The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 11/19/2012 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #30

Episode Date: November 20, 2012

Joey is back from a weekend in Arizona. Joey talks about his feelings on immigrants speaking English, the situation in Israel, and weight loss. Speaking of weight loss Mike Dolce of the Dolce Diet calls in. Check out his holiday recipe book and his website the dolediet.com. Also check out our sponsor Onnit.com, maker of Alpha Brain, new Mood and much much more. Use the code "Church" for a special discount.11/19/2012

I want to be around. Oh shit. It's that motherfucking day. It's Monday. It's a beautiful day to be alive. He's Tony Bennett. Drop it. He's dropping it.

He's dropping it. Kick that motherfucker. Here you go. Some, somebody. Twice as mom. Oh shit. The church of what's happening now, Joey Cocoa Dia is my main man.

Lee Syatt, aka the flying Jew, soon to be the Jew with a fucking eye patch. After that black chick gets a hold of you with that. fucking super turbo muffle she's got it's gonna be an eyepatch We're gonna put an eyepatch on you After the situation

You might lose like a fucking couple Eyebrows or something like that Hope everybody had a great weekend I hope everybody's getting ready for Thanksgiving It's fucking Monday Here's your chance to shine motherfucker He's another chance to quit smoking Another chance to fucking lose weight

Another chance to stop fucking smacking your wife Today's the day If you're fucking you know what I'm saying If you want to change your life run You got a second chance later The church of what's happening now? What's going on, Lee? Finally, I know Lee came in with a big fucking smile,

the England covered. Oh, they destroyed him. Let me tell you someone. I was talking to, was it you I was talking to last night about quarterbacks? No. How bad is this fucking guy from Dallas, or is it me? Is it fucking me, Lee?

I mean, I'm sick and tired of trying to be positive and also I got to say something negative about somebody here. He's good enough at some point. At some point? But whenever the game's on the line, oh, God. A couple years ago, there was a playoff game where he fumbled and then he was also doing the field goal.

he was holding the ball, and he, like, fumbled that too. So, yeah, they're going to have to, at the end of this year, that coach is going to be gone, and they're going to have to get to go to the quarterback. And what's going on in Philly? They're just terrible. They're just terrible. They're just terrible. They're just terrible.

They're just terrible. They better bring dogs in. Whatever's fucking something. I mean, they're fucking, I mean, you look at these teams. When I was growing up, these teams were something. They were traditions, you know, Minnesota, fucking Dallas, the guy Landry with the hat on. That was tradition.

These teams just fucking suck. When I talked to, I put them on against Cleveland. and yes, I couldn't even watch him. I couldn't even believe that was Dallas. Besides that fucking running back, 45, that's... I think it's Felix Jones, maybe? Felix Jones. They have a running back that is just on another level.

He does not belong on that fucking team. He's so fucking good. He's tall. I'm not good with names, people. I'm sorry, it's fucking Monday. Plus, I've been hitting this. The Ben since 531. You know what I'm saying?

Not 532, 531. You know, I tried to watch Philly the other day. They fucking horrible yesterday. You know, the only team might go watch, and I see the whole Baltimore is not bad to watch. I was going to say that. Pittsburgh is good to watch. It's fucking amazing.

Amazing. You know, I like, I don't, bro, listen, people are going to win and lose. That's just, but when you just look constantly fucking bad, like every time I see,

what's the Momo? Hobo, Romo. Every time I see fucking Romo, it's so close to Momo. This guy is supposed to be, listen, bro, Dallas Cowboys,

you know, I grew up on, they had three fucking Roger Starback and Danny White. Every quarterback they had, was great when I was fucking growing up. Hougab boom, he's putting a boom on hookab boom, you know what I'm saying?

I mean, these are all quarterbacks that, you know, this is the Dallas organization. Then I see this kiddies like this fucking half a pansy. It's the owner, because the owner came out. Jerry Jones, right? Yeah, people were saying that, because he's the owner and general manager, and people are saying that's too much power, and they haven't won anything.

It's like Al Davis of the Raiders who passed away a couple years ago. They're saying he should give up. He's like, he went on the radio. He was like, that's never going to fucking happen. I'm never giving him. it up. So until he and he likes Romo. So. Oh, it's fucking terrible. And then, as everybody knows,

I went O and two, I'm not, I won one and one. I split, but as everybody knows, you watch the UFC. I didn't watch it live. I was down in Arizona. I didn't get a chance to watch it live. I watched it yesterday. And I tell you what, Carlos Conduant has nothing to be ashamed about today. I mean, he fucking must feel fucked up. His head must

hurt like a motherfucker. But so does GSP. And so does GSP's eye. He had that ice pack on his fucking head. Yeah, I guess he'd seen walking off the... Yeah, looking like fucking Rich Franklin after Cung Lee. But, you know, I mean, it was a great fight. I love GSP and I love, but Carlos Condo that I've been following him. I've been following him since the WEC.

And like, I tell people all the time, you know, Chuck Ladell is a great champion. If I was in Denny's and three Puerto Ricans attack me, I wish Carlos Condo was with me. Because if I throw my hands up and I go for broke, I know Carlos is going for fucking broke. You know, I'm not saying I'm a tough guy, but I know I have somebody behind me.

Fucking Carlos Condu. You know, I applaud him. I applaud John Winkle John. I mean, I applaud all those guys in Albuquerque. In fact, I'm going to take a... We might go down to Albuquerque and fucking do a church of what's happening now right there, because that's my favorite camp of all time. I love Greg Jackson.

You know, it's funny every time I see Greg Jackson, I always ask him about Carlos for years. How's Carlos doing, bro? And he always... He knows. He knows. If you ask Greg Jackson, who's Carlos' his biggest fan, he'll tell you fucking Joey, motherfucking karate.

And it's just because you think he's scrappy and you respect him? Or why did you always... Just he has the heart of a... Bro, I got nothing. Listen, man. One thing about me is I got nothing but hard. I don't give a fuck. You got to shoot me with a fucking bazooka

if I got my side on something. You know, when I got locked up, I remember that the guy said to me, you know, my psychological exam, and I kept bugging him. And one day he said to me, if I had something you want, I know you get it.

You know, I'm fucking focused on something. We go for it, you know? But what are you talking about? Carl's condom. Carl's condom. I'm sorry, but anyway. But, you know, you just know. You know, I'm fan to listen.

I've seen Johnny Hendricks early on. I mean, I didn't see, like, the guys when they were in pride. I really wasn't into MMA then. But now I'm watching these guys come in, and I'm watching Develop, and I see what they're doing. And it's like anything else. When you see an open mic or next thing, you know, when I see fucking Nick Garrow or Jerry Rocher now,

there were young guys when I met them 10 years ago, and now they're full-fucking-fledged comics, you know? But Carlos Conduit, I just love. Something about Carlin. I love Anderson Silver. There's so many fighters I love. But Carlos has something, man. He just got something.

He's a skinny fuck. You don't give a fuck. You know, you've got to get down with that motherfucker. And he reminds you your kids I grew up with. There were kids I grew up with. They got to shoot him. You're going to shoot him if you get into a beef with this guy. So don't get into a beef with him.

Because he's not going to stop. If you beat him up, he's not going to stop. Yeah, I really honestly didn't like him after the Dia's fight. I thought he ran around. And I'm new to the sport. So I know that's, I know you're trying to win. but as a fan and you want to see something exciting

that was boring to me but seeing they call him the natural born killer right and those eyes he gave him after like he was down and his entire side of the face was like a horror movie

like after seeing him with the look he was giving GSP. He's a natural born killer no that was he's a natural and when he gets into the ring you see him with that fucking beard he looks like taxi driver

and he gets in there with that fucking Fidel Castro beard and stuff but I just respect people have a lot of heart I always have I don't give a fuck about you Mani and you got a heart

we're down Because I know if you're with me, it ain't going to stop. And then I'm not talking about fighting. I'm talking about anything else in the world. I'm talking about a business. Like, you got a lot of fucking heart. For a little fucking Jew, you got a lot of heart. They can send you over there right now.

I'm going to send you over there. I'm going to call Israel and say, look, I got fucking... Oh, Jesus. The funniest thing today. The funniest thing today, guys. Me and Leah are talking about languages. Listen, I'm a firm believer in the more languages, you know, the smarter you are. I don't know why.

I'm always impressed with that. You know, when you learn math, you don't learn math because you're going to do math, that you're going to be a mathematician the rest of your life. You learn math because you learn to be analytical, teaches you how to analyze numbers and put shit together. When you learn a language earlier,

like at certain age development, it's like, me, I learned English as a kid. So, fucking, anything you said went into the computer and I stuck it out. You're like a sponge when you're three, four, and five, you know? It's a difference of learning a language when you're three, four, and five,

and when you're 14 or when you eight, it comes into you a lot different. You absorb it a lot different. But I was 14, one day I had the smart idea my eighth grade year after I got left back in the sixth grade like a Momo I actually thought I was going to go to high school

and learn Latin like I actually was like man I'm telling you I could be ahead of these motherfuckers I could catch up I'll never get left back again if I learn Latin dog I went in there for about four days you understand me it's terrible it is a nightmare and then at the end of day you're like who am I trying to be Moses

I mean why don't fuck don't want to learn Latin for what So, you know, I went, I took Latin, and then I knew Spanish, and I knew that Italian was close to Spanish, so I just took Italian one and two. Mr. Palmazano, this guy had one eye and shit, and I had Dominic Spichiala. Why didn't you just take Spanish? Did they not let you? It just seems too easy. I spoke it at the house. It's my natural fucking language.

Why would I take? What am I fucking retarded? I'm going to learn. You want to learn in life a little bit. I would have thought you would have taken it and be like, I'm just going to get AIDS, and then I'm going to go to party. Because I know that, listen, I was never going to go to France. So why learn French, you fuck? I'm not going to Canada.

I knew I was going to be a felon, so I'm not going to go to Canada. You know, what am I going to learn? Portuguese, I didn't know. Italian, I was surrounded by fucking Guineas. So what the fuck? At least if I need help with homework, their parents would help me. Until today, if I have an audition, I need Italian words. I know a lot of it, but I'll call my friend Vita.

I grew up with her brother Dominique Specialia who's dead. I got this picture there, and I'll call her, and she'll tell me how to say that in Sicilian, and I'll say in Italian. like Northern Italian dialect, a Southern dialect. Oh, shit. And I passed. I got good grades.

I did get good grades taking that Italian. But anyway, I asked Lee. Lee, what language did you take? And he says, I took Latin or whatever. He goes, but I wasn't good in languages. He goes, you know what I was good at sign language. So we're going to get a deaf chick to fart in your face. You know what I'm saying?

Since you're good at sign language. She'll be like the fucking mayor's assistant. She'll do a bunch of shit. And then we'll blast. The mayor from New York, Bloomberg. I'm sorry. going to say, Tyson. Oh, no, because you said your mom didn't let you speak Spanish, right?

At the house, out the street. Okay. Which is very fucking rude. Now, I see it on a plane yesterday where these people get on a fucking plane. Now, again, I'm very sorry. I'm not racist. I'm racially insensitive, as you say. And somebody, I don't know whether they're Arabians, I don't know

whether they're fucking Palestinians. I don't know if they're Hebrews. They're on Southwest, and they were very nice people. But part of the conversation we're talking in this other language, That's fucking rude outside the house. I'm not saying you have to speak your... Stop speaking your native language around people, American people.

If you're in a fucking America, the least you could do if you're in a fucking American is when you're on the street, it's to speak their fucking language. Because when you speak your fucking language around this, it's fucking rude. I wouldn't speak fucking Spanish around two white guys, 10 white guys.

I never did that growing up. Ask my fucking friends. I would never do something like that, unless the guy couldn't speak Spanish and somebody's chasing them or something like that. But I always speak English. I don't like that. speaking Spanish outside the house.

If it's me and him alone, I'll speak Spanish them all day long. But if it's 20 fucking white people, you know, they feel alienated. People feel... It's like when you go to a stand-up show, and you're a white guy, and a black guy starts saying white people. You just alienated the fucking audience. Why do you do that in the room?

I never want to speak Spanish to be cute in front of Americans or black people. I never wanted to do that. That's just plain fucking rude. So if you're in this fucking country, and you weren't born here, and you're learning the fucking language. The least you can do when you're around the street is learn the fucking American. Speak fucking English. Speak the native fucking language here. Once you're in your

house, I don't give a fuck what you do. But when you're circled around a bunch of white people, you think you're fucking cute, speaking your Arabian language or your Portuguese, whatever fuck it is that you're fucking talking your palate. I don't know what the fuck they are anymore. Spanish. If I see Spanish people talking Spanish, I want to say something to them and say, hey, speak fucking English. This is America, motherfucker. You're in America. Huh? I'm shocked. I'm shocked. No, it's true. When you go get your unemployment check, when you go get your fucking well-checked, I know you speak in English. I know you fucking speak English. So the least you could do out of respect for yourself and for the fucking people around you

are to speak the fucking language. And I'm Spanish. I'm talking to you. Even my mother, this is how she felt. When I was a kid, North Bergen, I'll get somebody from North Bergen to call. It was a teacher called Mr. Fontana. And we want a bus on the way back, like in the sixth or fifth grade. I know a lot of people are going to get mad at me, but it's the truth. You're in fucking America. I think that's weakening this fucking America. I think that's weakening this fucking country is that people aren't acting like fucking Americans no more. That's how you have to, if you want to bring the country back,

act like a fucking American. Not, I went and voted. That don't mean you're a fucking American, you fucking momos. It means that you went and did your civic duty. I'm talking about being American. What's being fucking American is being helpful, being polite, being very you go to the Midwest.

Those are fucking Americans. They treat you, you get a flat, they help you. All I ask from people is just to treat other people with respect. There's a thousand, a couple weeks ago I told you I was at the fucking coffee shop and there was a circle of fucking whatever they are talking blah blah blah blah I don't give a fuck it has nothing to do with me I don't care I'm not prejudiced but and I looked at them kind of weird I go you know what I shouldn't be mad because 30 years ago those are Cuban people and white people said them to go and look at those

fucking spicks so I understand the situation I'm from another country myself my mother doesn't let me speak Spanish and I'll tell you one of the things that happened this Fontana guy was a little league coach and on the way back from a baseball game Two people were speaking Spanish on the bus. And he turned around and he said, hey, there's America, cocksucker. Speak English. And the two kids said, fuck you and kept talking Spanish. He pulled the bus over and he made him walk home 40 fucking miles.

That's something a teacher would get fired for today. And a lot of people backed that teacher. I went home and immediately told my mother that I wanted her to make a letter to take to school. I wanted to be part of the fucking regime, the anto-Castro regime. And my mother goes, I'll smack you in the fucking face. This is America. The least you could do is an American. to speak the motherfucking language.

That's the least you can fucking do. They open the gates to you, they processed you, to let you in. The least you could do. I don't want you to vote. I don't want you to go to the park and work with blind kids. I don't want none of that shit. The least you could do is learn the language and have respect for other Americans. When you're in your house, in your kitchen and you want

to ablo, whatever the fuck you want to ablo, you know, my daughter's going to be born. I don't know what's going to happen, whatever. But I've already spoken to my wife. And when we're in the house, I'm going to speak to the kid in Spanish. Even from day one. Because it's easier for her to learn it. Do I want her to go on and be fucking Ricky Ricardo and yell at people in Spanish and all that shit? Like, to my asshole self, no. But I know

that knowledge is power. And I know that every fucking language that you know just makes you stronger. You know what I'm saying? I mean, I'm thinking of learning Arabic right now, because they're going to take over. You got to learn all this shit. You know, I'm thinking to learn in Israeli. I'm thinking of going back and taking classes at college. That's what I'm thinking of doing for the new year. A couple classes. You know, how am I going to be a good parent? I got to show that. I do homework. You know what I'm saying? I read. I read. I do a bunch of shit. But take it from me, people.

If you're from another country, more power to you. You got the opportunity of your life to come to this great fucking country. I don't give a fuck what these people say about Obama and Romney. This is a great fucking country. You can wake up and do whatever

the fuck it is you want to do. You know what I'm saying? I do whatever. 25 years ago, I kidnapped Kent Vela. I paid my dues to fucking society. I'm a comedian. I'm not a fucking, I'm no cat Williams. But I got the chance to get a second chance.

How many countries can you do that? How many lifetimes? can you do that and you know people always ask me you hate michael vick listen i love animals i don't like what michael vick did i'm the type of guy that i can pull a gun and shoot michael vick for what he did to dogs but let me explain my other hand you guys gave me a second chance so how the fuck isn't a guy like me going to give michael vick a second chance i don't have to deal with him i don't have to hang out with him i have to fucking feed dogs i don't have to do nothing with him but you always have to how can i give somebody a second chance you guys gave me a fucking second chance a little music this morning

who's driving from fucking Miami right now. He did a fucking concert in Miami. He's driving up. This is ex-Alphonseo Veo. I love this guy. To be honest, I never really fucking met him before. I spoke to him on the phone. I met his sister. Hit it Lee!

Oh shit. Oh, shitly. Oh, shitly. Welcome to the revolution, bitch. Watch this video. It's looking about 1999. Hit it. I'm getting fucked up on this vapor on a Monday morning. Get up, cocksuckers.

Wash that monkey. Get out there and get what's coming to you, motherfuckers. Like Tony Montana. Who's at the lower the music? Hit that fucking thing. Oh shit. Ha ha ha ha. What's up, Lee Lee Leelita?

How you doing, buddy? All right? I'm doing great. You posted something the other day that I felt really bad. I woke up and you posted this thing about Israel, and I didn't want to bother the, you know, I know you're a flying Jew. You know, I know you're dedicated to your country, and that's why I like about you. You got the heart and balls.

What was going on with you that you were mad? I've never seen you angry. And I wasn't mad. So what's going on over there is Israel is on either side, there's Gaza and the West Bank, and Palestinians live there, and well, the West Bank doesn't really create that many problems, but Gaza's been sending rockets over for 12 years, just constantly. And I was there for six months, and I was in the place close to where they send it over. And normally, normally they send one or two over, but they've been sending, like, hundreds

over now, and Israel's doing air strikes, and everyone's all upset. The thing I said on Facebook was, I just said, I hope everyone in Israel is safe that I know. But whenever I post something like that, and it's like you say, some people try to go on and, like, and they would, they just take the Palestinian side or whoever's side you're against, just to be cute or whatever. So I said, don't say anything for Palestine. Like, if you disagree with me about Israel, that's fine. but I just, I don't want to hear it.

And it's just, my feeling on it is if, like, in San Diego, Mexico was sending rockets over and hitting San Diego, or if Canada was hitting Maine or Oregon or whatever's on the border there, America would take care of it.

But when Israel tries to protect itself, when people are sending rockets over at them, people get upset. So I just, I was there for six months, so I have a bunch of people who are in the army there, and I was worried about. But yeah, I just didn't want people to be like, oh, well, Palestinians,

Palestinians are brutalized, and people always try to take that. They're sending rockets over. And the thing is, they can leave there. They can go into Egypt and other countries, but they want to send rockets over and do bullshit like that. Because they leave, getting this Yamika all caught up in a fucking tangle. Oh, I fucking, I... It's time to get the bulletproof yarmikas. That's what we'll fucking...

I just talk to the Russians. Oh, it's going to be bad. It's going to be bad. Because there's Lebanon right there who hates Israel. There's Lebanon. There's Syria and all that. And then Turkey and then Egypt. And they're surrounded.

But they're fucking scrappy. They're like the Carlos Condit of countries, man. It's going to be interesting. Now, didn't Israel somebody fought the Romans? It was a war that lasted. It was like 800 fucking Israelis or something against... Oh, yeah. 2,000 Russians and they fucking last them for 8.

months or something? No, it was the Romans. It was a... Turn that on off. What, what do you mean? Oh, I just was hot from the air for a second there. Do it the air? No, no. Go ahead. Yeah, put it on for a minute there. Sorry guys for the audio, but it's all right. It's Mount Massada, and it's in the desert, and it's this big fortress, and the Romans were

taking, they were ruling Israel, and they weren't letting Jews worship. So they were taking, they were killing everybody, and the only Jews left in the country were on top of this huge mountain and they had a big fortress up there and they were living and the Romans were coming up and trying to get them but they had barricaded it and so the Romans were building a ramp up to the top of that mountain and they were just fighting them off it was like the last Jews and then the

all of them committed suicide at the end rather than be captured you fucking believe that shit that's a fucking Jews that's a great that's a great story who do you think you're dealing with here you don't think I know I just you know I'm a little fucked up right now I've been smoking I've been fucked up. I got hit in the head a couple times like Carlos Condo. But I knew something had happened. It's a great fucking story. You know, it's funny because when me and Ari went to Chicago, we land.

And we're having a good time. We're smoking the vapor pen. We get in a cab. And next thing you know, we're driving. And I start talking to the drive. He's got an accent. And Ari was in a good mood until the guy said he was Palestinian. Then the fucking mood changed in the car.

And I didn't say nothing to him, but I could feel it. Like I know Ari a long time. He's the sweetest guy in the world. it wasn't even him. It was his genes. Like the whole demeanor, the cab changed when the guy said he was Palestinian. It ended. It ended. It's like me. Ari's, he's not religious at all.

He spent time there, so he loves it there, but he's not religious. The thing is, when you're there, you hear stories about them throwing rocks and throwing bombs, and it's just, I came back, and you say you're not racist, you're racially insensitive. When I came back from spending six months that I was racist, and it's gone down a little bit. It's gone down a little bit since I've been home.

But fucking Palestinians who, I can imagine, Ari probably didn't dip him. Oh, Ari just froze. Ari just, I just hurt. I could just feel the demeanor. And it was like somebody, an elephant came in the fucking cab. It just changed. And I mentioned it to him days later. And he was like, well, you know, Ari, I don't know.

You were feeling something wrong. Fuck you, Ari. You hate Palestinians. Just fucking say it. I mean, I just, hey, I want to give some shout-outs to that, man. There's some fucking cool motherfuckers out there. My man, Monty Hawkins My man, John Bowen,

God Death, I love you, Johnny Mink, cock sucker, the average male, Marvin Revelation 6X. My man, Ben Benson is off the fucking pills, give him some love, and my man, Kevin Honeycutt, for you motherfuckers that don't know

were expecting a call from my man, Mike Doche. The other day, I'm sitting in mind in my own business, all right, and I'm shining by myself. I'm thinking about, the shining was on last night, the movie with Jack Nicholson and there's a part now.

I'm going to cover that movie because that's a very good movie to cover for these people, but not just today. And I was thinking to myself, fuck, Mike Dolce should put out like a holiday book about holiday things to eat, you know? And the next thing you know, I go on Twitter and there he is, a holiday book or some shit like that. So I called him up and he was on his way to Montreal with Johnny Hendricks,

and I asked him if he could call in on Monday and talk about it, you know, treats. Just, hey, listen, I know one thing. I know that, like, the last two years that I was a fucking fat fuck to the gills, because now I'm just a fat fuck. Then I was a fat fuck to the gills that I would gain 30 pounds over the holiday. Really? 30 pounds? Dog, you could fucking, listen, if you let yourself go over the holiday starting this week,

you'll pack them on. It's a nightmare. It's a nightmare, guys. And, you know, you guys are 24, 22, 21. It don't matter. But when you get a little older guys that are over 40, you'll gain 20 pounds over a holiday. Just fucking around. It starts this week.

Turkey, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie, you know. So that's why, and I'm the most scared. I get fucking petrified because, hey, man, it's the holidays. You know, that's what the holidays are about to see your family sit around. That's it. We start the next six weeks. We're on board here, brother. Mm-hmm.

We got to move for offices pretty soon. We're either going to move to the back, and we're going to move down the corner. Oh, shit. You know. But while we're at it, I'm about a shout out to my people here. Since Mike Dolce is calling, every week we're going to do, a hell fucking podcast. I just decided we're going to cover this for 15 minutes. You need it, I need it. Some of the people need help, whatever. I've gained a couple pounds lately, but that

doesn't mean. I mean, I got up yesterday at three. I only slept four hours the night before, and I went to the gym. By the way, I'm sorry to get off the track here. How about a, I had a great time in Arizona at the comedy spot. Oh, really? This is my third time there this year. I went there twice last year. On the way there, I went together. There's a steak sandwich place down the corner, and I went over there. Tremendous Philly cheese steak. I always go get one at least with some fucking sweet peppers. The guys are from Philly.

Oh, it was delicious. My asshole was on fire for three days. But the first night I went there and took one to go. I was starving because the hotel is in Scotts there and there's really nothing around there that's open at night. Like CVS. So I went to bed fucking starving. So I said, fuck that I'm getting a cheese steak for the middle of the night.

You start walking down. Fuck Mike Dolce. He ain't there. I got a cheese steak and I went over there. There was these three guys there, the Arizona crew. I want to get him a cheese steak. shout out and I went inside and did the show and then after what we hung on

a couple people broke weed Arizona is a great place and I'm going to tell you something that's listening. People who are listening all over the country if you're looking for a top notch piece of ass and you got this from Uncle Joey I'm not even on the hunt. I'd never been on the hunt like that but I know if I was a young man that was

on the hunt I'd be in Arizona you got some hot fucking women down there and the older ones are hot, the 30 year olds are hot just something about the sun and how they look and their skin. I mean, I bet that little monkey must smell fucking tremendous. Now, is that near the colleges?

Because I know the two colleges are really party schools down there. Tempe is ASU. Okay. And then the University of Arizona, I don't know where the fuck it is. Tucson. Okay. Tucson. And they're both great.

I've been to both fucking towns and lost my fucking mind. It's just a great place. I like that club. So anybody who came out to the Scottsdale Club this weekend, thank you very much. A bunch of hot chicks came out. Thank you very much. I wish I could tape a special.

special down there. I really wish it. You like it that much? Yeah, that little room, 100 people. I fucking love it. I love that atmosphere. You know, I'm thinking of shooting a special, but I'm not having more than 100 people in that fucking room. I don't want to do a theater and lie to the people and make people come to a theater. I don't want to do nothing. I like my standard to be very small and intimate. You know, I don't like those big fucking rooms no more. I'd rather not make that much money and do a smaller room and be intimate with the people at 100 fucking.

You know, I could do 10 of those fucking shows, you know, so I would just want to give a shot. out to my people in Scottsdale, Tempe, Phoenix for coming out, bringing Rifa, bringing love, taking pictures. I always have a great time. I'm really having a good time going on the road. Really am. Oh, yeah. And especially with the small rooms, I mean, I haven't dealt with it because I'm not a comic.

But for you, if there's only 100 people there, it's probably not going to be someone who's going to get mad at you, right? No, no. But it's just a smaller room, so it's easier to maneuver. It's easier to, you know, you see everybody. It's like you're doing comedy at your uncle's house at Thanksgiving table. That's what it kind of feels like So that's why I really

I like that place down there And it wouldn't See it to me it would make me nervous Like in a smaller room If someone wasn't laughing It'd be more obvious They're not gonna, not everybody's gonna laugh Although that's good to you but

600 people come in the room 500 people 4 200 people gonna go What the fuck is this guy talking about Especially 200 people I don't listen for the podcast Or somebody's trying to bring them To turn them on to me You know something like that

I mean that Hey by the way before Mike Dolce called one of our main fucking sponsors this is our sponsor oh we're on for the next couple of fucking months is my man on it dot com you know what I've been doing their products for like three weeks now one product that I fucking dig is strong bone especially for being a fat fuck because you try to run and walk and your joints hurt and you can let Fidel and bring him bring Fidel over here he hasn't been Fidel come here papa come say hello come here papa

come here papa what's going on Fidel Xonette's on it My bellito, my bombito. Come here, Papa. Come here, baby. You know, I love my cats. A lot of my cats don't come in here when I do the podcast. Come here, Fidelito. Come here, Papa. Come say hello. That's my baby Fidelito. For you people watching at home, this is Fidelito. This is one of the best cats you ever have in your life, guys. He's a good man. He's a fucking linebacker. He's a soldier.

He's the king of the house. He's the first one I see when I come in. He's a fucking bear. But he likes a lot of love. and I give them a lot of love What's so? Fidelito. A lot of people get mad at me when I kiss my cats. Let me tell you some people. The only fucking knock

I got about these animals is that cat with a box. It smells like fucking worst than my asshole could ever smell. If you clean a cat with a box, it's amazing. But everything else about them, I mean, when I wake up in the morning, these guys are awake. And they give me love, there he is. There he's starting his chitter-chatter.

Fidel will fucking torment you death if you let them but you know what these animals listen guys if you're uh at the house you know whatever just get a dog get a cat get a dog go out to a shelter and get an animal for the holidays uh it'll change your whole life if you're fucking depressed these people that suffer from depression and banging their heads and they want to jump off a bridge go get an animal go get an animal man they calm you the fuck down people always want to know why i'm so happy in the morning and jumping up and down. It's these fucking animals, guys.

These animals, as soon as I get up, even if I don't want to do something with them, I have to. You know, my day is, but my animals, a third of my fucking day is coming home. It's funny how sometimes I know exactly what they want. I know exactly what they're thinking. You know, I worry about them.

When I'm on the road, I actually miss my fucking animals. I think about the dog down the block. You know, there's two ladies that walk the dog in the morning, like I walk the one dog for her. Nilly? You like Nellie. Yeah. That's that, too.

You know, these are my fucking animals. Guys, you want to bring some joy in your fucking life, adopt an animal, man. Go to a shelter, a kitten, a cat. I don't give a fuck. A bird, an alligator. I mean, you know, I'm thinking to get a leopard myself. After that leopard fucking kill 15 people in Nepal, I'm thinking like fucking getting a leopard myself,

because at this point, why not? We were talking about Omnit. Do me a favor, guys. The strong bone is fucking tremendous. Okay? It's glucamine and lipopine and all these fucking chemical elements I don't know. But it's the stuff that you take to, like whenever my knee was hurting years ago,

I was taking it just to see if it was just joint pain. And I started walking that circle again. I've been running on the treadmill doing the Doche thing because Doce's got a great workout for running the two-minute walk and a 30-second run, two minutes on, two minutes on fucking four or something like that, and then 30 seconds on six, and you go back and you do it for 20, 25 minutes, It's a great workout, but my joints were hurting. I'm 300 fucking pounds.

Go get that strong bone from Onix. Onit.com. The other thing I like is this hemp protein. This hemp protein is tremendous. The flavor on it, 16 grams of protein. You got a high fiber in it, so you can replace a meal with this. They tell you not to replace a meal with this.

I've been doing it lately. Have I lost some weight? Men's and men. And I'll tell you what other product I like. I mean, the alpha brain is great, but this fucking new mood. I got to give you a container. I want to try it.

Yeah. And I think I'll help you. sleep at night. It's got the shit triptophtophtopan. It's got the Valerian root in it. It's got so many fucking things. But the thing I like, you know, triptophan is what you eat on Thursday. You eat a piece of turkey. Next thing you know, you can't watch the Cowboys no more. Who the fuck is playing on Thursday?

You never even tell me. New England and the Jets, that's going to be a fucking great game. What the fuck of the Jets gonna do? Oh, we have trouble with them like we have trouble with Buffalo. But like you were saying about it, is, like you always leave stuff to the professionals, the people who know what they're doing. You might not know what

the chemicals are in there for, but you know when you take it, you feel better. Well, I'll tell you what, I've been taking a strong bone for like three weeks now. And I knew it would take a little while to get in my system and stuff. My joints don't hurt. My joints haven't been hurt. And I'm 300 pounds, guys. I can bullshit until you 296. I'm 300 pounds.

I walk around in North Hollywood Park. I can feel it the next day. I could feel it in my cartilage. And when I was reading up on the products, I read a chick that said she didn't have that much knee pain. That's why I really wanted to try. I think we're going to have to finish this later because we have Mike Dolce. All right. What's up, baby?

Hey, hey, what's up, brother? Mikey D in the fucking house. First off, congratulations on Johnny Hendricks. You must have given him some spinach and a kale shake for him. And when he threw that fucking punch, it was like Popeye in 52, brother. I love it. My God, I never thought I'd see Martin. I was talking to Rogan last night.

I go, never in my life would I ever think I'd see Martin Camp and go backwards like that. I never, never thought. I thought it would be a three-round. Those guys were going to beat each other up. And maybe in the second round of something, he would get him like that. I didn't know he was going to get him in the first round like that. Congratulations to you and your work, brother. Hey, Joey, I really do appreciate that.

Yeah, Johnny, he's an undiscovered talent in the division. For some reason, you know, a lot of us didn't really have Johnny on the radar, even after he knocked out John Fitch. Same exact combination, same exact punch. Beautiful. Then he went out there to beat Kotzcheck. And he goes out there and beats Kampman, who, you know, has wins over Alviz, wins over.

Ellenberger very recently. So, you know, and the Allenberger, or not Ellenberger, Hendrix, I mean, he's the number one guy. You know, hopefully he gets that play. You get the shot at GSP. I think he's the guy to take out GSP. You know, it's so funny because I don't know if anybody noticed.

I was on stage Saturday night, so I got the results afterward, and I watched the fight yesterday, Mike. But I got home, and I went to thank people from Scottsdale for coming to the show, so I went to Facebook and Twitter. And when I went to Twitter, there was a fucking war going on Twitter.

I don't know if you guys noticed. Nick Diaz, one of the Diaz brothers, Diego Sanchez, Ellenberger was calling out Hendricks. He was begging Dana to give him a shot of Hendrix that if he lost, he would cut himself from the UFC. There was a fucking war going on. GSP replied through Ariel O'Anne.

I mean, I don't know what the fuck happened. I know Nick Diaz, we're at the press conference, and somebody whispers in GSP there, and that GSP has a microphone and he says, ah, Nick Diaz just tweeted he's not impressed with my performance

you know, kind of making fun of himself and a little quote he had about Matt Hughes years ago and I did see some of the heat on Twitter which is great. The athletes can get out there and they can interact and call each other around. I know, so I saw Diego calling out Nick.

Nick's calling out GSP. Jake is calling out Johnny. Johnny's, you know, begging for the title shot. It's nice to see dudes that want to fight, right? No, no, that's what it's all about. I mean, hey, man, the next couple cards are fantastic. So I know that everybody's waiting for these, but this card was great.

The GSP fight, like I said, my heart goes out to college condo. You know, we're both from Jersey. We know what some dirty, scrappy motherfuckers are. When you fight in Tom's River with one of those Frankie Edgar types, you know you're fighting to the fucking end. And that GSP fight was just fucking amazing. I mean, my heart goes out to Carlos. It was a great fight, man. Both guys are winners in my book, you know?

Absolutely. What a great main event, and it was nice for us to see GSP have to dig down deep and show that he does have heart. A lot of us know it. You know, we know GSP has heart, but the criticism was he really hadn't had a chance to show it because he'd be so damn athletic. His athleticism was always on display, but, you know, we didn't get really a chance to see that heart. He showed them.

He got the heart of a champion. He went out there, and like you just said, I mean, he beat a scrappy, tough, under-electing Carlos Condon that was trying to put him away the entire time. That fucking kick to the head. Yeah, no, no, it was, and Carlos bleeding. I mean, it was just great. It's like when we were kids and we watched the Chicago Bears

and people be fucking, they'd be in the snow, sweating, fucking bleeding the hands. That's why you watch this sport. So hands off to the UFC. I was telling these guys that last week I'm sitting here and I'm going, man, you know, the holiday season is when people put the fucking pass. on you know that right Mike I mean obviously I'm like I wonder if we should have Mike Dolce call up and talk about a you know Christmas recipes or shit we could do to not put on 20 pounds and I go on Twitter and I say you're promoting the book so I said my ESP is on my GSP is on

let me get Mike Dolce on the line what's this book about Mike we call holiday dishes and what it is it's really simple all the major holidays we basically eat the same menu over here at the Dulce household. And you know, East Coast Italians, man, we love to fucking eat. But, you know, it has to be nutritious.

It has to be healthy. I'm the Dulce Diet guy. I write back to what I do. And I basically, I made these recipes that taste absolutely delicious, but they're healthy. You can feed them to your entire family.

You don't got to worry that you're poisoning, your family with all these bullshit chemicals. You don't got to worry you're going to give your kids fucking diabetes or you're going to give them heart disease. because all the fat that's going to clock up their arteries and kill them. So we got 11 recipes

and it's just a quick little download. We got turkey, we got gravy, we got stuffing, we got broccoli, we got mashed potatoes, you know, two different types of desserts. And it's one of those things

that, you know, if you eat like shit on the holidays, well then you're going to feel like shit, your body's going to perform like shit, it's going to take you weeks just to get back up and run it again. I try and tell people all the time, summer's coming, right?

Summer, it's on the way. You know it's on the way. So what are you going to do? You're going to just put on your 10, 15, 20 pounds over the fucking holidays. And then you're going to have to try and, you know, pull it off all spring. By the time summer hits, I mean, come on. Last summer, how many people, you know, were really wanting to take the shirt off to go to the pool, to go to the beach? Not nearly as many as could and should, right?

You know, summer's coming. It's on the way. You know, you can fucking eat your ass off, you know, eat nutritious meals. You can still exercise a little bit, take care of yourself, you know, and enjoy the process. Or, you know, you can go out there, you can fucking be a fat fuck again. You know, I don't want to be mean, but this is what people do. You know, this is what I used to do. God, you just eat until you cord yourself.

Yeah, you're going to beat yourself on the couch. You can do it again. And you're going to feel like shit for days afterwards. It's not worth it. Why do you feel so shitty after Thanksgiving, brother? Like that? A lot of people feel shitty after Thanksgiving. This is the overload of the triptophan,

mixed with the mashed potatoes and the pumpkin and all this shit. Why do you feel so bad after you eat so much like that? Thousands of thousands and thousands of calories. And a lot of times you're poisoning yourself because a lot of the food that people eat. It's not real food. You know, it's just there's a lot of processing. There's a lot of chemicals.

There's just a lot of, you know, contaminants in the food supply that people are dumping in the food supply. their own bodies and her body just can't handle it it can't digest it it can't break it down it can absorb it so the body just shuts you off so it can focus on dealing with what you just you know put inside of it and try to you know get everything to process and push through you know they trip the fan from the turkey that stuff does that have something to do with it it it's just you're on calorie nutrient you know overload and the body's got to shut things down so it can get to work you know you You said something that brought me into a fucking haze, Mike Doce.

You said something that took me back to Jersey for a minute. You talked about an Italian Thanksgiving. Breakdown on Italian Thanksgiving. How many fucking calories? I mean, I went to my first Italian Thanksgiving when I was like 12, and I thought the Cubans were fucking savages. I had never seen anything like that. Between the pasta, the brajol, the fucking lasagna, you know, the spaghetti.

and then they bust out of fucking turkey. Then after it's all over, then the Copacool and the co-cuts and the fucking, you know, I mean, it never ends. And then they whip out the Italian coffee with the fucking canoles. And I remember eating like four canoles and like putting one in my pocket the first time I had one.

A spic eating a fucking canoli in Jersey. Are you kidding me? One of those chocolate-chip ones. Are you fucking kidding me? Oh, what? I remember taking two of them home and eating them. They were melting in my fucking pot.

pocket. That's how good they were. A lot of people don't know the Italian Thanksgiving. God bless you, motherfuckers. I appreciate, thank you. I mean, we are in eating people, right? That's what we do. An Italian family is defined in the kitchen. That's where everything great.

You know, all the good, all the bed happens in the kitchen, in the Italian household, right? You sit around the table, you talk about it, you get yelled at it, you get slapped in the back of the head. You can't leave until you fucking finish three plates of food and, you know, all that great shit. it's using that that experience you know i've grown up in an italian house or italian kitchen eating our asses up it was i remember you know all holidays i'd wake up to the smell of bacon

my mother would be cooking our head she'd cook bacon she'd keep all the fucking bacon fat and then she dump all the eggs and cheese and god knows what else into the mix so the bacon fat that's the oil then she'd cook out usually she did like the scrambled eggs you know she called them cheesy eggs. So it's eggs and cheese and bacon fat and just a little more bacon on the side. She'd make biscuits and, you know, bread just, you know, right out of the oven, you know, shitload of butter. That would be breakfast, first thing on a holiday every morning, which was just insane. See, you start your day. I'd start my day off right there, you know, two, four thousand calories deep, you know, before I even take off my pajamas. And then the day would just start

rolling from there. There'd be cookies all over the house. You know, we're talking holidays right then the pastas would start rolling out there would be just chawed I mean chalk with every everywhere you know the meats you know the meats you know the the meats go in the oven and they're cooking it's you know man it's something I'm going I'm away from that because I just put 10 pounds on talking about it you know my mother died right November of 1979 then I moved them with Italian family right before Thanksgiving I had grown up with I knew them I was always over there eating that's the first place I ever had brajo with the

My head almost fucking blew up when I had that the first time. And I've told you this story, Mike. The kid used to try to deter me for meeting his mother spaghetti by telling me that she would grow the meatballs with her feet. And I would say, I would think about it for like three minutes. I go, that's nasty, but I don't give a fuck. I won't even think about it. I don't even think about it.

And I remember I moved in with them like a week before Thanksgiving. Now, Mike, I played football my sophomore year. I was working out, lifting, you know, old school five sets of six. behind the necks, all that shit. I went from 160 to 194 in fucking six weeks living with these people. Like after the holidays, I was 194, solid, solid from living with these people because their whole day was revolved. The father, his whole day was a...

I remember as a kid I would knock on their door just to ask him, is John here? And I knew John wasn't there, but I also knew he would invite me in to eat something. You hungry? No, I'm all right, Mr. Ben. Come on, come on, come on, get in the house. Anna, give him an ice tea, give him a sandwich. So, no, the Italian way.

So I know when I read your stuff, I'm like, Mike Dolce is a genius because this isn't like some waspy guy that came up with this idea. This motherfucker grew up down to Jersey Shore, surrounded with good food. So your control is amazing. It's amazing. I appreciate that.

And that's the whole motivation behind my menus. You know, that's why all these apps. I've hired me and bring me in, you know, because they've got to get the best shape of their life, but they're fucking, they're sick of 20 years of suffering and just dieting and just hating themselves. So here I come with these recipes that taste absolutely fucking delicious and get you in the best shape of your life. So it doesn't make sense to not do it. It doesn't make sense to not eat this way. I, you know, we have pastaas, I have lasagna, I have pizzas, I have French toasts, I have all these things.

these recipes with a few little changes that it keeps them healthy and it keeps you in shape and it gets you in an amazing shape you know it's i'm just trying to do my part you know this this is what i do this is how i eat this is how i feed my family it's all very honest it's all very real this is exactly how i feed my athletes and like boom here and now it's available for you you can do it and fucking feel great and look great or you can do the old way and if that's working for you awesome but I don't think it is. You know, it's not working for most people because most people are, you know,

they're in a bad way. I think they just don't understand. They don't know how to do it or they're not motivated. They haven't found that reason yet. They haven't had that emotional anchor, that hook, to really, you know, get up and start going and start doing it. So hopefully, and that's why, you know, like the holiday dishes are little e-book,

Kindle book, notebook, you know, maybe that's just a little spark. And you can make these recipes and not tell anybody they're healthy. Don't say anything about, you know, Mike Dolcei Diet. Just, you know, we're going to make these, you know, mashed potatoes. And, you know, they're a sweet potato mashed potatoes. They're so fucking good. Sweet potatoes, little pinch of cinnamon, some honey in there. It's amazing.

They're absolutely amazing. It doesn't sound like much, but just make them. You know, don't do the old-school white potato with the butter and the fucking whole milk dumped in there like my mom used to do. Awesome. but that's going to jack you up for days. So I could go on and on. I don't want to push too hard. No, no.

What about the turkey? Do you have turkey in the book? Yeah, of course. You know, for Thanksgiving, big-ass fucking. It's like a, you know, we recommend a 14-pound turkey. And it's a good turkey for a decent,

you know, four, six-person family that eats like fucking monster. It eats like gangsters. It's just super simple. Do I have the, you know, actually, read out the recipe itself. But it's super, you know, so what we do, we go down the street to the butcher.

We order a free-range turkey, which doesn't cost that much more than you're going to get the frozen turkey that's sitting in the, you know, the frozen section of the supermarket for, who knows, a couple weeks, couple months, the things been dead for who knows how many months. So we will get a free-range turkey from the butcher, makes it really simple, and it comes ready to go. Yeah, we'll bring it home. I think we pick it up today. Monday, we pick it up on Wednesday. Here we go. So our herb-roasted turkey.

It's gluten-free. So we've got one free-range, vegetarian, fat, whole turkey. Bobs on the way. Three chopped carrots, two salts of celery, two onions, cut in wedges, three-quarters a cup of grape seed oil, six garlic cloves, six teaspoon of chopped basil, three teaspoons of sage, a teaspoon of sea salt, teaspoon of black pepper, two cups of water. That's it.

freaking healthy all the way through. And then you just turn your oven on the 525, you chop a bowl of the veggies, you put them in the bottom of the pan, you put the turkey on top, you cook it for a little while, the juice has kind of come down, they drip all together.

It's awesome, it's amazing. But we have gravy on there also, in there also. We have stuffing so you can fucking stuff the turkey, cook it inside, and you can make more stuffing on the side like that. You know, it's awesome. It's delicious,

and it's not going to be. a freaking kill you. You know, I just, I just, I want to see people eating clean. I want to see them living a long, freaking time. I want to see it feeling good. I want to see everybody at the pool in the summer. You know, I was the guy with 280 pounds. I was the guy that, you know, summertime coming around.

I'd be like, yeah, you know, I wouldn't want to kick a shirt up. I wouldn't want to go to the beach. I wouldn't want to go and do some of the fun things everybody else was doing because I had a body image. You know, now's the time. You start working now. It's all in November. Let's start focusing on that summer for summer now.

still have fun, still enjoy your holidays. But, you know, let's get people in shape. One big question I have for you that I know a lot of people ask you. I see a lot of people tweeting is, how do you lose weight and work out and maintain or try to build muscle? Because the more muscle you have, the more calories you burn, correct? Exactly. So, like, a guy like me that you have, you're at $290, you want to go down at $2.60, but you want to build muscle at the same time.

Like, I enjoy lifting weights. I enjoy doing a lot of stuff that you have in the book. The other day I was doing Bent Over Rose, and I know that that's like a, you know, like a monster of a thing, but I enjoy doing it. And I know that if I eat it regular, I'm going to build some type of mass, but how do you do it to lose? Is it the protein shakes?

Is it eating more tuna? I love your tuna with the avocado in it, by the way. That's one of my all-time fucking favorite. Tunas with a little wasabi in that motherfucker? Stop it, dog. Your little assholes on. Yeah, you put a little... a wasabi and that avocado with the

tuna. I had some here from the sushi one day and I did it. Tremendous so you could add that to the fucking people who are Spanish. But back to the question, Doce, what's the biggest recommendation you could do to these people today for the next six weeks? People gain fucking 80 pounds. What do you think?

They do, and it's so scary because you gain it and then your body hovers out and it doesn't typically lose it. It'll just a month or two later. It'll gain a couple more, gain a couple more, gain a couple more. You know, it's fucking mind-blown. Some people will gain five pounds a year. They won't think it's a big deal.

You know, they won't even know. I'm about the same weight I always have, you know? In a year, if they only gain five pounds in a year, that doesn't sound like a lot. Ten years is a short period of time. Ten years later, you're 50 pounds heavier, right? So between 30 years old and 40 years old, you put on 50 pounds. You go from looking pretty damn sexy to looking not so sexy, pretty quick. So five pounds a year is.

not a lot of weight, but it adds up really quick. So what I try and get to get people to do is you want to stoke their metabolism. So however that is, I like to lift. I like the strength train. I'm just like you, Joey. I recommend everybody. You got to bend over. You got to pick up heavy shit.

That's a big part of my philosophy. That's what will get you the strongest. That's what will have the biggest impact on your central nervous system, which governs everything that your body does. Central nervous system is full control. So, yeah, you have to get active also. So, you know, exercises like bent over rows, like, like, pulls, like pull-ups or, you know, cable rows or deadlips, squats, things like that. There are people like, oh, that stuff sounds too hard.

And the people that don't do that look like they don't do that. The people that, you know, bent over rows, they do deadlifts, they do those exercises. You can fucking see that dude walking down the street. You could see him from a block away. You can know, damn, that's a fucking big dude right there. You don't have to be standing in your face showing his pecks or the abs or any of those little muscles. So you want to stoke the metabolism by building muscle. That's the way.

And you've got to exercise often. You've got to be consistent. I think the biggest thing is consistency. People, they're not consistent enough with their exercise program, and they're definitely not consistent with their diet. A lot of times people stop. They want to lose weight. They want to gain weight. First question I ask is, well, how do you eat?

Oh, I eat great. You know, the kid that wants to gain weight, it would be. says, man, I guess I eat all the time and I can't eat enough food to gain weight. And I say, well, that's bullshit because there's a point. You will come to a point, just like you when you live at your buddy's house, you put on 20 pounds over the holidays. There's a point that you actually cross over. It's like you go over the falls.

You hit that point. All of a sudden, your body starts gaining. But the kid, he'll eat one big meal today, and then he'll eat like a high school cheerleader for the next two or three days. And then he'll eat a big meal and he'll be the big dog at the bird. burger shop. He'll eat more food than all of his buddies do that one meal, and then you won't eat again for, you know, six, eight, 12 hours. So you've got to be consistent. You got to eat every two to four hours no matter what you're doing. Two to four hours based on what you just did

or what you're about to deal. My recovery from a workout, I'm going to have a certain number to get some sugar in my body right away. Forty-five minutes later, I'm having a well-balanced meal, an hour and a half after that, I'm going to have another meal and then boom, it's time for me to do something again all the way through. If you're just sitting on the couch watching TV, well, you don't want to eat those big meals. You just want to keep your breakfast. blood sugar nice and stable so your body's not storing body fat but again the metabolism still cranking with your blood sugar stable your metabolism's going to keep on moving and that's very important a lot of times people don't eat thinking that they're doing a good thing trying to lose weight but when you don't

eat your blood sugar tanks your metabolism stops and your body goes in the fat storage mode so you constantly got to keep stoking that metabolism and it's a consistency so resistance training three times a week You know, every five days you can get away with doing a really hard strength workout. You know, one day you should just walk, simple, basic active rest, active recovery. One of those days, you should do some sort of body weight exercises to stay functional. So that's three days of exercise right there. You take a day or two off and then boom, you hit a crazy strength workout. That's literally all you have to do to start making progress.

Now you can start putting in more things every day, you know, a couple more walks and runs or you can get sports specific. That's great. Also, bag work, I know you like to do jelly, shit like that is awesome, too. But it's the consistency and keeping the habit, you know, I'm, at least talk about earth-grown nutrients. All your food comes from the planet, you're doing great. Eat as much as you can.

If it's processed and all that shit, you're poisoning yourself, you're overloaded your body, and who knows what the results are going to be. I'm a big believer in your, I love the book. I mean, I go back to it like a lot. little, but the thing I've gotten the most from your book is that running program. Because I was always, I knew that I was, if you run, you get strong. I know this because I was a runner for years. But with my weight and my age, I was a little scared and with the knee surgery.

And I'll tell you, man, Mike, I do 20 minutes on the treadmill like nothing now. With the two-minute walk on the 30-second run, like nothing. It took me three months to get to 20 minutes. And after that, I just blew, I could probably do 45 minutes on a treadmill. with your workout. I can't do the fighters one yet, the one minute, one minute. That's a little fucking hard. I almost puke the one day trying it, but I'm pretty good. And I'm up to like 6.6 now for the high speed. So, you know, I started it two guys. I started down there fucking huffing and puffing, blowing out that reef, and those old cigarettes out of my lung and God

knows what else. So I can't talk about your runner's workout. I don't know. I feel great. My knees don't hurt no more. I mean, you know, I get a little stiff in the mornings. I'm 50, but, I can't talk enough about it. I love your book, Mike. You're a fucking genius. And I see the jersey in it. That's what I really like about it. That's I see your blue collar jersey.

How's the family doing back there? Anybody left back there? Yeah, yeah. My mama, she's out there. My mom and sister, you know, we're fucking cousins, aunts and uncles. We're typical East Coast, you know, Italian family. They're everywhere. You know, we're like fucking cockroaches.

You know, we're all over the Jersey. But everyone's good. Everyone's healthy. You know, with the storm that came through, property damage, nobody got hurt, which is most important. But, man, the town's got wrecked. You know, we're from Belmar, B-E-L-M-A-R right on the shore, and the town was crushed. So, you know, I saw Frankie Edger tweeted today that nobody's talking about the people in New Jersey. They're still recovering.

You know, I mean, this is on scale with Katrina. Everybody remembers what happened with Katrina down in New Orleans, which was just a terrible incident. it's very much the same what's going on in New Jersey, but it's not getting, they're not getting the assistance, they're not getting the publicity to get the assistance, they're not getting the help. You know, power, my cousin's power just came back on last Tuesday. All right, how many weeks is that after? Could you imagine living in your home for three weeks with no electricity? They're running off a generator?

You know, I mean, you think about that this is 2012. This is modern America, and you've got families, you know, on the East Coast 45 minutes. from New York City living off generators living like Abe Lincoln with fucking candles and shit water what's that job

no living like Abe Lincoln with candles and shit Staten Island still fucked up but uh I mean it's uh I see the pictures I have a couple soldiers on Twitter and they sent me pictures

they went to do like National Guard and recover I mean Hoboken still fucked up Hoboken still fucked up you know the shit Joe, like, who was telling me, Thomas River, there was a part of Thomas River.

He sent me pictures that were just, it looks amazing. I can't believe that there's still no electricity in some parts. You see what's going on now? They all got billed for power. Did you see that, Mike Dolce? I did not see that. Okay, that's starting to come out now on Facebook.

It started like two days ago. The bills are starting to come in for the power. So a lot of Jersey people are getting billed like $6,000, $600 for all this power that was shut off. So that's going to start a whole new fucking riot in New Jersey. I mean, it's going to take months for them to recover from this. So my heart goes out to them.

I'm thinking of going back there in January after the baby's born and seeing what's going on. And that's it, Mikey Doche. I'm so fucking happy you called, man. I'm happy for you with the Johnny Hendricks thing. Who's up next for you? Who's up next? Well, I'm assistant coaching for Cheos Sahnon on this season of the ultimate. a fighter.

So I got, you know, the kids on our team and also working with Chale, which is exciting. I mean, we started our training camp already for the John Jones fight. We are. Chale, man, he's such an intelligent guy, right? Everybody knows that you, the Chale's on in persona. But he says, camps are for kids. You send your kids away to camp. I'm a professional athlete.

I train year-round. So this motherfucker, he doesn't give a shit about, you know, doing an eight-week training camp for doing anything specific for this guy or that guy. Chale's already, he's got an opponent, he's got a fight coming up, he's training. So he can fight five rounds right now, and every day, every week, every month it goes by. It just gets better and better. And Joey, you want to talk about big. Chale's about 240 pounds right now looking like a fucking monster, looking like Brock Ledner

of the light heavyweight division. It's going to be sick when he steps in there with John Jones. So, Chale, I mean, he's certainly on deck. I'm helping Mike Pyle who flights December 15th out here in Vegas You know I got a V-Tor, Belfort, Nick once That are on the Brazil card

And, you know I don't even know I'm just just shaking out the leg Getting back from Montreal I landed late last night So Hey, when are you shooting The Ultimate Fighter till?

We, uh, when are we doing it? Till the first or second week in December We started the last week in October And it's the first or second in December So we got some time. It's going to be an amazing show. Well, what I'm doing is...

I know they say that every year, but these kids are freaking good, man. Oh, no, no. And I know that he... I can't wait to see both those guys coach. But I want to see Chale coach. I had a conversation with Mike Pierce once, and he's also from Oregon.

He goes, he remembers Chale. They know each other since they were kids. Chale's a little older than him. But he was saying how his parents would bring him down and say, if you fuck up, we're going to take you to go see Chale. Chale was coaching him.

So Chale's not one of these guys it just crawled out of Iraq. This kid's been doing it for 20, 30 years, like a savage, you know? So it's amazing. But I want to ask you, I might be there next week, the week after Thanksgiving. Jamie invited me over to come meet with you guys. Jamie Huey, is that his name? That Jamie Huey, yeah, the assistant boxing coach.

Hew is a great guy. Amazing coach. Amazing coach. So it'll be nice for the country to get to see Jamie and what he does. He's one of Chale's coaches on the inside circle. It'd be awesome to have you to come out, Joey. No, I'm coming out. I'm going to come out and go eat dinner with you guys and see you.

So I'll give you a call that morning the night before, and I'll fly out because I've got to go there for two days. I just don't know when they're going to put this together. I was going for December 1st, and then I got this deal with Rogan, and now the people could do it, so I'll keep your posted, but I want to come by and see what you do. And you know, I love you, Mike Doche. And I appreciate you calling him.

Joey, I love you. A great fucking guy. Absolutely, brother. I'm going to make you proud of me. Me and Lee Lee Leelam, we're going to surprise you, Cucksucker. Dude, I am. I'm proud of you every day. Every day you push that 1% forward, and that makes me proud.

So we're in this together for the journey. Journey to the end, my man. Journey, I love you, Mike. Don't you? Have a happy Thanksgiving. We'll talk during the week, buddy. Stay black always and beautiful. Your wife, a kiss, everybody.

Thanks, brother. Likewise, I appreciate everything. Power to the fucking Italians. This country has forgotten about who fucking laid the bricks in this motherfucker. What's up there, Lee Lee Lee. You're learning. Oh yeah, it's great. I've recently, I mean...

I gave you the book. Oh, yeah, I'm reading in the book. And on the weekends, I... I mean, I've been... I've cut out soda, which is pretty good. I had a little bit on the weekends, which is going to happen. Diet or... I don't drink regular soda ever.

But my work gives it to me, so I would drink like six Diet Coke's a night since I'm there at night. And I cut that out and I feel great. You look better. You're looking good. You got the beard. I'm trying. Forget about it. I look like a man.

I'm four years old without a beard, so I'm trying to. Four years old. Oh, yeah, I have a baby face. All right. Went to you. She farts in your face. It won't be that much of a baby no more. That baby doesn't have a couple brown spots.

Oh, no. It's Monday, bitches. Get out there. Write your goals down. Do what you need to do. It's a beautiful day to be alive, we're giving you a second chance. I try to give you something every Monday.

I try to give you a movie or an album and people complain. I give you the Beatles. I gave you a Braxist. I'm going to give you one of my, personal favorites, one that impacted me. A band that I play a lot, and a lot of people follow me on here is Black Sabbath. I've always loved

Black Sabbath. When you think of Black Sabbath, you think of paranoid. You fucking get paranoid. That's the first time we all got. If you go to somebody's house and they don't have paranoid, it's like not having fucking blue cheese. I don't want to do business with you. You know, you've got to have paranoid. You got to have Who's Next? You've got to have Led Zeppelin, too. These are fucking albums

that, you know, you got to have dirt. You got to have that by Nirvana, it's just albums that you have to fucking have in your life. They're 890, fucking nine. I don't know, you not, you not have them. And every time a conflict comes up, you smoke a fucking number, and you put the album on. My first black sabbathed album was paranoid. I fucking loved it.

Great album, a little spooky. You know, I'm 13, 14. Second album I got in 79. I bought an album called Sabotage, which is fucking tremendous. Drill of it all, holding the sky, megal mania. It wasn't me at the time. It came back into my life years later. when I started doing the heavy acid.

I would put Megamania on and all that shit. I find myself inside the shadows, all that shit. All right. Then one day I bought this fucking out. I don't even know I bought it. I bought it because of the cover or whatever. I bought Master Reality. I brought Master Reality home.

And I put it on, and I love Sweet Leaf. We all love Sweet Leaf. I play it this morning. When I first met you, it's Reefer, yeah, what, whatever. You pound your chest. But the songs after that were just fucking dark. Dark to the point where I was like, I'm not ready for this shit yet.

So I never put it on again. And then one birthday of mine, my 16th birthday, I fucking did THC Crystal. And I took a hit of acid, and I smoked a bunch of refa. And I went home, and the Exorcist was on, on pay TV or something. And I put the Exorcist on.

And for some reason, I put master reality on earphones, and I put the earphone, only the mind that jokes, is this is when I wanted to die. This is after my mother died. I just had nothing and I thought that I took this acid and I went into this deep fucking thing on this acid T-8C combination listening to now this album was the last, this album came out in 71 so it was the first album, Black Sabbath, Black Sabbath, Paranoid and then Master Reality. When they interviewed this, they did, I think, what's the guy that Barrett from Rolling Stones said this is the album you would play

on the day that Armaged getting hit. That's how real this happens. And I don't consider myself. One thing I always liked about Black Sabbath is they would sing a song for you. If you listen to their lyrics or whatever the fuck it is, they'd play the song Snowblind, then they'd do a solo, and then the end, the last verse, they'd be adjusting what they did.

It's like listen to the Saturday Night Special by Leonard Skinnet. They talk about all this shit about guns, and then at the end, after the guitar solo, he straightens you out what's that thing guns I don't know what the last verse is whatever the fuck the last verse is

I'm fucking up here this is where Lee's editing comes in they ain't good for nothing else anyway so let's say Black Sabbath always straighten you to fuck out now this is the last album Roger Bain produced a time

Roger Bain did the first the second and third album he was a legendary producer this album has a great fucking lineup of songs You got Sweet Leaf You got Children of the Grave You got after forever

You got fucking A Lord of this world You got But the killer on this song Is Into the motherfucking boy The first one in a cup We're gonna play Is Children of the Grave

Hit it Lee I have Into the void Right There's what I'm talking about Lee You're sleeping cock sucker You're slipping cock sucker Here we go This is children of the grave

You're slipping Lee This is what the YouTube guy said It started at It does There's where it That's where it ends at I think It ends the children of the grave there. That's the ending of it.

This is the ending of it? Yeah. All right, let's try this on this. This is the beginning of this shit. Listen to this shit. Violins. Here I'm there. I'm 13, 16.

I got the earphones on. And I'm the assing, the T.H.C. Kristen, I hear these fucking violins. I think Irishmen are coming. But listen to this shit. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Here we go, motherfuckers.

And at the end, we're all children of the fucking grave. Listen to this. baseline. That's Giza Butler for you motherfuckers. What? Oh yeah, oh yeah, Lee. It's time to break out the fucking refra. It feels like the apocalypse is coming. Are you kidding me? Kick it, Lee. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Here we go. Little children in their mind. What are you fucking kidding me, Lee? And now he's doing videos of Justin Bieber. I want to stab myself in the fucking eye. Hit it Lee. They're tired of being pushed around and told just what to do.

Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? Come on guys, I give you nothing but fucking hit. Yeah! Now play a little Into the Void. Into the Void was written by Giza Butler. Alright, tell me if this is right, because the YouTube guy might have it messed up. Let's see if this works.

That's a fucking YouTube guy. Is this Into the Void? Alright. Are you kidding me? In a couple bands of covered this, I don't know exactly. I don't know exactly, I know that you guys know. This is a bad motherfucker right here. I'll speed this up a little.

A minute, a minute, just a minute. See here, we'll go forever. Speed it up again another minute. Here we go. Anonymous, I love you too, motherfucker. You bad motherfucker. Anonymous sending some love at me. Yeah.

Hit it! Oh shit. Oh shit. For the Lord of this world. for these motherfuckers. This album don't stop, brother. It's two songs before We're into the void. You don't have to start it from the beginning.

Just somewhere in there. It doesn't matter. This motherfucker's a monster. Listen to this shit. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. I had to go do some heroin this. Speed it up a little bit.

How many albums do you get? They got two good fucking songs. We're never quite sure. The song is Oh shit You cannot find a cure Yeah Are you fucking kidding me or what

A little after forever now For these motherfuckers This one's been covered from a car I'm telling you This album is fucking on fire I think the third song on the first side Is after forever It's the second one you're slipping

Who the fuck do you think you're dealing with some novice here I'm across the street cot second Yeah We're gonna have to get a new DJ You're fucking up, cock sucker I yell at YouTube Don't yell at YouTube Don't be blaming on YouTube

Bown, bown, bown Kiggottley Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit I'm telling you guys I'm dropping a fucking album I should charge you motherfuckin

For dropping the science on you this morning Listen to this shit Here we go Kick it, Lee. Just the first line will fucking kill you. Here we go. What? What?

What? What? Have you ever thought about your soul? Can it be saved? Are you fucking kidding me or what? This is fucking heat coming at you this morning, motherfuckers. Nobody please shoot themselves this morning. That's how...

Nobody please. If you're going to kill yourself, tweet me, I'll walk you off the fucking ledge. You know what I'm saying? This is how insane it is this morning. I love you, motherfuckers. For listening to the... church are what's happening now bitches this is how we're doing it

Lee what do you got for these people what are you going to tell any stories nothing this weekend nothing but I wanted to see don't we have a don't they can they get a deal from on it if they type church in? Listen you go to Omni let's get off let's get in shape together Lee's going to start drinking this protein the hemp force which fucking let me tell you

something when Joe Rogan was telling me it tastes great I'm like yeah yeah whatever you know it's a chocolate fucking protein shake or vanilla fucking protein shake this shake is so fucking good It tastes better than in an out burger. Don't forget the new mood is fucking tremendous. It's got the tryptophan, the Valerian route.

You're going to fucking love it. It relaxes you at night. You smoke a half a number. Bang! And then you got the strong bone joint. This shit, I'll tell you what if you're a fat fuck. Listen, it all starts with a walk. I'll walk to the mailbox or walk to the store.

I'll walk to yum yum donuts. I'll walk here or walk there. Next thing you know, you're walking fucking everywhere. My uncle is 76 years old, and that motherfucker walks five miles of. A day. Every morning. He don't miss it for nobody. I could call him and offer him steak and eggs at Mimi's.

He's like, fuck you, Cocksucker. I'm going to walk my five miles. So if he has the balls and the strength to do it, we should be doing it all solely. That's it. It's time. And that's it. What we covered today, Lee?

We covered Mike Doche. We covered GSP. I gave some people some shout-outs. We have a show Wednesday that we always fucking do. But we also have a special show Thursday at 9th. A.m., a family-based show. I'm going to have my man, Jimmy Berkel call who I moved to Colorado with.

I'm going to have Dominic Specialis, the brother's been dead for 30 years and we still talk. That's how I fucking roll. Wednesday, I don't know who we're going to have on, and then no Sunday special because people are going to be traveling, whatever.

So we're going to do Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Do not forget December 13th. I'm at the Mad House fucking comedy club rocking. Those tickets are going to go fast. It's a Thursday night. Get them. We're going to be rocking down there.

And that's it. Lee, what else you got for me? Nothing. And that's a cool club. I went there once. And for all the people, all the Jews out there, they don't have a two drinks minimum. So that's a fun show to go to it. Hey, have you ever thought about your soul? Can it be saved? Or perhaps you think that when you were dead, you stay in the fucking grave. Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me?

So go out there, get master reality. I'm going to give you a great movie on Wednesday. I don't know which one yet. You know me, dog. I only give you a shit that's pushed me or inspired me. I'm not just going to give you a movie so you waste your fucking time. You might look and go, Joey, this is a slow-ass movie. Then the ending might come. You go, Joey, I get the fucking pay off now. So beside that, I fucking love you, motherfuckers.

Have a great week. Have a great Monday. Go out there and start your fucking... Whatever the fuck you want to do until they quit smoking. You want to sling dick. Write your goals. Do whatever it is that you do. And I love you guys, all right?

Lee, throw on my kiss. What do you got to lead out with, Lee? Saturday Night Special. There you go. Oh, shit. A little skinner to you, motherfucker. Remember, if you're going to kill yourself. Hit tweet me, I'll walk you off the edge.

Ooh yeah, here we go, motherfucker. Hit it leak.