loves company. What's the story, though? What's the next big Jewish holiday? Probably Hanukkah. Why are you turning off the music for? Nobody said turn off the music.

I asked you a question. I didn't say turn off the fucking. There you go. We're just talking. Okay. Hanukkah, probably. Hanukkah. What is that? You got a Hanukkah. Late November? Late November. I bought a Jew cookie. You at there, Gelsons.

Yeah? It was a blue star. Yeah, that's for that. Yeah, it's like, it changes because it's a different calendar. But I think it's like late November, early December this year. What? What? Let me give some shoutouts real quick.

Because I had a really good time in fucking Long Island. Some kid came up, Vamos, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Excuse me, they invited me to train on Saturday. I didn't have a ghee. And when I'm out on the road, I usually go to bed so fucking late on the East Coast. That I can't get up in the morning. That morning I got up like I ate, but I was back in my room by 9.30 sleep. I ate some oatmeal.

But I want to give Vamos, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu a shout-out. Rob and Laura who gave us a card, one for me and one for you. My man, Jim Davis, my man, Zachary Fish, my man Kevin and Harrison, whatever the fucking brothers. Stephen Quayle, get it together, cocksucker, Raul, Landlano, Tony LaQuasto, always putting it together. And Victor Salazar, what are you fucking nuts or what? And on top of that, you know why I'm getting fired up? Because I'm back on the alpha brain lately. Oh, shit.

I take breaks from it. I take 90 days because you get too fucking intense, but it's the holidays day season. I'm going to have to bit slap Santa. Grudge matches coming out. Fucking Brooklyn 9-9 on Tuesday. I'm on tomorrow night, so after Sun's anarchy, bang!

You got Brooklyn fucking 9-9, and that's how we roll it, motherfuckers. You know what I'm saying? Always here for you. Always here for you, motherfuckers. What else is going on, Lee? What else you do? Do you walk around this weekend?

No, it's with the girl. Did you do some fucking bridges? Did you kick your feet up on the wall and get the circulation going through the blood from your fucking little feet? Go into your heart, and you pump that new blood because that's very important you gotta repump that fucking bloodly

it just sits in your feet and gets fucking purple my feet are fine I think you're sure yeah no but I was thinking about it what were you thinking about I'll wait too how to say the sentence now but like halfway into doing the podcast

like when probably we moved here I talked a lot about feeling like I missed out on some stuff like partying and things like that and this weekend I realized I didn't this I uh but it's not it's because of me dating someone

now and the way it's going I didn't miss it like we Saturday night we went out and did something but Friday night we just watched a movie and had dinner That's what you're supposed to do I don't like

You play Mexican music Yeah Oh she didn't like she doesn't like Mexican music So you fucking you don't care what you What she liked she You put it on because you like it She got lingerie That was the first time that ever happened

Oh shit I liked that shit That was cool Oh shit But yeah it was awesome It was a And I always and like clubs or stuff like that.

So I, and like yesterday we went into the pier and got shrimp and with her mom. Like I've never hung out with a girlfriend's mom before. And it's just really cool. And I don't think I missed out on it now. I think I miss, I was missing out on that. And I just, everyone else likes going to club. So I felt like I was missing out.

You go to clubs? When you go to a club, do you sit there and ask yourself, what the fuck am I doing here? Yeah. Okay, guess what? Me too. Yeah. since day one.

Since I was fucking 17, 16. I like concerts. I really like going to concerts. I like the whole experience of, you know, the camaraderie, your friends, and drinking, and smoking some pot and seeing some people. Then that, I outgrew that a little bit. I like going to smaller venues.

I didn't want to go to big things and be rubbing up against people and bumping up against people. But the bar scene, I grew up in a bar scene. And in my mother's bar, and then later on in high school, you know, I didn't have a house. in high school, after high school.

I didn't have a place to go. That was mine. You know, you guys went home at 3.30, and you watch your TV. I had to go to somebody's house. Think of your mother coming home and me being in the living room watching with the feet up. So I knew that wasn't appropriate, so I would stay out of people's way. So I would stay at this bar Joan Marys. They had sandwiches and we shoot pool and we drink beer.

And I wanted it to be one of those guys. I wanted to be one of those guys on Cheers, but just never panned out for me. You know, and then when I got to Colorado, those bars are different. become like a community of fucking drunks. You know, a lot of those bars are just people who, like us, you know, instead of being stoners with drunks, and they do everything together, they go see

Jimmy Buffett, and they go to events together and shit like that. I like that, but I didn't, you know? But the club thing, I always felt out of line. Well, listen, I wasn't a good-looking guy like that, and I wasn't, I could dance and shit like that, but I wasn't into the fake scene.

I'm not going to give you two kisses internationally. You know, and I remember going to Studio 54 and being more happy just to be there. Like I was proud of myself for being there. But at the end of the day, what did it do for me? Like, it doesn't, like, nobody sees why I went there. It's not like I went there and got my dicks up. And, you know, I snorted coke in the bathroom.

Whoopee, I could snort coke in my own fucking bathroom. You know, that's what I did. Yeah. Did I pick up chicks there? I get lucky. No, I'm not going to lie. I didn't tell you. I went to those places, no.

And that's why I never thought they were for me. But it's so funny how my whole neighborhood was small-minded that way. Yeah. When I went home with my wife, my wife was like, I always had to get out of here because I always felt like the community was a little small-minded. All fucking communities are small-fucking minded. No matter how big of a city you live in, how metropolitan. Look at my friends. 70% of them did the extraordinary.

They went to college, went back, got a job in the city, and they live in my fucking city, and they still hang out with each other. And they go to, you know, when Stevea Villa's band performs, they go to the thing. Was that for me? No. You know? We went to a show Saturday night We went to get dinner And the only place open with Applebee's

And it was like It was in Pomona So it's kind of small towny And there were people hanging out Like guys who went in by themselves Just to Applebee's and were there at midnight To pick up chicks All laughing with the Applebee's bartender

I was like If this was the best part of my week That'd be a bad fucking week So one man's chicken It's another man's gumbo But it's the Applebee's Hey dog You know when you go to fucking

A small town to do comedy You see things that you sit there and go Holy shit. But listen, let me tell you how small mind that I was. I remember me, Veneery, Glenn Conti, and somebody else getting in the car, Z-28 with T-Tops, and driving from New Jersey overnight

all the way to fucking Daytona Beach. Did I ever tell the story? I think you had him calling. And you were there for like 20 minutes? We were there for 20 fucking minutes, went to the room, packed, got back in the car, and went right back to the bar. We didn't just go home where we hung out.

We didn't take showers. We didn't go see our. girlfriends we went right back to joan marries because we were sick without joan marries sick we lived across we lived eight minutes across from the the one of the biggest cities in the fucking world new york city 24 hours and there was nights we go to fucking joan marries stay there till three eat a quailu do blow and that was the biggest thing in our world and then from there we go to ernie's and wake him up and he'd get off the fucking pool table and come and fucking talk to us and shit like that That was the biggest thing.

That's small-minded mentality. Yeah. But then there were people that since high school, never even had a drink at our bar. They went to the city every fucking night and did pills and hung out with artists. And, you know, went to eat at this fucking, went to this great gallery in Soho or Noho,

whatever the fuck they call it. You know, that's not for me. And I don't put people down for that. Bless you. That's Huey. Excuse me, cocksuckers. Oh, shuck. I got to give a blast.

There's an allergy in the room or something. So, we do it. Oh, my God, I like it. People hear me doing this, they must be saying, this motherfucker's doing a blast of fucking yay. I ain't doing no fucking yay, all right? I'm just having a good fucking time. So what?

No, I wanted to talk to you about time. You say something, and I didn't really understand it until this weekend. You say that you finally made your wife happy and stuff with the kid. And I was... But now I make her unhappy when she sees me. You know what I'm saying? I make her happy with the baby once she sees me. that happiness goes pissed off.

But I realized something that it feels great when you do something for, like, to make someone else happy. Like, we went to a concert that she wanted, I had never heard of them or anything. And I realized while I was there, like, looking at her being so happy.

And, like, there were people there. And, like, they were pissed off. They were having a good time, but, like, the person with was happy. But, like, I made a conscious effort to be happy and, like, not look at my phone when her band was on. and like it seems like before you weren't, you didn't have a negative attitude,

but you weren't like as excited for the kid, but now that you have and you are excited and she sees it, like it's, it was so good for me and don't do it because of like your own personal gains, but it's so good for you to do something for someone else. I don't know, I was just saying the thinking about you saying that your wife is like really happy now. Man, listen, when I was a kid and I had nothing,

I'd be, whatever, be in a hotel room and I'd wake up. And I always have to be. I had loops to call. You know, and I call Louvre, and I go, loops, I'm in this hotel room. Can you bring me 30 bucks, man? And he'd go, yeah, yeah, give me 35 minutes. And he would show up, and he'd bring me 35 bucks. He'd bring me a joint.

He'd bring me a chicken cupboard sandwich. He'd bring me whatever he had in this house that he was going to throw out of the refrigerator. To him, he thought of me. And you know what? No matter how bad my fucking life was going at that time. Not having a mom, not having the things. I wanted to, you know, being a fucking loser. I mean, all these things got brightened when lubs would bring me a chicken sandwich.

Because it's like Georgie. Fucking Georgie pisses me to fuck off every time I talk to him on the phone, you know. I love George. He's my fucking brother. I love George. George has a lot of faults like me and you, but one fault he doesn't have is going out of his way to make people feel good. He has the same fault my mom had. And that's why those people, they die broken harder

because at the end they die alone. But at least all your life, you tried really hard to make somebody's fucking day. You know, there's people that bring your food home at night. There's people that don't come home to the fucking house without fried chicken. Think about it, Lee, if you were sitting there every night at two in the morning, you got your fucking wheat bread, peanut butter, and jelly.

Okay, it works for about four nights. After four nights, you're like, how many fucking pieces of wheat bread am I going to eat before I fucking die, correct? Yeah. What if I was your roommate? And every night, I stopped somewhere and got a fucking steak for you, up with a newspaper, you know, who brings you to a late edition of daily news? You know what I'm saying? That's what George used to do. And I never thought of it, and it'd annoy me sometimes when he'd wake me up. You know who else did that? My mother. My mother would wake you up at 3 in the morning with a lobster tail from the best fucking place

in the city. And I remember putting my shoes down and going, what the fuck you wake me up for? I have school the next day. Motherfucker. Somebody just brought you a fucking lobster tail from belly fucking hungs in the city, a lobster egg roll for $36 fucking dollars and you're crying? Well, someday nobody's going to bring them to you, and that's what happened to me. That shit stopped when I was 15. Nobody ever brought me nothing at night again. You know who brought me shit when I lived in 1994?

George. And that's why George is still around. Yeah. Because he touched me. You know what, man? There's nothing like making somebody's day. And it doesn't require money. It doesn't require money.

That's why you're all fucking full of shit. You don't need fucking roses. You don't need fucking nothing. You don't have to send nobody. You don't have to stop them, buy them a box of chocolate. Just a small acknowledgement of what they're going through in their day. Just a fucking, you look fucking sensational today. I got on the plane the other day, and there was a black woman that would be about 50,

and she was dressed to the nines, and she had a big ass, or who gives her fuck? It's not like I was looking at her sexually. But I know that morning that she got up, and let's say she was supposed to be at the airport at six with me. She got up at 4 o'clock. And unlike me who was in fucking main cabin select, I'm virgin, you know, and with a white t-shirt on, with a hole in it like a fucking pig that I am. And I was showered and I washed my ass and I washed my balls, but I also could fly with a suit on to represent the church and whatever, but I don't. Because I don't want people to think I'm a fucking insurance sales and the church were regular motherfuckers, okay?

But this black woman, I took one look at her and maybe she wasn't fucking, you know, a model or something like that. But I knew that she put the effort into looking fucking beautiful. And sometimes with women especially, you don't have to fucking buy them flowers or tell them some bullshit or some chocolate. Just look them straight in the eye and tell them, let me tell you something, you look fucking sensational today.

And they'll look at you, and they know the motherfuckers that are hitting on them, and they know the motherfuckers that are saying it like me, that I love the fucking shoes you got on. You understand me? Them shoes on fire! If I was to fuck you, I would fuck you with those shoes on.

You don't say that. But in the back of your mind, you're thinking that, and you're saying that, and that comes out in your voice. You know what you did for that fucking woman? Yeah. You showed her that, we're not all fucking savages and fucking pigs. You know, you don't know how my mother taught me that. She'd say, you take a fucking woman,

and you tell her how beautiful she fucking looks. If you see a woman, and she's fucking beautiful, you tell them how fucking hot they look. My mother used to tell me that. My mother would see a hot woman and go, tell her how bad for the bone that bitch is. And I have to walk up in four, I would be like five. I have to walk up until, like a meet, like a half a fag. me and my mommy said you look

praising and then my mom would come back and go no, deal dele what I said. Dile what I did you said. Tell her that you said she looks fucking good, cocksucker. And that makes a woman's fucking day. You don't have to be no liar. And tell a woman, once she

becomes your gumba, once she understands you, let's say a woman's married. And let's say you're married and you don't want to fuck them. She's just your gumba. She's your partner. Because sometimes you can't fuck every woman in the world, but you could make them your fucking what's that word? Like we made the Germans,

alias with his? Allies. You can make them your allies and then nobody can stop you because there's nobody strong than a man or woman when they're friends, okay? So here's the fucking deal.

You make a woman your ally unless someday that a woman gets up in the morning, she got the kids, her husband yells at her, you know, she gets in the car, she got a ticket.

She comes in to work and you look at her and go, let me tell you something. You look fucking tremendous today. If I had a knife and a fork, I would eat your asshole. Even though, That's a terrible thing to say to a woman.

She's going to go back to the desk and say, you know what? It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. How do you like that, cuck, sucker? Because you went out of your way. If I had a knife and a fork and eat your asshole. That's right. What the fuck are you going to do?

What the fuck are you going to do? You know what I'm saying? That's the truth. Ruth, making some... And it's really weird when you see them smiling and you know. It's really weird when you see them smiling and you say to yourself, wow, I did something funny.

fucking good today and even if they don't fuck you even if they don't suck your dick you feel like a fucking man don't you no feels great you feel like a fucking savage what's it matter you're high yeah it's Monday morning who's better than you no one you're high it's a sunny fucking day oh yeah you got food in your refrigerator you got peanut butter and jelly hopefully this kid's gonna call hopefully he won't call but at least I made the fucking effort to apologize I'm looking normal guy what are you gonna do you know guys I made the fucking effort to be a man and apologize on the air and to get his story and for him to call me names on the I wanted that today.

I wanted you guys to hear what I did. I wanted you guys to really know about who I am, who the fuck you're dealing with, and the mistake that I made. So when you guys make a fucking mistake, you don't beat yourself up. I didn't beat myself up over this mistake either at first, because I didn't think I had done anything bad. I didn't want to claim responsibilities on my mind. I hadn't done anything bad, and it took me a while.

So that's why I wanted him to call for that. I wanted to call to embarrass him and not like that. I was an apologize from the bottom of my heart and tell him that, you know, I didn't know what to expect. I'm just happy that he's alive today and he's still not getting... Because he got in trouble after that, too. Oh, he didn't?

He got in trouble with some people after that shortly after that. So I just wanted him to know that, you know, I fucked up. And the bigger the man, the big of the fucking mistake. Sometimes you have to apologize to people. He probably knows. No, no, I don't think he grasped it. that how bad I felt over the years about doing something like that, tying somebody up, because I knew it's bad karma.

I never wanted it to happen to friends of mine, and my intentions were not bad at all that day. My intentions were stupid. My intentions were done for cocaine. I mean, what was I going to do with the Coke? I was really going to plan, taking it on a plane and taking it to Jersey. I would have got arrested at some point of that scam.

Yeah. I would have got arrested in Jersey. Somewhere along the line I was going to pay my due that fucking. week so whatever was meant to be was meant to fucking be Lee Lee Leeland what's on the agenda Lee let me tell you something like I was saying I'm back on the fucking alpha brain take your fucking alpha brain take your hem force bars the protein potter I've been mixing the chocolate hemp force with the aggluketon the powder I bought on the side to help my recovery for muscles and all that shit and I tell you what I feel fucking

great without that testosterone go on fucking on it they're on my joey dears.net go through their web page there's got to be something on there you're like, listen, go look at their kettlebells. They make some sensational stuff. I had some great... Last weekend leave, you know, had the best workout week in my life. I went to two jih Tzu classes

and two kettlebell classes, okay? That's the best I could do at 50 fucking years old. And Saturday and Sunday in North Carolina, I did 45 minutes on the epileptical. So I basically only took one fucking day off. Monday and Wednesday, I went to the kettlebell classes and the TRX.

And then Tuesday and Thursday, I went to fucking Jiu-Jitsu and Friday I flew to Long Island. Let me tell you something. It was a great week but I didn't stretch before I did the kettlebells and I could feel something. This fucking groin pull I got, I pulled it on stage. I didn't pull that jihitsu. I didn't pull that fucking the kettlebell classes

growing up fucking rushing swings or whatever the fuck. I pulled it on stage dancing during the first show. Oh, okay. Yeah, like I was giggling around on stage or something and I fucking pulled it and then outside after the first show when I was talking to people, I could fear flaring up. And I thought I had a fucking hernia. and the edible I ate made me more paranoid.

I thought I had a fucking hernia. I thought that because I have high blood red cells that they conglomerated and I got a fucking blood clot in my dick. I mean, I was thinking the worst fucking things. High blood red cells. I do have high blood cells. I do, dog.

I have too many of them. I got to go donate a pint of blood. What are you fucking giggling about, exactly? You think my blood cell count is something of humor? No, it's blood cell count. You just go saying high red count. I do. I got a high red blood cell count.

Whatever the fuck. What are you making fun of me for? Because you give me a fucking. We're fucking half an edible. And you'd like to see where it goes. This is where it goes. This is where it goes. Anyway, let me talk to your people about something from the heart here, all right?

You probably tried Hulu.com. You're probably sick and tired of hearing me talking about Hulu Plus. But let me tell you something. You can watch your favorite shows anytime, any fucking where. Jimmy Kimmel Live, Shark Tank, fucking scandal, lost the law and order. I mean, they're all on there, all right? And you can watch every fucking up. You could sit there and watch the whole fucking season instead of wasting time, all right?

Plus, you got fucking Hulu originals. You got behind the mask and the wrong fucking... What's his name? The wrong man's. Yeah, whatever the fuck's the name of the show. But there's something else that's an original on there that I fucking like. Like my wife watches on there. And it's tremendous.

Again, what are you busting my balls for? All right? For 799 a month, you can catch up on your caring shows, binge on your own fucking favorites, and you can watch a movie, you can stream it anywhere. On your phone, on your fucking tablet, on your computer. $7.99 a month, what I'm going to give you is two weeks for fucking free. You're going to go to my box,

Joey Deers.net right there on my fucking webpage and it'll be a fucking click. Click on to Hulu Plus. What are you going to call? Oh shit. What's happening, my brother? So long, dude. Nothing, brother. Waiting on you.

I'm so happy you fucking calls, Kent. I love you with all my heart. That's all I wanted to tell you. You know, I don't know how many fucking 100,000 of people listen to the show, Kent, and they've heard the story over the years. And I just wanted to call for you to tell you, how sorry I am and how bad I felt about that all these years, and I'm happy that you're still around and you're kicking ass.

That's it. It was 26 years ago, and I know it was a bad day for you. And it was all from addiction, Kent. That's it. And I talk about it. It was all an addiction thing. It wasn't because I was a bad person. It wasn't like I kept doing it.

I basically never got in fucking trouble again, Kent. So from the bottom of my heart, I'm just really sorry how I acted that day, and I'm sorry how things went down. Besides that, how are you, my friend? It's all good, man. You're forgiven. I love you, brother. And that's it.

What's been going on in your life since then? Talk to me about what the fuck has happened the last 26 years since I saw you. It's been kind of crazy, man. You know, I kept on with that addiction bullshit for a while, man. And I ended up going to prison a couple times, man. And it was just,

ugly man you know it came to a point where I was tired of getting what I was getting and had to change some things man I didn't want to wear orange the rest of my fucking life yeah it's uh somebody taking your freedom over that fucking powder is just uh ridiculous and you know Kent I didn't learn my lesson I just been clean for six and a this no this month is seven years oh my God it was seven years on Friday so it was seven years like I've been sober from cocaine, man. And, you know, it took me to the age of 44 or something like that, you know, and now I feel a lot better.

And, Kent, I got to be honest. I thought about you every fucking day, man. Every time I get on stage, I think about you. I was always, when I found you on Facebook, I was happy that you were alive. You know, I knew you had your problems. How long have you been clean for now? You know, I've been off of that shit for probably about eight years now. you know i uh you know i don't i don't drink uh much at all ever you know i just uh i partaking in the

blood you know i uh the uh the adibles and all the great things that are going on with that these days and uh you know i'm a little banged up so it is medicinal for me uh you know i don't have to eat handfuls of adville i could just uh You know, partaking a little medicine, and I'm good. And what kind of work are you doing now? You know, I'm a sustainability manager for a big manufacturer out here in Tucson. We sell windows and skylights and solar tubes all over the world, man, and I turn it into a zero-waste facility,

and I'm getting ready to put a bunch of solar on one of our big buildings, and just trying to set the bar for manufacturing as far as sustainability. Trying to do the right thing, man. We're trashing the planet and it's got a change. And just trying to do my part, man. I enjoyed it. I was in banking for 20 years, man. And then that whole banking thing three, four years ago.

Lost everything, lost over a million and a half dollars worth of real estate equity. I just got a really bad taste in my mouth. And so now I do something that I enjoy, man. You miss selling cars on 28th Street and Bold. Do you ever think of those days? Yeah. That was the call. Remember Peter Pinto and the Reverend Wayne Means?

Yeah, I talked to Wayne Means about five years ago. Like I said, he was still back in Gebhardt, maybe even four or three years ago. The guy that the other day had made me laugh because I was talking to him on the phone, I called you Valuch. You know who used to call you Valuch? Who? Carlos Valverdi. Remember the guy that went to jail for bank robbery?

He had like nine kids. He was an Italian from Boston. He was from Boston. And at lunchtime, he would rob banks while he was selling cars. Him, Normulette. Remember Normulette and all those fucking savages? Yeah, those guys were savages, man. They were fucking savages, man.

We were kids compared to them, Vela. We were kids. Yeah. And we were selling, that was a fucking heavy-duty dealership. I mean, you had to be a good salesman to work at the Subaru store in those days. Wayne Means, the little guy, his son, fucking Jim Wheeler, who I kept in touch with for years after that. It was really a fucking experience.

I'll tell you what, man, half the shit I learned from those years I applied today in my regular life. Yeah. So it's amazing. This stuff you talk about, stability, and that you're doing now, this management position, and you got, this probably started with what you learned on the line, man. Yeah, man. I learned a lot selling cars, man.

It was a trip, dude. It was a fucking trip, man. Oh, my God. I still remember you saying to me, drive me to the liquor store. We would go to the liquor store at lunchtime or something, while we were selling cars, and we'd get, like, a bottle of something.

I remember that's a... Yeah. Lunchtime. We could borrow vodka and a fucking fruit lunch and spike the fruit punch and yeah, drink all day and do lines at the fucking car dealership. It was fucking so much fun.

I remember we used to take the Coke Bindles and empty him and put him on the floor by Wayne Means and he would find him and he would go nuts. He would pick him up. He would go nuts. And then we would get cotton balls and put vinegar on him and put him around his desk and he would come and go,

somebody's playing with vinegar again. He would get in his car and go home. He hated the smell of fucking vinegar. And Peter Pinto, that fucking thief. Oh, my God. Those guys were fucking thieves. They were robbing our fucking Subaru money. You know who did good after that, Kevalla,

who still made millions? Rick Visser. Rick Visser, the principal. Rick Visser was a high school principal who quit to sell cars, and he became a fucking millionaire from selling cars, dog. He had this velvet hammer in John Carabazzis.

I saw John years later in Arizona. at a restaurant one night. It's a small fucking world. DeLucci, I'm happy you call today, brother. It means the world to me. I wanted you to do this for a long time to just straighten out the air and let everybody know how I felt

it wasn't a proud day for me. You know, somehow another worth it so far. I'm glad you're still alive. I'm glad you're straightened out your life. You got a beautiful baby, you know? Yeah, that's all we could do, man. And I had a baby in Boulder. You know, I had a daughter in Boulder

after I got out and I fucked that up, you know? with the wife. I fucked that whole thing up with the blow and the bullshit. So I got into comedy, and this is where it let me. Fucking Kent, so at the same breath... If I'm ever out in L.A., brother, I'll look you out.

Okay, and if I'm down there in Tucson, I'm going to look you up. I like to buy you lunch and talk and give you a hug and tell you I love you. Right, my man? You do there. I love you too. Big God, you take care of yourself. You take care. We'll be in touch. All right, brother. So what do you think of that, Lysayette? That's crazy. dirty fucking bitch. We did it. That is crazy.

We did it. We did it. I'm so fucking happy now, and I'm so happy that you people from the church heard this shit today live that I don't know. I'm overwhelmed. I feel like crying, but I can't. What did it feel like when he said like you're forgiven? Like he didn't even think about it and... No, he thought about it, dog. You had to think about it. You had to think about this because...

But if you're a human being, you live your life and you say, you know what this is not going to happen again and he said it we never learned we didn't learn he just been clean eight years i've been clean seven years nobody ever fucking learned that lesson you have to get it out of your system and i'm happy i fucking got it out my system i'm really happy and i know i got a lot of emails from young kids or doing drugs and whatever you know what man i'm not gonna fucking sit here and tell you to get off him because you're not 20 000 people told me to get off and i told him to oh i'll suck my dick fuck you old man that's what i am i'm a fucking old man but you know what in time I want you to quit on your own. Just one day when you've had your fill, when you

had that first mishap, I never want that day to happen because see, my mishap was a bad mishap that could have been worse. A bullet could have gone off. What if we were driving and I was high and I killed the old couple that was crossing the street? You know, when I drive here at night there's a bus stop and there's people always at that bus stop, I don't see him. And one night, about a month ago I was driving and I said to myself, what if I was coked up driving home now? and I ran over these people. Something bad was going to happen to wake me up. And something bad always happens to wake everybody up who does drugs.

The extent of it is what we can't control. Why go there? Why go there? It could be you falling down the stairs drunk and getting a couple stitches and having a black eye or somebody odin at your fucking house or you kidnapping a motherfucker. Anything can fucking happen. So, you know, I hope everybody learned something from this.

I'm never going to goof on this subject again on Twitter or not. And it's so funny because the people love it on Facebook. I got like 600 fucking likes. I can't believe that shit. When I put something, I have a great day, they tell me to go fuck myself. But you learn about fucking people.

And it's funny. I always wanted to add comedy to it because for me it was so fucking bad, but it's done. That's it. This is how you do it, people. You move on. 26 years later, I'm finally free from the Chekles.

I would really love to hear what, like, if in another year, I would really love to hear his point of view of it. Like not, not, not even just like the whole way the story went down, but just like knowing you're kidnapped me. Like, what he was thinking in the trunk? Like, that would have, that would blow my mind. Hey, brother, it blows my fucking mind. And then I pray for you guys and the people in my life that something like that never happens to them.

Because maybe I did it. Now it's got to be. But fuck it, bitches. Fuck all you, motherfuckers. So, you got your shoutouts. You got some fuck. fucking music. You got your fucking Honit. You got your Hulu Plus. One thing you didn't get, and I'm going to talk to you people about this from the heart, is Dollar Shave Club. I didn't bring

a Dollar Shave Club to the road this weekend. I have one in my bag and I have one in the shower. I leave here and I have one in my bag. But some reason, I took my medication out of the fucking bag and I left the razor. So when I flew out, I left it and I used a hotel razor. And now I see the fucking difference. Oh, you do? You follow me? So I got to tell you, people something. If you bought the razors that they gave me at the hotel that's what you usually get for that price. You go spend $6 on a bag

of fucking razors at CVS and see what you get. You get shit that takes your fucking hair lobes out and the first level of fucking skinner. You get some bad, they rip your skin out. Even if you put heavy duty protecting on your face, the shaving cream, it's still the knives, there's no aloe in it.

It's like knives made by Puerto Ricans. They're not contoured or nothing. I went home and I looked at the Dollar Shave Club. After I shaved and I saw the real value in the handle, the fucking craftsmanship, that thing, that thing falls. I drop that shit every day in my fucking shower, and it doesn't break, and usually the thing falls off, doesn't fucking fall off.

Listen, you get that same raise where I have at home for either a dollar a month, $6 a month, or $9 a month. All packages vary your fucking budget. Stop wasting your time with these simple fucking blay. I'm telling you, I'm not even reading the, I'm talking to people from the fucking heart here, because that's how I roll. I seen the comparison this week.

If you go to CVS, I'm not picking on CVS, If you go to a pharmacy and spend a dollar for fucking razors, see what you get. You get a fucking butter knife with plastic on it that could break or whatever. I'm giving you fucking one thing a month with four blades with two fucking strips on there. That's what you're going to get. But this is fucking heavy duty. It's real. Listen, all I'm telling you is go to joey deers.com.

Go look at my tour schedule. While you're there, boom. Go to Dollar Shave Club and Press. Church. In the fucking box. Get that deal. One dollar a month, $6 a month, or $9 a month. I could sit here and preach it to you and tell you that this weekend I found out how good of a razor it is, okay?

I found out how great of a fucking price it is for a dollar. So that's all I'm time. I'm not going to pick on you no more. I'm not going to say another fucking word about it. The fuck, Lee, you eat a half of goomy and you get like a half a fucking fag. See, I told people to stop with the Obamacare that died last week. That's it. Now we're on to typhoons and a tornado in Kansas.

Nobody gives a fuck about Obama care no more. They're walking around with no insurance. Just don't fall fucking bitches. Like I said, it's November 18th. What do we got? Maybe five weeks to fucking Christmas. You might be sitting there unemployed, scraking your balls,

thinking about what you can fucking do. There's a thousand things you can fucking do. Go get your license, go down to UPS, deliver packages over the fucking holidays. Go rob turkeys from people's backyards. I don't give a fuck. There's something you got to do.

I hope you learn something from today's fucking podcast. I don't know what it was. I don't know. I'm too fucking high. I didn't even think of what the fuck. What did you say? Oh, fucking somebody's been playing with vinner

and there again. They're fucking, like, you just didn't like the smell of vinegar? Wayne means what loses mind if he fucking smell vinegar. So that's called cracking somebody in the business where you take them out of the game psychologically. You love to play

games of people. Yes, we'll take cotton balls and put vinegar on them and spray him a little bit strategically. He'd walk and he'd be talking to you about today, brother. Everybody's going to be looking sharp, play your shoes are shine, you got... Anybody smell vinegar? I smell vinegar, you motherfucker and he look around, and after

he find the cotton ball, then he'd get in his car and go home, and he wouldn't come back, and then he'd call like a half a while later. Tell those motherfuckers to pick up the vinegar. The next day he come in, he hated cocaine. He hated people who did cocaine. He hated the whole thing. So he'd get a package and put like talcum powder in it and put it

close to his desk. And he'd be walking. Brother, how are you doing today? Because he was a real motivational guy. He was a biker. And then the fucking off-season, he would go down to Florida and bike. And then during the winter, he'd come up and sell cars. He cut his hair and shave his beard. It was amazing. He'd cover his tattoos and he

wouldn't do drugs. He was just one of these fucking outlaw. bikers that move guns and shit like that and he'd sell cars for six months his old lady he would have been bolder so he'd come up there he was a fucking man bro that guy got through to me at a young age i had no family no fucking parents and some car manager he got through it because he would like that's the guy who used to tell me brother it's all about the church of what's happening now today we don't give a fuck about what you did or what you're going to do or your future it's how you're going to make it how much you're going to make how many cars you're going to sell me people you're going to talk to you got to be prepared your teeth got to be clean you got

diotering on your ball's got to be washed your shoes got to be shined you gotta take it to the hoop today it's fucking Monday bitch he was one of those type of guys so I guess he hit Vela and he got to me too you know what I'm saying when I got busted he was very good to me never judged me I think he even sent me a couple hundred when I was in prison

Wayne Means dog you know what I've been blessed I've had some good fucking people around me and I hate using that word blessed I feel like one of the housewives from Belly hills that used that fucking word Lee how you doing on that Gumi Bear? Look at you you all fucked up already get it together This is why I want eating edibles every day.

I'm coming over here every day. You're gonna eat half of these goomies so you get it together. You gotta build your resistance. The holidays are coming. We're going to some heavy duty parties, you know what I'm saying? You gotta be swinging with some people,

smoking some dope. Plus they're doing a movie theater thing on the 25th. We're gonna all see Grudge Mets. Did you see they play it during the UFC? Yeah. Motherfuckers are going crazy on Twitter. Mad Flavor, was that?

You know, it's my fucking lookalike sister. Yeah, it's me, you dumb motherfuckers. Dropping knowledge on De Niro. Your boobs, bitch. Now big pussy's gonna get people be like, Are you think I'm from Grudgematch? That good. That's a good point.

Now, he's going to be... People are going to be faintly. Congratulations. Is that you and Grasman? That's not fucking me. That's the guy that looks like me. Fuck you, bitch. Now you know what I felt like

for the last 10 fucking years, Cuck Sucker. What's up, Lee? What are you got planned? Nothing. I planned nothing for this because I knew what was happening. Wednesday night,

come back Thursday night. You're taking a girl with you? No, she was school. I'm literally just going... Where are you going to meet there? No one. You're going by yourself? like a fucking slox. Blackjack

play some... I love... I'm aware I'm gonna lose some money but I fucking... I need a day and a half I'm fucking... Try, I don't know. Well, you gotta get...

As long as your work is done then you can go wherever the fuck you want. But if you... Are you driving? Yeah, that's the biggest reason I want to go. Why do you want to go? I fucking... If I had another...

Honestly, if I didn't do this, I would love to be a truck driver. I drove back and four, three times here. from Boston. I love it. I love just listening to music. And especially when there's no traffic, you can just go like 80, 90 miles an hour. And especially, like, through Arizona

with like the Red Mountain, I fucking love driving. Are you fucking crazy? Are you fucking retarded? No, I'm serious. You want a life of hemorrhoids and shit like that? Well, I'm obviously... I can see you being a truck driver. You don't like those shit. Cargo in, put animals in the back of box of fucking burgers. Who's better than you? You would sit in that chair

so your heart would blow the fuck up, wouldn't you? No, well, I like the driving ass. You want to drive? No, oh yeah, it's a three-hour drive. So, why don't we drive across the country? Drive me to my shows. I would do it in a second. If we got like a Lincoln Town car, like a Prius,

and go across the country with Lee and Uncle Joey. I would love to see you. 50 states and 50 fucking days. I would absolutely. You would be a driver? I love driving, yeah. I don't want to hear no story. For the United States, I'm not allowed in Seattle.

If we're doing it, I'm putting up a partition. Because you always fucking, for whatever reason, like you're high energy everywhere, but in the car you get the you're telling us which lanes you're yelling at me

to know where I'm going so if I was driving I need a partition so I couldn't see or hear you because it's fucking I mean it's you get lost and stuff

look at this fucking little Jew giggling and shit you see why I can't give them nothing listen people you know how we do it here thank you very much

it's a fucking Monday 18 go rock the house I hope you had a great time listening to the podcast I have to thank Hulu Plus. I'd like to thank On it. I'd like to thank fucking Dollar Shave Club for being

great products. If not, we wouldn't fucking push them to you. I'd like to thank Cheebo Chu for always giving us love and the best fucking products available and most important. I want to thank you guys for listening to the podcast and give me a fucking chance to tell people to suck my dick and all that fun shit. What are we closing with? Do we even have a

closing? Yeah, we do. Which one? Megalomania. Oh shit. Put that on. I just want to get to a main part here. Put it on from the beginning. This is a tremendous black Sabbath song. I don't know how many times I sat down at night. Confused, 17, 16, with a hit of acid in me, and I'd sit there in the dark leap with earphones on.

And listen to this. Myself inside the shadow. Are you fucking kidding me? People can't do this today. 12 hours of this tripping your balls off on acid, listening to this shit. Are you kidding me or what? Yeah, it's kind of intense.

Hold on. Echo to the dreams of my soul. Now speed it up to the guitar really a little bit. How far? Go to admit it. Another 30 seconds. Watch this now. This is real eyes.

This is one of my all time favorite albums. It's all fucking sabotage. The side one is the thrill of it all. Fucking amazing. Then you switch at the side two hole in the sky. Symptom of the universe. And this fucking jam, Everybody leave me alone.

By that time you're looking around the wall, you're seeing spots, the cars that are passing by, the lights are going into your apartment, you're tripping your fucking balls off, you think somebody's going to kick the door down, your heart's fucking beating, and all of a sudden Ozzy Osmond takes it to the next fucking level. Crank this bitch up,

and you're sitting there waiting for this to come. To see, it's daylight. In your mind, you hear these pianos, it's the sun coming out and shit. And all of some Ozzy comes out with that fucking cowbell, and it's over! That's fucking Tony Iommi. Are you kidding me or what?

Guys missing fingertips and plays that guitar. Like it's the last fucking... I don't even know. Hit it! Oh shit. I'm 16. Tripping my fucking ball ballroom. I'm blotter ass and hold them onto my head

to stop the voices and shit. You understand me? Listen to this shit. It's like the trip inside a separate mind. The ghost from tomorrow from my favorite. a dream. It's telling me to leave it all behind. Are you fucking kidding me or what? Grab your fucking balls. It's fucking Monday, cocksuckers. They got your money and their fucking pocket. Get out there, kill somebody. I love you. Stay black, bitches. Thursday night,

old rock house, St. Louis. Next weekend, American Comedy Company, San Diego Lee's coming with his dad. Get your tickets now, motherfucker. That's how we do it on a Monday. I love you, cocksuckers. Lee, give him a kiss. Fat Man alert. Get your shit. Get your shit. together. End with this shit, Lee. Shit man, listen to this motherfucker. You fucking nuts or what? How is that, Lee? Now that the show is over, don't forget to sign up for your free trial of Hulu Plus.

Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of it shows anytime, anywhere, on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial for Hulu Plus when you go to Huluplus.com or just go to joey-d-d-net and click on the Hulu-plus banner. and don't forget to sign up for dollar shave club.com you'll get high quality razors sent to your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollar shaveclub.com forward slash church or just go to joeydea's.net and click on the dollar shave club.