The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #153 | RACHEL WOLFSON | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: April 6, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT..... It's Wednesday, April 6th.... Today we talked with the Great & Powerful, RACHEL WOLFSON! https://www.instagram.com/rachelwolfson https://www.twitter.com/wolfiecomedy https://www.rachelwolfsoncomedy.com This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by Liquid I.V., CBD Lion & DraftKings.…. Go to https://www.Liquid-IV.com Use JOEY at checkout for 25% OFF! Support the show by downloading the DraftKings Sportsbook app, and use promo code JOEY to get $200 in free bets when you spend $5… If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (IL/IN/MI/NJ/PA/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP(AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (CO/NH), 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org/chat  (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), 1-877-770-STOP (7867) (LA), 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), visit OPGR.org (OR), call/text TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA). 21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/LA/MI/NH/NJ/NY/OR/ PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. Min. $5 deposit required. Eligibility restrictions apply. See http://draftkings.com/sportsbook for details. Go to https://www.cbdlion.com Use Promo Code: JOEY For 20% OFF Your Order! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #RachelWolfson #Jackass #JackassForever The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

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I'm excited. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? Yes, it is. It's Uncle Joey's fucking joint on Wednesday, the 6th of motherfucking April. I'm feeling good. I'm looking good. I got the fucking thing.

I fell off. The thing that day got hit with a boxing glove. But who gives the fuck? You got to do what you got to do. No plastic bottle today. Drinking a little liquid IV here, the second half of the fucking Concord grape, which I fucking love.

And that's it. Let's get fucking to it. Let me tell you something, man. I've been watching what's been unfolding in Hollywood the last fucking couple of weeks. And I gotta tell you something. It is fucking ugly. It's just like people, you know,

I know I talked about the whole situation, but I see it's not going away. It's lingering. Like people are so infatuated with this fucking stupid slap, whether it's real, whether it's not real. Let me tell you something. Hollywood has changed so much over the fucking years.

And now, if you really look at it, it's kind of fucking disgusting. And it has been disgusting for years. We're just not looking at it. And I know, I don't want you guys to say, well, Joey, you're going to hit me with that uncle routine again by year. Let me tell you something. I grew up at a time when there was men in this business, men. And they act like fucking men. And if you slap one of them in the face, they probably beat the fuck out of you in that fucking Oscar stage.

I'm talking about Lee Marvin. I'm talking about Charles Bronson. I'm talking about, you know, fucking James, whatever, Coburn. I'm talking about Steve McQueen. These guys were men. Do you think if these guys were alive right now, they'd be at a table going? What do you think about that slap? No.

No. We shouldn't even be thinking about that as Americans. But something has happened over the last couple of years that we're fucking like in tune. Like a comedian, listen, a comedian is not there to guide your fucking life. Joe Rogan's my fucking brother I love him to fucking debt He has taught me a lot of fucking things But I'm not sitting there

On his fucking watching his tip Eating a fucking elk steak And with a fucking handful of fucking Alpha brain in the other hand Because Joe does it You know I'm saying Joe's a great guy He's smarter than fuck

Knows about the body Has helped me dramatically The reason why I lost weight The reason why I fucking work out Jiu Jiu talked me into it And I fucking love it But I'm not sitting down on an edge of of a fucking cliff.

Oh, he's wearing a red watch. I'll wear a red watch. You know, what the fuck is wrong with people? You have to be an individualist. And I tell you what the worst thing about Hollywood fucking is. That's, I look at from afar, listen, guys, I want to do stand-up again, but it's not going to be Hollywoodized.

You know what Hollywood-eyes fucking stand-up is? Going out there and telling what's on your mind and what's in your fucking heart. Not going out there and telling you a joke that you're going to fucking hear. And then coming home and telling you that I have, a disease that I ripped my hair out and then you know for years I've ripped my fucking hair out you know but and you're fighting constantly with fucking comics you know Amy Schum I loved you you're

a funny fucking broad you know and somewhere along the line you started fucking pilgriming jokes and fucking I don't know what happened all of a sudden now you're going up against your own fucking breed I mean I got all my respect in the world but you know I wake up Tuesday morning what do I see on the fucking Yahoo damn man We got Louis C.K. got a fucking Grammy. Now, how many people put out CDs last year? 2,000 comics, 3,000 comics from fucking, you know, the top of the fucking food chain to open micers and feature acts? God fucking bless them.

They all had a chance to submit that fucking CD to the Academy, right, or the fucking Grammy people. Right or wrong. Am I lying here? And then the Grammy people had to go through. it to see who they were going to vote for. Right away, one fucking guy picks it up and he says, Louis C.K., what do we do with this? What do we do with this? The guy's got the fucking CD cover sticky.

What do we do with this, okay? Again, I got nothing against Lewis C.K., but he's a great fucking guy. He bailed me out a couple years ago. It's not like we talk on the fucking phone, but he's got my respect. Another guy that's got my respect. Why the fuck are you? So now I wake up to all these people. And then Twitter was even worse, a bunch of fucking LGBT-Q, somebody.

I don't know who the fuck it was going well, all the male comics sticking up for his fucking Grammy. Let me tell you something. I heard that album. And it's a great fucking out. And he deserves a Grammy for it. What he doesn't deserve is your bullshit about cancel culture. They smack cancel culture. Don't blame Lewis C.K.

Blame the fucking Grammy people. It has nothing to do with Lewis fucking C.K. All Louis C.K. was write a fucking album, perform it. And it was a great fucking CD. And you're sitting there fucking, well, where's all the male comedians today coming out? Well, here's a male comedian telling you one fucking thing. Louis C.K. lost $40 million. That's the amount of money you wouldn't make.

Your whole family wouldn't make in your whole fucking, in their whole fucking whatever. They lost 40 million in eight minutes. That was 2015 or 16. Get me wrong. It's 2002. And you're still worried about Louis. It's time for you to get a fucking life. Don't worry about fucking what Louis do.

seven years and you're still mad about Louis for jerking off in front of two comedian girls in a fucking hotel room two comedian girls in the hotel room all this whole sexual fucking thing he he breathed heavy on the phone two comedian girls comedian girls will go for your room listen when you see a guy like louis k and you're a feature act you're impressed he may save my career he may give me work he may put me on the fucking map you go up to his room the guy asks you if he wants to jerk off you say no whatever if i'm And for seven years, you're holding this to this. He didn't rape your daughter. He didn't rape nobody. He didn't kill nobody. He didn't do anything bad. She's traumatized. Listen, if you're a female in Hollywood, you're traumatized.

Didn't fucking Amy Schumer get traumatized? When Chris Rock, when he got the smacks, he was traumatized. But then, but she had enough fucking nerve to you want to write a joke about fucking Alec Baldwin, that other fucking Scott Schaude. That fucking kiss of death. You don't want to beat up on Alec Baldwin. And Alex Bowen was beat up on himself. Look at him.

He's beat up on himself. He fucking shot a fucking cinematographer. That dude's done. And you want to fucking dig him out of the fuck. So everybody talks about being woke. Being woke is giving a second chance to people. Being woke is saying, you know what? I'm not worried about the LGBT community.

I'm not worried about, you know, the LGBT community acts like they're a gang of fucking nine. There's four or five years. Relax. You still got to fucking topple the gay men. And then topple the gay women before you get anything. fucking respect it. The fuck will be. There's six of years.

Who the fuck do you think you are? Nobody can say nothing about you. There's more Cubans. There's more Cuban. I'm saying? We're a fucking island. There's more Cubans and LGBTs. And all of a sudden,

you got to fucking stand on it. Chris Rock had to ask Amy Schumer if this joke is good to say. Are you fucking kidding me? We've gone to hell in the fucking handbasket. A comic never asked another woman or a man. I'm not even saying this.

If this joke is appropriate for women. Are you fucking kidding me? We're heirs of Lenny Bruce. We're heirs of Lenny Bruce. I take pride in that. I take pride that I want to go up on stage. And that's what I'm doing. Now I'm going to get on stage gradually.

You guys don't need to know nothing. I'm not doing any world toys. I'm not doing none of that shit. I just want to get out of house 10 hours a week. I'm dying in this fucking house. My wife is happy. I want to go into the city where I fucking belong and do fucking spots. That's why I belong in New York City.

I'm an apple motherfucker. Since when am I going to stay in Jersey and do spot to warm up? I got a warm up in front of fucking savages like me. But anyway, all you woke people, you walk about LGBT, you walk about my daughter in the third grade learning about orgasms. This is what you're woke for. But you're not woke enough to see a man who's done his fucking time. And let me tell you something, and against your fucking will.

Because if it was up to fucking society, Louis C.K. would have stayed in this fucking house and hung himself. If it was up to society, because that's what they want you to do, little liquid IV to control the blood pressure, you know what I'm saying? Because that's what they want you to do, to stay in your house with the shades drawn and think you're a bad person. That's what these woke people want you to do. Fuck you, bitch. I made a mistake.

I did my time. Now I'm going out to take what's mine. I miss seven fucking years. Give him what he want. You don't want to pay for Lewis. You don't have to go see him. You don't have to listen to the Grammy fucking album. There's nothing that you have to do for this.

Just live your fucking life. Live your life. If you're worried about Lewis C.K. 7 years later, he paid his fucking dues to society. He did it. But he did it on his terms. And for that, you got to respect them. What do you think? Everybody's going to be Mr. Big.

They're going to hide out in some fucking tenement in the Bronx for the rest of their life because some woman from 20 years ago made up a fucking lie or maybe didn't. I don't know. I wasn't there. But this just is getting a little bit out of control now. Or you woke motherfuckers that think you're fucking perfect. starting to remind me of the fucking Christians. You know what I'm saying?

I got a Christian buddy. I don't go to comedy shows. But he goes to a strip club during the work time. That's a Christian. That's a Christian. They don't even know what they're fucking talking about. They just talk. I'm a Christian. I can't go to your comedy show. But my friend told me that day, he had to throw him out.

He was there every fucking day getting his dick suck. Johnny Christian. He goes to church on Saturday and Sunday. That's what you got. Me, I'll tell you what the fuck. I ain't no fucking Christian, but I ain't no fucking devil either. I'm just trying to make my day. and trying to make my life as easy I can be,

but I don't want you people to keep listening to this shit. These people don't even know what hole they're talking from anymore, these Hollywood people. They don't even know what whole they're talking about anymore. Oh, yay is canceling Coachella. How does that affect you? Are you going to Coachella to get a bunch of fucking crabs with those dirty fucking people or Burning Man with those filthy people?

Huh? That's where they invented COVID at fucking Burning Man. That's a, hey, yay. Who gives it? fuck about this shit. Yay and Pete Davidson fucking that pig. I mean, come on. When does this fucking end? Her womb

is polluted. That line that Tony Montana said that was 20 years too fucking early. He was telling it to Kim Kardashian. Your womb is fucking polluted. But a bunch of you young girls want to grow up to be fucking Kim Kardashian. Are you fucking kidding me? This world has gone to hell in a fucking

hand-basket. But guess what? Over here on the joint, we're doing things like we're doing it. We're fine. Because I don't listen to me. I don't give a fuck. You understand me? I'm a fucking rated-up comic. I don't give a fuck what's on your mind.

But do me a favor. If you're going to be a human being, don't be a hypocrite. And if you're going to be woke, be woke on second chances. Be woke on looking at people going, you know what? They did their fucking time.

I give props to Lewis C.K. Because he didn't sit at home. He put out an album. He fucking bought an ad on ABC for the last fucking album. Nobody stopped him then. Even ABC took his fucking money. Do you think about that? That canceled money, ABC took it.

So do me a favor. Live your fucking life. If you're so fucking woke, go be the woke police. I get it. But be woke for the right things and for the right reasons. Don't turn on your own fucking comics all the time. Don't turn on your own comics. When me and Rogan had that stupid thing,

she put out a hotline to, listen, there was nothing. There was nothing. There was nothing. It was a blowjob in 1998. And if you want to fucking have a, a parade over that with your fucking girlfriends go ahead i don't give a fuck it's not the man i was it's the man i am today you dumb motherfuckers that's what you'll never realize and louis k wasn't the same man in 2015 he went got therapy he fucking paid his money let him do what the fuck he does he was in ukraine

when the war was going on where the fuck were you you were sitting on your hot fucking bed amy eating donuts or something like that so don't tell me your fucking story that you were pulling your fucking hair give a fuck of you a pulling your hair tell that the people that you're going to people that Give a fuck. She was pulling her hair. Who gives a fuck? I was snorting coke. I did real fucking time. Trust me. I put a guy in the trunk of a car. I did my sin. I paid my time. And now I'm a badass

motherfucking comics. So take that. So I'm sick and tired, all you woke, motherfuckers. You want to be woke? Be woke on my fucking nut sack. Now for a beautiful Hollywood story. These motherfuckers think they want to, you know. I'm no mood no more people. I'm living here in fucking New Jersey. I'm not part of the

Hollywood thing anymore. I don't give a fuck what they do. I don't even have SAG insurance. That's how they threw me out for fucking insurance. So I don't give a fuck. I'm going to say whatever comes to my mind from now on. You guys wanted me back? I'm coming fucking back. Like Jimmy Smith's son's anarchy. Remember when he fucking

came back and he shot those Mexicans? And he goes, you guys wanted me back? Now I'm back. Oda-Lay. Watch. Ordalee, motherfucker. Because what are you going to do to me at 60? What are you going to do? Put me in jail? What are you going to take the little fucking money I have? What are you going to do? Take the podcast down? Go fuck yourself.

and your woke fucking family, you bunch of fake motherfuckers. Now, I'm sorry about that, folks. Every once in a while you gotta tell people what the fuck you're thinking is a reminder. People have been thinking I'm sitting over here fucking being laxed asyl. I still sling dick with fucking three hands.

I got my knife on me somewhere. I don't fuck around, John. But now, for a lighter note on Hollywood, a couple years ago, I was talking about buddy my Felipe Sparza, another bad motherfucker that I miss with a little bit of a little bit of, all my heart and we were talking about you know people he thought that he liked and stuff and he

turn me on to this girl rachel wilson i asked him i go rachel wilson beautiful she opens for you he's like bro she's fucking great i love her she works hard she writes every show so that was my introduction from one of the hardest working men in fucking show business which is philippe spaza worked hard i i miss them in fact i owe him a fucking call but uh i started seeing this girl rachel very sweet, very sweet all the time. Always asking advice. That always makes me like a person. She always asked advice, but then, you know, she followed it.

And she spoke to you, and every time you'd see her, her smile was, it was intoxicating. You know, it was a great smile. Funny story. I put it on my podcast, you know. And it's so weird how the most. evil people on this world are women. You know, I mean, I love you. I couldn't live my life without you.

I love my daughter. I love my wife. But when you guys get in a competitive mode, you get in a competitive mode. When I put Rachel Wilson on my podcast, I must have got three calls from women. Saying like, you know, she's not even a regular at the store. And I'm like, I don't give a fuck.

She's sweet. She works fucking hard. You know, she's on the road with a friend of mine. No stories, no complaints. No hookups, no alcohol, no bullshit. She loves smoking her weed. And I put her on the podcast. I didn't pay attention.

I didn't really give a Frenchman's fuck what anybody says to me, especially some broads that feel that they got something old to them, you know. And I watched her. And we became friends after that. You know, I know her boyfriend Matt, great guy from the store. He's a regular. And I moved here, you know. And I think once I moved the act, we spoke one time or two times.

It was like, wow. You know, she was like, I miss you, shit like that. I have a lot of good young girls that are fucking talented. I was friends with them in LA. And I miss them. There's a girl, Sophia. She's a director. Me and her, used to go to kickboxing together.

Married kids, the whole thing. We were tired and fuck. That chick's about to bust the fuck out as a director. She just sent me a short film. She did tremendous. I mean, you know, there's a lot of young girls like that that I knew they were on the straight and arrow. It's not their fault. They're fucking hot.

You know what I'm saying? You ever see it's not her fault? She's hot. This chick has a sweetness of, you know, Rachel has a sweetness of, I don't even know what to say to you, but I followed a career. And then, here's the funny thing,

before I left, I remember asking her if she wanted to go on the road with me for two weekends I had or something, and she was like, absolutely, because I was going to Denver. And I wanted to bring her to Denver, introduced her to that market. She's a hippie-a-refer shake, you know.

So she called me, and she was, like, upset. She goes, I got to cancel. because of jackass movie if you don't want me to do it i'm like uh what you fucking go do that you don't worry about my your weekend in denver or fucking you know wherever else i was going uh louisville not louisville uh great club and uh we're fucking i don't fucking know what's the name of kentucky kentucky that's a great fucking club in kentucky not the one in louis i've never been in the one in louisville it could be a great club. I'm talking about the one

where the University of whatever is, they just lost the St. Peter's. Anyway, they were the first upset. St. Peter's upset. So she couldn't go because of jackass and stuff. And I didn't know. Guys, I haven't watched Bam Man Gero beat up his father in fucking a long time.

That was my all-time favorite. Bam would beat up his father and fucking hit him with the pillow, with feathers and shit. hysterical. And a couple weeks ago, my phone started ringing, and people like, hey, man, we went to fucking see Jackass and Rachel Woodson stole the fucking show.

And I'm like, what? I'd forgotten all about her being in, and people just kept, then Lee came. Lee called me. He's like, dog, the girl, there was another podcast. She's fucking great and jackass. I go, Rachel, yeah. Like, you know, it wasn't like it was her friends,

calling me going that Rachel did great it was people that I didn't expect to call me like Lee I you know but for Lee to say she was fucking great and stuff that some scorpion bitter in the face and shit I was so fucking happy I told every I think I talked about on here and then I went on Rogan and I talked about on Rogan because I want everybody to know who the fuck she is I want everybody to know who this girl is she's sweet she's funny she's kind and if anybody deserves this it's this girl like uh I have a little talk about 20 minute interview and I hope you guys while we kept it short today. She had to go to

Paramount do a bunch of things. She's blowing up like you thought I would. Call the Crip same number, same hood. It's all good. And now for our little te-tate, Rachel Wolfson. Enjoy, cocksuckers. Uncle Joey. My beautiful little niece. What's happening? How are you?

Very good. It's better now that I get to see you and talk to you. Welcome you to the joint and shit. Thank you for, I have the blunt right here. Me too. I got a little vapor pen right here, I got the bung, but I can't, my daughter comes home at 315. Oh, so we got to, we gotta start now. No, so we, no, I don't give a fuck about that. I just, we can't smoke reefer.

She doesn't give a fuck. She comes down here and smells it. She'll have a heart attack. Oh, no. Dad, what's that smell? Gardening. Congratulations on all your recent success. It's so funny because I was really proud, Rachel.

If you know anything about me, man, I cheer for you. you motherfuckers. And when I see a young girl putting in a lot of work and then something good happens, my fucking, my soul, I was so happy. I told everybody who would listen, go see jackass,

Rachel, stealing. And I haven't fucking seen it. You haven't? It's out on, it's on Paramount Plus right now, so you can see it from home. Okay,

yeah, then I'll watch it tonight. Fuck it. That's perfect. Thank you so much for the love, Uncle Joey. Oh, my God.

I was so, I saw your named and pictures, and I read all these people talking about you. I see the text messages, guys are sending you now. They're like a fucking, you know. But this is good. You had this all coming, Rachel. I saw it a while ago, and I thought about it.

It's funny how you came on the scene. I always heard of you. I didn't know you. And then Felipe was working with you. You work on Felipe. Yeah, he's a mentor of mine. Yeah, and it's like, you just put the time in. You kept smoking your reefer.

You believed in you. And I still remember. we were going to work together and you had the audition for jackass. That's right. We were going to go, I think it was Denver and Kentucky. And I was so excited to go on the road with you. And then I got the call at the same time and I was, I was really bummed. I wouldn't get to go on the road with you.

So, yeah, but it worked out. Fucking hell it did. Nothing was going to happen with me. You made it happen on your own. Can you tell us the auditioning process? How did it go down? How did they find you? I'm kind of a modern day Hollywood story because Knoxville found me on Instagram.

I had been posting content for years, memes, jokes, funny pictures, my stand-up. And one day I just noticed he liked a bunch of my stuff and he just was very supportive of me online. Like my ex-boyfriend wouldn't even like as many photos as Johnny Knoxville would. So one day he slides into my direct messages and was like, hey, do you want to hop on a phone call with me? I want to ask you something. And so my mind was blown. I was like, am I being pranked right now?

And then the next thing I know, I'm on the phone with the real Johnny Knoxville. And he was like, we're shooting this anniversary special, a jackass anniversary special. Is this something you'd be? interested in and I was like absolutely because at the time they didn't tell anyone that it was the movie so he was like well coming for a meeting with me and the director Jeff germane and I went in for a meeting it lasted like five minutes because we're all terrible at meetings and we have ADHD and they were like we're shooting another jackass movie would you want to come play with us and I was like yes and then that was pretty pretty good

pretty much it. I went in for a test shoot. There were two days of test shooting. They wanted to see if the cast had chemistry and if it was like if it looked sad with the guys being older now doing these, you know, crazy things. But pretty quickly everyone kind of knew that there was, there was chemistry between all of us and that it needed to happen. So it was amazing. How exciting was that when you were screen testing and talking to them and you couldn't say shit to nobody you really can't say nothing people at home don't know you can't say shit to nobody no you sign contracts um they basically you know ask for your silence um and again like even at this point you don't know what's happening you don't know how much you're part of it you don't know you know what you're even doing

there's no script so the first day on set it was so surreal i was like wow this is my childhood, but I'm in it. And it was, yeah, I mean, my first day on a movie set, I'm working with Spike Jones. I mean, my mind is blown. My first time shooting a movie, I mean, where do I go from here? So it was very cool. It was such a cool experience. The guys are so nice.

And they ended up taking me under their wing and I became part of the family. So. Fuck. How has your life changed in the last couple weeks? I'm definitely getting more stand-up opportunities. So that's cool. Starting the headline. And I get a bunch of really crazy, cool messages from people all over the world.

A lot of really positive messages. You know, it's great hearing from young women and just the support and how they, they love seeing someone like them being represented on screen. You know, I'm not a girly girl. I'm very much a tomboy. I like to kick it with the guys. And I think that there's a lot of girls out there like me, you know. So I think that to me felt really good knowing that there's women out there

who feel like they can relate to someone they see on the screen. That's fucking beautiful, man. Yeah. I see you're going to be in Brooklyn next Monday night at Union Hall with friends. Yep, Union Hall, April 18th. So if anyone wants to come out, it's going to be a good time. I have my funny friends, you know. Not yet good is in the house.

Matt Edgar is, yeah, he's a big support of mine since day one. So, yeah, it's going to be a good time. I can't tell you how proud I am. I really can't because. All these fucking people think that we go out there and, you know, it's hard work. It weighs on our emotion. You know, that audition, if you would have gone to the first screen test on Monday, and they would have called you that night and said, you know what,

we're just not going to go with your heartbroken. That's what America doesn't understand. That's what people don't understand. Like, we get fucking so emotional. Like, our lives are so up and down. You're lucky if you'll get a call back telling them rejecting you. Sometimes they just won't even call you back and you just have to wonder, you know. So you're right.

I mean, it definitely plays zero emotions. People think, some people think I just came out of nowhere and it's like they don't see the other side where I'm sitting in mics every night. You know, every day I'm writing. I'm trying to get as much stage time in in one single day. I'm hustling all over the city for five minutes. You know, I'm driving three hours to do 10 minutes. Like, it's, they don't see that side and you're right.

And I think, like, you're. even when I first started stand up, Uncle Joey, you were in the mics with me. You were at Fourth Wall. You and Lee would drop in. And I was like, if Uncle Joey is in a mic right now, there's no other place I should be. You know what I mean?

And that was so inspiring for me. You know, man, a long time ago, somebody came to me in 2011 and when you get back into it, make sure this time you help the young guys out. And you not inspire, but just like let them, know that what they're doing, it's what we fucking do. We starve.

We get emotionally beat up. Our family hates us because we don't show up to no fucking events anymore. You know, we go through this fucking thing for this little payoff. Because it's a little payoff that we get. But that little payoff keeps up alive once a year. Like, I wasn't a greedy person. But if you called me for a TV show or movie once a year, that made my dick get hard. Like, I'm in.

Okay, you thought of me. That's fucking great, you know? Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. I remember looking at your resume, something maybe two years ago. You had a podcast. You were doing like 20,000. You were like writing for somebody, like a magazine for somebody, 420 hemp or whatever it was, like articles or contributing editor. So you worked it from, like a lot of people calling in LA and they go, you know, I want to do stand-up. then they start writing for a publication weed time whatever they get a promotion and standup goes out

the window but you found what you wanted you found what you wanted i found love with standup and i always knew okay stand up's going to be a part of my life for the rest of my life but what other strengths can i work on that will also help me with standups so is that writing yeah writing for magazines tweeting every day writing jokes making memes all of that feeds into what my ultimate goal is to become really good at stand up and performing and perfecting my craft. So I think you can't just be one thing anymore. Like you can't just do stand up. You know, you have to work your other tools, your other strengths, like what other tricks do you have, you know?

And I think that's like, that's just what you have to do in order to get your name in front of whoever is going to change your life next, you know? And the most important thing that you did that I really enjoyed is that you showed up every day. That's what people really don't realize. Somebody said to me, I'm starting a podcast. What's the most important thing? And I go, be consistent. You keep posting on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Tuesday, Thursday, and you post and people see it and they go, fuck him, fuck him.

And then one day, all the wheels align. They go to YouTube to see Bill Burr. Bill Burr's podcast isn't up, but yours is ready. and now you got a new fan because the levels came together. You know, you have to attack it. Richard Pryor would have a... We're not living.

Richard Pryor is the greatest in my world, Rodney. But Rodney and Richard Pryor we're not going to go home at night and tweet. Do you know what I'm saying? Rodney and Richard Pryor wouldn't go home and put a picture that somebody gave him at the store and put it on Facebook before they go to bed.

It was a different world that they focused on stand-up. Now, we want to hear you stand-up. and we like it, but we want to know more about you. We want to know if you shave your legs. We want to know if you fucking brush your teeth every day. We want to know if your father was a bum. They want to know whether good or bad. They want to know so much about you,

and it just adds to who you are as a stand-up. So what you were doing all those years when I was watching your feed was building. And that's why I tell people, like, you know, start, do it for a year. But don't quit on the year. Because that day, the next day, the next day, day was the day they were going to fucking pay attention to you.

You quit before the miracle happened. Don't quit. Just keep doing it. There's nothing going on. Joey, I keep doing this. I keep doing spots and I get nowhere. Go 90 more days. And people would come back and go,

you got to believe what happened. I got an audition for a commercial. I booked it. You were right. Listen, when you get that close, it's like when you get a bunch of callbacks. You're going to go into that realm pretty soon. That's a horrible realm of going for big stuff.

and getting like four callbacks in the row and not getting the thing, oh, that drives you crazy. And like they shopped you for three weeks, but then they ended up with an Asian girl. And you're like, where'd that come from? They had me in there with everybody. And all of a sudden they come up with an Asian girl

or an ethnic or an Indian girl. You don't know. But when you go for shows or TV or movies and you got four or five callbacks with disappointment, my man, you're ready for something big. Something big is going to come your way. last. If you didn't tip the scale and go see a therapist and cry under a fucking rock, you're

going to be fine. And that's what happens. I think people give up before the miracle happens sometimes. And you didn't. And I think you got a huge career coming. Huge. I don't know why. Something just tells me it may not be this year.

It may not be next week. But I think in 18 months, you'll be a household name. Like, people will know who the fuck you are. It's the moving of the guard, my love. We're getting old That's it It's over All those comics

They're getting old It's Rachel time Well Let's hope you're right Uncle Joey I fucking know I'm right I can tell you three girls Right now

That are on the radar To blow up And it's not the three girls That people think Like the young female comics I got three of my own girls I'm like a blow up And you'll one of them

I got you a Puerto Rican girl And I got another white girl that nobody's even paying attention to it. And those are the girls and the guys I like. When nobody's paying attention to them and they keep doing what you were doing, I got to ask you one more question. Yeah. Because I know this was a tough one.

Your family's reaction. Because I know they're fucking, you know, they're Johnny lawyers over there. Yeah. Well, you know, I'm definitely the black sheep of my family. So when I called them, they were concerned at first. And I told them it didn't matter. what they said to me because I'm doing it. And I ended up taking them to the premiere.

I took my mom and dad to see jackass in theaters, walk the red carpet. My dad completely embarrassed me as he would. And it was great. My dad, they both loved it. My dad, he said it kept his attention the whole time. I told my mom before I was like, there's a lot of dick in this movie mom.

And she's like, this is not my first rodeo. And I was like, okay. So yeah, it was really great and cool to watch them, watch Jackass. Fucking tremendous. It all worked out. Yeah. Because when we came on the podcast before, we talked about you, spoke about your parents, and, you know, they're all lawyers,

and you want to smoke pot and be free. And did you get a residency in Vegas yet? A residency? Fuck yeah. We're going big with you, Rachel. We're getting low numbers now. We got to put the feelers out and say, listen, bitch, buy low. I'll give you an opportunity right now for a three year because in a year, this price is going to go up 22 fucking percent.

I mean, that's the goal, Uncle Joey. Only if you'll come out for a couple of those shows. I'm fucking, you got my word. To see me fucking destroy a room to watch you walk up there and fucking kill a room would be great for me. I'm an old man. Little things impress me now. but we spoke a few weeks ago and you were

and I've been thinking about you a lot lately I was thinking about you a lot I spoke to a few people you know everybody's really people love you Rachel I mean and guys really love you and not like they really love you like you're that

cool chick that everybody wants to hang out with it's not like everybody wants to get in your fucking pants that too but they don't say that because you don't give that vibe out you just give a sweet tender vibe out, but like, you're fun to be around. Oh, thank you. You're very cute and sweet to be around.

So, like I said, you made me fucking proud as fuck. I mean, I love all that shit. I love when people don't see you coming. I saw you coming, no, Rachel. And I saw you working it. And that's all that fucking matters, man. But I will definitely come watch you. I will try next Monday.

My daughter has games on Monday. Okay. And it's cheeseburger night. the fucking Osteria. It's a tough motherfucker, but you know, I'm an hour from the city and maybe like another half hour from Brooklyn. Okay, well, if you have the time,

we would love to have you, Uncle Joey, just come out, you know. What night's, how long are you saying the city for? What are you doing for 420? What are we doing for 420, Rachel? We're hanging out. What do you want to do? Are you in the city?

Yep. Oh, shit. That adds a twist to it. Let's do something. I mean, I just have a spot at the stand. that night, but nothing different. I can call Patrick right now and just let us take over the stand that night. Dude, let's do it.

Fuck it. And we'll call it, let me get that bag right there. We'll call it laughing gas night with Uncle Joey and shit. We're bringing buds, bones, the whole fucking thing on Wednesday to the stand next week. So yeah, I'll call them right now, Patrick, because I wanted to go over there. But if you're going to be there the whole week, how come you not in Cali for 420? I wanted to mix it up this year. I've been in Cali for 420.

for so many years and I love New York and I was going to be there that Monday and I'm like I want to stay the week so yeah And you're staying in the city I'm staying in the city I don't see how the big Apple spends

420 let's see how they do it You know? Well this would be their first legal 420 Well I can't miss it And that means I can't fucking miss it You're fucking now I'm gonna have to go and smoke some dope in the city,

which would be fun. I have to, listen, I've been here for 20 months, and I've been in the city four fucking times. That's it? Two times to work, one time for a premiere, and last week to shoot a documentary at NYU.

That's it. Wow. Well, I mean, we got to do it for 420. It's a national holiday. I think it would be perfect at the stand. I think we'd get a fucking big crowd out there, People would fucking, and it's not next week. Yes, it is next week.

The week after. Yeah, we got about 10 days. Yeah, so we'll call Patrick over at the stand and put something together. Get Lewis Gomez up there smoking some weed with us and fucking making it happen. I love you, Rachel. I'm happy you made a little time today. I mean, I could just imagine how busy you are. Are you doing a lot of meetings?

A lot of people want to talk to you? Doing a lot of meetings. I'm going to shoot some more promoting. emotional stuff right after this. So for the movie. So stay tuned for that content coming out. More for the movie, really? They're going to like promo stuff.

I'm going to Paramount. Okay. This, but like promoing, you know, um, you know, just more jackass stuff. But I want to say I'm very grateful for you, Uncle Joey. You always believed in me even before all this stuff. Um, and I love you and I appreciate your support so much. Come on now.

You're one of the fucking troopers of love over that. Listen, man, there's people that go to L.A. And they fucking depend on their smile, you know, to go to L.A. And then when things don't happen, they get all folded out control. And I noticed that over the years. For years, my phone used to ring, Rachel. How come things don't happen for me and they happen for you? I go, well, where are you at the store, Saturday night?

But my boyfriend was in town. You know, your boyfriend's in town. You can't have your treat. You're a comic. It's Saturday night. You know, and I had all these people that were wondering why never anything happened to them. And then I see you. And it gives me, you know, I feel good again that people aren't depending on their fucking smile and their stupidity to fucking, you know, they know they got to go out there.

They know they got to roll up their sleeves and tell these motherfuckers, it sucks for a girl. It sucks. You know, I know you're a tomboy and whatever, but sometimes you get put in a room with animals. and they're fucking animals and they say shit and you're like, so for all you motherfuckers that think what we're doing is nothing, we just crack jokes,

comedians work motherfucker and we work fucking tough. And that's it. Hopefully I'll see you in 10 days. Yes, let's plan it. Please let me know. Yes, I'll bring you a bag of laughing gas for you and Matt. I mean to try it.

Oh my God. And when you go back to Cali, let me know. And I'll just have you go to ice cream shop and pick up a couple fucking bags. Very close. by. Yeah, yeah, because I talk to them about you. That's why

I hate you up and ask you if you had a podcast. Oh, yeah. Well, that'll come again. I'm probably going to start that up soon when I can dedicate 110% to that. Well, I'll see you in two weeks again. I'm very proud of you. Give my love to Matt. Where can these people fucking find you at?

On Instagram at Rachel Wolfson, on Twitter at Wolfie Comedy. Rachel Wolfsoncom.com, my website, and yeah, you'll see me out. I'll see you in two weeks, beautiful. Keep that smile going, and I love you. Congratulations on all success. Thank you. Bye.

Bam! All right, you bad motherfuckers. I hope you enjoyed racial. Like I said, the smile is contagious. The talent is there. And like you motherfuckers heard, I give her 18 months. There's a couple girls I'm seeing now that got a great, chance of blowing up.

And they've been on this podcast. Rachel Wolfson, fucking Kim Condom. Kim Condom is Puerto Rican. I knew Kim when she was young. She was just looked like a kid. She's grown up to be a fucking beautiful Puerto Rican woman. Her hair is fucking tremendous. I like Rachel and I like Princess Chink.

The girl that does the podcast with Kim Condom, I saw her stand-up there. She's going to get there. She's going to sink a bunch of fucking ships. And remember one thing, guys. whether you're an artist, a plumber, an electrician, I don't give a fuck what you are. You have to be happy for the people coming up. You know, since the pandemic,

I look at these lineups. I don't know who these comics are. I don't know if they came from a Zoom show and got big. I don't know what they did. But you know what? To see them get spotted at the store and at the fucking laugh factor and at the improv and shit makes my dick hard.

That means there's growth. That means there's growth. That means that people saw comics our age and said, you know what, I'm going to get into stand-up. You know, that makes me fucking ecstatic. But at the same time,

I'm looking at these comics that are fucking due to blow the fuck up. And I'm very happy for them. And when you're happy, genuinely for somebody, whether it's a fellow, try that. Try that from time to time. By you being happy for them,

it brings up a certain happiness in your fucking life. Like just talking to Rachel, just you guys seeing it today on the Zoom, just talking to her. I got to be honest, she inspired me. She inspired me, not, uh, she inspired me, maybe just crack a few jokes a couple weeks. Maybe just write a few jokes. Maybe tell Ari's story, tell a joke. I need to get about it. I was telling Mike, I never wanted to fucking go back to comedy because I couldn't do anything else.

I wanted to go back to comedy because I missed it. Do I miss it? I got a fill 10 hours on my week, guys. This is getting brutal. You know, you can only go to your jitsu so much. You can only go to so many softball games and practices and fucking whatever, too. And I think it would be good for me. My wife is happy about it.

I spoke to my daughter last night. She was like, good for you. She tapped me on the shoulder while we were driving. So I guess all bets are back on. I'll see you, motherfucker, somewhere the next couple weeks, cracking some stupid fucking jokes and writing. And this is it. I'm thinking of buying Judy Carter.

up comedy book again, you know, just to read that again and just really like, remember all those nights on your fucking bed when you're trying to write jokes and you just came from bombing. And you're like, what am I going to do with my life? I can't work. I'm an idiot. I'm a felon. I can't piss hot in a bottle. I mean, I got no options.

I got to make this fucking work. And it worked, and I'm happy it did. But it all started with me going out a couple nights a week and just reading Judy Carter's books and bullshit with comments because I never thought I would end. up anywhere as a comic. I thought it was just going to be a hobby. I thought it was going to be a couple of years until I went back to prison, but I proved all that shit wrong. Anyway, I love you motherfuckers. Don't forget, we got a great fucking fight card this week. Great fight card, great card to make a little bacaline. There's no money in betting against

the Gilbert Burns unless you bet Gilbert and he upsets Chimelph, whatever his fucking name is Al Jermaine Stewart against fucking Peter Tran, whatever. I can't wait. for that. Good fights this weekend. I'm excited. I don't know what happened Monday fucking night. I had Kansas. What a nightmare that was. They didn't cover. I was giving four. They won by three. I didn't think I fucking felt. I put a small bed in just to watch the fucking game. And at halftime, I turned the motherfucker off. I was like, they're losing by 15.

I'm in no danger. Eight minutes later, they're fucking up by like four. And then I watched the last like six minutes. Great game. Congratulations for the Kansas Jayhawks. You know me. dog I'm a tarheel since 76. Not that I went to North Carolina. They won't let me on the campus. I went to North Carolina. No, I'm only teasing.

That's one of my favorite campuses. I got to tell you a quick story before we wrap it up. I'm doing a creative run in 1998. And I get my itinerary. And I'm doing like North Carolina, some other's crazy state. Whatever border is North Carolina. And one of the dates is fucking Chapel Hill.

And that's what fucking, you know, University of North Carolina is. Guys, I don't have to tell you that I almost fainted. Like, I had to give myself hot air. Like, oh, my God, I'm going to North Carolina. I was so excited. I get there on a fucking Wednesday. It's me and Vinny Lightbobs.

I'm headlining. Vinny blows the fucking room up. And then they do a wet t-shirt contest. Before you can look? Like, for 45 minutes. And not only was a wet t-shirt contest, the chick was chubby, and she pulled the shirt up. And tits were flying every fucking way.

She had big A-order's. She had those 70 tits from the playoff. You ever go on fucking Playboy from the 70s? They all had big ariolas. I don't know what happened to these bitches now. They don't need enough egg yolks to fill the aerola in. So fucking, I get that. And this chubby chick just starts shaking the tities and the nipples

are fucking flying back and forth. People were going crazy. You know what I went up there to? Crickets. 45 minutes of crickets. All people wanted to see was Big Aorta's. And here's this chubby fucking comic up there. I ate a bag of dicks

and I didn't watch college basketball for two years. I was so fucking embarrassed. I didn't watch college. I didn't watch North Carolina for two years. I'm like, that was embarrassed and I ate a bag of dicks in Chapel Hill.

I wanted to do well in Chapel Hill to say I went to fucking Chapel Hill and blew up the fucking room but obviously that didn't happen. I love you motherfuckers at all my heart. I'll see you guys. Monday morning. Tip Top McGoole,

album of the week, Patreon, other fucking podcast. That's Patreon, but for right now, we're over here with Uncle Joey's joint. I love you. Have a great weekend, and I'll see you Coxuckers Monday morning. Tip Top McGoo. And now, for a word for our motherfucking sponsor, Jack.

All right, I got a little crazy today. This podcast will be up everybody's ass in a few days, but I'm happy you're here. I want to thank all you motherfuckers for listening and supporting Uncle Joey's joint and Uncle Joey and Uncle Mike Coxuckers. The joint is brought to you by Liquid Ivy. it's important to stay hydrated. With Liquid IV, this thing works better than water. It contains five essential vitamins, B3, B5, B6, B12, and vitamin C. Liquid IV comes in great flavors like watermelon, Concord, grape, cherry, strawberry, pinia colada.

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No matter what. That's code Joey. This Saturday, a Draft King's Sportsbook. Got to be 21 older. Restrictions apply. I want to thank Liquid IV, CBD Lion. Draft Kings, I want to thank all these for having my back. And Better Help Online Therapy.

Give them a try. They're fucking tremendous. They brought me back. You understand me? Between therapy and the reefer, I'm a fucking Godzilla. I love you, cock suckers. Have a great weekend. And I'll see you guys.

Monday morning tip. Top motherfucking Magoo.