The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #114 | JOSH WOLF | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: November 10, 2021

Welcome to The JOINT..... It's Wednesday, November 10th..... Today we talked with our friend, JOSH WOLF! https://www.instagram.com/joshwolfcomedy https://www.twitter.com/joshwolfcomedy & Don't Forget to Check Out His Latest Special on YouTube: https://youtu.be/KCCK8oHfk1Y This episode is brought to you by Better Help, DraftKings & CBD Lion….. Go to https://www.BetterHelp.com/DIAZ Use PROMO CODE: DIAZ for 10% OFF your 1st Month! Go to https://www.cbdlion.com Use Promo Code: JOEY, JOINT or CHURCH For 20% OFF Your Order! Download the DraftKings SportsBook App & Enter Code: JOEY https://www.DraftKings.com/sportsbook to bet $1 on any NHL game to win $100 in Free Bets! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #JoshWolf The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video....

What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? Uncle Joey here for another day on Uncle Joey's joint. The joint is brought to you by Draft Kings. Listen to me. The NHL season is underway, and Draft Kings has an unbelievable offer to celebrate the greatest sport on ice. New customers can bet $1 on any NHL game and win $100 in free bets and Vita team scores a goal. This week, Florida is coming up to see the Jersey motherfucking devil. and it's going to be a fun time.

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for you, where the gummies work, will the tape work, will the cream work? I don't know. Go to CBD Lion, read and get back to me. Pressing code Joey or church and get 20% off your first order. CBD Lion, the fucking best. Now, if there's not anything else, let's get this motherfucking show on the road, cock suckers. It's Wednesday. We got no time to fuck around. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? Welcome to the joint. It's Wednesday. The 10th of fucking November moving right along. Thank God it's been a tremendous fucking week in Jersey so far.

It's been in the 60s. Hot as fuck. Well, not hot as fuck, but warm, mildly fucking tempered, bright, beautiful sun shining. Birds are chirping. The trees are fucking, you know,

the leaves are falling off. It's just a beautiful time of the year. I'm happy you guys. We got a great fucking podcast today. I got a guest later on. Thank you for everybody who, made comments on the pictures I posted yesterday from me and my five buddies. That's a great picture.

You know, I didn't even look at it that hard until I posted it. And I was like, that's a great fucking picture. And for you people that put up, I put it up on Twitter and Instagram, and it's been hysterical the shit that you guys were saying. This is the first cool post on Instagram. I ever put up without people talking shit and saying stupid stuff. I mean, I know my hairdoes fucking redact. But for you people who think it was that we were coming on the changing flavors, no.

And I know we looked fucking old in that picture, didn't we? We looked like fucking young men. But for you guys that don't know, everybody looked old when we were growing up. It was fucking crazy how old we looked in that picture. That was the eighth grade trip we took to Philadelphia. We were going to go to Betsy Ross's house where they made the flag and all this shit, something else that's in Philly. and we were going to the Nutcracker Suite.

It was like it was fucking yesterday. And we had buses like, I forget the name of the university. Isn't it university bus with the schools and shit like that? I think university bus. And I remember the night before I told my mom I was going on a school trip and she's like, what are you bringing the kids? And I'm like, bring the kids? I'm not bringing them shit.

She goes, you better get up to fucking shop right and buy some snacks for the kids. Let me give you some cash. So she gave me like 20 bucks. I bought like Yankee doodles, yodles, what's the yellow ones? Twinkies. I bought a box of Twinkies.

I thought I had it covered. I didn't smoke pottene. I was in the fucking eighth grade. I think we smoked at the end of that summer. We started smoking all of us. But we were a fucking, no, I'm lying to you guys. We smoked that McKinley. Yeah, we smoked at McKinley.

We used to smoke out of a glass. out of a glass, I don't know what you call them, it's not a pipe. It's just like a flute with a hole in it, and you put the joint in there, and you light the joint, and then you just go, like, oh, boop, poop, boop. Yeah, something like that. Like, you just, I forget what it's called. So we used to go to fucking Blimpie at lunchtime. Up in Union City, we'd fucking smoke, and we'd sit on that pipe.

It was a little fucking pipe, and I put it in my, back pocket and while I was eating roast beef fucking Blimpy made a tremendous rope beef sandwich with vinegar oil lettuce and tomato onions tremendous no pickle shove it up your ass I don't need a pickle

on roast beef there's no pickle on roast beef cocksuckers so we used to fucking do that shit we smoked pot like once a month we were petrified then but I started smoking a little more like throughout the 8th grade I think I smoked like maybe

four or five times that whole year. But once we graduated, we were puffing that summer, getting ready for freshman year. But that eighth grade picture was taken. Everybody kept thinking it was the changing flavors or the night that we were driving by sound. No. So we went to Philadelphia.

We went to Betsy Ross's house first. We had a wait online. It was fucking cold out and shit. We got through it. And then we went to the nutcracker suite. We brought a bunch of fucking paper clips and we broke them in half and we all had rubber bands.

So me, Orlando, South Sado, David Ruiz, Dominique Spatial, we sat and we just shot paper clips at the fucking people, one after the other, the people who were performing. Let me tell you, those things hurt. When we were kids, they'd tell you, don't shoot paper clips because you're going to take somebody's fucking eye out. Like they banned at school and shit. We stayed up all night breaking paper clips. We had rubber bands. So after about 30 minutes of shooting paper, I never forget, like we kept missing.

our aim wasn't good, you know. At the beginning, our aim wasn't good. And then we got a hold of it. And there was like a 10 paperclip run. We all shot at them. And there were two principal people on the stage. I don't remember the fucking play. There were two principal people on the stage.

And I remember that they were holding their legs like, ah, ah. And after like 10 fucking hours, the curtain dropped. And the light, the house lights came on. And they fucking went out to the auditorium. They pulled this out of it, and we got thrown the fuck out. The teachers were mad at the, for maybe 10 minutes. I posted a picture Tuesday.

I posted a picture Monday of the whole eighth grade class. But Tuesday I posted one of me, Anthony Balzano, God rest his soul, and Wally Lindsay. Wally Lindsay was a teacher I had. He was the mayor of Weehawking, but he was a grammar school teacher in North Bergen. Why? I don't fucking know. I found out that day when the ATF came and arrested him for fucking racketeering and murder. That dude in the picture I posted on Twitter and whatever went to prison for racketeering and murder.

He was racketeering to Waterfront and Wehawk and selling it without fucking, I don't know the whole story back then. But he did end up doing 13 years. And I spoke to Wally about maybe seven years ago. And he was very fucking proud of me. So it all worked out. You know what I'm saying? So if you get to look at the pictures on Twitter, go on Twitter or my Instagram, Matt Flavor, and you'll see both pictures.

They're cool pictures. I never saw them before. Some girls sent them to me. They're getting ready to do a McKinley reunion. So she sent them to me just to get me excited. I'm excited about it. It's next week. Let's see what happens.

You know what I'm saying? My schedule changes every other fucking day. I got something, you know, but it works out. I got to talk to you guys about something and let you know what's going on. I was fucking excited this past. weekend. I really was. I'm like, fuck. I'm going to be able to watch something I like. Like right now, I'm waiting for a couple of shows. I was waiting for Narcos. I was waiting for Cobre Kye with my daughter because we're going to watch that while she's off school all that week, Christmas holiday.

You know, I was waiting, but I was really waiting for fucking narcos. Friday, Thursday night, I stayed up till midnight because I thought it came on at midnight, but it didn't. At three in the morning? Yeah, it came on at three in the morning. When I fucking got up Friday, I went against my own will and I tried to watch the first episode in the daytime like after everything was done. Obviously, I sat down and I watched the first episode. It was very weird.

Second episode was a little weird. Finally, about a third episode, I started getting what was going on and I was still fucking confused. Then the fourth, sixth and the seventh episodes picked up some momentum and it led me into the eighth and ninth and tenth episodes, which they were okay. The show, I thought, was tremendous.

I thought this year's show wasn't that fucking good, like it just didn't, it just didn't grab you. And the ending was kind of weak, how he ended and shit like that. They had a couple violent things. They threw a side story in there about a guy who was hunting a girl, he got fired as a cop trust me way to fuck out there okay

let me tell you what happens guys before you guys lose your mind okay when you have a popular show i.e. the sopranos Miami Vice Narcos the one that was on AMC breaking bad

anytime you have a show like that the first two seasons is a blockbuster right fucking people talking about you everybody's talking about you you're on TV guide you're fucking everywhere What happens is, and Dex is another show that that happened to also. What happens is the first three seasons, you've got the full writing crew, right?

You've got the full right. These are the writers that were there from you from day one. But guess what? After your show gets hot, the hardest thing to handle is your writers, because they all get off is for more money. When you're on a hot show, you go from being a writer to being a head writer. on a different show or moving up two-notches

like you're more involved with the head writer you're working with the producers every time you get a job it's a way better job you know what I'm saying so like Miami Vice you watch Miami Vice

first season was mind-boggling mind-boggling how good it was second season men's amens they got they found out they had a hit show third season was pretty fucking good after that Miami Vice fell to the dogs cocaine

fucking egos, but most importantly, the writing. I mean, they had an episode about Martians on Miami Vice. How do fucking Martians come into cocaine in my fucking world? But whatever. So that's what happened on fucking Narcos. I mean, the writers just switched and it's a fucking shame. I know he's got a couple other shows, Andrew Baize. He's got like Godfather Harlem and some other show on Stars.

He's a great executive. Even, let me give an example. Sons of Anarchy, great fucking show, okay? Sons of Anarchy ends, he goes over to Mayans. He's the executive producer, the showrunner, the whole fucking thing of Mayans, he was on it. Guess what? He had just done seven years on fucking Sons of Anarchy.

By the time he got the Mayans, he was burnt out. I'm talking about Kurt Sutter, the showrunner, the creator of all that shit of Sons of Anarchy. He was burnt out He ended up getting fired From his own fucking show Yeah, he's not on the show no more He's not on the show no more

He's not on the minds anymore It's his show He still gets to create a credit You know, 13, 14,000 I don't know exactly what it is But no He's and that's how fast That shit moves around

The result is You're sitting there going Wow, this show went to shit No, it didn't go to shit They changed their fucking writers And that's what the fuck happens You understand me Miami Vice did the same

All those shows did. I don't think Breaking Bad did it. Breaking Bad held on. Yeah, they were pretty fucking good. But it's just some shows that they go down the fucking tubes, you know. Today I got my friend Josh Wolf on the show. I noticed he put out a special last week. Me and Josh moved around the same time.

He came to Nashville and I moved to fucking New Jersey. You know, when I got here, me and Josh are tight, very tight. We're family tight. his family. I know his brothers, his parents, his guy babysat his kids. You know, so throughout this whole journey of us being here, just because I didn't have them on the podcast, didn't mean we weren't yakking.

You know, we've been talking the whole time, bouncing ideas off each other, and I'm really happy he's out of L.A. I think that when you move to L.A., sometimes you get too dependent on your agents and the people that are working around you, and we forget that we have to do all the work. I never forgot that.

I never forgot that. You have to do all the work and bring it to them. And then they'll never initiate it. So for you young comics, you're like, I don't know what's going out in my agent. They won't initiate it. You can't just sit there and think your agent's going to get your shit. You got to keep working. And eventually you guys be in the middle.

And you bring them stuff. And I know you're paying them a commission. Why am I paying them if I got it? Guys, this is part of the business. so don't fucking feel bad about it. But, you know, Josh and I had been in L.A. around the same time, I think he had been there about a year before me. We were together from 97 to 2001 just trying to figure it out.

You know, like I told him, I'm going to tell you guys. You know, we're writing the book, and we had to write this chapter a couple weeks ago. And it was the best feel-good chapter of the book so far. Like it was when the, you know, we talk about me growing up. We talk about me going to prison, kidnapping people. This is completely different. This is when I get into an art. And I find friends that are like mine that it was me, Ralphie, Gavin, you know, a bunch of us, six or seven of us.

We were all broke. We were all going through the same thing. We were trying to find our fucking voices. We were trying to figure out what the fuck to do. And by the looks of it, man, we fucking did it. You know, but the best time, In my whole comedy career, it wasn't when I did the Chicago Theater. It wasn't when I did Town Hall.

I like to think that. I really like to think that. I like to think those are the highlights in my life when I did the longest yard. The best time I had on my career was when we were getting to that place, the struggle. You have to look forward to the struggle. If you don't, it's not going to work out for you. That's when most people quit. They don't like it.

They don't like sleeping on floors. They don't like sleeping without a fan They don't like going to bed with a fucking empty stomach When you're first starting out in comedy When you love comedy so fucking much That's what you do You starve for it You sacrifice your family for it

You don't want to come home Your mom will call you You don't know how many times I was with comics And they're like man my parents I haven't seen them in a year They want me to come home for Thanksgiving But I'm too fucking busy And I would look at them

Not having parents And I go, dog, run back and see your parents. And they're like, no, I'm too fucking busy. That's the love that you have to have for comedy. That's the love. That's the love you have to have for whatever you're doing. That's the passion that you have to have if you want to get to that place.

Whether you're in a band, whether you play the guitar, whether you want to sing, whether you want to suck dick, whatever the fuck you want to do, that's the fucking cost of it, his sacrifice. And nobody, listen, one thing I can look you in the eye and tell you is that I saw Ralphie Mae sacrifice. I saw fucking Josh Wolf's sacrifice And I saw my sacrifices And guess what When I saw them sacrifice things

It was I don't know It was like It inspires you Like this is what I got to do To get to that place If that's what I got to do I'm gonna fucking do it Before I introduce Josh Wolf

I gotta talk to you real quick About Betterhelp.com Listen Today, The joint is sponsored by Better Help online therapy. If you're scared of going to therapy like I was, think about it this way, okay? When you drive a car every 90 days, it goes for a fucking old change, right?

Right. Well, the same thing happens with the brain. Going to therapy is routine maintenance for your mental and your emotional wellness. It's a tune-up, you know, in a year not catching fire in the middle of the road. I never dreamed of going to therapy. I always thought I wasn't crazy I always thought I didn't have mental health issues When the pandemic came and whatnot

The world started getting mental health issues I just got an email today from SAG The Screen Actors Guild about depression And what's going on over that Going to therapy does not mean that there's something wrong with you It means that you're investing in yourself To keep your mind healthy Better Help is customize online therapy

They offer video phone and even live chat sessions with your therapist. You don't have to see anybody on camera if you don't want that. It's much more affordable than in-person therapy and you could start communicating

with your therapist within 48 hours. Why invest in everything else and not in your mind, right? Everybody's talking about Bitcoin. You're going to lose your fucking mind every day. I suggest you try it. I had some mental health issues this last year. I never had them.

I had some feelings. I wanted to take care of. I had some unattended issues. I had to take care of. And that's exactly what I did. I had to take the blunt off my fucking shoulders. Like I said, why invest in everything else and not in your mind? Just for the joint listeners, what I'm going to do this month is give you 10% off your first month with betterhelp.com slash Diaz.

I work with a therapist called Dana and she's done great by me. I mean, we talk once a week. You can set up your appointment. It's easy to cancel if you're busy and you do it at home on your time. She has nighttime appointments, daytime appointments, weekend appointments. So do yourself a favor. Go to betterhelp.com. That's better help.

B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash Joey dash Diaz. D-I-A-Z. Take control of your life. Go to betterhelp.com. I want to give you 10% off the first month when you use code Diaz. BetterHelp.com. Online therapy, that's going to rock your fucking world. I love it.

I do it once a week. And you guys have seen the change of me. Right now, I want to present one of my brothers to you guys. I love them to death. We had a nice fucking chat. I hope you enjoy it. I hope your young comics are watching this. I want it to do is Josh Wolf.

I'll see your cock suckers afterward. What up, Mook? What's going on, man? What's happening? Welcome to the motherfucking joint, my friend. I'm so psyched to be here. How are you doing? I'm putting the pieces together, man.

Every fucking day is a different adventure. Yeah. One day at a time. What's that poster behind you? The one you gave me. Oh, yeah. Bruce Lee and Dan and Asanto and shit, looking good back there.

I got a mirror there. You want to cover it. I don't like looking at myself in the mirror at night. You know what I'm saying? I do know what you're saying. Sometimes I wake up, especially now, you know. And in my brain, I wake up and I look. Like I did, you know, 20 years ago.

And I look in the mirror, I'm like, who's that fucking dude? You know what I mean? It's scary. When somebody gives you a picture of you or sends you a picture and you're like, oh, that's not good. Do you know, Joe, when in your brain, you're like, I kind of look the same. And then someone sends you a picture from like a while ago and you're like, oh, no, I don't. No.

I don't look at it. It's not fucking good. It's not good anymore. You can lift all the weight you can. It's not good anymore. I'm going to tell you something right now, dude. My skinny little legs are not getting any bigger. Those things refuse to fucking work for you, Doug.

Those motherfucking legs are yours just refuse. You got to put heavy fucking squats on there, like 300, 400 for three. Huh? How long you've known me now? 20 years. Have these legs ever gotten any bigger than this? No. That's a fucking shame

What a shame You're gonna have a hard time when you're 60 You're going to have a cart And a fucking helmet Because you know You might fall off the fucking cart And shit That scares the shit out of me

Like people's parents start to fall When you're 55 I work on my balance Every fucking night because of that I am so scared Ever since I fell off that fucking bike Before I moved to New Jersey I'm petrified

Of falling anymore petrified. That fall was horrible in LA. I'm looking at him break my fucking shoulder, my neck. But, I mean, at our age, when you fall on the ground, something bad's going to happen. Something bad's going to happen.

You know, you watch football, you watch all these guys flying through the fucking air and hitting each other. I've been watching football this year, the last two seasons, because I'm not in the road no more. I got time to sit, pull up a chair, place a little fucking $25 bet, shit like that. I had the Ovalest night

two nights ago, thank God. I got beat up this week on Draft Kings. Them motherfuckers beat me to fuck up. Prop bets everybody. I couldn't pick a winner Saturday night for the UFC and then Sunday you saw a fucking Sunday.

Anybody who got upset, I had them. Like I had the Rams. I had fucking Dallas given 10 you know. I had the bills. I had the bills given 14. They lost by 3. They didn't know it's like they didn't eat wings or some shit that week. I don't know what the fuck happened to them.

But it's just, yeah, I had a winner on Monday night, and I'm happy, and I'm reevaluating my fucking gambling after this weekend. Do you remember there was a dude I knew when we were in Seattle who parlayed the same, and I forget what three teams it was. College. He would do it in time of football. I remember it was like, three teams.

Miami, Oklahoma, Florida State, and he just rode those three. Every week. Every week. Every week. You're a winner at the end of the season. Not by much. You're not going to win a lot, but you're in the positive that those three, you know, unless they stop covering.

Like last night Dallas didn't cover. Once I seen Brett Michaels, I knew not to bet fucking Pittsburgh. I swear to God, as Jimmy Florentine. We were sitting at his house. I saw Brett Michaels. I hope nobody in the room bet fucking Pittsburgh last night. He's the kiss of that. Sure enough.

They didn't fucking cover. Anytime it's like fucking Pete Rose night or one of those celebrities gonna show up and you get all, they're definitely gonna win tonight. Fucking Joe Montana's there. They get killed. They always get killed.

One thing that for me, and you taught me this, the saying that America is not that smart. So when you see everybody betting on something, you gotta bet the other way. You gotta bet the other way. And you never see a book, you know,

that's another. job that's what you told no and that's why i like about yahoo yahoo what you do is let's say you're looking at a game you're looking at i don't know the cowboys against denver don't fucking remind me i love the cowboys you know and uh they're given i don't even know what the fuck we're talking about here lost my train of thought here we're talking about the the the betting on what everybody else is betting on right let's say they're giving 10 whatever you go to yahoo and you click on that game because Yahoo tells you what games are up that day. Click on that and the game, it'll tell you, you know, first place in the Eastern Conference, third place in the Western

Conference, and then you scroll down and it'll actually have the breakdown. The money line and the line and the total of what America's betting. It's pretty interesting. It's very fucking interesting what everybody's looking at and that's what you base your picks off of, you know. I'm not greedy. It's like, like, I was thinking about this the other night how gambling has changed in my life. Gambling we did to make money, to actually think we were going to beat somebody and make $8,000 and get our dicks up. No, that's not going to work that way. I put a nickel in there. I had a G in there until this weekend on $25 stupid bets. The World Series, I just bet. I didn't even bet the World Series. I would bet a run to score in the first inning.

That's a smart way to go, right? Yeah. They always hit a home run in the first inning except for two games. They always scored. You know, when the playoffs, I always bet the first run. Florentine used to laugh at me. He goes, don't you pick a fucking side. I go, no, they got all these prop bets.

I don't want to sit and watch a game for three hours to get the final result. That sucks, dick, and I don't want to sit there. So I'd rather just put a prop bet in. You know where you stand at the end of the first inning? They have first five innings. They got so many fucking things you can bet on. that's kind of fun you know

listen you just bet 10 there's some nights I'm bored I'll play blackjack for a quarter I win and I'll go

I quit when I win a dollar at least I'm up a dollar for the day I did okay I made a dollar that's it another day another dollar

you make a fucking dollar were you the one who told me also Friday night NBA home teams always soon as the line shifts yeah

the more points they're getting the more money you're putting on that team. So if you, like, I love the Celtics on Friday night. The Celtics and the Sixes at home, the line is up. And especially, like, if you put, if you bet the Celtics from California, you get a decent line. But if you call Boston to bet the Celtics on a Friday night,

the line is definitely a half a point to a point, maybe a point and a half bigger. They do that because you live in Boston. You're not going to bet Toronto. you're going to get at Boston. So when that line shifts, two points, and it happens all the time. I always look at the Tuesday, you look at the games for the week. Now don't look at them no more. Sunday, you look at them again, the games that you were looking at,

the three games you were looking at, if one of those lines changes in the other directions, you go with that line changes. So if that line goes up, you bet that team. If that line goes down, you bet that underdog. They're forcing you to bet. Who's your team that? this year in football that you've been riding.

Tennessee's a sleeper. I'll tell you who won me some money, Indianapolis. Nobody saw them coming. See, now everybody sees him coming. Now you can bet football. After this week, I'm done with football. That's it. I'll switch it up to college basketball.

On Monday nights. That's great. And just bet on Monday nights on college basketball. It's a fucking system. But if you fall into the system, it's not going to be fun anymore. You know how many people I know that don't watch sports because they caught a beating, gambling?

Beating. Like they had to get jobs, had to borrow money from their mother. They had to pimp their wife out. The whole fucking deal because those people do not watch sports anymore. I don't want that bad feeling. You know, I want to enjoy myself. You know, so if it's 10 bucks, who gives a fuck? I won't eat Chinese today.

I'll just bet fucking, you know, I don't do basketball, though. NBA's... NBA and baseball will fucking kill you. Baseball for sure. Baseball will kill you. Anything that's every day will kill you. I don't like basketball betting it. I'll watch a game when Nick's a good this year.

I'll watch them for three minutes and I move the fuck on. Yeah, for me, baseball is the hardest because truly on any, look, over the whole season, you can bet on a team, right? But on one single night, look, Pedro Martinez lost games, right? In order to win on a Pedro Martinez game, you had to bet so much, right? Yeah. But that dude lost too. Baseball is one of those games.

It's not football, right? 16 games. You know this team's going to go 12 and 4 or whatever. The 162 games. So they're going to lose a lot. Do you know what I mean? And on those any given nights, it's too much of a risk for me. And especially the good teams in baseball, you've got to with a good pitcher.

You got to bet so much for even for it to make sense. You know what I mean? The UFC and I had a couple fights that if you bet $25, you won $37. It's not worth me sweating bullets for $12. Nah. You know, I don't want to sweat bullets for $12 fucking dollars. I don't mind playing a hand of blackjack for $2 or, you know, whatever. I don't want to sweat for fucking $13.

I won't bet it. You know, sometimes the odds are shitty. With gambling, I got to do what I like. I don't fucking play games. Like, let's see, I'm very serious, and I take it seriously. You know, like, I like it. I wouldn't do big because I have a daughter. Yeah.

And I have a wife, and I have mortgage payments. And I know what happens when you start betting $5,000, $10,000. It's just, listen, you're going to lose. You're going to lose. It's when you start chasing your money. If I could play the whole season on one fucking deposit, I could care less. and then do maybe college basketball for March Madness.

Again, but I won't do anything that's every day with gambling. That's where you get caught up. That's where you die when it's every fucking day, you know. Yeah, the dudes who chase their money, like I've gotten good at not chasing my money anymore. I'll take an help. I'll take an L because I know next week I'm going to try again. But I don't lose a bet on a Saturday and chase that money throughout the weekend anymore. I remember doing that man. If you lose that big bet on Saturday, you chase that

money the whole weekend. Next thing you know, you're up at four in the morning snort and coke waiting to get the score from Hawaii. Hawaii. Once you're watching Hawaii, you know you're a fucking loser. If you're betting Hawaii, I got to be honest with you. I hate saying this to people, but you're a fucking loser. If you're on, if you're sitting there waiting for Hawaii to score doing Coke, you know, it's not going to work out for you. I know. I know, I don't know. a couple guys that live down fucking Hawaii and they got killed.

I know my brother, he's fucking, you know, you can't even mention Hawaii in front of him. You can't even fucking mention Don Ho in front of this fucking guy because Hawaii killed him. I'd be lying if I told you, I didn't watch a couple Hawaii San Diego State

games in my day. Just fucking like, that's that last game of the night. That last one in the morning and shit. It's a fucking nightmare. That's my rule number one. If you got to bet Miami it's time to do something different. You got

to sell pencils to blind people. You got to make it work for you. You got to make believe you're blind. I was thinking about that the other day. There's no blind people no more selling fucking pencils. What a nightmare. This country has become rude. Jesus. Even a blind guy. You never see a blind guy at Walmart no more.

Standing out there with some pencils and shit. Talking to some blind chick and shit. How you doing, baby girl? Hold on. I'm going to sell some pencils. I'll take you over to some eyeglass wear. It's fucking crazy. How's Tennessee, man?

I love it, dude. You know, I'm, I feel really good. I'm, I, I should have left Los Angeles five years ago. Me, 2015. That's when I should have left. Before I saw behind the iron rod curtain. Yeah. And I was telling you this earlier, man.

But for me, it was, I didn't see. the gradual change in who I had become there. It slowly started to take a little bit away from me. And not until I got here, did I look back at who I had become and been like, I'm embarrassed. I was embarrassed about the dude that I had become and the things that I had made important in my life, you know? So had I. I take a look at that.

I didn't like my behavior the last five years. Across the board. It worked for then. I don't know who that dude is anymore. Like when I watch old churches, a clip or something, I have no idea who that dude is anymore. I appreciate that motherfucker with all my heart. But it was weird.

I was thinking about our conversation before, about L.A. And, I mean, we had it. Listen, I'm writing a book, Josh Wolf. And one of the best chapters I wrote was about two weeks ago about our lives from 98 to about 2000. You really look at that and you see, that's a movie. That was a movie. That's almost famous.

That's all those movies you see on cable or on HBO about bands and, you know, queen and shit like that. What we did should be a movie, should be a TV series. And it was one of the best times in my life. And we were broke? we were fucking flat broke some way or another we were figuring out how to make a 10 here

and a 15 there to snort some coke but I probably had three pair of pants I'm not ashamed to say this today because that was my strength you know I didn't buy underwear because if I bought underwear I took away from my cocaine budget so I had socks, pants, t-shirts

you know but Schrader Vista Curzon, Sierra Bonita. I mean, we could write a fucking show from those two years stealing cigarettes from the Arab guy when he was pumping gas. You know, going to the Sunset Grill.

Yeah, going to the Sunset Grill when the dude had the fucking platform foot and he would swing his leg around. That's the guy Don Henley was talking about. You know, I thought the Sunset Grill was some chicks and shit like that. And it's on the street. It didn't have a...

sitting area and it was two Mexican chicks with an old guy who had to pick up his leg to fucking throw it around like if you threw a currub ball out of him like let me get a double cheeseburger he's like ah and he'd have to pick up his leg and whip it around and then with the fucking

it was just you cannot fucking believe these stories and that's my next venture is that you know call it five blocks I was you know fucking plain

with Doug Stanhope, Mitch Hedberg, you know, talking to Mitch about the arguments he would have with Nick Napollo, who was his next door neighbor, he would bang on the door. You know, Ralphie Mae cooking barbecue fucking turkeys at six in the morning with Jay Moore in the backyard. And nobody had dough. Not even Ralphie. At that time, Ralphie didn't have dough. It was just a fucking... You know what it was, Joe? You know what one of the reasons that I look back so fondly on it is,

because all this other bullshit that you realize is around. You're more aware of the bullshit, the more successful you get, because you're more exposed to it. But at the time, it was just that group of dudes, all with the same goal, just figuring out how to create. And it was all about that, dude. It was like, what bit are you doing,

going to watch somebody wait in line and watch them do their, five minutes and work on a bit, talking about the bit afterwards. It was so collaborative and it was really all just about us and, and, and, and, and, and, and doing this, doing this job that we really, also at the time, dude, you look back on a fondly because there was a strong love for what we did. We loved getting on stage. and I'm not sure that same passion. I don't know how you maintain that for however many years.

But when I think, look, one of the reasons why I've changed so much about what I do on stage is because I need to keep it fun for me or else I'm going to get bored. And if I get bored, like you, I'm just going to stop, right? If I get bored, I'm not going to do that job anymore. So I've really started to mix up what I do on stage, and it keeps me interested. I was never bored. I think it's very fucking exciting work. Sitting here and not going on stage, reflecting a little bit every day, journaling.

I'm very proud of my open mic career. Most people will never say that in the world. You know, I had some ups and downs during my open mic career, but I really played it. cool and I didn't go anywhere I didn't belong before my time and we fucking really worked and you know our common goal at that time was just to survive just to make it we were living day to day what spots you got tonight we're going to go to the coffee shop and then swing by the improv and then you know I fucking love that journey and it all goes back to 1998 this is The weirdest fucking thing.

I went to the Riviera to do the dirty show. And I got on a southwest flight in Las Vegas. And I saw Slash got on the plane. And I didn't say nothing to him. I had seen him at the store a few times. We went to the Riviera, you know, the plane landed. I went to the Riv. I didn't think about it again.

But there was a convention at the Riv. Some type of convention. Like a guitar convention. There was something going on downstairs. And I went downstairs to walk around. and I actually saw a slash at a booth talking to people signing pictures and shit and I went over and I go

Hey how you doing man he goes good and that was it I didn't you know good to see you know saw you at the store I was there with chewy you know the whole fucking thing and I remember that that night I was fucking bored of shit after the show it's a midnight show it's like a late show in Vegas 11 o'clock and I went downstairs to smoke a joint on the way back I saw Slash there by himself. And I go, this is my chance

just to ask him some questions, you know? And I went over, I was broke, I was lonely, I was bored, and we started talking. And one thing led to another and we actually started talking about careers and comedy and shit, and he's like, listen, you're broke right now,

aren't you? And I go, yeah. He goes, yeah, you're getting on stage every night and you're writing. At that time, I think I did a movie, like I was in basketball or something. We were talking about that. I remember that.

And he goes, listen, man, I want you to remember something. The best times you're going to have right now when you're broke. This is the best. Once it becomes a business, some people hate it, and they move on. That's what happened to Axel. He was telling me that that day. He goes, that's what happened to Axel. You know, he just snapped.

He couldn't believe he had all that success in a rush, and he just didn't smell the roses. And I'm really appreciative of my open mic career. Like I'm really proud that I did the building correctly. Like the building blocks, I did them correctly. For two years I just got on stage and improvised. You know, for two years I got some material and I would do a hybrid type of thing,

improvise and do material. Then I started yelling. And then I moved to L.A. And I started, when you talk on stage in L.A., they ain't going for that shit. It's not New York City. Hey, where are you from? What do you do for a living?

They fucking, you know, so that was the end of that. And then I went through the Rodney Dangerfield period. And then that didn't work. And then I finally realized that I had to tell stories to connect with people. And that's how we got to where we were. And it's just funny that I had a great time going to Milwaukee and Chicago and Zanies and, you know, all these theaters and shit. But it didn't beat the time.

we had in Seattle. No, man. You know, didn't be. The broke, but sitting down at that, I forget what that 24-hour cafe was out near

where you hid in the trash can with Rico. Yeah, the hurricane. The hurricane. The hurricane. The hurricane. The hurricane. I remember going there after open mics.

And, you know, in Seattle, I didn't have money, but I had more money than everybody else because of Lobo Loco. And I remember, I remember going there and like we'd buy like a pot of coffee with Brody and maybe Tena. And we'd sit at the tables after open mics and just talk comedy just for the love of the comedy. And let me tell you, when I say bored, I'm never bored on like performing.

But I like to challenge myself with something new every night because the new things, if I knew that if I know there's something new in my act, it fuels my entire act. The excitement of trying something that I haven't done before, you know. But that excitement back then of not knowing, dude, we didn't know what to say or what was going to be funny. We just knew that we all shared this love for this thing. And it was really exciting, man. And I got to tell you, like, I'm really glad that I feel lucky that I get to start with you and Brody. I feel really lucky. You guys taught me a lot.

because you guys had a different path in me. I don't want to say my path was easier, but especially early on, you guys were extreme people. You know what I mean by that? I could step on stage and fit in. Do you know, you guys had to find your people.

Yes, yes. And so I was always fascinated by you guys because watching you, even on the way up, maneuver that. Like I said, for me, easier. The way I look, white dude, I'm going to kind of fit into most rooms that I stand on stage. You two were, and I'm kind of middle of the country, relatable kind of person. You guys were extremes.

And so it was fascinating for me to watch you guys do the same thing I was doing, but have such a different journey. Like the audience's reactions to you guys, especially when they didn't get you, was something I never had to deal you know yeah especially when you were this Joe Diaz when you were this guy this dude this dude the hand pumper you made some people nervous

at front brick Jack when you were doing this dude god damn do you remember the very first time you know the very first time I saw Brody snap on stage was at the underground and his jokes were he was bomb just and he said i don't think you understand people how hard it is for a single man to shave his own back by himself he goes i got trouble spots and he lifted up his shirt and he showed the patches on his back yo i was howling

But I was like, in my life, I'll never have to do that. You know what I mean? It was great to watch Brody, especially at the store and at the underground. I have those memories drilled. Listen, man, I have a problem. I can't remember nothing from 2010 on. Like, if you bust my balls about 2014, I don't know nothing. between the edibles, the fucking reefer, the kid, God knows, nothing.

I destroyed my fucking memory. But I have real memories of Brody, like on stage at the store, and me going, I don't think Brody's going to last. Because he was having, like, when he first got to L.A., he was going up there doing eight minutes, they weren't on board, and he would just snap. And that's what made him funny. You know, we loved it.

We loved it as comics and fucking, you know, in the back. But the audience, he was struggling. Yeah. He was struggling. And I respected Brody because he showed up every fucking night. He didn't give a fuck what happened the night before. He had the right attitude. That was last night, motherfucking.

Tonight's tonight. Okay? So it's funny that we did learn a lot from one another. I learned a lot of shit from me. Do you remember doing the fucking industrial, that's sad? like in September we had a do an industrial shoot where we had to just

pick up boxes and drop them off for people like just pick them up and drop they gave us like 75 bucks it was like UPS and all me Josh and Gavin did was like pick up boxes and like every once in a while we wave at the camera and the guy would go don't do that and I remember going this is my first industrial oh my God I'm on my way

like I still remember going to L.A. My first audition was Judy Brown. Called me up. She was booking the Jenny McCarthy show. For you people don't know, Judy Brown is one of the biggest managers in the world today. Sebastian, Whitney, fucking Bill, what's his name, not Bill Burr, but Burt Kreischer.

I'm really proud of Judy. Judy came a long way. I met Judy in Colorado Springs when she was charging 20. 20 bucks to take a stand-up class before you could do the open mic there and shit. I'm like, I'm not paying you 20 bucks. She's every time I see it, she's like, you never paid me that.

I'm not going to pay you that 20. In fact, you owe me $35 from fucking Vail. How's that? But my car blew up and I left it there and I had to call the dealer and go, you know, remember that nice fucking car that was there? Yeah, the engine blew. Where are you? I'm in the fucking, I'm in Veil.

I quit. I'm in any's car. I was fucking crowd with Anne Maney's car. I was talking about the Ann Manny car the day when I got towed, and I tried to go down to Hollywood to get my shit out of it, and they're like, you need a registration. And I actually went home and, like, got Carol's registration and tried to fucking... How many tickets were on that car?

200. That's not an exaggeration, by the way. I remember seeing those tickets in the backseat. You should just take them and throw them in the... I just took them in the... I just took them in the car. threw him in the back and shit.

I used to remember the lady would follow me. The little black lady with the, she had like a fucking cheese Danish on her head. She spun it around her head like the afro.

She was the most angriest woman in the world. I brought her flowers. I sang a Michael Jackson songs. I would sing her Al Green songs. I threw the whole black catalog

of love music at this sister because she was fine too. And she would get out of my face. And I remember finally one day she goes, I'm just going to keep giving you tickets. And I go, fuck it. I had a stack and there must have been a hundred in there. She goes, ooh,

Lord, you're going to go to jail. And they didn't tell me in Hollywood. Those months, they got me up and fucking the valley. They got me in the valley with that fucking car. I was in there taking a shower. I go outside to get my shorts. The car is gone. I didn't bring all my

luggage with me. I just took a T-shirt. If I would have brought my whole luggage at me, I wouldn't have been in this predicament today. Let me tell you, when I used to get in, I remember getting that car and looking in the back seat and being like, you got some tickets and you're like, yeah. I'm like, are you going to pay them?

You're like, nah, they're going to have to come get me. And that was it? That's it. What am I going to pay them with? What are you doing? My good looks? The car had no brakes. No.

No brakes. I would have to step on the fire. I was like Fred Flintstone, for real. I'd have my foot on the brake and the other foot outside the door Stopping the fucking car I dog on the 405 South I had to do it one time

The car had a tremendous cassette player A sunroof And air conditioning You don't know how many times I would just park on the street Pop the seat back boom And just popped the sunroof I still remember being on Vista

And jerking off Doing coke in the car Fucking jerking off And then taking napkins And put them outside And I remember waking up in the morning When the sun wakes you up And stretching and looking

down and seeing like eight little sperm napkins and going, this is not good. This is not good. I jerked off on the street. On Vista. I'm going to help. I would not be surprised if those sperm napkins were still on that street, right

where you left him. Drive right down the block. There's probably a homeless guy wiping his face. He's just eating his subway sandwich and he's taking my little sperm napkin and wiping his sides like great pupon and shit. Yo, do you remember?

when that dude Oh, by the way, Jacob Wolfe was at that Travis Scott concert on Friday? Yo, I forgot to tell you this. So I'm so glad I was asleep, but I wake up to a text. Hey, I'm all right, but shit got real hairy. So he and his girlfriend have bruises

circling their body from where they were being smushed by the crowd. He showed me. My man just has bruises because he was being compressed. Oh, Joe, I forgot. This story is so bananas, man. He said at one point, his girlfriend, who's smaller, her feet weren't touching the ground, but she was stuck between people and just being moved.

She was like this. And so many people compressed, she was being moved by the crowd. And he said that he would look down and he would see people's faces. Everyone was just walking on people and you couldn't bend down because if you bent down, you were next. He was like, so you were literally just, you would look down and see faces of people looking up at you and you could not reach down to help. Crazy, right? Have you, because I know how many concerts you've been to did. You've been to, and you were in, you went to 70s arena rock, right?

Yeah. Can you ever, Matt, can you ever remember anything like that? I told me. I told Mike, I love music. I love everything about it. You know, I don't like this shit now because you got to show up with a vaccine card and shit. But that's a complete different fucking story. I went to the Ted Nugent, Aerosmith, Poco, Frank Marino, Mahogany Rush. I mean, it was just a lineup and a half. It was like one of those one o'clock shows that you're still there at 5.30.

And at five, we looked at each other, Arrowsmith was so fucking bad. They were? What years is this? This is 78. This is the summer of 78. Oh, they were fucked up. Yeah, they were on their way down. Done with mirrors. Hadn't been out yet, but they were done.

And Joe Perry smashed his guitar and stuff. I went there to see Ted Nerosmith. Frank Marino stole the fuck, took the oxygen out of my lungs. Like Frank Marino took everything out of my lungs. Like, I couldn't even fucking wait. It was hot. It was humid. People were sweating.

They weren't no water bottles back then. Nobody had water bottles. Nobody had canteens. Nobody even cared about hydration. You know, and I remember B&M and like just going, we got to get the fuck out of here. There was a lot of dirty white people. People, you know, like doing all that Grateful Dead shit.

I didn't even know the Grateful Dead were at that time. I think I did, but, you know, I wasn't into him. And I was like, we had a great time. I remember walking home and finally getting to North Bergen. not a sea caucus. We had been walking for about 45 minutes and you could hear Ted's solos. Just in the air, like loud, like holy shit.

We're walking on the turnpike. And you could actually hear Ted Nugentz. We stayed for maybe four the Ted songs and then we left, but I didn't like it. It was too long. It was a whole day. I was suntan. I was hungry.

I just wanted to go home. And I could see that. Not that one. It was fine there. It was fine up to the part I left. I left at like 5.30. I was there from like 12. We got a ride out there.

We had to walk home. I just didn't like the amount of people. And I just thought I wasn't ever going to do that again. So I've never been to, I've never gone to a Lola Palooza. I never went to a U.S. festival. I never went to the U.S. Open. I never did Odds Fest.

I just don't need to stand for seven fucking hours, you know. I got a one and a half hour fucking tolerance. Led Zeppelin maybe two if they do trampled on the foot. But, yeah, you know, I just don't. And I, and I, this, this bothered me a little bit because I saw Houston and right away I thought about Skankfest. Yeah. So I thought about Skankfest, Ari, Jimmy, Rich Voss,

all my friends of them, Ms. Pat. And then I saw it was this Astro World. What's the guy's name? Travis Scott. Yeah. I've never heard of it. this guy before. That's Jacob's guy. Travis Scott and Jay Cole, that's

Jakey's, those are the hip-hop guys for Jake. Okay, I think he's did something or whatever. I don't know, I've never heard of him, you know? Yeah. It doesn't mean shit, I'm a fucking old foggy, so I don't know anything about young music. But I don't think they're doing the right things at these concerts. You know, if you notice, everything's coming to

a head. Movie sets, you know, everybody's looking at Rust has this problem. The problem was early with that fucking Marky Warburg, Kevin Hart movie they did in Hollywood. Some guy fucking died on there, whatever. You know, these concerts,

everything is getting bigger. Everything is getting bigger. Everybody's trying to make money. Everybody's trying to make the money they lost last year. I don't know what it is. And I don't know what's making all these people want to come out to these things. I mean, you know, 60,000, 70,000 people with just an AC for

not tool, but who was it? It wasn't tools. Somebody else came and did a, like, the whole weekend. The fucking, you couldn't even get a whole town in Atlantic City. And they showed pictures of them. I forget what the guy's name are, the band. You know, and they're all there. I mean, we're in the middle of fucking COVID.

I mean, the numbers are down. Nobody gives a fuck. But, you know, you just have too many people. Something's going to happen. Yeah. It's like what we were talking about when you gamble. When you gamble two days a week, you got a better chance than gambling seven days a week.

The more spaghetti you throw up on the, the wall it's going to stick eventually. You know, with these concerts, I like little things, man. Like, I went to see the last concert I went to was Guns and Roses at the, on sunset and Vine, a little

down for the little club there. But I don't know what it's called. That was 1,700 people. The palladium. The palladium. Yeah. And then I went somewhere in Beverly Hills to like a little theater and I saw Pat Bennett's up. And it was great.

in the little fucking theater. And I liked where I saw Guns and Roses. I don't mind paying the extra yardstick. I don't mind for a little bit more intimate setting. You know, I got this thing here, the PAC Center or whatever up here. It's supposed to be very nice. It's like the place in Colorado. Not red rocks, but the other one.

You know, I feel the same way. I personally enjoy the music. and I enjoy the performance of stand-ups and musicians more in smaller places. I hate seeing stand-up in an arena and see anybody. I don't think, by the way, I don't think it's good for comedy. I don't think it's good for comedy. I think everybody is a better comic in a club. I think the energy is better or a smaller theater.

Do you know what I mean? But that energy and your interaction, but as soon as I'm in an arena watching my comedy on a giant screen, I don't think it's as good. I think you lose something. And even like a big theater, you lose that intimacy. Listen, I love watching stand up with a brick behind there, a brick wall and a microphone and his bottle of water.

I don't need much, you know, I don't need much to. I like, you know, I like smaller venues, you know. The reason why I put you on here today, I'm getting a lot of emails about your new special. I want to congratulate you. Oh, thank you, man. And your new special on YouTube. I'm just really proud of you, man,

because you're doing it. If I was doing comedy right now, I'd be doing it how you're doing it. Very compact, very small. You know what our mistake was? I'm going to write a book about stand-up comedy after I finish this book. I've been making a lot of notes at night

of things I would do differently. Let me tell you what's the thing I would do differently if I got a chance to do it again? Yeah. I would have never gone to L.A. I've been thinking about it I was never ever going to go to L.A.

That was my fucking number one rule when I got into comedy I am not going to go to L.A. My uncle's there I hate L.A. I fucking always hated it. I had been there ten times and I didn't think I just

over the years on the triple runs I spoke to all those mediocre comics. Good guys they just went out there unprepared or whatever they just they never fell in they never got on the line they never got on the conveyor belt LA beats you up very roughly it didn't beat us up very roughly we had lump you know we had peaks and valleys there but LA has beat up some people you and I have both watched how many people left with their tail between their legs I think that how they treat stand-ups and shit like

that I think it's not healthy I loved it I love banging head. Listen, I got no regrets about my career. I loved that those people, when I was doing comedy, the 10-year mark, told me I was never going to be any good. And those same people had to come suck my dick at the 22-year mark. And I remember looking at them, taking their check and laughing, petting them on the side, like, it's going to be okay.

You had to bite your own tongue. You had to suck my dick, even though you didn't like me. But now, so I felt bad for those people. Yeah. But I would have just become a powerhouse comic. I wouldn't have worried about Think about career If we didn't worry about movies,

TV, and everything else I like the podcast angle of it I really enjoy the podcast angle of it I'm happy that this Avenue grew I'm happy that this really blew up out of proportion I don't give a fuck about what people say There's too many podcasts

There's never enough podcasts Because there's enough ears for all of us I'm not mad than anybody for podcast podcasting, but I wouldn't have gone to LA, Joshua. Yeah. I think I would have stayed in a really good, right now. Every city is a good comedy city. Every city is great.

Boise, well, I don't know what's going on in Seattle. People marching up there. I don't know what's going on in Portland. I don't know what's going on in L.A., but I know Arizona's tight. Austin is tight. Houston's tight. Houston's tight.

New York is tight. All these little pockets are big. You don't have to go to L.A. no more. For all you young comics watching, you could go to New York get tons of stage time, and they're going to come to you when they come to you. You know, people ask me a lot. I'm sure they do, too, about advice for stand-up.

And it's really simple. Get on stage. And if you're in a place where you can't get on stage, you need to move to a place where you can get on stage. That's it. It doesn't have to be LA anymore. It doesn't even have to be in New York anymore. But I would tell you this, if you're only getting on stage two or three times a week, then give up.

Then if you're starting and you're getting on stage two times a week and the people who are already successful are getting on stage three times more than you, I tell people like, if you're not, then you're already going back. Just move to a place where you can get on stage. And do, man, do you still have your notebook about all the sets you did? you should show people. You want, guys, you want to know what work is. You want to work. I marveled at your, you wrote down what jokes you did, like how it went, but meticulously. And so this is the type of, when you say, I'm glad I put the work in, you've got to put,

you've got to put every brick in the pyramid. You can't skip a brick. And there are just some paths you need to take. And one of those paths is, if you say, I. I can't get on stage because you've already lost. If you're like, I can't, you know what, I can't do three times a week because I got a job. Well, then you should do that job because what it takes to get to where you are is the work that you put in. Do you know what I'm saying?

So like when people ask all the time, what should I do? How do I write? Get on stage. Once you're on stage, you'll figure everything else falls into place. Everything else. When you are. Once you go down and you talk to people who are going through what you're. You're going through, I mean, it's such a beautiful life in the beginning.

Like all these people looking to help you and you're teaming up with people and you're writing and you're smoking dope and you're doing all this with $5 in your pocket. There's no Lamborghinis, there's no fucking grandiose computers. There's no fucking, you know, you're just doing this and you're loving it. You're loving that you're broke. It's great to be broke and go, where am I going to eat lunch there? I don't know. Let's play the cards.

And all of a sudden you walk down the street and you find the subway sandwich on the floor. You know, it's a fucking trip. You're like, oh, shit, I'm eating. Okay, I could save my 82 cents that I have in my pocket for tonight. I got to get another 17 so I could eat my fucking Wendy's.

That's what I ate every day. When I first moved to L.A., it was the 99th cents burger, the cup of chili, and the Wendy's salad. And then I go to your house, get a little turkey salad. Hell yeah. I still owe you $2,000 for the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

fucking Blake was talking me about your peanut butter and jelly company the other day. Blake called me for something from CIA and we were talking and he goes, I still remember you and Josh walking into the building with the peanut butter. I'd be holding Jacob, you'd be holding the box of peanut butter

jelly, and then you'd always go I was short one peanut butter and jelly sandwich and you look over at me like, I knew it was you. I know for a fact, everybody was robbing Josh Wolfe then. Josh couldn't turn around. me, his wife, his brother.

I remember his brother used to work in Compton and shit, and they used to charge this for local phone calls. Josh would be pulling his hands out of my head. Who keeps calling Compton? Who keeps calling Compton? I don't know no black people. I don't know any black people. You remember?

Yeah, Jonathan was going, I don't know anybody in Compton. Jesus Christ, you just showed up with an African-American. You know somebody in fucking Compton. You teach a cruncher, dude. He's like, yeah, I don't know. I don't know anybody. Somebody's calling Crenshaw.

I was stealing your U-Hus. God knows the next wife we stealing... You didn't steal every fucking dude. Don't listen. I'm going to tell you something. Today, I live a decent man, okay?

I'm a very decent man. But a bottle of Yahu I'll pay for. A can? I'm taking that motherfucker. I fucking went to a place last week that they had you-hoo's.

in a can off the nine. I was fucking starving, and I was coming back from, like, somewhere, and I was like, I can't take this no more. I wanted this was one of those broken down New Jersey bagel places. They only had, like, a half of raisin, cinnamon and shit, that's it.

But the guy had, I had put a ham and cheese on a fucking onion bagel. Not too good, but it worked that day. But on the way out, I saw that motherfucker had a yuh in a can. He had three of them. the last three because I can't find them anymore yeah they can't

they taste different they taste different they taste like the ones at callahans there's a place callahan's up there and they have them on the machine oh on tap have you tapped back into carvel at all since you've been back home like a motherfucker

and my daughter fucking loves it let me put this where I've got let me be as honest as I can with you. Okay? I got a regular one owned by Chinese people on the 516, on the 520. They, she doesn't make ice cream sodas or shakes. It's a new modern carve-out.

Okay, not bad. Then there's one in the 79. That's pretty fucking good. Chinese people. And then there's one in Cheesequake where I go to Jiu-Jitsu. Oh She's owned it for 30 years She's got to be 300 pounds

And she works it in the daytime So she knows how to make everything Fucking perfect Thin shakes Ice cream sodas So I go When I go to Jiu Jitsu that's my deal If I go to Jiu Jitsu and I work hard

On my private I stop at Carvel on the way home And I got an ice cream soda With no ice cream in it and I buy a box of Sundays from my daughter. So right now in that freezer in the garage, there's a box of sundaes, sprinkled, and I have maybe a whole thing of flying saucers.

That's the one. Chocolate ones, vanilla ones. I got plain and we're colored and chocolate sprinkles. That's the one. That's the one. And you know what? Look, I'd lost the weight, but I still do one Carvel a week.

Listen, I'm going to tell you, first of all, when I was grown up, anybody who had a freezer in their garage was rich. If you had a refrigerator in the garage or a freezer where you had extra shit, that meant you had, to me, that meant the pinnacle of opulence. Do you know what I mean? You're like, you got so much shit. No, this is a little box refrigerator.

Somebody gave this to me in L.A. My neighbor gave this to me. We have a couple things like, we have for stakes and shit. that. Like, it's just meat that I saw this morning pulling ground beef out for fucking meat love tonight. Dude, I didn't say thank you

about the special and thank you so much. Just you know, man. Like, right now, I'm having, just every time I get on stage, all I focus on is having a good time. I'm like, I just want to make sure I'm having fun. And if I'm having fun and having a good time, they're going to have fun.

and have a good time. And this special, you know, the way I shot it, this is the most me I've ever done. But the way I shot it, I shot it, you know that middle camera when you shoot is stationary on sticks. I had mine move just a little bit because I wanted you to feel like you were in the club. So it moves a little. And I left every mistake, every hiccup. I start jokes over. If I make a mistake, I go, my bad. I wanted you to feel like you were in the club with me. So it doesn't feel like if I wanted it to feel like a live experience. And then you know, you shoot too much, right? Because then you take out.

But then I was like, wait a second. This is my special. This is on YouTube. This is my channel. I'm going to leave the whole thing in. You can start and stop, fast forward if you want. But fuck it. Why am I editing my own shit?

I edited things that were terrible. But I let it breathe. So I let you feel like you were there. Yo, when I was. read the comments and I'm not lying to you dude I haven't and I don't usually read comments on YouTube not one bad not one bad comment in that comments actually did it's it's been amazed it's the best thing that I've ever done without a doubt I'm really proud of you man I'm really proud that you uh didn't you did this all yourself no more L.A. No more agents telling you

oh that's not going to work my friend did fuck you yeah fuck you if you you knew anything, you'd be doing this. So until you do this, shut your fucking mouth. That's what I put together about agents now. All of them can just shut their fucking mouth. They know dick. They give you the worst advice in the world. The best advice anybody can give you, Josh Wolfe gave it to you.

Get on stage to your ass grows roots. Shut your mouth. Repeat, rinse, and do again tomorrow. It's that easy. Call me when you got 45 until then. Shut the fuck up. I don't give a fuck. well, Joe Rogan said I should be in a theater.

You belong in Montana in the witness relocation fucking theater where nobody will see you. Okay, that's where you fucking belong. The same way I did fucking comedy for the first 10 years. So nobody would fucking see you. So you would grant them that. You know what I'm saying? So if the next born wouldn't be retarded, you know, I don't want nobody to fucking see me. So everybody wants to be seen in the third year.

Congratulations, brother. I love you to death. And I love you and thank you so much. I owe you one apology. And I know you're going to tell me I don't, but for me, this is just where I am in my life. You know what? L.A. had kind of turned me into somebody

that I just didn't, now that I'm here, that I didn't like, man. And those last three, four years, I don't really feel like I was a great friend to anybody. And so if I'm sure I had missteps or, you know, I won't apologize for if there were any time, there where I wasn't the best friend. I just got caught up.

I got caught up in a way, me as a person. I never thought I never thought I would be worried about what other people were doing. I was meddling in other people's lives so much about what they had and what I didn't have and why he wasn't my friend and why I couldn't be on his show, that it was weak. It was weak and I was living from a point in a place of weakness about what, wondering why I didn't have things and why I couldn't do things instead of just really being grateful

the things that I did have and the things that I could do. Great life, great family, great friends, great career. What am I complaining about? Do you know what I mean? And I feel like L.A. puts you in a corner to go, yeah, but you got this, but look what all these other people have.

And you're like, well, fuck, this isn't good enough. I need more, you know? Hey, man, we do comedy. We don't worry about the Joneses. We only worry about one person, us. So I love you. Stay in touch. Good luck to you.

Where are you at this weekend? Mohegan, sub. Beautiful. You're up in Connecticut up there? Yeah, Mohegan, South. Five shows? Four shows. Saturday and Friday already sold out, so they added Thursday.

Beautiful. Have a great weekend up there, my friend. Where can they find you? Everything's Josh Wolf Comedy. Go to my YouTube channel. all my stuff up there for free. I put a new comedy bid up every week. I got Joe, I told you, I think

from here and out, maybe no more specials. Just 20 new minutes of stand up every three months. That's it. That's perfect. And they can live off that and YouTube's paying. Nobody else is. I love you. I love you, man. I'm so happy for you. You look more than last. I've ever seen. Yeah. No, no, no. It's

I learned, next time I'll call you and we'll talk about my fucking lackless. or experiences in that light. I had a few of myself. All right, buddy, love you. Love you. Stay black. Later. All right, you bad motherfuckers.

We're back. I hope you enjoyed Josh Wolf and I, a little te-tate. We just talked about comedy and what's going on with our lives and what's happening. I want to thank Josh Wolf for coming on the show this week.

I want to thank you guys for always having my back. You know, I've went through a lot this year, but I'm feeling fucking tipped out. Magoo, and part of it is because of you guys for having my back chit-chatting with me, you know, and always having a good time. I love you guys with all my heart, stay black. Do not forget, laughing gas is stocked up over at the ice cream shop,

and Packwoods has merged with us, and they're in stores all over fucking California, but we're getting licenses in Nevada, New Jersey, New York City. They're all coming, so we'll have laughing gas and a store near you in time. cocksuckers. Thank you. Thank you for watching the joint. I'll see you motherfuckers Monday morning. Tip-top Magoo on the 15th of the month. I love you. Have a great day. And now for a word from my motherfucking sponsors, Jack. All right. I want to thank Josh Wolf. But most importantly, I want to thank you guys for always having my back. I hope you enjoyed it. Real quick, the joint is sponsored by

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I want to thank draft kings. I want to thank CBD Lyon. I want to thank BetterHelp. I want to thank On It. And I want to thank Blu for having our backs this week. But most importantly, I want to thank you fucking savages for always being here and supporting and showing up no matter what Uncle Joey shows up. I love you, Cogsuckers.

Have a great week. Stay black. I'll see you Mondays to 15th. Tip Top Magoo.