The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #126 | LEE SYATT | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: December 22, 2021

Welcome to The JOINT..... It's Wednesday, December 22nd..... Today we talk with our favorite Savage, LEE SYATT! This episode is brought to you by Lucy.co, CBD Lion & DraftKings….. Go to https://www.Lucy.co Use PROMO CODE: JOEY for 20% OFF! Go to https://www.cbdlion.com Use Promo Code: JOEY For 20% OFF Your Order! Download the DraftKings SportsBook or Fantasy Apps & Enter Code: JOEY https://www.DraftKings.com/sportsbook to receive $150 in Free Bets when you Bet $5 on any NBA Team…. Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #LeeSyatt The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Ep. 67 - Gary Foster aka The JOINT Drummer - https://youtu.be/o2svhBr59Js Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

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It's the day before motherfucking... No, it's three days before Christmas. I'm fucking retarded. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? It's Wednesday, the 22nd of December. We got two days of shoplifting. Fucking three days before Christmas, it's going to be a great week, guys. I'm looking so forward to this.

I'm feeling so much fucking... better. I'm looking forward to the holidays this year. We will not have any shows next week. We're going dark next week. Mikey needs a breather. I need to breathe. I got to look for an office. We're going to refix this one a little bit. Change this one around.

Mikey threw in some speakers, some JBL, so we could have the album of the week or the fucking nightmare of the week. That's the album next week. I'm going to start doing the nightmare album of the week. But we got some JBL speakers in here. So we're just kicking off this motherfucker for 2022. But I just wanted to check in with you motherfuckers and let you know. Everything is fucking beautiful.

Today is our first annual church reunion Christmas. Lee Syed is coming on for a little fucking commentary today to wish you guys all a happy holidays and a great new year. You know, it was great talking to fucking Lee, man. It was just great. It was great to see him. He looks like, so he's all fucking bone. His shoulders are all bony. His head is bigger.

But he looks fucking beautiful, man. He's got a relationship going. not with some crazy fucking bitch from L.A. He had so many crazy fucking people in his life in L.A. Just like me, that's what happens. He had this chick called ayahuasca that would call him up and talk to him about Rogan. I mean, it was just crazy.

She just wanted... She was dying to do ayahuasca. He had milkshake, the chubby chick, that they broke the bed together. I mean, there was just so many fucking weird things. I'm so happy he's around normal people. Me, I'm fucking happy. You guys sat here with me for fucking nine months.

while I was struggling my fucking ass off and I owe you guys everything. People left. Some people said I was fucking, I lost it. I was just going through a fucking time in life, man. It happens. And you're all going to go through it. I hope you don't,

but we all go through a fucking period. You know, Rich Voss told me a couple weeks ago, he goes, bro, it's stressful when you move. You got up and moved across country with kids and everything. And you know what? It's over. I'm happy I did it. I have such a good life now in New Jersey.

And I know a lot of people are like, what the fuck? How come you're not doing stand-up? Let me tell you something, man. I put my time in, and I'm just enjoying life now. Like, I told Lee in the interview, this is the first time my life I've learned how to relax. Like, I never relaxed in my life. Do you know what that's like since I was 16, since 1979?

I never had a fucking breather in my life. I never enjoyed a family. That shit I had in Boulder was all bullshit. as you could see. You know, nobody talks to me from there. That family was just a fucking warm-up starter family. This is my family, and I was traveling a lot. You know, I was in it.

I was in it to win it, dog. And one day I thought about it, I wanted to see what was more important. My comedy career or my family, and I chose my fucking family. At this point in my life, when I was 30, I would have told my family, go fuck themselves. If I was 40, I would have probably done the same. But as you get older, you get a little wiser. or that's what they say and you look at your life and you could see more things. I mean, getting old is fucking shitty in some ways,

but the other ways it's not. That's the con that when you wake up in the morning, you hear pops and, you know, you fucking, everything is different, but your mind is what you've got to keep healthy. And that's what I've done. I struggled this year, but I thought, guys, it got to the point. You know how I love to read. I mean, knowledge is, power ayacocca you guys know i love to fucking read i couldn't even read guys i couldn't even sit down

and read a fucking book now i'm starting to just go lightly into books i don't want to get involved in like those bablal lingers books that are fucking this thick but he sent me a new uh led zeppelin book last week that fucking looks interesting as shit and you know i always talk about let listen i got a lot of favorite bands i love black sabbath with all my heart i love judas priest with all my heart I love the foo fighters. I love the fucking the stones, you know. But if I had to compare myself to any band, did you ever do that?

Compare yourself to any band? Let me tell you something. For me to do stand-up, it's got to be wild. I got to walk the wild side. That means some people are going to get, I got to tell some people their cock suckers, some people got to tell them their mother sucks,

some people got to give them the finger. It's a fucking, when you're an animal, you're an animal. You know what I'm saying? When you're not an animal, you go, and you sit with your family and you do whatever. Led Zeppelin I've always loved. You know why?

Because when they were out, they were out. They created nine fucking masterpieces out, well, eight into the outdoor. But whatever, I accepted at least Robert Plant sang a song for his son. But the point I'm trying to get to is that Led Zeppelin lived 100%. And that's why they were animals up on stage. That goes hand in hand. doesn't work for Jim Gaffigan and a lot of other comics. You know, he's a decent guy, Jim Gaffigan.

It didn't work for me. When I was doing comedy, I was in the fucking gutter. That's the only way to do comedy. What does that mean that you're out there? You know, it's like people who get rich and you ever see the devil's advocate, Al Pacino takes the train. Why? Because it keeps him in touch with what's going on.

I didn't want to get out of touch like these fucking guys. That's why you see him and they're talking this nonsense. And all of a sudden they become political. and they want to tell you who to vote for, who gives a fuck about all that. You can't control people's lives. I like what you put out. And I always admired what Led Zeppelin put out.

Did you ever see that pictures? They look wrecked. They didn't give a fuck. They were wrecked. They were in this to win this shit. And one day somebody died, they all realized what the fuck happened. And they went on their own little pass.

Yeah, a lot of people were upset that Led Zeppelin didn't perform anymore. But they had done the damage. I had done the damage. I lived like a wild man for 30 years. I did blow for 29 years. Things I'm not fucking proud of. But that made me the comic that I was. Buck Wild, not giving a fuck.

Fuck your mother. Now I see some of those sets. And I'm like, my daughter's going to see that someday. And she's going to go, what the fuck was my dad? An animal? Yeah, he was a fucking animal. But I know I look like a half a fag with this fucking Christmas hat on. This is the worst fucking cry.

I hate wearing these things. But hey, it's Christmas. You got lighten up a little bit. You got to take the stick out of your ass. That's what Christmas is about. I never understood Christmas because I always blamed not enjoying Christmas. I'm losing my parents. That's a bullshit excuse.

That's a bullshit excuse. You know, and I lived by it for years, but after I had my daughter, it changed my fucking mind. Christmas is for these fucking kids, right, Mike? Who gives a fuck about us? I want a Christmas present. Like, I want a black dick up my ass. I don't want to, I can care what. I'm not going to be mad at you if you don't know.

I'm not. Christmas is not about a. Christmas is about these fucking kids. But in fucking closing with you guys, before I bring Lee up, I don't want to take too much of your fucking time on a Wednesday. You guys have been great, and I owe you. I definitely fucking owe you guys for being down and not being 100% me. So 2022 is my motherfucking year, but guess what?

It's also your year too. We will check in with you after Lee and say our goodbyes. I hope you enjoy this. This kid has become a savage, and I'm really proud of him. Enjoy Lee Syatt. What's up, you bad motherfucker? Look at me. I look like fucking the Grinch.

You look beautiful. You're down to bones and shit. What are you down, cock sucker? 142, something like that. Wow. And that's all walking, dieting. Like a savage. You're a new man.

Your dick grew. Oh, it did. It did. It's fun. Yeah, sure. Fuck, yeah. Oh, yeah. It got to the point when I was as big as I was.

I couldn't really reach it in the shower to, to turn on the side or something to reach it. And now I can just see it. Now you can see it. You can fucking play with it. It got a little longer. You gained like an inch and a half. No, you gain like an inch like every 20 pounds.

I gained a bunch of inches. Oh, so you're big dick Lee now and shit. Oh, yeah. You're like fucking, uh, the guy from boogie nights. And don't for, I know you got some medibles over there. We're going deep today, cock sucker. Oh, I wish I. I don't.

I don't. I'm on my lunch break. 100 milligrams. Some sleepy time. I don't understand this. I really don't. ABX puts a 25 milligram sleepy time. You know what?

This is for fucking pussies and faggots. Let me explain something. If you want to sleep, just take a fucking hundred. Be my guess. Why would you take a sleepy time, 25? What the fuck is wrong with you? I would eat the whole thing of these at night. Like, I would put this whole thing in a fucking tea.

It's like 400 milligrams. Jesus doing. Who gives a fuck? Take a chance. Columbus dick, cock's okay? It's the holidays. It's the 12 days. You got to go fucking deep.

As a matter of fact, Check it out. Let's start this party right now. Boom. Oh, oh. You just chew it? We're going deep in the afternoon. This is the church Christmas reunion. We ain't got time to fuck around in this motherfucker.

Merry Christmas and happy Hanukkah. I love it. This is it. And fucking kabush. We got everything here, Habush. You know what I'm saying? You know how about Habush means asshole in Armenian? Really?

Yeah. I'm telling everybody. I won't. I had no idea. I just talked to Bergey yesterday. You're going to have an interesting fucking ride home, cocksucker. Here you go. Salud.

These are 150 apiece these strings. No, they're not. Yes, they are. It's 600 for the whole thing. You get four strings. That's 100. Oh, wow. 400.

Let me see. What the fuck is? I can't. Right there. 400. So 600. Damn, yeah, right. 150 each.

That's strong. I like those sourgummies. It's all over but the shot. You know what I'm saying? It's back. The anxiety's done. The depression is done. I'm ready to slick.

2020, I'm going to stab somebody just out of fucking respect. I think it's time to make the... I'll stab him with like a nail file. Like it won't be deep, like an inch. Oh, good. Like one of those little, you know the little fucking thing that you take the toe jam out of your toe with on your nail cutter? Sure.

It's got a little hook to it right there. Just hook a motherfucker in the nose. It's a small felony. You give him 10 Gs. He disappears. I love it. I hope that works for you. I don't know.

It will. I was like, do you know this is being recorded? I don't give a fuck. I got imposed my will into it, 2021. I was in a fucking coma in 2021 half the year.

I didn't tell nobody to suck my dick. I didn't tell nobody go fuck themselves. I didn't tell nobody that mother smells like a dead rat. You know, I didn't do anything.

I just took shit from people like a half a fag that I am, but now I'm unloading. Are you going to bring back the voicemail message? If you're not a doctor, my lawyer, my agent,

don't leave a fucking message. Go, yourself, you piece of shit calling me. Send a tape. Go fuck yourself. I am so happy. I am out of that world. Lee, I am fucking ecstatic.

It took me like 12 months to unwind from the 23 years of fucking lies and this bullshit that I was given to. But I'm settled, and I'm home. So I hope to see you next January. After you come back from Mexico, you're coming down

for a weekend. Wait until these numbers drop down. The Amaran variant. me, you and Mikey, gonna go to El Nito, eat some black ink pasta. I'll be there in six hours. I don't know. Garlic and fucking, the chicken at this El Nito place is so white. It's so grown, like, organically.

When you look at somebody eating the chicken, you go, how fucking white is that chicken? It's tremendous. It's better than that place in L.A. We went to with YOL. I don't want to badmouth them because I liked it, but that place starts with a V. Versailles. Okay, I don't know. We weren't bad mom.

Yeah, it's better than I like for a side. Jesus Christ, that's not even Cuban. That's fucking, I don't even know. That's like 18 different references. That sucked that place. That's, Oh, wow. I thought it was delicious.

I didn't know, I didn't know much about Cuban. The garlic chicken, they can't fuck up. I mean, yeah, that's good. On the chicken, it's great.

Black beans, they even fucked up a little bit, but I'm just, you know what? Oh, I went to that, you're talking about the Cuban place. But I was,

I was talking about for Sade, but we did also go to that place in, uh, on the east side, had the pork that you liked, the pork chunks. The Cochinito. Oh, yeah. That's a great place.

That girl is still my friend on Facebook. He fired her cousin. Why? Because she's like a freak. You know, she goes to Jiu-Jitsu. She lives weights. Oh, no. He fired her.

So now she's on fucking tour. She hits me up. She's beautiful. I love it at that great kid, man. That's awesome. Oh, those pork chunks were second to none at that plan. Those are the ones I bought for my wedding. I served those pork.

chunks at my wedding dog i don't fuck around with ralph's fried chicken with with ralph's fried chicken and canthas pastrami i catered to all the fucking races the brothers with the chicken the fucking pastrami with the jews and the other one with the spanish people who came black beans and rice fried bananas well i love right at the wedding well that's because everyone thinks i'm crazy all i look at it on instagram now is pictures of food and for some reason it's all jersey places that pop up and you tell me all the time you send me pictures of the Jewish deli you send me and like the only thing

you actually take pictures of is food you take pictures of the food that looks so goddamn good I can't wait to come to Jersey I'm gonna gain like eight pounds in two days Who gives a fuck? I don't care at all That's what I would say to you if you eat that California food and you gain weight you feel

fucking bad when I put two pounds on after I went to all need on I'm like fuck it oh yeah you earned it Who gives the fuck who earned it we earned it It's probably fucking muscle weight. I don't eat desserts, Lee. So it's not like I really attack things like that. Like I watch my weight.

I really watch things. You know, and listen, we're human. Anybody who's dieting or anybody who's trying to lose weight, I mean, Lee's the fucking specialist. But you've got to see daylight once in a while. I'm not, like I go to this place, Lee, that you would understand. As soon as we went in there, you would understand what I'm saying.

The place is called the Marlboro Diner. Okay. they have pretty good food, you know, but like if you go in there, like they have great eggs, great everything, but they have skillets there. And I ordered a skillet a couple weeks ago, and I realized something that what you wanted to eat when you were 25 is not what you're going to eat when you're in your 50s. You just, you know, you evolve on food. But this skillet reminded me of how I ate.

Like whoever, the person who recommended it to me, he's a great guy. I thought the skillet was shitty. You know, like it was just too much bacon. It's four types of cheeses. Oh, that sounds great. I don't know if there's a thing as too much bacon. Dog, it's on a better tater tots. Oh.

Oh. Cheese covered with bacon, ham, and sausage. Fuck. And then they put the two eggs on top of that. I'm not kidding you. The thing comes out like this. All right. I went there, and when they unveiled it, I go, oh, this is great.

I would have ate this as a 23-year. old that you know you know when you get fat when you're 28 you eat anything potato tautch with cheese you don't see it I would have I was I was bad at 32 I would have eaten I'd eat that right now sounds delicious I would have ate it at 32 also but you could see that I ate it and I had to bring I had to run errands and I had to run right home with mercy and fucking shit green diarrhea went right through me because my body wasn't shocked from it like my body can't take that anymore you you're gonna notice as you get older that the shit you like

as a young guy, whether it's Sundays. Like Carvel, I love Carvel. But I go to, I buy the cartwheels. The flying sauces. I bring them home for kids when they come over. I just give out flying sauces and I get the cups with the Sunday. That's what I eat now. I just eat a flying sauce or a week with sprinkles around it.

The vanilla ice cream with the chocolate cookie. That's all I need. But I thought I was going to be there every night, eating fucking milkshakes. And you weren't at all? Like I No. See, that's what I understand about you is Is you had

When we were hanging out You would have more edibles as snacks Than actual snacks Like if you got hungry on an edible You're like well we might as well have another fucking We might as well keep it alive with this brownie or this Dogg you know how many nights I fucking went home And ate munchies and just ate edibles

There was a chocolate bar Or whether it was brownies Because you're already deep You can't get that deeper Yes, you can't No, you can't. Nobody ODs on T-HC. We almost did, though.

I was going to say that. I think there might be proof otherwise of that. But, God, I don't, that's, I can't control it. I just can't. I'm going to Mexico next week, and I'm bringing edibles just so I can take full advantage of the, of the, all you can eat shit. I'm going to, I'm going to call the room service. Because I've never, I don't think I've gotten room service ever. So I'm going to, I'm going to call them like every three hours.

When I said alarms. to wake up, just to have him send me like something. Just to torture him. Oh, yeah. And just to, do me a favor. Just when you get there, give the guy a $50 bill. It's Mexico. I haven't seen a 50 in 20 years. Give him a 50 and get a bell. They go, listen, every time I ring the bell, I want you to come. I'm not going to call you. I'm just going to ring the bell. And every time you come, I throw you a 50. It's like a novelty.

You know, I'm making your week. You're making my week. I always had a fantasy of having a butler, and I can't really afford one. But this on vacation, you know, I can throw 300 your way. So every day I'm going to ring the bell from my room Whatever you're doing dancing Making burritos You're going to stop what the fuck you're doing And you're going to come up

And bring me my fucking flouters You know what I'm saying I'm going to order some exotic Mexican shit Oh well that's because that's why You always tip people You tip like Uber drivers a lot of money You tipped everybody money And no one

Because this is all inclusive So I like my girlfriend has done it a few times She says like you don't even have to tip anybody So you're right. I think if I give anyone like a 10 or 20, they're just going to be knocking on my door. Do you want this? Or like I'm,

because I was thinking about it, dude, like we, I think for the first six out of the eight years, we didn't even take this week off. No, we're taking next week off. See, and like you just look so much happier. Like even just this time of year, you're always happy with mercy and your wife and everything.

But like starting right before Thanksgiving, you'd be a little bit grumpy. Like no one fucking answers the phone this time of year. Can't wait until this is over. I hate it. See, everyone else is excited to get away. You're like,

God damn, and I hate this goddamn time of year. I fucking hate it. I hate being just, I'll tell you what, I'm getting used to it. Right. You have to,

you have to get used to it. If not, you'll fucking kill yourself from anxiety. Mm-hmm. I'm starting to learn how to relax. Wow. I'm starting to learn how to,

I mean, dog, you know it's over when you get a chair. I have a chair now. I have an old man chair that I sit on a recliner, and I cover myself with a blanket. I never in my life thought I would put a blanket on my legs because I'd be cold.

But guess what? I'm doing that now, okay. Do you have a cup of hot cocoa too? No, I'm not that much of a fag. I just, I fucking got Coke Zero at night. That's it. I'm a Coke Zero, motherfucker. One can at night to get the party going.

I like the little bubbly in my throat. That's what they, they should mix cum with coke like for girls that don't like come right off the bat just to help them adjust so the cum goes down with the coke and it tickles their throat and they're like, oh, I like the cum, not really

but with Coca-Cola mixing it. It tickles my throat. I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about, but I'm just inventing things as we go along. It's a new energy drink. Oh shit, the Marat is a debt. I can hear it from here. God, I miss that.

I miss being that high. I'm going to have to, if I didn't have to go back, to work after this, I'd do it. Fuck. I got high Sunday. I went to Jimmy Florentine's house, and I brought 15 milligram gummies, right? 15 milligram.

And I gave, 15? I swear to God, there was 15 a piece. So I gave one guy one, and one guy said, I only eat one. And within 20 minutes, I looked at them, and they were both like, and I'm like, these guys are looking a little fucked up for 15 milligrams. So they're stoners. You know, I went over and talked to them, and the one guy's, you know, and the one guy's Jewish, his name is this. I love him. He's like

fucking Joey Diaz, you're going to fucking kill me. You're not going to be happy till you kill me with these things. I'm fucked up right now. He was saying all this shit to me. So I looked at him and I go, if he got that fucked up from 15, I'm going to eat this motherfuckers. So I ate

the whole bag. It was 270 left. It was 300 for the bag and 15 a piece minus fucking 30. That's 270. I came home and I threw the whole fucking bag down. I think I don't know who I was watching play football. Who played Sunday night?

Was it the Saints and the Buccaneers? Yeah, it was the Buccaneer game. I was high as fuck. I felt like my neck and shit getting high, you know, like when you eating edibles. And I did a couple fucking freeze pipe hits outside. Tremendous. My freeze pipe is starting to get stuck. So I think I have to, yeah, you have to take the fucking free.

That's your own. Listen, I love freeze pipe. I don't like great things about it. There's two guys It's a goose to me I'm sorry There's two that look I'm not lying to you

There's only two knocks I'm always scared That something's gonna break There's so many tubes That you're scared You get high And something's gonna break And that's what happens

When you get high You drop the tube You drop the fucking thing And the other thing I don't like Is the way it clogs Like you just go out there One night And surprise on clogged

So you have to take it Put in hot water with alcohol I've had that happen twice I actually, I got real high on it and I took it out of the freezer and it was a little wet and I was trying to connect it. And because I have the buggler and you have to connect it and it slipped in a break. But they sell replacement pieces. So I just got a new piece and it worked great. The clogging thing, to me, you can't smoke it right out of the freezer.

You got to give it a minute. That's usually how it gets for me. Because they sent me the bong, but I'm kind of scared of using that bong. I'm scared of that bong. That bong is real. That bong has three compartments. It's like an AK-47. That's what I call that bong.

That bong's an AK-47. That'll kill tons of fucking kids. Have you tried it? Or are you sticking with the buggler? No, I'm sticking with the buggler for now. I'll bust out the bong later on. Trust me, it's a beautiful bong. Yeah.

They're beautiful fucking heavy pieces. But the bong has like three pieces. I'm going to eliminate the one because it's not necessary. When you have three pieces and you're fucking trying to smoke and you look like a trombone. Like I feel like the guy from the Rolling Stones With a trombone and fuck Bobby Sacks Whatever his name is and so I fucking take the one middle part off

Just put the freezer part and it's like a foot and a half, you know? Right. If that, if you don't get high on that Then it's time to jump on heroin. Give me a call and I'll send you to a dealer in Newark. Yeah, and it's good. It makes the weed last longer. Am I like between smoking from joints to those? I don't know what it is But I get a lot higher on the freeze pipe. I do three hits of the freeze pipe and I'm right good. I roll a joint and I go outside.

I got to be honest with everybody. Three quarters of a joint, I just throw the other piece away. So I'm going weed away. So I said, fuck it. Why am I wasting weed? I might as well hit it with the fucking freeze pipe and, you know. What did we end up doing with that? Remember we had a film canister with all of our rogers at one point that was literally

we couldn't close it? Did we give that away? I forget, we did so much of that stuff. We literally had a film canister filled with roaches. I got a box filled with roaches now, but I can't put another roach in there. When I first came from California, I thought I wouldn't get great weed again.

So I was like just throwing roaches in this box. One day I looked, it's a fucking box. I'm going to clean it out for the new year and just smoke all that old weed because there's some good fucking weed in there. And now the roaches got hard. Like you can't, they're fucking rock hard with that resin on it. You open those motherfuckers up,

put them in a freeze pipe. It'll be like your Spotify year in review, but it'll just be all the weed you smoked. That's it. I fucking love it. Man, I had a hard time. There was a point where I couldn't even smoke. If I smoked, my heart would start beating fucking dramatically. And I remember one time the 4th of July, I took a 10 milligram out of one.

I went to these people's houses in the afternoon. Dog, I had to leave. No. You guys have no idea how sick I was. you have no idea. My heart would beat like a drum when I was talking to you. It was horrible.

I never want to go through that fucking feeling again and what it did to me. So I'm done. But I'm happy that I'm eating edibles now. Like, like, I'm not back to where we were. I was going to say, you just said you're done, but you just ate two or three edibles.

I'm excited because I saw you. You know what I'm saying? I got a flashback. So you got to do what you got to do. I used to love that. You'd call me at like three for an eight o'clock podcast. You're like,

we're not taking edibles time. We're going to take. a little breather. You'd get there, eight o'clock, you'd beep, I'd let you in, and you'd just throw edibles.

You're like, time to take some edibles. We took a five-hour break. That's all we need. That's all we need. That's all we matters. We must have broke a lot of records in California. We broke a lot of records.

We surprised a lot of people. A lot of people thought we were fucking around, and we weren't fucking around. We were going deep on a day. People accused me of eating fake edibles. Oh, my God, it was good. You cannot eat those stars.

Those are fake stars. Fuck. Look, look it. Lee. It's like COVID. Nobody believed it, but then people fucking, you know, you know. I was patient zero. Everybody was patient zero. Ida ended up in the hospital, fucking Sarah, Tiana, Owen Benjamin.

He's still walking. Somebody saw him in fucking Spain the other day, walking around, asking if he'd get some edibles. Don't eat Joey Diaz edibles. He's like a fucking, I haven't even seen Owen Benjamin. He got kicked off of everything, I think. So where is he? It's like wherever his lives up in the woods somewhere. That's crazy.

That edible fucked them up that much. But that's what those edibles do. They make you see the devil and you change. It's like becoming a born-again Christian. All those born-agains become Christians anyway. They take the taste of cake, cock out of their mouth in L.A. Whenever you see those fucking actors become born-again Christians, a Scientologist or some religion, trust me.

They're trying to do anything to take the taste of sperm out of their fucking mouth. because that producer sperm stays in your mouth for years. Speaking of which, I got to ask you something. I'm a little fucked up from time to time. I wouldn't trust any of my judgment. What do you think about this whole Chris Knot thing? This is fucking disturbing. It disturbs the fuck out of me.

Maybe I don't know what it is. Chris Knot. Is Mr. Big from Sex and the City? I mean, listen, I don't know. I never met the guy, but I fucking really sympathized for that guy. You know, we're letting this shit go out of control. What did they say he did? He said that he sexually was inappropriate with two women in 2015 and 2001 or something like that.

I don't know. Listen, listen, I'm a fucking asshole. I've always been an asshole. I was on Coke for years, you know, and that's not an excuse, but it does change your mindset on things. It does make you look at things a little differently when you're high. does. Anything affects your judgment calls. So I'm reading this that some chick raised their hand from

2000 and some chick from 2005 or something like that and I'm like, you know what man? So two anonymous women called into Hollywood reporter and told them this. That means anybody could call. At any time

and your career is ruined. Okay? We didn't look into this. We didn't fucking check the stories out. We didn't give them a lie detector test. We didn't do anything. We just took these women's work. Now, listen, I'm not putting any women down at all. I have a daughter. I have a wife and I hope someday my wife, my daughter is not in this predicament. But you just could call a fucking Hollywood reporter and they'll tell the world that you were involved in that and everything lets you go. I mean, in his case, his agency, he lost $12 million on a tequila deal. He lost his role

on the equalizer. I mean, you know, they took away his Peloton commercial. They did all this shit. Isn't that a little too fucking rough for somebody

who just went on allegations? First of all, this is the United States of America. I don't know nothing about nothing, but this is the United States of America. I'm a taxpayer United States of American. I fucking went to prison.

I paid my debts to society, yes, I have a felony, but that was 20 years ago, so now I have a word again, and I could give my opinions. We fucking fought hard. We did a lot of things for George Washington

and Thomas Jefferson and Ben Franklin all these fucking humps to write this Constitution. Everybody forgets. I have an accuser. I have the right to face that accuser.

I have the fucking right. I don't know what the fuck people have forgotten. You come at me with something like Chris Knott and I'm going to say the same fucking thing to you. I'll fucking sue the Hollywood reporter

and I'll sue those two fucking chicks and that's fine. Until you're innocent until proven guilty. in this fucking country last time I fucking checked. I went to prison, I worked through a legal process, and I'm here now, and I'm very fucking proud of. So I deserve the mouth to talk.

I've been through a legal fucking process in this country, and it's a great legal process, and I believe in it 150 fucking percent. Yeah, it's got some loopholes. But this is not the American way. I don't believe in cancel culture. I believe in punishing somebody or letting them go away for a year to think about what they did,

but who the fuck are you to, you know, punish someone. It's scary because you're right. You have a daughter, you have a wife. You would want their, if anything, God forbid, ever happened. You'd want people to listen to them and take their word for it. But it's also, it seems like some people, and women probably deal with this too. It's not fair to the other half of that story because they, no one will see that.

I just watched Law and Order last week and it was this teacher got accused of molesting kids and that turned out the kids made it up. But they don't hear from that. When it gets debunked, it's not as big of a story. A comic a week or two ago just got kicked off of a show he had been on for years because of some allegations that who knows if it was true or not. You see his friends online saying it wasn't true, but it's just, I wait. that the people who really care about this and there are people for good reasons who care about it made as big of a deal to make sure that the story gets out that Dave Portnoy thing happened earlier this year. It's it is very scary to think that you don't have a chance to defend yourself. I think that's that's wrong or at least when you prove your point that it's not publicized in the same way. I mean, you went through it right before we left. You went through it because of And I stuck up for myself to the fucking end.

To the fucking end. And I don't give a fuck. Yeah, there was a girl and yeah, she sucked dick. What do you want me to fucking do? That's what she wanted to do. That was her way of doing it. We had a great time, but it wasn't enough. Did she raise her hand?

No. Because everybody knew exactly what we were doing. We spoke the week after the allegations came out. And we're like, can we fucking believe it was a fucking joke? She's married. She's got kid now. She's on with her fucking life. If not, I would have put a front and center to tell her all

reason motherfuckers to go fuck themselves. And that's exactly what I did. I'll fight for myself to the end, if I'm right. Right. If I'm wrong, I'll apologize and I'll take my fucking lumps. But you have to prove that allegation. Don't fucking tell me that you told your friend and she told you to go to the hospital.

No, no, no, no, no, no. If somebody raped you, you, you go to the fucking hospital. If you don't want to say anything then, you don't. But, you know, all of a sudden he gets put in a new popular TV show he dies on the episode and all of a sudden two women called on there they just fucking remembered about the story they just fucking remembered about this story

doesn't work for Uncle Joey and you know I feel bad for Chris Not I don't know him personally but I don't feel you should cut somebody's legs off for an allegation there's no arrest was there an arrest there was no arrest there was no police paperwork they contacted the police in L.A

and they did a search through all their shit there was no allegations so you know what for you people who gave up on Chris Knot I A3 agency CBS all you motherfuckers you're a bunch of fucking pukes and you're going against the American fucking belief

that you have to fucking prove proof I don't care if I did something wrong and you prove it I kidnapped the dude and I took my fucking humps I wanted to leave the country and go to Nicaragua like you know whatever his name is and starting to get hot

a little bit. These fucking edibles hit you hard. I'll be like fucking what's his name? Tyrone Woodley on the fucking mat. Holy shit. That's what the edibles need to do to me. You end up like Tyrone Woodley on the fucking mat. That was embarrassing. I love what Paul's doing. He's knocking out all these UFC guys embarrassing their company with one shot making triple of what the UFC fighters make. And I'm happy a guy like that is going up against Dana because that's what people needed to see. People are starting to pay attention. to this kid. It sounds a little crazy at first. I'm not, I'm not going to order those fights. They're all novelty fights to me. I don't want to watch. But he's making some fucking sense here. And he's making some noise. Well, he gets a lot of hate for being a YouTube person boxing.

But what I just realized this week was he's doing, like if I had millions of dollars in the bank, yeah, I'd go and try to be a stand-up. I just, I can't be broke. I don't like being broke or that, I don't have it in me for that struggle for 10, 15, 20 years. But if I had money, that's what I would do. He has all the money he'll ever need. And he hires the best trainers and boxes all the time. I mean, that's what it seems like. So it makes sense that he's getting good. I mean, he knocked.

I only saw the replay, but that was like a legit knockout. I know some people said all the fights weren't as good. That he knocked, he knocked him straight out. Doug, we hit him with that shot. You hear it. And if you look closer, you can see the sweat fly off his fucking head. Yeah. Sweat just goes,

and then he just drops to the floor. I like Tyron. He was always a great fight in the U.S.C. I don't know if it's fixed or not. I don't know what's going on. There was like a video of him going like, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't know, you know, what's going on. But whatever he's doing, he's embarrassing, and people are fucking taking notice going, holy shit, this guy's not. I hope he fights Anderson Silver. Listen, if he beats Anderson Silver, then I don't know what the fuck to tell you.

But he's a big. kid. He's strong. He trains. And I don't know. In some people's eyes, he may be doing the right motherfucking thing, you know. What do you think about his brother? I don't know if it was confirmed or not, but his brother was rumored who was going to fight Mike Tyson? Listen, Mike Tyson's a fucking savage, even at 55, however old he is. Yeah. I think that if he hits you with 70% of his old power, you're still going to have a hard time squeezing the ball the rest of your life. That's just me. I think Mike Tyson could still blast, but I admire Mike Tyson because he hasn't jumped on this fucking bandwagon. He knows that it's, you know, he's a young kid. You're going to go

and get beat up by a young kid that you can't see. When you're over 40, your eyes aren't the same. Your reflection, reflective, you know, the blocks aren't the same. That's why they don't tell you. I was watching Rocky and they turned them down for his fucking license the last time before he was going to fight and uh some game or something like that creed too i was watching it the other night on whatever the fuck every night on b et you either got creed or you got hustling flow you know me i got to support the brothers so i turn out a little b t they get a little money nobody got to my uncle joey what b et i love b et i love like all your movies are recorded from b et i love b t and motherfucking they got hustling flaw on that motherfucker every night that's one of my

favorite fucking movies, hustle and flown. That's a sensational movie. Is that the only reason you were mad to leave L.A.? You had to leave your DVR. You had stuff on your DVR for years. Oh, I was pissed. I had Bruce Lee shit. I had a thousand sons of anarchy on there.

I had fucking those. I had the Exorcists on there. I had a bunch of movies that come on. I had the Pope of Greenwich Village. Anything that doesn't come on a lot, even if it comes on a regular TV show, I don't get, well, it's good commercials. Who gives a fuck?

This movie is better work. commercials than that shit you're watching on ABC the Goldbergs you know what I'm saying who gives a fuck if they fired him from the Goldbergs that kid is so fucking happy now listen I've known him for years I knew his wife for years she used to cast me and shit I would talk to him if I had to say something about that fucking kid is that he's a little goofy he's an improv guy so they are a little fucking goofy he's a hugger you know he was saying a joke that I say all the time my pussy hurts least he was better than me. He was saying his vagina

hurts. You know what I'm saying? That's why they find him. Can you imagine me on that show? I get an, oh, I'm getting old. My pussy hurts. I got to go wash my pussy. How many times have I fucking said that? He at least was a decent individual. He's like, I got to wash my vagina. Big difference, you know what I'm saying?

I didn't know. See, like that's, that's what the, like the reason I remember when we had the idea for the church, one of the first things you said was you wanted to do it at 6 in the morning because you wanted to get to people first, because the news is always depressing. And that's, I honestly try to stay as far away from anything in the news as possible.

I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, my mom and my dad both watch it at night. So sometimes I'll be stuck in there watching the local news with them, but they don't really get into anything that depressing. But I, I just can't do it. If people get obsessed with it, it's just, and that's what, that's why I think people bail on everyone so quickly because if companies don't, then there's going to be protests and then there's, they, they, they just know that there's going to be such backlash that it's not worth it to them, even if they like the person.

The last two years, I've seen nothing but people walking away from people. Okay. And that's not how we were raised. That's not how your mother raised you. That's not how your father raised you from these fucking agents, taking people's money and then dumping them when something comes up. Oh, he said some about. Kobe Bryant, you fucking call, you get on Twitter and you tell him, I'm back in my client 100%

he made a mistake and that's it, move on with your fucking life. Right. You have allegations of some girls saying, oh, well, he tried to hit on me. Did he fuck you? No. Did he grab your tit? No. Then what are we talking about?

He tried to hit on you. He's a man, you're a fucking woman. You're 20, whatever. You called him when you were 17. You want a dick. He told you to take a year off to go out and fuck some young kids and come back when you're 20. You know, what do you want me to fucking tell you?

What do you want me to tell you? What are you on me to tell you? Somebody who was nasty would have fucked you. And now what mattered, DeLeah, what did this all happen? What has happened since we've canceled all these people? DeLea's back. He's working. Brian Callan is back.

I'm happy he's working. They dropped the lawsuit. There's no more people complain because they got nowhere. They got nowhere. People thought that I was going to come up. Oh, I'll make up something that Joey D has raped me. And then I, no, it's not going to go anywhere. you didn't call the cops you didn't put a tissue in your pussy they don't have a fucking rape kid

you know what what are we talking about here and i'm listening i have daughters i have best friends that are women i love fucking women with all my heart some people i talk to women more than i talk to men but this shit's got to stop we just can't believe every fucking i'm gonna start say an allegation pretty soon a girl grabbed me in 1982 at a comedy club you know in 1991 let's see how fucking people like it or what like what if like it was like it was like it was like it was like it was Remember when they used to say Jane Doe, Jane and John Doe? What if they did that? And then run through the whole process.

And it's proven then to have it come out. It just... Then have it come out. Let's take the motherfucker to the court. If he definitely touched you and you have witnesses and everybody passes a law, a lie detector test, let's move to the next level. I'll take that. I will take that.

I can live with that. But what they did to this poor guy and what they're doing to people, and some people, listen, some people were running a little crazy, a long time. And they just needed a wake-up call. And I understand that too. But taking somebody's life away from them is not the fucking

answer. No, I mean, what is... Hopefully, you have enough saved up for the rest of your life, at least a few years. No. Like, I mean, that's... What are you going to do? I'm going to collect Social Security. Like, every other old fucking fucking... Oh, no, no. You'll be saying, like, in this scenario. Like, if you can't... If you can't get a job,

if the first thing that comes up when you Google somebody, is that, it's not going to be, you're going to be doing nothing. You're going to be, you can't, you won't be able to make a living. I lost a book deal over that fucking tweet. I lost a book deal with a major publisher over that thing that happened 18 months ago. You remember we lost all our sponsors. I mean, the only sponsor that broke my heart was Mansca, uh, meandis. I was with meandies for a long time.

I always gave him great service. even after they canceled me, I continue wearing their underwairs because I knew where they were coming from. Ten years ago, I would throw all their underwear away. I get it. But guess what Miondi's did? They made it up to me and they came back. And they were a great company for doing that.

They realized that wasn't that person. You know, time will tell you what a person will do. I like when somebody gets checked because I'm the type of guy that wants to see their reaction. The reaction is the normal one thing. to see if somebody's guilty or innocent and or and what their plan is. What do you mean by that? If somebody makes an allegation against you and something like Chris Knopf happens, it's great,

it's over with and you move on with your life, but you have to take steps to come back and they have to be careful steps, they have to be loving steps. and this is if you're guilty this is if you're guilty if they accuse you or something and you're guilty you can't live in your house the rest of your life and you can't stay in there with the shades drawn so eventually you got to make something

and make it fucking happen and you just come out slowly and look at Louis C.K. I give him whatever whether he is guilty or innocent he went away and then he said to himself you can't stop me you can't stop me from doing what I love you can't stop me from being me

Chris Knopf is no longer an actor that's a little bit fucking not good for somebody who didn't get processed in the court system you process me in the court system I'm good I got processed in the court system for kidnapping Lee

I came out from there I made a few fucking mistakes I realized what I had done and then when people read my book, they're going to notice that the rest of those 30 years was me trying to be a decent individual. You had side cuts. You know, I sold some Coke to Whitney Houston.

There was some fucking humps and bumps. But it takes time. And as long as you wake up every morning in 2022, thinking that you want to be a better person, you want to be the best version of Lee. I want to be the best person of Mikey Klein. I want to be the best Joey Diaz. That's all you could do.

And the people who are going to leave, Listen, I had a dear friend. Contact me, a girl. The girl from Spider-Man, too, that I became friends with, that little girl that we were tight for fucking years. And she was like, me too, me too. You know, and the fucking thing, she contacted, and she said, all these things true.

I go, what do you think? I knew you when you were 14. Did I try anything on you? Have I ever acted? And she goes, well, you didn't, and you were always a gentleman, and you were nice to my mother. But I have to go with the rest of the pack.

I'm unfollowing you. You know? And listen, she's a fucking shithead for doing that. She's the girl that wrote the letter to try to get that fucking kid banned, the nerdist. Right. She's the one. I remember what happened. So, yeah, she fucking tried to bury that kid and that kid fucking pulled out all.

They tried to cancel a nerdist. And he was like, really? I'm going to get all my fucking ex-girlfriends. I talked in support still. And that's what happened. And the nerd has got everything back. But that girl tried to cut his legs off. Did you by any chance watch the new South Park specials they put out about COVID?

No. it's hysterical. I don't know if you like South Park, but the conclusion, this isn't a spoiler, was that we have to give everyone a little bit of slack. We have to like, we have to, we have to, we have to cut people some slack. And I think that is really what's missing. I really think they hit the nail on the head is people just are so quick to get angry and only see whatever side they, they believe in, that they forget that we're all people. We all make mistakes. And yeah, Bad ones, you deserve to go to jail, and that's what happens. But even with little ones, like friends going away that don't call from California anymore, whatever, I just feel like we don't cut anybody any slack anymore.

It's either they love you or they hate you, and it can flip like that. And that's why I'm happy between you and Steve and Eric, the few people that I've still talked to from California, I know we're good friends and I'll talk to them forever. It's that we need more people like that To just cut us some slack Fucking Steve someone I tried to get him on here a couple weeks ago Zoom didn't work

It's like Steve You're tight with God And your fucking Zoom don't work Jesus Christ You know If you're gonna be tight with fucking God At least make your Zoom work How do you reach God

Every fucking day And say your prayers Cucksucker You would hope Wi-Fi would get better If you believed in God Yeah you hope your Wi-Fi would be better

And shit like that Lee I'm really proud of what you did this year I always knew you had it in you, kid. I knew you had it in you. It was just, we had to get out of that fucking hell hole. We had to get out. Did you see that they fucking killed somebody two blocks from the office?

If you stay on, come from, go up. There was a house fucking invasion. And they shot a man up there, two blocks from two blocks. If you start on in front of the office and walk up past my old house. Right. And then the other block right down that street that went down. Oh, no. They shot a fucking guy in the house.

So are you looking at the office? not know. I'm thrilled to be out of there. I don't know what it was. I mean, I think probably leaving California had someone to do with it. Every other time I've lost weight, though, I just, I got sick of being as big as I was. And I just, I started doing it. And you said something to me when I was doing with Irish, the kettlebells, when I was doing those with him, you're like, listen, that's expensive.

Why do you keep doing it? And I don't know why. And it's something that I love to work on and fix. but I'm not good at doing things for myself when I don't have anybody else that's expecting me to do it. So that's why I started that group to do walk. I've done, I do walks four times a week. And that's one of the smartest things that you told me was like the workouts don't have to be crazy hard and the diets don't have to be intense. My life, my diet's been great.

You weren't really happy with the diet right at the beginning. but for me it works is the one meal a day and the walking. That's literally all I've done because when you start off, I know a lot of people are going to listen to this around the new year and they want to lose weight or get healthier. Every time I started it and went to grilled chicken with rice and broccoli or no rice and trying to do hit workouts or going with a trainer, I hated every second of it.

There's a reason I didn't get to be 336 pounds because I enjoyed working out and I just got off the habit. I have always hated working out. And I'm always, I found walking gets me a little bit. There were days in L.A., Joey, that I'd be under 1,000 steps. And that takes some effort to be under a thousand steps for a day. And now I try to get between 3 and 5,000 steps a day at minimum. Me too. And you know what?

The little changes, it's not like that. juice fast. I lost 70 pounds in 27 days. And then my leg started to tingle. So I stopped. But but now I lose two pounds a week, something like that, two and a half pounds a week now sometimes. And in a year that I was going to go through life anyways, I lost 140 pounds. And it's like, I don't, I'm hoping that I won't put it back on. I'm working really hard on it. But you won't. But let yourself eat. Let yourself live this life. Lee. you were young, you know, and I wanted you to go out there and conquer the fucking world,

and you did it. You know, it's okay to eat a slice of pizza. What the fuck were you guys talking about? Where are you going for? Denny's. Where you going to Boston Market? Fuck that shit. You're going to legal motherfucking seafood.

Oh, I just went. I just went. Oh, I want to give a shout out. I'm sure he listens. The Food Runner. And I'm sorry. I forget your name. He was like 16.

It was his first job. He had legal seafoods because I went to the one I worked at when I lived here and the bartender was the same. So we were talking and he came up. He's like, listen, the food runner got really excited. He's like, do you know Lee Sait? And Joey Diaz? So he came over, we took a picture and he was 16 and he or 18 tops. And it was, it was just, it doesn't happen that much anymore. But like it still blows my mind like over a year later that people listen and watch the church. Like my life didn't really change. I was a chubby dude in an apartment, same apartment,

and I got to meet some cool people, but just to think back and to know how many people watch and listen to that, to us just being crazy, is just so cool. I went to Jiu-Jitsu the other day, and I'm in my car, because the guy comes up like 5 to 12 and opens the door. And I wasn't thinking much about anything.

I was just happy to be there. The guy came open the door. I was talking to something on the phone, I go, listen, I got to go, I got to run up to the door. J-Jitsu. I got my baggers. I'm walking up the stairs.

These kids walked past me, like nine of them. I felt that they stopped. I kept walking straight, and I hear, Mr. Diaz, can we talk to you? And I look at them and I go, who the fuck said Mr. Diaz? They all got straight. Don't ever fucking call me Mr. Diaz,

cock suckers. I'm Joey, Uncle Joey. And they're like, yeah. And they all came over. I made fucking videos with them, you cocks suckers. They like, put a message to our class. They were high schoolers.

It was the day that they were going to shoot everybody. The kids were going to shoot everybody and shit Friday. I saw him at Jujit to it. I'm like, you crazy motherfuckers. And they're like, ah, why come your little fucking cock suckers are on in school? He goes, because they were going to shoot everybody.

So we stayed home. We're good kids. I go, that's right. Go smoke some dope. Have a great day. Call slumpcitchen.com and let them hook you to fuck up, Jack. I had something happen.

It's kind of like when we, one time when we went to Austin, I don't know if you remember this. The one time they didn't put you in the double tree. They put you in the, like a nice hotel. And we went to a convenience store, and the owner was convinced you were big pussy. Wouldn't take no for an answer. I was up in Maine, and I was at a bar talking with some people from my new job. And they brought up the podcast, all this and that.

And this mother and son came up as we were leaving. The kid must have been 13 and said, excuse me. It doesn't happen to me much, but I can tell when someone recognizes me. and it's nice. I always say hi to them. And he just goes, you look exactly like Mallcop. And the mom goes,

you look so much like him. And it's mother and son out night. Would you take a picture with us? I thought they watched the church. They thought I looked like Kevin James, which I do. But they did they do. I took a picture.

I don't know what. Like they didn't even think I wasn't. I just took a lookalike of Kevin James. Like, God, this must be what Joey felt like all those years with big pussy. But at least they thought you were big pussy. I had people tell me you're a big pussy.

I know it. You don't want to take a picture of me because you're a douche, I'm like, dog, that's not me. And I remember a Spider-Man, too. There was some people on the set taking them like a tour, tourists. They would not take no. They took pictures. And I'm like, I'm not him.

Yes, it is. That's you. Okay. What are you doing for Christmas Eve? Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve, we're going to go make cookies. I'm excited about that. that Christmas, it's going to be like my first real Christmas.

She's making French toast, but with like cinnamon rolls. She's like making like a French toast casserole with cinnamon rolls. We got matching pajamas. We're doing that. And then we're doing the Jewish Christmas later on because her kids are going to her ex's house. So we're going to get Chinese food, take some edibles, and watch a movie or something. And what are doing with mom? Anything?

Mom, no. Tonight, actually. Tonight, mom and her brother and sister-in-law are coming over. and we're having brisket and lockies. Today's my way in day. So I get, like I have tuna. You'll be so pissed off.

I have tuna with light mayo, not even, not light amount of mayo, light mayonnaise, which tastes like dirt. Helmonds. Helmys makes light mayo. It's good.

Oh, I think I, well, I eat it, but I don't like it. But then I, I scoop it with rice cakes. So that's my pre-weighing meal.

That's what I have. The rice cakes, that shit, that shit, that shit, you know what I'm saying? You ever take a shit and you got no moisture in it? And you're struggling.

That's why the dry, the rice cakes will fuck you up i got my first hemorrhoid this year did you did you take a picture of it no i didn't take it i i fucking got that preparation h that you have to stick up your ass and squeeze it oh it's nice and cool it refreshes you you hadn't have the girlfriend lick it no you got to have a little hemorrhoid that oh went away thanks a lot saliva you lick their little hemorrhoid it shrinks up it's better than preparation h you know what i'm saying oh my god Merry Christmas Happy Hanukkah. What about Dad?

What's he doing? Dad's doing great. He's in South Florida. I'm going to see him in February for his birthday, which is right next to yours. So we're doing great. Merry Christmas to you. Are you guys going anywhere?

Are you guys going to stick around home? We're doing Friday night of the friends. And then Saturday we're going to a big Christmas bash. Someone's getting COVID. But fuck it. As long as we've got a Christmas present, yeah, I'll have COVID next week for sure. Yeah.

As long as it's not you. Oh, don't say that. Jesus Christ. So it's a fuck. in two days, you sneeze, you take the fucking monochromial shit, and you're back in four days. Look at the NBA football this week.

They're all back in three fucking days. Let's hope they're in better shape than me, though. You never know. Your dick is big. It's all about the dick, the set of balls. You look great, brother. Thank you, buddy. I'm happy you're living the life you deserve to be living.

That's not life out there. There were no women out there for you. You miss Paula. He sent Paula. They send Paula picture your dick. That's what you should send to take a picture of your dick and go, look what you're missing. Up there in Bakersfield, cock sucker. Yeah, she's a lawyer.

I'll definitely go to jail if I do that. Who gives a fuck? Listen, guys, he would call me every day. I broke up with her for three years. He would call me. You call Paula today? No, I didn't call Paula. Oh, my God.

And I love it. I still, you know what? I probably should call her and just see if she was. By-ba ayahuasca, you hear from her? Oh. With the fucking abortion milk that she has. had in the pussy. Every time she came over, it was an aborted pussy. Like, she just had like 18 abortions.

And then you had milkshake who broke the bed. She just walked into Weight Watch and said, my life is yours. She don't give a fuck. My life is yours. They got Waywatches in Miami? Probably not. Who knows? Oh, my God. I had so many crazy women. And I just, and they weren't even crazy. it wasn't good between her

there was a girl in Milwaukee for a couple days it was it's just nice to be with someone like regular normal like it's it's it's uh but god

I haven't thought about a lot of those people in a long goddamn time well it's time for you to do a little think about ayahuasca and have fucking aborted pussy and bang one out tonight I love you Lisa I'm happy you took the time for a fucking joint Christmas

Merry Christmas special the edibles are starting to hit me I got to take two steps to the rear and get out of here. You know what I'm saying? I'm in the wind. Later. I love you, buddy. Merry Christmas.

You and your family. Tell your mom and dad, I send them my love, and I'll see you here in January. We're going to do a little sleepover at the house and fucking eat some good food. Eat some short rib. Get nice fucking short rib ragu for mastoria. I'll be there whenever you want. The first time I ate the short-rig ragu, I thought of you.

The first time I tasted the lobster ravioli, the lobster yorky at all. whatever the fuck is tremendous. The fucking feast has a Sunday sauce that your dick gets hard as you fucking eating and your hemorrhoid pops. But then I'll take you to the King of Kings, Helmito. Wait, those pop? What, the hemorrhoids?

Yeah, mine didn't pop. Dog, you gotta fucking work on the pop. And when they're sucking your dick, you turn around and squeeze the hemorrhoid and shoots in their cheek. It's tremendous. That's from the 80s. You had to go to fuck in a sex club to get that.

Somebody squeezed hemorrhoid juice in your face. That's old school. You won't get the flu for a year. It's better than the vaccine. Well, let's do it then. Thank you, buddy. I love you. Say hi to Terry and Mercy.

And I hope, I don't know if I'll be there for that, but say happy birthday to mercy when it is. She said to say happy, I told her that I'm talking to Lee. You want a message? He goes, tell them Merry Christmas,

We. Because she used to call you, we as some shit. I don't know what she was. I love it. She misses you out. So I miss, I miss all of you guys.

And Mike, I hope you, Mike has a great Christmas and New Year and I'll see him in 2022 too One quick one quick story We're eating a couple weeks ago Mercy had a bully

So I was talking to us I said I go Mel you know I told him what to say to him and shit So Florentine and Luke are upstairs Eating and Mercy's upstairs eating One of our girlfriends is all eating And Mercy goes Terry goes you know you gotta use your head

Mercy were bully she goes I will And if he does anything tomorrow I'm just want to call him a pussy Fucking Jim Florentine spit his food Luke's but his food. And my wife's like, what did you say? She goes, I'm going to call him a pussy.

Like dad told me to write that. And I'm like, oh, it's got me in fucking trouble. How old is she now? Is she going to be nine? Nine. Oh, my God. And is she still doing martial arts? Because I remember when she was like seven, she was like punching and kicking the shit out of you.

Yes. Oh, yeah. Well, that boy's about to be in for a rude awakening. Yeah. And she's got a nasty fucking arm bar. They even told me a jiu-jitsu. Oh, she's doing jiu-jitsu now, too. It's all mixed in with the program.

she does. Oh, no. She got a great fucking... Bro, we were at the park one day, and she was wrestling with some girl, and I looked over, and she was getting in an arm bar. I go, no, mercy.

Not your friends. What the fuck, mercy? That's awesome. I'll be saving one of these cuckers for you. Merry Christmas for all the church people, you, and everybody who's going to enjoy this. I love you, buddy. Have a great weekend, and we'll talk Christmas Eve.

I love you, too, but I'll call you then. All right, bye. I'm back. I'm doing this guy. I farted tremendous on the Patreon podcast. Oh, yeah? Oh, my God. It ripped the chair apart.

It still stinks in there. I'll send you a whiff in the mail, cuck sucker. Stay black. Please do. Bye, buddy. All right, you bad motherfuckers. I hope you enjoy Lee. And I hope you enjoyed me this year.

I know there was a lot of rough spots. But if you're new to the joint, I love you to debt. If you're an old church guy, I love you to debt. And I don't give a fuck where you come from as long that you enjoy me as much as I enjoy doing this for you guys. I enjoy doing this. I enjoy taking you guys under my wing and talking two hours a week. If you've noticed this year we canceled the podcast, I don't want to give you a three-hour podcast. What's that going to do?

I'll give you an hour so you can listen to all your other favorite shows, but I will make you one promise. 2022 is our fucking year on the fucking joint. We're going to come at you with different things Our Patreon is going to change Everything is going to change This year was a write-off for everybody Numbers are going back up I know a lot of years are concerned

People canceling stuff Who gives the fuck If you're going to have a party Just make people take a test That's it, they're $21 I'll pay for the fucking test If you come over here And feel relaxed I mean this Omeron is not a fucking joke

And it is people getting sick for three days They ain't gonna fucking kill you but you still don't want to ruin your fucking holidays so stay in the next couple days if you're going to go to somebody's house go to wet Walgreens go to ShopRite go to CVS, buy yourself a little fucking test make sure they're fine

so you don't get the whole family sick this is just us taking care of one another guys this is what this is all about you guys have always taken care of me and I've taken care of you is a two-way street so I wish you guys the best Christmas

the best fucking Christmas day the best Christmas Eve I wish you guys a great fucking New Year's party. I want you to stay safe. And I love you guys. And I'm just looking forward to 2020. Thank you for always having my back. The Patreon will have podcasts next week.

I will do the 220-minute podcast on Patreon next week to just keep me afloat. If you want to join, it's five bucks for the fucking week. Whatever the fuck you want to do, I don't give a fuck. I just want you guys to be as excited as I am for 2022. I love you, motherfuckers with all my heart. Thank you for supporting the joint Thank you for supporting the church Thank you for supporting one by one podcast

Thank you for supporting Mike's Patreon Everything is we're grateful to you And don't forget to do your grateful list before the new year I love you motherfuckers Have a great fucking day And stay the fuck black Love you All right you bad motherfuckers

I want to thank Lee Syatt I want to thank Mike I want to thank everybody who was a part of this show this year But I want to thank you guys for always having my back Before we leave, listen, Draft Kings is the way to go this weekend. It's the end of the fucking year. I want you to party hardy. I want you to win some money and get your dick suck, snorts and blow, whatever the fuck.

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Remember freezepipe. That's a great gift for you. I love you, motherfuckers. I'll see you January 3rd. Tip Top Magoo. Stay black. Have a good holiday season. And I'll check it with you during the week.

We'll be on Twitter and Facebook. Stay black.