The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #146 - The Church Of What's Happening Now

Episode Date: January 31, 2014

The queen of edibles, Auntie Dolores calls in. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Recorded live on 01/31/2014.

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to Huluplus.com slash Joey. That's Hulupluss.com slash Joey. Are you kidding me or what? Oh shit. Oh shit. Break out the heroin and the fucking gorilla biscuits.

It's over. Get the granola, the yogurt. Shave your pussy wash your ass. It's that type of fucking day. It's Friday motherfuckers. Nobody wants a stinky motherfucker in the circle. What? Are you fucking kidding me or what? Break out that fucking refra. If you got the syringe, take a chance. I don't know what to tell you, you know what I'm saying? Everybody wants to see the devil. But nobody wants to fucking die. It's Friday. January.

January 31st, the last day of the fucking month. Where the hell you been, bitch? February 1st is tomorrow. Get that checkbook to renters do, cuck, sucker. Looks like you ain't going out tonight. Turn out that fucking music, Lee. Friday, January 31st, and you're sitting there like, ah, ha, ha, ha, happy New Year.

Fuck you, it's February already, you dumb fuck. Wake up, wake up out of your fucking coma. You're still fucking smoking. You're still doing drugs. You're still a fat fuck. You're still eating cookies. Who gives a fuck? What resolution?

You cocksucker. Get up. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. When I got up this morning, I kissed a fucking floor when I got like, fuck Allah and bend it over and fucking hummus. I fucking kiss the floor. You know why? Because that's how I roll.

I know I'm fucking happy to be here. Fucking happy. Fuck, Joel Osteen. And there's bullshit. I'm fucking happy to be here. Happiness is a warm gun, cocksucker. Welcome to the church What's happening now?

Lisa, yeah, what's happening? You bad motherfucking Jew you. I'm feeling great. I missed it this week. It's been a weird week with the podcast. You know, I'm sorry. People sometimes it just gets busy. But here's what happened.

I flew out last Wednesday to Minneapolis, so I flew the fucking whole day. Then I was in Minneapolis, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Then Sunday I flew back. Then I came home and I came home right to my family. And then Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, I worked 12-hour-plus days on Marin.

I want to thank him very much for putting me on the show. He's a real fucking comic. A real comic isn't when a guy kills on stage. It isn't when a guy has an NBC shirt on. A real fucking comic is a guy who gives another guy a chance to shine and then some. And that's what he did with this episode. So I want to thank Mark Marion.

I worked on that show Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Fucking yesterday I was too tired to even get up. I didn't want to give you guys a shit show. So I wanted to get a day off just to be able to think And here I am today with the flying juke Thank you for tuning in and being patient with us It's just been that type of week And I love that you're a day off

You get up a quarter to eight Like that's early for a lot of people You're like this is my day off I'm going to get up a quarter day I felt so fucking shitty You know I hung out with the wife and kid yesterday I went to some indoor playground Which I never really understood

I never went to an indoor playground My indoor playground was my apartment when I was a fucking kid and banging my head off the wall but these kids today we went to I just wanted to see them I wanted to see them

for a little longer than an hour so it was really nice to spend some time with them yesterday I went for coffee you know we did a bunch of little things and then I went home and just relax man it's just nice to fucking turn the TV on sometimes put on the shitty fucking news

and that's what I watch that I watch that I watch the countdown to the UFC and that was it man you know it was funny because I got a sometimes you write a joke or something stupid on Twitter and you get no response or people tell you to go fuck yourself I wrote this thing on Twitter Wednesday because it was really weird what was going on I wrote that it had been 17 years since I came to town and I came in with a hundred eighty dollars that's a true story in an RV and I met Doug Stanhope at the fucking coached horses and I went to

Alcapulco and I went to the comedy store that night and it was so weird because Because the point I was trying to make to myself was that it had been 17 years and finally, somebody had written a script for me. You know, like in my mind, like, that's how I posted it. Yeah. I posted this 17 years ago. Yeah, I came to this town, whatever, blah, blah, blah. But it was more of a post in the sense of, in my mind that morning, I was like, wow, I was going over the script.

And I'm thinking of myself finally. And on Monday, I met Ahmed was on the show. Oh, great. And I asked Ahmed Amad. We shot at the comedy store. And before the comedy store, well, not before, in 98, 97, there was a club we all went to was the union. The union was next to what became the one where Dane Cook got baked. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah.

On Sunset Strip across from Miyagi and all that shit. And the union was run by Vince Vaughn's ex-girlfriend right after Swingers. She was like a jilted girl that was running it And I meant I meant was a friend of hers I met I met was in swingers I met him was Vince Fawn's roommate And John Favreau's roommate at the time And we had done the room

And we were excited There was industry people there You know we were young comics in town And there was industry people there And I remember after the show me and I met I went outside and just broke down the state of comedy We probably each had $2 in our pockets if that I was maybe on Coke, you know.

And one night after the show, like 2.30 in the morning, you know, Pauley Shore had been there. This was a free room. But there were so many hot women that the word got out and all these comics wanted to do the room. Nick DePaulo and fucking Joe Rogan. And it was just really weird. I said to him the other day, I said, hey, man,

do you think that 17 years ago when we were standing in front of the union? We were ever going to say that we'd work together. on a TV show, you know, and we started giggling, you know, but it's really weird to tell people this that this is a fucking journey, you know, doing comedy or being an actor or being a poet or drawing pictures or being an artist in that round. It really is a journey, man. And the journey is not, you know, advancing. The journey is bumping into obstacles and how you fucking adjust them. You know, that this is all this is.

When you come out of it, it's one big obstacle, and you've got to figure out how to fucking go around it and maintain, you know. Thank God for the podcast. I mean, I always booked. I always got comedy work, but the podcast solidified a lot of things from it because it gave people the background, what the fuck this is all about, what the underlying thing is. When you watch a movie, there's an actor on the screen or television, there's an actor on the screen. But he's got an underlying thing and going.

If he's a really good actor, you'll see that. Yeah. You'll see that. That's what people pay for to see that mark, you know. It's weird that I've been here 17 fucking years. I never ever thought I was in a stay past three years late. Never. In fact, we were talking that day how I set my life up in that time that I was going to go back

because I had the daughter. I had Jackie in Colorado. So my plan was to go back. But I had nothing to go back. But I had nothing to go back to. I had nothing to go back to except being a dead getting tormented. So I was like, well, as long as I'm going somewhere here, in my mind, I'm okay. In the back of my mind, I'm going to be okay as long as I move forward.

Once I see myself moving backwards, I'm out of here. You know, once I'm not advancing in moves. I'm not making a living anymore. I'm out of here, but it's just so happening. And it's so weird how I talk to young comics every fucking time I go on the road. And it's the same questions. So it's the same fear. You know, what's going to happen?

You know, what happens in L.A.? Why do I move from fucking Minneapolis and go somewhere else? And then what happens after that? You know, in comics, some comics accept it that they have to fucking get up and go. When I worked in Buffalo, I worked at the Feature Act. He was like, I have an apartment in Jersey City. because I'm there once a fucking month I pay rent

so finally you're making money but you need a place to crash and you go to New York to do your sets there it's always evolving but no matter what happens you're always going to climb that hill you know and trust me man if you came to me 17 years ago

and told me this I would tell you to go fuck yourself I would have told you some not negative bullshit but something that was going on so that's why I posted that the end of day just to let people know that it does get fucking better. No, it's interesting because I'm at the beginning part of it now and it's

it's hard for me right now just because I'm trying to do this full time. So every bill I'm like fuck, maybe I should go get another job. Like every bill I get I'm like fuck I could make that money just take one job and then I'll come back to this and it's so scary right now. You've got to be patient. Yeah, that's the hardest thing.

You got to be patient and you know okay I could have fucking got up at five. yesterday and come down here and done an half-ass job what was the point this is something I wish I would have known

the 25 and somebody would have taught me that you have to be patient you know you live fine you live fine I know motherfuckers that are out six nights a week then look you in the face and go I'm fucking broke and you try to explain to them

as a human being as a friend that hey man maybe you should cut back Guess what these people get? Insulted. Insulted. I had a friend of mine tell me how he's broke and blah, blah, blah. But he's got a fucking, not even a range robe. He's got the other one.

A Land Rover? Land Rover. Is that the urban assault vehicle? I think so. Oh, no, no, the Hummer. Hummer. And I go, you should get a smaller con. He goes, I got to keep an image up.

Well, it is hard. So you want to keep an image up and eat fucking tuna like a cat at the fucking house? Yeah. Do you understand what I'm trying to say to you? What the fuck is the image if you're eating like a, fucking slave at your fucking house. What good is every time you go to Dan Tannis to let

people know you're a big shot, you got to pay that shit. You can put it on your credit card, but that shit has to get fucking paid. You know, yesterday, I was starving yesterday for lunch. I got up, and I did some shit around the house, and my wife went somewhere, and she left

the baby with me. Okay. And the baby fell asleep, when she came back, you know, well, when we wake up, when the baby wakes up, let's go to lunch. And we were talking about some wild places. I was like, ah, it's my day off. Let's go to Hollywood and go to that one place. And I know it's going to be 60 fucking bucks for fucking lunch.

But my wife is like, you know what? I got a tray of fucking peppers and onion and spaghetti I made last night. It was fucking delicious. Yeah. And we ate that for lunch, and we saved fucking 60 bucks. You know, it's the little things where I could tell, you know, they always tell you don't spend money until your third year on the show. Oh, yeah.

You never know what's going to fucking happen. You never fucking know what's going to happen. And that's the thing that we live okay. We're not taking trips. We're not fucking buying cars. We're not taking limo rides. I had a friend that blew a half a million and six months out of it. Taking limos to the airport and back.

You know, that shit's $200,000 dollars apart. It just seemed, even for me, it's like there was Christmas. Now there was her birthday. Now it was Valentine's Day. there always seems to be like one of those bills every month. Always. And it always gets you. And it's not that, it's the flat tire that somebody left a bottle outside of your tie.

That comes out of your pocket. Insurance don't cover that buck 80. No. You know, and then the month after that, you got to take a flight somewhere because God forbid a buddy of yours is sick or something. You got to get in the fucking flight. Yeah. There's always a by the way.

And it's so fucking weird how you have to adjust to those every month. you just have to adjust and pray that the damage is minimal. I remember when we were broke, my cat swallowed a needle. Did I ever tell you about that? No. I'm totally got a movie. I'm working three days in the movie. I'm going to make 1,800 fucking bucks.

And the cat swallows a fucking needle for $850. So we had to take all our credit cards and put them together and pay the fucking bill. We were talking about that the other day. It set us back for two months. We ate tuna in a can for two fucking months with mayonnaise and ramen, you know, and it was like a month before the holidays. Yeah.

And it was Pauley Shore's stupid fucking movie, which they cut me out of the fucking scene anyway. I still got paid, but the point being that there's always something, you know, and you have to prepare for that. And it's how you flip out on that situation, because there's always a, it's just life testing you. It feels like life is fucking testing. When you, you're slinging dick. You got to pay for that one way or another, so get ready, motherfucker. Was it hard for you? Because, I mean, and granted, I know you didn't stop fully until a few years ago.

But when you were doing that, you were like, well, I could go grab a couple ounces of coke and make $10,000. And then I'll stop. But it seems like you stopped when you came. Like, you stopped, like, for the most part, you stopped, like, when you came out here. Like, was it hard not to go back to do that stuff? Or, or? I always knew it was that. Yeah.

You know, I would fucking. I would, listen, I would get up on a Monday morning and not know what to expect. The only thing I knew is how to get on stage Monday morning. I had $3 in my pocket. I knew what money was coming in that week. And sometimes somebody will call you on a Tuesday and say, Doc, I need a fucking eight ball. There you are.

Yeah. You know, there you are. And you got a chance to make 40 bucks and a little rock for yourself or something like that. That's just today. Then Wednesday, somebody caution says they need for you to be an extra. I'm a movie for 40 bucks and you do that for 40 bucks every day I had something different

knowing that I could do something knowing that I didn't have to do it every day instead of two days a week and then it became one day a week that made my life a lot fucking easier while I lived in Boulder I would be great for three days and I have to go rob something

yeah that's what I was saying like it must have been hard not to go back I mean you almost went back to selling cars a few years ago This is almost 20 fucking years ago. I'm not fucking lying nobody. In 1995, I was still shoplifting to make a fucking living.

1995, I was still fucking going into stores and picking up a fucking blanket and bringing it back as a store return and getting $180 cash. You know, I'm not going to lie to somebody, but I was pursuing my fucking art every day, you know? When I was selling cars in 90-fucking 3 in New York, I was taking change on the fucking ashtray

to get home in that. Yeah. between child support and the fucking addiction and the fucking, you know, living and my rent. I can't imagine having a kid. There's so many people I grew up with now

who are having kids. I can't imagine having to pay for that. And not seeing the kid and somebody else is living in your fucking house and somebody, oh, please, I was a walking fucking pain ball. I was a walking fucking pain ball, bro. But you got to keep pushing.

You got to keep fucking pushing. And you guys are like, Jesus Christ, how do I go through life for another fucking day? I don't know. I don't even know how I did it. I fucking can't tell you. There's times I sit and I think about different situations in my life. I think about holy fuck.

You know, getting up on a Friday knowing you have to have the rent tomorrow and making it happen. I swear to God, you don't know how many fucking days in Boulder. I got up on Friday, January 31st and said, well, I got to come up with 500 bucks by tomorrow. I could call Lee. I know Leah will lend me to. I know Lee will lend me two, so I need to get three. What I really need is seven. I need five for rent, one for dinner, and a hundred to get a Jeep bowl

to make the weekend complete. So I need to rob two low-moers from Kmart. I need to fucking sell a half-ounce. I need to, let's get this going. I got $3 to start the day. Lee, it's Friday, what's going on? Listen, I just talked to the fucking Colombian. He's got a new batch of fucking blow that'll fucking kill you.

What? No? your mother's coming in so you can't do no cocaine there goes that that means i'm to shoplift today and that's how fast my day was decided i would call two people if they wouldn't bite on the fucking blow that means that day how they either steal CDs and bring them up to the u district in Boulder and fucking sell them or the hill and bowl you know they have those stores by college places that buy CDs and shit oh yeah i would go shoplift fucking CDs or brand new games and bring them right up to fucking there or go to the student center and

take a fucking thing of watches or pens or whatever you know it's just fucking amazing but i think that's a difference i have this friend who and granted bad stuff has happened to him but he like he never seems to like get over like he always he always talks about it how bad things are how bad things have been for him and and it's just like it gets it gets it gets it old to listen to but i can't imagine just having that going through your head all day every day and not doing anything about it well it's going to go through you had to be fucking there listen i got a situation now where I had a publicist and I had to give her $3,000

fucking dollars and the lady did nothing and when I contacted her she turned it around on me so I got to figure out a fucking way to get my fucking dough back or to explain to her that you know

this was money out of my kid's fucking pocket yeah you know now you get angry at that and sit there and fucking waddle or you could go make some more money yeah you understand me that's what the P and that's a problem I had when I was young too but I always had to get up steal because they had the addiction money.

Yeah. I was mad at somebody one time. I was mad of a friend of mine because he did a comedy show. This is how crazy I used to get in a small town. And there was my other buddy's hometown. And my other buddy does a show there

once a month. He does a TV thing there once a month. And here's the funny thing that my buddy called me and said, hey, I'm going to go to that town. And I said, call that guy. He'll book you. And sure enough, he canceled somebody, and he booked my buddy. Okay.

And he paid him $900. And then my buddy went down there six months later when he found that it was good pickings and put his own room together. And brought his own. And I called him like a man. I go, dog, you're doing that in my buddy's territory, which it really was. It isn't, but it is. Yeah.

And what you need to do now is give him either a slot on the show or give him a fucking taste of the money. Give him 100. Give him a fucking something. Me, I put him on the show and give him 50. That's me. To show to him that you're cool and then, no, my buddy refused, man. The point of the fucking story is I didn't stop until I get that fucking money.

But the funny thing was I didn't give my friend in Texas any money. I kept $100 for the fucking, for the Coke money. Oh, okay. You know, and I didn't do it in a bad way. I didn't do it in a malicious way. I did it. I don't even know why the fuck I did it. I did it because I felt bad for my buddy

and I took care of my buddy years later Slade Ham who is back in Texas now because we laughed at the situation but the point of the fucking story is when I put my mind to something like this guy really pissed me to fuck off

like he fucking pissed me off because he didn't even give a fuck he didn't even give a fuck that this is my friend and I took him aside and go look at you know that's Lee's fucking Lee runs a room down there bro you gotta talk to Lee oh fuck Lee

what you know leave his dear friend of mine you got to give him his fucking money give him 50 bucks anything that's what you do with another comic that's why when you see a fucking comic that does a show where there's a big comedy club and he's doing a theater he always says the key always throws the comedy club 500 and says they produced the show so you make everybody happy you understand me why fuck around with people 10 years from now you're not going to have a theater show you're going to need a weekend and they're going to say fuck you that time you be the defeated, you didn't cut us into your dough. They'll cut you in.

I don't even know why we got to this. Who the fuck knows? I don't even know why... No, I mean, it's interesting, I think, because everyone goes through it, and it's so hard because you think you're doing so well, and especially when you start following your dream, you're never going to make as much.

Like, the money you make is just going to be so much little, and you're always going to run into obstacles, and it's hard to get over them sometimes. Sometimes it's easy to think, okay, I'll just go back and fuck my dream. No, because, The problem is when you dream is slipping Is that you're not committing enough

That's all this is This is It's amazing what I've learned here In the 17 years And listen I was rocking and rolling here Three years in You know I became sag

Two years in when I got in here The whole lingo was man How do you become sag I've been being an extra I got four vouchers Guess what? You know how many vouchers I got Lee? How many?

None I booked the Taco Bell commercial That made me a fucking and CAFT eligible, SAG eligible, and then when I booked the pilot, that made me eligible. Boom. And then when I got baseball, I had to pay the fucking $1,200. And it was that fucking easy.

That's how easy it was. I never sweat. I looked at it and I go, well, this is what I got to do that. Forget a fucking voucher and be an extra and walk around and hold water for people. This is what the fuck I do. So I went and fucking did it. That's the problem with people. They dick around when they get you.

Well, my friend Sally said that if I become an extra, shut the fuck up. You go to a fucking agent, you give him the headshot, you tell him, I'm the fucking Captain Kirk of this fucking enterprise. I'm not going to be some fucking extra here, and you go to fucking, again, I don't even know how we got on this topic either. But it's just what you set your eyes on for. You know, George, Georgie, who gave his grandma, said he went to a play a couple weeks ago. And it was God awful.

he goes it was got off when I go you know except that's got off or it's what these people do you know it's a community playhouse it's people in southern New Jersey that don't want to really commit to New York you follow me

I did a play in town I never tell you about that I did a play in time yeah I did a play about my wife calls it every three or four years Joey thinks he's fucking mainstream the mainstream thing for 2000

So what is it now? 2014? Yeah, maybe 2009. When did I meet you? Lee, 11? Yeah. So maybe 2009 or 10. I joined up to do a play.

Okay. I can't imagine you doing a play. Angelo's Barbershop. And it was going to be, it was rehearsed on Western, and it was going to be performed on Western Boulevard. You know what Western Boulevard is? Down in Hollywood?

Yeah. Does that look like a theater? a fucking district to you. All it is. Believe it not, it is, right? That light down there, Santa Monica. That's a theater district. So, I went down and I

joined up, and I auditioned and bam, I booked it. And I get there. And any time I book a movie or a TV show, I know somebody. A camera guy, a wardrobe, the girl, the actress, we did a commercial

together, something. I didn't know nobody, which made me a little fucking, hesitant, you know. Okay, the scripts come out, I'm looking at this shit, it's terrible. But I want to commit to this play. No money.

Four auditions a week, four rehearsals a week, four hours a fucking shot. Your free time. Parking, lunch, that all comes out of your fucking dore me. No, no, fucking $30 a week. Once they start running the show, they'll give you percentage of the door.

Okay. The show is Thursday, Friday, Saturday. There was seven of us, I think. The walk-out potential, if we sold to every ticket, we'd get $60. Because there was eight of us in the cast or something like that. So, you know, we rehearsed for the fucking four weeks to five weeks,

and then the sixth week, three people quit. The guy that wrote it was the director, which he really didn't know what the fuck he was doing. So some of the people sensed it. And then one day he yelled at one of the guys, and I got involved, they go, what are yelling at him before? If you don't like it, you can leap to.

And I was a little bit of him. like Dunton, you know, and I left and I've never, four years later, have seen any of those people ever again. Like at any level, IMDB, the guy that wrote the thing, he's back in Connecticut, whatever. The point being that

in this town there's different levels of commitment and there's different levels of fulfillment. There's people that come to this town. I have a friend that I saw him the other night when I was shooting Marin. He's an agent now. I swear to God. This guy was an acting class for eight years.

And you know what he would say to me every time I'd see him? What? The teacher told me I'm not ready yet to go on auditions. Listen, I was ready the first day I got here. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? You're never ready to act, but you are ready to act. It's like being a mom or a fucking dad.

Nobody's ready to be a dad. Nobody's ready to be a mom. When you spit that fucking kid out of your fucking asshole, bam! You become a fucking dead. You'll see how to change the diaper. You'll see what it means to go to fucking work every day. It's the same thing with acting.

Yeah. It's the same thing with acting. They tell you in your mind, ladies and gentlemen, but this is a great thing. You got to get in touch with you. Who's the guy that did? You will be blood. Daniel De Lewis.

Everybody wants to be Daniel Day Lewis. Get the fuck out of my face. If you could breathe into a fucking glass, you could fucking act. If you could breathe into a glass, you could do stand-up. If you could breathe into a fucking glass, you could be an engineer.

And if you could breathe into a fucking glass, You can be a fucking plumber, okay? You're breathing. That means you're alive. You can do whatever the fuck you want to do. Don't ever let them tell you that you can't because you have to be this special. Like Daniel Day Lewis, there will be blood.

I'm a very special actor. Get the fuck out of my face, all right? Get the fuck out of my face. Breathing there will be blood. You fucking knucklehead. Not like Daniel Day Lewis. I'm just making a point with him that they make you feel like anything.

you want to do is so distant whether it's an engineer oh well you know I don't know they always make you feel like you're so fucking distant okay yeah you get on there you act like what you act like

you got a million dollars in your pocket I don't know what the Jackie Gleason's saying is you act as if yeah went in room with something we got a call coming up what's up you sexy savage good morning Joey how are you

anti-mother fucking Dolores in the house. Oh, I love you. I didn't know what I was fucked up from this morning and what I was hung up for. I had those gluten-free chocolate cocoa balls, which Lee, that were 30 milligrams apiece. How many did you eat the other night, two? I had at least two, and you ate like four of them.

Oh, I was fucked up Monday morning. I didn't know why. She tells me on the phone two days ago, she goes, yeah, they're the strongest product we have. They're even stronger than the cheese crackers. Jesus. What's happening, Auntie Dolores? Tell me something good.

Everything is good. I'm so happy that you found those to be effective. Oh, my God. And then when you told me that 30 milligrams, I emptied the bag yesterday. I was eating them like one of those seals at the fucking sea world. When they throw fish out of them, I was popping them in my own fucking mouth like that.

I love it. Two in the afternoon. The kitchen's going to be really happy to hear about that. And they tasted good? You got a nice little taste tool? Yeah. You know I don't like stuff that tastes like weed, and that stuff tasted great. I didn't, because Joey for a second was like, no, I brought you cookies.

There's nothing to know weed. They're just cookies. They're just cookies. He's popping them all with the eyes. So you like the flavor. That's good. Yeah, the chocolate was nice. There's chattalids in there as well.

And it's gluten-free, right? It's gluten-free? Yeah, and they're gluten-free. I'm going to put you on speakerphone because I'm having a hard time. I've got a new phone, so. One second. You sound good. How's that?

That sounds better. Okay, whatever words. Okay. No, now that gluten-free, right? The chocolate little deathballs you got? Yes, they're gluten-free and they are vegan as well. We're using the coconut oil for those instead of the butter. They're pretty healthy, actually.

We're using a really nice Dutch cocoa, so they're good for you. They're actually, we're moving into healthier and healthier products. I mean, that's kind of the direction that our whole line is going right now. You also send me the cheese crackers, and you pop those individually, and they're 25 milligrams. Those are great, too. People that want to avoid sugar are loving those, too. Everything that we're making now is in a bag like that. All the pouch bag items, just like they do really well because you can regulate the dosage a lot better. You know, if you only want 30 mils, you just eat one.

If you want to do 300, you can eat 10 of those little cookies, and you'll be just fine. And the popcorn's delicious also I got the peanuts but I didn't try them My friend in Jersey Loves the fucking pretzels He says the pretzels And you're right Because you can control the dosage

Yeah The pretzels are our most popular product And that we didn't You know we didn't anticipate that at all We actually people didn't want to try them at first When we first started doing them People just avoided them So it's funny

But you know The industry is just blown up so much So there's so much room for, you know, creativity and innovation. And that's what I really love about it. Yeah, is it weird not selling a sweet? Because when I think of edible, you think of something sweet. Is it weird selling like a snack, like a cracker that's an edible? Like it doesn't, it's not what you think of when you think of edible.

I know, I know. And the thing is, like the stereotypes around edible, it's just as bad as all the other stereotypes. But actually what people want isn't necessarily the typical steep stuff. Like I said, the pretzels are our bestseller, and they have no sugar in them. But, yeah, so, and then everybody's tolerance levels has changed. It's really changing a lot since more people are using edibles and dabbing and doing concentrations and all that.

So keeping up with the demand on that end is, you know, challenging. You also sent me some 500 milligram brownies, which I have not touched yet, and the peanuts I haven't touched. But one thing I wanted to talk to you about was next weekend down here. It's the Cannabis Cup, or what is it next weekend? Yeah. Yeah, High Times Cannabis Cup. We're going to be there. We have a booth.

We'll be with Mr. Nice seat bank and the CBD crew. So come check that out. If anybody wants to come through, we're going to be. hopefully, you know, providing product for patients. So if you have your recommendation, make sure you bring it or you can get one there at the cup because we will be in the 215 area. And we are entering the 500-bite brownies in cannabis cup. So wish us luck.

And now how long, how many days is this cannabis cup next weekend? It's two days. It's Friday and Saturday? No, Saturday Sunday. Okay. Because a couple people hit me up and asked me to come down. Yeah, I'm out of town. I don't get back to, I know, but I don't get back until Sunday.

I wish you could. That would have been so great. No, I would always try to go back then. I tried to get Ari down there. He was out of town. And I was talking to Lee about maybe doing a podcast down there. But again, I just had too much that weekend. And I get off the plane at 12.30 by the time I get home,

watch my monkey and get back downtown. It's 3 o'clock, you know. I'm fucking wife. that you know I'm I'd say I leave Wednesday that week so I can't really commit to nothing on Sunday if I get back Sunday and I'm full of energy and I'm doing you know sidekicks for Jesus then I'll get in the car and come down and visit my girl anti-mother fucking Dolores the queen of the fucking animals where are you going to be on April 20th April 20th I'll be flying back from from Hitler's birthday party and shit down in Orlando Florida no I'm coming back

from the UFC. Okay, because we're going to probably be at the Cup in Colorado. Yeah, no, I'll be. It's funny how many people have hit me up for the 420 date already. It's a Sunday. I don't work Sundays. Well, you kind of leave yourself a nice task to share. Yeah, no, I wish there was more, I wish there was celebrating Saturday at 420,

but everybody's like, no, we want to show Sunday at 4 o'clock. I'm on a fucking plane from Orlando. So I died I'm gonna land anyway and want to get up and do jumping jacks Yeah, Sundays are fucked up for me You know, Anthony Dolores, I'm fucking 50 You figure two kettlebell classes, two jujitsu classes, two podcasts A fucking one year old, the flight, five shows a week And what else you want me to do now?

And Sunday show and being 50 I'm fucking tired, man. I'm fucking tired, you know My mind burns out And then I go home, my wife got to get me an ear beating You had to get off a plane I get off the phone I'm trying to fucking drink some green tea And she drills me with two days worth

Of fucking talking to a kid You have no idea what that's like So my fucking ears were swollen And I love my wife It's just that You know she gives you two days worth of action In 10 minutes While you're trying to eat the fucking chicken cutlet she cooked

And you're ready to fucking shoot yourself You know So please be patient You know I was telling people last week when I went to Minneapolis. Like six people, like, bro, you've got to be on our podcast. That's great. But when do I have fucking time for myself?

I cannot do every fucking podcast, especially when I go on. Once I get on that plane, my podcast days are over. I'm dropping on your city to do one thing and one thing only. And that's to do comedy and smoke refa. So does that mean you are

going to pass up the opportunity to do a podcast at Rosebud Wellness in Oregon? No, no. One of the No, no, when I come up, I'm going to do something more. What I'm going to do is maybe do the podcast at the weed store, at the comedy club, and then they could sponsor it or something like that. Definitely. Yeah, I don't think I can do it at the Rose's.

I know I could do it at the club. Portland's really, they're really nice people. They don't like no, they don't like no fucking games. We have a kitchen there now, so we can do that fully legally. So, yeah, let's talk about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And as long as you're there smiling, making those 500 milligram brownies, I fucking warn people about those things all the time, man.

And it's hysterical. I see these sensitive Republican types buying them. You know, divine wellness went out of business. I know. It's so sad. I think they're moving. They moved. They did move, but they moved to Canoga Park.

I can't be driving up there with a pound of weed in me every fucking big day. There's, you know, and there's another club in there now, and I don't understand how it is that L.A. can kick somebody out, and then let somebody else come in. Well, the other guys don't give a fuck. They're there illegally. They just said, we don't give a fuck. We don't give a fuck.

Come throw us out. In fact, we're 580 feet from a church. We'll open up another one across the street from a fucking church and donate 20% to the church. And they said no. So they opened up. They got hubby bars and shit like that there, I think. I don't think they carry anti-Dolaris yet.

Well, yeah, it's good. But the idea I went for a haircut. down there. I went for a hair cut in Hollywood the other day, and the guy that was cutting my hair is an extra, what is he, what do you call it, an extravagant gay guy? And he's like, oh, my God, very flamboyant, and he ate some of the 500 milligram anti-delaurus, as you call it. And he goes, oh my God, my whole senses were, he said his senses were fucked up. When he said that, I'm like, your little fucking half a fact he said it fucked up his senses for five days or something It was just too much and we split it between five people

Yeah, that's 100 milgrams. Yeah, he had a fucking nervous break down that fucking guy He's got to go back to the fucking I'm telling you I have a friend that me and him did heroin as a kid We snorted below he was my best man the priest wouldn't let him walk down the aisle because the coke was in his nose falling out by the rock I made him eat a 500 milligram brownie in New York till this day. My dog, I'm gonna come visit you with one of those brownies. He's like, keep that shit away from me. I was high for three fucking days.

I didn't know where I was. He ate the whole thing? No, I split it three ways when I was in New York. And there was another guy that doesn't even get high. He just ate out of respect because he didn't know what to do. I just opened the brownie and said, here, he's a computer guy. I thought he got high. He ate the whole thing.

the whole fucking thing. You should have seen him when his wife was walking out with him. His eyes were beef red. And the next day he called me, he goes, Joey, they called me from work. I got to pee in a bottle on Wednesday.

I said, you're doomed. I go, how long have you been working there? He goes, 14 years, they've never asked me to pee in a bottle. I said, well, brother, this ain't your lucky week. Because what you ate is potent as fuck.

Tell him to get test pure. It really works. This is six months ago. I think he wrote a letter and jumped off a bridge by now. Who gives a fuck? That was six months ago. Who goes a fuck? You'll be calling up today.

You got a test puy. See, Joey, I'm having a hard time hearing you on this phone. I'm going to call you from my other son. Jesus Christ, Ante Dolores. Get it together. I'm not talking into the fucking mic. I can't have you hang up and call back again. Get it together.

I'm calling you back in two seconds. Bye. You believe this shit. I get no fucking respect. Oh my God, 500 milligrams. Oh, those, I'm telling, that's what I went crazy on San Jose that day. I know.

I was with you. Yeah. I got pale. And you're like, you look at the manager, like, what do you got for food? And he just had shrimp, and you're like, oh, let me tell the shrimp. Anything. The 500 milligram overtakes you too quickly. Yeah.

You go from fucking point A to point where it's. Here she is. See, this is what kills me. I went and got the 5S. on the iPhone. Right. And I couldn't even hear you on that phone.

Now I'm on my other iPhone, which is four. It's not, you know, it has its issues, too. But I can hear you just fine now. How many fucking phones you got? You got like 19 fucking phones, anything, Lawrence. Well, yeah, we have about four phones altogether, but I just happen to have two of them on me right now,

and I was going to switch them out and take the new one. So, but anyway. I was telling Lee that when you brought, me the package in San Jose and I ate 500 milligram brownie. I didn't eat the whole thing. I probably ate 250 on bites right off the bat. If you have an even tray, like if your oven tilts to the left, then I'm fucked. But if your oven is straight, then if I eat 250, I get because in the old days when they make Kualoos, same fucking thing. The oven tilted. So if you ate the left side, you got really high. If you ate the right side, you were a little botts for 10

minutes, no big deal. But with you, if you cook on a flat surface, a T-8C, gets on the whole fucking thing evenly, so I bit into half of it, and I'll never forget, I was sitting there with Lee, and I had to hold on to the fucking railing, and I'm a big guy, I had a hold on to the railing,

because it felt like the floor was tilted, and the little Hindu manager came over, what can I do for you? And I'm like, listen, just get me something. And he's trying to break me down the menu. Would you like much potato's with them? I'm like, bitch, just get me something. He ran back then got chicken. I was getting a stress

attack. I was fucking sweating. And I try to warn people with the 500 milligram anti-dloris. Be careful. Yeah, that was the night that I went outside at the club thinking it would be cooler outside. It was really fucking hot. And anti-delores was going to the bathroom and she saved me because

the doors at the club locked. So I went outside and I couldn't get back in and I was stoned out of that mine and I just saw her and I waved and she opened the door. She's like oh, thank you for saving me. What's next on the... Yeah. It always makes me a little nervous when people just get too, you know, too high from it.

And I'm sorry if it messed you up, but you did a great set that night, so I'll figure it was doing good things for you. No, no, no, no. It lets me be free, and I'm fucking, you know, I'm like, I'm like fucking, what's the name, Eliza Menelli's mother, the Wizard of Oz, you know. I'm all fucking for it. But. Judy Garland. That's funny. I'm all Judy Garland down.

Put your heels together. Oh, yeah, I'm flying to the world. the fucking air like a superhero. That's not the point. The point is that for some people I know that it's going to take them a wind. Trust me. It's almost taking me a wind. You know, the other day I went to kettlebell class.

You sent me the box and I had a couple pieces of the cheese crackers and I went to kettlebell class Monday night. And I nearly had a heart attack. You can't work out on that shit because it makes your breathing. Your heart is pumping from the adrenaline already. The heart's pumping. And that's a big mistake. I would eat bananas.

of bread and eat all this shit and go to the YMCA, then I'd walk out of it, my face is pale, sure. Because my fucking heart is pounding T-8C like a fucking drum. Like a fucking bass drum. You know what I'm saying? Now, if you do less, though, here's the advantage, especially for exercise because it's an analgesic. So if you can kind of dose yourself to where you're not really high,

but you feel the effects, the analgesic effects. So then you can push yourself harder. So when you're exercising, you know, when do you stop? When do you start to feel some pain? No, that's the truth. You're absolutely right. I always worked out when I'm not medicated. But I don't get, you know, I don't get really, really high.

Like if you eat 50 milligrams, if you eat two cheese crackers and you go to yoga, you're going to see the fucking Hindu of life. You'll see Hindus, you'll just smell Hindus. It smells like lottery tickets, the whole fucking deal. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It smells. Quantum states, man. No, no, it's fucking amazing what you've done with your products.

I'm really, I love what you're doing. Thank you so much. The fucking pretzels are a hit coast to coast and shit, Antigua. Well, we're trying to, you know, we're going for this license in Washington. So if we get that, we're going to set up a kitchen out there. And then we'll be, you know, our stuff will be on the shelves of the clubs, like the clubs that are in Colorado right now, that can't keep edibles on the shelf because they're just selling out left and right, you know. And there's more people that wouldn't normally be using cannabis, enter, you know, this whole world,

because now it's accepted and legal. A lot of times those people are more interested in edibles than they are in smokables because it's healthier. So just the way things are moving in general look really good for edibles and, We're happy that the laws in Washington are really, you know, they're pretty advantageous for edible producers, and it's not a lot of, I mean, there's hoops to jump through to get the license. Don't get me wrong, but the processing license is actually a much easier license to get than the retail license because they're only going to have, I think, 400 clubs out there.

But it's going to be the same thing as Colorado, you know. You've got touring companies. You can get a limo ride and smoke weed all day long and visit all the dispensaries in Colorado. You know, there's just this whole, all these like ancillary industries opening up left and right around cannabis. And it's just, this is just the beginning, you know. It's going to be really interesting to see how it all unfold. You know, it's amazing if you see how things have changed in your life. time and you think

it 20 years ago you would have came to me and said we're gonna have fucking bodegas and they sell brownies and lollipops and fucking cheeseburgers

and you know they got everything at some of these places I went to a place the other they had these little fudge brownies

and sodas they got T.HC. Energy drinks now I mean they're really clogging the market you know a lot of it can be bullshit you know I'm still stuck

on anti-Dolaris and stuff but it's amazing It's so loyal. It's great. Thank you. It's amazing where this is gone. It really is amazing.

It's amazing that you're still here because from day one, from when I was at the pharmacy in Santa Monica, I saw 80 companies come and go. 80 fucking companies coming and go. That could have been a million times over by now. This is an incredibly difficult industry to operate in. So, I mean, knock on wood right here, because I, honestly, I'm as surprised as you. It's just, you know, I mean, we're lucky that we got in when we did.

I really think that has a huge bearing on all this because starting off now, I wouldn't attempt it now, to be honest. I would attempt other things. See, the thing about the cannabis industry is you have to be ahead of everybody else. Like, it's all about innovation. So right now, starting an edibles company is actually not that innovative because the market is totally saturated. There's so many edibles companies, but there's all these other things that are popping up that are new opportunities that weren't opportunities four years ago. So I'm just, you know, we're always looking for new ways. Like, for instance, we're starting a doggy treat line, and the doggy treats are going to have no THC in them, but they're going to have CBD because CBD is really good for animals.

as well, all animals, especially dogs that have pain or they've got arthritis or anxiety. I mean, CBD is amazing for all of these different things. So we're going to start a pet treat line with CBD and they're going to be, you know, we'll probably, I have no idea. This is very beginnings of product development, but it's something that we couldn't have done four years ago, but we're doing it now. Well, you sell those in pet stores or where do you sell those? We're going to probably sell online and we're going to be doing commercials and stuff.

And possibly pet stores, we'll have to see. We've already got, we already make doggy treats, actually, but the ones that we make right now are using cannabis for them and they're given to just, you know, people that obviously want that for their dogs and it's CBD rich, right? But the pet treat line, we have to use hemp, CBD. or CBD that's derived from hemp in order to use it in that way, like legally. So that's like another, it's kind of a different industry.

It's related to cannabis, but the hemp industry is a little different in this regard. So we're exploring all that now, you know, because we have to learn all about it. But we've got all the equipment and everything to make the doggy treat. So it just seemed like a no-brainer. We might as well, you know, do this too. So that's fucking amazing You're gonna have a half a million dogs in Colorado going fuck you go get your own Go get your own fucking frisbee

You know what I ain't chasing this fucking frisbee You gave me a cookie I'm too fucking high I'm seeing purple trees And now you want me to go chase a frisbee go fuck your mother Well and what's great about the doggy treats is like Dogs aren't as picky as humans They're like ooh it smells good I'll eat it So like and these doggy treats are all healthy

But they contain things like pumpkin and peanut butter and like, totally natural stuff that's good for dogs, but it's like for them, they just eat it right up, you know? It's amazing what's going on in the animal industry. I went to Target yesterday, and when I was at Target, they have cat food and all these different brands. Then they have a freezer at the end of the cat food out. Yeah.

It's this new gourmet cat food and dog food. It comes like a fucking cold cut, and you chop it up like paté. I mean, are you fucking crazy? Have you fucking lost your mind, these fucking people? I know. do and the cat treats look like shit I wouldn't get anything from my cat but I know looking at that I go oh my cat rather have a piece of this one piece of

Albuquer sushi from sushi Dan with some fucking wasabi that'll put my cat over the fucking top right there every time my head keeps every time my cat eats wasabi is a new world for him without the soy oh he's all wasabied out sweating then I give him a piece of auntie Dolores Brownie to put him over the top I love I'm gonna say keep him away from those crumbs I know he No, my little cats love the fucking chocolate, but they can't, you know, sometimes when you open up to 500 milligram brownie, the little vanilla line pops off the top and it falls on the floor, tremendous.

And then Gray will kind of lick it. Gray always licks the fucking chocolate brownie. And she's like, I'll come back for 12 hours. She'll be sleeping in her fucking ball. She'll be sleeping so long when I rub her stomach, it's warm. Like, she's been in that circle. Look at you. You fucking up, dogs, Andy Dolores.

It's all over. Say what? You're fucking up dogs. I like it. I'm fucking up cats. No, it doesn't get them hot. It doesn't get them hot. The CBD is it does not get you high.

That's the beauty of it. Well, let me ask you this. What about catnip? What about a catnip line? You and I could create together. That's the fucking, that's where the money's at right there. That's a great idea. No, that's what it is.

Anything pet related is. That's my life. A good catnip. A $25 billion dollar, you know, industry or whatever. It's just, you know, people spend money on their pets. It's like more than they spend on their kids. You know, see, I looked into the catnip industry, and the problem is that there's a lot of people

who sell Fugazi catnip. But online at Amazon.com, they used to be a company, I would sell you catnip buds. They look like buds or weed, and the cats lose their fucking mind. As soon as it comes from UPS, they're at the door meowing. And it's in a seal-proof fucking bag. I would have to hide it over the fucking stove.

Oh, my God. And they eat the stems, they eat everything. The sticks, the fucking feeds. So that's how you can tell if the nip is real, they go fucking bananas. If not, these people just saw your fucking Puerto Rican grass. And you chop it up and turn it green. The cats don't know. They'll eat it once or twice and they want it again.

So we've got to get in touch with a real fucking catnip company. Yeah. That grows the catnip, and then we'll put the CBDs in it. We're a little bit of reef and some mushroom dust and call the crazy fucking cat right there. Quirude kitty Quirlude kitty and you give them a cat And it comes with a red light Those purple lights that they chase

Make a video and win $10,000 fucking dollars That's how we do it here Ante Dolores So this cannabis cup Is this the first time They're having it in L.A? I don't think so

It's actually in San Bernardino Sam Bernardino Okay That's even fucking flaw That puts a cabas shot Because that's an hour From L.A. That's an hour from L.A.

I know. I know. We have to get hotels out there because I don't want to truck back and forth to L.A. Are you coming down there single or you're coming down with one of your boyfriend and shit, one of your victims? I'm going to be down there. I don't have a boyfriend right now, actually. But I'm going to be down there. You always got a fucking boyfriend. You always got a victim. I see these guys around you. You give them some of that fucking cheese cracker. Then you take them home and you're fucking care these guys. I know. You're like a black fucking widow, I'm going to Sochi. You get them with that fucking little cute body of yours And that smile, it's all over You get one of those little cheese crackers

And you fucking mug them up And shit, I know you You're a sexy little savage And she got a lot of life left of you Oh my God, you're fine Thank you, you're very sweet It's true You were sad

Every time I see you got some little fucking guy with you Don't lie to me I don't use my medicine as poison No I know I know you got the real poison. You don't have to tell me that. You got the real deal Holyfield. That's just a warm-up.

That's like the cherry on the fucking Diet Coke. You're packing heat. I can tell you're one of those hippie chicks from the fucking... You're packing that fucking gin-jin juice. What are the dead people put on themselves when they put a pachugi juice? You're the real deal.

You drink that shit for breakfast. Oh, man. I think we should develop a brand-new product and call it the Jilly Diaz something-something, something, you know? I hear you. Andy Dolores, fucking personal Pichugi juice, whatever you fucking got you. Whatever you're packing drives

those little guys crazy and shit. Oh, man. You're a savage, Ante Dolores, I can tell and shit. You're funny. What are you going to do? You know what I'm saying? We're here, you're packing it's a fucking Friday, January 31st, 2014,

and these people still walking around smoking cigarettes. I went to a doctor. Give it up, Cocksucker! Yeah. Dolores is here, motherfuckers. So you're going to be... You know, start smoking CBD, and it won't get you high, but it's good

for you, and it satisfies the craving of smoking, you know? It's actually healthy to smoke it. So if you don't want to smoke cigarettes and you don't want to get high, smoke CBD, and it's a nice, happy medium. Where do you get CBD's at? When do you get CBD tobacco?

Well, you've got to find a club that sells the CBD-rich strains, and a lot of them do now, because there's lots of patients that want it. And it's always good to have on the end, too, because, like, if you have too much TX, CBD is the first thing you're going to want to start smoking because it's going to bring you down. So I always tell people, keep some CBD edibles around,

keep some flowers around, so you can smoke it if you need it. And it's great for anxiety. So, yeah, if you can find a club that has it and purchase it and then let the clubs know that you're going to be back for more if you enjoy it because they need to know that the patients want it. And they'll pretty much, they'll carry anything that the patients want. So it's good to tell the dispensary that you go to what you want to see on the shelf, and they'll most likely turn right around and get it on the shelf because they want patients.

There's just so much competition with these suspensaries that they'll do anything to draw business, you know, especially down there I mean there's a club on every other it's like every other door is a dispensary or something you know but what are the other clubs that you go to Joey besides Noho

well divine wellness closed I go to this other one on Magnolia that the kid Santana used to be in there I don't even know the name of it I've been there a couple times I got some good top show shit and I go to No Horror organic which is by the house it's easy for me

I just swing through. And I'll tell you what, no organic doesn't have the edible strength or the other stores, but they just want to sell weed, you know? Yeah. Yeah. So it's their fucking thing.

But, I mean, the satellite, that whatever I'm smoking today, that shit, you know, I'm seeing the devil. Yeah. Everybody's got a good strain now. It's 2014. Everybody's got two or three strains that'll fucking kill you.

If you buy a strong strain in high, Hollywood, you're going to pay 25, 30 a gram. A strong strain of the valleys, $15 fucking dollars. Yeah. I get two grams now for 20 fucking bucks some days. And it's the shit I smoke. That'll kill you. You know, that's what's helped us now that everybody has good weed.

But we have exceptional weed here in California. You know, there's good weed in Colorado. The East Coast, they're saying that they get Caliweed. They get it shipped down from Canada. Every time I look at it, I can tell that's Canadian fucking weed. Caliweed got some fucking kick to it So what they're growing is just amazing You know you're seeing it you're seeing it

They're doing a great job now you know you don't have to go to Amsterdam anymore You go to Amsterdam you want to be one of those jerk-offs and smoke a cigarette Oh my god I just came back from after you don't press somebody You don't press me bitch I go to Burbank Boulevard and I get the same weed without the plane ticket in the fucking TSA So who's crying now Paul me next week anti-Dloris ring you're in town.

I will. You'll be here on Monday, correct? Maybe I'll see you Monday for lunch. I'm actually coming down on Wednesday next week. This Wednesday coming? Yeah. How about Wednesday night I see you somewhere? That sounds great.

I got something from 7 to 10, but I can see you Thursday. Thursday's good too. I'll see you Thursday somewhere. You'd let me know. Let's go get some coffee or something, all right? I'll call you on when I'm driving down there and we'll figure out when we can meet up. That sounds great. Sounds perfect, Nancy Dolores.

I love you. Do you have a web page that these Savage could go to and salivate for a little while? Say it again? Do you have a web page that these savages could go to it? Savages. Here's the web page. www.w. Auntie Dolores.com.

Let me spell it. D-O-L-O-R-E-S. Awesome. It's spelled. We're on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram. And come check us out at the Cup. Next weekend, San Bernardino. Thank you, Joey.

Thank you, Lee. Thank you, beautiful. Have a great weekend. Love you, Auntie Dolores. Thank you for all the product and stuff. Of course. I'm doing what you're doing. We love you, Mama.

See you soon. Bye. What's up, Lee? You get such a pleasure from torturing somebody. So as soon as you got her giggling with the savage and the boyfriend, I love watching you do that. I love her. She is a great lady.

And it gives me. fucking my dick gets hard when I see a woman who goes after it with no fucking drama she don't give a fuck how many times she popped up on our shows two three times four times with a bag of goodies with a big smile on the face always happy to be there you know it's very seldom to meet somebody who's happy you always you ever talk to something you go how you doing I'm like oh happiness living the dream they would hit you with some fake fucking motto shit You know, living the dream, whatever, what fucking dream? What are you talking about?

I'm talking about how are you today? What's going on? She always, there's people who tell you they love their job, but they're miserable. Yeah. She always just does something. Like, you could see that she brings happiness. For some people, it's with her smile. This is a girl in my kettlebell class.

She's not the best-looking girl in the world. But when I see her, she makes me smile because her smile is so fucking great. is so fucking great. I think about it all the time. She's so great. She's from Idaho. She's a swimming girl. You could see in her face

that there's no malice. You could see in her face that she would never even hurt her to fly. That's like Ante Dolores. When Anteloris comes, she's all smiles, you know. She loves to watch comedy. She loves to giggle.

You know, she's a great-looking woman, you know? That's why I love Andy Dolores. I love her for what she stands for, man. You know what I'm saying? Well, we're talking about good things for you. On it, motherfuckers. on it you know

I've been saying this for years I like running with people who evolve honor to those people when I first started a fucking one on it was Joe giving me alpha brain and shroom tech now you know between the fucking hem force protein between the fucking

they got this program now well they got to stay on it which gets delivered right to your fucking door all right they got the new power food and the digest tech they got these pills now to help you with the digestion they got these fucking this energy pool that's just green food that you mix with water or milk what the fuck you want to mix it with

coconut milk or almond milk this shit is all good for you this is shit that's all good for you they got the kettlebells they got so many fucking things that on it just go over they got the turnaround 180 who i've been taking the last two days and actually i feel a lot better today today i'm going to go work out just to see what i feel like you know those i worked out monday and today i'm going to hit those kettlebells hard because it's fucking my man's coach at 930 uh you know I truly believe in an honor. You know, John Salon, what's his name? The guy who called here last week, Sam General.

Selgeneral, yeah. He fucking believes in fucking Onet to the point where, you know, there's so many fucking people I deal with. Do me a favor. Just go to Onet.com. Go to Joey Deers.com. Go to the Onet box. Press the code name.

Church. And go to, just get the Shroom Tech. Get the Shroom Tech and go work out. Never mind the energy drink before you lift weights. Just take two shroom techs an hour before you go to gym and get back to me. Okay, if you don't like a money back guarantee, they're doing so many fucking good things on it,

and you're sitting there with a headache, and I'm beautiful. Go fucking onit.com, press church in the box, and get it over with. I ain't going to fucking tell you again. I love you like a fucking family. You want to feel good about yourself? Trust me on this one.

Drink some water, walk around the fucking block. Try the alpha brain. Try the shroom tech for starters. You don't like it, then go fucking drink somebody or go hang out with Joe Wheater or go fucking a pop. Powerhouse 5. I don't know what the fuck you're drinking anymore. Number two, Hulu Plus, always fucking advancing the game.

Whether it's Brooklyn 9-9, whatever the fuck they're talking about, documentaries. Hulu Plus got it for you. If you went to the Hulu plus page on your own right now to read up about Hulu, they give you seven days for free. Not Uncle Joey and Uncle Lee. You know what we're doing? BAM! 14-day fucking trial. How much a month after that?

799. $7.99. That's $96 a fucking year. You can't go fucking wrong with this I'm gonna give you two weeks on the arm Boom go to joeydeers.net Go to the box Pressing Joey

Joey into the fucking Hulu Plus box And there you have it You get two free fucking weeks That means if you want If you're lazy You can smoke a bag of dope And watch the whole season

You can binge watch your fucking shows After you have Hulu Plus for two weeks You will not be able to fucking quit I repeat You will not be able to quit I repeat you will not be able to quit. Go to Joey Dears.com.

Go to Hulu Plus. Get you two weeks for free. Gratis. On the fucking arm. And after that, $7.99 a month. Nobody's fucking better than me on a fucking Friday. It's Friday. I wouldn't come to you with a fucking curbball, all right?

So I'm telling you straight up about Hulu Plus and fucking on it. And we're helping out some other great companies. We've got a fucking tub company we're working with in February. Gumi's or Manos are signing up with us for a little fucking press. We're going to drop it along

in every podcast. and make sure you get this shit. So get it together, cocksuckers. These aren't sponsors. These are a way of life for us to help. It passes on to us. We pass the savings on to you. Whether it's Hulu, whether it's Nature's Box,

whether it's Dollar Shave Club, another tremendous fucking product. We're here for you, Cocksuckers. You understand me? Let me give some shout-outs. Go for it. Because now I'm really fucking pissed off. All right?

Bobby M.D., Brian M.D. Ramos. Nicholas Tyler, Phil Welsh, David Rhodes, Daniel Hudson, debt squad Ireland to wherever the fuck you're at to all the debt squad fucking affiliates out there

whether it's dead squad Harlem Dead Squad North Dead Squad Grand Rapids I love you motherfuckers okay I'm here for you I see what you're doing spreading the word without a fucking t-shirt

that's all that fucking matters anybody can spread the word with a fucking t-shirt you're spreading the word without a fucking t-shirt all right what do you got for music here we got to spark some reefer

it's Friday motherfuckers if you ain't ready for this shit then you ain't fucking ready Oh shit. A little snowblown. Are you fucking kidding to me you say I'm putting black sabotage this time of the morning? I don't know what I'm thinking. Wash your feet, brush your teeth, flush your teeth, get out there, breathe on a motherfucker.

Spread the love, cocksucker. What's the matter, Lee? I'm stoned. What are you stoned? What do you mean I'm a stoned? I'm stuck in a room that you've been smoking in... Hennelie. Don't load of music.

There's snowboard. blind its Friday, kid? What? Are you fucking kidding me or what, Lee? I'll never kid with you on Friday. This is tremendous. Crank that shit up. This one he sings the fucking anthem here.

He just drops on you. I don't want you leaving the house unless you have this fucking anthem in your head today. You understand me? That's how we're doing it today. Friday, January 31st. You didn't quit smoking. You didn't do no jumping jacks. You're still eating fucking potato chips.

You're still getting fucked in the ass. What is it going to end? What is it going to end? Huh? Yeah, yeah, say that to me, all right? All right. Your eyes are blind, but you can see. Ready?

Yep. My eyes are blind, but I can see. The snowflakes on the fucking trees. You know the statement? On the trees. The sun no longer sets me free. Are you fucking kidding me? I feel the snowflakes treating me.

Are you fucking kidding? This is Ozzy 19-50 Talking about fucking snorting Coke with Colombians A fucking English dude with a missing tooth Bound-Bow Are you fucking nuts or what Don't make me fucking throw this computer

Out the window Cut the music I would love Had to have a karaoke bar But instead of like the little screen with the words You just feeding it's still like You feeding them the words like five seconds before Constantine, there he is, the fucking Constantine Rain,

whatever his fucking name is over there in Germany, bitch slapping people. I love it. You know what I'm saying? It's fucking Friday. Who are you kidding? Who are you kidding? You motherfucking old, Joey, where were in you?

You didn't do a podcast Monday. Get it together! You're supposed to get it together on your own, you fucking sack of shit. Oh, you inspire. Oh, get up. Get up. Like, what?

I can't take a fucking day off because I'm busy. I got shit crack-a-lack. too who inspires me huh who calls me up and says wash your feet sting a fucking bitch with a toothpick in the eye nobody I got to do this of myself in the fucking shower so once every once in a while I'm fucking I'm busy you gotta get up and you gotta fucking handle matters on your own you gotta sharpen your life and put on your fucking snow boots what's going on in New York how's the weather over there cold but it looks like it's gonna be fine you couldn't

pay me to go to a game in that weather but they can't sell the tickets yeah bunch of tickets a bunch of hotels are dropping their prices who wants that abuse that's abuse that's abuse yeah those are nice little hotels but now for 900 hours you go to Super Bowl you fucking jerk off yeah stay home I don't I don't think that's I don't think that should be legal I don't I mean I get it but like raising prices that close to thinking of how airlines do it you know I you could still get a cheap trick into New York a cheap flight into New York I looked the other day it was still pretty cheap a weekend it's like you know to kill

you yeah they want you in there they're gonna suck you when they get you in there Yeah, but you know what sucks is the fucking internet thing, because I'm looking at internet companies. Like, I don't get how it's legal, how one company can just be like, yeah, we own this entire area. And no one else can do internet. Who said that? Up here, where we are in San Fernando, the only company that gets you is Tam Warner. AT&T, but that's a different kind of internet.

And that's it. You have two choices. It's, I don't know, I don't know. I don't get how that's legal. Monopolys are illegal, correct? They're supposed to be, but apparently you can go in and run the lines, and then you can get, you get, like, the exclusive in the market, and they can raise them.

Like, I was on the phone with them. They're like, well, yeah, you get this price for a year. I'm like, well, what happens after that? They're like, oh, well, we raised it a little bit. We always give you the option to cancel. I'm like, how we can't cancel? There's no one else to hear to work with. Unless I fucking dig my own lines.

Yeah. It's a fucking nightmare how these corporations fuck us in so many different ways. They give you benefits in so many ways. But they fuck you. They wouldn't put it out there unless they were in the market to fuck you. Yeah. And especially the speed thing. You should have internet.

It's one speed. Like they're telling you, okay, you can only have it this fast. But for 20 extra bucks, you can have it that fast. Just give it to everyone at the same fucking speed. I don't know. Well, it's even like flying. I see it a lot with fly. I see how flying is going to become

Unless you're flying first class Or you're flying the bonuses You're not going to get through It's going to take you an hour on that line Have you ever flown spirit? Yeah It's a fuck I flew it once And I would never do it again

Spirit there's two of them Spirit and the one of Denver I don't know that one Frontier Oh is that bad too Avoid those motherfuckers like you avoid Fucking a hooker up the ass Because I'll tell you what

Dad will fucking those two Frontier you'll find your luggage In fucking Saskatchew on And spirit, I don't know, I haven't been on spirit in a while. Spirits in the southwest, southeast. Yeah, well, they were going to Florida and they have some really good deals, but like the seats were so close together, like people, you can't stand up in between seats. Like you have to angle yourself, they charge you to carry on a bag, they charge you for pillows.

Right, right. They charge you for everything. So it's a cheap flight. Yeah. But once you tap on the amenities, you fucking go, and what the fuck is? Once you get on the plane? Like, you literally just can't stand up. Oh, you want me to fucking breathe? Yeah, $2 to breathe.

$4 to walk around and I feel bad for people who don't travel a lot so please if you travel even if you hit me up with a fucking email and tell me what your travel plans are I'll tell you because if you're going to go travel

what they do is they pray on that you don't travel you know Southwest is the best if you don't get an A ticket or a B ticket on Southwest shoot yourself in the fucking eyeball because that means you got to sit in the middle they're not going to tell you that When you weigh 400 fucking pounds

If you don't get an A or a B ticket on Southwest If you get like C-11 You're in hell Even past like the first five Bs Even if you're fucking X-ray Even if you're skinny fuck You gotta sit in the middle of too low rent motherfuckers To the fart and bring in their own food on

They're probably scratching their toes They got hummus in a bag That's been in there for a month Because they're trying to save fucking pennies That's what you get on Southwest So you're gonna die on Southwest If you have C-11 Fuck that shit

You get your general fucking board and you sit in an aisle In case you got to turn around and punch the shit out of this guy in the middle or the window seat I don't get an indoor seat you start punching me I got nowhere to go I'm gonna break out the fucking airplane window I don't fucking think so But if I'm in the aisle seat I can punch the fuck out of you That's why I sit in the aisle seat That's why I sit in the aisle seat I hide in the window seat

So if something goes down I'll fucking kick you into that fucking window And I could run into the bathroom real fucking quick That's why I sit in the aisle cut suck I don't sit in the aisle because I like looking at people I sit in the aisle because I got you. I got you. Number one and number two, I got you that way. I can run to the bathroom or run to the fuckman door.

If I sit in the middle and the plane goes down, I got a way for you to get up and take your seatbelt off. I ain't got that type of time. I run right over you. I don't give a fuck. There's some people you sit there and they take the seatbelt off and they get up and they look around. It's a beautiful day to be alive.

I ain't got that type of time. Get the fuck out of the way. You don't want to move. Get the fuck out of the way. What is this with these people who walk into the airport or into a restaurant or whatever, and then they conglomerate in the door to look around.

Oh, look out. Get over to the fucking side. You want to look around and see how beautiful it is and look at the floor. Oh, my God. It must be expensive. Who gives a fuck? You know, when I went to Minneapolis last week, I was at the bar

with Anthony, and he wrote me back. We've been emailing each other, and I explained to him. It's not the 80,000 people who go to the Super Bowl game. It's a 200 fucking dummy lucky lose that walk around. I'm like, ha ha ha ha ha.

So he's like, what's a looky loo? A looky loo are usually Republicans that want to be too nice. And they, look at that. Oh, my God, isn't that fancy? Get the fuck out of here. You got to go look. So that's damn at the gym. Here, I'm a 300-pound fat fuck on the exercise thing.

Elliptical, yeah. Liptical. And I'm like the 12-point mark. I'm sweating. I'm breathing heavy. And this couple come in, and they're lucky loose. They're looking at the workout machine. Like, let's see, oh, isn't this nice?

A bench? Like they were fucking... And the husband... If I was the husband, I would have taken the wife by the ear and go, what the fuck is wrong with you? I can be in my room, getting my dick suck right now.

You're down here looking at... Like, they give a fuck. That's a lucky loo. Yeah. They'll look at everything. They gotta touch you. Get the fuck out of here. Get in your room, you fuck.

They gotta come down to the fucking... I hate that shit. The worst is when people are crossing the street. I'm a nice guy. I don't get mad that often. But when people are crossing the street and they're just, like, they're just moseying around.

Oh, they take the... I won them over. Like, you ain't going to hit me. Test me, motherfucker. I wish I was having a bad day right now. I wish my cat got hit by a fucking truck today so I could knock you the truck over. And that's what they don't think.

They think they got rights. Yeah. It's like these women that get the fucking restraining orders. He's not going to get to me. Wrong fucking answer. I know 20 dead bitches with restraining orders. You know what I'm saying? I know more bitches with restraining orders

that are dead than they're alive. So you get that restraining order. Wipe your pussy with it. ain't gonna do nothing for you. That motherfucker is still gonna choke you to death when he sees you. Them eight black bitches at the YMCA Women's Shelter, they ain't gonna do nothing for you.

They're just gonna dial 9-1-1. You're still gonna take a kick to the stomach. You dummies. I got a restraining on it. Yeah, that's great. It takes 20 minutes for the cop to get there. You know how many fucking punches to the head you'll take in 20 minutes?

A lot. Don't take no jeopardy contestant to tell you. I won't take a normal human can bit slap you three times an hour. Fuck, no. Don't get a restraining order. Just get a gun and pray for the best. Look at this fucking moke.

Look at this guy. Look at this fucking beauty here. I wish you guys could see him with a red shirt up. You cocksucker. It's fucking Friday, you deadbeat cocks suckers. Get up. Get up.

Put the national anthem. I'm going to have to find this. I should have bookmarked it. That's it. So remember, you know how many gigs I got this month? None. February 22nd, I'm doing a 930 show. at the fucking ice house. I don't know if it's a podcast yet. We haven't decided yet.

Besides that, I want to thank you for fucking sticking around all week and hanging out with us and believing yourself. That's the most important thing because without the belief in yourself, nobody's going to suck your dick. You're going to walk around like a fucking dude with your pockets out of your pants or bunny rabbit he is and you don't need the aggravation. You got a lot of going on for yourself. Be an American. Grab your cock. Salute the flag and say, fuck it. It's going to go down today. And if it does it, doesn't, it's going to go down tomorrow because that's all that matters. He's going to go down.

I have an itch on my ass right now. Fuck. Got to scratch it. I think this is it. Let's see. Wait, you should have this bookmarked. I should have, I should bookmark it because there's 8 million of them and you don't like any of them. Let's see if I can find it.

You're going to start up with chimes and shit. You just do the symbol. You're not going to start it from the beginning. I was smoking some pot. You're just doing the symbol. Huh? You're just doing the symbol. working the symbol sometimes you want to work the fucking symbol some people

want to work the cowbell I want to work the symbol cossucker get up cut it out stop lying to yourself you're a piece of shit then and you're a piece of shit now this could all change get up salute the flag send Obama an email your fucking approval rate sucks cock sucker but I'm with you you know why because we're Americans we don't bail on nobody Just because you have an afro and you fucked up, I'm not gonna bail on you. Even though I didn't vote for you, I got felonies. I can't make the move yet.

But I'm still getting jury notice. So I'm getting close, cocksucker. But I'm not bailing on you. We're Americans. We don't bail on nobody, especially ourselves. You get up, you grab a black person, you kiss him, and you tell him Obama fucked up, but I love you. It's nothing to do with me and you, okay?

Whether you're Chinese, Indian, whatever the fuck you are, get out there. This country, this flag, you represent you. For a long time, I didn't think I had it either. But I'm Cuban. I got felony. So what? Get out there and stab a motherfucker. Be an American.

That's what it's all. And don't get bullied. That's still one more time. One more time. I'm in the move for the fucking national anthem today. Some days I can listen to this all fucking. I just imagine you and Mercy just as alluding the flag at home. When she gets old enough, she's going to fucking snooom this every day out of respect.

Because this strengthens you. When you fucking pledge allegiance to the flag every day by yourself, Anybody could do it with a bunch of homoes in the fucking classroom. I pledge allegiance to the flag. No, when you grab your fucking heart and your cock, right hand, I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands, one nation, under God, individual, whatever the fucking...

For liberty and justice for all. Liberty and justice, that means you take your cop and you do what the fuck you want, as long as you don't fucking hit nobody. You know what I'm saying? You do what the fuck you got to do. That's what these four fathers, did. That's why they killed the Indians. That's why they fucking brought the black people over here.

For us to do what the fuck you want to do. You understand me? It doesn't mean that somebody can tell you, oh, it's far away. You'll never be able to do it. Listen to that symbol. Listen to that. You hear that right there. It's people getting stabbed for your fucking freedom. So you can go buy a bagel and you could go to college. That's people getting stabbed. Look. I love you, Lisa, yeah. I love you, too, buddy. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. Don't just sit there. If you're confused, go fuck yourself.

Have a great weekend, I love you. Now that the show's over, don't forget to sign up for your free trial. That's right. Of Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus. It lets you binge on thousands of hit shows. Thousands. Anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet.

After you get done watching the National Anthem, go watch on Hulu Plus. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus. when you go to Huluplus.com slash Joey or go to joeydios.net and click on the Hulu Plus banner. That's right. And have a great weekend and keep your eyes open. The terrorists are out there. I don't give a fuck what they tell you.