The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #135 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: February 2, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT..... It's Wednesday, February 2nd.... This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is brought to you by Manscaped, DraftKings & Stamps.com….. Go to https://www.Manscaped.com Use PROMO CODE: DIAZ for 20% Off & FREE SHIPPING! Go to https://www.Stamps.com Use Promo Code: JOEY for a 4 Week Trial, Free Postage & a Free Digital Scale! Download the DraftKings SportsBook App & Enter Code: JOEY https://www.DraftKings.com/sportsbook to receive $280 in Free Bets when you Bet $5…. Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

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Joey. Let's get this fucking party started. Put that lip balm on your lips and let Manscape you take you to the next level. It's happening, you bad motherfuckers. It's Wednesday 2-22. This won't happen again for a long fucking time till 4-444 or 333. So enjoy it. It's also the happy Chinese New Year. It's the year of the Lion or something like that. I salute you. Fuck the guileo. I'm with your Chinese people. Fuck the fucking Guileo. If you want to know about the Guiloh, if you don't know about the Guiloh,

you better check it out. But anyway, it's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. Wednesday, the second day of February. We got rid of all the bullshit, the fucking resolutions you were gonna, you made, I'm gonna lose 80 pounds. Go fuck yourself.

You're still eating popsicles like they, giving them out for free at the fucking county, fucking jail. They do give out popsicles at the county jail. They weren't bad in Boulder, especially in the summertime. When you're in their sweat,

and like fucking, you know, they give you a little popsicle, you have a good time with it. But who gives a fuck? It's a whole new day. We got the ABX fucking live resin thing today. I already got high today. So if it's 2 o'clock, I fulfilled my obligations. The hits is short, but it does the trick, especially in the mornings if you don't want to go outside in the cold. But anyway, a little something for Buddha today, for the Chinese people.

I love you. You got to rub his belly. It's going to be a good year, 22. I'm fucking feeling it. But anyway, today's lesson what I want to talk to you cock suckers about. I usually have a Zoom on Wednesdays. But you know what?

Obviously, listen, everything is turned to fucking Zoom. So I like to give it a breather from time to time. Next week I'll drop two Zooms on you if you want to watch it. You do. If you don't, I don't know what to tell you. But today, Wednesday, the second,

it's Uncle Joey coming at you, motherfuckers, straight and direct. I'm doing this, uh, You guys know I'm writing a book, but a buddy of mine who's the next cop, writes like a column in Texas about, he was a New York City cop, but he moved to Texas like everybody else, but way before the invasion. He moved to Texas like 10 fucking years ago. He writes for a website about crime. That's what he does now. He makes a little change.

And we were talking about a week ago, and he was talking to me about that he's interviewing, you know, he goes, no offense, some criminals. I go, dog, I know what the fuck I am. Don't feel bad. You know, I was what I was. It's way past me. I haven't had those things in years, you know. But I go, he was writing about criminals and he was interviewing criminals and enlightenment. What was like people went to prison, like when did you know that you were going to get locked up?

Or when did you know that this was real, you know? And it was really interesting. I said, let me think about it. Give me like a week and I get back to you and we did the interview. We just did it on the phone, no Zoom or nothing. It was pretty great to get it off my chest what I wanted to tell people for a long fucking time. You know, as a youth, I grew up in Harlem pretty much.

I was always in fucking Harlem. And I saw some weird shit, but nothing ever with me. To be strictly honestly, I got chased one time in the Bronx. That was it. Like in 19, who the fuck knows, I got chased like three blocks in the Bronx. Besides that, nothing, I had never, I can't tell you what. type of people I was dealing with.

I knew that one, from being a youngster when I walked in Harlem, I walked as if. I walked as if I was a fucking, you know, Don Vito Corleone. Like you have to walk straight, your shoulders, you know, out in the middle of the side where if you walk close to the building, that's a sign of fear out there. You're out there towards the street and you're bouncing, you know, and I was scared deep inside. I knew that at any time anything could happen. But over the years, I learned how to just go cop.

I'd eat some fucking food and I'd get back on the Lincoln Tunnel or if I drove to the Bronx or whatever. I was one of those guys. I went there to get weed, but at the same time I'd try their fucking food. It was like Anthony Bourdain. This is fucking 30 years ago I was doing this. 40 years ago. We would just pick a spot. Sometimes it was Staten Island.

Sometimes it was the Bronx. Somewhere that was close to the spot. So we could always have an excuse for being there. If a cop pulls you over, you'll at least have two slight. What are you doing here? None. We came to get Yankee tickets and a slice of pizza. Meanwhile, the fucking Coke is hitting under the car, whatever.

But all those years, you know, when I went to Colorado in 84, I thought I was taking a break from the high level end, you know, of crime that I had grown up. And what high level, Joey? The burglaries and the robberies and the shit that was going on around me. Like I grew up, you know, 20 minutes from New York City. So you're always reading about, you know, guys that were doing drug rips, you know, just I grew up with it a lot. It's not like if you grew up in a part of Michigan, you know, that's very nice.

You wouldn't be exposed to all this type of shit. It's not that I saw it, but just hearing about it. It goes into your psyche or whatever. So when I went to Colorado, I was like, well, I'm stepping off this post. In fact, when I went to Snowmass, when I went to Basalt, In 83, I slept the first three weeks. I slept the first three weeks because of the shit I had been going through since my mother had died.

This had been the first break I had taken. It was four fucking years later. But I also slept because I didn't have that level of bullshit in my life anymore. When I got to Colorado, I didn't know nothing about nothing. I knew how to steal, you know. And at the beginning, I was just doing, you know, people leave their windows open. Shit like that. I wasn't really looking.

I was looking to change. my life. But that part of me was still there. If you're fucking stupid, I'm going to rob you. You know what I'm saying? If you're going to leave your wallet there, I got to take it. So, you know, that was my first couple things in Snowmast, and then I

met a guy named Fred. You know, and Fred was different than anybody that I had met here. You know, he was, after a month or two, he opened up to me, and he knew about weapons, and he knew about explosives, and he knew about

alarm systems and he was white and he was smart. It wasn't like a ghetto profit. And that was the first time I was exposed to him. I was blown the fuck away. This guy wanted to rob a bank on Christmas Day with me. And I was flattered that he trusted me to rob a bank with him. But it's not what I went to Colorado for. But listen to me.

I had never met anybody. Here are you supposed to be from New York City? And I'm from New Jersey. I'm supposed to be exposed to all these gangsters and shit like that, yeah, I saw a body when I was fucking five in Harlem under a fucking piece of four by eight. But, you know, that's not what I really grew up in. I didn't grow up murdering people, nothing like that. I heard about things, but I had never met a motherfucker like Fred before in my life.

And that was an education. And I feared Fred. I was like, fuck, this guy knows about everything. You know, and it all started with us watching, like, I don't know, some movie about weapons. And me saying to him, wow, that's a great gun. And him going, let me show you what I got. And me going, what the fuck? You know, he moves the couch and he's got machine guns and shotguns and fucking grenades.

And I'm like, what the fuck? And then he started telling me his stories about Vietnam. So that really stuck with me, you know? And then I got in trouble at the electrician's place. And he told me how to beat up the guy. I mean, this guy had it all planned. I went to him in confidence. And, you know, at that time, I had a big beef with my stepfather.

And I wanted to kill him. and he was training me to learn how to kill, how to walk, how to... Dog, I was in it. I was in it, and I'm like, holy fuck. How did I get involved in this? I was never involved in this shit in New York where I thought I would be involved in something like this.

This was... And I wasn't doing anything. I'm not claiming guilt on anything. He was just teaching me how to shoot, how to blow up this, how to fucking snap your neck. You know, it's stupid shit. You wrote the Anark and...

Yeah, like this guy was teaching me some out of this world shit. But again, I came to New Jersey a year later, and I kept in touch of Fred and his wife, and, you know, I became a fucking junkie, and I ended up in a rocket ship and the whole thing. And then June of 85, I ended up going back to Colorado. And, you know, again, I was like, you know,

I'm going to go there and relax and, you know, meet some cool people and just that, you know, you have the best intention when you get on a fucking plane, you know? Even though your friends are telling you, what the fuck are you going out there for? you're not going to ski there, a bunch of faggots. You know, you heard all that shit from my friends, but I just knew I wanted to be around different people,

and I wanted to experience different people. That was, even though I was involved in all this stupidity at that age, I always wanted to get out of New Jersey. I thought getting out of, even if you came back, just the experience of going and coming back. It's huge when you're a young man. Not when you're 35, when you're like 22 shit's not working out in your neighborhood, abandon ship.

There's 80 other thousand fucking neighbors. you could try. Pick one, motherfucker. You know what I'm saying? Just pick one. So when I went out to Boulder in 85, I was a little bit more humbled.

You know, I had been homeless. I was fucking a mess. Family had turned on me. You know, I had turned on them. So when I got back to, and I was thinking about this the other day, I've never told you this guys,

these stories. When I got settled in Boulder, after about a week, I'm living on 10, 12. 14th Street and I'm like I got a cop some fucking weed you know so I didn't know where to go I asked a couple people on my block like a couple of the college girls we don't smoke weed okay so I you know I asked somebody at the gym they didn't know you know I was training downstairs in Boulder by the there used to be a downstairs gym on the hill God knows what happened to them so I went I asked a few people they told me to go to Pearl Street more it's like an outdoor mall it's what you go to Boulder for a fucking tremendous place you know And it was packed. It was July of 85. It was fucking packed down there.

People all over the place. And, you know, unless you're a fucking retard, you spot the drug dealers right away. They're right on the fucking thing. They're hippies. They're playing bongos. You know, Boulder's a complete, you know, in the city, it's like black dudes shooting dice and Colombians

listen to salsa music, you know, or fucking Dominicans, you just pull over. Oh, yeah, what's what's going to? No, in Boulder, it's a bunch of fucking, It's a fucking bunch of hippies without their shoes on, playing congas. Oh my God, it's tremendous. They're playing hockey sack. They're fucking smoking rolled cigarettes.

You could smell the armpit with the Pichugi. And I'll never forget going up to one of the guys and going, how are you doing, man? My name is Joey. I'm not a cop. I was 85. I was 22 years old. And I'm like, hey, man, I need some fucking reefer. And we started talking.

And one thing led to another. And I'll never forget this shit. They were like, nah, you got to talk to that guy if you want weed. He'll get it for you. And it was a guy, you know, I was looking at him from behind. He had short hair, a little scruffy, you know, a t-shirt, like sweatpants. But he had something on. I can't really, he looked baggy for some reason.

And I remember going up to him and going, hey man, your name is whatever. He was supposed to be like a street shaman with one of those fucking guys. So I'll never forget. he turned around and he rattled me. His eyes were like fucking light blue and his skin looked like somebody threw acid at it. Holy fuck. I'm like, what the fuck is this?

Or Roz, Ram, one of those fucking names, you know. And he had a bunch of young girls with him and shit. Like if he was 30 something, I was 22, he had girls that were my age and a little younger, like a bunch of 18-year-old runaways, dirty chicks. You know, it was like a child. Charles Manson type fucking deal.

And we start talking. I told him I want some weed. He goes, can you wait 15 minutes? You're sure you're not the cop? I go, I swear to God. We start talking about New York City or Jersey. And within 20 minutes, I had the fucking weed. And it was good.

Whatever. I went home and smoked him. About three days later, I was looking for more weed. And I came down looking for ROM or Rod or whatever his fucking name was. And he was there again. And we started talking and he had some other buddies there.

And in that same encounter, I met the dude Fred. don't do it that Fred when we were in front of the Fox Theater and the guy was going to jump so I some dude was going to jump

me and Fred are at roses whatever it was called eating fucking chicken they have rotissory chicken we had just met and all of a sudden some guys like I'm gonna jump and all of a sudden I see Fred

looking around Fred's wiping his mouth jump jump you fucking punk I went to Vietnam and all this shit I'm like oh my God but I met Fred through ROM down there

It was like a Sunday Beautiful day out I go on there Looking for whatever his name is And it's He introduces me to his buddy Fred and we all start talking A bunch of young guys

And I walk back And Fred follows me He goes hey man You're an interesting guy You're from Jersey I got a brother who lives in Connecticut You know we started talking And one thing led to another

He goes listen I know a lady He has got better weed Than fucking rum over here And I go when He goes up on the hill So he goes I go

She sells eights, quarters. He goes, she sells 20s and eights. I go, all right, take me up there. So what a coincidence. If I lived at 10, 12, 14th Street, this woman lived at 10, 14th, 14th Street. She lived right in the building, in the house next door.

Only she lived in the basement. I'll never forget him walking me downstairs, knocking on the door. She answers the door. She's got to be like 49. She looked like a fucking frog. Ugliest woman in the world. no shoes on, dirty feet, hippie chick, but very cool.

She welcomed me into her home. She told me to sit down. Her boyfriend came out. This lady looked like a truck hitter and then picked her up and a bus hit her after that. But who am I to judge? I ain't no fucking, I ain't no Mel Gibson myself, you know what I'm saying? So I fucking, her boyfriend comes out of the bathroom. It's like a pseudo studio.

A boyfriend comes out of the bathroom and this guy is a fucking model. He's beautiful. He's got long-marked hair, blonde hair. He looks like the dude from Sons of Anarchy, only a little shorter. And he's a fucking boyfriend. But he's like a fucking, like a book, this guy. He put his glasses on. I'm like, oh, this guy's really good looking.

He's got fucking glasses on. This guy was a fucking nerd. He knew about everything. And we started talking. She was from Illinois, and he was from West Virginia. I still remember that. And there's more of this fucking story. And we start fucking talk.

And one thing leads to another. She asked me where I lived next door. Boom, she sells me a fucking eighth or a quarter, whatever. And now, you know, I would go over there to buy weed and hang out with them at night, you know. And little things happened. You know, Fred kept going by. But then after a few weeks, she told me, she goes, this dude, you hang out with Fred? He's a stone cold fucking killer.

I'm like, Fred? I go, no, he's a fucking. He was in Vietnam, but he was an EMT. She goes, oh, no, no, I'm talking to you about the other guy, his friend Roz or Rod. He goes, that dude is a straight-up fucking killer. Like, don't really put your trust in that dude. And I'm like, what are you talking about? She started, you know, I don't want to repeat out of line here, but she started rattling

off all these places where this guy had killed people and shit. Like, he was under investigation for killing somebody at the time in front of the him a bar in one of those Boulder towns, not like Lafayette or Louisville, but one of those other ones that are more secluded. I forget the name of the bar, and I forget the name of the fucking place. This guy was obviously the real deal.

You know, he killed people in fucking Vietnam. That acid that I thought was on his face? Uh-uh. It was Agent Orange. They had shot it right at this motherfucker. Like, he had all this. And I hate to touch myself and show you. I mean, my skin ain't the best either. But he had all this shit

covered on both sides. This dude was a workhorse. And I remember leaving there and finally seeing Fred and going, Fred, come here. This fucking guy I'm buying weed from. What's this shit that, whatever, Eugenia. That was her name, Eugenia or something like that. They're talking about it. It's like, this guy is a fucking maniac.

There's a couple people been missing since he came to both. They're like, this is fucking crazy, you know? So I was like, it's good to fucking know. And I saw him after that a few times. but to be honest, I wasn't ready for all that. I was not ready for all that. I had my hands full with Fred. Fred had become my fucking buddy that summer.

All of July I bundled around with Fred. And for years, I didn't know where he lived. I know he lived by Chautauqua Park and those little condos in the back. Not condos, they're like little houses in the back. But I never visited him. He never gave me a reason to visit him. He would always walk to my house from Chautau Park

and we'd start our day. Whatever, I'd go to the gym. He'd go down to Pearl. Street, we get some weed. I'd buy some fucking hot dogs at musters last stand. He was my dog. And then he found that I was doing the credit cards. When I got the credit cards back, he was my fucking assistant. We went out and banged out all these fucking credit cards. But to rush the fucking story, like, I knew Fred for all those years. I left San Francisco. I left Colorado, Boulder, maybe seven weeks after I left Fred. And I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to him. But I told you Jenna, the late. The last. I left. I left. I left Fred. And I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to him. But I told you, Jenna, the late. I left. I left. I left. I left. I was next door that I was leaving the San Francisco that the cops were on my trail. So I never really kept in touch with Fred, but when I got back in November of 86, I went looking for Fred and I found them within fucking 10 minutes down at Eugenas and we hit it right to fuck off.

And that's when I started seeing who Fred really was. So I was telling this detective buddy of mine that it was weird that I had grown up in New York. You guys are saying like, what the fuck is he going with this? it's so weird who you're going to meet and who you think you're going to meet and who the fuck you think you're dealing with you know

when I left Jersey and went to Colorado I had an awakening when I went to San Francisco I was way out of my fucking league you know when I tell you guys I spent those eight weeks in San Francisco

those six weeks in San Francisco I was living like one of those kids on the fucking wire I was out there on the street. It was either, you know, I wasn't slinging crack or heroin. My thing was weed, travelers' checks, buying travelers' checks, buying stolen stuff. That was my stuff out in the street, you know. I shared it with the people.

Like, if I put something on the corner, everybody got a taste. Even if I just walked away with 50 bucks, I gave everybody else a taste. You learn about that type of world. But in San Francisco, when I saw the white dude fighting the black dude with a sword and a two-by-four, I realized I was out of my fucking element on A Dashbury. That was when you go into the fucking tenderloin in 85, you know, when I got off the bus, I don't know, forget this, you get off the bus, you land in San Francisco and there are these buses and they take you to whatever. You know, when they say downtown, they don't tell you it's the fucking, you know, that neighborhood. That's the worst neighborhood in the country.

It is fuck. Now they're going nuts up there in San Francisco. But when you get to that bus station and you get off in that town, whatever, downtown, you're in the middle of that nightmare. And you see people on the floor stabbed and shit. First time I saw a motherfucker on the floor stab, I'm 21 years. I don't need to see this shit.

This was crazy. I saw another guy with a knife in his stomach, with the knife still in there, the dude moved it up, and you could see shit coming out. He was in front of original jewelry right there on the fucking tender line. and people are walking past them listen in New York City I've seen people you know bleeding and people walking

past them but a knife in the side and there's a puddle of blood and the blood is black that's fucking real and scary was I scared fuck yeah I was scared I didn't have a weapon I was in San Francisco I had like a knife or something like that like one of those barbecue knives

that has the toothpick and the bottle open and who are you going to stab with that someone will take that and stick that cork right up my fucking ass. You know, you're down there hand-to-hand combat. Thank God to this day, nothing happened to me down there.

But then I went back to both. And this is where the story gets fucking tricky. You know, you all see these gangses on TV and all this shit. I don't know. I don't know half the time.

And I was meeting all these guys back here in 84 and all these drug dealers and I was obviously burning them and getting away with it. You know, when I obviously went and robbed the jewelry store in September,

of 82, which were coming on the 40th anniversary. I'm going to make a videotape of me running around the video store and how long are the jewelry store and see how long it'll take me for the one-year anniversary, September 15th or September 22nd of 1982. But even then, I remember those guys coming to talk to me and saying they want the jewelry. They're going to give me $10,000. It was a friend of a family friend that was supposed to be in the mafia, and I was like, nah.

I never thought I was going to make it out of that. I thought they were going to come back and kill me. What they did was put the cops to squeeze me. That's a complete different squeeze. But they never did nothing. There was only two people I saw that I was definitely fucking scared of. When I crossed my godfather, I mean, this motherfucker put baptism, he put the Bible, he put everything on the side. This dude was coming for me.

Was I scared? I was a little bit scared, but he had got more of my attention. Like I was 21 years old, and I burned my stuff. stepfather, my godfather, and this guy was not stopping until he put a bullet in me. That does something to you. It gives you a certain type of fear, and it gives you a certain type of reality in my world. When I escaped that, I thought I was out of it. But when I went to the West Coast, you know, you always think that this is the worst place you live in

until you go to those places and go, what the fuck am I involved in? And even then, guys, I was doing stupid, petty shit on the fucking street. I wasn't doing nothing, you know, to go away to, I wasn't doing no fucking burns. You got to do this from time to time. I felt a little hairy there. And fucking, it's Manscape Day. So you got the fucking weed whacker. This trims everything.

Tremendous, see? This is how you doing. Mice and easy. Huh? Who's better than Uncle Joey? So, here I am, and I'm thinking, you know, you're thinking that you're in the worst place, you came from the baddest gangses. I tell you what, when I went out there in the real world, I can look you motherfuckers in the face,

and I was running in New York in the late in the 70s, early 80s. New York wasn't shit to what I was about to see out there. That's crazy how you always think, you know, New York, Brooklyn, the Bronx. It was nothing compared to what I saw out there in the real world. world, i.e. Colorado. Listen, San Francisco, Oakland, there's supposed to be some bad motherfuckers living there. Seattle, all that shit,

there's supposed to be some bad motherfuckers living there. You expect that. But when you go to the mountains of Colorado, and there's bad motherfuckers there, that's where you go, what the fuck. So what I'm trying to tell you is that I went to the tendalum, I went to Falkin Boulder

I was at all these places where when I went to Boulder I didn't anticipate what I saw but even Boulder when I was there the first time I was hearing things that were really surprising me for a small fucking community

how it was I was hearing about drug deals and packages I mean I didn't know any of these people but the biggest thing that happened in Boulder that led to other things I didn't know at the time. I didn't know what these people were.

Was they found, I think, like 10 pounds of Coke. You guys could look it up in a bus station in Boulder. Eight kilos, 8.60. I forget what it was. They found it in a locker in Boulder. That changed everything. I remember that happening. I remember going, fuck.

Bold had eight kilos in a fucking train station. You know, I was here in Union City and in New York and in Harlem. That's where the bulk of the Coke was. I had no idea he was embolded. And I wouldn't learn until later on whose coke that was and what that bust led to like two years fucking later. So I'm in San Francisco doing what the fuck I'm doing. I'm watching these people bleed to death. I'm watching this fucking guy that's fucking two gay guys.

And he's making himself drugs. This is all like, you know, nothing compared to what I was going to see like. So when I went back to Boulder in October of 86, you know, I got a job washing cars, drying off cars, getting tips. You know, I was still shell shock from my dealings in fucking San Francisco and shit. Or my dealings in, yeah, in San Francisco. So when I went, what's that? Oh, shit. when I went to Boulder

back in 86 I didn't know I was going back to go on the up and up that said I had run amok I had run amok in fucking San Francisco I had run amok in Boulder

and now I was back so I laid low I didn't bother any but I wasn't involved in anything but then like by April I started seeing weird shit in the paper like this Cuban kid was at the University of Boulder

and they found this car, and they was bludging to death. There was blood everywhere, but they never found the body. I'm like, really? This shit happens in Boulder, up on the hill? And then there was this other guy that fucking, they busted into his apartment,

and he fucking jumped out the balcony, and he broke both legs, and they took, like, you know, four pounds of coke from him, and the cops were looking for the coke. And then a kid that I worked with that his father owned, not Abo's pizza.

He owned the other chain. Reo's. Roman or something, pizza was on. It was down in South Boulder. He had maybe three pizza joints. Not bad. They were all sucked, but he was a nice kid. His family sold pizza.

He was a really nice kid. He wanted to get away from the family business. And he got a job with me at Bill Crout Subaru before I got in trouble with the kidnapping. And one night he was just, he went home. He got out of work at 9. And he went home to take his dog out for a walk. And he lived on 30th, close to baseline by Albertson's there.

And he crossed the street. There was an abandoned lot in there by Albertson. There's tons of grass there, you know. And he let his dog off the leash. You know, he's just a straight. This guy didn't get high. I think he just drank good looking kid. I forget what his name is.

I'm sorry. And 10 minutes. He's there. He's looking at his dog. His dog is like fucking shaking his head at something. He goes over to see what it is and it's a fucking briefcase. It's one of those business cases, not the that you open up. It's one of the ones that you open up this way. And there was two fucking packages of blow and a bunch of cash. So he's a white kid.

He doesn't know anything about this. I know. He should have left it there, but he picked it up. And he started walking back to his thing with it. You know, he wanted to call the cops. He wanted to do something. He was panicking. He didn't know what the fuck to do.

I mean, I would have shot the dog and ran the other way. But, you know, but no witnesses. But he went with the fucking dog. And next thing you know, before he hit his house, cars started fucking coming up from everywhere. People were chasing him. They took him down. They took his dog from him.

He said they took him down on the fucking floor, took the back from him. And they all, you know, it was the feds. It was the feds. They're like, D.A, whatever. They took him down. They handcuffed him and they set up a fucking tent right there To test the coke and to count the money. He goes it was fucking surreal

This kid was shit in a pickle. He spent the night in jail His father had to get him out in the morning on personal reconnaissance They realized it wasn't his and there was a misunderstanding And when he came down to was the cops were chasing somebody in Boulder And this guy threw the bag out by 29th and baseline and they went back And they were waiting on him to come back and get it. So again, when I hear this shit, I'm like, there's some shit in Boulder. I got to tap into.

There's some creepy shit going on here in Boulder. And, you know, I thought this was like a nickel bag type of city. This ain't no nickel bag type of fucking city. These people are fucking making it happen here. And that's pretty much I got myself in trouble. Listen, when I was thinking about the Snow Mask Club, when I was talking to this cop, we spoke about the Snow Mask Club. said on my podcast that he had heard that I was a volunteer fireman and shit like that.

I'm like, no, I couldn't climb up a fucking ladder if you paid me. One thing I was petrified of was ladders, but I was coming. I was going from, I mean, this is when I got myself a little higher. You know, like I said, guys, you don't know you're in it until it's too fucking late. And you don't know you're in it until you're in it. Like at one point you're sitting there, you're on a plane, you got 12 ounces of coke on you, and there's a fucking guy next to you that you know is a cop. And the rest of the flight, you're just praying that you just make it and get in the fucking car.

And you swear to God that if this gets through it, you'll never do it again. And that's the life I was living. I was so deep in the cocaine addiction, so deep in that fucking Miami-Vice make-believe world, that listen, it got me. I'm not going to sit here and tell you it didn't. With all that shit going into me, that's what I wanted to be. I had no, there was no comedian in my future. There was no fucking student.

There was nothing. I just wanted to do blow and get the party started. Nothing wrong with that, but it doesn't work forever. You know what I'm saying? So that was fucking surreal. You know, I was looking, that's when I knew, man. And this was, I was doing, I was involved in so many fucking things, you know, from trading cops, Coke for guns they picked up. That's not who the fuck I am.

I must have done that 10 times with the same fucking cop. He's not a cop anymore. He's somewhere in Jersey planting tomatoes or something like that. But it was just so weird the people I was involved in. But the day they came and knocked on my door, a dear friend of mine, and he's like, hey man, you owe me some money. I haven't, you know, said anything to you about it. I know you're going through your struggles,

but here's the way you can pay me back and make a ton of loot. Instead of going to Jersey to get Coke and put yourself through all that, we got a big-time connection here for you. And you know me, dog, I was a fucking idiot from New York City jersey. I'm thinking I could cover the spread.

And I'm like, yeah, I'll meet with them. I'll pack a gun and shit. and I'll go down there. I thought it was an episode of Miami Vice, and guys, it did become an episode of Miami Vice. I met this guy, my friend, we drove to, like, Woody Creek somewhere, you know, and then we got out of the car, we met another guy, and they're like, do you mind if you put a hood on your head?

I'm like, what the fuck is going on? And I put my fucking hood on, and we drove to this place, and when I got there, I walked into a warehouse and they took my hood off but the two dudes I was talking to them had their hoods on. You don't need this in your life. And I was shit in the pickle. I thought they were going to fucking kill me.

But they did make me a good Coke deal or whatever. And I agreed to it. But then a week later the guy says to me, listen, they don't hand it to you. You have to become a member of the Snowmass Club. And I'm like, are you fucking retarded? And they're like, yeah, you call a number. you tell them you're ready

you go to the snowmast club you give the chick at the reception your money and you go work out like nothing happening when you get back to your locker there'll be a package in your locker waiting for you I was like oh my fucking God what the fuck am I in

and right away guys you know me dog I thought it was I'm into simple hand-to-hand combat I give you a package you give me the cash but no this was and I If you think I was comfortable with giving some fucking girl, you know, $8,000, $10,000, I really fucking wasn't,

but that's what they wanted to do. But for me to do that, I had to become a volunteer fireman. And that's when you got to sit back and go, Joey, that's when I stopped listening to you. How the fuck did you become a fireman? I didn't. That's what I'm trying to tell you. They made me train and shit.

I told them some story. At that time, guys, I was strong. I was tough. but I was not down with heights. I was not down with heights. I had a job in Philadelphia, at Glassboro. My buddy got me that I had to put 90-pound roll on roofs.

That's all you did, all fucking day. That's how strong I was. 18, 17, I would come down with Kurt D. Lorenzo, God rest of soul, and he got me a job. They'd give you 75 flat a day. I would stab a motherfucker in 1983, fucking 82, the winter of 82.

I would stab you for $75 a day. I would fucking come down here on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, make two and a quarter and take that party back up to North Jersey and snook coke and shoot with my friends. But we went up a ladder. But it wasn't that bad of a ladder, and I got used to it.

You know, it was like you went up the ladder with the roll on and shit like that. You know, hold on one second. I caught that little nug over here again. I'm telling you. Oh, there it goes. See you. Sometimes you gotta take the hair out, like a violin.

You hear it? Do you hear that? That's fucking the weed whacker, a crock sucker. So, like, they made me fucking run. They made me carry like a dummy up a lad. I was shit in my pants. But thank God it was just like two floors. And they were like to get to the next level.

You got to go, yeah, we'll burn that bridge when we get to it because they were building the battleship up in that. And Snowmass Village, they were building this big building so they wanted you to prepare you when you had to go for a fire there. Everything in Snowmass Village is two floors, maybe three floors, tops. So I could handle it, but I was scared of big heights.

So I got the training over with. Guys, I did it for maybe. The training was like three weeks. I did it for maybe six weeks, and I'm like, one night they contacted me for a fucking fire. I was snorting up a storm with my girlfriend at the time. My ex-wife, and I never forget that my fucking walkie-talkie went off

and I just turned that motherfucker off like the bodyguard narcos when the cops are coming I just turned that motherfucker off they even came to my house and fucking were like beeping the horn with like a pseudo fire truck and I'm like if you think I'm going to a fucking dumpster to turn it off at 5 in the morning

with 80 fucking idiots because they were all gung all about it I just stopped showing up and then one day they sent me a letter you're getting thrown out. That means you lose your membership at the fucking snow mask club. But by that time, it was too late. I was already down 40 Gs to these motherfuckers.

And they were threatening to do a bunch of shit guys. They were like, we're going to come to your house and start taking shit first. And then we're going to come again. If you don't have money, we're going to start taking it out on you. And I'm like, really? Obviously, you don't know much about me.

They didn't even get to my house one time. I told them I'd have the money by Sunday. They believed me like fucking assholes After six months of town them And when they came back Pee-ing, I was already Going fucking south To Boulder, Colorado.

I remember I have a friend up there, Mike Robuck. We were in touch. He didn't, nobody else knew that me and him were in touch. And we were laughing our asses off. He's like, dog, they all went to your house. They ended up taking a lamp who takes a fucking $10 lamp. You know, they're

probably still up there waiting for the money. fucking 1986. Holy shit. Wow. That's 14 plus 22. That's 32. Holy shit.

That was 36 years ago. Yeah, there's probably two of those guys. And here's a funny thing. When I got separated, 90, yeah, October 91. I wanted to go for a ride. And I took the car

and I went up to fucking snowmast. I went to Aspen first. and on the way back I stopped through fucking snowmast and I go let me go to the stew pot and get some fucking stew I went up there, I got some stew on the way back to my car who do I bump into

the guy who turned me on for that that after I burnt them they put the debt on him and I'll never forget I just went up to him gave him a hug he wasn't a heavy the people he was with was heavies I went up to him gave him a hug

and he's like after a few minutes like where do you live Boulder, I heard you were in Boulder. And he's like, what would have happened to that money? And I go, dog, it was a long time ago. I really thought he was going to haul off and punch me. I really

thought they were going to follow me to my car and beat me up. Nothing. I walked back to my car, and nothing happened. I made it out of snow mass. Next thing, I was in Glenwood Springs, and next to you know, I never heard from them again.

Am I proud of that? story, fuck no, but dog, you don't know the animal you're dealing with. I want you guys from my stories to always fucking know the animal you're dealing with. I came close to getting stabbed a couple times, but I swear to God, in all my history, all that shit you watch on TV and the movies, that's straight up bullshit. That wire, when you watch the wire, that street living, that was, I was close. close to that in San Francisco. Not in that circle.

There was like one of those neighborhoods, maybe a mile away, and one of the guys that hung out from there, Bambusi, Cuban dude, used to get his drugs up there. And dog, that was not a good fucking neighbor. They were killing people there once a fucking week. I was never involved in that shit.

But to get back to that eight kilos that were in bolder that time in that locker, They belonged to a man named Stephen Graybow. Stephen Graybow was a fucking genius. Yeah, he's dead. They blew him up in a Jeep. But let me tell you something, when it came to distribution, they did.

He was lifting weights December 12th or something like that in 1984 or December 30th. One of those fucking dates. It was during the holidays. Every night when he'd work out before he went out to the town of Aspen. He would tip the guy $20 in the gym to go out there and start the car from. This night the kid wasn't there.

He went out and started the car himself and a fucking, they put a metal bomb under his Jeep. What people didn't know, I said a metal bomb. They put a bomb under his Jeep. What people didn't know was that they were in that year of Jeep, 84 or 83, they put a special metal steel on the thing. It was like the story in a casino at the year. end with that fucking dude, Howie Go, you know, the Niro's character, that that year, the same thing happened

with the Jeep. That's why he didn't blow up, but a piece of the fucking bomb went straight in his ass, like around his ass, and he bled to death. That's what he died of. He didn't blow up, even though the Jeep blew the fuck up and it didn't blow up either. It's like the bottom went, boom, because the metal

was there, so the bottom cashed out, the other side got burnt, but he made it to the hospital and everything. He was alive. He died from the internal bleeding. So that Coke and the dudes, I was that came up after Grabo got blown up with the people I was dealing with, they could have put a fucking car bomb in me too. Lucky they didn't. Well, I wouldn't be here to tell you motherfuckers, the story of life.

And, you know, it's just so weird that I always thought the baddest motherfuckers I grew up were in Jersey. Boy, was I fucking wrong. There was a whole big out, fucking, there was a big, wide world out there. and when I got to Colorado and San Francisco, that's where I got to see it. But the biggest surprise ever was in those mountains of fucking Colorado. And again, I didn't know what Fred was about. Like my buddy Fred that I keep mentioning from Boulder,

I didn't really know what Fred was about until I moved back to Boulder and I got out of jail and I was married. You know, there was a time I didn't see Fred. I would see Fred like maybe twice a year. I didn't know if he had moved or not. After I got separated and got into comedy and stuff, was when I started swinging with Fred again.

I kept in touch with him. I gave him a few bucks when he needed it because he was a vet. He would get a check at the beginning of the month. We would smoke pot. I'd give him some pot. We'd go sell pot. We'd go buy pot. If I wanted a shoplift,

I got into shoplifting all those years, I'd have Fred come with me and I'd throw him fucking 100 bucks so he can make a living. but it wasn't until I got to my divorce and he saw the pain I was going through that one day I called, I actually go, Fred, where do you fucking live? I don't know what happened.

And I drove or walked to his house. And I remember when I walked in there, I always thought Fred was a fucking medic. For some reason, you know, like when you think that or something, like I was listening to Studio 54 radio the other day and there was a couple on there. It was my favorite fucking episode of all times.

they're repeated. It's a podcast they have on Sunday nights. And they said they went to studio like three, four years in a row. And one night after four years, Liza Minle asked her, what publicity company do you work for? And she's like, I'm not a publicist. I'm a dentist. And she goes, why did I think you were a publicist? I don't know.

Same fucking thing. For some reason, I thought Fred was a medic. But when I went to his house, I started looking on those walls. and I saw metal after metal after metal after metal then I started seeing pictures of him with fucking

you know bodies on the floor and blankets on top of him and I go Fred what's this and he started telling me about this whole fucking thing here belonged to which was some ops and they came in after the Marines and threw cards on the body like

Apocalypse Now and they shot villages and it was like a It was like a joint CIA army thing, and he was in the army, but not really. He was killing people for these other people, and I was blown the fuck away. Here this guy that I had been total friends with was a master of killing. He started describing to me all the methods he had a killing people and what they did in Vietnam and gases and bombs and switches, and I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? What happened to my crazy fucking Fred?

I mean, he just went on a tangent. And a few weeks later was when he came to me. He was like, listen, man, I don't like seeing you upset like this. He goes, I've known you forever. You know, this is 1991, 92, 93. I knew Fred since 85. Me and Fred were partners in crime. You know, he was way older than me.

But I didn't give a fuck. He was cool as fuck, and I loved him to death. But this is the first time I got to see Fred from a dinner. different angle. And he told me one day, goes, if you want to kill your ex-wife and a fucking boyfriend, I'm like, what are you talking about? You know, people come up to you and offer you an attorney. They offer you a dinner. They offer you shit like that. Yeah, nobody comes to you and offers you a fucking a murder. Like, if you want to kill him, I'll help you. I got the way to do it. We won't, I mean, he had, guys, it was scary. You know, and somebody comes to you. Somebody comes to

and you think they're crazy, but they're fucking not. Like, he was telling me shit that was off the chains of how to dispose of people, burn their bodies, throw acid on them. I mean, this guy had a thousand ways. And in his world, you had to eliminate the bones. You know, you had to, I mean, it was fucking crazy. I mean, Fred, how do you know about all this shit? And then, you know, I got a little bit more desperate.

And I actually told him, I said, it's time for us. the fucking hatched his plot out. And he's like, this is we want to do it. We're going to fucking put a guy. I'm going to, this guy wanted to set up like a fake detour. Like a fake fucking detour and get an orange jacket and detour my ex-wife into fucking this side street and we'd kill her there. And then, oh, we fucking put that stuff on the face to knock her out like the ice man,

Sinai or whatever the fuck they do. And then we're going to take her to pass Chautau and these weird. weeds up there up in the mountains nobody goes up there just hunters during hunting season or some shit and he goes we'll tie him up we'll fucking sit them down we'll put weights on their legs and we'll fucking rub maple syrup on them and and i'm like fred are you fucking serious and he's like oh i've done this before and right away dog the hairs on my neck stood up i didn't need to know that shit i thought he killed people hand-to-hand you know he shot arrows like ramble in vietnam shit like that.

I had no, I didn't ask, guys, I don't ask. It's none of my business. I like Fred, but when he told me that he had done this before, guys, I think that was like May of 95. I've never discussed this with anybody. The other part of the reason why I leave Boulder

was because of that. It was just too fucking real. You know, there's one thing to say, I hope this person dies, this person gets in a car accident, when somebody comes to you and they're telling you that they could help you kill them. And you actually trust this motherfucker

because between me and you, I trusted Fred like I knew him all my life. Fred was a man's man. He was one of those real dudes that you meet every fucking 10 years that, you know, you don't expect to meet people like this because they have no responsibilities.

They have no families. You know, that's the guy you call when you want to go to war. That's the guy you call. you call when you have a beef with somebody and you know it's not going to end peacefully it's going to end with somebody going to a hospital or better yet, somebody fucking dying

and that was my reality and I couldn't take that. That was not going to happen you know and every time I saw Fred it was always like this is a good weekend to kill him it's going to rain it's a good weekend to kill him it's going to be sunny it's a good weekend to kill him and it just got and I didn't listen you know then I had a funny

I had a weird feeling about my wife but then I'm very happy I didn't do anything extreme. This was not worth murdering somebody. This was just a situation of getting your priorities in order when something like that happens. As a matter of fact, tomorrow is my first daughter's birthday. 32 years old. As a matter of fact, today is 32 years ago. Today I got let out of the halfway house for the final fucking time. And the next day I had the kid and you guys know the fucking story. But I just wanted to cover today

the people that you deal with. Now, sometimes you don't know anything about these motherfuckers. Thank God we did a podcast today. We didn't talk about COVID. We didn't talk about the guidelines, misinformation because this is getting fucking old now. So it's like I was

telling somebody at the gym. You want to bury this? Anybody ever see the movie Coco? You know, whatever it is. I was going to say the Polack movie. What's the name, but it's not Disney, it's the other company. Oh, Pixar? Pixar. Pixar, Polack. No offense.

No disrespect to my Polish family out there. You know, Coco's about a fucking, a guy, a spirit, a singer, whatever the fuck he was, that he just wanted to be remembered. You ever think about that? He just wanted to be remembered, and that's what you do. When I put my mother's picture up, I keep her spirit alive. When I put Jimmy Page's picture up, or Roberto Clementi. I'm keeping their spirit alive.

That's what you want to do. Every time I go to a dinner with people, and it's not coming from me, 10 seconds into the dinner, there's an hour discussion of COVID. How are we going to get rid of this thing? Today at the gym, I was sitting there, a great guy, came in with a mask on,

and I was fucking with him, and I go, cuck, sucker, take the mask off. The numbers were under 2000. And he looked at me, he goes, you're right. He goes, my wife. I can fuck your wife. Where's your wife? Is she at the gym, though?

She's at home, watch you. Mori Povich or some shit. You're the one that's here with us. But the bottom line is this, guys. We're done. We're done. You're done. I know you're done.

I'm fucking done with this shit. So the only way to conquer this shit now finally is to stop talking about it. Stop paying attention to it and live your fucking life. I'm done with this shit. I got it. I lived. I'm very lucky. I'm sorry for anybody who lost anybody on FaceTime.

Goodbye. You know, fucking death by FaceTime. the fuck it was, but what I'm trying to say is you want to kill this thing once and for all, stop talking about it. It's over. It's February 2nd of 2022. We're onto a new leaf. You had it.

It's over. That's it. We're going to take the mask off for kids up school pretty soon, and we're going to move on. And you're going to be stronger. That's all you control for right now. Whatever the news says or people are on, you say, shut the fuck up. The news go on it, turn it the fuck off. You know what I'm saying? There's a lot of shit going on right now.

But the most important thing is that you're taking care of yourself, your mental health. You know, guys, I had my fucking issues. I'm back, motherfuckers. I'm scratching my balls and sniffing my fingers and wiping my ass with this whole situation because I'm ready to move the fuck on. You know what I'm saying? That was the past. We're onto the fucking future.

Light the fucking mask on fire. Stop talking about it. And let's move on with our motherfucking lives. I love your cock suckers with all my heart. Do not forget yesterday. We released white truffle And I think today we released a new Coco. I may be wrong

I'm sorry I don't have anything to show you But it's out if you go to I'll tell you right now Motherfuckus this is how I'm gonna do for you And I'm sorry I didn't do the research last night Because I was a little busy But I'll give it to you now Because I love you motherfuckers, okay?

Green Wolf Dispensers and elevate dispensary are dropping all three strains next week. I don't know where Green Wolf is, dispensary, and I don't know where elevate dispensary is, but they're dropping all three strains. I'm very sorry for being unprofessional and not having this info for you,

but I'll be better by Monday. I'll put up a video. What am I looking at the microphone for? I've got to be looking at you motherfuckers. That's how retarded I'm getting, guys. I'll have more info for you. Listen, I've smoked a white truffle before. It's tremendous.

They cured it. And, I mean, listen, guys, it was fucking great. It is stony as fuck. It's like 35% when you put in your grinder. You take the fucking keef thing off, and the keef is all over that motherfucker. So listen. Kim Condom is stopping by the ice cream.

She stopped by yesterday and picked up a little sample bag. I'm going to jump on her podcast and talk. the Hub podcast, the King Connum, the Shank, I forget what it's called, with Sarah Weinstock and Kim Conno, I'm doing that podcast. Obviously, we can't get no Zoom guest here. I'm trying.

Look, we try to get this done by 3 o'clock because my daughter comes home at 3. I don't want to hear me down here going the fuck off. If you see me doing a podcast and I'm being a little fucking quiet, it's because there's people upstairs. I don't like fucking going off when there's people upstairs, so I got to do my podcast.

from 11 to 3. 3 o'clock is 12 o'clock in fucking L.A. People are still fucking getting out of bed, you know, thinking of a, you know, thinking of a song to write for a dead fucking celebrity or whatever the fuck they're doing in L.A. So this is why it's tough for me to get those old guests. I'm trying to get new guests on the East Coast.

But until then, you got Uncle Joey throwing heat here on a fucking Monday and Wednesday this week, the first Wednesday at a month. I love you motherfuckers with all my heart fucking Cincinnati Bengals against the Rams and the Super Bowl you got draft kings that's it and that's that

I love you motherfuckers and you're 12 days away from Valentine's Day that's why Manscape is here to save the day today I love your cock suckers and I'll see you next week Tip Top motherfucker Magoo All right thank you for letting me give you a little Tatee today of life

You know, I love your cocksuckers. I'm always thinking about you. And as usual, thank you for supporting the ice cream shop and cocoa weed. It's fucking tremendous and it burns tremendous with a freeze pipe. You don't even feed it going down your throat. It's like blowing a fucking, you know.

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