The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #116 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: November 17, 2021

Welcome to The JOINT..... It's Wednesday, November 17th..... This episode is brought to you by Onnit, CBD Lion & Lucy.co….. Go to https://www.onnit.com  The Black Friday/Cyber Monday Sale with 60% OFF! Plus 10% OFF using PROMO CODE: JOEY, JOINT or CHURCH Go to https://www.cbdlion.com Use Promo Code: JOEY For 20% OFF Your Order! Go to https://www.Lucy.co Use PROMO CODE: JOEY for 20% OFF! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? It's Wednesday, the 17th of November. The joint is brought to you by, On It, listen. This Monday is the Black Friday Cyber Monday sale, and on it. 60% off all motherfucking products. I'm not sure on the clubbats and the kettlebells, but MCT, Shroom Tech, Alpha Brain, Black Label, regular alpha brain, new mood, which is tremendous at night. All these products will be up for sale, 60% off.

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Now without further ado, let's get this motherfucking part. Started. Where's pink? What's happened? You bad motherfuckers. Welcome to the joint. It's Wednesday, the 17th

of the motherfucking month. Can you believe tomorrow is the anniversary of me kidnapping Cannevella? I just fucking remembered that when I said the fucking date. Like I said, November, I had a lot of shit

happened throughout my life. It's really weird. Did you ever? Like, for some reason, I always pick up the phone when it's 932. You ever do that? Like I pick up the phone all fucking day

to see what time it is or whatever and it's always 932. For years, I've been just picking up the phone it's 932. You know, I had an agent in L.A. 323, 932 something. I forget the name of the agency right now.

They're who I'm with now but in New York. But it's so weird. Every time I look at the clock or my phone, I see 932, on it, I always think of that agent, I would call them whatever. It doesn't really fucking matter.

The point I'm trying to make here is it's so weird how my mom died in November, I quit Coke in November, I kidnapped Vela in November, I got into Santa Ria in November, I married my wife in November, I forgot that next Friday, this is how fucking

crazy it's been. I forgot that it was my anniversary. She brought it up to me at that I'm like, yeah, that's right. Your wife bring an anniversary up to you or something and you're like oh yeah yeah i knew it yeah i made plans i didn't make shit i didn't even fucking know she told me it's the friday or no maybe the wednesday before thanksgiving is our anniversary you know so all these things happened to me in fucking november and as we go on i'll find more because look at last week i just talked about

de koke being 14 years and uh my dear friend maryland died november you know it's just a lot of shit happened in November but this morning when I looked at the fucking when I just said that to you it's the 17th I'm like holy shit what it was it uh 3 10 21 is 31 and 3 is 30 fucking four years ago 1987 what a fucking day that was Jesus Christ ah life it's a beautiful fucking thing when you sit there and go what the fuck happened you know i'm at an age now you guys are young you know you're fucking got your girlfriends and stuff i'm at an age now where i'm like what the fuck happened how quick did this fucking go by it has blown my mind lately you know when i came here 15 months ago i told you guys that i was struggling you know and through journaling through talking to

Dana, better help, you know, just all this shit I do. Because I always want to know the root. I always want to know the square root. You know, like when I got clean from Coke, I fucking wrote every day about what made me get on the thing. And at first I didn't know. At first, I had no idea. After about a year or two,

I figured out that I wasn't in pain anymore. The pain of my mother's debt had gone away. The pain that losing my daughter had gone away. So it just takes time. You can't put your fucking finger on it. Why you quit something or a particular thing? But developing always on this, like, I'll call him tonight, you know, and go, what's going on? It was 35 years that put you in the trunk.

And he'll tell me like a joke, you know, what the fuck? That was a weird fucking thing. What made you do that? We always have the same conversation. You know, there's a couple people I call on anniversaries. I call him the night before I kidnapped him. I called my other friend Pino on December. 17th because we used to always as kids we always hung out on December 17th so I always have different

anniversary to call my friends on but when I think about kidnapping Vela at first I was very ashamed um while I was doing time I was very ashamed when I got out I was very ashamed and then as I started becoming a, you know, more of a fucking, a man as I started, the shame went away. And then I told you guys, by the time I told everybody, I had no fucking shame. In a way, it had become comical. And there's some people from time to time that go, you know what, I can't believe you turn that into a joke. You know, what did you want me to do with it, to just have it there and hold on to it? You know, it's so weird when you have a skeleton in the closet. Last night, I was talking to my girl, Jessumay.

You know, I saw one of her post that it was her mom's death anniversary, so I wanted to call her and check in with her the way. You know, we check them with each other. This is what we do. And I told her I didn't really know she was going through that. She said she had gone to an Anthony Robbins fucking event, and that was the first time she felt alive and that she felt like, you know, she felt like she was there, you know, and I explained to her.

I go, listen, man. debt, any death, you know, especially me, I never fucking grieve. You know, I don't want to grieve. I never grieved Ralphie. I never grieved Brody. I deal with it on my own pace and I deal with it from time to time. And that's why people's debt always fucks me up because I don't deal with it the proper way. I picked up a bad habit when my mom died and I just never grieve people the way most people

grieve people. I, you know, I'm a fucking jerk off. I snap it under the carpet and then deal with it in time. And I was telling her, she goes, how long did it take you to deal with the death? And I told the five fucking years. Like,

it took me five fucking years of, you know, chuckling, jive, and Joey sweeping under the carpet. And then, in 1980, my mom died in 79, 84, I ended up fucking homeless. Yeah, the result of me being homeless, because I was a juggernaught,

and I couldn't stop snort and coke. But the result of me being homeless was that I finally came to the realization that my mother was gone. Okay? Sometimes people die and they die, but then you got to come up with the realization that they're gone. That's the grieving process of it. this Saturday, you know, whatever. Every Saturday, you know, I'd take mercy to kickboxing, and I come back and I'd run some errands and whatnot.

And this Saturday, I was running an errand. I went to, you know, make a call, and I saw Ralphie's name. And I stopped and I go, usually on Saturdays at this time was me and Ralphie used to talk. Ralphie would get back to his hotel room, probably stay up, eat a bag of jack in the box, those fucking stuffed peppers. He loved those stuff, jalapenos. from the jack in the box those things will give you cancer all the way to the end of fucking time but god bless

his soul you know he would love those things and shit so the other dad was just looking at the phone i saw his name and i remember i go fuck every saturday i used to fucking call him and as i got deeper into it my mind wouldn't let me go there that's because i'm a fucking fag because i'm scared to deal with ralphi's death right now i'm not prepared and i'm going to tell you something i told jess and i know more this than anybody and this is what I told I said that's why I always tell people you got to check on your skeletons from time to time because of not those motherfuckers are check on you and they check on you when you're high and you're having a good time you like when you're high and you're like oh I wonder if my wife didn't eat finish her reuben I'm going to go up and kill the other half of it

before she fucking wakes up and you'll just think of something and all of a sudden that'll ruin your heart it'll ruin your night it's not that you're going to cry or be depressed but it's it does ruin it. It's like whenever I think about my daughter. Whenever I think about my daughter when I'm high, whatever, I kind of feel a little sad. I've dealt with it. I have dealt with it. I am okay with it. If there was therapy to be involved, I fucking did it. I wrote, I journaled. And my daughter moved on. The pain from my daughter moved on. That's why I stopped doing coke. You show me coke now. You show me a grandma coke. I won't do it because I equivalent with pain. I equivalent to coke with the equivalent of fucking pain. Every time I'd snort a

a line it was pain for the snort it because of the pain I was going through you know but life goes on what I really wanted to talk to you fucking savages about today was something my wife told me yesterday morning and I've been I almost lost sleep over it last night but I knew this day was coming and uh one day I went to eat with my with my godfather I went to eat with my uncle me mercy My wife was busy. This is way before the pandemic. This had to be like November of 2019. In fact, it was.

It was November around Thanksgiving. She had no school. And I met my uncle in Glendale to get some lunch at this fucking place tremendous. They got carrot cake. And they bring it to you. You know how some places have like fucking bread or they give you like, you know, whatever. Something to dip in olive oil. This place gives you carrot.

cake that's the best carrot cake it's not really carrot cake it's dating up bread oh and they give you whipped cream cheese with it i used to go there like three times a week and i kept eating that fucking bread and one day i got on the scale and i gained 15 pounds i'm like well i guess i'm not eating that fucking bread anymore holy shit but me and my uncle my uncle loves that place i love it too but i had to give it a fucking breather i used to go there with duncan and They had the best steak and eggs for breakfast, but they wouldn't put it on the menu because it was so fucking good. You had it like, if you were somebody in the know,

then you ordered the fucking steak. Duncan was in the nose. So he turned me on his like, get the steak and eggs, you won't be fucked. So I used to go on egg, eat a whole loaf of fucking dating up bread, a whole container of cream cheese, three eggs, a steak, two pieces of toast, butter, home fries. Fuck, no wonder your three.

30 Joey. You gotta stop it. Cocksucker. But anyway, me and my... Oh my God, it is fucking good. Me and my uncle and my daughter went to eat one day. We're just fucking around on the way home. My uncle was like, hey man, I just want you

to know something. Keep this in mind. I don't mean to insult you or whatever. But I don't know if you know this. He goes, your wife was a woman at 11. She already had tits at 11, so I'm just giving you a heads up for your daughter. And I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about my wife my daughter my mom was a woman at 11 i'm like what are you talking like trust me your mom went through my your mom and her sister rosita were breaking hearts when they were 12 already keep your eye on this girl because she's gonna mature

fast and i'm like i don't think she's gonna fucking mature fast well two nights later i went in to help her with something and i smelt something and i go mercy what's that fucking smell and i smelt her armpits And I'm like, oh, God, they were fucking onion-y as fuck. She smelled like one of those deadheads from Boulder. I mean, she was booting from the 50-yard line. You know, I'm honest with you guys. I'll tell you the fucking truth. And I'm like, Mercy, you're fucking booting.

She was fucking seven. I mean, I didn't hurt her feeling. She doesn't know what booting means, but we had to go to the next day and buy fucking deodorant for her, like, fucking, you know, women's deodorant. And I was like, mercy. I'm in fucking shocked at you, you know. She didn't, she just puts the odor on and stuff like that. Well, I was looking at my daughter yesterday morning. We ate some breakfast.

We were sitting by the door. I was drinking my coffee and her and I were having the conversation. I'm like, man, my daughter's getting fucking big. Like, she's just getting thick. I mean, she goes to kickboxing all this shit, but she's starting to get thick, you know? And I told my wife, I got, you know what? She's starting to get pretty big. Like, she's starting to get thick, bigger.

And my wife goes, Joey. You know she's already starting to have hair and stuff like that. And I'm like, Mercy, Terry, she's fucking 8 years old. What are you saying to me? She's like, she's going to mature really fast. She's already like starting to, I'm like, holy fuck. When my wife left to go to yoga, I just sat there, like in shock. Like, what the fuck?

my little girl is fucking growing I could tell like listen man Women before mature faster than little boys You could see it I've seen it with Mercy since I've gotten here Like the friends that she made When we got here that are still like Making baby noises and jumping up and down

Mercy don't run with them no more Mercy doesn't even watch cartoons no more The last cartoon she's holding on to his big city greens And that's because I did an episode of it and she tells everybody she's so proud of me for that but beside that she is not watching kids TV anymore she watches adult TV the other than I threw on man on fire and she came down she caught the tail half hour she was like dad tell me the story or what's going on I go well for starters because one night she was down here was about to put the bomb in the guy's butt and I go mercy

I think you want to watch this in my wife is like no she does not want to watch it So she's not ready for this yet. So I said, okay, they left. You know, they have to come to the basement. When I'm watching TV at night, they were going somewhere. And so the other night, I was just sitting there watching fucking TV. And Man on Fire was on the last half hour. You know, he'd done all the killing and shit.

He already fucking shot the little marsupial-looking Mexican dude, that little fucking, you ever see the cover of Black Sabbath, Sabbat, bloody Sabbath? You look at the front, it's a nice white family, taking care of this guy. who's dying, you turn it around. It's the guy fucking at night, having nightmares. And all those family members became little devils and they got point of ears and shit now.

That's what that little apocalyptic-looking motherfucker look like. And Denzel went and shot him in the hand with the fucking shotgun and stuff. So the park came on when he's just sitting there with him in the car. And the little apocalyptic is fucking holding on to dear life. And Denzel's like, listen, you know, he's calling the girl's mother.

and he's explained all this shit to her. And that's when my daughter's asking me fucking stupid questions about what's going on here and stuff like that. And I tell it, I go, listen, man, when I first saw this movie, I had to ask myself, would I ever do that for a friend or a little girl or my daughter? And I said to myself, yes. If it was from my daughter, I would shoot 20 motherfuckers.

I don't give a fuck bazookas. I light fires. Everything I did in my life, everything I did. fucking wanted to do light feet on fire, tie you up and throw you off a building. All those little secret desires that I have, you know, some people have desires are like fucking somebody in the ass and coming in their mouth. I never had those desires. I like lighting people on fire and throwing people off buildings and shit like that

if I'm in search for something. So I told, I go, when I watch, I still remember watching that movie. It was May of, no, it was like July. of 2004. I was in Santa Fe, New Mexico. I was shooting the longest yard. And I was in my hotel room one night. I go, what do I feel like watching?

He had just done Training Day. And I said, let me watch this man on, I didn't know what the fuck it was. When I watched Man on Fire, it was such a good goddamn movie that when it finished, I had to pay another 10 bucks to watch it again. That's how much I enjoyed that movie.

But I remember after I watched it, play with my mind. And I was like, if I would have a daughter, would I do something like that if something happened to her? And I didn't even have to think about it. I was like, fuck, yeah, I'll be shooting. Luke, Jimmy Florentine's son

said he saw a rainbow two of the night when fucking Sylvester Stallone shoots to Vietnamese dude with the exploding arrows. You know I'm going to get a couple of those to shoot some motherfuckers. If something happens to my daughter, but she started crying at the end. You know, she understood that pain.

I started crying at the end, too. I always cry when I watch Man on Fire. I can tell she's my daughter. She started crying, and she was hot. My wife had to hug her and shit. But afterward, they bonded over Man on Fire because she didn't fucking like it. My daughter doesn't like that kind of stuff, but it's time for her to start watching, understanding. I'm not ready for her to show her like how fucking somebody gets shot.

And I had 20 times. I don't want to show the many saints A fucking Scarface When Tony gets shot at the end But I gotta fucking Show her a few things Let her know what The world is about

Even if it's just on film Just to give her a little You know Look, a little taste To what the fuck is out there But it's so hard for me to Comprehend that she's becoming A little fucking woman

Right in front of my eyes Last week we were went out somewhere and some kid got in trouble and the dad hit him, you know. On the way home, her and I were talking and she said to me, Dad, you've never hit me, you know. I don't know if you guys remember that subject was the night of Ari's, this is not happening. I'll never forget. Her and I had a chat about that. She had to be like four or something.

I was talking to my wife, and I was telling my wife, Mercy, was maybe four. four or three, I got to be honestly, I don't think I could hit it when she gets older. I'm not into that shit at all. I never really thought about it until I had a child, but I'm like, I don't think I could hit her, you know, and I came from my house. My mother would fucking, you know,

hit me with a broomstick at the drop of a fucking dime, like in a New York minute. I was always concerned that, you know, because my house, the house I grew up with my step, father and my mom, my stepfather was a yeller. You know, his first response was to yell. So there was always a lot of yelling in the house.

How come there's no hot water? I'd wake up in the morning and sit in that shower for an hour. By the time that motherfucker went in, there would be like six minutes of hot water. And then I would fucking hit the valve and freeze that motherfucker out. He would run out of his shower with little bunny rabbits. You know, like when people do bunny rabbits with the shampoo and they play around, one day he came out with bunny rabbits. He's like, what the fuck happened to the hot water?

His eyes were closed. He had soap and his eyes and shit. So he was always young in the morning. And, you know, there was no violence in my house, except for my mom hitting me from time to time with either a bounty roll that was on fire, a fucking broomstick, an ashtray. She hit me with a purse a couple times.

And then it was straight up, backhand, stop my walk-offs, you know, the whole fucking thing. and it was just a thought for me. I'm like, well, you know, I came from a house that was kind of ruckus, and I came from a house where my fucking mom would hit me. Maybe this will turn into that house. Not at all. You know, I like my mornings in my house.

There's no yelling. There's no screaming. You know, I always knew what I wanted when I got older. I always fucking knew the things I wanted when I got older. Number one thing that the, the number one thing in my world is I like a peaceful house. I got divorced in 1990 and the year, maybe 18 months prior to that divorce, that house sucked. The house I grew up in as a child, even though my mother was very sweet and the cooking was good and she loved me and stuff, that house sucked.

That house sucked too. So when I got older, I had a blueprint already of what. What made the house not suck? Like when my mother died, I had to live with the benders. Their house did not suck. They had love in the house. They spoke. You know, they watched TV.

They giggled. And don't get me wrong. I had a lot of that in my house. Me and my mother used to laugh her asses off all the fucking time. But there was that overall love, because I didn't have a full family. I had a stepfather. That overall love was missing. There's a Pink Floyd song.

One of my favorite songs called Dogs. And at the end of Dogs, he goes into this fucking Roger Waters goes into this sort of like rant. You know, and one of the lines he says that has always struck a chord in my head is, you know, being a stranger at home. You know, those words are fucking, have always been very powerful to me. being a stranger in your home. I got to be honest with you. And then I felt like I was a stranger in my home. Like I didn't belong there.

I told you guys the story on how in the sixth grade when I got out of Catholic school, I didn't live in my house for like a year. I lived in other people's houses. I didn't like my house growing up. And I was a stranger in that house. Even though my mom was loving and the whole fucking thing, I just felt that.

So these are all the things when I hooked up with Terry. Like when I hooked up with Kathy and I got married the first time, guys, I was so funny. Listen, like I said it a thousand times, you can't be a fucking junkie and have a household. You cannot be a fucking junkie and have a household, you know? I didn't even think of those things when I first got married. It wasn't until I got married to Terry that I asked myself,

what did I want in my house? How do I want my home? to be, you know, number one, I don't like, one thing that stuck out with me, I don't know how I felt about this. If I tell you how I felt about this, you're going to think I'm a little whiny bitch, but I have to bring this up. I didn't like going home from school, and there wouldn't be anybody at home. I didn't think about it until years later. I liked it when I was doing it. When you're fucking 12 and 13 and you go home and there's nobody home, you kind of fucking giggle and shit a little bit because there's nobody there to watch you.

There's no supervision. In other words, you could do whatever the fuck you want. So I would come home and play Ted Nugent loud, and my mother's record player in the living room. I would play The Eagles, you know, life in the fast lane, loud. I would play Ted Nugent, free-for-all, you know, all that shit. So I enjoyed it, and I never really thought about it, but it wasn't until years later.

I was like, that was no way for a kid. When I was fucking in first, second, third, before I went to Catholic school, and we lived in New York City, every afternoon when I came home, my mother would be there. She'd make me a fucking ham and Swiss. With mayonnaise on Wonderbread toast, that motherfucking bread gets nice and burnt and shit. Throw a little mayonnaise on that motherfucker, some ham, some cheese, a little slice of thin tomato. And I would watch Felix the Cat, whatever the fuck I would watch Pop-Py. at three, you know, do a little homework when you're young, whatever the fuck they give you,

ABCD, whatever the fuck, you know, one times two. And then I would go out and terrorize little fucking kids and throw, you know, records and whatever the fuck I did up and tortureize Mr. Martini, whatever the fuck I was doing up there on 88th Street. But when I got to North Bergen and I started coming home, I was 12 years old, you know, 13 years old. And I didn't miss that, but these are things that. if I ever had a home, I'd want.

You know, I leave here every afternoon. I go run errands. I do this. I meet people. I do ads for draft kings for Spotify. You guys have heard them if you listen to Rogan. You know, but in all my fucking travels in the afternoon, at 3 o'clock, I'm home. She gets home about 308.

I get home at 3. I do whatever errands I got to do around the house. I piss. I wash my hands. And I wait for her. Sometimes she gets off the bus with kids. they come in. Me and my wife welcome the kids.

We give them water, whatever the fuck they want, Kool-Aid, donuts, whatever the fuck it is. And we go about our life. Does she even realize what's going on? No. But if she came home and there was nobody home, and she had to walk to the refrigerator and take her soda out and make her own sandwich,

she'd see the difference. She'd go, wow, I wish there was somebody home. But she never knew any other life. we've always been home when she gets home. And my daughter's fucking, you know, Madam Fifi, she's never fucking struggled. Yet, I'm trying to build a base for her. As she gets older, I'll push the emble up a little bit, you know?

But it's so weird, like when my wife told me that yesterday morning, right away I went into a little bit of my own little panic mode. But then I thought about it, and I thought about my relationship with women. I have a great relationship with a lot of my female friends. I have great relationships, and I'm not scared to ask them questions. The biggest lesson about fatherhood that I ever had was from Sarah Tiana. Sarah and I spoke a lot about the relationship between a father and their daughter. She has a great 100% truthful, honest relationship with her father.

My goal is to have that same relationship with my daughter. She told me one time that a guy cheated on her. I hope she's not mad at me for saying this to you guys. A guy cheated on her once and she called her father. She was visibly upset and she was crying on the phone. She couldn't understand why the guy would cheat on her. And she said that she heard her father for crying on the phone. After she heard her father crying on the phone.

After she heard her follow her crying on the phone with her, the consular, she called the guy dumped him and never spoke to him again. Not even as an apology, he tried. My point is that that's the relationship I want with my daughter. I don't want her to hate me. It's so fucking weird how much you fucking change. You know, like you kid around. You make stupid jokes.

You know, people always say to me, What are you going to do when your daughter brings a fucking terrorist home? What are you going to do when your daughter brings a fucking African-American kid home or a Polack kid? You know, when you don't have a daughter and you don't know what you're really working with, you make all these stupid fucking remarks, you know, like I'll fucking shoot her, I'll put a chastity belt on all this shit. She's eight years old now. You know what I'm thinking?

I don't care who she brings home. As long as she brings home somebody who loves her. as much as I do. Her and I talk a lot about love and respect and what we feel for one another. And I always tell her that. I go, you know, and it was Jimmy. It was Jimmy Florentine, as a matter of fact.

I mean, Jimmy's got a lot more experience from me as a dad. He's a great fucking dad, Jimmy. But he was telling me one time that he talked, when he talks to the son, you know, Jimmy's separated. And he tells the son that this isn't what a real relationship is. He goes, look at his friend Danielle and their husband, who I'm dear friends with. He goes, look at Joey and Terry.

They've never really fought in front of me. That's how two people should really act. You know, I have changed 100%. I mean, let's face it, guys, you can't put a silk hat on a pig. I know I'm a pig going into this. I know I'm a fucking savage. And I know I'm a fucking animal. But for me to be here properly from my daughter,

I ought to make little changes, guys. You got to. You know, what am I going to tell? Look her in the face and go, I love you. Don't bring a fucking Arab home. Don't bring a fucking brother home. If they make a happy, like I've always told it, mercy, a man has to love you and treat you like I love you and treat you.

If not, it's not going to work for you. You see the way I am with your mom, we're 50-50. We do everything for each other. There's really no fucking yelling in this house. I mean, if I told you that, we didn't fight, I'd be lying to you. We have our little beefs from time to time. The other dad told her not to bring any more goya fucking rice pudding in the goddamn house. You know, I said it to her nice.

I go, Terry, don't bring the goya anymore. It's not that good. She took offense to her. I'm sorry. I didn't say it the right word. I said, don't bring that shit in the house. I'm like, what are you talking about? And I go, I always get the other rice pudding.

It's like 110 calories for a fucking tiny cup. That's all you need at night. You throw some cinnamon. I got the Goya fucking rice pudding. It tastes like, you know, you put a fucking whole pound of fucking sugar in that motherfucker. It's heavy cream. And I only taste it. In the cup, I tasted like three little pieces of fucking rice.

They put all this coconut. I don't want that. I just want plain rice fucking pudding, American style. I like that shit. There's a company who makes tremendous fucking rice pudding. They're always in, like, the vegetable fucking yogurt aisle. It's a six-pack. You ever have those fucking tremendous?

And they also got a tub. Don't buy the tub. You'll gain weight. Buy the six individual fucking things. Take it from your Uncle Joe. You don't need that whole tub. Because I'll put a whole fucking thing of ready whip on that motherfucker and put some cinnamon underneath and some cinnamon on top.

And that's not what you need. You just need a little fucking cup. So back to the situation at hand. You have to, you have to, when you have a daughter, you have to have fucking, you know, cotton little gloves. I mean, I'm still a savage. I say some shit around that. You know, guys, I don't curse around.

I slip every once in a while and say shit. She knows a couple of words. She knows the B word. She told me a other day. She goes, I know the B word. I know the F word. I go, that's all right. Hold on to him for now.

You know what I'm saying? Don't say nothing to nobody. But it's just really weird how I'm supposed to act as a fallen out. Guys, I don't even think about my. my daughter anymore, my older daughter. And I'm sorry, I'm sorry if you guys think I'm a savage. I'm sorry if you guys think I'm a fucking bad person. But you know what, man, you can't, listen,

she doesn't want to be with me. I would always want her in my life, but she doesn't want a part of my life. So what am I supposed to do? Do you want me to cry? Do you want me to go to therapy for this shit? Do you want me not? It's plain and simple.

You don't want me and I don't want you? because you don't want me. So move the fuck on. And that's what a lot of people never understand. You know, I'm looking at all these, when I realized I had this thing with the fucking Benzo withdrawal, I went on a couple groups

and looked at the Benzo groups, you know, and you read about, you learn about what other people going through. You know, and I was like, fuck, these people fucking nearly dying. And then I thought to myself, these people fucking pussies. Because half these people go into the same thing.

You have to function. day. You wake up in the morning, you have a little hangnail. Doesn't mean you tap out and write off the fucking day. I'll tell you what, I got 103 fever. I'll tap out and write in the fucking day. But if I could get up and walk around, I'm pushing through this fucking thing. You know, and I think that a lot of this shit we hear is people fucking wanting. This life is a lot easier than what people make it seem like it's fucking hard, like it's fucking impossible. It's not. That's why I did an episode on quitting Coke because there was a time when I never saw myself without doing coke. I couldn't see it.

Guys, when I was 21, my goal was to move to Columbia and send people pictures of me rubbing a big Coke rock with my eyes all swollen. That was my big career move. That was my fucking life's dream to move to fucking Columbia. That's all I wanted to do was do fucking Coke. and that and party and get my dick sucked you know

for some reason another that all went away I don't want to I wanted more from my fucking life but at that time when I was a fucking dumb 21 year old

that's what I wanted now I just wanted the last 10 years the last five years I gotta be honest you guys all I thought about

was being a good father what I had to do to be a good father so I wouldn't lose my daughter again. That's all I wanted. I did not want to lose another daughter. You know, when I tell you guys that, yeah, she came to me December 30th last year and said, you know, before the pandemic,

that she didn't really like me leaving. You guys like Joey, why didn't you fucking turn around and tell her that you got to make a living? You know why? tell of that? Because I already lost the daughter. I'm walking around with a fucking minus on my hat. So when my wife got pregnant and I had a second chance to do this all over again,

I had two options. And guys, you know, for our anniversary, I'm going to have my wife on the podcast. We're going to do a Zoom. She's going to be upstairs and I'll be downstairs. But the beauty of it is she'll fucking tell you that we had a little fucking lunch one day before the baby was born. And I explained to her how I'm a busy guy. You know, listen, before I even tell you,

I want to shoot myself in the head for telling of this. So before you get sour on me, I thought that when I had another child with this woman, that it would be my relationship, the same relationship I had with my first wife, which is a fucking nightmare from A to Z. So I remember one day I was with my wife, She was about seven months pregnant.

We were eating lunch, and I just went off on her about what I wasn't going to do and the expectations I didn't want her to have about me. In other words, I was going to be a dad that was uninvolved. When I think of my words that day, I want to just fucking shoot myself because I didn't know what the fuck I was talking about. I was, you know, 49 years old talking fucking gibberish, because I was putting comedy before my fucking family. And I gotta be honest with the day that she was born

when I saw her at that hospital, I'll never forget what the nurses took her away. I looked at my wife and I go, that conversation we had, I mean, in another life, you should have divorced me for that conversation. You should have told me to get the fuck out of your life, taking the money and left with the child.

But I'm happy you didn't because that's not how I felt. when I saw that baby come out of your little fucking monkey my whole outlook changed on how I felt and I do want to be a part of our life and I do want to be involved with her and that's why I do the things I do and a lot of people upset with me

like how come you're not doing comedy why can't you do this? Why can you do that? Right now, dog, my daughter is eight years old and I want to watch her grow. I know that when she's 12 she's going to be the spitting image of me not look wise. I'm an ugly fucking dude.

But she's going to be the spitting image of me as far as wanting to get the fuck out. I could see it already. She cuts home from school and she's not like the other kids. She wants to go call for other kids and when she calls for him, she actually tells them,

I want to go outside. You know, it's a nice dad. I've heard her say it to it. So for all those things, I'm very proud that she's going to, you know, be a go-getter. She's getting great grades at school. She does her homework.

She does everything I expected to, but I could tell that this is going to be faster. And after my wife told me that she's starting to develop, holy fuck now, I'm never going to fucking leave aside for the next couple of years because she's going to be built by the time she's like 11, which means guys are going to be fucking tormenting already. In fact, she told me the other day

that some kid in the school keeps giving a little fucking flower. and shit. I'm like, what do you think? She's like, nah, he's not for me. She was telling me that some kid that she does the math work and she gives the answers to some kid. I go, what the fuck is that?

And she goes, he sits at my table. She goes, he's a fucking dummy. And I go, I don't mind doing it because I got to do the math anyway. If he doesn't want to do it, he's going to get an F because he don't learn. So if he wants to take my answers, that's fucking fine. I go, I never looked at it that way, you know?

So I'm learning a lot from her also while this. This has just been great, guys. I am healthier, you know, I thought about what the fuck happened to me. And when I talked to Dana the other morning, we both came up with, I had something I never thought I'd have. I had a midlife fucking crisis last year. It was me coming back home. I had a little bit of fear that I was coming back here after all the bad things I've done. And I've come back over the years.

But I came back here for three years at a time. I didn't come back here to live. So I had to get that little bit of fear, because I don't really work well with fear, but for some reason, somewhere along the line, eyewitness news, the fucking, and all that shit between the COVID and me coming back here. I had a little fucking fear,

but I also was having a little crisis as a man. And I thought you always had a middle-like crisis when you were like 50. I thought you went and bought a Corvette and started fucking 20-year-olds that were fucking retarded. But no, I did have a midlife crisis. And it was accepting the next chapter of my life, which was New Jersey. You know, a year ago, I couldn't have this conversation with you guys for 40, 50 fucking minutes like I'm doing now. It was a real fucking struggle, you know.

I would speak to Mike, and he would tell me he'll be here at 11 or something, and I would count the fucking minutes in dread and horror. that I didn't want to talk to people. Now I couldn't wait for fucking Mike to get here today. I was ready to drop some knowledge on you, motherfucker. So I'm feeling great, and I'm writing it off to, yeah, some of it was the withdrawal, some of it was the fear. But a lot of it was just a crisis that I had created in my own mind. There wasn't really a crisis.

I had created it in my own mind. And the last six months I've worked very hard on myself. I've thought about what I want to do and what my next steps are. I'm sorry, comedy isn't in my horizon today and next week, but it could be in my horizon in 2022. We don't know how we're going to feel. Right now, I'm just trying to get 2021 finished.

I'm trying to reach the goals that I laid out for 2021. I'm reaching them. You know, we're writing a book. We're getting healthier. I got to tell you something, man. And the reefer is really agreeing with me lately. You know, I'm not smoking papers. With papers, I'm not walking around with a sore throat.

Every time I smoke now, that fucking freeze pipe bubbler is worth every fucking scent. Every scent that freeze pipe bubbler. I'm really getting comfortable with it. So what I wanted to tell you guys today was that everything is getting better. And you know what, man, when you work hard on yourself, we do make fucking progress. It's a slow progress. It's hard to see.

You know, all I know is I feel better today than I did 90 days ago. And you know what I know? That when 2022 hits, I'm going to feel better January 1st, 2022, that I'm feeling today, November 17th, 2021. So I know this in my head. Hey, I'm struggling today. But I'm going to be better in two months.

Why? Because I'm going to put the work in. I'm going to walk. I'm going to fucking write. I'm going to fucking drink my water. I'm going to get my eight hours of sleep. And I'm going to be a healthy fucking version of me. So I could be Mercy's dad and move on with this shit.

I don't even know we're ending off of it. But I don't give a fuck, guys. My point today was my daughter's growing. I'm maturing and we're both meeting in the fucking middle. And we're going to fucking hammer this. fucking thing out, you know. If you feel yourself struggling and anything like that, don't feel alone.

Everybody struggles, and that's the problem I had. My mental health fucking was worrying me more because I felt nobody else was going through this. But guess what? Everybody's going through a version of this right now. And I didn't know. I get calls every three days from people going,

hey man, when I talked to you a couple months ago, I wasn't right. I'm like, really? You know, I just thought, nah, this affected a lot of people and a lot of different ways. So there's nothing wrong with you. I thought I was losing my mind. Not at all.

I'm just getting better and I'm learning how to fucking handle it. That's it and that's that. It's November 17th, 2021 and this is the motherfucking joint. God damn it. I love you motherfuckers at all my heart guys. Laughing gas is great. There it is right there. the table smelling good the second batch smelling good and looking good it does smell fucking good

you know if you need anything the ice cream shop is there for you and if you need anything on a mental struggle or a fucking recommendation you know i'm here for you guys also i've gone through it all you guys have seen the uh change in my personality the perkiness and my eyes are back everything's back and nobody fucking came over here and gave me a magic pill there's no magic drug there's no magic reefer it's you putting in the work on you everybody always puts in the work on everybody else and we're worried about oh my god mikey got high again who gives a fuck about mike you think mike he gives a fuck about you well what's mike gonna do that who gives a fuck about that cock sucker worry about you you're the most important person in this fucking world i love you motherfuckers world we're a week of

away from Thanksgiving. I can't wait to fucking eat some turkey, some fucking stuffing. A little cram-lety-a-can or cranberry sauce. I'm going to steal somebody's fucking can. Slice it up. I'm going to smoke weed in the daytime. Now I don't have that little anxiety no more.

I was smoking in the daytime, and guys, weed does create a lot of fucking anxiety. I don't give a fuck when anybody tells you. Sometimes I'll take two fucking hits off that laughing gas, and my heart will fucking. be on fire for like an hour and a half. But you know what? One thing it makes me do, weed works.

Weed works for pain. Everybody's like, weed doesn't cover pain. Yes, it does. Because many a night, I had a fucking toothache from my abscess. I smoke a little weed. And 10 minutes later, you're like, I got no pain. And all of a saying, you're like, yeah, I do have pain. I just forgot about it.

It makes you fucking forget about it. And that's it and that's that, you bad motherfuckers. I hope you enjoyed the joint. today I hope you enjoyed the week's joints. We had a great fucking chit-chat. Tomorrow's Vela's anniversary, I'll give them a call. Maybe I'll tape the phone call and let you guys listen to it. I'll figure something out.

I love you, motherfuckers, with all my heart. Have a great weekend. The holiday season is upon us. And hopefully your tip-top, motherfucker, McGoo. I love you, cock-suckers. And now for a word from my motherfucking sponsors, Jackie. All right, I want to thank you bad motherfuckers for listening today. I hope you enjoy it.

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Use promo code Joey and quit smoking. I want to thank CBD Lion. I want to thank On it. I want to thank Lucy. co. I want to thank ZipRecruiter. I want to thank BetterHelp. But most importantly, I want to

thank you for supporting the podcast Weekend and Weak Motherfucking out. I love you, Coxuckers. Happy Thanksgiving. We'll be back next Monday. Ready to fucking rock. I love you, Stay black.