The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #145 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: March 9, 2022

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ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? It's Wednesday, the 9th of March. Thank you for joining us for another fun-filled episode of the motherfucking joint. I want to welcome our Spotify people Say hello to you Motherfuckers, I'm ready for you With my little laughing gas shirt

Found exclusively at the ice cream shop The best weed out there But anyway, it's a beautiful dad I want to talk to you guys about something To help you understand what's going on Unless you live in a fucking cave You know that Kane Velasquez Got arrested last week for attempted murder

And fucking nine other charges You know is in our world, in our fucking world, right here, that fucking shooting was justified as fuck. But the problem with that is it's not our world. It's not the way we want to run it. But in our world, that shooting is justification. Even the cops turn around.

You shot a fucking convicted child molester. That's out on fucking bail that, you know, had touched your kid over a hundred. hundred times. I mean, that's some fucking anger. I don't know if it's his child. I don't know if it's his niece. I don't know if it's his nephew.

But it's something, listen, man, I'm a criminal. I did time. I have done a lot of fucking bad things in my life. And, uh, listen, if you get in trouble, it's none of my business. When I went to prison, I never asked somebody what they were in there for. If they did something that heinous, the word gets out and you just stay the fuck away. from them like rape or whatever and you pray to God that they never cross you because all those people that are in prison for rape and child molest, they like child molesters, they keep them on a

different side of the fucking jail, you know, because they know they're going to get the shit knocked out of them when they get in there. So they keep them in PC, protective custody, or on the other side of the jail. You know, when Kane got arrested, it was great. The next day, listen, if you saw everybody had a hashtag of, free cane. Now that's nice. That's fucking great. That's really going to set him loose.

I mean, it's a nice gesture, you know. But we live in a fucking real world here. No judge is going to look at free cane and go, oh, people on Twitter want me to let cane out because, you know, people on Twitter are fucking posting free cane. It don't fucking work that way. And then what made it worse was him going into court on Monday. and they revoked his bail, zero bail, because they said he's a threat to the community, and he's not ready.

Well, here's the deal, guys. You never know how much in trouble you are till you get in trouble. Let me refrain that. You don't know how much trouble you're in till you fucking get in trouble. Okay, one day I talked to some guy that I kind of like. By the way, the guy kidnapped, called me back to the idea. I was sleeping, but he called them with me. He left me a message, so I'm going to call him back today and tell him I've been thinking of them and shit.

Okay. You know, one day some kid came up to me talking about cocaine and stuff. I knew the guy. The guy wasn't a heavy, you know, and in my fucking addicted cocaine fiend mind, I decided to fucking kidnap to do with somebody else, not kidnapped him, rob him with somebody else. I didn't even know what the word kidnapping fucking meant. I thought I had to put you in a closet and call your uncle and ask for $500,000, and your uncle tells me he doesn't have the money.

That's what I thought kidnapping was. I don't know rich people. Who are you going to kidnap that's rich? My intention on November 18, 1987 was to wake up that day and Rob Kent Vela. In my mind, guys, at the time, what I was doing this, This was an everyday thing for me. This was an everyday thing for me. So when I went up to Mike,

and I'm like, Mike, I'm thinking of robbing this fucking dude, you know, if Mike was my buddy and he hears me every day talking about, listen, I got a new spot for us to ever. You know, it's just your world. That's your world.

When you're a criminal, every week you get a different mind fuck. You get like four different mind fucks. You got to assume three of them are going to go down. You know, you go to break into a place to have a dog. You know, you go to another place, They got an alarm.

The bookies got his grandmother lives with him all the time. So you can't, you know, so there's always, uh, shit that's not going to go through. That's why you gotta have, it's like life.

You got to have 19 things going on. Hopefully one of fucking pan out. So, like I said, you don't know how much trouble you're into. You get in trouble. I picked the kid up that day, brought him to Tidwell's house.

We put a gun to him. Listen. When they, fucking told me that I had a warrant out for kidnapping and stuff, I was blown away. I had no idea what kidnapping even was.

When they were like kidnapping, one, two, aggravated robbery, second degree burglary, etc. To a felony, fucking crime of violence. If you fucking get convicted of the crime, if you take it to court and it gets convicted, it's double the fucking sentence

the thing they have in Colorado for violent offenders. Did you think I knew all this then? When I got down there, they were blowing my fucking mind. First off, let me tell you how much of a criminal I was. I was in shock that they were looking to arrest me. Honest to God. I was in shock.

I remember going in there and telling them, like, listen, I was getting the drug flow off the streets. I'm doing a better job than the fucking DEA is. You understand me? What the fuck are you talking about? I'm in your fucking side. I tried to rob a guy and they're like, what are you talking about? What are you talking

about? That's how fucking co-ed and demented I was. That's the mind of a fucking addict. Kane is not an addict. Kane is a sweetheart of a guy. I'm not dear friends with him. I've met him a few times at comedy shows up in San Jose with Daniel Coromir and those guys. Very nice guy.

I don't fucking say much. You know, when I read that he had been arrested and stuff and I read that what he had been arrested for, drugs never came into my mind whatsoever. Kane is not a boozer or a fucking drugger for my knowledge. You know, he spotted the guy and he chased him and shot and, you know, shot at the car, tried to jam the car. Then he shot at the car. Then he injured the fucking Petty's fucking father.

And, you know, they arrested him for all this shit, reckless behavior, which is not good. You know, there was a couple charges there that don't fucking fucking. can look good in his behalf. Now, I have a lot of similarities to Cain. You know, I have a child, I have children, I have a lot of nieces, I have a lot of nephews, I have a lot of friends who have kids, I like their kids. So molestation isn't high in my fucking world either.

I don't understand it. I don't understand a lot of fucking things. I'm watching Oz, and these guys are sucking each other's dicks and giving each other's, Sages and shit. I don't understand that world. If you're into it, to reach his own,

but I don't ever want a man's dick in my mouth. I don't want my dick in my mouth. I don't want any dicks in my mouth to get to the bottom of this shit, right? You know, I don't understand a lot of shit today. California has no bail law,

whatever. The whole country's got it. Zero bail. Any fucking crime where you could get let off in the street right now, they're doing it by the fucking, we just got fucking

strict orders the whole state of New Jersey not to leave your garage door open in the fucking car and not to leave your keypot in the car because they're stealing cars all over here, all over this fucking area. And they take them to Newark. The problem in New Jersey is you can't follow a stolen car.

Like a car chase in L.A., you can't do it here in New Jersey. So they have to radio ahead to get the borders police or if you're border in New Jersey and you're heading to Pennsylvania, they'll call Pennsylvania to chase you in a race. or Baltimore. Anyway, it doesn't fucking really matter. I'm just talking to you guys about laws and whatnot.

I'm sure Kane spotted him. He's Spanish. That blood lit on, you know, something lights that blood on fire. And he chased this guy, you know, thinking he was going to do the right thing. You know, it's like Dana White said. A lot of people talk about, if somebody touches my kid, I'm going to shoot him 50 times. A lot of people talk about it. Kane, he did it.

He went and did it. So in my world on this podcast, Kane has my respect. But for people who follow Kane and the big fans of Kane, and I get you, Cam was a great fucking heavyweight. But all that stuff doesn't matter in the court of law. You know, I read the other day that Dana and a bunch of fighters and people wrote letters for him, that's fucking fantastic. Because in the big picture, you know,

if the judge has political aspirations. We want to get some of those charges fucking down or whatever. When you have a judge or a district attorney with political aspirations, they look at every letter as 250 people. You've got to remember when you die, you get 250 mask cards. That's what the funeral director gives you, because they assume that everybody knows 250 people. So a DA's nightmare, a judge's nightmare, especially when with political aspirations, he doesn't want, you know, those letters.

If you get 100 letters, that's, you know, whatever, times 250 fucking people. And I'm not saying you're going to tell everybody, but if you have 12 people in your close circle, you're going to talk about how this judge sentenced your son or daughter in a weird way. I'm going to tell you something. I'm a victim. I'm not a victim. I'm, you know, I spent time in the correctional facility. I know people who have done time. I know, you know, I grew up in that world.

I'm not proud of it, but that's the way life is. It's tough, I went to convince a fucking judge. It's very tough, you know. This is going to be a hard road for Kane. I appreciate what he did. I love what he fucking did. This is Clint Eastwood at his best. This is Charles Brunson, that is best.

best, you know. But in this world we have laws. One law that you always have to understand that the district attorney spoke about, I love all this law shit. That's why I could talk about this shit for years. I love looking at it. We're going to touch base on this trial, everything as it goes along, because this is going to be fucking interesting as fuck when it plays out. Listen, I think at the end of it all, Kane will do 10 years. You know, he's got to get a great attorney to turn that situation into a non-violent situation. That's going to be fucking rough. That's rough to do to convince the jury that this guy who shot at a car and chased

somebody during daylight hours, I'm supposing it happened, don't quote me on it, in a busy street. See, it's like with me, when I turn myself. in. You know, I was talking to the cops. I was trying to be, I was trying to do as much as I could by tiptoeing around the situation.

If you know anything about me, I'm very good at that. I won't have to bring it up. I'll have you talking about the Cuban Missile Crisis. I'll have you talking about the Food Network. You know, I just draw you the fuck into a different. But the main thing with me was that there was whenever there's a weapon,

any weapon, a knife, a stick, a gun, even if you don't use that weapon in your confrontation. When I confront Mike, if I just yell at him, blah, blah, blah, and then it goes out when I punch Mike. But I have that weapon on me, or it's on the floor or whatever. They're going to note that. The judges and the district attorneys are going to note that. and now you have what's called a potential for greater violence, a potential for greater fucking violence.

And when they tell you that, that means you're up a fucking creek without a fucking paddle, okay? Kane was shooting, first of all, he was chasing somebody, which is never fucking good. They'll throw you under the fucking jail. Trust me, I've chased some people in the car myself. I didn't know they were going to throw me under the jail, and then in Boulder, a friend of mine chased somebody.

They gave him like four fucking years. You'd be surprised of this shit. A buddy about got into an argument with a mailman. Fucking smack them. This motherfucker had a national warrant looking for him. Because it's federal. You can't touch a fucking mailman. You'd be surprised the shit you don't know about.

You know, and in life, listen. I mean, right now, I'm 59 years old. If that was to be my daughter, And I'm not telling you not to seek fucking revenge. We live in the United States of America. You know, I'm not here to glorify fucking vigilantes, but I kind of like the fucking idea. I'm a Charles Bronson dude.

I watched Death Wish. I grew up on all those type of movies. And sometimes when it comes to those type of crimes, you're not going to get the result that you want to get. In a rape, in a fucking molestation shit, You have no idea how hard it really is to get a conviction on those. So what if I came to you right now? What happens tomorrow?

You fucking go to work. You kiss your girlfriend goodbye. Go to work. She comes fucking home and she tells you that she's been raped. Okay? You fly to the fucking hospital. You know, you talk to the cops. You help her home.

This is your fucking girlfriend. And all of a sudden, a week before the fucking case or two weeks after the arrest or whatever the fuck's going on you get a call that the court got you know the case got dismissed because of some fucking

thing now how do you feel the girl that you love that you're going to fucking marry just got raped by a guy you got his name you got where the fuck he lives you got all this shit now that guy who raves somebody where he thinks he's gonna fucking

he's got $20,000 the bank to pick up and fucking leap he's going to be at that house for a fucking while okay you have you have an option of how to do this and it's it's based on a lot of fucking control because okay you could shoot right over there right now and fucking shoot him or beat him up whatever but you're going to be the fucking prime suspect everybody knows revenge is a dish serve fucking cold you know cane went after that guy like a day or two don't quote me on this I mean I can find out for you a day or two after the guy had been let out on bail for the assault on his nephew niece son daughter i don't know don't quote me so you know he didn't let it play out

that's what the mistake that kane did he didn't let it fucking play out give it a couple days let the guy get i mean kane was waiting for him where they go got got their monitor so supposedly they were going to go get a monitoring device for the fucking guy he had like home arrest and cane was there waiting for him or whatever fucking beautiful move but he also had four fucking witnesses three witnesses got his mother there he's got his father there so obviously cane lost his cool and this is why he was not let out on bail so you know everybody's sitting there everybody's talking the reason why i wanted to talk about this today is so you're a bit educated. Listen, I'm no fucking

attorney. I'm no fucking defense attorney, but I know the fucking judicial system. I played the fucking judicial system. You know, I played the system as much as I could. You have to play the system if you have the opportunity to. There's nothing wrong with that. In

Kane's situation, he's going to sit there for a few weeks, hopefully get some more letters, maybe doing evaluation, couple fucking things, have a prison psychiatrist, talk to him, and then see where he's at and then maybe do a bail, but they're going to have monitoring. He has to remove all the weapons from his house.

It's going to be a fucking nightmare. It's going to be a nightmare. Kane's about to face a nightmare. And again, in our world, he's a man's man. This is what you do with one of those motherfuckers. But there's always a better way to do things. Christmas, 1994, I got a fucking call. And I know, I know what it is to live.

lose your mind. You know, I can't say nothing negative about Kane. Number one, I won't. Number two, I'm the same fucking dude when it comes to that. It took me a couple days to do this because I wanted to get all the facts and I want to be able to talk about it correctly. Now, in Christmas the 94, I got a call like three days before Christmas that I'm not getting my daughter for Christmas. That my ex-wife say, nay on the shane. You know what I'm saying? Now, Guys, 94 was not a great fucking year for me. It wasn't a bad year for me. But what I'm trying to say is I wasn't doing great.

I was struggling as a comic. I was trying to find my way as a comedian in the denver scene. I was trying to get good at comedy. I was trying to pay child support. I was trying to get back on my feet. I had a lot of fucking shit going on. And you know what? Nothing was coming together.

The only thing that was working for me at that time, the only thing that was keeping me alive, was stand-up fucking comedy. It was the only thing when I would wake up my eyes that I would go, why do I want to stay out of prison today? It's stand-up fucking comedy because I had had it.

My life was fucking roughen than fuck. I was struggling. You know, I had no fucking money. I had to pay attorney bills. I'm addicted to Coke. I want to fucking snort Coke. You know, I got all these fucking things going on and I got to go to war with this woman now.

I get a call three, four days before Christmas. I'm not going to get my child. when you're already, when your engine's running on high, you'll be getting your car and you're shifting or whatever the fuck and you hear your car go, and you look at it and you're revving like at four, that's not good. And you step on it, it revs up to like eight or nine,

that's not good. You're putting a lot of fucking pressure on that engine. Well, some days you're a fee, if you had to fucking judge yourself, you know, when you got a lot of stuff going on at home and your wife's giving you a hard time, You got a rash. You know, you got a thousand things.

You got a thousand fucking things, you know. Yeah, you got a fucking rash. It's a nightmare. Everything seems a little rougher in your life. You know, right now I'm important my life when I stubbed my toe on the bed. When I go pee at four in the morning, I don't hold my foot and say, fuck life. You stubbed your toe, Joey.

You stubbed your toe. It happens. I know it hurts. Rub it. Kiss it. and go to fucking sleep, you know. But when you're angry and you're already in pain and your engine's revving already,

that toe hurts a lot more. You ever think of that? It's like if you go through a lot, like let's say you, let's say your dog gets hit by a car, your mom dies a week later, and then a week later your fucking girlfriend tells you, she's dumping you for a fucking midget or something shit, right? like she wants to date a guy with a big head, whatever, right?

And you're sitting there, that's going to hurt a lot more than nothing. Like if your dog didn't die and if your fucking mom didn't die, when that fucking bitch comes to tell you she wants to leave you for a little midget, you go, okay, it's not that bad. But since your shit, your world's fucking crooked, you're going to go, what the fuck, a midget? I got a big dick, you know, whatever. You're going to argue with them and go back and forth.

So I had so much shit going on in my life when he called me and said I wasn't going to see my kid. There wasn't even, like, I don't think she wanted to drop the kid off because there was hair in the corner. And the kid was allergic to dog. Oh, yeah, yeah. When you get married and divorce someday, you're going to see what an ex-wife is. You're going to lose your fucking mind. So I immediately hit the fucking roof. I mean, I remember I didn't have a pay phone.

I didn't have a fucking cell phone. I had a pager. The attorney paid me and I had to walk to the fucking gas station, call the attorney, and then he would call me the fuck back, and I would call him, and then he would tell me the bad news all the time. So I had to walk home knowing I wasn't going to get my child.

It was like a 100-yard walk, you know, not size of a football field. It wasn't fucking far. By the time I got home, guys, I was fucking burning. I was burning. and I didn't do anything. I gave myself the benefit of the doubt. I said, let me sit back. I mean, at that time, I was 94.

I was 31 years old. I had already been locked up, and I already knew about life. Instead of me calming down, my anger went the other way. It was one of those nights where you're too angry to fall asleep. You ever have those nights,

you're fucking just too angry. You got up every two hours. You smoke a little dope. Maybe like at 6, you fall asleep for an hour. But when you wake up, you're fucking hotter than when you went to bed. That was me the next day. And I'll never forget. I took a shower.

I thought about it. You know, jingles were in the air. Everybody was talking about jingle bells and fucking snowmen and shit. And I am fucking livid. And I went over and called the attorney, and he's like, nah, they're still holding on to that gun. I go, you know what? Fuck this.

And I went to my friends, Madeline and Danny's house. The feebles is my fucking gumbas. I love these Cubans. I went over there. Madeline was home. Danny was working. And I'll never forget. I knocked on the screen door.

She opened it. She was like making breakfast or she just was doing something in the kitchen or some shit. And she goes, what's going on? I go, listen, I got a piece of meat. And I got to borrow a big knife. And she's like, well, take one. Go ahead, borrow it and bring it back. So they had like one of those knife stands

And I went and took the biggest fucking knife They had out of that fucking stand And I go bring it back later She's like bye see you tonight I get in that fucking car And I go I'm driving down To my ex-wife's Where the fucking boyfriend works

Because at this time my mind You know My mind still hadn't processed a divorce In my world She had left me for some other guy So I was gonna just kill him because I didn't know all the facts. I didn't know exactly what was going on.

My first instinct was to kill this motherfucker. I didn't care about comedy at that point. I didn't care about going to jail. I knew I was going to end up in jail. I was going to kill one of these motherfuckers. And this is sad. This is a sad way to fucking think.

But this is what happens when you're not mentally healthy. I was not mentally healthy. At least I admit that. And I was just broken. I was fucking broken. I was aggravated. You know, that was a time when I used to cry myself to sleep a lot because I could taste the fucking comedy and I was working hard and I couldn't get there, but I knew that I had to have patience that if I kept doing what I could do, I'd fucking

get there. But you know what? On that particular dad, I didn't give a fuck about anything. I got in my fucking car and I held on to that knife and I shot down to where the fuck he worked down there in South Boulder by the 36 and I fucking pulled into the parking lot and I remember in the fucking car I just sat there for about six or seven minutes stewing

figuring out I was going to stab this motherfucker and I never figured I got up got out of the car slammed the fucking door walked 50 yards into the building and that lady said to me you know can I help you and I'm like I'm here to see fucking fucko and she's like

second floor and I just went up those stairs like a fucking savage and when I got up to the fucking second floor I looked and I'll never forget there was a lady there

and I had already walked past her she's like excuse me sir sir sir and I just kept walking and I'm like and I turned thank God I did and didn't stab her or if not we wouldn't

be having this conversation today and I went and I go I'm looking for fucking fuck out and she goes you just missed them to lunch and I'll know I never forget that. I was like, how can that fucking be?

I was just sitting out there. I didn't see him leave the building because I would have rather stabbed them outside. But my anger, I didn't give a fuck where I stabbed this motherfucker. I never forget. I had like little tears in my eyes. She's like, he's out to lunch already. You know, he'll be back in a while.

Is there a message I could leave? And I'm like, no. She had already hit like a security button or whatever because as she was talking to me, a security guy was walking up. I had the knife in my hand. He couldn't see it. It was hidden in a jacket. And they just said, come back later, is there a problem?

And I go, no, no, no, I just wanted to ask him a question. And I was fucking heartbroken. I walked out that fucking door. I sat in that car and I threw the knife on the floor. And I just sat there and cried. I sat there and cried because I know what was about to happen if he wouldn't have gone to lunch that day. I wouldn't have been here doing this fucking podcast. I would have just been getting out by now or something.

So I cried for like 20, 30 minutes because I realized that I had missed the fault. My mind was set. He was going down. But God gave me a chance that day. Until this day, I look at it as a fucking chance. But if he would have been there, I was no different than Kane Velasquez. Right or wrong? You act it out and you go down there and you're not thinking about anything.

I wasn't thinking about my little girl at the time. I didn't give a fuck about anything. I just knew that they weren't going to get my fucking child. And the way it wrapped up, I went home, brought the knife back, went home, I cried, and later on that night the attorney paged me and he said, you're getting your fucking child tomorrow. So it was one of those moves where I learned my lesson. It could have been a fucking horrible day,

and it turned out being a good day because I didn't get a rest of it. and I learned the fucking lesson. You know, in Kane's situation, I love him. He's got my back, you know, if somebody starts to go fund me or something because he's got Gallegos as his attorney and that motherfucker,

that's fucking a lot of money. So I guess somebody's going to have to help him with that. I don't know what type of money he's got left off from the UFC or whatever. But this is going to be heavy duty. I'm hoping, you know, as a listen you don't have to be a fan of MMA you don't have to be a fan of Kane or anything like that

to just take a look at this case just take a look at this case this is a really fucked up case so now Kane went and tried to serve fucking revenge on the guy and shoot him but now he puts his family at fucking danger and I don't mean danger I'm sorry well now his family is in a struggle situation I'm sure he's got a couple children I'm sure he has a mortgage I'm sure he's got a ton of shit going on right now

and I'm not mad at Kane I would have done the same fucking thing I know 20 guys that would have done the same thing I just wish that Kane would have done a little bit more diplomatic you know a lot of years at home going

maybe he didn't have to do anything maybe you should have just let God or maybe he should have just let karma or maybe you should just let the prison system interfere with this with whatever. I don't know, guys. I don't know. You know, anything to do with children? Mike's a great guy.

You know, Mike has no violence in his heart. I can't imagine what happened if some daycare guy touched your fucking child. I mean, it pushes a man to do something he would never do again. That's your fucking child guy. You know, I used to date a girl. years ago and she was raised in a cult. And, you know, she told me the stories about growing up in a cult and stuff. Hey, listen, different strokes with different folks.

I can never judge her for that. But I will tell you what I judged her for out of that whole conversation. I dated this girl for four years and I never particularly liked their parents. I didn't like them for a lot of reasons. But the main reason why I didn't like them was because when they had a chance to raise their daughter, They put her at risk. You know, they had like seven kids. The fucking cult leader was fucking all the kids.

The cult leader was fucking the wife. You know, the cult leader was fucking everybody. Listen, if I'm going to join a cult tomorrow, it has nothing to do with my daughter. That has nothing really do with my wife. If I go to my wife and I want to fucking join a cult, my wife is pretty level-headed. She'll go, okay.

You know, good luck for you, you know. What do you want from me? But I'm not going to fight with my wife. I'm the type of guy I'm not going to fight with my wife or fight with Mike to come with me into that cult. I don't believe dragging people down in the dark alley. You're going to hear, I've done a lot of shit. You're going to read the book.

I've done a lot of crazy shit. I'm not big on taking people down the dark alley. I don't like when people took me down a fucking dark alley. And when I say down a dark alley, I go, joy, why would you go down a dark alley? Not literally a dark alley, but just to put somebody in a weird situation. With your actions, if you put somebody in a weird situation,

I have a horrible temper. There's some things I let go, and there's some things I jump on, and there's some things that are very minuscule that I get mad about, and sometimes the big things, you just overlook or you have some type of answer for what happened. You know, you always have some type of whatever, you know. I can't even say that I wouldn't attack the guy myself

and not thought about my wife and my daughter if I was to see him on a street. But in the real world, knowing who I am now today at 59, I always had the ability to sit in a bush for a long time. I love it. I love that, that you have to sit in a bush. Sometimes you have to wait in a bush for a year for somebody to fuck up and sometimes you have to wait in that bush for eight years before somebody fucks up and gives you a green light for you to fucking jump them, you know?

In Kane's situation, obviously he couldn't wait. This shit had to get taken care of absolutely positively like fucking, you know, what's the delivery company? FedEx, yeah. When the positively has to absolutely has to be there. you know, he took care of this very quickly without thinking about it. Now, a lot of people in jeopardy,

a lot of people in a bad position. Again, I'm not mad at came for this. I would never judge him for this. But what I'm trying to say is that's the thought. I'm sure if he could do this again, he would have said, fuck it. I mean, I'm sure he knows cops in San Jose

or whatever. You know, there's nothing wrong with asking a cop a question, you know, that this guy get out, or whatever, you know, there's parameters. There's a way for Kane to do this, for him to get the satisfaction. Because that's, when you get revenge,

what are you going after? You're going after satisfaction. You want to be fucking satisfied. It's a horrible way to fucking live when you're waiting for somebody and make a fucking mistake. You know, 19 and the early 80s, I hated my stepfather.

I mean, I hate the motherfucker today. It depends one week you catch me on. But the other night, I was just thinking about all the pictures and photographs and albums and important stuff that my stepfather threw away that he knew I needed. And I got mad at him the other night. I swear to God, maybe about a week ago. I was thinking about my stepdad. What a good guy.

I don't know something like that. Motherfucker threw away all my fucking important shit when I was a kid. I was stalking him for a while. In 1982, 83, there was nothing in the world I wanted more than to kill my fucking stepfather. And for all the wrong reasons. There were some of the right reasons, but some of them were the wrong reasons.

I used to go down there, get on a bus, and go down there and hide. And I figured out that I was going to hide under a car, wait for him to come home at 3 o'clock in the morning and shoot him when he had a couple cocktails over him, you know, in him. It was a great idea on paper. Did I ever do it? No.

I was on that idea for about two, two and a half years. And even when I came back from Colorado in 84, I went down there a couple times just to scope out where I was going to shoot him. I had to let the feeling go. I had to let that emotion go. It was taken too much in my fucking time. It was taking too much on my fucking valuable time. When you're angry at somebody like that, like right now,

there's a guy in L.A. I can't fucking stand. There really is. I mean, the guy's a fucking bonafide fucking jackal. He's clipped from a thousand fucking people in L.A. And nobody wants to go after this guy. I'm dying to go after this fucking guy. At any cost, I don't give a fuck if they convict me because of this.

I don't give a fuck. The guy is a piece of shit. If I ran his history by you, motherfuckers, you'd say hit him with a pipe ten times. And then let me come out and light him on my. on fire. That's the type of guy this guy is. And he's burned a lot of entertainers, but entertainers like

pussies. They don't want no confrontation. You know, I couldn't even think of a fucking, of why I wouldn't, and I went after this guy when I lived in L.A. and he threatened me with a lawsuit and all this shit, and I was like, listen, let me get the other people that

he's fucking jibed up and we'll fucking take him to court. And I reached out, and I was like the eight people, four of them wanted to do something. the other four didn't give a fuck and that's why I realized it wasn't that it shouldn't have been that important to me Joe you're doing fine

why are you mad about I don't know how much money it is because it's not the fucking amount of money it's the fucking principle I don't want to let this motherfucker I don't want to let this motherfucker get away with it and I got to be honest with you once every 10 days

I just sit here and dream of shooting them in the hand shooting them in the nudge Shooting him in the knee, beating them up. I don't want him dead. I just want him fucked up, like a fucked up hand. You know, fucking shoot him in the knee, bolt his fucking ankles, you know. Just so he remembers.

You ever see the movie Sleepers? When he fucking, the guy goes, when he went in the mirror, I did it to him so he could fucking remember me. Same thing, just so he can remember. I don't want him dead. I don't want him to be missing from his kid's life. But a good beat, and every time he looks at his hand, He sees that Jesus whistle in there.

You ever see when Kennison said that Jesus had a fucking whistle? Why would he want to come back after you turned his hand into a whistle? Whatever the fuck it was. Sorry about that. Lord, please forgive me. Anyway, if I was Kane right now, this is how I would handle this. The revenge on the fucking pedophile, that's dead for a while. That's dead.

Sit tight. You know, I want Kane to understand what. I didn't understand before everything got, you know, you're going to go to jail. I'm sorry to tell you, there's not an attorney in the world that's going to get you off with a fucking, right now you're seeing it, right from the bail. Listen, when you commit a crime and you go to get bail, that bail should be set right away, right or wrong. You guys watch Law and Order and fucking Chicago PD and everything.

That thing should be set right away. If there's an issue with your bail like there is with Kane right now, that issue is going to keep coming back up and up and up again. Trust what I'm telling you. That is either they're going to give you bail or they're not. When they reject you that bail for that time, now they're going to have to do reports. The probation department goes out and does reports,

does investigations, ask people about your character witness, you know, whatever. So right now, if I'm Kane's fucking family, I'm putting together letters. I'm pushing Mark Gallegos, the attorney, to set up a fucking psychiatric evaluation. Kane's not crazy. He just got caught up in the minute there. Kane is not crazy. As a matter of fact, Kane's pretty fucking smart. If you ever heard him speak,

have you ever seen him wrestle. I mean, he's college educated, he was an all-American wrestler. Kane isn't stupid. This is just the thought of molestation to a father is that fucking disturbing.

There's nothing wrong with Kane. In my world, Kane did the right thing. But now, how do we get out of this with the least amount of drama? Well, I'll tell you what. You can't go into this type of trial or this type of case with a fucking public defender. That's not going to happen.

You're going to end up in fucking prison. What we're going to do now, this is the way we work it out. You're already going to do time. You're going to do time. I know you feel that the people, the jurors are going to feel whatever for you. I know there is going to be a little bit of fucking remorse and sorrow from the whatever. they're going to take down some charges and stuff. But I want you to understand in a situation like this, high profile, national news, you're going to do a little time.

Now, when you say a little time, I put a number of 10 years because they're going to probably give them 15 with everything. They're going to drop some fucking charges, put them all together, make them all run concurrently. I give, I'm in the neighborhood of 15 fucking years. is. But you get Mark Gallegos. You know, you said there was never no violence and Keynes passed. They're going to come back that he was a UFC fighter, you know? I mean, the guy was a UFC fighter, so he is violent.

So right away, you're on the fucking fence. Either you got paid for this or this was an everyday occurrence. if they find out like somebody like me because that's how you, right now, if I'm Cain, I'm not thinking about anything unless how I'm going to get my sentence lowered. How can I get these numbers lowered? Let's pretend they plea bargain on a crime that's nonviolent,

like what happened with me. My attorney was so good. I didn't even know what the fuck he was doing. He just kept telling me, we're going to flip this around from nonviolent. I got to do, you know, he got an investigator, and we interviewed people. I grew up with the teachers and cops,

and we came to the conclusion that Joey was not a crazy fuck, that he's not a violent guy, he's not going to cut your nuts off, he's not going to eat you, he is like Hannibal Lecter. Now, he had a bad fucking day, you know, they said I tied him in a knot,

you know, when I handcuffed him, whatever, so that's what they were trying to do that. I was law on the crate with Kane, they're going to go, well, he tried to fucking shoot somebody.

I mean, that's, so there's some time involved. How much time is what we're working at? So he's got a family. He's college educated. He was working at the time of his arrest. All those variables fucking count.

Believe it or not, if he had a high school diploma, college diploma, family life, job, community, he's going to have to have, you know,

that whole, listen, man, uh, that kickboxing academy is, AKA is well known up there in that community. It's part of that community. It's part of that community.

community. Kane was a part of that community. So I'm hoping that through all this, we get the years knocked down to 10. Maybe Kane could serve six or seven. Listen, involuntary manslaughter. I had a friend who killed a guy at a party one time. He wasn't my friend. I was, I talked to him in prison. He was a biker, and he killed a guy in a room one time. It was his word against the guys. He murdered the guy, but he got involuntary manslaughter. Okay, so we might be able to do something here with Kane. We need to get his charge that he settles on, but what is he settling on? He chased, aggravated assault, ran this fucking car, and fought a firearm, shot a firearm.

I mean, I'm hoping he stopped on the way and a little old lady crossed the street. You know what I'm saying? As he was chasing him. Like, go ahead, lady, I don't need to capture this motherfucker, this bad. That's what I'm hoping, that they find some. that the jurors are a little sympathetic to what happened, you know, to his needs. And that's pretty much it. You know, I don't think we'll see Kane fight for a while unless he gets out on bail and fights once or twice just to get a little cash before the trial.

And again, I'm not mad at Kane. I'm not speaking bad about Kane. I just wanted to talk about this. This is a subject that I know a lot about. You know, I've been locked up. I was caught up in the same type of situation where you let your emotions get the best of you before. And I've been in that situation a lot of times.

And I'm 59, I'm fucking around in the corner at 60, and I'm just learning about this. That I've had this control for maybe 10 years, 12 years. But I was also one of those idiots that pulled guns and pulled knives and threw bottles at people at the comedy store. I got all that shit. You know, I just, I learn to cope with it. I have a daughter who I love with all my heart.

She's nine years old. I protect her with everything I have. I keep her mind, you know, clean of all that bullshit she doesn't need. When the time is right, I'll fucking fill her in myself. But if something was to happen to my daughter in that situation, what do you think I would do? I don't care whether I'm 60 or 28. in that situation, I got to be honest you, I'm not act the same fucking way.

I mean, every time I go to softball, every time I do something, whether at a school event or whatever, I'm always have that apprehension that is today the day a coach is going to say something to it and I got to hit this motherfucker with a back because I wouldn't have the patience either.

So I get it. I get everything that's going on. Again, I'm not judging Kane. In fact, I wish Kane nothing but luck. And if I see a GoFund Me or whatever, I'll throw him some fucking Patreon money for his defense. That's how we're fucking rolling. Today's March the 9th, and that's it. I'm feeling good.

I'm smelling good. I'm fucking sleeping at night. I'm smoking refa. Not as much as in the old days, but I'm getting my little party on. And that's it. Everything is tip-top. Mother fucking McGoo. Laughing gas is out, whether it's society.

Sashimi, the tremendous, the fucking cocoa, the white truffle. They got it going on over at the ice cream shop. What did I say, four or five? Oh, sashimi, white truffle. Tremendous is one? Tremendous? Coco. White truffle.

I said that. Rainbow ruts. White truffle, cocoa, sashimi, and tremendous, cock suckers. Who do you think you're dealing with Joey fucking bananas? The ice cream shop Ventura and fucking Kofax right there in Lancasham, right there, not Lancasham, right there

in fucking Studio City. One of my favorite wheat stores in the motherfucking world. This is the insignia there for fucking laughing gas, a little cocoa, looking fucking good. And that's it and that's that. I did hear from my friends that we went out the other day with

all of them. Said they had one of the best fucking... Let me read you with Whitey sent me. You're gonna fucking love this guys This was a I posted the picture on Instagram Of Louis Hernandez Me and David

A lot of people understood What the fuck I was coming at But let me read you What my boy sent me Just so you motherfuckers know It was great One of the best evenings I've had in my life Thanks for putting together

I spoke to Chuck yesterday Next time he will be there I will reach out to you soon again If you ever need anything just reach out. That's my brother fucking white top right there. So everything's beautiful. Motherfuckers, it's a beautiful Wednesday.

And that's it. I hope you guys enjoyed the motherfucking podcast today. You know, I've been thinking about Kane for a few days. And like I said, my heart goes out there and his family. If anybody sends a go-support, go-fund-me page for Kane's legal defense, please send me a link. So Uncle Joey's Patreon can fucking

help Kane out. And that's how I feel, guys. I'm sorry if our views are different, but you're not fucking with a kid or a loved one. That's just the way it is. That's the way it feels in my world. So I love you. Have a great fucking day.

Have a great rest of the week. And I'll see you motherfuckers Monday morning. I think it's the 14th. Tip Top McGoo! St. Patty's Week. Stay black, cock suckers. All right, I want to thank you motherfuckers for listening today. Talking about my brother, Kane Velasquez and what he went through.

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