The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 11/25/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #130

Episode Date: November 25, 2013

Cassius Morris "That Reporter Kid" calls in. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Visit Dollarshaveclub.com/church for great deals. Recorded live on 11/25/2013.

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Or just go to Joey Dias.net and click on the dollar. Shave Club banner. Oh shit. Oh shit. It's that motherfucking time. For you to get up, wash your fucking asshole and get out there

and stab somebody. Oh yeah, baby, baby. What? Are you fucking kidding me or what? The Pilgrims couldn't even hang out with us. Fuck those motherfuckers with that dump buckle on their hat. What? Way back when I had the red and black.

Are you fucking kidding me? The church of what's happening now? Lee Syatt. Joey Diaz, the flavor. Now I'm in the limelike cuz I rhyme tight. Time to get paid blow up like the world trade. Are you fucking... fucking brilliance coming at you at you with Biggie Smalls on a Monday morning.

What? You listen to this shit. shit, you bowed down. Motherfucker was a kid dropping this shit. It's all good. And if you don't know, these motherfuckers better know. What's going on, Lisa, yeah? The church of what's

fucking happening now Monday morning, November 25th. I appreciate you keeping it a little bit down because for people who don't know, after the Wednesday podcast, I got a call from my landlord saying, some people say it like six in the morning. You can get a lot of noise. Fuck, I'm. We're burning this

building, that, you're saying? I was like, I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about. Fuck are down. You understand? We've got to motivate the fucking masses. It's Thanksgiving week people at home. What the fuck?

Who gives this shit? Grab a turkey, some mashed potatoes, some stovetop stuffing. It's just about sitting with your fucking people you love and saying, thank God I got you cuck suckers. That's all of this. Thank God you're still in my life because I don't know your money. You bad motherfuckers. What's going on? I actually was thinking about that the other day.

What were you thinking of me? My mom is very nice and said send me a list of what you want for the holidays. And it took me, I was sitting down for a while and I realized something, I don't really need anything. Like I sent her a couple things because she's going to get me something regardless. But like I was remembering where I was a couple years ago and I like, I really needed stuff. And yeah, I mean, I could use some extra money right now. But like I was sitting down and like I don't really need. Like, what kind of gifts do I really need?

So like I was really, I felt really, made me feel really good yesterday. Like, wow. I felt really lucky. You're the last of the real juice. You always need cash. Even if you had 10 million zillion banks, you know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. And somebody came up and said, can I take a dollar?

You always take that dollar because you're a badass Jew. You're looking at me, I'm starving. You wear fucked up shoes and, you know what I'm saying? You had some fucking seeds hanging off your teeth. Oh, Jesus. Fucking beautiful weekend. I had a great weekend. St. Louis was fucking amazing.

We did the whole rock club, me and Ari Shafia. First show sold out. Second show, you know, whatever, 100 people. But let me tell you something. I had a great fucking time. St. Louis is a great city. In and out, you get out of that fucking airport. It's like Bob Hope.

There's no fucking drama. It's international. All the minute you could be in fucking St. Louis, hanging out with fucking the St. Louis lunatics. And next minute you're in fucking Bulgaria, smoking reefer with some fucking black dude talking about kickboxing, whatever the fuck you talk about.

You know what I'm saying? So it's pretty interesting shit. The food, I had some barbecue wings, had some barbecue brisket. Tremend. It's amazing the different Barbecues all of. Fat Man Alert! Fat Man Alert! Because you're on a diet now because the holidays are coming.

These are fat people go on fucking diets right now. This is when I do my best fucking because I know it could slip at any fucking time. Right after Thanksgiving. Right during Thanksgiving. Motherfucking cakes and cookies. This wedding I went to yesterday had fucking Italian cakes and fucking cookies. I went to a wedding. I had a fucking nice

weekend with my family, man. Wow. Because you never go to weddings. Yeah. St. Louis' Listen, man, you know, what's the church about? The church is about making somebody's fucking day. That's all this is about. I don't give a fuck. It's about making somebody's day.

It's not about smoking weed. That's the benefits of the church of what's happened now. But your main cause is to get up, wash your fucking balls and go out there, like you own the fucking room and you don't give a fuck. And number two is making somebody's day in the process. Letting somebody know, you know what? You had a bad fucking week.

I only got $10, but 12 of it is yours. and they'll look at you and go, what the fuck just happened? Making some of these days. I woke up yesterday. I did something I would never fucking do. I went to my wife's church. Why don't you know that?

Because she's, whatever fuck she is. They play with snakes and tambourine. They throw people up in the air. I don't fucking know. I don't know. It's a Christian church. And I let her go with the baby all the time. They have a daycare there,

and it's downstairs. And my friend Derek from Tainted Vision, tainted Vision, who used to sponsor Beauty and the Beast years ago. I'm still friends with her. him. His son goes there and he was telling me it's a Christian fucking daycare but the program is so good there's you kids in that. Really?

People drive their kids an hour to get them in that program that they fucking work them. They're safe. They got got got, I mean, everything. So it's like a two-year wait to get on there, but one of the easiest ways just in case if we're still here is to go to the church. So my wife's been going to church with the baby and she puts it downstairs. So yesterday morning I got up, you had on had edited Saturday night. You know, it wasn't going to go to the Y.

You know, every once in a while you have to represent as a family. You can't send fucking Tom. You know, and the Godfather, they sent Tom. You can't do that all the time. Every once in a while, you got to represent your own fucking family. So I got up, I put a fucking suit on, and I went to church. And I sat there for 20 minutes, and I wanted to stab myself in the eyeball. But I looked at my baby, I looked at the wife, and my wife had a big smile on her face.

And they do it pretty cool, because after a half hour, you go downstairs, and the kids go out of the church, and they take them to a daycare, like a Bible. They break them up into different rooms. So the two-year-olds are with the two-year-olds and under, three to five. So I went in the room. My wife and I stayed in the room with the kids and, you know, the parents and moms and the teachers.

Let me tell you some. I had a fucking blast. It was like I was home. You understand me? Because I'm a fucking kid. I don't give a fuck. I never digested childhood because I'm like Michael Jackson. They took it from me.

You know what I'm saying? They had me working on a bar and hustling fucking bingo games at the church. When you play with the toys and stuff? Oh, my God. I put together a train track. The whole thing, but there was this little kid in there, half Japanese. His name was James, the cutest little motherfucker you ever seen.

And he was trying to draw, and some kid kept pushing his tractor on top of his drawing. And I kept looking at James, taking the truck and pushing it back and saying, I don't want to play with the fucking truck, cuck, sucker. And this went on for like three or four minutes. I go, James, relax. You know, because James was going to bidslapped the other kid. I go, James, relax. I go, eat some Cheerios.

So I got some Cheerios. I go, them some Cheerios. I get the kids some Cheerios. there's this little black kid with a half afro I gave him some fucking Cheerios and they all looked at me like what the fuck guy so he got a centipede you know one of those fake centipedes with a motherfucking

things I picked it up and I put it in my face and I went ah right and then fucking James lost it little Japanese kid snapped he started put it on his face and going ah so now me and him were going ah so it was these tambourines you picked them up and we put a fucking band together me little James and my daughter right

we fucking put an all-star band and then I started hitting my head with the tambour they went nuts. They went fucking nuts to kids. They all started taking the tambourines and hit themselves in their head and dancing. My wife came in and she's like, I fucking knew it.

I knew you were going to turn this place upside down. And the girl was like, it was nice having a man in here for once. I had a great time with the fucking kids. I'm a big fucking dummy. You know, that's my world. I was high as fuck too. I had two Cheebo choosing me, those green ones.

You two of them on fire. At 10 in the morning. I got up early Sunday morning. We were out Saturday night. Oh, my God. I got to explain myself one of my things yesterday before we moved this one. All right, so Saturday night, I had a long day with the wife, I did this, I did that, I wrote, and everybody went to bed and it's fucking 8th and I got my dick in my hand.

Son Zanicki was coming on like a repeat and there was something on it. And I called Lee and Lee was going to meet me about 930, whatever. And I called a friend Eddie Broad when I met him at a diner and I talked to him for like 45 minutes. And then Lee called me, he goes, I'm home so I can't. We came over and we edited the CD. You know, the CD will be out in December, motherfuckers. And next thing, you know, I go, I had an edible. Lee had an edible in this desk.

Half of the fucking Cheebo Chew that we ate last week. The Green Hornet. The Green Hornet. So I hate the majority of it. Lee ate a little piece of it. Don't like it. I hate the whole. Stop it.

Stop it. So we're sitting here and he's complaining the whole time. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Fuck it, Lee. Let's slow the process.

Let's go get a couple of fucking tacos. So we take each other's cars and we drive down there and I get there first and I pull up and I pull up with the fucking. And I wish I was trying to be funny people. This isn't even a funny fucking story. It's kind of sad. And I know some people are going to get offended or they listen to the podcast. But you know what? It's not about offending nobody.

It's about just talking about. This is what I talk about all the time. You know, that 30 years ago, 50 fucking years ago, I was a fucking real spank. Cubans were the immigrants. You know, and people are down on you. and it depended how you acted, how they responded to you. And there's two ways to fucking act.

There's a way to act humble, so people don't think you're a fucking rude fuck and you represent your race like that. I didn't say much at that age. You know, I was always very insecure. But I get out of the fucking car, I pull up 12 feet from the Taco guy. There's a little spot there that's red.

You could pull up there because there's a parking. There's no park. There's a driveway. If you don't see it, it's really clear. You can park there. Yeah. But I park in the middle, so nobody parks behind me

in front of me. And I opened the fucking door. And they're not even cooking the hot dogs. They're not even cooking yet. Oh, they had just opened? They had just opened. They were making one hot dog. And there's these three kids in front of them.

Again, I don't know if they were Arabian. I don't know if they were Persian. I don't know if they were Israeli. They could have been a fucking thousand things. But as I got out of the car outside, not even inside in the room, outside, I could smell the onion coming from these three motherfuckers, the downwind. It wasn't fresh fried onion with the seasonings. It was the onions of funk that come from a person. And as I got closer, the wind was blowing them towards me. I could

smell the cologne that they tried to put over this fucking armpit that was just horrible. And this is where it gets worse. It wasn't one of them that stunk. They stunk in fucking stereo. All three of them stunk. And one of them was eating a hot dog and I could smell them. And as I walked up I mean they were so offensive in their odors they were so offensive with the fucking cologne they had on but I turned to the Mexican guy and I go these fucking guys are kicking get that you're getting a hang to go what a fucking stink they have and he looked at me who's tell me about it and that guy's the nicest guy in the world him and his wife yeah walking insecurity they're two fucking Mexicans just trying to make it they're probably illegal they go up

every Friday and Saturday he was telling me during the week they go to center ramma city Batarama City and they have a route. That's how they make a fucking living. This guy's the sweetest guy in the world. He looked at me, his eyes were red like bloodshot to cook. Like, these motherfuckers stink so bad. And it wasn't bad that that was offensive. That's fucking offensive, okay?

Not when somebody talked, not Katie Perry. Did you see that? They're saying Katie Perry's performance last night was offensive. I didn't watch it. I just get up early and I look to see what the news is. I didn't even go see performance last night. Fucking hysterical. I'm whiffing these,

motherfuckers. And I mean, they're fucking whatever the language they're from, they're talking it, and they're talking it loud, and they're getting stinkier and stankier by the minute because they're starting to fumigate, all three of them. Finally, they go into the club, and you could still smell them. That's how bad

these motherfuckers were. They were going into skinny's. Okay. I guess me, how long were we there, maybe 20 minutes, and then we sat in the car and talked for 15 minutes? Yeah. And we left. As I'm pulling up to my house, Diagostino goes, where'd you go? Because I was, I was, thinking about this, there's no way somebody that's drunk is going to look at one of those

three motherfuckers and go, guys, you three motherfuckers, stench. I asked you what you would have done if you were like 20 years old. 20 years ago, I think three more drinks, two drinks, I would have had to go up to one of my buddies and go, dog, you guys are fucking embarrassing, whatever fucking race you represent. Get the fuck out of. You're not going to pick up no girl stinking like that. There's no way a woman would get in that car unless she's from that fucking nationality and she's used to that fucking stink.

I don't know how the fuck you'd want to fuck that. But listen, guys, if your armpit stink, don't put cologne over it. It makes it stink worse. Either pick one or the fuck another. This ain't something to offend nobody. This is a public service announcement. Because that was the most offensive fucking smell. I have ever smelled in all my fucking life, Lisa.

And just to finish the story, he said, Di Agostino said they got in a fight. They got in a fist fight after we left. In the middle of the street, they were out there. people were ripping their shirts off, which means you gotta go home and boil your fucking hands. If you touch those people, you got to go home and boil your fucking hands with liceol and fucking dead blood. Fucking disgusting.

I don't understand what the fucking, how you could leave your house stinking like that dog. Whatever. It's holiday week. Hopefully they all sit together and kill the turkey with that fucking stench. Where's the reef of Lee? Where's fucking I want to be around? You're sitting there. The thing is fucking flat today.

We got lighting this motherfucker up, Lysayat. That's it. I'm taking a little piece. the other boy you're not going to join me i'll i'll do it again wednesday wednesday you see i'm saying people well fucking i don't you see i'm saying i'm trying he's he thinks that by avoiding that so what you got to keep doing it to break the fucking to lift your spirits you can't keep doing and then you get i was hung over yeah three days because you don't eat enough you're living in california people eating this shit every fucking day people gonna offer you it's 2014 you're about to

walk into the only person that's ever offered me Are you fucking kidding me? Where we're going next? When we start touring the podcast, we think people are going to come to you with cookies? They're going to offer you grenades every night. We're going three nights. You're not going to eat them?

You got to eat this shit every fucking day. Trust me. You got to drive on the 405. Obama's coming to fucking town. Stop crying. Come over you. You've seen me eat them on the road. I don't fucking say anything.

Okay. I eat three calls out. I can't do. I got to go pick up my dad. Oh, I'm believe. You see what I got a third one's in with him. We'll have my dad on the podcast. Church people are trying to get pissed off.

You know, they're saying already, what the fuck? You don't know what you're doing? I'm the only one you care for some reason. Everybody eats them. Y'all night we went to St. Louis. I brought like 10 of them. Yeah. And I gave my buddy four of them.

And later on he called me and says, you know my wife ate both of those cheebo chips. Even me and Ariwa. Is he still alive? Yeah, she was fine, Lee. Unless you eat them, Lee, you're not going to get over. You're not going to get over them. You've got to eat them every day to build your time.

And then eventually, nobody's going to fuck with you no more. These things aren't going to be like nothing. They're going to be like nothing. But if you eat them four or five days apart, that's why they're going to fuck you up every time. I don't know, man. I like the smoking. You eat a piece, you get on a 405, you go pick up your dad. You'll be happy as fuck, dog.

I don't do shit. Like I said, I missed my fucking street. I've lived here for a year, driving back from the fucking Taco Man, which is like a five-minute drive. I missed my street, ended up at the grocery. store buying trash bags. But you did, you lived. You survived. But it's not a fun experience. Why, like, it's

different for different people. You didn't put Pink Floyd. You didn't call him and go, you know what, I'm home. No. I'm going to put some Pink Floyd on that song. We listened to in the car that day. It gives me a panic. The good music, I don't know how you do. It gets my heart pumping and I have, like, start being panicky. That's why you do it. But no. to take you to a different dimension. Why do you want to be panicky?

Because you don't want to be panic. You want to go into a different dimension. Once you pass the panic, you've reached that fucking level. that's the fucking curtain what are you gonna let you go to the other side without fighting you a little bit that's the thing you sit there you put the earphones on you're turning the lights off

you put on that pink floyd dark side of the moon the heart's beating and you try to match your heart with the fucking heart on the fucking album boom boom boom oh no are you fucking kidding me or what amplifies what you already are and like I could be a nervous person

so I put on I put on like a stand-up comedy thing and it was pretty bad this is why I tell you that if you're a certain person You gotta get out of that person. Trust me, I was a certain person, too. I'm more scared than you are. You know, it's hysterical that, again, not to fuck with you. I get up this morning, I see all this shit.

I thought the Iran deal, the no nukes. Okay, so you read a chapter here, a chapter there. And then you see something about Miley Cyrus. Who? Let's get out of the way. I love Miley Cyrus. I watched the show. When the show was on, I would watch the show.

If I'm in a hotel room or something, I'd watch the show. I'm not a fucking retard. You know what I'm watching the show? show and I'm looking at this girl and then they're talking about her today. Her performance last night. I put the fucking performance on this morning and I tell you what it drove me the fucking tears. And I'll tell you why it drove me the tears.

The same reason why I'm having Cash's Moore is calling this morning. How old is Cassius? 14? 13, maybe four fucking teen. There's a picture on his Facebook of him with his sister and his dad and his mom would kiss. Okay, and he's got his face painted. Yeah. And at that time, a chick could come fucking the hottest chicken roared suck his dick.

I wouldn't have mean more to him. Cassius Morris is 14 years old And he's doing what we're doing at fucking What I'm doing at 50 How embarrassed am I? How fucking embarrassed am I? You know, I see all these people that fail with their podcast So they call me up and they go

Hey man, I don't know what to do I'm doing wrong Look at Cassius Morris He's posting shit every day Yeah And maybe he didn't come up with it He's not a salesman He's a fucking kid But when you're a kid

You shouldn't have fear Because you're a kid Oh that's the one you know the most fear I didn't have fucking... You did? I had a ton of fear when I was a kid. I put on this Miley Cyrus performance

and I see what she's doing on stage. Yeah. You know, I shit my pants when I went in front of those Dave Chappelle people this year, 18,000 people. I did that other show and there was 20,000 people when I shit my pants also.

She's out there singing that wrecking ball with a fucking stupid cat behind them, but it's regardless of that. People don't see what the fuck she's doing. She's 21 years old out there singing like fucking she runs the world. Yeah. That's what I admire about.

Not the fucking suit and the skinny bony pussy or whatever her hair doing the thing. And she looked phenomenal. She's just a girl. She's just a 21-year-old fucking girl, man, who I would shit. You know what I was doing at 21? What? Not that. Not that.

Not nothing positive. Nothing positive. Not one fucking thing positive. And that little girl, you know, I don't know if she went to college. I don't know what the fuck she did. I don't even know if she graduated high school with her money who needs fuck. She could buy the fucking high school. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. But she takes chances. They're all, you've got to remember, if you're young, in 1983, Madonna shocked the world at the MTV Music Awards. The MTV Music Awards were maybe on their third or second year, and Madonna took Radio City Music Hall by Storm. And if you watch a performance on YouTube, you go, Joey, what the fuck are you talking about?

I want you to see what she did and translated to 30 fucking years ago. And all those people since, you know, not Cheryl Crow, but the people that are in pop music, Lady Gaga, you know, her, Katie Perry, Somewhere along the line, they all steal from Madonna. And if you watch what Miley Cyrus is doing, she's stealing from Madonna.

Not stealing, but she's got the same balls. Yeah. You know, today I said Katie Perry was offensive. Well, if Katie Perry took a picture with a dick in her asshole, she couldn't be fucking offensive. She's Disney from A to Z. That's why she dumped the fuck. That's why her and the Englishman didn't work out.

He wanted to come on her tini's with no fluoride come. And she goes, fuck, no, she scared him. Now she's with fucking the other guy that plays a guitar and he can do whatever He'll play the guitar and fuck you in the ass you don't even feel it What's his name John Mayer? Oh she's with him now? I don't know every week I don't fucking know I don't you know I just see what I see and she's in love But I don't fucking know but my point being is that at 21 I wasn't doing that stuff Yeah because why? Okay maybe I didn't know what where to start

But I gotta tell you I was fearful because I was insecure I didn't think I could do any of that shit till today. I still can't do it I still shit my pants before I fucking go on stage. Yeah. Lee, there's a piece of Goomy Bear waiting for you. As a matter of fact, I even bite that in half so you don't lose face to it. I have to drive on the 405.

That's the whole fucking thing, man. I'm not going to make it there. That's the fucking thing. Anybody could drive on the 405. You're going to be driving on the 405. Why am I adding things to it? Would I have a Cheebo chewing? You listen to Pink Floyd,

remember when you were young. Ba-pom-pom. Because I already know. I have to do it Wednesday night because we have the live podcast 930 at the ice house and I already know I'm going to have to do it Wednesday morning. Wait, what's with the excuses? It's only excuse, dude. I'm going to call you from that one.

No more lease I have. No more Lee Savage. I'm going to call you Lee Stories. Fine. Because there's always a story. We're going to call you Hesh. You think Hesh on the Sopranos are turned down an edible? He's a Jew.

He'd say, give me that motherfucker. I'll eat it. When Joey leaves, I'll puke it up and sell it for $3. You know what I'm saying? Get it together! Fucking cocksucker. But anyway, that's a guy. I admire that.

When I see somebody really young going for it, I fucking admire that. Because at 21, I was fucking dead. I was dead, bro. I was souless. All I did was steel. There was no creativity to that. I was scared.

I was numb from the fucking drugs. Miley Cyrus smokes more fucking dope. If I knock on Miley Cyrus's door right now in Studio City and offer her the edible, she'll fucking eat and go back to bed. Yeah, and she also has an assistant. What assistant. When you're 21, she got no estate.

girl's a savage but she smoked a wea for her assistant phone smoker for her. Well yeah because she drives for her. What's your line? I was actually thinking about something because I asked you because I love documentaries and you said watch Oh Mythal Logic which is this Richard Pryor documentary.

So I watched that last night. Again, balls. No yeah, when I thought the Patriots weren't going to win and I was thinking about something and I wanted to know because the whole point of it for the majority of it is how groundbreaking he was. Like he was crazy and he pissed a lot of people off.

But, like, everyone said how groundbreaking it was. Do you think we've gotten to a point where do you think there's any, maybe not even in comedy but in music, do you think there's anything groundbreaking left? Like, it kind of got me depressed a little bit. Because, like, what at this point, can we,

can anyone do anything groundbreaking? I think, you know, I don't know about my situation or whatever. Yeah, people could do you know, groundbreaking is what you consider groundbreaking and what you consider for you it might be you watched the movie and the editing was fucking out of this world you know groundbreaking is

whatever you wanted to be these podcasts are groundbreaking this is groundbreaking not because we're doing a pseudo radio show but because anybody could do this now this is why this is so groundbreaking yeah Joey's a comedian that no no no no no no don't give me none of your fucking excuses you're a painter you could do this If I own the painting company, I'd have a painting podcast. I'm painting walls and three minutes. I'm fixing fucking holes in walls. And somewhere along the line by telling the truth, that's where the art is.

It's in the truth. It's just by fucking talking. So that's what's groundbreaking. Yeah, we watch movies and they hire some publicists to say, amazing and groundbreaking. Groundbreaking is whatever you make it. Whenever you watch it, you know, or whatever you see what somebody else does.

You know, I, uh, what if I, thought is groundbreaking. Like something like that. Like breaking bad was really groundbreaking because it's about trucks. It's about something that not too many people even dabble in. Yeah, there's a society that dabbling it, but the other half don't know about it

and don't want to know about it. You know, I saw something about Sutter. Sutter Link, you know, he's the guy the creator of the executive producer, not the creator of the son to Anakin. He was saying for him, it was the Sopranos, the freedom that they had if he watched the old episodes. It was 2000, and Tony was cheating on his wife

and people were cheering for him. There's an episode of the Sopranos where he takes his daughter up to college and he kills an informant. And HBO was going to pull the plug if they kill the informant because they felt the boss should never kill somebody.

Oh, okay. Dave, whatever, the creator said, fuck it. He's killing them anyway. That's groundbreaking when you make a decision and stand with it. That's what groundbreaking is. groundbreaking could be something for you. Last week I walked down to fucking Bob Hope Medical Center

and I went in there and I asked for the lady who to draw blood and she goes, the lady's not there today and as I was going to walk out, that wouldn't have been groundbreaking. You know what groundbreaking was? I stayed and got my blood drawn by the other lady and it just so happened that my girl was there. Oh, okay. Because it's something against my fucking grain.

Okay, that's good way to look at it. Yeah, what the fuck? I mean... Because at some point you can always trace it back like any common you could see, oh, well, he was influenced by this person. Absolutely. So I guess you just have to look at it a different way.

You know, I was listening to yesterday. I was driving with my wife and I heard to blow up the outside world by SoundGuard. Okay. If you listen to that, it's SoundGuard. It's Chris Cornell. But it's the Beatles. It's John Lennon-ish. It's very, you know, it's very beetle-ish.

You know, did they steal it from the Beatles? No, they were influenced from the Beatles. You know, one day he was at home and he was 12, listened to the Beatles smoking a joint. And he goes, you know what? I could do that better. that's all this is. What do you think made me be a comedian? I watched a comedian one day and I said,

fuck that guy. I could do that better. Boom, here we are. One day you said, fuck it, this editing is horrible. I could fucking even do this without going to school. You became an editor. You do something to prove your fucking point. You know, so groundbreaking is whatever. Groundbreaking is a word looking.

Groundbreaking, amazing, brilliant, genius. There are all these words that are thrown around, but I think they're overthrown at people. Genius is a fucking doctor. who cures fucking AIDS. Genius is somebody who cures a disease for kids. That's a fucking genius. Some fat jerk off or some fucking guy on NBC

that says some fucking joke. You know, listen, bro, I do comedy. Right now in my life, comedy's going okay. You know, I feel that I'm a lot better. My storytelling is up. Everything's great and dandy. I told you I went to a wedding yesterday. It's funny, guys.

I went to this wedding yesterday. You want to hear about a fucking jerk off? I'm going to tell you about your main jerk off. Joey D. is what he did yesterday at a wedding. I get to this wedding. I didn't want to go. But again, today's my anniversary of my wife. Oh, great.

And I figured, what a nicer way to start the weekend. We took the baby. Terry brought her a beautiful dress. We had the baby dance, and they had good food at the wedding. It was on Seamy Valley, so it was on a mountain. We didn't go to the actual wedding. We just went to the party. Okay.

Because there's no sense. The baby's teeth. She was teething. So we got there. We had a blast. And I was, I like fruity drinks, like mohitos and shit. like that. I saw they had a mojito bar, so I walked over there, and I got a mojito, and I got my wife a glass of white wine. I put $10 in the fucking thing or whatever. As I was turning,

some guy came up to me and he introduced himself. And he goes, my name is blah, blah, blah, blah, you don't know me. I'm one of doctors patients. He goes, do you have three minutes of your time? And I didn't know what the fuck to expect, right? And he says he has a son. He's got three kids, but he has got one son his youngest, and the youngest has never been the most confident. kid he's ever had. For some reason, he comes out, he's quiet, and they sent him away to college, and they had a pull teeth for that, and it cost him tons of money, but he just wanted to break the young one out of his shell.

And he goes, after four years of college, the kid was doing great. He had friends, he had social calendar, he even had a little girlfriend. He was a good-looking kid, whatever the father said. And I guess he came home on vacation, and one of his kids, one of his friends, his close friends in college, died from some of him. some drug overdose, like some ecstasy mixed with fucking rap poison. I don't know the whole fucking story. The kid went back, graduated, but he went into a funk.

He went into a funk. And I guess this was around the time when the podcast started getting popular with Joe Rogan. So the guy listened to Joe Rogan. He heard me on Joe Rogan. Something happened. The father said, you know, for fucking nine or ten months, this kid didn't do dick. He didn't do dick because I was really worried about him. I was in a senator to a psychiatrist.

And then one day, I woke up in a morning, and I heard claims. and he had taken the weights out he had from high school and pulled him out in the garage and he was lifting weights. And he goes, I didn't know what was going on. That went out for three or four days where he would get up early and lift weights. And then a week later, I actually seen him get up and go to a fucking library.

Okay. And he brought back a bunch of fucking stupid books. He goes, whatever. He goes, but I was happy. He was doing something. And then one day, he goes about three weeks later, I heard him talking to his mother. And I heard something.

He goes, I was in my library, and just the fact of the guy said he had a library or whatever they... Yeah, whatever makes me think the guy's up, and he goes, and I heard him say something about his balls. You know, and he goes, so I talked to him the next day, what was the conversation about it? He goes, nah, this crazy fucking guy, grab your balls. He goes, in fact, I went and got my application for that for some job, yeah, in the warehouse. His buddy got him. and a year later the kid is working full time

he's lifting weights I guess he joined Jiu-Jitsu he's got friends again and he goes I'll tell you whose fault it was yours but here's the beauty of it he goes after I heard your name

and he mentioned it he goes I put the podcast on he goes it was fucking horrendous he goes the first eight minutes you said nigger you said this you said everything that was offensive and I turned it off

and I talked to my wife about him. My wife said, whatever, as long as it's, he goes, so many people. And I've always said that, that you can have the most influential people in your life around you, your father, your grandfather, but they could twist a jar all fucking day. And some fat dummy like me comes along

and says something stupid, and somebody gets something out of it. And he goes, so I want to thank you for doing your podcast. He goes, I don't know if you guys have any idea what you guys are doing. That's great. You're giving young people fucking hope. And he goes, I listen to another podcast.

gas and he goes, I got it. I got it. You have like this craziness to you, but it's true. He goes, people get something from it because you're telling them, it's true. This is fucking easy, guys. This ain't no, it's hot me, huh? You want me turn it down? Yeah, it's hot. It's fucking cold out, though. It's 45 degrees this morning. It's usually turning the air on. I was like, hopefully you don't fucking turn the air on today. What I'm trying to tell you motherfuckers is that thank you for listening, man. Thank you for taking something out of this. It took, people warned me about shit that

loved me and cared for me. I fucking didn't listen to them. And it took me years of learning and listened to the dumbest fucking people's advice, and it got me here. So if you're fucking at home listening, whatever this fucking kid's name is, I want to say it on the radio, thank you, all the fucking podcast there. But it was really funny.

That this guy could come up to me and he looked like nothing that would ever have anything to do with me. Now, what were you thinking? Like, when someone comes up to you at a wedding, you're holding a drink, you're like, fuck, is this going to be like a crazy person? Fuck yeah. No, it's just going to be, something I said wrong.

I insulted somebody on stage. I might have rub somebody a wrong way with one of my actions, you know? And yeah, I'm out of my fucking mind, but I'm not in business to fucking rub nobody wrong. If I did rub you wrong, let me know what I said, and I'll clarify it, you know, and at the end, you'll all laugh.

Yeah. Because at the end, you're realizing I'm a fucking moron. You shouldn't have got your panties and a bunch about it. Sometimes I just talk and just talk shit, and I don't even realize. I realize what I'm saying, but it just comes out of my mouth fucking fast and I used to try to catch it but at this point in the game what you're gonna do I'm fucking 50 either you like it turn it off or you don't like it

or you like it and you fucking listen to where's the refa Lee we smoked it off no we didn't fucking smoke nothing it's over here you always we got a call yes we do what's up little brother hey what's going on how are you my friend I'm fantastic how you doing long time man I really like that picture on your Facebook of you with your family and kiss thank you Yeah, that was probably one of the best. How did you get that? The kid's drummer.

You got to go somewhere else because you're breaking up a little bit. You got to move closer to the mic or a little better. Are you in school? I'm at home. Oh, shit. Yeah, that's better. All right. So, yeah, I met the kid's drummer.

No, it's still breaking up a little bit, little brother. Really? Yeah. I'm right here. I'm right here. No, you're good now. Cash's. You there?

Yeah, do you still have my Skype from... Can you go on Skype? Yeah, sure. I'll call right back. Yeah, call me on Skype. Give me two seconds. Switch it up. Okay, yeah, he's just breaking up, guys.

I'm sorry about this. I really want to get this little guy out here. He's fucking... I mean, whenever I read his little post and little things that lets me know that I'm not fucking retarded because I know 1,000 people always complaining about their life and shit.

kid's doing it he's fucking doing it he's out there hustling this podcast I've listened to a couple of them just I've been bored and I put him on and I fucking giggled the kid interviews people at fucking 13 or 14 I wasn't thinking like that I mean I looked at it from a different fucking perspective yeah but nothing like that this kid's out there living it he fucking got on he got on stage with fucking kiss because he knew the drummer through a podcast or whatever the fuck I mean it's just I don't know I it baffles the shit out of me I wish You know, I always thought I was a sharp fucking kid that I had my shit together.

I had my shit together as far as streets. I knew what was going on. I knew not to take candy from strangers. I knew if I saw a guy laying down asleep, I knew to rob his wallet. But I didn't fucking know nothing about interviewing people or talking to people or emailing. I mean, it's fucking amazing. What's going on, Lee? You're typing your little fingers over there.

I love it. Yeah, I think he's going upstairs to his room to get on Skype, so he'll probably be on a couple of minutes. No, but yeah, he had me on like a year ago or something. great guys. He had a bravo on, I think. I mean, you know, and I told people, get on there. We're all helping somebody. This is all going to the same thing.

I mean, I wish I could do all the podcast and talk to all the people, but I can't. I can't. It's too much. And people hit me up all the fucking time. You know, like I said, my day is limited. So I have a, you know, yes, I like getting up early. I like getting out to you people early. But part of the reason why I do it is six, the final fucking straw was because I don't know

what my schedule is. be and I would never want something to get in the way of this between us you know what I'm saying that's the most important thing if we're not consistent with you you're not going to fucking take us seriously I wanted I wanted somewhere I would be every fucking week and the only thing I could decide is Monday at 6 a.m. and fucking Wednesday at 6 a.m. I know where I'm going to be. I'm going to be right here with my fucking favorite Jew. When is Hanukkah Cuckusker? I think it's like in a week or two something like that. So your dad comes in today and when does he stay till? Tuesday night. Tuesday night.

Yeah. So it's Monday, so next Tuesday. Yeah. It's going to be a long trip, but we're going to record my podcast till come to the live podcast. We're going to go down to San Diego. And, I mean, it just, I'm going to make the best. I mean, it sounds bad saying I'm going to make the best of it.

It's just, I feel bad because I don't know what to do for eight days. But we'll just watch movies and maybe we'll go. Just be yourself. He didn't think he wants to give one of these fucking edibles every day and put them on your mind. That's 30% of the fucking day. He won't want to go no way. He'll sit there. chocolate bonbons and, you know,

reading Hanukkah books. What the fuck? He's a good guy, your dad. Oh, yeah. You know how many people wish their parents were still around? You're very fortunate. So don't look at it as a painy ass. Look at it as this might be the last eight days you might see him. Anybody can happen at any time.

Over 50, how do I think I feel? Why do I think I try to fucking rock and roll every fucking day? Here we go. Let's see what works. What's up, dog? Is that better? Better. Yeah, now you sound like a fucking nice. Now you sound like the singer from Journey. I like it.

Perfect. What's going on, baby? Talk to me. So you were asking about the Kiss picture, right? Yes. Well, the Kiss drummer, a couple years ago, there was a new story done about me here in Canada, and he heard about the podcast through that,

and he messaged me on Facebook, and that's how I met him the first time. But this time I told him I was going to the concert with my family, and he said, come on back. We'll take pictures. He's really one of the nicest people I've ever met. He's great. Fucking amazing.

When I saw the picture with Kiss, I didn't know if it was a Hollywood picture like with people standing. Wax figures or something? Yeah, yeah. But no, you're a bad little motherfucker, Cassius. You know, I have a lot of friends that are adults and they call me and they go, you know,

we don't know how to market our podcast and, you know, we don't know what we're doing wrong. And I go, you know what? Go to Cassius' this fucking page. I told this to a chick I met about two months ago and she didn't know what the fuck I was talking about. I go, look at his page. he's hustling whether he came up with the idea or not

he's seeing what the fucking people are doing and he's trying it but for you to sit there and think you're going to shake your little pussy and that people are going to go to your podcast you got to fucking work when you have a podcast today and you're not a car salesman you're not a fucking salesman by trade you just know this right yeah I mean you just do it and I think the key is you don't expect to blow up in the first year

maybe not even the second year you just keep going until eventually it will catch on if you're good You know, I see a lot of comics that do these podcasts and they drop them like a hot potato because they're not patient. You know, doing a podcast is like going on a fucking diet, which is really a lifestyle change. You have to do it every day no matter what happens.

Win place or fall. You know, Friday, I went to St. Louis Thursday. I got back Friday. I pulled a fucking groin last week, like a muscle. Lee, you got to see my fucking thigh. It's purple. Like the blood goes down. Oh, no.

It falls from where you had to pull. You know, Wednesday I went and worked out. Friday, I got off the plane on 11. I was a little tired. I had to run some errands. I had the baby. They'd do a kettleboat class, 6.30, fucking Friday. I went down there. I was fucking wiped out. But I knew that for me to move forward and lose weight and get stronger and healthier,

I have to be consistent. Consistency is so fucking important than anything. And we, as a country now, we do something for three weeks. Fuck it. I'll take a shot for it. You know what? I don't want to go to the gym and lift weights. Give me a shot and I'll fucking boost my testosterone that way. You know, everybody's looking for a fucking shortcut

and there's really no fucking shortcut. And I'm happy that at least Cassius, you're getting the concept now as a young man. You have a great career ahead of you in a great life, man. Thank you so much. What do your parents think about you doing all this craziness? They love it. They really support me last night.

They were listening to clips from a video podcast I did. My family is probably one of the, the most supportive families anybody could ask for. They're great. And how's your sister? She older or younger than you? She's younger. She's 13.

Now, how old are you? I just turned 15 on the 5th. Holy shit. Happy birthday, little brother. Thank you. 15, you're already been on stage with kids. I don't fucking believe. Now, how do you do in school?

What's going on with classes? Like, what kind of grades do you get? I'm starting to bring them up. I've always struggled with my grades because I have pretty bad ADHD. and I get distracted, but I know that's no excuse, and I'm working, and the grades are going up, so. You're a brilliant young fucking guy, man. What's the hardest subject you think to work with? Probably science.

I find that pretty difficult. Like, the last thing about it we did, but this one's, the new one we're doing is actually getting kind of easy. It's about ecosystems and stuff, you know? I remember, you know how the clouds? Yeah. You like the clouds. They're cumulimbus, nimbus, whatever the fuck they are. You know, other complicating names.

Yeah, there's four different cloud types, I think. And I remember when we were in the eighth grade, my buddy Louis Hernandez, they asked them the four clouds. They go, snowy, rainy, and sunny. And that was it. They gave him like an F, and he's still in the fucking eighth grade. But it's weird when you look back. I mean, the easiest way to do schoolwork is to listen

and just make little notes during class and review it when you get out of class. Yeah. You know, I wasn't. When I got left back on the seventh grade Caches, I thought my world was going to end. You know, I thought

I got... Because of that girl, right? Yeah, because of the girl, but I thought I was going to get ridiculed and be called stupid because I really wasn't stupid. I was just lazy. And I never forget that.

When I went into Barone's class, who's going to be on the podcast on Wednesday, my seventh grade teacher, when I got left back the first time, the only time I ever got left back out. You know, I was in King Wars class, but I went into Barone's.

And that year, I think I got A's and everything. And he really couldn't believe it. And it wasn't that I was a dumb kid. It was the work ethnic I had put into it. And that's all it was. I wasn't better than anybody else. I just took notes during class. I listened.

And right after class ended and I went home, I did an hour of review from 6 to 7 or 7 to 8. I just review it. Read the chapter again. And I fucking knew it, Cassius. I fucking knew it now. And then at the end, when you have those exams, you don't have to study. is hard. You know, at the end of every period, you have those exams, finals.

I wouldn't have to fucking study that art. Everybody else would be busting their ass. But I would catch up on it. And it made, you know, after my mom died and I had all that shit, I still had good grades. And I used to not, I used to freak out. I was out every night. But I put

the same, I had like a study hall in the daytime, like fifth to six period, and I put all my work in there. And then I go home and I have to study a little bit. And I knew the fucking thing. When I quit high school, it wasn't because I was retarded. Yeah, I was retarded in a way, you know, but for quitting, but it wasn't because I was a failure. It was because I wanted to work and I wanted to make money. I wanted more. But, you know, school

work, man, is like, it prepares you for what we're doing now. That's all it is. You're never going to talk about fucking ecosystems 20 years from now. Nobody gives a fuck. What you are going to do is the work ethic. And you have it. You have it with everything else you do. Oh, shit. It's the fucking Cassius bat phone. I hung it up. It's some 15-year-old girl looking for a booty call in the morning. You're a little dirty bastard. What else?

You got a little girlfriend, Cassius? I'm working on it. All right. How many freaks you got? A couple in waiting. All right, look at you. And are you a freshman in high school now? Yeah, I'm in 10th grade.

10th grade. So that's a... You're a sophomore. Yeah, yeah. Here it's different because there's only three years of high school here. Fuck. And what are you go? for this year coming for 2014.

My goals are to start getting higher grades, which is already starting to happen. And to take your advice, because I was listening to the podcast from the other day, and to actually start writing and get a head start on writing comedy, because, you know, you were talking about how it took you so long to just get the writing part down,

and maybe if I could get a head start on that, I could become a better comic at a younger age. Well, here's the deal. This is what I find, this is what I found really helpful for my writing. every morning when you get up, and I didn't steal this from the writer's way or the artist's way.

I always thought about this. There's people who get up. The artist's way want you to get up in the morning and get a notebook and babble in there about your thoughts when you wake up in the morning. I don't like that idea. I want you to write your plan for the day.

When I get up every morning, I put Monday, November 26. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. I can either sit here and play with my dick or go out and get what's mine. Okay. Today I got to do a podcast with Lee. I got to go to a fucking barbell class,

and it's my anniversary. I'm going to lunch. I'm going to move with my wife. Maybe I go to Jiu-Jit-to-night. You know, things are a lot better. I love my family. I feel I'm a little stronger. Fuck it. I'm going to, and that's it. That's what I would do. Every day I would do that little journal. One page. I wouldn't even write the one. And I did that. I started like six years ago when I got off the blow. That's when I started that, seven years ago.

And that evolved into the goal setting where I would get up and write my, you know, I was showing my wife. I was like, well, I don't know your schedule. And the other day, I opened up my notebook, and I go, there it is. She looked at it and she goes, no, you're not that fucking anal. And I go, yeah, I am. It's right there. She goes, you even have a little estimated time next to it. I go, I don't fuck around.

I got, you know, I like doing this. I have one hour. She goes, what to say there? Write one hour. And I go, I write one hour no matter what. But even though I know this in my head, I write it down, Cassius. Yeah. Today on that thing, it says, write one hour, 6 a.m.

podcast, 9.30, gym, 11 o'clock, fucking lunch with my wife. wife, $130 Dallas Buyers Club. Tell that freak to stop calling, cocksucker. These ladies are after me, I'm telling me. I'm telling you, you're a regular fucking Justin Bieber slinging dick up in Halifax up there. Oh, by the way, Lee,

your video has disappeared on the stream. Is it back? Because someone said it was gone, but we put it back up. I think it's up again. It should be a good. All right, that's good. But it's just so weird. The little things that you do to prepare you to write.

and then you start writing about your day backwards, like at night. And then you write your life story. And then now you become a writer because you're writing every day. You know, I've read a lot of writing books and what they didn't tell you was what Stephen King. Stephen King blows it up on writing. He talks about you have to write like a thousand fucking pages, a thousand words a day. If I wrote a thousand words a day, I fucking blow my own dick. Like, I think that'd be great.

I write a paragraph a day and I think I'm fucking great. you know that's good enough for me but yeah start writing do everything you can at this age cash just at least fucking try it it never hurts and you know if i could make a career out of being a comic that would be an amazing life now have you written sketches for your high school like why don't you get a couple guys at your school and put a troop together and do some sketches like sign that live type shit i mean you fucking canadians invented that shit yeah i've thought about that actually. I used to write some kind of sketch type stuff

on my old YouTube channel when I was younger but when I started the podcasting it was kind of hard to do both but I used to act too and a lot of stuff so I have some experience with that so it could happen sure. You're a bad little dude man and you don't play now you do a lot of music

so don't you want to play music in this mix? Oh yeah I play the drums I practice every single day for at least half an hour and it just helps past the time and it's a lot of fun too now the other day you posted something that was very interesting and I got to thinking about I even told my wife that's why I wanted you on the

podcast you posted on there that you loved Kiss but your favorite band is Black Sabbath why did you say that for some reason I was listening to a master of reality on my record player uh blasting into the void and sweet leaf and all that stuff and I just like some people say that the Beatles are the best band in the world

but their favorite band is so-and-so for me that's Black Sabbath it's just something about them is absolutely perfect and what are your favorite albums Paranoid is my favorite album you know me and my wife were driving that day and Hand the Doom came on oh my fucking God

and I broke it down for her and it's weird that I was talking to Lee before and I hope you know I don't want you to get high at all at all Right now at this point in your life, I just want you to enjoy your childhood. Because that's what ruined me. Don't get high right now. You know, think about it before you do it.

In college, if you want to smoke a half a number and put on into the void, I ain't going to get mad at you. And then you make your decision then as a man, I know your dad's a cop. He's probably angry. I'm telling you this, but you're going to do it anyway. You know, so, but it's really weird that Hand of Doom came on. And Lee today was talking about it. When we get high and he listens to music, he would get anxiety. Lee, if you listen to Hand of Doom, your heart would stop.

Because they call it back. If you listen to it, and the Hand of Doom is basically doing drugs, whether it's shooting heroin or doing acid and tripping, that's Hand of Doom. And they called it back in other albums. I think two other albums, they called it back to the Hand of Doom. And the song, the lyrics are just mind-boggling. And guess what? I actually did do Strong Acid and make the mistake of putting Hand-O-Dom.

the doom on. You know, what, what, what you want to do, life's gone on with you. I mean, it's just a slow, methodical, now you wait your turn. You know there's no return. Put the needle. I mean, you're sitting there going, what the fuck? How does Ozzie know what's going on in my dark room right now? And, listen, if it wasn't for Black Sabbath, I wouldn't fucking be here. You hear that cash? If it wasn't for Black Sabbath, I wouldn't be here because there was a lot of times I thought about taking a swan dive

and I put Sabbath Bloody Sabbath on. Yeah. And that song makes me want to get a sword, put somebody in their hands and knees, and chop their fucking head off glad to stop. Seriously. That song, Sabbath bloody Sabbath, makes me want to put my fucking park on

or whatever my winter jacket was. Get a sword, go out there, and make somebody get on their hands and knees and chop their fucking head off. because I knew they had my fucking money in their pocket for any purpose. It's the greatest. Whether it's kinkos, whatever.

That's the fucking attitude it would give me every fucking day, sad, buddy, sad because it just shows you. You know, nobody's going to tell you and so, you know, when you ask the reasons why, they just tell you that you're on your own. That's it. You're on your own.

The faster you get that in your fucking head in this life, the faster your fucking life will go through. You like sabotage? I've heard a couple songs off that one. I'm working my way up to it. Oh. Technical ecstasy Dirty women's good

Another back street kid is good And you won't change me It's fucking tremendous Never Say Die A lot of people don't like it I personally like it I like what Never Say Die stands for I like Johnny Blade

But there's nothing like Junior's eyes Again when I was going to When I was going to as a young man Every time I hear Junior's eyes I'd have to stop and take a fucking breath Asi was in fact, I hate calling Amazian, because when he was doing

all that Black Sabbath stuff, he was really John Osborne. Yeah, John Osbourne. It's John Osborne. John Osborne is the one who sings on Master Reality. And I got to tell you, man, you have bigger balls than I do, because at 15, I wouldn't put Master Reality on. Really? Why? It's just too real.

It's pretty insane. It's just too fucking real and dark. It's just... And for somebody guy, like Lee, Lee would listen to him. go, I'm turning this shit off. This is horrible. But if you listen to it, you're like, what the fuck is he saying? Have you ever thought about your soul? Can it be saved? Or perhaps you think that when you are dead, you stay in the grave? Are you fucking kidding me? Is that just a thought within your head or is it part of you? Is God just a name that you read in a book

when you were in school? Are you fucking kidding me or what? I wouldn't listen to that album. As soon as he said, God, I fucking pulled a plug out. And I used to put that album on the shelf. And I first picked that album up in 1982. I really didn't get into fucking that album until like 1995. Same thing with Led Zeppelin. When I first bought House of the Holy. I wouldn't put on fucking no quarter.

Hell no. That's a scary fucking song. Like the beginning of Star Trek, that shit scares the fuck out of me. Oh, fuck you. It's Wednesday. I don't need to be scared. So what are your plans, brother? You're taking some broad to the prom?

What's going on? Proms in a while, but pretty much my only plans are I made a promo video with my video interviews, and in a few months I'm going to get it ready to send to the Blacksat with the PR team and hopefully get an interview. Are you fucking serious? Yeah, I'm serious. Well, listen, brother, if there's anything I could do to help you make a video, a fucking interview, whatever we can do for you here at the church.

You have fans here, brother. Well, for people who don't know, what's the name of your podcast? Thank you. What's the name of your podcast? That reporter kid speaks. That reporter kid speaks, brother. This kid don't fucking. And he has a kiss one too, right?

Don't you have a kiss one? Yep. The Kisses of the Net? The Kiss One is called Creatures of the Net. Awesome. Two podcasts. Two podcasts. And there's people who can't.

even put their fucking shoes on that are adults. So that's why we're big fans here. If there's something we could do for you, man, you know,

we're your biggest fucking supporters. You follow on? Thank you. I feel the love. Thank you. No, no, no. You always get love

from us. You're a bad motherfucker. You're one of the badest kids that we do business with. So you always got family here and, you know, anytime you want to put some black sabbaton,

I'll fucking like the video. You're a bad motherfucker, Cassius. You got no school? What's going on? How come you're not in school chasing women, breaking windows?

What the fuck? I'm back tomorrow. What's going on today? You had bad weather? It's snowing a lot here. Oh, that's right. The East Coast got clobbered with fucking snow. I miss no day, so much.

For you motherfuckers traveling this week for Thanksgiving, pack a fucking toothbrush on the airport. You're going to be sleeping on the floor, cock suckers. Cash is happy Thanksgiving to you and your family. We love you, brother. You too. Thank you. Hey, thank you, Lisa.

What do you want us to play today? What Black Sabbath are we playing for you today on the way out? Let me know. Let's see. What are you thinking? I know it's a You know a little bit mainstream But Iron Man

You got it brother Just out of respect For fucking Cassius Morris We love you Thank you so much Stay blackish What's the fuck you think of that people 15 years old

Fri fucking teen And you're sitting there Thinking about this I don't know what to do My parents Listen grab your fucking cock If that little fucking 15 year old Could do it

So the fucking you Okay I love that little fucking kid like if he was his son. Because I see what he's doing, man. And I want to cry. I want to cry because I threw away half my fucking life, Lee. I threw it away fucking around. Mugging

chicks. Doing quailo d'et and rotten pussy. What the fuck, Lee? What the fuck you've got to the answer that? Huh? I don't think so. I don't think you'd be I can't imagine, because you would have turned out to be like a Seinfeld comedian. Like that way, like I can't imagine, like I can't imagine it being like a clean, regular

comic. Like I'm, it's kind of, it's good that it happened. Well, thank you, brother. You're you're a solid individual that's why I love you're a badass you're so high you're looking at a microphone case I gotta eat your edit but look because I can't go to it's not gonna go to waste it's gonna go to waste I can't just leave it there you embarrass me against it in front of the viewers

when we make the fucking church of what's happening now sons of anarchy cuts you're not getting my carcicent. Don't wait about it I'm giving some shout out today my man David Robbiz my man Robbizh Tony LaQuasto I love you cocksucker Cleo happy belated you sexy bitch Mike Maxwell always making pictures Tiger Style 81

and Jeff Miller you know I fucking love you cock sucker I want to talk to you about something real important here I'm just eat this edible like something in fact I'm not even going to call it edible I'm going to call it my vitamins okay bitch but now you got to take your vitamins

every day at the church this is strong today yeah I think on it put a little bit not on it I think fucking cheap or cheap a cheap or you guys slipped a little bit with the fucking

this morning. Listen, cocksuckers. I'm going to tell you something. You want to help somebody out for the holidays? Give them something for Monnet. I was thinking about this. I'm going to buy a bunch of stuff from Honourn and send to me. I have a lot of friends that always ask me for Honorable.

I'm just going to send people on a Christmas presents like fucking, I'll tell you what the thing is. I started taking again. The Anit 180 is back. And they tweaked it up. It's like drinking a fucking alpha brain that goes right to your head plus blow plus everything. It makes you feel fucking

great if you're flying over the holiday season try the 180 you won't get sick it's got everything in there is shroom tech sport it's got everything you'll do jumping jacks you'll breathe better when you fly give on it as a Christmas present this year go to on it dot com pick something on there pick the fucking new mood

pick the kettlebells pick the rope do something pressing the code what they press it church church get 10% off get on the email I talk to Aubrey we send you some extra shit maybe a sticker I don't fucking know alright maybe maybe we give you some samples but at least you're part the honor family do me that fucking favor if you're gonna give something for christmas go to

honor it's amazon banner is up on our side a lot of people been calling hitting me up going joe we want to donate we want to buy this we want to buy that you know what i don't want nobody donate nothing you guys work too hard i'm sick and tired every two months when something happens there's donations and don't even go to the fucking people getting it i don't want to take that money from you do me a favor you're going to order something from amazon fuck it put it towards us we get a couple pennies lee gets a t-shirt he jumps up and down you know you don't want to disappoint lee for fucking holidays so do that number two who lu fucking plus is more amazing than when I give it credit to be it's more amazing than when I got to give it credit to be there's

everything on there Lee there's fucking a lot more shit there's so much shit that I don't have time to write it and spill it out please do me a favor go to Huluplus.com or go to joey dyes.net go to the Hulu plus card pressing the code word Joey Joey again Joey J-O-E-Y Y-O-E-Y Get two weeks on the arm for free. You give me your credit card, out of respect. Then it's $7.99 a month. That's $96 a year, and you get fucking everything.

Wednesday, listen, and I'm going to read the list. If you're a little apprehensive, I understand. But I wouldn't blow smoke up your ass. It's not a bad fucking deal. $96 to get your whole fucking year taken care of. Hulu Plus. That's all I'm fucking saying right there. Something people used to get pissed off about was, like,

they have ads during some of the shows. They've added to me. movies, like full-length movies without ads. It's new. Right. They got original programming. Just go to Hulu Plus. They got everything you need.

I can't say the other shit out here because I'm not in business to bad mouth anybody, but I'm telling you. Take it from me. Go to HuluPlus.com. Press Joey in the fucking box. J-O-E-Y. Get two weeks, gradis. Boom, for free.

And that's it. That's how we fucking do it here. I ain't fucking around no, Lee. You get an Iron Man set for Cassius Morris? Iron Man, no. So you're here for three more weeks. You're unemployed. You went to Vegas.

Tell him what happened to fucking Vegas. Because a lot of people hit me up and going to What happened at least gambling career? Tell me what happened in the bank. It's just, it didn't. I, uh, hold on. I'm stone from, okay. So yeah, I just went and I, uh, I, I, I know all like the theory behind Blackjack,

but I, I get impatient and, like, some certain dealers fuck you over. And then there's a, uh, someone on the table who hits when she's not supposed to hit, and it fucking makes the whole table lose. So long story short, I lost all my money. and I just fucking, I was like, fuck it. I didn't even stay one night in the hotel. I just came back. I just came back at 5 in the morning.

And I wish I was better at it. And maybe I should just focus on sports or learn poker. A lot of people said, like, that's the game you have to play to have a chance of winning. Dre Falado goes to play poker like three days a week at the casino. He goes to tournaments. And that's all you can do. They have lunchtime tournament. You know, who's good at that Ari Sharfee.

Yeah. That was Ari's life. Ari's gotten so busy now. R. He was very fucking good. He won a couple tournaments. Ari was very good. He was focused doing it, but there's so much more now. You know, Ari travels. He lives in New York.

But he was going down there fucking twice, three times a week at lunch and doing the Christmas tournaments. And you can't go to the UFC unless you fistfight itself in Sherman Oaks in the fucking cage behind some Puerto Rican's house. You understand me?

Yeah. But it's good. You know, you like me. You hate losing money. You hate it. You ride as well. And I'd ask you, did you get your dick sucked? me. He said, oh, I walked I walked, because they have the, you see them, like they walk around,

it's just girls, but I was walking to the casino where I like to play, and this girl just, like, made a B-line form of her, she, like, we locked eyes, and she walked towards me, and as she was passing, says, where are you going? But, like, she didn't even stop. And, like, people, like, already says, it's, like, drug dealers in New York, they just kind of say what they have when they walk by you.

I was like, fuck, I wonder how much that would have cost, but no, I could never do that. Good for you. You don't want no fucking Clemody and your fucking little Jewelman anyway. You get some chick licking your asshole. Who needs that aggravation, right? Yeah, I'd have all of Engel would after me if I did that. You don't need somebody licking your nut sack,

whacking you off. No, I've never had a girl do anything to my nuts sack. I've got to the hands. You never licked your nut sack and wacked her off at the same time. What type of, who are you hanging out with? I don't know. What is it looking at the nutsack? I've never asked for. It's kind of... You got to say, put that nut in your whole fucking mouth. Suck it like a gumball. I'd rather have them sucking with dick.

No, listen, it's a trick, too. You want to suck the dick, but what do you want to sit there and fucking get a neck cramp? No, you have to give them a breather and let them just inhale the nut and give it the... I don't think your nuts are ever clean. I don't want to... Your nuts are always clean. If you're fucking cleaning the right way, you don't scrub them? Sure.

You got to scrub them and shave them and buff them out. You shave them? Sure. You don't shave them. You use that fucking weed whack. And you fucking knock down all the pubies and the crabs and you knock it down to the... nuts, you got to make the wife put a little nuts in your mouth and go,

hmm, mm, like a little, hmm, mm, mm, what's the fuck? No, I'm excited. And then she picks up your little shaft and licks under your little puby hair right under. That's a party, Lee. I got a blow job in the car this weekend, that was nice. I never had that before. Look at you, you're fucking savage.

Yeah. She got, but she got paranoid up because the whole car steamed up and, like, these people tried to get in the seat next to us, and I was like, oh, shit. You ever suck a dick outside? It's a nightmare. You ever see chicks? It's a fucking nightmare. Who wants to suck a dick outside.

But you do it. It's fun and you move on. As you're doing it, you feel bad. She's my girlfriend. Why do you feel bad? Because she's your girlfriend's like you paid some chick $18 to suck your dick. That's different. You don't feel bad.

There's no feelings involved. You know what I'm saying? You got to get your shit together, Lee. It's Monday, you cock suckers. I know it's, but Thanksgiving's this week, Joey, nothing's going on. Then make something fucking happen go on, cock suckers.

Go out there, get six beers and sell them for a dollar a piece. and that's how you start. That's $6. It costs you $4.50. You made $1.50. You did something today. That's what I'm trying to fucking say. So, Lee, we got to...

You didn't let a chick fart in your mouth, which I've gone away from... Don't say it didn't let her. No one's ever done it. You didn't come on fucking Ashley's mouth when she was sleeping. Yes, of course it didn't. This is what I'm talking about.

And now you're telling me, now you didn't eat the edible, and now you're really breaking my heart telling me... I've never told some chick to lick your nutsack. 20 women you've been with... You never had the heart to tell some women lick that fucking macook bag you know what I'm saying? Nothing

Nothing. It's never It's not that I would do it I wouldn't be grossed out by it but I just never You never had a chick just stick her nut Both nuts in her mouth And just pound your little helmet until you fucking Crack the nut No this is the first girl

I love you Lee I love you motherfuckers You love asking me this question? Fuck what that would leave because you fucking put me in shock You're 25 years old You think that you get women to suck your balls when you're 38? That's tough. You got to give them coke and give them a ring and promise them shit.

When you're 25. You're feeling good? Yeah. Who gives a fuck what it feels like? They're sucking your balls. Who gives a fuck? It's like they're hitting you in the toe with a fucking hammer. They're sucking your nuts.

It's a human being sucking your nuts. Three inches from your asshole playing with your fucking your stick shift. Who the fuck? What's the problem? There's no problem with it. Lee, I'm going to have a little talk with you this week. That's it. No, why?

You never, I never, never done it. You never had a chick lick your nuts. You know, you did it a black chick for how long? A year and a half. You never tell her to suck your nuts? Nothing. Suck that damn bitch. Suck it.

Let Nicole used to. Nothing? No. This is like the first girl I've been with that, like, enjoys, like, giving blow drops. Like, I had a, I could have, they had a game. You know why? Because she's Spanish. Well, yeah.

Because she's Spanish. They were born to suck dick, Spanish chicks. They love it. That's in their fucking, it's in their DNA. They grab that fucking hell. And they hit their face with the same way how I eat that fucking savage pussy. White guys look at it and sniff it and, you know, put a fucking white Charlie on. And not me.

You got to pick that leg up and get in there like a fucking soldier. You got to inhale that fucking, your goal is to smell her fucking uterus. If you ain't smelling her uterus with your nose with that tongue lip and licking that fucking muffler, then what the fuck are you doing it for? Why are you down there? You're trying to please it. You're trying to let her know who's the Captain Kirk of the Enterprise. Correct?

Absolutely. You take that fucking leg. You tell I'm going to rip this fucking leg off, you dirty bitch, after I eat you. They look at you like, what's gotten into you? What the fuck? Nothing's gotten into me. I love you. And you fucking, you lick that fucking pussy.

You lick that ass. You sniff that fuck. You even put your nose in a pussy and you go, like a fucking bull. You understand me? You sniff that fucking thing. What's wrong with American people? I got to break this down for this fucking guy? No.

This is what I'm talking about. For Wednesday night, I'm at the ice. House live with my main man Lysayat 9.30 show Rocco Urbisi, the man that made the specials for fucking prior, he made the specials for George Colin. I would not miss this fucking white

podcast. How was you? This is Lee is going to have sperm all over his fucking pants. Friday and Saturday, I'm at the American Comedy Club. I got guest sets from Jesse Egan on Saturday, and my man Red Band's coming down on Saturday night. I got Steve Simone. I got fucking

the Agostino and Lee Syatt will be there Saturday night with the old man eating edibles at the fucking door. Both of them are going to be eating fucking edibles. They're going to sleep in my bed. I'm coming home. You know what I'm saying?

Then I'm going to fucking Caluca Casino. I'm going to Oregon, Eugene, Oregon at the theater. And I'm ending out the fucking year at Nashville with you motherfuckers. Friday the 13th, which is tickets are selling fast. One show, 9.30, one show of fucking night in Nashville. And then we're taking this party to New Year's fucking Eve at the John Lovitz.

It's for $30 fucking dollars. 8 o'clock show, you're out of there by 10.15. Happy, and you go stab somebody, do blow, eat some ass, get your balls lick. 30 fucking dollars, plus the 25th Christmas night. I'm doing a fucking movie somewhere with a bunch of you fucking savages. We're getting together at 7.30. Again, Leo will be there eating edibles. He can't fucking wait.

No, that's going to be exciting. That's going to be very exciting, okay? We're going to fucking get this down. I'm going to call the director from Gredge Match. I'm going to have him call into the podcast. This Wednesday we're doing the podcast with Barone. He was my seventh grade teacher when I got left back. He's calling him at 3 o'clock, 12 o'clock California time.

Oh, cool. Okay. I thought it was 6 a.m. again. No, no, no. We're going fucking. Because what the fuck? A lot of people are out of time, man. Yeah.

A lot of people are really traveling. A lot of people don't watch the podcast today. Listen, guys, it's Thanksgiving week. You're traveling. Do me a fucking favor. Because it would break my heart. Keep your fucking eyes open. The government's giving out fucking Kool-Aid,

and they're giving out bullets. people gonna something's gonna go down this weekend please keep your eyes open stay off your fucking stupid Twitter feed when you're walking around and when you're driving if you're at the airports please keep your fucking eyes open if you're on a train keep your eyes open pay fucking attention you know you see somebody fucking go for it take them down take that gun and stick it up their fucking ass and fucking shoot those bullets right in their fucking soul so they can't even make it come back and that's all i got to tell you keep your eyes open we love you here at the church lee loves you i love you you bad motherfuckers i want to thank

Cassius Morris for calling in today. Listen, it wasn't that crazy today, but what the fuck? We got you out of the house. We got you up. We got you ready. We got you smoking some dope. You yelled at Lee. I yelled at you. What's up, Lee? No, quickly, Dollar Shave Club. We want to thank them for sponsoring again?

I didn't forget about Dollar Shave Club. Okay. I didn't forget. I didn't forget. You see this? Dollar Shave Club has been impressing me more and more the last month. Because usually when you buy something, you're impressed with it, and it might fall apart. I told you guys I didn't bring my razor to one of those towns

And I took it out of the bag My wife went to Swiss the blade on it Because we get new blades And Swiss and I left it out And when I went to this hotel I got their little replacement blade And I shaved with that And that must have cost a fucking dollar

And I realize how lucky I am To get sponsored by Dollar Shave Club And what they send you for a fucking dollar And I can't believe you people Still run into fucking a pharmacy Stand on fucking line Put up with somebody's fucking They ask you a thousand questions. Where's your card? You don't have it. What's your phone number? You don't have it? What the fuck matter? Just give me my fucking things, okay? That's it. I'm gonna fucking rush. I'm gonna fucking rush. I don't want to be in a fucking pharmacy. So what happens? Nothing. Two hours to get fucking blades. Then you take them home and you shave twice and they fucking suck dick.

Dollar. Diff. Dollar Club for fucking one dollar a month. They send you what? Two blade racers. Two blade fucking raisers. And the blade, you can hit somebody in the fuck. I have poke them in the eye and scrape that motherfucker like the inside of a grapefruit. Then they got the $6 plan, which is sending you. $22 fucking dollars a year. Set and stone. Then they got the $12. $12. $9 fucking plan. So you never even hit $10 a fucking month. You get razors with that plan.

You get the executive plan. You get what in that? You get the four blade razors. With the whole fucking deal. And then you get for the first, when you first sign up, they send you a thing of the shave butter. So listen, guys, you can't fucking lose.

I'm teaching you out to save a little money and still live like a fucking doctor. You get the best fucking products. So today, you got on it. You got Hulufuckingplus.com. Which I'm telling you, If you're not on Hulu plush, you're wasting your fucking time. Go shoot yourself if you're not on Hulu Plus.

And you've got Dollar Shave Club who does great things for us. I also want to throw a shout out to T-Division. We're going to start sending packages out through them. My T-shirts, our coffee mugs, all that type of shit. And besides that, listen, I love you guys. Even if you don't listen to the podcast this week, you're busy on the road. Happy Thanksgiving with your families. I want you to look around the table and look around and see what could have fucking been.

You could have been one of those black kids who flies all over you and people throwing rocks at you. But instead, you got a family. You got people who love you and fucking care for you. Look at them, tell me you him you fucking love them, and you know, do something good for your fucking life. Even if you get a gun and shoot, I don't know. Rabbits or something like that.

I don't fucking know. Do me a favor. Have a happy Thanksgiving. We love you here at the church of what's happening. Now, Lee, you got to tell these cuckuckers on here there? Yeah, thank you guys so much for the past year. It's been the craziest year of my life. And it's not over yet, but it's just thinking about that.

I'm going to be crazy. You haven't got your balls licked with, what the fuck? That's not like the asshole Where I'm scared of it It's just never I don't know It's not like the asshole Like I'm scared of it

I don't Assholes things dude You got you got Iron Man Yeah All right Put the fucking thing on please What do you got aggrim I love you guys

Stay black Have a good day See you this weekend And Sandy 8 Now that the show's over Don't forget to sign up For your free trial Hulu Plus

Hulu Plus lets you binge On thousands of hit shows Anytime Anywhere On your TV PC Smartphone or tablet Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to Huluplus.com

or just go to Joey Diaz.net and click on the Hulu Plus banner. And don't forget to sign up for dollar shaveclub.com. You'll get high quality razors sent to your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollar shaveclub.com for it slash church or just go to Joey Diaz. Dot net and click on the dollar shave club banner.

I'm fucked up. I am, man. We may meet these out of all by myself. No, you know how I feel that fucking. Fuck podcast is Ari. Hit it! Oh shit. Kick this motherfucker.

Fuck yeah. What? Lick my fucking nuts. Pick that dick up. Picks that.