The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #151 - The Church Of What's Happening Now

Episode Date: February 17, 2014

Actor and friend of the podcast Jordan Lee calls in. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Use promo code CHURCH and get high quality razors sent to your door. Escapepodtank.com Mention Joey or the Church and get $250 off. Recorded live on 02/17/2014.

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of it shows anytime, anywhere, on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to Huluplus.com slash Joey. That's Huluplus.com slash Joey. And by Dahlashaveclub.com, get high-quality razors sent to your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now, go to dollarshaveclub.com slash church. That's dollarshaveclub.com slash church. Or just go to joey-dia's dot net and click on the Dollar Shave Club band.

Also, again, thank you to escapapotank.com. Go check them out, mention Joey Diaz, and get $250 off already low prices on sleep deprivation tanks. Fucking George Washington's cutting down apple trees, whatever the fuck he's doing it. And you're laying in bed like a fucking mutt. Wake up, cocksuckers. Monday, February 17th.

Happy birthday, Ralphie Mae, you cocksucker. Oh shit. Scrub your feet, wash your pussy. Pull the skin back on your dick And put some hot water on it It's Monday motherfuckers Are you kidding me or what Are you kidding me or what?

Oatmeal Reefer, Alpha Brain Jumpin Jackson Take a big shit And it's Monday motherfucker what? Ticket League Are you... What the fuck?

This is bringing me back I was telling people on a different podcast I used to come to every wrestling practice to the song. So every time I hear it, it like pumps me up. Good. So next time I do it, you do 10 push-ups, guys. This is all right. Let me tell you what happened last night. I was watching biographies, Ron.

And they were all about music. And I fucked up, Lee, because I didn't call you. Erasmith was on. Oh, nice. I fucked up. Erasmith was on. Guns and Roses. Black Sabbath. People are mad because I was coughing last week. You were coughing. But we're all good. What's going on? I'm doing a podcast.

That's my wife. What the fuck? What the fuck? Yeah, she's insulting me a little bit, you know what I'm saying? But I watched Gungham Bros. I watched Black Sabbath, and I couldn't stay awake for Erosmith, so I taped that. I was going to say, I was surprised you're here. I thought you would have been up with 12 joints.

It was fucking delicious. I was steak cooking with a little bit of the garlic in the pan. The cat had to be going crazy. I had to go eat with Jerry LaRocca. We went at 8 o'clock and got a cheese omelet with some fruit from fucking. He had a turkey burger from fucking, uh, MacBank. Gnolya grill. I came back and I watched that. I watched the Black Sabbath one, which was very interesting. But the Guns and Roses was the most interesting. They had an original lineup and then

they were going to go to Seattle and two of the guys didn't want to go. So that's when they signed Izzy. That's when they signed a slash and somebody else. I forget. And they went to Seattle and the car broke down. They had a hitchhike. But when they came back, the tour was a disaster. But when they came back, they had built such a good bond. They had gone through Helen. back. They hitchhite to Seattle and they had a hitchhite back and they didn't get paid and it was such a fucking nightmare that they said, let's stay together, you know? Yeah. And it's very interesting how personalities and, you know, it's five people. Let me tell you something. You know how it is to do stand-up comedy? Well, think about if you're in a band. You got five idiots just

like me. I was just going to say that. You got five fucking morons just like me, hanging around arguing, who doesn't want to do what, who doesn't want to work Sundays, who doesn't want to play that fucking song because it reminds him of death, you know, it's just a thousand fucking things. So when a band is that strong, I mean, listen, they started out opening up for Erosmith, and by the end of the

tour, they were closing the tour. Really? Erosmith, yeah, that's how strong they were. They were Erosmith on steroids. There is no two ways to look at this. Erosmith, see, what most people don't know about Erosmith is Erosmith, was one of the strongest fucking bands in the world at one time. And I'm telling you this with balls and confidence.

I'm not telling you this in a mumbling way. Something really weird happened, sadly. If you can't look up Don Kersen's rock concert, Black Sabbath, 1975. Hold on. That's okay. Okay, so Saturday morning I'm writing. And for some reason, I was looking at something on YouTube about jujitsu or something. And it was all exercise shit, like kettlebell shit.

But on the bottom was some band at Don Curse's Rock Conchurch. April 9th, it's Black Sabbath, April 9th, 1975. Is that it? That's it. But let me just fill people in. After Saturday Night Live, when I was a kid, I mean, when I was fucking 13, after Saturday Night Live, it wasn't Saturday Night Live. You waited for.

It was Don Curse's Rock concert. Okay. Dodd Curse's Rock Concert had this reputation. I think the people played live. So, and it played in a small thing, so it was always a great performance. So I started looking through the videos of who was on Don Kersen's, and I saw a UFO with a young Michael Shankner, with no shirt on playing a flying V, just fucking this motherfucker. And I remember watching Black Sabbath on Don Kersner.

Okay. But it was never say die. And I remember that, I don't want to see that. And for some reason, I said, let me just see it. It's 6.45 in the morning. What the fuck am I going? I got nothing but fucking, you know, I got nothing but I was to kill. On Saturday, I had nothing.

So I clicked on Black Sabbath fucking Lee. Play it. Play it for a second. Where should I start from? Right from the beginning. Let's see. Let's see. Let's do that.

Tonight, Don Kirchner's rock concert presents high energy rock and roll. Frank Marino and Mojavely Rush, Black Sabbath. Time to time, we take a sampling of taste from our audience. Look at this fucking Jew. Look at that bad Jew. One of the most frequent names. thrown at us is Black Sabbath. They made history when they...

Are you fucking kidding me? And when they recorded six gold albums out of six. Their music is brilliant and it's Black Sabbath time on rock concert. Are you fucking kidding me? People click this motherfucker on, maybe not today, but at your earliest convenience. This is a band at the height of their fucking life. This is 1975 Black Sabbath. They just released the album, Sabbit, Bloody Sabbath.

This is just too fucking much. They are perfect. I'll tell you what, Bill Ward on the drums rivals John Bonham that night. He is fucking

like a scorpion back there with those fucking drums. I've listened to Ozzy Live a thousand times. Nine of ten. It's terrible. He's singing. Listen to this.

Now there's three kids, white kids, with homemade white shirts on league. Keep your eyes. after them in the audience. They are going great. That would have been me and my dogs.

They're going to show three white kids with homemade t-shirts that are like homemade. You put your own lettering on it? Yeah. Because that's how big Sabbath was to me when I was that age. So they play this after Saturday Night Live?

After Saturday Night Live. You don't fucking drunk. I mean, they are on it. They are on alpha brain. Oh, I see them. There's like four or five of them in one row. And one row. They're fucking going nuts.

But you can kill that. I mean, it is fucking brilliant. So for anyone who wants to go see it, it's called Black Sabbath. Don Kirshner with a K, rock concert in 1975, April 9th. When I say Kersen, one of the baddest Jews of all times

from the Kersner tribe, that's Pantius Pilate was really a Kirstner. You know he was a fake tan? He was a gangster, that motherfucker. You know why he was a gangster? Why? Because he brought, when I was a kid, that was an education.

When you were a kid, 10 and 11, you weren't old enough to go to concerts or you were scared like I was, or the little fuck dilemma you had. He brought the show to your fucking living room. You just had to stay up on a Friday and Saturday night. Yeah. You got to stay up.

You got to walk home, get yourself a little babysit of love. You know, I used to hang out next to the Benders. You know the kid we bumped into at Chan's Dragging in? Yeah, of course. The documentary, Little Ritchie. Yeah. When he was a kid, he'd get babysit on Saturday nights, and that's where we would go.

Oh. To watch Don Curie. This is Rock Hunts. And me and Lee were shooting a documentary in New York City. So last night, we're about to go home. We go to Chance to eat fucking dinner. And some kids like, Coco,

what the fuck? I was dead the night. You got stabbed. That was little fucking Ritchie, that crazy. When we were kids, we'd make him jump off the fucking roof. He was on ADD pills back then. We'd make him jump off the roof. We were fucking, we weren't snorting the pills.

We were too scared to take them. I think I took them once or twice. But anyway, I was looking at that Black Sabbath thing in 1975. I'm thinking to myself, how good are these guys at this point in their life? And that's when it dawned on me that think about it. You had to be very good. Led Zeppelin was still fucking rocking. They had just put out, you know, I think Carrick had just died, so they were taking a breather,

but they were just coming off House of the Holy or even maybe presents. The stones were fucking hot. The Ormond brothers were around, the Who was around. Kiss was around Leonard Skinnett was lurking You know all these bands The Wings were around Paul McCartney was around

Popping up pop out John was a fucking monster In 75 Just a fucking monster When you see Elton John now Goofy looking Like a fucking gay queen and shit Don't ever get confused

Motherfuckers You go on YouTube and you play up From 70 to 76 Or 77 or even 78 Were fucking from Philadelphia Freedom Elton John was a fucking savage. Anyway, that's what I was, that was my fucking point that

in 1975, if you were in a band, you better be fucking good because there was time to all the legend. 75 to me was the highlight of music. You can't name a better time than that. It's crazy because you're so excited about it. Arrow Smith rocks.

Yeah. Was lurking. Aerosmith was lurking. It's a different time, man. It is. Because now the few times I watched Saturday Night Live, I would turn it off at the music. I hate, like, there's nothing, like, there's nothing good on, so, like, it doesn't compute to me. Like, people were so excited for it. Like, the music now sucks. When you went home on Saturday night, you caught Saturday Night Live, and you caught Don Curse's rock concert.

To me, it's fucking tremendous, bro. That's fucking great shit. That's how I learned about music. How was your weekend, brother? It was great. On Valentine's Day, what did you do? What did you do? What did you take Mama for Valentine's Day? Well, on Valentine's Day, just start piss you off. We went to the Mediterranean in place just as we did something little and then two nights ago we went to the entire place last night we went to Buka de Pepo for just a nice meal

we just hung out all week and we watched house of cards Willie low key Bucca de Pepo. What's Bucca de Pepo? What's Bucca de Peps? That Italian place that brings you 8,000 pounds of food for 20 bucks I don't know Where is that? In Mlino on Ventura. Wasn't anything like that? Yeah it was okay. They didn't bring... The one thing that pissed me

off is I got chicken parm and they just didn't bring pasta. I was like, you need pasta and then I looked on the many you have to order it on the side. But it was okay. That's how they get you. Yeah. But it was fun. There's always a Jew somewhere.

They always throw up by the way at you. Oh, yeah. Doesn't it piss you off? It does. But I mean, it was good. It was a great weekend. I mean, sometimes we like to go do something, but this weekend we just kind of hung out together.

She's still here, actually. No, I know. I know. That's when trying to be quiet at the same time. We were doing a fucking puck. You sound a lot better from last week. Oh, yeah, a little bit. Last week you got a lot of fucking complaints about the coughing,

whether myself and Lee. They call it the cough podcast And that happens From time to time That's it guys Something happened last week That just fucking destroyed me And I can't do it no more

I've been smoking pot since I was Fucking 12 Yeah you didn't even go to join today Or 11 You know I've just been smoking Man And I'm not gonna lie to you people It's my drug of choice

Cocaine was with killed the fucking pain My drug of choice To be happy and to have a good time And to eat chicken cutlets And cranberry juice and it's marijuana. But you know what, man, I'm a fucking gorilla.

I'm a 300 fucking pound gorilla, you know, and the reality side of it, you know, I could smoke two or three grams a day if you let me. Really? Maybe even four. That's outrageous. Holy shit. And then I cut down to a pipe.

I eliminate the fucking papers only when I roll a joint here, and I can go through fucking two joints in two fucking hours. You've seen it. America's seen it. You've seen it. I could smoke. But here's where it gets complicated. For the amount that I smoke, I should be fucking tanked.

Yeah. You know? So what I did was I went back to the vapors. You know, not the torch. Like I was telling you people last. No, the dabs, yeah. I just went back to a vapor pen. I regular little vapor pen.

And that I had like 19 here. Some of the boys from Nailed for Life gave me a pen that you put dabs and I got some oil. And I've been smoking that, man. Listen, I like going to do. Jitsu. I'm 51 years old on Wednesday. I love getting up. I love going over there rolling around. The sweat that comes out of you is deep in your pores.

It's all that chicken and fucking steroids. They put meat. That's what comes out when you go to Jiu-Tzu. It's a different type of sweat. Plus, I like learning, guys. I really enjoy the thought process of learning. It keeps me sharp in other avenues of my life if I'm learning something at

some time. And it could be anything. It could be fucking learning how to play the drums. It could be, you know, reading about history, I started to on that webpage and I haven't talked about it in a while. I've been doing notes in there on everything. I do that one hour a week. It was just little things that I like to learn because it helps me write. It helps me with my comedy.

It just keeps me sharp. And I think it works for a lot of people. I don't know. When people say to me they don't like school, I've never understood that. I've never fucking understood that statement. I didn't like high school. How did you like high school? It was a social event and you learned.

It was the best two things about fucking life. Right or wrong? I mean, I see both sides of it. I mean, fucking... I mean, the best thing for me about being an adult is to not have to do homework. Homework fucking kills it, man. They're making it worse.

I mean, it was bad for me, but, I mean, it's hours a night now. What is homework? Lee, define homework. It's... It's, A, by the time you get into high school and college, it's not only looking over your notes, you probably have a page or two of math problems.

You probably have 30 to 40 pages of reading to do for each subject. You'll probably have a paper to do. Define homework. Define homework. Work at home. Worker. What the definition of homework,

Lee? Practice. Taking an hour from your fucking day to focus on your own studies. That's what homework is. And think about what they're doing. They're preparing you for life. Oh, no, that's true.

Do you understand me? For us to have a good podcast on Sunday nights, I've got to stay up for an hour and take notes and see what inspired me over the weekend to get a good podcast. to get a good podcast. I mean, you and I can come in here and just talk. I just have a good old time and people take it home.

I want to really focus on this. Before I go on stage, I do homework. Before anything, I mean, before anything in life. I mean, you edit it. That's something different. That was your career. You don't do homework. But maybe you do.

Homework just disciplines you for life, for you to learn how to say, that's it, turn the TV off. Oh, no, I agree. You understand me? I think in four or five years, when Mercy starts going, you'll be like, what the fuck are they doing to these kids? Because right from the beginning, they're doing standardized tests.

And I think it's gone a little bit overboard. Well, you know, we want to check and see if these kids are fucking learning anything. Yeah, that's true. You know, when we were kids, there was 20 kids in a fucking class. Now there's 40. Yeah. Your child has to go to private school that definitely got a fucking education. You know, I don't know, we have Josh Wolf here with us now.

He's family. We went out for lunch. I love Jakey. Just because I don't talk about his son. I'm not one of those guys. my God, no, you don't have to do that shit. I think about Jake, I worry about Jake. He's at a fucking age right now where

it's 17. This is when you go into being a man. This is the most important years of your life. We were having coffee one day and he told him he took him out of public. He took him out of private school and put him into public school. Not public savage school, but he put him into a charter school for like filmmaking or whatever.

Because the first day he got fucking whacked. He got hitting the fucking head, you know. And it's real interesting. about you got to see these kids are learning. Yeah. You got a thousand distractions for a child now, not to learn,

or they could be something that they could learn with the phone. Listen, man, I get online to learn shit. I don't know about you. I get online to learn shit. I'm confused about something. I go online. I read about it and I'm fucked. Now I know whether I'm in too deep

or whether I can pass it on to Lee or my wife. You know what I'm going to lie to you. I don't know. I'm not the smartest fucking guy in the world. But these kids have games on your phone. There's games on everything. There's a thousand distractions for the child. Now they gave them AED to give them more power.

Because if 10 kids are eating pills, guess what? I want pills. Yeah. I want pills. I never got those pills. I was jealous. No, they weren't around when I was acid. You had to take any of the acid if you fucking didn't focus.

You had to take mesculine. What the fuck are you talking about? A little duck. I told you. When I was a sophomore, I sold fucking more meskling than I'd sell 100 hits in two days in high school. Jesus. So in a week, I'd sell 300 hits a bite.

I'd sell them at 8 in the fucking morning. People are popping those little fucking masculine things. Who did I know that I was helping kids? Because it was helping them with the ADD, the speed would fucking focus them. So now I don't feel too fucking bad about selling them. No, all jokes aside. I mean, listen, man, I don't know what I'm going to do with fucking mercy yet.

She's 13 months old. I have no fucking idea. And I don't want to think about it. I'll burn that bridge when she's three and a half. Until then, I'm going to do it. what my mother did with me, you know, stimulate my fucking mind. Two ways. Talk to me in Spanish and

fucking English. It's the fuck out of me. You know, that's what I try to do, because I know how speaking Spanish keeps me fucking sharp, because I really don't have people around me that keeps talks to me in Spanish. Yeah. So unless I make a phone call, or call somebody in Miami or somebody in Jersey or my friend

Mary Varius and Vegas, I don't talk that Cubanoso shit to a lot of people. You follow him saying things? So no, no, it's very fucking tough. But homework is putting away is in the middle of your fucking hot afternoon learning how to stop what you're doing and focus for one hour one hour and a half on math or geography or history or whatever subject because that just and all it is is what we do it's what I do at 6 o'clock when the fucking when Diane Sawyer's off the air at 7 o'clock that's it I got to do something for an hour

My wife puts the baby away and I go in and I write for an hour. Put this joke on here. Put this joke on here. Do a little fucking research on kettlebells. Whatever the fuck. I take care of myself. That's that one hour. That's what homework teaches you.

I didn't really like homework so I got left to fuck back. I didn't like homework either. I got left to fuck back. Yeah, you said you learned a way to study when you figured it out. When I figured it out. And everybody has their own way of doing schoolwork, man. And everybody, I would love to be able in another life to do what Paul is doing. Go to go.

I know it's a lot of work, but not really, but not really. Yeah, no, that's true. What she's doing is a lot of work, but not fucking really. She figured it out. It was definitely a lot scary at the beginning. Yeah, you figure it out. You figure out what you need to do. You know what?

I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'll make it up an hour earlier. Drink an extra cup of coffee and go with my paperwork. It teaches you to do. Yeah. It teaches you to sleep instead of sleeping 15 hours, sleep eight hours. Study for two, take a nap, do this. It teaches you how to put your day together, which is so fucking important.

It's so fucking important, but I still have a notebook and telling you where I'm going to be every hour of my day. That's how important it is to have a schedule where you're going to go every day. You know, one of the things they talk about Eddie Bravo is he's a great teacher because he teaches you to move. He teaches you two deviations of the move, and he teaches you. you if the move doesn't work. If the move backfires, you still got this.

You got this leg, you got this arm, you got his fucking ear, you got his eyeball. You got something to hang on to. So that's the same way as your day. Why isn't your day going like that? If I get to my car, the battery's broken, boom, I woke up the corner of his bus 1-52. It'll take me to where I need to go.

Get some heroin. Whatever the fuck it is that you're doing for the day, a man without a plan is not a man. Nietzsche, you understand me? A man without a plan is not a man. Your day will go so much better if you have a plan. And yeah, we have it in our head, but I want you to put it on a piece of paper to the fucking minute,

and you're going to see what happens to your life, how fucking different it becomes. It's done miracles for me. Really? Yeah, I'm that much of a geek. I'm going to have to. Oh, we didn't tell us. Do we tell us about how you gave me an edible at the fucking office?

And the internet guy came? Yeah. Oh, my God. So we went to the office. We waited for the internet guy to come, and you had another meeting, so I waited around, but you had given me an edible. So I sat in my car

for two and a half hours getting blasted on that gummy bear, but then he came, and I was just pat, like I fell asleep in the office while he was doing the work. On the floor? Yeah, like a savage? No chair, just sitting with my head against the wall. I couldn't talk.

He was trying to look at me. Oh, my God, that was the worst. What day was that? Thursday. So we'll be in the office, hopefully, by next week. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Hopefully, new fucking awesome.

office with a new look, a whole new set of rules and shit. What are you going to do, Lee? We have to evolve, brother. Things are happen, you know what I'm saying? Let's play a little Tony Bennett, break it up a little bit here. It's Monday. February 17th, happy birthday, Ralphie Mae. If it's your birthday, happy fucking birthday.

Do it up. Dad's birthdays tomorrow. See? Pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart. Monday morning. That mubler.

Nobody wants people around if you stink, of your back stinks. You ever smell somebody that back stinks? Like, what the most of them? Like, the neck smells like dick. Do you get that a lot? And you do too? That's a beautiful fucking song, man. Yeah.

I don't know. I guess my father and my mother used to dance to this is some shit. She used to go nuts every time this song came on. It's amazing. Every time I didn't hear it for a long time. Then I heard it one time. fucking I had to get on one knee like this morning. Let me tell you what happened this morning.

What happened? I got up at about two and I like setting the bedroom alarm, but the fucking phone alarm is so much easier, but that means I have to have the phone in my room. And the last couple nights, all of a sudden or something I'm popular after fucking o'clock. People calling me at two in the fucking morning, three in the fucking morning. I got a call last week at six in the fucking morning on a non-podcast day.

At five in the morning from Miami and I called it and I go, what was so important? No, I wanted to tell you. What the fuck is wrong with you? You never fucking know. You don't call somebody this early cock sucker. So I figured out that you turn the phone off in the middle of night. And then if I get up to P at 3, I'll turn it back on because it gets me up at 4.45.

Like I said, the iPhone alarm, you're waking up to Nakasaki. You're waking up to Japanese people and Godzilla. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da. It's fucking horrible. But it gets you to fuck up. Yeah. It gets you the fuck up, which is the point of this whole situation. So I got up.

I put the shower on. I threw some coffee on the kitchen. It looked like a fucking bomb at it. Those cats destroyed the fucking kitchen in the middle of night. Oh, really? I cooked something. They took it out of the fucking oven.

They took it out of the garbage. I thought I was in there. Oh, a container of empty shrimp. It was empty, gone. They took it out. They shredded the lettuce. The wrapper was on. I went to the Gelson's,

and I bought some dinner, and I bought some shrimp, and I figured I stole it with them as a treat on Sunday. They fucking devoured the fucking case. So I put the diluter boxes. They took 18 fucking shits in the middle of night. It was like shit night last night at my fucking house. I could smell it in the fucking bedroom.

Like two in the morning. Like all of them decided to take huge fucking shits in the middle of night. So I couldn't deal with it. I go, let me put a cup of coffee on. Let me go inside. Let me take a shower, brush my teeth, wash my pussy, go online, and then I'll clean this fucking kitchen as I'm making breakfast this morning. I was just going to make a protein shake,

but they give me a couple minutes to put it together. I go in the fucking kitchen later on after I wash my nuts. and the whole thing I'm dressed. Jesus Christ. I mean, they pushed a baby chair. They must have had a war in there. I was cat hair. I swept.

And then I said, fuck it, let me clean the little boxes and refill them. Because I usually wait until I get back, and I feed them, and then they shit after they eat. Then I start from scratch at them. But this morning, they took, like, 92 shits. I couldn't leave. It would kill the fucking house. So I cleaned all the little boxes.

Let me tell you something, dog. I hit this vapor pen this morning. Yeah? It's completely different. You know, it's like a cleaner high. I was bent over, and I was cleaning these, you know, because when you clean, let me taste them, there's some tough jobs in the world.

There ain't nothing compared to clean up a fucking little box. It's disgusting. It really is disgusting. It's fun after a while. You're scraping and shit flying all over the place. I cleaned that little box on. I went in the shot, and I had gone in the shower already, but I went in there to clean up the bathroom a little bit.

And I swear to God, I was so fucking high. From bending over and smelling the cat shit, the cat fucking thing and the fucking vapor pen. I had to sit there for 10 minutes. I swear to God. That's why I got here late today. I had to sit there for 10 minutes and focus. Yeah.

All the avenues come back together. And then I got my pants on and then we're ready to fucking go. I'm out of the goddamn house. And now we're either. But that's what happened this morning. That's what I fucking woke up to this morning. Which wasn't bad. You know, I didn't even hear him in the middle of the night.

They just go bananas. The kitchen, the living room was fine. The bedrooms were fine. They didn't nothing in any other house. The fucking kitchen looked like a bomb. Do you know which ones it was? I could just imagine. I could just imagine.

It's got to be Fidel. It's got to be Harry. Sissy's involved in this. She's no fucking angel. You know, I hear her out there fucking meowing. I come out to feed her and she runs on the living room. Like, really, you little cuck sucker? I come out here to feed you because you're meowing.

And she goes on living room and all fucking tippy-togas. She's like Cinderella. She's real light on her feet. That's the one, like the biggest. secret about you is your cats and it's not a secret but it is a secret because if anyone knew the drama you go through with your cats like we'll be on the

phone and just be like hey give me a second Harry if you don't stop it I'm going to come over and kick you across the room and you just like you have this big dialogue with them all day you got to talk to them I talk to them you know I know when they're lonely like right now they're lonely bro

for last year and a half they've been living avoiding a little monster yeah they've been avoiding a monster This little daughter mine's a monster around cats. So they avoid, and the TV and the toys, the house is great. The house is quiet. There's not a peep in that fucking house. They're sitting there like going, where is this monster?

Somebody come back and chase me, so you have to keep them stimulated all. So I have to pet them, I have to brush them, I have to give them treats, you know. That's part of the whole thing of having an animal. Why have an animal if you're not going to give it? You know, I have friends that go on these fucking vacations and leave their animals with other people. that scares the fuck out of me. Once you see an animal traumatized by an earthquake, you'll never leave your house again.

If you really care about that fucking animal, whether it's a dog, a cat, a parrot, you know, you really care about animals. You really want an animal. I could see it that you'll be a good owner because you give a fuck. You wouldn't go over your head. You wouldn't avoid the animal.

I waited years. I waited years because I couldn't do it when I was working full time, and I'm still working a lot with you, but I can come home in between podcasts. I'm home a lot more than I would have been. This is why I do what I do. I try to keep close to my house every fucking day because I want to check in on them every hour and a half.

They're used to that. That's why me and my wife can't go on vacation. Big fucking deal. That's a commitment we fucking made. That's a commitment I made to have an animal. When I go into fucking, when you walk into, what's the animal house store? Petco.

When you walk into Petco and you see that cute chihuahua, before you do the paperwork, I want you to go outside, Take a breath of fresh air and think about all these things. Hey, I'm with you. You want to fucking adopt. But if you're going to adopt, I want you to do it 150 fucking percent. And that's 15 percent out of your lifestyle. When you have an animal, that's 15 percent out of your lifestyle.

Little things you can't do. If you really care for the animal, we just can't get up and go to San Diego overnight. You can't do a lot of things if you have an animal, especially in high, fucked up areas like ours. We don't have a weatherman for a fucking earthquake. There's no weather man to tell you, hey, there's going to be an 8.4. I don't like straying from them. I always have water at the house, an extra cat food for them. This is the commitment I made to these cats.

There's times I'm in the fucking bedroom, like this whole week especially. And I'm back there typing when I'm having a good run or I'm involved in something. And after an hour and a half, I have to force myself in the living room to give them treats, pet them, and turn something on for a half hour and sit out there and pick them up individually. and pet them and tell them I love them and punch him in the stomach and you know whatever the fuck game or this I play with them and then they run away they don't come back but at least they know I'm there for them and that means the world listen with a person it's really fucked up I have a couple I'm not here to judge nobody

because I would never want somebody to judge me but judgment is made so who gives the fuck yeah so my judgment is made I like when people have food in their fucking refrigerator I like when people fucking have albums and I can see what they have so I could judge them on their fucking music If they don't have Led Zeppelin, too, what the fuck am I doing here? You understand me? What the fuck am I doing here? You know, a guy who's a fucking shit around, you know, whatever.

There's just different types of people I judge by different things. How a person treats his animal to me is very important. Because it teaches me that you care about the things around you. You will put your blinker on when you fucking make the right turn. You will do those little things that make you a complete fucking man, whether you're a man or a woman. They make you a fucking man. So, you know, I have a problem right now

or a dear friend of mine for years. You know, I had a dog with a guy, and the dude was scaring the dog. She went on vacation and she came back to the dog die. Yeah. Lee, what would you do? What would you do if you know I didn't like your fucking dog? And you went on vacation for 10 fucking days,

and you came back, guess what? You should shoot yourself. Yeah. There's nothing but a fucking dog. the law and my family that's stopping me from getting in my car and going up there and smacking the fuck out of this dumb bitch smacking the fuck out of this dumb bitch nothing in this world right now

I haven't spoken to it since that and there's other reasons but that's the main reason I like to fold it I like to lie to you and tell you it's the other thing but I'm going with the other thing because I really don't want to tell it because I don't want people to know what I feel about this you can't do that around me because it fucking destroys my whole

whatever I feel about you And I love this person with all my heart. I've known her for 15 fucking years. It's over. Yeah. It's over because I can't believe you're that stupid. Call me. She loved it with a guy who...

Yeah, call me, and we'll figure something out. Even if I've got to borrow the money for you to put it in a fucking home. There's so many, like, soggy hotels for, like, 20 bucks a night or something? That's it. That's it. My relationship with that person is over for life. I can't even... I can't even imagine that happening.

That's, like, worst nightmare. I don't even think I like the fucking dog. I didn't even like the fucking dog yet. It doesn't like for you. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. You're right. It doesn't fucking matter.

The dog didn't like me. It would bite me. But I'm still telling you. This is how bad I feel right now. And it's crazy how many dogs are in shelters. Like I'm going through a rescue organization that takes them from the shelter. But it's crazy like how many all over America and how many dogs are in shelters. It's amazing.

And some people just like. And pit bulls. Thousands of, we are overpopulated by people waiting for Martians. You know what the Martians are? Fucking pit bulls. Do you watch that? show pit bulls and parolees? Sometimes. Sometimes. I don't know the schedule of it.

Yeah. If it's on, it's interesting show. Yeah. I watch it. But no, it's, they should GED test everybody before they get a pit bull. Yeah. First of all, you gotta pass a GED. Well, yeah, a pit bull's a stronger dog, but even just I hear stories about cats and dogs, people, like, move and they just

leave them in the house. Well, look, with a bag of food and, like, some of them will find them. Like, I couldn't, I couldn't live with myself if I, like, left the dog there. No, no. No, no. Listen, man. Somebody wrote me an email I think yesterday about addiction to find the pain

the true pain and here you go when my mother died we had a dog named Crystal I was so fucked up I named the dog Crystal T-HC because the dog was white I didn't know anything about dogs I gave the dog love but I mistreated the dog

at the same time because I was 14 I would pull it by the collar I would hit it with a newspaper in the ass when he with shit. I didn't know what I was doing. I did give the dog a lot of love and stuff. When my mother died, the people I went to stay with had another dog. I couldn't bring that dog with me. So I gave it to a friend of my mothers who loved animals, you know.

And I remember three or four months in, I walked home drunk one night, and I jumped the fence at her house, and I went to see the dog, and I cried. That destroyed me. And I never really told the story on a podcast. No, I haven't heard the story. The dog's name was Crystal, it was white. with little black things and had a little brown spot on his nose. I used to kiss the brown spot.

You know, it wasn't the pain of my mother dying as much as me losing my space. I lost my space, bro. When you're 14, I hear about kids that their parents lose their jobs at certain ages and they have to move their childhood home and shit. It traumatizes you. Okay. You're losing your space. It killed me a couple years ago when my mom sold my childhood house.

Yeah, it traumatizes some people. And it killed me at that time. It wasn't just my mother and my... house and my toys and my room. It was that fucking dog. And till this day, I feel bad about that dog. Until this day, there's times I drive and I say a prayer for Crystal that her life ended okay, you know, because I didn't see her after 1980.

I don't know what that, and those people end up going to jail. Those people were fucking crazy. So God knows what happened. And then when I got married, when I had married in 1980. Oh, we got a call come in Yo Hey, it's Jordan I know who the fuck of this

It's Jordan motherfucking Lee What's happening, baby? Oh, I'm just sitting here watching my favorite podcast All right, all right What's going on in your world, my man? Oh, shit, Joey, just I just wanted to thank you for having me on, man I've been your biggest fan

since you started podcasting It's funny. We mentioned you the other day. First of all, let's get to the bottom of this. People always ask, you know, how come we don't put regular people on the podcast? And I didn't really want to start that process. You know, people who were fans of the show

or listened to the show or, and I didn't want to start that process because I thought it would open up a bag of worms. But after knowing you for the last year, I mean, you impressed me every fucking time I've seen you. You know, I'm an old guy. And half of you guys from Lee to not Rick Ramos, he's an old hag, and so is Jerry LaRocca, but DiAgostino and you're all in your 20s.

I could really be your fucking parent. I could really be your father's. And I don't have a son, but I look at all you guys and I say, if I had a son, I'd want him to be like this. You know, what I look for is not a muscular kid or some kid who's good looking. I look for somebody who's got fucking heart, man. the people I grew up with and the people around me have heart. That's why when somebody comes to me

and asks me advice about movies or television or comedy or a podcast, I take it very seriously and I watch that person to see what they do with that advice afterward. And if they just are fucking around, I know it. They go away on their own.

But if they're real, they stick around, they take that advice. And very few people do that. Very few people do that in this town. This town is a whim town. People wake up a morning and go, I could do that, and they move to this town, they bring a credit card with them.

They cause havoc in the year and a half they're here. Havoc. They're doing this. They're meeting with Jay Leno. They're doing this. And then one day they disappear. And they hit you on Facebook, and now they're selling milk in Alaska something. And you go, what the fuck happened to that guy?

He was the next Bob Hope. And obviously that didn't happen with you. That's why we were talking about you on the podcast last week, that you started, you know, you were a young kid, you were sending me emails about fucking baseball tickets, and I'm like, who the fuck is this crazy motherfucker? And next thing I started coming to shows, and we started talking,

and you told me you wanted to give this a try and that a try. And the next thing, you know, you're calling me up asking me if you should join SAG, that you're SAG-Ogible. I almost crashed my fucking car. I didn't know what the fuck you were talking about when you called me. I'm like, what's this kid talking about SAG? And then if you heard our conversation,

you remember it, it kind of snout. because I didn't know what the fuck you were talking about. You know, I'm high 90% of the day. I'm shooting the car from working out, and I get these messages on the thing. I didn't know where to go. And I hung up with you, and I go, I'm fucking proud of that fucking kid.

Because when I got here, everybody was trying to be sag. So everybody would be an extra to be sag and blah, blah, blah, blah. And they're going to have the answers. And they always held all the vouchers on you, it felt like. How many vouchers do you need to be sag? You need three.

I think they let you get two, and then you have to suck 20 fucking black cocks to get the third one. Man, it ain't much different. It's pretty much the same way unless you're a girl. I mean, the girls, every girl you meet on a set, like, oh, yeah, I got my tag vouchers in two months, and every guy's like, man, I've been trying for three years. And you started as an extra? Yeah, I started doing everything. My thought was, I'd never been on a set.

I didn't know what I was doing, so I just had to pick up anything I could just to get used to what terms meant on sets. You know, when they yelled action, I needed to know when I was supposed to move. I needed to know what to do. So I just wanted to do everything. And the very first thing I did, I got a voucher on. So I was like, well, shit, maybe I'm on to something here. And I had to work my ass off to get the rest of them. But I did everything in the meantime, music videos, you know, independent.

films, anything that I could get, you just had to do it because everything was a learning experience. That's, you know, it's funny. When I first got here, I lived in my car. I had nothing going on. And one of my secrets was I go every Wednesday and get a backstage. This is when they were fucking packed Jordan Lee, packed with film work and all this dumb shit, you know, student film work. You know, I didn't even, at that time, I couldn't afford the 200 a month for acting class. There was no way.

So I decided to just do every shitty film that I would qualify for in that copy. You know, what did they give you, copy, lunch and something else? Yeah, like copy credit. I must have done 10 of those fucking things. And, you know, the other day I was thinking about, did any of those things ever pan out? One of them made it to, like, they actually showed us the film. And they said it was going to CBS and the people went back to England. But I got a good friend from that.

There's a guy that until this day, Lenny Serrano that would tie the shit we shot a commercial together a couple years ago. It's amazing that 14 years later, he's got the gangster. He's in that gangster category. But nothing panned out from it. Nobody's seen the fucking things.

I may have made $150 from all 10 things. But you know what I got? I got fucking experience shortly. I got an experience that was invaluable that other comics didn't have because there's two types of movies. you're shooting this town. There's the grudge mats, Spider-Man 2's, you know, it's the longest yard where everything gets done for you. I mean, they put the clothes down

on your fucking trailer. When you get to the trailer, there's your sides for the day, there's your paperwork, and there's the clothing laid out the way your mom would lay out clothing for you. Even to the socks. If you ask for underwear, they'll even give you underwear. And somebody chasing you around all day. Somebody chasing you, wherever you're at, Where you're going, don't stray too far. But then you work on a student film where it's all you. If I had to work on a student film, like it's weird. That's what taught me how to work on the big movies.

Because once I got to the big movies, it was easy for me. Because for years, all I did was those movies where you changed in the bathroom. And there was no sitting area. You sat outside or inside. You found the stoop outside under a fucking tree, and that's where you stood until you fucking waited to shoot. And it's amazing how the roles get bigger and bigger, and then you start getting paid.

Well, you don't get paid. You get a few dollars. They give you a ride. You get a lot of experience, just like you said. Like, I like to watch what the other actors ask the director they want. Sometimes that alone is worth it. When you're watching how to get from the director what he wants, I mean, it's changed the way.

way I act just from watching that. It really is an experience out here. I knew Mike Judge project, and I only worked on it because I knew it was Mike Judge, and I wanted to see how he worked, and the guy's meticulous about everything. I mean, he places every single person to the foot. I mean, he will literally go up and move you an inch. He knows exactly what he wants. And sometimes that's, if you can just follow their directions, they'll hire you every time.

Anytime they need something like that. Yeah, no, no, you're right. Directors have their, but it's amazing how different directors work. And that's another thing that you learn. But what I'm impressed about is how you took the ball and ran with it jointly. A lot of people don't do that. A lot of people have to procrastinate about something. I mean, you told me something last night that you were a waiter.

Tell the people when Shelley Winters came in. Yeah, well, I moved out here to do music. Where'd you move from? Where'd you move from? From Ohio, from Dayton, Ohio. Oh, shit. Only two things come out of Dayton. Steers and Queers.

Which one are you and shit? Yeah, Felipe As far as in those people from Dayton. So, yeah, I moved out here for music, and it seemed like there was always some little hang-up with our band. If we got a tour, then one member, it would have a family emergency and couldn't make it, so we'd have to reschedule. It turned into anything that I'd be.

I didn't have control over with me personally. Like, I couldn't count on. So while I was trying to be a musician, I was working in a restaurant, and Shelly Winters came in one day, and she kept watching me work. And then she finally called me over, and she said, whatever you're doing with your life, you're not accurate, you're wasting your time. And we became best friends until she died. Like, I'd go over and hang out at her house three or four days a week,

and she'd give me little, like, tips here and there, and she'd make me watch stuff with her, and she'd tell me different stories about her life and different things like that. And I was so set up on doing music, I just wouldn't do it. And then after she passed away, I quit doing music, and I just fell into a rut of doing nothing.

And I started listening to your podcast, when you did the podcast with Felicia. And I was listening to how you did it and how you kind of went from doing nothing to, you know, sleeping with shit by your head, to being in movies. I started thinking, you know, Shelley told me I was supposed to do that. Maybe I should start looking into that. And one day you said on the podcast, if any you motherfuckers,

if there's anything I can do to help you, let me know. I'll help you out. I said, well, fuck, I've been asking people for the last year how to get into acting, how to even submit a headshot for a part. And people would, they don't want to tell you because they look at you as, as a competition and they'll try and dissuade you they'll say oh it's going to take you forever

and they'll give you every reason why you shouldn't even try and uh and you actually wrote me a two-page email and you detailed everything even to the point where you said I'm going to be honest with you with your age it's going to be hard for you because you're you're too old to play a teenager

and you're too young to play like a dad so you were very straight up with me and I said fuck it I got nothing else going on it's either this or getting a job at Sears. And I went with it. And I had a night job. I worked from 11 at night until 6 in the morning. So some of the parts I'd get cast for where the call time would be 7 a.m. So I wouldn't even sleep. I'd just go from work to doing some movie or doing some music video all day. But at night, that whole seven hours or eight hours I was working, I'd just listen to your

podcast. So you've actually kind of become like a motivational. speaker for me. You can believe that. Well, I love it that I helped you at that level, but it's weird how I painted that picture for you, because I'm a big fan of Black Sabbath. I'm a big fan of Black Sabbath. If you know their music and their writing,

everything starts off okay. But the last verse of the song, he reads you to write that. And that's what people didn't like about Black Sabbath. It wasn't the Stones, it was a goody, good time. You're jumping up and down. If you really listen to the story,

If you really listen to the lyrics of Black Sabbath music, they're honest. They just paint the fucking picture. And then he shuts the fucking lights out on you. From National Acrobat to Hand the Doom, all that shit, the last verse, we realize is what you're worth. You know, that whole last worth of National Acrobat. He just reads you the Riot Act. And in life, that's important.

I never wanted to be, go to L.A., move. It's great. This is what it is. And then I read you the riot act at the end. about what is expected from you. Because there's nothing worse than seeing somebody that thinks they're going to get into something, whether it be acting, being a plumber, becoming an attorney,

and they think it's going to be a party. And they don't understand that at any level you do or whatever you do, Jordan, their sacrifices, you had to stay up all fucking night to act at 7 in the morning. Lee had to come home at 5, and he'd wait for me at 6 to do the fucking podcast. In life, there's sacrifices. And as a young kid in high school and in college, nobody burns those sacrifices into you.

It's something that you have to find out. You know, Jordan, right now I'm trying to write a book. I'm trying to write a book for a long time. It's a book of stories of my biography. It's just stories that lead up into a biography. I cannot release this book until I give you my mindset from 1980 to 1984, from November 8th of 1979 to 82. That's what you people really want to read.

I'm telling you, all this shit about me going to prison, that's nonsense. That's just baby talk. The three years, because what my mind was thinking, I wish that I had a piece of my mind then to show you people and what I became. It's a very long journey, but not really. I went from wanting to be a killer to doing a podcast. Do you understand me really? I do a podcast now, that we talk and we have a good time.

That was not in my realm. in my brain at that age. But the suffering, what was that, what's at, anybody's age from 20 to 23 is horrible. I would never want to do that again. From 17 to 27

is the worst time in a man's life in your brain because of what you think and what's gonna happen. Lee's scared every day. Lee's got a job with me. Lee's my brother. But Lee wakes up and your parents say,

get security. You're scared. You don't know about the future. You have a degree, Lee. You're fine. You're covered. You're going to always be covered and you're still scared sometimes.

Oh yeah. We're scared. We're scared. Well, Jordan was, because I used to go to the ice house, he would go to all the shows, and I would have to call in the work and say I'm going to come a little bit late. I'd do the show. I'd run all the way across town, and when he did it, I would see on Facebook, because he'd always put on Facebook, I'm doing this print shoot for ESPN in the magazine. Sometimes it wasn't even acting.

And then I would say, how are you doing? How are you paying the bills? He explained to me about unemployment for a little bit. And, like, I think he did it like a year. year or two, like a year before I did. And it's just a, like, it was, it was nice seeing hit that someone could actually survive and pay the bills without the night job. You have to believe. And you believe, Jordan. I'm very proud of you, man. I got a big shock, too, Joey. I didn't tell you this part of it. So when I decided to

quit my night job, because I felt like I was, I was turning down things that I could probably be making money acting. I said, you know, one day you were saying if you don't put everything into it, you'll never get, you'll never get to that point. You got to throw everything into it. So I did. And I had a girlfriend at the time, and she was very supportive of it, and she was trying to do the same thing. So she said, yeah, quit your job, and, you know, together with our incomes, we'll be fine.

Well, it got too real. And I put in my notice for my job, and the last day on my job was on my birthday. And I went to a concert on my birthday, and when I came home, she had moved to Arizona. So I thought we were going to be doing it together And my very first day of trying to be a professional actor I was going to do it all on my own And I still made it I freaked out for the first day and I was like fuck it

If it's meant to be it's meant to be let's see what happened Ain't nothing to freak out about you're a young guy They throw you out you always got a tent There's always you could always Mike Moratori said a good joke People play homeless People go camping you're playing homeless or something There was a great little line.

That's true. As long as there's a tent, you always got a place to fucking live, brother. And I lived in a car. I lived in a fucking car. Yeah, no risk, no reward. On Vista. I slept in a car that had a moonroof.

I pushed the seat back, and I put the air conditioner on. I'd fill up the tank. Don't ask me how. I got like 60 miles of a gallon. And I'd sit on Vista and sleep from like one to six until the sun came in,

and you can't do it. And you can't do it. Once the sun hits you outside, you can't do it. And I would sleep, and I'd wait to the comedy store open at 9, and I'd run in and take a shower. Brush my teeth, do all that shit. And then I'd live the day, and then at 6 o'clock,

I'd run back to the comedy store and take another shower before anybody could see me in the main room in the back. And that was my fucking life, guys, for a few months. And then when the car got towed, the apartment got towed, I would sleep in Ralphie's living room on the floor with no mattress, no nothing, just on a fucking floor, man. So it's what you want. You know, if your dream is that strong in your mouth that it,

because if I told you to come over, then I made you sleep in the corner of my house. You go, Joey, go fuck yourself. But if you were in L.A. and you're pursuing your dream, that corner is a motherfucker. What, Joey? If I come to L.A., you'll let me sleep in your corner for free, really, and let me take showers.

Yeah, sleep in the corner like a mouse. Most people do it because their dream is that overwhelming. Mm-hmm. so I really appreciate you Jordan you you gave me belief in man again that's what you did oh hey no no no I appreciate you Joey because nobody would give me any answers nobody would give me any help and I was terrified to ask you because to me I mean you are God when I spend you know seven hours a night listening to your podcast you know just to ask you I was terrified and for you to be as cool as you were

and to detail everything that I had to do and I did everything that you said and it worked and I did the work and it paid off and so you know without you out there inspiring us man there are a lot of guys out there doing that well thank you but it's it's really weird what we think work is and what's

man when you fucking put your mind to something you just do it you just do it it's so fucking and easy, but then again, it's so hard because when you put your mind to something, people get hurt. People around you get hurt. They're like, what's going on with this fucking guy? You know, you've changed. Why are you such an asshole? No, there's what I have to do. There's things, you know, for years I wouldn't go to parties. It's a stupidity. You know, you want me to go

to a party? I got to do a set first. It's like going to school when you were a kid. Like, you don't go to school. You can't go outside and play. If you didn't go to school, how the fuck you're going to go outside and play? take care of business first and then you play it I would do my spot at the store and write then I get a fucking grandma blow

and snort and put coke rocks in my asshole whatever the fuck turns you on and I know how many distractions there are in life so just and you got an agent I mean you know that's one of the hardest things to get this fucking town an agent

to fucking even talk to you now you have a theatrical agent and a commercial agent no theatrical is what I got to get now That's the tough one also, but it doesn't matter. You're working on your own. You just did your first movie, right? I saw that.

Like, on location, you had a hotel room. Like, I saw that? Yeah, I did two weeks on a Christmas movie, and it was amazing. They started editing it while we were doing it, so I actually got to see bits and pieces of it as they were putting it together, and it's going to be great. It's going to be hilarious. Now, where did you book this out of? What's the name of this movie?

It's called Christmas with the Karen Soses. Okay. It's a Greek kind of like family Christmas movie, kind of like Christmas vacation. But man, it's so well written and it's so funny. The people that act in it are just amazing. And I went through, you know, literally a month worth of auditions, four callbacks for this thing. And finally booked it, which is funny because I got my tag, my third tag voucher, and I was all ready to join.

and then I booked the movie and they said, if you join SAG, you can't do the movie. So I said, okay, well, there's another sign. So I'm going to, you know, do the movie first. And then I joined SAG. You know, that's when people started telling me not to join and coming in and haunt about it. So I called, you're the only one that I knew would hit me,

hit me straight with it, you know. Everybody else has a vet. You know, even my agents, the agents are going to, they're in it for them. If they can make more money on you being one or the other, that's what they'll tell you. But I need to know for me what's better for my career. You know, man, when you come out here, there's two mindsets to SAG. SAG is a screen actor's guilt for most people who are at home, and it's a union for actors.

It's been around for whatever. Is it a great union? If you have a beef with a fucking director or a producer and they fire you, will they go to bat for you? you know but it is what it is guys and i'm going to tell you how important it is to me and when when when uh my man over here called me and said to me that he was thinking about he was eligible for sag i i sat there for a second the car and i know what people are saying if you could join sag but you you could go whatever what is it called you can go uh what's called ficor which means you're sag but you don't get any benefits okay so you're sag but you can

still work non-union, correct? Yeah. Okay. I don't have much in my wallet. I have a picture of my friend Dan Raygo, who's with me every day. He's been dead for 13 years. I have a GNC gold card.

I have a prayer card that Rodrigo Torres gave me from Mexico from St. Jude. And right here is my sad card. I would never carry this with me because this does nothing for me. But to me, I look at this, and I just shake my fucking head. I shake my head.

Oh, and with the sad card comes this, which is level one fucking insurance, okay? Which means I could get fucking health benefits. I could get, I have mental health now. If I snap, I could go to a drug rehab and they pay for it. That's level one. Level two, you get no life insurance, no rehab,

and no mental health. You get vision and everything else, okay? I get my sleep at me a machine. Guys, I was in fucking prison 20 years ago. Guys, I mugged the hooker and lit a wig on foot. guys I had no fucking family guys I have no money I have nothing but guess what I'll go out of this world being screen actors guilt and I've been a member it says it on the fucking card since fuck since 1997 bitches and that's when I came out here so I came out here it was meant for me

and I might not do anything else in my life anything else in my life but one thing I was I was a screen actor's guilt now do you think those conversations I had with my high school counselor, we talked about me, me in the Screen Actors Guild? Do you think the conversations I had with my counselor in prison? We spoke about me.

Who wanted to be in the Screen Actors Guild? No. So this is just to let you know how your life works out, guys. If you're young, you're scared, listen, just fucking pick one thing, go for it, and other doors are open. Sometimes by going for one thing,

other doors are open. I mean, you hang out at the store, so you have a flavor of comedy. I mean, you have so many things going on right now, Jordan Lee, you know? Yeah. And I can't tell you, I'm fucking proud of you to the end because I see people come and going, this motherfucker.

And you came, and we always communicate on email. You always send me little tidbits of what you're doing and how you're doing. So I didn't want you to think I wasn't paying attention to you, brother. The call from SAG pushed me over the fucking top. The call from SAG pushed me over the top. And I'm sorry about my initial reaction because I had a thousand things on my mind with the base.

and Lee and the podcast, so sometimes I don't grasp it. Once I grasp it, I told you how it was. What the fuck? You get the card, now you go on jobs. How many jobs you go to

and they want you to be fucking sagged? For you to do a movie with fucking Pacino, you gotta be fucking sag. You can't even get auditions for real movies and TV if you want to part without being sag. You want to fucking do something

with that old lady that was in the longest yard, the lady who was on raising Hope Now, That's really funny. You've got to be in SAG. Non-union is great in the beginning if you wanted to work, but if you go fight-quark and you go right back to SAG at one point or no. I don't know how that works.

See, that's the scary thing. That's the scary thing. And I'm going to tell you something. I'm going to tell you something on the record, too. I can't tell you how I know. But I can tell you something on the record. I know that if a good fucking non-union job comes up, you could still do it and get away with it.

Yeah. Okay? I know friends. I know people who have done tremendous non-union work that have taken a chance and shot it. You know, I had a friend who used to book commercials in Sweden every Thursday. Every Thursday for a summer, this motherfucker would shoot book commercials in Sweden. They would send him scripts on Monday, and he would have to shoot six commercials on Thursday, which started six the morning in Venice.

This company liked all the way Venice looked. So they liked the way Venice looked at six in the fucking morning and five in the morning. I'm not kidding you guys From 6 in the morning to 10 He would shoot five fucking commercials With no conversation Guys sweeping Guys dancing

And he would pay you 600 bucks Just like that Whether you fucking sweat for an hour It would take you a half hour It was non-union You know how many times I knew people Went down there that were fucking struggling That were union actors and worked for this guy

And I was one of the few assholes That fucking didn't do it Until this day I want to kick myself in the fucking ass You know many people went down there on Thursday? For six, seven weeks straight, and picked up $600 every fucking Thursday for 10 minutes of work. They would put Swedish music on or something. And you would come out water plants to Swedish music

or sweep in front of your business or dance in front of your business like a bohemian fucking. So it's what you really want to do, man. And these motherfuckers, at least sag and after got together now. It used to be you had a joint act, sag after. If you want to do theater, they got a fucking club. it's only getting more expensive too, Joey, because

in the time that I was eligible and the time that I joined it was a two-month span and the price went up $100 in that time and somebody I was trying to get advice from before I talked to you he told me he was eligible three different times and he's like

at one time I was going to join and I didn't it was $1,500 the next time it was up to $17 and it was up to $25 like they're just going to keep raising it if I don't join now you know, that money that I have to join, it's going to go away. You know how people like you and I are. We got it. We'll spend it.

If you look at the fucking sagbook, there's offices in Nashville, there's offices in Houston, there's offices in New Orleans, New York, Miami. You go to any of those areas, check into the SAG office, and you'll pick up work. I swear to God, you'll pick up work, you know? And to me, there was just something about being screen actors' guilt because I came from nothing. I never dreamed that I would be in any fucking union

except like a long showman's union or a warehouse union Here I am hanging out with fucking Republicans You know what I'm saying And Jews And Republicans who hate Jews and Jews who hate Republicans Who hate Republicans, you know what I'm saying? Lee Syatt What do you think of my man Jordan Lee?

I mean you and Leah tight I mean like I said He did it before me And it's just great to see he was Like all these It started off slow like once Once or twice a month there'd be something and now it seems like every week going to auditions and there's new headshots.

And you know what's cool is when I see you guys at the Ice House shows, I saw over the time that I quit and that I started doing this, I saw Lee's confidence grow in him quitting. Because we've been watching you want to quit your job from a year, Lee. You just look so miserable before you go into work. And I could tell when I quit, you got a little bit of hope in your eyes where I could tell you were going to do it soon. Yeah, I mean, it's fucking, because it was

the happiest time. Even before we did the live podcast, Joey was just doing the Testicle Testaments, and you'd just sit there for an hour and a half and go and talk to people outside, and then I have to drive all the way to fucking Beverly Hills and sit at work for 12 hours. But, uh, it was funny, you said you panicked

when you, the first day of worry, of not having a job. The first day, I didn't have a job. I signed up for about 17 of those sites where you do, uh, uh, opinion polls. opinions and they give you points and you're supposed to be able to get money. But after about two hours of doing it, I had like eight points. It's like 20,000 points to get a $20 gift card.

I was like, fuck you. I got to answer questions. I had a panic attack. I was sounding up for every one of them and I still get emails from them. Guys, the personal growth, let me tell you something. I have a dear friend that I just found out he has another day job and I'm about to have a talk with him. Because he's been here as long as I have. He's been struggling.

with the same agency as you he has the same opportunity as you and he doesn't book anything and the reason why he doesn't book anything is he's got a stupid fucking day job what we talking about the other day everybody wants to be a fucking wellender but nobody wants to get rid of the net

so I applaud you and I applaud Lee the number and this is hard for me to say on a podcast that has thousands of listeners this will be one of the hardest things and I say some rational fucking things on here but this is the hardest thing I'm going to tell you guys and it's hard for me to say because I do not pay your bills.

I am not there when you're at the supermarket. People who usually say that do not pay your fucking, they say this freely. It's fucking people who are well off or don't know the value of a dollar. Everybody knows I know the value of a dollar, so I'm going to go on a limb and say this. The biggest personal growth you have in your life, I'm telling you this, guys,

is when you quit what's holding you down, which isn't holding you down. I'm saying it wrong. when you quit your job and take that much belief in what you do. There's no better high. I could get the hottest 10 chicks to suck your asshole, suck your balls and suck your dick at the same time. I could give you a million dollars.

Nothing will feel is liberating as the day you do what you do and you make money from what you do that you love. There's nothing that compares to that. And every month, I have to pinch myself. every month I look at myself because we all start from zero on the first on the first Jordan guess what you know better than me and the leaves no better than me and I'm no better than you

but somewhere around the 17th when you start looking feeling hope losing hope something happens I've told you a thousand times for a year I paid my rent late but I paid it because I always booked some on the 30th and I'd wait seven days to get paid or 10 days to get paid so trust me Jordan I applaud you with all my heart because you've gone

it's when you become a man in sorts when you really quit your arbitros and this happens when you get rid of that woman this happens when you kick that drug this happens at so many different levels when you look at your pants

and you've lost 80 pounds the liberation of you being under that cloud when I lost my addiction nothing was as positive for me guys is when I got to do this and I took a chance and said, fuck it. And people knock it. Oh, boy, you have a girlfriend.

My girlfriend had no fucking money. My fucking girlfriend worked at Starbucks. My girlfriend was out of work for a year before we got Spider-Man. The night before I got Spider-Man, Jeff Garcia, gave me $40. I had to borrow $40 from Jeff Garcia, just so I would have money on the plane ride to fucking New Mexico with Adam Sandler. When I got to New Mexico, I had $5 in my pocket, maybe eight cigarettes and one joint. Don't fucking tell me about hunger and embarrassment and whatever.

The biggest embarrassment you're going to have in your life is if you don't live your fucking dream, is if you don't have that personal growth. And I low Lee scared. Lee was scared a month ago. He ain't scared no more. I can look at his fucking eyes. He ain't scared no more because Lee, it's going to happen. Trust me, guys, when you quit your albatross and you go for what you believe in and what your morals are,

your life will change. And Jordan, you've made me a fucking believer in you. If there's anything I could ever do for you, you know, you've got a fucking home here and a family. And I really, I wanted you to call in because you are definitely, they got sons of anarchy. You're one of the sons of the fucking church, motherfucker. Well, you know, Joey, I appreciate everything you've ever done for me. And one of the things that you and I both share is we have a love for Pete Rose and Bruce Lee. And one thing about those guys is that if you don't put everything into it, you'll never be great.

And you remind me of that every time you're on here talking. And I just I ran with it, you know? Fuck it, everything. I can't thank you enough for what you do. Well, I'm very proudy and I love you and I'll see you Saturday. And in fact, I was gonna raffle off my roaches from the last year. I'm giving them to you. Oh, the last year and a half of roaches from the church.

That's another thing. I wanted to thank you, Joey. All the time that I was poor and you've invited me out to your shows and you've told me not to pay and you've let me in my date then. Like, man, I can't thank you enough for that too. I know what people go through, bro. I know I've walked this walk with you, motherfuckers. I know what it is to want. I know what it is to go somewhere and have $10 in your pocket

and not get something to eat and smile and go, no, I'm not hungry. I know what it's like, man. And if I could ever help you out, man, I'm here for you. Thank you for calling today. And we're very proud of me and the blind you. And I'll see you Saturday night with your congratulatory roaches. Let me tell you some.

You take these motherfuckers home, you open them with a scissor, and you roll one big joint, you smoke it, dog. What's in that thing of weed, is a pleasure of the best weed that's come through LA the last year. Oh, you know I will? And it's all hard. You know when you get lasagna and you cook half of it and you freeze the other half and you eat it six months later that's delicious?

That's what this shit is. Have a great week, man. I'll see you guys Saturday. I'll see you Saturday, 9.30, brother. I love you. All right. I love you, too, buddy. Bye.

Thank you, man. Yesterday, Lee, I woke up, right, early, and I was sick and fucking tired. And I shouldn't say this, people. but all fucking week I know it's been snowing and everybody's had bad weather all over the fucking country in Canada

yesterday it was like 91 here and the day before it was 92 so suck my dick and call me shortly but let me tell you what happened what's been happening is it's been nice all week but asked Lee

it gets sunny in the morning then at 10 o'clock for like three days it gets fucking cloudy yeah and by the time you get out to 11 there's nothing left but fucking clouds

and you got a fucking grin and an upside-down smile You're like, what the fuck? What happened to the sun? So yesterday I got up about seven, a little bit too early, because I went to the, I went to the, uh, I went to the, uh, John Lovitz Comedy Club Friday, so I was out late. And I, I made a protein shake. I rode a little bit. I played with the cats. I cleaned up. And about nine o'clock I couldn't take it. I was on the way to about 11 and do it. And I go, no, I got to get out of house. My body's craving the suns. I put some shorts on. I took two fucking shroom texts. Okay. Now, before I left the house, I called.

John Salami. I'll meet you tonight at 8 o'clock. Let's roll tonight. Because I only have two kettlebell classes this week. So I could roll one extra day. I could do jiu-jitsu roll, like really working on my cardio. I'm going to a seminar Sunday. My first jiu-jitsu seminar.

It's Regan Higin Machado. Like a tournament? No, no, no, no. It's like a seminar where you learn certain moves. Oh, okay, okay. From a big guy. He's a big chubby guy named Higin Machado. He's a black bell master, too.

He has a school in Beverly Hills, but he's a bigger guy. So my cousin, Julio, who called the podcast, got his blackbell from him, and Salami knows him well. So I'm going to take a seminar on Sunday. So I want to be my breathing to be good when I go. I don't want to embarrass my friends in Eddie Bravo. So I said, let me get a fucking workout out of it under the sun. So I was going to go to North Hollywood Park. So I popped two kids aspirins from my heart.

Okay. And I popped two fucking prune texts. I smoked some pot. I took a piss and peon. I got in the car and I went down to fuck in the park. I got out first. I had the Walkman, the iPod. I don't go walk me the iPod.

And I walked around. I wouldn't have been shocked if it was a walkman. You know me, Doug. I walked around twice. Then for two laps, and it was hot. I didn't bring any waterly. So here I am. I'll speed it out on the fucking mushrooms from Honit

and the fucking baby meniscation, the baby heart pills. And I walk around two. And I go, all right, on this one, I'm going to do the Dolce run. I'm going to run for 30 and walk for two minutes and run for 30. I did that.

Lee, I was fucking sucking wind after the first one. There was one fucking run that had to walk like four minutes instead of two. I had to just catch my breath by. I didn't stop. And that's the most important. It's a big part too. You keep your heart rate up.

And then I ran the last two. And after that I'm like, I need water. I go, fuck this. And I went and got the two kettlebells out of the trunk of the car. I have a 35-pound one, a 45-pound one. And I walked across fucking North Hollywood Park, like half of it. Not the whole thing. I was walked across half of it and back.

I did that four times with the weights. It's good for your mind. It opens up neurological. shit. Then I put that down and started doing cleaning, cleans. Cleaning squats with the kettlebell, with 35 pounds. And I just started doing sets of 10 swings with the fucking

Russian swings at the kettlebell. It was hot. My t-shirt was dressed. I could feel the sweat in my balls. I could feel the sweat on the top of my socks from my legs. I was fucking hot. So I walked up to 7-Eleven. It was like another 30-yard walk. The 7-Ele on the corner there, of Magnolia,

and I went in there and I got this fucking water. And when I was drinking on, the heat. I said, I'm 51 years old on fucking Wednesday, and this is what I'm doing on a Sunday morning. Thank you on it. And that's what I'm getting to. Shroom Tech, motherfuckers. You could be old, young. Shroom Tech will

get you out of the house and want to work on a Sunday morning. I went back. I had a protein shake with some glutamine in it. I fucking fed the cats. I hung out. What did I do? I met those guys. I had one egg with two pieces of bacon and a piece of wheat toast of breakfast. And when I met those guys for the fucking web series, I came

back, and I don't know what I ate. After that, I had a shrimp with the cats, and then I went and had an egg omelet with fucking the cheese omelette with Jerry La Rocha last night. But the point being, I'm telling you what, I'm living this Onit lifestyle. Give Anit a fucking break, man. I'm 51 years old.

For breakfast, every morning I have the hemp force protein, the chocolate, or the assaye vanilla. You know, they've got these new fucking things on there. Just go to Onet.com, go to the web page and let them open you up. From the kettle bells to the animal bells to just the regular kettlebells. Listen, I'm a strong believer.

even the shroom tech it was a hard sell for me but between Einstein and Joe Rogan and even Dave with the quadrice mushrooms it opens you up whether you want to fucking have more endurance or you want to fucking have your immune system that shit is fucking on the money go to honor dot com get the hemp horse get the on it the fucking strong bone I haven't taken a while because I haven't had no fucking injuries but somebody the other day wrote me an email about strong bone I forgot all about fucking strong bone you know go to honor dot com see what they got put in fucking Church. In the box, get 10% off, bitches.

Church, in the box, get 10% off. They have a stay on it where they send you the stuff automatically. Like my other brothers from a different mother. Dollar Shave Club, another fucking company that puts it together for you. The razors, they're fucking like little new chucks. They're like little fucking weapons. They're going to last year. It's a dollar, $6 or $9.

Why deal with rusty fucking razors? Why deal with fucking lines? Why deal with this fucking nonsense? Go to fucking joie dears. or go to dollar shave club.com. Go to the box when you order and press in. Church. Church, C-H-U-R-C-H.

Get your fucking deals for the month, whether it's a dollar, a $6 plan, or a $9 plan. You cannot go wrong. Six times 12 is what, $70 fucking $2 a year, and you've got some of the best razors out there going. Order the fucking wipes for your ass, the one-wife Charlie's. Let your ass smell like fucking Christmas in the 4th of July.

Why walk around with your ass smelling like a fucking billy-go? You know, they got the cocoa butter to shave. I ain't fucking here pushing shit on you. Hulu Plus, again, if you go to the website for Hulu Plus, they give you one week for free, and I think it's like, I don't know what it is. We give you two weeks for free, $7.99 a month. Original programming, documentaries, fucking drama. You got entertainment, you got a clean fucking asshole, you're shaving, and you're healthy.

Who's better than fucking the church of what's happening now with Lee Syatt and Joey fucking Diaz? Nobody. I get emotional, baby. I love it. Yeah, that was a nice fucking run yesterday. I haven't run a long time. I couldn't go to Jiu-Too last. I take two ibuprofen

Well yeah man It sounds Especially caring like 70 pounds That must have fucking hurt But I want to get out there I want to give my heart some fucking love But taking care of me over the fucking years It's very important

Yeah You go up there You know the Jordan Lee thing Really had me going Because You know what man He's a great kid And it just does something to my heart

So people I put him on because he just impressed The fuck on me and I want to let you know that sometimes things look like they're far from what you want you get them you can fucking get them you just got to put your blinders on cut out the bullshit and fucking go for it man it's very easy there's 30% of shit in your life that shouldn't be going on that you don't even readjust or whatever who gives a fuck get the fuck rid of them they're wasting your fucking life it's a thorn in your side it's holding you to fuck back

Jordan makes it seem easy you good looking kid young but he's no better than you and me No, I mean, and it's crazy how I have this friend who moved out here like two years ago and says he's an actor hasn't done anything. I'm like, I haven't said anything to him, but like Jordan's been doing it for about a year and he's doing done sag. And it's crazy when he actually put the time and effort into it, how what makes a difference. You know, man, it sucks. It sucks telling people I didn't want to. As soon as I got into comment, I didn't want a job. I let such a life of fucking portem.

It was ridiculous. It was ridiculously for a couple of years. I was so fucking poor and I enjoyed it because I just wanted to focus on comedy. It's not cool in the way, but it's what you call for. It's what makes you tougher. It's what makes you believe that you really are a comedian. It's tough to convince me I'm a comedian

when I'm fucking cooking food from 8 to fucking 6 at night. Really? Yeah, what do you do? I'm a comedian. Give me a fucking double cheeseburger and shut your fucking... You know what I'm saying? Yeah. That's why.

Oh, I thought you made your own food. You made an restaurant. No, no. No, no, no, no, it's tough to fucking sell. Yeah. It's tough to really sell. And I also want to give a shout out to one of our new sponsors, who are the nicest fucking people in the world,

and they've got a great product for you. You want to, you know, I've never jumped in one. I talked to Rogan about the other day, and it gave me the guy's number in Burbank. I guess I'm going to go, and I'm bringing you with me. I'd love to do it. All right, let's go to one of these fucking tanks, this flotation tanks.

You got to go naked, we'll eat a gooomie. We'll eat a go home, and then we'll come out or write. What ideas we got? How's that going? Let's do it. There you go. But if you don't have a place to float, and you just want to float in the privacy of your home,

go to escapoddank.com. Okay? They have fucking the best flotation tanks. I have a buddy in mind who called me and said that he looked into the tanks and he doesn't have the money right now, but he goes, it's that good and it's that good of a fucking price. This guy lives in Baltimore,

and he listened to the podcast, and he called me a couple days ago. He goes, dog, how did you get these people? How did you get involved? He goes, that's a really good fucking tank. It is cheaper. So he was telling me you save anywhere from two to three grand. They'll fly it out to where you go.

They'll send it to where the hell you live. They'll even come out and install it for you. I mean, you might have to pick up a plane ticket, maybe a couple days in the hotel, but everything's done right, and you don't have to share your fucking nut sack and go somewhere else. I know they disimprect them and whatever. They easily take a bunch of hot water. They put 850 fucking pounds, Epson salt. You go in there and you go in there.

They close the fucking lid. There's no light. It's warm, and you just stink, and you just float. You know, the water is the same temperature. your skin. I heard it's tremendous. I just never knew. But listen, whatever you think, look into it. Go to Escapodtank.com.

They're affordable. They're high fucking quality. Mention us. Mention the Churchill's what's happening now. Mentioned Joey Dia sent you. And you get $250 off. $250 off. That's a bag of fucking weed in some societies. You know what I'm saying?

That's a bag of weed, a black hooker, and a fucking hot dog afterwards. So knock yourself out. Go to escapoddank.com. look at the different tanks that they have, see if one works for you, call them up. They're the nicest guys in the fucking world. Call them up to them we sent you, all right?

$250 off. Not today, tomorrow, any day you get into it. Look into it. Just do me that favor. Go to escape pod tank and stop fucking around. And you got Hulu Plus. You can go to Escape Pod Tank, shave your nuts, come out and watch fucking Hulu Plus.

I love it. I'm always giving you fucking options, cock suckers. That's how we roll here. The church of what's happening. Now, don't forget Tenth Planet. You walk in there. You get a fucking couple of fucking weeks or whatever's left for free.

Go on a tent plan. And that's it. Ice House, Saturday night, 9.30. Combination podcast, a little stand-up show. Oh, shit. It's an enchanted evening with Joey Diaz. Next week, I'm going to Laughbaston on Thursday to 27th to March 1st.

What the fuck else are we giving you here? More podcasts. Go to Leesai.com. And all the podcasts I do with Jerry Roggea, Rick Mamos, Steve Simone. They're all at LeesSide.com. I have stickers now, I'm going to have t-shirts up pretty soon.

All right. T-shirt. And we're going to do something. Oh, yeah, a t-shirt. And then also, I wanted to talk to you really quickly. I watched The Shining for the first time this weekend. I forgot to tell you. Jack Nicholson is fucking scary as shit.

Did you watch the movies you were supposed to watch with Rick? Some of them. I've seen two of them. We're watching a bunch of cool movies with Rick this week. What movies? We're watching Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia. It's a good one. The Wild Bunch.

Oh, shit. Which I've seen those two. I have to see. They watch Straw Dogs, and then there's one more. It's another Peck and Paw movie. So this is the first time you ever watched The Shining. Yeah. And what did you think?

It was fucking creepy as shit. I don't like scary movies, man, but it was really creepy. It's weird seeing the actors I know now as old, younger. It was creepy. I didn't fucking like it, man. I don't like watching those movies. They get into your brain. and the music is

probably the scariest part because it's not, if you just watch the movie, it's not that scary. If I took you up there for lunch, would you go with me now? The fucking that hotel? Yeah.

Fuck no. You know that's one of the, I forget the name of the hotel, but I forget the name of the place. Estes Park, Colorado was one of the most visited spots in the United States every year. It's hard to believe they have squirrels

that come up to you and eat. They have a buffet up there on Sundays. That's, world-class. Like an all-you-can-eat buffet, you go fucking crazy. Yeah. You just stay up there.

You end up with no clothes on and a bunch of grapes in your fucking mouth. Spit-knot seeds into the air like a doctor. Fucker you, kid. Bad motherfucker you. Fucking. What? I can't,

those movies are, they get so deep into my brain. Fucking, just Jack Nicholson, just fucking going crazy. Red rum, the little girls and shit. How creepy was the wife?

That wife. That wife. Creepy is, Fuck, ain't she? Her fucking mouth. What do you see? What do you see? And he's like a little half a fact of the kid. Yeah.

They should have stabbed that motherfucker right there. He was like, kill somebody. Like his little finger. Oh, my God. Oh, you? What the fuck? But it's weird how they would never let that character Jack Nicholson's character be the same way.

Because right from the beginning, he was an asshole. It wasn't like he was a great guy before. And he just got fucking worse. He was a frustrated writer. He was frustrated. He was like most Americans. I get like that. Well, there's frustrated.

but he fucking hit the kid once He was a drunk And he was Like it's it's It's uh It's just I notice how He was so stern with the wife

And the kid Even on the drive up And it was a different time back then Like guys were allowed to be like that Now now would have been He's abusive And fuck I just Oh my God

His fucking eyebrows The fucking scariest I'm the fucking So you watch the whole movie? Oh, yeah. I didn't want to, but yeah. There are parts of it that my head run into the covers, but yeah.

The fucking, the biggest thing people don't... How about the black guy? How good was he? He was great, but he fucking had no plan. He's going to fly up from Miami that day, just walking, hey, is anybody here, Wham, dead with an axe in two seconds.

He doesn't have any plan. He just walks in. Fucking asshole. What plan did you want to have? Bring a gun. He knew there was going to be drama up there. He's the only black. I come from Miami with a coat on

anybody here? Just fucking, oh my fucking idiot. Fucking ruin my day. And then the little idiot kid when he got outside, when he came out, when he slid down the window, he came back into the fucking hotel. What did he come back in the

hotel for? Idiot. Let me ask you this, Mr. Movie critic. Yeah. What did you think when he had that talk with him about Shining? Did you understand what he was talking about? Yeah. That was pretty cool. It was pretty cool that he could sense it. He's like, you know, like, yeah, that was pretty deep.

You know how I knew your name was Doc? Fuck, it was pretty cool how he brought him from Miami. And he, that's a fucking come. Anybody here? Lank. It was a good fucking movie. It was, I fucking freaks me out. I don't like scary movies.

Next week, you watch The Exorcist yet? Yes, yeah. A couple months ago with her. She loves scary movies. I can't fucking stand them. The Exorcist is a fucking mind fuck. I love. watch that every time it's on

IFC how do you do that to yourself why you just watch a happy movie I see the brilliance I really see the brilliance in making a movie like that not now not a scary movie now

the last real good scary movie to me was a nightmare on Amherstreet the first one but hostels I heard a fucking good too and all that shit but I like to mind psychological movies

that fuck with you can't do it you know what I watched that fucked with me a little bit what movie Richard Gie made with Andy Garcia. Holy fuck that movie is fucked up.

That movie is fucked up. It was on the other night. It came on 87. Internal Affairs? Yeah. And it came on 90. Yeah, that movie fucks. Yeah, you're right, 90.

Came out with pretty women, right? Pretty women's in that? Oh, let's see. Pretty women in that. That came out first, and pretty women came out because you would hate what you'd have to fucking internal affairs. Fuck. I don't mind.

I actually didn't. I liked Silence of the Lambs. That one wasn't as scary. It was more of like a, you have to think about it. I don't like the fucking, weird two little twin girls and that fucking butler

that was fucking creepiest shit coming out of nowhere. Lee, you're taking this too much too seriously. That's why I love you. And that's why the fucking church is here. That's what we get the fuck out of here. You understand me? I want to thank you for listening today.

I know it's George Washington's fucking birthday. an All-Star NBA weekend. A lot of black people there this weekend. Holy fuck. I saw that tweet. People got pissed off at me last night, but I didn't mean it that way. I meant that there was just a lot of black people,

and they were going to start jumping up with fucking Hulus and whatever. Zulus, whatever the fuck. Anyway, Hulus. What are they? Zulus, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's what I meant that they would start jumping up and down. I thought there were monkeys or whatever that kid turned it into.

Anyway, I love you guys. Thank you very much for a great podcast today. I hope you guys got something out of it and what I was trying to say. Just go for it. Who gives a fuck? Have them all suck your dick at the end. At the end, when you're in a fucking casket, you think anybody's going to give a fuck?

You're going to give a fuck as you're floating, that you did something. That you did something, that you slung dick while you were on this earth. That's the most important thing at the end of the week, right, brother? Couldn't agree more. Saturday, the Ice House, 9.30.

If you're not there, you're fucking slipping. See you Wednesday at 6 a.m., you bad motherfuckers. I'll be 51 years old, ready to rock on Wednesday with you cock suckers. So get it together. I love you. Have a great day.

and stay blackish. Now that the show's over, don't forget to sign up for your free... Shout out the water boxer! Free trial of Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus has you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime, anywhere,

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