The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 12/04/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #133

Episode Date: December 4, 2013

Rick Ramos joins Joey and Lee in Studio. Director of Grudge Match, Peter Segal, calls in. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Visit Dollarshaveclub.com/church for great deals. Recorded live on 12/04/2013.

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus, let's you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to Huluplus.com slash Joey. That's Huluplus.com slash Joey. And by Dollar Shaveclub.com. Get a high-quality razor sent to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now, go to Dollar Shave Club.com slash church. That's dollarshaveclub.com slash church.

or just go to Joey Diaz.net and click on the Dollar Shave Club banner. Oh, shit. Are you fucking kidding me or what? Wednesday. November, no, December 4th, Santa Barbara's birthday in Cuban. Somebody's getting their head fucking cut off today. You bad motherfuckers. Dig it, Lee.

Hit it! Oh shit. Keep the fucking movie running, Lee. Here it is, Lee, right here. Listen to this one. I just looked in the mirror Hit it! And things are looking so good.

Are you fucking kidding me or what? Look in California. Feeling Minnesota. Your balls are on fire! It's Wednesday, December 4th, and you're a bad motherfucker. Thank you for being here today. The church of what's happening now

we got my main man, Lee Syatt, looking like Barnabas Collins today. His little hair dude is the point to that. You don't know if Barnabas Collins is a Jew. But anybody knows. A vampire was a Jew? Yeah, he was a Jew. Collins is a Jewish last name.

I mean, it's not like a Jew. Are you sure? You can't argue with them. Look at all. Collins is a fucking, you know, Collins was a Jew. Okay. You're on fire today. You call me nine in the morning.

Like, you were already out? Depend to 18 meetings. I was already out. I went to do kettlebells this morning. I fucking got up at 3.30. I wrote a chapter in the book. You got up at 3.30? By mistake.

Oh, Jesus. I went to first door. I went to bed stone to the gills. to the gills. It was Tuesday. It was Sun's Anarchy night. I barely made it up to the end of Sons of Anarchy. I was so fucking high last night. I went to, I was

supposed to take blood out, the chick wasn't there. So I got to retrieve till tomorrow. I don't know what I did in the morning. And then I went to Jiu-Jitsu. And then I fucking went with the kid to the mall and ran around that little fucking circle with kids. I got the

flu and me again. Now I got to fight it like a fucking with a sword at home. and I didn't even go to acupuncture yesterday and I went home and watched Sons had some fish and I was fucking stoned I ate two G-bo shoes I was done you understand me fucking done curtains and I got

Well yeah when you fucking how would it was it deck of doses or quadrants Deca I went so you ate 20 doses in one I ate two fucking I ate 350 milligrams right off the bat to get me started no fucking slow me down no nothing 350 no no nothing No fucking bow pen

fuck these fucking faggots I came out slinging dick like fucking Richard Gia in 83 you understand me fucking everybody was sucking his dick back then anyway I watched Sons Anakin I fucking passed out I got up at 3 30

wrote wash my pussy I had a nice healthy breakfast with the wife she went to work I went to the kettlebell gym You know me though I keep it simple I met my man Rick Ramos When Rick Mamos came over I was in the process of motherfucking some motherfuckers

Because sometimes you got a motherfucker A motherfucker every once in a while You just get sick and tired You know, and it's a bad situation in life when you have to motherfucker, a motherfucker. You feel bad because you're too old to do that shit, but you know what? It's my world. If you want to come into it, then I'm a motherfucker.

You know what I'm saying? It's my world. I love it. I'm a king of that shit. But whatever, it's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. Rick Ramos is here. We're going to talk about movies, upcoming movies. What's going on with you? Your dad is fucking gone. Yes. I know you're happy.

Your old man was here for how long? Eight days. Torture. Good dude, though. Good, solid, motherfucker. You know, that's the craziest thing. you have them out here, they're staying with you, and you love them to death. But at the same time, you're like, fuck, how do I come from these people?

You know what I mean? It was just... It was like, seriously. It was that, and I'm nice. Like, I gave them the bed, so I was on the couch for eight days. And it's just, and Joey said it since I've been out here, the maximum from now on has to be four days. Like, that's, fucking, that was enough. Because, I mean, we ran out of stuff to talk about.

It's just after four days. That's just... That's it. And that's if he's got activities. That's if somebody comes to your home and says, listen, I'm up here on the couch. We'll do dinner tonight. I'm going to go see my cousin from Jersey. I'm going to go see my friend from college.

That's if that. And they rent their own car. Never mind where he shadowed you. I mean, you didn't take a shower. Thank God you didn't take a shower together. Because he would have been in there with you. And I know the feeling. And people don't understand guys like you and I.

We have our own little world. Yeah. And that little world, and this is why I can't have it. Once you're from those, there's people that are very open with their lives and like to have a good time and people in and out of their house. Listen, when I'm home, it all shuts out. This is where I filter everything I've seen for the last three or four fucking days. My wife always says that the baby loads her mind up while she's sleeping of everything she learned the day before. I'm the same fucking way.

I'm a kid. I go home and everything you talk about, I don't filter it when you're telling me. I filter it three days later. I'm like, what the fuck was he talking about? And I'd like call you up. What the fuck? what are you saying about a podcast of people called I don't know what the fuck you're talking about that's how I live my life because it's too much it's just too much so yeah but the thing about

it is when you got parents coming in from out of town especially when you live out here they're back there I don't know about you I see my folks maybe four times a year I don't even a lot for most people you know which is a lot for people you're two hours away I'm two hours away I'm there and you can walk there in six yeah exactly but it's like it's like they're fucking older every time I get there and it's just like I know it's some Look, when my old man goes, I'm going to be okay with it because I, you know, I did everything that a son was supposed to do to have that relationship with him. And he's a, he's a hard motherfucker. He's a, he's a toughest fucker I've ever known. I know there are tougher guys, but you know what I mean? We're just like, he's that guy that you didn't fuck with. He's the guy that still scares the shit out of me. I respect them. We have tried to communicate. Sometimes it's good. Sometimes it's bad. But I have that bond with my mom. And I know that when my mom goes, fuck, man. Yeah. Just start doing suicide watches on me

because it's going to be over at that point. I know I'm going to be drunk for about a month and a half. I'm just going to be Ricky Ramos 2004. Remember how fucked up I was back then? Well, there's two sides to every story. And this is what, like I was telling a friend of mine from back east. And he said that he went to meet a friend of mine and that the guy was doing.

Now, where I'm from, it's a little on the heavy side with parents. Yeah. It's a little heavier. We come from a different generation. I'm 50, so the parents are a little older. and he said that he went to visit a friend of mine my friend was disrespectful to his father and he stopped talking to a different friend of mine

and I go this is what happens when you move him in okay as much you I would listen and now I haven't had a mother in 32 years so if my mother knocked on my door right and I throw my wife out of the fucking house you understand me I kick her the fuck out maybe keep the baby for a few days and I'll give it to it

but because I haven't had a mother so there's a happy medium guy I can't imagine my mother in my house with my wife. I would shoot myself if I was in the kitchen, giving myself food and listening to that conversation. Yeah. Do you understand me? So there's two ways to watch this.

What you have to find in your life or your family, or even fucking friends. Yeah? I don't. I am a homebody. Yeah. And for 30 years, I didn't have a home. So I slept on couch.

I always had to be with somebody. I always had to be taking a story from somebody. The day I liberated myself from that lifestyle, I swore I would never go back to that. So whenever I have the opportunity to be by myself in a room, I fucking take it. You know, I fucking take it. I'm like all of you guys.

You have the same thing. And you have the same thing. You enjoy being by yourself. Listen, I'd much matter to go to the movies or anything by myself and have to meet somebody. Oh, I love you on the movies. Oh, my God. People make fun of me, but it's awesome.

I went to see Goodfellers, but I used to go to Bruce Lerner. movies by myself when I was eight and I couldn't believe the freedom. Just sitting there, your own thing, sit where you want, popcorn. If not, there's always a guy I gotta go to a bathroom, somebody's 10 minutes late. Oh, I remember the one that it killed me. It was a terrible movie. I was going with my friends

to see couples retreat, which it was... Oh, horrible fucking movie. They picked that, and it was like four or five minutes. How old were you? 18, whatever, however long ago, came out, four five years ago. But then there were people I didn't know and they were talking and laughing and wanting around.

And I was like, this is a little. The word, like, I, like, I stop going to movies with people. Like, I won't go Friday night at 10 o'clock because that can get depressing. But, like, middle of the day or even, like, 5 o'clock. What the fucking thing matinees are made for? Matinees are made for losers like us. Yeah. That you, and we think about, listen, it's, Rick Ramon's, we and Rick were having a conversation

here in the car. And I didn't want Rick to take it wrong, but I knew he would say, what the fuck is Joey saying? After a point, you know, I can't sit there no more and watch a movie. I just can't do it. You can't make it through a movie? A new movie with my wife. My fucking thousand miles a minute. My fucking leg starts tapping.

That movie ain't what it's supposed to be. At a certain point, my leg starts tapping. And if it's really not supposed to be what it's supposed to be, now I start getting furious. And with my luck, nobody calls me. But as soon as I go see a movie, that's when agents want to talk to me. And people want to talk to me about playing Masterswear Garden and shooting a movie with fucking, you know, whatever.

Whatever. I don't know. Let me ask you this. Where do you guys, because everyone disagrees me, but where do you sit if you're sitting, if you're going by yourself? Center. You sit center? Always center, but in the back. I don't like people sitting next to me.

Yeah, that's what. I don't want a motherfucker next to me. I said, back aisle. But if you go to the right show, you don't have to deal with motherfuckers. You go to the first show in the middle of the day on a weekday. If you know you ain't got shit going on and nothing's going to happen, which is a lot of cases I have, I'll go to the first show, middle of the world. There's nobody in there. I've been in theaters when there's been.

like four people in there and we avoid each other like the fucking plate because there's a common understanding that they're like me it's like if you have somebody and he comes sits in my row I get fucking pissed you know what I mean? I get furious. Oh it's just like it and especially the theater is empty. Yeah or in front of you like

the one in front of you. That's where I said I like the aisle because like right on the edge because if it's a huge theater there's a difference but like a normal theater like it does it's not that big and I like no one sitting here I can like I feel like there's a better exit I always pick the aisle You know what the aisle thing is, though?

Because we're all fat guys. Isle is the best thing for a fat guy because you get up, your move, you're not getting in front of somebody, you're not doing that excuse me shit. Then you feel even fatter. You feel shitt. I went to yo gabba gab about yourself. There was some mom that thought she was fucking Beverly Hills or something with her fucking mother-in-law. And they were sitting there on my daughter.

This bitch is like, I'm like, excuse me, I'm like, excuse me, but I smile high. And they got kids. They got kids, okay? Everybody's there with their kid. I'm like, excuse me, this bitch had a leg up with her fucking cell phone. And wouldn't more. And I looked right out, okay.

That's a new knee around. And the kid sodas and all the sodas are right here. They all went down. And I turned around and said, I'm sorry, but next time think ahead. And she looked at me. I just walked away. I don't give a fuck. I asked you for excuse me.

Now, a couple weeks ago on a plane, I ate an edible. And I took a blood pressure pill. And I had a fucking pee on the plane. and they awarded me an upgrade the first class and they put me by the window. Listen, when somebody gives you a virginia ham, you don't fucking cry

because you don't have bread. Take the Virginia hand and you run like a motherfucker, right? And that's exactly what I did. I didn't say nothing, but this guy sat next to me that smelled like booze and he had been out all night drinking

and guess what? He went there to sleep. Yeah. And every 15 minutes, I would just blunt with it. And he'd go, huh? I got a pee dog. Time to get up.

And finally, I said, listen, you got one more shot. You could take the window. And I won't bother you. No, no, it's okay. Okay. I must have peeed 18 times. And I always pee and stress it out and then I start getting anxiety attacks.

Yeah. Because I got to pee. And me, I'll take my dick out and pee right there at Virgin Airlines if you let me with a cup. I don't even want to get up no more. With the cup, not even a bottle? I'm sick and tired of getting up to pee. I got to figure out how to pee by my bed. In the middle of the night, like a little tube, connected to my dick.

You can't have it run to, like, the litter box? There's already a litter box in there, isn't it? No, it's too far away. That's too much mess. That piss. But me, Rick Ramos, and Lee Hussayah have something in common. And that's the beauty about being somebody who loves food and loves theater or movies. Yeah.

Good movies. Whatever it is. We like the entertainment. The release of going, in 1980-fucking-five, when I was robbing and people were looking for me, my whole day was about going over that New York City Bridge, walking if I had to get some sun. It's not crazy. You know? In my mind, I walk over to get sun.

I go over, I get a bag of reading. I'd roll the joint, smoke it, I'd roll two joints. I'd have three. They'd give you three for $10 in those days. I'd smoke two joints. I'd roll two and keep one for later. I'd roll the joint before the Cuban food on 175th Street. And then I'm away from 175 to 178 to catch the movie.

I'd roll another. I'd smoke the other one, and I'd go inside for $2, two movies. They start at one. You get up in between movies to stretch your arms and shit and throw a couple sidekicks for Jesus. those are the best days in my life, guys. To me, that's living. You want a utopia for me?

I roll out of bed about 6.15. Some fucking Chinese guy cooks me some eggs, whites, whatever. Anything healthy, turkey, so as long as I'm going to look at it and sniff it, just cook me, surprise me. After that, he gives me a little back rub, I do a little Tai Chi. Then I take a little shower. Then I take a little fits like the old school Jews and sweat it all out. Then when I come out, fucking Ching Wu has a glass of orange juice.

Uncle Joey freshly squeezed okay he puts a robe on flavor right then I go in my bedroom and I put fucking some clothes on I go on the computer I fuck around with you cock suckers for 10 15 minutes while that I'm taking bonk hits the whole time to the lemley South North whatever the movie there is and I pick what movie I like and I leave my house but before I go into that movie theater I stop at the best Chinese joint and eat the lunch special because in my world that's fucking success. Anybody can go to Ardy Morton's or whatever fucking

cink place with fucking six tables and you know those motherfuckers been killing cats in the back and you go in there you order some shredded motherfucking pork and that egg roll is delicious with the pork under the Chinese guy you know him, his name is Harold. You know what Chinese place is good when the

waiter's got an American name, you know what I'm saying? That's when you know when you go in there's name is Mike, you know, or fucking Stanley. You know, how the fuck is your name Stanley? You're Chinese. You know what I'm not going to get it together, cuck's like that. So, and you eat, and then you go to a movie theater. You go to this movie that's going to be highly touted,

and it's going to be packed, and you walk in, there's eight motherfuckers in there. And you don't have your own seat. You got your own motherfucking section. And then you open up your pants. You open up your, you open up your fucking belt. You open up your zippers in case your balls is. You can put your hand into the front. You put that leg up like a soldier!

And you watch that movie for two hours while you're eating your fucking M&M with peanuts. That's success. Yeah, that is. And people have no idea when you walk out of there, if you're like us, how happy you are about your life. How happy you're like, wow, I just watch two movies. I hate M&M's. Two movies are the perfect amount.

One is not enough. If you're involved, especially there were certain movies that had to come. Like, if you watch one dirty, anything with Kleeney's Wood from 1970 to 1985, the Unforgiven, you have to watch them back to back, something. You always need one more Clint Eastwood. you always need one more bread pit. Like I always like watching the fight club with fucking, there was something

else, not the fucking German one when he played they fought the Jews. The bastard's which one you're talking about? Seven, you're talking about? I like seven a lot. I haven't seen seven a long fucking time. Seven is dynamite. But that's the thing. People are searching for happiness and they ignore what's sitting right in front of them. You know what?

I'm like Joey. Get something to eat, go to a movie, sit there. The fucking darkness comes. As long as there's no fucking assholes sitting there playing on their phone taking calls in the middle of it that's why i go early when i go when there's going to be as few people as possible i went and saw a movie last night 1030 at the arklight there were four people in the theater i was digging it because it was my thing it was it was just me expensive but it is it's a world-class place you know what though every other theater is just maybe a dollar or two less than that except but

every time i go to the arcline i got to get the sauces sandwich yeah that's 550 you know the diet coke That's another six bucks. You drop 40 when you go to the Yark Lay. But you don't know what? How often do you do? It's like you're paying $40 for a hand job. You know what? Whatever.

I pay, I overpaid by $30. But you know what? I stretched my legs. I had a great seat. The seeds comfortable. Unless you weigh 6,000 pounds. That's the only way those seats are in because of them. I used to go to a movie theater in San Francisco.

In the mid-80s where they had couches. Oh, yeah. Fresh chocolate chip cookies, popcorn with a stick of butter, melted on top of the fucking thing. I mean, it was brilliant. And there was a little more then to go in there because they couldn't have, they could only have 30 fucking seats.

Have you been to one of the ones where they serve you dinner yet? No. It's, do you like it? I like it. Yeah, it's a little bit more expensive. I haven't been to the one in Marina Del Rey yet. I did one in San Antonio once. But it's pretty cool.

The way you can't get too toffee, and it can get annoying, but it is kind of nice. And it's a little bit more, and a lot of times it's 21. plus, which is nice. Well, they're serving. You can get a beer. You can get a, you can get a cocktail,

you can get a burger, you can get a pizza. I saw that in Toronto. In Toronto, in the late 90s, I went to a movie theater that had waitresses. And I thought it was brilliant at the time. I thought it was brilliant.

I fucking, unless you got to pee or something, what a nightmare of this to get up. Now they make the bathroom two fucking miles away. That's a problem. You come back and you miss 20 fucking minutes, you know?

My favorite thing is the thing I got out there, the reclining love seat I have, That with a Diet Coke and my Blu-ray collection, that's all I need. Like, even, like, I'll go out and my favorite place in L.A. is New Beverly. That's like, that's the only reason I would want to live not in the valley is to walk there.

You know the New Beverly. That's where we saw hard times, remember? Yeah, fuck yeah. Little shitty theater. That's it. You know, it's just, it's great. And popcorn's like $2. Oh, yeah. Abe Lincoln saw the double feature there.

That's all I give a fuck about. That was, remember the best thing about that movie was the guy from Hard Times was there. Yeah. Jenner. No, no, no, no. Glover.

Yeah, yeah. Bruce Glover. His son also did the... His son was in... Back to the future. Back to the future. River's Edge. And he played the remake of...

Willard. Boom. Boom. Just like that. I don't know if you motherfuckers have noticed it today. It's a motherfucking movie podcast. That's what we're talking about.

If I want to talk about eating pussy and stabbing Jews, today's not your lucky day. You understand me? Today's not your lucky day. Cocksackers. Today's Fat Man Alert Day here This is with three fat motherfuckers

With experience Not those little half a fag fucking guy Just here on USA That are fat with like a fat man suit And they try to play fat man Fuck you Nobody eats Chinese food before they go to Those little fuck stop it like a rat

What is it that the place With those two half of fags Come up in the car Hein, would you get the fries? No, I didn't get the fries Why didn't you get the fries? What's the name of that fucking Zonic? Sonic! Get the fuck

Zonic is for fucking Fuck Don't even get me started Right? Fuck you, Cucks What I'm saying is we're professionals. We think about, we plan the fucking day before the movie theater. We even know where the park.

Yeah. Like, we're that much professional. I go to movie theater where I don't want to pay the park. I go to Burbank because it's free. I go to Burbank as well. Yeah, it's free. You know what the thing about it is? Burbank is cool.

AMCs. AMCs. But look at the stairs of Burbank. There's an escalator. Really? Yeah, I can do that. That's not a problem. Even with the escalator, I get sick.

I can't make plans to go to that fucking theater. because of the escalator because if I go there and the stairs between the escalator I move is here. Let me tell you what AMC has over everything else and specifically that one. Parking is free over there if you do it on the right side over there by the mall. But

first show, $7.50 like that. So I'm talking about a 9.30 in the morning, 10 o'clock movie. I can make it to that. I go, boom. I got my phone on me. I figure out what's playing in the same theater that day. I just start jumping from theater to theater because I'm not paying fucking $14

a movie. If I can, I'm old school. I want to get every fucking. What's the most of it in the day? Five. Oh, I've only done four. I did five. When I was a kid though, you can't do it out here because there's not, and that's only in the summer when they're playing that many good movies. I remember seeing good. Yeah, not all of them were good. But when I was broke when I first moved out here, I'd go to Burbank and on like Saturdays, I would go in like 11 or 12 for the way. And I would stay for four. I was going to stay for five. But like I started to get

paid for that. Between the ages of maybe five and ten was the heightened of the Bruce Lee popularity. Yeah. And you guys have no idea what that made the movie theaters become. So kids would go to the movie theater 11 o'clock and sit there all

fucking day and they were come and check tickets. But there were people who just paid for the whole fucking day and sat there. And at the end, they would go to the back. At the scene at Doni on 48th Street they had like 10 feet in the back. And they would just start karate fighting. And it was, guys, that's a movie theater that if I ever get to write a script

or if somebody comes to me and say, want to write a movie about your life, is such a piece of my life that when I write about the times I went there, just the movies off the top, off the top, right? The first day they came out, I went to see the longest yard there. I went to see the longest yard there, bro, with a kid named John Bender, who his family took me in to see this. This is why when I got offered that role, it was more than a role.

I knew the movie was going to suck. But it was just about that I remembered, especially that Friday, going up there, who I went with, and standing on the seats, yelling on the seats, just yelling with other kids from different high schools and grammar schools. And another movie I saw there was Rocky. I saw Enter the Dragon there. First run, I saw The Exorcist there. First run, I saw...

You know, Chinese connection, fist of fury, the one that they made about the devil where they gave you a pupe bag in the beginning. You got to come with your mother, and they didn't care, you guys are regular. Just don't get sick all over the fuck. They give you a puke bag. Really?

They ripped out the chick's tongue. Like, this was like, that was like pushing the envelope. That was something that was done, that was a movie that was done to out fuck the Exorcist, but it just didn't have, the Exorcist is a slow finger up your ass. It's a build. Yeah, it's a build. It's just a, it's just, it's,

just moves every 10 minutes, you just feel it. Another knuckle. And you're like, what the fuck? When does this finger end in my ass? That's the exorcist. But I saw movies there that I can't describe when you walked out of there what you

felt like. Like, that's why I did drugs after that. Because that's the only thing I think. Like, they always said, if you ever watch the Kennison documentaries, there was one that spoke about to the reason why he did drugs is because especially comedians, once they get off stage, they want to keep the way.

I don't. All right, whatever. But it's funny how with those movies when you walked out of there, they were a part of my life. Like, it was a 10 block. It was 48th Street in Bergen, Laine Avenue. My mother's bar was 29th Street. From 48th Street to 29th Street, you were that character.

Yeah, you were either a fucking... You wanted somebody to come and fuck with you. You wanted somebody come fuck with you. You're dumb-ass thinking you're going to do something. It was just something that you just became this other... Oh, my God. I get Tyriott. You could hear the music.

your head. Oh, my fucking God. You're feeling that shit. It's such a good... The end of Bruce Lee, even Rocky. Rocky had people everywhere. Rocky, when I went to see it, motherfucker,

this is New Jersey, New Jersey. They had bodies everywhere. There was no... Listen, there was no... There was no knockout game. People had gone out of their rows for Rocky. Rocky was something you never seen before. It was phenomenal.

It was... And then when he lost... Underdog's... That when he lost. That's where you just understood the beauty of this. You walked out of there next year. Everybody on the block was a boxer. Everybody became a boxer.

In 76, that they saw it. And everybody was Rocky. Everybody was Rocky or Rocky's cousin. And it's just so weird, like those movies you left there walking with something. They're a piece of your feather. The first time I said, well, I don't want to fucking Josie Will. I saw that with Juan Twero.

I saw him with my stepfather. And when that Indian and him met, and they cut the... I couldn't. It was too much for my fucking 12-year-old head guys. It was too much. That shit doesn't happen today in movies. I shut a movie over because it's too much.

When Cleeneas Wood cuts his hand, and he's telling this Indian that looks like a killer, not only that, there's 20 killers behind him on horses with spears. And he's telling him, listen, we're the sign of the Comanche, motherfucker. This is going to go down. We're going to plant. We're going to go partners with you. And listen, if this shit gets out.

against the white man, I'll fucking shoot more white men than you, motherfucker. Shake, step on the break. You know what I'm saying? That is one of the most emotional parts in any fucking motion picture I have ever seen. You know what else I saw there? On the waterfront, not first drawn. On the reality. Sinatra was close by.

So they used to play all those movies from time to time. That's how I found that Sinatra was from Hudson County was at that movie theater. They had Sinatra had been up there once and signed all the Iraq. I didn't go. I wasn't there, but it's just fucking amazing. That's what movies do for people. You engage yourself. You invest yourself into something that you're watching.

It's like, how many times we're grown fucking men? We're grown men. I remember coming back. I was 20 years old. I'm coming back from the University of Chicago back to Northwestern because every Wednesday, they would have a Jackie Chan thing. There would be like three months of nothing but Jackie Chan movies.

So we would come back fucking high kick. and all the, and I'm fighting with this one guy in the hallway, and I knock him on his ass accidentally. He reaches over, grabs my feet, and pulls him out from underneath me, and I go fucking backwards into the corner of a wall.

I got this 13-inch scar in the back of my head that's just bleeding all over the place. Why? Because we're pretending we're fucking Jackie Chan, like a couple of grown men running around the halls, beating the shit out of each other like a couple of idiots, you know? Meanwhile, I'm in the fucking hospital for the rest of the night.

up my head, I got an MRI. The ambulance is coming. It was like, who's the RA on duty? And I raised my hand, I'm the fucking R. I mean, that was so much fun back in the day, man. And we would do it now. Yeah. A movie was an event.

A movie was an event. Oh, it was such thing. I still were going to see apocalypse now. My sophomore year in high school, right around the time my mother died. I was psychologically shot. Yeah. And I took a hit of acid. I went with John Crowley, Louis Castellito, like a bunch of killers,

Dan Rago, and there's a line. It's the midnight movie of Apocalypse Now, plus the Rocky Horror Pictures Show. Shit's about to go down. Okay, we're all tripping on fucking asses. Kurt D. Lorenzo, just all these fucking kids that were just, it was a great crew of kids, and John Crowley was the leader of hilarious that this kid was just a very funny,

natural guy. and he was crazy. And as we're walking in, we look on the floor, and there's an ice cream cone, because there was a Carvel across the street. That's why I like going in, because you hit Carvel on a cone or a Sunday, then blast in there.

It would slow down the high a little bit. We don't even go this night. By that time, we're doing coke and shit, but we're going to do Coke in the movie theater. We're walking in there. We're doing double-barrel shotgun. And as we're walking in, there's an ice cream cone that's three-quarter melted

with ants so stressed. He looks at us. He looks at the line behind them. and everybody saw him, he picked it up and started eating. It was brilliant. It was just fucking, I could live to be a hundred. I could live to be a hundred.

And I still remember Apocalypse Now. At this time, when I watch Apocalypse Now, it was on the other day. There was a minute there that I went back to that night. Yeah. Like, I remember going, fuck. After this movie's over, I got to deal with this pain. Like, I had forgotten during the movie that the pain of my mother had gone away. And by the time they get to the island, that's when I realized, wow, this movie had me.

I forgot about my mother for an hour and a half, and she just died a week ago or two weeks ago. It's important. And the acid took over. Oh, my God, it was just so. When we talk about these movies sometimes, I know that you're at home going, what the fuck? You guys usually talking about drugs and finding aluminum fall of some woman's assholes. What's up, Lee Cocksucker? I gave a reprieve today on their medibles.

Well, fuck it. I was finally doing it on here. No, but you give me shit a lot of times, and it's joking. I don't know. I agree with you. But about, like, seeing all the movies I see. But, like, just the movies you just mentioned that you got to see in high school and before, they didn't have that when I was, like, I can't even remember what came out when I was, like,

rush hour came out when I was like. I don't think that if, Lee, if I got the movies that I just mentioned and brought them here, I think out of the 15 titles I mentioned, four of them you could watch fully now. I can watch. I don't think that we have the patience to watch that. Even me. I find myself looking at my phone. I still remember going to see 48 hours.

And my mind going with Glenn Conti, Fernando Bacassizu, and Roger Holloway. And it was the coldest night ever. It was a cold night ever in New Jersey. Do you understand me? You know when the wind is coming off the Hudson? Oh, it's the worst. And you're freezing. And we're driving.

We're out of the light. We're out of the light. I'm here. And Roger's driving the fucking car. It's a crisis of New Yorker. It's brand new. We pull up. And also there's a guy

waiting for a bus like this. Shaking, looking at the cartoons. He's hair all the way back. And he's got a long black jacket on. And he's standing and he sees us. And he's like shaking, right? He's fucking, fucking freezing. And also, Roger sees him.

He lowers the window and he goes, Hey, get home before you scare somebody. I'll never forget those nights. Like, who the fuck remembers that? and then went to see 48 hours, and Eddie Murphy was... Nobody had ever known. Brilliant. We got a call, man.

Good afternoon. Hi, I've got Peter Siegel for his podcast interview. Thank you, sir. Just a moment. Is this Joey? Yes, sir. Just sex. Uncle Pete. Uncle Pete, Uncle Joey.

What's the story, Tarzan? How you doing, my man? Good, man. Thank you very much for taking time out from your busy schedule. I know that, you know, right now it's hell for you. Absolutely. I love talking you, man. How you doing? Good, very good, man.

Thank you for everything with the trailer and everything. The movie looks spectacular. Well, you're in there. You're in the trailer. Big laughs. No, I know you kept me in there. You kept me in the movie, but from a fan perspective, the movie looks spectacular, brother.

Well, I can't wait for you to see it. Okay. You're that strong on it? I'm strong, yeah. Okay. I'm really happy. Okay. What's been going on?

I'm on the line is the main man the director of the film Peter Siegel. What's going on? But now you went to USC? No. I did. Okay. We're on the right track. Okay.

I didn't. Went to SC. I was unfortunately at the Coliseum this past Saturday. I hear you. I know. That was bloodletting, not good. A lot of people were disappointed. Yep.

But we're finally off the Schneid with our sanctions. And, you know, looking forward to next year, finally having some top recruits again, and, you know, enough is enough with all the punishments. Let's get going, you know? You know, for a guy like me, it's like a dream come true because I grew up watching USC football. Yeah.

You know, that's what you do. When you're back then, you look at the stadium and go, oh, my God, Pasadena, California. Where the hell is that? I have an uncle who lives in San Diego or something, and now I live 20 minutes from there. I've only been to the game one time, you know, because I'm never home on Saturdays and Sunday.

Saturdays primarily. But it's amazing to be, and you were raised in this area. Yeah, well, I started out in New York, up the west side, and then first handful of years of my life, and then my dad's job, he moved out here in the 70s. He worked for MGM at the time and been here ever since. But, you know, I used to go to football games with my pop and always rooted for SC in football and rooted for UCLA,

in basketball and my wife is a brewing and so you know i said to her saturday isn't basketball enough for god's sakes just give me football leave me alone but she had to win you know and ruin my weekend so whatever brother you're back yeah you're back now again peter i didn't even take a look at your wickpedia just off the top of my head right 50 first dates the longest yard get smart and now this film? Am I missing one in the? Finger management, I think? Oh, well, there's a few you missed. There's Tommy Boy.

No, no, I was just talking in the last couple of years since I've known Oh, last couple of years. Oh, I thought you said anything. Well, since you and I worked together, we did Longest Yard, and then it was Get Smart? Yeah, and then we got this baby. It's amazing that your forte is comedy.

Hmm. Is that amazing? No, and it's funny how you're a quiet, funny guy. Well. Like I'm a loud, funny guy. You're like a potential energy type of guy. And also when something comes out during a scene, it's gold,

and then you go back to your business and you walk around and you do what you do. How do you like doing that stuff, telling people, listen, do this line? I love it. I love it when somebody has a new idea. I like it. You know, you're great to work with. That's why we've worked together a few times. You know, it's fun.

I mean, just take the scene in the gym where you're, coaching, you know, De Niro's character, Kid McDonan. And, you know, Bob had an idea that was really cool that I wasn't sure was going to work at first. He says, hey, you know, let me try this. Let me try chasing Joey out of the gym. And at first I thought, well, that might be a little over the top and broad, but, you know, I'm always game for any experiment. Anyone has an idea.

Let's try it. And I'm sure as hell glad we did because it's. kills in the theater you know him chasing you out is a huge fucking laugh beautiful beautiful and even when we did the longest chart there was so many uh heads involved in that movie yeah that you get there i remember like after we did our fourth scene one day because i would get up a little early and look at the scene i was trying to be a professional act uncle pete but after like four scenes you get there and they're like rip up the script we're doing this shit and you're like what the fuck happened to what i just memorized last night and this morning and I liked it I like it that you're going in you work by

feel and it's tough to explain the people especially when you do TV shows and if you say the instead of them some chick walks up to you excuse me the word is the and you're like holy fuck but no on a film set I mean that that's just that's I loved it I loved it beat that's why I loved well when I started out I was a lot more anal about you know getting exactly you know I was the guy saying no it's instead of they and that type of thing. And then I realized, you know, it really is, you know, a lot more about a feel. It's a lot more about, you know, we've got to include everybody who's on the set and allow them to bring to it what they do best.

And early on in my career, I didn't do that. I had exactly the shot in mind. I had exactly the delivery of a line in mind. And the more I, you know, made movies, the more I realized, no, no, no, no, no, you've got to lean on other people, let them do their thing. look, they may stray too far to the left or too far of the right, but let them do their thing, and it makes the whole story better, you know? I know for a fact, when you did Tommy Boyd, that guy didn't show up and stick to the script.

I mean, he was beautiful in that matter. He actually did. He did. You know, everyone thinks because Farley, you know, was such a hilarious guy, and, you know, you ask Sandler, and he'll tell you that at the time that they were all on SNL, It was Spade and Farley shared an office, and Sandler and Chris Rock shared an office. And everybody said, by far, the funniest guy was Farley. But when we started Tommy Boy, we only had about 66 pages of a script.

We did not have the whole thing. And so, you know, Fred Wolf and I, you know, every night were writing, and there was really not that much improvisation on the set. But what we would do is we would steal from our own lives and Farley's life. And for example, one day he comes up, you know, he tries on a new sport coat and he comes up to Spade and he says, hey, does this suit make me look fat? And Spade says, no, your face does. And I'm on, oh, my God, that's fucking great.

We've got to use that. And so I would write it down and we'd put it in the movie. And then, you know, fat guy in a little coat. was something that, you know, Farley would do in the offices at SNL. And so we put that in the movie, and we strung these things together because we were desperate. We didn't have enough script. And so that, in essence, was the improv. We didn't really experiment that much on the day, but we were just grasping at anything that somebody said funny the day before, the night before, the morning of, you know.

How you doing, Mr. Siegel? This is Rick Ramos from a friend of Joey's here. Hey, how are you? It's great to talk to. It's great to meet you like this. And it's like, you know, that's a hell of a thing to find out that you had 60-some pages on a script that would go on to be just a monumental, like, part of a lot of our, like, college years, high school years. When you're doing that, you're going into a project 60 pages. That's all you have. Are you worried? Is there something in your head that's going,

maybe this isn't going to happen, or do you just have Supreme Faith in your actors and saying, we're going to muscle through this and it's going to come out? Well, I had Supreme Faith in Farley and Spade. I had worked with Farley on an HBO special with Tom Arnold. And then when Tom had his sitcom after Roseanne, which was called The Jackie Thomas Show, Chris Farley came on and did a cameo there. and the two times I work with him, I said, my God, this is the funniest guy I've ever met in my life. I've got to do his first movie, you know, real movie because he'd been in airheads and cone heads and everything else that had the word heads in it,

but he hadn't really starred in anything yet. And so I read the original draft of Tommy Boy, which was called Billy the Third Midwestern. And we had to change the title because at the time Sandler was shooting Billy Madison, and they didn't want to. want two SNL guys with Billy names in the title. So we changed our title, and, you know, we were, we started to write during the summer, and we had to hit a certain window before the SNL season started, or we would be screwed, because once SNL starts, you can't shoot five days a week on a movie. So we blew it.

We went into the SNL season, and half the week the guys were in New York, and then they would do rehearsals, shoot the show, and then Sunday fly back to Toronto where we were filming and, you know, we would shoot for three days and it was the extra four days that we weren't shooting that I was grateful for because we'd continue to write the script. I was scared shitless during this time.

I thought it was going to be the worst disaster in history. I grew a beard, I wanted to hide. And so, no, I had, it was, scary times. My hair used to be very dark. Now it's very light. That's what happens to a director. I mean, you're juggling all those balls. Everything is up in the air and it's all, it all comes down on you, you know? That's the craziest job. To go into it with that kind of, hey, let's just see what happens. That's amazing. That's admirable. Jesus Christ.

Well, I was so grateful that David Zucker gave me my first break, you know, doing the final chapter of Naked Gun that I had been working my ass off in television up until then. And so I didn't know what to do with myself after naked gun finished. And so I took Tommy Boy right away, perhaps too early, because I should have taken a break. But I have to say, it's, you know, it's less admirable than it is out of desperation. You're just so desperate to succeed and not be embarrassed at the end of the day. You know, it's like once you start something, you have all the great ideas and the sky's the limit and you're, optimistic and then you get in there and you know Joe what it's like you put up a master on its

feet you know the morning of and you go huh this scene sucks this is not working and then it's desperation time the blood pressure rise you figure like what do we got to do to make this work what are we got to do to get a laugh you know it's uh it's not easy well sometimes that's where the best work comes out isn't it because you're back against the wall you got to start swinging and you just you got to hope something hits yeah orson well said sometimes you do your best work with a gun to your Oh, yeah. You know, and we certainly had it to our heads on Tommy Boy, that's for sure. And we had it to our heads in the longest yard in the way.

Yeah, we did. We worked against the weather and the script, and you had, you know, usually shoot a movie you have two personalities and 18 people. In that movie, you had 19 personalities and three people. And you had to juggle, this guy and that guy and who's not getting enough states' time and who can't pick nobody up. And I got a lot of respect. Hey, Mr. Siegel, I got to tell you something, Pete.

When I got the longest shot, I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. You understand me? I had no fucking idea. Well, you're a good actor because you sure looked like you knew you. I had no fucking idea. I was scared shitless, but I had already booked it. If I would have had one more week, I would have escaped. You would have been on America's Most Wanted,

because I would have thought about it. You guys just took me and put me on the plane and put me to New Mexico with Dalipin those guys. I had no idea, but you were very, for a big set, you calm me down. I went and watched you because the first two weeks you didn't shoot me you were shooting a lot of other things

I went down and watched you and studied you and I tried to breathe like you and when I got on the set that first day it was a little nerve wracking but you made it seem like you're going to be fine and fuck it we rolled with it and we moved on but I had no idea

do you remember that prison that we shot in you know the story of that prison right can you please what is the name of that book It's called The Devil's Butcher Block Get that book, ladies and gentlemen It is horrifying So I go The story is I go and scout this prison

In Santa Fe And I'm with the film commission guy And I walk into one of the cells And this is an abandoned prison now And it's adjacent to a brand new Supermax prison Maxim Security But this part

Was abandoned Ever since You know This incident that happened in the 80s which I did not know about. So I'm in a cell, and I'm looking out the window at the beautiful desert, and I said to the film commission guy, I said, you know, if you're going to commit a crime, this is not a bad place to wind up.

This is, you know, nice view. It looks nice. And the film commission guys, they looked at each other like I was insane. And I thought, huh, that's an odd look they gave me. And then I go back to L.A., and I'm interviewing crew, and some guy comes in, and he puts that book down on my desk. And he goes, have you ever read this book? I said, no, what's that?

And he goes, this is the story of that prison that you're about to shoot in. The worst prison riot in U.S. history took place there, I think, in 1984. 38 guys were killed. It was like, some guys got into the key room, and they took the keys out, and they went to Cell Block C, which was where some of the snitches were, and they got into the tool bin, and they got the tools out, and they saw it into the snitches cells, and chopped them up and bowled them up, and bowled. with their heads and lit every part on fire and the place

has been haunted ever since. Horrified. So we go to shoot there. I literally fucking start to hyperventilate after I hear these stories. And then all the players were like, ooh, you've got to take the tour with this one caretaker of this abandoned prison. We call them Iqabod.

Because he just loved scaring the shit out of people and taking him on the tour and showing them all the chop marks in the floor with a shovels decapitated people and whatever it was. And I literally said, you know, to our line producer, Barry Bernard, I said, you've got to board up cell block C, I don't want any more

ghost tours, this place is freaking me out. So every day I had a pit in my stomach going to that place. It was a spooky place. It had, the producers had made a deal that if you could spend the night in the jail, you got $1,000 in the morning when you walked out of there.

Nobody did it. But here's the most horrifying thing I heard. There's a scene where they where you guys take pictures of me with a white suit on for La Bianco and they took me inside the fucking jail Pete Siegel. Nobody told me nothing. They took me inside the jail.

Me, Nellie and somebody else and they got to stand here and take pictures and as they're taking the pictures the guys telling us that they shut the electricity off at the prison. I guess the fucking state or whatever while they held the people in there so when they went in

to get to turn the lights out they felt that it was water, they're like, what did these motherfuckers do? They were walking in blood. And the floor we were on had been painted a thousand times, but after a couple months, the blood would still come up from the fucking floor.

This is what I'm standing on, guys. I'm like, no. Never again. Never again. No. That place freaked me out. They even had an Indian come in and de-haunt the place. The first day on the set, he came with the chicken head, the whole fucking thing. Yeah, and he's burning the rope

and then Sandler cracks a joke. He says, hey, can I smoke some of that when you're done? And the shame is he looks at Sandler, and I'm like, oh, my God, you just pissed him off. Now he's going to hex the whole shoot. You didn't go into all that on the DVD extras. You just hinted at that. No, we kind of stayed away from that.

That place drove me nuts. Listen, man, I appreciate you calling, and thank you for putting me. grudge match it looks beautiful but just the honor to stand across denaro and you in the same room how did you even feel what you saw in the first couple times did you well it's it's uh it's surreal when you look at you know the face of a legend like deno or you know when i had the opportunity uh to work with jack nicholson and obviously stalone it's like sometimes my mind just goes to color bars just do i can't focus on there there there

saying words and I just don't hear anything I all of their roles start flashing in front of my eyes that you know from what I grew up with and and then as a matter fact you yourself you said there was a couple times that you missed your cue I said Joey that's that's your cue that you say your lining and then you said Uncle Pete I was staring it's fucking Bob De Niro I'm telling you it's horrible it's fucking horrible at first you because you're there you're there you're there there guys you're there you're ready yeah i'm ready done yeah boom boom cut action and all of a sudden you just look at them also you see the devil from angel heart and you see the guy from midnight

run and you see the guy from the godfather you see it you see you see everything and all of a sudden you're like this what action oh my god i just went into a daydream you know what the craziest thing about that is is like um i'm gonna tell something it's like i don't joe i hope i don't embarrass joey i don't think I will, but he was calling me from the set every day, and we were like little girls. We were just giggling. He would tell me that he was working with De Niro, and it was just so great, and to look at De Niro, and there was this moment where he says, he's like, Ricky Ramos, De Niro looks at me, and he just kind of laughs at like that scene from Midnight Run when he's doing the numbers,

and it took me right back to the scene. Oh, my God, it was amazing. It was amazing. It was just like, we were giggling. We were so happy. I was thrilled for him. him. I've never wanted to be somebody else so much in one time. It was just, you're standing across from Robert De Niro. This guy's Jack Walsh. This is Vito Corleo. This is the greatest actor of our

generation. Unbelievable. Yeah. Well, I have to say, you know, when you go to a place like New Orleans to shoot, one of the reasons you go there is to save money. And what you're supposed to do in saving money is hire as many local actors there so you don't have to spend money flying them in and putting them up at hotels and everything. But we auditioned a lot of people for that role, and no one was making us laugh. And I said, you know, look, I know there's this ace reliever in the bullpen, but he's back in L.A. I know he'll knock this out, but, you know, it's going to cost money. You know, and I picked up the phone called the bullpen. That was you, and you came out. And so there's a little bit of pressure on me when you do that, because then the producers in the studio are looking

and said, this better be worth it. And Joey, it was music to my ears. Every time you said a joke in the first test screening, we got laughs. And I felt like, you know, you can drop the bat and drop the bases because you scored, baby. Well, thank you for the opportunity, my friend. Yeah. I wanted to do it just for you, man. I don't know.

I had problems during the longest yard, and I just wanted to redeem myself. So thank you for the second chance. You got it, my friend. We'll be the last. And I'll see you in a few weeks, I hope. Yeah, absolutely. All right, my friend. Thank you very much for calling the Flying Jew here.

Everybody's here. We love you. Thank you so much. All right. Love you too. Thank you. Okay, bye. Wow.

What does that feel like? Because he thought he hated you. Like when you told me about it, you said you weren't even going to go because you're like, he doesn't like me. And he just told you he thought of you. You know what that is, though? That's when you've created a certain image of yourself in your own head. Oh, yeah. Or you think that, you know?

And it's like, I know it's difficult for him Because I do it the same thing I was like, this guy must hate me But, but you know, this guy This is a stand-up This is a fucking stand-up guy We're from the comedy store, man We're fucking Marines

And they're the ones I always told everybody I go We're not the first ones they think about Yeah Because we're in orthodox But when the shit gets ugly We're the ones in Apocalypse now That go up river

End the story The guys they sent up the river With fucking what's his name With the cream of the crop What a fucking clean-up, man? Oh, my God. I just lost myself there for a second. Yeah, what are you thinking about?

Savage? I'm just thinking about... A lot of things. I'm thinking about some fucking shout-outs of my man. Rick Ramos for coming up. Nick, Anthony Corseo, Marbley D., Jeremy, something,

Thai, deity. Turned Ferguson, Shahiz, Cleo, Jamia, Fon, and Falafel, Tornado. bad motherfucker you, I'm glad you guys all took some time. How do you think I feel?

You know, this is something that we don't, guys like me, Rick, there's 20 guys in this town that nobody looks at. They treat like they got the plague. You know, whenever there's a big comedy show, we don't get the invite.

Whenever they're doing something, we just don't get the fucking invite. And after a while, it affects you. You could just get so many nodes in this business league. And all of a sudden you hear something like that, that some guy thought of you for this and flew you down there. But out of his way.

You know, that's nice. No, the fact that I went down there, you don't mean, though. You call me for something like this. I'll prepare like a motherfucker. I'm an old school comic. There's an opportunity of a lifetime. And guys, they put me in a fucking trailer. In a fucking trailer, okay?

And it's on every 15 minutes. Every 15 minutes my phone goes on. But even two trailers, I've seen so far. And the movie trailer and fucking whatever trailers. And you know what that is? You know how many people choked on their fucking sandwich the other day

when they watch it You know many people choked on their sandwich When they were watching Alabama Auburned the last time I saw them I was hitting them in the head With a stick I was kicking them or something like that

Oh my God So it just It does something to you When somebody does think of you for something And look what they thought of me for The right one Mm-hmm They'd love to me for the right one

You know all those little ones that people don't think of me for them, doesn't really mean nothing, because when you have people thinking about the right one for you, and then you go down there, you know, hey, dog, 10 years ago, when I was all coked up, they would have sent me home after a day, because I would have froze up in front of the day,

or I would have had a fucking heart attack. We think I'm fucking kidding you. I'm not here to lie to nobody. I fucking would have froze up, dog. Frozen up. Froes the fuck up. And I'm not here to lie to nobody. Just the first day, just the thought of it.

First of all, I would have had a nervous breakdown because the week before, How much would I had to snorted? I would have snorted two grams a night in preparation for it. And by the time I got on that plane, I wouldn't have slept. I wouldn't have been focused. And the night before, I would have told myself I wasn't going to get high. And I get fucking blasted to the gills.

And then when I get there next day, I'd be fucking still coked up for the night before, and I choke. Jesus. Do you think he's used to that, De Niro? Like what you said, where even the director's like, wow. He has to be. When you get to that level, you're like, okay, it's going to take everybody a day or two, but then we'll get down in the business. He has to be.

Rick, where the fuck do you put De Niro as an actor going out to auditions? Where the fuck do you put De Niro? Where do you put this motherfucker? At his best, De Niro is the greatest actor. He has to be on the Mountain Rushmore of acting. Oh, yeah. Definitely like, I don't know who else you put up there.

Of that generation, I mean, across the board, there's a handful of actors that make you... There's a handful of actors that you sit there and you go, I'll go see that because he is in it. You know, for me, it comes down. to do two guys De Niro and Robert Duvall that's it you know when you go see them you're gonna and and even De Niro in movies that I don't really like De Niro is still bringing something different to it you know I god damn man when I was a kid and I first saw

midnight run it was over for me I knew what I wanted to do in my life I knew who I wanted to be I wanted to be that fucking guy yeah no that's so beautiful and what do you think because for me, and he's not at De Niro's level, but my favorite from high school was Denzel Washington. He was my, he's a level of level. There's a lot of great actors out there and you But they start doing movies that aren't

like either get typecast or whatever. Lee and I, he was talking about something in my kitchen. We're talking about the movie with Ben Stiller that's coming out. You might not like Ben Stiller, but Ben Stiller might be really good in this movie coming on Christmas Day because everybody gets a great shot. Look at, no matter.

Let me tell you, let me give you a side story, but it's true. Close your eyes, everybody, if you listen to this. No matter. Have you seen Hannibal? Mm-hmm. Did you ever see killing me softly? No.

Well, maybe I have, actually. No matter what Ray Leota does, he's always going to be Henry Hill. Yeah. That's how good he was in Henry Hill. Now, are you saying to me, Joey, he stole... No. Some rolls, brother, are going to be written for you. Unless you do 10,000 rolls, you're never going to hit that role.

Okay. This could be Ben Stiller's row. This could be the one of the people. It does not look bad. And I'm telling you, he ain't on my fucking wall. I don't have no posters of Ben still on my fucking wall. But I'm telling you it looks fucking good. And he could do danger.

It's one of those movies that's a finger in the ass. It might do $30 million the first week, but stay up there four weeks and do $30 fucking million. Yeah. And meanwhile, everybody else is dead because it picks up momentum. It's one of those fucking movies. Yeah, no, I mean, it makes me sad. Like, I didn't grow up with De Niro.

When I was watching movies, he was already a little bit of, older. And meet the parents. He's actually kind of like to meet the parents. He was very good. But then he started doing, I can't even, I don't remember the movies, but he started going down a little bit. He's down. He's put away for his fucking whatever fun. He's 68. He's already done what he got to do.

Listen, last week, Godfather 2 was on. Yeah. Christmas Day, whatever. And for some reason, I kicked back on the couch. The baby was asleep. My wife went in there and had an hour to watch Godfather 2. I watched You're up here in the Sierra Mountains drinking. What's he drinking?

Shepin Cotter. Shepin cocktails! I run my family like a Corleone. That's a beautiful scene. Okay, but I watch, when he comes into the country, I watch the whole thing, him going to his mother and getting blown. We're talking about Godfather, too, with your people.

Put your fucking computers on. The opening scene, she goes with two little retarded kids to the fucking Gumbah's house in Sicily somewhere, and Colioni to beg for her life and the two kids, they fucking kill her. And they kill one of the kids, or whatever they kill him and fucking Vito runs the fuck away they stormed they put him on a donkey and they ship him on some ship to the united states when he gets he's got whooping cough he's got

malaria he's a half a fucking retard and my line there they put him in that room sitting in that room singing his shit he's autistic but he didn't give a fuck now they'd be giving him pills and adderall they gave him 30 days in the room made him think about what's going on and they gave three dollars in a bus ticket and he was second on it's about revenge and from that second on it's really not about the it's really not about love it's about revenge and you don't even fucking see it coming that's what the beauty of is of Godfather too

you don't even see De Niro coming it even gets comical at some points when he's fighting with the woman for the dog for the rent and shit Cinque dole you know the whole fucking right they go back and fuck right they go back and fucking forth

and then one of a sudden he's fucking got a thing of olive oil and you see this old man and you're like what the fuck is this motherfucker kept doing back and your heart starts beating, Jack. Your heart starts beating. You're facing the fucking guy that killed your father, killed your mother Lee, and killed your fucking brother.

Took your life. And you had to put on a boat to the United States and now you're the most, one of the most powerful man in New York City and shit. And he went up to him and stabbed him, pushed it up, and then wiped his hand on his tie. Let me tell you something. There's a difference between stabbing a motherfucker

and wiping your hand on the guy's tie. does he stab me he guts him he fucking starts at the bottom leave you watch that's the home one was the last time you're seeing well get to it no fucking nothing till you fucking get to it god Joey says you got fucking homework you got homework you got homework

I get what you're saying though man with the whole De Niro thing because I went through this thing and I was pissed at De Niro for making shitty movie Rocky and Bo Winko the second meet the parents some bad shit and I went to this shit I went to this shit because I loved him so much and there was a point where I

was saying like you know what fuck it I should have been watching Duval all these years but I'll tell you this for as bad as some of the movies have been lately he still gave us Johnny Boy Travis Bickle Jake Lamada Jimmy Conway fucking Jesus solid midnight run Jack Walsh I mean you're sitting there and you're you're like you're knocked on your ass and you know what if he has to do some shit for the fucking paycheck now you know what I'm lucky that he gave me 20 years of great films. He gave great films for 20 years.

He deserves to cash a couple of checks now. Let me have a drink of the place. And the guy goes. Oh, God. The guy goes. He's throwing heat at Michael Corleone in this black room. Beautiful shot.

The bar behind him lights the whole room. This old guy is just throwing Frankie Five Angels. That's his fucking name. All right? He's throwing heat at Michael Corleone. that the Rosado brothers lied. Taminca, they lied in that fucking Jew in Miami, that

Heimann fucking Roth. You know, he's going off. Your father, your father, respected him. Your father respected him. Your father made money with him, but your father never trusted him. And he just, he just breaks it down

like a savage. And the middle of, he's breaking it down. He goes, you over here, laying judgment on my family, you're up here, you're drinking. What's he drinking? He took it. turns to his body like Chi-Chi.

He goes, what's he drinking? The guy goes, in the middle of a cigarette, I tell you, champagne cocktail. Champagne cocktails. And he turns right to him, he goes, champagne,

Cazade. Yo, God, me, familiar. Like, my familiar. But on the other way, I'm in me, goes, something is said. He goes, I'm tired and whatever. I'm an old man.

Chi-Chi, like, what it does the door. He just slips out like I told you. That's a professional shit. We've got to get somebody open our door, put the do list In 2014 That's the job

Just walk around Open the door His name is Chi Chi Aporta You know He's the door If he talks He gets fired

He can't even say a word Get a hold of Lee If you just want to open The door And we'll call you a cheat You'll give you Six bills a week

You'll walk around You drive around And that's it We just call you a cheat What do you think What do you think's going on With like Redford

Is it Redford is coming back Or Robert Redford Is he's being in like Two other movies But he did this movie go away for a while. They never go away. Like, what's his name?

Jack Nicholson. He, only does movies once every few years now. He kind of hides a little bit. You got to remember, you know, they've done it. Yeah. There's no challenge to it anymore. This guy did Cuckoo's Nest. He did The Shining.

They're offering him, what, the bucket list? You're going to come out of retirement to do the fucking bucket list? Okay, cash a check. But the opportunities to play a real human being with a soul. and a character arc that goes from one place to another and actually makes you feel good that comes around so rare

about Schmidt I love about Schmidt it's so fucking ridiculous when he's talking to that little black kid over over those cards Darren Duke or whatever it's fucking crazy it's insane

and you know you hone it you believe in it it's like fuck man that is a character that is a real person that you can see in real life that's fucked up

that has reached a point in his life where it's like What the fuck did I do? And we were talking about that today, you know? I'm sitting here, I'm like, I'm almost 40 years old. What the fuck have I done with my life? Except had a good time and fucked up a few things. But it's like, I'm happy, I'm happy, you know?

It's funny because, you know, Rick, my mind goes in a thousand places, and I'm very good with dates. Yeah, you are. You're crazy with dates. And this year, I said, oh, it's Rick's birthday in two days. And three days then I realized I didn't call you for your birthday. But it was most important. It was our friend's death.

the anniversary. And there's not a week that goes by. Now when I even lie to Canada Lord Church, I always think about Marilyn Martinez, and I laugh. I laugh to think what she would be like today. Like by this point,

she'd be an even bigger pin in D.S. I'd love her. Older. She'd be miserable. By this time, they live in an apartment. Her and him. They'd live in one bedroom by now because they were going broke. But she would just be on the phone all day, transferring. She was just a conduit of gossip.

and hate and evil. But I loved this. She was my sister. And I'll never forget that my wife answered the phone one time when she was my girlfriend. At like three in the morning, it was Marilyn going,

cock sucker. And my wife held the phone. I can't take this time on. You know, my wife wasn't used to that shit. Well, that's when we used to sing songs to each other. Oh, gosh, fuck, suckered. Oh, my God. Marilyn, Martinez, won't you lick my nuts?

Marilyn Martinez at the bar in my gut Marilyn Martinez and she said shut out Joey she was so fucking amazing you know she came out to Phoenix

when I was there one time she came out with Paul Rodriguez and some of those guys and she calls my mom's house and my dad picks up my old man sounds like me on the phone he says hello and she's like baby cock sucker

and my dad pauses for a second and goes yeah baby cock suckers is not here this is daddy cock sucker and she she went fucking silent

she was stammering Because remember, she would just, oh, well, so embarrassing. I miss Mary Ellen from the time. That's one of the reasons I don't go to the store no more because I know if I went to the store, I'm going to think of her sitting outside and standing outside. That's one of the other reasons I don't go down there. It's never going to be the same.

It's not. And one thing I learned about going back to sometimes, never going to be the same. You're going to go back there, and you're going to feel bad for a couple days. I feel bad that she's not here. God knows what she could have been doing right now. She could have been sensational on a fucking podcast.

Oh, she would have been wonderful. Malin Martinez would have been on the top 20 right now because as a woman at this point, she was miserable. She was probably be 450 pounds. You know, by this point, she was just sitting there. She had bags of chocolate. You know, she didn't have money, but on Thanksgiving, she always figured away to feed fucking 18 of us.

Yeah, she did. So it's just an amazing life that was taken. But fuck it. You get up in the morning, you take your vitamins, you do some jumping jacks, You smoke some fucking dope You eat some fucking oatmeal You're bang one out

You take a shit You eat an apple Who's better than you? Who's gonna tell you no? You know what I'm saying? When you walk in there You're a fucking complete individual You're a fucking Joey Diaz, life coach

That's what he is I gotta stop smoking this fucking reef Anyway back to life coaching Don't forget the holidays are coming What better than the gift of health You understand me? What would you rather get a fucking tie Some fucking wallet

Some fucking handkerchief? No, give somebody a gift certificate for Onit. Go to Onit.com. Go to Joey Deers. Dot net. Go to the banner on it. Blank, put in the name. Church.

Church. C-H-U-R-C-H. Go get 15, 20% off. Tell him Uncle Joey saying you don't take care of you. They're saying you a sticker. Fucking jump rope, whatever the fuck they do.

Number two, I'm not even fucking around with you. Why fuck around? People, all they can do is take the Alphabrein for 30 days and say that was fucking tremendous gift you gave me. Give the gift of Alphabrein. Give them the whole phone. You see somebody who's,

walking around half-mooped up, he's half-retarded. Instead of, before you kick him in the fucking stomach, hawk, give him mouth a brain, give him some new mood, give him some fucking shroom tech, get him a jump rope, make the motherfucker go outside and get some sunlight. You understand me? We live in California, and here, if we all take a piss test for a blood test,

three out of three of us would be vitamin D deficient because we're not outside enough. So if you're not going to go outside enough, you got to supplement that shit. And I'm telling you right now, I've been fucking supplementing every day, Jumping Jack's water Brick Ramos bought me a fucking banana from 7-11.

This is terrorism. What are you going to do? That's a terrorist banana right there. 10 cents from that fucking banana goes straight to some guy in a cave with a fucking sheik and a submachine going to eat a goat that's halfway done.

Fucking in hummus. I know there's got to be hummus involved. You gave a shout-out today and a fucking head where it was like Mr. Falafel or something. But that's his name on stage. Yeah, that comes with it. He made me a legend.

to falafel. Some people allergic to peanuts. This motherfucker might be allergic to falafel. That's why maybe that's his name. Right away before you judge. And don't throw me off here. What are you going to fucking shave? You got to shave before a fucking dollar shave club goes away. You got to shave that fucking beard one time. We're representing

dollar shave club here. You got to be smooth. You see how nice and smooth it is? Boo-ya. You know why? This is the $6 package on my face right there. You either get the dollar, the six, or the fucking nine. Who's better than you? Again, you don't know what to get this momo for Christmas? Get them the $6 package. What does that add up to?

$72. That's it. And what did you get me for Christmas? It's coming to your house tomorrow. I got your fucking thing. I got your three blades. I got you some stominkia juice and a towel. Whatever the fuck it comes with.

And that's it. What are you going to do? What do you want to get to run around? Go to CVS. Go to fucking Macy's and buy Blet. Whatever. Some people go to fucking that shave storm. Pay $82 for one month supply.

Fucking dollar shave club. com or go to fucking joeydea's dot net. Go on the band. tremendous Christmas present. Put it on the fucking arm. Who's better than you? What do they type in? Church.

Church. And you fucking get credit? I get credit. And everybody's fucking around. Everybody kept bothering me about Christmas presents on Amazon. Bam! The banner is up.

Click on the banner on what? Joey Diaz.net. Go to Joey Diaz. Dot net. There's an Amazon banner. Click it in. Put whatever the fuck you want. We get two points and we get life insurance.

20 fucking years from now after we're dead and God. All right. What else is going on, Lisa? Yeah. What do you got playing for the week? You haven't seen a girl for the 10 days. I know she's come over tomorrow. You're about to bust.

Look at you. Your eyeballs are turning red. You look like Ozzy Osbourne and 69. Look at you. What are you going to? You're going to put some gel on your head to do tomorrow finally? I don't have to get a haircut. Yeah, you do.

You're getting long. You're looking for one of the Beatles. No, I'm excited. I don't know. I'm excited starting to do a podcast with Augustino tomorrow. If you're listening, we might check my Twitter later. I think we might do a podcast tomorrow. I'm going to start working with Steve Simone pretty soon.

So I'm excited. You got things going on. Yeah, no, it's, uh... Not yet, things going on. You put a gel in your hair. I have no hair. What do you want to do? If you put a little gel in your head, do...

And push it where? Push it to the front, like, bottom is collars. You understand me? You put, like, a design on your beard. You know, that's like... Next is going to be telling you to get a fucking cape. So be careful. Oh, he told me to get a robe.

Every day, he's like, get a robe. You need a robe. The most disgusting thing. You do need a robe. A robe is the grossest. Because you never wash it. Yes, you do. I wash my...

What's a week? How? It smells terrible. I smelled with the asses. Oh, my God. My ass and my neck, it smelled disgusting. I don't know what kind of ju-ju juice comes out of a fucking cute. It smelled like a fucking Iranian's asshole that got lit on fire, thrown in the garbage, and then barbecue.

My neck is disgusting. That was your neck? It was my neck and my ass, but it wasn't like where the asshole usually sits on the thing, because it moves around. It was like a three-foot area. I just had my shirt. shorts were fucking horrendous. They smell like old man balls and piss.

That's what they smell like piss. But it's funny because even the sides smell like piss. Oh, Jesus. I got to be peeing myself in the middle of night. I got whack water juice alone my fucking shorts. I love marijuana in the afternoon. You know what I'm saying? People, take the stick out of your ass.

It's December 4th. You've got 21 more days till fucking Christmas. What are you going to do? Sit there with empty pockets and a fucking upward face on? Like, you're on the fucking phone. Get your life together. Get down to UPS. Fill out an application. Lie about the felony. Who gives a fuck at this

point. By the time they catch on, you're loading trucks like a slave. You're like a black guy in 92. You're loading 1892. You'll load that fucking truck. You got more energy than anything. I don't get a fuck. If you got to drink, 89 fucking red bulls a day. You understand me? UPS is hiring.

There's a bunch of companies hiring. Get the fuck up off your ass and get out there. That's what America's all about. It's all right. You fucking mooch around during the year, but it's holidays. You want to have a grandma blow in your pocket. You want to look good. You don't want to go to Mom's House, Christmas Eve.

Did your dealer ever do a Black Friday special? Who? Your dealer? Listen, with me, it was always Black Friday. You understand me? With me, it was always Black Friday because it was always a hook. I always showed up for the first, and the second one was a package that you never even heard of.

Listen, I'll be back in an hour. Don't worry about nothing. We'll give me the 20. Just give me the 40. I'll be back with the China guy's money. Oh, Jesus. Speaking of slave, did he see 12 years of slave yet? Yeah.

Is it good? It was good. It was really good. Let me tell you some, though. That actor is a hell of an actor. I saw him about seven years ago in a movie called Deadly Pretty Things. You get a chance to see that. See that.

It's England. It's a bunch of... It's the immigration problem in England. A bunch of illegals working at a hotel. and it's fucking amazing how good this guy is. It's with the girl from Amelais, Audrey Tattoo, and just everything that goes on in this shit, what these people have to go through,

you're like, fuck, God damn. Like, I'm an American. It's like, I don't deserve this shit. I take this shit for granted, man. These people fucking suffer because they want a better life. It's a great movie. Check it out. Adelae?

Amelay. Where are you going? This is called Dirty Pretty Things. Where are you going, son? What do you mean three hits? I didn't see no smoke. coming out of your nose. Nothing, cuck, suck. You're living a fucking cartoon world,

don't you? Look at this world. You want to see Shikamov. I was having a panic attack because I saw it like the smoke coming up. I was on fire. I was like, oh shit, there's something burning. And it's like the smoke. Oh, they're coming in tomorrow to fucking inspect or whatever.

Guys, I want to play this for you. Okay. It's one of my all-time favorite lines. Me and Lee were, me and Rick and Lee. we're playing it before. It's a scene where Michael Corleone realizes he's got to shoot the police captain and... And Stirling Hit.

Oh. And Stugatsa. Yeah. Whatever his fucking name is. Alateri. Aletieri. And this guy's coach him. You know,

and I was telling Lee, you know, most of the time, I go, Lee, if you're going to put the podcast, or put the picture up. You know, we can help each other.

This is his coach right here. But he says a line about Hitler. That's brilliant. Do you want to play the whole thing? Or just that piece? No, no, just that piece. Never let him get away with that.

Back up, back up, above. See, you've slipped already. See what I'm saying? Right away, he wants to know. Wow, wow. A little bit back more. A little bit back more. You fucked up.

You know, you're going to turn out all right. You take a long vacation. Nobody knows where. And we're going to catch the hell. How bad do you think it's going to be? Pretty goddamn bad. Probably all the other families will line up against us. That's her right.

This isn't got to happen every five years or so. Ten years. Helps to get rid of the bad blood. But ten years since the last year. You know, you've got to stop him at the beginning. Like, they should have stopped Hitler at Munich. Hitler at Munich. They should have to get away with that.

They were just asking for big trouble. Play that again. Play that again, DJ. Play that again, DJ. I'm sorry. That's a classic fucking line. I must get rid of the bad blood. But ten years since the last one.

You know, you've got to stop them at the beginning. Like, they should have stopped people of Munich. They should never let him get away with that. It was just the assing for big trouble. You know, Mike, we was all proud of you. God damn. Your father, too. The fucking Godfather.

Life lessons, man. Oh, my God. After he tells him about Hitler, he goes, he was all proud of you. Oh, my God. That's how you should handle your life. Stop these motherfuckers! Like, they should have stopped Hitler in Munich.

You know what I'm saying? You're just asking for trouble. Then the word gets out. He takes it in the ass. Next to get him, he's knocking on your door with a bag of Vaseline's and flowers. A bag of Vaseline and flour. I don't know if I'm going to fuck you for 12 hours.

I'm not going to show up on a jar. I'll show up with a scoop out bag. It's just loose in the bag. It's not even in the jar. You just like emptied out a bunch of jars into a bag. He just got in a rape store. You just go to it. The store were rapists and fucking molesters, hang on.

They sell Vaseline by the fucking, by the pound that you buy fucking, I don't fucking know, Lee. Why do you treat me this way? You know what I'm saying? I'm just trying to fucking talk to people at home. It's a beautiful Wednesday afternoon, people. I'm happy you people took the ride with us today. We usually do 6 a.m. to get you on the right foot to get you out there, a positive message. But today.

What a transition from the rape store to a positive message? Why got to throw salt on the wound again? He's the king of transition. You're worse than a Roman soldier. You didn't get that. Nobody got that. I got it. The Romans killed Jesus?

Yeah, but one of the soldiers. Love the salt on this fucking wound. Cock suck. I'm throwing heat here. It's a Jew joke. Take the pressure off the Jews. And what are you got to fucking drop more knowledge? I love getting high in the afternoon.

There were things like this. I'm happy you people join this. Also, if you're into entertainment and jumping up and down and TV shows, no, seriously, and I ain't fucking with you people. I talk to you about it. I talk to you about fucking Dollar Shave Club. Let's talk about something

that's very dear to my heart because if you're not doing it, it's like, I don't know. I don't fucking know. I can't even, that's how bad it is. Huluplus.com. Go to joey-deers.com. Go to Huluplus.com.

Listen, you get two weeks, boom, on the gratis on the arm. It's $7.99 a month. You can watch fucking Brooklyn 99 You can see original fucking programming You can see law and order SVU I mean they got a thousand great shows on there

You can watch whatever the fuck you want And what you want to watch You have to watch there like a communist And get less than time You can watch it on your phone Let's say you get stuck in the closet They keep you there You can watch your favorite show in there

For eight fucking hours As long as you plug your fucking phone in And you know whatever fuck you want to do people You're just so habit of find yourself Locked in the closet Yeah let's say somebody locks you in the closet and they start putting different things in your toes and shit. There you have it.

That's all I'm trying to say. Remember, give me the show. Huluplus. Who will I say? Huluplus.com. Joey Dears.net. Go to Hulu Plus. Bang.

There you go. You fill out the fucking whatever. What are you putting in the box? Joey. Joey. J-O-E-Y and boom. You get two weeks for free. Then it's $799 a month after that.

How much is that a year? That's $96, right? Yeah. $96 a year for original programming and all this shit. You see on regular TV. You get that. home, but guess what? You're going to have to sit there like a fucking mook on a Tuesday at 10 o'clock. And they have the criterion collection for movies, which is a lot of good old.

They're fucking kidding. Yeah, they're not fucking around, Hulu Plus. And they're not fucking around. Please, go to this box before the new year is over. Take advantage of this. Because you're going to sit there with your dick in your finger in January. I wish I would have got it. I finally got my ATM.

I finally paid the water bill and they took the handle off my ATM card. Get it together. The holidays are coming. Go down and pay the $28. How are you going to take showers? Anyway, I'm sorry. What's $28? The water bill.

Lee, what the fuck? You're slipping, cocksucker. By the way, this weekend, I'm at the Caluca Casino Friday night with Tom Segura, and then we tally hold down to Eugene, Oregon, to the McDonald's theater, 8 o'clock.

Tickets are still available for both fucking shows. If you're coming into Eugene, make sure you bring at least a pound of refa. I don't want no lightheaded people. You motherfuckers are smoking up there, like it's 1969, and everybody's barefoot, listen to Alvin Lee and shit like this.

It's like fucking Woodstock. Bring that reefer, you dirty white women with long fingernails and shit. Show up with that monkey. We'll shave it right there on the stage. We don't give a fuck. The following weekend, Friday, 13th, I'm in Nashville, and then New Year's Eve. We're doing a little fucking kumbaya over at John Lovitz Comedy Club at 8 o'clock.

30-dollar tickets are available. I'll have you out of there by 10.30, you go home, whatever brought you with you. You get with stab him, leave it home, and you go out by yourself, get a grandma blow and do your fucking thing. I'm just prepping a night for you. Or no matter what, I'm going to have you home by midnight. There's a lot of people that don't really want to go out because they really have nowhere to go.

Fuck, you come up to John Lovitch, you pay for the fucking parking, you come upstairs, you have a few drinks right there in Universal City. Fuck this Mickey Mouse or this. Who hangs on it? Universal City. What fucking little animal hangs out there? I have never been. Then fuck it, he could suck my dick, too.

You've been to John Lovitz? No. You never been to John Lovitz Comedy Club? Where the fuck you live in a cave? Apparently. Well, you're going to get you're slipping. Then you're going to Boston. You're leaving me here for the New Year.

I'm sorry. You're going to Boston to play a big shot. Look at you. You're going up there dancing. I'm going there when it's going to be like negative 20. I'm not playing. I'm playing it. I'm playing it.

Hide inside. Huh? It's going to be freezing. Freezing. I'm going to New York for two days. It's going to be fun. Where you stand? Don't say it.

Oh, okay. Because then people be over there looking to suck your dick. I don't know what. On the grass, somebody would come up with a jar of Vaseline or bag and tell you this is what you were talking about on this show, big boy. Jesus. You'll tie you up and stick that's the Stamiki for Christmas Eve. And there you are a Jew getting fucked on Christmas.

I'm excited for Christmas Eve Is that a Mexican thing? Because they just... That's everybody thing, Lee. Everybody fucking gets down on Christmas. No, Christmas Eve. Yeah, they get down. I thought Christmas Day would be bigger.

Are you going down to the Guadalajara? Oh, shit. Yeah, oh yeah. And she makes tamales on Christmas. Oh, please. Two kinds. The chicken, the pork, with the cream sauce. You're going to walk out of that.

It's coming out of your ass like soft serve. Forget about it. It's delicious with the rice and the beans. Yeah. And they'll make a little fish. And they'll drink some fucking cervaces. Oh, yeah. I have a good time.

have a good time. Down there, shit, chill. And your fucking, your dad makes, you made your miss Thanksgiving. That's all right. You stayed up here and ate stove top stuff and some fucking restaurant with a bunch of people

that have dead or dying of fucking chemo. And meanwhile, you could have been down in a little Mexico down there fucking getting down, listening to some Mexican music. Dan, da, dan, dan, dan. You've been hanging out with Denzel cutting somebody's finger off.

Setting up meetings with God. That could have been you. Setting up meetings with God. You know what? I'm going to have to watch that now. That's all the best movies of all time. What the best thing he's ever done? I think it's the best.

Like, I think I saw that. I thought, when he did Glory, all that shit was good. He did something else I really like. American gangster. By that time, I was so hooked on Man on Fire. It was a disappointment. Yeah.

For me, yeah. I was so gone. I heard flight was good. I haven't seen it yet. I love flight. I thought flight was great. No, no, he's good, bro. They don't pay him $20 million because he's bad.

He's really good. This motherfucker brings it every time. brings it you really want to watch. You really do. I was disappointed because when he did Pelham, one, two, three. Like, they made it into like an action movie. It was kind of like a humor, like a

comedy sort of. It wasn't an action movie when they first made it. See the first one. I did. The first one was great. It was great. It was... 25 years ago. It was... But I don't know. I just... I get disappointed in them, but then...

And that's something like... I get disappointed in them, but they're just a lot of times they're just saying what was written so you kind of have to get mad at the writer like it's something people don't really think about like you put so much into the actors but it's like they honestly

it's a fucking magic not the least but it's a magic it's a magic and you know when you're watching magic eight or nine minutes into this fucking movie there's something about this movie you know what's been on in the last few weeks that's how I remember it the wrestler and now you're seeing it with all the

fucking glamour without the glamour and I watched the fight when he got hit in the head right before the heart attack. It's fucking fantastic. It really is. I'm happy that he's still had and he brought down

whatever the fuck he's doing and he's walking around with a hat. Still fucking mold and docked every 10 days to put needles in his eyebrows. You know, fuck he does. But you know, uh, who's like,

what the fuck are we doing? Well, the thing about it is it's like, you know what? I know what you're saying. It's magic. It's a magic. It's a miracle that anything happens. I'll tell you what I watched.

Three weeks ago, guys. Got up at 4 in the morning. Went to get some water. The TV was on. Terry was up with the baby, came out and left it on, was probably putting it back to sleep. Something made me sit down.

Guess what was starting to record? 4.45 in the morning. What? The French Connection. Oh, that's great. Now, here's a problem with the French connection that I really don't talk about. The French connection in my house

was like a fucking feather in the cap for the Cubans. Okay, Cubans take old-school Cuban. Cubans claim everything. If you ever see, in today's society, Alexander Graham Bell invented the phone. If you're Italian, uh-uh, it was Vespucci. Whatever the guy's name was.

Who's got the Italian? So for 20 years, they'll go back and forth. Vespucci answered the phone. With Cubans, they claim everything. Cubans will claim everything. But one thing they claimed, my mother and the people she was hanging out with the high-level people. Mayucci? Antonio Mayucci?

Yes, remember that? In Godfather 3, he tries to give him. the Mayucci Award. He's like, you came all the way down here to give me this. Whatever that old. The Mayutia Award, that's a great fucking... So, anyways, the Cubans and... So, my mother's sitting there.

I don't know how old that was when the... French Connection? Yeah, 69. See, the French Connection, what year it came on? I was a little boy. But I remember that I'm saying, that's about that dude that comes over to the house. Louis E. Powell. Lewis the Turkey.

You're right. 71. So I was fucking eight. And I remember going to... that movie. That part when he shoots him, there's three or four scenes in that movie that are brilliant. Part when he shoots him, the part when he fucking goes into the bar.

That's where Eddie Murphy fucking took the basics for that. From 48 hours from. If you really fucking think about that, it's pretty fucking amazing. That's where they got that 48 hour scene from. When he goes in there and whatever, Doc, whatever, he kicks the guy and he makes the milkshake out of the drugs.

All those movies are fucking great, but it's tough. They're a tough watch. They're a slow or tight-paced movie. You need it, and I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's the ADD has changed. I don't know if we don't like sitting through a movie.

I have that problem. I could sit through this movie maybe an hour before I finally get an itch and go. I got to get up to something I got to be doing. I got a podcast tomorrow. I should be putting out the fucking names of the shoutouts. I got to be doing something. But when I watch a movie,

wanted to hold me. You know who fucking grabbed me twice in the last month? You know who kicked my ass again? Guess who would fuck me up in the ass again? Who was that? Not even fuck me up. He made me cry. Yeah? He fucked me in the ass good, Doug. First of all, they had trains, planes, and automobiles. Oh, God. And he fucked me in the ass. That fucking

savagery. Because, no one is the ass. That movie is not a savagery of comedy. It's a savagery of acting acting by two of the fucking greatest comedic actors that will ever know not to mention the strength of John Candy and then I saw a splash and I've been trying the line for the last week

two weeks on everybody you're all right you're all right you're good yeah you sure you want to go to Cape Cod you got money yet can I have some you know I've been working that line on people and they keep fucking me up dog I try to like two different people and you're all right you sure you're

sure, yeah. You got money? Yeah. Can I have some? And he said it even quicker than that. He didn't even look. He didn't even move from, right, he goes, you have money. You're sure. You got money? Yeah. Can I have some? He just dropped. And fucking Tom Hanks looks

with him and goes, and he goes and that's what he heads to Cape fucking car. And where are you going? Cape car. Show me some money. Is that enough? Broome. And he drives him up there. Then the guy fucking, he's brilliant dog. That's the first time I had ever saw him.

The dude that came back to the American Pie? Yeah. The dude that came back with the American Pie movies. That guy showed up in 1984, funnier than fuck in the movie theater. Stealing in the movie theater. When he stabs himself in the leg with the needle, and he goes, what a week I'm having.

That's where fucking people, I remembered that line for years. Every time I got arrested at the time, I go, what a week to have it. And I'd walk with a limp and shit. I love it. Wednesday, December 4th, talking some movie shit. You know, there's a bunch of podcasts out

and all these fake fucking movie people. We're not just talking about movie. We're talking about the heart and fucking soul of the movie on the church of what's happening now. We don't do this enough. We drop it on you from that angle. We don't have to start up a new fake podcast to talk about fucking movies here.

We're professionals, bitch. This is just a different patois in the many hands of the octopus. I got a drop on it. these motherfuckers. It's December 4th. No, people need that. They ain't got time to be fucking around. People are wasting their time day in and day out doing

shit that they shouldn't be doing. When you could be sitting down watching fucking great movies. Watching something up there. It's like... Smoking dope. Getting lessons, bitch. Prince of the City. What's the other one he made? Which one? Treat Williams? He made two classics earlier. Prince of the City and... Holy shit.

Hit it. What the hell was it? Who? Tree Williams? Treat Williams. Tree Williams. He did once upon a time in America. He That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. Yeah, yeah. So it was Treat Williams, once upon time in America,

Prince of the City, dropped off for a while, then came back on a fucking uppercutton. Things to do in Denver when you're dead. Oh, just... Jimmy. What is he? What is he, the butcher?

He's got the guy hanging in those things. He's just punching the shit out of him. Jimmy, I talked to Jimmy. What is it? Jimmy. When we pulled the kid up, I want to get over the cops. No. Why not, Jimmy?

Why not? People change, Jimmy. People change. Billy, you're beating up on courses. That's a thing, man. That's the thing. Ever since I've been beating up on those bodies, I haven't hit a live person in years.

You say, you think of that line how you say. When he says it, he steals it. Even Andy Garcia goes, oh, God, that is fucking brutal. Ever since I've been hitting those bodies, I haven't hit a live person in years, Jimmy. Jimmy, please. I'm 40 years old. They still call me critical bill.

Please, Jimmy. Come on. I changed. What do you mean? People can change? You changed? It's on the street. You changed?

and he just breaks fucking Andy Garcia down to Andy Garcia goes all right you can fuck it and he shows up with the fucking knife

and he stabs that motherfucker in the neck dog he don't fuck around this movie then they're looking for him and everybody's coming in for an envelope not him

he locks himself up in an apartment with a bear with a fucking dead bear cans of food he's pissing in a juice container

you ever saw that Lee? No he's pissing in a fucking juice container and he's having a

What would you do if you came to my house and there was Bob wire on the door? You got to crawl in like it was Vietnam. Then he searched him. He searched him and then sat Andy Garcia down and pumped a gun, then gave him a gun, just in case somebody happened to come and didn't turn his back on him one time, then broke it down there. You know, as Andy's saying, listen, Billy, they want to kill you. He could come over here. And the whole time he's pulling this gun and he's telling him, he's offering him food.

But no, no, no, no. He starts offering him food in the middle of, he's looking. him for something. He takes his container off the refrigerator. There's like eight of them all different from yellow to brown. He takes the yellow and he opens up the container, takes his dick out, puts in the container. He's pissing.

He's hiding his dick, but he's talking to the end of the guy. He's like, yeah, you're hungry. He's like, I got some corn. Remember he goes, I got some corn? I can make you some cheeseburgers, but he says a line. He says a line to him. Remember, he goes, I got something. It's natural. That's

the line of the movie and then he was Billy what happened inside he goes no what I ate a little piece of shit remember he goes but they didn't tell you I ate it for the small nickel he just breaks it down he goes yeah some fucking G note was doing this and he's some gene remember he just goes crazy he's great in that movie oh he's fucking thing he brought his career right back he got into television it was a beautiful role if you get a chance watch things to do it's a hard movie to find what things are doing devil you're dead it's i see it that what links are on you can find it's doing devil when you can find it but it's just doing devil when you you're dead, Jimmy meets Billy.

It's got Christopher Walk in there. Christopher Walking. Wow, what's a... The chick. Jenny McCarthy is his nerd. Who mean too? Jimmy beats... What's... All right, so Jimmy, the Jimmy is Andy.

And what's his name? Critical Bill, Billy. Billy meets Jimmy. See if that's in there. Things to do and Dun & When You're Dead. Slash... That movie just got lost in the shuffle. Nobody's something.

What happened? No, it's not even... Yes, it's on there. Well, there's a call. Let's see I can't I don't have the headphones Let's see if this is No no no it's fine

Oh wait Hold on Kill 8 seconds No this is crazy I can understand why you don't like new movies It's Andy Garcia and in a Whatever treat one in the room That's it

That's the sealed No no actually Oh fuck William Fawcett I forgot about it What's like Where's this Here's he's

He's the body Here you go Who's beat the dead body Don't With Johnny When I was just a baby He's down, he's looking at funeral parlor, and he's hitting a bag, but it's a dead body.

And William Forsyck and any of you, I see it come walking. They see this, they look at... Okay, but people who aren't watching it, imagine like a rocky apartment, and there's a guy, it's not... It's the bottom of a funeral parlor. It's not in a bag. He has a chain, and he's hanging by his neck,

and he's just punching a dead guy in clothing. He's going to pull him. He's swiggin' on this motherfucker. And he's sweating, so he's been doing it for a while. He didn't just start. Oh, that fucking Johnny Cass is playing in the background. What's better than that? Let's a put it.

What's the face? What's the for this? Working out. Don't bother him much. What's your guy? He's just some respect for the day. I knew this guy when he was alive. Oh, the guy's in a suit.

It's an old man. Yeah, they don't mind much. You don't mind much. You don't mind much. You don't mind much. You don't mind much. Uh. Uh.

We're doing an action for the man large. Okay. You don't have to go find this. Yeah. I look on the side now. There's another scene with him and Jerry and Andy Garcia. It's got to be in there. Any professional, cut it.

We're not the only fucking professionals out there. I found some shit that some people have made on YouTube that is brilliant. Is the man with the plan? No. No. Get an Eric. No. Let's see.

Never beg? No, that's a different one. That's what he brings in. Never ever fucking dead. Lovient? No. They ain't pulling anything off of it. See, people don't know this movie.

People don't know. I saw this either 96 or 95. And I was blown the fuck away. And they pulled it a week later. And then I had a way for it to come out on DVD. And I sold it to. to everybody and people like, that is some fucking dark shit,

but it's something different. It was a breath of fresh air. It was so different. And it just went away, and it's a shame. And the funny thing was, I was at a Janet Jackson concert in Denver,

and I saw Andy Garcia. He was sitting in front of me and I asked him, what was he doing here? And if you watch one of the scenes, there's a comedian from Denver named Jimmy Abeda, he was Andy Standing one day.

They showed him crossing the street. They gave him a scene crossing the street. So that's the fucking story of the day. You understand me? And there you have. it. That's how we do. We did a nice podcast for you. A real deal director called in with real, real millions under his belt. Not some fucking half of Puerto Rican with a camera. He had an assistant calling.

That his movies going to Sundance in 2018 and he wears a hat and he's got a parrot on his shoulder and a tattoo of De Niro on his arm. We're not talking to those fucking people. We're talking about motherfuckers here with credentials. You understand me? Real motherfuckers in the game. I ain't bringing the oaky-doke motherfuckers. I'm too fucking high. Never again when I ate too chibachews. Yes, you will. You're going to do it tomorrow.

You'll do it tonight. You know what? You know me too well, me. What the fuck you got? I love it when you start yelling, and then you don't know where you're going to finish, and you take a pause, and it's just like when you said like the hands of the octopus.

I love it when you call me Big Poppy. You're going to smoke some one dope. You're going to sit there like a fucking bumpy. Well, Rick, how do people find you? You can find me on Rick Ramoscomedy. Are you kidding me or what? This was the most fun of had an impossible. In a podcast in a while.

This is like, this is crazy. Why don't you go to try and jump up and down. Go get things to deal with him. Thank you. Thank you. And he'll call me. He'll call me within 10 minutes leaving. Was that a good podcast?

Then I call him again. Ask him what he's doing. I'm laying down. Get the fuck up. You called us when I was driving home from San Diego and I was fucking the stone out of my mind. You called like every 20 minutes. And my dad was passed out of his sleep. and he was so fucking high

he turned off the radio he was like I can't hear the radio so I was driving with him snoring me driving in silence in every 20 minutes ring ring where you got cock sucker you're gonna hit traffic by the commerce

traffic no it's gone by the time I got there oh my god I had to get off I got like on the 605 it was a fucking yeah they moved it over by the time I'm your brother I give you something I love it to you know what I'm saying if you crash and I don't claim responsible

I don't know who gave it to him he was talking some black chick in the corner Maybe she gave it to him. But me, I'm your brother. I'm not going to give you something. Why do you think I didn't give you that second one on stage? You were ready to eat it, Lee. At that point, you were a soul to.

You said, fucking. I go, nah, let him drive home. Yeah, but you left me on stage. I'm not a comic and I want to say hi. What would you do? I'll leave you at the immigration center. What would you rather have? I'm white.

I don't care. Leave me at the immigration zone. Yeah, but how are you going to get home? That's 67 miles from fucking studio city. How are you going to get home? You're going to hitching. You have to suck somebody's dick. Just to get the earth.

You don't need the aggravation, you know what was the last time? What was the last time somebody stuck your little two fingers in your cullo? Oh, Jesus. Never. All right. Did you ever get the black hooker to fart on them? That's what coming. They're still working on that?

Yeah, we had to postpone that podcast. No one's ever going to do that. There's no loud podcast in January, so I gave the chicken extra yard stuff. She's going to eat peanut butter. We're going to try to do it the 18th. You're going to start the year off with a bang. It's that time that we, it's a time that we proceed with this fart to move on. Too many people asking.

Just let it happen. No, I'm ready for it. Let it happen. Get the pink guy. He asks in the live podcast and no one says yes because no one's going to do it. No, because we have to get a professional. I don't want to get some amateur and she farts on you and she aims wrong. You know, her assholes puts a hemorrhoid.

I'm looking for them because sometimes the assholes pointed down. Next to you know, she's farting on your foot. I don't need somebody to fart in your foot. I need somebody to fart in your fucking mouth. You understand me or you? And they told me if you. If you eat pickles the night before,

flavor is the fart. It makes it feel like experiment. So since you're Jewish, you're going to eat a bunch of pickles, we've already discussed it, man. It's costing me some fucking

Guitas here. You know what I'm saying? We're doing this, we're taking this out of your salad, isn't it? You're going to walk around broke for like four months. It's over.

You take, I got to pay a heavy fucking price for this chick. But she's clean. They're going to give her blood test so there's no fucking no fucking nucleases in her asshole. Because you're going to have to lick it, too, and sniff it.

Yeah, yeah, just sniff it. I don't want you to make contact, really, but you have to. That's the full patois. Right before she farts in your face, you have to sniff it, give it a little, you know, cascadura, and then from there, open your mouth like a soldier. You know, like before they give you that cigarette. They blindfold you with the cigarette. You know, when they blindfold you, they give you a cigarette, we don't want to do that.

We're going to give her goggles because she ain't shitting for like a week before that. So we can give you guys. If she shits on me, I swear about a jerry-di-d-as. And then I'm going to kick her in the stomach. We got everything going. And then right from there, we're going to let that first fart out. And you're going to take it like a soldier. We'll have to give you earplugs so you can't hear the kick to the stomach.

So you can't even hear it coming. And that's even easy. And all of a sudden you just be breathing. And that warm air from the fucking south is going to go right into your fucking mouth and it's all over. It's going to taste like spearmint, meets a pickle, meets an asshole. That's worse than Godzilla meets the wolf man. I love you, motherfucker. Don't forget this weekend, Kaluca Friday night.

Eugene McDonald's Theater and Eugene Oregon Saturday. Tom Segura and me, we're going to be rocking up there. So do what you need to do. I want to give a shout out to Onit. I want to give a shout out to Hulu Plus. And my brother's over at Dollar Shave Club, always representing, keeping America nice and shaving because if not everybody's walking around like fucking Fidel Castro, I don't need that shit in my fucking life.

You understand me? I start getting flashbacks. I want to stab a bitch. get your shit together. Remember what I told you. What I tell him to? I don't know what the fuck I... Make sure you buy Vaseline in bulk. Yeah, no. Why would you want to buy Vaseline in bulk? You know what I'm saying? And talk to people about the Christ and the Lord.

What? What? Back to the fucking bathroom. Just remember, we should have stopped him in Munich. That's right. Remember, they should stop Hitler in Munich. And that's how you should live your life. Some motherfucker fucker you. You got to stop. What does he say after that? He says something after that. If not, it's just going to let it go. Fuck it. Always live by the...

That thing. When the cops get there, just go look, I stabbed the motherfucker. Because they should have stopped Hitler in Munich. You're always starting off so you can go with the insanity

defense. That's what happens when you watch Long Island for 20 fucking years. Understand me out of you sharply. Lee, what are you doing this weekend, you fucking Johnny Lamar motherfucker?

Weekend, I don't know. Thursday, tomorrow I'm seeing Paula and then other than that? What are you coming over? Four, something like that. What are you going to cook for? I don't know. it by the robe. No.

Not going to. The robe, that's so gross. Let me ask you this. Are you going to get a Joey Diaz condom when they come in? I really go out the first That is the most disgusting. I got a Joey Diaz coming my head and a tit. She come in my mouth, do you understand? That is the worst thing. Some guys are going to come to a show with it used.

Sign my condom or it broke and now. What about, for 20, would you smell the condom? That's a complete different betwi. We bring us a baggie with a CSI guy behind them. I love it. I love it. love you Lisa. The Cuban flag.

I'm like, I have a weekend with your little girlfriend. Please don't have a condo with your face on it. I'm telling you. That's the worst. My mouth like this.

And my tongue is the well so it comes right in the tip of my fucking tongue. And after one, it just blows up like a fucking, like a fucking, I don't even know. Like what? I'm all fucking saliva.

Rick, what do you got going on this weekend? Let's see. I got the John Lovitz Club this weekend. Started tomorrow. We're going to be doing that. I'm going to do a cop convention

tonight. So I'm not going to have me some fuck you're a savage you understand me you're trying to be motherfucking so I'm gonna do fuck them give them nothing they got nothing you know what's up Lee look at the fucking shape of you again did you eat an edible yeah no

you bring one I was ready I've been ready for it or did you for breakfast I haven't had anything yet all day all day it's 12 o'clock what are you living off of right now your kidney is eating until you're fucking test them right now it's taking scrap right I'm gonna go pay my rent and go grab some Mediterranean food just to piss you off

is that what you want to eat tonight yeah and what eating time. I have no. I'm going to grab steak kebab with a little bit of hummus and Greek salad. What's going on? You moved the juicer. You just moved it to retire for good. You moved it out of the way. I guess, yeah, fuck it. It's over. That's it. Fuck the bitch.

No, I got to... I'm thinking about doing it until I go back home. Just... We'll see. Just to piss you off. You're not going to piss me off. You don't look good. You're juiced. You don't look sharp again. Look at you. You don't want to put gel in your hair. You look like fucking some dude.

You ran away from the scoopment. You ran away from a Jew mental hospital. And you dropped you. Oh, my God, the weeds. You got to get it together. Every time I come over, your ears all fucked up. I'm no. You got to go in there and comb your hair.

I do. And then I wear the fucking, when you wear the things, it goes off. What, what thing? The headphones. It don't fuck up my hair, do. Yeah, because you have 8,000 pounds of gel in or whatever. No, I don't. It's just the hair is on fire.

Your hair. could cut. If your hair was on fire, like I tell you, you got to be sharpening. You got to shave your neck. You got like a fucking Moses under the head. It's a bush cuck. You're a handsome dude. Fucking CNN can be watching right now.

They want to give us a job, but they're like, this guy don't have a makeup check. I'm so fucking high. Me too. That's why I'm saying this. I don't even know what the fuck I'm saying. But what I'm saying is I'm going to get your gel today. Today I want you to stop by. Tonight you're getting jail.

I'm gonna puff up your hair from now on. I want you to give you a little Chivalte up in front? Once we get a couple more guises, we're getting your little hair piece in the front. I'm never wearing a hair. Fuck that. That's what I want to hear. Everyone in my family. I'm just testing me.

I'm lucky I have hair now. I'm just testing you because I'm not. I have to give you the hairpiece and stab you like more. We got no weed. Oh, fuck. I did never shut the fuck on. I just, ah.

Fucking Lee. Crazy podcast. I love you, Lee. You're my dog. You're my fucking better away. Look at you if you want a son's an addict You made better away That's my dog

We're gonna Hands a motherfucker Sling a dick tomorrow night You only have the robe No You just have no no robe Dog you need a robe With like a thong that's been ripped

You know what I'm saying Just hanging there like a savage With your dick hanging With that cloth Like a cloth like a flat tie That's just hanging there With your fucking little Jew dick Hanging there with your little

Gautza with a robe Blue looks good on you. You put some gel on your head, dude. You put some gel in your eyebrows, pumped the motherfuckers back and go in there like Israeli fucking cosmonaut in this damnit. What do you think?

I have no idea what to think fucking Israeli cosmonaut. Listen, you're going to give people entertainment. I'm just dropping it. I don't know. I'm freestalling right now. You think I write this shit at home? You think I'm up all night writing this shit? Yeah, I do. No, I'm fucking not. You're welcome at 3 in the morning.

I was right, like, I'm going to say Israeli Cosmonaut today. I don't even know when Israeli Cosmonaut is. That's a funny thing. I don't know what I'm saying, though. You don't see me on Jeopardy on those game shows, do you? Don't call Uncle Joey. Would you go? But depends on what they got up front.

If you're going to give me $800, $800,000 to show up down there without knowing no answers, I got to give it a shot, right? Eight grand to show up to shake a few people's hands, give them a background check. I'm telling my off the bat. Listen, you know, let's just put this together. Why are we talking about this? I don't know. I was just thinking, I'd love to see you hosting

Like, are you smarter than a fifth grade or something? But you're stoned And dealing with the other kids. Just gone. Listen, we got to go. All right. I'm not asking me. Now you're interviewing me.

You're asking me too many personal questions. When did I interview you? Right now, you're asking me perverted questions. Coming down with kids. And jell and shit. In a barrel of fucking Vaseline. Where are you coming from? Where do you get off asking me those type of questions?

Wow. Where do you get off? I got enough aggravation in my life. You're supposed to be the Captain Kirkland Enterprise. So what movies are you looking forward to other than Grudge Match at course? Out of the furnace, the Christian Bail. That looks good. That looks really good.

The American Hustle, David O. Russell's coming back. That's going to be good. God damn. What about the Wolf of Wall Street? Yeah. You know what, for whatever people want to say about Scorsese and DiCaprio right now, Scorsese can still deliver a better, bad Scorsese is still better than half the shit that's out there right now.

Now, three quarters of this shit. That is good. Caprio is so good from so many different situations. The more I watch him, I can't knock him. Everybody always finds a knock in these guys. I can't knock Tom Cruise. I can't knock him. You know what is Scientology, whatever, but I don't pay him for Scientology.

I pay the $12 to go see him jump off a building with a fucking Scientology shirt on the Cape. I don't fucking pay the $20 to see, you know, to hear about that. So was that, I have a great time. And every time, you know, there's two movies of his that have always pushed me over the top. The Marine one, what he did with the fucking Jack Nicholson, because he didn't miss a beat. A good movie, if you really think about it.

And the one he did with Jamie Fox. I like that when he goes into the Japanese bar and he shoots up the ball. That training he had to fucking, he did some great shooting in that. He's a phenomenal in that. He really is. And he's a tiny guy, and he drinks protein shakes all day. I don't give a fuck about this. I'm talking about when I go sit there for two hours.

I get two hours in my fucking money's work. The same thing with motherfucking Denzel. And believe it or not, I get the same satisfaction with Brad Pitt. Obviously, I don't like a lot of the roles he picks sometimes. Like a lot of people don't. But for the most part, I'll sit there and give him the hour and a half. I'll tell you who else I used to give an hour and a half to it. Everything, Mel Gibson.

And some of the shit that his best work could, first of all, his best movie is the one he did with the chick from Carrie, when they're going to take the farm. That's his best movie. Oh, oh, Cissy Space. The River. The River. That's one of these best movie.

God damn. That's an old motherfucker. I ain't fucking around with you. I ain't fucking around with you. You people look at me and go like that, Joey, that's not even in your genre. You bet your fucking ass is in my genre. It's a fucking good movie. You watch Sissy's...

You know, they just did the remake of Carrie. And when I saw that, I got to be honest, I was hurt. Especially after I read the book on writing. You know, I told you about that, right? That he was writing. He was a janitor at the time. And he wrote about a tampon box. Yeah.

And then he wrote about some telekinesis. and he wrote a couple of pages. He threw it in the garbage. And the next day he got home and he's seen this script on the counter. His wife, because I read that that was pretty good. Keep writing it. That was the first script he ever wrote.

So I'm thinking about it. And I got this big respect for Carrie. Then I watched it. It came on one night. Travolta's a fucking Carrie. At the high of their fucking career, Travolta did like two days on carry, bro. Right?

He did two days on carry. Well, he was still, I think he would still do when Welcome Back Carter when he did that. This was tough. This was like a big-time movie. And this fucking Carrie as a kid Another one I saw at the unit Because you're going home

You're like oh that's about a retarded girl That sent waves through the end And burnt the high school done And you're getting ready to go to your popcorn And Steinberg, Steeleberg's wife Comes walking with the flowers You remember this? I don't see the original

Because walking to the house With the flowers And you're like, what the fuck's going on? They show the house with Carrie lived burnt Like a Jew burnt it To the stone And there's a cross And it says fuck you bitch

die in hell. Because everybody in the neighborhood thought she was a witch. And that's what happened. The school burnt down when they played a trick on her at the spot the prom. She killed everybody. She killed everybody. The parents travolped on the road. She killed the fight. The only one who lived was the chick.

Amy Irvin. Amy Irvin was the only person. So you see Amy Irvin walking through this thing and she's about to put flowers in the grave and Carrie's hand comes out and grabs a dog. I remember that as clear as yesterday how everything the movie to you

I mean everybody. Yeah. And then you hear, ah, ah, ah, and she's like, call the doctor that's a dream. Her having a dream, Amy,

or everything. And that's how that movie fucking ended. And one that I'm doing a son comedy at one of these fucking hellhose, and what do I fucking see? They did a remake of it

with the mother. Corey Goreett. And my heart stopped. I was like, you can't make a remake of this. That's one movie. That's a no-no right there. That's a big mistake right there.

Yeah. That's now, you motherfuckers are not of control. That's... Yeah. If you don't believe me, he wants the fucking original. That's all we got for you here. The church. What's happening now? I want to give a shout out to On it. Always. Fucking Hulu Plus. Always. Dollar Shave Club for being the best that they can be for taking care of you people.

That's why we stand behind them. Don't forget this weekend. Caluca Casino Friday night. Saturday, Tom Segora and me. Also Kaluka Tom Sigora, but Saturday also in Eugene, Oregon. At the motherfucker McDonald's theater, all right? Lee, I'm surprised you're not going there. McDonald's. You're dropping off a fucking helicopter, cocksucker landing the playground.

How long have you been off McDonald's for? For a while. I've had Wendy's a couple times because I like that. Did you relapse? A couple times, yeah. I mean, but fucking dating a Mexican girl and the mom is making me plates of Angeladas and making me take it home.

That's good enough. That's perfect. How are you going to eat at Wendy? You've got to eat a salad once you're married to a Mexican chick and balance you out. You don't know the chicks on who cook heavy duty for you Friday through Sunday. Yeah.

Why are you stopping at wind? You should be at home eating peanuts. It seems to be allergic. You know what I'm not allergic to peanuts? I'm looking out for you, Cox. You want this banana? No, that fucking banana is weird. No, no, this is terrorism banana.

You like it? They dip it in hummus. I eat that. At 7-Eleven. I give that a try. Which one of my hoes is calling me? This should. Don't be calling me.

Thank you for coming. That's fun. Hey, thank you for having me. I appreciate it. It was good times. Every time I, every time I deal with this fucking mania, this crazy. I have a good time. It's fun. Thank you.

Thank you, Rick. I've known you a long time. You look good. I'm happy you came by today. I wanted you to be here with Mr. Peter Siegel call. That was great. That was a great fucking call. I know the podcast went along for you, but fuck you, you motherfuckers. We got to do our thing every once in a while. It's not all about you motherfuckers.

We got to do this for us, too. You're lucky. I love you, Cucks. Lee, give me a kiss. Tomluck. Let me love these people. I love you guys. How about you, though? You love these guys. I love you guys. Thank you for the support. Thank you for the love.

I'm just here for you. the church of what's happened now. I thought I went that way. Read it. Read it. Don't just sit there looking at it. I don't know. I can't get your cock suck.

So fucking hot. Now that this show is over, don't forget to sign up for your free trial of Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus does you binge on thousands of its shows. Anytime, anywhere, on a TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. From now on when you slip, I'm going to have your father come back up for fucking 18 days. Cucks up. And sit here and give me the eyeball from the couch.

You understand me? No more. I got his direct line, then. I got mine. I'll send them direct. I'll just tell him, listen, we don't know you're coming just showing me. He wants you to come over Saturday at 8 in the morning.

He's going to surprise me. You're out here with your robot, listen to Mexican music. You're not going to fuck it as a son. And you're like, ah, she runs into the bedroom. She's calling the mother. There's an old guy over here, come over here and jump on him. He's got money.

Oh, geez. That's where you went with it? Yeah. I hope your dad ends up with the mother. Oh, my God. The whole family, forget. That's the worst idea. on Mexican vacations.

You get kidnapped. We'll have to get that Zell Washington. You got a fucking deal. Read the idea. Will you listen to me full? I have no idea. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus.

When you go to Huluplus.com slash Joey or go to JoeyDiaz.net and click on the Hulu Plus banner. And don't forget to sign up for Dollar Shaveclub.com. You get high quality razors sent to your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail.

Now go to Dollar Shaveclub.com forward slash church or just go to Joey Diaz.com. Click on the dollar-shaped club banner. Thank you. Little wheels of confusion. Oh shit. Send it on home cuckers. If you got heroin now is the time.

If you've got oxymocott, now is the time. I know you've been holding out. You're like, fucking, I need a situation to bust out for. Well, this is it. Wednesday afternoon. Sabbath, wheels of motherfucking confusion.

Run for that little grandma's purse. Fuck that shit. She ain't gonna need it.