The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #140 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: February 21, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT..... It's Monday, February 16th.... This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by BetterHelp, BlueChew & Lucy.co….. Go to https://www.BlueChew.comPromo Code: JOEY & Try For Free! Just $5 for Shipping! Go to https://www.onnit.com & Enter PROMO CODE: JOEY, JOINT or CHURCH Go to https://www.BetterHelp.com/DIAZ Use PROMO CODE: DIAZ for 10% OFF your 1st Month! Go to https://www.Lucy.co Use PROMO CODE: JOEY for 20% OFF! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

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lucy.coe.co. And be sure to use promo code Joey. J-O-E-Y. Now, without further ado, let's get this party started. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? It's Monday. The 21st of fucking February. Shit is moving quickly on a daily fucking basis, but we're here for another fun-filled

episode of Uncle's fucking Joey's joint. First off, thank you for all the birthday wishes. It was a lot of fun my birthday this year. You know, like when you don't expect something and shit happens, it's a good fucking birthday, you know what I'm saying? It snowed a little bit. I told my wife that my mom used to always take these pictures of me on my birthday every fucking year from the time I was, you know, two years old, walking into the bar. Like when I was two, obviously, she carried me in. And I remember I had those albums. Those albums went from two to 13. The last year I did my birthday party. And the only thing that those albums had in common was that every year on my birthday, there was fucking snow on the ground. And I told my wife this. I go,

every year on my birthday, you could guarantee there's snow on the ground. We woke up Saturday morning, my wife goes, huh? You fucked up. there's no snow on the ground. I go, give it a couple hours. And sure enough, like at 10 o'clock, it was snowing like just, you know, for a couple minutes. It just went away. But they said it was we were going to get hit with something.

I forget what the fuck. A shunk, whatever the fuck it is. I'm not a weatherman. They said they were going to hit us with some fucking hour of snow. So I figured that was it. We went to a, my daughter's friend had a basketball game, so we went over there with a bunch of parents and hung out. When I walked out of the basketball game, it was fucking sunny as fuck, tip top,

my go cold as fuck, but it was still sunny out. I came home, we were going to go out to dinner, we had to drop my daughter off at a party. Let me tell you something. My wife was talking to me about something. I was downstairs, I went upstairs, and I go, what the fuck happened to the sun? And I looked out the back door, and guys, it looked like fucking Colorado out there. It looked like fucking Colorado. Now, I had plans.

we had birthday reservations at a restaurant. I couldn't get any restaurant. I couldn't get any reservations anywhere. And I wanted to go somewhere new. I wanted to fucking branch out to Red Bank or fucking Long Branch or fucking New Brunswick. But every restaurant I called had, you know, I like to eat early, 6 o'clock, 5.30. I'd like to get it out of the way. I don't want to be there at 8 because if you get there at 8, the people who sat down at 6 are in.

enjoying themselves and they don't want to get up now so now you're standing in the restaurant waiting for them so i hate all that shit i hate waiting so i always get the 5 30 to 6 o'clock table i call like 10 fucking places and every place was packed up so me and my wife called i didn't want to go to el nito again i mean they fucking live in el nito you know i haven't been there a month i haven't been there the whole month of january in february it's crazy i haven't been there since december so we picked the austerea they said we'll take you But I told my wife, I go, listen to what we'll do. We'll go to the Osteria.

But if it's a nice day, what are we going to do? The kid wasn't home. She was fucking at a sleepover party up the corner with 10 other lunatic girls. In fact, they were there Sunday to like 4 in the afternoon with the mothers having brunch. Only in fucking New Jersey. I went over there just to bring my wife something. There was 20 fucking parents over there. They had donuts, mimoses, bloody marries.

They fucking live it up in Jersey. I was going to take it right up north Maybe go to Stop at Rudy's or something Maybe get something Cuban You know Whenever we go out to dinner We go out to dinner

Boom and we're home Like fucking old people I like to do something Maybe go for a walk afterward See the New York skyline Once I saw the snow All that shit went out the fucking window I said fuck it

We'll just go to the Astoria And I'm happy I went there The dude The fucking chef Was like listen The specials tonight are like, my God, they got such great fucking food over there. And it's so weird how every restaurant in this area is very good, but different.

That's what I really like about down here, you know? So I got the, I got a nice little fucking salad. What I get for an appetize? I forget now. It wasn't much because I told my wife, listen, I don't have an appetite like I used to know. I could smoke 80 joints and my appetite isn't what I used to. I go, for me to get an appetite, I got to eat a couple of ABXs. And that's what I did.

I inhaled three ABXs, the 200 milligram motherfuckers. This is my birthday, Jack. I'm going to cut it up at least a little bit. I'm close to the house. I go, let me eat three fucking ABXs. So what I opened up with, that's terrible. I can't tell you what I opened up. I opened up with Tuscan salad with no fucking cherry, dried cherries,

and extra tomatoes in that motherfucker. You know my Uncle Joey loves his jersey tomatoes. And then I switched it up. I had the short rib. Fucking tremendous with mashed potatoes. I got to tell you something. The mashed potatoes taste it like fucking heaven. They taste it like fucking heaven.

It just wet in your mouth like snow. You ever have snow and it goes in your mouth and it melts. That's how, oh my God, it was fucking delicious. For the dessert, I had some fruit with some cream. I kept it nice and light. So when I walk, nothing worse than going to dinner and walk. out of it like you're fucking pregnant. You can't shit, you can't fucking breathe,

you're dizzy. Fuck all that. I wanted to keep it light. I ate half the sharp rib, half the mashed potatoes. Guess what else I did last night? Ooh, for my 59th birthday, I had a fucking tequila. I had a margarita and shit. Who's better than Uncle Joey?

I had myself a little jalapeno margarita. My asshole was on fire on the Lord's Day. I couldn't even, every time I thought of the Lord, I thought of my asshole. to please have mercy on my asshole. That jalapeno fucking margarita destroyed me, but it was perfect.

And on the way out, the one kid said, listen, I want to buy a shot for your birthday. I'm a Cuban dude. I said, bring it on, Cocksucker.

So he threw me a shot of lemon jello, whatever the fuck, lemmicello, I don't fucking know. So Uncle Joey was in rare fucking form last night. But hey, it's your birthday. So again,

thank you for all the well wishes. It was great. I had a great time at the house. Listen, What that? Like I told you, motherfuckers. I didn't move back here to go to Studio 54. I just moved back here to have a normal fucking life. I went down to Austin this week. Tremendous. I'll tell you what, though. I'm not going to fly again until they removed the fucking mask.

I got to be honest with you. Through the airport, you're not going to get me to put a mask on. I really don't give a fuck. I think one person said, excuse me, sir, put your mask on, and they winked at me. It was Jersey. They don't enforce shit. I walked right through. nobody said nothing to me you know I got to the fucking plane

I gotta be honest with you guys I understand why people are fucking beating the shit out of each other in the air I get it so if I said any derogatory remarks about you in the last couple months please forgive me you know me the bigger the man

the bigger the fucking mistake let me tell you something those stewardesses on that fucking plane got on my last nerve because they won't stop with the put on the mask now you guys know me I'm not in business to get

off, get banned off of plane. You know, I don't want to fly, but I'm also not looking to not being able to fly. It's a big fucking difference, okay? It's like you may not get in your car for a fucking month, but when you've got a DUI, you can't get in your fucking car for a month.

That sucks. Remember when you can't do something, that's when you all of a sudden want to fucking do it. That's when people be calling you from all over the world for all these exotic jobs, and you're like, well, I can't fly in United because I fucking told the stewardess to go fuck us out.

Guys, you know me, I'm a gentleman. I would never disrespect the student, but a stewardess, I'm sorry, a student. I would never disrespect the stewardess, but Jesus Christ, they didn't say anything to me. I don't give them the ammunition to have to come over to me and say, sir, put on your mask.

This is a warning. I was on a flight where they gave warnings to people for no reason. You know, they tell you, and then here's the first. fucking thing that pissed me off. Okay, we got to wear the mask. I understand that. Now, let's say you get a gin and tonic. Again, I don't drink gin and tonics on a fucking plane, but if I did, I'm sticking up with a gin and tonic guy. They don't give you no cocktale

at takeoff. Now, I'm not an alky, but I feel for you. I'm a fucking pothead. I understand. You know, you get on a plane, I understand how the mind of the drinker works. And I wish I had it. I'm not putting you down or anything. There's nothing. more, there's nothing prettier to my eye. There's nothing that makes me more envious to somebody when they order

a 7 and 7, a Coke, a jack on the rocks or whatever. I do not judge you. I enjoy watching you. Get that drink, put the napkin down. Put it down, look at it, and go, and you could see their whole body just come to a fucking rest.

I envy you. I wish I could do that. I wish I'd come home at night, take off my fucking shoes, and a fucking 7-and-7 would take away all my problems. I wish I fucking, when I was a kid, I grew up on watching people do that shit. So from the age of 14 to fucking 20, I'm like, I can't wait to have a drink with somebody like Sinatra. And just, you know, just hang and talk shit. It looks so fucking appealing to me.

But they can't even do that anymore. I know the people in my area weren't fucking drinking. wait till you're up in the air to drink and then they'll tell you on the loudspeaker 80 fucking times in three hours if i didn't hear it in three hours if i didn't hear it 25 times each plane right i'm fucking lying to you people why you're eating like i ate breakfast on the way out but i didn't eat anything on the way back it just looked like it was the first time the food scared the shit out of me the girl next to me got the chicken with the yellow rice it smelled so bad and it looks so bad.

That's somebody's fucking. A magician is missing a fucking dove somewhere right now. He's got wanted signs. Have you seen my dove? That was a fucking dove that poor lady was eating. It was like a chicken breast on, I don't want no part of it.

I try to keep it simple. I don't eat eggs on a plane. They'll give you a fucking headache. Those powdered eggs, they'll fucking kill you those things. So. They let you eat now, but they keep saying to you,

in between bites, you have to put up. your mask. In between drinks, you have to put up your mask. And they keep saying it to you, while you're reading, remember FAA rules, you got to fucking put on your mask. After the fucking fifth time, guys, you feel like banging your fucking head off the war.

And then she walks around, which is her job. Again, I'm not saying nothing bad about her. It's her job. If that was your job, that's what they're making you do. Listen, go around the cabin and tell people fucking till blood comes out of their eyes that you got to have a mask up in between your sips that is the most fucking ridiculous thing i've ever heard especially when there's what a thousand cases in the hospital in new jersey right now thousand cases that's it it's over and we're mentally over like you could tell people are

fucking over and that's why for months i've been baffled on what is all the fucking drama on these planes the fucking stories is drive you crazy And again, if this was me 15 years ago, I would have fucking snapped on that plan. After the eighth, you got to put your mask up in between meals. I want you to listen to what you just said to me. I want you to think about what you just said to me. So after I take a bite of that fucking rotten chicken you give me, I got to put my fork down while I chew and pick my fucking mask up.

And then when I'm ready, oh, by the way, let's say that dry chicken gets stuck in my throat. Now I got to pull my mask down again and get a fucking water and drink that. And when I put that water down, I got to put that mask up. Now in 10 fucking seconds, I got to pull that mask up to get another bite of the chicken. It's not going to happen. You might as well throw me off the plane right now. I hope you got some fucking parachutes because I'm diving out right now over St. Louis. That's how easy it is.

And I get it. So I'm not flying again. Do they fucking take away the mask thing? That's it. That is it. That mask three hours. And what about the people go from California to L.A.? California, I'm sorry, to California.

to Kennedy Airport. That's six hours and 31 minutes with a fucking mask on sitting like that on a plane waiting to go down because nothing makes you want to fucking kill yourself more than having a mask on on a plane and you're also waiting like you can't wait for this fucking plane to end.

Like as soon as I got on a plane I go how much time don't have on a plane and they actually really tell you like it says we're going to land in fucking 3.30 and they're like this flight is two hours and 21 minutes and you're like where the fuck do I see

3 30 there that that spells me out at 2 30 so what the fuck are you talking about 3 30 in the afternoon they always give you that extra time in place they get stuck on the fucking whatever the fuck you call it tarmac or on the way

and the guy that picked me up the uber dude was telling me he goes hey man I got to be honest you you're very lucky to be in and out of you as fast as you are I go uh he goes usually if You're flying United and land in Newark. It's an hour wait for your luggage.

I was like, well, you know what? We're going to get flying a fucking breather. But it was nice to see Joe. I did the whole fucking flight in one day. So I took the four hours down, three hours of chit-chat with him, and then the four-hour flight back. I don't have to tell you how my back feels from my fucking lower back to my asshole. Everything is fucking sore.

I was fucking sore. I took that plane on Wednesday. Thursday I felt good Friday I was walking around like the fucking tin man from the Wizard of Oz everything was sore my hamstring my fucking knees I mean it was all fucking sore

so I don't I don't recommend flying anybody two flights on one fucking day maybe like if you got to go from San Francisco to Vegas or Burbank to Vegas or something I recommend those flights but fuck anything longer than now

and I did one from California last year. You motherfuckers forget. I took a 6 a.m. got to California 11 and then got back on a plane at 7 o'clock at night. That one was no trip to the fucking that one was horrible. And I was doing my thing back then. I was withdrawing

so my heart wouldn't stop beating. That was fucking God awful. So if you need to fly, think about it. That's all I want to tell you, because that's a fucking rough goddamn mask. But seeing Joe was great. The barbecue

Q and Austin is fucking off the hook. I forget where we went after we did the podcast. I went down there with Mercy's Godfather. It was a hit and run. I got him out of Jersey for the fucking day. He only has Wednesdays off. So I was like, come on, you're coming down with me. And I asked him on the way home, where we're going next Wednesday, Chicago.

I mean, where the fuck we're going? We got to go somewhere. I like that shit. Just going away on Wednesdays for the day, maybe going to Chicago. It's a one-hour flight from Jersey landing, you know, avoid getting stabbed in Chicago. walk around get a hot beef sandwich maybe go swimming with Bobbillinger's and fucking

that's it speaking of Bobbillinger's I want to thank them for sending me the best birthday present I got this year check this out it's an old school 007 knife I don't know if you heard me talk about this motherfucker

many of times this this fucking knife is a like a collector's edition. As ugly and as plain as this looks, you can't see it in here. But in the grip,

it says like Rocco 007 in this grip right here. This knife's got to be 50 years old. 50 fucking years old. This is the knife I bought in the third grade. I used to see this knife

all the time being advertised in magazines and shit. And I was like, enough is enough. I got to stab a motherfucker Now that I'm in the third grade I got to earn my bones So I went to a knife shop And like 150th in Broadway

And I think it was 10 bucks back then 999 I bought the fucking knife And I was ready to stab a motherfucker I'm walking down Broadway With my little one What? What? What? What the fuck are you talking to? Say it again

I'll stab your ass And what you did was you brought this home And you put like you put like DW 40 in here so it could be slippery and then you put DW 40 in it's for like a week you had greasy hands every time you take the knife out of your hands and shit you're like hold down let me pick my knife up from the floor

but then it gets nice it's not a switchblade so you basically got to open it a little bit and go what the fuck are you talking about? Cock sucker you want some of this you ever seen those old movies in New York in the 70s they always had a fucking knife and I wanted a nice saw I actually went I bought it and I was walking around with this motherfucker for a week

I had this motherfucker like that's when I used to go to cat no that's when I used to go up to my godmothers on the weekends I had that holiday week off that April you have that little Easter week or and I went up there and I bought this motherfucker and I told my mom I was staying at my godmother's all week she's like something don't sound right

this motherfucker would come to the bar and torment me not that week. I walked around Harlem, flashing this at motherfuckers. What, bitch? I would go to the movie theaters. What do you mean?

It's PG-13. I'm walking in this motherfucker. And one day, in those days my mom used to do sneak attacks on me, which that means that she would take a cab from 88th Street to fucking 148th Street. And I'd be playing on the street. My buddies throwing rocks,

you know, chasing some fucking bum or whatever. and all of a sudden she'd get out of cab and say, Oh, San Antonio, come here. And I'd have to walk up to my mom and have to wipe my face. And she'd go, look at the fucking shape of you. You're dirty. Your pants are ripped. You look like a fucking, what would she call me?

Matapero. That means you're out killing dogs all day. Get in the fucking house. And she would chase me to my godmother's house and yell at me in front of my godmother. My godmother will go, what the fuck's he doing? He's just playing. He's a little boy.

Let him fucking play and get dirty. He's not the most to be clean in a three-piece fucking suit. And my mom would go, fuck that. And while my godmother was talking to me, I'd be in the shower. And then when I come out, my mother would already be there with a new set of fucking clothes. She'd go around the corner to like one of those fucking boys' clothes things. And she'd get me like a new pair of fucking white shorts, a new t-shirt, brand-new sneakers. And she'd go, you got to put this on, you got to look clean.

I can't have you on this street looking fucking dirty. And I put on this little half-of-fag suit she'd had. like a little sailor shirt and shit. And as soon as she got in that cab, my godmother would look at me and I go, take this fucking sailor shit off me. These kids will beat me up up here for wearing this. This is what you wear on the lower streets

on the Upper West Side. You can't wear this fucking G.I. Joe suit to Harlem. Don't beat you up for fucking sure. I caught a couple fucking beatings up there as a kid. Like three or four fucking beatings just to doing the same weird shit. But once I got that knife, Nobody was fucking with Uncle Joey Jack.

So my mother fucking dropped the fucking bomb on me. I was, so I was cool. I had carpenter pants, and that's why you wore carpenter pants in those days to put the knife on your side pocket and shit, and nobody could tell.

And if somebody fucked with you, then you went for your little double seven, like what, cocksucker? But my mother goes, she was searching my pockets. She's like, how much money you got on you? I don't know, a couple dollars, and all of a sudden she went to hit my pocket,

And she felt that fucking knife dog and it was over. She took that knife out of my pocket. She's like, what the fuck is this? And I'm like, Ma, it's like a science project. She's like, science project my ass. That's a fucking knife. Get the fuck to your godmother's house. And when we got to my godmother's house,

my godmother tried to protect me, but she couldn't defend the knife. He's fucking eight. Why has he got a knife? No. I know he's a boy and he needs a knife to cut twigs and shit, but that's somebody to kill somebody. Either he kills somebody with that knife,

where he's going to fucking fall and cut himself. So my mom fucking took the knife from me. I was pissed. I had saved up money and waited a year to talk myself into going into a store and buying this fucking knife, and she put me in Catholic school. That knife is the reason why I'm a fucking Catholic fucking prude

because this motherfucker got me in so much trouble but I always wanted another one and I never got a chance to do it and by the time I realized what was going on I didn't really want to carry a knife but the other day I opened up a box from Bob Lillings and I see this knife and it took a little it took a little wind out of my sale

like that was the original fucking you know before blow this is my fucking weakness I love knives and stars and shit I would buy the fucking stars and they come unsharpened. Oh, that sucks because your dick was hard.

You're like, I'm ready to go fucking throw a fucking star at somebody. Oh, my God. No, they wouldn't even stick in a wall when I got him. I used to get pissed. So I'd take them to a hardware store. And the guy would have to put them on like a fucking

thing and then fucking sharpener. He would ask you, what are you going to do with this? I don't know. I don't know. I'm going to fucking kill frogs. Just don't throw their human beings as soon as he gave you the three. stars you were out there whipping them at homeless people and bombs and shit what a shame i had such a

shitty fucking childhood it's funny that we brought up action park on rogan the other day and it's funny that he had never seen it we when i got there we were outside talking and i think somebody said it they're like hey man you're from jersey how far were you from action park so i started telling stories of one of rogan's buddies joe heard part of the story and he goes stop it We got to talk about the shit on the podcast. What the fuck? And we forgot what half the shit we were saying about Action Park. If you haven't watched that, you saw it, right, Mike?

When it first came out, I think you're the one that told me about it to watch Action Park. You know, I always said that it bothers me a lot, that my daughter is not going to have the same child that I had. Now, look, I don't want my daughter stealing. I don't want my daughter hitting people on the light bulb, putting people on the head with light bulbs from fucking whatever. There's a thousand things I don't want for my daughter. She's a little girl. You know, last, two nights ago, when we went to eat at the Osteria, her mom came in, and she sat next to us, and she's like, I don't want to embarrass you,

but my son's a big fan, you know, and we started talking. She was very nice, very attractive mom, Italian from Jersey City. And I go, you know, what made you move down here? And she goes, listen. When you're in Jersey City, it's great for kids. It's great. It was great for me to grow up there. She goes, you become hip to the street.

You become very street smart. You see it coming. She goes, when I move my children down here, she goes, I always wanted my children to be street smart. But she goes to street smart today is a little different. So when they were about eight, I moved them down to Central New Jersey. and she goes, yeah, we give up a little bit on a street smart, but it's a better, they grow up better.

They grow up hidden from that street smart shit, but the quality of growing up is better. They're always busy. They don't have to fucking get on a tunnel. They don't have to get on a fucking train to go have fun. You know, growing up up there, you know, the city is a stone's rock for me. So it's very hard for me to tell my son, Mike,

go to the city. You know, after a while, you're going to go, fuck you. There's something over there. And I'm not saying that my daughter's not going to get on a fucking bus and go to the city right from the corner here on Route 9. They got buses that take every 10 minutes into the city and to other parts of Jersey. So don't expect me one day to be pulling my fucking hands out

because my daughter told me she was going to go to a museum and Long Branch and they got into a bus into the city. You know what? Every kid does that. And if I get pissed off at her for that, I'm being a fucking hypocrite because every kid does that you're fucking

you're 35 minutes away from the American metropolis remember if New York catches a cold the rest of the country fucking sneezes it's just that fucking simple and that's the way it's always fucking meant so it's tough to talk a kid

out of going into fucking New York and jumping up and down and getting fucking stabbed to death so this is my thing. This is where I always thought. I always thought that they had those places like Action Park and there was another place I used to go to in Tuxedo, New York. There was the quarry. There was like five or six places that we had in the greater New Jersey, New York area

that you piled in a car when one of your friends became 17 and your father or grandfather gave him that station wagon. They had the family addition. country edition years ago Chrysler Dodge Dodge sold the the minivan but they had a minivan that was called the country whatever package and that's got the

extra seat that's got the air condition in the back you know when we were like when we were kids you had no fucking air in the back so every weekend a kid died in Jersey from being the fucking in the third row seat back there there was no air that poor kids back there yelling help help I can't

can't fucking breathe. There's 10 kids in the car. They don't give a fuck. They're like, what's wrong with your brother? Oh, you can't breathe. Fuck him. We're over here playing tic-tac-toe. Listen to 10-C.

I'm not in love. So don't forget. So if you were in the backseat, every two weeks a kid died. When I was growing up, kids died all the fucking time. Think about it. Oh, my God. Kids died all the fucking time.

You think I'm fucking kidding you. When the first, I can listen, I can lie to you guys and tell you I was going to action park when I was 8 and no I went to action park later when we were kids in the northern New Jersey area our fucking place our go to place was palisade fucking amusement park did you ever get to go to palisade I had the picture here I had it somewhere is that oh yeah yeah palisade amusement park palisade amusement park was on uh was in fort lee cliffside up there and it was by the rocks where picolicemo was and all those restaurants I talk about and it had a pool

that was a real wave pool. All right. If I close my eyes, the only thing I can remember from Palisade Amusement Park is how fucking good that vanilla ice cream cone was. Holy shit.

Holy shit. The vanilla ice cream cone at Palisade Amusement Park was fucking tremendous. Do you understand me? And I remember the wave pool and shit and then that closed.

When I was like six, Palisade Amusement Park closed down. They built condos on. That's the first time we got zapped by fucking politicians as a kid we didn't even know it. When I'm the Palisade Amusement Park, it closed. They're building condos.

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B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P-E-L-P-E-L-L-P-E-E-L-L-S-E. Diaz, that's better help. Go take care of yourself. And now, back to the joint. The only reason why I didn't get mad at those condos is because Jackie Gleason moved in there years later. So whenever you drove by, you go, that's what Palisade Amusement Park used to be.

Those motherfuckers put up condos. Yeah, but Jackie Gleeson lives in those motherfuckers. So you kind of gave me a fucking pass. Jerry goes to Six Flags. And then there was a fucking Six Flags was in Jackson, New Jersey. I didn't really go to Six Flags. till I was maybe 17. I came down here.

But when I was 11, when I didn't live at home those years, when I was like in the 6th grade, and I was scared to be in my house because there were spirits in my house. I lived with a family, the Torres family, the bookmaking family,

I stayed with their youngest son. When I was a kid, see guys, I got hustles coming out of you from all over. You can never say nothing bad about Uncle Joy that he didn't hustle because it was in my fucking blood. When I was in the sixth grade, I had a scam going on that I never even talked about.

I didn't fucking even remember until I moved back to Jersey. The area where I moved into was a big scam area for stolen shit. Englishtown, the fucking, the flea market, and Englishtown where the fucking cars used to race, the fucking go-kart races and all that shit. We grew up on them. But I used to come down here like in the sixth grade, to buy stolen sneakers at the

Englandstown auction. I used to get limousines for the feet with your converse sneakers and Julius Irving sneakers. They're the ones that only come in one fucking cut. They're high sneakers with a star on the side

and the converse fucking whoop. This was the fucking neighbor to come, Englishtown, New Jersey, right by fucking Brooklyn South, the pizza joint where they make the upside down fucking Sicilian.

Tremendous. Right across from there is the Englishtown fucking more. But we started going there but there was another

place down here that we used to fucking go to to I used to come down here with Jose Torres

to McGuire Air Force Base there's an air force space down here and it's next to the town next

to Jackson or it could be Jackson you can correct me on Twitter if you know this but he had a

scam going on in there he would buy cigarettes in and they were untaxed. So you could save like five bucks in the 70s. It's like going to Delaware.

So I started taking orders at my mother's bar. And on Sundays I would go down with him and I would wait for him to go in and do his cigarette shopping. And then I would go, let me borrow your past. Why? Because I want to go in there and buy something. And I would fucking go in there and get 10 cases of cigarettes myself. They didn't give a fuck how old you were.

They didn't ask you for ID. And then I'd get like 15 cases, 10 cases. $5 profit. I make $75 bucks on the fucking Saturday. And he didn't even know it. I get on the, we used to take the bus down. There was like a city bus that took you down to fucking McGuire Air Force Base and back.

And that had to be the sixth grade. Me and Jose Torres on fucking Saturdays. Then me and Frankie Balzano on Sundays came down here and we'll get the fucking sneakers. I've always been a fucking savage like that. But when I moved to North Bergen, every fucking weekend these motherfuckers went somewhere they would either go

to like there was a place in Tuxedo, New York we used to go to and I'll never forget one time I went there and I was fucking

the highest fuck I was hanging out with my boy Lefty Cortina that got to turn me on to weed in the beginning I knew about weed he just made it easier

for me to smoke I went with Lefty to the city We went to cop something and we got really fucking high and I ended up going to this pool in Tuxedo, New York. If anybody remembers the name of that pool,

please send me the message on Twitter or whatever. This place was huge, Mike. Huge. It looked like Action Park. But it was a lot less complicated. It was just a long pool. Not Olympic pool. I like to tell you, it was an Olympic pool.

No. It was just these white dudes who ever built it said just built the biggest pool in the world. and they put diving boards all over it and shit. And, you know, when you get there as a kid, it's great. You go up there with a fucking, the town used to take us up there at first. You know, you take your little towel with the bikini in the middle, and, like, your mom would give you a buck for that orange drinking shit,

and the town will give you, like, a brown bag, county jail lunch. And we would go up there for the day, and that was all great. But then as I started getting older, you start smoking one joint, you start smoking two joints, you start smoking three joints, and then you start going up there jumping in the fucking pool and going nuts up there. And I remember the summer of 79 when I was already done with Action Park

and I had already got my experiences with the quarry and all these other places around New Jersey the famous that you go to on the weekends. I went up to the Succeedo in New York. Like four of us, one in the car. And on the way up, dog, we kept fucking puffing. One joint after the other. Look, look, this is more that I'd ever smoked in my life.

at that time in my life I was one of those like Mike this Saturday we're going to buy a nickel bag and we're going to get seven joints and we'll smoke one of them and we'll save six of them for the Black Sabbath concert and you're like okay that sounds like it who's going to hold the six joints? I don't trust

you Joey well I'll give you three and you give me three and then we're even then you show up in the concert night with three little skinny joints and what the fuck you smoked them I had to but I'll never forget that We went up there and we fucking bought like a nickel bag or something. And we smoked every fucking join in that bag. And then we got up there and it was hot out.

It's humid. It's fucking 90 fucking degrees out, you know. And we started playing like tag and two-hand touch football. We're trying to be fucking cute. We're playing two-hand touch football or whatever. And after the game, guys, I was used to being out. There was no computers in my house. we fucking grew up under the sun

You know, we were tougher fucking kids Than today, but not really And I went to get a soda at the hot dog stand You know, like they have like a little Outdoor stand They have like hamburgers and hot dogs and shit And I walk over there like nothing happened

I got online And you know how they have those bars Where to navigate you now Like when you go to airports They have that shit to make you walk crooked. They already had that in 79 over there. And it was pretty much bars.

You know, like they look like gymnast bars. There were just two bars next to each other. And you walked up and back, you know? So it was no big fucking deal. So I was hanging out on the fucking thing. I've never told anybody this shit. I'm hanging out on this thing waiting to get my soda. There's got to be 20 fucking people in front of me.

And I'll never forget that it starts. Like the sun was right on you. It's four in the afternoon. You're right there. If it was 90 degrees, now it was 95. The sun's burning at you. And I'll never forget that something made me touch the railing. And I remember going, ah, it's fucking hot.

And then I remember the sun kind of hit me a little bit. I heard like birds. And I grabbed onto the railing, no matter how hot it was. And my right side went out. Like, I just fainted in the sun. and I did one of those loop-de-loops on the bar and just landed on my back and Doug, I had fucking people

I had people standing around me you know, I woke up to like 20 people fucking in a circle like looking at me and they're like, sir, are you okay? Hey man, are you okay? Hey, hey, North Bergen because I must have a North Bergen shirt on

I'll never forget them fucking shaking me, shaking me, shaking me, and me like waking up and I'm going, are you all right, sir? I'm like, yeah, yeah, I'm all right. And I went to get up and I went to touch my head and guys, I had a three inch bump coming out of my head

that when I touched that one, and they're like, do you want us to call an ambulance? I'm like, ambulance. Not in a million fucking years. You know, fuck you. And I remember walking, it was expensive, plus I would have to call my mother and tell her why I was in a pool

up in New York State without her fucking permission. I was supposed to be down the corner at the Balzano's house. You know, I was one of those motherfuckers that, yeah, we're going to the corner. Meanwhile, we're 80 miles away, you know, and I knew she was going to come call up for me. It was Sunday. I knew she was probably going to leave to go to the track at two, you know, whatever. So I'll never forget them fucking waking me up and going to Mr. Sir, whatever.

Hey, kid, you fucking, you're okay? And I'm like, yeah, what happened? They're like, I don't know. You passed out. And I'm like, I passed out. And I went to get up. I touched my head and it was like, oh, like I just spun around and landed on my head. Thank God I didn't break my fucking head.

And I remember walking back to my little towel with my friend. And I'm like, what the fuck you been? I'm like, man, I fucking fainted. We got to get out of him. They're like, Jesus Christ, but it is getting hot. But that was like one of the least things that happened to me. But every weekend, we would go to a different place. And like I've said before, no disrespect to anybody.

One of my dear friends, they all went. swimming and he fucking drowned the lake a pack on or the quarry whatever it was got to rest it's all the way dominic i loved him with all my heart i still remember him every sunday and like i said to you i wish i was telling you it was a joke no when i moved here one of the first weeks i moved i moved to jersey august 19th and i moved into this house september 2nd so like september 2nd was maybe a monday or something like that I think September 3rd, I actually took my daughter around the block to Jimmy. Jimmy goes, come over.

The kids are out. It's a nice day. You know, my daughter had never been out of L.A. She had never played in L.A. on the street. And if she did, it was just for two minutes, you know. Now she gets out of the car. I introduce her, you know, Jimmy's son, who I loved at that. And then there's a bunch of other kids playing.

And, you know, she gets introduced. and they're playing with a ball and all this shit, the normal Jersey shit that she's never done. I was really happy in a way. But I remember Jim going, you know, come in, let them play outside. I'm going out there. I was worried.

I kept checking on and checking on and checking. I don't know. You know, this whole new Jersey parent thing is new to me. So finally, they're out there until 6.30 at night. And then the mothers come out and ask the kids to go in for dinner and I went and got a pizza at Carlos, and I brought it to Jimmy's and Luke and we all ate. And I'll never forget that I was ready to take her home.

Luke goes, no, the kids are coming back up the block. It had to be 7 o'clock at night. I had mercy out of the house since 3. Now, in L.A., I would take her out, but for an hour and a half, I would never dis-and-a-mother kept texting me, Joey, where are you? Joey, dinner's setting. I'm like, they're eating dinner here. you know they're playing we'll get home we get home she had school next day and i'll never forget

that it was dark out and i go jimmy i got to get this girl out of here she's not used to this shit and i remember walking up to the street and going where's my daughter and looking in the middle of street first of all jimmy street has no light on it maybe one light for the whole fucking street and it's like a mile deep and it's all downhill i look up and there's everything little boy in that neighborhood on a shopping cart. They're all standing around it. And there's three girls in that shopping cart. One of those girls is my fucking daughter.

And I'm like, oh, no. And the other girl is really cute. And she's got on like a, you know, a girl's dressing. I had no idea. But she had on like Cleopatra shoes. You know, like the boots that you strap up, the sandals. And I'm like, that girl's going to lose her toe. And I'll never forget looking at them going,

mercy, be careful. and them going down the block it was like an episode of Little Rascals when they stole the fucking cart with the mule and they had a boxing glove next to it every time they pulled up at a light they would hit the button with the boxing glove and what was waiting for the bus

would get punched in the face it reminded me of that fucking cart of them going down the hill and they weren't doing them they were doing like 15 miles an hour and they were all screaming and shit and I'm like holy fuck it all comes back to me now

Now this is why I know that kids are so fucked up today. This is why kids are behind the eight ball. It's not that kids don't want to have fun or not that kids aren't athletic or anything like that. It's that they got raised under a different circumstances. Kids today are my daughter who's nine, as much as I've tried to break this, she runs around with a fucking phone at hand. Can she make any phone calls out of that phone? Not even if she wanted to.

unless she's fucking what's a dude who invented Alexander Graham Bell she's not going to figure out how to make a call out of that fucking phone trust me she ain't that fucking smart but she runs around with a phone in that fucking hand

I'm trying to break that habit for them but that's how kids are growing up today when my daughter goes to a restaurant and we have other kids we got to take their phones away and these kids have phones not to dial numbers or anything like that that too young they have phones

to put play games on. My daughter can't live without the fuck. So now she's not allowed to have it the whole week. Only on weekends during the fucking like I told my wife, this has to end with this phone. This is why these kids never get to fucking play or live

like we did. It's not that parents are different. It's not that kids are different. Kids still come out of a fucking snatch. Like any other fucking kid. Kids are born. It's not you can fucking, what's that shit when you mimic? When you I don't know. There's a clone kids and shit now.

Kids are the same that they've always been. We just don't push them to do what we did as kids because maybe we're fucking scared or whatever. But I'll never forget her going down that fucking hill and me going, holy shit, I just got it. When I was a kid, I didn't go out to fucking play. Like, we didn't go out to play marbles. We didn't go out to fucking, you know, yeah,

we played like hot peas and butter. Go get your mother and buck buck and shit like that. Yeah, they were little games. we played, but we didn't play for that. We played for keeps. We didn't go out to play and jump up and down and scare each other. We went out to die. I never thought about that till that fucking night.

That's the difference between the kids today and the kids 30, 40 years ago when I was out there. The kids I hung out with, we went out there to fucking die. I've told you stories of us fucking robbing trains. I've told you stories of us getting chased by Chinese people. Willie Yang's Chinese Palace and Willie Yu's Chinese Palace and the Wing Phone. These are all dangerous fucking things.

I told you. How about us fucking robbing the Chinese delivery dude and fucking delivering the Chinese food? This is shit you get shot for. But we didn't give a fuck. We didn't go out to be conservative and not to hurt somebody's feelings. It wasn't that we were bad kids.

The focuses underlined the word kids. what a kid's supposed to do? They're supposed to have fun. They're not supposed to know about the problems of the world. They're not supposed to know about fucking politics. They're not supposed to know about anything. When I was eight, I didn't know about anything, and I didn't want to know about anything.

I knew about, like, you know, dumb shit. I had heard of Watergate. I knew the president was fucking Nixon. But it's not like I was at the basketball courts with kids going, what do you think of our political system? Fuck you! We were chasing Mr. Martini. We were killing rats.

We were running down a fucking, you know, Riverside Drive and fucking, you know, getting into trouble. And that's what kids do. I can't get mad at my daughter. You want me to get mad at my daughter? What kind of fucking dad would I be? What kind of, what kind of, I hate being a hypocrite. One thing about me is I fucking hate being hypocritical. And trust me, at times I find myself there with little things, not things that matter.

You know, the person you were 20 years ago isn't the person you were. today. The person you were 40 years ago isn't the person you are today. So you're going to find yourself in hypocritical situations. But as a dad, I got to be honest to you, she's fucking nine. What do you want to do? The teacher to be a fucking nun now? No, I'm in business for her to have a great time. That's why I got on that plane. That's why I moved my family from one coast to another. What she's doing, what she did yesterday, Sunday, she wouldn't be doing that in California. A fucking fucking sleephole with 10 kids, 10 girls, with 10 fucking girls. And then to make things fucking worse on Sunday morning, like, we had to sleep over.

Yeah, we got breakfast for them. And we had a couple things, but we didn't have no fucking party for the adults. When I went over there on Sunday just to drop it on them and say hello, there was all the kids we hang out with, like the little boys that we go to their games, they were there. Their parents were there. They were eating They were happy You know I didn't have

Had that in L.A. And if we had that It's because the celebrity Was gonna be there Don't miss Sunday Lawrence Fishburn will be there Who the fuck Who the fuck?

Who gives the fuck If Lauren's Fishburn Oh be there That's the whole thing about L.A. Nobody could just have a party Everybody had to have a party And your lure Was for me to have

Somebody famous there So you could come And bring your fucking stupid script Or show them your fucking stupid picture Tell them your stupid fucking story and you know it's not going to work out for you that isn't the case here we hang out with other people because we fucking dig them there's nobody that's going to be there that

could change your fucking life that's bullshit so the life she's living here is for and that's what I told you people kids didn't go out to fucking play now they do these kids to and listen I used to call them half of fruitcakes and shit it's not their fault it's guys like my fault I want my daughter to play. Do you think I want my daughter robbing trains? Do you really think that? Do you think I want my daughter knocking on doors and telling people she's selling stickers for the CYO meanwhile she's pocketing the money? You don't need that in your life. Yes, it would be kind of cute but I don't need that from my

fucking daughter. I don't. I don't even think it's cute. It's something we did that we sold CYO stickers that were fucking hot and all that shit. Listen, I had a fabulous time. and, you know, I would want all that shit for my daughter without the criminal element. And there you go, Joey, you're being hypocritical. Yes, I am. I don't want my daughter to end up in prison like I did. I don't want my daughter to even have those type of fucking thoughts.

I wanted to have individual thoughts. So when I made that statement, it's a fucking funny joke. But here's the funny thing about that joke. I'm not lying. we didn't go up to you know I still remember that kid Valentin Farrow building a ramp on my fucking block going downhill

that I remember having to pull him aside and go Valentin, you're not doing this on this block because you're going to fucking end up with a broken neck and I'm looking at me going I don't give a fuck I'm doing this he was one of those dudes Valentin Farrow was the kid I used to always

give my bicycles too and he'd fucking crash and fall I swear to God man That's the first dude. Say what the fuck you want. My good friend, John Salami, is a big Bia mexa out of... John Salami is a big Bia mexa out of New Jersey. Out of this area right here, Old Bridge.

He loves this. When I thought him I was in this area, he was going nuts. I got to be honest to you. I think Valentin Farrow in the 70s was one of the first kids that I saw this motherfucker build one of those ramps like the Hot Wheels that you actually jump. off and then landed on another one and that's what everybody did

and that's fine. I think I even did it a couple times and scared the fuck out of me it wasn't for me when you land like everything turns around and shit and you got to like balance yourself. That ain't for Uncle Joey I was never fucking I was never one of those dude that's going to walk a tightrope but

Fernie also I also saw Fernie not Fernie Valentin Pharaoh God I hope he's doing well. He's a dentist.

But I also saw Valentin build a ramp one time that was for him to spin around and he didn't do it on the street. We went up to the soccer field because I still remember him dragging it up the fucking woods and me going, bro, what the fuck are you doing? You're fucking nuts. Him dragging like this, he would build it in front of his house.

Him and this kid gave Michael Clemens that had fleas when we were kids. Nice kid, but he had bea-hoss. and Michael Clemens is also one of those bicycle Dead Devil nerds I saw the both of these motherfuckers go up there and build one of those things that they wanted to flip the bicycle over

and they did it on the soccer field so they wouldn't get hurt thank God for that but I think they did it twice and they were like now we don't know how to do this you had to go to like the professional park like down here where it was a little bigger for BMX riding where they looped the looped and shit but all those motherfuckers were scared

as far growing up and even like I was never a dead devil I didn't need to be a dead devil I was I was a walking dead devil I still remember being in the seventh grade and walking up to Carvel on 38th Street on Bergen line Avenue it used to be next to the bottom of the barrel this mafia restaurant and it used to be below this ikeido school was called no kung fu school and I still remember walking up there being like a dumb kid like in the fucking seventh grade the first time because you guys know I got left back in the second grade so it's second grade I got a lot of chapters in my life I got second grade third grade no seventh grade first time second grade second time and I got before the kidnapping and after the kidnapping so when you see those and you hear

those words always keep that in mind that that's what's going on with uncle Joey but what we're talking about I don't even fucking know anymore. Who gives a fuck? What we're talking? So, yeah, like when I was in the seventh and eighth grade, I was part of that little Dead Devil crew for a while, but then it wasn't for me. I'm good at jumping into pools and shit.

I would jump off like a... Diving boards? Yeah, oh, yeah, I was the king of the diving board. But I'm also into jumping off. I could do one of those things from almost famous, where he calls himself a guard, a golden god, and he jumps off the roof into the pool. I did that all the time because we used to go to Lake of Pacan,

and we used to go to somewhere else, the quarry. The quarry had that where you could jump. And I got to tell you guys something that I think in the eighth grade, there was one Sunday when we went somewhere, and I took a hit of acid with this dude Vinnie Lynch that was older than me. And I was drinking Heinikins and shit. I went home and I was so fucking drunk that I puked on myself. But when I walked up, there was a piece of gum.

And I always talk about the story. I had a great A-track player at the time. And I had Dark Side of the Moon on A-track. But I'm not trying to make this seem weird. My friend Dominic died. And I heard about it. You know, he drowned on a Sunday. And when he drowned, I stopped.

I still remember him going to there and asking me if I wanted to go. And at that time, my mom had already died. It was the summer of 1980. I wasn't living in my house, but I still lived in the neighborhood around the corner, and I would still see those guys. Those guys were still my friends. I was a little bit more spread out when my mother died.

I would go uptown and stuff, but I still hung out with those guys. And one of the reasons why I didn't go with him that day was because I always knew. I went to one of those little Sunday parties at the quarry. We had to get in the car and get cases of beer and drive out there. And then people get fucked up and people go swimming or some guy would climb a war. It was always something dead devilish.

And I remember after one of those trips, I was like, you know what? I'm not going on these anymore. Because something's going to happen. Like somebody's going to fall. I never thought of death. I would love to tell you that I know. knew somebody was going to die. No, I just knew that there was too many of us, you know,

it would be 16, 17 kids, couple girls. And we would play buck buck, we would play shit like that. But, you know, the diving and stuff and jumping and all that, when you add alcohol to it and you add fucking drugs to it, something's going to happen. Like somebody's going to slip and fall or something. So I never thought it would be one of my close friends. So when they came back that Sunday and told me he drowned

and they had to look for the body all night, I was like, that's the last time. That was when I ended my fucking games of going off to die. Because now I knew it was fucking possible. You know, I didn't say this joke as a fucking joke. I meant this as real. When I was growing up, the level of play, I mean, guys, I almost died twice.

The night that New Jersey won the state championship, I took a hit a really strong acid that I should have never taken. And I was walking the streets one night, and dog, till this day, I remember a fucking car coming at me. And I was so high on the acid that I just was like, look at the fucking car coming at me. And he must have been drinking or whatever, because he didn't slow down.

If it wasn't for a friend of mine pushing me out of the way, We wouldn't be having this fucking podcast right now. You know, I remember, like, stupid things. I looked at myself and go, wow. One night I went over to Joe Lucci's house. It was his birthday this week. My birthday is the 19th. His is like the 14th or the 15th.

I sent him a Merry Christmas. Happy birthday on Facebook. But Joe Lucci, I went to his party once. We were going to go to a fucking concert. And I started eating Kualoolew and doing bumps and drinking. It wasn't even. sun was still out. And I remember that.

I remember waking up Sunday morning, having puke all over me. And everybody around me was passed out. I remember sitting there for an hour thinking, what the fuck happened last night? And I couldn't fucking remember what the fuck happened. And I remember just getting up and sneaking out of there and getting home. That's when I was staying with the benders. And somebody calling me saying, are you okay?

Fuck, we thought you died last night. We thought you OD'd. You know, I don't remember anything. They told me my fucking eyes were pinned in the back of my fucking head and that had no color to me

and that fucking, you know, it didn't look good for a minute. But that was the Joe Lucci crew. If you passed out of something, you were on your own. You know what I'm saying? It wasn't like they were going to put out tiles on you. It wasn't one of these comforting houses, you know?

So I was doing some Coke. I was eating some quail-luse and I was drinking and I went into like I just fucking passed out guys and I woke up and I remember that when I woke up that time and then people told me the next day what had happened and then when I went to high school that Monday a couple people pulled me aside and say hey man we were concerned about and that was possibly when I realized how unhappy I was with my life like I was trying to kill myself for my mother's debt I was doing it. I was doing it it, but I didn't really want to do it type deal. And that scared me.

And I said, fuck it from now. I'm going to have a little bit more control. I'll only eat two quailudes instead of four from now on. And we're still fucking here. But it's amazing how a kid's life has changed. And when I talk about a kid's life, I talk about it all over the country, but I talk about it here. You know, when I used to travel to different cities every weekend, that's the one thing I would do is,

you know, drive around. and go, wow, maybe this town has a neighborhood where kids are playing. No, it's not a thing anymore. Very seldom do you have, even here, around the corner, like I said, Jim's son, he's out there a couple days a week. Maybe one day all the kids come out, but it's not how it was when I was growing up. And even over here, I have the neighbors across the street, I got the neighbors around the corner. The kids come out and all of them meet, but it's like a very weird thing. Three of them or four of them will get together.

But we really have two, three, five, seven, eight kids, part of this fucking little development where I live. And if three of them or four of them get together, it's a lot. Every once in a while, all eight of them around there. Actually, there's two other kids too, so that counts fucking ten. And again, I don't want my daughter to go out and die in New Jersey. You know, I'm already scared of her going down the shore. You know, Mike, I don't have to tell these people how bad the fucking that shore is down there.

With the under toes and the undercurrent, people always fucking die down the shore. Holy shit. Today this podcast is about dying. No, it ain't. It's about fucking just the dangers of what it is to be young and want to have fun, man. You know, sometimes things are going to go awry. I look at my life sometimes. I'm like, fuck, I'm surprised more people didn't die.

with the shit we were doing, whether it was the drugs, the pills, the jumping off buildings, they're hitting each other with light bulbs, the fucking quailudes. I mean, I'm very thankful, you know, like when I see what happened with Kate last year. You know how many fucking times that could have happened to me? I'm in Houston, Texas, doing a weekend as a feature act, and I go to a party after fucking whatever,

and somebody just dies and you're at the party, now you've got to give a fucking statement to the kind. Now they call the comedy club. The agent wants to talk to you about it. You have no fucking idea how much murder I got away with from how lucky I was that a lot of things could have happened. I'm lucky they didn't. So analyze your life.

Yeah, we had a good time growing up. We jumped out windows. We robbed trains. But how fucking lucky are we really? How fucking lucky? You know, one of the things I do every morning and it's crazy that I've been doing it for a while, You guys, remember when I started,

by the time we had Catherine Narduchian, it's something that Ari told me to start doing it. Go in the shower and say five things you're grateful for every day, you know. And then I did one better. When I get up in the mornings and I grab that cup of coffee before anything fucking comes into my head, I go outside as cold as it is, I don't give a fuck how cold it is. I go outside at 8 in the morning,

and I sit on my chair outside and get, a little fucking cold air in my lungs. It's good for your immune system. And I try to make eye contact with the sun. I mean, I try to look at the sun. I thank God for give me another day to be a bad motherfucker. And I just, I do five things I'm grateful for. I'm grateful for Mike being in my life.

I'm grateful for my daughter. I'm grateful to God for the house he gave me. I just remind myself five things every morning. And how fucking weird is it? When I got the whoop watch, the whoop act, when you sleep at night you're supposed to press a button and tell the watch that you're going to that's your activity is sleep

but when you wake up the next morning as soon as I pee in the morning I brush my teeth I come out I stop that timer and then I go get coffee I sit outside when I finish with all that I come downstairs I plug my phone in and before that application for tomorrow could go process to sleep

every morning, whoop asks you a couple questions. They ask you, you know, did you use your sleep apnea mask? Did you use, did you sleep with a humidifier? Did you have sex last night?

Did you sleep with somebody on the bed? Did you have a cat or an animal in the room when you slept with? Do you think about this shit? I've always loved sleeping in my room with an animal. I always think that you pet them, whether it's a dog or a cat, they sleep next to you in it, helps you go to sleep a lot of easy and it just stops your fucking day and ask you if you

used a CBD product and asked you if you stretched and asked you if you were grateful and asked you a couple fucking really cool questions but the questions that I really couldn't believe it asked me was did you practice being grateful today so it kind of like you have to I don't write down what I'm grateful for I already say it to the universe every morning they ask you, you know, and I just read, I did write that I'm grateful. They ask you like 12 or 15 questions. If you write yes, you have to explain yourself, so be careful what you're right yes for. But I like all that shit.

I like it that it's actually psychologically good to do that, to say every morning what you're grateful for. Even if you're in jail, even if you're missing an eye, who gives a fuck, there's got to be something you're fucking grateful for. even when I was in my darkest fucking times, there was always something I was grateful for. So this week, you know, think about going out to play and dying, but the most important thing I want you to think about this week is what you're grateful for every day because it makes a big difference in your life. I thought Ari was playing tricks on me and fucking the geniuses at Whoop fucking do it.

So the geniuses at Whoop and do it, that means we got to fucking do it. Anyway, that's today's motherfucking podcast on a beautiful, Monday morning. I got my little Bob Lillinger's double all seven night and I'm ready to fucking go. I love you, cocksuckers. Thank you very much

for listening every Monday morning and getting in fucking tune with the world and thank you for always having my motherfucking back. You know, I love you coxuckers with all my heart. It's going to be a great week and it's up to you to decide what hand you're going to sling dick with. Me?

I'm using both motherfucking hands to sling with this week. I love you. Have a great week. And I'll see you guys Monday to 23rd. Tip Top McGoo. I think it's Julius Irving's birthday.

I love you. Coxucker. Stay black. All right, you fucking savages. I want to thank you guys for watching the podcast or listening or whatever you do. And I want to thank you guys

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Wednesday to 23rd. Tip Top Magoo. Stay black.