The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #137 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: February 9, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT..... It's Wednesday, February 9th.... This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is brought to you by Onnit, CBD Lion & DraftKings….. Go to https://www.onnit.com & Enter PROMO CODE: JOEY, JOINT or CHURCH Go to https://www.cbdlion.com Use Promo Code: JOEY For 20% OFF Your Order! Download the DraftKings SportsBook App & Enter Code: JOEY https://www.DraftKings.com/sportsbook to receive 56/1 ODDS, that's $280 in Free Bets when you Bet $5….   Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

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Now, without further ado, let's get this motherfucking party started. We got a lot to talk about. It's February night, cock suckers. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? We're back for another fun-filled fucking episode with Uncle Joey on Wednesday, February the 9th Super Bowl weekend. Fucking people are losing their minds. Nobody knows who to bet.

The line went back up to four and a half. Who gives the fuck? I'm just looking to have a great time. Went a little fucking dough. You know, maybe Cleveland in the under. I don't fucking know. I don't know how to fuck. Cincinnati in the under.

I don't fucking know. But I'm excited. Valentine's week, the whole fucking deal, you know. You should be fucking excited too. Trim up, get your fucking girl card, some fucking disgusting chocolate. because that chocolate is fucking disgusting when you really look at it.

You eat that shit. I just got a CVS thing that said, you know, you get like $15 off on one of those chocolate hearts and I'm like, Doug, I remember when I used to eat those motherfuckers by the dozen now,

you taste the chocolate and it tastes fucking old now to me. But anyway, who gives a Frenchman's fuck? Let's get the elephant out of the fucking room. You know what I'm saying? All week people want to hear from me. What do I know? know, you know, I don't know nothing.

I don't know nothing. Rogan's my brother. That's all I know. Is he racist? No. I'm Cuban-slashed African, which makes me half-fucking black on some fucking levels. And I've never read it from him. My other buddy's a Jewish, a bunch of, you know, listen, Rogan's not racist. And that's where it ends right there. Fuck it. Who gives the fuck if he is?

You know what I'm saying? You people are always, well, not you people. Not the fucking joint people. You know, I love you motherfuckers with all my heart. But lately it's just been a weird world. And that's like I was telling my sister. Let me tell you something, guys. Did you fucking think when we used to get together in 2010, in 2011, and we were doing those podcasts, especially the one that I'm in,

I'm sitting there high as a kite looking at the fucking ceiling? And then people like, oh, you got off camera. No, I didn't. I dropped a butter wheel. on the fucking floor. You know what I'm saying? You got to look for that motherfucker. It was in my hand and it rolled out

when I was all fucking high looking up. But anyway, I'm not making excuses for anybody. But what I'm trying to say is, if you find any podcast from 2010, whether it's Joe, whether it's myself, whether it's Bert Kreischer, whether it's,

you're going to hear some things that are going to bother you. Because nobody knew these podcasts were going to get big. Nobody had a fucking idea that these podcasts were going to branch out into, you know, mainstream entertainment. We were just doing it to talk shit, to see where it would go. And then it got a little serious. And after a while, we started cleaning up our act.

Me, I'm not racist, but I say a ton of racist shit. And you guys know that. I'm not racist at all. And I'll tell you something. There's times I said shit on the podcast. And that weekend I've got on the road. You know, I'll say something about Hindus Or something about the brothers myself

Or something about Chinese people When I get to a show I'll see like three Chinese people And the whole 10 second walk to them Is what are they going to say to me You know, for insulting them or whatever Not once Not once has any race come up to me

And said, hey man, I dig what you say on the podcast Except when you talk about Hindus or Arabs or hummus So everybody understands And when I talk, I talk from love Always remember, it's not what you say. It's how you say it. Even on the Rogan fucking thing when he kept saying, the N-word, when he kept saying it over and over again,

you didn't know. You could see if he was using it against somebody or he was hurting somebody's feelings, but you could tell. You could just tell. That's why they deleted everything that led up to that. So listen, guys, it's so weird the assumptions that people make. You know, I told you guys.

about a year ago, a friend of mine sent me like six pages of emails that he had gotten from some fucking one of those chats about the conspiracies on why Rogan and I left to Hollywood. Reddit or something. Did you see that one about that there was a rape at the comedy store? Now, guys, I had never even heard of the shit. When my buddy sent me this, I was like, oh, my God, this is so fucking bad. And listen, I wasn't mad at anybody.

I never attacked anybody. I never came on here and said, fuck you for saying those things. What I said as I was reading, it was I feel bad. I feel bad that when we started doing this, it was just a fucking joke. It was just something to pass time.

We didn't know it was going to turn into something now. It's like people are making just the wrong narrative. People are creating. the wrong, you know, not assumptions, but they'd just given us a background that we never knew we had. Like, I never knew I, that there was a bunch of raped girls at the comedy store that were looking to press. I didn't, I'd never even heard of that.

I was a member of the comedy store for 23 fucking years. So, you know, people going to say shit, you take whatever. But again, when I read those pages, those three pages, four pages, I felt bad for people. I really did in my heart. I was like, man, this is what? They wrapped their heads around all day long. Is somebody they don't know?

Like, I haven't done that since I was like 10. You know what I'm saying? When you're a fan of a band or something, and you're like, oh, I wonder how he's feeling. You know, it's like when a singer's dog, did you see a, what was the fucking movie? Oh, the movie with Markey Warburg, with Jennifer Aniston, when he joins us,

fucking band that the guy was gay and he fills in for the singer it was like a judas priest rip off or whatever i forgot what i was going to say about marquis walk rock star yeah yeah yeah that's a that's a great fucking movie but in rock star there was like uh i forgot what i was gonna make a point about the dog oh he said something that though and then rock star who the fuck knows you know i'm just thinking that it has to change at some fucking levels. You know, when we were starting the podcast, I still get, you're not going to believe this, guys. I said this was, I said this story in August of 2010.

And then we did a show, Felicia and I were Beauty and the Beast, 10, 10, 2010. And that's the first time I realized I could sell tickets. You know, it's so fucking weird. For years, I did Law & Order SVU, the Longest Yard, analyzed that. You know, I did so many things. You know, my name is Earl. And I'm just telling you these from when I would do comedy shows, people come up to me after the show.

This is way before the podcast and go, hey, we enjoyed you in the Longest Yard, or we liked you in Santa, and Spider-Man 2. or we liked you and fucking my name is Earl, so we came down to that. But that would be four people. Like if I did five shows and a weekend in some place, I'd get like 10 people who said they saw me on this or they saw me on that, but they never really brought people in. I was, you know, when I got out of comedy in 2009, 2008 and a half,

I gave it like a three or four month break. I was done because nothing I could do could make me sell tickets. My material wasn't catchy enough. I wasn't cool or hip. You know what I'm saying? I didn't have like a hat or an earring or a goatee, you know, to, you know, always have like a hoodie on. Like I'm cold, even though it's 90 degrees, you know, or me smoking a cigarette, taking a picture with a cigarette. I was never that cool guy.

So I didn't have a hook. People wouldn't come see me. It was just that. So when I got out of stand-up, I had been doing stand-up already, like, not got out of it. When I just gave it a breather to think about what I was going to do next, I had gotten married, and I was living in the valley. I lived around the corner from a fucking car dealer. My wife was working.

She was starting to make money, and I'm like, what do I want to keep doing? I could go on the road with Rogan. I could do this. I could do that. I just wanted to cover my ass. I wasn't looking to get rich. I just wanted to be happy and see what the fuck was available. to me.

And, you know, we would go on the road. I would go on the road with Rogan and Red Band. These motherfuckers would do these weird podcast at night. I didn't know. Listen, nobody knew where these things were going to end up. Nobody. You know, it's like Saturday Night Live hired Shane Gillis, and they found the podcast in 2012

when he said some Asian derogative word or whatever. I have no idea what he said. I never even knew Shane Gillis was. I know he's a nice fucking guy from what I heard, Ari loves him, but I never even knew who shame was. Pardon me because I was in L.A. I didn't know him as a New York fucking comic or anything. He said something on a podcast.

Again, I'm sure all these guys, when we started podcasting, we just didn't know. We were stoned. I mean, I was just fucking stoned. I was in the heat of it in L.A. between the weed stores, and we didn't fucking know. I didn't know what the podcast was going to lead to, where it was going to go. Nobody did. Nobody fucking did, you know. And now we have a million fucking podcast.

But back to the story, I didn't know what to do about not selling tickets. I had no fucking idea. And one of the things that I still get, I swear to God, guys, 10, 12 years later, once a week, somebody sends an email to my fucking messenger or something. And it's hate mail about the story of us, you know, taking the hookah's wig and lighting it on fire. I mean, people will fucking still be hot at that. That's a couple stories I've told that people,

I was like people are never going to forgive me for this story, but they moved down with it. They knew it was me back then. The same thing as the hooker story. This is me back then. If you guys listen to anything about me, I'm not a big hooker guy. I'm not a big thing.

I'm not, you know, listen. And I went to the 1040 club one time. The girl's pussy scared the shit out of me. I'm scared of VD. I went to a clinic one time when I was a kid with a friend of mine. He had some type of shit coming out of his dick. And I just went for moral support, whatever the fuck you call that shit. And while we're sitting there at the fucking VD clinic,

some guy came out with like fucking herpes. Guys, I don't know what it was. I don't throw me to the fucking gay wolves. I don't know what it was. In fact, I don't even know if this guy was gay. Let's just leave it at that. He looked a little weird. He looked a little peculiar.

His skin didn't look well. And he had like a rash around his mouth. And I remember he was just sitting there with this rash. I'm sitting with my buddy. And I'm thinking about the VD in his dick. And I'm thinking about all these other people got venereal diseases. And I'm like, you know what? I like pussy and I like titties and shit.

But it ain't work getting a venereal disease. Like I can't even imagine coming in here to a doctor and telling him I got fucking, you know, custard coming out of my dick. I can't even fucking imagine. You know, I can't even imagine what it smells like. I can't even imagine what it feels. And then years later, when I got to comedy, I fingered an Indian girl up in the Dakota somewhere.

No, no, Idaho. I was dancing with some American Indian girl. And we were dancing up close and tight. And I fingered and I smelled something funky in the air. And she had a yeast infection. I didn't know if I got home. But that's a complete different fucking time. But all those stories,

have led to me in all those disgusting Puerto Rican Nelson stories. When we were kids, we'd sit around and listen to him and talk. And at the end of all those stories, it was always how he had gotten VD, or he had gotten crabs, or he had gotten syphilis. So from listening to all that as a kid, it went into my psyche, and I just immediately did not like that whole world. To this day, I'm not into that whole world. Listen, I love a woman's body just like the fucking next guy.

but it makes me feel creepy to go to a fucking strip club especially now at my age I go to a strip club people like Joey what are you a fucking dirty old man yeah but not really like I'm not a dirty old man I don't look at other women like that anymore I know what I have to offer which is Zelch my dick works on a 50% basis I got to drop a blue chew on it to make a fucking stick you know I'm saying so I'm not going to waste anybody's time and I'm not going to go through embarrassment or going through a strip club I didn't dig strip clubs and I was young.

I did. I like strip clubs, but I want to do everything. You know what I'm saying? When I go to strip club, if you come up pasties on your tits, what am I, my 13? Do I got a hat with a propeller on my fucking head? What do I need this for?

I want to see everything. I want to see pussy shots, clits. If you could smoke a cigarette with your pussy, I'll throw you the small fin or the $10. You know, I'm into all that craziness. But that doesn't happen no more. If you did go to one of those, like if I went into one of those places,

when we had to wear a mask, And that's it, it's over There's no more fucking mask, it's over March 7th in Jersey The kids don't have to wear masks no more It's over But, you know, I was never in tany of that shit Like my wife says

She goes, you're the dirtiest talking prude I've been my life My wife always says it to me You're just a dirty talking fucking prude You know And you talk dirty to overcompensate For your fucking prudeness I'm not really a prude

I just don't want to see a lot of of shit. You know, I'm not a playboy bunny type of guy, even though I like pussy. I'm not a porno type of guy. I like pussy. You know, listen, I'm not, I'm whatever the fuck you call. I love pussy. But that was never my thing, you know, and I, as a kid, I guess, you know, I want an experiment with a hooker at least one time. You know, when you're a kid, you hear all these fucking stories from your, from older kids, and you know, they'll tell you they got a hooker in Vegas or something. You're like, ah, that sounds like something I want to do until I did it.

When I fucking did that shit, it was not enjoyable to me. To me, it was a horrible experience. You know, I remember going into Spanish Harlem one time, or as they call it, the barrio, with a buddy of mine, two buddies of mine. We went to cop, and we were going to cop, but we didn't want him to know we were going to cop. We could cop without him knowing that we were doing drugs. This kid was straightened us.

He just drove over the city. And I'll never forget, we were walking up the stairs. And he goes, again, why are we in this fucking building in Harlem? And I go, because we're going to fuck some women, all right? And he looked at me, he goes, what? Make love to a strange woman? And that's how I felt. Like, it was all fun in games until I was at the 1040 club.

And the girl walked up to me and had a grab. My friend's like, take her. And I'll never forget. Like, yeah, I was hot and sticky until we walked into the back. And she took her stockings off. And then I saw the stab wounds, the tattoos, the fucking cuts, the burn marks. It was fucking horrible. And as much as I was a man and I wanted to get that pussy, I wanted to run out of there with all my fucking heart guys.

And she sat me down. You know, I had already paid. And she talked me into it. I felt like fucking crying. But what was I going to do? I was already there. She got on top of me. And when she started moving her hips, I had never had a girl be on top of.

I'm not gonna lie no body. That alone put me in the fucking state of confusion. But when she started moving the hips, I had a condom on, and I could feel my dick against her pussy going, and every time I heard, uh-uh, I got a little more sick in my stomach. I was like, uh-uh, ah-ah-ah-uh.

I'm like, what the fuck? When is this going to end? I didn't know anything about coming early. I didn't know about premature ejaculation. I didn't know none of that shit. I was just a young fucking kid. And then she stopped in the middle of her. and I'm like focusing on God

I'm like please you know don't fucking send me to hell because I was still Catholic back then well I was on the borderline back then and fucking next you know she stops and she goes for an extra $10 you could eat my pussy guys I didn't know what to do I was like what

and I just threw the fuck off me and guys I was never so embarrassed those four guys that took me the three other guys I went to I remember for days I was telling them at the school don't say nothing to nobody about that That's a horrible experience. All my friends found out, but eventually it blew over.

But I always kept it close to my fucking heart. I don't ever want to be with a fucking hooker. I don't like talking to them. Nothing. I mean, listen, they talk to me in a casino. It's always a blast. I think the last casino I stayed at in Vegas. Not the Tropicant, not Treasure Island and not where I used to work at South Point.

But one of the hotels, last time I was there for a year, you ever see i was with joe and i remember leaving at five 30 in the morning from the hotel and what i saw was fucking it was like land of the living dead for hookers they were all over the place half of them have been shot their skirts were fucking messy it was just ugly and i'm and they're looking for a date and i'm out there going who the fuck would take one of these women up to their bed i mean again i got nothing against women i got nothing against dirty women you know i love you at all my heart a girl would little dirt on the heels, never killed nobody. I'm all in.

But that magnitude of cock has always turned me to fuck off. When a woman's got a magnitude of cock in her, I got to move the fuck on. It's never been for me. So when I was a kid, that's it, I was done. When I was 17, I knew I didn't want to be with a hooker. I was going to save myself for the right fucking girl. Hold on one second. Every once in a while, I feel something in there.

I hate fucking nose in my ears. Thank God. My God, I just hit a snout on the side of the wall. Welcome to the manscape fucking weed whacker. Tremendous. Ooh, I love it. It smells funny, too. I hate them when it has a little wang.

I was trimming my asshole with it, something like that. It does have a little whang through it. So I hated all that shit. Now, I had friends that were fucking animals. I had one friend in particular who, God rest of the soul, I fucking missed this motherfucker You know I mean without even knowing

The other day I was doing something And I had to put the date on A piece of paper for something And I looked at the paper a little later on I'm like fuck It's 2020 Like every once in a while You just repeat the numbers

You know every day I repeat the date To confirm it in my head I'm like it's 2000 fucking 22 Holy shit And I did the fuck fucking math. I don't know if you guys know this or not. I just remembered it.

I don't think you guys know it because if I just fucking remembered it, this is 40 years from me graduate in high school this year, which in reality I never really graduated high school. I was a couple credits short, but it's 40 fucking years, guys. And I know half years have been out of high school for maybe 10 or 15 years. is you don't even think about it. Well, the first time you think about high school

is 10 years after you get out of there. Like one day it just dawns on you. One of your friends call you, you're going to the 10-year reunion, and you're like, what? What the fuck are you talking about 10-year? Oh, my God. It has been fucking 10 years.

Obviously, nobody fucking called me for the 10-year reunion in 92. I was off the fucking ropes. Then I was back here in 93, and people were like, you didn't go to the 10-year reunion. Nobody told me about it, and I wouldn't have come anyway.

I was never really a big, you know, guy into that shit. Then the 20-year reunion for me would have been 2002, and I was like, wow. The thing that saved me was, I booked the longest yard in 2004,

and I'm like, all right, now I could go to the reunion. Because nobody wants to go to their reunion a fucking loser, especially a 20-year reunion. Everybody goes there flashing. It's like, night after they robbed the fucking thing on Goodfellas.

Remember Morty? Everybody's got that good clothes on and shit. Yeah. You got your good clothes on. You got your jewelry on. You know, so I, I, somebody mentioned the 20 year anniversary. Tell me, but by that time I was in L.A. I was rocking and rolling, you know, not rocking and rolling, but I was on the move.

I was established and I was fucking hitting it as hard as I could. For the 30 fucking year anniversary, I don't even remember the 30 year anniversary or the 25. I just basically remember fucking just the 40 year anniversary of my high school. And I'm going to tell you something. If I go back to February 9th of 80 fucking 2, 82, just saying 82 makes me feel fucking old. And you know, you think 82, yeah, that just happened. a couple of years ago. No, it didn't, Joey.

It was 40 fucking years ago. 40 fucking years ago. Do you know what I was doing 40 years ago at that time? Not sitting in front of a camera with white fucking hair talking about my life. I'd tell you that much. I was out. By this time, I quit high school. I was done with high school.

I had taken Mazbach century to court. because we're not really caught. Like we fought them. It was a union thing. So Mazbach Sentry was paying me fucking huge dough not to go to work. Here I am 18 fucking years old and I'm collecting money from fucking Mazbach Century

but here's what gets better. I was also collecting unemployment because I didn't give a fuck. People are like, you're going to get caught, they're going to catch you and make you pay it back. These bitches were paying me $450 fucking dollars. or 400 a week and they would give you cash. That's when you went to unemployment

and right then and there you signed your check and they gave you a little envelope with fucking cash. I was getting 600, I was getting whatever the fuck, I was getting 400 a week. That's 1,600 a month. I was probably picking up 2 or 3,000 a month from Mazbek Hardware Century and I was hustling with three fucking legs.

Do you understand me? I'm going to forget like I was quiet that year. I was living with the Runnies. And every day, like, I refuse to go to fucking work. Mr. Runny would be furious. Like, you guys got to get jobs. Like, we're not doing nothing. We're hustling.

I'm paying rent. We're fucking hustling. What are you asking us? You know what I'm saying? And for some reason, I was always friends of a kid named Roger, licensed grammar school. And he, we started hanging out, like, maybe October of 81. And we also had this kid Fernie that, uh,

I love him with all my heart. He's still alive and kicking, but he won't talk to any of us. He's gone. I went on his Facebook page the other day, and I couldn't, when I realized there had been 40 years, you know, I went on his Facebook page just to see how he was doing. He's still posting pictures up on Maryland Monroe every fucking day. That's all he posts.

A new picture of Maryland and Roar every day with one of Hussein's. It's not good. He's got HIV. He's not right. But he was my best friend. I love him. I always love him. I always have a place in my table. If he comes in, then there's my man, Stinky. My man, Glenn. I saw him a few, I saw him for dinner twice. We have gone out for dinner twice since I've been here, but we were a

fucking team. And at that point, we were breeding for one another. I don't know if you guys know what that means. That means if one of us don't have it, the other one did, and there's no fucking tab. I had found my little fucking tab. I had found my little fucking. fucking three buddies, and we were tied to than fuck. I lived with Mike Runny, and I was tight with him. I was tight with this kid, Rago, who's all so gone. I was tight with the Burkles. I was tight with like 20 fucking dudes.

But my immediate fucking hangout crew, the four dudes I hung out with, listen, we started a fucking reign of terror that January, and it didn't stop. It didn't end till probably 80 fucking four. Like we were just on a tear. We were inseparable. And it all started with that period of us. Every other week, I was bumping into a scam. Guys, it's from delivering refrigerators.

I got there one day and there was fucking 20 air conditioners and I stole every single one of them to robbing a pool. You know, one of those fucking public pools when they have hamburgers and shit in there, we robbed all that stuff. I mean, that summer, I had kids that were older than me telling me to call them to let us know what we were doing that night because we were causing so much fucking havoc in my hometown. The cops couldn't catch up with us. Nobody could catch up with us. You know, I was telling people about the city, how much it's changed, you know, New York City. There was a house across the street from the runnies, and I would sit there every day in 82 in the afternoons and lobes of course. come by and the Tabasco's

to live next door and who wasn't fucking walking home from high school and who wasn't driving by to go get weed at Kurt's house or Bonehead's house. That was the street where I lived at. So there was a ton of fucking action. And one day I'm looking at this house. I'm like, this motherfucker

only comes in at night. That's it. Like he leaves at like 6 in the morning. I'd never seen the guy across the street in the daytime. But some nights when we're sitting on the balcony, like 10, 10.30. I see him come home.

He's just a regular white dude, nice fucking car. And I was sitting there. I'm like, I'm not doing it right now. Maybe I should burglarize his house. Guys, I went behind that fucking house. They had like a little window to the downstairs.

Nobody could fit in that motherfucker. I was so skinny at the time I fit in that motherfucker. I popped the window and went down there. I don't think there was much money in the house. There was not much anything, but I took the phone. I took some blankets. I took some albums.

Don't ask me why. But the most important thing I took out of there was there was a nightstand. I couldn't open the nightstand. So in my day when you couldn't fucking pop a safe, no problem. Just take it to go. You know what I'm saying? And you could fucking bring it to a safe guy who could torch it open. You know, you have a different variety of ways.

this fucking nightstand. I'm like, what am I going to do with this fucking nightstand? So I made like two trips back and forth across the street. Now one soul saw me. And then I carried over the nightstand. The nightstand was, I don't know, it wasn't that heavy. Maybe it was. But it had a thick fucking piece of glass on the top.

Like a big piece of glass, maybe a little bigger than one of my albums. So I didn't realize it until I brought the fucking thing over. We broke in it. There was maybe a couple hundred dollars. So a few naked pictures of him and his wife, I think. Nothing. I'm not going to, what am I, my Tommy Lee's guy? I'm going to blackmail him.

I didn't give a fuck. I didn't want to see him, his wife naked or him naked. So, you know, we kept the table. We kept everything else that I robbed. We had refurnished this little downstairs apartment, me, Mike Runny had. So one night, my friend's like, hey, you want to go out? And I'm, yeah, fuck yeah, we're going out tonight. And you got to bring something to cut the coke with.

And I go, I got it. So I brought that glass up. Guys, this glass was an inch fucking thick all the way around. I mean, it was heavy. It was a fucking heavy piece of glass. So I bring it with me, Pelican, Fernie, and my man, Glenn. And we would bring this glass with us everywhere. And let me tell you how fucking crazy we would just so you guys know.

At night, we would put Coke on the glass and put it on. the hood of the car and sit outside the car and just talk with people and people would walk by and they would never see that fucking piece of glass with fucking coke on it they would they would never see it and we would die a laughter so one night when the a mp parking lot there was an amp shopping center across the street from hudson county fucking parking and me and my buddies are sitting out as four gorillas we got the mirror out on the fucking hood it's dark So you really can't see us where we're at. There's lights in the parking lot.

But when we're sitting, there's no real lights. You can tell we're there, but you can't see what's on the fucking hood of the car. So we're sitting there going back and forth, blah, blah, whatever, yelling, listen to music. And all of something, we see a guy walking. And there was a ton of people that night walking back and forth. We see a guy walking. He notices us. So he comes walking over to us.

Hey, how are you guys doing? Now, we could have been douchebags. We could have told the guy, get the fuck out of here. But now, we're like, hey, how you doing, buddy? And he comes over nothing, man. Do I know you guys? And we're just talking to him. You know, we're looking at each other like winking.

Like, let's fuck with this guy. So we start, hey, man, you know, what's going on? Blah, blah, blah. After about 10 minutes, the guy's drinking, he's getting comfortable. And I start in with him. I go, listen, man, I don't know if you guys know this. You know, don't judge us by the fucking cover. But we're all gay.

And the guy's like, you're gay. What are you talking about? You're gay. I'm like, we're gay. We like the swing, brother. You're into swinger? And he's like, I don't think so. I'm not really into this.

I'm like, what are you talking about? Everybody fucking swings. You know, you don't suck dick? And I'm like that. The guy's like, what are you guys talking about? Like, listen, what dick suckers? Professional. We're 18 years off me.

The guy that, I don't know. maybe 24, he's looking at us all weird and shit. Like, what are you guys talking about? Like, listen, we're professional dick suckers. As a matter of fact, and I think I'm, I speak for all of us, we want to suck your dick. And the guy's like, really? I'm like, all of us will suck your dick, we'll stick fingers in your ass, we'll light your balls on fire, we'll suck your dick with an ice cube, whatever you want.

Fucking, your, your fucking, your wish is our command. And this guy starts looking at us. He's looking at this weird. All of a sudden, this guy, something goes in his head. He just starts running. He goes, fuck you. And he just starts running. And he's like, fuck you motherfucking faggots.

I can't believe in it. As he's running with our luck, we're fucking starting to laugh. And all of a sudden, we see a cop car go by. This fucking guy starts chasing the cop car. Yo, yo, I'm getting attacked by a bunch of faggots. You know, you gotta help me. We're not even chasing a fucking guy. We're in the back laughing, but we're not laughing now.

We're not, this cop's not going to stop. Sure enough, the cop stops, gets out of the car, puts a flashlight in this guy's face, and he's going off. Those guys over there, they want to suck my dick. You got to go over there and talk to them and shit. We're like, oh, fuck. We thought the cop wasn't going to turn around. Sure enough, the fucking cop makes it you turn. and heads into that fucking A&P parking lot.

I'm like, fuck. So my buddy Roger, God rest his soul, he doesn't know what to do. He gets in the car. And he fucking takes off. And we're like, Roger, Roger. We can't say the Coke is on the hood. And we're like, the hood.

The hood. And he's looking at us going, what? And finally we go, the hood. And he goes, what? And he fucking steps on the brake. and the glass slides right off the front of his fucking car and it smashes onto the concrete. Now remember, there's no cars in the sparking lot.

It usually takes 75, 80 cars. It's half the size of a football field and were trapped in between like trees, a haircut in place or whatever the fuck is there in the A&P wall. So there's a big thing. When this fucking glass hits the concrete, it just goes, bam, like a shotgun went off.

You just hear like, boom. And we're like, oh, no. Now the cop is fucking really looking around. The little gay guy is running towards us. You guys are going to go to jail and all this shit. Fuck you, that's what you get for being gay. And we're like, oh, my God, this cannot. I go, Roger, get the fuck out of the car and drive over the glass.

Just drive over it. You're not going to get a flat tire. He goes, okay. Finally, the cop comes back there. He fucking reads the fucking, you know, the bumper, whatever the numbers are on the bumper. I don't know if he wrote him down or called him into the station or whatever fuck he was doing. He puts his hat on and he gets out of the car. He's not a North Bergen cop or a Jersey City cop or a Union City cop or a West New York cop.

This motherfucker is a Hudson County police cop. They're in charge of the park. Yeah, basically they're in charge of the parks And I don't know what else What their jurisdiction is This guy gets out Walks over to us And he's like, what the fuck is going on?

Can somebody please tell me We're like, officer, nothing. You know, he goes, I'm hearing booms. I'm hearing fucking, I'm seeing cars And now I got this nitwit Telling me you guys want to rape him And all this shit, is this true? We're like rape.

Nobody said nothing about. rape. We were just busting his balls. We were having a couple beers officer and he came old and started, you know, fucking talk to us about being gay or whatever. He was like, listen, I don't care who's gay. I don't care who's not gay. I don't need this. The guy's telling this, this is because I don't need this at all. And we're like, what are you talking about? He's like, I don't need this. I'm off in 15 minutes. If I got to arrest him or you guys, that means I got two hours of fucking paperwork and I'm going to be pissed off and I'm going to break all your fucking heads. So do me a favor. Stop busting this guy's balls. If you want, wait until I leave,

wait about 20 minutes, take him in the park and kill him. I don't give a fuck what you do with him. This is what a cop is telling us. And we're like, what? And he's like, I don't want you doing this out here or in my jurisdiction while I'm on fucking duty. He goes, tomorrow I'll come on at 9 o'clock, whatever time he came on. And he goes, I'll see it. the report that you guys took them in the park and stabbed them, but don't do it when I'm on duty in Willey. And the guy is running to us going, arrest him, arrest them, throw him in fucking jail. And we're not going to jail, cuckusker.

We're giving you five minutes to start running. We're going to hunt you down at fucking park. The guy jumped the fence, when the Hudson County Park, and we never fucking saw that guy again. That's what we were doing to people back. I mean, we were fucking dying and laughter. Another night we were at Bathmark getting beer, because we were too young

to buy beer, so we'd have to go and hang out outside supermarkets and trade people like a fucking joint, and there was no blunts back then or nothing. Nobody was smoking blunts back then in 82. We'd have to give people fucking beer,

you know, a dollar or $10 or a joint or two joints or a nickel bag to go on and get his cocktails. What time were hanging out in front of fucking Pat Mark? I don't know if you can, a lot of you guys don't remember this, but one of the first podcast guests I had was a kid by the name of Danny Calendrillo

fucking all-state, All-American, led the country in scoring when he was like a sophomore at Seton Hall, look it up if you want. Dan Calland-Jillo came from a real complex family.

They were like nine or ten of them. I don't know exactly what the count was. But he had a sister that I knew that was really cute that worked at the high school. And he also had a brother that his name was Paul Land. He was in Spring Break

and the movie, The Idol Maker. If you guys want to check it out. I mean, he kind of inspired me. To be honest, it was Paul Land who let me know that maybe I'd go to Hollywood and do something with my life. I wasn't sure.

I mean, he didn't pull me aside and tell me this, but from me talking with him and playing basketball with him and his brother, I would always ask him creepy questions about how did you get the movie, blah, blah, blah, you know. And he would tell me, but I didn't know where the fuck he was coming from.

You know, I'm not going to lie to you. I didn't know what a casting director was. I didn't know what a fucking agent was. was or whatever. But he was a good guy, and I could see, you know, again, he made me, at least he gave me hope that somebody from Hudson County, you know, I had him, I had Michael Corrin, I had Sinatra, you know, I had a couple of nice influences, but it was Paul Land, really, since I knew him and I spoke to him.

His name was Calendrillo. When he got to Hollywood, I guess he changed it to land. Calendrillo is too hard to remember. and uh but i don't even know what the fuck we're talking about oh so we're talking about this fucking uh you know north pergin and and uh what we were doing our fucking senior year you know but we're down at fucking pathmark and we had just gotten some booze and we're sitting out there minding our own business one of the other brothers calendar law had was a guy who was homeless He had mental health issues, which I found out later.

In 1982, when you saw somebody who was homeless, you just thought they were crazy. It wasn't even called mental health issues. You thought he was crazy. You thought he was a bum, whatever. I always gave Bobby Cal a couple bucks when I saw him, you know, when I was a kid, he would always ask me for a cigarette or a joint. I didn't smoke, but I would buy him a pack of cigarettes because his brother, well, Paul Land, gave me hope and Danny was a great basketball playing.

He was always good to us. He's a teacher back up to high school now. I was thinking of going up there and seeing him when I had some time and thanking him for what he did for me. One of the way, he called a podcast in the beginning, and it was a great conversation. But after that, I tried to contact him, and I think Danny was a little mad at me

because I told the story on the podcast weeks later about his brother. We were at Pathmark. Having a great time. Now, Bobby Cow would always show up when you least expect it. Like, you could be at the fucking Hudson County Park, and all of a sudden you would hear like, shh. And that means he's fucking walking towards you because he had like a limp, and he would drag the other foot in the leaves.

Do you hear it in my impersonation? So he's dragging Lee's with the bum leg. He would always, you know, we talked to him, Bobby Cowell, what's going on? We would give him a beer, smoke some pot with him, give him a few joints. So I wasn't as enemy anything This one day We're at fucking Pathmark On Tunley Avenue down there

On 76thew We're minding our business We're on the side Because there used to be a thing called Lickermart and Pathmark Lickamart was fucking huge I think it's still there I don't know if it's called Lickamart

But Lickamart was huge That case of B I tried to get a job there once They wouldn't I mean They knew I had sticky fingers So fucking I'm outside talking to Bobby Cow It's me

stinky ferns pelican and we're just talking to him like and all of a sudden one of the guys looks at me is like you know it gives me the look let's start torturing this motherfucker what are we doing just hanging out here so we start talking to him bobby cow you suck dick he's like nah no no no i don't do that shit we keep busts his balls like bobby you take him in the ass now why are you guys bringing this at me inquiring minds want to know brother you know we're just we're just going back and forth on. And one thing leads to another, and I see a newspaper on the floor.

Like just a section. Like, you know, a newspaper has sections. This one had, like, sections. I wrap up the fucking newspaper. And without him seeing me, I put in his back pocket. Now, he's got a, he's got overalls on. He's got, like, he's living in the park.

He's got his costume on. And on top of that, he's got, like, overalls on, like mechanic overalls. So we put it in his pockets It's a little bigger. I put the piece of paper in his pocket. And after about three minutes of talking to him,

I slipped behind them real softly before he could even see me. And I light the piece of paper on fire. Now he's talking to us, the way I'm talking to his camera. And it's like, you know, we're all like one, two, three, four. They're talking, I'm Bobby Cow. And all of a sudden, you could see the smoke starting to come over his right shoulder. And we're fucking dying.

We're like this, this is not happening. He's sending smoke signals over his right shoulder. And then with that, the next move was you could see flames every couple minutes. That was not good. But he couldn't feel the flames because he had the overalls on. Do you understand me? So it was already burning into the overalls. He just couldn't fucking feel it.

And listen, guys, I'm 58. I knew I was fucking up. But when you're fucking 18, it's just another day of a joke. A lot of people are going to watch this and go, what the fuck, Joey? You're lighting people on fires too? No. We were kids. We were joking around.

This is all part of growing up. And all of a sudden we see like every two minutes, you see a little flame pop up and shit. We're like, when is this egg going to catch on fire? And finally, we're about to tell Bobby Cal, Bobby, you're on fire. And he's like, what the fuck is going on? Why do I smell fire? And he turns around. He keeps turning, but the paper is now dropping pieces of fire on the floor.

So there probably has to be like Fucking six little fires Going on around them And He's like Who the fuck let me on fire? Whatever? And he turns back

And his fucking sleeve Is going up on fire And we tackle him to the floor And we got to hit him with like A half of beer And we got to like Somebody took off their shirt And we got to put him off

Flames and I'll never forget And he's like should I call the police? I'm like nah Why are you going to call the police for Bobby Somebody threw a match at you As they were driving by I mean, he didn't even know it was us. But I still remember talking to him for a couple minutes,

and smoke was just coming out of his clothes, like the Inspector Cluzzo in fucking Return of the Pink Panther. The reason why I remembered it was on the R&A, and I saw him when he smoked and he says, you know, you got to have balls. He had the shit underneath, but that's not important. That was the name of the costume. Balls, the great balls.

So we let this motherfucker on fire. We put him out, and now we're sitting there talking to him. As he's like, who would put me on fire? And you could see smoke coming from his fucking outfit. We don't know. But that was just, that was every time we went out. And this shit would get out, you know, this shit would just get out. And people go, dumb, they didn't like,

and this was way before I let the bum on fire on Shreda behind Ralphie Mae's house. This is fucking a long time ago. But all these things like now, listen, nobody brings them up. only the kids that I grew up with. Like when I seen Glenn last time, we talked about a couple things, and we were fucking dying. Listen, we were young,

we were stupid, but one thing I do not apologize back then is that we had the biggest balls of fucking life. When I think about some of the shit we were doing at that age, oh my God, just, oh my God. You know, I look at mercy, and I'm like, she's fucking nine.

She's nine years away from Dune. I remember years ago I was in Seattle, and I was at this guy who was a nice guy, not the funniest comic in the world, but a great guy. Listen, I never even really liked the guy. But now, in hindsight, thinking about it, this conversation, you know, bothers me because I think about him.

We went to do a gig together, and I was talking about, you know, how life was in Jersey. He's from Indiana, this guy. And I was talking about how life was in Jersey when we're growing up, that, you know, business owners would make payoffs. And, you know, we were just having a little talk.

But I guess the next night at the comedy club, when I got back, he wanted to be a wise ass in front of people and, like, wanted to throw it in my face. I think it was me, him and Josh Wolf in the car. And we were trying to explain, you know, payoffs in Boston and just play. police shit, just talking about, you know, nonsense about like, you know, we're talking.

He was saying that he snapped at one point. He's like, I can't keep listening to this. This is not the way Americans live, you know. Most people don't make payoffs to the police. Most people are decent people. Like, fuck you. It's like, I felt like Harvey, I felt like Rodney, Rodney Dangerfield in back to school. When you're sitting there, your experience as a man, and this teacher's telling you,

you know, what are you going to do about? I mean, Rodney was like a millionaire for business, and he's taking a business course if you've never seen the movie in high school and college. He's taking a business course in college, and this guy's telling him about all his costs and shit, and this guy's like, what are you talking about? What about the mafia? They control fucking, but people who are straight-laced and understand that world, and they don't want to know what believes. That's what happens today with people. They don't want to know what believes or it exists or they want to put it down. But he said something that actually hurt my feelings in a way.

He was like, I don't understand where you people come from. It's all a bunch of criminals. This is what, listen, guys, it's not that we're criminals, not that were pieces of shit. It's not that I don't pay all fucking cops. One was the last time he heard me paying off cops. What? We did as young kids or followers forever. There's nothing you could do to shake it.

whether you broke a window, whether you robbed the fucking hubcap from somebody, it's done. There's nothing you could do to fucking change that. You could just become a better fucking person. That's all you could do. I mean, it's not that we were bad people. You know, I was never a fucking thief before I moved to Jersey. Okay, I'm not blaming my thievery on New Jersey, but I'm saying that when I was a kid, I was such a little faggy Catholic.

The only thing I took was a couple quarters. from my mother at the bar. And Doug, I remember these quarters because I felt fucking guilty about him. When you're a Cuban kid, your mother tells you if you steal from your mother or you raise your hand to your mother when you're in the casket.

When you die, your hand pops up at the fucking funeral. Now at 58, I don't give a fuck if my hand pops up. I'm dead. What do I give a fuck? What are going to have opinion on me? He robbed from his mother. He, no. That shit doesn't even fucking happen.

I mean, it does happen. If they don't pull enough for a mile to hire, you know, all that shit. After two or three days, body parts start fucking moving, and they're not just going to bend your leg and put it in the casket. They actually got to break your fucking kneecap. I forget what it's called.

Rigamortis, correct, rigormor sets it. So, as a child, I never even thought of fucking taking nothing. I really never did. I mean, as a kid, we took fruit from a fruit sand. But I never, I would go home and feel fucking terrible for weeks. It wasn't until I got the jersey. that, you know, we started out with stealing punks. Again, punks are not anybody's property.

Punks are in the swamps. You know, punk's out, Mike, when you steal them and you light them on fire, keep some mosquitoes away. Oh, that's what they say. Who the fuck knows? But that's what we were doing. And then, yeah, we went on to the trains.

Again, it wasn't a friend of ours. You know, I never really fucking thought about it. It wasn't until my mother died. and I was angry at the world and I wanted to take it out in the world so I fucking robbed I started stealing but before my mother died that wasn't even in my world

and just to let you know that I'm not a fucking thief yeah I haven't stole a lighter from 7-11 and maybe 10 years because they don't give you the opportunity anymore they don't put them out in the front anymore but if they still put the lighters out I would probably shop the lighter once a year just to check in with my old self

Like I always said, you got to check in on your skeletons in the closet before they fucking checking on you. But I'm not a fucking thief. If I was still stealing, then you would have gone, Joey's a fucking stone cold thief. I stole because it was my way of getting back at the world. When you're a kid and they break your fucking belief system, that's all I had. And thinking back, I mean, I fucking hated it when I was a thief. There's friends that I have back here that I can't touch. gym with them or anything because in some way directly or indirectly my thievery affected them

whether it was a friend a neighbor themselves you know i really regret that i can't regret selling drugs you can't take the fucking drug you can't take the fucking half the shit i did the stealing part guys there's nothing i could do about it yeah i could repay the people or make amends with them or whatever. You ever try making amends with somebody you rub from they don't want to talk to you

and especially when it was so fucking long ago. So, you know, and that's what the story we're getting to is at the end. I mean, I think of all these things I did

when I should have just been paying attention and doing homework. We were out. We were already men. The three guys I hung out with, yeah, they were in high school,

but we were men. They weren't getting no money from their mothers or anything. were working stiffs. You know, we were getting money. We were paying for our drugs, our drug habit with the money we were stealing,

or better yet, I was stealing and would use them to be my lookouts or whatever. And I'm not proud of that either. None of those three kids with thieves and never wanted to be kids. They were all fucking hard workers. So my stealing influenced a lot of people in the wrong way. Like I said, I've lost a lot of friends

because of it, especially here in Jersey from my childhood bullshit. But at the same time, stealing is bad as stealing is good. But sometimes you got to catch a break from time to time to let you know you're going to be all right. I always think about how I was always scared. I was always scared of going to jail. I was always scared of getting arrested. You know, I look at my daughter and my daughter's biggest fear. fear in the world is going to the principal's office.

That's her biggest fear in the world. If my daughter ever got sent to the principal's office, she would have a nervous breakdown. Because in her eyes, it means the worst person in the world. It's my daughter. She's fucking nine. She's a kid. She doesn't know better.

But for me, I think the worst thing in the world, the worst feeling in the world was not, when I was a kid I hadn't caught a break since 1979, since my mother died. Again, I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I'm not saying anything in a weird way, but I didn't catch a break for years. 1982 was the first time.

Before my mother died, I was really making strides of meeting people. I was popular and shit. Then I became popular for my mother dying. And that's a horrible thing to have. When you're in deep conversation with somebody and somebody tells you that they had a talk with Michael and they were at Michael's house eating

and Michael's parents were saying how they felt bad for me and my mother died. I fucking hated that. I fucking hated the feeling that people felt bad for me because my mother died. So what I did was I wanted to start a new, I didn't want people to be fucking sad for me. I wanted people that and always alive.

So at the end of 82, not even the end, the end of the summer of 82, that summer, I mean, the word was getting out, yeah, you know, Coco Rob's drug dealers, he steals whatever from time to time. But in 1982, you know, I love draft kings. I was talking to somebody about this day. I think Jimmy had to gym. The thing I like about draft kings is you really can't get in trouble with gambling unless you're a fucking retard.

Draft King, when I call Mike, if Mike is my bookie, I'll call Mike. on a Monday on Mike I want to bet the Knicks tonight and Mike will go okay what's the line how much you want to bet on them the line is seven

I think last night uh whatever the fuck the Mormons what's the what's the what's the what's the what's the what's the women's play wise guys

Utah Jazz were playing the Knicks last night they were giving them seven points what if I liked Utah last night what if I was making

200 a week as an electrician's helper and I call Mike This weekend is Valentine's Day weekend. I want to take my girlfriend. I want to get my dick sucked. I want to take her out for dinner. I want to have a grandma blowing.

You know what? When we think about it? Why don't we get a limousine for a buck 50? Even though I only make $200 a week. So I decide to call Mike up and bet heavy with Mike all fucking week. I bet heavy with Mike all week. The first night I lose $110 bucks. I lose the game and the $10 V.

That means Tuesday I got to catch up again. so I'll put a $50 bet in so I could get it down to $55, but guess what? It loses that night. So now I'm down one fucking 165. So Wednesday I call in for another 100. Thursday for another 100. Now I got myself down $400-something.

It doesn't look like Mike's getting his dough. I'm in trouble. I overextended myself. I want to hold my head. With draft kings, they won't take, they only take money straight from a bank account. So if you put 500 in your books or 300 in your books or 200 in your books, that's it. After that's gone, yeah, you could go again, but they won't let you take a cash advance or a draw.

You follow me like a visa draw. Like if you take 500 bucks from Visa, wait, you get your bill the next month of that cash advance interest. So they don't take that. When I was a kid and even now, I mean, listen, New York City made $1.2. billion dollars in the last month in gambling, I think 80% of people who signed up for betting sites never even placed a bet in before. That's how crazy gambling's going to fucking blow up. But my point is, the reason why I like these websites is because you can't bet over your head.

You can't. You can't. You can't put some bets in, lose, and move the fuck on, but you can't bet over your head. When I was a kid, I used to bet over my head all the fucking time. So now you're down, $500, $600. What do you do? I either got to borrow the money from him. He's going to juice me at three points a week,

or I'm going to fucking have to borrow the money from a relative, which I didn't have. And what's behind door number three? What's your other option? To hide. Just duck him until he fucking moves the fuck on. I did that for years when I was a kid, especially in high school. But in September of 82, I put a bet in with somebody I couldn't duck my high school teacher.

He's long gone now. He wouldn't. take any of my bets while he was our teacher. But once my friends graduated and I was officially out of school, he started taking my bets. Me and my buddy put a $2,500 bet in with him. $2,500. That means we had to come up with like $2,700 when the bet turned in. You know how much money we had?

We didn't have $27. So for years, I had, for like two or three years, whenever I was short on money, I go to a jewelry store on Bergen-Line Avenue and lift a few things. Sometimes I lift a few rings. Sometimes I lift a few tray of fucking rings. It was tremendous. You know, I had it down.

And I always said to myself, if I ever paint myself into a wall, I'm going to take the whole fucking cart of gold chains. It was just a fucking 100 gold chains and 100 bracelets. I was so stupid. I actually ended up doing it. 40 years ago, this September 15th,

or September 23rd, it'll be 40 fucking years from that. And my point I'm trying to make to you guys is, no. I wasn't cool because I robbed the joint. It didn't make me a better person. When the word got out that I had robbed it, it was the first time, even though it was something negative. Did I tell you something? A lot of people were proud of in North Bergen

because we're fucking New Jersey's based on a robbery system. But I got to be honest with as warped as my brain was at that time, I wasn't even a little proud of myself. Because I had people talking about it. People coming up to me knowing what the fuck. And now it was like I was known as a thief. And I really wasn't proud of that, but it was a lot better than being known for a kid that I felt sorry for for his mother dying.

I don't know if you even understand that logic, but that's what my head was at that fucking age. You know, so yeah, then after that I had to leave. The cops were looking for me. They didn't press charges. Everything worked itself out. And I learned a valuable lesson, but that's what that whole thing was about then.

It wasn't about me being a fucking thief or, you know, it was about me not wanting people to feel sorry for me losing my mother. I had nothing to do with the animal. that I was. And once people found out that I robbed that jury store, nobody felt sorry

of me that I lost my mother. They could tell I was just doing just fine. And that's the fucking podcast for this week, man. You know, I, like I said,

a lot of people hit me up this weekend for the support for Joe, whatever, listen, guys. Joe always have my support to the end of time. He'd done more for me

than any agent, any comic, any friend in a long fucking time. And you know what? I still have people who would stop talking to me since I moved out of L.A. And don't even call or say hello. I got to tell you something about Joe Rogan.

He's more my friend now that I've gotten out of comedy. He's more my brother. So if you have people that are on the fucking offense about him or any of the things he said, I know how you guys feel about me. And you know where I stand and all this. You know the type of person I am. Listen, he's a good man.

He's my brother. He's done a lot to help me. I've done a lot to help him, and we work off each other. And hopefully I could be down there pretty soon to do the podcast and show you motherfuckers with still a fucking team made in goddamn heaven.

I'm happy that I have him in my corner. I'm happy that he throws praises at me, and I'm happy that I could call him a friend. The same way I called Ari a friend, the same way I call Red Band a friend, my man Mike, a friend. Listen, when you have a friend, you go down to the end with that person,

whether they're wrong or right. In this sense, Rogan is not right for what he said, but I don't want you guys to think a negative light on him for what everybody's saying about him. As a matter of fact, fuck it.

He's my brother. I love your cock suckers with all my heart. Remember, white truffle is in, Rainbow Ruts is in, you know, Coco is in. I just gave Mike half the batches the old batch and the new batch so he could fucking try before

and after you know what I'm saying so if he puts up a picture of before after and way fucking after don't be motherfucking surprised I'm happy you tuned in this week we're getting better and fucking better I'm feeling better and better and we're getting healthier

so we'll be rocking please I hope you watch the bitch podcast with my girl Kim Condum and Sarah Wien line's track. She's fucking their pisses. They're really cute. And I had a great time with them. Hopefully this

week I get back on Sicklers or somebody else's. But until then, I love you, motherfuckers with all my heart. Enjoy the motherfucking Super Bowl. Don't go over your head. When the Super Bowl ends, please don't beat your girlfriend or your wife. Don't become

a statistic cuck sucker. And have a great weekend. Have a happy Valentine's Day. I'll be back next Monday on motherfucking Valentine's Day. Stay black, have a great weekend, and I love your cocksuckers with all my heart. All right, I want to thank you,

Savages, for listening to Uncle Joey's Joint. Do not forget the joint is brought to you by On It. When it comes to supplement, supplements, plural. On It is number one in my fucking book, and they're number one with the country. They're tremendous company, whether it's the black label, Alpha Brain,

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CBD Lion, bringing you the best CBD available. How do I know? Because I'm an old man, I'm falling apart, and this CBD is keeping my mind. ass together. That's how I know. You're gonna go to a liquor store and get it from some fucking MOOC without a fucking education? No, I don't have an education, but I got street education. I'm telling you right now, CBD works, whether it's CBD, CBN, CBI, go to CBD line, read the third-party lab results and then get back to me. If you see something you like,

order it, pressing code Joey and get 20% off delivered right to your house. And from the heart of New Jersey, why keep breaking your boy? It's Draft Kings. This is the last season of NFL football. Let's make a little money together. Draft Kings is the official sports betting partner of Super Bowl 56. They're tremendous. And the official sports betting partner of the NFL. This week, they're going to give you 56 to one odds on either team. That means if you bet $5, you're going to get $2.80. Who's better than you? It's either Cincinnati or the Rams. It's that easy this weekend. You got the over and under and you got prop bets. But if NFL's not for you, MMA is more your style.

Let me tell you something. UFC 271 live from Houston. Fucking tremendous card. Izzy against the Australian. My man, the beast against fucking Tata Tupa, whether he's going to drink out of his fucking shoe. Listen, download the draft King's Sportsbook app. It's the last weekend to make some money with the NFL,

even if he bet $10. It's more than you've got a chance to win. You're not going to win unless you play. Download the app, use promo code. Joey. Okay, at Draft King's Sportsbook.

Now, you've got to be 21 older. Minim of age is 20. Minimum age and location requirements vary by jurisdictions. See draftkings.com slash sportbook

for full list of requirements and state-specific responsible gaming resources. It's easy. Voidware prohibited. Now, if you got a gambling problem, call 1-800-Gambler. If you're in Tennessee,

1-800-9-9-7-89. If you're in Connecticut, 8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8. 789 7777. And if you're in New York, 8778 Hope, New York, or text New York. But anyway, it's Draft Kings. I want to thank

Draft Kings. I want to thank CBD Lion. I want to thank On It. I want to thank Blue Chew. And I want to thank you guys for fucking taking time to download us, listen to us, and support in the podcast. I love you, motherfuckers are all my heart. Don't forget.

Laughing Gas is available at the ice cream shop. I love you, motherfucker. Stay black, and the ice cream shop is having a party this Friday night. At Crazy Girls on LaBreya. Stop in, tell him I sent you. Have a great weekend.