The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #129 | STU FEINER | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: January 10, 2022

Welcome to The JOINT..... It's Monday, January 10th..... Today, we welcome the Great, STU FEINER! Follow STU EVERYWHERE: https://www.instagram.com/stufeiner https://www.twitter.com/StuartFeiner https://www.stufeiner.com/picks https://belikestu.com This episode is brought to you by DraftKings, CBD Lion & Lucy.co….. Support the show and download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use promo code JOEY to get 56:1 odds on any NFL team. https://www.DraftKings.com/sportsbook  Go to https://www.cbdlion.com Use Promo Code: JOEY For 20% OFF Your Order! Support the show and get 20% Off with the code JOEY at https://Lucy.co Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #StuFeiner #SportsAdvisor #BarstoolSports     The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

What's happening, you bad motherfuckers? It's Monday. The 10th of January from the heart of motherfucking New Jersey and the heart of New Jersey, the joint is brought to you by Draft Kings. As you know, the NFL playoffs are here, and Draft King Sportsbook, as an official sports betting partner of the NFL, is kicking things off with a fucking tremendous offer. Here we go, you ready? Counting down to the Super Bowl 56, new customers can get 56 to 1 odds on any wild card team to win. their game. Did you hear what the fuck I said to you? Just bet $5 to win $280 in free fucking

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It's Monday the 10th of January. Last week was a pussy week. It was a write-off, you know, People's heads were in their ass. It was snowing. The numbers were high. You were waiting online for COVID test. Your results.

Thank God the hoop landed. It's the fucking tent. It's the first full week of the year, and we're going straight fucking ahead. It was a great weekend. I'm feeling great. I'm looking great. I'm tip-top. Motherfucking Magoo.

My ball smell great. I'm back, bitches. It's a new year with a new motherfucking attitude. I'm sorry about the podcast last week. They were a little off. You know, I was a little off from the, fucking COVID mine. I have no fucking idea what was going on with me last week, guys. So

I have an idea. I ran out of medication. I was getting bad headaches. I thought it was the COVID. I thought it was the fucking medication. I thought it was the vapor pen. You know, so I had to start slicing shit off. My headaches went away and I'm ready for

2022, regardless of what the fuck's going to happen with this or that. It's got nothing to do with us. Today I do have a fucking guest. I've been really waiting for this guy. I'll tell you the story In 19-fucking 90 October 1990

I got separated By December, January I had lost my job with my family The roofing company And the whole you know Shabang I had nothing going on I was doing some comedy

I started comedy in 91 We was Yeah we got separated I'm sorry in October of 91 And You know I had no family I really had nothing.

I lost my job. But when I got out of prison, I was in the halfway house and I got a job at a place called the puddle car wash in Boulder. Tremendous. They had hired me

when I first moved to Boulder. That December of 86, they hired me to dry off cars. That shit builds character, Jack. You're out there with two fucking towels in Boulder, Colorado. There's a line around the fucking block and you've got to dry off fucking cars

and, you know, the people give you tips and you steal one when they're not looking. There's a little bull. boxing. It was a great job. You got tips at the end of the day. You know, you got like 40 bucks and tips. There's 20 guerrillas out there. The guy was great. Bob, the owner, by now he's probably fucking on to the next level of life. He punched the ticket. His wife was great. I worked there with a black dude. He was a tremendous football player at CU named Howard.

My boss there, his name is Richie. Fucking great people, man. And I worked there for about him six weeks the first time from December to like mid-January and then I got a job at Boulder Auto Body. That's where I met fucking Tidwell and then the plan of the kidnap and came along, but we'll get to that later. And it was, you know, I was lost, but when I worked at this, when I got out of the halfway house, I needed a job. I had knocked up my ex-wife. I needed something that made money. And one day, Rich, great guy from New York called me and he goes, listen, I got a position for you. You're going to make some money.

You work three days a week. You probably walk out of here with a grand a week. You know, that's great money. And sometimes there's Saturdays. Sometimes there's overtime. Ba-bah-bah. And it's just great. You're outside.

You're talking to people. And I took the job. I had to, you know. And it was a great fucking job. You stood outside with a fucking pad. People pull up. They ask you for the special. And you got to try to upsell.

You know, rims undercarriage, armor all, fucking, you know, The car sent. It was great. And I got to meet a lot of fucking people. I got to meet like Boulder undercover cops because the sheriff's department would watch their cars there. So now I knew all the undercovers from Boulder County Sheriff's Office. I ended up meeting Bill Wise there. If you look up Bill Wise, he was with the DA in Boulder when a what's a fucking name?

The little kid, John Bonnet Ramsey, he was part of that thing. I met a bunch of those cops. The chick that did the reason. why they couldn't prosecute the Ramsey. She was a lesbian cop. Great lady. Great lady. She was like a fucking sergeant.

She's probably like a captain now. I think I saw on TV a couple years ago. I know her. And she, no, she's a great lady. She went into the fucking John Bonnet house and did a fucking circle prayer.

You know, so they fucked up the evidence so they couldn't really do nothing. Barry Sheck was on fire from the OJ trial with the DNA shit. So she, anyway, but one of the best people, I also met the feebles in there, the other Cuban family in Boulder. I met the wrestler, whatever his fucking name was. Oh, my God, the ultimate fucking whatever his name, the ultimate warrior was there once

without his makeup on. I recognized him. He was fucking yoked. It was just a great, you know how it is. It was 91. I was 28 years old, 29 years old, you know, and I'm outside fucking making dough. I was a big shot. I was in a halfway house.

You know, I had to hide money. I made tips, you know, because I cut deals with people. But one of the best guys I met in there was I would sit there all day and guys would come in to wash their cars. And these one group of guys were coming all the time. New Yorkers all from Long Island, fucking heavy duty guys, Accuras, you know, fucking 280 Zs. These guys all had great cars. And they looked like they were making a great living. And we talked.

And they were, they'd always come in just. to talk to me to hear the New York accent. They'd say, we love going down there. So when they asked him, I go, Doug, what do you fucking guys do that? You drive all these cars and shit, and they go, we're in the sports business. So I thought it was a sports betting business. I didn't know what the fuck it was. And I'm like, guys, if you ever need somebody, I tortured these guys for about a year.

Then I moved on. I quit the job. I focused on comedy, whatever. I was, you know, I was just fucking around. I was divorced, so what else did I have going on? And one day, like in July, one of the, those guys text me, you know, text me, page me. I was the pager man, like in the wire.

It was all pages and shit. And I started watching that show again. Brilliant. If you ever seen the Y, it's time you watch it again. I'm up to episode 8, and we're going straight to episode 64. But anyway, this guy, Richie came in. There was a guy Rizzo, and there was a guy, George, and they would always come in.

And when they finally, they contact him and they go, do you want a job where we work? Before you go for the job, it's seven days a week. You work August 15th to Super Bowl. No weekends. You work every fucking day. You work. The only day you have off is Wednesday.

And that's if you're lazy. Most of the people came in. That was the work ethic they expected from you. They were fucking heavy-duty New Yorkers. So I told Richie, I go, yeah, you know, set up an interview. I went there. I talked to the guy. They all interviewed me.

A week later, they called. They said, you got the job coming August 15th for training. it was fucking unreal. Like to be around New Yorkers all day, I went in there for training. They would cater the fucking training sessions, great food, sandwiches. I'm flat broke.

I'm doing comedy. I went in there for, that was how I ate breakfast. Like, I was the first guy there because they had bagels. They would get bagels shipped in from fucking New York on Sundays. If you worked on the weekends,

these guys took care of you. Like there was food there, you know, it was just great. Pizzas. They did everything. They really tried, but they trained you for two weeks. They really sat with you and worked thoroughly with you. And it was just a standard pitch.

I don't know if any of you guys ever sold anything on the phone or anything. It was just a standard pitch, you know. But you were always closing. Like I didn't know. I thought I was a fucking salesman. I had sold cars and shit like that. I thought I knew what I was doing. I knew nothing.

I had read a book telemarketing in the 80s. Before I got that job, you could throw that book out the fucking window. Great book. It applied to me for different areas and stuff like that. But these guys taught me how to fucking sell. Objections. You know, right now I'm taking Jiu-Jitza and I'm doing core program. That means you do like Simetel drills, you break the guard.

You know, they teach your shit. It's basically nice and light until you get to the Blue Belt program. It's exactly what I need. I'm an old man. I wanted to get my strength for maybe 90 days. Just go in there and drill, drill, drill, drill, drill. I've noticed about drilling is that now when somebody touches me with something, I go right for an arm bar or I go for a Camorra, it's a great way to teach somebody. And that's the same way

these guys worked with you. It was fucking thorough. And then for a week, you just call people with them listening. And it was hilarious. Like, they would come up to you and tell you what to fucking say. Sometimes they'd pick up the phone while you were talking to somebody and talk to that person, like if it was you and the person on the other side didn't know. I had learned stuff that was blowing my fucking mind. Like every time I leave there, but I had a problem. My cocaine addiction was on fucking fire. Like I was on fire.

Then I had a single, I was single at a basement apartment in North Holly when I could walk to the fucking job. It was on like Iris fucking office. It was great. We were in a mall with Abo's Pizza, Ladizio, Murphy's Bar and Grill, a barbershop place underneath. I mean, guys, it was a dream come true. I couldn't give it all my attention because of comedy

and because of what I was going through with the separation and divorce. The first year I did it, I did okay. You know, they said that the first year you're going to have your humps and your bumps. You learn rejection. But you grind it, brother. You fucking grind it. And if you listen to what they said to you, you would make money. Once you started doing what you wanted, you're not going to make.

fucking money, but you had to be very aggressive. You know, it's like you had to sell sports information. And yeah, we won. We won a lot. But there's a week, you know, when you have the ups and downs and anything, especially fucking gambling. I was always involved with gambling because of my family, but I had learned

a complete different fucking world of gambling and how they approached it. They analyzed the gambler psychologically these guys have put a lot of money into what they did they knew what they were doing but what they taught me was to fucking always be selling and be aggressive i was always kind of aggressive not with my sales because i don't like to for salespeople to be aggressive with me but for this particular job you're working with fucking gamblers and it's a different psychology and they had tapped into it these guys from long island this guy's too fine he's no fucking Yale graduate, but he's got balls of steel and a mine to make fucking dough.

And anyway, I did three years with them. You know, I did 93. The first year they fucking fired me because of my cocaine problem. I was just going there with a napkin in my nose. And I was all fucking clogged up all the time. You can't sell when you clogged up. Then he gave me a second chance. He's a great guy, those guys.

Let me tell you what they would do, man. I would work six months, whatever money you'd be. put away, they'd match it. And they'd break it up into the six months you were going to be off. And every month you got a check. That's what I didn't tell you when I told you I was delivering Chinese food. I would deliver Chinese food, do comedy, and get a check from them. And that would pay my rent, my child support.

That's how much they took care of their fucking people. This was a tremendous company. I had a great opportunity with them. I fucking blew it. But it brought me back. After I got divorced, I was lost. This brought me back. I was around guys every day talking about pussy, yelling at people.

Fuck you, grab your fucking credit card. We called my room the voodoo lounge because they had like different rooms. And we had like a fucking crazy room in the back. They called the Du DuLounge. We'd be eating and yelling. They had girls in there that would give you the paperwork, college girls. It was just a great time, you know. And then January of 95, my plan was to work till January of 95.

and then I was trying to get on the road, you know. At that time I was doing like shit what night is and stuff, but I was working, you know, not every fucking day. And I never forget, the big, like I had never worked a full week. Like I had never worked a full week. I always worked like a Saturday or Tuesday. So after you become an open mic or you get up a little bit, like 20 minutes, you call a guy, if you're on the West Coast,

you call a guy named David Tribble. If you're a comic, you know what that, name is David Tribble books to Pacific Northwest and it's triple runs. Tribble runs is how you learn how to do comedy. It's hand-to-hand comedy. You don't know what's going to happen until you get there. When you get to the manager gives you a fucking piece of paper and it says this room is active. If somebody throws a bottle at you, call the management and go to your room, you know, this is this type of comedy. But I was ready for it and I'll never forget that one night while I was at work at the sports betting service.

They called me and they said, we have a fallout in Boulder to Tribble run. If you could do it tonight, Tribble wants to see a report, and if everything pans out, you're on the road with Tribble. I was in fucking shock. I'm like, I made it. So I told the guys, and we all went down. It was a Tuesday night. Boulder Broker was on Tuesday nights. By that time, I had been fired.

I was the House MC for about a year there. By that time I had been fired, I had to get special permission to go back and do comedy. They welcomed me. They're like, yeah, come back. oh my god you're the feature oh my god this is phenomenal i forget who the headliner was but i went down there all the guys from the office came that was the camaraderie you had like for the first time in years i was fine these guys came cheered they bought food we drank it was fucking tremendous i ended up getting like i did great and next thing you know the guy called me and said you're on the road

and it was rough to quit that fucking job but it was time for me to do comedy and it was also time for me By that time I knew that I was going to do anything in Boulder, but the three football seasons I worked at, what Stu Feiner and his staff taught me, was invaluable. Invaliable. I learned about people. I learned that people always bullshit you. I learned the mind of the gambler.

But most importantly, I learned how to sell from the fucking balls. And that came in seven years later, because you could be the best comic in the world. But if you don't know how to sell your fucking product, you got dick. You know, what are you going to call people and say, I'm funny? Sell your fucking product, cuck sucker. This guy taught me how to sell. I recently moved to Jersey and Jimmy Forentine works with Boston Sports.

And one day I saw that, Stu Feiner was on there. So I got emotional, you know, it was like, wow, fucking Stu's still at it. I know Stu in 91, he was in it already 10 fucking, you. years probably since he was like 10 this motherfucker is aggressive as fuck and here we are 2021 and stew's still there yelling fucking believing him himself and for a guy like me dog that's fucking inspiring that's inspiring he tells a great story and i hope you fucking enjoy it thank you enjoy fucking mr stew motherfucker fucking finder jack Check one two

Uncle Stu Joey what's doing brother Welcome to the joint my man How are you It's an honor Ready to roll so excited I am so happy to see you I

You know I asked around I didn't know what was going on I talked to some of the boys From the sports advisors From time to time They come to the shows I didn't even know you You were in the business at all anymore

Wow I moved to New York I put on I see you on Twitter I follow you And you're fucking great I've been following you, retweeting the games for the week. You are a fucking professional, man. What's happening?

Everything's good. You know, it's all I've ever done. So in other words, and now with the internet and now with a new audience of young people, you know, I'm just as fucking crazy as ever. I mean, the energy is ever, you know, is bigger than ever. I take a tea shot every two weeks and that just gives me unlimited fucking energy, you know? live on caffeine right now, caffeine in a tea shot. And I'm ready to go.

I mean, I'm only sleeping like four hours a night and loving life. You know, I got, you know, I got four men that live with me. My kids, 32, 30, 30, 26, 22, and three of the four live with me. And total insanity, everybody's partying every day, drinking every day, you know, getting fucked up. And, you know, it's a great life. You work some great fucking life, you know. And you're smoking 50 blunts a day, nine cups of,

Starbucks coffee. How the fuck do you do this? I'm Cuban. I was doing eight shots of espresso in L.A. Oh, nice. Four at night. Four before I went to the comedy store. Oh, I love it.

And I moved here and I stopped drinking espresso. Like, I just drink one cup of coffee now. And that does it for you, huh? That does it. Throughout the day, I got to drink a Coke zero for caffeine purposes to get the headache away. But beside that, man, you look great. I love that you put pictures of your dad. He's your fucking.

fucking twin. So what has happened in 30 years? Well, I mean, basically, you know, I went almost broke three times and now I get the world by the balls. I'm printing money. I got, I got fucking in my backyard. I got five fucking trees. $100 bills on the trees.

When you come here, when we get fucked up, I'm going to let you pick $100 bills. You leave with $5.10 grand. Everybody's happy. Ready to roll. Oh, my God. You are insane. I love it. It every day is insane. You know, even even with the COVID, we got, you know, anywhere between 10 to 40 people a day running around my backyard. The house that I've been living in since 1990, that's still what I have. I worked as a landscaper when I was a kid in seventh grade, Joe. And on a 7.8 acre estate, it was the William Schwindler estate. And he was the co-founder of Grumman Aerospace with Leroy Grumman. And in, uh,

World War II. In the 40s, vice presidents used to be in my basement because they were talking about, you know, how the fuck they could bomb Germany and fucking bomb Japan and win the fucking war, God willing. William Schwindler's claim to fame was the movie Apollo 13 with Tom Hanks and Gary Sinise. Well, in that movie, there's a scene where they have two tables and they throw all the shit on the tables. And they said to the scientists, we got to get them down. And the owner of it. of this house, William Schwindler, got them down. And that was his claim to thing. They landed at LaGuardia airport, drove right to Hicksville where Grumman Aerospace is, and I'm about two minutes away from there. So it was a 7.80 acre estate. And oddly enough, in seventh grade, I said, Mr. Schwindler, when you sell this house, I would like to buy it. And they looked at me with like two heads. They're like, what's this fucking Jew talking about? Hey, buddy, you know, go wipe your butt. You say you're at your fucking 14.

by the grace of God, you know, I scored out in the 80s with my sports advisor service and with 900 numbers. And when they died, it was in the will for them to call me. They called me in 1989. They wanted at the time, $2.2 million negotiated for six months and I paid $1.4 million for 7.8 acres. It's a 1.8 acre side field, 2.5 acres with the houses on, and then 3.2 acres.2 acres in the back. The house at the time was 1900 square feet, 1936 English Tudor, and then when I bought it, I put 800 grand into the house, 200,000 into the pool, made it 4,300 square feet, matched the brick and the slate roof from a burnt down school in Massachusetts, and I've been kicking fucking ass since. In 1994, I paid $4.8 million for a scorephone operation in Atlanta, Georgia,

where they were getting 48 million calls a year on 200 scorephones. And at the time, before the internet, before you could get scores on your phone, before all these channels on TV gave scores, we gave scores, odds, lines, injury, weather reports. And then we inundated it with ads. I sold the back field in my backyard to a builder. Together we built 11 houses. And we named it after my oldest son. It's called Sean Michael Court.

I sold a 1.8 acre side field right next to me. And then I kept the 2.5 acres, bought the scorephone. Payed 4.8 million. Put 800,000 down, had a note for 1.2 million per year. We wrote 10 million in four years. World by the Bulls. Business was evaluated at 30 million. P.S. This is nuts, Joe.

This is fucking crazy. It's like Murphy's law. My last payment to the owner paid it. me and Sandy go to France, party, our fucking balls off, come back, and CBS Sportsline opened their website. I went in six months, 48 million calls, 4.8 million calls, 480,000 calls, 48,000 calls, out of fucking business. And then I had to get into other areas. So I got like professional athletes to work for me, ex-coaches, ex-players, and I promoted them. And, then that didn't work. And then Anthony almost put me out of business. And I floundered probably from

1999, 2000 to 2010 on the balls of my ass. I couldn't afford water for my kids. And I just grinded, grinded, I begged borrowed and steal, borrowed money from everybody I ever fucking met, borrowed money from the mafia, didn't pay my taxes. I dug a $7 million hole because I didn't want to lose my life and my lifestyle. I was advised. Go out of business. business, bankrupt yourself, wipe it out and start again. I'm like, well, A, can't beat the mafia out of money because don't put a gun in my mouth and kill me. B, government ain't going away. And C, I can't fuck friends. My sister-in-law lent me money. Every friend I ever met, P.S. By 2018, I paid every fucking penny back, seven million fucking dollars. And then by the grace

of God, Dave Portnoy, who owns Barstool Sports, called me and said, Stu, me and my father used to watch you in the 90s on the sports advisors. We fucking love you. We don't like you. We love you. We want to bring back your sports advisor show, rebranded Barcelona Sports Advisors. And then in 2006, they used my TV show in the movie, Two for the Money. Al Pacino played me, Renee Russo played my wife, Matthew McConaughey in real life,

played a disgruntled employee that worked for me. And in that movie, Al Pacino. MD. MD. Yeah, exactly. Al Pacino, Matthew McConaughey, and Jeremy Pivert were on my TV show. So basically now, I'm like the hardest fucking thing in the world. I mean, I'm not as hot as you.

I'm not as good looking as you, but I'm fucking hot as shit. Just like you said the other day. You go to a Carville, your mom. I can't go anywhere without people. And by the grace of God, listen, if I was fucking my wife and someone wanted to take a picture, I would tell my wife, honey, hold on. And I'll take the picture because this is like living a storybook life. Can't get enough of it.

I went to these Islander games. During every period, there was a line of a hundred people to take pictures with me. What the fuck am I? Five four and three quarters. If I was two and sure, I'd be perfectly round. I'm a fucking nobody. I got fucking 940 on my SATs. I'm half a fucking idiot.

But by the grace of God, I'm living a life that I've never dreamed before. And, you know, it's only going to get bigger. I'm getting bigger and bigger every year. I just, you know, I sell merchandise. I do an amazing job with shoutouts. So what I do is I stand on my fucking diving board and I read shoutouts. I read people's fantasy football lineups. And I'm doing hundreds of thousands of dollars a year in shoutouts.

It's like my new business. It's like if I lose my voice on my tits on a bull, kill me. I'll commit suicide. But until my voice goes, you know, I got a license to make a million dollars a year. It's fucking amazing. You know, Stu, the youth of America, a lot of people really do not understand what you did from scratch. I know the other guy's story, their first year in the basement with Ma, you know, the two brothers, but your story is so superb. But I'm going to tell you something.

The reason why I excelled in comedy years later was because of what you taught me on those fucking phones. Thank you. How fucking crazy is that? Thank you. I remember going to Seattle and outwork and everybody and one of the guys came up and was like, what are you, a fucking New Yorker? You came here and took everybody's work.

What the fuck? And I go, no, I worked harder than you. I got on the phone on Mondays. And the same pitch, the same way, Veracity, you guys taught me, you know, go for the card. What's the card number five?

You know, start a fucking whatever, Capital One. I mean, it was just, I didn't know while I was doing it, what I was learning. And I pitched shows with that knowledge. I went in. I took so much from that job that came back to me later.

I want these people to know the, the fucking, the size of what you were doing from nothing. Yeah. From a fucking basement. Yeah. And thank you very much for saying that. That's quite kind.

And be honest with you, you cannot believe how many people have called me and said, Stu, I worked, because I've had pretty much like, I'd say over 5,000 people work for me from 1980 until now. And people have said, Stu, your training prepared me for life at any interview I did. I was heads and tails.

I was the general manager in six months because, you know what I did? I taught people that confidence is everything. Confidence flows through your body, through the phone, through individuals, even in person, and you control the conversation. If you remember my training notes, it was, listen, listen, listen, listen, do this, do this, do this, fair enough, fair enough, fair enough. What's that MasterCard number? Five what, five, what? Five what?

What's the visa number? Four what, four what, four what? Listen, listen. And you never let the customer talk. They buy you and they buy your enthusiasm. And that's basically if you can have that skill set in life, world joyster. As you said, you outwork people because you knew what it was. Listen, my people like me.

I work from 1982 to 1997. I work seven days a week, 24 hours a day. I miss people's weddings. I miss bar mitzviz. I miss birthdays because I said, hey, listen, I'm fucking working here. That's the bottom line. And in other words, it really, you know, like, for example, I love you. I really love you because it makes me feel so good that because I broke my fucking balls.

And, you know, a lot of people, when they were killing, they were on their own and basically, you know, robbed me and fucked me and fucked me. made their money on their own, and then they never thanked me. But there are people that did thank me. Like you said, I taught you a skill set that was valuable in all areas alike. It doesn't matter what you could have done. You could have been a lawyer. You could have been a politician. And you chose to be a comedian.

And a comedian really commands the room. People are desperate to laugh. Because as you know, as I know, we were on the balls of our fucking ass. We were this close to fucking dying. or wishing we were dead. You know, we tried to kill ourselves. We couldn't wishing we were dead. And in other words, most people's lives suck.

As you know, they suck dick. So they're looking for someone just to lift them up. Because most people are extremely insecure, feel extremely inadequate. And my job always was entertainment. If I can entertain you, if I can make you happy, that's my goal in life. That's my fucking goal in life.

and I gave the world to everyone. Like I had a ton of secrets and I gave them to everybody off the bat. I wasn't smart then because I probably should have held a little back because once I torch everything, you know, actually I gave you the keys to the kingdom. But I was okay with that. I really was. I feel humble. I feel grateful and I feel blessed.

And that's really how I roll. You know, every day I wake up, I'm on my fucking knees. And my day starts with this exact prayer since probably 1985. I say, please God, give me the strength to be abstinent from my compulsive overeating, my gambling, my drug addiction, my sexual behavior, my abusive language, my compulsive spending of my selfishness. You know, please lift my difficulties and my character defects so I can bet a person one day at a time.

And that's really how I roll. You know, I fight all the addictions. There's not one addiction I don't have. And every day I fight it. And I try to be, you know, I try to be a good husband, a good father, a power of example, a great fuck, and to make you laugh. You know, that's what I do. And in other words, you know, having a six inch dick, you know, bragging that I have a 10 inch dick, you know, I had to do other things. And that's why I created the perfect hour of sex, which is 15, 1530, 15 minutes eating ass, 15 minutes, 15 minutes, 15 minutes, licking clit, 30 minutes fucking.

You can't hold your load. Bring a vibrator! Bring a fucking vibrator! And the vibrator that I personally love is the vibrator straight up with the mouse on the end, with the tongue. You hit the clitoris, because a lot of women like clitoris action, and then you jam it vaginally. And then obviously with your hand, your finger fuck the ass, and you do what you fucking got to do. And, you know, by the grace of God, in my 20s, my 30s, my 40s, my 40s, my 50s, I was able to come, get hard again and come again. Now, that's not real. now 60 years old, I can't jerk off because I don't have the load.

Like my second load now is air. So why am I going to even do it the second time? I do it the first. I go fucking hard. I eat ass. I lick, click fuck. Call it a fucking day.

Thank you Lord. It's keeping you young. Oh, it's keeping you beautiful. I mean, guys, if you're watching this, I know this gentleman for 30 years.

He has not lost an edge of enthusiasm. In fact, you're more enthusiastic about what you're doing. And enthusiasm is contagious. That's the other thing you taught me. When you make those, you know, years later, I went to L.A., and I'll never forget, when I got to L.A. in 97, the big thing was cigars.

Demi Moore smoked a cigar on a fucking cover of a magazine, and everybody started smoking cigars. So they started these cigar telemarketing jobs. Stu, I would leave at 10. I would get there at 7 and leave at fucking 10. It was something And the guy goes How did you learn how to do this?

And I couldn't explain to him what we did I just go I just learned Going from your job to cigars It's like Eating pussy and eating another pussy Afterward That's what it was A bigger

Hairy your fucking pussy With a big clip that looks like a fucking spider Speak to me O toothless one You know what I'm saying I remember we You know Your partner took us to Vegas

We would do the Vegas trip every year You would take them to the Super Bowl, the highest guys in the office, your office, and the other office. Kurt would take this to the Mirage. And I remember we went to a strip club and we're sitting there and I'm with 14 fucking animals. You know those guys I worked. Sure. Ray, George, everyone.

Ray, George. And the chick kept doing splits, Richie. And the chick kept doing splits. And she had a white, a pimple on her ass or whitehead. And she had a tremendous ass and I wanted to eat her monkey. but I had to pop that whitehead first. That's all I wanted to do. And I remember she came over to me.

She goes, you want to dance? I go, listen, I'll give you 20 to pop that pimple on your ass. And she's like, get the fuck out of here. And then another girl came up, and she was dancing. Every time she'd split, I'd go, speak to me, oh, toothless one. And she got up and threw me, and I think George out of the club. She thought George was my little heckling partner. But the lessons I learned in that office, one of the fun.

funniest things I ever seen because I got hired with your nephew. Right, right. I got hired with fucking lunatic. Yeah. And he's on the phone one day and he's pitching and I'm around from him and he keeps going. Julius, Julius, Julius, hold on one second. Julius, Julius, you know, he's pitching. Julius, listen to me.

And all of a sudden, Kurt walks up to me and he's helping me do a pitch and he goes, if this fucking guy says Julius one more time, I'm going to break his fucking head. He didn't even finish saying that. And you heard a little finer going. and Julius, he just stormed over there. Give me the fucking phone. He pulled the phone from me. He just hung it up.

I never, when we were in the back of the Boodoo Lounge, it was, I, you know, looking back at that now, I was fucked up. You know, you're talking about addictions. I would go in there after snorting all night, and I would just put a tissue in my nose. Just at that I would call people

with a fucking tissue in my nose, and then when this one would dry out, I put the tissue in the other fucking nose. We used to work Friday nights. You do the show Friday at 10 or something midnight and we had to stay in the office. Friday night, yes. And that's how I learned how to sell news. That's how I learned how to sell the new ones when I was in there alone with the incoming

calls. And you're really fucking stiff at first. But again, your lesson was, A, to be enthusiastic and make that guy bigger than the guy on the phone. What the fuck are you? I never forget the first time some guy lost and had to go into him for like $1,000. That's an education. Anybody could get money from somebody who won.

Try getting money from somebody who lost. And you got to fucking call them, bring them down to earth, explain to him that that was nothing. Listen, you lost 10,000? I lost 30,000. What are you fucking crying about? I lost 30,000. I can't even come up with the 32 to get the kilo of Coke from the Colombian

that's coming at 3 o'clock. And you're crying to me about your fucking 500. Grab your fucking wife's cunt. Tell her we're going 2 and 0 tonight, and you just fucking spiel and you just blow up. And if you look at my video, that's what I do if you look at my videos

I'm doing what I would do on the phone only in a video and you get enthusiastic as you're pitching and the more and more you get up the sale is eminent the sale is right there you you don't even have to sell them the enthusiasm fucking sells them

the same thing I did on stage so I think you should rewrite the book and put it out there for sale like Jean Perret and Judy Carter to call it how to fucking influence people and get your dick sucked like it and make money while you doing it

right or roll that's fucking awesome I'll do it let's go that's the book you got to write I can do that when you're sick and you want to just hang it at home what you have in your head can help fucking corporations they don't even know how to train

people you call these people you call these fucking people what they say you hold on hold until we fucking get to you, your business is appreciated. You would never do that. You would be on that, you'd have 20 phones around you. Fuck you! I got two and oh, hold on.

I got a thousand. You don't even give a fuck. So what you're doing is fuck. I miss, I was thinking about selling again on the phone. Like, I don't want to do comedy, but I was thinking about you and I'm like, oh my God, I would do that for five fucking years.

But there's no business doing that anymore. Everything's on the internet like you said. Right, everything's on the internet. that now, you know, now you don't speak to anyone. I don't speak to anybody. I literally do not speak to what. I haven't spoke to a customer probably in five years. Like, not a word.

It's via text because now they just want the games. They don't want the story. They don't want to hear nothing. They just text it to me. Good to go. Love you. Watch your videos. You make us laugh every morning.

Your motivation in the morning. Your food throughout the day. You're crazy. We live vicarious through you, Stu. We know everything about you. There's nothing you can tell us about you. We don't want to hear nothing. And what I do now, Joe, is it's a simple price.

It's one price for everyone. There is no reorder. There is no bump. There is no special games. There is no pie in the sky. It is what it is. Whether you bet a hundred million a game or a dollar a game, you're getting the exact same games,

which is obviously much different than we used to run it in the 80s and 90s. So it works. It works. And now, yeah, they don't go for the sale. You'll never be able to talk to someone. They do not pick up the phone, as you know. Just like as you and me know, when we get hundreds of calls, we don't know the person.

It's going to voicemail. We're never speaking to someone forever, unless we know the person. And truth be told, we don't speak to anybody anymore. I text. I text. I really don't have time to talk to people like this. I guess that's why it's such a blessing to be on this podcast with you. I'm literally looking.

I want to fucking hold you. I want to get an egg ball. I want to fuck whores now. It's fucking don't root our lives. We've done it. We come back from it. There's no stopping us. I think, listen, let's do one last comedy tour.

You and me, Joey and Stu, fuck the world, eat our ass. Let's fucking come. I think that's what should be it. That should be the, let's fucking come. let's fucking come. We'll smoke blunts with everybody in the fucking crowd. We'll get a place where it's legal. Everybody has to be over 21.

We just get fucked up, hugged out, laugh, get fucking naked. And let's fucking go. Let's do it. Listen, every time I see people in the street, they're like, Stu, can you fuck my wife? Stu, my wife loves you. I never ate a pussy in my life. I never ate her ass. And I'm eating her ass and licking her clit only because of you.

And if you want to, you can fuck my wife. I'm like, listen, I have no prenuptial, so I can't. But thanks for the thought, motherfucker. Thanks for the thought. And then when I see what the wife looks like, I'm like, listen, no disrespect. I would never fuck her. I couldn't get hard if you shot me with testosterone in my penis. She's a pig.

A fucking pig. Now, still, I got to ask you something. Yes. Because you and I are from the same cut, obviously. Yes. With all this politically correct bullshit going on to the world. you still don't give a Frenchman's fuck. You pour it on even more.

Absolutely. No issue about it. The more tighter it gets, I cross the line and I smash the fucking line. And I put my ball sack on your fucking face and I think of fuck your wife while I'm telling you, drop dead, you're a scumbag, you're a pussy, get a fucking life.

And that's how I roll. And you either like me or hate me, but I don't fucking care. Because I'm me and there is a niche that loves Stu Feiner. There is a. niche that loves my insanity. There is a niche that loves my being genuine, because it is what it

is. You know, I'm not smart enough to scam anybody. I'm not smart enough to pull the wool over your eyes. I got 550 math, 390 English on my SATs. The teacher called me in and said to me, are you really Jewish? Because this might be the lowest score any Jews ever had. I said, yeah, I'm fucking Jewish.

Fuck you. I smoked pots in some seventh grade. I ate acid. I'm 10th grade. Eat my ass. And that's basically how it is. It's just, I really appreciate the fuck. You make me laugh more than any comic on the internet. When I make up in the morning, I go right.

It's a new finer. Just to see what you ate for breakfast, the fucking bagels, which are gorgeous. I don't know where you get this fucking food from up there, Long Island, but I got to come busy pretty soon. Well, you said you're coming, right? You're going to come here. We're going to smoke it up.

You have a studio up there and everything. I'll get out? What? I'll bring some refur. We'll have a... I'll bring some 100 milligram edibles. Let's go. Fucking, you look like one of the beetles

after I get through with you. I took my brother to a wake yesterday. You're not going to believe this. I had to go to a wake. And I took my brother, and my brother's a fucking boozer. We're not really brothers. We just know each other since we're 10.

He's 64, okay? I pick him up at one. His wife comes out and says, listen, he's already tuned up. And he's asking for Coke. I go, listen, that's not going to happen. happened today. But I'll I'll be with him. I hadn't seen him

in 15 years. We took a ride. Stu, the whole way up, it was gibberish. And then we got the Rudy's, and he fucking ate. We ate, and he had eight beers in 45 minutes, and three shots of whatever the fuck. And then he got a double espresso, and he got two shots of 43 in there. Okay? And then we went to the wake, and on the way to the wake, he's talking about hookers and

fucking people up the ass, and I go, listen, knock it off. I go, you want to do an edible? He goes, fuck that. That don't do nothing to me and all this shit. I go, listen, all I got is a, I had two 25s and a 130. The bartender gave it to me. He didn't see that, so I just ripped the 130. He goes, what's just a 25?

I go, it's a 12 and a half. So I gave him the 60 milligrams. By the time we got to the 34, he was sweating fucking profusiously in the car. He took the water, he opened it up stew, and he just poured it on his head. I was fucking dying. He threw the bottle in the back.

And he's in the car. He's like, I can't even think these edibles. What did you give me? And I go, don't worry about nothing. He fucking went home. He called me at 9. He was still fucked up. Then he called me this morning at 9 in the morning

to tell me he didn't sleep from the fucking edible. But when he poured that water on his fucking head, like there's only three people that haven't changed in 30 years. You, me, and him. So funny. You know what it is? When people smoke pot and they think they can smoke pot, you know, they're not.

in our league. When people do edibles, I could do a thousand milligrams of edibles and you would, all I do is eat faster. It's fucking it. Nothing. You can't even tell I'm off base. Case in point. Dave Portnoy that we do the bar and still sports advisors shit. My boss. Okay. I give him six punch bars, 250 milligrams each. Tremendous. So I tell him, him and his Silvano, he's got this drop dead gorgeous woman he's with right now. What a fucking sweetheart. She's a 10. I pray to God he marries her, you know, he says he doesn't know. I'm like, let's plan the wedding. Let's play in the bar, it'll shower. Name your fucking kids me. Let's go. Stu's boys, girls. Anyway, so I give him six punch bars. I tell him to eat the whole punch bar and his girl

to eat the whole punch bar. P.S., he eats Thanksgiving morning 160 milligrams to show you what a lightweight he is and a lightweight a lot of people are. Yeah, it takes time. He goes to his parents' house in Massachusetts. He has a bad reaction. He has a bad reaction. they take him to the fucking hospital. Thanksgiving, he's in the fucking hospital on 160 milligrams of a fucking edible. I'm like, so P.S., I felt a little guilty. I said you're fucking a pussy as far as eating edibles. You know, like, he's not a pussy by any means.

He's got a quarter of a billion bucks. His dick is this big. He fucks like a pawn star and he looks like a rock star. There's no way sure about that. But on the TV show to show him, he's a pussy. I take 250 milligrams. right in fucking front of him. I'm like, are you crazy?

P.S. went back, you know, because you're allowed to smoke there, went on the deck, smoked three, four more blondes. I'm like, Dave, I feel great. What's going on? He goes, I don't know. I guess I'm never going to doubt you again. I go, fucking, hey, you ain't going to doubt me. It's one thing I could do.

I could fuck and make you laugh. I can eat and I could do fucking edibles until I'm blue in the face. No two ways about it. I haven't seen those in three years. Oh, they were amazing. My buddy gave him to me, but my buddy gave him to me. I think he was, I think he was, I think he was either in California or Arizona, they brought him back to me. I saw them.

I used to get those, they have dark chocolate, milk chocolate. That's what, no, right, exactly. They had all the different ones. Oh, the best. The best. The best. The best. I like chocolate edibles.

I like the chocolate edibles with the mushroom powder in them, too. Ooh. I can get you those. Little mushroom in that fucking 100 milligram edible. It puts your, you know, it makes a basketball game look completely fucking different. You understand me? Now, how well. Is your sports doing now?

You're still a fucking tremendous savage? I'm killing because, listen, I have done this for 42 years. Right now, the world's on my dick because literally I'm not bragging. There is no one on this fucking earth that no sports gambling more than me. I've done it. It's the only job I've ever done in my entire fucking life. So I've seen it all. I've done it all.

I've made millions and I've lost much more than I've made because that's reality. gambling is for the rich to have fun and lose money. But now where it is is I like to teach people to go against the grain, against the public. Whatever I tell people, when you gamble, let's say you're gambling on your own, whatever you like, bet the other side. Do you think you jerk off can beat the odds maker? Do you think there's fucking casinos and everybody can bet legally because you to fuck know what you're doing? No, be a fucking man, be a woman, and whatever you like, go the other way,

You're a sucker. And if you don't know you're a sucker, I'm telling you're a sucker. So now you know you're a fucking sucker. So I'm trying to teach people, first of all, gambling is like going to a show. It's for entertainment. These people think they're going to gamble and get rich. Buy a house, buy a car, buy a business. No, that's not how it works.

You gamble because it's for the rich because they love the entertainment. They love the knot in their stomach because rich people are very competitive. and they can't beat gambling. So all they do is try to beat something that they can't bang their head against the fucking wall, lose all their fucking money, then they come to me. And I give them an education.

First of all, limited games, you've got to bet a week. People don't want to hear that. People want to bet five, ten games a day. I'm like, listen, my, I sell games every day, but my top, top people, my people that bet real money, they've won two games a week, max. Maybe they don't even bet during a week.

because that's how you make money. You can't bet every day. You grind it out. You get fucking killed. And now that everybody could gamble, even the youth of America, it's dangerous. Because people, here's how it works, Joe. People that are betting 100 a game should be betting $10 a game. People that are betting $1,000 should be betting $100.

People that are betting $10,000 should be betting $1,000. People that are betting $100,000 should be betting $10,000. They don't want to hear that. They don't want to hear that. So when I tell them reality, they don't want reality. They want to live in the fantasy. They want to live in, hey, I'm going to be the first fucking person to win. You know, if you hit 58% of your bets, you are the best in the world.

If you hit 60%, 61, 62, that's a career year. You could never do that overall because that's just not doable. But these people hit 20% on their own, 10%. How about never win? People come to me, Stu, I'm stuck 40,000. Can you get me out? How about you're betting a game? 300.

No. You're never getting out, you fucking jerk off. Forget about the past. Don't chase your losses. Learn what gambling is. Gamble every day, but put it in perspective. You have to have discipline. And listen, as you know, as I know, the way we learn the hard lesson is we crush ourselves.

We're fucking down, we're gutter drunks, where fucking my faces are in the puke, and that's how we learn. You know, we're fucking hard-headed guys, you and me. You know that. We have no fear. There's nothing we can't overcome. The more you tell us we can't do it,

we're going to fucking say, fuck you. Fuck you. I'm going to fuck your mother. I'm going to fuck your daughter. And then I'm going to fucking own you, you bitch. Get on your fucking shine box. But the reality is that gambling has to be put in his right perspective.

but your first question, I'm off the wall. I'm bigger than you as steel. I don't even know what to do with the fucking money. That's how big I am. And because I'm honest in what I do, you know, you pay me, just like I said, the guy that bets $10 a game or the guy that bets a million a game, he's getting my best of my best of my best.

And that's really how I run. Every day I have one game I absolutely love, and then the rest is for fun. And that's how we do it. Now, so let's say I give five games, like I have seven games tonight. People are going to bet all seven for the same amount of money. I literally tell them, listen, bet this one for the max and the rest for fun.

They don't fucking listen to me. They don't care. They're just firing because they're trying to either be me, bet over their heads or make up for past mistakes where you know it. You can never make up for past mistakes. It has to be clean slate, deep breath, and do the best you can today. The past doesn't matter. The fucking future doesn't matter. You live in the fucking present.

You give 100% in your role from there. But gambling's bigger than ever now. It's becoming legal everywhere. And, you know, it's in my wheelhouse. You know, these shoutouts are in my wheelhouse. Comedy's in my wheelhouse. Motivations in my wheelhouse. Telling people that I failed and I failed and I failed and I failed.

And failure after failure, you don't lose your enthusiasm. For four years where I was on the balls of my hands, I didn't pay my mortgage for four years. I couldn't fucking afford bread. I survived. And then I thought I had it together. And I fell another three years. And I just grinded it out.

I thought my life was over. I kept praying. I was in a depression. And I finally just blew it out. I persevered. The cream always rises to the top. I have a skill set with, you know, being funny, having energy, and being gut level honest.

I don't mind. telling you, I failed. I'm a glorious failure in the eyes of God. That's okay. But I never, ever, ever fucking stopped. And that's the fucking bottom one. So, you know, failure is part of life. Everyone fails.

Matter of fact, most people fail a lot. But you just grind it out. You go forward. You have confidence. You have confidence in yourself. That's the key. Like people want to say that other people help them and without you. I wouldn't be here.

When not this and that. But truth be told, it's, you. You have to love yourself. Self-love, in my experience and in my opinion right now, is the thing that the world is lacking. People don't love themselves. People want to focus on what they don't have, what they can't do, what they wish they could do instead of what you have. You're a beautiful loving person. You're a child of God. And every person brings their unique substance to the world. And we need that. And we really fucking need it. But now, Everybody's so insecure, you know, so inadequate, so scared.

People are scared to make a mistake. Fuck that. Make mistakes. Fucking fail. You only learn from failure. Nobody's ever learned from success. No one has ever fucking learned from success in their entire motherfucking life. You learn from failure.

You learn what you do wrong. And God willing, you don't repeat your mistakes. So that, you know, that's really what I'm rolling with right now, Joe. I'm thinking about what you said that this has been your life. And just just let people know. how deep your Jimmy runs. The first three days of training, they talk about the mind of the gambler

and the waves, how it goes up in the psychology. I still remember learning that. We learned that way before we talked about five times or ten times or the pitch. We talked about how to catch them, how they go up and down. They're like manic depressants, and you've got to get them somewhere in the middle. I learned, you know, the first ten times you call them, they tell you to go fuck yourselves.

And then you taught us to say, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, before you hang up, I mean, I know I'm a loser. Tell me who you're gambling with tonight. Who are you betting? And I'll tell you if you're in the right direction. And then you go, listen, one of your sides is opposite me.

Oh, come up. This was my fucking life. It was called the $50,000 objection. To fucking tremendous. So I used it in this way. When I would do a showcase, when I first got to L.A., and Stu would say,

be there tonight and then stew wouldn't show up i call you the next day and i go stew you fucked up why i had the set of my life rodney danger field was there doing coke lindsay lohan was sucking dick and you're at home because you didn't want to come see me this wasn't about coming to see me this is about the whole and then they go okay i'll come next time i would just make up lies tell them lindsay londy lohan was there sucking cock jennah jameson was at the comedy store to let them know what they missed and the other thing that i have to go with you is your honesty. I spoke to people over the

years in California that they also had worked for a sports cat betting service. You guys were not doing what these people were doing. These people were giving sides to one guy, sides to them. You guys would pick three picks and break them up to people to try to teach

them. Our first rule was to slow them to fuck down. And then you own them. And it's even your gambling lesson. I started gambling last year on draft Kings. I love draft kings. They're my sponsor. I bet $25 a game. Good, exactly. Sunday is my best day.

That basketball, that's the quickest way to commit suicide. It's every fucking day. If I see something outrageous on a Monday night, you know, the Knicks break my fucking heart. Brooklyn breaks my heart on a constant level. Utah comes true for me in hoops. Chicago Bulls, they're playing tonight. And, you know, Golden States, they didn't cover last night those cock suck. because I don't know if they did. No, no, Phoenix.

I had Phoenix last night. That was my game of the fucking basketball week. There was no Thursday night fucking football this week. And even myself, it's $25. And you're smart. Exactly, because you've learned. You learn. You know it.

You're not going to win. If you start thinking you're not going to win, I do it to watch the game. Listen, Stu, I got into comedy in 91. I was with your company until 95. I was with you guys when I got to the game. call to go on the road and I had to go to Kurt and say listen I'm going on the road blah blah blah and the rest I went to Seattle but I always used your little fucking techniques they like that close you thought I forgot about that that's the inward to the and then

they'll call you three days from that they'll call you three days from they go hey man you were right I had a game opposite yours come on let's go grab the fucking card tell your wife your pussy hairs are going to stand on fire I'll never forget when we used to work Friday nights it was a smaller crew so you could work more with Kurt Kurt will work more with you the shit he would say to people

you know he would always go watch my lips you know and he would pitch you and there was stuff I had a hard time saying at first and he would get mad at me but when I started saying those things I started selling as soon as I started reading his lips watch and then he'd get on the phone and yell

and give you the phone back people didn't have a fucking idea what was going on. You always ran a very legit service. I really enjoyed. I didn't feel like I was doing anything wrong when I was there. I was working out of car wash when Richie discovered me. It was Richie. I had just come out of prison.

I was in the halfway house and I was working as a host at the puddle car wash in Boulder, right down the block from the office. And Richie, uh, Rizzo, George, they would all come in. I go, how do you guys get nice cars? I thought they were drug dealers. And then they started talking a little bit about sports, and I thought they were fucking bookies. I go, here I left fucking Jersey,

and I'm surrounded by bookies in Boulder. And then finally, in 93, they came to me, and they go, if you want a job, go over there and talk to them, two-week training, bagels on Sunday, flown out, courtesy of stew, fucking cream cheese from Long Island. It was just, it was a dream come true for me, And you have no idea what I was going through my divorce at that time. I was in court every other week.

I lost a child, the 32-year-old. My daughter does not talk to me until today. And, you know, Kurt got me an attorney. You know, he gave me his attorney, and we never got anywhere. But I was going through a heavy fucking period when I was there. I was living by myself, the cocaine. I had a guy that even if I owed him 2000, he'd bring me an eight ball. He's the best guy in the world.

I owed him $1,500 for 12 years. I went to Denver to do the Comedy Works. I called him, and I ended up giving him two grand for what he had done for me. I could have just beat him, but he was such a great guy, Vince. He would deliver right to the office. That office, people have no idea how much fun it was working for you. I remember one day it was laid downstairs that cut hair, and she used to always tell me, I'm going to suck your dick,

and I'm like, no, you're not. She was hot. And one day she broke her leg skiing, and she was down there. I'm in the move for a blowjob today. She walked me outside with her cast, got on one knee, and had the cast stretched out, and Sukala Mink, I went upstairs. It was fucking tremendous.

Remember there was a haircutting place downstairs? Yeah. Remember when they moved into the bigger office? Yes. And then in L.A., I went to a lady's house one night. My wife, my daughter was born, and she started going to school, and she became friends with my wife somehow,

and I went over there one day, and the lady said to me, you don't recognize me? I go, no. She goes, I'm Jen. I was the bartender at Murphy's. When you work for Curt and you guys will always come downstairs to Murphy's and eat. So I always get, there's not one day I don't think about what I learned with you. There's not one day.

That's awesome. That's not one fucking day. That's good to hear. That's guys here. I've heard a ton of stories like that because, because look, it lasts forever because it's a great skill. set, builds confidence, builds energy, and it works. You know, it works. There's no, you know, it's no two ways about it.

You, you know, we really, I really always taught people how to be actors, you know, how to be like professional actors, confidence flows through your body, through the phone, and you're ready to roll. And, you know, just like you said, I'm grateful that you said that. Because, you know, we never double-sided games. We always gave one game. We died by it. We never booked make.

We never tried to set you up with a fucking bookmaker. We did the best we can, live or die, and that's how we rolled. You know, we were fun and aggressive on the phones, but like you said, no guilt because it was fucking straight up honesty. We did what we had to do, and it was what it was. And like you said, these people in Cali and these other people, they're fucking thieves. I mean, you know, they're literal. They should be in jail.

I mean, it's not issue. And I'm never judging anyone. I don't want to put anybody in jail because, you know, my house, you know, I don't want to throw stones. I have a glass house. I've done it all, you know, like this. You know, there's shit you and me have done. We're never telling anyone.

It's never happening. We're going to die going through our graves today. You know, because like you said, we're glorious failures. We've done some shit. But pretty much like you put your head on the pillow. You can go to sleep. Same with me. Always, I always use my real name.

I always, you know, represented myself. And that's the fucking bottom line. So, you know, like both of us said, we got, we got nothing to look back on, but good things. And the future looks great for both of us. The smartest thing you did saying that. because a lot of people are not going to understand what you said to people to be an actor and I'm going to break it down for them.

You gave us a name. For me, it was Pistol Pete. So when I called people, I wasn't Joey Dears, I wasn't Coco Dears, I wasn't a spick, I was Pistol Pete. Pistol Pete snorted.

He drank booze. He had VD. He got gonorrhea. He got his dick sucked. He smacked people. He went to jail for fucking what. You know, that's who Pistol Pete was.

so when you went into that office, you left Joey Diaz behind. It was, that's why I said to you before when Kurt would speak to you, you had to learn how to, now this helped me with stand-ups, Stu. You had to learn how to say what he was saying. I had to learn what he was saying.

So when you're saying those things at first, they're like, oh my God, I can't believe I'm telling this guy to tell his wife to shave a pussy that we got three winners today, you know. That helped me later on with comedy. Then I became Joey offstage and Coco on stage, the one who talked about pulling the tampon out of your pussy or lighting it on fire when I was eating your asshole.

You ever do that? You're eating ass and they got the period. And you pull the string back and forth. They go fucking bananas. And then you whip it out when they come and you eat that fucking thing. And then it fucking explodes. It's like a tick-tac with blood on it. Who gives a fuck?

We've eaten everything. We swam in the Hudson. True. Listen, I eat ass in a whorehouse so I can't say that. I'm not opposed. Not opposed. Did you eat ass to the 1040 club? Um,

how did you know, how did you know that the 1040 club? I went there when I was the most hard. It was the worst night of my life. I've never felt so embarrassed. It scarred me so much. I've never been with a hooker the rest of my fucking life. I ended up over there with a kid pop,

Pedro S. Obergone. Pedro O'Obergon. And I didn't know what was going on. All of a sudden, you paid the. the 1040 they gave you a little ticket you went inside a little bell came out like the bagels are ready you ever see those Jewish delis they have the red light the bagels are ready and all of a sudden they pushed out a bunch of Russian and dirty white chicks they were crying you had to tackle them and then you gave the guy a sticker and he put you into the back into an office space you can hear other people moaning and groaning you could smell the strippers feet and their assholes and then I never forget the chick fucking wash your dick with a bucket.

It looked like Rocky Spittoon, the one he's spitting, that foam in it and shit. She would clean your helmet and then tell you what you wanted. Around the world, a half and half or a straight fuck. And I go,

let's do a half and half. And she's on me bouncing. And I'm dying inside. I can hear my dick going, quack, quack, quack, into a dirty snatch. And all of a sudden she stops, and she goes,

you know, for an extra 10, you could eat my pussy. I put my two hands under her thighs, and I just threw her off. I'll never forget she had holes in her stockings. That killed me. Killed me, Stu. Who the fucks a lady with holes in the stocking?

Her heel was sticking out. Her little toe was sticking out. It was brown. Like her pimper stepped on her foot 2,000 fucking times. Stu, what can I come over and see you, brother? Yesterday? Okay. I'm going to give you a call next week and set something up,

and I can come over a long hour and see you or come over and see you over at the sports when the fucking building opens up because nobody's seen nobody because of COVID. Stu, I love you. I love you. With all my heart, thank you for not forgetting me. I never forgot you.

And I never forgot you. I love you. It means a lot. Thank you so, so much. You're very kind. And whenever I saw your nephew, I always asked him about you. You know, I love that motherfucker.

He made me laugh. Right is crazy. Cousin, right. He opened that deli. People have no idea. I got another hour of stories from that fucking deli. When there'd be 20 people in the fucking place waiting for a San Francisco.

and they'd bust out into a fist fight. They do that in Boulder, not New York. In New York, people look at it. They were having a fist fight behind the counter. People were waiting for their chicken colored fucking sandwich. That's my father's brother's kid. Fucking amazing. I love you, Stu.

Stay in touch. I love you, Joe. Thank you so much. I'm putting this on Monday morning. Fuck these motherfuckers. Let's fucking go. Let's fucking go. Anything you want to say before we leave?

Any way they get a hold of you? Yeah, I mean, always. you could pull me up at stewfiner.com and then for any shoutouts or merchandise at be like stew.com and then just watch our show on Barstall Sports Advisors and you could find that, you know, always on the internet. I'm all, I'm everywhere and then let's fucking go.

Let's have some fun. When is the show gone? What nights? Friday night at 7 o'clock. So tonight at 7? Correct. Okay. I love you, Stu. God bless you. Happy New Year.

And thank you for coming on the joint. We'll be in touch, Tarzan. Okay, God bless you, brother. Love you. Oh, thank you. I hope you enjoyed fucking Uncle Stu. It was a great chat. That was part one.

We're going to have a part two pretty soon. About a month or so, I'll get them back on. I'm going to try to do something with him. Go up to Long Island, yelling, scream maybe for the Super Bowl. Go up there. We'll make some fucking videos and blow your goddamn minds, guys. Again, I'm sorry about last week. We are going to fucking turn this motherfucker around.

You guys know me, dog. fucking savage. It takes time. We're going to turn this shit around. I think I'm getting rid of the fucking couch. I'm doing a bunch of different changes. It's going to take a while. But I feel better.

I'm more confident. I hope you guys enjoyed today's fucking podcast with my main man, Stu motherfucking finer. We'll be back Wednesday. Patreon's kicking. Everybody's on fucking fire. And we're ready to go. It's a cold motherfucker fucking today here in Jersey on a Monday morning.

I got to go for a fucking knee this morning to check out both knees. I got Jiu-Jitsu. I got a great fucking day. I love you, cock-suckers with all my heart. Have a great Monday. And don't forget, Alabama, Georgia tonight. Draft Kings, Coxuckers, stay black. And now for a word from my motherfucking sponsors.

All right, you fucking savages. I want to thank my main man, Stu, find a visit him. Go see Stu get the deal. He's great. And he knows exactly what he's doing. And he'll make it right for you. He'll put your back on the winning track. Speaking about winning track,

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