The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #144 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: March 7, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT..... It's Monday, March 7th.... This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by Liquid I.V., Lucy Nicotine Gum & BetterHelp….. Go to https://www.Liquid-IV.com Use JOEY at checkout for 25% OFF! Go to https://www.Lucy.co Use PROMO CODE: JOEY for 20% OFF! Better Help Online Therapy - Get 10% off your first month of online therapy at https://www.betterhelp.com/DIAZ Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

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You knew that. Remember, if you're interested in a better way to use nicotine, visit lucy.com and be sure to use promo code joey and now without further ado to join on a Monday morning what's happened you bad motherfuckers it's Monday the 7th of motherfuckin March a beautiful fucking day to be alive I had a great weekend things are going on the UFC was great uh last week was a weird week for me because I finished the fucking book the week before So, guys, the last 14 months, this book has kept me busy a couple nights. You know, you have to sit down and outline and look at the previous outline and see what you want to add to it.

So, like, I tell you guys, you know, at night I like to watch TV with my wife, my daughter, but at one point I just turned the TV off and I would outline this. And it would be like three nights a week, sometimes on the weekends. But it was my job for the time being, you know. and the last two weeks I haven't been doing that shit so this week early on the week I'm like what the fuck's going on in my life

I'm so fucking bored you know I'm fucking bored to pieces here and it was like Monday and Tuesday I had errands you know I got my regular shit but something was missing all week and I'm like fuck this sucks and by Friday

I was having a rough fucking day like Friday afternoon guys we have good days and we have bad days and my day was just not going well. And, uh, my phone went off and it was one of my buddies from the eighth grade. David Ruiz, great guy. We hooked up like in the sixth grade and he's like, hey man, what are you doing this weekend?

You know, I could, uh, I'd go out Saturday night. Have you available? And I was like, you know what, man, my wife, and I was just about to make an excuse that my wife was out of town or whatever. And I go, no, let's fucking do it. Let's do it. I go, let's do this. Let's start simple.

Let's go for a nice fucking steak. Let's meet at Steakhouse 85 in New Brunswick, right over that 85 church street across from the Stress Factory. That whole area, I don't know if you've ever been to the Stress Factory, if you ever go to go see a comic at the Stress Factory, do me a favor. Spend the extra fucking 100 and go to dinner in fucking New Brunswick. Whether it's the 85, which is fucking tremendous, Rogan took me there maybe 15 fucking years ago

and it's been nothing but great and the head chef goes to Gracie Jiu-Jitsu with me so it's fucking perfect I didn't see him Friday he went on Saturday I went on Friday I didn't go on Saturday so I never got a chance to talk to him so I just wanted to salvage a night so it was me and Dave I called Louis Hernandez

you know my buddy was Dominican but moved to North Pergin and everybody would call him fucking racial epitaps and shit and believe it or not he was in and then I called my man Whitey because he's the one his wife was the one that initiated this whole thing and he's like let me check and I'll hit you up

tomorrow and he hit me up that night Friday night he hit me up and he goes I'm fucking in and I was like wow so we got the original foursome you know we're missing like Chuckie and a couple of guys Dominic Speciale rest of so so I go let's just

started off with four of us. Why did he call me back? And he goes, I'm bringing my friend Dominic. I said, go ahead. I remember Dominic from back in the day. And it's so weird. Like I've always told you guys, I just saw this the other day. A video of me popped up on TikTok.

Like, I don't subscribe to TikTok. I've never posted on TikTok. There's a couple of accounts that are you. Yeah, I'm all over TikTok. And the other day, I saw a TikTok video on Twitter, and it was just me saying, you know, you don't need all this shit in your life. with three friends.

You could conquer the fucking world. Did you see that the other day? Yeah. And I'm like, wow, that's crazy. I forgot I even said that shit about your three friends. And when I saw that, I go, holy shit. I got to see my friends. But I'll tell you guys, Friday was just, I don't know.

It was like, I was just down. I even did a Patreon podcast. And I talked about that life, you have your ups and downs, you know. And that's a good thing. That's great about life. That life doesn't always suck and life isn't always great. Can you imagine if your life was always great?

You wake up in the morning, a chick is sucking your dick, you hit the lot of, what the fuck? You know what I'm saying? After a month, you're like, I can't do this no more. People suck in my dick

and me winning money every day and me having fun. What the fuck? Can't my cat get hit by a car or something like that? Something, you know? You know, life isn't fucking per- but sometimes, so,

and my wife was gone, I go, fuck it, let's go. You know, let's go. And sure enough, Saturday, I woke up with the Joey Diaz syndrome. I woke up with the regular syndrome. I don't know if I want to go. I don't feel good. What if I get car sick?

I mean, I'm only fucking 20 minutes from New Brunswick. How car sick can I fucking get? So I got up yesterday. I had honeynut Cheerios because I was going to eat meat anyway. So I said, Omar. Yeah, I prepare. Honey Nut Cheerio like Omar from the wire.

That shit keeps your colloquies. Lester all down, you know what I'm saying? So I hit some honey nut churio for breakfast. That was it. And for lunch, I had a peanut bun and jelly sandwich. Homemade. Tremendous. A little jiff creamy.

Stop it. Walsh's great from the fucking, oh, tremendous. So I fucking, uh, I was prepared for last night. About 4 o'clock, I popped like 600 milligrams in ABX edibles. Because listen, I'm not going to a high-priced steakhouse and not going to eat. You don't understand, guys. I don't have the appetite I use. to like a fucking chubby dude

I don't have it no more I can't even I order a 14 ounce steak half of it comes home and that's fresh from smoking a joint the whole thing you just don't have it no more so I fuck it I go you know what I'm gonna prepare myself just in case I took

800 milligrams with me but I popped three here 600 I popped three ABX capsules and then I had one left I put in my pocket just in case I need a little buffer later on you know what I'm saying for the right home. Sometimes you've got to get the wing going.

So I take my shower, I wash my pussy, and I fucking drive up to New Brunswick, and right away, I fucking get in, no problems. You know, I had the waves. I got lost even with the fucking wave app. I said, make a left on Lincoln, and there I was. And I'll never forget, I pulled in. There's a parking garage next to the Stress Factory

across the street from Stakehouse 85. and fucking the light changed three times before I even got to the fucking garage because that's how busy it is. A lot of people go out to dinner in East Brunswick and New Brunswick and they have a lot of shit going on

and have theater and plays. It's a night, you know, Rutgers is there. It's just a great little fucking town, you know, so I pull into a driving town. I'm like, fuck, I'm enough to walk up to the fourth floor. I could see all the cars.

But as Uncle Joey's pulling in, I see these spots Three of them are wide open They go 30 minute parking only Fuck you I pulled right into I ain't walking up there

I pulled right into the 30 minute parking And as I got out There was a chick there with the car To give tickets But I fucking didn't even look at it I just kept walking on I got to make it in there And I walked in

And the lady goes, how are you? I go great I'm here meeting my friends The last name is Diaz And she goes already at the fucking bar I was like God damn walked over there and we fucking almost broke down

right there. My legs were going soft on me. When Louis hugged me and Dave hugged me it was fucking insane. And I posted... How long have you been since you seen it? 35 years. Oh, I didn't know that.

I didn't not see them from 1985. Not a comedy show because they're not on social media these guys. So they live by their kids. Their kids would tell them, Coco's coming and they would always. tell them too late. But the one guy's sister would come see me

and I would always exchange messages for him with her, you know? But it was so weird to sit at a table with these dudes. You got to remember there was five of us, three of us. Me, Louis, and Dave were in the same eighth grade

and seventh grade class. How fucking crazy is that? As soon as we sat down, I could see that everybody was a little kind of like it was surreal. Dave, my friend Dave, he was struggling with it and I could feel for him, but you also got to remember I knew these three, these guys knew my mother.

That's what made this dinner even more special. They would come to my house all the time, play basketball, go swimming, my mom would cook rice and beans for them and fucking steaks and shit. And they were all talking about my mom last night, that they were all, they were fucking hysterical stories about my mom and my mom would tell them to shut the fuck up. We had a kid lifting at my house one day

And he put a lot of weight on He kept saying, I know, I know now He had like a fucked up chin as it was Like Marlon Brando But when he went in my backyard My mom was on the phone Looking out the door like what are these guys doing We're in the backyard

We got a bench out in the backyard And we're bench pressing and shit And it's Lucio's turn He's one of the commissioners up in Union City now And we he starts throwing on I don't know you guys don't remember Weights used to be plastic With cement inside

So the fucking weights were like half built The concrete was falling off There were old weights We're like 13 We're trying to be fucking bodybuilders We're putting the fucking weights on there Lucio's like put more weight on for me Put more weight on for me

So he grabs the fucking bar And all of a sudden he goes He lifts it up and it just goes straight down Like it didn't even You know you hold the bench like ah help It just went And it went right down And hit him in the chin

So we picked it up He's like ah Ah So my mom we'll call him the chin after that. Put some mice on the chin. And then every time he'd come home, my mindful go, the chin.

Locky ha, in Spanish. We were talking about all that shit, but it was just, it was surreal that we had the bond that we had. I tried to tell you guys that this was going to happen about six months ago. I said, watch, guys,

I'm going to connect with my grammar school buddies, and that's going to be the beginning of me. It's going to change me because I'm back to where I was. You know, I was older than these guys. But if you remember, I got left back on the seventh grade. The seventh grade year I got left back on, I played basketball where I wasn't any good. And then the year I got left back,

I was fucking embarrassed. These guys never made fun of me. They never called me stupid. They never said nothing. The year I got left back, I felt so bad in the seventh grade that I just disappeared. I joined the basketball team. I was going to karate again. and I was just trying to get my life together.

I was fucking humiliate that I had gotten left back. Fucking humiliate. I sat in that class the first month and I was just so fucking uncomfortable. I thought I was going to fucking die. And next thing you know, these guys just, you know, I always knew Dave. See, before I moved to the McKinley area, North Perrigan,

I lived in the McKin. I'm sorry, I had lived in the McKinley area of North Pergen. When I first moved there, I was still going to parochial school in Kearney, in Kearney, New Jersey. Take it out school for boys. I didn't hang out with North Bergen people, but I did. When I would go to my mother's bar, it was on 29th in Bergen line, I would walk down to the 26th Street projects in North Bergen.

And that was my introduction really to North Bergen. That was a complete different world down there. We were talking about last night, the Carvajals, the fucking Martin Perez, Martin Perez's father was fucking one of the guys in Batista's army. So I told you guys that when they landed in North Bergen, they were okay. But then the word got out that this guy lived in North Bergen. So fucking they came after him to kill him. So the feds had to take Martin Perez.

So all of us ran down there at that time. It was me, David Ruiz, Martin Perez, Armando, Dean LaPrette, so many fucking. And we were always up to no good. We were always stealing light bulbs from fucking Dura test and hitting each other on the heads with it. We would fill fucking socks with flour and beat the fuck out of each other. We'd have flour all over us. I mean, there was no drugs. There was no thievery involved.

And somewhere along the line, I became friends with David Ruiz and this kid named Armando Rudy. And these guys were a blast. You know, like, I don't know if you guys remember this being young and having that crew, that you talked about sex with, like all the things you were going to do to a girl when you had the opportunity, that was this crew. That was this seventh grade crew.

We would just sit there for hours and talk about how we're going to make out with these girls and fucking have a corvette. We were a fucking $1.00 away from having a quarter. You know what I'm saying? Like, everybody was broke, and we're talking to all this nonsense and shit. So I became friends with Dave.

Dave was a great basketball player. There was courts over there by Center Ford. That's not Center Ford anymore. That's what they used to do punt passing kick. But there were these tremendous courts on 26th Street, tremendous, little hidden behind Center Ford. And that Center Ford used to do the punt passing kick, it was fucking tremendous. And if you walked across the bridge on Route 3, we made it over to the other side to McKinley. So we had all that.

You had this whole area to fucking play with. I still remember walking over that bridge with a walkman on and stepping on caterpillars. There was millions of caterpillars on this bridge. And, you know, caterpillars going to a cocoon, they turned into a butterfly or some shit. And I'm fucking walking on this bridge, and I'm stomping. It's early in the morning I'm by myself. I'm just stomping these fucking caterpillars. You can hear them crunch.

My sneakers were all green and shit. And I kept walking. And all of a sudden, some kid came running up behind me and just like that to my ears. dog, I must have jumped eight feet in the air. I thought it was one of the caterpillars that had jumped on my back and shit. I mean, we were doing something every day. Now, in the seventh grade,

something really weird happened. That kid Juan moved over from the Bronx, Puerto Rican kid. He was a tremendous basketball player. While he was moving, getting his furniture in and out of the Bronx, I went in his house and we stole his shit. Me and my buddies, I'm giving that terrace. I got the stereo and the speakers in my room.

Long story. So now we're looking like holy shit we got chucky as the point guard we got david ruiz and the other Puerto Rican kid as the forwards or maybe move fucking him up to a shooting guard and you got me and the

Puerto Rican kid who could jump to play forwards now we're going to get a center so that was our fucking plan so you know we played like maybe one game and all of a sudden was sitting in fucking the seventh grade and the kid walks in with an afro and he says his name is Louis

Hernandez and the first thing out of my thing was the dog, you got a Julius Irving Afro, can you play like him? And he's like, yeah, I can play. And I'm like, oh, thank God. We need this shit. And Louis came on the team in that season we went fucking 0 and 7.

We were god-awful. We couldn't win a fucking game. I was fucking heartbroken. I had gotten left back. I didn't have a girlfriend no more. I was retarded. You know, my life seemed like it was in the fucking dumps. I was still going to karate and I go, you know what, man, I don't ever want to be an undefeated team, ever fucking again.

So me, Dave, Louis, we started a fucking campaign of just constant basketball. We were always playing basketball, the winter, the summer, and somewhere along that, we recruited a guy named Whitey. Whitey went to Kennedy School. Nice Irish kid, great fucking family. His mother always made church. chicken cutlets. His grandfather was our fucking chauffeur. We could be on the moon. And he would call his grandpa, pop pop, pop. I'm stuck over here. We just won. We don't know how to get home. I'll be right over and I'll bring chicken for you, motherfuckers. And he'd come, bring his chicken,

bring his gatories. Guys, it was a fucking dream come true. And Whitey played for another school and there was no animosity. We got along like fucking brothers. I was at Whitey's house, three nights a week. We had a bounce back. I don't know if you guys know what a bounce back is. It's like a fucking net. It looks like a camouflage net

on a thing and you throw the ball against it and it pushes it back to you. And we just sit there for hours me and Wyddy and take foul shots, free throws. We work on our jump shots. And then he could climb on the concrete wall and slam dunk.

He was like Spider-Man. I could not do that. I was petrified to climb on the wall and slam dunk. And then we played there for a few hours. and the coach from Ramapo College when he was a kid, he wasn't a coach yet. Chuckie McBreen would call us and say,

what are you guys doing? Come over to my house and sleep over. We were walked from downtown to 30th in Patterson Plank Road. Chuckie had a dirt basketball court, a dirt basketball court. Every time you fucking had dribbled the ball, there was dust all around you and shit like that.

You look like, if you played three games, you were fucking filthy, but he had a pool. And then we were jumping the pool, and you could see the dirt just come off. around you like six of us dirty water we didn't give a fuck it was all about basketball there was nobody

getting high there was nobody stealing shit yeah we did a couple fucking creepy things but nothing we are very innocent kids at that time guys very innocent we lived for basketball I lived for basketball and for karate that was my whole I went to McKinley

I got out I went home I I played with some North Bergen guys. About 4.30, I got on my fucking feet. I walked up the hill, took a bus to fucking, I don't know, 16th. And Palisade Avenue, I go to karate, and then from karate, go to my mother's bar, eat dinner, and go home. That was my fucking life. That was it. And when we weren't in karate, me and these other lunatics were fucking at movie theaters, going to Harlem.

No drugs, guys. Strip clubs, shit like that. No drugs. just straight up kids. That's all we were. We were fucking just straight up kids. And in the eighth grade, our bond got so fucking strong

we were going into the eighth grade. We're like, fuck. We were 0 and 7 last year. We got Louis. Raul, the Puerto Rican dude, he had left already. He moved after like four months. His father couldn't pay rent in Jersey.

It was too high rent across the street. They were used to the apartment living over in the Bronx. So he left. So we were left for me, David. Chuckie and we had a tremendous and we had Dominique Specialio and Anthony Bousanano

fucking God bless both of their souls we had a tremendous eighth grade fucking team I still remember the last day of school you go into the grade you're going to go into and you meet your teacher and the eighth grade teachers

were Ms. Verga and Miss Walsh both of them were older than old lady time both of these women were fucking way past that prime. They could not teach anymore. But they were good teachers. They were older. And I'll never forget.

It was a teacher named Ms. Berger and Ms. Walsh. We got Miss Walsh. Me, Louis Hernandez, Orlando, Salcedo, Domit Special. We fucking had Miss Walsh. And the first day we went in there and she goes, listen, guys, this class in particular has a reputation. And she goes, I don't give a fuck. I really don't.

I'm not going to play with you guys. I'm too fucking old and I will throw you out of here one by one. Like she drew the fucking line the first day. It wasn't the first day of school. It was the last day of school.

She drew the fucking line with her. She was like, here, you know, I'll fucking suspend you. I'll throw you the fuck out. And it was like, I was in the first row. I had this cat, the Sicilian imported. He had been in this country

maybe two years from Italy. and his name was Michael. We used to play street hockey, and I would hit him in the shins with the street hockey stick because he couldn't speak English, and he'd go, ay, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye. Whenever I hit him in the leg, you go, aye, aye, aya, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's all he did.

He was an Italian kid fucking off the charge book, off the book smart. We had this kid in the back name Orlando Sousaido, little chubby motherfucker, Dominic Spichiat, sat on the other side of class, and our job was to fucking. torment Miss Walsh. Listen, when she drew the line with us,

the last day of school, that gave us all summer to think about ways to torture this fucking lady. And when we get back into the eighth grade at the end of the summer, we're all basketball machines. I had been to fucking superstar basketball camp down there in Jersey City with the fucking hurlies. I mean, we were basketball machines.

That's all I gave a fuck about. A girl broke my heart. I was never going for pussy again. That shit hurts too much. When you're in the eighth grade and seventh grade With some chick breaks your heart It just hurts a little too much I was like fuck this shit

It's not about pussy no more It's just gonna be about fucking sports We get into the fucking 8th grade It's great First day of school Ms. Verga, the other teacher announced to her class That she was taking medical leave

That she had over the summer They had found the tumor And they were gonna operate on her And they was gonna take eight to 12 weeks to recuperate and that a substitute was going to be named so that fucked this all up. We already had a plan to torture Welsh

and Verga. Now we've got to think of a whole new fucking strategy. It's like the fucking, she didn't make weight. You ever have a fight that doesn't make weight. Or he catches COVID, now you've got to fight a whole new opponent and we're like, what the fuck are we how are we going to torture her? In those days we went to the home room with Ms. Walsh

And you probably stayed with Ms. Walsh For maybe 45 minutes and then the bell went off and you went to Miss Virga for a period and then you went to the seventh grade because they probably taught like history over there and then you went to Mr. Kingwell because he taught like math or some shit

and that was our fucking day. Then the whole afternoon you'd spend it with your eighth grade teacher or your regular home teacher. So this was our goal every fucking day. We'd stay in school till 12. Once that bell went off, we'd run out of there.

Me, Orlando, Dominic, and we run up the shop right on right off route three there we'd go in there and we'd fucking shoplift every piece of gum we could juicy fruit hubba bubub double mint you fucking name it we fucking stole it after a few after a few weeks we decided the fucking uh

the winter green and all that gum wouldn't hit you hard enough like you had to put like six pieces of fucking juicy fruit to get like a good piece of gum to whip at you. But with Hubbubba, all I got to do is put two or three pieces in my fucking mouth, and I got a little snowball.

I got a little fucking weapon. So we would go up to the fucking shoprant and steal that, 10 packs of Hubbubba, down our pants, security knew we were stealing it. They'd chase us out of every fucking day, and we'd have to run down the hill. Every once a month,

once a month somebody got caught. And we get back to class, and they're like, don't say nothing. Somebody would get caught. shit. So, by this time, we're fucking rolling. Bubba, all of us. Girls included, and we're getting a piece,

and we're just whipping it at one another in the classroom. So we got Ms. Walsh down on science. We would behave in the mornings. We would go to lunch, get rushed up, and then come back at 1245, and proceed to torch that lady until 3 o'clock. First, it was an array of noises. You know, Orlando would go,

Wow. They would read in the afternoon and he would sit in the back going Wow Wow She would just look up And look around the class

To see who is doing it And then Michael Alagrelli Immigrant Could make some noises Like he used to go Mm He did it like a haunted house So now

We had We had these two noises In the mix So you had Mm But he would do it loud and then Orlando in the back going, wow. And then I would start with my wows over here, right?

Wow, wow. And she'd be looking up, and she'd be looking around, and then a piece of gum would fly in the fucking room. And she would look at the wall and go, what the fuck was there? And then some afternoon we just said, fuck it. We would put pieces of paper in our mouths. A whole piece of paper. And fucking get spitballs that were so big.

And whip them at the wall. They would hit and the spit would come out of them and shit. They were so disgusting. I mean, this is what we did every day. And she would have to take a breather. She'd go, okay now. We're just going to sit until you guys get over it. And then we'd go heavy for like 10 minutes.

Ma! Move! We'd make animal noises and shit. And then she'd go, are you guys ready to proceed? And we go, yeah. And then we fucking be quiet for like 30 minutes. And then bring it on home for the last 45 minutes of class. thought we would make a cry.

She was leaving there. Fucked up. Remember, half of the kids that half of us had trained under a guy named John Barone that we were talking about last night in my world was a phenomenal teacher and one of our funniest fucking human beings around. So we had all been in the seventh grade of Barone.

Our sense of humor had been taken a fucking notch by Barone. Barone opened it up. Our sense of humor so fucking much. And that class was very, very, free in barones. For example, there was a kid in the class named Richie Columbo. Richie Columbo didn't give a fuck.

Do you understand me, people? Do you understand you have like little friends or like these girls that go to yoga? They're like, I don't care. You know? Okay. Yeah, good. Good. You ever see these guys?

I don't care. Okay, good. Listen, Richie Columbo didn't give a fuck in the eighth grade to the point where he wouldn't even comb his head. He had like this fucking nest. And he would come in and Mr. Brown would look at him and just shake his head. And one day Barone couldn't take it

no more. And Barone goes, hey Columbo, what'd you comb your hair with? A stick of dynamite? And Columbo goes, nah, would you comb that mop on your fucking head with? I mean, this was our seventh grade class. Okay? We had Charlie Gizzy,

who sat by the window and every time a plane went by, he jumped on his desk. and he'd machine gun it down, okay? Okay, do you understand me, guys? This was not a jokey joke, fuck, in eighth grade class. Then the other half of these motherfuckers was 16, 17. There were Cubans that came to this country and would not speak English, so they kept leaving them back.

They would drive to school. They had beards. They had kids in other school. I mean, it was fucking, you know, these Cuban guys were like 18 with two kids, hair on their legs. You know, you're like, what the fuck? I'm in the eighth grade. I got three hairs on my dick

and you're in Jim changing with a guy that's got a fucking an Arab for a cock He's got fucking, you don't even see those Arab beards? That's what he's got around his dick. It looks like a neck brace for his fucking dick. I mean it was fucking, it was just, we had another kid we had Gizzy, we had Douglas Jimenez

another guy that didn't give a fuck with long hair. He was just looking to get out of school and start a fucking band. And dog, listen, I saw the principal, Leo Gatoni get punched in the face by Louis Saldivar one day and fucking in the eighth grade

Louis Zaldivar punched him in the face that Mr. Gatoni's leg buckled in the hallway as he was taking him to the principal's office. These guys are not your regular fucking nicey nice classroom. Okay, we got a teacher fired, we got a gym teacher fired, then a fucking gym teacher

hit me in the fucking seventh grade. You guys, eighth grade, you guys forgot about that. Anthony Balzano's father fucking came. in and cleaned this fucking clock and they transferred them out. This eighth grade was no joke, guys. We didn't have a gym.

You know how they judged this on gym? We had a shovel snow in the winter. Next time you drive on Route 3 and you're heading into the city. Look at that fucking school on the left that you can't see through the windows. It's like the sun. They have like a sunblock on there.

Look at those stairs. It's like five levels of fucking stairs we had a shovel when we were fucking kids and that. That's a tough fucking school, Jack. That school, you know, after I got thrown out of fucking Sacred Art School for boys, I was like,

I guess I'll go to school in North Bergen. Doug, my first day in McKinley, one of the teachers had to go home because he put his lunch canteen on the desk and somebody put an head of acid in his fucking coffee. In the sixth grade, he was a sixth grade fucking teacher, a fifth grade teacher,

Ed Agresta. So that means something in the fifth grade in that school put a hit a window pain acid in his fucking canteen and this fucking cooler the coffee thing he never came back from lunch and then last night we're talking about this we almost died at the table because why do you went to kennedy but it was me david and uh and louie at mckinley and now by this time mrs walsh's class he was like october and we were just driving her fucking nuts miss Verga was gone.

We had a substitute teacher until they found the right teacher. And while they were looking for the teacher, they gave us this guy named Mr. Miss. Mr. Miss was a good-looking blonde dude that looked like fucking Robert Redford and the sting. Whenever he would teach, the girls would go fucking nuts. Me and my buddy's like, we got to kill Mr. Fucking Miss because all the chicks like him. It was fucking crazy. Blonde head dude yoked. A nice guy.

really nice guy, but I'll never forget, he came into the school one day. The substitute, when Mr. Ver, he had like a week at the school, and he was like, guys, they talk about this class in all the grammar schools, how people do not want to come to this school. What do you people do to substitutes? What the fuck? You know, like, what are you doing to, I mean, it was, guys, it was not pretty. If you sat with us in the afternoons, we would torment. mention the noises the fucking

the riffraff it was just uh it didn't stop so I never forget that we got to class one day it was like a Wednesday and fucking Mr. Miss comes in with Miss Welsh

they're talking in the hallway when we get into class and also Miss Milch and Miss Walsh and Mr. Miss walk in they go guys we miss Walsh has to say something to you and she goes today we're getting a visitor I hope you guys can behave

because if you don't, we're not going to get any more visits. They want to come and talk to you about cookies or something like that. We're like, okay. So they said about 9.15, we're going to put two classes together. That was no bueno.

They were going to put both our 8th K class together and this dude was going to do a presentation. Me, Louis, was sitting in the classroom and the guy comes out, he's got big eyes like one of those people that has like those type of, He's like, hi, good morning, students. He goes, I'm here to talk to you about some disease. And we're like, okay, you know, he wants to talk to us about some childhood disease.

And he's like, you know, he's giving us the pitch that these kids, they're born this way, and the surgery takes like a week, and then they have to spend a year in a hospital, and this costs money, and if you guys sell these, whatever, I would like to say cookies. I don't want to, I don't know what he was trying to make us sell. but he was just closing on us, right? And he's like, you don't understand. This is going to help your school, and let me help you guys.

And we're like, what the fuck guy? And I mean, I remember turning around and everybody was looking at him. I'm like, you can't be fucking serious. And he's closing. You know, he's telling us all the benefits by selling this stuff. And he goes, you don't understand.

You guys will be helping kids. He goes, he goes, you guys, you know how lucky you are? You guys could walk around and play basketball and go to gym. he goes, these kids, it takes them 30 minutes to take three steps. And fucking Richie Columbo, that dude that Mr. Brone with the head do,

he put his hand up. The guy's like, I'm not done yet. Hold on with your question. Richie's like, and the guy's like, what? And he goes, if these kids, it takes them 30 seconds, 30 minutes to take three steps, why don't you just give him roller skates, right?

That's all he said to this dude. and this dude looked at him and he goes that's it presentation over I'll never forget this and he went back to his

briefcase you know how they open up their briefcase and also the briefcase opens up he was slamming his stuff in there and he was like

I never knew why I came to the school they worn me against shoes this is the worst school in the program and all of a sudden we just started throwing spit balls

bubble gum paper it was fucking surreal. He was putting his fucking hands up. He ran out and that was it. They're like, that's it for you motherfuckers. Then we got a substitute teacher, a full-time one. His name is

Wally Lindsay. He was the mayor of Weyawk and he was coming to teach our eighth grade. Cool motherfucker. Long hair, you know, he took us all out individually. And he's like, listen, I know all about you motherfuckers. I'll break your fucking neck. He goes, I know this guy,

I know that guy, they've already told me about you motherfucker. So if I have any problems with Coco and Anthony Bousano, I'm supposed to call Carmine Bousana. We're like, that's cool. Fucking, you know, that's cool. So now we got a connection, whatever.

Barone and me hated each other in the seventh grade. Now me and Barone were best friends. Miss Welsh, finally one day, we fucking went into, we did our usual fucking thing. We went to shop, right,

we came back, and one afternoon, we just went off so hard. Mike, we went off so hard. guys you just never believe how hard we went off on it. Things were flying, people making noises, machine gun noises. It was just farts. It was fucking awful. And in the middle of it, she slammed her book.

It was like two in the afternoon. She slammed her book. And she goes, noises, heavy breathing. You know, she's like yells, screams, gum. She goes, what is this? And one of the kids goes, meet the noise, bitch. And she was like, ah! And she fucking ran out of class crying.

And the principal came in like 20 minutes later. He's like, guys, I'm thinking of breaking this class up. Like breaking the whole eighth grade up and sending you all to different fucking schools. Because this is not fucking working. They're class in the wire. What happened? The class in the wire were Colvin.

Yeah, it was, it was, it was, fuck. She went outside, she cried. The principal came in and he said, you had 30 days to fucking turn around. Or we're going to get broken up into different classes. This is all of us. And when she came back, we apologized to her. And we made her promise. None of those guys wanted to see Ms. Walsh cry.

She was 60-something fucking years old. You know, we didn't want to see her cry. So we just called the truce. And she said, this is what I'll do. When you guys get back from lunch, I'll let you go off. for 20 minutes. And then we'll teach. And that worked.

That worked. We came to a truth. Some of were great. But then we got more bad news. Dave Ruiz came in one day and he goes, hey, my parents want to move to Miami to get a house for us

for college and all this shit. So I got to live in my aunt downtown. I'm transferring from fucking McKinley to Kennedy School. We're like, we just went and killed ourselves to put the perfect, fucking team together.

We just went on our way to put the perfect fucking team together and now you're going to leave so we started calling him Benedict Arnold. We were teasing them and shit and listen we were all happy for him. Now the team was going to be me, Louis, Chucky Dominic Spichiao

and Anthony Bousan, all that was in. We were talking about this last night too about the ref was Anthony's cousin. So Anthony's father called the ref and told him not to call any more files on this because he had a glass eye. He got His name was Peter Capitoro Mr. Capitoro, he was a ref.

He was like a teacher at Lincoln School and he was fucking refereeing and he had a glass eye. His left eye was glass. So every time I'd be dribbling on the right side of the court and I'd see him on the left side I'd go close to him and go,

Doug, stand in the right because you can't see from there. I mean, we would fucking torment them and shit. This all happened in the eighth grade, guys. On Friday nights, we'd all meet on giving that terrace. We'd buy tons of sodas, tons of potato chips. I'd get Gino's pizza, the one that went like 50 pizzas on a tray,

and you put them in the oven, their sausage, pepperoni, little circles and shit. We were kids, and we'd all eat at my house. And then something happened to the way to the fucking dance. We decided one day that maybe we're going to give this marijuana try. It was in the eighth grade when all of us were like, man, we want to smoke it, but we're scared. We're athletes and shit. And there were some people who didn't do it, but me, Louis,

and those were the nights I used to blow the smoke into Louis Afro. We would smoke pot. We'd smoke tons of pot. And then, you know, in those days, when you smoke, when you're fucking in the eighth grade. And we were smoking like, I don't know, green weed from the city at that time. There wasn't even green weed. It was like brown wheat. The weeds in the eighth grade were Panama, red, you know, gold, all that shit.

But I still remember going up to the fuck. in soccer field, Schittem Park, and getting like a nickel bag from Puerto Rican Nelson. That's when Puerto Rican Nelson was in our lives. The pedophile from giving that terrace. He would sell us like seven joints for five bucks,

and I still remember going up to that soccer field and guys, it would be 20 of us, you know, all different shapes and size. And in those days, you smoke six joints between 20 people, and you hallucinated. I'm not going to lie to you guys. That's how tender we were as kids. Like I used to remember being behind there,

drinking like a half of boons for him, and smoking like six joints, and sitting and looking at the moon, like, wow, I swear to God. Like, it's as plain as day for me of all of us. I remember us getting high and fucking following, like, car lights. Like, wow, look at that light. Look at that one. Oh, my God, look it.

Like, you were like, fucking enough. It's a fucking car. You fucking idiots. But that's how I still remember being that fucking high. That it was that fucking strong, the weed and that intense. And we'd have to go to the fucking bowl alley. And they had chocolate milk. And we would get fucking three chocolate milks a piece and fucking sandwiches.

Fucking who would we get chocolate milk and order of fries? That's how much money you had. I think it was 50 cents for the chocolate milk and 75 cents for the fries. You know what I'm saying? And if you got like three bucks, you got a fucking cheeseburger. Whoa. But that's where our bond came from, you know, in the eighth grade. And then I still remember the opening season.

Opening game of the season was a Friday, but there was also a dance at Kennedy School. When we were talking about this last night, we were all bringing up different points, but they were all going, Coco, how do you have this fucking memory? This is crazy. We were talking about Pat Capporteur. We were talking about there was this, so the league was broken into Lincoln, McKinley, Franklin, and Kennedy School. Franklin was number one. They had two forwards that were bigger than me, and their center was six for five in the eighth grade.

The second team that was going to come in and the projector was going to be Lincoln's Kennedy School. Kennedy School had David and Whitey O'Donnell. They had a good fucking team, man. They were going to be hard to beat. We had me, Louis Chucky. Lincoln had Raygo, Furny Bossa Sudo, you know. We're all friends at that time. We're all playing against each other.

And look, we all came back to haunt each other later on in life. And I'll never forget that we played. We beat Lincoln. But when we got to the dance, they were telling us that the center from Franklin, Lee Irwin, Kennedy, broke his ankle. Kennedy's school surrounded him and he went to jump and they put their foot under him when the guy

landed it broke his ankle he couldn't play for the season. We were like relieved. Like holy fuck you guys knocked Kennedy out of the fuck. Lincoln out of the fuck. So we were fucking ecstatic and I remember still going down there

to Kennedy's school and I still remember after the dance what do you think we did guys? What do you think we snuck? We went to a liquor store Now, we went right to the back to the basketball court And we would play at Kennedy School to 11 o'clock at night That was our life. There was no nothing.

We knew nothing. All we want to do is play basketball. We were talking last night about how many times I would leave my house And giving that terrace and walk to Witey's house Like on 9th Street in two feet of snow And then his grandfather would give his shovels And we'd go to the basketball court, Kennedy and shoveled, not half court, bitches, the whole fucking court.

And we'd be out there playing basketball, it'd be 20 degrees. The ball wouldn't even bounce because the air freezes and the ball. The ball wouldn't even fucking bounce. That's how much work we were putting into fucking, that's how much work I had put into basketball with these guys. Whatever White he ate, I ate. Whatever White he got, I got. Whatever I got, White he got, David got, Louie got. when I would write letters to Duke

and to get their workout programs when Bill Foster or you know somebody would send me their workout from the schools I would make copies on a Xerox machine and I would give them to these guys we all worked out together you know how many times we were talking about

how many times we'd play basketball and then go sit on a wall to help our thighs so we could slam dunk and we just have like we just sit there like assholes for two fucking hours staring at each other to see who could sit there the longest This is a friendship that, like I said, it took us six or seven minutes to warm up last night.

We got there, all of us were there. We were at our table seated at 6 o'clock, and we basically got up at a quarter of 10. And the only reason why that was on Saturday night was because I had the UFC. That was the only reason. We would have still been there talking and yelling. While we were sitting there, three people on different occasions, two women and one men came over and said the same thing to us. Like, guys, you guys are having a lot of fun.

Keep it down. But they were just, and the way that would come over, he was like, bro, you guys are like fucking going off. I told him the story about, because they all used to live downtown, so we all used to take the number one bus. they remember all those adventures Louis remembers when I farted and I bank shot it off the chair

and they went into the junkie's mouth and shit and they also said last night that they weren't surprised when they found out that I was a comedian they said that at the 20 year reunion 2002 that's when they were all talking about it I was I think I'd done mad TV by then

and something else. And they were like, it doesn't fucking surprise us. You know, I asked them what they had heard over the years. They had heard, because, okay, so these guys were my rock before my mother died. I mean, and I mentioned all these names to you guys. I know it's fucking confusing. But that's the childhood I was having. You know, I always tell people I had a tremendous childhood.

I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't give a fuck. I would bury my mother. mother all over again to have the childhood that I had. It was it was it was uh it was fucking tremendous man you know we were all tight and then we became freshmen we were all going to play on the freshman basketball team we all had plans to start and uh you know I fucking uh the coach didn't like me so I didn't start and they were there supporting me they fucking knew what time it was They saw me grabbing rebounds and running Cincinnati,

but the coaches didn't dig me. And they were talking about last night that they could see it, you know, wearing on me, that, you know, I had all these expectations to start and shit. Every other coach thought I was going to start. And here, I'm not even getting into games. It was really hard on me. But they supported me.

They stayed my friends. I still remember freshman year we all went to see, fucking Richard Pryor on the Sunset Strip as a team, you know, as a group of guys, you know, like the team and the guys from McKinley and downtown. And we were just fucking tight. And then after freshman year, not even after the season ended, you know, I lost my hope. I kind of had lost my way a little bit. It was rough on me.

So I started partying a little more. Still no drugs. It was just weed. You know, a fucking boons for them, shit like that. And then I didn't see them that summer that much. I was still playing basketball. I was still getting ready for JV. Ball. You know, my confidence was down.

I didn't know how they were going to fucking, you know, look at me my sophomore year. and then I got a lung infection. I got that paraquot shit and that put me in the hospital for two weeks and I got out September 28th of my sophomore year and it was too late. I got a spitting blood.

They didn't really want me to run around. They wanted me to take a few months off so I took my sophomore year off. I could always try off in JV when I was a junior and maybe come back stronger would start but then November 8th or 79 that's two weeks later my mother died and i remember all those guys coming to my wake and it was very hard and they tried their best guys but uh i was somewhere else and that's a david said last night he goes i saw you you know i would see them at school and then in

the summers i wouldn't see them and then when i got kicked out of the benders and i lived uptown i really lost contact with them and then that October I quit high school so I didn't really see them a lot and I would see them at high school functions and by that time

I was just a walking disaster you know and I remember Dave said it last night goes the last time I remember visit vividly seeing you was the night of the senior awards and we had a party afterward.

They had a party in the city at this fucking drug bar, and we got into a fucking war down there. But I'll never forget that I was really fucked up down there. I had even a couple of qualoos, and I had drank, and I drank some beers, and we got an eight ball, and I'll never forget that I was outside, and I was kicking some kid, and that's when I realized my foot was bleeding.

Like, every time I walked, I heard from the heel being soaked of blood. and I'll never forget that I was the cops that pulled me off the kid and they're like, go home, go home. And I said something to one of the cops and he wanted to hit me with a stick or something. And it was Dave. It was Dave who came over and he goes,

go go home. And when he looked at me, I could see that either he was looking at me because I was coked out or maybe I was bleeding from my head or something like that. Last night he told me, He goes, that night, when I saw you, I could tell that you were gone. You were a different person. The basketball had affected you.

Your mother's death had affected you. And the drugs were starting to say that to you. And only one of the person has ever said that to me that had crazy eyes, and that was my uncle. He said, when you came here in 84, your eyes were fucking crazy. And that's what this guy said. He goes, I grabbed you for a minute and said, Uncle, come with us. Are you okay? And the way you walked away from, I could tell that we had lost you.

That's why last night they were like, you have no idea how special this is to us. Because at the 20-year reunion, we talked about you, 2002. At that time, I really wasn't touring. I think I was doing a couple things with Joe Rogan, but there wasn't no Twitter. You couldn't get your tour dates out. It's not like it was Joe Rogan with special guests. That was a fucking feature act. What did I care?

So last night before we left, we just made a promise that we were going to get to do this once a month and not lose contact. And we're going to try to add people, you know, like when I try to do the next one with Chucky and the next one with, you know, get like PIP, get it up to like 20 of us that are still around. You know, I just found out last week also that one of the girls from that class has leukemia. I called her up at the hospital. She's just having a hard time reading technical. messages and shit so she goes just hit me up once a week and I'll text your back so that's what we've been doing it you know what man listen I'm doing great guys I've been really adjusting great I got a good future the fucking book is done I'm fucking excited

I spoke to the agent on Saturday and he said that he loves the fucking book that only he's got a few notes at the end and for the afterward So what's handing this in? So my point is, you know, I was doing great. I was all along. You know, we all struggled. If I tell you, I don't struggle from time to time, what type of man would I be?

I'm bullshit, you. Last week's struggle, whatever. Whatever I needed in my life since I moved here, the people that I told Joe Rogan, when Joe's like, come to Austin, and I go, now, dog, I got to be close to the family. And he goes, but Joe, you don't have no family. That's not what I'm talking about.

I've got to be closer to my family. These are the guys I was talking about. These guys know me, you know, three, four years before my mother died. They knew what my character was about. They knew I was fucking all-heart. When I played basketball, I would bite you. I didn't give a fuck. And they knew my desire to be a fucking savage.

They knew that I wasn't lazy. They knew that, you know, I used to. used to walk here while I was always hustling. And just the, listen, the biggest gift that we have in our lives, the biggest gift that anybody could give you is the gift of friendship.

Just being your friend. They don't have to give you a fucking car. They don't have to suck your dick. You know, once you come to the conclusion that somebody is your friend and makes your life a lot easier, you know,

I have been through the fucking, I have been through the fucking, in mill the last 40 years, you know, and from time to time I thought about these guys. Once I got back here, I really thought about it. Like, Wydie's sister would always come to my comedy shows. But she lives here, why he lives in Long Island. So it was always like she would call Wydie too late

to talk about my comedy shows. But you know what, man, I made my friends really proud. I'm proud of them. Luis a fucking social worker. Dave's an engineer. Whitey owns his own construction company. They're all successful. They've had their trials and tribulations just like me.

And it was a real pleasure to go out with them last night. And while I was sitting there, I was looking at them. And I'm like, these were the three guys. I was talking about when I made that statement. And I didn't talk about taking over the world. is like showing up by Che Guevara and Fidel Castro and going into the hills of New Jersey

and taking over New Jersey. No, I'm talking about if there's something that I wanted to do now that I had doubts about before, now it's possible because I got my balls back attached to me. These guys were exactly what I needed to come back into my life.

I was missing something because I've always said, all I need right now is like 10 hours a week to get filled. That's it. with these guys. And guess what all three of them were saying at dinner? All four of them. They were all going, you know what, man?

We have no friends. I'm like, how the fuck don't you have friends? And they're like, we go to work. We talk to people at work. We have acquaintances. So I said, fuck it. From now on, we're going to become family. Whitey's mother's still alive.

David's family's still alive. It's fucking amazing. They're in their 80s. Why these grandfather's still alive? He's like 98 or something like that. So it was a fucking great weekend. Listen, guys, you know me. You know I love BetterHelp.

I fucking love them. In fact, let's do a read for them when I got them. Because it's a Monday fucking afternoon, and you need your little read or a Monday morning. I love BetterHelp. The joint is sponsored by BetterHelp Online Therapy. Listen, relationship takes work. A lot of us will drop anything to go help somebody

we care about, but how often do we give ourselves the same treatment? I got like three friends that they're always fucking involved in other people's lives. But I ask them, what are you doing for you? Shut the fuck up. Better help online therapy wants to remind you to take care of the most important relationship that you have, the one you have with yourself. Listen, guys, I was struggling for a long time. I didn't know what the fuck was bothering me.

I talked to a friend. They said to contact better help, to contact the lady Dana. I did that. I told what I was going through. And you know what? Here I am today. Eight months later. Fucking tip-top magoo.

I'm feeling great. So we always say that therapy can't help us. Therapy can help you. I learned my fucking lesson. You know, it takes a big man to fucking tell people they made a mistake. I made a mistake all those years. I wish now I would have been talking to somebody. But hey, why cry over spilled milk?

Whether it's hitting the gym, or making time for a haircut or even trying therapy. You're the greatest asset. So invest time in yourself like you do with other people. Better Help is online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions with your therapist. If you don't want to be on camera, you don't have to be. It's much more affordable than in-person therapy

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I love BetterHelp. I've been talking to them for like seven, eight months, and when I first found the phone with them, I was a little apprehensive, you know. For years, you see people doing therapy with like a fucking watch and shit and you're sitting on a couch, You know, so I didn't even know what therapy was.

So when it became available to me, I called her and we broke down my anxiety from A to Z. You know, so if you're struggling with anything, and listen, a lot of people are struggling. The last two years took its toll on this country. A lot of people struggling. So don't think you're the odd man fucking out. There's a lot more people struggling than what you fucking think. So try out betterhelp.com. Code fucking Diaz.

So I'm back now, guys. I'm very happy that I went out with them because you know me, I missed the fucking canceling. I thought about it and I was like, all right, it's going to suck. I'm going to feel weird. It was completely the opposite. I felt fucking alive.

So depend on your friends more, guys. I mean, over the pandemic, we've lost contact. with a lot of people. We're not used to doing what we were doing. It's a whole new fucking world, you know. The last two years, fuck there'll be up. I was talking to Mike when he came here. I even think I still have a little couple of COVID issues.

I really don't in the back of my mind, but at times when I get invited to something like that now, it's like, listen, do I really want to fucking be there? You know, after the last two years, can you imagine going to like a church thing and getting COVID and dying? How pissed are you when you're on the same? table going, fuck, I should have mind my business instead of prayer from the house.

So you never want to be that guy. It's like going to a concert. It's like going to a country concert and getting shot in the head. When you're laying there going, fuck, you know, what the fuck was I thinking? And they shoot up like 80 people in Vegas two years ago. What the fuck? It's the same thing. So over the pandemic, a guy like me worried about like going down, like how much is it,

how important is it for you to be down there? Is it worth dying? And you're like, no, it ain't worth dying. So I think that that fucked with us a little bit. And now it's time to move forward, guys. I mean, you have no idea how happy I am to move forward. Now, in my head, this is done over. The pandemic is over.

Putin fucking got rid of everything. Putin beats up on the Ukrainians and fucking COVID disappears. Who knows what's going to happen? I'm not happy about the war, but I'm not going to be some Hollywood celebrity. You know, I'm not a fucking celebrity. I'm a dirty fucking comic. I'm worried about the war. I pray for them.

Move the fuck on. What do you want me to do? Go over to put my army hat on. I'm a fucking 60-year-old fat dude. What am I going to do? I support him. My heart goes out to them. I don't know what the fuck is going on.

I hope it ends fucking quickly. I want to have a good summer. You know what I'm saying? I don't want to have to go out to the beach and fucking think the Russians are coming or the Cubans are coming or we're going to have another cold war. Who the fuck knows? don't know. You don't know anymore. We go day to day now, guys. That's what the Monday morning podcast is about to remind us of our fucking boundaries, our strength, our weaknesses. We're going day to day. I'm still going fucking day to day. I got a busy day today. I got to go to

Jitsu. I got to do some match for draft kings. I got to do a couple of fucking things because March Madness is in the motherfucking air and I can't wait. I think the teams get announced this week. This is the last thing in sports. It's fucking baseball is going on strike. Now they're talking, who gives a fuck anymore, guys? Just worry about yourself. I'm happy you tuned in today. I wanted to get this night off my chest. I had a great time in more ways than one.

And guys, after the last 22 years in L.A., surrounded by all those bullshit artists and insincere people, it was really nice to just feel like you're fucking home. And I've been waiting two years for me to say to you guys that I'm home, guess what, cock suckers? I'm home. And that's it for a beautiful fucking Monday morning. The 7th of Mother fucking March.

It's going to be a great week. What else is going on? I got nothing going on. That's it. What? That's my brother's birthday. Oh shit. Happy birthday.

Happy birthday, Scotty. But besides that, we're done and done. Have a great fucking Monday. Stay black. And I'll see you cocksuckers Wednesday morning. Tip Top McGoo. All right, you bad motherfuckers. I hope you enjoyed my little fucking Saturday night dinner at Steakhouse 85.

I loved it. If you ever go to fucking New Brundrick to catch the stress factory, make sure you get yourself a nice little steak. But hey, the joint is brought to you by Lucy Gum. Listen, you're a responsible consumer, and you want a responsible way to consume your nicotine, right? If you're looking for nicotine gum lozenges or pouches, which are tremendous, by the way.

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The joint is sponsored by BetterHelp, and listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash Diaz. That's BetterHelp.com slash Diaz. Asked Dana to give you help. She's helped me on tremendously. BetterHelp is the way to go. I want to thank BetterHelp, Lucy.com, and Liquid Ivy,

the best for sponsoring the joint. this weekend and I want to thank you guys for always listening to having my back. I love you motherfuckers. Stay black. Have a great day. And I'll see you guys Wednesday the night. Tip-top. Motherfucking Magoo.