The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 12/12/2012 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #38

Episode Date: December 13, 2012

Comedian Ralphie May calls in to talk about his weight loss. Danny B's brother Gary calls in to talk about his 21 year stint in prison. The show is brought to you by Onnit. Use Promo Code church for a discount at check out. Streamed live on 12/12/2012

Oh shit. Crank that motherfucker Lee. Oh shit. Wednesday, December 12. Fucking, today's the first day. I don't give a fuck. Crank that motherfucker Lee. It's Wednesday. The church of what's happened now.

Joey Diaz. The flying Jew, Lee Syatt now. Kick that motherfucker Lee. Oh shit. It's a badass song, Lee. This is a bad ass song. A lot of people like, Joe. You like the cult?

I don't give a fuck. Listen to this. Any part of a song. this song you go back to, they're fucking rocking. Yeah, it's awesome. It's fucking rocking. What's happening, baby? I feel awesome. I mean, it's, uh, I'm happy to be here. You're happy to be here.

That's it, plain and simple. Fucking 10, 12 days before Christmas, that's all you got for me, Cocksucker? I'm just hoping the world doesn't end, so I get to go home. The world ain't ended, man. People think, but don't buy no presents. Don't buy no presents to the 26. If you're going to die, hold on for those change. Just case the Mayans

just drop like a missile on Omaha or something right, and there's no lights here for a couple days, you know, you've got to be prepared. You've got to be prepared, motherfuckers. It's Wednesday. Midway, hump day. That's why we're here. Give you little love. Sorry about burping there. I just had some Canada dry gingerella

the fucking sugar-free shit. The fucking kills your inside. So sorry about burping online here. It's not illegal to burp online lead. You know that shit, though? Who said that? I'm telling you. It's like you can't curse over an open phone line when you're talking across state. Did you know that?

well then you should be in jail for the rest of your life I know probably press charges though you know what I'm saying but let's say you're on the phone with somebody in Jersey and you curse or something like that

it's against the fucking law to curse on an open line across state lines I never knew that shit too I worked for a sports betting service and called somebody a cunt and then they got back to me and sure really?

Yeah how's it sounding am I loud enough for you people people are complaining it's a beautiful fucking day to be alive we got a great movie for you we got my man Ralphie Mae calling in We got my man Gary Bowhannon calling straight from fucking

he just got out of prison you know, Danny Bianculo's fucking a little brother and everybody's ready to roll here gets whose birthday it is today the main birthday today one of the main reasons why I kick it is fucking Francis Albert Sinatra

let me tell you something guys I don't walk around dressed up with a fucking suit and a cigarette thinking I'm fucking Sinatra that wouldn't happen to me but I'll tell you what happened Sinatra's originally from Hoboken My mother's bar was in Union City, which Hoboken basically, it's up the corner.

When you're watching the Sopranos, which is back on HBO, 5 o'clock every day here, Monday through Friday. When you're back on, when you watch the Sopranos, when he kicks out of the Lincoln Tunnel there and he goes around, that becomes Union City. So it's funny. My mother used to always play Tony Bennett, but in halfway of that set list, she had the same set list every day to open up the bar. So as soon as she opened the bar, turned the alarm off, she'd play, I want to be around by you. Tony Bennett out of respect, but in that playlist was my way. I'm being a little kid listening to this shit, and that last verse of my way always killed me.

It always, since the fucking first time I heard that song, that little verse where, hit it Lee. This is why I love Sinatra. I'm sure you knew I'd bit off more than I could choose. responsibility When he had doubts You gotta fucking take it to the hoop And spit that motherfucker out

That's what we preach On the church of what's happened now And that's why I got it from Listen to that fucking jam from the beginning today We can't put it out here Because he'll take me on the fucking YouTube or whatever But you listen to this fucking song He listened to what this motherfucker is saying

Why, hit it I'm laughing It's a fucking old man sitting there reflecting on his fucking life But And this whole song It's about having balls

Never fucking selling out And I couldn't believe This guy was right down the road From old broken So I listened to a bunch of music And I dug it You know The lady is a fucking tramp

And all that Those are all cute songs But this anthem right here When you're a little fucking Confused in the mornings You don't know what direction You put on my way You smoke a couple joints

And you have a cup of coffee You see where your head goes This motherfucker, right? He told, what's her name when she came to him? I mean, listen, there's a lot of stories about Sinatra. He was a prick, and I fucking get it. But he was also a fan of the underdog. There's a story about a restaurant on Sunset, where he went in

and some Spanish dishwasher, knocked over a tray of glasses, and the owner started yelling at him and shit. Sonacho went up to the owner and said, listen, what the fuck? He was working. It wasn't like he did it on purpose. It was an accent.

He was how much for all the glasses, and he paid for all the fucking glasses. And he said, one day, I come to his restaurant all the time. Next time I come to this restaurant, that kid would still be working here. You know, Sinacho was a tough guy for the underdog. Yeah, he told all these idiots in Hollywood, the suckers dick, because that's, you know, like, there's stories that he would just do one take or some shots in a movie.

He would just do one take. What the fuck is all these takes for? For you to do what? For you to do what? One more for the kid, for the fuck it, it's done. It's in the can. That's what Sinatra symbolizes it, my fucking. world. What's happening, Terry Clark,

is my beautiful wife tired. She's a couple days from busting. She won't even come on camera today. Her stomach is gigantic, but I worry about my wife. I mean, this is big. Anyway, back to fucking Sinatra, forget my fucking wife. We'll talk about her later and her problems. But, no, that's why I love Sanchez.

I don't want, guys, I don't want you to think I'm a phony fucking Tom Weitz fan or something like that. Sinatra. And some guy on Twitter hit me yesterday goes, you got to listen to these two albums. I listen to those two fucking albums. Those are the albums, everybody. And they were horrendously bad. You know what Tom Wade sounds like?

Like he ate a fuck. Like somebody put a fucking grenade in this throat. We got a call coming in. Oh shit. That's our first call other day. Who's this? Oh, I'm fucking talk to me. Who's this?

How are you, sir? What's up, baby? Where are you at, Cocklicker? I'm in Nashville, Tennessee. What the fuck you're doing up so early? It's 815 in the morning. Usually you're in the... Right now you're rolled over

having fucking a dream that you're at the Milky Way factory. doing a tour of the Milky Way factory and shit I know I know I know with a head of a heart I'm thinking about I'm knee-deep in Milky Way I have I'm actually turning over a new leaf man I let sit on X out here losing weight I'm down 52 pounds so far

and I'm doing great yesterday I did actually the day before I did 80 push-ups like real bona fide ones not girl ones on my knees or not I heard you broke your fucking toes. I heard all your toes are done. Oh, man. I heard you.

Those push-ups, fuck those toes up and shit. I broke two of them jumping into the pool. I slipped out some allergy at the Y. And I fractured two of them and dislocated two of them. I put one back in the socket, and the doc had to put the other one back in the socket. Oh, my God, Coco, they're black and blue. Oh. They look horrible.

People don't understand. I know them wiping coke. the pokies. Let me tell you some. These motherfuckers don't know that when you're a little overweight like we are and we exercise. We fuck up those feet.

I pulled my fucking calf doing jumping jacks. Not jumping jacks. A jumping rope. I had to go to acupuncture yesterday. She put 150 fucking needles in my calf and laser it. It feels a little better today. But at least we're out there, Ralphie.

That's what I try to tell these people that listen to the fucking podcast. At least that's all that matters that you're out there getting the blood moving. I'm proud of you, Ralphie. You're a fucking savage. You've made some decisions this year. I'm trying for, you know, for the kids, you know.

I'm trying for, I'm trying to represent, you know. You know, I'm trying to represent, you know. It's what we're doing, man. You know, I'm not perfect by any means, but I'm fucking trying, man. And I'm doing it. You know, I lost 52 pounds. That's better than 52 on, you know? Yeah, no, no, you feel a lot better.

Next will be 100. Next will be 150. And then you'll be getting standing ovationers making out with three girls. You know what I'm saying? You'll be back. I just want to see my dick bona fide, you know what I mean? I hear. You know, Ralph.

I would use a reflection. I would use, like, three mirrors, you know? You know, it's funny because the last time I seen you, you picked me up at a hotel. I think it was in Vegas or something. You came and got me, and I was trying to tell you that. I said, let's go get some water, and I got a pack of cigarettes. And you're like, you smoking again? And I go, nah, I smoke at night, you know, when I bullshit with people.

And it was something that I did for a year, and about three weeks ago, I was telling Lee, I just stopped. I just stopped. the same reason for my daughter, you know, my wife's going to be, have this baby, I don't want to fucking walk around with a machine you know, to the kids scaring them more. Look at my fucking face, I'm a scary enough. So I've just been smoking

a vapor pen and I've just been smoking like these little fucking things at night or whatever, but I don't smoke no more. So health is big and I didn't even wait until December 31st. We started now, which is the most important fucking thing. Once I, are you coming back to L.A.? or are you going to stay

out in Nashville? I'm here through Christmas and then I'm in Phoenix for New Year's Eve and then after the New Year's Eve, I'm going to be in L.A. for a couple days then I'm in Vegas. Then I'm back in L.A. Because I'm going to give you some products. I'm going to give you some strong bone from on it and I'm going to give you some. Oh, I need it. Yeah, yeah.

The strong bone is, I don't know all the chemicals in this shit. But I tell you what, man, I've been on the strong bone for about four weeks now since I started pushing on it. And my bones don't hurt, Ralphie. My joints don't hurt, too much. And that's big when you're heavy. I brought my country up to house. I need strong boats. Fuck, yeah.

That's done to me two packs. Yeah, we'll send you some strong bones and some hemp protein and a little new mood to get you going. You're going to love it, Ralph. I mean, it helps me a ton, brother. It helps me a ton. But I'm proud of you, Ralphie. You're bad motherfucker were still keeping the tradition of Gardner.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I love it, man. I love it, Coco. You know, we're not the animals we used to be. No, no means. It's great, man. We're doing good.

I'm proud of you. Now, how much longer do you have in this program? I'm here until the 26th of December, and then I come back in February for two weeks, and then I come back in April for two weeks, and then I come back in June and July for a couple weeks each month, and then October and November and December. So it's a big long commitment. I'm really getting into this one. I'm going to come out for a week with you.

I work out here for like three or four hours a day and take some classes, and then I go to DDP yoga. And I'm not that good at it, Coco. I fall down a lot, but, you know, I'm trying. I'm in the fight. No, at yoga at first you fall down a lot, so don't feel bad. I still fall down when I'm bad. doing fucking the one with my arm's stuck, uh, whatever, warrior too. I still fall down. But I love you,

Ralphie. I'm happy that you're, uh, you know, taking the bull by the horns. It's real important. Why have money and fame if your health is not there? And, uh, you have a big career, man. You inspire me every fucking day. That's why I do what I do. You know what I do? So, uh, I'm proud of you, go ahead and do some, uh, I'm proud of you, go and do some, uh, when my wife has the baby, we're going to go visit her parents. in Tennessee and I'll swing by you for a couple days because I'm not going to stay out there with her the whole time. Her parents are fucking crazy.

Them Indians are fucking crazy. They mean business, you know what I'm saying? So, yeah, my in-law is a fucking nuts. I called yesterday and he answered the phone with my phone. He said, who's this? I go, your son-in-law. He goes, I ain't got no son-in-law. He goes, I got a daughter that made a mistake.

He said, you commit. He's like, you might have an appointment. Fucking Ralphie Mae calling. Ralphie Mae calls. I love you, cuck. I love you, motherfucker. Have a great week, and we'll hear from you again before you graduate from the program

off slim and shit. Right on, Savage. I love you, brother. Have a great day. Take care, your animal. You got, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. So you see how this? It starts with the little fucking thing, brother.

It just starts with a little couple moves here and there. And he's a guy that, you know, cleared out of schedule. Cleared out of his schedule because he knew something wasn't right. Yeah, he's a guy who tours. I mean, before he got sick, he was touring every week. So that's a lot of money to say no to. Listen, when you go on the road, guys, your diet becomes shit. It's all McDonald's, yeah.

It's not all McDonald's. It's fried food. You really can't judge it. You know, you travel, you wake up at some hotels, they have oatmeal. Some hotels, the oatmeal tastes like dick. Some hotels, it's interesting. Indian own, which I have no offense against the Hindus, but you wake up and the fucking apple smell like curry.

You know what I'm saying? Because they've been cooking a curry, so you can't eat at the hotel. I mean, sleeping, you know, people understand that. Sleeping is just as important as you die. That's why I take the new mood. That's why I try to get some fucking sleep all the time because it's very crucial. What's happening, brother?

Call back on the other number. Call back on the other number in 15 minutes. I'm on the radio, all right, bro? All right, bye. Gary's my man Gary fucking Bohanna, but what I didn't know, it's not about diet only. It's about fucking sleep, man. Like last night I went to the Laugh Factory, which is great because I followed Ari. Dom Herrera hosted, and as I'm walking out of Laugh factory heading to the improv, Rogan calls.

And he's like, I'm not headed down there, but I couldn't wait. I had to go to the improv and drop a contract off. Then on the way up, I stopped at the fucking Ha-ha. You know why, man, I'm excited about tomorrow night in San Diego. So I want to get, like, my numbers up, like, uh, You know, for a long time there, it's tough to do comedy during the weekend. Now I'm doing like a training camp where I try to go out and do two or three sets a night. I'm trying to get ready for San Diego and next Friday, the end of the World Show,

which Rogan said with like 50 tickets from selling out. Oh, shit. So who do you want to meet? What do you mean? You said you wanted to meet somebody tomorrow, or you met somebody last night? Did I meet somebody? I don't fucking know. I'm high on that vapor paint like a motherfucker.

You know, I didn't eat edibles for a few days. Okay. You know, I'm just trying to beat the edibles. and yes, they had to go by the library, and I go, let me go over there and see if they got those little caps. They have those little oil caps. Okay. For edibles, it's not really a chocolate or gum or a cup, you don't have to eat nothing.

It's like three fucking calories. So I went over there, Lee, and I ate one, and I didn't think of anything of it. And I only ate the hash cap to loosen up my calf after acupuncture. Let me tell you something, bro. I was fucked up last night. I really was fucked up last night. I went down to, I drove on Laurel Canyon. I was fucked out, dog.

Those lights were coming in my eyes and shit. No, one is probably enough for a normal person. A normal person. How much would you normally have? Three. The first time I knew you were fucking crazy was you took me, and I couldn't go in with you because I didn't have the license yet, but you got those pieces of taffy,

and you would have one, and then that's 10-minute drive back to your house, you just kept at every stop sign, you kept unwrapping it and put another one in your mouth, And I was like, how are you supposed to have? You're like, one, but who do you think I have? Do you're a banana? You know, I've been smoking dough for 30 years, so the resistance has to be up there.

So I always just try to do the best I can. Do the best I get. Lee Lee Lee, Lee, hit me with some fucking music. What do you got for, Uncle Joey, this beautiful Wednesday morning, my friend. All right, we could do the smithereens if you want. Let's do a little blood and fucking roses. I love the smithereens, by the way. They got a couple fucking great jams.

I followed them. is an alternative day today, all right? I had the coat. I got the smithereens. I got a great fucking movie for you today. I got Gary Bo Hannan calling. Hit it, Lee. Oh, shit, Lee.

I'm on this music. I want to give out a... Hit it Lee. What are you knowing shit for? They blast that shit. I don't give a fuck. Hit itly. You bad motherfucker, you're the flying Jews.

The third day of Hanukkah. Fourth day of Hanukkah doing this thing. Oh, shit. Lee. My wife's... to eat cereal bananas Oh yeah

Bloody roses B'naman and With Italy What What? What? What? What else about

Tell me something good Fucking New England Oh that's great Name from Mexico That died I want to give out Jenny Perrette Oh, I'll have to look at that up

Rosie, is it Rosie? No No, it's not Rosie Perez She's Puerto Rican, you're fucked me I just I've been looking You know I heard of Like a year ago, I went to do one of George Perez's rooms down,

and their music was on at this Mexican bar. And, like, it was fucking strong. And I asked George who she was, and he told me, I'm like, God damn, that fucking ladies got a powerful... Jenny Rivera. So I want to send them my condolences. RIP to everybody. I mean, the fucking Mexican singers got bad goddamn luck.

Every time they're about to crossover, you know, they've died. So my thoughts are with the family and the prayers and all the fans. You used to be scared of flying, didn't you? No. I thought you said you would get off planes and stuff. I had anxiety. I used to get... I've been flying since I was fucking three.

So it wasn't the plane itself. It was just anxiety. No, I'd get anxiety. Your mind starts thinking I was doing a lot of blow. Yeah. You know, I was worried about other things. And you know, anxiety is a burp of the fucking mind. You know, it's just a...

It's all rolled up with fear. So you're probably right. But I wasn't scared of flying. I'm not scared of flying. Yeah. It's the weirdest thing. I don't even think about it. Yeah.

And sometimes when I do think about it, I go, it's not time to think about it. I shouldn't be thinking. Because you only think about flying, dying a plane crash when you sit on a fucking plane. Yeah, but you do that every week. Yeah, once you sit on a plane, you put your seatbelt on and the edible starts kicking in. You're like, huh, what if this motherfucker plane went down? Yeah, it's a joke from Seinfeld that Costanza says, aren't you surprised that no baseball teams have died? But it's crazy.

I mean, it's always horrific when this happens. Well, it wasn't baseball teams that died? Basketball teams. Has the whole basketball team done? Yeah, Ohio, whatever. Oh, shit. 76 or something, I thought the plane went down. Two planes.

The same college had two fucking planes that went down. They got bad luck with hiring fucking pilots. But it's surprising it doesn't happen more. You know, man, they've done technologies way ahead of the game. I mean, they almost have near crashes in the air. That's the big thing. We have so many fucking planes on the air. I forget the name of the basketball team.

How sad is that? I fucking forget what the plane crash. Well, Wichita State did a couple years ago, and then... And somebody did it twice. Yeah. Marshall University. Marshall and somebody else. It was in November of 1970.

Yeah, that was this flight. I forget who the fuck it is. Because they even had it on one of the HBO things that the plane went down twice. I forget what the basketball team was. I was like in the eighth grade or something. One of the Ohio's or something like that. Anyway, don't worry about it, Natalie. Can't do no research now.

Sorry. What the fuck? It's 8 in the morning. Nobody wants to do fucking research now. People want a party, cocksucker. Speaking of parties, I'm in San Diego tomorrow night

at the Madhouse Comedy Club. As a matter of fact, tonight, my boys are down there at the, they're not at Madhouse. They're at the American... Hey, hey, knock it off. Who is that?

Great. Yeah, that's fucking Dimmy is beating up on grain. I'll fucking strangle that cock sucker. Don't forget tonight the American comedy. company 8 o'clock. My man, Red Band is down there with Saratiana

and Tebow. I seen those guys last night The Laugh Factory and Ari. Had a good time last night to Laugh Factor. Yeah, you'd be on there a lot. Tebow was cool. Bro. I don't know. I don't know how this... Listen, man, all I want you guys to do, whatever you decide to do in your life, your career, whether you want to be a fucking plumber

is just go for it. Because the possibility is endless when you go for it. When I came into this town 14 years ago, I went to the Laugh factory the second night, thinking I was fucking Johnny Gumbar coming off Seattle, and I walked in there, and Jamie Massada blew my fucking bubble up, Jack. What did he did? He didn't pop my fucking bubble up. He's like, buddy, you're not a L.A. comic. He goes, you're a cabaret comedian.

You have no point of view. You have nothing, my friend. He goes, I cannot make you a regular here. And I was heartbroken, but I said, fuck it, because all I wanted was spots. I didn't need to be a regular. I just wanted a loophole. so I would do Latino night on Monday nights and I get auditions and shit out of there

a lot of people going there to watch guys but over time you know I just stop going on Monday and I say switch governments comics switch blah blah bab bab boo you know so you lose faith this year after you guys bought my CD and then you know the podcast

Jamie called me one day and he's like I hear good things my friend come on down here and I did the podcast with Dom and you know he sends me to Long Beach listen I don't have an HBO special or not like that that I'm training for. I just want to be a badass fucking comic, you know? Yeah.

You know, I do great at podcasts. I'm a better character than anything, but I'm not a real authentic stand-up. Bill Burke. You don't think you are? Rogan, no, those guys are writers, you know, Tony Incliffe. Those guys are real writers. You know, last night I came up with that thing on stage

about Jew sneakers, you know, fucking, instead of Jew shoes, how they would chase you for fucking 90 days. You know, I get lucky sometimes. And I have a little bit of material, and I roll on improv, and I get lucky. But besides that, I don't want to be lucky, man. I want to be good at what I fucking do.

So that's why I've been going out more. I've been going to laugh at you more in between. You've got to laugh at you. You've got to follow fucking Dane Cook in front of college kids. That's murder. I'm for 300 pounds. I've got to go up there and dance and wiggle. And I don't care what people say.

Dane is still fucking good. You know that? I like fucking Dane. I never not like Dan, man. Okay, he's not, you know, uh, you know, he's not a fucking machine of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, all these high-level Bill Hicks jokes. But I like fucking Dane.

He takes me for a fucking ride, bro. I saw his first two CDs, and then I saw him live at the Garden when he started doing the basketball arena tours. I haven't seen him for a couple of years, but that first CD where he's talking about punching a horse in the face or, like, you know, punching a bee in the face,

and he's scared of horses. I was in high school, and it killed me. I liked Dan, and Crystal Leas down there. And, you know, listen, man, I don't go to Hollywood a lot because I'd have to be around the egos, but I don't like being. around egos and you know dain don't have an eagle more he knows where the fuck he stands you know so

i'm happy that they give me sponsored to laugh at you i never want to walk into the fucking comedy store again not because i hate the place or anything but like i always say you got to close one door before another one opens guys one day you look around you go what the fuck am i doing here you know i got to refresh myself sometimes people get bored in their life when you get bored in your life you get the trouble into other areas you know so like i say the you know all these people I'm betting on this. New England's a lock. The only lock in life is yourself.

If you bet on fucking you, that's what I got from that Sinatra song my way, bro. You know, I regrets. We all got a few, but we keep fucking going. You know, I get scared every time, bro. Listen, people, and I've said this a thousand times, nobody's a bigger scary cat than I am. Before I go to do comedy,

I think of a thousand reasons why I got to pee, I got a quick comedy. You know, fear is in us, and fear is going to scare this shit out of you, it's going to make you fucking sit on that couch. If it was up to fear and procrastination, you'd be on the fucking couch all day. Scared or leaving the house because an atomic bomb is going to fucking hit. That's why I don't like a lot of people watching news because the media hits people in weird ways.

You got to fuck the news. I know things are bad in this traffic, but get out there. You ever watch the news and they're telling you how bad traffic is? And you're sweating at home because you've got to go somewhere and you get in your car. There's no fucking traffic. You have to like that Carmageddon that happened a few months ago. It's the fear of the media, the fear of your family, the fear of friends. telling you what you cannot do.

How lucky am I that I had friends that told me what I can't fucking do. And the best friend you have is you. That's the best friend you have is telling you you can do this. Fuck these motherfuckers. Fuck my parents. Fuck my fucking loser friends at the bar. I'm going for this shit. Who's called there, Lee?

What the fuck is going on this morning? It's a beautiful Wednesday morning. You know what I'm saying? I'm high. I'm fucking excited. You guys got to go out there and do your thing today? Because if not, what's going on this weekend, Lee? What do you got? You got work all week?

I got work all week, and then I'm just packing and getting ready, but... You're starting to pack already. You're leaving in two weeks. I bet you're packing my apartment. Please, I know this motherfucker's got a suitcase, but you can't wait to see Mama Caney? Oh no, yeah, it's going to be good to go home. But before you go home, you got to get farted in your face. We haven't discussed it for a few days. We're just going to suck your little meat, you before, so you're not, you're relaxed and shit. We got an iPatch company that's going to sponsor the event.

Well, good. They contacted me and said they'd like to be involved in the events. We're going to put a little bullseye on it? Maybe. We'll shave your one eyebrow so she has a target, so I don't want to... You know, we're going to do this right. You're going to make some money. We're going to give you a little check on fucking Friday the 21st.

We're taking the bullet. You're sad. Lee, you've come a long way. We've done a good fucking shit last year, Lee. Yeah, but so why does that end when you're getting farted in the face? Because that's going to open up huge glee. You know, this is going to be bigger than Kardashian. Sucking a black thing.

You getting farted on your face gonna be bigger than a Kardashian sucking a black cock. How fucking strong is that. Somehow I don't think that's going to have. You're gonna knock her off fucking Google Trending. Nobody will give a fuck about her little kitty until they see Lee. Lee, motherfuckeratt.

Remember Lee Gamble on your fucking self. You know what I'm saying? Lee Zahia. We got some fights on the UFC this week. I think it's Shane Carwin against Roy Nelson. I didn't know they had fights until that heavyweight thing. I guess maybe they do. What heavyweight thing?

The Dos Santos. No, that's 29. You're right, but they have one fight before that. I don't know. That's what you're saying. That's a good fucking card. I can't understand. We're not going to talk about today, but that's a good card.

With my luck, I'll be stuck giving birth. Oh, shit. Not giving birth, but helping my wife give birth. Hit it. It's my main man, G. Bo Hannan. What's going on? What's up, buddy?

How are you, my friend? Uh, just taking it day by day. I had my little Jane Fonda workout this morning. Without that, I'm not right. It's my fix, you know. I hear you. Before we get started, I got to let people know who my man G. Bohan is. I tell a story.

You know, Gary, I've told the story three years ago about me bringing mushrooms back to Jersey to get some blow and some guns, and I put them on the kitchen table, and I'm doing dealings with your brother, and I hear... and we're like, what the fuck is that? We go in the living room and there you are. How old were you?

About 14, 15, I believe. And you ate like fucking 10 of those mushrooms and shit. And we're like, Gary, what the fuck? And we left you there and we came back that night and the house was dark. There was a light on. And we walked up the stairs. There you were on the couch and you looked at us

and you said, what? I ain't tripping. And we fucking died of laughter. I still got the smile on my face right now from that. From those mushrooms? How old are you now, Gary? Absolutely. I'm 43.

Wow. So that's a long fucking time. So if you were 43, if you were 14, I was 20, when I was picking up those guns from me and bringing the Coke from Colorado. You used to drive me to the airport. Did you not tell these motherfuckers, Gary? Yeah, absolutely.

I remember the last time we saw you, 87. Me and Michael Mayerner were taking you back. We were all skied up, all coked up, all paranoid. Oh, my God. And I know when we were leaving you, I thought we were being filed by state police, and all I wanted to do is go back in a,

do some more lives. One of the last times you dropped me to the airport, it was in the Mets were in the World Series, wasn't it? One of the times you drove me, which is 80s, that was 86. Yeah, the last time, yeah, 86, yeah, all through that. One of the times you drove me, it was cold, and I got to the fucking airport. You're not going to believe this.

And in those days, Gary, you didn't walk through a tunnel or get to the airport. You had to walk outside, like you do in Burbank. And everybody had jackets on, winter jackets on. And they're walking outside. And I had a T-shirt on, and steam was coming out of my fucking body. And I'm walking to the thing. And I'm thinking to myself, what?

These people don't know. I just did an eight-ball of fucking blow the last before. In the car, I probably, I had done, bro. At that time, you know, what people understand about the 80s, Gary. It was everybody was doing blow. big fucking ways. I mean, I'm lucky to be here. You're lucky to fucking be here.

And we're lucky, gee. You're 43. You just got out of doing how many years? 21. 21 fucking years. 21 years. And I was also told the story, which is amazing when you robbed a fucking bank,

you put a fishing line into the night depository, and you pulled it out. Was that you? We, uh, we, uh, that's how we, uh, basically, uh, started off, like that night deposit boxes doing the fishing line. And then we would just, uh, jam the keyhole with our crazy glue. So when they come up and try to put their key in to make their night deposit boxes, we just hit them up right there and take their shit. That's how it all, like, uh, basically started and then just moving up, uh, and taking control the banks.

Now, you were robbing banks and scratch. Say, can't Coco? You were robbing banks from scratch, like you were going on there with a gun by yourself, or you had a crew of guys? Yeah, well, I had a couple guys, too, but, like, I always did better, like, solo, plus I get to keep all the money instead of splitting it a few ways. Because, you know, basically, I was a ringleader. I knew what Dypack's were glad tracking devices, and you never let them touch the money.

You hop over that counter, and you touch that money. You open those counters, not them. because they saw a dye pack in there and if you can't bend you can't spend it that's why and you never let them touch the money to tell us ever that's how it goes did you ever rob banks and north bergen

anywhere in the area or just away from there yeah I think you know I my uh downfall was like in the beginning was uh shitting in my own backyard but I didn't know no better until I started realizing what it was is bringing the heat and then you just go out of

the state and do and that's what I would do go to Connecticut I'd go to New York Pennsylvania and we get the bank coveries all those guys

and pull them over his undercover cops and you do them that way and that's what I knew that's the lifestyle from North Bergen there's a criminal enterprise and just one big party scene

shoot the Washington Heights get the call girls party all night and the bad parts when they're looking for you the cops when they know it's you that's a bad part that's the fucking bad part

and you're coming down off that blow and you spent the money you know they're looking for you god damn how many nights I go to bed

knowing somebody was looking for me you know always somebody was looking for me in those fucking days I mean Gary we got started in this young and when I talked to you yesterday

for the first time I couldn't believe how good you sounded because I can tell him your voice you're done, for starters. You've done your time. Yeah, you know, after so much time, it just breaks you. You don't want it, you know, you realize it's a bunch of bullshit. And all those years, it's up to you to change, not the system.

The system, they'll give you shit about no one. No one. It's up to you. It's amazing that we've had this talk. Yeah, they want you to fucking fail. They want you. Once you're in the system, it's so hard to get out. Like, not to, because once you're in the system,

If you get into a fist fight, that affects your system. So, yeah, now you got... Yeah. Xxed years for that. Now, Attica, next year, three more years for amputating his kids' body parts. And I copped out to another three years more because he pressed charge on me. So how... For taking his ears off and eating them on them.

No, you did not. Shit, yeah, I did, man. You're a bad, motherfucker. The other people, like, who I was doing it to, they just took their medicine, didn't press charge, I went to, you know, the box shoe for like six months. That's it, but, you know, this one guy, like, after a while, he knew I kept on doing it, so he figured, you know, he'd get a lawsuit at the stake because that was my M.O.

You know, people like, you know, the poke you up and all that, I'll just amputate you. I'll just figure your whole face, take your nose off. Remember Johnny McNeil in them? The McNeil? Yeah, fuck, yeah. From North Carolina. Yeah, I took Johnny's nose off.

That was my first. wrestling in 88, 89, took his whole nose off, he'd all him. John McNeil. Yeah, he was still a younger brother. Right, right, right. Did you get to beef with him? Was he all? Yeah, actually, I was breaking up a fight with him and his other kid, and all of a sudden

he started attacking me. We all caught up, all partied all night. And I didn't want to fight. When I just started doing those wrestle moves and, you know, I just was a 30 street fighter. That's it. That's the way to get out of those. moves. There's no rules in the street side.

No, there ain't no rules. You bite a motherfucking ear, that shit, so you bite you. You know, I've always been surprised, like when you watch UFC and people, oh, he's got a great arm bar. I'll punch you in that fucking nut sack with that other arm. Your fucking arm bar will end right there. I will crush that

fucking one nut with the hand I got. Now, how many prisons were you in, Gary? How many prisons were you in? Eight, eight different ones, eight different maxes. I started from a base side and I went to Lawway, Northern State, and then I went to Downstate, then the Attica. Attica was a straight-up nightmare.

Where the fuck is Attica at? Attica? Yeah. Attica's where the riot happened in 71, September 13th. And they make sure you never forget. All 40 people were killed there by the National Guard, and they executed everyone in that yard and deblocks. Now, Attica is in New York State. Yeah, it's up by Buffalo, Wyoming County.

Okay. Yeah, it's Maxi Max. Holy See, you know, you got all the high-profile guys there from Mark Chapman. You got killed John Lennon. You got Joe Rifkin up there, the Syria killer, Zodiac Killer, Eddie, Eddie Cedar. He had crazy dude. He was a virgin until he came to prison until he had sex with him. Are you fucking serious?

I'm that serious, man Actually, it's still in the article If you go to up Because in New York Magazine came and interviewed him Because his lover wants to get a sex change operation Wants to State pay for it So they did the article about it And they talked about the prostitution ring up there in Anika

With the she mails that the COs run And CBOC, you know, you get the CO2 packs And you pay the she-mail what you want And you get like a half-hour in the cell Yeah, they got a whole bunch of them up there And that's how we first had sex Was with a she-mail, China Blast Ex-Latin King

Yeah, you gotta read the article April, April issue of 2004 To still be in there So what's a she-mail? Do they have a pussy of a shemail? They just got tits And they suck your dick You can fuck them with the ass

Yeah, well, they consider their pussy Their ass, you know They ass, their pussy And you got a lot of guys Who do it a lot of time, man They ain't going to show no shame. They're going to go in there and have their way with them. It's just the way it is up there.

It's a different lifestyle. I bet a she-mail could suck a hell of a dick, dog. One of them she-mails with a half-of-fucking wig on and some mascaraara, they'll suck your dick to the first level of skin falls off from fucking she-mails. And they can fight, too. They got a good knuckle game. You know, they might be taking me the ass and sucking dick. But you test them, then knock you out and take your ass.

make your ass all bloody and shit what uh who else is up there who else is up there at adika uh what do you call joe rick in the city of the lowland island yeah burkowitz up there son of sam you see that motherfucker walking around yeah they moved

from the sol of him now up there because uh he uh born again christian so he does like a ministry up there um you had the happy land killer from the Bronx who killed all those people in the fire, like 90 people. And you talk to these people, Greg, or Gary, or you stick to yourself?

No, you know, I open up conversations with them. And it ain't like, you know, I'm going to double bunk with these guys or take a bowl of food. But, you know, you'd be nice to be nice. Actually, Mark Chalmers actually a good guy. You know, what he did to John, that he got to live with that. But I treat him the way he treated me. And that's how I do it. You know, no one that dictates me who to hate or who not to.

That ain't me. Like Eddie at the ODFEL, the copycat one from New York. Yeah. He's just a bug out, but he's dangerous, dude. Like, you get a hold of a zipgun. That was his specialty, making homemade zip guns. So you get him pissed off. He could just sneak up into you sell and make one of those homemade zip guns

and bless you in that. So you don't want to get certain people like that pissed off. The only reason I was up there is because I was high-profile escape this when I escaped from Jersey. And all I had was not to my stomach when they first sent me there. But you just either wolf and nail or you pray, period. You got to do what you got to do to survive in there. How many times did you escape, Gary? I escaped actually twice from there custody.

In Northbury? What jail did you escape from? The last one was Hudson County. I had to go of a 21-foot-foot-bawire fences. I had to go underneath his guard tower. Then I had this from the Hockensap River. Almost drowned like three times there. And I was bleeding bad from the razor wire.

Caught me right in my head, my chest, my arms. And then my girl was meeting me on the other side. And straight to New York. And I had my people take care of me from them. And then I got busted with the last bank. job after that. In Westchester County with the Chase Manhattan Bank with helicopters and dogs

and they were stomping the shit out of me when they captured me and asked me, you know, where's the money, where's the guns? And I'm speaking in tongues because I ain't letting me know who I am, so I figured you know, I'm speaking of unknown language that they think that they can't copy hands, they stop

beating me. So when they're working me back to the police station, they're trying to get me interpreter through the Allmap with these flags and East of European, and I'd just be like, Shereka Boko Wanda. No, I'm not talking them all. Just speaking in tongues like that. And it worked

for like an hour and two, uh, they came back with fingerprints with two pieces of pizza and a soda and saying, uh, Gary, we know who you are. And we know you speak English. That's when, uh, big dogs came in. Control of it. And then, uh, my girl was actually trying to get me out again

to break out. Got caught with, uh, Hamer. Chisnell, worse and the county taking out their window frames almost got out

one more time and, uh, but in the end, I'm glad I didn't because all I would have done to make the situation worse and I'm just grateful

to have my life back. That's the main thing because she wasn't worth it because all she did was split took the money and started like banging some other guy. There's no loyalty

into that. No, that's not, it's. so you're single now yeah absolutely uh still a virgin too since they came home

for a month kind of nervous to be honest I would talk about it yesterday it's like a dream you're walking around a fucking dream right now bro yeah because you don't know because you know they still got the leash on me the feds the state

and uh any little thing they can just come and uh take you back so you know I don't get high I get in their clean yarns. I work part-time. I do the programs. You know, I focus on me first. That's the whole thing, data.

For your own sanity. I'm surprised I didn't put you in a halfway house or something as a transition. Hey, actually, that's what happened. The feds put me in the federal reentry program March 15th last year, 2011. And I went there for the 48 hours to Newark, to the taller place. and when I came back from a Thursday of Social Security card from back to the federal entry program I was with my cousin and my mom

on a five-hour pass and I come back and then marshals come in and draw guns on me and bring me back St. Jersey stores are all water for you that your time ain't running correctly. Like all my time long time wasn't coming on New York and my fellow friends. But it's all retaliation from when I last escaped. They weren't giving me the credit. So April 4th when I was done my

federal time, Jersey took me back to their custody, and they were telling me straight up, we don't care what the court says, should time running return, you shouldn't never escape, did all that stuff, and we ain't letting you go, we're tapping out five more years. I told him all my time run concurrent. It took me 19 more months

to get in front of a judge to see what they were doing was illegal. And on November 2nd, he forced him, you're going to release this man immediately from custody. This man, Maxis' time now while he was in New York and federal custody.

and his time did run concurrent. And then the hurricane happened, so I had to wait another week for a state worker to release me from prison. And that's how I got out from a Hudson County judge and the state. The prosecutors didn't even oppose the motion. They saw I was being healthy illegally,

19 more months illegally. Yeah, some dirt bags yet. If it wasn't for the state and the judge looking at it, I'd still be there for like another four or five more years. What do you want to do with your life about? What do you want to do that you're out now? To be honest,

you spend quality time, my family, do the right thing, work, you know, get a good bail. You know, go talk to troubled kids in the high schools, the ones who were in detention and stuff. Because, you know, when I was younger, I never had no one to talk to me, you know, about the consequences of what you do. Little things lead the big things.

Well, look who you had around you. Look who you had around you. I was your uncle, you know. using all the good role models, though. But looking back, it's a lesson learned. Everything is pre-written, I believe. It's like it's just a product of our environment. And I believe certain people have experienced certain hardships

so the rest don't got to go through it. And if someone can, like, learn from my experience and stay away from the criminal world, the DRA. You know, when I was doing the things, I never thought about the consequences of the time that they give you. And that shut your lights out because the system was designed purposely for, not the rich, for the poor. And for where we come from, that's all we knew was hustle.

That's it, make money. And that's all you see in there. It's just like, you know, regular average people. You don't see too many. really wealthy people, except in the federal system, white-collar things, but they got to put someone in the way to make a look there. That's just the way the system's designed. They don't educate you.

I believe in school everybody should, like, have a basic understanding of the law of each crime in that state. Like, if you get cold with drugs, it's how much time you face, if you do a robbery, burglary, whatever, that's how much time you'll face. I was ignorant to law. I never knew about it. to go in front of the court, especially you get a public defender.

They sell you out one, two, three. Yeah, they got 90 people on that fucking caseload. They just look at the gain experience. They trade you in. And they give a child molester the less time. That's the crazy part. They give them like a one to three and go home and come right back. But, you know, stick up here.

They want to give you a life sentence. Well, there's always a potential for Voxi. It was the same thing with my case. I didn't know, Gary. And that's a great point. you do not know what you're doing until you do you know now we got law and order you know so the last 25 years people got educated on law and order we didn't have law and order you know we had fucking Hawaii 50 the original you know when I kidnapped the guy I didn't know that was kidnapping I thought that you put in a gun to somebody and making them go to another room is just a thing you did when I turned myself in I had three fucking chapters of kidnapping one two and three and aggravated robbery and burglary and accessory to a felony. I had like six fucking charges, Gary.

That all I thought was that I tried to rob the guy. I didn't know nothing about these fucking things. And mandatory, I had a plea bargain, Gary, because if not, they were going to double the time on me. So if you have a... Yeah, you go to trial, lose. Yeah, lose. You know, crime of violence.

If you lose, they give you 24 years, it's times two. It's 48 fucking years. So they don't even let you take the chance. They don't even want you to take the chance that may be through fucking something. could change the fucking jewelry. You could do something. Because in the back of my mind, Gary, I had been getting away with it for so long

that I thought I was invincible. I can't lie here between that and the blow. I thought I was going there and charming with my charisma. You know what I'm saying? They don't give a fuck about funniness or nothing. That's why I learned about, and that's what you are hearing your voice, man. You've claimed responsibility.

Yeah, absolutely. And that's the biggest thing prison teachers. you was claiming responsibility, man. You know, even though all those years, I didn't allow the system to make me better, ever. You never do that. Because when you come out better, the system won. Indirectly, that's what they want.

You have so much hate and then do something, and then lock you up and they can say, see, see these guys never change. Lock them all up. They come up with new laws. Lock this dude up forever. This one, forever. Just to control the population like that.

that, anything. And that's how they manipulate the public. Most people ain't educated about the law like that. They don't care about no one but themselves. It's all about money. The law when they keep you in, the more money they get. Yeah, the prison's, you know, it's funny. When I got arrested in Washington State, it was the most evident, Gary, because if you get bailed out, they won't let you out right away. So if you get bailed out at 9 the morning, let's say Lee came and bailed me out at nine, they won't let me go to 8 o'clock at night because they want to get the money from the state. So they want to charge the state for that extra day. They're hoping you do something stupid to freak out and get a new charge.

And you know, listen, one thing that I got to tell you is that, you know, you think about those situations, you're like, but it's us that put ourselves in there. You know, that's why they can't educate on it because some people are responsible. At our age, Gary, we weren't responsible. You know, we weren't ready to take on the world on the world's terms. You know, that's all it is. And we made a mistake, and you're out, man. And I tell you, when I talked to you on the phone yesterday, when I hung up with you, I felt so good.

Because you sound fucking tremendous compared to what you sounded like 20 years ago. Hey, Gary. Hey, Gary, this is Lee, the producer. He wants to ask you a question. I just had a quick question. Sure, absolutely. Because I'm 24. So you were basically in jail for,

my entire life. And I just, I'm trying, I'm trying to think of how you could, like, how, what it would feel like to be somewhere for 24 years and then, like, your entire world changing. Could you explain? Like, I can't even imagine what it would be like to be somewhere for that long. And then suddenly they just, like, letting you go. See, the whole thing is, like, I was telling other people, the biggest shock thing is, like, I step right from the past into the future. Because from when I see people who I last saw me, like, My age from 22 to now, it like breaks my heart because you see them age, and they look so different. I don't even recognize them to say who they are.

It's a big, you know, the technology, especially just, I don't even know how to like basically comprehend the remote control still. They got to show me how to do just little things like that, even with the phone, the computer, all that stuff like that. Just the style, the clothes. I'm step right into the future exactly how it is. Just like that. It's a big, big shot. It's scary. I'm not going to lie.

I'm scared of it. Definitely, yeah. Did you ever run into where it was like people, where you were comfortable in jail and then coming out was kind of, you didn't know how to act or are you just ready to get out? You know, you always have like, you know, your strategy, how you want to go out and present yourself. Yeah, you think about it during the years, you know, you have motivation to music.

you listen to music and you program your mind that way how you you know you want to come out and uh you know especially like seeing my family it's a hard thing especially see my mom you know like what she thinks like you know you did all that time and see my mom age and stuff it just breaks my heart it doesn't see my nephews i didn't even get to see him when i was uh away and when you see him now the old adults and uh that that's the hard part like that missing all those years It's, it's, uh, you got to experience it firsthand to like really comprehend it. And just, uh, eating good food. And like in a ways, I still feel like I'm in prison.

I'm not going to lie. The first few days I couldn't go to sleep because I'll say if I fall asleep, I wake up, I'm still in prison. So you have many days, uh, going to sleep and you wake it up and you're still in prison. So it's just, uh, those things is what's still trouble. I'll tell you something, guys. You know, I should, go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead.

Finish your thought. Yeah, like, at times, it's still difficult to even go to sleep. I still like toss and turn. Like, when I'm in the house and when I go to sleep, I just look at it as like a big-ass cell, a nice cell with a TV when I'm in the room. That's it. And hopefully, you know, I just adapt and all those waves get behind me.

I got you, Gary. I got to tell you, I got you, man. I don't ever want you to go back. You sound so fucking good. And I'm going to tell you something, Gary, the last time I saw you, I had a death wish, man. And I know so did you. You know, we were just bringing guns on a plane and buying blow,

bringing it back to Colorado. I was doing a death wish, and I'm happy. I ended up doing those four years that let me get to here, you know. And, I mean, I remember bringing you a gun and your mom shooting it or something. Who'd she shoot at? you or your brother. Yeah, my mom shot at me. Yeah, I was talking too much shit.

She had the 357. And, uh, you know what's funny about that? It was a lesson learned when she did that. This was all over Danny and Gina going to get married and she didn't prove of it. And I was talking all shit. And she's like, that's it? And she went up, got the 357 and just shot right. They went right past my head.

All she did was fall down. And, uh, Cissy and, uh, was trying to get the gun away from her. I didn't come home for like a few days. And you know what? I never talked shit to my mom since then, ever. No, no. That's, uh... I never did.

I never did. And like when my sister talk shit to my mom, I tell my mom, you know, go get a gun and shoot at her. Maybe she'll learn. You know, I always tell her that. Now, where do you have to go today, Gary?

I got to go see my parole guy in, uh, any second, because I got to be there by 10.30 in Red Bank. Okay. And then six o'clock I got to see my federal guy tonight. But we're going to check in with you from time to time to see how you're doing and help you out in your transition. Yeah, absolutely.

We're going to put some in the mail for you. You know, I love you to debt. I'm proud of you, man. You made my fucking week. I'm proud of you more, man. You made my fucking week because I always like when I talk to my friends. I want them to sound good. And you really did a good job, man.

I'm proud of you and I love you with all my heart, man. I love you too, Coco. But I got to get running to go. No, no worries. I want you to call here every three weeks. I want you to call here. All right, I want you to check in with us and let us know if we could get you a job long distance. We'll do whatever we can in Jersey to help you out, right?

He's in rent back. I appreciate that. Yeah, man. Give me a call. I'll give you a call later on. I'll give you a call later on. I'll chat, man. Okay, problem.

Thank you, man. I love you. Say goodbye to guy. I love you at all my heart. I'm proud of you, man. Thank you, brother All right Stay black

God bless you, brother You're two men That was fucking heavy guys I want to cry Because I knew this kid When he was 14 And he had no chance Guys

When I tell you that he had no chance He was surrounded by animals He was surrounded by animals You guys would never fucking know In fact I'm gonna see his cousins Tomorrow in San Diego Those are the cousins That used to send us weed

from California to Jersey in the 80s. It was unbelievable, guys. And if you know anything about me, you know that I'm heartbroken, but I'm ecstatic. He was biting people's fucking hemp between, motherfucker. This is why I come from. And that's the other side of me that I've always fought to avoid. Because in the back of my mind, I really don't give a fuck. Lees around me all the time.

You know, I don't give a fuck. You know, if I didn't have my wife and I didn't have guys like you in my life and Rogan and the R.E. and stuff like that, because I can't let you guys down. And that's the most important thing in life. And even this kid, I mean, he was 14, driving me to the airport. You think he was worried about having a license at 17? You know when Rogan tells that story for years

that they'd walk around with a license? We were groomed not to walk around with licenses. Yeah, because then they don't know you are. Yeah, I mean, at 14 and 15, he robbed a bank with a fishing line. You motherfuckers couldn't think of that if your life depended on him. you. He fucking stuck a fishing line with a hook in a night depository and took dirty grand out of something. And then he said when it was too hard, he would just jam the lock and then rob him. But I have two questions. Go ahead, brother.

The first thing I was thinking is, you did four, which is, if I had to do four, I probably would, I'd punch a guard. Well, four I did two, but it cost me three solid fucking years of my life. I'd punch a guard and go into solitary immediately. Right. Could you do 20-something years, do you think? Lee, I could have done anything at that age. At that age, where he went in, I could have done 20 years.

Because I thought that that was where my final result was going to be. That's in my, after, you know, in 84, I came out here. After my five years after my mother died, and that's, I was so high from 80. I was so, I had my friends. I had so many people around me that once I got out of high school and I got to being alone, is when the death dawned on me. So, yeah, in 79, my mother died, I had a death wish. By 84, my friend, I had a bigger death wish

because the pain and the reality had set in. I wasn't special. I had nothing coming to me. There was no money in the will. My stepdad wasn't giving nothing. So I lashed out of the world. You know, when you don't get believing God, you don't give a fuck. And I remember coming out here, visiting my uncle,

and I asked him for money. And he said, no. So my result was to rob him. But what made him, what made me want to rob him wasn't the money angle of it. It was something he said to me. He said that the shit I was doing was in my jeans. And he goes, you're never going to change

because it's in your jeans. He goes, don't be mad at yourself. It's your mother's fault the way she raised you, her stabbing somebody in Q by the young age, didn't help things. It's in your jeans. So that made me feel worse about myself. So it made me even go, and I robbed him.

I tried to rob me out of that gun. point. And today we talk, you know, with Titan, whatnot, but I was ready to, I was ready to die. When I tell you people, that I look at my wallet and I see a union card for SAG,

I can't believe it. I can't believe I have a union card. I can't believe I'm going to be 50 in February. That's crazy. I didn't dream of this. And that's the other thing I was thinking, and it's a little bit different because you're having a daughter, but when you hear of a story like that, and he had a rough

child and he grew up rough and you're bringing a daughter and it would does it impact the way you're going to raise her do you think? Absolutely absolutely you know anything you do with a child when you're raising them what's the word is irrelicable? You can't bring it back if you teach your kid at four

to say fuck you're never going to get them to stop it's irrelevant whatever that word is because we're their fucking idols where we have for them you know when you smoke a half a joint in front of your fucking kid. You don't think that affects your kid? When your kid finds your weed, you don't think that affects your kid because now it makes him okay to do that. It makes him okay to do that. You know,

I don't know what's going to happen in 20 years of my child. I don't even know if I'll be here, so I won't think about it. But what I will think about is how I'll behave from here on end, because you're responsible for everything. Listen, I've done too much the last 40 years to be responsible for everything at this point. This shit I forget. When people call me, this shit I forgetly but you know everything matters when you raise a child the people you put around them and how you talk to your child and like I said I'm very fucking fortunate to be and I didn't have a rough child that I don't ever want people to believe all you some big bad streets and there's no big bad streets that's what the media tells you there's just relationships in life and how

you handle them when you're out there the street is a mentality is a way of life instead of the streets that's all bullshit that's what people want you to think yeah it's the same way people want you to think that when, you know, fucking this guy does Lincoln, I'm supposed to suck his dick. You know what I'm saying? Anybody can fucking impersonate. Oh, well, he's a British actor.

Get it together. People are saving lives. Yeah. Those are the people that you fucking bowed down to this, this fucking hero yesterday that died, you know, this seal team guy, or fireman, or doctors when they make.

Those are the motherfuckers that are important because they're letting us move forward. Yeah. They lose their lives for us to move forward. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. What do I give a fuck about some performance? and Dracula or some fucking

Dwight or all that shit is fucking obsolete, you know what I'm saying? It doesn't. But I'm proud of this kid. And I know a lot of people are in this predicament right now in their lives, they're youngly, and they don't know what to do. I get emails from people, I'm thinking of slinging drugs, I'm thinking of doing this, you know, when you

don't have a way to eat it. But there's two different things. There's people who sling drugs because their kids eat. You want their kids to eat, and they're in a bind in their life or whatever. I can't justify it at any level, but there's people who sling drugs just to have a nice lifestyle talk shit that was me I didn't want to go to work I didn't want to do the work yeah so I thought that selling drugs and hanging out of bar

at night was fucking cool I ain't fucking cool you know what are you drinking oh have a drink with me what a fuck of you the fuck out of my face so it's amazing the things you learn and what becomes important and not important you know and he said he said he wanted to talk to troubled youth and I was thinking about it would that have made a difference to you do you think it depends who did it and how they sold it. Okay. You know, I wasn't stupid at fucking 14. I had been around my stepfather.

I had been around Tati. I had been around fucking straight-up gangsters. My mother had a bar. I'd seen shootouts. You know, I seen it. So don't come on to me like, you know, those guys on TV. But what the fuck you? It's the fucking quiet guys you got to worry about.

Yeah. It's the quiet guys that look at your grin and go, and turn around and come back and stab you. It's not the loud mouths like me that you want to fuck with me. motherfucker it's the guys you smack and they fall down and they giggle

they wipe their face and they go okay you know you got me you're a king and two nights later when you're coming home they're coming out

from under a fucking bush stabbing you hit you in the head with a fucking pipe those are the guys you gotta be scared of the quiet motherfuckers

the ones that don't say shit to you know I'm saying but I hope you people get something out of this there's nothing in that behind those cells man

and I could have done 20 years they could have done anything you know I could have done anything but I didn't want to give my life was worth a little fucking more than being in a cell and when you do time you're giving away your manhood even a woman gives away her manhood because even a woman has a little couple things of respect of them and being a man you lose a lot and either you want to live without that loss I can't live without that I can't no man can kick my bed and tell me to get up bro that's why I asked him because I would have expected that he would have like there's a scene in her a Shoshang Redemption where the old guy

just couldn't handle it. Right. And he seems like he's just like he it's kind of like you with the Coke. It seems like at a certain point it clicked with him. He's like fuck, I don't want to... What am I going to do?

Get out and come right back in six months. So, I mean, it seems like he's fucking on the right path. I'm trying to write a book right now. You have to have a common thread in that book to describe your life, you know? And me and the editor have gone back and forth about the demons

be trying to get back by a loss as a child. With me, Let me tell you always kept me if I can go with my friends. I didn't want my friends to feel. You ever talk to, like I told you a thousand times, you ever talk to somebody and I go, hey man, you hear from Johnny? And you go, I haven't heard from Johnny anymore.

You know, he only comes around when he needs something. I hate that term. And I never wanted to be that guy. I always wanted to come around, but give you a payoff. If you help me out, I wanted you to know that. I had your back. What does that mean? I have your back.

You know, your enemies become my enemies. I got your fucking back. Okay, I got your back. What does that mean that if you call me a 4 in the morning and we need to go stab somebody, we go. We don't think about the fucking repercussions. We go. Okay, I don't think

about your bank account. We go. We go and we do this because if you let them do this, then they're going to do something else. And it's like that thing of the Godfather. They should have stopped fucking Hitler at Munich. You know what I'm saying? If they wouldn't stop Hitler at Munich, they wouldn't have had this. So you've got to stop anything.

Assaults on your personal life or something like that. you have your back. I never want to let my friends down. My friends mean everything in the world to me. I would hate to let that woman down and then. I would hate to let you down. You know, if I went out tonight and sold the gram of Coke and I got arrested, guess what, Blie?

You wouldn't give a fuck. I mean, you would. But guess what? I'd ruin the podcast. I'd ruin this for us by me going to do this. So I would hurt you. You know, and that's what I can't do to my friends. Once you have people that go to bat for you,

and I was really lucky that I grew up where I grew up And my friends get the call here 30 years later, and, you know. But that's it, motherfucker. Fuck all this sad talk. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. I want to give a shout out to some of my church of what's happened now. Fucking soldiers.

We're getting a little deeper in here. All right. We got Bad Andy. I want to give him some love. Dead Squad, Connecticut. I love you, motherfuckers. I want to see a Dead Squad in all 50 fucking states. Hawaii, Alaska, Puerto Rico.

They have them. They have them. I want to give a shout out to Mr. 23. my man Kevin Honeycut David Chappaloza Ethan Mars Didem, Buchrod Silent Rebellion

You bad motherfucker My favorite Asian Yen Fu You bad motherfucker Go eat some karate today Cogsuck Be Shmaws Frank Bertini

I love you with the fucking beard John Fadden and Tommy Leonardo I want to give you a shout out Today's fucking movie I want to talk to you Like I said man The only lock you got in this life is yourself

Today's movie I really want to talk to you about I said something I talk a lot of shit And the beautiful thing about me is sometimes When I talk shit I will come back and tell you I talk shit You know, me and Rogan and Red Band One of the podcasts when they're talking about

The best movies came out in the 70s And I talked to Sam about music and shit like that I'm just talking shit A lot of great things came out in the 70s But I could argue with you to the end And they're a little better in the 80s A little better than the 90s A little better than it was coming out today

But I'm going to tell you something the last couple years still great movies come on great fucking music and I love it and I love to tell you and when I think about movies like yesterday one of my guys is busted my balls that I should do this and what's my favorite

army movie and I try to you know I'm making a list of the westerns like I said I could give you the movies that everybody likes to. I can just sit here and be a fucking conduit and type in the hundred top movies and just anybody could say gone with the wind. Anybody can say the godfather and all these movies

I want to give you guys something that you take home something from. And those are the movies that I fucking love. And when I first came to this town in 97, I came here with the wrong ideas. You know what I'm saying? What do you mean? I came here to buy time. I was like Richard Gehan, Officer and a gentleman.

I had nowhere else to go. So I had an opportunity to perform at the comedy store. I had an opportunity to live with Doug Stanhope. So I came to L.A. I wasn't prepared to go back to Boulder and be a family guy and try to raise that kid. I wanted to give stand-up a shot. I never thought I was good enough for L.A.

I never really thought I could ever make it here. But I just wanted to come watch, just so I knew in my heart that I had come and tackled this motherfucker. And I don't know what happened. I ended up watching this movie with Denzel and the guy from La Bamba and some chick about an Iron Bill movie. I forget what the name of the movie is not important. But there was an actor in that movie that was really skinny

and he was really cool and whatnot. I liked him, and I heard his name was, who wrote Goodwill Hunting? Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. It was Matt Damon. And something made me watch Goodwill Hunting. I think Goodwill Hunting is one of the best movies to come out the last 20 years in more ways than one. I mean, fucking Mark and Mindy was brilliant, the Matt Teacher was brilliant,

Ben Affleck was fucking brilliant, and Matt Damon was fucking brilliant. I think this movie hit home with me in so many ways. because it made me realize that I had to commit here. Lines in the movies, things that were said, but also their story. They had been here for years banging around. They took their life into their own hands because they remember where the fuck they were from.

They're from fucking Boston, Massachusetts. Home of the Boston Red Sox and the Boston Bruins and the motherfucking Boston Celtics who got more championships than anybody in the fucking world. You got to remember where the fuck you're from time. So Ben Affleck and the other fucking dude, Matt Damon, wrote a script that was. It was fucking beautiful.

Got nominated for nine Academy Awards and it won two of them. But there's a scene in this movie that grabs you that you just want to fuck. And this is how I feel because this is what I want to do for my friends. I wanted my friends to say, you know what? Yeah, he does this, he does this, but I'm proud. I wanted my friends to be proud. Hit it Lee, show these motherfuckers to see. Look, you're my best friend, so don't take this the wrong way.

20 years, if you're still living here, coming over my house, watch the Patriots game. I'm still working in construction. I'll fucking kill you. That's not a threat. That's a fact. I'll fucking kill you. What the fuck are you talking about?

Look, you got something none of us. Oh, come on. Why is it always this? I mean, I fucking owe it to myself to do this. What if I don't want to? No, no, no. You owe it to yourself, cossucker. You owe it to me.

Because tomorrow I'm going to wake up and I'll be 50. And I'll still be doing this shit. That's all right. That's fine. I mean, you're sitting on a winning line. You need too much of a pussy to cash it in. And that's bullshit. Because I'd do fucking anything to have what you got.

So would any of these fucking guys. It'd be an insult to watch the few I still here in 20 years. Hanging around here is a fucking waste of your time. You don't know that? I don't? No. You don't know that? No, I don't know that.

Let me tell you what I do now. Every day I come by your house and I pick you up. When you go out, we have a few drinks and a few laughs and it's great. You know what the best of you do? best part of my day is for about 10 seconds from when I pull up to the curb when I get to your door. Because I think maybe I'll get up there and I'll knock on the door and you won't be there. No goodbye, I know see you later, no nothing. I'm just left. I don't know much, but I know that. That's what I'm talking about, brother. So today it's Wednesday, you owe it to yourself.

Fuck the Mayans. They're going on the end of the world. The end of the world is when you fucking decides the other fucking world. It's when you fucking decide you, these motherfuckers can't fuck with you no more. Thank you for Gary Bohannon. I want to thank Ralphie Mae for calling today. I want to thank you guys for paying attention. Listen, go to honor. Start your

year off right. Start your year off. Fucking healthy. Look at my skin. I'm looking better. My dick's working. My wife's pregnant. It all happened because I started taking care of myself. We'll do this together as a fucking family. You know, hit me on Twitter. Let me know, Joey. I lost two pounds. I'm eating more apples.

I'm shitting more. I'm slinging dick more. You know, I love you, motherfuckers. All the guys I mention, you guys are soldiers. Leon, Delavagus up there. The only Latino who loves me in the world. I love you, cocksucker. Farhad Ali, your fucking Arab cocksucker.

I love you too, motherfucker. San Diego tomorrow night. End of the world. December 21st for Rogan and the boys. Lysayat, what do you want to tell these people? You got a lot for me this week. Are we doing one Sunday? Not this Sunday.

I don't know. We'll figure it off. We'll figure it off. If we do it, we'll let you know Saturday. I'm going to steal this cat. cat with Harry. That's good. No, that's Gray. That's great. Grace Leppel me last night. I got up in the middle

night, Gray was right next door to me. So listen, do me a favor. Start today. Go to On it. Get that strong bone. Get that new mood so you get some sleeping you, get the alpha brain. It all starts with you taking care of yourself and whatnot. It's not about the fucking drama, the drugs and all that shit.

As far as we'll be back. The movie we showed you was Goodwill Hunting. Yeah. With Sinatra's birthday today, light a candle for the motherfucker. sing my way and get your digs up at the same time. Light a candle. Light a candle.

Do whatever it is you guys do. Have a great weekend. I love you. If not, I'll see you tomorrow night in San Diego. Thank you very much for listening. You guys in my heart. Don't forget Testicle Testaments. It's all on iTunes.

The documentary is on payload. Selling like a motherfucker. Thanks to you guys. Have a great week. We might see you Sunday. We might see you Monday. I love what's a music league. Depecheon.

The world through my My motherfuckin' eyes. The Pesh mode for all you guys out there gargling fucking sperm this morning. You want a little fucking suck. To jump up and d'ant. I love you. The deepest podcast we had yet.

Yeah. Deep. Deep and shit. Deep. Hit itly. We're ending it with gargling comments. Oh shit. I want to give a shout out to Mishivitz.

Fucking making this beautiful poster of the church. Hit itly. Boom, boom. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, do you think today, motherfucker, it's Wednesday. Get out there, snake dick, tell them all this suck your dick. You got it coming.

Oh shit.