The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #144 - The Church Of What's Happening Now

Episode Date: January 22, 2014

Joey's Kettle Bell Instructor Mr. David O'Donnell calls in. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Recorded live on 01/22/2014.

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus. When you go to Huluplus.com slash Joey, that's Hulupluss.com slash Joey. Oh shit. You bad motherfuckers, you. Oh, shit. That's all I got to fucking say today.

Wednesday, January 22nd. It's all about you. Fuck it. Here you go. Oh. Are you fucking kidding me or what? Break out the fucking syringe in a piece of ass. It's going fucking down, bitch.

Are you fucking, listen to this motherfucker jumping up and down? What? What? What? What? Now you're fucking doing like a Celtic dancing shit. You're jumping up and down? It's coming, baby.

Wednesday, January 22nd. And it's all about fucking you and the flying Jew. What's up? I love that. It's all about you. I love it. That's what's going on, baby. You don't call?

You don't write. Well, I'm busy now. You know, let's contact my agent. My agent will contact you. Oh, shit. Nobody calls. Nobody writes. Instead of being count 20s all day,

talking about movies and La Bumba. Oh, I wish. That would be awesome. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. And it's a great day to be alive. No, I feel, I feel great. It's been, this is the happiest thing to wake up at 5 in the morning for.

You know, it's, you look at it on paper, and you're like, what the fuck do you guys do? Guys, man, it's sometimes. it's good to wake up and it's blackout. Yeah. And you just see the, you go on your balcony and you hear the city for what it is

and you hear your thoughts and it's the only time you might be alone the fucking day, but those three minutes will change you, you know, just waking up sometimes early in the morning and seeing what's, and it sucks, you feel shitty about yourself.

Tom Segura and me were going back and forth the other day. I saw that. He was like, do you do this all the fucking time? And it's like, you know, I understand the difference between, like, I'm not. really scared now about my early flights,

especially on Saturday nights, because it's just a day of fucking blood pressure. Because when you don't get six hours of sleep, your blood pressure rises. Sleeping is very essential for your fucking blood pressure, so when you don't, it rises, you do a couple nights of fucking no six hours sleeps. And I'll tell you what,

this flu that I had, this thing that I'm still not 100% about that I've spread throughout the fucking house now, I think it was more of a germ, but it was also my body. What do you mean? I keep forgetting I'm 50.

Yeah, okay. And last week I was doing the kettlebells really hard, and I was opening up with dead lips, and, you know, it was a little bit too much fucking weight, I think, and just everything. I was just generally saw my body needed to recuperate, a germ zipped in, and it fucked me up. This is what happens when you don't get out of it with rest.

Because I was eating good, and I was sleeping, working out, and I was taking my vitamins. All that shit was intact. I think the sleep part of it. me. I was getting up a little too early to beat the traffic and to write and shit. You know, that one week I got up in train in the morning, you jump on a fucking plane. Oh. And I got to tell you, that's not necessary. That's not necessary. You know, sometimes I should

just leave late the night before. And at least I save. If I get up today, it kills two birds and one stunt. Yeah, no, sleep is, I was terrible at sleep, especially when I was doing the other job than this. I would, I'd be up for 18 hours and maybe five. So, I, I was, I was terrible. I was, I was, I was I know I feel your pain. At any age, when you don't sleep, you put on weight. You know that. You put on a lot of fucking weight when you don't sleep.

What saved me all those years was the blow. A fucking interesting, a very interesting conversation. Listen, this podcast is built on a couple things. We come on here and we talk dirty and we fuck around and we smoke dope. But everybody knows, unless we talk about addictions, fear, you know, that's when we strike a chord. But the other day, I struck a chord with that date thing. Yeah. I got like 10 fucking email

So as I got home, bam, they were like, Jesus Christ, I actually stopped what I was doing and thought about what you said. Some kid hit me up that his life even changed from the age of 12 to 17. He was 17, and he heard that. He goes, I broke it down to five years. And I really thought about it.

And I really thought about it. I went home after I got the emails that night. I didn't go out Monday night. And I was making notes. And I wrote about 10 years, 20 years, my state, just a feeling, what I was feeling at the time. And the 20-year one was the real crazy one because it wasn't desperation, but it was want.

I just wanted to be a comic late. In January of 1994, there was nothing more in the world that I wanted to do is to be a comic. I wanted to be a comic to prove a point. I wanted to be a comic because I just couldn't wait to be funny. I had been doing comedy for three years, and for the first two years, I wasn't professional, I wasn't really into it. I was fucking around with it, as they say. Like, I would get on stage, and I'd get on stage for two weeks and not right.

But then something hit my head when I went into New York for 94. In 93, I went to the clubs and I saw all the comics, and I really seen what I wanted to do at any cost. You know, and I went back, and I got this shitty fucking apartment in Boulder, which was the Rocky apartment. And I would go out every night and do comedy. I made a goal. I was going out every night.

I got the paper from Denver, Boulder, and, like, fucking upper north, like, Greeley area. Like, there's a college up there. Okay. And they had a lot of open mics, and they were all 45 minutes an hour from me. And I decided I was going to go out every night. And every night, whatever it would cost me.

I would shoplift in the daytime. So I made sure to go out that night. And I'd walk in these rooms that weren't comedy rooms. They weren't comedy rooms. They were fucking music rooms. with karaoke rooms. And I remember, like, I was so fucking bad that karaoke host wouldn't even let me go

like, they're like, nah, Doug, you can't. And I have to sneak on stage, and their assistant was around. But I made a goal to get on stage every night. Yeah. And there were these guys. This guy named Jimmy Abeda, which is still a comedian in Colorado, who I owe a lot there, and there was his kid named Andy Payton, who was an older gentleman.

Andy Payton ended up being a mayor of a small town in Colorado. But Andy Payton, taught me something in comedy that was the greatest thing he taught me the art of hustling. Andy Payton was not the funniest guy in the world. He was the original 420 comic. He talked about

Reefer and what it did to him. He was a hippie. So since people wouldn't book him, he goes, I'm going to create my own fucking market. So he went around and he booked three weeks. He put together three weeks of rooms. Wow. Three weeks. So Monday night, you'd be a van, ice pool

and fucking whatever. Tuesday night, you'd be a Joey's country, Wednesday you'd be at least you bar. Thursday, I swear to God. I fucking swear to God, dog. He spread that shit out, but you had three weeks of work. Okay. What he would deal to the people with. Then he put together a newspaper, guys.

This is what I'm talking about. This guy put together his own newspaper, comedy newspaper. He sold advertising in the newspaper, and he sold it to the bars where he did the comedy at. Wow. Can you understand me, people, what I'm trying to tell you? And this is 20, fuck. This is 20 fucking years ago, this guy.

So he had this complete network going. He had it going for years. But he had no support from the comics. The comics, no comics wanted to do these rooms. Every comic wanted to do the comedy works and Wits End, the McHelves. Nobody wanted to pay the price and do these shitty fucking rooms. Guess who ended up doing it? Me.

I still remember going up on Sunday nights following a line dancing class. You're so young, you don't even remember line dancing. I know line dancing. So they had a class, and then they said, Stick around for the comedy? Then stick around for the fucking comedy, okay? And it was all rednecks, and I would go up there and bomb. So between his rooms, the fucking poetry readings,

and all that shit, I got on fucking stage. How long were you doing stand-up before you were actually in an actual stand-up comedy club? Because you started at, like, a steak restaurant. No, no, but the first time I got on stage at the comedy works in Denver. Okay, so you do start there for some open mics, but it seems like a lot of them aren't at comedy clubs. No, no, no, no, no. And then you just keep developing and developing, and every once in a while you go back to the comedy club

to center yourself to see what level you've gotten to it. Okay. It's like going to Jiu-Jitsu and going to competitions, you know? Okay, got it. And then you come back to class or something? And then I would go back to the Comedy Works and, you know, do a set. But I still remember going out every night. You know, some nights you came home with five bucks,

some nights you came home with ten bucks in a joint. Some nights, it was a fucking stretch. But I would come home at night, There used to be a comedy newspaper from Seattle. It was done out of San Francisco. John Fox put it together in the late 80s and early 90s comedy on the run. I don't know what the fuck. It was called Just for Last magazine.

And I used to, in the back was a comedy club guide of all the comedy clubs in the country. And I would circle which ones I was going to be good enough to play at someday. But I would do this every fucking night, Lee. I would do that 94. I did blow and I went out and I wrote jokes and I had a day job. I delivered Chinese food and I sold Coke. You delivered Chinese food?

I delivered Chinese food at night and sold Coke in the delivery car. So if you called me, I'd say, all right, I'm going to deliver food. Call the Chinese restaurant and order pork pork fried rice and I'll deliver the Coke to the house. Wow.

It was just the sickest fucking year and a half of my life. but it put me on path because everything else I had done up to that was bullshit. I went back in November of 93 and I lived with a cousin of mine in Arvada and I got a job selling cars

and that's how I went out at night to do comedy and then I finally stopped the cars and just kept everything in Boulder and some, by the grace of God I would always have a car to go do comedy at night. Mike Kessler who calls into the podcast, work to the car store Yeah, Uncle Mike, yeah.

So I would steal a car from the lot and drive that for two or three weeks for the demo. I'm not kidding. My friends, the deli zone, they had a restaurant, they had delivery car, and they would let me take it at night. The fucking bumper was in the car. Like the bumper, that's how bad of a car was, but I still got to my comedy gigs,

and that's all that fucking matter. As long as I had money for gas. So this is kind of, I'm going through something similar, I guess. So you were selling cars, but then you stopped. Did Uncle Mike ever call you and say, listen, I have this great gig of this great deal. Somebody called me, but my rent was 400 at the time. Okay.

I could make 400 stealing in one fucking day. Okay. I could sell a gram of blow and put a cut on it and sell you headache powders and sell you the mattress. So for 400 a day, it ain't worth having a fucking job for $400 a month. Yeah, because I got that call yesterday, and I went to the interview and it was just stupid. And if they call me for it, I wouldn't take it. But it just like, I was like, oh, maybe I could do it and do both and make the money and not have to worry about it. But as I was sitting in the interview, I was like, this is the worst.

Well, right now you're at a cross base. Right now you're got something good going on. Yeah. It's not like you're starting from scratch every month at zero with six guys. So that that helps out. But listen, Lee, nothing's going to happen until you put your balls in the line. People will, well, I want to have a band, but my day job has benefits. You got to make up your mind, bitch.

You really got to make up your fucking mind in this life. And listen, for some people, I know, I've known people have given up their dream for a job with security because of family. And hey, that's fine too. But I'm going to tell you something. Somewhere along the line that's going to backfire on you. Somewhere along the line in your heart and in your psyche, you didn't go for what you were put on this planet to go for. And that's going to fuck with you. And yeah, you look at your children, you look at your security, you look at your insurance, you look at your pension.

And you could do things. You could still work things. I never thought I would ever be at this level in comedy, which I'm nothing, I'm just rocking and rolling, but I always thought I would have a day job. Like today, I just saw somebody running to the bus. Okay. And I miss those days. Yeah. I miss those days to really smoke it out, to really put you on point.

Nobody knows what life is until you're fucking taking a bus to work. And you've got to be there at 648 on the minute, and as you're walking out, you step on Cap Pute, you knock over the garbage, you go to pick it up, there's no breakfast. No. You know, that's when you're tough at the fuck out. It's not like mommy's there. But, you know, I tell you, nothing big happens until you put your balls in the line. And sometimes it's just making the commitment of coming out here.

Maybe for you, that's what it was, Lee. Because all your other friends are still back there, or maybe some of them are out here. I know for me it was stepping up, you know. It's always stepping up. You got to always fucking step up. Whatever you want to do it. You got to step up and stick to your guy.

guns and say this is what I'm going to fucking do and I'm going to be the best at it for however long I have to do it because I know the end is this payoff. Yeah. No, it's interesting because you had jobs like the Chinese delivery guy, but it was nothing that would hold you back.

It was $60, $70 two, three nights a week just to make ends meet. Yeah. But it didn't take away from my fucking dream. At the time, I had two dreams. I wanted to stop being a criminal and I would become the best comedian. I could fucking become I didn't know how

I didn't fucking have the answer how but it's funny Friday night we're at the improv you didn't come by no it was there Saturday yeah and somebody came up to me I didn't never knew before and said hey man what's something he was funny you know in his own way

he goes hey man Joey what's that about I listen to the podcast where's the fucking flying Jew he goes I just moved to you from whatever and I'm the funniest guy I need a guest said and it was funny that I looked at Adam and he was goofing, but I know he was serious. You know, I couldn't give him a guess that.

But I got in the call later that night, and I thought about something. There's two people in this town. There's people that have the town, the look of being a star. Okay. And there's people that have the look of being a good comedian. Okay. In their eyes. You know, I never had to look in my eyes to be a star because I never thought I could reach it,

and that's not what I'm into. I just had the look of being a good comedian. I wanted to earn. I wanted to yearn to learn how to be a good comedian. and you don't know. A book doesn't teach you. And it's just like jujit-o. It's mat-time.

It's mat-time. It's stage time. Got to get on a fucking stage. And that's when I was doing comedy for those two years and I was rocking and roll and I had the business card and I had the headshot.

I was part-time in it. When I made the commitment was when everything became a lot clearer. And even then I hadn't made a commitment. I was still fucking around. I was... And as the better I got, the commitment got more intense.

And it took me 20 years. to get off the Coke. It took me 17 years of doing comedy to get off the Coke. So don't even think I committed to that. I thought that was all part of the fucking lifestyle. Boy, was I wrong. I know podcasts has changed both of our lives, but do you ever think that...

It would be interesting to see how many more new stand-up comics there are these past couple of years. Do you think all these podcasts are kind of hurting stand-up in a way because all these people are... Because it gets so glamorized on the podcast that everyone thinks they can do it. And it just seems like maybe, because it makes everyone think they can do it. We had this conversation, you and I.

We did. Being a comic is a 20-fucking year thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. A 10-year fucking thing. You know what? Before I got into podcasting, I was doing comedy 19 and a half years. That's 19 years of stages. that's not 19 years with a manager

that's 19 years of ugly stages Tribal runs You know Buffalo Rockchester You know I don't give a fuck Utica New York Where it's always fucking cloudy Fuck Philadelphia

It's always fucking cloudy In Utica New York So I had chops I had legs as you call Oh no no I know you did You have movable objects You know how to get in and out of it

You know how to say certain words You know how to not to say two words because comedy is not just about being funny. It's the word and how the word hits you. So you have a thing. I've been on TV shows. And like anybody else, I'll sit there and watch what the fuck are they doing and go,

oh, I could do this. Are you with me here? That's what, when I looked at podcasting, I looked at it as a forum for your comedy, but at the same fucking time, it's a forum for a show. They're not giving out developmental deals like they used to 50 fucking years ago.

You want to develop a show? Develop a fucking podcast. It's the same fucking difference. They gave Merynard's show off the fucking podcast. They gave Pete. Now, what happened to Pete's show? They got repicked up. For what?

For Conan? Yeah, for like another three months. They're picking it. It's weird. They're picking it up in like three months spurts. So I don't know. That's crazy. It's not on no more.

It starts back in February. Okay, because it's not on no more. So, you know, all these shows are getting picked up in podcast. So yes, there's a forum here. Mm-hmm. But I don't want you. to think that you're going to come in and six months

do it's very hard and some people's expectations there's a lot that goes into this Adam Carolla's been around for a while Joe Rogan's been around for 20 years you know fucking rife of men he's been around for 20 fucking years

Mark Marron's been around for 20 years Bill Burr's been around for 20 years these are not guys that walked into a mic and I remember doing a fucking I remember doing a show on Miami last year for the Miami Comedy Festival and Sirius was then I don't give a fuck if they're listening

and who the fuck's listening they had some kid interview me and it was the most awkward interview ever because it was a comic trying to be a comic that it wasn't a comic he took an improv 101 class and I could see the holes in this fucking game and that's why when I came out here

and I looked around and even though I booked baseball in Bronx County I said it's time to go on the road because what if this was what I figured out on my own. Nobody told me this. What if they put me on this? I was doing comedy six and a half years when I moved here. By this point, when I made this decision,

I was doing comedy eight years, and I was still slipping on stage. I had 20, 25 minutes. I could get away with whatever. I could fucking chuck and jive. But what if they put me in between a real comic like Nick DePaolo and Doug Stanhope at the improv? My holes are going to be that much bigger.

Do you understand? Yeah, you can see the difference. So let me go prepare this. And the way to prepare this was I got the fucking mat time. Yeah. So I think what you're saying is... I wish that you could just wake up one morning and get a microphone and get on a podcast and start talking shit. You know, I wish that it was like that.

But as you know, it's not. It takes a lot of hard work and preparation. And it's a great transition from stand up to a podcast or from hosting to a podcast or whatever the fucking is that you want to do, whether you want to be a plumber and be a podcast. it's just personality and the truth. If you stick the personality and the truth, you can't go wrong. Personality and the truth. That's it.

That'll always get you anywhere else. Even if you don't know what the fuck you're doing. Even if you don't know what you're doing, as long as you just talk and make sure that what you're saying is the truth and how you feel. Who gives a fuck after that? And it's funny how many podcasts haven't figured that out yet.

A lot of people haven't figured. There's people that are 90 walking around that they still want to walk around with an earring and their fucking nose to show it be how cool the fuck they are. You understand me, God fucking forbid, they took the earring off and just opened up themselves and said, this is who the fuck I am. Yeah, no, I do.

I just want to get your opinion on it. It's funny, my friend George, George Kaladinsky. Oh, yeah, yeah. Went to a play last week. Okay. And he called back and I go, how was it? He goes, you know. He goes, it's fucking amazing that these are people that...

And you ever go out with me at night, lankishing? You ever drive on Lancash and night, you see all these little theater groups. Yeah. You'll never see those people. I don't mean nothing, no disrespect, any of them. They're part of a clique. They support each other.

When they get off stage, they hug each other. They all have day jobs. They have a dream, but not really. They know where they stand in some way or another. I do not fault them, and they'll do this until they're 60. Yeah. They'll be part of a theater group, even though there's no theater in Los Angeles. You know, they want to.

to get close to the edge, but they don't want to look over, and that's your prerogative. Me, whatever I do, I want to fucking go for it. Yeah. You know, he said they got off, and people were hugging each other. He goes, the guy sang the worst song, and the nine people hugged him and told him it was great. It broke my fucking heart.

Guy, we go through it all the fucking time. You know, they hug you, and now you're confused. Instead of somebody telling you, listen, that was a great joke, but this is where you need. And when I cut off the first time, I'm looking to tear a four. fucking set down like Saturday when you came. I'm looking to have to fucking set down. But it's amazing how people want to

put their feet in the water, but they don't want to jump in. Well, that Saturday was probably a really good example of what doing it for 20, however many years you've done it in 20 years, got you because you were so sick and it was one of the better sets of senior duties

just because you probably had no idea what you were saying. Nothing. I had no fucking idea. I was doing old material. new material, YouTube material. I didn't know what the fuck I was saying and I couldn't even, the timing was off. I felt like puking. Once I started sweating, I started getting anxiety

on stage, I'm getting sicker and I can't do fucking the podcast this weekend. I can't take a flight to Minneapolis on Thursday. And there's no many fucking things I couldn't do. You know, so that made it worse. I was thinking about that while I was spitting out my fucking set. And yeah, the 20 years of doing it gets you by

a lot of times. But and I'm talking to him general. he's here. I'm talking about anything you do, even if you fucking go to school, you know, just putting a little bit more, and that's all I did when I moved. For the first two years, I was putting minimal effort and I was backing, bitches.

Okay, in Denver? Yeah, I think I told the story here when I came in second at the contest. Yeah. And there was a kid, and he had a writing class, and I didn't go to a writing class, and the kid was mad at me, and then a year later, not even a few months later, I had a t-shirt on,

at a comedy club, and he came up to me, he goes, look you, why do you waste your time? Doing calm, I told you about this. Some guy came up to me, that was a writer. His name was Matt Woods. And he goes from Long Island with a bunch of other guys. They were all friends at Roseanne Barr.

And Matt Woods came up to me one night. He goes, you know, I gotta tell you something. Look at the fucking shape of you. He goes, you come in here with a t-shirt on. Your nose is always fucking dripping. You don't think I fucking know what you do. He goes, half the shows they give you, you cancel. And he goes, the sad thing is you're the funniest guy

of all these guys. the natural. He goes, if you put work into this shit, you'd be a killer. I mean, this guy just throw it at me, fucking, to the point when my hands were crunching. I'm like, I'm going to have to smack this motherfucker. But I knew he wasn't drinking. That's what

saved him. If he was drinking, I would have attacked him. And he said to me, he goes, bro, don't even do this anymore. If you put work into this, you would do something. But you're just coming down here and fucking getting on stage and then from my... ain't you, he's buying time.

That speech, I remember walking halfway to the bus and walking halfway back to knock him out and getting on the bus, but he was telling me the truth late. He was telling me the truth about my life. And I got on that bus, man, and I was fucking hot. I had coke in my pocket. I was so hot, I wouldn't even fucking do it.

I was so hot. I couldn't believe I had let somebody speak to me that way. But the reason why I didn't raise my hand was because he was telling me. me the fucking truth. He was breaking it down for me. He had this class on Tuesday that he would do for free,

Lee, three hours. This guy wrote for fucking Roseanne. This guy wrote for fucking sign for. This guy was a great writer. I never showed up. Why would I? Why the fuck would I? No, I needed it more than fucking anybody.

I know you didn't. Yeah, yeah, but I didn't need it at the time in my head. Free. The comedy works paid for him. Free. Why would I fucking go down? I was too busy getting my powder together.

You know, and then it's so funny. One of my favorite movies is the Pope of Greenwich Village, when he says, in the beginning, the first line in that movie, Mickey Rourke goes to pay the Loan Shark. The Loan Sharks says to him, Oh, Scott O'clock, I'll come over, he keeps me waiting when they're looking to borrow.

It's a great line. When you borrow, if I call you in the Oli, I need $10,000 a month. What time will you be there, Leah? I'll beat about 11. You bet your ass. I'm going to be outside at 10.30 in the morning with my best suit on. When you walk up those stairs, hey, I'm going to have coffee for you.

Wait till it turns out. Wait until it comes a day, I've got to pay you. And you say to me, what time are you going to be tomorrow, 11? And I get here at 4.30. That's the expression. Nobody keeps me waiting when they're looking to borrow. You know? What was I talking about?

About the writing class. And I wouldn't go. I wouldn't fucking go to the writing class. I would never dream of... Did he go after that conversation? No, because I thought I was going to kill him. I thought I was gonna fucking kill him but it changed my life

the next morning when I woke up I cried a little bit uh he told me the truth about some things and then I fucking got my notebook and I this was this happened in 94 I saw him in 1997 he was with Brian Dunkelman remember Brian Dunkerman he was the winner

and he got the job with I worked with Brian Duncanman he was the first host of American Idol and I worked with them two or three years ago on this fucking it was a terrible

uh like a paid TV slot so they had a game show but it's it would come out at like midnight when you have to pay for the slot yourself like it's not like the TV network gave them a show so he was just

he was terrible oh it was a fucking heartbreak but Brian Duncanman came in with him and he was helping Brian Duncanman just before I remember American Idol. Because Brian Duncan developed in Denver for a while. Okay. So it was at the Brave Bull, Rudy, Rudy Moreno in those days, used to broke the Brave Bull.

And I had to follow this detective comic. They used to go on stage and say, yeah, I like my women, I like my coffee with big tits. And all these kind of jokes like that. Funny guy, I forget what his name was, Darryl, Dwight, something. And fucking, I killed. I leveled this fucking room. leveled this fucking room, leveled it by mistake. It was my first time at Rudy's,

and I wanted to make a good impression. I leveled the room, and when I got off stage there, was Matt Woods. And the guy who had given me the speech three years early, and he looked at me, and I looked at him, and we laughed, and he hugged me, and I go, you don't know how close you came to fucking die. And he goes, I knew that night,

but he goes, I knew I had to get under your skin. He goes, you were wasting your time. you were fucking wasting your time. And I was. I really was. In those days, you called the Comedy Works on Tuesdays, and they give you three minutes the next Tuesday.

I would call at 12 o'clock, they'd give me the spot, and by 630, I'd cancel. For the next week already? For the, I'd cancel that night at 6.30, and it killed them. And used to piss them off. You know, so when people,

when we talk about fear and shit, I was more, there's things you do for a while, but you just bullshit yourself. And then there's one day that you, it clicks and you're like okay now I get it and people you know a lot of questions are like when does

it start when does anything start again whether you're laying brick whether you're bending pipe for a fucking electrician whether you're fucking installing boards whether you're you know flooring whatever the fuck you're doing roofing you start somewhere

and one day it fucking clicks you know one day you're on a roof and you're like oh I get it three inches I shouldn't lay this sideways you know and you get it and then you become better at your job and you enjoy it now because you're growing as a, it's weird what happens even when you're editing. Well that's what I was going to say

it's scary when you get to that point with something but you know it's not what you want to do and that's why it's scary for people to take that jump because they might have gotten so comfortable with roofing and they can make enough money to have a nicer house but they really want to do plumbing let's just say but then they're going to have to start at the

bottom again and then they'll make mistakes. So it's uh, that that's that's I think the scariest part is when you get comfortable with something else, which is why it's so great, I'm happy that I started I'm still relatively young even though I feel like, I feel like 25 is old

but I'm happy that I'm starting now rather than 40 or 50. Do you have any idea how young you are? No. How much life you have. You know, when I was 25, it was 19, so I'll just break it to you. When I was 25,

it was 1988 I was born in 63 you know and I thought it was the end of the world also once I got to be 25

you don't have a career most of your friends are coming out of school you're dicking around you know at the time what bought me my sanity was I was always taking at least six credits I always did something that helped my sanity that always

kept me together that no matter What I did, Rob Houses, snort blow, there was two nights a week. I was just Joey Diaz. I went and learned something because that made me feel a lot better about everything that was going on, you know? But man, 25 is fucking nothing. In reality, you still got 10 years to fuck around. I know. I hope so.

It doesn't feel like it, but we've got a call come in. Oh, shit. Hey, what's up, Joey? morning, my friend. How are you? Good. David O'Donnell on the line here. I didn't even know your fucking last name was O'Donnell. I would have liked you even more. I thought you were just Irish and I loved you, but then when I found out your name was O'Donnell last night, I really fucking love you. I used to hang out with Whitey Old Donald. Good man. Back in Jersey. His grandfather used to pick us up everywhere. We could be fucked up in Harlem at six in the morning with three

Puerto Rican fucking half she-mails call him up and he'd be there in 10 pop-hop would be there in three minutes with a bottle of gin drinking in one hand driving with the other didn't give a fuck about the DUI in those days there was no DUI. Different time different fucking time

bro the reason why I had you call in today I really want you to talk about kettlebells because it's changed me it's completely changed me and you know again like I told you last night one night I was up in what's the neighborhood when you get off of the 101 there Los

Felice I was in Los Felice at that little theater district The worst name of the UCB USB District UCB theater I'm outside there and I'm talking to these three girls

and there's one guy about comedy and the one girl says to the one guy so you look like he lost weight what have he been doing and this fucking schmuck answered she goes do you lift weights and he goes no no no

I do kettlebells and he resumed back to his conversation with Chad whatever the fuck they were talking about and I always looked at kettlebells as a fad and then I got into jihitsu and I realized how fucking weak I was and I went online

and I knew that YouTube offers everything nowadays you don't teach you to make a fucking anything but I knew that in the tapes I wouldn't see the little things so I went online and I found you and I've been involved with you now for five months, four months five months?

Yeah, something like that, yeah, and you've made some really good improvement. So, yeah, it's good. So I went out line last night, I thought you, I think you're so interesting, Dave, when I go to the classes, and I just want you to break down

this heavy style of kettlebells for me or whatever exists. Well, it's called hard style. Hard style. There's two different types. There's the hard style, and then there's people that do kettlebell sport, and it's a little different.

They actually do kettlebells to train to compete in kettlebells. lifts where what we're doing at our gym is for so you have everyday life you can you know be functional feel strong and you know move better and be healthy you know and the way hard style works is it's applicable to there's what they call it a what the hell effect where it carries over into any sports or life activities so like you with the jiu jitsu it'll help your jujitsu game, you know, understanding your body better and

just moving and breathing better and just feeling strong. You know, like anybody else, we have, you know, when we were growing up, all we had was a fucking encyclopedia. And you went in there and that was the end-all-be-all, you know? Now, with online, you have all these

things, and I'm one of those people that I like to read. So before I called you, I read about it and, like, the swings, they fucking burned 20 calories of swing. or some shit. Yeah, I'll tell you, 20 to 22, I guess, depending on 20 to 22.

For minute, yeah. Per minute. That's swimming is what? Seven calories? Yeah, I think they say it's equivalent to like a cross-country skiing or something like that, the amount of energy expended per minute. It was just not, you know, when we were kids, they said jump and rope. If you jump rope for five minutes, it was equal to 20 minutes of jogging.

Yeah, yeah. Actually, it's 10 minutes to jump and rope equals 30 minutes. Yeah, so I guess it's something around there. So now, you know, I looked at that, and part of the struggle is to lose weight, part of this to raise the metabolism, part of this to get stronger, and fucking kettlebells do all that. That's true. And the thing like I've told you or I'll tell other people is, you know, I don't want so worried about losing weight. And I said, if you train with like a kettlebell and you're just focusing on wellness, and getting better, the byproduct is you lose weight.

It's like, don't get focused on just losing weight, but actually feeling better. And you could correct me if I'm wrong. I mean, you're breathing, you're feeling better breathing, and just your overall vitality. You're just feeling a lot better, right? And as that happens, you know, you start losing weight. And, you know, I feel great.

I feel the results have been, you know, went from zero to 60 in my jiu-jitsu. I still wake up with a heart on, which is big at 50. That's the fucking bottom line. That's the bottom fucking line. Because at my age, I'm trying to get the testosterone going. It keeps you healthy. It didn't work for me to go down there and take a shot.

You know, I've been able to make two of your classes per week now since day one. And it's really been like last week was fucking hard. Like I think the deadlifts, I was doing them. They were too heavy and I wasn't doing the, I wasn't sticking to my form. right I was gonna work on that today but every week I'm sore and I get something from the class

and I can feel that I'm fucking stronger well you are because what you're doing too with the kettlebell is once you start understanding the movement pattern you're connecting your body because like the deadlift that's a whole body movement and that's how we kind of

the kettlebell does it's all like compound movement so you're learning to use your whole body as one instead of just the compilation apart. So definitely helps you connect your body and you feel stronger because you're moving better. What I like about your training systems that all these CrossFit gyms are fucking opening up now.

You go on Ventura Boulevard in Studio City and they got these fucking kids out there jumping up and down on Ventura fucking Boulevard throwing weights around. When you and me were growing up, we had to go out and fucking pick a fight with a Puerto Rican 10 neighborhoods away. That's how you got your fucking cardio.

You hit somebody with you. the chair, you ran 10 miles, your junk three fences, you lost your fucking shoe. Now they got a crossfit to get in fucking shape these cocksuckers, right? So your gym focuses on two things. They focus on the TRX method,

which is also very beneficial, and the kettlebell, which a lot of people don't do. And that's what I really, you guys just focus on it and we grow from the kettlebell. Yeah. It's just a simple

tool to use and nothing against Crosswood has a lot of good modalities, but it seems there's a lot of risk for the amount of reward you get. You know, there's a lot of injuries because they're doing so many different exercises trying to find a way to be fed or compete and exercise, I guess, whereas we just focus on six basic movements and making sure we're moving well. We're not worried about how many reps we do. It's how many reps we do well. So we'll do different philosophy. So that's another reason you're having good benefits because you're focusing on basic movements

and owning them and then just getting stronger within them, and then it'll apply to anything else you try to do in life. I'll tell people like, your golf game will get better if you're a good golf, but if you suck at golf, you'll still suck at golf. You know what I mean? But if you're decent, you'll get better. It'll improve your game or whatever sport if you're a football player. Or say you play baseball.

I train this pitcher, and he's good. He's gotten better from using the kettlebells. So, you know, it's applicable to whatever you do. And, I mean, I liked how you, any way you go today, I think everybody moves too fast and they look at the buck. Yeah. And I really respected that about you, that you took two classes to sit me down and show me the movements,

because I know, I know fucking people now that are just going on YouTube because they're broke. They want to save 15 fucking bucks. and they end up twisting a shoulder fucking thing, and now they lose work for a year, and they do this because they didn't want to learn to do something properly the first time.

That's true. It's the one thing I say about YouTube, like I'll tell that to people at the gym and says, wait until you look at you before you go back on YouTube. Let's learn the movements. Get them down, and then go back and look at YouTube because there are some really good

instructors, you know, that put up posts on the YouTube, but then you'll see some people like, what the hell are they doing? I'm like, so it's best to just come in. You know, there's no contracts. We don't do it at our gym. It's very laid back because I really believe it's about you and meeting your body where it's at and going from there

and not getting caught up. And I got to be doing this and that, da-da-da-da-da-da. It's like just, you know, so just a different philosophy than a lot of places. I'm not just worried, oh, I just want to make a buck. It's like, I want people to get well. We're training to be better. You know, you took the time,

that meant a lot and it's so funny how people don't know when you watch those videos let's pretend you we're talking about the cleaning press for example yeah and when you're clean you're doing something between the clean the press that you don't see on YouTube once you get that habit in that bad habit you're never going to get rid of it right yeah so once you think that's the thing that I'm sorry no that's the other thing that once you get into those bad habits when you're around somebody who was doing it correctly you're going to tear something in your shoulder eventually Right.

So that's just why I really enjoyed what you did. You took some time out. You know, it's not like you threw me in the fucking corner like an orphan. You know, you set up a time on a different day. And it was very different than what people are doing today. Yeah, well, that's, I think a lot of people get into training people for the wrong reasons. You know, but, you know, I don't know. I just feel like if we can help.

somebody realize where they're at and go from there, they'll keep training. If I just give you a one-size-fits-all, what I have you do to say somebody else at the gym, like I'm trying to think of somebody that's doing something a little different than you. That new girl, there's a new girl I'm joining Lisa. I'm not going to give her the same thing. You guys, two different people, two different paths, but they'll be similar but different. You know, like she has certain things she needs to address, and you need certain things like your shoulders are getting better,

but it didn't take our time with that. That's where you have a little shoulder restriction. Why am I going to force you to do things that your shoulders aren't ready to do just yet? But if we just take our time with it, you'll be able to, you know what I mean? Yeah, no, no, no. I also like the less is more concept of your gym. Yeah, I like so many things that fit, you know, when you think of working out, you think of an hour and a half and that intimidates a lot of people especially a lot of fucking newbies

yeah an hour and a half i got a hard time walking up my fucking steps but right uh when i go to you i do a listen i judge a workout on my fucking t-shirt okay it's on your fucking t-shirt when i hit the bag i don't go home till it's the sweat it's my waist when i'm on the fucking thing i don't go home to the way there's times that you're like all right man you're done for the day and i go what the fop and I go on the mirror my face is red my eyeballs are beaming and my shirt drenched to my underwear and it seemed

like we didn't really do much yeah well less is more it's true because but that's the other thing when like I know sometimes you're like that's it when you say that's like yeah and you're like well what's it's all we need to do today well we're going to keep doing something that when we don't need

to do it just do what you need to do and I think that's a problem with people why they stop training or they start training, they'll go to the gym for a month, and they're in there for, like you said, an hour and a half, you know, they're going five days a week, and then, then a month later, they're done, you know, whereas 20 minutes, half hour, two to three times a week, and, you know, that's more manageable for people, and you'll get good results as far as feeling well, and when I tell out the people, when they come in, it's like, I only need to come three times a week.

I said, yeah, can I come? more sure if you want to but you don't have to you know it's people think they got you know more is better no more is just more you know so I don't know no you have uh you have a you have a great way of training people man and I love you personally and I wanted to get you on here because I think you have an interesting thing over there I wouldn't just ask you to ask you it's no I appreciate that joie and same to you and I I'm glad you there it's fun but I actually enjoy you know training with you it's a lot of fun oh my god this time and you know you got girls on fucking ropes and you know it's it's just stuff that you haven't done like

when I yearned to be able to do a fucking pull-up I never got that president's patch because I couldn't do the pull-up at the YMCA in the Bronx remember they the the fucking school would come you had to do pull-ups and sprints and shit yeah and I see some girls in your class that are fucking throwing up weights that are amazing yeah and I'm looking at their form you know Because when I first got a kettle, I went over the big five and I bought a 10 pound. And I'm like, this is fucking heavy.

And I tried to do a swing. And I'm like, I can't do this with 10 pounds. I went to see you and you're handing me this balloon. I'm like, what the fuck? But then I got involved. You're like, you got to push your heels down and all this. And then you see where the movement. I see these skinny girls throwing up weights.

And that inspires me because it makes me know eventually I can do a fucking pull up, you know? Yeah. And then you will be. to you know it's just being patient meeting your body where it's at and if that's something you want to do it's definitely achievable it's not like oh i had a guy uh daniel who uh struggled to do two pull-ups when he came in he can do 15 now and so it's just a matter of being patient you're learning about your body and how because a lot of people don't really know their

body like they're not in their body they're just like you know tired or stiff but with the way we train you you get really connected and aware of your body and then good things happen you know it's amazing how uh i'm 50 and this program really works for me a guy like me you know it's like i'm a big businessman but i travel for comedy yeah i come here two days a week if i if i didn't have to travel, I could probably hit your class three times a week. I could probably hit the three 9.30 a.m. classes and 9 a.m. classes. Right. And I would feel great.

As a senior, you know, going into my fucking glory years, whatever the fuck they call them? Twilight years. Twilight years. I can't imagine being young going down there like a fucking Lee. Lee, we got to get you down there. Yeah, I was just going to say, Mr. O'Donnell, I'm 25. Time out. Just call me Dave. All right.

I prefer that. Well, Dave, I'm 25, and I haven't been in shape for a single day of being 25. So, like, is this something someone could do for, like, who's never worked out ever? Yes, yes. Well, I'm with it. What's your name? I'm sorry. Lee, sorry.

Lee, that's cool. I like to think of not working out, but training. So we're training our body to be better, to move better. So, yes, you can train your body to do what it's meant to do and how it's meant to move. So absolutely. So if you want to come down, it would be great to meet you. Oh, no, definitely. And do some training.

So, yeah. So that's the other thing. Like, oh, you go to the cross for the other. What a great workout. We had the workout of the day. And it's like, okay, I guess. Well, we just train. We're going to go in and train and meet our body where it's at each day

and train it to be better. No, it's what you guys do down there. And the webpage is gotbells.com. Yeah. and you go down there, you see what the fuck you got, they have the intro package, you come in, you do some jumping jacks and fucking Dave will... Yeah, we'll get you sorted out,

and hopefully you like what we have to say and how we do things in. I wasn't intimidated when I walked in, you know, I wasn't intimidated. As you know, the other people in the class, they're involved in other athletic venues. I mean, there's people in the class that are healthy as far.

Fuck. You know, the girls are healthy as fuck. They're like, Jesus Christ. You know, we're going to leave here and go run eight miles. I'm Glendale Pass or whatever. And you're like, Jesus. But it inspires you, man. It makes you feel better about yourself.

And Dave, I was never, I never thought I would be doing kettlebells. Now, when I go to a hotel, like this weekend, I'm in a hotel in Minneapolis, and I looked, the gym is beautiful. Not one fucking kettlebell. So, you know, if somebody's... Some gyms have kettlebells. This is a gym in San Francisco that has kettlebells. Where the fuck was I? When I first joined up in your class, that next week I went somewhere.

And they had a kettlebell and fucking TRX. Right. At a hotel. And I was like, damn, look at this. But I didn't really know what I was doing. I did the TRX. I didn't mess with the kettlebells. And that's what's cool about the TRX, too.

Like, wherever you go, you can take it with you. That's their whole mantra fitness anywhere. So, if you don't have one at a whole thing, tell you can bring one with you, you know. Now, what's the big difference between the TRX and the kettlebell for people? Well, the kettlebell, you know, you're using a weight and you're moving it around. With a TRX, you're just moving your body, but you're using as much or as little of your body for resistance. So any exercise you think you can do at a gym, you can use the TRX, and you're never sitting down.

So basically, your core is activated all the time. So that really compliments the kettle belt, the two working together. You know, one thing you told me when I first started going to your class, you said that one thing you'll definitely get out of this is your hips will be stronger. Yeah. And I've got to tell you something, it feels like I'm walking on stilts sometimes. Right. Like that's the, you feel taller sometimes. Like it's adjusted something.

Those, you told me and you go, after a while, you're going to see that your hip. and that you know when you come out of the shower I even can see it like my dick now it lifted everything up you know I'm saying so kettlebells are good for fucking so if you want to get in shape Dave man I'll see you today I want to thank you for calling just enlighten people a little bit on you know what what options they have to them and you can be any fucking age right Dave tell her any age age it doesn't matter it doesn't matter at all it's just a willingness to train and don't don't think injuries or where you're at or if you're out of shape like Lee said he hasn't trained, don't let that

limit you, you know, just say, okay, I'll meet my body where it's at and we'll go from there and good things can happen. What's the oldest guy you've trained, Dave? Oh, I've trained somebody in the 70s, so it doesn't matter, you know, 773, what I think? 73, yeah, so it doesn't matter, you know, and injury-wise, that doesn't matter too. You learn to meet you. You know, you're your body wears out with the injury and you go from there like you modify things and say i'll start here and we'll slowly you know progress you know so you don't have to you know be dead you know while you're alive you could be fully alive and moving and feeling good so you're a good fucking man my friend i love you well thank you for having me joe irish man i wanted you to open up you know

you got a good service over there and if anybody lives in the area and you're looking to really learned kettlebells in the patois, you know, I'm just a fat fuck, but Dave will whip you into shape, Jack, jiu-jitsu, if you want to jump through walls, whatever the fuck you want to do, Dave will hook you up. We'll try.

And RT, and they got 6 a.m. classes and 9 a.m. classes, and, you know, Tuesday night classes, and Monday night classes. So, there's always somebody there for you or whatever you want to do, so. That's right. I love it. I'm a member for life.

Fuck it. I like those. Joey, I appreciate it. Thank you, Mr. D, and I'll see you this morning, brother. All right, and Lee, nice talking with you. No, I'll talk to you soon. I'll bring this cocksucker down there with me. We'll be that this little Jew.

All right, sounds good. All right. You got it. You got it. What's up, Cox, son? How do you always go to, how do you always find these guys from the East Coast? It's like he could have been your friend from when you were eight. I don't know how you do it.

Like, everybody we talk to, it's like you, you are just, go towards, like, East Coast guys. Well, he was very interesting, you know, when I called him. He was very nice on the phone. I made an appointment with him, and I couldn't make it. I had an audition. I felt really embarrassed, but I called him like a man. And he was like, Doug, I understand. This is Hollywood.

And just everything about his demeanor. I did go to a place by my house, and I didn't like it at all. It was a little bit too. polished. We were two Christians for a gym and it was maybe different,

less money, you know, or something. It was something that I didn't like about the place. I liked that this guy was honest,

he was real. John Evan is one of my Jiu-Jitsu coaches. John Bud, John Evan, and Marcello, the Napoli, whatever,

is DePaula, is the Black Belt. The reason why I like John Evan so much because I asked John Evan had a competition in my first month. I said,

you think I could be doing that in six or seven months he goes maybe a year and a half my feelings were hurt for two seconds but the guy was telling me the truth yeah and that's a big thing that's the second time it's come up today is just tell people the truth and

tell the fucking truth who gives a fuck you know who gives a fuck if mama would have you know you just got to tell people the truth sometimes and that that means the world to me you know these people yeah come in this will help you and you go in there they don't put any time or stock into you hurt your fucking feelings man

You know, I know you want to get in shape, and I know you don't know where to start. You're like every other American. You don't know? Are they going to laugh at me? What's going to happen when I go in there? How bad is shape my real? What we tell ourselves is that, you know what?

I can't do this. I'm not in shape for this. I'm getting shape on my own. That's what we always tell ourselves. I'll get in shape on my own and go in there. Well, I'll tell you what, you're never going to get in fucking gym shape. You're never going to get in karate shape.

You're never going to get in jiu-jitsu shape until you go to these things. Fuck. I was going to kickboxing and doing a whole hour and a half. When I tell you, an hour and a half, you go to kickboxing, you do calisthenics, you run around the fucking gym, then they make you do rounds. You know, you kick pads, your whole pads, you kick pads, your whole pads. Then after that, you got a fucking spar for rounds.

I was doing the whole class. It took me like four months to get up to that level of breathing. When I went into Jiu-Jitsu, it was like I was starting from fucking scratchly. I was huffing and puffing after 10 fucking seconds. And I thought I was in shape from the kickboxing. but everything requires different muscles and the endurance levels change so that's what happens

you know so you never even if I walk around this fucking neighborhood and eight minutes flat it's not going to be jujitsu shape until I go to jujitsu you know it's not going to be kettlebell shape until I go to kettlebell and that's the fear we have

we always have that fear I'm going to go on the fair listen bro the only fear you have and the only failure you have is if you don't fucking go yeah if you don't go even if you drive the first time look and pull away I've done it at that thousand times man

who the fuck are you kidding I'm the king of that shit pull up and go this ain't for me but then on the first line on the way home after the class starts I felt bad about myself I said to myself hey I'm not a fucking loser I could have walked in there that's pussy shit

that I didn't walk in there and I feel so fucking guilty I'll be in there the next morning for the first fucking class that's how I am I've done that 10 times or you look and you get the fuck fuck these motherfuck there's black people in there It's true.

It's fucking true. But who gives a fuck? Just go. Go, look, nothing. You leave. You come back. The next thing you go, who the fuck of them

to fucking scare me? Who do fuck is anybody to fucking scare me? Who the fuck? Who the fuck? God damn, right. I'm going to go down there. I'm going to huff and puff.

And I'm going to sit in the back of the classes and as time progresses, I'm going to move up. And eventually someday some guy's going to look, come in. And he's going to be the same guy I was six months earlier. When I was huffling and puffing in the corner and you're going to look

him and shake his hand and go, dog, you could do this. I'm telling you, dog, I was dying in here. I was seeing stars in the back and Martians and shit. Let me get some shout out to these fucking people here. All right. The good guy badges, I love you. J. Q. Sean Cleary. Wayne Bloom. That guy's got to be black. Richard Garcia, Zach Kemp, and Keith Spurlock.

I love you, motherfuckers. I want to thank Dave O'Connell again for calling. Go to gotbells.com. you need more fucking help that's the other thing you know when I first started going on all these things I wouldn't take the honor

because I wanted to see what my thing I would just take three heart aspins you know those little orange aspirins for the heart baby medication and then after a while I would take the honor just to experiment to see how far I've gotten with the kettlebells and that's a different

different the problem with the honest shroom tech is that you have to take an hour before you go to your thing and it takes like a half hour to get kicked up So it usually kicks up as he's saying, you're done. And I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? I just took those fucking shroom texts. I'm going to eat the fucking wall here now.

So that's what happens sometimes. Listen, I don't fuck around with people. I don't bullshit, no. But you're having some hard. It's resolution. Everybody's having a hard time at the fucking gym. Go to honor.com. Start with the hemp force fucking chocolate protein or the ascii milkshake.

You don't want to do that? That's fucking fine. At least try the fucking alpha brain. But don't be a fucking mook. Go with the shroom tech. At least get the shroom tech sport. Just to see how those fucking mushrooms affect you, you're going to feel fucking great in your workout.

Go to honor dot com. Go to joey deers.com. Go to the honor box. Pressing the code word church, church, and get fucking 10% 20%. I don't know what the fucking percentages. They're going to take good care of you. Not only that for 20% a month,

they'll give you a 20% discount if you get the shipping program. Every month on the fucking month, they send you your package, whether it has Shroom Tech, a kettlebell, whatever. I told you, motherfuckers, I went to the Big Fire Sporting Goods over here, and it's more expensive for their kettlebells than what you get a ship from fucking on it. You're looking for kettlebells, going on it, whatever. They help you out. They also have a sweepstakes for the fight with Robbie Law and Fidel in Dallas.

It ends February 28th. But go to onyx.com sweepstakes and enter now. You can win a training session with Mike Dolce. and a bunch of fucking Onit products on the arm. Just like that. That's how we roll. So go to Onit.com today. Also, I want to give a shout out to another fucking sponsor of mine who I love. I've never gotten to complain about these guys.

Hulu fucking Plus. Hulu Plus. I ain't going to tell you again, people. You know, you're sitting there at night. You're fucking watching whatever the fuck you watch. You're scratching your head. It's the same shit. Every fucking night on the TV.

They just scramble it to different channels. Thank God there's a couple fucking channels that are okay. Every fucking night you sit there like a month. What am I gonna watch? This shit can all end for 799 a month You can have fucking Hulu plus Rock them you understand me rock them. They got everything original programming TV shows Brooklyn 9 9 they got everything on there movies documentaries why you fucking around with yourself You get two weeks on the arm just to check it out two weeks for free Nobody knows the last time of chicks out suck your dick for two weeks and then we'll decide if you want to marry me nobody does that shit no more So go to fucking Hulu Plus

Go to Joey Dears.net Go to the Hulu Plus, box, press in Joey, J-O-E-Y, get you two weeks for fucking free, and 799 a month after that. That's how I fucking roll here. You understand me? You're like, Joey, why you being so nice today? Because it's Wednesday. Anything could fucking happen

day. That's why I'm being so fucking nice. Why do you have to ask so many fucking questions? So the name of the name is today, on it.com, and fucking Hulu Plus. Get your shit together. Get what's coming to you understand me i know it's cold it's snowing break out the hot fucking cocoa in the black sabbid get some fucking reaffin stop some fucking crying bitches where's the black sabbath that well i'll get some

little fucking tomorrow's dream something with some or children of the grave fuck these motherfuckers it's wednesday i need you fired up i need you to go out there and get what's fucking coming to you with that's it school's back in session bids if you're not back in school you're slipping if you're not reading the fucking new york times you're slipping If you're not doing jumping jacks, you're slipping. And if you're not smoking a reefer, you're slipping, too. Cuck's second. What?

Oh shit. Oh shit. Are you fucking kidding me or what? Fucking getting down. Wednesday, January 22nd. Write your goals down. Wash your pussy. Paint your fingernails.

Do some. Motherfuckers be slipping. Minneapolis. It's freezing. It's fucking freezing up there. I'm coming. Don't get your shit together. Get your galoshes.

Get your winter boots. Do what you need to do. I got a show tomorrow night, 7.30, Friday night, 7.30 and 9.30. Fucking Saturday, 9.30. I don't want to hear shit. I'm coming up there. It's cold. It's 92 fucking below.

Bring your penguin night. It's Saturday night. Bring your fucking penguin night. You like that league. I love it. We had to cancel a live podcast on the 29th up at the Ice House because I'm shooting Wednesday night. So my apologies when we were scheduled.

So that's it. You got me. in fucking Minneapolis then I'm home for four weeks doing jumping jacks kettle bell in it like a fucking motherfucker getting yoked up

drinking head force milkshakes and watching Hulu Plus for four weeks what's up God's second now I'm actually had a couple of great days of new podcast with Jerry Rocha and Rick Ramos listen nobody remembers when we first started

the church we were talking to you about movies okay I'm gonna tell you guys the truth because I always tell you the fucking truth even when I like so we'll give you a little movie reviews and I would pop up all the movies for you guys and some young guys said go fuck yourself grandpa

and some guys said Joey we love it we never heard of this movie never saw this movie so I appreciate it but after a while I felt I wasn't doing you guys at the service because I hadn't really seen these movies in 10 years I was making a list for you guys and going from memory and that's not fair to you guys

and I'll tell you why I also wasn't fair to you motherfuckers because the savage like Rick Ramos was walking around Rick was working at the time or going to school, so I really couldn't have Rick on at 6 in the morning, you know, to call in. It just doesn't make sense.

Rick is an on-the-tapped motherfucker. But I know one thing about Rick. I know that he knows his fucking movies. I know that he goes to fucking three or four movies every week. I know he's on speed die with all these fucking movie houses around here with the old movies

and who's going to show up. When it comes to movies, bro, if you want to know about something, what's the name of his podcast? Watch this. Watch this. with Rick Ramos Tuesdays on you stream or downloaded on fucking iTunes

once the party gets started. It'll be up tonight. You're not going to be fucking sorry. I give you my word. This is, uh, when it comes to movies, man, I've listened to podcasts,

and I've watched all these services. There's some people know, but there's some people do it to be cute. Rick Ramos does it because he knows fucking movies. This is going to be an entertaining fucking podcast. So watch this every fucking Tuesday. Every fucking Tuesday.

And then this is how big of a lot. nerd I am with Jerry Rocha. Monday's at 10. No, Jerry, 10 years. I used to snort coke all night, no, pass, so I'd wake up. Paul Jerry and he had some comic book store, jumping up and down with a bunch of fucking clowns. He told he told us you met, and he had

figurines, and then you made fun of him, but then you also knew who each of the figurines was. Sure, you got to know what the fuck. And then, of course, flying you radio Di Agostino every Tuesday, every Tuesday, 8 in the morning, so we have a whole bunch of shows for you now. We need to show. We're coming to the

fucking network here. We ain't fucking around no more. Why? I got these people. They got good knowledge behind them. It's not like I'm going to put a bunch of fucking Jumokes around you. You got good knowledge. That's all you fucking need. One guy's a fucking nerd. He plays with figurines. He listens to music. You don't smoke dope. That's a fucking nerd. And the other guy just watches movie and don't do nothing. I'm giving you two fucking complete savages. That day of his reefer was beautiful today on a fucking Wednesday morning. You haven't yet. I'm telling you now for the first time. I don't even. I don't even to smoke you know what I want to get this sick I'm not coughing no it's almost gone oh and then

also Steve Simone's podcast is about to start so check that out of the fucking savage and heat you tell you we ordered we ordered a fucking ten of cookies from tiramina in philadelphia the other what's tiramina the best fucking it's fucking Simone's neighborhood bakery oh I love it he took me to the Italian sandwich shop up in Encino what gee uh we with it's He's not even fat, but it was the fat man special. We each got a different sandwich, and we split it in half. So I got, we got roast beef with hot peppers and cheese, and then we got chicken parm and split that.

How was it chicken par? It was good, but the roast beef with the hot peppers was fucking... Delicious. A little parlorone? Yeah, a little fucking vinegar oil? Yep. Come on, huh? With some lettuce and tomato?

No, fuck it. Just cheese, hot peppers. Oh, yeah, that's a death sandwich right. It goes right through your fucking liver. Oh, my God. just lets out fucking fat cells. It's all over. You're pissing fats out.

I was so happy. Some of them gain 10 pounds. I was so happy when we were driving up, he's like, listen, these are the best sandwiches you're ever going to have. Let's split it. And I would never used to do that, but I was like, okay. Last time I was in there, I got so fucking agitated because Joe White Man was in there with a bunch of sandals on.

The whitest guy in America ordered a fucking turkey sandwich. No shit. You could have gotten this a rouse guy. You're wasting our fucking time. And he wanted it as white as could be, like turkey on white bread. That's it. And he's pissed about the amount of turkey. I was ready to take the guy and throw him out the fucking window.

Because he was Joe fucking white bread. He could have got that white man fucking deli over at the Rouse. They give you all the turkey you want with no flavor. He's over there wasting his fucking time over there at the fucking Italian deli. Showing his big fucking disgusting toes. Eat a turkey sandwich. You know, turkey on, let me get turkey on wheat. Get the fuck out of here.

That fucking tofu special. Go fuck yourself. Tofu special. You might as well go to rub fucking sofu in your face, tofu and hummus. Rub it on your fucking face and shit. Look at you. You said hummus and I got a little weakly knees.

Yesterday I took my wife to eat this gyro place. And they have a regular gyro. And I said, too, what's the Yu-Hoo gyro? The one-up. She goes, that one, we take a flat blend and we put hummus. And I go, stop right there. I would love that. She goes, why?

You do not like hummus? I don't like you either. But I got to eat the fucking gyro. So just bring it and shut the fuck up. She brought me a great spoolie though. Great place. Just when she said, I don't know what the fucking name of this. You know what I don't ask questions.

I've just been there before. I took the Agostino there last week for a gyro. What's with the questions? What's with the fucking questions? I don't need these fucking questions. I love it. I'm still a little sick though. My wife has got it.

My wife is fucking sick. Yes, I felt so bad. The fucking kids got it. The kid had it Monday. A little 18th, fucking year old baby, she's barfing, just looking at me. She didn't know what was going on. I felt so fucking bad.

Hey. But that's what happened now with these fucking flus and the shit. But that was terrible for a couple days. So you don't think it was a Taco Man? Nah. I think it was a bug. Some type of bug. I think that, like I said,

I wore myself a little fucking thin last week. I didn't know. And sometimes we had to sleep and the fucking weights and the kettlebells. And I wore myself a little thing. So I got to look out a little bit after that. You have to look out to yourself. You know, sometimes we overlook. We think that we're working or whatever and we look.

And yet I'm getting sick. So the law diminishing returns. You made a little money and I got to take it three weeks off. Yeah. To earn. And then you lose everything. You got to start from scratch. And, you know, when you go to work out, you're breathing.

So look at this fucking guy. Jesus. Christ. Did you imagine you take a hit a hash right? Look at the smoke in here. you want to take the head of hash? No. You sure, I got some hash for you.

I'm going to have to start scraping that. If anyone knows how to get the weed smell out of a room, please let me know. Why, does it smell like weed? Oh, God, people walked in here yesterday. They were like, who was smoking? I was like, Joey smoked on Monday. No. We'll open this door and we'll fucking spray it good.

We'll take the furniture out. We'll spray the carpet because some of them went in the carpet. We've got to fucking cut the carpet. Crazy glued over here like a Puerto Rico. Because I burnt it. no, find out after you get to deposit, fuck them by that time. Or you spray paint the carpet.

We'll steam it. Okay. And you just spray paint over the burn mark. What do you spray paint? With the color of the fucking carpet. With actual paint? Who the fuck you think you're dealing with, Doug? You get touch up paint.

They're never going to look at the carpet in the widget. They're going to stop over here. They're going to make sure you've steamed it and vacuumed it. What the fuck you think you're dealing with here? Come on now. I love it. Or you take some nail polish this color. You've nailed the fucking burn mark.

Come on. Who the fuck? do you think you think you're dealing with some fucking novice here some fucking guy from the corner selling sweaters no you got flavor here I smoke this joint and we'll get the fuck out of here all right so it's a beautiful thing to be a lot

what are we going to sit here and talk to these motherfuckers they want to go home too no they don't they love it mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm I love fucking refa it's making a comeback fucking people talking about

it now they're making money in Colorado they're saying wait we're making more money off this shit and the fucking gay's getting married I was gonna say are you going to do you have any plans to go to Denver soon no I live in fucking then well I know the new comedy no I got nothing my mind isn't fucking hell right now any fucking Denver for my mind is Denver I don't know it would be cool to buy legal weed I think so you go walk into any store with no license nothing yeah no license you have to show your regular license, but apparently

it's like three times as expensive. And then they still have the medical weed, which is cheaper. But yeah, you can walk in anywhere now. They have tours. They have like fucking limo tours around. It's like a wine country. Why don't you move out to Denver? Get people, tours, get a little bicycle.

I don't smoke weed that much. Guess what, bitch? What? We're back on Monday. We're back on the fucking torch of life, doing bong hits, eating goomy bids. You forgot. We got these here. No, I never forgot.

Hold on, there was like 10 of me and somebody's been eating these. Not to strangle, you cock-sucker. Was it me? You been eating these? No. Don't lie to me. I haven't eaten it.

I don't know. I think I had an edible Sunday. Sunday, you have to sleep a little bit. Whenever I take an edible, I can always feel myself like the spit going down, so I just knew being sick. It would freak me out if I was highly like that. Yeah, I got high.

the other day on an edible and that was it it's been good lately. No, no, no, I've been tip-top shape. I'm trying to keep everything composure. You do that for everything for like working out and being high you go on cycles of things and I don't think it's even based on anything I think once you get bored of it. You're like, all right, it's something new?

Yeah, I got to go. I got to go. I'm ready for heroin again. I'm ready for two lines of some Chinese fucking heroin from China Town. Oh my God. What do you think that would do to you? If you actually started doing... I would shoot myself. I couldn't do nothing now. my headside.

I thought about that the other day. I thought about what would happen to me now. Listen, I would do a line of coke and I wouldn't die, but everything would end. I made a promise. You know, I made a promise. I didn't make a promise to my mom. I didn't make a promise to a spiritual leader.

I made a promise to myself. And that promise took me a long way. So for me to break that promise, it would just be, I would still stay alive. I'd probably live for 20 years and I'd probably the last 20 years in my life would be miserable. I lose my daughter, I'd lose my wife, I'd lose it all, you know. You think one line of Coke would do that to you?

Yeah, I made a promise. Wow. I was raised on promises. You know, in Cuba they have San Lazzarro, and his birthday is December 17th. And what you do is he's his color's purple. So if your knees hurt or you want your daughter to get better or a family member, you make a promise of San Lazzar that you'll wear purple for a year. every day in some of your clothing.

Purple socks, purple jeans, purple shirt, purple jacket, purple hat. You know, those little things you do that nobody needs to know. You know, when you go, oh my God, I made, no, nobody needs to know. So I made a promise. I made a promise that if he saved this cat, I would never do blow again. And the process, I fell in love with the cat. And the cat appreciates it. The cat's on top of me every fucking day.

Yeah, we were on the phone yesterday, and you were like, wait a second. Super bad. Super bad. Always lurking. He's always lurking, bite my arm. So he knows I made a promise. It's the weirdest fucking thing.

I made a promise. No rehab, no fucking holy water, no exorcism, no bullshit story. This is how I have to live my life, and it worked out for me. So for me to break that promise,

it would take everything else down. It would end our friendship. It would end everything. Wow. Because that's how big this promise is. It's your word. It's all you fucking have. And it's something that people,

we lose it. I lost that. upbringing when i got when i when my mother died and i smothered with myself with drugs all those years i forgot that what i was about that's how i was raised i'm gonna want looking at me one day just let me talk to you like after my mother died he hunted me down this car he took me and he goes can i talk to you for a second i went on i go what's up he goes listen man we're cleaning the attic because i found a bag of marijuana he goes i found bags of roaches they cleaned each roach up there was Because me and the guys of smoking just roll the roaches behind this fucking dresser.

Okay. And he goes, listen, man. He goes, I've had some disappointment in my life. That broke my heart to know that you smoked dope. He goes, do me a favor. Make me a promise right here, right now that you'll never smoke marijuana against where the Sam Lazzarone. I couldn't do it.

At that age, I was probably 16. I was fucked up. And I knew I wasn't prepared to make that promise that I wasn't. wasn't going to get high again. I don't know what made me remember to do that when I was fucking 43 years old or 45. I don't know. I do not know, but it worked. It's great.

And I know you have 18 books you have to write, but that's, that's, because there's so many people who relapse and, and do all that stuff. And it's, it's crazy that you never did it. I mean, it's, you never hear that. You never hear people. Well, I transferred addictions in a way, because I kept smoking pot. But I don't know when the last time somebody fucked their life above a refra. Okay, and if you fuck your life, it's time just to go in the room with a bunch of padded dicks

and stab yourself till you fucking bleed to death. But no, with all the rehabs and all this shit, we've forgotten about ourselves. You know, what kept me out of jail wasn't people fucking in the ass or the beatings and the, what kept me out of jail was what it did to the people around me. The looks on their faces when they have to come visit you. Because in every

In every scenario When I sit up at night And think about Lee, there's two scenarios I don't see him I don't see him in a prison I don't see him dead We never see our friend

In those two fucking scenarios Okay So when a friend sees you in that scenario Blows their fucking mind Blows their mind Because you knowing and you're seeing There's two different fucking things In your life

So I would see the people Who cared for me Would come see me And with that orange suit on And I'd seen what it did to them You know I saw when I went to, when I got sentenced to prison, what it did to George? If we get George here right now and smoke some pot and crack some jokes and get George loose,

George will tell you what that was one of the toughest days of your life to see one of your buddies get taken away and you can't fucking help them. It's a tough fucking daily. So it affects everybody. And if you don't know that, then you're a fucking piece of shit for not knowing. And that's why your life's a mess. And that's why for a long time I knew, but I ignored it. You know, what made me get off Coke?

Listen, Lee, the last thing I wanted was for Terry to find me on the floor. She's too sweet. If it was a different girl that did Coke and whatever, I would give a fuck. But not Terry. It would destroy her world. She wouldn't react to that. A lot of people can't. You know, it took me for fucking years after I found my mother dead on the floor.

You can't. I'd rather hear about it. You know, he was found in a hotel. They're going to ship his body back. would never want Terry to fucking find me in the living room. So these are the things that comes to mind when you're playing your addiction card, when you're trying to get your life together. These are the things that you finally think about that overwhelm everything else, you know,

that should, and that's when you go, that's it. I'm going to make my decision. Now you're looming. It's like driving up to that fucking pizza, it's like driving up to that gym, and you look inside and you fucking pull away. You'll do that three or four times with addiction. I'm sure. And then one fucking morning you go,

That's it. It ends. I'm never going to do that again. And it's a week. It's a week out of your life that you suffer. That it's a week of breaking, then it's a month of breaking patterns. And then you're set.

Now, I've always talked to people, and you always hear people who quit, but they still hang around with people who do it and they still get offered it. I've got this kid on Diego on another podcast, who was 19 and was smoking heroin. for three years and just got clean and he's doing good but he said he's been offered

it and like do you you don't hang out with the people who still do coke and like it seems like that'd be a big thing to get to change listen man I never really hung out with people who do coke I hung up with Joe Rogan and Ari and Duncan. Okay so my drug addict

that's what I liked about it Eddie that those guys didn't do fucking drugs they didn't you know I don't want to hang out with people eight people who get I want to hang out with three or four people who don't get high. So that was always my secret. I didn't hang out with people who got high.

Was it because they wouldn't ask you for any? Or like, why? Because I knew that they would fuel me. Okay. You know what I'm saying? I always wanted to, I always wanted to do things different. I don't hang out with people who get high today, but when it comes to me, they don't even talk about it.

I don't want to hear about it. The other day somebody mentioned something to me, the idea about blowing it, when in money or went on the other. It doesn't even go on my ears no more at all. I don't know why. It just worked out that way. That's great.

I knew what it did, and I knew it. Just how, you know, we get a lot of emails about addiction. People know. People fucking know. You got one guy the other day. It's six months clean. He just realized it's the best feeling in the world. There's a joke to this.

I always say that you're not supposed to get high. But let me tell you something. People who get high and do 30 days. When you hit 30 days, you know you've done 30 days. you're a fucking soldier and I applaud you and anybody who stays clean and then goes back to getting eye it's a heartache because they know

what they've done they saw the miracle work one time they fucking saw it's like losing weight and then getting it back it's a they saw the miracle they see the miracle and they go what the fuck just happened I was clean and sober for 13 years

what the fuck happened and that's why I watch my peas and cues because I know how easy it is but I'm 50 and I know that I got, my time is limited and I know that if I did, I don't have any desire to do it. Nothing, nothing at all. Towards the end, the last couple of years, my desire was sex and doing it, like doing a couple

of rocks and getting your dick suck, getting, finding a victim and shit like that. So I had like a purpose. I don't know. I don't know. I just don't have a purpose with it no more. I never had a purpose for that in my life, that whole party scene. Do you feel like you hit rock bottom? Not at all.

Really? Because I just watched flight. and he didn't hit rock bottom and the door was banging and it made him it just it's uh I didn't hit rock bottom I well I did hit rock bottom

at 88 by going to prison that's rock bottom prison is rock bottom when I got out I continued to do it regardless of it I was a little bit more cautious you know and I respected it more

I knew that the traps you know the traps okay and in hindsight it's all a fucking trap you know in hindsight they're all traps But you know the smaller traps, three or four days, dealing, you know, that shit will get you in trouble fast, a big amount in your house.

So I always knew. I knew one thing. If I went to bed and there was an ounce of coke in my house, I wasn't going to go to bed until that ounce of coke was gone. Jesus. Plain and simple. So after a while, I knew not to lie to myself. I knew to bring enough in just to fucking. And once I was in, I wasn't going out.

So if I lived on the first floor, Lee, and you lived on the third floor, I would come up here and give you a bag, and you wouldn't see me the rest of the night. You wouldn't hear from me until I was unhigh enough to walk up here and get it from you, which would probably be two days later. I would never come and knock on your door. It would be very hard because I was so paranoid to even open that fucking door, that I would not open the fucking door. So I would only take with me what I was going to do.

I would look at the clock. I would make a plan of my attack. I want to be in bed by six. This is how much I could snort every hour. I got enough water. I got cigarettes. I got weed. I got rolling papers.

Terry's asleep. I'm going to work. That's how hard. That's how much work addiction was. So when you take all that work away from addiction, do you see where just spending three more hours with myself, help my comedy? Yeah, no, I mean, I can't imagine how much more time you have now.

It helped me to get in shape. Because when you have an addiction, it's the undercurrent of your life. It's to continue. fucking soundtrack of your life no matter who you love what's in your life how good your career is going the

continuing soundtrack is all that shit don't matter because tonight when I get home at 7 o'clock I'm blasting off the fucking LalaVille whether it's heroin pills you know and that's the continuing thing of fucking addiction and that's why it sucks ass

and it's fucking great when you beat it so listen if you're kicking ass look at this lady with a big ass titty's coming out and getting the newspaper, your fucking filthy, sexy, motherfucker. Anyway, listen, if you're addicted, get your shit together. I'm not saying to go to a meeting or whatever.

Do whatever works for fucking you, okay? If you don't want to go to a rehab, if you just want to talk with some fucking hooker on the corner and she can rehab you to do that, I just want you to be safe and healthy and have a great fucking week, okay? I want to thank On it. Go to the web page, order something nice from them.

Don't take care of you. Go to Hulufuckingplus.com. Don't take care of you. for all your entertainment needs, whether it's movies or original programming, a documentary, you get two weeks for fucking free, you know, support anybody who supports the podcast. Remember, in February,

if you walk into a debt squad, if you walk into a 10th planet, jujitsu, whether it be 10th planet St. Paul, whether it would be 10th planet Chicago, whether it would be 10th planet Rochester, 10th planet Covey City with Einstein, and there are these 10 planet schools. You tell me your debt squad,

you get the whole month of February for free. Eddie Bravo's doing that for you guys as a fucking gift for free just so you see what Jiu-Jitsu is and the rubber guard and how it's changed so many lives if you don't have any money you just want to go down to a fucking 10th planet and see what the fuck they got going on that's what we're doing over here with Dead Squad. We're helping you out

thank you very much for keeping you can't eat pussy with asthma on the charts for three fucking weeks 10 three fucking weeks you motherfuckers have kept it right there I love you cocksuckers with all my heart I'll see you guys in Minneapolis and that's elite. What are you going to tell these people? I ain't them doing. Please check out the new podcast, whether it's Flying G Radio,

or this is how big of a nerd I am, or watch this. Thank you, and just thank you for watching this, and it's been a crazy... For supporting us and for making this folk that whole dream happened. I mean, why you stuttering for? I don't know, because I was focusing in the music writing and you popped a question.

What's the question? Now that the show's over, don't forget to sign up for your free trial of Hulu Plus. Lulu Plus let you binge. on thousands of hit shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus. When you go to Huluplus.com slash Joey, that's Huluplus.com slash Joey, or go to JoeyDias.net and click on the Hulu Plus banner.

Dedicated to the niggas that was down from day one. Welcome to Death Row. Like we always do about this time. Ha, ha, ha. Your records, creeping while you're sleeping. Niggas, what attitudes? Nalo. Niggas on the motherfucking mission. What up, niggas and niggas?

That crazy-ass niggas back in the motherfucking his ails. The notorious Compton G-D-R-E on the solo tip. Fuck the motherfool. What up, Wren? Yeah. Drop the chronic flakes on your ass, bitch. West Coast flavor. Niggas who talk shit, get dealt with real quick.

So if you want to take a trip to the road, let a nigga like Snoop Dogg know. Protected by. niggas with big dicks, AKs, and 187 skills. So if it's a much you testers, we can halle it in the streets, nigger fuck making records. Yeah, G's up, holes down.

If that bitch can't swim, when she found her Drizine. Peace to my nigga Drizze. Another platinum hit, nigger. Peace to the DOC. Still making it funky enough. And death row records is in full motherfucking offici. Oh yeah.

P.S. Mr. Working Tattoo, aka Jerry and Easy, sincerely yours, these motherfucking, no, I know you, Jerry. I don't love ruthless records. Frankly, I don't know nothing they got to do it, but, but you know what I wanted to do for me? Jerry, Easy, check the shit out here. I won't try to put these briss-hose in your jizzles and work them like a stri-hound

and tell me what your sis all. Yeah, you know what? Fuck all y'all, fuck y'all. You know it down. You stay up right, nigga. You better ask somebody. You really better ask somebody Get out, get out

I don't love you. Yeah, nigga, you's a penguin-looking motherfucker. Hell yeah. I'm saying. Mr. Buster. Where the fuck you at? Gain scrappling So I know you got your got your dick on hard

for fucking your road dogs The hoods you grew up with Niggers you grew up with Donnie from respect your ass That's why it's time for the doctor to check your ass Nigger Used to be my homie Used to be my ace.

Now I want to slap the taste. Out your mouth. Make it by the end up to the rope. Fucking me, none fucking you, little ho. Oh. Don't think that would... Make me... Let me ride.

Just another homicide. Yeah, it's me so I can talk on... What? Stop on the easiest grease that you can walk on. So strap on your cop and hatch your lobes and watch your back because you might get smoke, low. And pass the bud. And straight low key, VG, because you lost all your homie's love. what you want to you're fucked with me now with some must that I fuck with you

you're better way you're talking about we have your motherfucking record company surrounded put down the candy and let the little boy yow you know what I'm saying fuck motherfucker bow wow wow yippy yo yippy doggy dogs in the motherfucking house bow wow wow yippio yippie a death row's in the motherfucking house Whoa, whoa, whoa, yippy yo, yippy, ye. The sounds of a dog bring me to another day. Play with my bone, would you timmy?

It seems like you're good for making jokes about your Jimmy. Well, here's a Jimmy joke about your mama that you might not like. I heard she was a brisk old duck. But fucking mama, I'm talking about you and me. To-to-to-to-tem-M-U-T. Your bark was loud, but your bite wasn't vicious. And the rhymes you were kicking were quite boodylicious. You get with doggy dog, oh, is he crazy?

With your mama and your daddy hollin' baby So what that lets you know That if you fuck with Drake, nigga You fucking with death broke And I ain't even swanging them things I'm holling one eight seven with my dick And your mouth bitch Yeah, nigga

Counts no long be together Miss motherfucker So you wanna pop that shit Get your motherfucking cranny and crack, nigga Step on up Now we ain't no motherfucking joke So remember the name Mighty Mighty D-R

Yeah, motherfucker Fucker. And I understand this my nigga Drake can't be touched. Luke's bending over. So Luke's getting fuck, buster. Musta thought I was sleazy. I thought I was a mark because I used to hang with ease. Anamoicity made you speak with you spoke of your drink.

What up? Chip your nigga off, low. If it ain't another hole that I got to fuck with gap teeth in your mouth so my dick's got to fit. With my nuts on your tonsils, while you on stage rapping at your whack-ass concert. And I'm gonna snatch your ass from the back side You show you how death row pull off that hoop ride Now you might not understand me Cause I'm a Robbie in Compton and blast you at Miami

Then we gonna break to South Central On the street knowledge mission As I steps in the temple spotty got in as I pulls out my strap Got my chrome to the side of his white sock tack You're trying to check my homie your best check yourself Because when you just dr. Dreed your dish yourself Motherfucker Yeah, niggas

Dr. Drake Dropping chronic once again It don't stop Punishing punk motherfuckers real quick life Conference style niggled Doggy dogs in the motherfucking hails Long Beach is in the motherfucking hells Yeah

Yeah Straight up Really though Breaking all these suckers are Some real proper life You know what I'm saying All this sucker ass niggas can eat a fat Yeah

Easy eat easy eat easy eat easy eat can eat a big fat dig Tim dog can eat a big fat dig can eat a fat dig yeah