The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #141 | LEE SYATT | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: February 23, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT..... It's Wednesday, February 23rd.... Today we catch up with our pal, LEE SYATT! https://twitter.com/leesyatt https://instagram.com/leesyatt This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by CBD Lion, Liquid I.V. & Express VPN….. Go to https://www.cbdlion.com Use Promo Code: JOEY For 20% OFF Your Order!l Go to https://www.Liquid-IV.com Use JOEY at checkout for 25% OFF! Go to https://www.ExpressVPN.com/JOEY Get an extra 3 months on a 1 Year Package! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #LeeSyatt The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

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That's ExpressVPN.com slash Joey. Again, expressvpn.com slash Joey to learn more. And now, without further ado, the joint is coming at you. Tip Top McGoo. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? Welcome to the joint Wednesday, the 23rd of motherfucker in February. It's been a great week so far yesterday. fucking Monday, it was like 60 fucking degrees.

Yesterday it was like 60 degrees. It rained. So it's fucking springtime in New Jersey. But don't get your fucking, don't put your winter jackets away yet, cucksuckers. But anyway, I'm good. It's been a great fucking week so far. A lot of you's watched that.

I know a lot of you saw the video that fucking Lee posted on Saturday for my birthday. Great job, great video. I got to tell you something. That video even shot. the fuck out of me. It really did. Lee looked like a million fucking bucks. I have not seen him since we left LA. I'm gonna see him in three weeks. I'm really fucking excited to see him. We're gonna get together on a Sunday. Mike's gonna come up. We'll get some Chinese food. He'll come in like Friday night. I'll do something with him Saturday. You know, he doesn't want to do much, Lee. But it's amazing how one, I miss him. And number two,

I'm really fucking proud of them. And guys, I always knew it. You know, I tell you guys a big fucking lie. I go, listen, when I got into comedy, I didn't want to be on TV or any of that stuff. I didn't. But I got to tell you something. The only thing that made me stay there was my belief.

I had a fucking strange belief that something could happen if I told my story. And it did. I was correct. But at the same time, I had a weird feeling about Lee. I knew Lee was going to do great things. It was just to get out of that fucking, we were just caught in a fucking continuing hole. And it was brought on by ourselves.

Now that I think about it, I see, you know, what we put into the church. But listen, what I put into the church and what I put into the joint is two different energies. The church, we didn't know what we were going with. We didn't know what we wanted to do. And it became bigger than we knew what to do with it. Like I think now how big numbers were compared to the show now.

And like, listen, I'm not upset by it at all. We all have to evolve. People move on, you know. Howard Stern wasn't going to be the king of the airways forever. That proved, you know, now it's Joe Rogan. You know, he's the king of the fucking airways. But I always understood the evolution of it. But I knew I wasn't giving up.

I knew I wasn't stopping. I'll tell you one thing now. Now I feel that whatever we were going through, the last two years is over with. So now it's time to fucking go for it. You know, we've all been pretty, we've accepted things the last two years and nobody has accepted things more than I have.

And guess what? I don't like what I accepted. I really don't. I accepted a lot of mediocrity. And it was the best I could do at the time. And, you know, my 50% is better than some people's 100%. But my mind wasn't right. And all that's behind us now.

So now I'm on a fucking mission to be as good as I could be. You know, I don't know what the future is going to bring. I don't know. But I do know I'm happy. I do know that I'm enjoying my time here. I know that there's a lot going on in the world. And I don't give a fuck about it no more. Like it's just I'm concerned with you guys, my Patreon, my house, my wife, my kids.

And that's it. That's it. Mike, his family. The people that are close to me. You know, you can't help everybody. I'm not in a big forum anymore like I used to be in California. I'm in fucking New Jersey, a little fucking hellhole. And guess what?

I'm enjoying it. So this week, after I saw that video for Lee, I just said, you know what, man? It was funny how many people said happy birthday to me, and I appreciate all the well-wishes and the happy birthdays. But I got to tell you something. I got just as many messages for my birthday as I did about Lee. people were like we cannot believe how good he looks we cannot believe the twinkle in his eye is back you know and i lost my twinkle in my eye too i saw some of those old church videos and yeah we were

having fun and we were laughing but i tell you what the twinkle in my eye was gone i was burnt out and it's okay to be burnt out and the hard thing about being burnt out is acknowledging it acknowledging it as everything. You never really know when you're in it, you know. But all that's behind us now. You know, I'm happy that you guys are still on board, watching us. Some people have moved on.

I wish them all well. But we're making a fucking strong comeback here. You know, and hopefully in a while we get a fucking, like I stopped looking like during the pandemic, but now I'm back on it. I'm really interested in a small studio. We could fucking smoke up and yell and scream

and tell people to suck my cock and have people banging on the door. Stop smoking weed. I miss all that shit. That I do miss. And we'll figure it out. But for right now, man, I got you. We had a bust out of Zoom this week.

I know you guys aren't big on the Zooms. But I had a bust one out. And we're going to bust one out the next couple podcasts because Uncle Joey can't do all this fucking talking on himself. I can't. Until we get something going here, I just can't. But today I bring you the beauty of

Mr. Lee Syatt. Enjoy, Cocksuckers. What's up, you bad motherfucker? Look at you. How's it going, buddy? You deteriorating the nothing and shit. You think you're funny with that fucking video. The hummus got you, huh? Oh, it was too much. You're not supposed to eat a spoonful of hummus.

It doesn't make the medicine go down. That fucking spicy hummus tastes like a Hindu's fucking toes. After he fucking runs two miles in fucking India with the COVID invest. With the fucking COVID egg, God knows what else. Hummus. When was the last time you ate hummus before that?

Too long, almost like a little bit every once in a while. And the flies stop attacking you? You see that? You have no flies around you anymore? They were trying to say there was a fly on your neck. But I was like, these motherfuckers. I think it was, I think it must have been you. There haven't been a fly since I left L.A.

I'm clean. It's the hummus, like I told you. When you eat hummus, it comes out of your fucking paws of shit. what do flies like the most shit oh you ever see a piece of shit take a piece of shit how long for the fly lands on it fucking two seconds and then he whistles for his fucking friends and his family and they all attack that piece of shit

till they get down to the fucking granola bit I forgot you used to like have flies as pets and like do science experiments on flies now flies don't even come around me because you're not around see they knew I was related to you by fucking proxy even though you didn't suck my dick and I didn't suck yours but they fucking I can't even catch I don't even see a fucking fly no more I was thinking about that I found the can the other day my little fly paradise you took that home you took that from to New Jersey you brought that I worked hard on that little fucking fly getaway and shit that's my little fly getaway I had a pond in there some T8C deposits and shit I had a fucking room where they could just hang themselves like a little rope and shit like just it got to my much the TAC got too much. Oh, my God, that's so crazy.

What are you down now, Tarzan? 144. Jesus Christ. And what are you going for? I want to get down to 150, so that's another 40 pounds. And how much walking are you still doing? Four times a week. I do about at least three miles.

No shit. How long does it take you? Right now, 45 minutes to an hour. It's really not that bad. Like, I do it on the walk. with my Patreon. We just talk and it's I actually like walking now. I'm never going to be a hiker or like a huge

working working out person, but a little walk it clears my mind. It's fun. That's why I like the city more. I like being able to like oh, I'm going to go walk to the store now. In LA, you're walking and looking at dirt and homeless people. It's boring. It's funny because you used to always say that the reason why you put on so much weight in LA was

beside the edibles, the weed, the hummus, the fucking, you know, the cheese covered fries and shit. What really got you was the not walking. And I just came on a couple months, you know, I went back to Jiu-Jitsu and I noticed that my

cardio was shit again. And you know, you lift weights, you do kettlebells, you try to do everything you can. I don't even know what cardio is. And then I started reading. When I joined Jiu-Jitsu, and then I got the COVID, I started reading those days that I had the COVID. And ever since, I don't know, the last week of December,

I've been walking on a treadmill. And it's so weird, you find out a lot about yourself because I never looked at walking as anything big. I did it for fucking years in New York, walked from Port Authority to 150. That's 40 fucking blocks. Right, that's a long fucking. That's a long, and I used to do that all the time.

I was a big time walker. but I realized when I started walking again and Lee, do you have a whoop watch? I don't. I don't. You gotta get a fucking whoop watch. Okay. Whatever it is a month,

30 bucks a month, whatever. I got to tell you, man, I'm learning more about myself every fucking day. And every day it's a challenge. Like,

you have to beat the record from yesterday. And that's the one that tracks your workout, your sleep, it tracks everything? It tracks your workout, your sleep, which your sleep is important. You know,

it works on your fucking vitals, your oxygen. your heart rate, you know, for me, being a fucking old goat, I like it, and it works. I've never thought that when I got it, it was a friend referred it to me at Jiu-Jitsu, and I gotta tell you, man, you learn a lot. Like, I think I'm working out hard, but you ain't doing it yet.

Right. And then you go home and put the watch on, and you're like, fuck, 4.4. What the fuck? And they'll tell you, you went to lift, but you did more cardio-based stuff. So get back to lifting, you know. And it's just really, I like to sleep on it.

Like now I'm learning to fucking go to bed early. I keep my, because they'll tell you, go to bed at 11, 13, and wake up at 7.48. He'll tell you. Right. He'll tell you what you need, what your body needs, water. It's fucking pretty intense. But, man, I almost got as much as, I swear to God, Lee. And this is why I called you yesterday.

I said, I got as many happy birthdays as I got. Did you see Lee? My Facebook had about 20 messages and 10 of them were really happy for Lee. You know, and now I heard you got a podcast with the girlfriend. It's funny. Oh, yeah, we just did. We did an episode about going to Philly to eat.

But I appreciate it, man. You were always in a nice way on me about working out eating right. And I wish I had an answer to this, but I honestly feel like every person just has to be there. because I just wasn't I just wasn't ready I guess because it's just I've been on it for 14 months and I'm not doing really anything that special

I honestly the walking is the working out I do I threw my back out doing kettle bells and I don't do that anymore and I have regular meals it's just I got this is the lightest I've been probably since high school and I'm just, I like it. I'm down to a 36 now.

I was over 50 inch waste when I left L.A. I was at, I stopped at a Walmart in Arkansas or wherever the head of Walmart is. And I had to buy the biggest jeans they had and they barely fit. And now I'm down to a 36. And like even Steve Simone and Jimmy Schubert, they took me walking when we were still in L.A. during COVID. We went walking a couple times a week.

I had to sit down on the street. I hated it. just little changes man i mean look at you i did like i told you yesterday i just watched the soprano's movie you were so much bigger back then you you lost a ton of weight too i bet you know it looks like i lost weight but it's deceiving i'm putting on weight as we fucking speak i've gained like 10 pounds since the covid is it muscle do you think i don't have a muscle in my fucking body i'm an old fucking geezer but i don't know what it is you know i've i've been eating the edibles again and some of them like the all the delta aides have that sugar on them and shit sugar

is my fucking enemy i mean sure is everybody's enemy between the inflammation and the weight i could eat 22 fucking pork chops and not gain as much weight as if i eat one fucking donut that's what's fuck me over it's ridiculous like the sugar levels and i avoid it as much as you can but let's face it everything's got sugar in it you avoid going out to eat a lot but you still got to break down and go out to eat sometimes. When you go out to eat, you got to look at the menu and say, you know, I look at my meat intake a lot. I really take a look at my meat intake, you know, and we all, as young men, people watch

this podcast, we're all fucking big-time meat eaters. You know what? I'm going to tell you something. I fucking couldn't imagine a life without a fucking steak. You know, I love steak. Everybody loves steak. But for me, I eat any meat after like 6 o'clock at night. It's a fucking nightmare for me.

What happens? Who eats a steak at tent lunchtime, you know? I don't know. It's just, I got to watch my meat intake. And you'll see guys, you know, I went to a friend of mine, I don't mean to insult him. Heavy set dude, great guy, one of my best friends in Jersey, keep sending me to, and this is,

I want to tell people this. He sent me to the Marlboro Diner for the hash brown skillet. How good does that sound? a hash brown fucking skillet sounds like eggs on top and stuff eggs and bacon talk it's got eggs hash browns till you can't eat them no more and it's ham bacon and what's the other breakfast thing people eat sausage sausage ham breakfast sausage they put the three eggs on top and then they cover it all with fucking cheese now if we're talking we're smoking dope and we're talking it's it's a great thing. Wow, you could get that. You know,

there's a bagel place, bagel world on the 520. I fucking loved them. That whole mall is gold. They got Plyer bowl, which is like coconut milk instead of an assaye bowl on the bottom with granola and shit. They got red tomato pie.

The tomato pizza over there that's delicious. They got a chicken place that's delicious, but the place I like the most over there, they got a 7th C's Chinese restaurant that's fucking tremendous. But Bagel World has a sandwich. Lee, you can't even fucking finish it.

It's got two eggs, cheese, a hash brown, sausage, bacon, ham, and something else for the fucking Jews, you know, and it's like this. So I looked at it, and I asked the guy, go, you sell a lot of these? He goes, dog, a ton of them. And I didn't even get the words out of my mouth. A woman ordered two of them. And then she was eating one of them. Like, she was fucking, she wasn't even chubby or nothing.

She was just a regular woman, a workout chick, but she ate the whole fucking thing, you know. And when you look at those dishes, when you're 22, 28, 31, when you smoke dope, those dishes are really attractive. But I went down there and I ate that thing and I had fucking diarrhea. And it was good, but it's a fat man dish. It was so good, it overwhelmed me. Like the meat was good, the ham was good, everything was good.

I only ate half of it. But it was so overwhelming. I had to run home and fucking, My asshole blew up. I heard noises and bones sitting in the fucking toilet. I would have destroyed the fucking my tushy. But it was so weird how I made, I go, it was good. It was really good.

If you're 22, 31, you know, 29, and you hung over, you got your dick sucks. He sucked all to come out of your dick. You need some food. But it wasn't for me at 58. Like, it just wasn't for me. I have you in my head, man, because, like, I got to be honest, the last month or so, I've been sort of going back and forth. I fucked up in December.

I took like Christmas off and I gained like, I gained 14 pounds and 14 days. And I lost it all. I got back on the thing. But it's, I have you in my head. We're in L.A. when I used to eat that shit,

you used to tell me like, hey, man, if you're going to eat Chinese, wait until you go back to Boston. If you're going to go eat this, like make, have it be worth it. I would be worth it.

And it, that's the way, because like, like even with steak like you're just talking about steak i had steak the other night but i can have i know you have chicken breast with with weight watchers a chicken breast is a few a couple hundred few hundred calories a steak the same size is almost a thousand calories it's like is it really yeah i like a steak but is it really worth it should i and that's why i know you you give me shit about the ground turkey i have i'm i want to lose this last 40 pounds and then see what i can do

Because that's going to, I've never been able to keep it off. Lee, you lose 40-month-ponage and a fucking AIDS-slash cancer victim. You know, without the hair. All you need to do is shave your eyebrows and people be giving you free meals and bells and whistles and fucking, you can run in a race and shit. I'll take a trip to Disney World. I don't care. Drop 20 and see how you feel. Drop 20 more and see how you feel.

Because you get too fucking skinny. Yeah, I'm 190 right now. I haven't been, I haven't been under 200 in a long goddamn time. Since you were a baby. Yeah, pretty much. Pretty much. I was in a diaper at 190. It's like the honeymoon is when Ralph goes,

Norton. Did you send any pictures of me when I weighed 300 pounds? And he goes, no, I never did see any of your baby pictures. Oh. That's a great fucking joke. Yeah, no, it was true, dude. I was huge at the end. I just couldn't between, I just couldn't stop.

And I still have it in me. Like, I saw in December when I took that break, I have to really be strict with myself because I can't, if I have a cheat day or let myself go off the tracks I, I fuck, I still have it. I can still eat like I used to eat. Listen, we're fucking human, man.

We're humanly. And I gotta be honest with you so you don't feel too bad about yourself. Fucking, I was great last year. I really was. I did as good as a job as I could. I watched my weight. I watched what I ate.

Fucking I had COVID-Ly, and I don't know what happened and people are gonna laugh at me when they hear this story. my daughter had a box of fucking candy upstairs. When I tell you, it's a box, guys. I got no reason to lie to you. She had a crate.

From Halloween? From Halloween. We had to break it up and get rid of it. I don't know if my wife bought too much candy. I think my wife bought too much candy. But it was just stacks of fucking, what's that shit? Reesies. Oh, baby, okay.

Reeses, a fucking three musketeers, $100,000 bar, the liquorice, what's it called, the red one, the cherry. Twizzler? Twizzler, the little packs. Oh, yeah. The fucking little peanut butter cups. I would go upstairs when I had the COVID.

And fill my pouch of my hooded sweatshirture with fucking, and I couldn't, that's never been me. Like, it hasn't been me since I was, you know, 20. Every once in a while I go off the deep end leave. If I tell you that was from the 23rd of fucking descent. every night till like the second of January. I couldn't stop. I couldn't fucking stop.

About midnight, I'd have to go upstairs. I'd just fill my pot. And I was picky too. Like, my babe brutes, I would fucking devour. Oh, she had those mop balls. Oh, the whoppers? Fuck yeah. God damn.

So I went through the same thing you went through, and I ballooned from the sugar. It wasn't even I was eating ice cream or donuts. Not, listen, Lee, Entomins is done. Really? Fucking Dunkin' Donuts is done. I mean, again, why would I go get a fucking donut if it tastes like ass? If it's dry, Dunkin' Donuts is done.

Fucking Entemans donut. My wife just bought it a couple weeks ago for the kids. They were going to come over. So she got the three-pack, the chocolate, the cinnamon, and the white. When I opened it up, it was so skinny, the donut. Yeah. It looked like Tony Bondi's dick. Tony Bondi's dick, the dude on Club 38 that had the long dick, but it was skinny,

like real skinny, like somebody pulled on it front. hour, his brother's pulled on it. That's what the donut looked like. When I was a kid, those donuts were thick. And I got to be honest, I broke a half of the chocolate, and I took a bite of fucking Entemans, my favorite. When I was 21, my goal was to fuck the Entomans building, like to drill a hole in it, and fuck the building and then eat it to debt, because I fucking loved it.

I don't blame you, dude. I fucking loved it. And now, I can't touch one of those fucking things. I mean, the coffee cake is still God. Yeah, coffee cake. Dude, candy, when I was going, why do you think I went to the fourth wall every night? Because it was next to 7-Eleven,

and I would get two chocolate things and two gummy things towards the end. It was two, three thousand calories a night just in candy. It's not, it's just, that's the one thing I miss. I eat my treat now are caramel rice cakes. I eat the fuck out of caramel rice cakes. I eat seven of the day. time. Oh, you shit.

Let's just land in the toilet and stand up straight like a fucking skyrise and shit. And now I know why you shit. I mean, I know you weren't eating rice cakes, but now that I eat healthy, I'm having the big, I like when it comes out of the water, it goes all the way in the hole and it comes out of the water. I'm having some good ones now. The best is when you go to wipe your ass and your knuckles hit the shit. That's when you know you're putting some fucking inches on that fucking toilet.

I've never had that happen. Oh, my God. Once a month I reach down and I get a little shit on my knuckles. I got to get up. wash one hand like a fucking like a fucking leper. I got to wash one hand and put cologne on the finger.

I was going to ask you if you washed it. I thought you might go to your friend or go to Mike and say, hey, smell this. No, no, no. I'm too old. If I was there, you would. Smell this. If an old guy comes out to him and says, smell this, you can throw him in jail now. You know what I'm saying? You can put them in jail. Some old guy came up to me and said, smell this. What the fuck?

You know, they can just throw you in fucking jail now. So you can't tell nobody to smell. Pull my finger. They'll throw you fucking jail now if you tell somebody pull my finger like some young girl in the old days you're like I pull my finger you go on to jail for two fucking years you don't do that to mercy you don't fart on mercy I'd let her pull my finger from time to time I'll blow a fart

and ask if she smelled it and she'll say no you know oh that's hysterical it's amazing how big she is dude I talked to her on her birthday she's like a little adult now dog it's a different fucking animal Okay. That's so awesome.

People like, dog, you're more calm. You're more quiet. No, no, I'm more in shock. I'm walking around in shock. I'm walking for a building to hit me because I know she's a year away from her hormones starting. And I know that, I mean, she's already like nine going on 13.

She's very mature and shit. I really, I'm having a great time. Listen, I don't get to fuck about anything right now. I am having a very, very, very good. time of that and we talk at night I talked to it yesterday last night took her the kickboxing on the way back she's like dad I don't want to stay home

my fucking mom's got me all bored and shit I said fuck it we'll hit the six o'clock pizza party at Carlos so I took over to Carlos we had a good time with her friends you know it's I'm talking to him more she still don't know anything about the refa no really

no she doesn't know anything she's not on YouTube all day I thought the kids were on YouTube all No. Thank God. No. No, her mother fixed all the computers and shit, so she can only see, like, videos are gone with the wind and shit like that. So, fucking, I don't need some fucking Magoomba-looking motherfucker with a big dick showing her a big dick or nothing.

She's, I got to, you know, listen, man, it's so weird how you expect something from your children, but you also want to protect your children. I want my daughter to be street-savvy, but I also, for right now, for right now, I got her a little fucking shaded just because she don't need that in her life. She don't need to know about this or that. It doesn't have nothing to do with what she's going for. Her goal right now is to giggle. And what do girls do?

They want to have fun. Right. And I've accepted it. You know, when I was 21, I didn't want no bitches to have fun. Fuck you having fun, I might die. You know what I'm saying? But now when I have a daughter and she's fucking nine going on 10, girls just want to have fun. What am I going to do?

Yeah. She's going to have plenty of that later on. Yeah, she's going to have plenty of it. She's having the best life I could give her right now. She's got a ton of friends. Last night she said to me, I don't know if I want to go to kickbox. I go, Marcia, what are the options? There's no school.

You're going to sit here like a fucking dunce? What are the option? She goes, all right, two minutes in the school. She's giggling. She's flirting with the boys. You know, she knows how the boys there. And she throws them around. It's fucking hysterical.

She throws them around, and she looks at me and giggles and winks at me. like she's got a great fucking hip pro over there so listen do you still let her kick you in the leg yeah from time to time out of the work the leg with the little she got new fucking uh shing guards a little harder so i got to be careful they're the hard the hard plastic ones like the one i got right she hits a little harder but it's been a fucking experience you know lee you look at la la la worked out the way it was supposed to we did everything we can and we ended at the right time. We got off the air at the right time.

I think that you were ready for something new. I was ready for something new. And the timing was perfect. At the time, it didn't sound good. It was like, what the fuck are we going to do with our lives? But it all worked out. I got to be honest with you. Now that I've spoken to like five or six people the last week,

and I can tell that they're moving forward. Like, people have started moving forward. Whatever things they wanted to do with their business or with their lives, COVID put it on hold, they're moving forward with it now. That's it. The country's been 75% infected with time to move on. You want to walk around with a mask?

Go ahead. I also got a fucking, a doo-wop album, you can fucking listen to. You know what I'm saying? That's like 50 years ago right now. That fucking walking around with a mask, listen, take it off. That was three fucking, that was 20 years ago.

That's what it feels like right now. It was 20 fucking years ago. Let's move forward. It's a fucking glorified cold. You know, It's a glorified cold. This will force you to take vitamins. This will force you to eat better.

This will force you to get that one hour of sleep. And this is what this break has been for. To look at your life, get healthy. We took a two-year fucking break. Now I'm ready to sling dick again. If you're a hooker, for two years, you've been like, you know, taking care of your pussy, painting it, spraying it, putting CBD all in there.

It's time to suck dick again and let loose. We're going to sink that man in the fucking boat. And that's it. We're going straight to the fucking world ends now. You told me something a couple weeks ago that reminded me. You were like, you know, I don't know nothing about nothing. All I know is in all my time in LA, you were the hardest fucking working guy there. And it was funny because you were a felon and a fucking piece of shit.

And it's the truth. And you know what? I've taken a two-year sabbatical from fucking life because I had to. It was time. It was too much. You know, I didn't take a fucking breather. It was a 15-year run without the Coke, and it was time to... go, what the fuck happened?

And that's what I've been doing the last two years. It's just evaluating. We're two weeks away from finishing the book. Oh, that's awesome. So today we do chapter 2020, and then the next chapter is how it went down, me leaving us deciding to close the podcast, you know, me seeing that dude get hit in the head

with the fucking 2x4 to 4x4, me seeing the fucking white dude punched the black hooker in the face during Black Lives Matter at CVS on fucking Lankisham. I don't know if I knew about that. Yeah, I told you about that. When I went to CVS that morning to get my medication and fucking

a white dude was outside talking to a black chick, I don't know what they were saying. I had no idea. I just knew he was a fat dude talking to a hot little skinny black chick at 10 in the fucking morning. But then when I came out, they were still out there

and the argument had escalated. And he kept saying, where's my wallet? Where's my wallet? She was sucking his dick and she picked pocket of them. That's the oldest trick in the book. That's when you get a blow job from a hooker you put your wallet in the fucking

back pocket because you're sitting on it. She can't pickpocket you. If you have it in the front wallet, those chicks are pickpocket you. When you get in your dick suck, you're looking up at God, thinking what happened? You know what I'm saying? This is the best in the world. Why'd you make me a welder? She's sucking away. She's fucking picking. They can pickpocket you, take a 20 out

and put it back in your wallet. That's how good they are. She just took the white dude's wallet and fucking, he kept saying, where's my wallet? As I was getting the car, he just punched her with a right, a straight right to the jaw. She dropped and she started yelling, where's my pimp? And then that motherfucking pimp started coming up on his little Mazda

packed with fucking death row. He had death row in that fucking car. And that's when there was time for me to leave. I didn't even wait for the cops. I didn't wait. I could have been a good Samaritan and helped her up. That's not my angle. They have cameras.

Yeah, we got cameras at CBS. And they weren't going to prosecute them anyway. Right now, if you smacked somebody in L.A., they'll talk you out of prosecuting. That's crazy. I was going to ask you, does Mercy miss it at all? Does she ever say why I miss L.A. I miss people there?

Not. Wow. Not a peep. Once she came here, I never forget when she first bit into the pizza in her fucking eyes. It was like somebody hit her in the head with a two-by-four. She's like, I'll never go back to California. Fuck Daniels. She had one connection.

She has two connections to California. A little girlfriend. And she lives in Garwood. Okay. And then her other little girlfriend that they were tight with for about a year. They stayed tight on the phone and shit, and then the mother was supposed to come to Cape May and call my wife.

And my wife waited here all week for the fucking phone. Typical L.A. people. My wife was very upset. She didn't tell Mercy that the family was coming because she had a funny feeling that they were going to pull a California fucking quickly. And that's what they did. And Mercy's really tight with that girl. Mercy really likes that girl.

But I tell you something. The last two or three months, she hasn't said nothing. about her. In fact, I slipped with her name the other day. I said her name, and she didn't even say, no, I haven't spoken to her. She just polished right through. She's, it's, listen, I was pissed off for a fucking yearly. If you know anything about me, I was really pissed off because I'm Johnny social. I've been trained in being social. I've been social all my life. And when I moved here between my wife and my daughter they were social butterflies.

Me? Nobody wanted to meet me. Like I was like, fuck. You know, but then I got on the other side. I didn't want, I didn't want to create what I created in LA. Like, people fucking being my friend because of comedy. I want people to be my friend because of me.

And I remember I met a few people, and I remember the neighbor across the street, the Pumas. He came to me. Like, we were friends for about two weeks, talking and shit. And one day he's like, hey man, I saw a video

and I remember that it sucked the energy out of me. It was like somebody to kick me in the stomach like fuck my secret is out. You know, I don't like the secret. Like I thought these people didn't watch comedy and they didn't know anything about podcast. But I didn't adjust like they did. They were out the box. They were

going to parties after a week, meeting people after a week. I'm sitting down there had to drive all the way to North Bergen to talk to my friends and whatnot. Well, I mean, I was listening to you on Rogan and I think what you said made a lot of sense that you know you went from jersey to Colorado to Seattle to LA all that shit happened and you don't have I had a minuscule version of that happened and I still like it still blows my mind that as many people watch and listen to the church

as they did like I don't really understand I understand but I really don't that that people all around the world for 10 years hundreds of thousands of millions of people whatever listen to the podcast it doesn't really make sense to me i i i still haven't really fully accepted that that happened it's it's it's very funny that right now i have the joint and the numbers of maybe a quarter of what the church did and it doesn't bother me like i could sleep at night i'm okay with it because i didn't know where the church was gone we never really knew what the church was going we just kept doing it and kept getting high

and kept increasing the numbers on the edibles. You know, we didn't know where the fuck it was going, but it was big. And you look at some of those YouTube numbers, they've been stolen and they've been re-fucking put up. So we don't really have a gauge on what they've done. Right. But now, looking back after a year and a half and not doing it,

I'm very proud of the church. Yeah, hell of yet. I'm very proud of the church. When I look at the church now, it's like looking at, I love Lucy in black and white. You know, that was what a podcast was then. We tried to, you know, do the best we can. And we did the best we can.

We got to a lot of people. Our message was, you know, the message that, and the message still continues in my life. That doesn't matter what happened to you. It doesn't matter what you did. You could always create a second chance for yourself. That's what I always call the church and the joint, their second chance podcast.

They're for misfits. They're for people who've been made to feel like they don't belong. Guess what? They do belong. It was like me. For years, man, and still, I still feel like I don't belong. As a stand-up, I never felt included. And then as a human being, I never felt included.

So it just ran with that. And I know people who listen to it feel the same way. We've never been included in the big things. You know what I'm saying? And yeah, I'm friends with Joe and I'm friends with Ari and I'm friends with Bert. But look at that Netflix special. Look at those Netflix specials and who they give them to, they have a certain clientele and I was never one of them.

I was never one of them for anything. You know what I'm saying, whether it was Chelsea. But I kept overcoming and kept pushing forward. You can't worry about what you don't accomplish. You have to worry about what you do accomplish and what's next, you know. And I think we did that with the church. we really raised a bar on podcasting. Because it wasn't an information podcast.

Right. It was an escape podcast. Go, listen. That's what I wanted to create. I didn't want people to sit there and be like, fucking, we can't miss this word because we don't let, no, it's an escape podcast. You put it on for a now and a half,

you smoke a joint, and you take the ride with them. More so like a Pink Floyd album or a Led Zeppelin album. I'm not saying I'm Jimmy Page. or Robert Plant. But what I'm saying is that's what we were going for. That tag along, I didn't want to go on them and be smarter than you and compete with Bill Maher.

You know, Bill Maher's Bill Maher, John Oliver, Rogan's Rogan, and who the fuck we are. If we were to put fake shirts on, I don't think the podcast would have done that well. And when I see a podcast that's not doing well, I take a friend of mine, I'll check it out, and I'll see that those two people, people on that podcast or those three people or four people are each trying to be something

else if you keep it to yourself and keep it in your world and in your lane and what you talk about everything will be okay i didn't go on there even now i don't go on here talking about vaccines not because i don't want to compete with rogan because i don't know anything about that shit rogan stays up for days reading all that shit i don't want to read about vaccines and mRAs and you know but he did and he presents knowledge to you and that's great but even when i went on Rogan last week. It was a feel-good podcast. You weren't going to learn nothing from that. Right. But I think, and I don't know Rogan that well, but I think even if Rogan didn't have the podcast, he'd probably be interested in some of that stuff. I think the church did a great job

of showing who you were. And we had a lot of fun, but there were some serious podcast, but it wasn't to be serious. It was just because that's where the conversation went. It's, it's, it was a window into into your and my life it was like it was just it was who we were for a decade in LA you know I love I love that we kept it

100% like they said we keep it real 100 you know we're keeping it 100 and shit no we just I like that we never sailed above who we were that was very big and I think that was what people enjoy

from it that we weren't trying to be anybody but still for this day i'm not trying to be anybody i don't give a fuck what you think of me i'm a fucking douchebag that started cracking jokes and somebody liked them and here we are now i don't want to do none of that shit anymore really i like to come on here and tell people you know like i'd like to be not honest yeah honest and go well not honest i like to be optimistic and go yeah you know i'm gonna get on stage by june i have no fucking idea I know I don't want it at all. I spoke to somebody last night from L.A.

From my L.A. days, I spoke to him for about 45 minutes. I love this guy. You know, I love him with all my heart. It was a difficult fucking conversation. I saw what I lost when I left L.A. I lost that stupid L.A. Chitter-chatter that people were pointing to you. I loved this guy last night. I almost hung up on him ten times.

because it was that fucking Hollywood chitter-chatter. And it was funny when I got here, right away, I caught that Hollywood chitter-chatter, and I tried to get it out of my world. I'm like, I'm getting this. I got to get this out of my fucking world, you know? And little by little, I did. And Rogan asked me the other day,

he goes, you know, you don't really, you never really like that Hollywood thing. No. No, who likes people lying to you? Who likes people looking in your face and telling you one thing and then two weeks later it's something. I didn't like none of that shit.

You know, I saw the, when I watched the Super Bowl, I saw that, that I saw everything I had left behind. You know, the Super Bowl is a fucking biggest event in the country and all the celebrities were there. Jennifer Lopez with those fucking stupid fucking glasses on, dancing like somebody wants to see that old pussy that's been worn out. Like I said last week, she fucked everybody in that fucking employee fucking area. You know, Matt Dillon with a fucking guy.

fucking mustache looking like Joe fucking homo, like he's about to make a porno with six fucking gay guys in West Hollywood. And then the rock. Like here's a guy that I don't get anymore. What America? You can't tell a dude does steroids. The guy is a walking fucking contradiction.

All of them are. All those Hollywood guys are a walking fucking contradiction. You didn't see Brad Pitt there. He was busy getting his dick sucked by eight fucking illegal immigrants somewhere in Africa. He don't give a fuck. but all that shit I left that behind like I didn't want no bar that was bullshit to me

like how aren't people seeing this shit that you've eaten more steroids and half those football players on the field and you're not even playing fucking football and you're out there yelling and screaming you came full circle go fuck yourself I'm so sick of all that that's what I got sick of Lee

and I got sick of that shit like in 2018 like there's nothing there's nothing I hated more than waiting for somebody to didn't have a podcast. Like somebody who wanted to be a guest on the show and didn't have a podcast, they were always late.

You know, I've thought about moving into a studio up north, but I'm like, Mike, we're going to drive an hour, and this motherfucker is going to be a half hour late, and I don't want to get that started, because I'll throw people out the window now. I'm not in the move for that shit. If they show up at all? Yeah, if they show up at all.

It was fucking a nightmare. Even with these Zooms now, I'm like, you talk to somebody a week later. I can't do Tuesday. I can't do well. Go fuck yourself. and I called you last week. So I'll just do it myself.

I'll come on here and talk shit for a fucking hour. But I just, all that shit had to disappear from my life. It had to, you know, everything, you have to think about everything. Just fucking do it like Nike. What are we thinking about? What are you fucking Copernicus? What is there to fucking think about? They talk and they want to meet.

Get the fuck out of here. Just get on stage. Write the 10 jokes and get on fucking stage. Right. See, obviously, I was never anywhere close to your level of stand-up. I haven't done it in a few months. I miss doing stand-up. But I never, like, I wasn't doing it for a living.

I was just doing it for fun. And to be honest, what I miss more than actually doing stand-up is I miss doing it with Eric and all those guys out in LA. I miss that part of it. The camaraderie of stand-up is a beautiful fucking thing. Yeah. I've been in prison. That's one thing that that beats everything by a mile. The camaraderie of comedy.

It really is something when you're all on. leaving ground and you're all looking for the same, you're all wanting the same thing. There's nothing like my comedy friends and I'll never, ever forget them. That's like going to fucking jail with four people. It's like going to Vietnam. You know, it's, that's the camaraderie to go out. You don't think I miss comedy. I miss the simplicity.

I miss the waiting all day to do six minutes. I don't miss the professional side of comedy. Right. I missed that struggle side of comedy that. But now it wouldn't be a struggle. It would just be a struggle to get new material. You think so? Yes, I can't fucking write comedy anymore.

My comedy fucking chops had disintegrated. I tried to fucking write comedy. And every once in a while I come up with a fucking gem, but nah. Dude, I went to hundreds of shows with you. I remember with either you were the priest. We were driving down to that first album. recording. He looked over at me, he said, I don't know what I'm going to say. I have nothing to say.

Did one set and it went to number one on iTunes for a month. I don't know. I think you could do it. Do you miss that? Do you miss like making people laugh? Like that laugh? Like when there's a big laugh and I didn't get that many of them, that I miss. Listen, you always, you miss a blowjob.

Everybody misses a blowjob. You miss a blow job. You know, you don't miss the earbeat and you catch after they suck your dick and swallow. Now you're going to take a half hour you're beating with sperm breath. You know, you're smelling your fucking sperm in the end. She's telling you about her life. And, you know, she wants to be a star.

And she wants to meet Kanye West, you know. Oh, Jesus Christ. Is that the freeze pipe? Which one's that? That's the death pipe. You know, what are we talking about? But I feel like it came through the screen. about missing getting laughs, about missing comedy.

I miss the laughs, but I don't miss what comes with it. I got to hear your earbeaten. I got to hear your story about how you ran over your mother, and you got to, you know, I got to fucking take a picture and get a shot of bad breath of my neck or deodorant. I used to play and being late. I miss, I miss little, I don't miss those things. I used to love when you would do the meet and greets,

and someone will put their arm around you, Like on the early show And then the late show You would come back pissed Oh my god You would be pissed in the grill Like onions and shit How would you like to go on stage

Smelling like a fucking onion No and it's not you It's not you I don't mind smelling like a fucking onion And dealing with it Number one I never go out of my way It smell like a fucking onion

I always try to wash your armpits And your ass My car smells like Pure straight Rotten fucking ass This morning I was thinking I gotta go not blow this thing apart.

I got to go armor all this, blow this apart, and take that little place where my asshole sits and like fucking chop it up with fucking cut it out. Yeah, you just need a new seat. Jesus Christ. You dare

enter this motherfucking house, cocksucker. I love it. So you're coming down in two weeks? Absolutely. Not this weekend and not the following weekend but the weekend after that because Terry's leaving the weekend after that for Nashville okay I'll have to I'll tell you my girlfriend's kid has a birthday but I'm sure

I'm sure to work out I'll have to look at this at the calendar but I can't wait to come down bring the fucking kid we're gonna take them skinny dipping the whole fucking thing yeah oh you would lose their mind these I every I've been with her for seven months the stuff that I see now I can't imagine doing what you used to do when Mercy was that young. Like six in the morning, the running, the four-year-old, I shaved my beard. The four-year-old yelled at me and said, I don't like Lee's face. Go back to your room.

That's what you said to you? Yeah. Oh, she doesn't, she doesn't fuck around. I don't know how, I don't know how you do it, man. That's, I'm with her a couple days a week doing it all day every day. And then you were going out to the store till two in the morning. Jesus. Like I said, I had to pick a fucking flag.

And that's why I picked the flag of my family for right now. Leave her right now. She needs me. She's at an age where she likes to come home to me. Yeah, absolutely. She really had a hard time last Wednesday when I left for the day. She had a hard time that morning when I left. And that night when I got home, she was fucking sleeping on my chair waiting for me.

Oh, that's nice. Yeah. So that whole game has changed. We've all changed. And I'm happy that we did work. what we did. Every month, and I look at you, the other day when I saw that video, I can't tell you, I gotta be honest,

I brought a tear to my eye. Like, I was very happy for you. I'm very happy for what you've done. I knew you always had it. If I would have checked on you now, and you would have been heavier than when you left, I don't think I'd be talking to you no more. Because I knew you were a month away from giving up, but you didn't give up, Lee, and you look great. Thank you, man.

And you got a lot of great things happening in your future. Who knows, maybe one day when I quit the podcast, you and Michael get together, start up a fucking production company. Do it now. And be the two biggest motherfuckers out in the podcasting arena right now, you know. Let's do it. No, I appreciate it, man.

I did. There was a few months where I still ate the way I did, but I, it's been, it's crazy. It's going to be like a year and a half now, whatever it's been since we left. And it's, I appreciate it. I miss you. I miss you. I'm excited to meet Mike and all that stuff. But it's, because it is, it's scary.

There's a lot of people, you know, whether you lose a job, you break up. It's a scary thing to basically start over. But it, I don't know. So far, things have turned out pretty well. Let's hope they- Really fucking well. If I consider it, I tell you, the name of this podcast episode is you got to hit rock bottom before you start pointing those missiles up.

And you did that. And you didn't hit rock bottom in a professional way. You hit rock bottom as a physical. way. Physically, yeah. I think that just everything about LA, the only thing that made you forget about what the fuck you're doing is stuff in your goddamn face. Yeah, I had the same problem in LA, brother.

It wasn't just you. You know, me and my wife only miss one thing. Yum, yum, fucking donuts. That's one thing. All three of us have come to conclusion that we do miss yum, yum, yum fucking donuts. There's no donuts by you? I just haven't, I can't have a donut. There's no donuts at all?

I think there's great donuts. I'm not in search of a fucking donuts. Donuts. It's not like I drive around looking for a donut. I'm sure in time you do. Cucks. Oh, there's a place called Rock Goes in Worcester that I just I look on Instagram all day. I'll bring you someone I'd come and visit. It's supposed to be

fucking outrageous, but I don't, oh, I love donuts. Dude, I would eat a dozen donuts in a day. I would go to Yum Yum's. You, you saw that girl, that girl knew me at Yum Yum Donuts. I would go in there. She was great. That girl has probably gotten robbed.

times since we fucking left. They got 22 Mexicans in there now. One with a burrata, one dressed with the puncho Villa with the bullets across this fucking chest. No, that's the name of this podcast. Because I think high hit rock bottom at an emotional level.

That's why I was all fucked up and the Xanax and everything. And I think that you were just lost on what, you know, you had to do, you'd go home at night. It was kind of a sad existence for both of us, to be honest. You were working a lot of hours.

We both were putting in a lot of hours. We didn't even enjoy life. Now we're enjoying life on our fucking terms. So I'm happy you came on today. Thank you for the happy birthday video. I'm happy the hummus tasted like the skin on my dick, the turtleneck. I'll bring you something. If you try a little bit, it's good.

Just don't eat a whole street. I wouldn't try that shit if you put fucking pussy juice in it. You understand me? You tried ranch. You got to try a little hummus. I tried ranch. They had the cinnamon in it, the fucking hot sauce up in... Yeah, Saracha.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll bring you spicy hummus. No, I don't want no spicy hummus. All right, take that hummus and put it on your toes and see how it snips. You're going to smell it and go, fuck. This smells like the fucking 7-Eleven where I go to get lottery tickets. You're still playing the lottery? Fucking never win.

Why, I suggest it up. Dog, you're the fucking mush of mush. They give you the ticket ripped up. When you push the lottery, he don't even push it into the computer. He knows it's $2 that goes straight in his pocket. I found that we placed the same bet on, I was on Draft Kings when I was in Philly because it's legal there. That,

that Cincinnati plus four was nice. That was a good bet. You liked that, huh? Yeah, that was a good. If I were going to fucking, did you take the under two?

No, see, I, I fucked up. I did the Cincinnati plus four, but the night before I did the UFC and fucking basically lost half. So I ended up winning 60 bucks, but I lost my first fight in the UFC,

but then I came back strong with Tia, with the dude who drinks out of the shoe, Hi, Tuivase? I won that one. That one saved me a little bit. I got a profit boost from fucking Draft Kings. And then Sunday I bet that. I lost all my props,

but fucking Cincinnati in the under was strong. Representing draft kings today, even though a lot of people ain't betting right now. You'll be back for March madness. Draft Kings is fun, so we'll be back for March fucking madness. But I love you. The countdown begins.

We'll make some videos when you're down here and show these motherfuckers what it's like to eat that empire, Seshwan. because I know that's the number one place you want to go to. We'll get you a little gentle chow. Yes. Get you a fucking Seshwan twice cooked pork.

Yes. Delicious. We'll get a couple egg rolls, seafood dumplings. Okay. Got a couple sushi rolls. We'll mix the flags against my beliefs. You don't know what it's like to eat some nice fucking twice cooked pork and inhale a nice fucking soft crab shell sushi.

Ooh, dipped in wasabi. You fear your asshole puckering up like fucking Lin, Lohan's fucking pussy lips. I thought it was banned from eating sushi. You said I was too boring eating sushi. Yeah, because you eat like shit. You eat California roll and two pieces of shrimp. You couldn't even die.

You can't even get like a fucking sushi disease or Japanese. Remember that lady a couple weeks ago? Wait a butt. Went to an oil. You could eat Japanese sushi place and she fucked and went to the hospital and they interviewed. And she's like, I'm going back to eat again. You're fucking Jamok, that fucking standstill. sushi that's been there for two hours, that's with you.

But when you come here, I'm going to turn you on to some soft shelf crab, some fucking octopus tongue, some fucking whale, fucking asshole. They have whale asshole. These Chinese people eat right here in the East Coast. You know what I'm saying? Not that fucking, I tell you, the sushi at sushi den was world class, bro. It was expensive as fuck. You went and then got raped for lunch, $50 for lunch by yourself.

Yeah. Like, fuck, my wife's going to kill me, but God damn. They have a good happy over here. If anyone ever goes back, they have four to five or something. They got the spicy tuna. Yeah, oh yeah. Tampori. They got a nice, fucking Tampori, whatever the fuck it is.

Tempora, yeah. That's 13 fucking weight watcher points. Oh, yeah, it's fucking fried. Just a piece of shrimp. A shrimp is zero. I know. You got 13 fucking 14 points. So if you put a couple fucking yellow tail and some masonic.

whatever that fucking Australian sauce you're fucking over the point limit so I had a start and it's true they put sugar in that rice I'm sure they do that makes it sticky is not good for you I just read that and then somebody told me about it so hey what do you want from me you know what I'm saying we're just trying to stay I love your cock suck I'll see you in three weeks not this weekend not the following weekend March 4th but the following if you can

if not we'll do the following okay I'll let I'll do a podcast on Sunday, we'll take it right to Empire Seshwan. And you get in the car with Mom and shoot up. I'll give you a couple ABX fucking edibles for the drive. Stop every 20 minutes to write your suicide note. I can't wait. I love you. Stay black.

Have a great day. Thank you for coming on the joint. Dr. Suck. I love you and I miss you. Love and miss you too, buddy. Thank you, Mike. Stay black. You got it, Tazan.

Hit it, Mike. Yo, we're back. I'm happy you fucking enjoyed it, man. It was great to see him. We had some great laughs. You know, I could, you guys see that when we're together, we get right back to it. Listen, a lot of people say to me, you know, my wife said to me when they, she goes, would you ever consider bringing it back?

I go, not in a million fucking years. You see Seinfeld bringing back his show? No. And as much as whatever I think about Seinfeld, I tell you, he's very smart. And he knows that you can never, you know, Led Zeppelin should come back. I think they would never fucking be even a third of what they were. because you can't capture lightning in a fucking bottle. Even if Kurt Cobain may have come back today.

If Kurt walked out of a fucking casket, you think Nirvana would be jamming? Fuck, no. It's different. It was a certain time and a place in time where that was all great. I really enjoyed my open mic days. I really fucking did.

And now sitting here, after two years of just sitting here and thinking, Jesus Christ, the best part of my career was my open mic. missed that camaraderie and the you know i miss all that and it wasn't comedy in a professional level that i miss by no means i don't miss theaters and comedy clubs i miss doing the open mics where you went and you split an order and onion rings that was your fucking dinner that was your dinner that was oh you need 30 grams of protein fuck you i lived on on half order of fucking onion rings that's why i got the 450 fucking pounds but that's what you did And that was the beauty of that camaraderie.

Nobody cared about being fucking on TV. Nobody cared about having a number one CD. All you cared about was being funny. That's what I ended up missing. And in time, I think that I'll miss that so much. I'll just go and do open mics or something and get a fucking couple laughs and go home just as a hobbyist. I do miss that.

You know, Lee asked me, do you miss it? I do miss that part of it, but I don't miss everything else that fucking comes with it. So that's where I'm at, guys. I'm happy, I hope you enjoyed the podcast this week. I'm happy we're on fucking Spotify. Oh, shit. And that's it and that's that.

I love you, motherfuckers. Thank you for watching this week. Have a great week. Thank you for all the birthday wishes. And we're on, motherfuckers. Next week, it's fucking March. So stay black. Have a great week.

And I'll see you, motherfuckers, Monday morning. Tip, Todd Magoo. Love you. All right. I want to thank Lee Syatt. I want to thank Mike, but most importantly, I want to thank you motherfucking savages for always having my back.

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