The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #151 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: March 30, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT..... It's Wednesday, March 30th.... This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by DraftKings, CBD Lion & Zip Recruiter.…. Go to https://www.cbdlion.com Use Promo Code: JOEY For 20% OFF Your Order! Support the show by downloading the DraftKings Sportsbook app, and use promo code JOEY to get $200 in free bets when you spend $5… If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (IL/IN/MI/NJ/PA/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP(AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (CO/NH), 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org/chat  (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), 1-877-770-STOP (7867) (LA), 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), visit OPGR.org (OR), call/text TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA). 21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/LA/MI/NH/NJ/NY/OR/ PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. Min. $5 deposit required. Eligibility restrictions apply. See http://draftkings.com/sportsbook for details. Go to https://www.ZipRecruiter.com/JOEY & Try it for FREE! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

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J-O-E-Y. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash Joey, J-O-E-Y, ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? Yes, it is. It's Wednesday. The 29th of fucking March or whatever the fuck, 30th. I don't know. Who gives a fuck anymore? The 30th.

It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. I'm very happy that you guys enjoyed the podcast we did with the fucking three amigos. It was really great seeing Lee and Steve Simone. When they left, it was very emotional for me. Like, I had a long day. Like, I was fucking tired. Our tolerance is fucking. Definitely not the same.

I mean, I gave Lee an ABX 200 milligram with the fucking CBO in it. That motherfucker was fucked up on Friday night. Friday night we didn't really do much. I met them late. They had their Chinese food. They were fucking excited. That motherfucker fucking Steve Simone showed up with two pies, tomato pies from Philadelphia. I forgot the guy's name, but I'm talking about, I never had.

A tomato pot. It's like pizza with your sauce on it. Holy fuck, that thing was good. Then they woke up Saturday. I had errands to run and shit. They woke up Saturday and went to crispy pizza up in Old Bridge on the 516. Fucking tremendous. And then they went to Aiello's sandwich place,

one of the best sandwich places in the area. And fucking, you know, Steve Simone being the Catholic of Life. On a Saturday, he went to church. prayed and fucking hung out with Filipino people. Only fucking Steve Simone could find the church in fucking Jersey that quick. I mean, he got here Friday night and he was a church on fucking Saturday. Praying, they went to Carvel. Then they got here.

We fucking, I mean, guys, we didn't even really smoke. That was the crazy thing. Lee maybe took three hits off a blunt one night and then the next day he took a couple blunts. But I got to tell you something. And I was telling Mike, when people say to me they're looking to change in their lives, you know, like you're looking for your life to change, you know, and you keep trying really hard. Like you don't know where to start. You know, I have a friend that's really heavy.

And when I see him, I can tell that it's whirring on him. And he's embarrassed about his size. But he doesn't know where to start. And sometimes in life, when you're looking to change, you're like, what do I have to do first? And it's a, it's a tough thing. Some people work on changing and others just let the evolution, you know, happen naturally. It was funny because I hadn't seen Lee, listen, guys, I had not seen Lee or Steve Simone since August 17th. I left on the 19th, but Steve left before me.

And so did Lee left that Monday. I left on a Thursday. And it's crazy that we have not seen. each other and whatever that is, September, October, November, December, January, February, March, 19 months. And looking at Steve Simone, looking at Lee, and looking at myself, even, it's amazing how much we've changed. And we didn't change for the worse. We changed for the better.

Like, if you guys thought I was doing great doing the church, I was. I was having a great time. But now, thinking back, looking, we were not fucking healthy at all. I mean, that was, you could tell that I'm smoking again because you could hear the wheezing in my fucking lungs and whatnot, and I don't give a fuck. You know, it's not like I'm going crazy here or anything, but it's really hard to believe how much a person could change.

Some people look to change with, like, time. You know, it's, even my diet. Like, guys, I don't, I have all this great food around me. And I can honestly tell you that, because I'm getting older, and whatever. My diet is different. Like, my diet is completely different. I won't, I don't even think my body could process like a quarter pounder with cheese. If I got to cheat at McDonald's, I go to McDonald's twice a year because anybody could afford, you know, when you work out and lift and take care of yourself, you also have to shit on your body once it will also recovers naturally.

When you eat McDonald's, it breaks you to fuck down for a few days. I sweat. At least it does me. Some people eat McDonald's and they fucking whistle while they work. Hitler is a jerk. Anyway, some people eat McDonald's and they fucking, you know, I eat McDonald's and stays with me for fucking two or three days, and that's why I don't eat McDonald's.

But when I do go to McDonald's, you know, I used to be able to eat like a fucking this and that and take two apple pies. I can't do that no more. Even if I want it, even if I'm stoned to the gills, if I overeat like I was overeating in my early life, I fucking feel like shit. I feel like shit.

If I eat fried foods for a few days in a row, I feel like shit. And when you're a kid, you fucking eat fried chicken 22 fucking pieces. You blow a little hot oil fart and you move on with your fucking life. You know what I'm saying? But once you get old, you just, but it was, the change has been, it was very impressive. You know, Steve is still doing this thing in Florida. He just took L.A. and brought it to Florida with him.

You know, when you do that, listen, you can do stand-up anyway. That's the beauty of what we fucking do. Okay, you could do stand-up locally. You could do stand-up in your area, or you could do stand-up on a national fucking level. You know, everybody has a different goal. Everybody has a different take. When you start a band,

you ever go see a band that's doing fucking cover songs, the whole fucking hour and a half? And you're like, where the fuck are you going? You have to sometimes. Where the fuck are you going? Well, when you play a wedding and all that shit, you got to play devil with the blue dress on and shit and bars. I don't want to hear that shit.

I don't want to hear that shit. I don't mind going to your show. But I want you to have a little original content. You know what I'm saying? Like a little original content. One fucking song. Everybody throws a song at you for fucking going to see them. Right?

Like, hold on. This is a song we wrote. You're like, oh, Jesus, here we go. Violins come out, an arrow flies through the fucking air. But I like that shit. But when you start comedy, you have to decide what you're going to do. When I started comedy, I started locally. And you grow a little bit.

And then you have to make a decision. I could do fucking triple runs all my fucking life. Or I could try to duke it out with those fucking savages in L.A. Some people go to L.A. and they're leaving two months. And that makes the decision from them. I know who I am now. I'm never going to be on TV. I don't want to be on TV.

And I just want to do stand-up from town to town 50 fucking weeks a year. You're still a stand-up. Maybe people won't know who the fuck you are, but you're still a fucking stand-up. And that's all that matters That you make a living You know Sometimes being in the national spotlight Is a little bit fucking overrated

For some fucking people And some people Just don't fucking like it You know what I'm saying But You have to decide What you want to do You know like right now

When I came back here My original plan Was to team up with Artie And take over fucking New Jersey That was my original plan When I was on the fucking plane Coming back to Jersey here with my wife and Felicia and the cats and I was like you know what I go back to Jersey

take a look around say which way the wind blows and then me and Ardy will take over this fucking state now all of a sudden I got here and I I didn't want to do it but for me to be happy to do it again I would have to just do it locally I don't want to talk to fucking agents every goddamn day about offers and shit and that's the decision I would make I would just New Jersey, New York, Boston, maybe stretch out to D.C. and keep it there. Maybe the PA. I'm real close to all those gigs and P.A.

Too bad I don't want to fucking do comedy. But if I wanted to do comedy full-time, I could take that. I already been to a fucking ringer. Right now, it would be easy for me now. You know, I don't even give a fuck. If I got on stage, who's going to be there, HBO? I'm not looking to

shoot an HBO special. You know, and that's all the things you have to decide as a stand-up comic. or even as a human being. What do you want to do? What type of attorney are you? I'm going to be this type of fucking attorney. You have to narrow it down when you write your goals.

You know, it's fucked up sometimes. And I did it for years to write. I just want to be a good comedian. And that's as simple as can be. I just wanted to be a good comedian. What's that? I know the basics. I could story tell.

I could improvise a little bit. I could do anything. When I do stand up, I could do anything. I could improvise as good of a lot of people that you've seen on the road. The problem with me is I don't like improvising because it could go

a thousand different fucking directions. You guys, if I was doing an open mic and you guys pay five bucks to get in, I don't give a fuck what happens. But when you guys pay 25 and get a babysitter and dinner and the whole fucking thing,

I got to give you the best show possible. And if I start improvising, I'll improvise for three, four, five minutes, but I go back to the fucking set list and work myself around that. You know, and that's, what I always wanted to do, perfection.

I wanted to go on stage. You're never going to be perfect. But I know that when those people left my show, they knew that I left 100% on the stage. I'm fat. My face is red. It looks like I'm going to fucking, my head's going to blow. Listen, that motherfucker left it all on stage.

You know what I'm saying? That's classic. So when you're looking to change your life, you have to be very specific in what goals you're picking and how you word your goals. That's basically what I wanted to say about Steve, and I'm very proud of him. I'm very proud of Lee.

I'm going to start to see him a little more. We made a little thing that maybe we'd see each other a little more from time to time. Next time, maybe Mike will join us for dinner if he can. You know, Mike's got to watch the kids and shit. It's a tough life having kids. I'm brother. Fucking tough, man.

I was supposed to do something Sunday. your plans change when you have kids people just don't really understand like even at jiu jitsu i can't go to jihitsu at night for many of reasons i'm too fucking old and by six o'clock i'm already done i'm pooped i can't see myself running around or whatever so i go to day classes and i know what i want to do this class i go down tuesdays and thursdays over at his school at uh hollis let me tell you some they got a thing called like blue and they drill and fucking past the guard drill past the guard then you go back to fucking drilling then you go back to the past and the fucking guys i've been there a couple times and i'm still not

in fucking whatever shape but i'm gonna catch up but i don't even know how we got on fucking jihitsu it's a dumb thing but what i'm trying to tell you motherfucker is that if you are looking to change don't sweat it it takes time everything takes time that's why i tell people all the time just keep showing up even when it came to jiu jitzs and i'm sorry to bring this up again i get i was talking to a kid in jiu jitsu one day he's not uh there anymore he's in mexico he's a financial guy he's coming back in six months and we were talking about he was telling me how he's not putting enough time into jiu jitsu you know and i go why is that and he goes a little bit of fear a little bit of, you know, he had a couple different, whatever, I can't think about it right now,

but I focused on the fear part. You know, I have that fear too sometimes. Sometimes before I go to Jiu-Jitsu, you know how many times, maybe twice a month I'm going to Jit-Too and I turn the fucking car run? Because I'm just scared that day. And I go, why the fuck? And then I feel like shit for not going. Then you feel like shit for not going.

And the key thing here is just keep showing up. You're not looking to be the best guy in that motherfucking clash. You're just looking to be consistent, which is. It's the most important thing in fucking life. You know, podcasting, for example. People always ask me, Joey, what's the number one rule? Or what advice would you give me? And I always tell him consistency.

Whether you got to crawl to do it. You got to do it on the same. I would love to just have a scattered schedule like Joe Rogan. He puts a podcast up whenever the fuck he wants. I don't have it that good. I have to stick to a schedule so you guys know when to expect it. And I know when to give it to your worst. You know, I'm going to, Mike's got kids, I got a fucking kid.

You know, you're going into the softball season. I'm like, you know what? I think I'm just going to start doing a podcast on Mondays and Wednesdays and putting that on on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I know I can't do that because that would fuck up a thousand people's rotation. Why? Because I was consistent with those two days for the last fucking 10 years. For the last 10 years.

We've been popping up on your fucking YouTube every Monday and goddamn Wednesday. that consistency is so much in life, just sticking to the plan. And guess what? It's fucking boring. Consistency is fucking boring. But that's what's going to get you over the fucking hump. It's showing up, showing up, showing up, showing up. Even me saying it is fucking boring.

Showing up, showing up, showing up. I can't fucking show up every day. But you can. But you can. Even if you're not there physically, you can show up there mentally. Just because I'm not on stage doesn't mean I can't write, right? Just because you're not playing the guitar, doesn't mean you can't fucking write songs.

If your hand's broken, you can still write fucking songs with one hand. You know, whatever. Just the musical chords I'm talking about putting them in your fucking head. You know, there's so many different options. You know, and today I'm sorry I was going to have a guest today. And we are timing, you know, this fucking Zoom shit sucks for me sometimes, especially when I got guys from California because they think I say 2 o'clock

and it's 2 o'clock Cali time it's really 11 o'clock and this morning I was going to have a podcast with a musician a dear friend of mine new to the podcast and we were going to discuss you know the what happened this last weekend you know and you're like what the fuck happened this last weekend because it's something that you

I want you guys to grasp because it's something that comes with life we lost a fucking great musician this weekend. You guys know what's cool or thumb I come from when it comes to music. I like all the guys,

like the older sounds. I've always loved the footh fighters. You know, I think that every once in a while they get on my nerves because they do everything. They're always there. They're always fucking there.

Every Grammy they're there. Every MTV thing they're there. Every, like they were about to do the Grammys again in a couple of weeks. And I was like, fucking again with the goddamn fucking foothiders. You know? And that I'd love Dave Groh.

He's the, you know, constant professional. I mean, this guy, he's everything I love about him. You know, no ego, no ego, no dick. He just, you know, I remember hearing this, and I remember now talking to Mike about it, you know, his first album, he played every fucking instrument. That's Prince type shit. That's, that's legend.

every type of shit. But then again, if you know about Prince or you know about Dave Groh, they were both in the same position. They were child prodigies. Dave Groh was a child prodigy. What's his name was forced to put him in the band because of the record label, suggest him. Who? The drummer, Dave Groh, he was just a fucking kid.

When David Groh joined the foo fighters, he was just a fucking kid. Nevada? Nevada, I'm sorry, Nevada. Fuck, I get confused. This reef is killing me. He was in a punk band. Yeah, he was in a pump bag. He's a fucking young kid, but the record label thought he was a fucking, you know, like this fucking out-of-this-world thing.

So they talked to Kurt, I guess, and they put him in there. Him and Prince are the same. They don't give a fuck. They ain't waiting for you. They ain't waiting for you. They're not like me that I got to wait for Mike. They ain't waiting for you. You don't want to play the fucking drums?

I'll play the drums. I'll play the flute. I'll learn to play the saxophone just to play this fucking song. That's why I love Prince, and that's why I love Dave Groh because they're the constant musicians. that somebody had an ego, they wouldn't let somebody else play the fucking drums. If they thought that they were the best fucking drummer, I like Dave Grohl because he's a team fucking player.

He does whatever is needed to make the music go on. You need me to fucking kick you in the ass while you're fucking singing, I'll do it. You need me to play the fucking cowbell, I'll do it. I think this needs a helicopter in it, I'll do it. And that's like with stand-up comedy. You can't be jealous of the other guy. You've got to applaud that other guy. because by you applauding that guy, that young guy,

you're making yourself stronger as a comic or a musician. If I was Jimmy Page, I could just tell people to go fuck himself. Right? If I was fucking Joe Perry from Ariel Smith, you come to me with some fucking story about a guitar, I'd say to go jump out of fucking window. I've done a thousand shows in arenas.

I fucking put together 10, 12 of the best albums you've ever heard. And you want to come tell me a story? Get the fuck out of my mind. face. If I'm fucking Joe Perry, somebody comes to me, oh, there's a new kid, Randy Rhodes. Go fuck yourself. You know what I'm saying? I was doing heroin when Randy Rhodes was born. What is Randy going to say to me? And then you look at Randy and go, he's a fucking tank. But yeah, he was a tank. God rest his soul. And that's what this death reminds me of. This Taylor Hawkins' death? You know, it was weird that Ozzy Osbourne's, uh, David, Tom Rhodes is Tom Rhodes.

Randy Rhodes' anniversary of death was a week ago. And I know a lot of you guys were not around for this in 1982. It was crushing. I know you guys think I'm a fucking geek when it comes to music. And I am. I take it personally. I cry. I get pissed.

I throw shit. Like I told you, you call me a fat spick and I walk away from you. Tell me Led Zeppelin sucks. We're wrestling. We're wrestling. You know what I'm saying? Like, we're going to argue first.

and then tempers are going to flare and we're going to throw punches. You tell me my mother's a cunt. You know, she's dead. What do I give a fuck? She's a cunt in heaven. But, you know, if you want to argue with me, argue music. I'll argue with you and the tempers will flare and the whole fucking thing, you know. But I remember, like, you know, you got to set it up.

I mean, listen, the foolfighters didn't mean to me what they meant to Mike. Mike's a real foolfighter fucking guy. He lives and dies. He knows the son, yeah, one by one. He knows the songs backwards. and front words. I know more about like Led Zeppel.

I'm a fan of fucking fool fighters, but they didn't live or die for me. But let me tell you a little story. My mother had died. I was lost, and the only thing

that was keeping me alive was listening to we sold our soul for rock and roll. As dumb as it sounds, people. As dumb as that sounds, there's sometimes

that there's just a couple things that are keeping you alive. You know it and I know it. You guys have rough days. You're like, fuck it. I'm going to go jump off. a bridge and while you're walking

there you go I can't I love my tricycle you know I'm saying like I love my fucking bicycle whatever there's always something it's the simplest fucking thing for me it's all I had at 17 was fucking Ozzy and Judas Priest and ACDC and I probably

lived vicariously to them because I didn't want to live my life because it sucked I was hurting from fucking AIDA I was a walking bandaid okay and I still remember man fucking taking a head of ass on my birthday, the day Bond Scott died,

1980, and we did a bunch of crazy shit. And on the walk home, we stopped at a magazine store. And I'll never forget picking up cream, the magazine cream, and seeing that Ozzy was putting a band together,

blah, blah, blah, blah. They didn't give you names or nothing like that at the time. They just told you just putting a band together. So I was excited. That gave me some time to talk shit. I thought the band would be called Blizzard of Oz,

which it was, which made me, you know, I was a cocaine guy. Anybody blizzard, snowstorm, any of that shit, got my fucking dick card. So I just knew. I even got a shirt made, The Blizzard of Oz,

you know, my own little blizzards with a fucking line of Coke on it. I was a fucking retard. I get it. Then finally came the chance when the tickets went on sale for Ozzy at the Palladium and I got Rudy and you got Randy Rhodes.

I didn't look at it. And now I ended up being friends with Rudy Sarzo. 40 fucking years. later. So I'm sitting there. We fucking get the tickets. We go to the concert, tremendous at the palladium. Think of a scene, Ozzy Yard wanted a 1,500 seat, maybe 1,800 seats. It's like watching somebody at Town Hall in New York City. It's fucking phenomenal. Like when I went to see Guns and Roses or Bill Burr at the Palladium, you can't ask for anything more. That's when you really

want to see a fucking band let it all out. I went, I had a great time, came home, I was hook line and sinker Randy Roach fucking the guitar solo on Goodbye to No whatever Goodbye to Romance Just so many fucking things I was hooked And all of a fucking sudden

My friends are going to pick me up It's March we're going to go out We're going to get high We're going to do this And as I got in Fernie Bossa Sudo's car He goes, did you just hear it It came on the radio Randy Rhodes died

I was blown away You know, at that time my life, anybody could have died, and I didn't expect it. But Randy Rose, one album, he had the other one in the can, I think, when he died, the diary of a man. I'm not sure. I don't want to fucking make the wrong statement here, but it threw me for a fucking loop as a 17-year-old kid. I was hurting for a few days. As dumb as that fucking sounds. I was like, what the fuck?

How can this guy die? This is just my fucking love. you know and then time moved on and you know you do more coke you do more drinking you do more quailudes the pain goes away but you know this weekend like I said I'm not even a fucking big whatever fan but I'm a fan of life I'm a fan of human beings I'm a fan of people but I when I woke up and I looked at Instagram whatever the fuck and I saw people posting pictures of him I think I go this is a fucking mistake I just heard last night that they're doing the fucking Grammys.

How can this kid be fucking dead? And it's, it's really fucking mind-boggling guys. You know, like when somebody dies like that, I didn't know him. I'd love to tell you, I knew him, all the people put pictures up or jumping up and down with him.

I didn't know him. I didn't need to know him to feel. I didn't need to know him to feel. You know, and I wish, I always have a little empathy. When I see somebody died, a mom died, A dad died, a kid died. You know, I always have a little bit of empathy.

There's some, you know, 11 people who got shot at a baseball game. Fuck it. Why would you go to that game? It sucked anyway. You know, like, just dumb shit, you know, like just dumb shit. But every once in a while, somebody dies, and I got to fucking tell you, man, it throws me for a loop. I got to think about the situation, and I got to process it as much as if I knew the human being. Isn't that fucking weird?

Like I know, you know, Brody, I knew Brody, I knew fucking Ralphie, I knew these guys. I never knew Taylor Hawkins. That's his name, right? Taylor Hawkins, I, because I'm bad with names. I don't want to insult him when the guy's dead. If he was alive, we wouldn't be having this conversation. But I was talking to Taylor Hawkins, I would say anything, any other stupid shit, you know? But it's just weird how death fucks with you.

Look at my sister. I haven't seen my sister since I was fucking three. I'm not going to lie to you guys. For 20-some years, we didn't have contact. And then we started talking again, maybe the last 10 fucking years, 12 years, you know. And we spoke maybe once a month. I offered to bring her up.

She refused. I got a little part of the hot under the collar, but I lived. The fucking main thing is that I didn't know her. Let's be honest. How much would I fucking know? I knew her from conversation. or whatever. I got a text one day on a podcast that she's dead.

I got a text a week before that she was dying. But it's Cuba. They could save you because they just don't give you a pill and send you home. But they also gave her a fucking expiration date. They said she should make it another week. But they'll try to save her. When I got the fucking text, come on, guys. Who the fuck are you kidding?

You know, I haven't seen her. I haven't seen her since 1966. I got to be honest to you guys. It's fucking weight on me the last two weeks. I think tomorrow I'm going to go up and put some flowers on my mother's grave. I've been a little hesitant. It's been fucking cold in Jersey, snow and raining. So I got to do a little spring cleaning.

And maybe I'll go up there and bring a sandwich, bring some flowers, bring the fucking thing, and spend an hour or two on the grave, manicuring it, fucking killing some weeds, pull out, bring some gloves. and put some flowers and just sit with her. Maybe eat a fucking sandwich, smoke a joint, blow the smoke into the fucking tombstone, and go from there, you know, but I don't know her. And I got to be honest here, the last couple weeks, it's been a little difficult for me. I made my calls.

I wrote a letter to her. I wrote a letter to my mother, you know, to forgive me from my behavior towards my sister, even though I didn't do anything wrong. You know, when I tell you guys something on a podcast, I also do it. I love writing letters. So I wrote a letter to her. I wrote a letter to my mother, put the address on it, Northburg, and everything just didn't put a return address and put in the mail, man.

I felt a lot fucking better guys. You know, you just feel better. Sometimes that's what it's all about is a lot of people call it closure. but I just like to fucking lock it down. And another fucking tremendous news that everybody's been bugging me about, you guys, I didn't, listen guys, I don't watch the Oscars. I got the fuck out of there. I don't watch the Oscars and I don't want to watch the fucking Oscars.

I know exactly what they are. You know, I'm happy. I like the movie King Richard. You know, I enjoyed it. I was excited for it. I wanted to see the story. Yeah, they put facts and bullshit. I've always been a fucking movie buff.

And I've always had the utmost respect for movies. I fucking love them. I adore movies, guys. I got into this business because of fucking movies, because I loved everything to do with them. I like talking about them. I like everything. I did not watch the Academy Awards on Sunday night.

I woke up Monday morning to all this bulls. bullshit the calls from newspapers. I had messages from newspapers that wanted to think what, wanted to know what I thought and stuff like that. Can you imagine? I'm a... Yeah, I'm a fat fucking felon.

You know, what... I had like two calls from newspapers for me to call back and give whatever the fuck I thought. I got to be honest to you guys. I didn't think anything. I didn't think anything. I saw Jimmy this morning at the gym. Jimmy thinks it's a fix that it was staged to smack.

because he actually bent over and waited to get smacked. It's kind of weird. And Will laughed and then Will turned around when he was walking back to the thing. He was smiling. I didn't see the whole thing, guys. First off, guys, you know what? Let's start with this. Everybody in that room was fucking disgusting in their own little ways.

I know that you guys pray to them and care about what the fuck they got to say and stuff. If there was 200 people in that room, if there was 200 actors there, five of them have the ability to be real for more than a fucking hour. Okay, everything is great. Tremendous, you were great. Oh, my God, you know, amazing. I love when they used that, amazing.

And they get all serious about it and whatnot. But I don't know what the fuck to expect. I don't know what the fuck you guys want me to say to you. So let's break it the fuck down, the way I saw it. You know, he said a joke. they giggled his wife gave him a look he went up there

smacked Chris Rock didn't do a fucking thing not even throw karate block I don't even know if Chris Rock everyone went to fucking martial arts you know they got the fucking high block you got the side block and you got the fucking low block

you know it didn't put up a block and uh he walked back to the thing no security was there you know a lot of people mad about where was the fucking security, where was the smack in the face

guys, I don't know. You're going to stump me with this one. Yeah, Chris Rock looked at the side. I thought they were going to pull it down. Guys, I don't know what to say. I love Chris Rock. You know you guys know I made a movie with him. I've done a couple fucking shows with him.

He's always been very good to me. But again, I don't know what happened. And I don't want to say something on the negative side and Chris Rock finds out but I heard that Chris Rock has a big tour starting Friday and that he sold more tickets yesterday than

he did when he started to tour and released the tickets for fucking sale, you know. I don't like getting fucking hit. I don't like getting hit. And one of the reasons during the pandemic that I did not want to go off a comedy

is I felt that people were going to be a little wild Let's flip it back here. If you guys listen to one of the Ralphie Mae churches, I don't know which one he said. I don't know which number it is. I don't know how many episodes Ralphie was on. But if you look at Ralphie's one of the episodes he did,

we had a conversation about someday we feel a comic is going to get shot on stage. Like someday a comic is going to get fucking shot on stage. and it stayed with me for a couple minutes I never really thought about it you know comedy clubs don't have metal detectors they don't have anything you know you've heard of hecklers and comics getting into

arguments with hecklers and the cops come and they get thrown out I never like when the cops come I always think that there's a better solution to it I didn't like it for the simple reason I got a lot of friends of the stand-up comics that my brothers some of them and my sisters

and by people seeing somebody walk up to the state Again, it's a once-on-lifetime thing of happening, but I would hate to see it happen in real life with one of my comic friends, whether it be Bert, Tom, Joe, it could be anybody. You know, it could be anybody. I worry about that a lot. I worry about my comic buddies, especially what was going on in the world right now. You know, a lot of people are not mentally healthy.

A lot of people want to laugh, but they go to a show when somebody says something wrong and the manager or they'll get offense. we're living in different times now guys I mean how we how Lee and I and Steve and Mike and how we've changed the world has changed in fucking 19 months and people are just not healthy

a lot of people lost their businesses a lot of people lost a lot of money a lot of people lost wages a lot of people lost loved ones and it's a rough time right now I think that I know that you guys think that we're past at all and everybody's jumping up and down no we're not

We still got a lot coming on this fucking thing before we're back to 100%. I don't know what the answer is going to be to make people happier or whatnot or to make people realize that our behavior is wrong, you know. I'm seeing both sides of the spectrum on this Wolfsmith stuff. You see somebody like Tiffany Haddish that says it was a beautiful thing. That it was a beautiful to see a man stick up for his woman. That's one look. That's one way to look at it.

Another way to look at is people saying that he was too sensitive. People can't take a joke. So they want to go up there and smack somebody. Some people say that violence is never the answer with touching him or smacking him. I respect Chris Rock for not pressing charges. You know, I really do respect Chris Rock for not pressing charges. as a following police report. He stayed to his true comedian roots, you know.

No police with street guys. I mean, I don't know if Chris is a heavy. You know, I don't know if Chris would turn around and try to smack him in the face or whatever. But I've never seen Chris like that. And I don't know. You know, me, I would at least try. try to throw a punch or a kick, but that wasn't me, and I wasn't there.

You know, would I get intimidated because it was Will Smith? If I threw a punch back at him, will I ever work again? These are all the things that got to be going through your fucking mind. The whole world's watching. It's, it's, this was a tough fucking night for everybody and nobody can explain it. And, dog, I wish I had a fucking explanation for you guys, but I don't. I don't. I just think that, I don't think it's.

I don't think it was cool all around. If Chris, this is a publicity stunt to sell tickets, I don't think it was cool. If this was my man, Will Smith's way of fucking... Listen, guys, the Will Smith-Jada Pinkett relationship is very fucking complicated. I'm not... I don't work for TMZ. I don't work for fucking people.

I don't know any about this shit. I'm just telling you what I've heard. from good friends of mine that know what's going on in that house or they have relationship with them. I just, 15 years ago, somebody pulled me aside and he was an African-American guy. And we were talking about African-American comic. And we were talking about all the, you know, his secrets in the black community. We were talking about, you know, Eddie Murphy being gay and how everybody fucking hid it,

you know, how everybody hid. And I love him. I hope nobody takes a set of content. how Queen Latifah was a lesbian, and she had all these little fucking girlfriends, Jada Pinkett, being one of them again. I didn't say it. I'm just telling you what I fucking heard.

And it's Hollywood, guys. It's Hollywood. Listen, the mind of the actor is to be a little better than you. You know, the reason why they get $20 million a movie and whatever, you guys in your mind go, oh, my God, he's better than me, but he's not. He's not. He picked an occupation that he's good at and he built it up to make $20 million. But you, on the other hand, are like, oh, I'm not good enough. I will never be good enough to do that.

And trust me, I was the same person. I would sit there for years and go, I'm never good enough to move to L.A. I'm never going to be good enough to do this or that. It's bullshit. You're good enough. Put that fucking effort in, you know. But for some reason, people in them have a set that all these people you see on TV, all these multi-millionaires, they're better than you.

They're fucking not. Not by, they got no fucking class. They got money. They got money. And you know what? Sometimes money does buy class. Will I up my status if I put a Georgia Cabana suit on and a tuxedo with a bow tie? No, I'm still a fucking pig.

I'm still a guy that fucking put the guy in the trunk. I'm still a guy that robbed a fucking donation thing from a Carvel one time for blind kids, you know, even though they weren't probably going to get the money. They got a penny out of that fucking jaw. You know, I still did it. So I know these things. These people in their mind, they think they're fucking better than you guys.

And unless you're around it, you'll never know how that feels. You'll never know how that feels for somebody to be breathing the same fucking air you're breathing and to walk around like they're a fucking saint. You know what? And guys, my first five or six years in L.A., I played that shit.

And once I got off that fucking cocaine and I got back to Joey Diaz, New Jersey, ideas, I realize that every one of these motherfuckers put their pants on one leg at a time. All of them. They think they're just fucking better than you. You, them, all of yous. Put your pants on one leg at a time.

So get that thought out of your fucking mind. God didn't give extra talents to him or Dave Chappelle or fucking Kyrie Irvin or fucking Jimmy Pays. No, these people put in the fucking time. And in contrast to that somewhere along the line, they forget who the full. fuck they are. Again, I'm very tight with Tiffany Haddish. I love her the debt. And I'll tell her this when I talk to her next. I saw what she said to the fucking reporter. You know how she went off with a reporter. And she's like, this is the look of money. This is the look of all this shit.

But that's what happens to you, guys. You're around that shit. When I go on a movie set, if I have people bringing me water and asking me, well, you know, how do you feel, Mr. Diaz? After a while, some people actually believe that they're better. Me, I always had a better head than I didn't believe that shit. Why you get me what? I could walk over to get my word. It's like the concept of an assistant in L.A.

Who else has a fucking assistant that you know in Jersey, Pennsylvania, Connecticut, Texas? Who's got a fucking assistant? But in L.A., they need an assistant because you have no idea how busy I am. I'm so stressed. It's a complete bullshit scene. So, you know, it's funny how in 1994 I was doing comedy and guys, I was not the best Joe Diaz at all at that time.

At that point in my life, I was not a good fucking Joe Diaz. I was going through a divorce. I was stealing to stay alive. I was, you know, it was just, it was a weird fucking time. And this is why I tell people all the time in your life, bro, be careful out there because you never know. what that other person is going through at the time. Maybe he woke up this morning and he got fired. Then after that he went home and his dog got hit by a car.

Then he found out his wife sucked the midget's dick. Then he found out that he didn't get the fucking mortgage payment and you have no idea what's going on with a human being. I went to do comedy one night because I felt that's what I needed to do. That's what I am. I'm a comic. I got to get out. When I was in 94 and I was starting, I was in the business for four years. If I wasn't doing three sets a night,

I wasn't fucking working. What are you talking about being a comic? You got to get out there. Fuck TV. Fuck your girlfriend. Fuck everybody. Go out there, do comedy, snort Coke and get your dick sucked. Rinse, repeat, do it again the next fucking day.

That's it. That's what you do when you're a comic. So on Wednesday night I went to do my fucking, you know, my ritual. And I got to be honest to you. I don't know if you guys know this story, but on Wednesdays and Sundays I would have, you know, visitation with my daughter. and when it left, when they would pick her up, I'd go to meet and they'd give me fucking attitude

and I couldn't knock them the fuck out. I would be really upset. I think I was more in pain than when my mother died than when I wasn't seeing my daughter. To make a long fucking story short, one Wednesday they picked her up and I sat in my car for 20 minutes crying and I would roll a joint leaving in my ashtray

and I smoked the fucking joint and I said, you know, stop being a fucking pussy, Coco, get your fucking pants on and go do comedy. Don't worry about the kid and what's going on in your world. And that's what I went and did. On the way home, I went to Denver or some shit. On the way I stopped at my usual haunt on Wednesday nights, which was Club 52, Club 58, whatever the fuck.

And I get there, some kids are flipping bottle caps. You know, I noticed this while I'm meeting. I'm an open mic, I got maybe 24 minutes of material, and I go up there two before the headliner. And when I went up there, I wasn't in the mood. I just told the guys, I go, listen, guys, don't flick any fucking bottle caps. The first bottle cap I'm going to go fucking off. And sure enough, this little dick flicks the fucking thing at me.

And then I knew if I went into the audience, I would get beat up. So I called him a bunch of names, and then he ran to me, and I hit him in the head with the fucking microphone. You know, I don't want anybody in my area. I don't know how I would do today if somebody walked up to the microphone. especially with lawsuits and witnesses and fucking cameras and shit. But me and my world, you walk up to me when I'm on fucking stage, charge me or something like that. I don't know.

I think I'm going to have to throw a fucking, this fat fucking leg up and kick you in the fucking head. And then what's going to happen? You know, what's going to fucking happen? That's what I would have done. But I'm a street piece of shit. So I respect Chris Rock for not going back at will. or whatever the fuck happened.

You know, guys, it's better we don't even talk about these type of subjects because at the end of the week, who cares to fuck? How does Will Smith smacking Chris Rock or Chris Rock smack and Will Smith affect your fucking life? You know, I do know one thing, and this is what I don't feel good about. I do know that if Mel Gibson would have smacked Chris Rock that night, it would have been a different fucking story. Mel Gibson would have been in jail right now.

Think about what I'm telling you this. Again, I'm not speaking racism. I'm not speaking anything like that. I'm just speaking. What if somebody else would have done this? What if somebody white would have done this to a black dude? I mean, it would have been a war if Mel Gibson would have smacked Chris Rock. I mean, Denzel would have jumped on him and the fucking dude from Matea's movies, the big black dude.

That's a big motherfucker. Whether he's gay or not, that's a big motherfucker. Yeah, what's his name? Talapari. I like his work. I like everything about them. But so I want you to think of that. How would that have been different?

You know, should the academy strip Will Smith of this? Was the academy in on the Chris Rock fucking thing? You know what, man? We all have an opinion. And then we move the fuck on because, like I said, it's got nothing to do with your life or nothing to do how you handle yourself. And with that said, I'm sorry about the guests today. it happens what are you going to

fucking do welcome to the life of Zoom after we did the podcast last week with the guests in here I think it looks like we could do some fucking guests in the future

and if there's somebody I really like and I wanted to come to the house I'll fucking have me that's the big thing about having a podcast at your house that people got to come to your house people that don't know you know when you have these names

they bring their assistant you know what I'm saying and that's the problem I don't want those fucking assistance in my house. I don't want no fucking entourageers in my house. I don't want none of the bullshit in my house. And that's it and that's that. I'm excited about this weekend.

You got Villanova against fucking Kansas. I don't know what the line is yet. Kansas got a great defense. And you got North Carolina against Duke. And that's why you're going to go to fucking Draft Kings. This is a great weekend to go to Draft Kings. I think that's a final four with the fucking championship being. the following Monday.

I'm looking forward to that. I'm looking forward to my daughter's sawball games this week. That comes back into the fucking action. And that's the end of fucking March, guys. We did it. We blew past this fucking motherfucking month. All I

remember about March is St. Patty's Day and today. And it's the fucking 30th. So it's all over. So Friday, St. is April 4th day. So maybe they'll come out in tell us that that was an April Fool's prank, what Chris Rock and his fucking compadre did. But without that, and further ado, I love you motherfuckers with all my heart.

We're going to keep making this podcast better. Mike is a fucking genius with the lights and this and that, and we'll figure it out in time. This will be the fucking savage fucking podcast, and you guys will be happy. I love you, motherfuckers with all my heart. Have a great week. And now for a word from my motherfucking sponsors, Jack. All right, you bad motherfuckers. Thank you for supporting the joint, for supporting me, for helping me and Mike out.

And always having us on the fucking playlist. Listen, before we go, a quick fucking note. This weekend is the NCAA fucking championship college basketball. And I'll tell you what, you got to join it on the action with Draft King Sportsbook. This weekend is the week. all year for this. You got Duke versus North Carolina and you got Kansas versus

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See show notes for details. Draft Kings, the best. The joint is also brought to you by CBD Lion. When it comes to CBD, they're my fucking partner. I love them. I've been working with them for years. The kinesiology tape. The fucking cream.

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CBDLion.com, code Joey. The join is also brought to you by ZipRecruiter. Listen, it's always a great idea to keep fucking learning. You got to learn something every day. I go to Jiu-Jitsu, I learn new moves, I play the guitar, I learn new moves. You're always learning, and it keeps you sharp, like ZipRecruiter.

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Get the best help available to you. Download ZipRecruiter for free at this exclusive web address. ZipRecruiter.com slash Joey. Again, that's ziprecruiter.com slash Joey. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. Listen, I want to thank Draft Kings. I want to thank CBD Lion. I want to thank ZipRecruiter, Stamps.com,

and BetterHelp and FreezePipe and everybody else in our fucking hemisphere for always having our back and you guys for always having my back. I love you. Stay black. Have a great week. And we'll be back Monday morning, tip top, Magoo.

Do me a favor, Cogers. Don't forget to download the Sportsbook app, the Draft King Sportsbook app. Make a little money. this week with fucking North Carolina and Kansas. I love you. Stay black. I'll see you Monday morning tip top motherfucking Magoo.