The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 12/05/2012 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #36

Episode Date: December 6, 2012

Joey and Lee talk about the Son's of Anarchy Finale, taking chances in life, and we get another surprise visit from Mrs. Diaz. Joey also shows everyone where he got the saying, "Stay Black" from. Joey's friend Sal Polisi calls in to talk about his new book and his time in the mob.  This show is brought to you by Onnit.com Use the Promo code CHURCH for an extra discount. Streamed live on 12/05/12

Shit. It's that motherfucking day. It's that motherfucking time. Wednesday, December 5th. A little bee. Kick it Lee. Brothers and sisters. What? Singers while I'm singing. What? Know what I know when while the black man's sweating. Are you fucking kidding me or what? Jews are sweating. Cubans are sweating. Wasp are sweating. Fucking brothers, Puerto Ricas. What's up, Lee, Lee, Leland? Not much. I'm feeling great. Welcome to the church of what's happening. Now I'm Joey Cocoa Diaz,

to co-host the fucking backbone of the organization, the flying fucking Jew, Lysayat, five or four days away from Janaka, his fucking smile. Look at him, he's all ready to go to the temple. He's getting his white shoes ready. He goes to temple. Fuck it. He's going to go lure some young girls

with little fucking dollar bills with fishing hooks on him. So when they bend over, he pulls, and that's an old Jew trick, too. We'll have to cover that in latter episodes. What's going on, Lysayat? You're looking good? I'm feeling good. great. You've been doing the new mood?

I have. I've been doing the new mood. You're sleeping better, I can tell you. You look a little better. You got a little bit more in your doing something. I'll tell you what, man. I've been going to this kickboxing place. And they make you jump rope. You know, they make you jump a lot of rope in between sets and shit. Let me tell you something. The first two days my feet were hurting the bones of my feet. Oh, really?

Those little skinny fucking bones are picking up 300 fucking pounds of fat and all the other shit that's in my body. And I'll tell you what, the new bone, the strong bone, new bone. The strong bone is taking a lot of that pain away. So that shit is working. So I feel real good. Go to Omit, see what's going on, read about the fucking products, read about what the fuck you're doing,

see what the hell you're doing with your fitness plan and fit it in there. There's something for you over there, whether it's a strong bone. The hep protein is fucking delicious. And I tell you, when I fart and stuff, it don't smell. Like, if you fart with that other type of protein,

your birds don't smell. Oh, you cut a fucking fart with that soy protein or one of that yuck up, whatever the fuck it is. Your ass smells so bad. Even when you take your jeans off, the fart filters to your ass like a coffee filter. So the stink stays in your jeans,

especially if you walk Commando, the fucking little brown marking your jeans like somebody's little fucking fire. You go Camando? All the time. I try not to, but what are you going to do? I hate the feeling of my jeans and my underwear slipping.

Oh, I hate no underwear. Like, I'll wear it like seven days. I'll wear two years underwear. I hate not having fresh underwear. Let me tell you something. For years, I wore underwear. And when I was broke all those years, you got to do what you.

You got to do it. It's either cocaine or underwear. And I chose the fucking cocaine, so I learned how to run without fucking underwear. That's how you got to do it once in a while. But it's fucking Wednesday, Lee. It's a beautiful day to be alive. We got some good stuff on that Monday podcast with Patarton to Tico. You know, I don't like put.

I'm just trying to give you the best of what's fucking out there. Today, I got a great movie for you. We're going to go over. We got a couple jams. We got my man, Sal Lubots calling in. Sal Polisi X. fucking Gambino associate. went into the witness relocation plan

I had him on the other podcast He's a great guy I love him He's got a book that's out The Sinatra Club So I want to talk to you about that Here we go So nobody fucking has to come

Me crying It was the season finale Last night The Suns of Anarchy So Suns of Anarchy alert Turn your shit off Okay I had a conversation

A couple weeks ago With some people in Arizona And we're talking about Suns of Anarchy And I said something to them That you know It's a good show but it's got a lot of holes.

But they can only do so much and I don't want to fucking have. Every show is holes. You know, I love the characters of Gemma. I love fucking Jackstella. I like the Irish dude. I like Bobby Elvis. I like Clay even I like...

I mean, I like a lot of the characters, and I like the people who play them. A lot of times I can't watch a certain show because I don't like one fucking character. I can't even watch the fucking guy. This season, I mean, I got into Sunday Anarchy by mistake last year. It's not like I've been into them since day one.

going to sit here, rah, right, I knew, no, I didn't fucking know. What happened was when I got convicted on that kidnapping thing, the guy who really turned States evidence on me, he was a biker. So I always had a bad taste of my mind about bikers, but then I come years later, he was just an associate, hung out at the fucking place with him. He was no fucking biker. This guy had a tricycle and attached to him to fuck yourself.

But the main thing was that I started watching the show, and I could see how they turned. It was like a sort of soprano type thing. Without the this, they got the white, involved and I don't like that that you tell your wife shit where you're gonna do who you're gonna go kill as part of an old lady I don't like that language but whatever but I do like the characters and I like the violence I like the drugs like the guns you know I know Emilia which I'm gonna try to get next

week the guy that plays the president of Mayans you know I see the machete at different fucking functions that I do like for comedy I do functions for this organization he's always part of it so I became fans of the show and I tell you what man last night was a great fucking show First off, I always knew he was in the fucking ice Damon Pope. I knew Damon Pope wasn't going to get away with that. Even in the commercial last week when they showed, whoever does the editing for the Jack's car,

for the Sun's Anarchy commercial, very good. He leaves you fucking, he fucks you up. He confuses the shit out of the people. They really confused the shit out of people with their upcoming trailers. I knew he was going to kill fucking Damon Pope, and he killed him fucking beautifully. I wish you would have shot him in the ball first to make them suffer and then shot him in each eyeball, you know,

because the guy who lit his fucking daughter on fire. Oh, no. I would have made the best out of this fucking guy. But that's just me. The scene where, you had, listen, in 19, whatever, and we're going to cover this movie. A movie called Midnight Express was one of the last movies I seen before my mother died, and it was fucking traumatizing.

It's about a young guy, Brad, whatever, that goes to Turkey and tries. Did you ever see it, bro? No, obviously. You're probably too busy jumping up and down watching some fucking movie with I'm Zem's Eye. and the other skinny guy from the office with the cigarette. Wow. Comedy fucking brilliant. So, what was I talking about? Midnight Express.

Midnight Run. Midnight Run. I'm sorry. Midnight Express. I'm sorry. He's about a guy who goes to get hash. I don't pop too early. Yeah, I know I'm fucked up. But one of the scenes that's really memorizing is that the guy ratted him out in the jail. And he threw up fucking beating on this guy.

And at the end, he bites his fucking tongue out and spits it in the fucking air. And you see the tongue, you see the blood on the guy. I said, last night there was a scene. and the sons of anarchy, where Kurt Suda, who's in jail, the writer, executive producer, he plays a biker that's in jail and he stabbed the chick and Donald Logger's hunting him down now. Last night he can't testify. He bit his own fucking tongue on.

So that was the show in the middle. And it was a terrible fucking tongue. It was like a Puerto Rican's tongue. It was small and shit. But I tell you what, man, it got me. They threw clay in jail. You know, it was too much of a scam. I mean, it's a great season hook.

I don't know when it comes on again. If people watch it, if you don't watch it, it's a good. Great show. I don't get paid to talk about it, but it's the only real show I watch on TV besides Breaking Bad or whatever. Breaking Bad on a weird direction this year. The fucking zombie one scares the fuck

out of me. Well, Walking Dead, yeah. Yeah, it scares the shit out of me. Star Trek used to scare the shit out of me as a kid. Just the beginning. Just that song, oh. It scares you? Take that shit off.

Put the fucking news on. I love the news. I love Diane Sawyer, you know. Oh, yeah. 6.30, I fucking watched Diane Sawyer. I don't want to hear about nothing. It's like before. when I was hugging Lulu and you guys are talking about computers.

I don't give a fuck. I'm hugging Lulu. When I hug Lulu, it's to hear her go, she never meows that cat. That cat never meows until you give her love. When you scratch her back and get it all wound up, you hear, eh. What's up, Lee Lee, Leeland?

You're going home for fucking the holidays. It's already the fourth. So what do you have? I got 20 days. 20 fucking days. Three weeks, you're going to go home. You're going to go to a New England game. You've got to see Mama.

Yeah. And think of four days before. you're going to get the biggest driller you fucking when he bit his time yesterday yeah uh Kurt Sutter i thought about you after the chick farts in your face because maybe you'll get a little particle of shit on your tongue i'll have to bite it off and you just fucking oh yo yo yo you just you just bite that fucking tongue off it'll be on the floor with that little yum fucking movie fucking shit on your tongue people keep sending us pictures of all put the chick that's oh the chick yesterday we're going to send her a plane ticket that's because i'm gonna get a fat chick to fart

in your face a little hot chick to fart in your face you can tell the hot chick's or worse, they probably eat nothing but salads. Yeah, so we're going to get to the Pepsi channel. At least the fat black chickies, Popeye's chicken with that fucking, the little rice they got, the crazy rice from there. I don't know. Ooh. The farts that come out of your asses, but they give the

fucking Arabs when they fucking torture people and shit. And what the fuck is it with this shit that Arab people think I hate them? They always send me little tweets like, bro, what? Listen, I am not, I don't hate Arabs at all. I don't hate nobody like that

at all. Like I've told you on this podcast a thousand times. I am racially insensitive. But I am not fucking racist. I hang out with Armenians out here. I hang out with fucking Lebanese. What's Mars? I don't even look at that shit, people. I think I'm Iranian. I fuck around.

I talk about, I mean, yeah, I do I do fucking hate the smell a stinky fucking curry. And I do hate when people don't wear fucking deodorant. And I do hate when I smell somebody's fucking toes in a store when they're crusty. That's the Hindus. Their fucking toes are crusty.

But that don't mean I hate them. It just means they got stinky fucking toes. That's all that means, you know. My toes fucking stink. We don't see rubbing them on my feet or putting sandals on them, making you tolerate looking at my fucking toes. Because that's not how I roll. I don't like looking at fucking guys,

though. And I have the sandals on, like half of fucking fags. It drives me crazy. What if there's a war right now, and you're walking around like Pepey to pee with fucking sandals, like a surfer? What if Godzilla jumped out of that fucking Pacific? And you've got to run.

And you got those fagging? He fucking flip-flops on with those hoofs and your toes are all purple like mine. I don't want to show, when I go to yoga and that yoga teacher walks by me, I fucking cringe because she got to look at my feet. One day she picked the bottoms of them up and I fucking almost died. You know, I almost fucking died. I don't want nobody seeing my feet. I want nobody touching my feet.

I don't even want, you know, I put socks on underwater. So I'm guessing you don't have a foot fetish. What do you mean a foot fetish? Like you like, I like looking at girls feet like, but I don't want them touching me. I don't want to know when my wife's foot touches me It drives me fucking crazy I don't like feet touching me I don't want them close

And I don't want you jerking off me With your fucking filthy feet I like your feet Put some makeup on them You know the toenail polish Yeah polish them up a little bit Take that corn toll off We'll fucking lay in bed

But don't touch me Your fucking feet right That's why I don't go to Jiuitsu That's it I can't stand men's feet Or people's feet Or asses or guys styes I can't have that

And the people I have around me Got to be in fucking showers I don't like that shit. People coming in from work with that rotten ass and you want to do jujitsu with that foot that smells like fucking a cheese bar. I don't need that shit, though. I'd love to take you to the high school wrestling practice

because no one showers before. Oh, no, no. You're in school for eight hours a day. Fuck the middle and after with that rotten ass. Guys fucking just smell as a purport. Yeah, we all smell. I smell my fucking balls. That's horror.

That's fucking horror. That's horror when you scratch your nuts and time. You're like, whoa, what the fuck. You know, I'm going to have that because you want to do a fucking triangle. I got to have your foot or your foot, your stinky dead foot's in your work boot all day, and then you want to take it to jihitsu and not wash your feet. I can't have that. But on the night that the girl farts in my face, I want big country to come and put you in a triangle with the feet in your face.

And then it'll be fair. Like, they're big UFC guys. Listen, let's just worry about the fart in your face. That's fair now. And the emergency putting you in the ambulance in time. Don't worry about the fucking whatever the fuck. So that's my whole thing. I don't hate nobody.

You know, it's real interesting. I want to show a movie this week that I'm sure people don't like. The movie I'm going to show you guys this week, people don't like. But it's a movie that hit home with me. Big fucking time. And I can't get into it now. How about a little fucking Madonna for these people to roll them into this shit? Because a lot of people are saying, Joey, what the fuck?

How are you going to do Madonna for me? Let me tell you something. I was looking at something the other day. And I was realizing that this year is, 30th anniversary, 2013, if the world doesn't end, 2013 is the 30th anniversary of Madonna's first album. Now, I don't know about the third album. I don't know about this other shit that came on.

I don't know when she burned Jesus with the cross and the Pepsi commercial. I don't know nothing about that, but I do know Madonna's first album is fucking solid. And for you motherfuckers that were kids or you don't know, let me tell you something. It was Michael Jackson, Bruce Springsteen, and Madonna. And Madonna was fucking dumb right up.

I mean Madonna was in there from 83 to 85 Hit it Lee A little fuck in the end of burning up When she's over there talking about Eating mufflers and shit Hit it Lee Come on let's go It's fucking Wednesday

Get out of bed motherfucker Tell fear to suck your dick It's your day You're going out there slinging dick Fucking fear Fear Fear can't exist in the church of what's happening now Kick it Lee

Put that motherfucker loud We gotta get some am stressed to Lee Wiggle Funker Joe Oh shit, oh shit I'm not the elements, I do anything Oh shit I got no shame I'm on fire

What's the ass, though? She's on fire Golly Ooh, yeah I'm burning it up Come on, come on I'm brun-a-da-da-oh Oh, yeah

I'm burning up Kill it. We wiggle, fun. Hit it. Oh, shit. Turn that shit off. These motherfuckers don't know that. We own Madonna first. Then the gays jumped on board.

The fuck you think you're dealing with. I would never have gotten you all the worst for Madonna. Oh, the first album? Listen, bro. Like, I tell you, motherfuckers, we could fuck around and we could talk about this or that. And I could tell you what you guys want to fucking hear. That's not why I do a podcast. I'm not going to fucking sit here and tell you this is why.

I do a podcast to fucking tell you what inspired. me the pieces and fucking Madonna in 82 and 83 when I was living in Colorado I wasn't even dancing anymore I was you know I went to clubs to slain dick I would take Quaylew get a grandma blow with four my buddies and going to fucking studio 54 on a Thursday not when Mick Jagger was there and all that shit Thursday night's a friend of mine had noose door guy so he let us in we were 1819 and I was so coked up in studio 54 with a friend of my mic and we had pockets full of coke but we had no cash we were supposed to sell the Coke we had.

We were doing it instead of selling it. So we really had no cash. In those days, and I remember looking on the floor and seeing a $100 bill one time on a Thursday night, it was like Jesus fucking flew by with an angel and just dropped the yardstick. I'd never fucking forget that.

But that's why I went out for us. So when I moved to Aspen in 83, I was pretty content. I didn't like going to the Stonebridge and listen to some fucking band play, fucking Len it's getting it. So a buddy of mine goes, bro, do you have this new Madonna, cassette? And I was like, what are you talking about?

And like, you got to listen to this thing. And I went over and I got the fucking cassette. The first out, physical attraction, this. Say what the fuck you want to say? Let me tell you something about Madonna. And here's the craziest thing ever. When I was in high school, my senior year, on Saturdays we'd go to Joan Marys,

and then we'd go out. We'd go to clubs like the rooftop. I don't even remember the fucking names. That was never really my big thing. I went along because I was out. We had blow. What was I going to do? I was going to go home to what?

I didn't have a home. I was sleeping on somebody's floor, so I might as well go out to a club in the city. Yeah. And I remember going to a club one night, and the next week, you know, they were like, did you remember that singer, that girl?

Because usually in those clubs, they had no bands. It was just a DJ. And then at one point in the night, he'd say, ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention, please. We have a new recording artist from whatever,

and you'd sit there all coked out going, what the fuck is this? We got a new girl coming up. She's going to sing. a song for you and she'd sing the fucking song and you clap and you go back to trying to get a piece of pussy you know what I'm saying you didn't give a fuck well years later somebody told me that girl one night we went to the garage or whatever disco was was Madonna singing wow so I had seen Madonna I just didn't know who the fuck it was yeah if I don't really care I'm gonna lie to you people

I saw I don't fucking remember this was years later friends of mine told me but madonna was huge bro from 83 and 85 they gave her a movie desperately seeking Susan and she was huge huge She was selling out Madison Square Garden. Every fucking young, every young hooker that's 43 now suck the dick to a Madonna song. If you're 45, you suck some dick to Madonna songs, whether it's borderline. I'm telling you, I know for a fact, that was cocaine music.

That was straight up. You know how many times I ate ass, listen to Burning Up for your love, putting a Coke rock in her asshole and eating it. And we had them first. The killers had Madonna first. Then the gays jumped on board. Yeah, at first, and they weren't gay. At first it was a couple fags that weren't the fucking Madonna.

but then they came on the gays jumped up and down Madonna was the first one to cross over She's the real king of the fucking fags That's why I love Madonna And she's still doing great She just recently my friend went in Saur In Boston she sold out where the Celtics play Like last month

A dog She's got she is Twitter She's got 80 million fucking Twitter people Oh Jesus Madonna's been around for 30 years And she's done some things She's controversial I can't cop to any of those shit

I don't like that that world Where oh my God and this and Madonna But you know one minute she's a Jew one minute she's a Catholic, one minute she's reading the cabala, but those are choices you make along the line. We don't know that. We have to live through them. See how you come to terms of your success.

So I don't know, I'm not her. I know that she must have 80 fucking people around her brother wrote a book about her. She was dating that gangster in Miami for a while that bought Club Liquid. We'll go over that books in time. I mean, you know, there's so many fucking angles of this that Madonna did. I'm not talking about that shit. I'm not talking about her politics. I'm not talking about who she runs with.

You know, a lot of people know she was married to Sean Penn. Oh, yeah, yeah. I thought I do at close range on here? Yeah, right? I think so. When was that? At close range is Christopher Walker. Oh, yeah.

You showed that one part of it. Right. Well, that whole movie, the soundtrack is Madonna, to tell, which is a fucking great jam. Okay. It's one of the greatest fucking jams I've heard in a long time. You know, we got UFC this weekend. Too bad I'm not doing pre-car.

Like on Thursday, I'll probably call in a... My man Jack over at my man Jack Bratcher. Good fucking dude. Wanted me to do a podcast Thursday night, but I'm shooting Thursday. I'm shooting all this week. So I can't do shit. I'm doing a set Friday inside at the ice.

I have to laugh at you. That's all I got because I can't. I've been busy all fucking week. Yeah. Trying to put the shit together, Lee Lee Leelie Leeling, you bad motherfucker Lee's leaving for a week. Yeah, my one week off of here. We got to do some fucking podcast.

And what are you got to do? You got plans with this girl. Yeah, I'm going to see her. and I'm going to see friends and I'm just excited to do nothing because like I said I work 51 weeks a year for like five or six days a week and I'm ready

to do nothing. And you ain't seen nothing, cock's up you're only 24 so stop complaining. I'm not complaining I'm just ready. 51? I work 51 weeks a year or you're 24. What are you going to do when you're 40 and you still got 25 years of doing this stuff? That's why I'm excited to do stuff I like. This is why I say

to you motherfuckers to write. You got to do shit you like but you got to start now and that's why we do the podcast on a year. You don't have to work no more. Hopefully we could do something. We could shoot another movie involved some people. Maybe this thing with the black chick. I told you, you're going to make three minutes.

From one fart to the face. Look at what's her name. Look at what she did with a sex video. You've got to be the first fucking guy ever to take a fart to the face. You're going to put it on pay-per-view. You're going to make a documentary about the chick and their intestines and the whole fucking deal. Who's better than you? That's true.

Who's fucking better than you? But that's actually something I wanted to talk to you about. What do you want to talk about? It's something that. you did when you made the choice to leave Colorado and your family and do comedy, I have a friend who's moving out here in January, and

people give me and other people shit from moving out to, like, L.A., and they're like, oh, well, everyone's out there, and so I'm never going to make it, or you're never going to make it, and you should just stay here and have a normal job. I couldn't imagine. It gets me angry because she would say, oh, because her brother's out here, and he wanted to be an actor,

but he hasn't made it in two years, so he's soured on it. It pisses me off when, like, I couldn't imagine being 40 and still having 25 years left at the insurance company. And it's great and a lot of people do it. But people, I get mad when people give me or other people shit who are actually trying to do something. So like you moved without your daughter.

Even your family gives you shit. Yeah. Even your family. When you go to that dinner table the first night and you're like eating and you go, guess what, guys, I'm thinking I'm becoming a fucking cartooner or whatever, you know, whatever. I'm just saying. Anyways, anything. I want to move to L.A.

My friend told me about the school in L.A. get housing. What's the first thing you get? You're not going to get a congratulations. Yeah. You're going to get California. What the fuck is out? What wrong with you? Don't you know those people that live out there all fucking faggots? They're walking around smoking dope with sandals on? You know, it's a big orgy. Don't you see it on Baywatch? I mean, the resistance is amazing. As a matter of fact, you give yourself resistance, which is the fear I talk about the tell or suck your dick. Listen, man, what if, what if? This is what happened to me. I got out of prison. I got into comedy. I didn't get along with that girl.

I was married to, I had a wife and a fucking kid. I wasn't happy. I wasn't happy in that fucking house, and that happens, people. Only society fucking tells you about what your life has to be. You could follow the path that you want to, or the one society tells you. Society tells you, go to college, you marry some chick, you know, at least when you're 18, at 50, I'm telling you, I didn't know what the fuck I want to do with 18. Nobody knows.

I don't go fuck what they tell you. Very few are very successful and do know what they want to do with 18. You go to college, you pick a major, you come out, you know, you take this now after 10 years after you've gotten your major. I'm sorry, you don't even want to do this anymore. You're like, what the fuck? I have four years. Now I've got to go on.

I can do this. And this is where you come in. This is where you come in. College, look at what they're saying now, that people graduating from college and they have no work. College was never really a guarantee that anything was going to happen in your life. All college is to prove to yourself that you could do something for four years. When people hire you,

it's not they don't hire you because of your degree, your 4.0 GPA. They hire you because you did something for four years. You stuck to something, which is very hard to do with 18. It's very difficult to do with 18, but not to get you off the subject now. There's people that do that, Doggly, they get married, and they see life for what it is. And they snap. I'm 24.

I'm working 51 hours a week. You know, I work 51 weeks a year. I'm making this money. I'm not starving. I'm at the 60% bracket of at least I'm working. A lot of people aren't fucking working. I don't know if this is just people please don't holler. It's probably higher than that.

You know, how lucky am I? But this is not what I want to do. Jesus Christ, you know how many of that happens to people all the time. But can you imagine not wanting to do what you went to college for now in this economy and taking a chance? Must be fucking scary. And the girl called me and she said, she has two jobs. She works at a pizza place and at her old home of a house. A bold person's home.

And she said, while I have $2,000, I saved up to move. But I have these student loans. Should I just put that money towards that and stay here? And do what? Work at the pizza place? Listen, in life, you have to take a chance. Yeah.

You guys remember when I first started this podcast with Lee? We had Mike Kessler call. I'm not having a call again to tell you fucking guys a story. He started a new career at 65. Oh, the guy with the band. The guy with the band. I've known Mike for 20 years. We smoke crack together.

We snowed a Coke together. we ate pills together. I'm telling you guys, this guy woke up one dance and I'm not doing this no more selling. I'm taking my pension. I'm going to start a band and he's in New York struggling in the house, living with his brother in a two-bedroom, doing what I did 30 fucking years ago, struggling, living in a car to get your word out, to get your dream out. Guys, don't get stuck. Fuck your family. Fuck your pee. Anybody who tells you against your dream is not looking. This is why you can't go to your family and tell them you want to do something. They don't put your dream down because

they think you're a failure. They put your dream down because they're scared for you. Okay, they're all scared for us. Nobody wants, if my wife comes to me tomorrow goes, I'm thinking I'm moving to Alaska to fucking dig oil. I'll give him my blessing. I love my wife, but I'm scared for her. At an adult age,

can you imagine when you're 18, your kid comes in a room and says to you, he wants to go to fucking California to draw pictures? But think of if you didn't do this. Think of what your life would be at 50 if you didn't take a chance. That's where the alcoholism comes in That's where the weight comes in

That's where the sadness and the fucking sorrow come in So you've got to take a chance When you're a young person An old person Listen man it's never too fucking You're never too fucking old Mick Jagger's 64 Spinning around on fucking stage

What does that tell you Yeah he's a greedy fuck You know He's charging 800 a ticket But think about it You gotta go for whatever it is I had nothing to lose This day when I had no family

You know Josh Wolf called in He said that thing about I would say if something happens, I'll take the fall. Just take care of me because I had no family. I know what it is to have family of them to come see you. I was a single guy. I wanted to be Charles Brunson fucking anyway. But I couldn't imagine living my life waking up at 48, not trying to stand-up comedy.

Yeah, what do you think would have happened if you made it work with the wife or even made it work being divorced and had the daughter and you were still roofing and maybe doing comedy once a weekend? I would have a stroke by now. think so? Yeah, because the drugs by now. Oh, you don't think you would have got off of the drugs? No, because I wouldn't have found my true love. Okay. Once you find your true love, that cancels everything. Once you find your true love and you see it's arrived and you see what you need to do, you have a choice. Now you have a choice

to me. You are good at something. I never knew I was good at anything or even close decent. The best I ever felt was 2005 when I got the longest yard. And then, when nothing came after that because of my cocaine use and my attitude, that's when I fucking caved. And then I got strong from that, I realized I always had that. No matter what you say to me, when I go back to North Bergen,

they could say, hey, man, you were a thief, you were a loser. You know what? I put all those things together and I got into an Adam Sandler movie, which is very hard to do. Now, you look at me and go enjoy, but that's not success.

It's success for me, for where I came from. You know, just me walking around in L.A., that's success for me. Even if I was broke, I was happy because I'm like, I'm in the fucking major leagues.

I'm Tom Berringer in Major League. I'm a catcher that makes the league minimum. Which we're going to go over that movie. Major League is one of the greatest fucking movies of all time. Never mind, we throw the sports angle into it. Tom Barringer, bad motherfucker, especially in Major League.

All of them, all of them, from the black dude to fucking the coach. The coach. You want to come working at a tire store? I don't know. Some guy. bother me on the phone you know just there the the chicks that we're going to go over major fucking league but to me I could have died after the longest yard and I

would have been happy because I proved everybody wrong I proved the people wrong that I did comedy with I proved a bunch of agents wrong I proved a lot of people for me but I have more to say and that's why I do the podcast so man if you got a dream fucking go for it who gives a fuck you're the one that's got to go to the supermarket you're the one that's got to put gas in your car you're the one that's going to have to live in your fucking car. I'm reading on writing by Stephen King right now. Oh my

God. You know, he was working in a high school or some shit and he went into a girl's bathroom to clean the bathroom with another janitor. Yeah. This is after he got his degree. He thought about, he's seen the box next to a woman's

urinal and he asked a guy what that box was for and it's to plug your pussy, the tampon box that they put next to the toilet. Yeah. And he had an idea about teenage girls in a shower with the one girl bleeding from a pussy and a bunch of girls throwing tampons on him. And then he went home, and he read an article about telekinesis.

And he thought about young kids that had been tested that could move objects with their things. And he started writing a script. And that script, and he hated it because the character's name was Carrie White. And he took the script after he wrote a couple pages. I don't know exactly. Don't quote me in this.

And he threw it away, guys. and fucking his wife the next day he came home this is the shit that makes me wake up in the morning's the next day he came home from work at the jail of the place and his wife was dusting off the script from the garbage he had cigarette ashes on it and shit he's dusting the script off it and it was carry the movie carry the movie guys the movie carried the one that fucking the chick that were John Travolta and the other it was the movie Carrie for the eight time and he fucking ends up selling

it for $400,000 in 1970 something, which is like $4 million today. So he had these two ideas and he put them together and it became Carrie. You ever see Carrie? No. No. Why would you? You're too busy watching

fucking Romeo and Juliet with Puerto Ricans or something like that. I'm talking about this is the shit that makes you go, Jesus, he took a chance. When you take a chance in your life. He took a chance. And he didn't believe in it. Fear took over. He threw it away. He came back, his wife, handsomness, and she's like, you have to finish writing this. And he goes, why? I don't know about teenage girls. And she goes, I'll help you. And it became

Carrie. And then while he fucking sold Carrie the book, he sold the book, he fucking was writing a book called The Shining. And he realized that the Shining was about him, that he was an alcoholic. He was drinking so much and doing so much. fucking blow. But in there there was a genius and he tapped into it. So guys, no matter what position you're in, where you're at in the fucking world right now, what you're thinking, bro, you're a fucking, you got the world by the balls. Trust me, I'm telling you. You got the world by the fucking balls. It's amazing. You just got to take a chance. You're not going to know anything unless you take a fucking chance,

Lee. So tell your girlfriend to pack a fucking bags, take the $2,000, buy a big fucking joint, roll it, pack a car, and go to the drive. Not to the driveway, but to the entrance, to the turnpike. Whatever the fuck get you out here? Pull over and smoke a drain. Look at that fucking city. Spit on the floor, get in your car. Throw on Led Zeppel and go west, motherfucker.

Take a chance. Yeah, well, it's a different girl, but I actually told her that because when I was driving out here, I had everything I owned in my car, and I had a panic attack in Connecticut. I was fine. We all do. We all fucking do, man. I had to pull over on the side of the road to Connecticut. And I was like, everything.

And I was homeless. Well, I wasn't homeless, but when I got out here, I didn't have a place to live, so I stayed in the hotel for a week. Yeah, we all did. And I was like, holy. I was like, everything I owned is in my motherfucking car. And I could have gone and worked at the TV station in Boston and had a nice apartment. But, I mean, I did still do that. Yeah, I could still do that. But it took me two years, and now I'm finally making enough money why I don't have to do that math. Like, shit, I have $100 to the next paycheck or whatever.

It took me two years, but I'm fucking... It's fucking amazing, though. It's amazing what I happen. happens when you fucking give yourself a chance. When you really say to yourself, you know what? I'm not going to think. Because the more you think about going for something, the more your dreams get crushed.

I mean, I ain't going to lie to you. The more you think about something, you know, when I sit here and go, yeah, me and Lisa write a script, nah, Lee's a bum, I'm a bum. I mean, your little self-fear comes in and crushes your fucking dreams. You know, you're like, what the fuck am I doing with my life?

But it's like, I can't believe I had the balls to stick this out. But I didn't have balls to stick this out, guys. I had nowhere else to go. Yeah. I couldn't quit. At 38, what was I going to do? Go back to Boldren, do what? Try to rekindle my relationship with my daughter and do what?

Get a job working for $10 an hour. At $400 a week, I would die of debt. I'd be happy. I'd probably be not really. I don't know what I would. Be content. But I know that I rather wake up every morning at zero and take a chance every fucking morning. That's just me. That's how I was raised. Take a chance. Do something. I rather know that today I can make $50 or I can make $500. It's up to me. Even if it's selling

paint cans, you know, I did a movie for some girl. And the movie was nothing. Nothing ever happened with it. But one of the producers was a guy that had false teeth, you know. And he was a really good-looking guy. He looked like he was good-looking. It was still. started talking and he had been on television in LA in the 70s or whatever the shit was and you know like everybody else in this business he lost and he got hooked on a coping he lost his house he lost his family his cars and he said he walked out of a rehab at 49 years old with no teeth the shoes they gave him in 113 dollars and he said he moved into his friend's garage and he took a bus started selling tape oh yeah he told me about him told you about that fucking guy

you know, the tape on the phone. So you call different businesses and go, we have packaging tape. It's 16 cents a roll. If you buy 10 million rolls, think about it. And he started working for that. And he goes,

he went from having a bus to having a car. And then after he had the fucking car, he was still working at the place, but he was a top salesman. And he figured out how to do it, so he opened up a garage. He moved into where he was living, and he got a phone,

and he started calling these people direct and opened up his own business. and I don't know how many fucking years he got bought out by fucking three. No, he was telling him he had to put away a hundred. Since his credit was shit, he had to put away $100,000 for a security deposit

for a place to start an office building. Yeah. So he fucking, he had to put the money away and live in his garage and do the business out of there.

Until, and one day he fucking, he says, that the UPS couldn't even go up and down the street. They would break the twigs, and people were complaining from how many times, how many times they fucking went over. Oh, okay. So, uh, it was just amazing. He said that at 49 here, because he sold his, there he is.

What's up, brother? Good, man. Thank you very much for calling for you, people who don't know. There's my brother, uh, Sal Ubats, Polisi. I did one of his films, and, uh, he's an author, he's an ex, wise guy, he's a fucking great all-around guy. How you doing, baby? Good, what's going on, you guys?

Nothing, same shit, what's going on in your world? Really? What's going on in your world? Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, it's just working on a series with National Geographic. I'm going back to New York next month. We're going to shoot some history episodes of the mob. Okay, and then what's going on with the book?

Look is doing fine, selling well We're still negotiating Who's going to pick it up for movie rights Or a television series So it's doing well I'd get calls from all over the world I've got fans It's kind of fun

You having a good time, Sam? Yeah, it's great I'm having a great time You know, in the middle of all of this About two months ago I met a beautiful woman And boy, life can change overnight That's what I love about you

You're always meeting beautiful women. Yeah, absolutely magnificent, beautiful, smart, and it's great. You know, all of a sudden my life stopped and starts over. So it's exciting. Everybody should keep that in mind. If you don't have a woman, you don't have a wife or girlfriend, there's somebody out there. How old are you, Sal, now? So what's out?

How old are you now, Sal. 67, and I'm like a teenager in love. This is what I'm saying. and we were just talking about that. Anything could happen at any age. You can make anything happen. Sal, tell these guys about the book and about how we know each other

and about your life. We're all ears, brother. Are we online now? Yeah, I'm online right now. Oh, cool. Yeah. How we knew each other. We got a movie set,

and we realized we had some type of kind of kind of spirit. So we talk and we laugh and have stories and you know, not everybody's lived the life like you, Joe, you and I, Joey. We've lived, you know, pretty amazing life. No, and we're lucky. I'm very lucky, and, you know, I was looking through your book last night. I need the copy of the new one, the Sinatra Club, the one that just came out in July, because I haven't read that one.

You know, I've looked at all your other stuff. Are you still doing the one-man show? Yeah, I'm probably going to do it. do it back in the East Coast comes January, February I've got a new manager. I'm going to do it a little different. I'm going to Vegas.

That's right. Next month is mob month in Las Vegas, you know. Right, yeah, I seen the, I was in Vegas last weekend, and I seen they opened up a mob museum and all this stuff, so I knew something was going on. Yeah, there's a story.

There's actually an interview on the mob museum. If anybody goes out of a mob museum, they just typed in my name, Saq. There's a great interview that sort of took place extemporaneously. I was just walking around before they opened up in the morning, and I had a group of people behind me, and someone was recording my observations of each person as I walked up.

I said, well, I knew this person and this person, you know? And then I got to Sam Giacana, and I talked about Sam Giacana and how he helped the Kennedy administration to get all the votes. Chicago. So I went through the museum and they put the story up there. It's actually up there on the website. But in January, I'll be doing a tribute at the Clock County Library. I think it's the 22nd of January. And I'm going to do a tribute for my own friend Henry Hill. Okay, and I'll be there on the 24th. I'll be at the Riviera. I'll be at the Riviera doing comedy that weekend. Absolutely.

Absolutely. So if you want to stick around, let me. know and I'll put you up on stage and do 10 minutes and you could talk a little bit whatever you want to do brother you know I'm here for you oh that's my month that would work you're gonna be there the 24th and 25th so if you need me here I am brother swing by say hello bring some people you know we'll talk about the book this book what year does this book starts out just for these people know who the fuck South

police he really is well that's kind of cool because if you It's crazy to review you, right? Yes, he's there two weeks. Amy Schumer's there one week, and I'm there the other week. But I'm there the week with you. So how do you like them there, Apple? See? You thought you were talking to some fucking novice.

What happened? You're there every month? Every month, one weekend. Now, when did you start that? I'm going to start it in January. Oh, exciting. Wow. Yeah, you know I don't fuck around here. Yeah.

That would be great. I'll have to come over and do a couple of minutes with you, and then we can share some comedic moments of the mafia. There's three stories here in the book, and we could talk about the John Daddy's story when he threatened to kill the football coach for the youth football team who wouldn't get out. The football coach wouldn't let me call the plays with Daddy threatened to kill him, and then he changed his mind, and I was able to be the offensive coordinator. What years were you involved with these people from? I met John Gotti in 72, and we were friends for every day, about three or four years. He went to prison. I went to prison. We both out.

We reconnected in 77. Once you started moving up to ranks in the Gambino family, I went back to the Colombo family. So, you know, we were still friends, but I wasn't an everyday relationship anymore. But early in the 70s, we would come to the Cemetery Club every night. So we were friends And you had a social club named the Sinatra Club Yep, the Sinatra Club was 10 blocks

from John Madage Club In Ozone Park Queens His club was on 98th Street My club is on 88th Street So we were friends But the Bergen Hunt The Club would open in the daytime And the Sinatra Club was only opened

At night So You know Who's mob guys from all these clubs and then Tommy D. Samar and Jimmy Burke they had they had a bar Robert Savage and that was on 118 street so that was another 20 blocks away 30 blocks away and we all coexisted in that neighborhood in ozone park in the 70s what year did you decide to get out of that life Sal 77 to get out of that life in 80 before

oh my god I left New York yeah 84 I decided to get out and I left New York Sydney and went up to state New York but I slipped back into the drug business and then I got busted

and then I got out completely in 85 and then 86 testified against Goddy and wanted to witness protection in Texas I didn't stay along in Texas a couple years there

then I came to California and began to think about reinventing myself as a storyteller writer, screenwriter, film, producer, that kind of stuff, you know? You're a bad motherfucker. You know that, Sal? Yeah, it's been a ride, man. It's been a hell of a ride. It got to meet a lot of nice people, you know? And if anybody wants to know, you can break, you can break the change of crime. You can drive you need to walk away for it. One day you need to wake up and say, I'm not going to do it anymore.

And that's what I did. Sal, you didn't do drugs, correct? I'm sorry? You didn't do drugs? Correct. I never used drugs. Right, you were a businessman. Because of a lot of money.

You know, when I went to, when I went to see your one, when I went to watch your one-man show, the beginning is so fucking strong because it opens up with you digging a fucking hole. You know, you got sent to dig a hole. And you have no idea being you when you say those words Because you say it to me And I understand what you're talking about

You say it to me like you're asking me to go to coffee And have 7-Eleven You know, let's go to 7-Eleven and have coffee That you were digging a fucking grave for some guy And that's when this whole thing hit you It's so weird in your life That when you realize you're doing something is when you're already too deep.

Here you were digging a fucking hole. Like here you are in a fucking trench where you're walking in on. There wasn't even walking on you. Just mind fucking yourself digging a hole. What did it feel like? Is that what woke you up that day? You know, no, that day, it's interesting.

That was the beginning. I didn't realize once I dug that for that guy who was going to be killed. I went back to Queens and waiting for the phone call. It was going to be my job to pick up the body gutted and put the line on the way. his buddy and burial. Well, that night, I went back in the morning.

I waited for the club, but the cold mother came. So a few days later, the Colombo wise guy, he said, you need to go back and fill up the grave. We're not killing that guy right now. So I went back and filled up the grave and we, you know, that didn't happen. I didn't participate that murder. Well, about a month or two later,

the dog made me and said, hey, remember that hold you done for that dad? Because I didn't know the guy's name. He said, yeah. He said he was bragging. He said, we got him last night. I said, well, what do you mean? You got him?

He said, the guy showed up in my friend's house. I jumped out of the closet. I strangle him with a wire. Then we stabbed him a few times. And we just threw him in the street in Long Island City. So then I did the one thing I never supposed to do. I said, hey, Dominic, because it was little Dominic Kakabo, who told a lot of people.

I said, on the Corambo, I said, Dominic, why did you kill the guy? And he turned and looked at me, and it was a beat, because you're never supposed to ask why they'd someone kill. You know, if you're not from the guy who murdered somebody, why did you murder him? I thought that was either a rat or he slept with a wife's wife. He said, I earned him $3 million for drugs. It was easy to kill him.

And I was stopped in my tracks. I just shook ways to head and said, okay, that was the day I realized I had to get out. Yeah, it wasn't about a brotherhood. It wasn't about nothing. It was about cash. It was killing over money, yeah. But it took me seven more years to get out.

But you got out, Sal. I'm fucking proud. And you're still out there. You're writing. You're doing movies. And it's all, you know, you just reinvented yourself. What the fuck you're going to do? I was there.

You invited me to the Writers Guild when we watched the movie, and Henry Hill showed up, fucked up. I was there with you. Yeah. I saw the movie. I saw you do this in the beginning to the end, and now you're always moving. And you just took that mentality,

but applied it to this mentality, which is what I've been, you know, me and Lee talk about, Lee's the co-host of the show, the Flying Juice. Say hello, Lee, the Sal, Uncle Sal. Hey, Sal. So it's amazing how,

it's amazing how you just took one energy and took it into a different energy. That's it. You're a beautiful man for doing that. Well, you know, it takes a little bit of discipline because when I left there, 28 years ago, I never went back to crime. I remember that was 1986, 87, you know. I'm sorry, 84, 85.

Then in 1990, I want to say, 1994, we had the earthquake here in California. Yeah. Henleville came to an apartment complex. I was managing. I had all the keys for the apartments. And he saw the keys on the door, and he said, It's my nickname. The boss being crazy.

What's all those keys? I said, I have every key for every apartment in the complex. Oh, so let's go rob a few apartments. I looked at Henry, I go, Henry. That was the last life. These people trust me. I wouldn't pick up nine. You looked at me and he says, wow, you really mean that?

Yeah, Henry. I left that life of robbing. I never robbed anything else than I left New York, never. What more? That was your life It was in the old life So Henry didn't get it No he lived it

He lived it to the end From all the way to the pocket Sal, what's the name of the book Give that fucking mother hell A plug here dog These people like to read We all like to read What's the book?

Oh, Sinatra Club And what is it on? Where can they find it? Sinatra Club Can't it It's an easy title And it's on Amazon And what else?

It's all over the time It's in books, Amazon, iTunes, they can get e-book. It's all over the place, you know. There's books available at the bookstores and iTunes, Amazon. I mean, you just go online and just back in Sinatra Club. Sal, I love you all my heart. All right, no, we'll meet for coffee next week. And you give me a copy, and we'll talk a little bit.

I wanted to talk to you anyway. I've been thinking about you and some ideas. Thank you for letting me know about Mob Month in January. We'll put something together for you. Please, I loved for you to swing by and take a bow. You don't know, but I'll talk. It'll be fun. Okay, no, no, I'll talk to you before then.

I'll give you a call and I'll meet you for coffee. All right, have a good day, guys. All right, thank you. Stay black. I love you. I love you, Joe. Bye, buddy. Sal, motherfucker, Ubats. Good guy. You know, there's another guy right there.

lived his life, whatever. He had three or four boys. That's what he didn't get into. He had a couple boys, and one of them was really good in football and got a scholarship. And he even went pro for a couple of years, but he couldn't really say that this was his father who was a gangster, a mob, so we got in those guys selling heroin.

Yeah, of course not. And he turned his life around. Sometimes you got to do whatever you got to do to turn your life around for your family. You know, some people call them rats. I look at the whole situation. I look at it for what it is, and you make your decision for you.

Been in those, you know, feet, whatever the fuck it is here. What's happening, Lee Syatt? You don't smoke no dope, no more with your uncle Joey. I'm smoking a lot. I'm over here hitting a fucking vapor solo like an orphan. You know what I'm saying? You got me in the corner there like a fucking wet cat. That's sucker.

Next time we talked to him because I was thinking about he had, we had the ref. What did the ref on? I can't fucking remember. Tim Donagie, yeah. Because he said he, like, the end of it was when he got contact. by the mob, so I don't know how, I don't know how much, like, the movies it is and how much, like, how much those two worlds are the same.

Like, the movie mobsters and the actual mobsters, and there's, right now they're, they're putting a lot of mobsters in jail for the New England Mafia in Boston, and I just can't imagine that they're really mobsters, but maybe they are, I don't know. You know, organized crime has a very

weird umbrella. You know, it has a very weird umbrella. So people still hijacked trucks. People still, to this day, go, fuck it. I'm going to go hijack a truck today. As much as this is like an 1870s fucking crime. You know, everything's computerized, the doors are things. You have GPS now, but fucking people are still going to hijack a fucking thing.

Hijacking is considered like organized fucking crime. Okay. So if you get busted doing something like that, it's considered organized crime. Whatever's going on now in the streets, I have no idea. I don't live back there. I don't talk to those people from time to time. I have a friend or two that I hear different stories about, but I couldn't imagine what you do.

If I was doing something like that or not, what would I do? Sell Coke. Where at a bar every night until 3 in the morning? Little packages to people. What would I be doing? Selling pills, taking bets at a fucking bar, unless it was in a large scale. I could see myself running a bookmaking ring in a large scale,

you know what I'm saying? But do you need that? Yeah. Do you need that? At the end of the day, me at that age, I know that all that money you make eventually is going to go, into something bad is going to fucking happen. You don't even want that money around.

It all fucking sinks. I'd rather get up in the morning and do what we do and you work hard and I work hard and everybody fucking goes home happy. At least you're fucking work, you know, but I can't see doing something illegal at this age. I couldn't imagine it. Being 51 and having a family

and all of a sudden the cops are knocking on your fucking door. Telling you there's a warrant for your arrest and you've got to go in there and do 10 fucking years and you've got to die in a fucking can't. Because the odds are always against you, especially when you're dealing with people. You have 11 people. You don't know what each 10 of them are doing. You don't know what they're doing all times of the day. All you need is one guy to get fucking picked up because he's snorting glue or fucking little kids. It's always something like that. That he gets picked up. But something that ain't got nothing to do with you. And while he's there, he rats you the fuck out. And here you are, you know, at home trying to make a living. You know what, at the end of the day, it's just not worth it. No.

I want to know exactly where I'm going. I couldn't imagine. And I was sitting there with my wife one night and get a knock on the door for fucking bookmaking or. Or selling Coke or selling heroin. I couldn't fucking dream about it. And this is when it would happen when your wife's almost going to get birth? Yeah, this is when you take the whole fucking family down. This is what I was doing when I was in a halfway house. No wonder that fucking woman don't talk to me with my ex-wife and the daughter. When I was pregnant, I was in the halfway house.

I was selling fucking blow. But I was scared. I was scared of society. I didn't think I could make it on my own without doing something illegal. Here I was selling cars on 104th and then, but I hated it when I was making $6,000 a month. But that wasn't enough. The cocaine was my addiction. I was blaming it on money.

Yeah, I needed to make money. I made a little bit of fucking money. Was it worth the aggravation? No, it wasn't. It wasn't worth the fucking aggravationally. Anyway, cock sucker. It's Wednesday. You got to stretch out.

I got to go to work at one. I got a fucking work out at 10 with the fucking Koreans over there for fucking Buddha. You know what I'm talking about? It's a beautiful day. I want to give a shout out to some of my fucking soldiers out there. Where are you at? My man, Ada Dunham, whatever the fucking guy, keeps tweeting Spanish music.

As always, Constitino, Manuel Lopez, Alan de Meza, Gus, Gus, Trav 42, Lil Car Sagan, Henry Stewart, Dominic, John Cork. And don't forget, next Thursday, I'm fucking San Diego cocksuckers at the Mad House. Don't leave me down there. You better show up with a bag, a bazooka, fucking Lindsey Lohan, stinky underwear. Can you imagine I showing up as Lindsay Lowen's stinky fucking underwear? I don't know where you get it. Who?

Who? Who? Who? You don't know what I get what? Listen, what would you do? You would, you little filthy fuck. Would you rub it on your little head? No, I don't know.

Yes, you would. You're nasty fuck. Don't forget if you go to Noho organic or you go to Divine Wellness and get an edible. Tell them, Joey Dia sent you. You got an old, you got a Beauty and the Beast commemorative shirt. Oh, shit. That's cool. black one or white one while size is less.

That's the type of motherfucker I am for the holidays. You know what I'm saying? It's a vapor pen. Go to an whole organic, get a vapor pen, get a vapor tube, sample a fucking hit on the thing. Just tell him, Joey Dia sent me from the podcast. They'll give you a fucking t-shirt. That's how I rolled me.

Oh, shit. I had to get rid of this t-shirts. Yeah, holiday presents. I'm slinging dick and giving out bubble. Now, a story that I tell a lot of people is when I got caught up in the Coke and the prison, and all those years, I stopped watching movies. Somebody gave me an A-track,

a DVD, a Bandu Dice Clay, and that's what got the wheels in motion for that angle. But what really got me going creativity-wise was I was going to University of Colorado. I was in the C-UOP work study program for minorities and Spanish people and blacks, and I was playing the Jose card. I'm not going to lie to.

I had to. I had nothing else going on, and I had to have no other source of income. And I was doing fucked up things, but I was trying. And here I am at the University of Colorado that I transferred in from Colorado Mountain College, from CMC. Now I'm at the University of Colorado and Boulder, not a felon yet, you know, a criminal kid

with a fucked up whatever, just trying to get into college. I figured out a hook that I could get a Pell Grant and I can apply for a few loans, and I can make this fucking happen. So I'm at the University of Colorado. I'm taking all these classes, and they talk to me about,

sociology elite. I'm not going to lie to you guys. I had no idea what sociology you was. I had never heard that word before. Okay. I'm not lying to you guys. I had never heard these words before. So the teacher says, you know, you're a history major. You have to take this, this, and this and this. Now they had a switch at Lee. At a point after I got the felony and I went back, I couldn't be an attorney no more. So I picked my minor, which was Econ. and it was a weird fucking thing. I failed at E. Connolly. I was failing.

I couldn't get my shit together. Yeah, I thought you weren't good with money. I wasn't good. At this time, I wasn't good with anything. I was a fucking idiot. Complete moron, but they made me to switch minors. So I went from, I took microeconomic something. I took intro to micro, and then something micro something.

Guys, I didn't know what the fuck they were talking about. But part of C-U-O-P, was that you get two hours a week free counseling. You just had to go sign up at the C.U.O.P. Student Center in a couple weeks, they give you a call. And I get a call, and the guy's name was Muhammad Zabib. Okay, so right off the bat, I'm on the phone going, no fucking way is this happening.

For all you fucking people who think I hate Arabs, listen to this story. So I'm like, no fucking way am I meeting Muhammad fucking Zabib to, uh, to, uh, to, uh, Go over economics? Yeah, to go over economics. I get there, sure enough, he's got the sandals. Fucking, I got sweat coming out of my ears. Sure enough.

You know, my hands are clenching. I meet him, I shake his hand. I'm very apprehensive. At this time, I didn't know about bombs. I didn't know about Allah, nothing like that. I'm not going to lie to you people. I was just apprehensive to me, him being Arab. I didn't know what an Arab was about, you know?

So he sat down, and he explained this to me. This guy was a fucking genius. He was just a street genius. He was an Arab, but he didn't talk about him. He was, like, fucking dropping knowledge on me, blah, blah, blah. So he said he wanted me to switch all these classes around. So one of the classes he made me switch was a sociology class. This is fucked up, later.

I got to tell you this shit. Something like sociology goes, this is this a thing you understand about all. And I'm like, what the fuck is this guy talking about? People used to always say, if you're a sociology major, you're just going to be a waitress or a waiter? Yeah. Or shit like that. So I'm like, this guy wants me to fucking, no, I'm not going to watch it.

But one of the things about sociology class, this was cool. The guy goes, all I want you to do is watch a movie and break the movie down. And the movie he suggested that I watch was do the right thing by this cat named Spike Lee. And I'm like, what? And I read up on it, and it's a movie about this black dude and an Italian neighbor. I don't fucking know. I don't fucking know Lee. And I don't, at this time in my life, I was shut off to movies and TV.

I was more into drugs and hiding from people and imaginary objects and whacking off by myself. You know, I was a fucking animal, and I had to watch this movie, and I was married at the time. And it blew my fucking mind. At first I watched it, I liked the character, The Sweet Dick Willie. Well, I can't remember what his name is. He's turned out to be a stand-up comic when I came out here. I got to meet him fucking tremendous honor. But this whole movie was just brilliant.

Just Spike Lee. Anyway, let's go to the first scene, Lee. Which one was the first one? The race rant. Race rant is one of the first things. Hit it, Lee. Guine, garlic bread, pizza slinging, spaghetti binning, Vic Dumont, Perry Como,

Luchado Pavarotti, solo meal non-singer motherfucker. You gold, heat, gold chain wearing, fried chicken and biscuit, eating, monkey, eight baboon, big die, fast running, high junkie, spear, chucking, 360-degree, Basketball, Dunkin, Titsune, Spade, Mulignan. Take your fucking pizza, pizza, and go the fuck back to Africa. Your little slanny-eyed, mean old speaky American, own every fruit and vegetables stand in New York.

Bullshit Reverend Sun Young Moon. Some Olympic 88, Korean kickboxing, Sabaram bitch. You Goya Bean eating 15 in the car, 30 in the apartment, pointy shoes, reg wearing. Minuto, me to meet a Puerto Rican cocksucker. Yeah, you. It's chip. I got the good.

Price for you, near Kachia. How I'm doing? Chocolate egg cream drinking, bagel and a lot. The name for this Jew asshole. Yo! What do you think of that? Now, I'm listening to this. I'm at home on watching this on a VHS,

and my head almost fucking blew up. My fucking head almost blew up. But what this movie, when you watch this movie, it's not about blacks or Italians or fucking, it's about all these people getting together. They all lived together. and this is what their inner thoughts are. But at the end of the week, they all live together.

And they make it work. And they work off each other. But behind closed doors, this is what's in your psyche. This is how I grew up. This is New York City. This is a neighborhood in Brooklyn. I'm not from that neighborhood. But it's the same mentality in fucking Jersey.

We're small-minded people. We're not racist. We're racially... Insensitive. Insensitive. Thank you, sir. So please, people. I don't hate Arizona. I don't hate anybody.

I just, you know, this is how you grow up. This is what I grew up in. This is New York, you know, and there's some great, if you've never seen do the right thing, whenever you watch a Nick game and there's a little fucking black dude with glasses jumping up and down, who's that wormy fuck?

Listen, he's made a lot of balmy fucking movies. But he's made a lot of great movies. And one of my favorite of all time is this one, because he flips the black on you. He really flips the back on you. And just the name of it, his name is Mookie. He's got a sick. There's a whino in the neighborhood.

There's a drunk chick. I mean, he just portrayed to Danny Iello, who's phenomenal. Hit it, the pizza scene. Do a couple minutes in the pizza joint, and we'll do how I got to stay black. This is for you, motherfuckers. You know, Moo. That's up on a wall. He's a man. Ass, Sal, right?

Hey, Sal, how can I get the brothers up on a wall here? You want brothers on a wall? Get your own place. You can do what you want to do. You can put your brothers and uncles and nieces and nephews, your stepfather, stepmother, whoever you want. whoever you want you see but this is my misery American Italians on the wall only take it easy how you don't stop yeah that might be fine Sal but you you own this rarely do I see any American Italians eating here all I see is black folks so

since we spend much money here we do have some say looking for trouble you're you a trouble maker is that what you were you making trouble yeah I'm a trouble I'm making trouble. You're gonna be a bullbrain. This is the scene and all you motherfuckers giggle and he just don't get it. This is how much heart there was in this goddamn movie. Hit it! Lee Lee.

Yo, man, I spent much money in there. What are you trying to do? What are you trying to do? Man, I want some brothers up on the wall. Man, I got to work him, man. You're fucking my shit up. You came me in sound, man. You're fucking me up. I ain't trying to fuck you up, moo.

You know, I ain't trying to fuck you. I'm sorry. You're sorry? They'll come back when we could be squashed, all right? A week. A week. Yeah, yeah, right? Bet.

Beck. Boom. Stay black. There you go. 19th, you motherfuckers are like, what, Joey? What is? Stay black. That's what it is.

Stay black. It don't matter what you're white, purple, Arab, Hindu, a Jew. You got to stay fucking black every goddamn day. You know what else, Leah? This is my beautiful wife. Uh-oh. What's up, beautiful? my wife is getting bigger by the day

and it's dropping now so for you guys like Joey when is the baby coming? Soonish. Soonish. What's up, honey? Are you leaving? No. Are you going to hang on? Breakfast talking. You want to go eat breakfast? All right, let's do it.

Well, that's the show right there. That's the boss that just came in. This is how quick it ends, guys. You guys like Joey, you're a pussy, your wife. This is how it's how quick it is. Because she'll go downstairs and pull the fucking plug out of the whole. building and I want to have electricity I'll be fucking looking at

Twitter through osmosis you know what's happening beautiful I'm not stupid Jesus fucking Christ that's it guys what music we got for these cocksuckers leave soul stripper oh shit for a little something

for the motherfucking Australians when ACBC was this is like 74 or something so I think Angus I don't know how old was 19 or something. I gave you your shots out. I gave you your sayings for the fucking day. Tell fear to suck your dick.

We had my main man, Sal Lubott. Don't be touching my money, and it's $13. I got a little Jew bankroll. And you got a clip. I know, and I got a check for $25, but I'm banking it. And I got one for $0.67. I don't give a fuck anymore. Things are bad all over.

You know what I'm talking about? Salu Bats call. Getters book, The Sinatra Club. Listen, I'm telling you, it's the holidays. I want to fuck up now during the holidays. If you start walking now, 10, 20 minutes of fucking day, right now, drinking a little water, eating cereal for breakfast. Unlike my wife, I got to fucking go bang out a steak or something.

Or a bagel now. I don't want no bagels today either. I want a steak. I want a steak. That's my fault. That's your fault. I'm hungry. I went to bed hungry.

I had a fucking apple and a piece of peanut butter. Who lives like that? Who lives like that? Bodybuilders and shit. I'm a fat fuck. I don't eat that. I need fuel. Go to Omit.

you? I do. I went to sleep because I had to get up early for these cocksuckers. Anyway, go to Annet.com. Look at the mix-match combinations. You get the hemp protein

with the strong bone and the new mood. Get the package. There's 20% off. Press in the box, church, and you get an extra fucking bazooker shubs up your asshole.

You see what I'm saying? I'm quick this one. That's what happens when you snort the alpha brain and mix the other shit and drink it up like a fucking soldier. Sons of anarchy.

cock suckers. You believe that, guys? That's what happens. You have a wife with a kid, they hold you over a barrel. It's worse than the fucking mafia. They just come in and muscle you. Like the fucking, like the chinks did to the Italians in 85 over on fucking Canal Street. A lot of people don't know. I know about that history. Anyway, I gave a shout out to you, motherfuckers. Next Thursday, December 13th, you know what I'm going to be.

The Madhouse Comedy Club in San Diego, don't show up with Susquehanna. We don't need the fucking aggravation, all right? You want to email me to go to Joey Cocoa Diaz, not net? You want to talk to Lee Syatt? He's on Twitter at Lee Syatt. He doesn't have the flying Jew yet because he's waiting for shit to bust open. And then he's taking over it. Don't forget Sunday, one of the guys on there, I don't have his name.

I'll give him credit for this later because that's the type of motherfucker I am, said it's a temple of what's happening now on Sunday because of Hanukkah. We will see you here at 9 a.m. Pacific. Lunchtime, Jersey time. You know what I'm saying? Lee Syatt, what's going on? What are you bringing? What are you going to show up with something?

You got to bring the Yamika. You got to bring the Yamika. What else? The menorah. You got to light a candle. But we'll go buy one at the house of David. Why are you being so cheap for? I said that.

Where's the guy? Oh, it's Mike Redenbaugh is the guy who says the temple. Temple. That's what I love these motherfuckers. And what else I got on here? I just got to put the glasses on for five minutes. I don't want you. What did you think about last night?

Anybody, I forgot to say about the son's anarchy. She dropped a bomb, Gemma. Only men need to be loved. Women need to be wanted. God damn. Think about that one during the fucking weekend where you're eating that fucking patois looking into that muffler of life.

Like Lee is about to look. He don't even know Lee. Lee, you got to shave one of your eyebrows. Why? Because you got to shave. We're going to shave the right one where she's going to fart in your eyeball. Because that's going to be part of the picture

that put on the programming for 3 mil. So what? You walk around with a missing eyebrow for two weeks? You're going to get 3 mil. I'm stoned to the gills. I tell you, Cox, is that? I need to teach your wife how to do this because there'd be a much funnier podcast. It was just

her and you giving you shit. No. Look at Lee. He's all rushed up. Look at him. Shave an eyebrow. Jesus. I'm telling you, Lee, you wouldn't shave an eyebrow for the fucking struggle? I'd have to, like, get a half of the... I'd have to get, like, a million and a half of a book. Look at a half of a boy. What are you, Joe naming?

Yeah, why not? Get the fuck out of here. A little something for the Australians. Listen, I got a lot of shit coming up for you, cocksuckers. You know, I've been throwing heat lately. I got mobsters. I got fucking HBO reps to the fucking sound information to fucking Russians and Puerto Ricans. I got trainers. I got Herb D.

And I ain't fucking around with you people. We're about to take you motherfuckers over. We need for you to leave some comments. We need for you to subscribe. We need for you to get your shit crack a lacin. Telling your friends about it. Do what the fuck you got to do? I love you guys.

Have a great day. Have a great weekend. We'll see you for a special edition. Gambling. Do I have picks? For this weekend, I really don't, guys. I don't know who's going to win between who's fighting? Oh, shit, Diaz and whatever.

Gusterson and the other dude, you know what? I love the little young Nate Diaz. I think he's at the top of his game right now. Benson Henderson is sky high also. I just don't see him being up Diaz. That's just my opinion. I love you guys. A.C. D.C. from the first album, the import, not the American version.

There's high voltage the import and there's high voltage the American version. The American version does not have soul stripper. Hit it for these people who are sole stripper out of respect for the Australians. Omnit motherfuckers. Go to Honest.com. Get your party started. Hit it Lee. Oh shit. Get that cowbell. Do it. Oh, there's need more cowbell.

But I'm not at least. Come on, baby. What? Do it, Lee. Do it Lee. What? No.