The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #127 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: January 3, 2022

Welcome to The JOINT..... It's Monday, January 3rd..... This episode is brought to you by Zip Recruiter, Better Help & DraftKings….. Go to https://www.ZipRecruiter.com/JOEY & Try it for FREE! Go to https://www.BetterHelp.com/DIAZ Use PROMO CODE: DIAZ for 10% OFF your 1st Month! Download the DraftKings SportsBook or Fantasy Apps & Enter Code: JOEY https://www.DraftKings.com/sportsbook to receive $200 in Free Bets when you Bet $5 on any College/Professional NFL Team when they win…. Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint   The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

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What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? Welcome to the joint. It's Monday, the 3rd of January. It's a whole new fucking year with a whole new ship, with a whole new set of old fucking rats. That's the way we're looking at it. It was a great little holiday. I'm happy that we took the fucking week off

because I got COVID. Dun-da-da-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. I finally got COVID for Christmas. I tested positive Christmas Eve. It was official Christmas Day. Best thing that fucking happened to me in a goddamn long time, you know? Everybody had been fighting not to get this shit. Everybody thought they were immune to this shit.

But like I said, we're all going to get it eventually. It's how prepared you are for it. I'm a fat fuck. I'm out of shape. I got a fungi toenail. I got sleep apnea. I got a bunch of shit. So I had to be on top of my game throughout this whole thing.

I knew rest would be it. And I got to be honest with you. I know where I got it. I got it. My daughter's kickboxing place. The lady I was talking to Monday before. Christmas, her husband had it, and we were bullshitting about it. She said, you know, he took all the fucking bells and whistles, and he was doing okay.

But I think I got it from her. It developed the 23rd. Pretty much, I could feel it. I had a chunk of fucking diarrhea come out of my ass. Chicken bones, garlic cloves, everything that could come out, came out, and I knew something was up. I had body aches, but you know us guys. We're working out. We're walking.

Going to Jiu-Jitsu. I'm an old man, so I get sore if I fucking whack off. So I didn't know what the fuck was wrong with me. Yeah, I whack off, I get sore. Like I throw a back muscle. I haven't whacked off in a rott while, but just saying, when you get older, fucking, you get, you pull a muscle fucking, you get the flu whacking off, you know. So you got to be careful.

You got to be on top of things. I'm really happy. I listened. I'm very happy. I went and bought backups on all those fucking vitamins. You know, that was the first thing I did. When I felt better last week, I went. and got some more fucking vitamin.

My wife, get the Okala, whatever the fuck that is, the D, the zinc. And does it help, guys, who the fuck knows? I don't know. I know I feel better. I look better. My thinking has been great. And I got to be honest with you, I was fucking, you know, I always thought when people pulled up the test or when they got the test in the email, how you would react?

Like, I was always thinking about that. How am I going to react when I get it? When I got it, man, I swear to God, when my wife. wife said I was positive. I had a little fear, maybe 4%, believe it or not. I had 4% that I was going to die. Like I thought it just crossed my mind for a fucking second. And then as the night went in, I can't believe how I felt lighter.

Like I was like 20 pounds fucking lighter when I went to get a water that night. And I was like, wow, I feel this much fucking better. Part of my whole dilemma was defeat. year I had a COVID. I'm big enough to admit, hey man, if you look at it, a lot of people today I do your reading, mental health has been a fucking part. If you don't got COVID, you've got a little mental health issue right now. Not everybody's going to make it out of this motherfucker alive.

In the words of Jim Morrison, this is, you know, I've been here for the last six weeks telling you motherfuckers that 2022 is our year. We're going to make it work. And listen, we are going to make it work. And we're prepared and we're ready to go. goals are written. I'm reading the art of war. You know, it's back. It's the first. We go back to the original thing. And I've told you all, but I feel like I let you down because it is going to be a great year for us. We're still going to keep doing what the fuck we need to do. It's our surroundings.

We don't know where this is all going. It's not fucking good. We're going to keep pushing no matter what. You know, like I always say, it doesn't matter who's president. You got to keep getting up in the morning. Call me when the president says, listen, I'm going to mail you a chance. I'm going to mail you a A nice check, and you don't have to do nothing, but fan your fucking pussy all day. That's the president. I vote 10 times for. I fucking get rid of my, you know,

over the break, I tried to do the right thing, guys. And you guys have been on me for years. My friends have been on me for years. Family members have been on me for years. Like, listen, man, you always talk about the felonious experience. But guess what? You're not in the felonious zone anymore. You've been out of that zone for 20 fucking years.

Why don't you go get your fucking record, whatever the fuck, as sponged and all that shit. Well, guys, I was working on that for about a week and a half. And I got to tell you something. All these attorneys that called me that were friends of mine and were like, oh, we could do that just making a call. Fuck!

When I called the attorney, he took the case, he took the situation. He's like, I'll do it. But I'm not making it on guarantees because this is a fucking nightmare. You got to get everybody in Colorado on board. Like everybody, like the arresting officers, the DA, to prosecute it. Well, first of all, the prosecutor that prosecuted me

as long, he fucking flew to coop right after my trial. He became an environmentalist. He went to work for the fucking feds. He went from prosecuting me for kidnapping to go after people for fucking throwing a piece of paper out the window.

It wasn't that small. But, you know, those businesses that fucking throw syringes in the ocean and shit, those motherfuckers. So he went from kidnapped for me. He went from prosecuting my Cuban ass to kidnapping to fuck him whatever.

Let's just start with that guy. My attorney, he's in Colorado Springs. I think he's a slipping four guy now. He don't even do criminal fucking law. The two cops, the one cop retired, and me and him are okay. We talk on Facebook from time to time. He don't want nobody to know,

but he's proud of me and I'm proud of him. We both, you know, made amends to each other. The other fucking detective, he's not going to go for it at all. I know this motherfucker. This motherfucker still throws arrows at me and shit. There's a comic in Boulder Who's a cop

Like a part-time cop And I worked in him one weekend At the comedy works And he was telling me the shit This cop was saying Listen he ain't lying But that was a long time I go let it go slick

Just because you stayed There's a fucking punk-ass Foot soldier in bold And didn't do nothing with your fucking life That's not my fucking problem I changed I changed for the better And I'm happy about it

But You know what After thinking about it I'm just gonna leave the record there I don't give a fuck I did it It's done time to move the fuck on

and go on to the next mind fucking Seattle, forget about it. Seattle don't ever want me up there. When I fucking got a guy to go down and look for my records in Seattle, that motherfucker called me back and he goes, listen, your records were so fucking buried in that stock room that it took me like a week

to get them. Like, nobody gives a fuck. But they want me to go back to, you know what? I'm going to sit right here tight. If we need a passport, I don't know. We'll fucking print it up ourselves. I know friends who get passports all the time, but now you ain't going nowhere. They're looking at that passport with a fucking, you know what I'm saying?

They're deep in that fucking passport. Now they're looking for vaccines and shit, so I'm just going to sit right here in New Jersey. I don't give a fuck, you know. But that's what I was doing before. I was trying to do so many fucking things. I want to get an office. I call 20 people.

I talk to three realtors. Every office I look down. I got one more hope. They're building an office building down the corner. Did you see that? That's what I was telling you. Yeah. And I went there.

the other guy's like, I'll call you like the fucking 10th of January. I'll let you know we have something in the back that's small. I said, listen, but I want to be outside. I don't want to be in an office office. I want to be outside. Like, I want the office we had. Like, we could go outside. There's a little yard in the back.

We could shoot fucking videos. You know, listen. I mean, it doesn't look like we're getting any guests for the next two months. So, I mean, I'm not killing myself. But that was the whole thing. It wasn't just for the guests. It was to shoot little videos and do little things. I don't have to do here.

Like, this morning I had to kick my daughter on my, and my wife out for fucking two hours because, you know, we got shit to do and people to see. I'm down here yelling and screaming saying fucking racial epitats and she's upstairs, I can't have it. And that's why I was thinking about, like Mike,

like, if we had an office, we could do podcasts that night. I love that. You know? A little water cock suckers. You got to hydrate, you know what I'm saying? God, that's the most important thing of this COVID.

But I will tell you what I did do. That was pretty fucking interesting, you know, and I'll walk it for you guys. I don't give a fuck. I tested positive on a Thursday, confirmed it on a Friday. And then Friday, I just relaxed. It was Christmas Eve. You know, my wife and my daughter moved upstairs.

I was in the fucking basement with the door open, freezing the death. I had chills. I had sweats the first couple nights. I fucking sweat the first two nights. The second night, guys, I had to get up in the middle of night, take a shower, take all my clothes off, and change the fucking bed. that's how much sweat I was sweating

like the first two, three nights I was drenched and even last night had a little bit of fucking sweat because I'm still sleeping with a sweatshirt on with a hooded sweatshirt I'm time to sweat it out

but I'm gonna tell you what really I caught out of this COVID I was watching you know listen guys all you have to do is right the first three days

all I could do is maybe right I tried to play the guitar I got fucking dizzy you know I just drank eight, check my temperature, check my oxygen levels. I was the first fucking three days, you know.

And then you're home all day. You know, you can't do anything. I mean, I opened up the garage. I went for walks. I mean, the second, the first and second day I had it, it was gorgeous out. So the girls were gone. So I would open up the garage door

and put a fucking lawn share out there and get vitamin D with my blanket because I knew vitamin D would help fucking kill the COVID. I mean, just natural vitamin, not drinking a gallon of milk or fucking taking pills and shit. I want fucking sun, you know? So I went out there both days and how I was out there one day getting sun. The next day I was out there for a few fucking hours. But at night, that one night, I think it was Christmas Eve night.

I was up. The girls came back. They went to bed. I couldn't sleep. And it was like two or three days of watching TV. I was on my second day of watching TV. and you guys know I can't deal with fucking TV all day You know I could deal with like half time of a game

A period here a quarter here You know and then I walk around I do all this shit I mean I watch I watched a ton of movies during the break I watched uh fucking cobra kai I watched I watched I started watching the wire again Because I'd watched everything But the Christmas Eve Something happened that night that really

It made my Christmas Eve It was fucking great. I was sitting there and I noticed there was nothing on TV. So I started reading a book. Bob Linger sent me this Led Zeppelin book. Trust me, I'm on like eight fucking books on Led Zeppelin. I want to kill this year. I love Led Zeppel.

I love everything about him. So I was just looking at the line of notes and shit like that. I noticed the longest yard was on. Longest yard is on every fucking day if you let it. You know, I'd be honest with you guys. I watched it when it came out in 2004. I mean 2005. I went to two premieres.

I went to like a screening. And then I watched it again with some friends. And after that I was like, I'm not watching this anymore. And when it comes on TV, I always look at the scene that's on. I giggle and I just scroll by it. That's it.

I can't sit there and watch that movie and go, that's me. I can't. That's fucking embarrassing, guys. And I let it go. You know, when people get those movies, like I know a thousand people that get those movies. And they won't go for another.

of the movie. They just hold on to that movie for years. They wear the gear from it. They wear the t-shirts from it. And that's their big breakout thing. You know, when I did the longest shot, 2005, when the year ended, I put all that shit away. I'm finding shit. You know what I found last week in this closet? I found something I haven't seen exactly in 16 years. I found, you know, like when you sit in a Hollywood chair, they have your name on a thing behind it and they have like the longest shot or whatever movie you're in. I found my chair thing that they told me not to take.

They're like, don't take that. You're not allowed to take it. I was like, fuck you. I took that motherfucker to go. I had not seen that thing since we shot the fucking movie. And when I was cleaning out the closet there, me and Mike talked about cleaning out that closet for three months.

That closet, I don't know, when I was a kid, there was a TV show about some cartoon guy every time he went for the closet, the closet fell on top of him. and he would have to unbury himself and shit and then the rest of the afternoon he would put the shit back in the closet then the next day he would open up the closet

and the shit would fall down guys I had so much shit in that fucking closet I had boxes in there that I had not opened up from the move like there was still four boxes from the fucking move that I took out of there one day this is how boring COVID is

because COVID is boring as fuck you're not gonna trust me you get I can't watch TV all day so I came back back here, I would do the fucking closet and sections, and then I was finding the shit that was mine. I was bringing into every room that it belonged to once and for all. You're like when you pick something out of a box and you're like,

I'll put that upstairs later. And two months later, the fucking, all in one fucking light or whatever the fuck you bought is still sitting there. I didn't want, that's what's been happening here since the first day. We took shit out of boxes, put on the table and said, oh, in a week I moved that up. It never got moved. So what I did was I put my fucking iPhone on

And I tracked my steps I must have walked 3,000 miles that day Putting everything exactly where it fucking belonged I threw out so much shit that was in there And all my brother was like give it to me There was nothing in there nobody wanted It was like open fucking butt Ballwabs

From Manscaped It was a thousand things that were like individuals Like shit that had broken T-shirts that were old I found the T-shirt from my cocaine days. I didn't even look at the armpits. I just threw it the fuck away. You know, I was like, I don't need to look at this shit.

But that's done. I cleaned out the garage. I had a desk that was fucking filled with junk. I cleaned that motherfucker out. I mean, I did a lot during the COVID, except go out or fucking be able to do shit. So when you're stuck at home, you might as well look at all those fucking projects.

I worked out very lightly. I waited till, like, the fifth day and then like the one day I just walked around the front you know when you have COVID

this COVID I don't know which one of oh if it's Amacron I don't know I don't know I didn't look at the fucking swab guys I just know

that you know I had a little shortness of breath there were moments when my oxygen would drop to 93 that's as low as it went my pulse is great

you know I have one those little fucking pulses I put them on every day this summer I would wake up to a pulse of 38 That's how bad my pulse was this summer And I would jack it up Work on it work on it work on it

So anyway But back to the fucking longest yard Before I fucking confuse your motherfuckers And what was in the closet The closet's done The closet looks like a fucking million bucks I'm happy I got one more thing I want to do in there Mercy drew all those pictures

You know pre-K K first grade second grade Well not really second grade First grade I got fucking folders of pictures so what I'm going to do is just put them into a one big folder and maybe save them

for I don't know how I'm going to put them away because if you put them away in a box they're going to get fucking wrinkled but uh when I was watching the longest yard that Christmas Eve like I was like I don't want to watch this shit I went I was doing something I was getting weed ready to do a bong or something like that

the next thing I fucking know I'm watching these scenes and I was watching like I was watching the scene but not really I was remembering what we were doing that day. Like, that's what I was seeing. Like, my mind wouldn't focus on just a movie. Every time a different scene switch,

I was like, ah, I wasn't in that scene. I wasn't there that morning because I didn't want to fucking put the costume on. Towards the end, I was just a fucking rogue on that movie. But the thing I'm getting to is, while I was watching that movie, I realized who I was when I shot that movie. I'm not the person I was today.

I was fucking handicapped at that point, guys. I really was handicapped mentally, physically, and psychologically with that fucking cocaine. The question I had for myself, after watching, I didn't watch the whole movie, it got the pressing after a while because it all kept going back to, I can't believe I was in that bad a shape when I shot this movie. Not because I was 418 pounds, but the amount of drugs I was doing up to shooting this while I auditioned. you know, who I was at that time when I shot this movie. There's no way. I don't know how I booked that movie. I don't know how the fuck I got into his office.

I have no idea. It saddens me at one point of it, but the other part fucking makes me really happy because it will show you that even when you're on your worst, you could still be at your fuck. You could still be doing good things. I mean, listen, when you look at that guy in that movie, you're looking at a guy at that point in my life that did not give a fuck about anything except

succeeding except getting ahead that's all I cared about in my world it was like I was getting ahead by shooting a movie but I was taking two steps back by snort and coke are you with me here but I didn't see that that I didn't see that I had focused so much on comedy I had focused so much on my comedy career. This is no joke. I didn't give a fuck about my health. I mean, I sacrificed my health for the fucking that movie. Like, not for that particular movie,

but you think about it, the shape I was in at that time. I mean, let's be honest, I couldn't even climb up my steps. I was having a hard time going up and down three flights of fucking steps, guys. If the elevator would break,

I would not leave the house. It was big, built in me psychologically that I couldn't fucking leave the house like I just couldn't do it I wouldn't even bother to walk down there you know when I watched that movie I watch I think about me going into the Y when that movie finished and signing up for a free consultation and the guy going listen man after like 10 minutes I'm going I can't help you you're too fucking fat and you're too fucking out of shape I thought I was dead but you know what I didn't care about how fat I was I didn't give a fuck about it I how coked up I was. I wasn't coked up when I was shooting the movie. I don't want you to understand that. Not at all. There was no way I would do coke and try to do a fucking scene.

That's not going to happen in my world. I'm talking about what I was living through at that time. Five nights a fucking week, you know, getting high, not caring about myself, eating like a fucking savage from, you know, 10 eggs for breakfast, McDonald's breakfasts. It was four or five sodas before lunchtime, you know, I just wasn't right. So the question looms on me How did I get that movie?

What pushed me Fucking forward To get that fucking movie Until this day I'll never know But I guess it was just the The want I wanted it Fucking badly man

I didn't give a fuck All I wanted in those days I wasn't looking for pussy I was thank God I had a girlfriend at the time Because I wasn't in the mood for pussy I wasn't in the mood for getting my dick sucked At that 2004, all I gave a fuck was making my point fucking hurt. That that's it.

That was the end all fucking be all. I just wanted to do something with my life. You know, when I shot, when I finished shooting that movie, I was 44 years old. I had nothing. That movie just, you know, took me, sucked me to fuck in for everything I had. And I went there and I came through like a fucking fat cat. I'm very, very proud of myself for that. There's people that are sober

and can't do what I did in that fucking movie. I'm not trying to fucking, you know, push smoke up my ass, but it's the fucking truth. You know, we had Catherine Arducci on here a couple months ago, and she told me before the premiere of the many saints, she goes, watch it, enjoy it, and take it in. And for the first time, since that movie had come on in 2005, it was the first time I watched it,

embraced it sucked it in and said what the fuck was I doing that and nursing guys for a lot of when that movie came out you have no idea what I was going through I was getting fucking hate mail every day I was getting hate not in the mail like

the mail mail mail were delivered you know there was no Instagram there was none of that shit but I was getting tortured on fucking like MySpace I think and whatever the fuck was out my own hot mail like people were fucking sending me shit

like you're not Italian, why are you in that movie? What's it got to do with it? Fucking, what's his name, played in The Godfather? He wasn't Italian either. I mean, how can you play Big Tony? Comics, a bunch of fucking comics who remain nameless, you know, that were nothing at the time, and there's still nobodies. They got together, they really are.

They're really nobodies. They got like a circle together like, Joey's not Italian. You know, and they wrote a letter to Adam Sandler. Somebody wrote a letter Adam Sandler. I was a Coke fiend. And, you know, people were telling me to my face. I wouldn't have got that movie if it wasn't for Joe Rogan. How many times have you seen Adam Sandler on the Joe Rogan experience?

Okay, so shut the fuck up. You know, that was a long time ago. Those people who said that shit are probably long gone. They're probably eating the victim into victim somewhere. They're fucking, who knows what the fuck they're doing. But it was a fucking nightmare going in there every day because I didn't know who was going to come out of the woodwork with another fucking comment.

I don't go Joey, you know. But all that aside, man, when I fucking finish that movie, like, I didn't finish it. I just turned it off and kept reading, but it fucked it my mind a lot. It fucked with my mind that I didn't give a fuck about anything else. I was just worried about comedy. And now, I don't even know who that person is. Like, I look at that person 16 years later. I was trying to figure out who that fucking guy was, you know.

All I saw was a fat guy with a lot of heart, and I was fucking scared of shit in that movie. I was scared of dying. I was scared of getting fired from that movie. I was scared of getting outed. And when I watched the movie, the scenes I was in, I mean, I watched the scene. I was laughing my ass off guys.

It was the movie scene. We were in the movies, and I was controlling the VCR and all that shit. I went back to what was going on that day. There was two scenes that stuck out in my head. The VCR scene and the movie thing and we were watching the opposing team. And I got to tell you what scene killed me in that.

When we were eating the fucking turkey and the cranberry leg and all that shit, the cranberry juice was like a mock. It was like a real cut-in scene. Let me tell you something. That scene took like 12 fucking hours. And it was a Friday. And they brought in a bunch of fried chicken.

They brought, or turkey, whatever the fuck, chicken, whatever the fuck they had, they stocked it up. Now, to top it off, Goldberg was there that day. And he was doing like that. It just so happened that that scene fucking was shot on the same day that a bunch of blind kids were coming on the set. Like, guys, I can't even write this out for you.

I can't even say these things to you. I think it was Mori Povich, his good friends with Gobert. So he got a deal with Goberg. It was a Friday that the kids were going to come in, like all these blind kids, Jerry Lewis kids, you know, I don't know what type of kids they were. It's just not in good shape. My heart goes out to them. I'm not trying to make jokes here.

I'm just telling you, these were fucked up kids. I don't know. He was bringing up 40 of them or 50 of these motherfuckers. And that day was the same day. Like three dudes said, dog, it's Friday. Don't forget to bring a quarter ounce of weed. So I was like, holy shit, I got to pick up a pound of weed and go down there. You know, so I, dog, it was like, it was like yesterday.

I still remember waking up. I still remember, you know, I had the money at the house for the quarter pounds. I had to get, I had to get like three quarter pounds. So I said, fuck it. Let me just get a half ounce. A half pound. And so I called the Armenian and he brought, he had this tremendous weed at the time. There was no weed stores.

There was none of his shit. I was getting weed from this fucking dealer that was a beat But there was a you know the Coke dealer had some weed from time to time that was pretty good But my main weed at the time was the Armenian And I'll never forget these guys at the they were rich they gave me fucking Like how much well I don't know what I told them it was like 700 I would tell them 900 Even though I was making money they're rich I got to bang them out what the fuck I've been banging out poor people Fucking 30,000 years when you see all these I never understood like restaurants

It's like when a Hollywood guy comes in, like they give him a free meal. Fuck him. All these companies send you free shit. Like tons of free shit. I always think about like the little guy. Like what the fuck? Like when I used to get two albums from that company, I would always give an album away. Like I always, that's what I do.

I call Dean Delray, Jim. I mean, I haven't gotten none since Mike, but I would give it to Mike Lee. I'm one of those fucking. But these people would give you free shit constantly. And I'm like, what the fuck? but you pay the you make the poor people fucking pay I never understood that shit what we talking about I don't even fucking know here this I feel bad for Mike because I always try to hook Mike up with the latest gadgets the latest refur I always do I'm very

loyal to my friends but I got some stars at depth in last week from my company we're putting out of a star is a debt chain he told me when he came to lunch he goes listen You consider him putting a fucking edible line? I go, yeah, I'm working something with ABX for the capsules. But, you know, I like to fucking do something else. He goes, how about a star of debt? So he sent me two kinds of stars of debt. He sent me the blue ones are made like Delta 9 or something,

like hemp-based products and CBN and something else. There's a sleepy time one. And the red ones are 100. They're both 100 milligrams. I'm sorry. I tried to get them to 200, but the legislature's, cutting this down. I'm sure there'll be

some 200 on the markets. They told me that they're getting ready to shoot a 500. They want to put together a 500 milligram one. So what we're doing with laughing gas in 2020 is this. Coco was still there. The 35% laughing gas is still

there. That's always going to remain. What we're going underneath is we're going with four weeds. One's going to be like 36, 38, and one's going to be fucking, you're going to the insane in asylum, I appreciate. 72 fucking percent. We got two edibles. We're getting licenses

for Vegas. We're getting licenses for Colorado, New York, and New Jersey. New Jersey's open. New York's not going to be ready for two years. So it looks like I'm going into the weed motherfucking business guys. And that's the business I want to go into. Like I told my wife, who said 30 years of smoking dope

gets you nowhere? You know what I'm saying? I proved that shit wrong, cock suckers. So all you motherfuckers that you your sisters, your brothers, and your uncles told you to put that shit down. It's never going to get you nowhere. They were wrong. Fuck them. I told you.

No good deed comes back unfucking turned. Whatever the expression is. So 40 years of smoking pot paid off, okay? So I'm very proud of that. You know, I don't know how to grow weed and I don't know the genetics and I don't know that shit. But I know how to smoke weed. And I know how to review weed. And I know how to tell you motherfuckers is the weed.

you need to go. Look at this shit we came up with this week. This is a different, this is nothing from ice cream shop. This is a different company. A dear friend of mine started growing weed about 20 years ago. He grew the first 29% strawberry cough.

I remember bringing it to the Philadelphia fucking helium. The guys were on stage and I would blow pot at them from the side. And they're like trying to crack jokes and they're looking at the smoke coming out of him. And Rogan was like, get that shit away from me. 29%

I'm talking into the butt like it's a microphone That's when you know Take a look at this Cogsuckers Fucking beautiful Oof Oof is fucking moochers

And I let it dry for Mike When I got it was a little wet You'd smoke it You go this way Don't get you hot Now and this is a tiva How many times You guys see me smoke sativa

Never I'm smoking Because his sativas Are so fucking strong You get like a fucking chill to it Whatever But my point with the longest Shard was

Man was that I'm proud. I did it. I can't believe I did it. I can't fucking believe. I mean, I can't believe. That was the thing that shocked me to most, the on-night guys, that I could not believe I was in that movie. I never dreamt that.

I still remember seeing the original. I still remember going to the screening of it after the movie was done in Florida for the Super Bowl and how pissed off I was. Because I wanted to be like the original. I didn't want to see Adam sticking his finger in his mouth and putting in the guys here. I didn't appreciate no of that shit. But I appreciated me being on that set.

I couldn't. Till this day, guys, I don't know what gave me the belief to even send that audition tape in. I mean, I told you guys thousands of fucking times, and I was not kidding you, that when I stepped foot in Los Angeles in 97, I sat down. I didn't know much about goals and all that shit then, but I did. And I wrote down goals, and one of the goals was to try to be an extra in a movie or a TV show.

That was my goal. That was my goal. Usually I put like a goal, and then three reasons how I'm going to get to that thing, I would just want to be an extra for some reason. I never thought I would ever get on a set, and I never really thought that somebody was stupid enough to let me on a fucking set.

I didn't know the politics of it, so I didn't know anything. And once I got mad TV and shit, I remember I would leave those places going, oh well, wait till they look at the fucking background. I guess nobody looks at background reports. I guess nobody gives a fuck. If you stab somebody in the eye with a pencil,

I mean, nobody ever said anything to me. I put it as far away from my mind as could be, for starters. When I was doing all that shit, I lie to you guys when I tell you, that I think about, I don't think about it. I didn't do with that fucking felony. That's as far away from my mind this can fucking be. Better yet, felonies, plural.

That's as far away from my mind this can be. Like, I don't let that take me down at all. That's why I didn't give a fuck about sponging your thing. You can't get rid of who you've been. You can never fucking, you know. What if somebody does want to hire me in two years, and they do do a background check, and they see that it's been aspunged.

Like they'll go, what the fuck, Joey, you told us, but then you expung it. Listen, man, you can't change what you were back then. But you could change who you are today. And that's what I do every fucking day. I try to be a little better. Some days it works. Some days it doesn't, you know,

but hanging in there and keep throwing spaghetti on the walls, the only way you're going to get forward, you know. It's 2022, man. And I really wanted this to be a day. different year. First of all, I think I'm done with all the external shit. Like, we made the tapering go away. I'm feeling a lot better. I've lost some weight. Like, I didn't think I did accomplish anything last year. Like, I was walking around here in October feeling like shit. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? You know the joint is sponsored by BetterHelp online therapy. Now, we've spoken

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tames anxiety. Find getting better on Apple, Spotify, and everywhere else what you find podcast. But listen, if you need someone to talk to better help is going to help you the way to help me. Pressing Code Diaz and get 10% off your first month. And then I started thinking about my work with Eric on the book. Guys, I'm more excited for the... this book to get finished than I was for any specialized shot, anything I wanted to do with comedy. I got to be honest here, when I started writing this book last January, I wasn't all there in this

book. And I think that we're going to have to go back to the beginning and add some spots. I think I missed some spots. I wasn't really at a good place mentally. I think I started getting into this book, you know, because it was the same story. If you tell the same fucking story every day, I was trying to write this book for fucking 10 years. is. I wrote this book already five times with five different people. They would always bail. They would have something else. I would have something else. I would

fucking look at it for a month. And finally, I got somebody who was willing, I mean, we spoke. I told her she had to stay on for the whole book. The whole thing. Erica is doing a phenomenal fucking job. But I tell you, who else is doing a good job? I am. I am by fucking sticking with it. you know i've had to peel back the layers this is harder for me this book because right now i'm not writing about my mother dying i'm not writing about the easy stuff me going to jail i'm writing about getting cleaned getting married right now us looking to move right now i'm in the chapter when we just moved to the valley and i'm looking at all this shit between that and the longest yard guys i didn't even remember half this shit this is why i was talking to you about the longest

Shard this morning. We always talk about the longest sharp, but not from this angle. I was watching that movie last week or whenever the fuck, two weeks ago, Christmas Eve, and I got to be honest to you, I was put there mentally. And I was like, what the fuck? I wasn't even here mentally when I was on the fucking set. I was too busy doing coke, getting, you know, I wasn't in good spirits when I did that movie. There was a part of me that was, you know, I was focused for the movie. I was focused to be on that set. Obviously, you could tell from me being. and that fucking thing.

I was in that goddamn movie, but I wasn't. My mind wasn't fucking there. When I look at it now, I can't believe I did what I did. And when I'm writing these chapters in this book, I can't believe I did all that shit. And then I had the,

like, I was on to something after 2005. After I saw that movie, I had a huge rock bottom. I had rock bottom. I can't believe how bottom I had. And I kept fucking pushing. I kept pushing. You guys didn't know.

Nobody knew when I was doing, when at the end of that movie, what I went through. I think Joe knew, you know. I was having a hard run at it with the drugs. You know, I was having a hard run at the house. I was trying to hide it from my wife.

I was trying to keep, you know, you can never live your life right when you're hiding something from your best friend. Once I realized she was my best friend, it made my life so much fucking easier.

I didn't tell her I quit Coke until a year. after I quit Coke. That's who we're at right now at the book. We're about me telling her and her being in shock. First time I told my wife, my wife knew I was getting high. She just didn't know the extent of it.

And she didn't know the things I was doing. And the first time I told her the truth, she cried like anybody else would. If I told you guys the truth, you know, I've told you the truth here through jokes and whatever. I've never told you the hard, dirty facts of being on the floor and getting up and crying after you're doing coke. I wouldn't let myself look in the mirror. Like, it was just the creepiest fucking thing I went through.

So when I shake that shit, when I shook that fucking thing, I didn't know what I had shaken. I had shaken like a fucking curse. It was a goddamn curse. And watching that movie the other day, let me know that, I don't know where the fuck I was at. And I'm sure I'm not the only, I'm sure that there's musicians. I've read where there's musicians,

that the band is broken up. they've been out of the band for four or five years. I read a thing about fucking Jimmy Page that, you know, when he was doing that band with Rogers, remember that band, keep me on tonight. I'm radioactive. I'm radioactive. When Bonham first broke up, when Bonham first died,

I think Led Zeppelin tried to do a couple things. But then, like, by 84, the guy from bad company, and Jimmy Page. formed a band. I can't remember the name of it right now. Wasn't bad. They toured a little bit. You know, they tour a little bit.

And then, like, I don't know, I just read this maybe five years ago that it took him, like, six years to unwind from Led Zeppelin, you know, with the heroin, because he was on heroin throughout the whole Led Zeppelin thing. He was on heroin on their last fucking, well, they didn't do a last tour. But before they recorded into the outdoor,

he was a bad heroin fucking addict. I mean, if you don't believe me, look at Led Zeppelin live from that festival they do, Rotterdam, or, I mean, you know, when it's going to, did it with the Stones, a bunch of fucking fans, everybody has done it. It's tremendous the show. What was the name of the band? The firm.

I think during the firm, I remember reading, well, not during the firm, during the firm is when he came to the conclusion of it. I read this about four or five years ago that he had nothing. Like he didn't remember all the songs on his albums. I don't remember shit. Can you believe that? Like Jimmy Page didn't remember songs from physical graffiti. And you got to look at that and go, wow, how the fuck don't you remember songs from physical graffiti?

Your Jimmy Page, well, guess what? Now I know why he didn't remember the songs from fucking, I mean, you just blackout on life. There's chunks of my life that are fucking missing. There's weeks of my life that are missing that I can't even put together. Guys, I don't remember last Christmas. Out of my anxiety, you know, some of it I blame on the anxiety, some of it I blame on the drugs, some of it I blame on old age. But some of it, I got to be honest with you guys, I blame on just blacking out on my own.

Like I didn't want to be present. And I've done that, you know, thousands of times. You know, I mean, mostly you don't want to be present when somebody's fucking in the ass and you didn't fucking sign up for this, you know? But in my world, you know, I always wanted to be alive for everything. Like I want to be a partnership.

But guys, I got to be honest with you. The fucking drugs, the edibles, those edibles took their fucking toll at least. I don't want none of you motherfuckers to go, oh, Joy was eating 2000. Listen, if you don't think while I was eating those 2,000 milligrams, I knew. You know, look at these guys that went to Vietnam.

They're over there shooting Vietnamese. People have a great fucking time. They came back and got Agent Orange. What do you think? They didn't know while they were shooting these fucking rice paddy motherfuckers in their holes that there was going to be, you know, any of you guys, if you don't think like that you're doing shit now, pills, coke, is going to affect you later.

Listen, you smoke a pot. You smoke a joint. Let me kick you in that at one time. You're not going to fucking, you're not going to remember shit, all right? You're not really going to fucking remember shit. Yeah, it's the equivalent of that. I mean, you don't remember shit. I, the reason, what saved me through all those fucking years was I don't drink booze.

That's the only thing that saved me. Yeah, I blacked out on some cocaine binges, you know, sunk in some chick swat falling asleep. I had a thousand of those things. And then they refreshed your memory the next day. but, you know, drug use is a motherfucker, and it's always going to come back to you, and I don't give a fuck if you think it, oh, well, edibles aren't going to do none to me.

You don't think those 2,000 milligrams for fucking five years didn't affect me, then fucking, it did affect me. It did affect me, and, yeah, we're having a good time here. We crack jokes and shit, but it affected me. But I knew that going in. You don't think the first night after I ate 20 capsules, I'm like, this is not going to be. gonna be good you know there was a point with those fucking old stars i was blowing gelatin

farts i don't know if you've ever blown a fucking gelatin fart they're disgot i mean you don't think i'm gonna have to have stomach surgery in the future you don't think there's gonna be a problem i do i'm expecting it nobody fuck meets 28 million listen they should have put lee and me in the fucking hall of fame what's that the the record yeah we should have been in guineette And I'll tell you, I would love for one of you guys to watch. We had a star counter. A guy made a program for us. A guy had jiu-jitsu on Berto Crane's.

Sweetheart of a guy that we would shoot the podcast. And then we were supposed to have the thing that, like what you do for us with whatever the fuck, the Zoom, like that platform you make in front. We had one for the podcast. And it was supposed to have like a timer, how many stars we ate and a goal for how many stars

like every fucking podcast we were supposed to have like this podcast we're eating 20 stars we don't know how we're going to get there if the guest eats three I eat 17 you know shit like that that was supposed to be up there

we get so high before the podcast all those years we never said it we never said it because we were so fucking high we're like okay who gives a fuck we're already there who's going to this fucking thing. But if you look at some of those old ones,

I think they had it up with the star of death counter. I mean, even this guys, even though, do you see me? I'm reaching for straws here. And I'm usually, I can remember anything from, you know, my childhood, I remember fucking stories. I remember the whole fucking thing. There's a kid I called the other night on Christmas.

A couple days after Christmas, I was here with my family. And for some reason, I started thinking about, his father. And I just picked up the phone that night and I go, hey man, I was thinking about your father. He was a lot tough than us when we were 58 and 60. And he's like, what do you mean? I was telling

him all this shit about his father. We got to fight at the track one time. He's like, I never heard these stories. What were you my father doing? I'm like, dog. You know me, dog? I'm from the back of beyond. I would take these dads and fucking take him on a ride and shit. I never, my

fucking, I dated this girl in 84 and he offered me a job. And I had to take it because, like, you know, what do you do? You know, your girlfriend's fault offers your job. It wasn't full time, okay? I was working in the city bar time. I was rolling people. I was doing 20 different fucking criminal activities then.

But I was bartending. I was legitimately bartending. And this guy offered me a job. And I'm like, how to fuck him? I was one of those guys, like if somebody offered you a job, you took it, especially if I'm dating their daughter. And he came to me. He's like, I'd like for you to help me with this job. It's just two, three nights.

a week, I basically pay you 50 bucks. All I had to do, I had to do two missions on this job. I had to put ass on the bathtub and then fucking go get him beers and open the beers for him. Because he would have to wear those yellow mom gloves to watch dishes and he

couldn't open up the beers. You know how many times I would have to open up the beers? He would pay me 50 bucks for two hours just to open up the beers. But it was a he was a bathroom resurfacing business. This guy

got out. He was brilliant, guys. This guy showed me a lot about life. The name was John. And I hooked up with him and one day, like, she didn't tell me her dad had gone to jail. He got to tell me. He goes, you know, I went to jail. I'm like, no, tell me about it. And he told me about the whole fucking, he was in there for bookmaking. It was just a year. He was on work release. But because

he was part of the prison, one day they took him to like a job fair in New Jersey and they had this thing called Burma Seram. And I can't believe I stood. remember it and what it was was a coating for the bad tub they still do it today today it's huge now he sold that company and made

millions you know what he paid for that company $30,000 he had to borrow from his sister-in-law and you had an automatic fucking deal with Sears so Sears was guaranteed to call you with eight to ten jobs

a month at $500 a month he worked for public service but he would get home at night I'd meet him at like 5.30 and we'd go do a job and we'd get back like at 8.8.30 I would get him stoned.

I would do all this shity. I don't know how many times you would call me next thing and go don't say nothing to my daughter but I couldn't feel my feet on the way home. What was that shit? You smoked with me. I was making him smoke chocolate.

One time this motherfucker fell asleep in the tub that he was doing. I got him so fucked up. The tub was dry and he goes, I don't have I can dry yet. Why don't you go sit in the car?

I'm going to do some stuff back here. I came back 20 minutes later. See what he was doing? He was in the fucking tub with the curtain on him and shit with hiding him so the people who owned the fucking house couldn't fucking take a look at him. That's the adventures I used to have with this motherfucker. But I used to get him high. I used to take him to the track.

There was always a by the way after we finished the job. Like I would make him give me a ride somewhere like never the city or Harlem or nothing. But I'd make him get him. give me the rides like local stints and pick up a gram of coke with him and sit in the car with him. He didn't know I have a gram of coke when I was dating his wife. But he knew, not his wife, his daughter. But he knew about the reefer and all the other nonsense that was doing.

So fucking life, man. It's fucking great. I'm happy. It's 22. I'm happy I did this fucking podcast today. I needed you motherfuckers more than you needed me today. Trust me. I've been sitting in the house.

taking medication, fucking testing myself, putting squabs in my fucking nose. You know, I've been putting that... How many fucking COVID tests have we taken so far since this shit has happened? I don't even have fucking stuff left in that part of my nose. Like, it's not here, it's up here, you got to do it? I don't even have anything left. I do that shit.

I did it last night. I got to do it again today. And hopefully I'll do the PCR on Tuesday. Today, Monday, I got a fucking physical. I'm taking care of all that. shit. It's going to be a great fucking year, man. But I got to tell you something about last week,

and I'll let you go. So Sunday comes along. I'm feeling okay. You know, listen, Saturday came along, Christmas Day. I'm feeling okay. I was taking my vitamins. I was doing everything they told me to do. I hadn't called Joe Rogan yet.

I was talking to Jimmy Florentine. He goes, what are you going to do? I'm going to sit here and take what I have to take. And hopefully Monday I'll call a doctor. He's like, yeah. called Rogan and told him you and I go not he goes call him up man maybe I had a dog everybody calls

Rogan when they get COVID you know what I'm saying and Rogan's got to fucking give him advice I don't want to be that guy but finally Jimmy was like call him up I'm telling you he'll fucking tell you what to do I go all right I called him up he this motherfucker was cooking for his family he called me while he was out on the grill he's like

Joey Merry Christmas what's happening my grandmother's he and not his grandma's mom everybody was there his wife's family the kids their friends fuck it he's over there cooking i go dog can i tell you something i got covid he stopped he just stopped i talked about on my patreon podcast that he really blew me away on christmas night you know

we talked for like five minutes he asked me where i got it what my symptoms were he goes dog somebody will call you in 10 minutes i was like joe don't even rush it you know i'm good i don't feel anything yet within 10 minutes this chick called me. Tremendous. Mercy. Tremendous. Her name was mercy.

I was like, what? My daughter's name is mercy. We started talking. She asked me a few fucking questions. Tremendous. She goes, I'll call you tomorrow. We'll try to get this done tomorrow. I'll listen.

It's not going to happen on the 26th. You know, it's not going to have. I know this already going in. She goes, she never know. Let's give her to try. So she goes, I'll try again in the morning. She sent me some paperwork. fill out. I filled it out. She called me in the morning. We spoke for 10 minutes. She goes, okay,

what local CVS do you want me to send this to? I'm like, what? This doesn't come in the mail. She's like, no, this is all 100% legit. I'm going to send it through your, uh, through your CVS. Well, your doctor knows what I'm sending you. I was like, oh, fuck, tremendous. She sent me like an albuterol spray. She sent me pills for congestion. They sent me pills for a cough, they sent me steroids from my chest, you know, from your lungs, so you don't get anything.

These are for people who get COVID, this whatever variant is running around. I don't know. This fucking U.S. government variant that blaming everything on Africa. Africa hasn't bothered anybody in years. They're over there trying to kill fucking, trying to save elephants,

their husks and shit. They're not bothering nobody. I mean, that's what I told Joe. I think I got the African. It's like, no. First of all, that's false. information. Two guys from England went to Africa and they got over vaccinated.

I was like, fucking Rogans got this down to a science. Holy shit. He's captain vaccine. You know, and sure enough, she called Sunday afternoon, said the medications go pick him up. My wife went to pick him up. We came back. I went on the medication.

I thought that was it. She called back. She goes, listen, we're going to bring you an IV tomorrow. We're trying to get either monoclody or. Antivodies, whatever. I know I'm saying it wrong. I don't know about this. And Monday I woke up and she goes,

somebody will call you by 10, 10 o'clock. Somebody called. She goes, I'll be there at 12. I was like, listen, I'll set you up. I cleaned out all this shit. Lysol did, opened up all the windows. She walks in and she's like, when did you test?

I go Saturday. She goes, you're probably not even contagious anymore. She goes, I've been working with this since day one. I'm like, what? She goes, trust me. Leave your mask on if you feel better. But I don't want you to think I'm going to die here. I go, all right.

She came in, had the fucking bleaker. The whole fucking thing, man. She was great. So now it came time for D-Day. You guys know what I'm getting at, the needle. Okay? So again, I was feeling okay. I had had my temperature.

I just put my fucking arm out. And she was like, okay, we're going to put an IV in and then I'm going to shoot stuff in for you while the IV is going in. You know, I'll do a, additional B-12 or whatever the fuck you need, you know. Dog, she tried to put that motherfucker in. My wife was like dusting. Like, she was trying to open the window and she had something stuck.

I remember looking at my wife and going, what the fuck is my wife doing? And all of a sudden she pulled up the thing. And when I go, ow, my wife looked at me and she goes, her fucking face just went, because I had just fucking lost everything in my face. She saw it. And I saw, I saw that she saw that I lost everything I had. in my face. So I looked at her and I'm like,

oh, I'm gonna go down. So I fucking start going down. I'm like, okay. And I'm like, oh my God, this isn't that bad of a faint. I didn't faint. I just was like a little butt. And all of a sudden, I'm like,

ooh, thank God we got that over. And she goes, I missed the vein. We got to do it again. I'm like, God, damn it. This happened with my fucking surgery, too. My nose surgery. It was fucking terrible. So now they had to put it in my fucking hand.

And she went to put it my hand again. I saw spots, you know, the whole thing. And it didn't take. And I'm like, that's because I didn't do no fucking push-ups. Get these heroin veins out. I got some good fucking veins, guys. And I've never

done heroin. I said, give me five minutes. I got on the floor and started doing some push-ups and shit, started throwing Bruce Lee kicks in the air. And I gave her the arm, the left arm. Now she was all done with the right arm. I'm like, God damn it. I got like two tries and the left arm. But I was feeling

so fucking shitty. I mean, I was done guys. I was ready to pass out. And she goes, listen, man, if you don't want to do it, I understand. A lot of people have a hard time with this, you know? I go, yeah, I don't think it's going to work. I've had this underlying

anxiety for fucking two years and it's starting to come out again. My heart was beaten. Then I just started thinking, and I go, what the fuck is wrong with me, Joey? You're 58 years old. You're not going to let this lady stick a needle in your arm. I go, listen, let's try the left on. first pop after the push-ups

she goes it took took about 40 minutes for the bag to fucking drain I was fine tip top magoo and she said I'll come back tomorrow with monoclodial fucking antibodies whatever the fuck they are I knew what to expect

Tuesday I braced myself my wife wasn't here she went to Spider-Man that morning with mercy they could only go at 10 in the morning I'm like god damn it I'm gonna have to face this needle alone oh by the way A friend of mine, Fannie, one of my best buddies in the world, gave me an ice bag when I got this surgery. You could shoot this thing.

You could stab it with a knife, nothing. She gave me a gray sight ice bag. Let me tell how my anxiety was that day. My wife took the bag when they were shooting my arms and she put it behind my neck. And I couldn't feel it. No, she also put an ice block on my chest. You know, I went to the UFC fighters come in for fucking in-between rounds. and they put a big bag of ice on that chest.

She put a big chunk on my chest and I just sat there and after the bag was all done and I go, it's starting to get cold in here she goes, Joey, you've had that bag on you for the last 55 minutes. My anxiety and my body warmed was so high

that I could not feel this atomic bag on my neck and I could not feel this atomic little and it was a nice back on my chest. That's how high my fucking anxiety was. Tuesday she came back. Guys, first needle. it went right in.

I didn't feel anything. My wife wasn't here. I had the ice ready. I had the other ice ready. I had this ice thing that I was going to put on my head and shit. The monoclonia takes 21 minutes for the antibody treatment.

And then she did another IV, you know, gluosamine and B12 and all that shit. She put a little inflammation reducer in there, a little pain medication for my headache. And that was it. It was nothing, guys. So if you're scared of this,

or this whole process, it's a fucking piece of cake. Tip, top, motherfucking McGoo. And for New Year's, I had the best New Year's in the world, guys. I know you guys had a horrible New Year's. New Year's Eve, I sat here and I'm like, fuck. I used to have some fun on New Year's. Like, I called a bunch of my buddies in the afternoon. I'm like, hey, we're getting ready for tonight.

I pick you up with an eight ball. And they're like, that was a long time ago. Like, holy shit. New Year's, to me now, means. I'm going to eat something good and go to bed late early. In the fucking 20 years before that, holy shit. We were by ounces of Coke and quailudes, and I wouldn't wake up to the fourth.

It was horrible. But this New Year's Eve had a nice day. Listen to what I did. I knew that Cobra Kai was coming on New Year's Eve, right? So I go, fuck. I go, mercy, what we'll do New Year's Eve is stay up until midnight and watch Cobra Kai. My wife, my daughter, my wife looked at me all weird,

like you're really going to stay up. this girl like oh fuck yeah come new year's eve she asked me at breakfast dad and we staying up tonight i looked at my wife's like you guys could do whatever you want like okay let's stay up tonight we came down we watched uh something at 11 and then at 12 we were watching some shit my wife was watching it also i think we were watching cobra kai because we didn't have to wait till midnight cobra kai came out that afternoon so we're watching a couple episodes was it that good this year it was all right. They set a couple more fucks. They used some gender

shit. So my daughter they do a lot of kissing and a lot of hugging. My daughter was look at me every time they kiss like that. What the fuck I want to see these people beat themselves up. I go, that's not happening with this. It was a weird anyway. It doesn't fucking matter what I think

of the show. My friends are the executive producers. It was a great show and I'm very proud of them to do it. So midnight came and my wife goes listen, I left the apple cider, whatever the fuck they were drinking. Whenever you drink with the kids, sparkling, sparking cider, sparkling water, whatever the fuck it is. I left it at my friend's house.

We're not going to have any sparkling. I go, don't worry about it. Mercy goes, that's no problem. Mercy came down with like a bag of candy, right? Like, you know, liquorish and all this shit. She goes, for midnight, I brought down a big Hershey's bar. She brought down a nice big Hershey's ball. And she goes, we'll split up three ways.

My wife goes, I don't know if I'll eat it, because I'm going to go to bed at midnight. The rest is up to you two guys. I made my wife take a piece. I go, honey, you got to eat it. She brought it for all three of us. You go upstairs, you hang out. Dog. I ate a piece.

My wife ate a piece. My daughter ate a piece. I didn't know anything about anything. Listen, it was like somebody gave her a line of fucking Coke. Better yet, it's like somebody gave my daughter a fucking eight ball. Holy shit. I've been around her for a long time and I've seen her act up on sugar,

but I never saw her this hopped up. This little girl was doing fucking... What do you call those things? The other ones? Cartwheels? 10 to 1. She was doing fucking cartwheels. She was doing that exorcist shit.

The shit, remember when fucking Linda Blair walked down the stairs? She was doing that. Back and fucking forth. All night. long on this chocolate. I was starting to get worried. I'm like, what the fuck she's doing?

You know, the little kitten, I had two cats, one of them died, so the other one cries all day. Every time she cried, Mercy would go over and do a dance for her, whatever. And then they started fighting, like, they had the tournament, and you should have seen my daughter throwing kicks, flying sidekicks. I had never seen anything like that how sugar

affects a kid. I know you have to. Holy shit. I was freaking the fuck out. But I got to tell you something. Her and I sat there until three in the the morning. We giggled. We laughed at stupid stuff. She even went upstairs and said, Dad, I brought your Hershey's, no, she goes, Dad, I brought you a peanut butter cup. I look over,

she's eating one too. She knows what the fuck she's doing. She needed just to do one last bump before she went to bed. Oh my God, she started coming down at like two, and I saw her just go. It was insane what sugar does to kids. It makes you fucking think, man. but you know what that's the we kicked it up a notch that night we've always been pretty close you know me and my daughter but she's getting older

I could see she got older the other day broke my heart she's not gonna be my little girl in a few years you know what I'm saying I'm gonna have to peel her up some fucking Arab fingers and shit but I'm prepared I got guns I got rocks

I'm gonna be throwing rocks like those people in Israel I don't give a fuck Jack but uh it was a great fucking new year Eve, whatever, and it was that simple. You know, you look at New Year's Eve for all these fucking crazy things you're going to do. And that night, me and my daughter just stayed home, watched the rest of fucking Cobre guy, and we turned it off.

She was like, I don't want to watch this shit no more. We turned it off like episode 8, and we watched the honeymooners marathon. We watched two episodes of the honeymooners, and then I knew dives, drives, and normal wheels was on, so I said, fuck it. Let's watch that, and that was the end of that. That was our fucking New Year's. She fell asleep downstairs

And I fell asleep on the chair To about six And then I woke her up And we both went up at like 6.30 And that was my fucking New Year's Eve, guys And it was phenomenal I'm excited about 2022 I'm excited for all you motherfuckers

You're excited off for 2022 We've been sitting in a fucking bush for two years So now is our time to sling some fucking dick We've been worse than Charlie in the bush We didn't have to sit in the bush We've been sleeping in the fucking bush Living in the bush There's nothing to do in the bush

Now it's time to get the fuck out And sling dickets 2022 Like I said to you guys Do your goals Get ready It's gonna be a phenomenal year You're gonna have the best year of your life But remember what I told you

I don't know what the outside Has planned for us And who gives a fuck I don't give a fuck What they got planned Whatever they got planned We're gonna conquer it too They took Rogan's fucking video

down from YouTube with that doctor. Take a look at that video. If you get a chance, if you could find it on Spotify. He had the guy that invented the fucking vaccine. Yeah, they took that video down. Interesting stuff to learn.

And it's time you fucking pick the side. Cocksuck suckers. It's going down. I love you, motherfuckers, with all my heart. It's Monday, January the 3rd. It's as good as we can fucking be today. I love you, motherfuckers.

Have a great week, and we'll be back Wednesday, tip top magoo, January 5th to let it all fucking hang out. I love you, motherfuckers. Thank you for the support. Stay black. Have a great day. All right, I want to thank you guys. I have no idea what I was saying today, but you guys will figure it out. You've been figuring me out for fucking 10 years.

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22 is our year, cock suckers. I love you. Stay black and have a great day. We'll be back Wednesday morning tip top McGoo.