The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #138 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: February 14, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT..... It's Monday, February 14th.... Happy Valentine's Day! This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is brought to you by Better Help, Onnit & Zip Recruiter….. Go to https://www.onnit.com & Enter PROMO CODE: JOEY, JOINT or CHURCH Go to https://www.ZipRecruiter.com/JOEY & Try it for FREE! Go to https://www.BetterHelp.com/DIAZ Use PROMO CODE: DIAZ for 10% OFF your 1st Month! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

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It's Monday, the 14th, St. Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day, everybody. hopefully you got a date and you get your balls licked and you manscaped. I manscape the nut sack. I manscaped everything. Not that I'm going to have sex, but you know,

you always got to be prepared in cases of recovering cock suck in the neighborhood. If you don't have a Valentine's, it ain't no big fucking deal. Go to a bar, you know, do what you work your fucking magic. There's a bunch of women

that don't have Valentine's day so you don't have to be fucking lonely. You know what I'm saying? That's all. I'm just trying to help you out. You can't listen to podcast all day and whack off. You got to fucking make her appear.

You're sitting there all day, fantasizing, trying to bang one out. Fuck that. That went out the window. You're going to dress up a little bit, and you're just going to walk to a bar and maybe talk to somebody. I'm not guaranteeing, you know, you're going to get laid. When I was a kid, there was a book, like how to get laid. There was all these books, like how to meet women, all this shit. Garrett, listen, those books never helped anybody.

Trust me what I'm telling you, you could buy those books for me. I thought I think it was like nine. 99 how to pick up women or something in the 80. I forget what the book. They had like three book series. If you want to Google them, maybe they're still online. You know, teach how to pick up women with sideburns and shit. Fucking showing up.

How are you? Yeah, because the book is from the 70s. You're going to show up with fucking sideburns, right? No, no. The woman ain't got sideburns. When I was a kid, women had more hair on that face. I haven't seen a woman with hairs since I moved back to Jersey. When I was a kid, there was a couple of Barabrella-looking motherfuckers that had a little,

chins on the hair on their chins and shit when I was a kid I just thought it was normal for a girl to have fucking hair on her face then I moved out to the west coast you don't see no wolfie type chicks you know what I'm saying and by the way I want to give a shout out to Rachel Wolfson

just jackassin motherfuckers that bad ass bitch Wolfie you know works hard and there you have it guys for you motherfuckers that think it can't happen you know man Wolfie works hard she smokes a lot A Dope.

She's beautiful. She got an audition for Jackass. I was supposed to work with her that weekend. Not on Jackass. But I had told me if you want to, because she features fucking Felipe. She does her own gig. She works with a boyfriend.

But she's really cool, Wolfie. She came on the church and we jacked a little bit. And I could tell she was going to do something. I go, it's just a matter of time. They give her a weed show or something. She's good looking. You know, she's funny. I mean, she's not.

like a comedy store comic yet but she's fucking getting there she works hard and she did the movie bro she was on Kimmel she was on a couple things that blowing her up I text her and I said congratulations and guys this is what it's all about is seeing somebody you were in the fucking trenches with make it I swear to God it's such a good fucking feeling people I love it when one of those girls The chick from fucking the comedy store was a bartender and ended up on fucking Saturday Night Live. And, you know, she was getting spots at the store here and there. And she just kept getting funnier and funnier and funnier.

And she started working on it. Yeah, she was bartending, but they give you spots at the store. So if there's a fallout, there she goes. Punkie was in the fucking room killing him. So it's a great feeling. Even if I'm out of it, I'm watching the success that Rachel's getting and it's fucking great. I hope they give her a show or

something. You know, she comes from a fucking smart ass family. They're all involved with the law. I mean, that's why I always dug her because when I would talk to it would be about the law or something like that. Her mother's a judge. How cool is that? Your mother's a judge. Your sister's the

DA. It's like being in an episode of Blue Bloods. Shit for breakfast. You're there. Who are you going to convict today? Some fucking Puerto Ricans stabbed in the old lady in the supermarket. That's breakfast. right there. That's an exciting fucking breakfast. What do you got today? Ma? I'm gonna fucking sentence O.J. to 20 years

that fucking cock-sucker and kidnapping because she did. She had something to do with the OJ trial of the mother. I don't know if you guys know that, but it's always great to see somebody get in there. It's a great feeling. You know, I'm an old man. Where the fuck am I going?

But I look at these young guys that were there at the store or the laugh factor with me or the improv and they're very respectful all the time. And every time I saw them, they were out. They weren't trying to make contact. I'm making contacts with contacts. With these fucking fake producers at the bungle.

You make better contacts at the fucking laundry mat. You know what I'm saying? Contacts. The days of contacts are over. You're making contacts on the internet. You go out and fucking work at night. And that's the bottom fucking line. When Mike came all today, we're talking about pets.

And you know, it's fucking weird how pets do affect your life. I sign down the Woop Act. And it's the watch that Rogan and those guys wore when they would do the sober octobers. And, you know, it tells you how much you're pushing. It tells you recovery. That's why I was always walking around sore. So I wanted to know what the fuck was going on. I forgot what else.

I was going to tell you, motherfuckers. What was that talking about? The what? The whoop. The whoop. The whoop. The whoop. Yeah, the whoop and shit like that.

and it tells you how much you slept it tells you I fucking dig it I don't do it for the high level stuff but it tells you your recovery your fucking oxygen how much you slept that night

it's so weird ever since I've been I've had this watch like now I go to sleep every night trying to beat last night's score you know what I'm saying it's like a little fucking contest for yourself I didn't get it to be Hercules

I didn't get it to jump or buildings or anything like that. You know, I think it was a good idea. In fact, I didn't even know Rogan and Burton, those guys had it. When I went to Jiu-Jitsu, Sean, the coach, said to me, you should get a whoop watch if you don't know how much you're recuperating, whatever the fuck is going on with you. So what I got to watch, I was talking to Red Band about it,

how long it took me to get it. And he's like, just call Rogan. He's got a bunch of them at the house. They're probably the 3.0s, not the 4-0s, not the you motherfuckers. Give a fuck. But it's so weird. like I always didn't sleep. For years, I didn't fucking sleep, guys.

For years, I was cracking a joke the other day. And it's true. When I was 10, I looked like I was 22. You know, when I was 10 years old, I looked like I was 22. And when I was at 20, I looked like I was fucking 40 already. There was no coming back for Uncle Joey. And I think it wasn't the drugs.

I don't think it was any of that shit. I think it was the lack of fucking sleep. Like, just the really, this whole period has really dawned on me. how bad my sleeping was all those years. Just fucking horrific. Listen, six hours is okay, but it ain't going to fucking cut it. And now, like, I'm getting, like, the last four nights, I've slept fucking eight hours. I feel great.

Yesterday, I woke up feeling like fucking dick. I didn't do shit all day. I was just broken the fuck. I mean, I did shit. You know, when you have a kid, you just can't sit on a fucking couch all day. But as far as, I mean, working out, I didn't do shit. I couldn't do anything. I walked around, we did this, we did that.

That was a great fucking weekend. Watch the motherfucking UFCs. They were fucking fantastic. I think I fell asleep before the Israel fight, to be honest with you guys. I fell asleep when Derek Lewis got knocked out. Yes, I did bet Tuwiva. I can't fucking believe I won because I had bet the guy who fought Jan and Camere, Derek Brunson. That was a bust out because I thought he was going to win and retire.

That was a bust out. Then I lost with somebody else earlier, so I'm like, tonight's not my night. And I go, fuck it. Let me just see what Tia Tuivasa is fucking doing here tonight. He's 27 years old. You guys know I'm a Derek Lewis fan, but I'm a fan of money.

I like to win my little 25 bucks, you know what I'm saying? And since Tuwiva was a fucking underdog, here's the problem that you got. When you bet those, like I saw, like John Annex picks, and all these people had their Twitter pics and shit, you always they all picked you know Adasanya

they all picked Derek Lewis and they all picked somebody else that was in one of the earlier fights I forget who the fuck it was it was like everybody picked them

so I knew it wasn't going to be a perfect night that's why I don't like betting fights the day before anything you bet as you're watching because I knew somebody was going to go down last night

I just didn't know who if Derek Lewis and fucking the other guy would have won then I would have bet against Israel I didn't even bet that fucking fire I could care less I just wanted to upset and after that

I don't know I put my head on the couch next thing you know I woke up it was 2 o'clock and Joe Rogan was there yelling about something on fucking my TV I have no idea what the fuck it was and that was it I went upstairs to hit the crib and I woke up fucking the Lord's Day at 830 ready for the fucking Super Bowl but that's all over that's it football's done till next

fucking year and now we got to fucking rest our laurels on the NBA, college basketball, and baseball in two fucking months. Not that you guys give a fuck. Nobody really does. I mean, the Super Bowl, more people bet the fucking Super Bowl than any other sporting event in the world. Even people who've never fucking gamble before. Look what happened in New York. New York opened that fucking gambling, June 5th, January 4th, January 5th.

They got $1.2 billion in gambling, and that's what they tell them. You know what I'm saying? That's a lot of fucking money. That's how much people are fucking gambling. I understand. We don't have a middle class left. But who the fuck is gambling this much? And they're saying that they got like 80-something percent

or people who've never gambled before, which is just astrophocanomical. But it's a different day to fucking gamble. Now you can just go on your phone. You got fucking draft kings. You got Fandu. You got Ben MGM. You got 22 fucking services.

and they're all giving you fucking Guitus to fucking sign up with them. Me, I've always been happy with Draft Kings. I try like three other services, and Draft Kings just felt more real. Like I wasn't betting with some fucking a Jamaican bank. I'm not going to get my money tomorrow. I don't like making those fucking silly bets. I don't like put my credit card out there.

There's a lot of wackadoos that love that shit. You know what? I take it easy on the internet. You know, Amazon you could trust. Nobody breaches fucking. on Amazon, right? Amazon never sends you an email with being fucking the Russians cracked into my account because it don't happen. Amazon,

they're tough, they got people there. You fuck around with Amazon, that's a big account. That's a lot of people. I want to know how many people are members of fucking Amazon. Like, I know my wife is Amazon Prime and she fucking loves it. And I heard that the only way you're going to be able to watch the NFL next year is through Amazon.

video. It's real fucking interesting. I want to show you guys something. In my world, these are the best edibles. And you guys know I've eaten everything. I like eating edibles that are clean. I don't want to hang over.

You ever eat a fucking pot cookie and you're fucking hungover the next day? You're like, what's the hangover? Same hangover you got when you drink pinia coladas, you dumb fuck. Sugar! All this sugar and this fucking... I swear to God!

I made a batch of brownies this week. Not good, guys. Not good. I don't know. It was a failure to launch, as they say. It was just a failure to launch. I put an eighth of fucking cocoa weed in that motherfucker. Cut it up with his scissors. Didn't grind it.

Cut it up so it retains everything in that motherfucker. And on top of that, I put maybe like two cramps of high-level keef in that bitch. And I got to tell you something. I made the brownies. I used the San Francisco chocolate company. I didn't use the fucking generic one. Oh, my God. And I threw some walnuts in that bitch.

Yowser, yowser, yowser. If the T.HC don't get you, the fucking walnut allergy will. But I've got to tell you, man, I had like two or three of them. You know what? I didn't have any... Mike wasn't around.

I made him on Tuesday. I didn't have any guinea pigs just myself. And I think I slept. I fell asleep. I got up and the whoop told me a fucking took an app. I didn't even fucking know. But... Yeah, the whoop was...

will tell you, you took a nap and shit. But these, to me, these are the 25 milligrams. These still got fucking kicking them. Plus, the 25 milligrams have a sleepy time flavoring these bitches. And they don't sponsor the show or nothing. I'm just trying to help you motherfuckers out for your edible experience. You know what I'm saying? 25s will put you to sleep.

My recommendation, always fucking go for the 100, but also work yourself up to it. I know professionals, professionals that have had bad experiences with this. mean bad experiences, Joey? Did they crash the bus? No, they just slept longer than they should have. They fell asleep with their clothes on. You know what they had a flight?

Shit like that. People who didn't know where they were. Look what ABX sent me this last week. Look at this meteor of edibles and shit like that. If you could determine how many 200 milligrams are in this mother, oh shit, three of them, that's it. Three of them won't. Fuck it.

There you go, Mikey. That's your present for the week. I would take one now, but I got shit to do today. I can't. I usually take three of those 200s at about 8 o'clock. At about 9.30, you do start feeling dark. You start to get to yourself. Oh, my God.

I got diabetes. You just feel weird for like, you really do feel weird. That's one thing I will, when these things hit you, they hit you a little hard than other things. They do. They like the fucking, they're like the fucking Tuivasa of edibles. They hit hard. They fucking hit hard for the first.

three or four minutes, you're like, am I losing my breath? Am I going to pass out? But then once you pass fucking, what's those people looking for, Valhalla? Once you arrive and fucking Valhalla, oh my God. And that's the first song you hear. Fucking, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

The fucking Lexeplein, whatever the fuck, cashmere. Dog, these edibles are tremendous. And like I said, they're not a sponsor of the podcast. Nothing. I'm just trying to keep you motherfuckers. Tip-top, Magoo! in the fucking loop of life

so I'm recommending these I know a lot of people like to hate your fucking edibles hey I ain't mad at you but I swear to God in the last 10 years and you guys have been with me a lot of years you guys know I've had my edibles and I never have edibles hit me as hard as ABXs and

those 15 milligram gummy bears I bought from Slump Kitchen those things were fucking strong guys and when I tell you it was strong I ate 300 milligrams and I didn't know what the fuck I was. That's fucking strong, okay? And I ended up buying seven boxes of those things

because they had a sale. Holy shit. I slept on those motherfuckers. I mean, that's what I'm... I'm going back to the mattresses here. Like I said, the whoop watch helps me sleep. And now, like, every night I'm trying to fucking... I got to break eight hours.

Now, I got to fucking... Today I got to read up how to increase your rems. How to go deeper. Deep, deep, deep, deep. I thought by eating 10 of these, that's as deep as you could go, but sorry, Charlie, I can't. They're great edibles, but they're not going to take you into that deep, deep REM sleep that you're looking for. So I got to figure out, I got to read the book Sleep again, I got to do a bunch of fucking things and figure this shit out. But I'm feeling a lot better.

I'm looking a lot better. I got some shit going on this week. You guys will find out about pretty fucking soon. You know, Mike and I were talking about fucking pets before, like, I don't know if you guys have cats. I don't know if you guys have dogs, but I got to be honest with you, you got to have something.

You really got to have something in your life to break it up. I went without animals, you know, but I couldn't have an animal. I was an animal. How can you have an animal when you are a fucking animal? You know, and I tell you, I could feel the calmness effect. I didn't have, I grew up with, like, dogs.

I had dogs for a while, I cannot tell you what happened to these dogs. I cannot honestly tell you when I was like 10 or 11, I got these two dogs. And I don't know what happened. My mom was at war with them. I was going to Catholic school, and one guy kept breaking out.

So my mom got rid of him. And then like 10 months before my mother died, I got a dog named Crystal because of Crystal T-H-C. He was white with a couple of them. of brown spots. He looked just like when you opened up aluminum foil and you saw crystal TAC, it was like that dark white, you know, Joey, what are you talking about? If it's white, how can it be dark? You know what I'm fucking talking about. Some white is fucking light your eyeballs on fire. This was like a darker white and you could see a couple brown spots. And when I got

the dog, I called the dog Crystal TAC short for crystal just in case the cops are around. He couldn't say Crystal T. So I just called a crystal. I took Crystal in when she was about six weeks old, and I fucking loved that dog. That dog, my stepfather was out of the house. I had trained to myself the shit in the yard. I'd pick up the shit. I was really responsible with it. Like I was trying to be the man at the house at that time, so that was part of my thing.

Like, I didn't want my mother telling me, you got to clean the piss up, which time for you to walk the dog. I love that fucking dog. But when my mother died, I couldn't take Crystal with me to the Bender's house. So I gave it to this lady, Nina, and I would go over there from time to time and jump in the fucking dog house with the dog and cry. And then I lost contact with them, and that was history. But I was always, I like dogs. Cats, I wasn't really a cat guy growing up until my mother died,

and the benders had a cat. And at first I didn't know when you're fucking petting them, their parent. You're like, what the fuck it? You don't want to touch them. And then I started liking it. And then she started bringing pigeons home and birds home. Her name was Frisky. John Banda had a cat named Frisky with like a missing half a ear.

Beautiful. Tough as shit. You know, like, you know, you'd wake up in the morning. There'd be a fucking squirrel in your living room half dead, like looking at you. And Frisky would be fucking stabbing that motherfucker with his, it was. It was surreal. So I kind of liked this cat for the hunter she was, but I still didn't know anything about cats. And I remember going to Aspen, Colorado, and going to my buddy Steve Chivoni's house.

He was dating his white chick, and she had cats. She was like a white hippie chick with crystals, the whole fucking deal. And she had cats. And I'll never forget that the cat jumped on my fucking lap, and I was petting it. And listen, again, I didn't know about cats. So when the cat was there parent, I was scared shitless. I thought the fucking cat was going to attack me. So I'll never forget I pushed the cat off me.

We were watching like Eddie Murphy, delirious. it was a double date. Me and my girlfriend at the time went over there. I did not know how to act around the cat. I pushed that fucking cat off me and I go, fuck you, cuck, sucker. And after that, I didn't have a cat. Like, I was like, nah, cats just aren't me. And then when I met my little fucking Indian, Terry,

she had that one cat and then she saved another cat and then she saved another cat and I got acquainted with the cat. But then I started feeling different. Like once I got the cats I started feeling differently After about a year or so Like I started feeling Like I belonged to something

The cats would make me come home You know, I didn't have much money When I had those cats in the beginning You know, Mike, you know It was funny the other night Some people were talking They were like, when you did calm They go listen

When I did calm there was down to bare minimum It was either underwear or cocaine You know what I'm saying? You want to do coke? Yeah Then you can't wear underwear That's why I didn't wear underwear I was down to like three socks

You know what I'm saying? And no underwear, no white t-shirts. Why? Because you got to give something up. You know what I'm saying? So even when it came to the cats, I went in my pocket. If I had $22, I would take $10 and go buy cat food. It put me in a position where I couldn't get fucking Coke.

Because you could always get a $20 package of Coke, but you can't get a fucking 10, you know. But I would do that. I would put myself in those positions for the cats. It was the weirdest thing that I started reading about. cats. It was a guy at the comedy store. Great comic, Irish comic. He was good friends with Jimmy Schuber. His name was Dan Barton. He wrote

for Kennison early on. Fucking great writer, smart guy. And one night, we just got in a conversation about cats. Like, early on when I first got the three cats. And I didn't know much about him. I was just talking to him and he was like fucking making my head blow up.

Tell me about the cats in Egypt. If you killed a cat, if a cat died, if you own the cat in Egypt. You had to bring the cat to like the neighborhood doctor. If there was any foul play involved,

if the cat didn't look like he died in natural causes, didn't fucking kill you. That's how in the Cleopatra era all those fucking, they love cats. That's why you see all those figurines of skinny cats and shit.

I forget what those skinny cats are called. Who the fuck knows? Siamese, the other ones. I got that the other night. I was watching the Motley crew. movie and the guy sits next to Nikki Six and he goes

try this Persian heroin and the guy goes, Nikki Six, like what are he talking about Persian? There's no fucking Persian. The guy goes, yeah, yeah. Like that cat, the Disney movie, this is when you're doing heroin, this is what you're talking about? And Nicky Six goes to what the fuck are you talking about, you stupid motherfucker?

That's a Siamese cat. A Siamese cat. They got to be crossed with the woman to cross-eyed. Anyway, what the fuck are we talking about? Persia, Siamese, whatever, I don't give a fuck. The situation was, I just something, they gave me a weird, warm cats. And then my wife, we had the situation in the backyard with samurai fucking 82,000 cats

and having 16 fucking kitten litters. So we started adopting cats for people, and we got stuck with them. Listen, I'm not saying we got stuck with them. After a while, you fall in love with them, and you're like, I'm not giving them away now. They're comfortable with you. Why confuse them? Why fucking, you know. So cats have just.

Been in my life now for 22 fucking years, and I'm down to two of them. The last one from the samurai tribe and the one that came into my house in North Hollywood, Gray, that we took off the fucking, from the neighbor. We clipped it from the neighbor. The neighbor knew. The neighbor handed me the fucking cat. But real quick, a little break from the action. The joint is sponsored by BetterHelp Online Therapy.

Listen, it's Valentine's Day. Relationships take work. A lot of us will drop anything to do to get help to someone we care about. We'll go out of our way to treat other people well. But how often do we give ourselves the same treatment? We don't. I invest in myself every Monday morning with my therapy. This month, Better Help Online Therapy wants to remind you to take care of the most important relationship,

the one that you have with yourself. Like I told you for years, you've got to be a good friend to yourself. You got to make sure you go to sleep. You got to make sure you eat right. drink water and there's nothing wrong with talking to somebody. I love that I have Dana in my life. She helps me out. I was telling my man Theo that I wish I had a therapist full time when I was doing comedy.

It would have really helped me out a lot. Whether it's hitting the gym or making time for a haircut or even trying therapy, you are your greatest assets. So invest time and effort into yourself like you do for other people. Better help is online therapy that offers video, phone and check. sessions with your therapist. It's so much more affordable and on-person therapy

and you can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours. Give it a try and see why over 2 million people have worked with BetterHelp. The joint is sponsored by BetterHelp and listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com

slash Diaz. That's betterhelp.com slash Diaz. Give it a shot. It helped me a lot. Thank you. And now, back to the podcast. I was telling Mike, once this fucking cat goes down, that's the end.

That's the end of that cat line. Like, that's it. The mother's done. Samurai disappeared way before we left Hollywood. It's the end. And it's been like a 17 year. We've had 17 years of those fucking cats from that same fucking lit. And this is the last one.

So it's like, listen, I'm not sad because I've accepted that she's got to go. I still think of Superbad, like I still dream about Superbad at night from time to time. He was the cat that took me off cocaine in 2007. We're going on 15 fucking years. He's been dead three years, and I still never fucking slipped. So a little kiss for fucking samurai ass. Fuck Samurai. Super bad.

Up there in cat heaven right now, eating salmon and shit. getting his dick sucked by his Siamese cat with no eye that got hit by a car. Who the fuck knows? The other day I was looking at notes from the book. You know, we're going to hand this book in the next week or two. We're not going to talk tomorrow because Erica's, we're not talking till Wednesday. Erica's out of town until Wednesday, but that's what I did this weekend.

Seriously, at night, I just turned the TV off and I outlined the last two chapters. and then I started making an outline for the overview of the book, you know. And I was just looking through. It's a lot of material. But one of the most interesting chapters in that fucking book, and I even read like four or five pages of it was I did a thing for, it was the weirdest, you know, Ari called me one day. He was doing story.

telling show, you know. And Ari and me used to talk a lot on the road. Like, we used to talk about comedy, jokes, food, Chinese food, being a Jew. You know, we used to talk about a lot of shit all those years with Rogan on the road. I mean, I know Ari, over 20 years. My wife knows Ari, even longer. And, I don't know. He came to me when he goes, you got to hit me with a different story, Doug.

You got to hit me with something fresh. unique and I couldn't come up with anything, you know, prison stories, whatever. And just something made me think about my mother and, uh, and, uh, it was a writer. You know, I would, I did a podcast about friendship when I was doing beauty and the beast. And a lot of people reached out to me from that podcast. I mean, if you think people reached out to me after I told the hookah story, a lot of people reached out to me after the friendship day. And they were like, dog, you hit it on the head.

I never thought of those things, you know. One of the toughest things in life is being a friend to somebody. It's a tough job because you don't know whether you're pushing, you don't know whether you're pulling. You always, you just want to be a good friend, you know. I've lived in Jersey. I lived in Colorado. I've lived in Seattle. And you guys know I have great friends.

I just, I love my friends. I let them know that I love them because this is what's worked for me over the years and I let them know that if I could help him I could help them but the most important thing is that we're friends with dogs, we're down, the whole fucking thing. Yeah, you have acquaintances in your life.

We all have a thousand acquaintances that we like, we say hello to, you know, what's going on. But we really don't know anything much more than that. Maybe they're putting up a wall. Maybe we're putting up a wall, whatever. You have to tell the difference between your acquaintances and the motherfuckers who live and die for you.

I'll tell you what, you can live to be 70 and have one motherfucker that will live and die for you. And that's more than a lot of people. Because, dog, your wife will fucking leave you. You know, and I want, it's the truth. I want you to know these things in life before you get involved in this shit.

Your wife will leave you, your mother will die, your father will die, and you will find yourself fucking a lone one. day, okay? At any point in life, I don't give a fuck who you are. When your parents are off this planet or maybe one dad, or maybe your mom is gone,

but your dad is still alive, you're a lonely motherfucker on this planet. You really never notice them until you go home and think about it. You don't want to think about it because you know it'll fucking depress the shit out of you, you know. And then you have to look at the people around you. You know, you think about Dane Cook,

his brother robbed from him. And I'm not putting negative shit in your mind. I just want know the possibilities that are out there. You think of, you know, wives, ex-wives, you know, you think of family members, you know. It's, it's, you can never judge who it is, but all you could do is be a great fucking friend, you know. When I was a kid in New York City, I had friends on the block and shit. Since my mom had a little bit of money, I always played it down, and I would help the kids out, you know, buy them a soda or something. I would always say I found the dollar.

Let's go get four iced teas. I was always very generous that way. I always wanted to help somebody on the street. I don't mind. You know, when you're a kid, how many fucking kids that parents have dope? Both parents are working. Maybe they give you a dollar to go out with.

If I stole $10 when I was a kid, half of it was fucking yours, you know. Oh, whatever. If I made $10 on something, if we pushed a sled or we helped push a car and a guy who gave us 10, gave me 10, I always gave everybody a little more than what I got because my mom had money in the house,

but it wasn't until my mom died that I found out what, well, I'm lying to you guys. While she was alive, I witnessed it, and I didn't know. I gotta be honest to you guys, and God, please help me for a couple fucking years.

I thought my mother was gay. That's the fucked up thing I've ever said in my life. There was a couple of years there where it would hit me like I was maybe 12, 13, 14. It would just come into my mind and I go, you know what? I don't even want to think about it. My mother's gay. And I got nothing against being gay and nothing. It's just when it's your mother or your father.

You know, can you imagine living your life and thinking your father's gay? Like you find like a leather whip in your fucking and your father's thing. And now how whole hum down would you be if you found out your dad was gay? I don't know. for what reason, maybe you're happy. I'm saying if he was with your mom, like Vito from the Sopranos, like if you had a friend like Vito and you found out, if your father was Vito, I'm sorry,

and you found out your father was gay. I mean, you wouldn't, but you don't know how to take it at a young age. So from 12 to 14, I really thought, huh? The son? Yeah, no, no, no. It's the sun went crazy after he died, But it's just so weird for a couple of years there. You know, my mom would talk to Zerrider lady.

If they didn't talk on the phone 10 times a day, they didn't fucking talk. When I woke up in the morning, they were on the phone to go to school. When I got home from school, they were on the fucking phone. Before she went to New York at night, you know, before she went to a bar at night, I'm sorry. She was on the phone with Zerrider. On the way to a MEC game, she'd have to pull over and calls a writer from the pay phone. It's not like Zerrida slept at the house or my mom slept over there. My mom would go over there.

There's seven days in a week. My mother was over there five days a week. On any mission she made to New York, there was always a stop at Zerrida's house. For 15 minutes to try on a blouse, do a bump of Coke, talk about the Mets and what Tom Civa was wearing the night before, and just to check in with each other. For years, she took me up those fucking stairs. For years, let me tell you something.

I love going as a rioters house. Let's get this out of the way. When I was a kid, I lived on the lower east of the upper west side. Yeah, we tortured Mr. Martini. We had a couple kids on the block that were crazy, but for the most part, it was a very conservative fucking neighborhood. What do I mean by that? That was very white.

It wasn't Harlem. There was a couple of Puerto Ricans, but it wasn't Harlem at that time. When you went to fucking Harlem, it was fucking black, beautiful Puerto Rico. and Jewish. A lot of fucking Jews in Harlem in those days. What was I talking about? Mike? I'm fucking stoned. I can't get high before these podcasts. We got too high before the podcast today, which is good. You need to fucking loosen up a little bit. When I fucking started to join, I thought this is going to be like a stock podcast or a businessman podcast. I can't smoke because I can't smoke in my house, but I had sweaters on because I was looking at a video there. What was I thinking? I would put these nice sweaters on. Fuck that shit. shit this is no fucking this ain't no business man fucking podcast so now we do some

edibles we smoke some dope yeah so I thought they were fucking gay so but finally when I was 14 I figured out they weren't finally when I was 14 I figured out something I'm like wait a second what am I an asshole you know like when a thought comes into your mind and you don't want to process

it that's what I was doing when I was like 14 or 15 one day I just processed it because when I was about 14 or 15, that's when Zerrida started coming over to Jersey more. My mom didn't have the bar in New York and her operations now on a bar around the corner. So Zerrida would come over, like about two years before my mother died, Zerrida would come over two nights a week.

We would eat, they would fucking smoke dope, they would giggle, and then Zerrida would go back to fucking Long Island at night. So I was like, you know what are I thinking? They're not gay. Then I'm in the bedroom eating each other. there's monkeys that fucking downstairs talking and switching blouses and talking about dresses and shit but like more and more I think the first my first part of my life my mom was helping out Zerrida and then the later part of my life Zerrida turned around and was

helping my mom more I think my mom wouldn't let me know what was going on but fucking Zerrida would um she would confide in Zerrida would um she would confide in Zerrida right of what was going on. You know, my stepfather had left. My mother lost the bar. There was just a bunch of shit going on. My mom let me know a lot of the shit that was going on, but then again, on the other hand, she wouldn't let me know what was going on, which was cool with me at the time.

I just wish I knew about it. Like today, I wish I knew about more what she was struggling with. And when she died, I realized she was struggling from a broken heart, what Ralphie Mae died of. and sometimes a lot of people die of it. It's just a cardiac arrest or a heart attack or whatever the fuck they do, but it's really a broken fucking heart. But those last two years,

there's a ride that was just dynamite to my mom. And then after my mom died, she took care of me for close to fucking four years. You know, I was on the phone with her every day. I tried to fill in, like I didn't know what a friend, I didn't know what friendship entailed as a whole. I didn't really know that. And now they call it right or die or whatever.

When I was growing up, it was, you know, we breathe for one another. That's it. Those are the words. Like, listen, I breathe for you. So anything you need, any situation you get into, call, we'll fucking knock them out ourselves, or we'll land a helicopter and throw a grenade. You know, you talk shit.

But the meaning is always there. You know, we breathe for one another. And like I said, it's very hard to determine, you know, you have acquaintances that maybe you want to be better friends with. Well, then you have to breathe them a little bit. You have to show them that you breathe with. They're not just going to decide and make you their fucking homie, you know. But why do you want to be that person's friend?

Is it because they can get your job, they can do something for you, or do you genuinely, does that person make you feel good? When you're with them, you laugh, you giggle, money is no fucking option. If I don't have the 20 for lunch, he's got the 20 for lunch. If he doesn't got the 20 for lunch, I got the 20 for lunch.

It's that type of fucking relationship, you know. Zeraita was just there for my mom, and it was fucking beautiful to see. But after my mom died, that's when this woman's friendship. Because, listen, anybody could be your friend when you're alive. Anybody could be your friend

when you got a pocket full of money and a pocket full of blow and a big dick, right? Anybody could be your friend. In fact, if you got a pocket full of money and a pocket full of blow, even if your dick is an inch, it's fucking two feet.

You're the fucking savage man because you got what it takes to get you there. They're going to be so fucked up, they're going to be confused on the dick. What I'm trying to fucking say is that after my mom died, like I was in fucking,

you know, when your mom dies or your father dies or your brother dies, the first day of the wake, you're not even believing this is happening. Like, you really don't believe this is happening. You question it for a minute, not even, like a second. And you go, you know what, I've got to go put my shirt and shoes on or my suit.

I got to go take a shower. You try to avoid thinking about it. But once you get to the wake and you look at the picture of that person and the casket, it becomes a fucking reality. Like everything else is background music. once that person's in the casket and that casket's open, you got whatever. Three hours, you know, it used to be two days of a wake. Now, because of COVID restrictions, it's one fucking screening.

Everybody go to fuck home. You know, things have changed, which I like that better. Why draw it the fuck out? Two or three hours, everybody paying their respects. If you can make it, you can make it. If you can't move on, we understand. Send flowers, light a candle, say a prayer, whatever the fuck you want to say. But at that fucking funeral, I remember feeling.

cut that the first afternoon of my mother's weight. I remember feeling there like my fucking heart was in my hand. And all of a sudden I'm sitting in the fucking, the viewing room, if you call it. I'm maybe 30 feet away from the casket. I'm looking at it as a whole, like the big pick. Like if I was going to shoot the funeral, I'd be shooting it from back there. Like the whole picture, and then I'd do isolated shots, people's faces, you know, whatever the fuck. But I was just sitting there, man.

Mine in your own business. No, just think about it. It's the afternoon. It's five maybe. I'm not high. I just got to the funeral parlor. I haven't really walked up to see my mother. I don't need to.

Not right now. I'm going to have plenty of time to make my peace with it. I just want to sit and get the tone of the room and see what's going on. You know, and I'm heartbroken, but I don't even know where to start. And the next thing you know, I hear, fuck you. What the fuck did I tell you? And I'm like, am I hearing fucking voices? It's just what happens when you lose a loved one.

And I'm hearing, betas singa. I, you, what I'm saying, 50,000 bese? And I'm like, what the fuck? And I bust out, and I go into the hallway. And there's a writer, and she's got Rivera. The funeral director, who had just been, poor Rivera, he had just been abused for the last hour. From the minute we walked into that funeral parlor,

Rivera was getting tortured. Not by me, not by Zerrida. My mom had a crew of friends that were fucking boozes from the bar. Like, you know, that crew of friends that drink with you every day. My mom had like eight of them from that bar. A guru. They were just fucking these people. These Cubans were crazy.

And they drank beer all day. Well, listen, let's say the wake started at four. At 10 after fucking four, these motherfuckers walked in. Go find the biggest beer cooler you could find in America. Like those long, long, long egg glues. You know which ones I'm talking about? They're like four feet long egg loose. These Cubans walked in with one of those fucking things.

The other guy, I'm not doing Umberto, had a case of fucking pinch whiskey that they just walked in with. and some other guy had like a keg or something else and I'll never forget just sitting there and Rivera was a nice Cuban man very tan dark skin handsome he walks up but he wasn't a heavy he was a funeral director he walked out and he said guys guys guys guys

he what's going on here you guys know I'll lose my liquor license all this shit and one of the guys just went in his pocket took out like two an hour bill and put it in fucking Rivera's jacket pocket his soup pocket and they're like reverro this was happening today this is it and they walked into like a make-believe

kitchen that there was back there in between the visitation rooms and they started putting that beer on ice and shit with the keg and reveral kept opening the door it's not about the money i'm gonna lose my life that rivero then close the fucking door don't let the license guy in i'm like oh no they're just torturing this reveral guy he finally just left through his hands up they started setting up a fucking bar They started putting bottles out, like in one of the fucking corn. Like, they took all the flowers off it. It was not good, guys. Like a fucking bartender.

You ever go to, like, a wedding? They have, like, a bartender at the wedding by himself. No busboy. And he just makes fucking, you know, whiskey tonics or whatever. Whiskey showers and margaritas. They had, like, fucking some dude making, his name was Miguel. He's still alive in Miami. He had the first shift of bartending at the fucking thing.

They had the shaker. I'll never forget that they had a fucking shaker. Like, I'll never figure, like, I'm like, I got to go into the fucking visitation room. So that was the first situation at like 10 after. Then at like 4.30, there was something else that happened. Some people wanted the Santeria people came in. And they wanted to cut a chicken before the event started in the back room and then cut a chicken and drag the blood.

No, no, no, no, no. And now I'm embarrassed because, listen, my friends are all fucking. fucking white people. There's legit white, Italian, nice people, couple Jews, couple Germans, you know,

don't fucking embarrass me in front of these guys. There was certain women, girls that I knew that I told them not to come to my mother's wake. There were certain people. I said,

do me a favor. If you came to the wake, I know where your heart is, but don't come. But fucking, just don't come because I don't want you to see that whole Santeria thing.

When they fucking came in with a chicken in a bag and they were going to kill the chicken and there was like four dark dark skin Cubans with fucking hats on and santa ria medallions and they wanted to kill a chicken Rivera was fucking losing it this poor bastard and then not even 20 minutes later Zeraita is choking him because he's going to put the wrong dress on my mother that was tremendous I told you to put the fucking blue dress you son of a bitch and poor Rivera by that time would have jumped out of his fucking skin he did not want to do this fucking

But I remember that I went up to Zerrida and I tried to calm her down. But then it all dawned on me. My mother and Zerrida were cut from the same cloth. And I remember Zerrida letting them loose and going to have a drink with the Cubans and me just like just sitting there kind of embarrassed but not really. And that's when it dawned on me. Like I was sad until the time Zerrida choked Rivera. After that, gradually my sadness went away because I started finding out their friendship. Like I sat down going, whoa, whoa, wait a second.

This crazy Cuban bitch just went at the funeral director for a mistake with a dress. But no, no, no. It doesn't matter what dress she has on. She's dead. It's not like she's going to the Titanic for a party. It's not like she's going to the fucking Studio 54. She's dead. what difference is the dress

that's when it dawned on me it didn't matter what difference the dress was I went up to a five hours later and I asked her what the fuck was or what the dress and she was like that was her favorite dress she had just bought it she had once mentioned to me that if she could get married again

listen I don't give a fuck but just the fact that somebody stuck up for you after you were dead you usually stick up for people so the word gets back to them that they stuck up for you and you get brownie points. No, no, no, no.

There was no brownie points here. She stuck up for my mother because she stuck up from my mom. And that wasn't all. Then after that, the best was like the next day when she started throwing people out that didn't belong there.

Like she was just going up to people going, you know what, Mike? I was there that night. You were talking shit about my sister. Get the fuck out of here. people were fucking, like, leaving. And then she put, like, a bounty on my stepfather. She's like, when he gets here, I'm throwing him out in 10 fucking minutes.

He's not going to last 10 minutes. Anybody won't have bet me. I know exactly what to say to him. And I don't know what she said to him the first night, but he ran the fuck out of that. And the more and more, like, the funeral was like three days to wake. But I got to tell you, man, the last night of the wake before we buried him, I went to smoke a joint or something. and I don't know what I went outside to do.

When you're at a wake, you go to get some hair, whatever the fuck you do. I went and I went outside, and when I came back in, Zerrida was fucking crying on the hands and knees by the casket, saying how beautiful you look, you know. I'm going to miss you. I'm going to miss your phone calls and shit.

And then I don't know where Zerrida goes and I'm going to take care of this fucking, piece of shit. I don't know if she said that. She just goes, I'm going to take care of him and make sure he grows up to be a man,

which is what was your dream, you know? And right there, I was blown the fuck away, guys. I started fucking crying. Then I saw off of my mother a bump, which was even the worst thing I've ever seen in my life.

But that's how much she loved her. She was combing her hair in the casket. You know, that's as creepy as it gets. But that was the fucking, love that they had for one another. And I know my mother was crazy about it. Trust me, I knew my mother was great. In fact, she was the first person I called after I found her.

Because I know that's what my mother would have wanted. I called her first. Never mind the sisters in Cuba, nothing. I called that woman first because I knew. Then we buried my mother. And let me tell you something. From November and 1979 guys to, you know, July of 84, she was there for me.

And every time I'd talk to her, she'd cry about my mother. Even if she was in a good mood. She'd just go, I was thinking about your mother the other day. The story in Cuba, we were fucking kids. And I'm like, fuck. And, you know, I was in a bad place for years, but her lesson was taught to me at that fucking wake. Like, as soon as we buried my mother and I saw her back.

And then, not only that she, she, lived in Long Island and her drug operation was on 112th and fucking 8th Avenue down there. No, no. Like 3rd Avenue was the beginning of Spanish Harlem and she lived in Long Island. She got out of the city at night and went home. She separated her life and the apartment. I think some Puerto Rican lady stayed in the apartment at night and watched it. She would drive from fucking Long Island to fucking Jersey to see me, you know, and bring me

$200 every week and bring me a little weed, you know, and then I told her the truth about the Coke and I was buying coke from her which I'm not very proud of. And I don't think she was very proud of it either. And, you know, I mean, we were tight and she was very tight to me. She loved me for me.

And it just taught me so much about how much effort you have to put into your friends. It's, everybody always complains, I don't know friends, I'm going to join her, fuck him, whatever. You haven't tried. You walk around relying on your laurels, and that's not going to work

when you're looking for friends. I'm like, I've always said this, and this has been my trademark for years. You could take over a country with three people. Fidel fucking did it. It's a state of mind. You don't need what happened was in 19, fucking 95, that stupid show came out,

and trust me, I watched the show I like it. I shouldn't say it's stupid. The show friends came on, everybody has this idea that if you don't have six or seven fucking friends, you ain't shit. everybody that became like a fantasy to people ah ha ha

you know let's go out and do birthdays 10 of us on the fucking table everybody's giggling until the check comes then there he is that's ah ha ha ha red wine I love it you know all the bullshit and that gave people like this thing and listen it's all bullshit you're never going to have

six even Jesus had a bunch of friends one turned you follow I'm saying to you the small of the number the least that people will fuck turn. And if, listen, I could put, it's like, uh, it's like having a family, you know, if you got a wife and 20 fucking kids, it's tough to give those kids attention. But you have to figure it out. And that's why you can't give them all attention, because they're 20 fucking kids. One of them is going to come out to be a mass murderer and the other

one's going to rape a schoolteacher. Who the fuck knows? You're not there for them. But if you got three or four kids, it's better. The same thing with friends. Listen, you're going to have 20 acquaintances. You see them every day, what's going on? They don't break a barrier with you, and you don't break a barrier with them, and that's okay. You're not going to be best friends with fucking everybody.

But you're going to have three motherfuckers, even me in Jersey since I've gotten back here. I thought that the kids I grew up with were going to be my running mates. You know what? That was 40 years ago. I've accepted. They're accepted. We care for each other.

We contact each other on a weekly basis. but hey I'm an hour away from them and they're an hour away from me so I had to make friends down here and I got a couple friends down here that I could tell anything to they know the fuck I am one of them is a cop

you know I'm dear friends with Bobby you know he lives in Jackson so I talk to him every other fucking day and this is the extent of it for right now you know I love Joe Ari's a dear dear comedy friend Josh Wolf is a dear friend

Mike is a dear friend You know We watch after for everybody Mike's doing a great job With the videos Mike doesn't call me And say I'm a great friend Look at the job I'm doing with the videos

He just doesn't And is understood that fucking I love him to death You know I watched the latest You know The album of the week It looked fucking great

You didn't do that You did that You love me I love you You know And that's what this is all about You know So don't worry about

to 19 fucking friends. All you need is three motherfuckers. You could start anything. A jiu-jitsu school. I guarantee they took over the fucking White House on January 6th. It started with three motherfuckers. Even though I wouldn't do business with three fucking people, because two of them could turn on you.

So what you do is keep it to a low, be the best friend that you could be. Check up on people. You know, check up on people. People's lives are busy, but I got to tell you something. you know how many times I've been busy and somebody has called me and you're in your busyness

and you know you're having like a situation and one of your dear friends calls you and what's going on how you're doing I'm just checking in with you whatever you're like listen I can't really talk right now I'm getting my fucking feet lit on fire I got to do shit and I hang up the fucking phone

and that night when you look through your phone you're like fuck and light called me in the middle of the day when I was going through shit he was thinking about me enough to call. And most people do that. They'll go, this motherfucker contacted me

when I was going through a bunch of shit. My friend's mother died last week. I was supposed to call her before the week. And I didn't. I know her. I couldn't go to the wake because I was going to Pennsylvania. I wouldn't get back on time.

And then this week, I'm like, I got to call her again. Guess what? I didn't call her. I called her boyfriend, no. And I said, listen, don't say that. I just got caught up. He goes, no.

It's better you didn't call her. because she's going through a ton of shit right now. If you call her this week, she'll be fucking ready for you. And that was fucking tremendous. You always have to check in. Always got to check in with your friends. Let them know you fucking love them. You know, I tell my good friends, I love you.

Not because I fucking hate them, because I love them and I want them to know when they're out there on the road. And they're out there alone. I want them to think of me. You know what I'm saying? That's what I was doing. Whenever I get off the phone with people,

I always tell them the same fucking line. Don't forget about me. It's a line I stole from John Taturo and To Live and Die in LA when he tells Spider-Man nemesis, not Doc Haq, but the other guy. William Defoe. William Defoe played the counterfeiter

on To Live and Die in LA. A great movie to watch this week after the Super Bowl. And when fucking Defoe goes to visit him and John Tatoura, and listen, bro, I didn't know who Nick was, I didn't know who John was, I didn't know nothing.

I just loved John in that movie. He plays a fucking, a guy that sells counterfeit fucking money. But he goes to, he gets arrested at the airport. Anyway, long story short, he's in the jail, in the visitation, and the guy's like, listen, I have an attorney call you, blah, blah, bye, you'll be out of here in two hours. And he goes, yeah, I promise not to come in your mouth and the check is in the mail.

Hey, he knocks in the glass, he goes, don't forget about me. And that's the same thing I'm telling you, motherfuckers. on a beautiful Monday morning Valentine's Day. I hope you have a great day. I hope you enjoyed my little fucking te-tate-slash-ear-beat on a Monday morning. I was getting Zoom people, but you fucking people don't want to see the Zoom people. To be honest, we've got so much Zoom in our life that I want to narrow it down to certain weeks. I'll get a Zoom for you this week.

I finished up the Y. I fucking... I loved it. I fucking loved it. Is it better in the Sopranos? Is it better than the other show that, you know, the one on AMC about the speed dealer? I think it's better than breaking bad. Because I like different elements.

I like different elements of a TV show. I've already seen all the drug shit. The thing that made you love about the Sopranos was that they incorporated their family life. They incorporated all those little elements that you've never seen before on TV. And I think the wide. did that. With the lesbian cop, you know, Mike's was saying he's up to the episode when

she has the baby and she really doesn't want to be involved in the baby's life. Like the baby was a move that was over her head. I got it. I've been there. I understand that. That's a great dynamic to put in there. They put in so many dynamics in there.

The rat, the snitch that works for chema, that smokes crack and shit. You know, he's all away in that show to the end. You know, yeah, you know, they use so many elements to show you a ghetto, but they didn't want to just show you a ghetto. They wanted to show you the little beautiful things about the ghetto, the little ins and house to workings. You know, season three, the teacher gets, the cop gets fired, he becomes a school teacher, all that shit. Or season four, I don't know, I don't remember.

We'll get Dom in here in a couple weeks to talk about it and what happened, even what happened with his character. It's just, I loved how they put it all together. It wasn't a standalone series. It wasn't like law and order that every week is a different episode, which I enjoy also. I love all that shit also. I have nothing against it. But it was a great show, and it's up there with me.

It's up there with the Sopranos for me. I really enjoyed it. I have not watched Sopranos. I know nothing about it. I won't watch Sopranos now for 10 fucking years. I got to tell you something. it has grown to me that the movie I was in The Many Saints was an Academy Award winner.

I feel really bad when they announced the award winners last week. And did they give anything to Alessandro? I don't think that movie won any fucking Oscars. And I thought it was at least getting an Oscar for the music, you know? And it's really weird what happened with that movie. All across the fucking board, it's, you know, I was doing it and before I was doing it and during I was doing it

was fun and I really enjoyed myself but you don't see the other once you shoot a movie you don't really see a lot of this shit to the movie comes out it settles I never even watch it on DVD yet or anything and I gotta tell you something I was happy with everything about it

I'm sorry it didn't do better in the box office I'm sorry it wasn't well received as it should have been but the Sopranos is a tough fan base to please I didn't know that until after the movie. I didn't know that till I went on YouTube one day. I was looking at general shit, and I saw a video,

is Phil Leotardotay, like there was, again, a bunch of smart people watch the Sopranos, and they took into this that everything had a sign to it. There's a thousand videos online that I did not know, and they got hundreds of thousands of hits, and there's people watching these videos, of, you know, they just have so many little wazardi Bucco this.

You know, they just draw them out to the confusion. What really happened to the guy at Pines Barrens? You know, it was just a lot of shit. And if I would have known it was going to be that tough to please, I would have turned the movie down. Listen, the whole time, I wasn't sure about this movie. I had Tom Pop on the podcast, and he talked me into it, and I was like, okay, and then I went in there like a fucking barracuda,

and I was all in and I gave it 100%. And I'm very proud of what I did in this movie. I'm not taking nothing away from that. The longest yard, I was very proud of, but I got a little fucked up at the end of that movie and it didn't end well. With the Sopranos, I was great from A to Z. With Taxi, I was great for me to Z.

There were a lot of movies I did that I was great on. There was one movie that was so bad, I had to leave the shooting one night. And they ended up paying me. Like, I worked till like three, and I told them, guys, You never told me this was a night shoot and I just can't do it no more.

I'm falling to sleep here and they're like, what are you talking about? You're one of the leads. I go, listen. I'll leave my jacket. I'll leave my jacket here and take the chubby camera guy and put them on the floor at the end

and make it's me dead and they're like, that's a great idea. See you later. And I just left. Fucking crazy this shit I did on some movie sets. But we live and we fucking learn. It's Monday. Valentine's Day.

Thank you very much. much for listening. Thank you for supporting me. I love you motherfuckers with all my heart. I have a little gift for you at the end of the week to my podcast people and my Patreon people. You'll be very happy. But until then, tip top my gook-sockers. Have a great day and I'll see you guys Wednesday to 16th, nice and fucking early, ready to rock. And now for a word from my motherfucking sponsor, Jack. All right, you savages. Thank you very much for listening to my ear beating. It's the Monday ear beating with Uncle Joey and don't forget

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Stay black. Have a great day. I'll be back Wednesday, 216, tip top Magoo.