The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #141 - The Church Of What's Happening Now

Episode Date: January 13, 2014

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or what? Monday, January 13th, the day the devil was buried at fucking C. The holidays are over. Put away the fucking lights, Cocksucker. He comes. Here, what? Get the fuck up, you lazy sack of shit. America's wait for you. Don't worry about fucking the Golden Globe and what doesn't have to do with you. You got one fucking job in mind. Get your fucking lunch money, cock sucker. But Lee Wiggle, oh shit. Bronchitis and all, we don't give a fuck. This is a little.

Fuck that. Spark that motherfucker. A protein shake. Wash your balls. Write your goals. Somebody's getting ready to suck your dick today. Let's do this, Lee. What?

Oh shit. Now let's start this motherfucker. What is this American bandstand concert? Lysayat the Flying Jew flavor coming at you. Monday, January 13. With the fucking bag of machine guns, you cocksucker. What's happened, Doug? Feel great.

It's awesome. I wish we had enough time to do this five days a week. I've never been so happy to wake up at 5 in the morning. You know, and it's easy to wake up. I was talking my wife last night that I got up Thursday morning. Tuesday last week I started getting calls on why I shouldn't go to Buffalo. It was the weirdest thing. Like eight people were like, man, you better be careful, you know.

The plane, you're going to... Straight off the fucking thing. And then I was reading into Chicago and I realized I had to land through Chicago. And Thursday morning, I'm in that fucking shower. Three in the morning. I had to be at the airport at 4.45. Three in the fucking morning, I'm washing my pussy.

Jesus. On six hours asleep. And I'm saying to myself, give me a fucking reason why I wouldn't go. Like, give me a reason. If anything, give me a sign. Why I would just cancel this fucking thing because of snow, whatever bullshit, nothing.

And I went up to Buffalo. is one of my favorite fucking places in the world that has been for 30 fucking years I've been going up there my first wife was from Buffalo really yeah Kathy was from fucking Buffalo wow so that's how I knew about her family

and the University of Buffalo and all that shit and then I had other friends it was weird at the time everything pointed to me towards Buffalo until this day I always think that someday I'm gonna move to Buffalo I even said to my wife last night really so cold it's cold but the people the summers

bleat the fucking food up there oh I'm sure it's delicious Listen, brother, they got this beef on wick, Camelwick Row. I've been eating that shit. That's from Buffalo? Yeah, the beef on wick with some rose beef and some horseradish. You have any fucking idea what that does to you?

And they're small, so you can eat like 18 of them. I only popped one. I feel bad for the maids who cleaned your room yesterday. Oh, I was farting. I must have eaten one of those things a day. You know, I had a salad. I had a nice soup up there. But the paragis with sourcrout and some scenes.

Those fucking Polacks, they don't fuck around up there. No, like you can't because you have to. You have to be able to withstand the cold in the winters? You look at the... I went on the treadmill two days in a row because I was there because I was like, you know what? Nobody sweats up here.

Nobody fucking sweats. It's six months of fucking cold. But I went, I had a fucking great time. I had great sets. The first night I had a fucked up set because I was everywhere, but after that I focused and I hunkered down. And, you know, I got delayed on the way in,

which I expected. But for me now, comedy isn't about traveling and doing jokes no more. That's what it used to be like. It's not that no more. It's a complete different experience. I got to meet Luca Cabana, who I met before. You know, you get to meet these people that Dunyar, that Dania, that fucking crazy Arab.

I love him. He's calling the fucking hotel. He wants to meet him a Jinjin Chinese restaurant. You know, when you go on the fucking road, I work. This is a lot of people in the stand. I don't mean you to take offense. A lot of people go, well, Joy, when you come to town do my podcast, no. I can't do your podcast because I'm focusing on standout.

When I'm in town Monday through Thursday I'm focusing on our podcast I'm focusing on writing I'm focusing on all this other shit so as soon as I get on that fucking plane my only focus If I didn't, what do you think Why do you think Lee isn't with me on every flight

With a box of T-shirts You know why Lee? Let me tell you why the truth of the matter is Nothing I don't like you is Not that I want to sell T-shirts That's not I want somebody with me I don't want to focus on anything else But fucking stand up

I don't want you to come to me and go Dogg we're out of mediums on Friday I just don't want to get I don't want to hear that shit. So when I get on that, when I get up Friday morning, number two, I got stand-up rules that always fuck a person up. And they may apply to your life. Number two, I'm there for stand-up, okay?

The whole fucking four days I'm here lead, the one I call you two, I've been moving all day. Yeah. I'm driving, I'm fucking going traffic, I'm going here, I'm talking to this guy, this fucking idiot wants me to do this for fucking $10. It's just a nightmare. When I travel, I just want peace. because if I could come up with one new joke

a fucking night, you know, I don't want to drive nowhere. You want to take me and train me in Jiu-Jitsu? It's got to be 10 minutes from the fucking club of the hotel. I don't want to drive 25 fucking hours or 25 fucking minutes. Yeah. I cannot be around a ton of people in the daytime. I know that you're very nice and you have great friends,

but here's the problem. When I start bullshit with you, I waste my energy. I'm 50. I don't have energy to do two show and then talk to 400 fucking people a night. if I spent three hours over it. You know what I'm saying? People like, let's go to dinner.

What the fuck is wrong with you? I told you the last time I was here, I don't eat before shows. It's my two hours a fucking piece. Saturday, Saturday I'm already thinking about Monday morning's podcast. Really? When I wake up Saturday,

I'm already eating my oatmeal. I ride, I drink some coffee, I smoke some fucking reefer. I might get on the computer, but not tweeting or Facebooking. I get on lit-lift and I write, I do whatever the fuck I got to do. And I also do a work.

because I know I'm not going to be able to work out Sunday. When I get off the plane, it's going to be rushing the baby, the wife. They want to go to a park. They want to go to robes. They want to go shopping, coffee, whatever the fuck is going to do. So it's very weird that, you know, I love going on the road with Joe because Joe never expecting anything from us on Saturdays and Fridays. He writes.

So I'm used to that mentality of just solitude. I don't want to do dick. I don't want to drive 30 minutes. I don't want to meet your brother's restaurant. I don't want to fucking do nothing. I'm focused, I'm giving you guys a good show at night. If I go eat at you and talk to 18 people and you introduce me, and there's always a by the way, oh, we got to stop with my grandmother.

She's a fan on the longest year. Go fuck yourself. I don't have time. I wish I did. I wish I did. I have a buddy in Buffalo, great buddy, Tim McKenna. No one Tim McKenna for 30 fucking years. This last time on the way out, I love Timmy.

But he always says to me, what would it take to cancer your flight? Tim, nothing. Nothing. Nothing. You know, what people don't understand is once I do that last show, before I get on stage, before I show up to that fucking comedy club on Saturday, I'm packed. Really? I'm packed.

Yeah, because my flight's leaving at 5.30, 5, 6, 430. I don't have time. When I get back until I'd be 1230, I smell like armpits from hugging people. I take a shower, I get out, I drink a little soda, some water, and I fucking go to bed. I get three hours in, you know, and the people always come out. Like, what would it take? Nothing. You don't understand.

When I get off stage and I get up stage, and I fucking go to bed. I'm hugging you, I'm thinking about getting the fuck out of there already. But not even getting the fuck out of the club and getting the fuck away from you as a human being. The state. Like, I'm already on the red eye mentally. If there was a way I could get from the club, back to the hotel

to the red eye, I'm done. I would take my luggage with me to the fucking comedy club. Once they fucking pay me, my job is done. It's too bad they don't have a 2 a.m. flight. Yeah, no. And, you know, my world, you have to understand that my world starts on a Monday, just like yours. And it

bangs it the fuck out and it's all and it's constant it's fucking constant you know I have a notebook I look at it like today I got a 930 a fucking 11 30 a 1 a fucking 4 30 and 8 o'clock at night that's if I don't do a set tonight I might get a while bug up my ass and go up let's go do a set at the agostinos or whatever it's kind of crazy when I'm with you like around here you're almost not hibernating but like you've almost fallen asleep in the green room it's like kind of weird to see like because you really do conserve because I can't imagine even just talking to somebody for an hour, but you're up there, like, really, like, you, like, you, people would think you're, like, not that animated just because, like, if you're a

bigger guy or something, but you really do jump around and you're yelling and... It's fucking, you know, you don't want to. I learned from years of bombing. My money nights are Fridays and Saturday. So Fridays and Saturdays, I got to be tip top. Tip fucking top. Thursday, you want to get there and jump up and down and go to the hot dog. But Friday and Saturday is a performer for you.

You're paying for me to go see it. need to be in tip-top shape. Mentally, physically, you know, I used to do a gram of blow the night before, two grams of blow, and then Saturday night, that would suck two shows. This is why I didn't get nowhere. These are the reasons why, because I didn't respect my Fridays and Saturdays. When people come see you on Friday and Saturday, you know, Thursday night, oh my God, he was cute, he was talking about his cat, his dog, and life, and it really wasn't that funny,

but it was very interesting. No. On Fridays and Saturdays, people want to see the fucking, they go to the fucking circus to see the fucking lions and the tigers. They don't want to see no clowns or no fucking guy's ski walking on a tight stroke, Houdini, or whatever. They want to go see a fucking line. So for me to be a fucking line, I got no time to hook up and talk about fucking sports and what the goddamn is bothering you.

I got my own problems. I put them aside and I go on that fucking stage. And I want to go fucking bananas for you. So please, understand Dan Barr, Sean Connors. I love you, motherfuckers. But Friday and Saturday for me is fucking D-Day. I ain't got nothing better to do than drink coffee, smoke my little, fake cigarette, hit that thing.

I try to go to the pool at the hotel. If they have a steam back, I take a steam. It's about me to give you the best. And sometimes, if you guys do that with your jobs, I'm sure you'd be a lot better at your jobs. Yeah. You know, you focus on your job. A lot of people go to work. This is why I

hate the fucking holidays. Because it's a six-month mind-fuck on some people. So if you own a business, you got people thinking about, well, I got to get my Uncle Leo. I don't give a a fuck about your Uncle Leo. What the fuck are you? Jesus was a fucking Jew.

You know what I'm saying? Get a tough thing together. And that happens constantly with people. They lose their... You know, I look at this... I have a friend that I went to high school with. I love her. I dated it for a long time.

There was only one problem, bro. She's one of those people that's always talking about the next vacation. Since we were kids. Since we were kids, seriously. Since we were kids, she was always... On October, I'm going to go to San Francisco.

And you're like... You know, and she was a sweetheart of a girl, but she was a travel agent for a while. And it's like, I can't... imagine being her husband yeah because they're always you know on Sunday she couldn't fucking just sit still no no no no no she wanted to go to a farmer's market in Connecticut because they sell apples made with honey I don't

give a fuck you know what's going on Lisa that you bad motherfucker you I'm going through a fucking moving now and it sucks but I think I find a place did you find a nice place well see I mean because I'm going through the thing right now where either the amount of money I could either have a nice place and like the hood or I could have a smaller place in a nicer area so I think I'm gonna go with a smaller place in the nicer area I'm too white to be in the hood I did that once I did that over by the hookers and on Sepulved and I can't do that again I don't think it was supposed to be there after a while you got to have a nice place and take care of yourself

you know and that's well I never had my own space after my mother died I was dirty I was on people's couches and I'm an only child my mind fucking requires a little fucking piece. It's amazingly that I'm 50, I don't feel 50, but again you see it, you have to conserve your energy. I never really had to conserve my energy before. You know, I do this. I love getting up and doing this.

I'm wide away. I don't give a fuck. This shit don't bother me. Some weird shit happen, Lee. What happened? And like I tell you, I always, I'm very happy that my memory always is sharp, but it really isn't at the end of the day. It's just better than most

motherfuckers because most people forget everything they fucking do you know sometimes when I tell a story I'm even blown away from it so I'm talking to a friend of him I get out of the plane yesterday boom I land my phone rings as I'm checking out of the airport it's a friend of mine he goes hey I went to a party last night and I bumped into a lot of your old friends and one of them was saying that he wants to write a book but because of his position in the town he can't do it and he was thinking about writing on the unit and I go you know I'd love to write a book about Northburg and it's just you know And he goes, wouldn't you think to that?

I go, no, you wouldn't be ratting on anybody. You'd just be talking about the lessons we learned. It's like this thing that's going on right now with the mayor in Jersey, the fatty guy. The governor. I wasn't asking you about that. That's crazy. Listen, let me tell you something, my friend. If you don't think he fucking knew, you think his aides came up with this and didn't say this to this fucking guy?

That's how New Jersey is. You know, Christy's got something against my mayor in Mayor Sacco and North Bergen. And I understand the whole politic game. But for him to sit there, he's a great liar, Governor Christie. For him to sit there and see. Oh, yeah. He's going to be president in a few years. I don't know if he's going to be present.

This might knock him. I liked how he addressed it. But I don't think he can be present because he's something to do in New Jersey. And all those guys took an envelope at one time or another. And once you take an envelope, see, 30 years ago, you could take a fucking envelope. But now you can't take an envelope because the guys that give you the fucking envelope. Right, yeah. That's how bad it is.

The guys that gave you the envelope now will rat on you when they get into a fucking bind. Yeah. So it's very hard to fucking take an envelope and run for president. That shit will go so far. I'm surprised he's been there so far. But see, it's already starting to back by it. Something. When you're in that political thing, they approach you.

And you have no fucking choice because you're surrounded. It's too many of them. You're just one governor, and it's 18 different capos in a fucking district. And they can change your fucking lights by it. And it's amazing how the mob and politics works in New Jersey. So you definitely think he knew? Mm-hmm. So for people who don't know,

it was the George Washington Bridge and like last year they closed one But number two, also, Fort Lee New Jersey is like the third or fourth Asian population in the country so you got your own fucking problems. That's what those people don't fucking know. Fort Lee's always been filled with fucking Bruce Lee's nephews, always. I wish you said that on the air?

No, what do you want me to fucking say? I'm the only one that's going to say it. It's the truth. I'll call George right now. Fortley, New Jersey has always been like for the last 15th, 20 days. They've been the second biggest Asian population, Koreans and shit, driving on the right-hand, side still they put steering wheels because they're confused Japanese people so

for Governor Christie to fucking add to this you know he's over there I don't know what happened listen your age just don't wait nobody fucking Lee let me answer some all right let's be honest let's take it to the next level you and me a friend if you found out that somebody that another podcast network

fucked with us and in your mind you said you know what I'm not even going to tell Joey I'm just going to take action I'm going to shoot these motherfuckers let Joey find out later you wouldn't do that Lee you always come to me and say I'm a little fucking pissed off I have an idea yeah you're right you follow me yeah well let's take it no no assistant gets paid that much to want to be a killer for somebody else okay don't don't please don't insult us and this is what I'm saying to you people growing up there I studied new the worst politics

there are Hudson County politics and Cook County or Chicago whatever's oh yeah Chicago is crazy okay Chicago's politics are off the chain it's a lesson to live there when you live there and you see right through it. That'll carry you for the rest of your life because you see through bullshit. You see through bullshit in so many fucking angles. And Governor Christie, you know, has a cabinet of AIDS, a bunch of scumbags, in other words, that sit around you, that they, you know, yes, mayor, no mayor, you know, yes, governor, no governor. I mean, you see it and you want to fucking shoot yourself in the fucking head because they act like there's this fucking Buddha, like they know all of them. But because of their need for power, they fucking slip all the time. That

for power makes them slip. They just can't be content with what they have. Once they get that little taste, man, look at the mayor in North Bergen. He's been there for 19 years. This guy, I know that fucking mutt when he was a schoolteacher at Lincoln School. I know that fucking mutt in Sacco when he was this fucking principal at Lincoln School. And Ray, Rago used to fucking abuse him and shit.

Now he's the mayor having affairs, getting his dick sucked. It must be easy to let it slip like that. Sure, this guy would get a slip because you got 19 people doing your fucking job, But there's too many people involved for you to do anything lately. The biggest thing you have in your life is when you do something with three or four people in a fucking room. That's going to send you to fucking jail. All those mayors in Hudson County, Hoboken, Union City, Jersey City, all those mayors always end up in one place. Check it out.

Go to Wikipedia. Hudson County mayors. They all end up in fucking prison. Same with Chicago. All of them. All of them. It's like all Illinois governors. Because they're fucking corrupt.

It's not that even corrupt. It's that you slip. It's the, you know, we're all fucking sinners. That's Joel Olstein. We're all fucking sinners. You love Joel Olsteen recently. He's a bad motherfucker dog. You know, we're all fucking sinners at the end.

And it's right in front of us. It's our human nature to slip like that. You know, can you imagine Lee that you go from being Lisa to a different fucking girl knocking on your door here every night? For me getting you water. For me getting you. No, no, no, Mr. Governor, let me, you know, Mr. Governor works out. You got a guy drying you off, telling you what's going on, reading the paper to you while you're doing jumping jazz.

That's extreme. And pretty soon you start to believe it. Yeah, I know. You start to believe it. You start to believe it. And that's when you fucking slip. And it's very easy to go, hey, that fucking Lee Salli thinks he's a bad motherfucker. Go do that thing with the Lincoln Tunnel.

Get that guy on the phone. Block it off. We'll put this in the paper. See how long he'll be fucking mayor. High five. And they said high fiving. It's like when you see the feds when they arrest it like God, they highf-fow. Oh, my God.

Today, a big thing happened. and then law enforcement. Nothing happened. You went after Pete, but now you got Joe to deal with. He's fucking robbing with three hands. Because while you're looking at Pete, Joe's stealing with 19 fucking hands.

You don't think they know that? So while you think you covered a hole in the fucking levy, three more opened up, you fucking moron. Do you understand me how this works? So as long as you know this going in, this will be with you the rest of your fucking life. That's what I realized growing up in North Bergen, New Jersey. That's why you can't pull the fucking wool out of my eyes.

Every once in a while, I'll fucking slip. But for the most part, politically, Like when I see political things Or when a coincidence That this guy said fag And all of a month later The show's premiering Duck Dynasty

Did you see that move people Or did you not see that fucking move coming I didn't even know when the season was starting But I knew there was a by the way here Again These guys have the highest rated show in cable history They're not satisfied So that's how you slip up

You know how many people Because listen whether it's good or bad Some people are going to get affected by it And they're either going to move on ago, I saw through the fucking move. Oh, my God. What am I for? Nobody wants to see that the light turned on on them.

Then they feel fucking bad. But anyway, what are we talking about? About North Bergen. About North Bergen, yeah. So he tells me this, whatever. And I'm like, you know what? I got to start writing my fucking book. I go in last night and I'm checking my messages.

And behold in front of me, I got a message from a kid that says, how you doing? My name is ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. My mom was Eileen Mooney. And I've never really talked. I talked about Eileen Mooney and I felt fucking horrible. Eileen Mooney was a girl I met my freshman year. That was not the...

She wasn't the most... she wasn't Farrah Fawson. But what she lacked in looks, she had it warmed. It was overwhelming. I met her on the football field. She was one of the stack girls or whatever. Overbite, you know, brown hair, Irish to the fucking end. Very outlandish, whatever. And when you're 15 or 14, you don't really know.

If a girl talks to you or looks at you right away, she wants to fuck you. Yeah. And she used to talk to me all the time. I didn't know what to expect. You know, I was very, I was shy. I wasn't the best-looking fucking kid. And then I got sick my sophomore year. And she showed up at the hospital with a bunch of hot girls.

And she had a boyfriend, so I know she didn't want to fuck me. So she taught me the gift of having a girl that was just a friend. Because I told it on the Being the Beast podcast, one of one of the, one of the, things that we lack as of men is we want to fuck everybody and you can't fuck everybody you gotta have some broads as your friends it helps you right it balances you to have a female flavor in your

fucking life you know so she did that for me and we were friends over the years and we used to giggle and she was sleeping with one of my buddies and I don't know what happened she started sleeping one of his brothers which that guy was one of my best friends Jimmy Berkel who just died last April so I don't know what the fuck happened

you know my life went into a tailspin my mother died she showed up at the wake and we were all friends for years. You know, the drugs came in. But there was this band. She was a little older than I was, maybe two years older than I was, maybe a year older.

But she acted. In those days, to be 16, you were 25 as a woman. You went to clubs in New York. There was this popular band right now. In fact, the Passmaster, Steve Villos band, their roots were in a band called the Bangs.

The Bangs were a huge bar band in the 70s in New Jersey, Connecticut, in that area. And they had people who would follow them. She was one of those girls, I think. that would go see the bangs. But she was not... I don't want to say she was promiscuous, you know?

God forbid. She was a girl, guy? She was a girl. In those days, you were broke, you went out, you showed some cleavits, some guys bought your drinks. We knew the deal. We used to hear them talking. I used to laugh.

Jesus, you girls go out and do that. I don't know when. It was right before I went to Colorado. She was dating somebody. She went out. She came home. The doorbell rang at 2 in the morning She opened the door and they shot her in the fucking face

What? The cigarette was still lit in her face When the cops got there She had a brother who was a fucking savage Who was a cop They had to go arrest him And take this gun away from him It shocked the community

It shocked the family Her brother did it? No, no, no no Some guy she was dating Got blasted one night And was jealous And went and shot her You know

And it was a shock for the committee But she had left a girl And a baby boy This son contacted me and says that he wants to write a book about her and that he didn't know, he doesn't want to write about the murder, but the beauty that she had

because he heard such great things and how she grew up and blah, blah, blah, and the murder was, you know, I don't know who did it, you know, and it's like I emailed him back yesterday that at that time, 82, 83, it was fucking crazy. And that fed into the craziness. So it seemed like something,

I was going to Colorado, it seemed like something. I didn't even go to the wake, I don't think. I was trying to think last night when I went to the way. And then I started thinking about when I was writing him back the message that here I was her friend. And I don't really have an answer for him on what happened. Because, and it makes me feel bad because she was a friend. But you can't know. Like that seems like something that's really like personal.

Like if it's an issue with like she had with her boyfriend, you can't be expected to know like that deep into someone's life. We were that close. Not me and her, but that community was that close. close. But like, let's say, I mean, I know at the end they did, but did your friends in Colorado know like when you started having problems

with Carol, your ex-wife, did they know then? Because it seems like, it seems like you wouldn't say that at the beginning. It seems like you kind of keep that inside. I don't know. I don't know what happened. I don't know how I reacted to her death and it just bothered me last night

because I was in that circle. Not really her circle, but I was in a circle next to it. And I don't remember, you know, it was just fucked up. I remember they arrested the guy and they gave a life sentence or something of 10 years. I don't know what happened, but I didn't know what had happened to the boy.

And this just shocked me last night. But the other side of this that shocked me was, to a guy like me, it means that she's still alive, you know? Like, I like all that shit. When somebody's still thinking about some... I mean, for God's sake, I was his fucking mother. They shot him. I think he said he was four. Oh, my God. So, you know, and after having Ray can

on last week and talking about that side. Like, it didn't end for me for a long time, guys. Like, it just didn't fucking end. And after a while, I felt like a fucking schlep rock. You know, like, that's what it was. When she got shot, I was like, I'm over it already. I got over it when Dominic died.

Like, now, just keep them piling. Keep piling those fucking bodies up now. I don't give a fuck. But I did give a fuck. It was just that, that's why I reacted, because it hit me a little bit last night, her death. At the time, I was so numb from the drugs and I was so piled up into my life that I didn't feel what she meant to me and that's what I'm trying to say

Lee that's what I'm trying to say that uh I didn't I felt bad because it didn't hit me hit me last night it took me a while to fall asleep last night took me a long fucking time to fall asleep I it's so sad that all those kids I grew up would die like that and I always think that and that was one of the things I always wanted to feel like I was living for them you know not much iileen mooney but the kids that Ray Canella talked about downtown Ray was great he hit me up a couple times it's weird. For me, it's weird to even still talk to Ray. Like, now I'm happy. I have his phone number so I can talk to Ray once a week. I still got to get my other buddy on, Dean LaPrette. It was also in the band. And he said that he'll never fucking call it. Oh, really?

Point blank, he would never call. In fact, he was so scared of me that the last time we spoke. I said, think about it. I'll give you a call. He wouldn't even call. He Facebooked me before I could even fucking call him. It's crazy you say that, though, because when I went home for the holidays, I had, from my bar mitzvah, my mom made this mural, which is pictures of me growing up, and she did the same thing from my brother. And I was looking at my brothers, and there's a picture of him with this kid who grew up, like, two streets down.

And there was a brother my age and a brother his age and a couple of other brothers. And when the kid, when the guy in my brother's age was in college, at like 20 years old, one day he just jumped in front of a train, and he killed himself. And I never really thought about it, because we never really hung out. But I always saw him.

We would get on the bus together and stuff. And just seeing his picture there as like a 10-year-old kid, I just, like, I can't even imagine. Like, I didn't really process it when it happened. But he was 20 years old, and he just jumped in front. And I just saw his picture as like a 10-year-old that, like, it, like, freaked me out for like a day when I was home. Like, at 20, you're so full of life, you know,

to take your life away like that. And that's what happened, I mean, Lune-and-it just, and I had it happened about a month. and a half ago, a girl I grew up with called me out of the blue and said, hey man, congratulations on the Niro movie. And we started talking and I said, what have happened to such and such? She goes, you know what? I'm going to lick into that girl.

And she called back two days later. She said she died. She died last year, 49 years old, you know? So I contacted. She told me to go look at up her picture and she told me the kids to say her on Facebook. So I went to Facebook, looked up the kid's name, and there was a picture of him. So I hit him up and asked him what happened. And about a month later, he hit me back.

And he goes, you know, it's weird because way before you contacted me, I was into your comedy from the Joe Rogan podcast. And here you are hitting me up, asking me about my mom. And it felt great and blah, blah, blah. So I asked my dad, and my dad said she did know you, a Coco from Jersey. And, you know, can you tell me one of her stories, you know. And one of my famous stories where it was being New York's thought and blow with fucking Paul Newman's daughter and we're upstairs

I've told this story. We're upstairs in the room. Me, her and Loebbs. And Loebbs opens up a draw and there's a bag of fucking blow. Oh, you have told this story? Okay. I had about, I don't know how many ounces in there and I go, we should take some of it and she goes, fuck it. Let's take it all. But that was, you know, one thing about Regina

that she taught me was that I had a, for a long couple years I was a little confusedly. For years there, after my mother's death, I became meek. Like I didn't want to pull the trigger. I had forgotten who I was, that the drugs had watered me down

and the effect of the death had watered me down. But it was Regina Gordon and Mike Runny who had such a suck-my-dick attitude. Like, go fuck your mother, suck my dick attitude. Like, Ronnie fucking impounded it into me. And hanging out with Regina, that was last year before I left New Jersey, we would go out at night,

and she had this attitude. Like, watch me. Like, Regina gulped in. talk, tell that guy, you're fucking whatever, you want some blow. Okay, watch, man. You go, no, no, no, I was just fucking, watch. And she'd come back with a grandma fucking blow. And laughing, laughing about it.

She didn't give a fuck, Lee. She didn't give a fuck. And people say they don't give a fuck in life. I don't give a fuck. There's people who are just talking. There's people that really don't give a fuck. And she was one of them, and Mike Runny was one of them. And it really rubbed off on me on an age where I needed to have that.

I was a little bit too uptight. I was a little bit too, well, what are they going to think about? No, who gives a fuck? Go in there and tell that motherfucker to suck your thing. And that was Regina. So I don't know how to put that on paper to tell the son. That's my favorite story hers.

That I don't want to tell somebody a story about drugs. I don't want to tell some kid that the best time being your mom had was being in the city and taking some guys out to blow. I don't think it's the same. Because that's why I don't let my mom listen to the podcast because she's from a generation where it would freak her out. But I think in this day and age, like, I think that's maybe why you're having problems writing the book.

I don't think it's that bad anymore because it taught you a life lesson and you don't do coke anymore. And yeah, it hurt some people, but if that's where you learned your life lesson, it's good. I mean, no one should do coke, but if a happy story of you and her, his mom, like, it still sticks you to that day, I would want to hear it. You know how much it devastated me when I found out my dad did drugs? How much it devastated me years later?

But right then, does it still devastate you? Yeah, it devastates me. And you know what's going to be devastating? And mercy's going to know that I did drugs by listening to these podcasts or looking at an old video. And I don't want, you know, I never wanted a kid to, you know, I always think it hurts when a kid knows his parents get high. I always don't like that because now it makes your hero get high. Listen, no matter how you look at your parents are your heroes. Mm-hmm.

Until a certain age, then you discover Carl Ustremski, you discover fucking Gus Williams or Gus Johnson. You know what I'm saying? But the inner core of your life, your parents are your fucking heroes. Once you realize of their slip, it makes your slip more probable, and it makes your slip easier to slip because your parents did it. But what if it's not a slip? What if, like, when I grew up there, the DARE program,

where the drugs were the worst thing and it didn't work. I understand Coke's bad and you're always going to tell Mercy don't not do it. But if she grows up in a family where you're just honest and you're like,

yeah, I smoke pot and you should wait to do it but it's not the worst thing. I don't think it'd be that traumatizing for her. You know, I wonder what a national poll would be if they're seeing how many people get high

and if their parents got high. Most people. And then if they tested to see if they knew. When did you know that your parents got high? I wonder if it affects in your making the decision of getting high. I really wonder what the... I know for years, for years I lied to myself.

Four or three years, I said, you know, I'm not going to put nothing on my nose. And I'll tell you what, I don't know what the worst thing was. The death of my mother, the death of the kids around me, or what deteriorated my inner belief system the worst than when I put powder in my nose. Because for so long I was against it. I was so fucking against it. I was so disgusted by it.

I couldn't believe a human being would put something in their fucking nose. So by the time came, it's like the first day I had bad credit. When I was 30, I got divorced, 28, I got divorced, and my main goal always was to have great credit. If I had a payment due on the 23rd, I paid on the 21st. The day I couldn't make a payment leave that day, I still remember how bad I felt. Once I didn't make that payment, I said,

fuck the rest of the payments because it broke my belief. You know? It takes a long time to get your inner belief back once the drugs breaks it. And that's something that I realized years later. I thought about that. You know, it's a joke when I say that story about being a little kid and my mom having a pinata

for the adults of aluminum foil and she'd go go get me that fucking... It's a joke. But it really isn't. It's really fucking sad. And at that time, my mom had to fucking tell me. In her world and how the person she was, she had to tell me. Because I think she would have thought it would have devastated me

if I would have found out a different way and it would have. So it's a two-edged sword for a guy like me. You know what I'm saying? It's a two-edged sword. That's how I feel, cuck-suckling. What are you looking at me like that for? No, I'm just... There was a guy at the grocery store the other day

a few weeks ago asking me to donate to get dare back. And I didn't want to do it because I feel like it's the wrong message and I definitely don't... Because for you, you don't drink because your mom had a bar and you saw what it did, and you still don't drink.

And you drank it a little bit when doing Coke, but it was never like... I drank it went this weekend. I had two shots of Yeager at the bar for any night. Yeah, yeah, two shots. But most people have that every weekend, so, like, a drink you never got to you. So I don't think... I don't think your mom doing it effectively. I don't think that's the reason why you did Coke.

I think that's just part of the... No, no, it was part of the scenario. So I don't think Mercy personally, if... Because knowing how... with the way you and your wife are, I don't think you're going to try to hide it. I don't think you're going to start smoking outside. And if anyone comes up to you talking about chuba-chews,

you're not going to throw them away. I think from an early age, she's going to know about weed, and she'll probably want to try it, but I don't think she's going to be... I don't want to smoke in the house. I don't smoke in the house now when she's around at all. And if I smoke in that bedroom at night, the door's closed.

I open up the window. I have a breeze that light a candle. Yeah, no, I'm not thinking you're smoking in front of her, but... Yeah, I don't want it to be open. My wife don't smoke. I don't think you're going to hide it from her. I don't know yet.

I don't know yet. I do not know yet. I do not know how to act yet around it. She's been around for a year and I'm still getting used to this shit. She's growing. Because she's still kind of relegated to one area. She's almost to that point where she's going to be running around. Yeah, she could open up the gates now.

She figured it out how she did. She had to loosen it and open it. It's amazing how fast and they move and do their fucking shit. So get up, cock suckers. It's Monday. Where's I want to be? around real quick before I call. Let's fucking do this shit. A little something for the fucking spirits on a Monday. Get your shit together, cocksuckers. Write your goals. Smoke some

dope. Eat some oatmeal. Your resolutions start today. To pick up the pieces. Resolutions to start every day. Let's start every day in my life. Your heart. Sing it, Lee, you cocksucker. Some somebody twice as smart. As I... Are you fucking kidding me or what? Or somebody who... I wonder how much Tony Bennett wants

with it writes to this song. I think we should try to buy it from him. He wants too much loot. Tony Bennett's a fucking Ali-Molly. You know what I'm saying? He wants too much fucking loot. Probably. What else is going on, you bad motherfucker?

Uh... No, I'm trying to think. I mean, it's just... I'm going through the thing. Oh, the mom... I went and had lunch with the girl the other day, and the mom made me, I should tell you how much food she brought me,

but she made me Mexican chicken noodle soup. So I've never had that before with the girlfriend's mom. What the fucking chickens had in there with the beak? Oh no, she took that out. She made that with Pasolans and that freaking out a little bit. What did you see? The eyeballs? No, no, no.

The head was in there, but like the whole chicken was in there. But, no, she made me like so much food, and she called yesterday, and I can't talk directly to her, really, because she doesn't speak English. but she was over the phone saying does he want more food or it's a cool

it's a cool thing to have a Mexican mother-in-law Oh yeah she's great The chicken noodle soup I usually I don't like it usually But it was spicy It was That should take the fucking flu right out of it

Oh my God yeah HIV flu Flu A fucking pink eye You just rub it She was gonna make me voodoo stuff And I couldn't do it Voodoo stuff

She does like this voodoo drink And I can't do it Now what about the They put the lime in the soup. Probably. Yeah, they put the lime in the soup, like the Cubans, that gives it the fucking wine.

I took my wife to El Coconito a couple weeks ago. She was sick, and I gave the fucking Cuban chicken soup with the big piece of corn in it, and they give you a lemon in it. Oh, my God. And you can see the difference.

You could see the texture of the bones, like the juice from the fucking marrow is in there, because they throw the whole chicken alive. There's mud in there. There's chicken shit. And all mixed together just zaps fucking germs. It's amazing. I feel bad for my mom because there's no way, like, I like my mom's cooking and she's a great cook, but there's just no comparison, really, when you look at it.

And it's just, it's, like, my, our kids are never going to know the difference. No, it's, it's amazing, though. It's, it's, you wonder what California would be like without Mexicans. They'd be still eating in and out burgers. Oh, yeah. They'd be online when you're fucking it out. Have we tried to have Mexican food on the East Coast? We didn't, I was joking with Paula.

It's horrendously bad. Yeah. Let me tell you what happens when you take a Mexican from here or a Mexican that knows food to the East Coast. They want to cancel out everything and open up a Mexican restaurant. I told her. I told Paula's mom. They live here for two years. You'll be a millionaire. You're a millionaire. Millionaire. And you start small, an office that just does burritos that deliver.

Just the tacos. Just the tacos. Just the tacos. They don't have those little, they don't have them. They don't have that. They don't have nothing like that. And what they do have is horrendously bad. And it's overpriced.

And it's like the Italians that are here. You know, they're three generations away The food blows They give you this chabada bread What the fuck is shabbata bread Who to fucking invent this shabada bread Fucking jack in the box And the whole

It's amazing every fucking six months One of these fat food chains Invents a new fucking word This restaurant I was at in Buffalo It was a great place But everything was chabata bread This Buffalo bitch There ain't no fucking chabada bread in Buffalo

There's a motherfucking whipa type of town Get your shit together But it's amazing Everybody wants to be trendy and shit You know, on Rosemary, Chabot. He's gonna be a piece of fucking Italian break, and make this easy on everybody, you fucking Mo Mo. I talked about ranch dressing up there.

They fucking hate it. Oh shit. Oh, yeah, they must. Go ahead. Oh, shit. What's happening, my brother? Doing. You know what me, dog, waiting on you,

making sure it's a beautiful day to be alive. George MMA junkie on the phone, ladies and gentlemen. What's happening, baby? Not much, man, just getting ready to tackle the week. In my world, the MMA world. A few weeks off, no major shows, but they're coming, and then some good fights are coming our way. Where are you coming from right now?

You're coming back in the gym? No, no. You know, actually, in my area, AT&T just doesn't have good service, so, you know, the couple times I've been lucky enough to do your guys this show. I get in the car and I drive down about two blocks away where the coverage improves dramatically, so I'm just in the car chilling. Yeah, I can't believe that it's been like ever since the first of the year.

There's nothing. People have been fucking really Jones. I think Glory was the last thing, right? I don't even know. That's how fucking confused I was by the holidays. Yeah, yeah, technically there was Glory, and then there was UFC 168, and then after that it's just a few weeks off.

It really isn't much. There's no off season. But for us, it feels like a lot when you can take two, three weeks off from the job, I guess. It does freshly keep up, though. No, no, so it kicks off Wednesday, right, with Philippaou against. Luke Bruchold,

whatever his fucking name is, Luckhold or something. Yeah, yeah, Luke Rockhold versus Costa Phillips. That's a great fight. That's a great fight. But they're beast, you know, so it should be a good main event.

And then Saturday we got fights also or the following week. We have fights. We have Chicago. Yeah, if we're just going to stick to the EFC theme, then you're right. We have to wait until the following week

when they go to... UFC goes on Big Fox out in Chicago. And who's on that card? They got the World Series of fighting. That's going to happen this week. And then, of course, Access TV. You have all the different cards, you know, the regional cards from all over the world. They're pretty consistent.

But the U.S. season on the 25th, and then right before Super Bowl, they have a card. And then they come back to Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas. So they have about a month where, like, three weeks is pretty active. So let's start with Chicago. Who's on the Chicago card? That one's headlined by Josh Thompson versus Benson and Henderson. Oh, shit. Yeah, that's right.

I forgot about that. I mean for Anthony Pettison's belt in the lightweight division, 155 pounds. Okay, and then after that, you've got the Super Bowl card in New Jersey, the night before the Super Bowl. Who's headlining that card? That's Uriah Faber against Barraal, correct? Yeah. Okay. He's the actual Van Amory champion now.

Right, Dominic Cruz. Right. Dominic Cruz had to relinquish the belt because he got hurt again. So he'll be defending against Uriah Fabor. And then the other one is Jose Alamos. versus Ricardo Obama. So two titles that's big for the UFC in the lower-away classes. Wow.

Who else is on that card for the Super Bowl? There was some other friend. I got Frank Meier and Alistair Overe. He's back. Oh, shit. And this could be do or die for Frank Mear, you know. And Alice Overing. They're both coming off two losses, correct?

Yeah, actually, Mears coming off three. Overing's coming off two. But I'll tell you what. You know, the stakes are really high because, both guys are getting up there in age. Nobody wants to be a, you know, the loser of a fourth straight fight because at that point, you know,

the fans are going to want you to contemplate retirement, maybe your family, maybe hell yourself. The promotion may even give you the boot. I mean, both guys are popular. They've been around for a long time, but, you know, it's becoming a young man's sport. It's the changing of the guard again. Last night I was watching,

I was just going through the channels, and I was watching Junior against Roy Nelson. and Junior and him were pounding the fuck out of each other. I mean, karate kicking, punches to the midsection kicks, and I looked to see what year that was, and it was 2010. Maybe the car, the fight was maybe 2009. I'm not sure, but it's amazing on how fast those two guys,

I don't want to say they were relevant in the heavyweight division, but right now you're looking at some other guys in the heavyweight division that are, you know, take who just, beat the baby face assassin. Like right now he's very... Yeah, Travis Brown. You know, it's amazing how fast the guard is changing. You know, yesterday,

I bumped into somebody at the airport and we're talking about that they're already planning the return of Anderson Silver against GSP. You know, it's like, in a way, we're holding on to those two. But... Yeah, it's funny because in boxing,

people say, do you still want to see Manny and Floyd? And I say, of course I do. With both great fighters, The only problem is I wanted to see it more three years ago. Right. I'll still take it. It lost a little bit of a buzz, but I'll still take it.

I'm a fight fan. So the same thing goes for Anderson-Silva and GSP. You know, GSP's taking that little hiatus. Anderson-Sovia obviously is recovering from a serious injury, but I think both will be back. And now maybe without the titles, maybe they'll do it. Maybe they'll feel like that pressure's off or whatever, and maybe they'll make the fight happen. But it won't be as big as it would have been two, three years ago. It's amazing how my ass.

somebody on Twitter yesterday, John Fitch, when is your next fight? You know, John Fitch is in the World Series now. I'm still one of his biggest fans, but it's like three years ago, him and the other guy from AKA, and I haven't even heard from the other guy in AKA. The one that left and opened up his own gym? Mike Flick, he's down in Thailand. No, the other guy. Oh, no, you're thinking of Josh Costa.

Yeah. Well, about two months ago, a guy named Tyrone would be knocked out of Josh Koste. Right. Right. I remember that. Right. I fucked. So, Kostas also working off the loss before that, which is to Robbie Lawler, so he's on a two-fight losing streak himself. Now he's 35, 36. He's telling him that father time, it just catches up with all of us. It's really amazing how fast the sport's going, but it's a big time changing in a guard.

And listen, it's for the better in a way. That 185, and I've discussed it before, it's stacked. We haven't even seen Jacaree really fucking come out yet. You know, the Machita's at 185. I mean, Wyman, I love him to death, but he's in the fucking mouth of the valley. Who's in the Bible that they said to him? You're in the mouth of Moses or somebody? Who the fuck was it?

You're Jewish. What the fuck, cuckusker? Somebody was in the Valley of Darkness, and they fucking called Jesus. He's like, you're fucked. Weidman's got Vidor, Jacaray, Machita. You know, he's 170. He's fucking stacked with the, I mean, I can't wait to see Fidel against, what's his name in Dallas? Robbie Lola.

That's going to be a fucking fist of course. Somebody's head might fucking come off in Dallas. I mean, there's some great fight cards coming up. I just found that about Orlando. Who the fuck is fighting in Mickey Mouseville? Orlando? You're breaking news to me. I didn't hear about Orlando.

Yeah. I don't know. There's a fight in fucking Orlando. Who the fuck fights in Orlando? I thought Mickey Mouse said no fucking hair pulling here. It's the week before Baltimore. They're having something in Orlando. Oh, okay, okay, yeah.

So, Baltimore is in April. April 25th. In April, John Jones versus Glover-Teshirea. One week before, they may have something in Orlando, the UFC Fight Night series. Right. Those fights sometimes get announced, you know, and I may get backed up a day or two on the smaller cards. So I could see that because they usually use those cards to promote the bigger cards. So the last time we spoke, we spoke about a little issue you had had.

that I had gone through for a long time. I don't know if you wanted to discuss it, you know, but it helped me out talking about it. I've kind of brought it up before to our audience. The anxiety stuff, man. I'll tell you what. Do you remember that show, Jersey Shore? Yeah.

You guys remember that? Yes. It was a kid named Vinny, one of the meatheads or whatever, what they call? Not juice heads, but... Goombas, whatever. Doomba, yeah, those guys.

And, you know, those guys were starting to get paid $100,000 in episode, and all, you know, all they did is get paid the party, bang broads or whatever. One of the kids wanted to go home because he had anxiety. And I was like, what the fuck out of your anxiety? Here, break, you couldn't have an easier life. What are you so anxious about? I mean, you know, you just act like a jackass, get drunk, bang a chick, and cash these checks. What's the big deal?

And sure enough, man, within six months, I kind of started a little bout with it. And it's an everyday bout. Some days are worse than others. Luckily, the big ones are far and few in between, but the little ones can catch up to you here and there. And, you know, whatever. What it was, I think, was just a wake-up call. You know, life can be stressful,

and sometimes you've got to pick and choose what to really worry about. And so I'm trying to worry about some of the small stuff anymore, you know, and just kind of do my thing and get out. Walk me through your last anxiety attack and how it went down. The last one. Because you scared the fuck out of me. You scared the fuck out of me when you're talking. And you know by the sound of my voice, when I told you that, I was like, Jesus Christ, what the fuck?

So break down the last one to me. All right. So the two big ones I had was January 2012 and then January 2013. So I already know that for whatever reason, sometime around the holidays, I expect to do the funky chicken, you know, and worry about it. And so, you know, forecasting ahead, it was late December of this past year of 2013. And I was just, you know, trying to stay on top of things. I did my Christmas shopping early, things like that. Everything's good.

I come back from visiting the parents. Everything's clicking, Joey Lee. I'm really, really feeling like, all right, cool. You know, a lot of things are under control. And I went to the press conference for USC 168, and I'm over at the MGM. And I ran into Eric Paulson, who coaches Josh Barnett, and he was on that card.

And Eric Ed Sorres, your buddy, my buddy, I know him. And I'm talking about it. of them. I booked No Gare for the show in studio. So I'm happy as a clam. Everything's going great. Now they say, now Dina White says, okay, we're going to stop this press conference and we're going to do the pose down. So, you know, obviously I walk up there. I was kind of sitting more with the fans. So I break out my camera and I just want to see Misha and Rhonda and Josh and Travis and, you know, Anderson and Whiteman just kind of pose off. So I go up there to maybe get a little Instagram video going on. And then all of a sudden,

and some friendly guy says, hey, Manchester United fan, huh? Because I was wearing my jersey. I go, yeah. How about you? He says, Everton. And I clearly remember this. And then all of a sudden,

my knees just kind of weakened, and my heart starts racing a little. And that's kind of like what happens. I guess sometimes when I get a little nervous or anxious. But he was pleasant. He wasn't confrontational. Everybody was cool. This is the part that pissed me off the most

is it just came out of nowhere. And then all of a sudden, my desk just a little tight. And I go, no, I go, and I told the guy, excuse me for a second, you know, and I kind of walk away, but in my mind, I'm going, what, how fuck? So I walk towards the back of the room, and I see Ed Saur's there, and I say, hey, I go, can I speak you for a second? He goes, man, I don't feel good, can you just keep an eye on me? He says, yeah, so as he's doing that, I look for some water, and then I reach for those little Xanax pills that I have.

Now, mind you, they gave me 30 of those in 2012 when, you know, when I had the anxiety thing, when they said, take this if you ever feel that way. And over two years, I've only taken about 25 of them in like little half-bid pieces because I just don't want to get addicted to that shit. So I don't like taking it. But I was trying to calm myself down. I wasn't calming down. I think what happened is when you're around a lot of people, it starts to get worse because

you start to think, oh, my God, I'm going to go and I'm going to go here in front of bunch of people you know and so I bid a little peace I calm down I still wouldn't calm down I went to MGM security I said hey I'm not feeling good and the paramedic thing and what was what did what did the doctors say when you got there what was the his test for treatment by the time I got to the ER the I had already calmed down and I realized like always I'm not gonna have a heart attack I've already had all the tests and that was the one thing that was better than the two previous visits was that I kind of knew I already wasn't going to have a heart attack.

It's just I couldn't stop shaking and my heart couldn't stop leading fast. So, you know, that's why I went. But by the time he got there, I knew what it was, and I knew I had a follow-up with my doctor coming up anyway. And they wanted to order a bunch of blood tests and things, and I just didn't want to do all that, and I didn't want to pay for all that. So I told me, thank you. Sorry to bother you guys. I'm just going to walk out of here.

So I had to sign a bunch of papers, you know, a few papers, and then I walked out of there. And every day since then, I've been pretty good, actually. How you've been feeling the last three weeks? Pretty good. I can't complain. And like I said, I feel better that, you know, if this was my one annual, you know, bout or whatever,

I guess I'll take it because I kind of conquered it. I tried to deal with it. I really tried my best not to go to the ER, you know. And like I said, a lot of this is mental. But since then, I've tightened up the diet even more. I'm exercising, you know, a ton and, you know, just trying to stay on top of the job. You know, the last, before, like, October, I was getting really bad anxiety. I got an anxiety attack sitting across from Lee at the desk one day.

Lee didn't know how to take my fucking earphones off. But it got to that point for a couple months. From last March to about October, I was going through hell. And I said, you know what, I'm going to go to Jiu-Jitsu. And I started going to jiu-suitzoo, and I would do hip escapes. My breathing would go to a different level and have to get up and take my gie off and my belt and anything tight on my body. And it was just horrible. I mean, it was fucking horrible, George.

And I didn't know what to do. And I finally told the doctor and he goes, go to a hypnotherapist. And that helped a little bit, you know, but it wasn't. It was just, George, my mind would just take off. It would just fucking race. I mean, he goes from point A to point B. Last night I was in bed thinking about this girl that I grew up with. And next thing, you know, I was thinking horrible fucking thoughts.

And I had to catch myself, you know? And it was, the breathing was bothering me, George, because you know how when your heart starts to race? And once I get that shortness of Brett, George, that's it. It takes off. Once I realize, I think I'm going to get a heart attack, it takes off. So she told me to think about the island of serenity, you know, what's at the island of the serenity, nothing bad could happen to you.

You know, I wrote down my perfect, you know, my perfect scenario. What would it be, you know, for me not to feel that way? And it was the breathing, George. Once the breathing took over me, George, I was off and running. That was it. And I started hitting me on planes, and I started blaming it on the edibles. You know, the edibles had something to do with it, the medical marijuana edibles. It just makes your thoughts too real sometimes.

So I lightened up on those for a while. In fact, the last, like, since the, I think, the week before Christmas, maybe the week before that, I've cut down like 80% on those things. I don't need them at all. I read that. I was popping four of them in the daytime. I would start here with Lee at 6th of the morning. I stopped with those things.

But you know what else? What really helped me, George, the working out, the walking. Even the fucking walking. Once you start getting that breath, you know what? Grab your keys and get out of the fucking house and go for a fucking walk. because for me it's too many thoughts in my mind at one time. And at my age, I can't alt-delete and whatever anymore, right? Don't you do that to the computer?

You shut it down or whatever? Control-alt- Delete, you know? And that's all it is sometimes. It's we have, I think we just have 80,000 thoughts coming at one time, and our head explodes, and we start breathing. And then once the breathing takes over, our mind, that's all our mind needs to play a trick on us. Exactly. Mine's happened as well while doing the radio show before,

and I'll look at my brother and kind of get him a signal, like, I've got to step outside for a second, you know. And it's a live show just like you guys, so I try and hang in there, but there have been a couple of times where I, and just, like I said, in two years, maybe two, three times where I just told me I'm going to catch some pressure. Nobody on the show knows it, and I just, you know, bounce for a second, catch my breath, get some water, and then whatever.

But that's just there. I think we're letting ourselves let too much. of our work, our thoughts, personal life, or whatever, just pile on. And in doing so, it just, I guess it becomes too much, you know, and the nervous system can't handle it. So what we have to do is prevent it and, you know, just, I guess, juggle your life a little bit better or shut some things down. And, you know, like, what, you know, which one, Joey that I think I've identified is rest.

If I'm not, if I, if I, before I used to rest, like, four hours or five hours or something like that kind of like not necessarily party or anything but just you know between getting ready for work the night before or whatever or um maybe going out a little bit but not necessarily hitting the bottle but if the next day i just don't feel resting you feel a little bit weak i think that's when you're the most susceptible and i'll tell you what else helped me and i don't know why i thought of this while i was talking to you i started doing kettlebells i joined an organized class you know i wasn't getting something at the ymCA i was going on the ymc a i was going on the y i was hitting the bag for 30 minutes.

I would get on the epileptical for 30 minutes, and I get the fuck out of there. And that's great. At least I went down there and moved my blood around. But when I started going to kettlebells, it was under somebody else's whistle. Do you know what I mean?

And what I liked about this guy is he's CPR. He told me he was a fireman for a long time. And he told me he brought people back to life like three times. So I said, you know what? If I go to this guy, I could go all out. And I could really breathe. And I tell you, I've paid five. times already and it's so weird that this last

Wednesday I went and he has a little classroom it's a little gym it's a box he's got kettlebells and TRX and I start doing the kettlebells and when I do the kettlebells I have to do them close to the door George because when I would lose my breath I have to run outside and breathe I have to

wear like a wristband on my left hand for the kettlebells because it hurts my wrist and I do the cleans I even had to take that off do you know on Wednesday when I went he made me do 10 sets of 10 in 10 minutes, which means you basically have a 45 second interval between each set. And he made me do five sets of five deadlifts. And I didn't walk out of the room one time.

Because he's pushed me so much, George. And the breathing that I know nothing's, and this time, George, I ain't going to lie to you. I'm breathing so heavy. I'm thinking to myself, today's the day. Like, I take aspirin before I go. Today's the day. But I know that he's there. And I know that if I pass out, he'll give me mouth to mouth or stick a finger at my

belly button whatever the fuck they do squeeze your theater so maybe that helped also that he's pushed me a little more and now the anxiety has gone down that's awesome because we work out george i tell you what else gives me anxiety when i have to sit in the inside seat on a plane and when i have to pee george my anxiety goes why do you fucking think i don't sit in my seat at the ufc because i would pee my pants because i thought it was because because it was because Momos are always tapping you on the shoulder saying, did you see that? And then when you turn it over to your shoulders, the answer, you really miss the... The fight.

Well, that's one of the things. But the most important thing was that I was sitting on the ground, and I would have to go up those stairs with pee in my pants. And when at the time I got up to the top level, I would pee my fucking pants from holding my breath. So I stopped going down to the floor seats because peeing to me, it gives me... And it's fucking constant. I'll leave leaves right now. Well, there's a bathroom. Get in my car.

Start the car and I got to pee, and now I got to drive for. fucking 10 minutes to get home and I'm ready to fucking jump out of the car and pee in the sidewalk I do it all the time now I'm at an age where I ain't got time I ain't gonna wait for a bathroom I just take my dick out and make believe I'm checking something in the trunk and I just pee fucking wildly so I pissed at the airport yes I don't give a fuck no more it's always it's fucking killing me the pee

situation before I go on stage I mean I could be sitting in a fucking green room George 20 minutes waiting to go on stage and as the other guy walks up to bring me up a pound of piss jumps into my fucking bladder and now I can't pee. So I got to go on stage with the pee in my fucking ball sack for 45 to an hour. And as I'm walking up on stage, I have so much fucking anxiety until I open my big fat mouth and then it all jumps out and that's it, brother. Maybe you should incorporate it in your act and show everybody how you can just pee on command.

You know, people burp on command and do things on command. And that way, you know, it's a fallback in case you really have to do. You just piss your pants. For a long time, I wore two long shirts on stage, and people go, Joey, you got to change your wardrobe. No, they were long shirts and they were cut with the front of my dick. So if I peed before I went on stage, you wouldn't see the dot on my pants. They're tricks. Everybody does tricks, because I'd always go on stage with a pee dot on my pants, or it felt like a p. dot was on my pants from the leakage.

You know, you don't want to wear a diaper at 45. What else is going on in the world of UFC that we could discuss real quick here? What else has been going on? What upcoming events? What have you heard? But, you know, we mentioned Anderson Silva earlier, and he broke his legs, his fibia and fibia bones in half. That's down there by the shin. And so, you know, people were saying, will he ever come back?

If he does, will he be the same, things like that? But I'll tell you what. I knew it. The guy's competitive as he is, would not want to go out not only with a break like that, but also with a loss. and he actually recently beat an interview, and I don't agree with him, but he's saying, you know, Chris Weidman shouldn't feel like he won because an accident was happening,

and he said he felt like the fight was going to be his, had it gone to distance. But it's a little too late for that one, because, you know, they had two full rounds in fights one and two, and Weidman won both of those, and Weidman got two finishes. You guys saw how you look at it, whether one was a fluke and one was goof and they were wins, you know.

So what I'm just happy about is that a great guy like him, does want to fight again because I think still fighting at a high level. I just don't know if it'll be at the level where he can get his title back because you'll have to fight someone else and maybe one or two fights before you can shot at Wyman again. It's not an easy,

it's not a just the most difficult cell in the world to watch that fight for the third term. Usually you don't say that. But they're doing it with Frankie Edgar and BJ Penn. They were willing to deal with Tito Ortiz and Chuck LaDelle. They did it with Cito Ortiz.

and in Shamrock, so it's probably they've shied away from it, but I think we'll see Anderson's still a fight again. Listen, you know, I'm a big fan of his, and I'm a big fan of Ed, and I'm a big fan of the sport, so I know how much the sport's going to miss Anderson Silver. He's got all the odds against him,

but, again, he's the fucking savage of life. I just hope he makes the right decision, whatever decision he makes. You know, sometimes we let emotions overtake our mind and we make a mistake. He's got money. I'm not going to write him off as not being the best of all time because of what happened.

Everything comes to an end. They even got to Bruce Lee. They gave him a poison cookie. Whatever the fuck they gave him. So at time comes, I don't want, and I hate to say this. I hate to say this because I was a bigger fan of his. I don't want to see a Chuck Liddell situation. I don't want to see a guy risking his future to prove something.

You know, once you get knocked out, or twice, you're susceptible, bro. We've all seen it. You're susceptible. You know, Steve Young, Johnny Concussion. You know, you're susceptible. Why? You have nothing to prove to me.

Hey, thinking of Steve Young, I'm about them 49ers. Oh, shit. Look at you talking to some... Dog, you're talking in the wrong room. You're talking in front of my fucking friend, Lysayat, who New England's coming off a fucking smashed bamboo. And I sat in that room after they scored that one touchdown. I was sitting with Josh Potter and Buffalo.

And I go, look at Andrew Luck. They shook him up right now. He goes, as a matter of fact, they're going to intercept next pass. They fucking intercepting the third quarter. He goes, how did you know? I go, listen, bro, New England is playing with a team that Tom Brady has carried this team. They got nobody. They're in hurt.

They're in prison. They're killing motherfuckers up there. I mean, he's up there by himself. Tom Brady is, listen, I grew up in the era of quarterbacks, and so did you, George. We grew up with, you know, Montana was, you know, Marino. fucking machine gun Kelly, you know. I don't know how many NFL

teams are there, George. 32? 32. 32 NFL teams, let's be honest. How many real quarterbacks do you have in the league now? Five. Maybe.

Maybe less than 10. Maybe. True pure quarterbacks. This fucking Brady is a throwback. But then you got that fucking savage up in Denver, who I knew they weren't going to cover the spread yesterday. They were giving eight points.

That was a fucking, on the Lord's Day in Denver, you got to give 30 points. They won by seven. And San Diego, whatever. So it's San Diego. It's Denver, New England next week in Denver. Yeah, in San Francisco, Seattle. That's it.

That's the NFC and the AFC championship. Wow. What do you think about Kaepernick? Capernick's pretty great. Yeah, Kaepernick, I'm glad you brought them up, because I've been taking a lot of shit from a lot of our listeners because the first game of the season, he could put like 400 yards on Green Bay,

and now it's coming off the, you know, then going to the Super Bowl. And so I made a proclamation. I said, hey, guys, I go, I'm telling you one thing, this kid's special. I wouldn't trade him for anybody. And, of course, that's taking a lot of shit and a lot of heat for that comment. And I stuck by it, though. You know, his performance went down during the year.

Obviously, the Niners went into a little skid. He started out like 6 and 4, and then they peeled off 6 straight to end, 12 and 4. But, you know, Kaepernick's not going to throw, he's not going to have 70% completion and 4 TDs and 400 yards every game. He's going to rarely do that. What the guy can do is run and present that threat. And in the playoffs, you know, he showed it against Green Bay. Yesterday, he passed a little bit more and ran a little bit less.

But still, he's just making third downs, you know, and a lot of the better quarterbacks that do do that, like Aaron Rogers aren't doing it. You know, and then Cam Newton had his chance to say as well towards the end of the game through an interception. And I'm telling you, man, and we've been doing it on the road. So going back to what I said, though, obviously there's a few guys that are very valuable, and you'd very seriously consider trading a guy like Kaepernick for.

If you can get two free seasons out of them and maybe a couple of Super Bowls because the Niners have a Super Bowl caliber team right now. And I would agree that Tom Brady and Peyton Manning would probably be two of those guys. But those guys are like 37 years old, you know, and Kaepernick's only 26. So I still got another 10 years to go with that guy. And that's how, you know, when you're a gentleman, or in the NFL, not that I'm one of them, but I know how they think. Do you think about the future?

So do you mortgage all that for just a year or two or three? And, you know, some would say no, and that's why I stick by my comment. And now Kaepernick's getting ready to shove it up all those listeners and all those maysayers asked. We're going to go up to Seattle, handle them, and then we're going to... Oh, shit! Look at George dropping some fucking knowledge on the Seahawk fans up there. Do you think...

Like, I don't think... I... Caponix great. but you won't see like a Brady and Manning because running he won't last until he's 37 he'll have a great five or six years but I don't think he could have the career that Brady or Manning had because they stay in the pocket and they try not to get hit too much

when you're running like that it's like RG3 RG3 had one year and maybe he'll come back next year but the running quarterback's like I'm glad I don't have a running quarterback because at most I think you maybe get five years out of them no that's a good point But here's the thing, he's very smart, and he's got a powerful arm. Oh, his arm is crazy. He's going to have a little more poise back there in the pocket,

and he needs to get more accurate. And that's going to come with time. You saw Cam Newton. In years two, he had some struggles. That was last year, and then this year he became a little bit more poised. He threw a beautiful touchdown pass yesterday. But if you'll notice, Kaepernick's very smart about when to go down. He's also a big boy.

A lot of those cornerbacks that usually take out the guys that are like 6 feet, 6-1, like, you know, like RG3 or Breeze or just, you know, even Russell Wilson, some of those hits can take effect. I mean, Kaplanet's like 6-5-2-30. You know, he can lay you out too. But he's pretty smart. He knows when to get down. He knows when to get out of bounds. So I don't think we're going to have those kind of problems. You know, it's funny how I really enjoyed the running quarterback for a few years.

I like the aspect that started with Randall Cunningham. for me. You know, I grew up with Lawrence Taylor and the Giants, and Randall Cunningham really added a different dimension to it, but Lee is correct. It's just, it's too much. You need, when you have a running quarterback, you really need a number two that's deadly

because, deadly. What have happened to Michael Vick? Is he still around this year? He got overtaken in Philly. He got hurt too much, and the guy who backed him up in Philly was better than him, so. So he's not starting anymore? He says he wants to next year, but I don't know any good team. It's just, you know, I'm talking about a,

we grew up on pure quarterbacks. Guys, you know, it's beautiful when you watch Denver. If you watch Denver, all they do is simple. They have a phenomenal quarterback, but they put eight white walls around them. Do you see those steak eaters they got around him? Do you see that? And that started with a man by the name of John Elway.

They realized that to really let a quarterback go loose, you've got to build a wall. You got to put Bing Floyd, Led Zeppelin, and the Beatles. in front of these motherfuckers. They get fucking the biggest, whitest dudes that all they know how to do is fucking eat doors. Look at Denver's offensive line.

There's, I think, one black guy. They're fucking white doors, bro. And their longevity. So me, yeah, I like the running quarterback. This is a bad motherfucker, but they're going to kill him. They're going to kill him eventually. And those pure guys, you know, how old is Brady? He has to be 35.

Look at this fucking dude up in Denver. How old is he? close to 40 and we were writing him off three years ago with the back injury so they knew they said for him to throw he's got an he needs five seconds he needs five seconds and he needs to know not even a fucking pebbles he's not even gonna get hit with saliva you understand me like he don't get hit with sweat nothing joy it's that guy and when he does get hit you know you can see that everybody on that offensive line they take a hundred from it's all over you're getting duced a hundred and no pork chop on fucking friday night for dessert because that's what they eat for desserts up there but he does it's up there but Pork chops. Like after the steaks and the fucking bread. What's for dessert? A fucking pork chop. So it's just, you know what?

I don't watch that much football, but in my heart, you know, you got a lifetime, Brady. That motherfucker dumped the chick when she was pregnant and started fucking the Brazilian chick. That Brazilian chick is one of the top five women God has ever put on this fucking planet. If you look at her legs, you could smell her pussy just by looking at her fucking knees.

And it smells like fucking pure Brazilian ocean. You could see it. She's a fucking amazing that bitch. He goes out there every week and throws, you know who controls Tom Brady, pussy. Like, he's a pussy motherfucker. Like, she rubs that fucking monkey on his face before he goes out there. And she says, you don't win, you don't get this for a fucking month, Cogsucker. And there's a point in the game where he just goes crazy.

You ever see him? He just goes crazy. When I went out, we got offstage, it was 29, 22. When I came back, it was 44 something. And I knew they were going to score two more touchdowns. Because once they get the interception, Brady just thrives on that shit. Yeah. No, it was crazy.

And, Jordan, not to bring it back to M.MA, but I read an article before the show started, and I wanted to get your opinion on it. The Khabibu guy, and Dana White's saying that Nate Diaz turned the fight down. Because Kabeep fought like, if not the last card, or two before it, and he killed him. So what are you hearing about that? Yeah, he, you know, he's an awesome fighter, man. It's like 5'0 since he joined the UFC, like 21 and O overall, which is rare to go on. defeated that long. Guys are a beast.

What they wanted to do is they wanted to match him up at USC 170. He'll be with Melendez. But apparently, from what I'm hearing, it just, Gil, it wasn't going to be enough time to prepare, you know. Melendez is a thorough professional. He's not the type of guy that really takes fights on,

like, maybe six weeks notice or four weeks notice. And during the holidays, you never know, man. You never know what, if you're up an extra five, ten pounds, and you're not used to, it's hard to really do that thing, you know. And he wants a shot at the title. You know, Anthony Pettus holding that title, he'll be out for about another six, seven months. But I think what he wants to do is get, and I'm talking about Gilbert here, is get a key win, and then he feels like the next shot is his, because since he lost the Ben Henderson,

he had that great fight against Diego Sanchez out in Houston, and then another win, I think, puts him in that spot. So he wants to be a little bit more calculated. His teammate, Nadegh, the same thing. But he has boys, they don't fall too far out of contention because they're so. popular. And, you know, he just came back and got that knockout win over Gray Maynors. So that kind of erases everything that happened in the Thompson fight. And, you know, I know making the weight is difficult for him, too. Now, a lot of times, Dena White will kind of, you

know, kind of put fighters on blast a little bit. Maybe as the same, BS tweeted out BS to the UFC into Dana White. That fight was never offered. So I don't know where the truth lies. You know, There's their version, his version, and the truth. I don't really understand how that works. So they offer fights and you can turn them down. Like how to like, because that's different than like in major sports. They just give you your schedule and that's where you're going. So fighters can turn down fights.

It's like it's kind of a weird thing that's like not really talked about. Yeah, some can. Some won't, some don't. But the bigger fights, the bigger names, I think they have a little bit more. flexibility and more than anything I think a lot of it just had to do with the timing because that UFC 170 is on um it's February 22nd if I'm not mistaken at 21st in Las Vegas and when all this talk was going down it was already like late December early January so really six weeks away I think what I think the truth probably is maybe as would fight them he just wouldn't fight him

in six weeks well you're Mexican December's a motherfucker man who is an agent ship You know, December is a motherfucker for a Mexican. He ain't thinking about fighting. He's thinking about fucking eating. You know that. And we just experienced his first Mexican Christmas. He came back. His face was red.

He was sweating. He couldn't believe it. He's used to eating with Jews where they get a little piece of fish and everybody shakes hands and goes home. These fucking Mexicans don't want to come home. They keep you. They just keep bringing out fucking enchiladas and soups and goats and pigeons. So every Mexican gains 15 pounds over the fucking holidays.

So that's probably another fucking reason that you're doing it. I love Gilbert. And I was surprised at that fight also. You have to turn down fight sometimes. First of all, sometimes you have to say no to get their attention. And sometimes you have to plan it out. What does this fight do for me? What's my next step?

You know, we're all whores. I'm a fucking whore. I would do every movie and every weekend that's offered to me. But some of them just aren't feasible. And sometimes your management talks you out of it because we're savages. We're fucking savages You know, if I usually take eight weeks to prepare for a fight And you call me in four weeks

What do, you know, I might have more to lose than you do Okay What was the case with John Jones and Chale's son in that time Okay It was the case They were offering him They knew what they were doing They knew the scam were way before

The guy had been hurt They knew it, he was in camp He started tweeting out John Jones One day he woke up and called out John Jones And a week later What's his name is hurting? John Jones is supposed to fight this fucking clown. And, you know, everybody was mad at John Jones.

It's all forgotten now because he took him in and then he beat him up. But sometimes it's not feasible. You have more to lose than I do. You knock me out. You take what I got. I lose to you. No, let me go in there and let me be fucking prepared. Okay.

You know, so sometimes it's better. You know, I used to say yes to everything and I had nothing. I stopped doing those $100 day movies and I got grudge match. I watched it yesterday, Joey. I went yesterday to the movie. I'm a few weeks late, but I caught it yesterday. After the Niners win over Carolina, I hung out for a little bit, watched the second game, and then I went to the movies and checked out graduate match.

It was a great movie. It's hysterical. It wasn't a great movie, but it was entertaining, and you had a good time, and your Uncle Joy was in, and Chale was in, and everybody was in it. So you kind of related, but the funny thing is, it's true. It's very true. You don't know. Right now I have a situation with somebody who offered me and Lee work,

and it's not great money, and it's a lot of work. So it's a job, but then again, what do we get out of it? What, that we got down there? I got to work more. No, so sometimes things are feasible, and sometimes they're not. Ten years ago, we would have been there and then some. We would have booked a whole week in Texas, or the whole week, but sometimes a job isn't just what it seems.

To a fan or somebody who doesn't know, you fuck you, man, you cancel Chicago. No, I got a movie which pays me this, and this is what I'm going to get from this movie. I can go to Chicago anytime. I can fight fucking Chocoladale anytime. You know what I'm saying? It's just this move doesn't work. So that's what the fans have to understand sometimes, you know? Yeah.

I think the match of what Mordomodov, that's his last thing. I think that one with Bias or Melendez will happen. It just couldn't happen. It was too soon this time. And their camp. You know, they probably weren't as excited about it because that guy, although, like I said, he got credentials, he just hasn't built up that name to that level of where those other two are at,

and I think that's what they want. What about Rory McDonald? Has he fought recently? I haven't seen his name on a fight card. No, he lost recently, correct? His last fight he lost. He lost to Robbie Lawler on the same card that GSP defeated Johnny Hendricks. Okay, because he was like Jesus for a while. Close fight, but yeah, he lost, and now his stock went down just a little bit. You know, he was probably in a position and maybe even challenged for the title, although things would have got sticky because GSP and Rory are our teammates.

They said they wouldn't fight each other. Danes as they would. Who knows? But he lost. He took the hiatus, so now we'll never know. And now he's got to take another fight. And I think he's fighting Damian Maya here in Las Vegas at USC 170. So that's a great comeback fight for him. And Maya, Maya lost shields recently. So both guys were prime candidates to be fighting for the world title,

and now they're out of the picture for a bit. Now what's Conduit and all this? What's he waiting on? I mean, him and Matt Brown's Carlos Condit. You know, I call him Conduit, whatever this is fucking. What's that Tiger doing down in New Mexico? Yeah, he's going to be fighting at UFC 171 against Tyron Woodley. Oh, shit.

That's in Dallas, Texas. That's in Dallas. That's a great card. I know Joe's doing a comedy show down there. I'm booked that weekend, and I can't get out of it. You're booked every weekend. I look at your website, and I keep thinking maybe these shows. You'll be coming down with Rogan, but I noticed that you're on the road all the time now.

You know, man, I, like I was telling Lee, I only get one shot at this, and the road has become something different for me now. You know, so I try to go out there two times a month. I'm going to try to hit every place I can this year that I haven't been to just to say hello. And the rest is like, you know, if I could do something with Joe, I'll do it as long as we know we know we have great notice. I didn't know about Chicago or I would have been there with him. I didn't know about. There was another car I didn't know about that I would be there.

The quickest card I'm going to be at his in Baltimore with Joe at the UFC John Jones. And I'm going to find out about Orlando. they're thinking of doing a show in Orlando, so I like to know. I didn't know about Chicago. I didn't know about that. Has Rory McDonald's bot? Do you realize there's a website called MMA junkie.com, and then we can feed you all that information, so you'll be

up to date with what's happening. We have every fight card. We cover every organization. We talk to all the fighters. We have a daily podcast. There's no reason you two should be telling me this. You know what, brother. You know in your heart I go to MMA junkie as much as I can. I got so many fucking things on my plate now, George.

And the family really added a lot to it. And I work from my house. Every time I go home, I got to make contact with the baby. And that slows me down a little bit. I am keeping tabs, but I'm keeping tabs on a loose way. I'm like that ex-girlfriend that used to fucking break into your house and suck your dick. Now I'm just keeping you on. I know you there, and I listen to you from time to time.

I'm just not there with you all the time. I love you, George. Thank you very much for calling. and I think I'll see you in Vegas for the final of the 22nd. I'll be there for me. That's awesome, man. Hey, guys, thanks for the opportunity to be on your very popular podcast. I enjoyed it thoroughly, and any time you guys need me, man, I'm here for you.

I love you guys. I love M.M.A. Junkie and give my best to the staff, and you know, I love you guys. Thank you for calling in and dropping some knowledge on it. All right, Joe, Lee. Take it easy, will you? You love you. There you go. Let me tell you something else that's going on.

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Shave your face. Shave everything. Go to the fucking dollar shave club netp page, go to Dollar Shaveclub.com, order the fucking wipes for your asshole. They smell like mint year-round. Why wait for Christmas? You know what I'm saying?

Why wait for Christmas for your assholes for your asshole to smell like fucking peppermint when your asshole could smell like mint, fucking year-round cock-suckers? Also, Hulu Plus, what the fuck? What the fuck? You're sitting there watching Golden Gloves, paying $2 a month, whatever the fuck you're doing. That's not what you need to do. What you need to do is go to Huluplus.com.

Get two weeks for free, not one, not three, two. And then after that, it's $7.99 a month. Who's going to give you that type of fucking action? Go to Joey Deers.net. Go to the Hulu Plus box and press. Joey. Bam! You get two weeks for free.

You get the fucking shave. You get fucking pills. Who's better than you? You get battle ropes. You can hit people with kettlebells in the fucking head. Not to mention this month only, we got Nature's box. Tremendous. I just broke into the asailles fucking oatmeal I had, the granola.

Yeah. Tremendous. You smoke dope. You get fucking hungry, correct? Yes or no? What are you going to do? You can't eat a banana every food. fucking day. You can't eat a fucking pizza

from Little Caesars. So what do you do? You go on the thing, you open up a big fucking bag of cocoa almonds. Those almonds have antioxidants in it. These are all done by fucking nutritionists. Get your shit together, cocksucker. Go to nature. Go to joey dears. Go to the nature's box. What do you press in? Joey. Boom! Joey!

And you get 50% off. Now, it's a subscription service. So let them know. If you don't want to fucking get on there for more than three much, you just want to taste the shit 50% off, go. The chocolate almonds, the pumpkin fucking seeds, the sea salt. I mean, this shit tastes delicious, and you got a big bag with a seal. You put it right next to you in the chair.

You put a joint in it, so you hit the joint, put it in that seal so the cat can't take it. Who's better than fucking you here? We're giving you this shit, people. 50% off. Go to Joey Dears. Go to the nature's box. What are you pressing the box? Joey.

Are you fucking kidding me or what? I'm never kidding you. That's all I got for you, motherfuckers. It was a great podcast today. I got to give some shout-outs to some people. Amanda Palmer, I love you. Thank you for the present for my daughter. She gave one of those fucking...

Team Umi Zumi. Way to go. The dollar, and when you press it, it says, 24, 6, say, you know, whatever, let's do the crazy shake. Shake your hands high to the sky.

You're going to be so sad with you, but she doesn't like Team Omezumi anymore. To the floor. Oh, I love all that shit. So thank you very much, Amanda Palmer, coming out in Buffalo and supporting Jason Welsh,

Josh Rivera, you bad Puerto Rico. I'm going to give a shout out to Rosebud Wellness up there in Portland, Oregon, slinging the best reefer in the fucking state. If there's good reef in Oregon, they got it, they got edibles, they got Ante Dolores. Go up there and check them the fuck out.

Mike Stanley, Brock Caro, Nicholas Galinda, congratulations. You know, I love you. And Melanie Hicks putting together a fucking book. She's going to send me a fucking copy. And that's it. You know what I'm saying? What else is they going to talk about, Lee? Ooh, I don't know if you people know it.

Divine Wellness went out of business. What? Yeah, they had to move because they were 580 feet from my church. But another wheat store moved in there, and I haven't been able to go in there. But lately I haven't been eating edibles. and I've been going back to NoHo Organic on Burbank Boulevard. And I got to tell you some, this ain't a fucking, they don't spawn to me, they don't do shit. I'm just telling you, motherfuck that I like smoking heavy-duty dope.

The satellite they got will fucking kill you. The fucking Girl Scout cookie they got right now will fucking kill you. I took an eighth of fucking Buffalo, that satellite. I was smoking outside in the wintertime. Even the shingles were fucking melting around me. That weed is so fucking strong. If you're in the area, stop by fucking, if you like weed, bro, if you want to see the devil. and you're sick of seeing Jesus with a big dick and a cape on.

Go to fucking divine wellness. Go to no-ho organic. Ask for the satellite. You ain't going to be sorry. That dry shit, bring it home, dry it and fucking smoke in the fucking pipe. And get back to me, motherfucker. You will see the fucking double. You understand me?

I love it. What's going on with you, Lee? What's on tap for the weekend? Flying G-Radio today at 1230. For those of you watching right now on your stream, we have a cool gas coming in. We have some calls. And then just tomorrow I'm going to be calling in and auctioning some stuff off. on the Yugnasty podcast.

What time he's calling in? I'm not sure yet. So I'm going to call in. And find out what time I'm calling. Oh, you're going to call in too? Okay. Absolutely. I think Mike Maxwell's going to hook me up.

Okay. Maxwell is on Wednesday morning from 10 to 1. Okay. But I'm going to call in, I think, at the beginning, and start the auction. I'm auctioning off. Either call in to flying radio or I'll help you start your own podcast over the phone. I'll give you like an hour. We'll auction that off and it's all going to Yuck Nasty.

What about your underwear? If, Pete, if someone wants my underwear. I think they're going to offer you, your underwear after you've been in a all fucking day. Nice little seal with a picture you wagging off up your ass.

Anything to get Yugnassy in the house. If you want my underwear, I'll give it. What's Yuck Nasty up to? Over $5,000, I think. Really? Okay, yeah, yeah.

We gave from the church so we're going to give again before the week so we were going to give a little portion from the CDs. Well, number nine with the CD was still alive. Yep.

I don't want you to think. You know, the reviews are horrible. Like, I'm getting reviewed and he called me and said that it's people that just reviewed it didn't even listen to it. Oh, yeah. No, do you see that part on

Twitter is two right next to him. That guy needs to get his mouth washed out with soap. The people, this is what's wrong with our country. But the CD is fucking good because I listened to it the other day and I was laughing. I forgot I had said those things. So get the fucking CDs. I love it. This weekend, I'm at the Melrose Improv Friday and Saturday and 8 o'clock show,

Di Agostino, Ari Sheffir, Steve Simone, and George Perez. Really? Yeah, I'm going to have a hitters lineup. Oh, shit. The following week, I'm going to. at the House of Comedy at fucking Minneapolis. I think it's a 24th through the 26. Check their page out.

And also, I want to make a special announcement. Tent Planet. You ready for this? From 10th Planet Jiu-Jitsu. If you're a Debt Squad member, certified Debt Squad member with verifiable references, they'll give you a month of Jiu-Jitsu for free. First month is for free.

Wow. First month is for free. Eddie, get your name down there, tell them you're part of Debt Squad. First month is free. They're going to announce it. You're hearing it at first because Eddie wants you people are getting involved.

That's it. The fucking party's over for a while. And you're coming to Djitza this week. Okay. Because we might sponsor Kyle. Kyle's going on to the Gracie Nationals. So he only paid for the ghee part. I think for another 90 bucks we'll give him.

He'll do the no ghee. But I want you to give it to him. So I don't want you to think it's from me. Just go, you know what Joey told me about you? I think he'd get a big... Because he always asked me about it. He's 23, just like you. Bigger than the fucking house.

Zach, Zach. Kyle is the other purple belt, but Zach is doing the Gracie Nationals. It's the week I'm in fucking, I'm in Minneapolis. I'm going to try to come back Sunday and shoot down there. It's doubtful, though, because it's in Long Beach by the time I get in from Minneapolis. But I think we're going to sponsor him in the Gracie Nationals.

Great. We haven't enough money for one of the things. I got some on it products for him, and that's it, people, you know? It's going to be a great fucking week. This is the first official week without the fucking holiday. So if you still got lights up and you still listen to Jingle Carrels,

Get your fucking shit together, God, like that. It's over. It's time to go to fucking work and make money, so next year you can jump up and down eat chocolate cookies and support the fucking Girl Scouts of America. Whatever the fuck you want to do. And beside that, you know, we love you. Go to fucking iTunes, download the fucking podcast.

Maybe you've been away. Nobody went up there and told you download. You can't eat pussy with fucking asthma. We're also on payloads. The documentaries are on payloads. We got a ton of shit for you. The shirts are coming. We have Mike Maxwell designed some great shirts.

We're going to have the, Jesus walking away from the church. Yeah. And it was on fire, and he's walking away with a machine gun with new chucks around his neck. But he made another design that's in white and blue. I'm going to do it with short sleeve, white and blue, and long sleeve white and blue. So those shirts are coming. We've got the hoodies coming.

Please, just bear with me. We're getting our shit together. Lee's putting together a podcast network. We're talking to Josh Wolf. We're talking to Rick Ramers about a movie podcast. So we're going to have it all for you. It's going to be one-stop shopping. We're going to be slinging dick.

The church of what's happening now. We love you, Cox. What do you got for music, though? I got some great music. Oh, no, I don't. You didn't tell me. How about a little hypnotized from Biggie just to get the party started? Today, I didn't even play music because the computer fucking, I couldn't get reception.

Waterbox, I see you. Cleo, I see you. First month, a temp planet is free. Tell them Waterbox. We got to get Waterboxer calling to the podcast. That's a bad motherfucker. The more I get to talk to Waterboxer, the more I love that motherfucker. And this is why I love going on the road, because I get to me.

meet you people. Daymar, get it together. You're right with Cocksuckuckers. Up there. And fucking Buffy. I love your Cucksuckuckers. I love all these. What do you got, really? Drop it on them. All right. Now that the show's over, don't forget to sign up for your free trial of Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus let you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime, anywhere, on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus

when you go to Huluplus.com slash Joey or go to joey-d-d-s.net and click on the Hulu plus banner. And don't forget to sign up for dollar shaveclub.com. You get high quality raises to send to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollar shave club.com slash church. That's dollar shave club.com slash church or just go to joey deez.com and click on the dollarshave club banner. And now that the show is over, remember to go to naturebox.com and order a great tasting, healthy snacks at 50% off. 50! Snacks and harder in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like

French toast granola. Support this podcast and get 50% off of your first order when you go to JoeyDiDiS.net or go to naturebox.com and use promo code Joey. That's promo code Joey. There you go. Have a great day. Oh. Oh. What, Lee, what, what, what, what?

Biggers don't get shit stink bank gaiters. My Detroit players. Tim's for my hoonigans in Brooklyn. That's right. It's the head ride. Biggie there. A night. Popper been smooth since days.

Under rules, never lose, never choose two, bruise cruise who, do something to us, talk go through us. Girls work to us, want to do us, screw us, yeah, Papa and Pump, close like Starsky and Hutch, stick to clutch. Yeah, I squeeze three at your Cherry M3, bang every MC easily. Take that. Recently, niggas fron ain't saying nothing, so I just speak my peace, keep my peace, keep my peace. Cubans with the Jesus piece, with my peace, packing, asking who wanted, they got it, nigger flaunit, that Brooke bullshit we on it. Biggie, biggie, biggie, can't you see?

Sometimes your words is hypnotizing. And I just love your flashy waiter. Guess that's why they're broken your soaping. Biggie, biggie, biggie, can't you see? Sometimes your words is hypnotizing. And I just love your flashy waiter. Guess is why they're broken your soap. I put hosing NY onto DKNY.N.Y.

Miami, D.C. prefer Versace. All filling holes, though it's mosquito. With a booty for the coochie. Now, you're the real duke, meaning who's really the shit? The niggins ride dicks. Frank White Puss to six or the Lexus. LX. 4 and a half.

Bulletproof, glass, glass, if I want some ass. Go on blast, squeeze first, ask questions last. That's how most of these so-called gangsters pass. At last, a nigger rapping about blunts and bras. Tits and bras. Menagerie twas. Sex and expensive cars. And still leave you on the pavement.

Condo paid for no car payment. Uh-huh. A car payment. No for the preening. Your daughter's tied up in the Brooklyn basement face it, not guilty. That's how I stay still. Like guilty. Richer than bitchy.

So you knickers come to get me. Biggie, biggie, biggie. Can't you see? Sometimes your words is hypnotizing. And I just love your flashy wazzer. Guess that's why they're broken your soapy. Biggie, bitty, can't you see? Sometimes your words just hypnotize me.

And I just love your flashy wazzy wager. Guess it's why they broke and you're so pain. I can feel you with real million. I'm not a shit. S-cargo, my car go. One-60, swiftly. Recit by you new one. The crew run, run, run.

The crew run. I know you. Sicker list, name brand, knicker with flows, girls, say he's sweet like liquorice. So get with this, digger, it's easy. Girlfriend is a bit. Come through. Have sex on rubs, that's person.

Come up to your job. Hit you while you're working for certain. Pop a freaking, not speaking. Leave their ass leaking. Like rap a demo. Tell them move. Take that clothes. Oh my snow nits, kill them with the force like oobie, black, blacked, watch me

black, broomy. Lucky they don't oom me, where to say, show me, homie. Ommy, ome. Biggie, biggie, bigie, can't you see? Sometimes your words is hypnotize me, and I just love your flashy wazzer. Guess that's why they're broken your soapy. Biggie, biggie, bitty, can't you see? Sometimes your words just hypnotize me.

And I just love your flashy wazzy wazer, guess is why they're broken your soapy. Biggie, biggie, biggie, can't you see? Sometimes your words just hypnotize me. And I just love your flashy wazzer. Guess that's why they're broken your soapy. Biggie, big, big, big, and can't you see? Sometimes your words is hypnotizing. And I just love your flashy wazer.

Guess it's why the broken you're so mean. Biggie, biggie, biggie, can't you see? Sometimes your words is hypnotizing. And I just love your flashy wazzer. Thank you.