The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #120 | MATT FULCHIRON | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: December 1, 2021

Welcome to The JOINT..... It's Wednesday, December 1st..... Today we catch up with the Great, Matt Fulchiron! https://www.Instagram.com/thefullcharge https://www.Twitter.com/thefullcharge This episode is brought to you by DraftKings & CBD Lion….. Download the DraftKings SportsBook App & Enter Code: JOEY https://www.DraftKings.com/sportsbook to receive $100 in Free Bets when you Bet $1 on any Football Game…. Go to https://www.cbdlion.com Use Promo Code: JOEY For 20% OFF Your Order! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #MattFulchiro The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Ep. #065 - https://youtu.be/TfKCC9L6978 Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

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Welcome to another episode of fucking Uncle Joey's joint. It's Wednesday, December, fucking first. The holiday season is in full fucking effect, cock suckers. You better start fucking getting your gifts now. You got what, 24 shoplifting days left to make it fucking work for you, cuckers. I don't know how that will work for you, but I'm good.

Been a great fucking week so far. I'm happy a lot of you guys are watching True Story. A lot of you guys hit me back and said you enjoyed it. Then ever saw Kevin Hart act that way and stuff. I watched all seven episodes. I thought it was fucking great. He inspired me, man. He really did.

I got inspired twice this week. I watched 60 Minutes and I watched Rita Moreno. Fucking 90 years old still acting. And here I'm 58. I think I'm dead. I'm brand fucking new now after I saw her at 90 moving around and doing a thing. And I'll tell you what, Kevin Hart. Kevin Hart's an inspirational fucking guy.

I just read an interview with him yesterday that he's going to work until he becomes a fucking billionaire. And it's not about the money for him. It's just to prove a fucking point, you know. And he's just a, he's a good comic to fucking watch. Like, I've always been a fan of his from afar. I've always liked how he handled his business. but this TV show, what he said on the show, he said a couple things on there that really rang fucking big with me.

So if you get a chance, watch True Story, you'll fucking like it. What else is? Yeah, no, even Jimmy's watching it with his kid. I mean, everybody was like, Joey, thank you for the recommendation. Again, I don't think the fucking series is an Academy Award winning series, but it's great to watch Wesley Snipes, you know? It's so weird how you only get better at something. the more you stick with it.

You really do. And then it switches in your mind. Like, I always wanted to act. And now more than ever, like after seeing Rita Moreno do that thing about fucking she's 90 and she dated fucking Marlon Brando for a year. It hit me so much. I had to watch Apocalypse Now last night.

You know what I'm saying? Like, I didn't watch the whole thing because it's three fucking hours. And it's the redux. It's on Netflix. And I hate that shit. When the French, have you seen that? When they go visit the French,

it's just too long. I like the old movie, you know. But fucking, tonight I'll get to watch Marlon Brando because I only watched the one hour last night. I watched Martin Sheen with the acid trip in the beginning. Oh, hey, close the door. Fucking, where he raised?

And he lays back down. They tell him his mission and he lays back down Martin Sheen. And they're like, come on, help me up here. We got a live one. They throw him in the fucking shower. I mean, he's so fucked up. He did an hit of acid for that fucking scene. He tripped on...

Yeah, in real life. He was on acid in that scene. Fucking tremendous. I mean, I love all that shit when he goes to the house to meet with the fucking congressman and shit. That's, uh, who's the actor that keeps crashing his plane?

He's old, Harrison Ford. Harrison Ford is in that movie. Young, young, fucking young. That other guy, uh, the black dude that was in The Matrix. Um, yeah. Yeah, the best actor of fucking all.

Time. Lawrence Fishburn. Lawrence Fishburn is 16 years old. I don't know if you guys remember that one day. Me and Ralphie was standing by the Formosa Cafe waiting to get that weed store. You had to wait online outside. And it was just me and Ralphie getting into a conversation outside. We weren't even waiting online no more.

There was nobody else out there. It was just me and him. The people kept saying, come in, come in. But we're like, ah, we're just out here talking. We're going to hit the Chinese Formosa. And all of a sudden, we look up at a car parks. and we didn't you know cars park all the time you know

me and ralphie like you know sitting there talking shit and all of a sudden laurence fishburn gets out of the fucking car he's coming to the weed store and he walks up to us and the head piazzo comedy slam was on showtime and he looked at me and goes man were you on showtime last month

I go yeah he goes bro I really enjoyed it and all of a sudden me ralphi and laurence fishburn are having a fucking conversation on Formosa for 20 minutes the people inside the weed store banging in the glass like come in we're about the club And we're like, wait up. Hold on, because Ralphie would go in there to spend $2,000.

I had no money. I was riding on Ralphie. Ralphie goes in there. We all go in. And now we're in the weed store with Lawrence fucking Fishburn. And the guy says, are you with him? And Lawrence goes, yeah. And my dick got really hot.

I'm like, oh shit, Lawrence fucking digs us. So, fuck. And we started talking. We went outside and we started bullshitting more. And that's when he went into the whole Apocalypse Now story, how he was 16. His family had to go down there with him. They shot in the Philippines. Me and Ralph, we were like, holy fuck, we'll be hanging out with Lawrence Fishburn.

If he whips out of joint and sparks him, we're going to die. We smoke with Lawrence fucking Fishburn. I can tell people to suck my dick. And we hung out with Lawrence Fishburn. I remember that night that he goes, you act? I go, yeah. And he goes, I'm going to hook you up on an acting class. And I was like, fucking Lawrence Fishburn is going to hook me up with an acting class.

So he hooked me and this kid Rick Ramos up. And we went to that acting teacher. for like 90 days. He was expensive as fuck, and I booked a couple jobs of his schedules were fucking weird, and the guy was real eccentric and shit, but that's my Lawrence Fishburn story.

I never got to work with him, but I fucking got to talk to him and bullshit with him, and that was, listen, man, that, to me, he was so cool, and he just told us little details about the movie, you know, how he had to sleep outside the tent, the mosquitoes.

They had to keep taking shots because the mosquitoes, like, what do you call it like vaccinations and shit it was just fucking tremendous man those kind of he's a true fucking star that guy you know it's and the other fucking guy from the matrix that we'd see every morning

for breakfast was Keanu Reeves for a while I would go to Duke's restaurant me Ralphie Mike Faberman Josh Wolf we were going there 10 deep to Duke's they used to give me a cheese omelette with fucking house steak fries fucking tremendous

I was up to like 400 pounds every time I ain't there But every time we walked out, Keanu Reels is there, sitting, just eating, reading the L.A. Times by himself. People would say hello. He'd say hello because he was there every morning. So you just got used to him. Every morning, what's going to happen, Keanu? Yeah. After the Matrix, he was there. I remember after I met him, like, he was so cool that actually went to see one of his movies,

where he plays like a fucking felon that's, he has to be a coach to a kid's baseball team for him to do his, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We went to see that movie. Fucking, I love all that shit. I love movies. I fucking love movies. You know, I just got to get myself a little stronger agent in New York. The guy I got now is great, but he books theaters.

He doesn't really book theatrical. So it's hard for him to book me, but I think I'm going to call big pussy. I'm going to call Vincent and see if he could hook me with one of his agents or he knows any agents that would take me. I don't even know what my fucking reel is. Like, I haven't added anything to my reels since 2010. You're supposed to add everything you do. If you look at my reel, it's got like fucking boiler maker and shit like that. I don't even think I put boiler maker on there.

I was really into that. Like every time I couldn't wait to shoot something to put it on my reel, but every time you put something on your reel, it's a deuce. And then you have to duplicate tapes with that new reel. So whatever reels you have that are old, they go guts. You send them out. That world is done now. Now, people don't even send fucking.

And I think I do have, there's a thing called Actors Access that has all your information. It tells you everything from your, you know, what parts are out. Let me tell you some. Actors Access is like $12 a month. And I could give you five jobs I booked off there. It was SAG, union jobs. I booked co-case from Actors Access.

Because when the show wasn't popular, I did the first season, so they put it out on regular things. Actors access is a great fucking actors. If you're booking yourself, like these people are kids, find an agent it's a catch 22 so what you have to do is go on actors access book a little bit get those fucking uh put those on your resume and then you go to an agent and they're like how'd you book cocase actors access bitch i don't need you that much either so you let them know that you have actors access i look at it now from time to time it's all non-union stuff and you know

the last thing i submitted for was the fat man show about a year ago on there i re-signed up when i moved here i never got a call back but they're all great resource is to have if you're thinking about acting. And now, after I saw that Rita Moreno thing, I want to act. I want to really get back into it. And I'm not, listen, if you think I'm going to go to an acting class and try to be like accents and shit, no.

That's my problem. I got no range as an actor. I'm only one thing. I'm only three things. A cop, a mobster, a fucking garbage man, a burglar. I always play burglars. I love those roles. Something in jail, you know, something that's in a prison.

those are my character and I accept it for what it is. I'm not going to go in there and try to play an English guy and try to be Chip- Chip-challie-ho. It's not going to fucking work, guys. I am not the guy from fucking the fighter. You know, that guy's the best actor. He's the best white fucking actor, the guy from the fighter. But yeah, that's it.

And that's that, man. We have a great week going. Guys, I'm feeling a lot better. You know how I know? Because I motherfuckered three people yesterday. That's how I know. I'm feeling better. When I feel people taking me for granted, that's when I fucking go off.

But you know what? I was a little upset yesterday. I smoked a little laughing gas and we're back. I'm still just smoking one joint at night. My fucking, I was thinking of a piss in a bottle just to see where my weed levels. Just to see, because I remember what the CCs were when I was like in Boulder and shit. I like to see how much TAC I have in my system now. But I got to tell you some guys, I haven't eaten edible in a while because I ran out of them.

I'm not going to lie to you. It's not like I quit. I ran out of them. When you run out of them, you got no options. This is Jersey. But I'm thinking of making like tonight. I was thinking of making a fucking nice tinned brownies. I make some gray fucking brownies.

Get some walnuts and shit. Put an eighth of that fucking laughing ass in, cook it nice with some nice butter. Ooh, Uncle Joey's brownies will fucking kill you. If you think the fucking stars a death, they'll kill you. Because as I'm making the brownies, every time I put that T. see butter into that brownie mix and stir it up i lick that spoon by the time the brownies come out of the oven you're like fucking you're all fucked up but uh i'm going to an n a meeting tomorrow just to check it listen guys i got to give a little something back you know uh i went through a hard time this

year and what i found when you have a hard time that gets you through it again i'm i'm boring as fuck but i believe in the journal i did a lot of journals i did a lot of journals and during this and I went to therapy during this time which I'd never been to before in my life it's been fucking great I go on better help every Monday and I talk to Dana for 20 25 minutes and it gives me a little fucking peace of mind you know I was one of those guys I never believed in therapy and now like I like even in the fucking true story his manager has a therapist and I guess the therapist

but his concerns were Kevin, like in this show that I'm watching, True Story. I finished it last night or two nights ago, but what the fuck we're talking about? The manager had a therapist, and it was funny when the therapist called him back.

The guy had a therapist to deal with Kevin, you know? He really did because it's so overwhelming when you're a manager. And the same happens on the other end. When you're a comic, you deal with so many people. You know, your agency has three people calling you all the time.

Your agent, his assistant, and the receptionist. And you deal with those three fucking people. And then you deal with your manager and his assistant and everybody else that fucking calls you. You know, and you... When you're a comic, you just get... You're talking to these people all fucking day. But the time you get on stage, you don't even know what side is right.

You don't know whether you're coming. or you're going. And I think after a while, it drives you fucking crazy. You know, you have to keep, it's like Tom, fire this manager over the pandemic.

A lot of people made booze over the pandemic because they realized they didn't need these people no more. These people were just getting in their way, you know. And like, for me,

I'm Hollywood free right now. I talk to, I have a podcast agent. She helps me out with everything. I throw all the jobs now that my agent used to get. My agent don't return my calls. He don't want to know

what the fuck I'm doing. So I'm doing it all on my own. That's why I went, the actor's access. Like, you know, like you're going to find, I got Matt Fultron coming on today, and we talked about it on the podcast today that you don't need those motherfucking pukes anymore. You don't even need to be around them. I don't want their fucking words going into my brains and fucking nothing.

I don't want to talk to those people anymore at all. I'm switching to a New York agency, and I'm going to fucking go for it. Whether I do stand up next year or tomorrow, who the fuck knows, I'm not going to stress it no more. When I feel it, it's in my nutsack. I'll be ready to fucking go. You know, right now, I'm just happy to be 90% back. 90% back.

I'm getting hard-ons. Everything's fucking beautiful. I always get hard-ons. I get mysterious hard-ons. I get hard-ons when I'm driving. You never get a hard-on when you get it when you're after 50. They always pop up. It's like when you're 8 years old.

Yeah. When you 8, your dick pops up out of nowhere. My friend was telling me her son came up until the other day with a hard dick and said, Mommy, what's wrong with it? It's going to break. And she goes, don't touch it. It's going to. In my break or something, you know, he showed up with a hard dick.

You ever show your mom your dick? I remember how to show my mom my dick one time. I was like 14. I was really ashamed, so I woke her up in the middle of the night and showed it to her. She's like, what? Oh, yeah, you might have to go see a doctor. And that was it wasn't. But my mom fell asleep watching TV, and I remember I went up on her with my dick,

and she's like, what the fuck is wrong with you? She was like, what the fuck is wrong with you? She can't show me. I had my dick like right here because it was dark in the room. And then she was like, put the light on him. See, I'm hung over, and that was the end of that. But I showed my mom, my dick. That's something, my boy.

You know, you ever bang one out, and you have to stop and mid-bang out? The fucking sperm goes backwards, and it clogs your fucking vein or something like that. You get, like a swelling in the next day. That's what happens when you were a kid. I don't know, when you're fucking 50. Anyway, without further ado, my brother, Mr. Matt, fucking Fultron. The full charge, bitches. I'll check with the afterward.

Yo. What's up, my brother from a different mother. Good to see you. The movie star. What's up, my man? Welcome to the fucking joint. Finally. It's great to be here.

So close, yet so far away. Now, where are you? You're in the city. I'm in Brooklyn, yeah. Okay. How's it going out there? It's going just fine, you know? You got any garbage on your street?

What's that? You got any garbage on your street? Oh, plenty of garbage. Half of it's mine, you know? Last time I went to the city, I saw a lot of fucking garbage, brother. Oh, you know? Yeah. What was that movie for me?

That was moving. That night, the 22nd, when I saw you at the beacon, we stopped at a pizza parlor, and I was eating the pizza outside because they just started the, you know, the COVID thing. Yeah. And I went outside to eat the pizza, and all of a sudden I saw a rat the size of my fucking foot. This tail was bigger than the fucking black dude's dick that's been in jail for 20 years.

That tail was fucking long and thick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn, these rats never fucking slowed down. Now, they're getting citizenship these days, man. It's ridiculous. You have to. You see the videos in New York of the rats running with pizzas. I saw one about a year ago with a chicken wing.

You know, it's fucking... I remember when I was a kid, there were rats at my godmother's house, and she told me that the rat attacked the kid upstairs, and they breathe on you while they bite you or some shit. Like, that's why you couldn't go to bed with sticky fingers. Yeah. You want to wash your hands and shit. I would keep the staying at my godmothers to a minimum.

I would put little mouse traps around my little fucking bed in the back. I hated it. I fucking hate those things. Dude, we were walking down the street in the summertime one time. My fiance had sandals on, and this rat just ran straight out of one trash can and just walked, ran right over her foot. Them little fingers just grabbed onto her feet and pushed off. She jumped a mile high, man. I bet she did.

And you would have seen my chubby ass. I would have been like NASA. I would have been fucking up there in the air. And I would have landed and chase that fucking rat bastard. I'm not scared of them. I just don't like them close to me. Like if they get close to me, I'll hit them with a stick. I used to kill rats in New York as a kid.

I bet. Me and my little buddies on 88th Street would chase him. We would see him in the daylight, chase him, and those kids were brutal. They would beat them with sticks, then fucking hit them with rocks, then they'd get their father to run over him. And then we would light the motherfucker on fire when he was a pancake and shit. We were ruthless on 88th Street. Dude, serial killer, training ground.

Fucking hate those motherfuckers. What's going on with you, my man? Nothing, dude. I'm just resurrecting the career, getting back to work. Where do you do spots at? I do spots at Gotham and Old Man Hustle and all the indie shows I can muster around New York. You're doing anything at the Eastside Comedy Club?

Eastville or Eastside? Eastside, I think. They have one on Fifth Street and one uptown. Never done Eastside. I've done Eastville, which is now in Brooklyn, like close to downtown. I've done that place.

But East Side, I don't know. There's a lot of clubs here. Some of them aren't even that popular and you don't even really know about them. And then you're walking down the street and you're like, there's a fucking comedy club. There's a comedy club.

I mean, who goes to like stand-up New York anymore? I don't hear nobody say to me. I do such a stand-up New York. Nobody goes to the comic strip. I don't know if that's open. I hear nobody. Yeah, that's weird.

Those uptown clubs nobody goes to so much. Nope. We were right around the corner. What's that? When we were at the Beacon Theater, we were like two blocks away from the uptown, whatever that is up there on 77 Street or something like that. I don't know. I played the Beacon Theater before, opening for Taj.

Yeah. Did you really? It was fucking awesome. We did two shows. I was hung over from my Borgata show in Atlantic City. It was one of the few nights we stayed the night. You know, usually we got it on the tour bus. and we left.

But I stayed the night and drank way too much whiskey and I was out of practice and I got hungover and I puked for the first time in years and then rode into New York on the bus just feeling like shit. And then like, you know, reluctantly went on stage and just started killing and just loving it and too show. That just like completely gave the life back to me, man. That place is amazing. I love to be confusing.

That place is amazing. It is fucking amazing. I was a cunt hair from doing it. Yeah. Oh, before the pandemic? Because I did the next obvious choice was the beacon. I had done town hall, so I was going to go, I'm going to go up to the Upper West Side with the Pips up there.

But I think it seats like 2000. It's awesome. It's awesome. It's awesome. And who was there when we were there last? Fucking De Niro. Robert De Niro. You fucking believed that night.

Walked out on stage. That was so great. That was crazy. When he walked out with a little. suit with Jane and shit. I love Jane. I love them people. De Niro, he fucked up everything. That guy. He fucks up. He hates all that stuff. The last premiere I went with that motherfucker, he fell asleep. He was in front of me sleeping with a little Italian hat on. When I woke when we got up, I go, Mr. D, wake up. I just had to close my eyes for a second.

Me and my buddy's still, where I went to Thanksgiving, he went with me to that premiere. And we were still laughing about it. That D'Nero, he's old, man. I couldn't imagine having to go to fucking three movies a week. Come on. Make them believe you're into it and they're shitty movies. I can see if, like, they're old movies. You know, for the premiere, you got to go and tell the people, he did a great job.

Oh, my God, the movie was horrible, you know. Sort of like my movie. Fucking, I don't know what the fuck happened with it. But listen, for me, when I was shooting it, I said, listen, I don't give a fuck if this movie bombs. I'm doing it for me. Yeah. Like, you ever do something for you?

Absolutely, man. I love the movie. I'm a big Sopranos fan, so I got all the jokes and everything, and I fucking love seeing you up there. And you got to see yourself get your face shot off. How fucking crazy. How many people get to see that in their life.

And let me tell you something. At first, I was like, ooh, I don't know if I'm going to like this. Like, people thought I had something to do with it. Like, I have friends and people on Patreon. They're like, dog, you shouldn't have gotten shot. I have three or four people. Bob Linguish, the guy I visited on Thursday. a couple people on Patreon, a couple people on Twitter, wrote me message.

Like, hey, man, we turned it off as soon as you got shot. Like that. You can't do that to us. We don't want to see that. People were crying. We don't need that shit. They said, when they saw my picture in the setting, like, at the wake, they were like, we didn't need to see that.

Yeah. Don't do that to us. It's the soprano, dude. Somebody's going to get shot. That's just how it is. And I always had, listen, when I saw Joe Pesci get shot in Goodfellas, I got that's the coolest thing in the world. Getting shot in a mob movie.

Like, you're going to, they're going to remember you. People are going to go up to him and say, how's Joe Dears? He got shot. Yeah. That's it. They always remember you for getting fucking shot. And I don't give a fuck.

For me, it was, it was playtime, cops and robbers. I thought it was cool as shit. I thought it was coolest shit, man. I thought it was coolest shit, too. In my heart, I had a great time. And all those guys I was on the screen with were all dynamite young men. I speak to all of them. They check in with their own.

Uncle Joey. It brings a tear to my eye, but they're good fucking people. And great actors. Hell, fuck, fuck, fuck. Some of the best actors around, dude. John Berthal and the other guy, Alessandro, did a good job. I love Gandalfini. Oh, fuck yeah. He was so good.

He's getting a lot of love now, man. Yeah. Are they going to do another movie? Because I would love to see Gandalfini keep going in that character. I would love to see Gandalfini keep going. I'm not sure. I'm not. Listen, one, for me, what do you want to do, call the people once a week?

What are we doing the movie? I can't. If they want to call me and include me in their love, I'm in. But if not, that's fine, too. It would have to be a prequel to the prequel if you're going to be in. Yeah, right? Yeah, it would have to be a prequel to the prequel to the prequel. But Chase has done crazy things.

Absolutely. Okay, Vito. You know what Chase does a lot more than once is twins. He does twins. Like, yeah, we shot this guy, but it's. twin brothers right here yeah yeah he's done that like three times i think yes he did it in the soprano he did it were rale yoda yeah who else and somebody else i think well there was there was steve bushimmy had twins neither of them died but then you had a philly's brother got shot and he was a twin uh

so to me that's three that's like a lot of twins for one series you're a fucking genius because i never even thought of that twins you just fucking opened up the whole thing to me listen you ever like I just saw something that Will Farrow and his buddy got into a fight Yeah yeah Adam McKay Because he hired What's his name first or something Yeah

I'd never I used to be like that When people waste your time Like people come to the comedy store We're here to see you for this movie And then they bust your chop 10 times And then at the end you don't hear them anymore Right And you're like what happened

Also you see the movie advertising You're like what happened to my fucking role And they give it to some other Jamok And the movie bombs and then you're happy, you're like, fuck you, cuck, sucker. Parks and all, you and all your grandmothers. But I used to have that little thing to me. Now I just wish them luck.

If I audition for a movie and I do a good job, that's all I could do. Yeah. It's up to them. There's so many factors. Think about it. They've been wanting to put you in The Sopranos for years. I was just watching an episode the other day. I watch it all the time.

And the FBI agent mentions Joey Coco. Yep. that you've been on their radar and it's because of your auditions in the past that you've been on their radar you didn't get it at the time you got it later fucking cool and you had something to do during the pandemic right were you shooting

during the pandemic you must have been two days September last year we had to do reshoots or added shoots we shot the back the confirmation scene in Brooklyn that was done in your neighborhood right we all did that in two days

right so it broke into two parts So Monday we did all the stuff in the courtyard. And then Tuesday we did my scene with Ray Leota and, you know, father, pussy, all that. The guy, he's a great guy. The guy that played the priest, I had a blast at that fucking dude. That's awesome. That's what his name is in my phone, Mike the priest. I'm going to give him a call today because he wants to take me to lunch up north.

He's up like Nyack. So he's like, just come up to North Bergen. We'll do some fucking lunch. I got to bring you over. My wife said to me, I said, she goes, who's on the podcast tomorrow? I go, Matt, and she goes, she's coming over? I go, nah, he's in Brooklyn. I thought you were in the city.

I got a car. I got a car. And she told, she said, tell that motherfucker to get in the car and come down and see us. We got great food down here. We got Mikey down here. You let me know. I got booze down here.

I don't fucking drink it. I got Heinikins for you. I got hynicans with no alcohol for you. I'll bring my fiance down there. Yeah. You like Chinese? I love Chinese. I absolutely love Chinese.

We got some good Chinese here. It's all happened. We got good everything down there. here. I talked to this UFC fighter, Mickey Gall the other day. He used to come on the podcast. Mickey's a great guy. And he called me. I called him to wish him luck this week. You know, he's fighting Saturday in the UFC. And we were chit-chat and shit. And he's like, how do you like it down there? He goes, I got an aunt that lives down there. She used to go to New York all the time for dinner. She stopped about eight years ago. She said the food down there is great. It's great down here.

Atlantic City's great. Yeah. Red Bank is great. I think Mikey just went there. Red Bank got some good steakhouses and shit. Got an ant over there, yeah. Yeah, they got some comedy theaters down there. It's a nice, you know, New Brunswick got a nice steakhouse. New Jersey's fucking rocking. You know what I'm saying?

It still stinks like dick when you're on the turnpike dog. I mean, the other day I was on a turnpike. I'm like, if I could fart like this, I would fucking make a million dollars a year. Like the fart on demand, that stink while you get to New York, right when you get the Newark Airport, like Elizabeth from the South coming up south, Matt, you got to smell that.

Oh, I do. I stick my head out the window. And if you see a little puddle that's been stagnant there for a while, you can see the cancer cells growing in it. You can see like it's got like a little fucking, a little IV line. I mean, it's, you know, yeah, listen, if you live in Jersey, you're eventually going to get cancer. There's something, electrical poles, you know, something that'll fuck you up.

Yeah. You know, the mafia. Yeah. Like Jersey was where they put all the trash. It's the truth. Yeah. Staten Island in Jersey. You go to Staten Island, it smells like shit.

I love Staten Island. I tell you, I fucking love... I love the people from Staten Island. Eddie crosses street. Makes me fucking spaghetti. Once a week, a husband's knocking on my door. Hey, my wife sent you this. Yesterday, she sent me pasta for Zool at spaghetti.

It's soup and beans and fucking green stuff and protein. Dude, I blew a fuck last night in the car. I almost died. When I do come over, my fiancé is going to make us meatballs. We're going to bring them. She makes the best fucking meatballs. She's Italian. You'll fucking love it.

Done. Now, you spent the whole pandemic in New Orleans? Not the whole pandemic. I spent from, first of all, I got a call from you. This is the first gig canceled. You called me up. We were supposed to play Nyack. And I was like, and you were like, we can't do it.

They're not, you know, it's not happening. And I remember thinking, man, me and Joey's gig is the only one that get canceled. And then everybody's gig got canceled. But, so I was in New Orleans from March until September. And it was a rough scene, dude. This is a popular podcast. I don't want to step on any toes with my in-laws. But you know how it is.

I'm used to being an independent guy. I'm used to being, you're a comedian, you get it. Like you just go on your own schedule. Nobody puts their two cents into your life at all. And there I was with my future and mother-in-law and dealing and my extended in-laws are down there. And it was just a whole scenario. Everybody wanted to see each other before the vaccines came out. And everybody was just like, it was just like way more people in my business than I was used to.

And I eventually got an Airbnb down there and just kind of got away from the family. I was like, this is getting too crazy. And I got away and just lived in New Orleans by myself. How was the pandemic down there? Like when they show all those bars down and all that shit, how was the attitude? You just, you know, you got to know, I didn't get out of the house much, so I didn't see it. But you got to know, that's what New Orleans is all about. They, their whole thing, like Marty Grog got canceled, that was devastating to everybody.

And it's a very social, very party town, and it was just gone. But then there was some people who, you know, like everywhere. After a while, we're just like, fuck it. We're going to see each other. We're going to do the best we can without getting too close to each other, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I didn't really leave the house until I got vaccinated. We ended up back in New York from September through January. And that was like, that sucked too because me and my fiance were just crammed into a two-bedroom apartment.

And it felt like night of the living day just walk out. around, you know, and it was cold to walk around. It was brutal, man. So then we went back, my fiance's mom sold, no, she bought a new house, but kept the old one. So I went back in the beginning of 2021, and that was a whole different thing. We had our own house. It would look like we were crashing there, like punk rockers, because it was a big house and all there was was like one bed and one couch and one TV. But they did have a pool. I swam laps. It was warm weather. So 2021 was a whole different story. And then we got vaccinated.

So we were excited about the future. So it was nice the second time around. How crazy. We got vaccinated. We were expecting all this hoopla. And two months later, people started getting breakthrough cases. And then they want to start selling the fucking vaccine. And people like, dog, it's breakthrough cases.

But you're not going to die. Well, guess what? Nobody's fucking punching the ticket. You know, I talked to a friend of mine yesterday. They just closed the school district in Jersey. Jersey down south. My girl I grew up with is a principal down there. She's like, I'm out of a job for three weeks.

They're just going to lock it up for the fucking month. That sucks. But the time they get back and testing and shit. Yeah. So, you know, all these fucking breakthrough cases that makes you think, but then people, are you going to die? Nah. What a fucking mind fuck for America.

You know, it really is. It sucks because every time you get optimistic, there's new news. And then the news is always, it's always more alarmist than it needs to be. Like the headlines are always trying to scare you. And then if you read the article, it's like, oh, it's not that bad.

It's not that bad. They try to freak you out. And at this point, I'm vaccinated. I just got my booster. What am I going to do? I'm just, you know, it's not like they're paying us to stay home. I would love to stay home and make money, but it's not happening for me.

How's the work situation? Stand up. What's that? How's the work situation for you? Work situation is fine. It's not the best, but I'm surviving and I'm working. And I just, I like doing stand-up so much more than I did before 2020. I'm just so into it.

I've got new material, obviously from going down to Louisiana. And I just, it's exciting to do it. I'm way into it right now, you know? That's good, man. No, it's very good because it can become a, job and it can get tedious and it can be especially traveling you know about that traveling's exhausting and then the crowds every night exhausting but it's actually good i'm not working every weekend because it's just too much you know you know that you sold me on that philosophy a while ago you know two weeks a

month was your policy right that was it or less that's what i can handle listen yeah you have a schedule and they look at these tours people are doing and this you know you look at you look at them and you go nope nope nope nope and then you see some guys that they get it they you see that they're rounding it out they're just trying to get out there to stay relevant they're not trying to and that's what i would do now if i was out there i'd just be hitting my favorite spots to stay relevant Friday Saturday four shows get me in it out no more drama no radio no nothing we'll fucking promote it if they come they come if they don't what do you want me to fucking do you know what do you I can't

control is fucking what people think or whatever. It's not wide open. But then you look at like Nick games. Uh-huh. And you watch, you know, you see what Tom's doing, a good friend. Tom's working a lot, which is good for me because I open for him sometimes. That's perfect. So that's good.

That is fine with me. You know, you see what these guys are working, but they all have an out plan. Yeah. If you speak to Tom, he'll say to you, bro, I'm doing this with this period and then I'm done. Yeah. Yeah. I focus on podcasting. I'm doing it.

You know, I spoke to Burton. like I'm doing this for a certain time, one more tour. Yeah. For me, I had just been burnt out. It had become a job. Yeah. And I wanted to unwind a little bit. I was just coming to a new place.

I don't want to land here. And three weeks later, I got to pack up on a Tuesday. I don't know Newark Airport. You know, I got to learn, you know, I got to attack it slow. You don't want to crack. Dude, we were at New York Airport together one time. I don't know if you remember. Oh, yeah.

You walk straight up to Jersey Mike's sub shop. And you're like, what the, fuck are you doing here you got real sandwiches here we don't need no fucking jersey mics and the kid was just like i don't know what to tell you i'm pissed at jersey mike though that's okay if you're in i well yeah i had jersey mics bro i can't lie to and it was good like three times and then my fucking and then my fucking conscience came into play i'm a catholic and i think about oh shit and then my conscience came into play and i thought about how i'm cheating on italian people who come over here on a fucking boat with a salami

to give us culture and food and we're fucking eating that shit from fucking fat mics, whatever his fucking name is Jersey Mike. But meanwhile, there's an Italian guy that he's got fucking, you know, what do he call that shit?

When the pasta goes to your toes and your feet hurt, gout. You know, he's got gout. He's standing on his feet all day waiting to make a fucking sandwich and you're going to fucking Jersey mice, cock sucking. It didn't come to fucking fruition

until I came to Jersey and I saw Jersey mice. The first time I saw Jersey Mikes and Jersey, I actually stopped the car, look in there, and I had to think twice if I had a gun in the car, because I swear to God, I become ISIS. I will ISIS every fucking Jersey Mikes. And then the biggest ISIS I want to do is 42nd Street New Year's. Shoot the fucking Olive Garden down.

Me and 20 other fucking Italians, and we'll give a fucking pass to Curtis Silver, the guy who, from the Guardian Angels that want to be mayor. Come on, this is how you be mayor. Lock that fucking Olive down. You lock that Olive Garden up. You'll get 10 million votes. Motherfuck.

I'm sorry I get emotional about Olive Garden and fucking Jersey Mikes, but enough is enough. Cucks. Dude, I heard Jersey Mike is from Delaware. Fuck Jersey Mike. Fuck Jersey Mikes. I'm totally making that up. I don't know if that's true. And I'll tell you what.

Listen, let's talk honestly. Yeah. I went to somebody's house maybe a month ago. They were watching football and they had a roast beef sandwich with Coastlaw. And they cut it, you know, they got like a foot long. and they've broken into 30 pieces and I ate one. You know, you're there,

you got a little T.HC in your system for the night before. You sure do. And I took a bite of it and right away it was like eating lamb. Like, it was like eating veal. Like I felt guilty. Like, some of these fucking lamb is dead.

And I couldn't imagine. Why am I feeling guilty about roast beef with Kostlaw? It's not a cake. I'm not going to die. It's just three little fucking points. Like, ah, it's the Jersey Mikes that's got me fucked up.

Keeping you down, dude. Now, Blimpy. Let's talk about Blimpy base. Please. I thought we never get to this. Blimpy is deep in my DNA. Okay. Now we're getting somewhere.

All right. Yesterday, about a week ago, maybe two weeks ago. Me, Jim Florentine, my daughter and Jimmy's son and my wife went to this really good Italian restaurant. We were running late. The guy called. He goes, I'm making pasta. Come over. We went down there.

I love Joe from El Nito. I brought Joe Rogan there. I'm going to bring fucking Mike there one day when he was. He's here past five, because I don't want him to drive up two hours, Felonito. Then he's going to drive two hours back full. He'll call me, a fellow sleep in Tom's River like you did last Tuesday. So I took my daughter and my daughter, when we're going out, we're leaving, we're talking by the door. Yeah.

And she was like, take a card, you know, if you know anybody. So my daughter takes a card. This is two weeks ago. Yesterday she drops on me. She says, Dad, guess who I gave that card then? I go, who was? She goes, my teacher. told I said,

this is the restaurant for you. And she's like, do you recommend it? My daughter's like, fuck yeah, I recommend it. And she goes, okay, I'll let you know how it is. So I told the owner with my daughter, then he goes, tell her. He sent me back a text.

He goes, tell her to get the name and reservation. It's made from, no, mercy told him. If you go in there, tell the owner you know me, right? My fucking eight-year-old daughter, I'm like, she's already Jersey, baby. She's already Jersey, dog. She loves all the you who.

She likes bottle Uhoo. I gave her a candy. She's like, Dad, this don't taste right. I go, okay. They use different water there. They use that Philadelphia water for the kids. So I remember when I was in the fucking second grade. Let's just

say second grade, everybody, I used to live on 88th Street. Right in New York City, on Broadway, a little off towards Amsterdam, and on 86th Street there was a Blimpy base. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah? Oh, my God. because I just ate American food when I was a kid

because I wanted to be American. Right. So Blimpy, what's more American than fucking Blimpy? Blimpy's awesome, yeah. I would go to Blimpy every day, and I finally found the sandwich I liked. There was two Blimpy sandwiches I liked. A, tuna with vinegar and a slice of American cheese.

Come on, dog. I'm getting hungry now. And the roast beef with American, with vinegar oil, lettuce, tomato onion. Tremendous. One day, I'm going to school. Like, in the second grade, I'm like, fuck school. I'm in the same way.

I'm in the move for a Blimpie's fucking sandwich. Like my mom didn't wake up that morning or made me breakfast. She gave me like orange juice with the mostive of cotton. I was furious. I'm walking towards Amsterdam. I'm like, fuck this. I'm going to hide at the bodega to the bell rings. And then I'm going to go to Blimpy Base.

And that's exactly what I did. But when I'm in Blimpy Base, as I'm walking to the Blimpy Base, who bumps into me, the chewing officer? Oh, shit. And he goes, son, how come you're not in school? I'm hungry. He's like, what do you mean you're hungry? I go, I'm fucking hungry.

That's why I'm not in school. He goes, so what are you going to do? I was headed over to the Blimpy base. If you want to come over, I'll buy you a sandwich. That's how fucking smart I was in the eighth grade. Right, right. I was fucking second grade. Yeah.

You know, my mom gave me like a 20. That's like eight Blimpy sandwiches. Sure, back then, yeah, fuck yeah. I bought him a Blimpy sandwich. We sat and ate. I'll never forget this. And there was a side door that took you towards Riverside Drive. And I remember wiping my hands going, it was a nice meeting you.

He goes, you're going back to school and I'm going to the park. I went down the Riverside Drive. Just went to the park. I got home. My mom's like, you didn't go to school. I got beat up, but at least I had a roast beef sandwich in my belly. That's how I knew the tuna from Subway wasn't real. Because I've been eating tuna from fucking Blimpy since Jesus left.

What is the tuna in Subway? I never read the article. I just saw the headline. Dead Mexicans that try to cross the fucking Rio Grande River. When they drown, they pull them out. Their skin is soggy, and they just. just chop it up and send it to you. No shit.

You got to assume. You got to assume. Yeah. Like it doesn't take a genius. I, listen, I have a relationship with Stakeham. Not recently because they're fucking terrible, but 30 years ago I had a good relationship with Stakem. But if you look at a Stakem now, you're a little bit more intelligent, you're a little bit more wiser. If you look at a Stakem, you're like, that looks like a black dude's thigh.

That's what goes through your head. Yeah. Black dudes die. They did. A guy died in a motorcycle. one of the guys from not the Mayans. What was the black motorcycle gang and sons of anarchy? I know what you're talking about.

They got into an accident and they fucked their leg up and right away. In my mind, I feel like the ambulance actually calls like Stakeham, um, White Castle. White Castle. All those people who are like kind of, White Castle's horse. White Castle's. I eat it and say a prayer. Yeah, it's just all onions.

I ate that in a hotel room one time and my hotel room just smelled like onions for six days. You want to really detest of White Castle? White Castle when you're drunk wake up the next morning and smell your fingers you think you fucking finger the dead person it smells fucking horrible and it makes you fart like crazy too doesn't it am I wrong about that I only have once

I like White Castle when I go my daughter we haven't been in about two months but when we got here I took her and she was like Dad this is great we would go up down Saturdays and come home and watch the honeymooners we would split the 10 pack yeah no cheese for her

three with cheese steamed some fucking fries and a diet soda and then we split a milkshake three ways. Dude, this podcast is making me hungry. Oh yeah, you're going to be hungry when you fucking get out. That's what we do. I just had a handful of peanuts before it is. I had, I need to fucking eat. I had some leftover chicken and Cuban rice, man.

And it was good for lunch. I went to the gym. I dropped my car off in service today. I bought that car January. I've never gotten to service. Started making noises and shit. I took it down to the Subaru deal this morning. So what's your future, brother?

What are you looking at at 2022? I'm getting married. I'm getting married in 2022. I'm working on a TV show with, I don't want to give too many details, but it looks like it could happen, which is always exciting. We know those things, these things don't always happen, but at least it's something to be excited about. And I love the project.

My friend and I that I went to film school with 25 years ago, we're getting it together. and got a couple people on board already. So I'm really excited about that. Hopefully that'll take off next year. And then just doing the road and, you know, the full charge power hour. I do that podcast still.

I stopped for a little bit and started that back up again. And that ought to keep me busy, I think. I also want to do a half hour or an hour special soon. Just shoot it yourself. So hopefully I can concentrate on that and shoot that. Shoot it yourself. I love what Shane Gilliston. Yeah.

I love what Shane Gillis did. It's a new way to do it. He got fired. He didn't give up. He pushed ahead. And he's making great fucking strides. You know, all these guys, I love it now that you control your own destiny. It's really cemented now that as a comedian, you don't need fucking Hollywood.

You need a booking agent to book you. But anybody who could breathe into a glass can book you. Sure. Anyone that's not you can fucking book you. Don't believe the fucking hype because all of them are horrible right now. now. Like if I was to fire the guy I'm with, where would I go? Because they all suck. They're all fucking thieves.

Right. And the sacks of shit. So where would you fucking go? They're a little lazy too. Oh, that's going to. Oh, that won't work. Very lazy. And all we do is is go, oh, that won't work? Well, I'm going to try it anyway. That's all we do is give the possible. What are you listening to a fucking agent for?

That's like listening to me about music or guitars. I don't know nothing. I don't know nothing. I can tell you you a plan, but I don't know nothing. comedy is what I know. Like, I would be a good comedy manager now because I've done it for 30 years. I know the obstacles and I can talk to somebody

and they would understand. But these guys, they failed at whatever they fucking tried. And now they're trying to pimp human beings out. And the fact that they don't even do it right anymore, they don't even do it right. They don't really give a fuck. Look at my agent. I told them I didn't want to go on the road no more, no auditions.

Really? All the money I gave you on time, you hear about all these comics that all the agency's money, I fucking pay him. That's the first person I pay when I land. Absolutely. I write the commission check and it's in the mail

and they get it on Tuesday. So all this good work I did, now you don't want to book me and fucking TV and film, you sacks of shit, you know? You miserable sacks of motherless fucking pieces of shit, you know? And I get it.

I'm an old fucking man, but I still got, listen, Rita Moreno's 90 and she's still working. And that's my new fucking goal. That's what I'm going for. I was already killing myself. You do know that. that I was already putting myself in the old guys home

and I snapped out of this fucking coma I took a look at my ball sack I sniffed it and I go What the fuck am I thinking? I'm no old fucking man I got white hair, my balls hair are white But I got more blood in my fucking heart Than most fucking young kids I'm going to do it

Yeah, they're not gonna film your balls And you're always castable They always need your type No matter what your type is No so I call the agent this morning I go listen I'm committing to this with you I really want to do it I'll do some better fucking audition

you know, that. I'm looking for a big 20-22, like a fun. Fuck yeah, man. Like, we've been living in hell for two fucking years. We need it. Two years. Two-fucking years. Yeah, it feels like two fucking years, you know.

It is because time is just slowly fucking ticking. You know, we've got a bunch of surprises for us. What's that? They got a bunch of surprises for us in 2020. Yeah, dude. Yeah, we all just got to hang in there. Wait for these three weeks to go by, boy. Once that January comes, they're going to come out of some fucking crazy.

shit. So I want everybody to be prepared for 2020. It's going to be a crucial fucking time for all of us. I like what you're saying, man. I fucking read your tweets every day, man. I appreciate the inspiration, and I think you're right.

I think you're right. I think 2020, we could spank. I'd rather go out with a bang and turn 60 in 2023 and then get a job at Costco. Why not? Welcome to Costco. How are you today?

And people go on dinner. I just see you on the TV show? Yeah, that was dead and this is now, a cocksucker. I'm now at Costco's. I'm just giving out fucking stickers. You're here. You know what I'm saying? I got my face and my name tag.

That's it. I'm all back together. But I'm not going to fucking play laid down Sally. And I'll tell you what, I'm getting happy again. I'm getting excited. I think one of these nights, somebody's going to call me and go, hey, man, take it ride me to a comedy club and I'm going to jump and get on stage and I'm going to attack it. Like I took two years off and fall in love with it.

it the way you did again for the art? Let me tell you. You have to fall in love with it for the art. Oh, yeah. Go ahead. Well, I was just going to say, like, I was nervous about, I wasn't on stage for a whole year, and I was nervous about how good I would be, but I just prepared for it, and everything was fine. In fact, it was probably better than the last time I did stand up because I was excited about it. I had the nerves going a little bit. I loved it. It was so great, and I was even do new material the first

time back on stage and even fucking with the audience a little bit pushing them a little bit. You know, I was in Nashville though. It was easy to do that. It's easy. My wife's going to Nashville and I was thinking of going with her maybe jumping on the Monday night open mic at Zane. He's going on there and see Theo

and whatever. But I think that week, Theo will be in New Orleans with his family and Josh Wolf will be fucking running with the Jews. You know, it's the Jewish time of the year. That's what I did. I went there because I wasn't like interested in getting paid a lot. I just wanted to get back on stage and New Orleans didn't have much even though they have a comedy club now.

But Josh does like a variety show there now, which is totally fun. You can just go up and do 10 minutes and it's a lot. You know how much fun Josh is. He's a fucking right. He's starting to have a lot of fun. He, yeah. I'm happy he got out of L.A. I think a lot of guys just needed to get the fuck out of L.A.

L.A. is not doing nothing for you no more. Get the fuck out of there. It's such a... I'm happy to be the fuck out of that. I'm grateful every day that whoever put this idea in my mind to get the fuck out of there. It worked. And whoever got me back here worked. I'm happy to be back here.

Yeah. And it's just... I wanted to take care of myself the right way. Yeah, man. I wanted to fucking get healthy. I wasn't. I'm not healthy. I wasn't healthy for the last year.

This fucked with me a little bit. Yeah, yeah. But guess what? Yesterday I motherfucker three people. people. That means I'm back. And today I motherfucked somebody early, which means I'm back. That's how I know I'm back. When I get in a bad mood and I have to tell people to suck my dick this morning, I went off and a guy, I felt he came up to me the wrong way. And I apologized. I called him when I got home, but hey, you know, people started taking me for granted a little bit. Like they were

forgetting that I'm a fucking sad. It's knock it off, man. Be a good guy to me and I'll be a good guy to you. And we'll leave it at that, you know. Well, I never knew the difference, man, you never went away in my mind. No, no, I just laying low. And when it's time, you know, when it's time, it's like they're going to put me in a cell and I'm going to bust out of that cell. I don't know if it's going to be tomorrow. I don't know if it's going to be in 2022.

I think it'll be in 2022. And I'll go straight and 2022 with a nice show at Red Bank. We'll go down there at a fucking Vogel Theater. I'm thinking of doing a one-man show, you know. I'm interested in maybe doing a one-man show. I have a lot of things I like to do, nothing concrete, but I'm trying to figure out 2022. 2021 is done.

We got a fucking Christmas jingle. You drink a glass of fucking, and eat a grape, and it's New Year's, and that's it. That's it. It's December 1 today, you know? Yeah, that is one thing L.A. taught us is that the year's over around December 10th.

Yeah. You know, but you might as well just call it now, because Hollywood is slow right now anyways. Show business is slow right now. It's been slow. So for it to go into, this was my time of the year, always, December 1 to the 18th. Yeah. I try to book an episodic to come out of the box.

Like there's nothing like eating Christmas dinner and thinking, fuck. Yeah. January 4th, I go right to work. You got no worries. That's one worry that's so out of your mind. That's so great. I know I'm just doing some stand-up. but I got that going for me.

I'm working in Vegas on January 2nd. Really? Who are you going with? Tropicana. Greg Hahn's headlining, and I'm doing the middle spot. And just eight days of destruction, dude, in the warm weather.

How the fuck is Greg Hahn? He's doing fine. I saw him in April. He's doing fine, dude. When does he live? He lives north of L.A. I think Ventura. I think it is in Ventura.

I haven't seen him. since 1998. Yeah, that's a long time. We almost got into a fist fight in Santa Cruz. Awesome. Because he called me a liar. He said creative entertainment didn't pay headlines is 250. Uh-huh.

So I went in my car and I got him to pay stuff. I was just saying, go call them. You like when you encourage comics, you call them, they pay. And it was in North Carolina. The room sucked. But it was 250 a fucking night when you're, the headline. And you drive. I did them with Vinie Lightbulbs.

We did like three weeks. We went to Tennessee, fucking, you go to West Virginia, you're doing coal miner rooms. One place charged me $50 every time I said fuck. Every time you said fuck, they charge you $50. The guy goes, listen, I quit at $200. I go, what are your chances of getting that $200?

You know what I'm saying? Get the fuck out of here. You're like the Blues Brothers. You owe them money. Yeah, no. So I was trying to help him. I'm like, Greg, call him. And Greg, he's like, you're bullshit.

I'm like, look at it. They pay headliners $250 and features $170. This is 99, 98. Yeah, yeah. Carrot Top had moved already. They needed headlines in North Carolina. They're like, come. He left a couple props for you to use.

Yeah, he left a couple props. He left me a broom with his fucking hairdo on it. You know how like his fucking hairdo? He combed his hair with a chemistry set. I love Carrot Top. He always been cool to me. And he's like, you're a liar. You got that printed up.

I go, huh? Craig, what the fuck? He was at three arts then. Yeah. We got into a little pushing match. a lesbian girl broke us up. Those LGBTQers they don't like fucking fist fights around them.

Mimi Gonzalez, that was her name. Cuban Jewish chick from fucking New York City. Dude, your life, I was going to tell you, I was going to tell you that in 2022,

you should make a movie about, Joey Diaz is a superhero and you're all busting out of jail, you're doing all this crazy stuff. But the more I talk to you, your life should be filmed every fucking second. I know you would hate that, but you're a fucking,

show, man. You're ridiculous. You're hilarious. I'm ready to go. Like, I'm ready to go. Burke called me last night and said if I wanted to be part of his 500 episode. Yeah. You know what? I don't want to fly, but it kind of be nice to go to L.A.

Yeah. Fucking put a pipe bomb and some guy I got to kill him. I learned how to make a pipe bomb. Now I could kill him. There's a couple people I want to go visit out there. I miss a couple of my friends, but I think I need to go out there and straighten out some people. That

Flash mob, I just got a hold of them. I sent them to the guy's house that's fucking me. I'm going to send them over to 80 people go into that fucking place and beat up that fucking guy. I told him they got a lot of money in there, a lot of appliances. A lot of hammers. So you're going to L.A. to do Birds Podcasts and kick the shit out of some people.

Yeah. Is that what you're saying? Go to L.A. Go to L.A. And point the flash mob is in the right direction. Okay. Okay. I got you.

I got you. I got like three locations. for the small nickel. Just give me 5% of the, whatever you take. And the guy that you're going to rob, I want you to give him a beat, break both his kneecaps and rip out of ear. I want to see an ear in my fucking house.

I want you to mail me an ear in a box. No, I just, I just, like you got the part in the soprano's movie. Yeah, I just need to go out there maybe. So if I want to, I'll see what the date is. I really want to go see Joe and Austin and do a podcast on there because we always did that December 27th. So I'm going to give him a ring today And see if he's going away on vacation

I mean if I had $100 million I'll leave on the 25th and go to Santa's house Yeah, dude Santa suck my dick You know what I'm saying? This 10 million Santa Sniff that nuts sack And that's no beard, cuck sucker

I'm going to make a call for you Because I want you to do spots at the East Side comedy My buddy's running it Brian Moore dear friend of mine from Zanis I know him since he was in college He's worked himself up to comedy ranks He started at the laugh factory Then he got a general manager, Zanis and Chicago,

and he just took the general manager job over at East Side Comedy Club. I know who you're talking about. You know Brian Morton? I don't know him, but I've seen all this online, and I would love the hookup. Yeah, he's a great guy. So I'll give him a call later on and hook you up. I appreciate it.

Hopefully I could see you early in January. You're always welcome to swing by and get a fucking spare rib with Uncle Joey. I would love it. It would make my fucking life. We got to do it. You're one of my favorite people in the world was always great to work with you on the road. That's one thing I miss is when you said that

about New York and the fucking sandwich, I was like, that's right. We used to have a blast on the road. You're on a crusade, squash and sandwich shops. I fucking love this shit, man. I miss you. Miss you too. I'm happy you took the time today.

I love you to. Thank you for your Zoom working. I've been working with these comedians lately at their Zoom suck. What the fuck? You got to work on your Zoom's, cock suck. You got to fix them. This was an enjoyable fucking zoom.

You know what I'm saying? Hell yeah, dude. We lucked out. Sometimes my Zoom sucks, but we lucked out. We loved that. Any dates coming up? Yeah, I'm doing Vegas, January 2nd through 9th, and I'm doing a funny stop in Coyahoga Falls, Ohio, February, I think 10th through 12th.

That's a funny one. That's a good club up there in Ohio. Oh, that's like good people. That's like roadhouse. Somebody will fucking even give you a pack of. It's full of Mets or an oxycodone. That's a crazy club. That's a crazy club.

The club owner's crazy. He yells at the comics from the back of the room. He fucking, he calls his shit. He calls all the local comics gay. He's a fucking, he's a maniac. I used to know one of the managers there. Yeah, he used to know one of the managers there. He had worked at Craig's Room in Kansas City.

Big time fucking part of you. He went up there. He's the one that told me, don't give that girl Coke, but she starts sucking me. dick. No, I'm not going to give a Coke. That's the first person I'm going to give cocaine to if she's sucking dick. You know what I'm saying? If she don't suck my dick, that's fine. She sucks somebody's dicks and makes her day. She's making the world a better place. She's making the world a better place. So give her the Coke and hopefully she'll lick your fucking

nuts. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. What's going on with Tash? You're doing any roadwork with him or he just said, fucking. I did some work with Tosh in August. I did some L.A. Clubs and it was a fucking riot. And I love hanging with that guy. And we'll see. Hopefully you know once a year twice a year I get to work with him and that's always a pleasure man that's always a fucking pleasure that guy did it right bro he never got in trouble nobody ever said he just

got his job and said fuck you motherfuckers I'll do stand up when I want I'll torture Comedy Central have them pay me everything they have you know they I heard one time they didn't have money that week that women were giving them jewels and shit from Comedy Central he works them heavy over there he's a slave driver fuck yeah no yeah you don't

fuck around No, he don't fuck around. Yeah. I love you, Matt, Fulltrial. I love you too, dude. Have a happy holiday if I don't see you. You too, man. You're always walking down here, right?

All you got to do is call. Let's work it out, man. You come in a daytime. We'll take Mikey to get some Kung Pow chicken and fucking his wiggle flip. I'm all about it. Ari comes down for the Kung Power chicken. Oh, really? All the time.

All the time. He comes down, he brings his dog. He leaves him in the yard, and we shoot down and get Kung Pau chicken. Nice. I give him some reefer, and he shoots home. He's happy as fuck. He sits down. in my backyard on the fucking hammock.

Yeah. With his long two feet and shit and it's fucking... That sounds awesome, dude. One last thing. What the fuck is that thing with the dating game? That young fucking Matt Fultron trying to pick up bitches on a dating game or whatever that was. That was like the first month I was in L.A., right?

So I went to Central Casting to sign up for extra work. And then on the way out, the um you know the whoever books the dating game you know asked me to come in an audition and it was a crazy audition so all the contestants were there and you had to go up in and uh and audition in front of everybody and so it was like a stand-up show but it was before i started doing stand-up but i was just in the zone man i was killing i was crushing and they asked me to be on it and i said yeah you know i wanted to do something i knew it was like goofy but that was i was all about goofy back then you know and it was fun and i'm glad i had the footage

now because it's a riot to see Cullery introducing me. No, fuck, no, they didn't pay me. It's funny because when I first got to L.A. I was telling Mike, I went to Central casting. They were doing the extras for the Titanic. Oh, wow. And I remember driving to that little fucking resort. It was like a three-hour drive from L.A. I left my house at three in the morning.

Yeah. And I got there like there. Like, you got to be like a 5.30. When I got there, they had a line of people that were going to be extras. to get their costumes. Yeah. When I say a line of people, I say about 75. Yeah. They were just there, standing there.

Right. And the guy said, it'll take about three hours to go through the process. And then you're going to go in there around 9 in the morning. Uh-huh. And they would work until midnight. Yeah, man. It was like a long fucking day. And I'm like, you know what?

Yeah. I got to go to my car. The guy goes, you have an ID and stuff. I got to go to my car and get it. Pee-un! That's a classic. Because it was $35 flat. Yeah.

It was $35. for the day or something. Yeah, that's tough, man. But the sell was you're going to get in the movie if you go down there. Right. Don't make you a star in the movie. Were you going to be one of the people? Were you going to be one of the people like falling off the ship as it turned sideways?

That's one of those. A waiter, you know, whatever the fuck they needed. I didn't give a fire. I didn't know anything. So. They cook at the end. Yeah. When they said, come down and if we like you, we'll put you in the movie.

Yeah. You know, I was down there. I was looking for Leonardo. You know, I went down. It was Lenny at. You're a big. Gilbert great fan. I love, I love Leonardo of Caprio.

But I remember it was so difficult back then because you had to call an answering machine and they're like, we're looking for this type and this type and this type. I never called on a day that anything was available to my age rage or age rage or whatever. And I just gave up on it after a while because, but I was all about doing extra work back then.

I wanted to, you know, and it's worth it to do it at least once. Just to see a movie set. You know what, man? I wanted to do it, but then I got my pride. I'm like, I don't want to be no fucking extra. I work so hard as a comic. It would just be a dent in my head. But the guy used to come to the comedy store at night,

and he'd sign you up there. And then he'd give you the jobs from there with central casting. He was on me for about three weeks, the guy. Yeah. But he goes, I can't get you in him until I get the $35 sign-up fee. dog send me down man let's see what's going on if i get you're telling me i'm gonna be a star right yeah okay let me go down there get in when i come back i'll give you the 35 the guy wouldn't go for it so i finally fucking worked them one day and i go how about i give you like 2750 yeah i'm

i'll give you the other 750 guys like in so that's funny dude i didn't want to fucking do it man yeah but i love you matt full chunk what happened he i'm saying already said he used to go to extra work and like leave. Yeah, that's what I did. I left. A lot, Jimmy Florentine told me. He used to do it in the city, leave. Yeah.

He figured out of the way how he could leave and they still pay him. Yeah. If you're going to do that, that's good. I, now in hindsight, I don't know how accurate the statement is, but yeah, you think you want to be an extra for a day just to see how the set works. Yeah. I think that that experience would fuck you when you see how shitty they treat people.

Yeah, they treat people shitty. So I think that you would go there They do They do They do I don't like them Like when I do Like when I do work

And there's a lot of extras I'll give food to the extras I'll steal from crafty Yeah I'll say come up to them And go you guys want M&Ms or something Yeah Yeah

You know they're sitting there They eat last Right No I know They eat last They fucking go You know It's not good

So They're below the PAs On a film set Yeah It's not good They keep them in their own pen Yeah The extras pen

Can't talk to anybody They're not allowed to talk to anybody They're drinking water And they got like two things on crash service It's it's a Listen man That Hollywood game is rough That's the introduction to it

It's fucking rough And I'm happy I don't have to deal with those fucking jerkoffs no more And I don't have to buy into their statements But I love you Matt I love you too man You showed up and you got what you wanted out of them

That's right No I made it happen on my own They were there There's fucking you know witnesses That's all they are A fucking witness. When you come off, that was great. No, it wasn't.

Stop blowing smoke up my ass. I hate a fucking bag of dixon. You're telling me that was great. Right. Go fuck yourself. You watch that new Kevin Hart show? No, I haven't seen it. True story on Netflix.

Check it out. It's an education for a comic. All right, I'll check it out, dude. I'll give you a call next week. You good? Yeah, I love it. I love you all my heart. I appreciate you doing this today.

I love you too, man. Happy holidays, send you my love to your girlfriend, your fiancé. I will. I will. go to weddings, but I'll come to your wedding. All right, good. Especially if it's in New Orleans. Go down and eat some good jambalaya, get some fucking Katrina shrimp, get a shrimp pool boy.

I love those shrimp pool boys. I love those motherfuckers. People try to make pool boys around here. They don't know what that. That sauce. You need that fucking, it's mixed with like alcoholic beverages and fucking cat pukes and shit. Not even Blimpies can handle it. No.

You know what I mean? You got to go to New Orleans. I could go for a blimpie sandwich right now. I love you, brother. I love you too, dude. You need something you call. I will. Thank you.

You're the man, Joey. Thank you for joining the joint today. We love you, brother. I love you too, man. I'll talk you later. Thank you. Peace. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers?

I hope you enjoyed my little te-top te with my man, Matt Fultron. I saw him at, I hadn't seen him in a long time, and then I saw him at the soprano premiere, and it was great. We just talked on the street for a little while. I hugged him, I kissed him. Matt's one of the real ones in fucking comedy. If he comes to your town, Buy a ticket.

Go laugh, a little big giggle. He's the real fucking deal. That was another fun-filled episode of The Joint. We're making a little comeback to end of the year fucking strong. I'm not going to let you down. And then we're coming back a year in 2022, even fucking stronger. We got turns and surprises and shit like that. So get ready.

Laughing gases in stock. And that's all you need to worry about. I love you, motherfuckers. Have a great fucking weekend. and I'll see you guys Monday morning, December 6th tip, top, motherfucking Magoo. Stay black, cocksuckers. All right, cock smokers.

I love you, motherfuckers with all my heart. I want to thank Matt Fultramm. It was just good to see him and to fucking talk to him. Like I said, I bumped into him to the soprano premiere, and he fucking brought a tear to my eye. He's a great fucking kid, support him and all his stuff. And I want to thank you guys for always having my back. But most importantly, real quick, listen,

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