The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #158 - The Church Of What's Happening Now

Episode Date: March 12, 2014

Joey's childhood friend Anthony Vanieri calls in to talk about running for free holder in New Jersey. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for 50% off your first order. Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by mentioning the Church. Streamed live on 03/12/2014

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Joey D.S. No spaces. And receive 20% off of your first order. And we have a little bit of a word from our friend Adam Carolla. Hello podcast fans. Adam Carolla here. I'm leading the fight against patent trolls who are threatening this medium. It's not about me.

It's about the podcast you're listening to right now. If I go down, this show could be next. So visit fundanithing.com forward slash patent troll for more information on how you can keep podcasting alive. Thank you and Mahalo. Oh shit. Are you fucking kidding me or what? Wednesday, March 12th, the day the devil was fucking. hitting the head with 15 new chugs.

Here you go. Oh shit. It's only rock and roll. I think 1973 or 75 the Stones, tremendous out. I don't give a fuck what you think. Time waits for nobody. Wednesday, you bad motherfuckers.

The flying Jew. Flavor. Bring it! Spark that motherfucker up. Fuck the boss. Don't to suck your dick. Elvis is dead and you don't feel so good yourself. Oh shit.

Oh shit. Oh shit. What? It's a bitch. Oh shit. Oh shit. Love. What?

It's a bitch. All right. Hit it Lee. What the fuck? Wednesday, March 12th. Are you fucking kidding me or what? If you're not thinking about stabbing a motherfucker today because they got your money in their fucking pocket,

you better go back to bed, you motherfuckers. What's happened, Lee, Lee, Leland? I'm feeling great, man. I'm back, bitches. I was a little fucked up. this week. You were, you were nervous

for you for a second. This is what happened. So, every fucking Monday, every Wednesday I go on the road,

right? So, it's a five, five in the morning, four in the morning. So I went in the, I have two medicine cabinets.

I got one in the kitchen and then I got some medicine in the fucking bag, blood pressure medication. So I grabbed the medication by mistake

that was for a staff infection. I had two years ago, and those were the main pills. Mm-hmm. So when I, I went to New Jersey.

All I had was the staff infection pills, which I didn't find out until three days later. I kept picking the staff infection pills with the fucking water pill that they give me from blood pressure. So, boom. Thursday, I get to, Wednesday, I get to Jersey, hang out, no problems. My fucking Friday got a little headache. A little bit of a headache.

And it's escalating. And I don't add, I add fire to it. I go do the fucking epileptical for 40 minutes. I go do the two shows. Get up the next morning. Fucking a headache. wakes me up. Wakes me after the fucking headache.

I get up, I feel like puking, I think I eat oatmeal and some fruit. And I get, I take some Advil and it goes away. I go upstairs and I run on the fucking treadmill. When I got out that fucking treadmill, my head was on fire, so I popped an edible which don't help nobody. I went to the club and I did two shows, and I haven't sweat like that since I was doing blow. I noticed you in the pictures.

I sweat too fucking, I mean, my neck was thick with sweat. I didn't bring a T-shirt because I hadn't sweat in there. The air conditioner was on all three nights. So I go back to my room. I don't really sleep on fucking Saturday night because I was leaving, they changed the fucking clocks. I'm vaping like a motherfucker. So I fucking get up and I'm half dizzy.

The car picks me up. I go to Newark Airport. I'm a little dizzy in the morning. I'm just playing it. I mean, I'm just playing it awfully. I was hungry and I couldn't even eat because I couldn't stand in order. So I sat down.

I finally got water and I sat and I waited for my plane to board. I upgraded. They called me right in. I fucking shot on the plane. I sat down and I just closed my eyes. I ate breakfast on the plane. I drank a ton of water. Kept drinking water.

It was pounding and every time I got up to go to the bathroom, I felt this dizziness. So when I got home, boom, I told my wife I went to sleep. Got up fucking Monday morning. I was out of my mind. Still showed up to do the podcast. Dizzy or not. I just kept my head straight. Like I had a fucking neck brace on.

Nobody even caught that shit. You understand me? That's why I don't fuck around people. So what I'm dizzy. You got a job to do. I come down to, but before I left, I called the doctor. I'm in the appointment for 10 o'clock.

When I walked in there, my blood pressure was 240 over 150. That's fucking stroke. What is it supposed to be? Can I just don't, you know what I'll tell you? It's supposed to be like 120 over 80. Oh, so it was like double? Double.

Jesus. So they fucking gave me medication in there. They made me sit there. They did an EKG. They did a blood test. They did everything. He called yesterday. The blood test was inconclusive.

No diabetes. None of that shit. It was just. my blood pressure was out of fucking control. So we went, so we re-adjusted the medication. Uh-huh. You know, I got all the medication fixed up, and now we took it to three, and that's it, he added one.

So, you know, I'm back to fucking square one. You know, I'm back. My wife is fucking upset. She's pissed, so yesterday I got home, and I didn't leave, but I took a nap. When I woke up, the garbage was full of shit. She was cleaning out of the refrigerator. You know, just she's back on the fish and wild brush.

and, you know, the salads for me and stuff. You would think we were talking, and, like, the stuff, like, all the different advances things are going on now and how, like, there's Red Box instead of Blockbuster and stuff like that, you'd think they have a way to make, like, a one pill, you'd take one pill a week. I mean, they've been taking medicine the same way for years. Like, you'd think they'd do something like, so that, like, because that must happen a lot. You know how much money there is in a medicine business? Billions.

Billions. Billions. They'll never cut it to one pill, Sal's all, because then you took away fucking 92% of their income. These motherfuckers want you to take 50 pills. They want you under their trans doctors. I mean, I'm under there for blood pressure. You understand me? Anyway, you know, I treat myself in acupuncture with it.

I take pills for it. I don't have high cholesterol. I'm not pre-diabetic. I mean, he called yesterday and he said that he wants me to lose some weight. You know, he wants me to stay away from weights for a while. do whatever at, you know, we're going to talk today at 10 o'clock. My wife's coming down, but, no, I feel a lot better. Now, I bought a blood pressure machine.

I have it at the house, you know. So, no, it's post time. This is what I need to do. You know, and I always was under great medication. I always take great care of myself. I just took the wrong fucking pills, you know. Oh, no, I understand. I'm just saying it's like, and I see what you're saying,

but even if it was the same price, like just one pill that dissolves over a week, you would think that they'd have that or something. What are the pills they got on TV? How many times you're sitting there on your own business, Maybe you got a half a joint you. Maybe you're not in a thinkable mood. And they hit you with a commercialist to breathe better. Take this pill.

Side effects might include debt. Why the fuck do I want to take something that's going to fucking kill me? I might as well take my chances, living mom living. All these things they get. Now, you know, we could sit here for three hours and talk about the pill business and what people are doing with the pill. You know, I was talking to Burke Kreishe's wife the other day, and she doesn't want to send her kid to some high school.

Because it's a big pill school, you know. And I've heard this about Malibu High. I've heard this from Mrs. Rogan about the schools in that area up there, how they're very pill. You know, when you're kids, you look into this shit. Where do these kids get their pills from? For the parents. And the fucking parents.

You know why? Because in this fucking area, all these weak fucks that you see with their iPhones and supposed to be, oh, ha, ha, ha, I have a pilot present. All these weak fucks, they're on pills. They'll laugh at a guy like me and call me immature for smoking weed. But, you know, I mean, again, I'm not. in the city and tell you I'm an advocate, I'm fucking Jack, her, Red Jr. I'm just telling you that, that, you know, there's no, I'd rather somebody smoke weed.

Like, I went back east, and somebody asked me for edibles. A friend of a friend, and I brought her back pretzels. And she said, the last time you brought these, this lasted me three months. She goes, I stopped eating Valiums. Well. So, you know, anybody who knows that you eat Valiums, you get fucking toxic. You're toxic. Any of those pills, you're fucking toxic.

And you don't know why you're on them. You realize once you get off them, I give you a root canal today. I give you those fucking Vicodans, a nice guy like you, you go home, you're in pain, you're popping those fucking things, you start feeling good, the wife comes over, you give her a stab one of those Vicodin hard-uns, which is fucking tremendous. And then, you know, it goes on, three, four days,

the prescription's finished, but for four days, you sat by the third day you're starting to get depressed. You start to get gloomy and down. You start going into this Vicodon haze, and you don't see the haze until you're out of it. Once you're out of it, you go, you know what, I'll never fucking do those things again. So who knows?

I've told the story a thousand times and they gave me pills for anxiety. And they were the worst feeling things I ever had in my life. I can't believe they gave it. And people could say, yeah, well, they have to adjust to medicate. Listen, man, I have another friend

who stopped drinking, but now she's on 15 fucking pills. So what's the difference? They go to AA and say they're clean and sober, but meanwhile, they're popping 18 fucking pills. So what's the fucking difference? I do not get this shit with the pills are destroying us. And once they give you that pill bag,

I mean, there's people that don't do shit without that fucking pill bag. And, hey, I know what it is to be addicted. I fucking know. But I was also addicted to fucking coke and shit like that. I wasn't addicted to some doctor giving me fucking pills. This is a doctor that's supposed to be taking care of you. But, yeah, imagine if you could have gone to the doctor and said, here, give me some coke. Oh, my God, I would have mug the doctor every three fucking weeks.

I did have a doctor when I was a kid Orlando Del Valle. He's down in Miami. He's retired. I'd go to see him at two in the afternoon and right in front of me. That dude would do two bumps in the doctor's office. He was fucking legendary. Anybody who grew up in that area in those days and had Orlando Del Valley,

whenever you bump into him, you're like, Jesus fucking Christ, I survived Orlando Del Valley. He was a great doctor. He was a great doctor. Fucking doctors, you know, listen, man, can you imagine being a... Doctors get addicted all the time.

I read about it. They have to. Pills and fucking liquid fucking viking and liquid fucking this and that. And the other thing that must be hard of is not selling prescriptions. Because especially when you start out, I don't think you're making that much money.

Like when you first get out of men's school And you're doing like the 12, 24 hour shifts At like the hospital It must be It must be hard not to like if someone's like Hey man can I give you a couple hundred bucks For a prescription pad or something like that It must be hard to say no other

They have prescription? I don't have that They don't have that? They eliminate that Because of the theft You know everything's done on computer But I understand what you're saying I stole a couple of those prescriptions Do you really? Yeah I know a guy who sold them to you

To a book Remember when you were kids If you didn't go to school, you had a doctor's note. A doctor's note cost you $25. A doctor's note cost you $25. Like, if you didn't come up with a term paper, they want to see a fucking doctor's note. So you've got to get a crooked doctor, give him $25.

And he wrote you and he was under my care. He had the flu. He was seeing pink elephants. You know, whatever the fuck it is. It's funny, though, when you drove me a day, you know, I'm very happy I have Lee. He gave me a right. Because I got a drove, but I was just dizzy.

I didn't want to sit in traffic in the HOV lane. I always go in it, whether I'm single or not. I don't give a fuck, but Lee drove me. It was funny because we were there for like an hour and 15, 20 minutes. Yeah. And it was fast. Like as soon as I got in, everything went real fast. You checked me, boom.

Let's go give blood. Let me tell you something. They took blood on my right arm this time, one of those school chairs. Uh-huh. And I ain't used to, that's time they took blood on my own, and the school chair was in prison. I ain't used to those fucking school chairs where you put your arm out and shit. Yeah.

And you're thinking of a fucking algebra. And whatever the fuck you're thinking of in the third grade or fourth grade, your times tables. So I get in there and she goes, and Mario was there from the improv. this old fucking booze that used to hang out at the improv in the corner and get fucked up. He was there all blotched up, wreaking of alcohol. I said to him, Marian, I don't see anything improv no more. He goes, I gave that place up 10 years ago.

He goes, I'm in a new spot. Bishes everywhere. This guy's got to be 80 years old. Oh, Jesus. And he was sitting next to some old lady working on. She had a nice little tits. I can see him. Look at that.

I swear to God, you know, these old ladies have fake tits in Hollywood. Do they really? This old lady was like an old actress. Oh, my God. And she had fake tits. She had to be 70. How did they look? I don't know.

I didn't ask. I didn't give her a dollar. What the fuck's wrong with you? I didn't look. Can you see through the shirt? No, I saw the bump and I saw that this here, like the top of the cleavage. Yeah. And I could tell those aren't no fucking 80-year-old titty, seven-year-old titty.

That chick was banging. That chick was 70. Still giving up that fucking monkey. She don't give a fuck that the Susquehanna juices run out of that shit. She's like, fuck it. Take this fountain dry. So I saw a marriage. I go in, I'm talking to Mary.

I go in. I sit in the fucking chair. My head's already spinning. I'm spinning my body's head. hot, you know, I'm clammy. I'm fucking rock, and I sit down this girl's great. This girl that takes blood out is brilliant. I have

never felt the fucking needle. Well, that day I did. I felt the needle from there, started squirming. She pushed me back, and next thing I released a ball of sweat from my body. I could feel it everywhere late. By the time, she took the needle on and shit, she gave me a glass of water, and she

goes, you look like you just ran five miles. You saw me when I came out. I was drenched. I was fucking wiping my face. I I took the towel, I wiped my face, and I put it in my bag. Yeah. And I forgot about it. Later on, I went in my bag. I was like, oh, my God, this was drenched.

I must have sweat like a gallon of fucking water at the doctor's office. Oh, my God. But thank you for driving, man. That was fucking horrible. It got me nervous on the way back, because driving with you is an experience I think most people should have. Because we didn't take Santa Monica to Los Angeles. We were driving through people's backyards. We don't fuck around, John.

And when there was someone going slow, I've never. heard you yell so loud like the guy in the green car that was like had like the weird engine and was just going slow and your head was basically out the window yelling at the guy i was like please i was i don't want to get shot these fucking people man you can't especially in hollywood when you drive in when you drive in the valley and this is a dumb statement but it's very true when you're driving the valley and you're driving Hollywood it's two different fucking stories yeah you know what you can see you learn how you see what Hollywood is all about.

Selfishness. You go to Hollywood and you go to the valley and you see what selfishness is about. What selfish people who think they have something coming to them, people who think they're entitled, the fucking people I can't stand. Maybe they have $3 and maybe they co-starred on some

fucking TV show. So right away they have to have this fucking air of greatness around them and their pieces of shit because they have no character. They base their fucking friendships and shit on, oh my God, did you see? He went to producers on fucking, they're all a bunch of cunts. So the other day, if you notice when you're driving Hollywood, there's always cars double parked.

There's always tourists fucking doing 30, make them believe they're fucking Johnny bananas and a convertible. Those dumb fucks. You know, if you're a real tourist, you wouldn't come here, you fucking dummy. How bad did Hollywood Boulevard smell? Tell these guys, with the fucking window closed, how bad did Hollywood Boulevard fucking smell the other day? They even said, do you smell that? Yeah, it smelled like the bad parts of Boston, like the alleys. of Boston.

Guys, for you to come to L.A. and walk around Hollywood to take pictures of dead movie stars, you know what? You're a fucking idiot. You're a fucking idiot. I see you guys walking on Hollywood with your fucking camera. Look at the star of and it stinks like, there is nothing on Hollywood but rip off

fuckingville. If there's a hundred restaurants in Hollywood on Hollywood Boulevard, 96 of them suck that. Are un-eatable. You know that? They're uneatable. I used to live right there, dog. They used to be a Chinese place

Those asked my wife Even the Mexican place I took you to one place that's good I was gonna say yeah The smoothie fruit juice place It's a healthy place I'm going there for fucking 17 years When I moved here

I do two pounds of blow at night I drive there in the morning And drink 15 juices to recover They have all these mixtures They were doing kale And all that shit When you motherfuckers were still drinking Protein powder

So stop it And they're from fucking El Salvador They've been If you look at the pictures On the wall Do you see how many people used to go there Yeah.

20 years ago from Denzel, Washington. Anybody who was training went there, and there's no fucking chick with muscles. It's three fucking Spanish. Yeah. I had like a generic, like their version of Orange Julius. Yeah. Oh, it's delicious.

Fucking orange juice with water, fresh oranges with water with milk and honey. Yeah. Are you fucking people kidding me? I mean, these people are tremendous, and they make a chicken salad sandwich on seven grain bread, and they give you a special. For $8, you get a smoothie,

and a motherfucker sandwich. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I bring to the table. I don't want to hang out with people. The cuss-coose was marvelous. Get the fuck out of my face. Meanwhile, you're paying 20 bucks and some fucking Puerto Rican dressed as an Arab

in the back is laughing. Get the fuck out of you, you fucking idiots. Do you pay the meter things that are like the little stands where you have to pay for the whole line? I pay all the meters in all even. Do you really? I don't fuck around.

I almost didn't. They'll fucking ticker you. Really? They have an app now. Oh, so they don't have to go up to the box? No, no. They have an app on them. the phone that tells them when you park

so they're running right to you so while you're walking they're clicking so you got to be very careful in Hollywood that's how they make fucking 90% of their fucking profit in Hollywood Boulevard on tourism that's who they're ticketing that's why you have to be very fucking careful down there Jesus Christ

yeah I look I've only gotten one ticket in LA and it's like 60 bucks but I heard it's like getting even more expensive like 75, 80 bucks and once you get a drift of tickets my apartment got towed the little fucking apartment I lived in, when I lived in, Josh Wolfe and Ralphie May on the fucking floor. My apartment got told, I wanted to take a shower. They would stop and give tickets for it.

Even if they see your plate is expired, they'll give you a ticket for that. It's got nothing to do with them. They'll give you a ticket for that. And then once they see your car, they'll come give you a ticket every fucking day. Oh, my God. Okay, you get the registration done. They're fucking sneaky motherfuckers. And it's not the, it's some of the white guys, but it's the black chicks, the chunkier black chicks in Hollywood, they're angry.

They got that fucked up haircut. Those bitches are fucking angry. Yeah. And they will ticket you, so you've got to be very fucking careful. I got a ticket from one of them in Santa Monica at 3 in the morning. It was one of my night jobs that they didn't give me parking. So I was parking on the street. It was right after I got my new car.

I didn't put the front, no, you know, the front license plate on? This is it. I just didn't think you had to. I told you people. And at 3 in the morning, they gave me a $30 ticket. They don't fuck around here. They do not fuck around. When I first moved here, I got caught in a fucking, you know,

An array of tickets because you don't know. And I kept getting tickets and people I know kept getting tickets and people get towed in Hollywood. They don't fuck around. By gardener over there, they used to tow us all the fucking time, you know. Oh, my God. No, you got to. But it's amazing whenever I go down there for years when I see tourists in Hollywood Boulevard. I feel so fucking bad for them.

Yeah, you ask. They're kids. I feel so fucking bad for them. You asked me, like, have you been to the L'LBray of Tarpitz? And I haven't been anywhere. I haven't been to the, not Chan, what the, what the Chinese theater is? I haven't been to, like, holly or, Hollywood studios.

I haven't been really anywhere down there. I heard it's nice. Some of it's nice, but I just haven't had the time. La Brea Tar Pits is a nice place. You go down there for an hour, you walk around.

You know, I mean, either you're a fucking touristy type of person or you're not. Yeah. Either you're into that shit or you're not. Either you're a vacation type person. You really don't see it. You know, like when I went to Boston,

I had a great time. Just look at a family park. I don't have to go. game. I look at it. I get real close. I stare at it and I feel I love. My heart starts to beat. I get tears in my eyes and I walk away. If I go in, it's going to get ruined. When I went to Boston, everybody says that stadium's done now. It's just yuppies. It's just for the games. Yeah. So you can't get a ticket no more. Oh yeah. It's not like cool people like us 20 years ago that went to have a good time. It's yuppies that go to be seen, you know.

It's like every other scene. You know, the bleachers you can still kind of have fun like that. but anything along the sides or behind home plate it's too expensive now it's all and it's not even just yuppies a lot of it's like corporations I get tickets and then they give it away and people are having business meetings and and it's

last time I went we were sitting behind or in front of two lawyers who were just talking about this case they were having and I was like they didn't even talk about the game and it was kind of depressing but I still love it. It's probably my favorite place in Boston. I thought even though

I was sick the last couple days. I've had a great time thinking about a lot of shit, you know, the people I saw this weekend. I really, really saw people who really helped me get my life together. It's weird. I was looking at my wife yesterday,

and my wife is responsible for so much of my life. Like, she is responsible because she's the one that put the fucking whammy on me about. I care about what my friends think. I don't give a fuck about anything. But the people I truly love and respect, I really care what they think.

You know, and I never want to let them down. That's always been my biggest issue. I never want to let them down. And when I went home this last week and I saw the people that pushed me without even knowing, without even knowing, just having them as my friends looking in my eyes. You know, I was thinking about 98 when I first started dating Terry, 99. I picked up the comedy store in her car. This is when I was sleeping on the floor at Ralphie Mae's house or Stacey's house or something. And she came over, and before I left that morning, she asked me if I had money.

And I got to be honest with a little bit, I probably had $20 to go to New York. In my pocket, with no cab money or nothing. I didn't know how I was getting there. She gave me $40, and she gave me like $43 that she had from waitressing. She gave me half a pack of his cigarettes. And right there I knew there was something. I always knew there was something. She didn't judge me.

A woman would have came home and judged me. I said, I can't believe I. And in those days, I would go to New York of $60, and I'd see three or four of my money. friends and I go can I talk to you for a second and go listen braum light and they look at me like I was fucking crazy and they go in their pocket and give me 200 bucks cash and I used to feel bad for doing it but I knew they made money I knew they spent money and I knew $200 wouldn't fucking throw their world off I was broke I was their friend I was a starving comic it wasn't like I was taking the money doing it for blah and those days I'd take the money for fucking food

while I was in New York or a hotel or one of my buddies that let me crash that. But when I went to Jersey this week, a lot of those guys came out and didn't say nothing to me about the past. And one of the guys that's calling today into the podcast is one of the guys I hung out with a lot. And, you know, he was, I mean, we were both 19 years old guys and we were fucking confused.

You know, we were fucking confused kids. He thought he had to go to college. You know, I didn't know what I was going to do with my life. And we navigated to one another, you know, and in a way, I mooched off him. I have no reason to lie to nobody. If we went in eight, he always paid, you know, at the end of the night, I always asked him for $20. And he used to get pissed and whatever. One time I took a flight from People's Express from L.A. to New York, after I tried to mug my uncle, the one who was here last week, I tried to rob him one night, and we got into a fist fight.

It was bad, and I took a plane home, and I had no money when I got on the plane. And those days, you'd get on a plane with no money and pay for the plane ticket on the plane with a credit card. Oh wow so I said oh my god left my credit card in my luggage and I thought I was just gonna walk off and run away fuck no they had cops waiting for me Oh shit they walked me downstairs Took my luggage we went into a private room. We looked for my fucking credit card It wasn't in there so like you gotta pay this before you leave It was six in the morning in Newark New Jersey I called this guy I called Vinaio and over there I'm at the airport stock he gave me his credit card number

This is a type of person I was I'm just letting you people know that This is when I, after my mother died, I had no character at all. This is what I had lost. This is what I fought back to get. I had no character. I didn't give a fuck. I was always living and if things went sour, fucking let Lee pay for it. Let fucking Lee take care of it.

Let my wife take care of it. Let somebody else take care of it. That's not claiming responsibility. That was my biggest problem. But these guys never turned their heads on me. They got mad at me towards the N85, 84. They were a little disappointed me. I'd fucked a lot of people over and they would hear the brunt of it.

You know, when people would come complaining and looking for me, they would get the brunt of it. In 85, I left, and I always called these guys. There was a handful of them that I called every day regardless just because I never wanted them to think that whatever they had done for me was just a throw. Like, fucking Coco will never call back again. So I made sure I'd never wanted them to feel used.

Do you understand me? I never wanted them to feel used. And every time I did something good, I called them first and said, hey, man, this is. what's going on in LA, you know, and that, wow, what the fuck, Joey? And then when I went back, I took them off to my premiere the longest yard. I mean, I've been good to my

friends, the ones who took care of me. At the premiere, I took eight fucking people, seven guys and one girl. And that girl came to the show, the other night with her husband. And the seven people that I took to the premiere, they were all there this week. And I said one guy couldn't come. He met me for dinner. He was at the steakhouse, but he left. Okay. But that's the luckiest guy

am. But the story I'm getting to that. When I left in 85, I had a plan. And this was my plan. Again, no responsibility, no fucking nothing. This is the days when everybody was going to hook me up. Remember we're all in that phase? We're going to get hooked up. We're going to get hooked up.

I'm going to go to L.A. This guy knows this guy's going to hook me up with a job. My friend's got a job in Vegas. He could hook me up. Listen, nobody's going to hook you up. Nobody. That shit about you. I got a friend in L.A. when you go out there, they ain't going to hook you up.

People have their own fucking lives. They ain't got time to hook you up because you're a friend of a fucking friend. What was I talking about? I don't even know the fucking... When you left to me, this fucking paper's got me all fucked up. But anyway, my friend Anthony Veneery was a political kid. He was a committee man, his father was a treasurer or something, his father was on the board. You know, all these people, North Bergen, were very political.

And Anthony, the guy who was calling today, he was very political at that time. Not at 19. He just knew he had aspirations. And whenever we'd have three beers in us, we'd always go off and he was going to be the fucking mayor. And over the years, I've been disappointed because he's been involved in the game. The mayor of North Bergen is too powerful. So what Veneery did became his driver. Veneer is his top aide.

So when he drives him everywhere, Veneeryn owns a funeral parlor, but he flips out as a fucking councilman and he's the mayor's driver. Okay. So when I was a kid, Carmine Balzano, the guy I talk about all the time, he was Peter Monko's driver. And Carmine just wasn't a driver. He was a fucking clean-up town. Like this guy walked around with a walkie-talkie.

a suit on, he'd banging the head with the fucking walking talking. Carmine was my idol growing up. He's still one of my idols. I got his picture on the wall right there. I love him to death. But I always wanted to be Carmine, so I always, in the back of my mind, I had a notion that when Veneer would become mayor,

I would move back to New North Bergen and become his driver. That was the plan. That was my life ambition. At 21 years old, people, that was my life ambition to be somebody else's fucking driver. So if you sit there and think about your life and where the fuck you're going.

Just think about that. 21, I had none of this plan. I wanted to be somebody's driver. There was no comedy. There was nothing. That was my thing. I was going to go to Colorado for 10 years, get my life together

and come back and be his driver until I retired. That was going to be my life. That was how fucking the drugs had me fucked up. That was how society had me fucked up because they had your thinking you couldn't do nothing with your fucking life. If you don't have a college degree

or a high school education, you can't do nothing with your life. If you don't know people, you can't do them with your life. So it was a really funny, state of mind. I wasn't at that age. For years, I kept saying, it doesn't matter because in three years,

Vinby's going to be the man. I'm not kidding, you Lee. I actually thought... What do you think would have happened if that had worked out? Can you imagine if you became his driver? When he would never make me his driver. Because it's just too much. It's just too much. I would drive him fucking crazy.

It's not that I keep my line as a driver and shit, but I know what you're saying. You're thinking No, that was my ambition. That was my fucking ambition. To get a job for 10 years, maybe 15 years, and a car wash, and then one day moved back to Northbury and get three suits and become his driver. That's how pitiful.

That's how pathetic my mind thought was at 20 fucking 1. 21. That's where I thought I was one. Why is that pathetic? Because it's fucking pathetic. There was no college education involved. There was no children. I want to live like Charles Bronson in a fucking hole.

And I wanted to live like a pauper. And then one day he was going to open a. up the golden gay for me. I wanted to live like that because I thought that's what I would end up doing. I was a loser. Okay. I was a fucking loser. So that's what I ended up fucking doing. That was my thought pattern. It wasn't that I was a loser. It was at my thought pattern and thought I was a loser. That's the best I could do. And I hadn't even given it a try at that point. I haven't even given a try. When I left for Colorado in 83 and I came back, that's when I started to experience a lot of stuff. And I didn't know if I could even come back. And I went back and my life was a disaster for

18 months. So when I left there, I left in such bad shape. I mean, but I don't remember get on a plane that Sunday morning and thinking to myself, I'm going to prove to these people that I'm not really a piece of shit. I just don't know how. I just don't know how. Is it going to be with money? Is it going to be anybody could bump in, anybody could sell 50 kilos of coke and become a millionaire and hit the fucking jackpot. That's not what I wanted to do. That was one system. That's one thing I thought about doing to get money to start my life up. You know what I'm saying that was always the sub-dream that I was going to sell 10 kilos

and get $200,000 and then become a millionaire, that was it. But that has no plan, that has no nothing to it, you know? So it's amazing now that we still talk after all these years and he's running for the assembly. No, he's running for a county freeholder. Okay. In North Bergen, in Hudson County

in District 8. A freeholder is something they have in New Jersey. It's another word for and I looked it up. I fucking couldn't really understand what they were saying. I'm not a political fucking person. So I looked it up. I know it's the nine freeholders and this fucking thing. He's running with the Democratic

thing. You know? Let me see what it says. I don't fucking know, man. I don't know. But anyway, the point of the fucking story is that my main man, the gear is running for fucking assembly. The freeholder and it just does something to me. I feel like

I feel like the Nare own good fellas when Tommy's only getting made. That's how I feel inside. I'm so happy for him that he's finally and he's gonna win he's gonna win you know he's been doing this for 30 fucking years we all grew up together he's got the support of the fucking city the town you know people see him every day he's very visible he always has a suit on he's got a long time fucking business in northbury in 50 60 fucking years if you know paula i mean this motherfucker

knows what he's doing let me tell you something when he was 16 he was already running that fucking phrenna oh really yeah when he was 16 he was already picking up bodies driving him so uh you know this guy i mean i haven't been this proud of somebody in a long time. I get proud of people for little shit. Like when people email me back to them and clean for four weeks and it's because they listen to the podcast, my fucking dick gets hard.

I got a tear in my fucking eye. But when something good happens to one of my friends, any of you guys, any of you guys, something that I know you yearn for. Because sometimes you might yearn to be a fucking chef. But you might end up being a bartender. Same fucking difference. You still fucking did something. You still did something. You're still in your fucking way, you know? It seems like it's like a mini-mare.

is what it's saying. Yeah, it says you have to deal with the budget, but then you're also dealing with everything. It says you're dealing with welfare, education, roads, economic development, law enforcement. So, yeah, it seems like you're kind of like a sub-mayor. I don't know. It says, yeah, that's according to Camden's website.

Yeah, I don't know if they have them anywhere else. They just have them in Jersey, correct? Did you check? I think that's, there was a couple states that said that. I'll help to check. Yeah, I think it's Jersey and somebody else. I don't know what the fuck is. I think we do have to get in their condition.

Or just have them fix that one. Does it blow air? No. How do you know? Because it's hot. It's hell in here all day. Really? I think it blows air.

It does something. I can open the door. You sure you've never fucking opened it up and nothing? I'll try it to open it and want to get on my shoulders. I'll pick you up by your feet like fucking curly and the three stooges. Let's do it. Not on my right. You can fucking.

I'm all right. I just was asking. Okay. I think it's time we do. We got a little fucking air conditioning in here. Something just, it's not hot, but it will be. in July. It will fucking be. Oh, yeah.

The church of what's happening now, you bad motherfuckers. Wednesday, March 12th. Tomorrow, I would be a fucking Zanis performing tomorrow night, and I'll tell you what, people, I'm fucking ecstatic. I love Chicago. I've been very lucky I get to pick these fucking cities. I'm jealous.

Chicago, I am fine. I talked to Ari last night. I'm right around the corner from Petrelli's, whatever the fucking the hot beef Italian place with the sausage. The fucking second The only thing I'm going to do is I'm going to get a half, a little tiny one with a saucyets with the fucking hot Italian beef. That's it. But I'm bringing my sneakers.

I'm bringing my shorts. I'm going to run on Thursday and Friday. And then Saturday I'm going to train a tent plant of Jiu-Jitsu, I think. Oh, cool. Teach me some geese stuff. Yeah. So I think that's everywhere now, isn't it? Doesn't Eddie?

How many did he have? I think 20-something? Jesus. That's awesome. And they're great. Listen, man, I'm going to have Eddie on next week sometime to call. You know, he's fighting at MetaMorris on the 29th. Oh, that's what it is.

fighting so you gotta watch it. I'm out of town and I know he's a little upset with me. You know, I booked a week before he had the fight. I canceled Miami, December 26 and 27. They closed the club. Okay.

So they rebooked it and I can't cancel now. You know, I just can't cancel now. So if I book a pilot, I could fucking cancel. Yeah. What's matter? Nothing we have a call coming in.

Gear? Yeah. Hey, Dye. How are you? What's up, buddy? What's up, buddy? What on? Thank you very.

much for calling Guy. I was just telling him that you're one of my best friends in life, and I'm very happy for you that you're running for the freeholder position in Hudson County. There's nine freeholders. Yeah, before we get this started, right, what does a fucking freeholder do? We're trying to figure it out. Well, you have your local level of government. You have a county level government and state level government, and then the federal government, but a county board. They're the county level of government. It's just like almost having a mayor and council as a local level. You have a

county executive and a board of chosen freeholders on the county level. You know, freeholders, you could run in a district if the county so desires to have districts as far as separating the areas of the county. Hudson County does that. We have nine districts. I come out of the eighth district, and it's better to have districts when you run for a freeholder because when a resident has a problem with a situation in the county, they can go see their freeholder.

As far as the county next to us, Bergen County has 70 towns and they all run at large. So you could have like nine freeholders coming from one area and say the northern part of Bergen County is a problem. They don't know their freeholder, really basically. There's no really relationship between the resident and a freeholder. But a freeholder, you know, they implement resolutions and ordinances in the town, in the county. They oversee the county budget. They can bring a lot back to their district as far as revenue. to fix up the roads, fix up parks.

And one of the main districts, why is my district so important, it has second-largest county park in the county, the North Hudson County Park, which we all grew up in. You remember that, right? Yes, sir. We all grew up in that park. It's about 164 acres.

It's the second-largest park in the county, and it has about a 16-acre lake. And it's beautiful. We just renovated the park. We spent like maybe, I think, $20, a million dollars on a park for kids, and it's simply gorgeous. And that's something that I want to preserve

and keep for the residents to work in. Let me ask you this, Anthony. What areas will you be covering as District 8? District 8 covers the whole town of North Bergen. It covers the second ward in Seekwalkers and two districts in Jersey City. Damn, dear. Damn!

You're going to be reaching out. You don't have a hand over anything. I was telling these guys that You know, when I grew up, you used to take care of me a lot. I used to mooch off you and used to get mad at me, but I always knew there was a lot of love there from you. And when I left. There was never mooching.

Yeah, and I remember that. It was all friendship, and we always took care of each other in North Oregon growing up. No, I was how it was. I moved off. I slept on your pool table. I mean, it was amazing how you took care of me. And I used to put you in the best of my mother walked downstairs and saw you sit, laying sleeping. Yeah, on the pool table.

And I had someone living in the basement. Oh, that was so embarrassing. A wig went, woo. her wig went, woo. And I was telling him that, you know, you've always been involved in some type of politics since we were young, but one of your aspirations was to be the mayor. We used to just laugh about it.

We'd just laugh about it as kids, and I always believed you had it in you, you know. And when I left, and every kid has a dream, whether it would want to be a cop or a fireman or a public official. I mean, I always want to try to follow in their father's footsteps. I tried to follow my father's footsteps with a business that I took over, a local funeral home in the area. He ran first in 1971 when I was about eight years old,

and that's where I started getting involved in politics at the age of eight. I used to go out with literature and put in people's mailboxes without even him knowing about it. It took it upon myself and my friends to do this. So I always had it in me, and I was interested in it. You know, what a lot of people don't know that I know is that you've been basically the de facto boss of that funeral since you were 15.

You did everything. Anthony, you did everything. I watched you do everything. And I watched you, used to get mad about hair in the sink. I mean, you were that much of a perfectionist. When you're that much of a perfectionist, you have to be successful, bro. You used to fucking scour that funeral parlor.

You'd move little things. I still do. He moves a fucking inch. Like, this doesn't belong here. It belongs fucking here. No matter what's here. I always go over. And that's...

I'm just a pain in the neck in that way. And that's why I know... It drives me crazy sometimes. Oh, no, no, you're Felix Unger. We were kids. We used to call you Felix Unger. Without a doubt, you're Oscar Madison, and we have a very good relationship.

Yeah, I was telling that, Lee. Lee, say hello to Anthony. This is one of my brothers. What's up, Anthony? Hey, what are you doing? He's the flying Jew. He's going to vote for you. He's going to call all his Jewish friends in North Bergen.

Absentee Val. Absolutely. But it's so funny, like, when I left in 85, there's how much of a loser I was. Anthony. I was going to hide for 10 years, and I was going to wait for you to be mayor. I was going to beg you to let me work for you. That was my aspiration. That was my fucking aspiration. I mean, that's how much... Who came out to see you in Colorado? You did. You did. Who wrote me letters when I was going to go to prison? You did.

We had a good time in Aspen. I took you down Independence Pass, and we had Mike running at the backseat scaring and shit and hiding. Yes. Gary Road to Aspen. You know, Gere what I was thinking about the other day? I mean, you're one of the guys that saw me do comedy in the very very beginning. Remember what I did, Tom, or your son's baptism, how bad I was? You always were funny. I can't remember when you started. These years are flying by. I mean, I just seen you a hundred times, and every time I saw you was hysterical. And the other night when I saw you, I think you were, you tapped off your career,

because it was insane. I took people down there that. I was bragging about you. And they saw firsthand how funny you were and how great time we had together. Oh, we had a great time. And I saw the friendship, how it was in the years, you know? Oh, my God, Gerety, five fucking years. I know you since the first time you gave me a ride home, and I had a feather jacket on, one of those down jackets. And I cut my jacket.

In the Mustang. In the Mustang. And the wind. With red valour interior. Oh, and there was feathers all over the fucking car. He was pissed at me for years over that. It was crazy. It was like a dog that you put on your bed and you can't get rid of the fur.

Now, Gia, tell me, break the process down for me. So June 3rd is what? June 3rd is a primary election. I'm a Democratic candidate. I will face off any Democratic challenges. The deadline is May, March 31st to file to run. I have my petitions ready to be filed. Hopefully, which I should win in June, the Democratic primary.

And then in November of this year, I faced the Republican challenger, whoever that may be. And then hopefully I win there, and I get won in in January, where you're 15. That is a three-year term. When do you need me there? June 3rd? Or November to pass out ballots, knock on doors,

because I will be there. You know I'm going to be there June 3rd. I know. You know I'm going to be there. I already told my wife we were giggling the other day. I'm like a little kid. I'm telling you, I'm like De Niro when Tommy got made. It's fun and exciting to have everybody together.

You know, when you do things in life as far as you did in your movies, and I'm doing this in my career, and you see people, some of our friends became attorneys, and owners of restaurants and longshoremen bosses and we just, you know, we're proud of everybody, you know? It's amazing, Gia, if you would have told me that in the front of Hashways 30 years ago,

we're going to be having this conversation. I told you to go fuck yourself and I'd spit at you. I really would. That is people that should have been still here, you know? Oh, my God. So I know you saw our friend Lubes, the Flying Jew knows loops. He met him firsthand.

Yeah, they met Louber? Yeah, they met Louber. You get a lube job. You get a loop job, and, you know, so these guys know our friends. You know, they've seen part of them. Frank Cole. Frank Cole. I called Carmen Bousano yesterday.

Craig Call, Craig Call. I told him you were running. He was so happy. He was so. I didn't know. He's a funny guy. Yeah, you're going to do great gear, and I'm happy you took the time. I know you're busy, bro, and I'm really happy you took the time.

Because I never really get to talk to you like this. I love you, and I'm proud of you, and I can't tell you how proud I am. I don't want nothing from you here. The other night I was laying down watching Longest Yard again. I know. I mean, every time you're on, you know, keep it on, I call my friends. You know, we'll text each other. It's fun.

It's exciting. I took him. We went to see missing persons. This is my greatest memory with Anthony. Me and Anthony and Fernie Bossa Sudo went with leather jackets to see missing persons out in the Paramount Theater and Patterson, wherever it is, right? Out there. Yeah, whatever. I don't remember.

That was fucking cold. You should. You don't hear. You don't hear concerts like that. No, we went to. It was in a small theater. I'm from there. Chans drag it in.

Chans, they were to chicken noodle soup. And he ordered a chicken noodle soup. I almost fucking killed him. Had a throat. I wanted a chicken noodle soup. I wanted a mom's chicken noodle soup. And I guess it didn't turn out to be moms. It was fucking Henry Lowe's.

Gear, I love you. Congratulations. And good luck. And thank you for calling in and saying hello, brother. Anytime. Say a lot, everybody. I love you, buddy. Bye.

I'll always be here. Take it these guys. Bye. All right, brother. That's really cool. A lot of people have. negative things to say about federal government but it seems like and I don't know anything about it so I'm talking out of my ass but it seems like local government

still probably has a chance to help people so it's cool that I don't know about local governments I don't know I can't sit here I'm no political fucking whatever I do know about this kid yeah and I do know about how much he loves where we're from I know how much he loves the city the same love I had for city. You know, it's it. I've had love for a lot of places where I lived. The only places where I don't, the only reason why to move back there is because I disrespect it to

place. I disrespected North Bergen. I disrespected the people. That's why I wanted to go back as something. I always wanted, this is ending perfect for me. If I died tonight, I went back to North Bergen as something. Do you know what I'm saying? And that meant more to me than going back as a fucking horror thief to what I

was. So I know that he loves North Bergen. You know, I go back to that town and people bullshit about the mayor and he's this and this the proof is in the pudding, bro. The programs he's got,

he's opened up for people, the roads, the schools, the security, the recreation programs. I have, you know, my brother George is a coach. I know what he does for these kids, you know,

and he's involved with the kids and they have cameras on a lot of the heavy fucking gang areas and he really cleaned up this city. And whatever, listen, everybody's a fucking thief in the political scheme of thing.

Somewhere along the one, not everybody's going to be happy with you not everybody likes you you know they're going after this fucking governor whatever's name is the fat guy in Jersey you know yeah listen when it comes to politics Chicago

and New Jersey are off the fucking maps okay they're the ones that wrote all that dirty politic fucking machines and all that shit I mean it's just uh but for me for Anthony I'm very proud I know that listen man Anthony is the kind of guy you call him and go Anthony I can't find the

job. Give him three weeks he'll find you some. He got my friend's wife a job. Got my friend's fucking wife a job. You know, she was out of work for fucking years. I called him, I asked him for a favor. It took three weeks. The fucking husband called me crying on the phone. This is what these people do, man. They don't let their own starve. You know, but when I went, at that age, nobody would give me a job because I was going to fuck him. Somewhere on on, I wasn't going to show up. I was going to steal a car or a truck, so I couldn't blame him from not helping me. I couldn't blame him. I couldn't

I am at that time for not help me. Now they'll do whatever I need. If I want to move back to North Perrigan, I'm hooked up from A to Z, you know, just, I don't know if I want to move back to North Bergen. Do you think you ever would? I was just thinking, and it's kind of weird, if you're, if your child at home ever went on the market,

would you move back? My one. Child at home, the one on a... No. You wouldn't do that? No. That house is, uh, that house is done. Really?

Nobody knows what was done in that house. That house is done. done. That's what happened. That's what happened. That's why all the shit that happened that house in the end happened. That house was just gone. Okay. The spirit of love had been taken out of that wood. You know what I'm saying? Sometimes you can't bring love back to fucking wood.

Nothing you could do, brother. Nothing you could do. It's Wednesday, March 2nd. I want to thank Vanery for calling in today and let me know what's crack a lack. What do you got to plan for the weekend, cuck, what are you going to do? Well, I got two podcasts today, and then tomorrow I'm going to look at some dogs, see if anything

clicks, and then And that's it. You really going to go a lot to a little dog? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if I'm going to do it tomorrow this week or next week.

I'm going to... A little one? Yeah. Oh yeah. It has to be little. It has to be under 30 pounds at my place. But yeah, I think that's missing

for my life right now. You need a little dog. Then you'll walk around, clean dog shit. Walk around. That's why I love you. Cocks sucker. Yeah.

Let me give some shout out to you. Dead Squad Nashville. Happy birthday. You know, I love you. All the Dead Squads around there. I love you, motherfuckies. Keep pushing.

Keep believing. Bad company. Harun Kahar. Tommy Devine. Ricardo. Toking Lear. Tony Farmer and my man, Billy Boone. I love you the fucking death.

And I'll tell you what else. I had great sets last week. And I didn't smoke no pot before my sets. I just, I didn't smoke no pot. I haven't been smoking pot. I will not smoke pot until Tuesday night when I do getting Doug with High live at the whatever theater. Largo. Largo theater.

I won't be getting eyes such a month. I stayed clean for it. And I don't think I'll smoke after that. I want to keep everything low and I'm going to excel at this shit but I didn't go upon I took the alpha brains I'm gonna tell you some guys

I had the sets in my life I had such great sets I even had to call Rogan and go Rogan we got eliminate the reef from the alpha brain just do the alpha brain like I told you the other day

had people that had grown up in the third row and I didn't see him until 40 minutes in and it's a clear place so the lights were on that's how heavy my focus was I was on the different fucking planet

I was on a different planet and I do the alpha brains right. I do them in cycles. Like every 60 days, and I take 30 off, so I reboot it. It's like when you take tryptophan to sleep, it's not going to work after 15 fucking days. You've got to give it a breather, go to Valerian root pee

or something, and then go back after 30 days. Because it's not, it's like smoking the same weed every fucking day. Let me tell you something. I had the sets of my fucking life. I am very impressed. I've never been impressed with any... I don't take energy powders. I don't take none of that shit before I work. I don't know. I'm very impressed with

with honor and what they've done, especially the fucking alpha brain, especially alpha brain and it's got a money back fucking guarantee. Go to Honit.com. Take a look at the alpha brain. Take a look at the strong bone. Take a look at all those new digest dimes and shit to help you digest proteins and carbohydrates. They got so much

shit coming at you. It's fucking ridiculous. Go to Honit.com or joeydeers.com. Look at the page and press in... Church. C-H-U-R-C-H. And get 10% off, get on the mailing list, get special bargains. You know, they have a thing like just like they send you stuff.

every month on the automatic so you don't even have to fucking order it so this is how good on it is being give on to the shot if you're lacking you want to start a workout program go to your doctor see what they got to offer and then get on it start up without it take a chance Columbus did Hulu Plus how many fucking times I tell you cock-suckers about Hulu Plus well I got to tell you about Hulu Plus 799 a month and two weeks for free you could binge you can watch all your favorite shows you can watch documentaries you can watch movies you can watch original programming I could tell you all the fucking shows that are on there I don't have

the fucking time. Go to Huluplus.com. Fill out the fucking box there. Go to Joey Deers.com. What are you put in the box? Joey. Joey. J-O-E-Y. If you go to Hulu Plus, you got one week for free. You got it. $7.99 a month. Me, I'm going the extra amount. I'm going to give you two fucking weeks for free. That's like getting a finger up the ass and a fucking tubular blowjob. And then I give you fucking $7.99 a month, which is $96 a year for fucking entertainment. You understand me? You're not going to get that anywhere else. Go to HuluPlus.com. pressing in the fucking box

and there you have it. As I've been telling you, cock-suckers, I'm not smoking weed no more. I'm trying to get clean. I really want more endurance from my jihitsu. I mean, why fucking work on kettlebells? Why go for walks? Why go to jihitsu if I'm going to keep fucking going backwards and step in life? You know, I had to give it a breather. Sometimes you've got to move something to the side to make a couple fucking steps forward.

Nailed atlip.com. They're going to be here next Wednesday. They're going to show you how to do the fucking vapor pen. When Adam Carolla calls, that afternoon one, next Wednesday afternoon, we're doing a tremendous this podcast. You understand me? So, and now that life's going to be here, they're going to bring the vapors, going to bring the fucking pen, and we're all going to smoke together like a fucking family, all right?

And they're going to bring you a special Lee Syatt, Yamika, Gumibe. You know why, Lee? Because people love your cock-sucker. That's going to be fun. Who loves you? What's a tubular blowjum? A tub. They take your tube on and suck it like a fucking capoza.

You know what I'm saying? We're giving it all to you today. I'm giving you fucking nah, da-da-da-da-da-ha. I'm giving you a Hulu Plus. I'm giving you your nailed it life. And I'll tell you what I did this week. I tell you my wife, what she did. I got home this weekend.

And there was a box from naturesbox.com. Did I tell you about that? You didn't. My wife ordered it. You saw it. That's how much. Usually they send you like a sample. Yeah.

Like six weeks. My wife went out of her way to go to Nature's Box and order the cocoa almonds, the sticks, and the sesame sticks. That's how good those fucking snacks are. Nutritionalist approved. Go to Nature's Box.com. Look at the fucking. shit they got on there they have some tremendous snacks on there from peanuts to

to granola to I mean it just never ends that french toast granola I heard this fucking the eggistina got it I'm telling you even my friends ordering this shit that's how good it is they're healthy snacks they come with a seal you can put them away you can put them right next to your bag next to the weed so you take the bong out you take the fuck the snacks out you even have to leave the fucking chair that's how good is why you wasting your money on little seizures get some healthy snacks go to nature's box dot com and order today and get 50% all your order today 50 fucking percent off your order and then you can order every month

after that you just switch up the snacks see what works for you me I like the sesame sticks me I like the cocoa fucking almonds and me I like the rice fucking sticks there you go and they got a couple of the things that's just the apple fig bars they got some shit that rocks please go to naturesbox.com enter Joey in the in the box get 50% off your first order 50% off your first order 50% off your first order that's what I do I save you fucking Guita at the end of the week. Deedis, bitch.

People talk shit. I'm saving your fucking deities. I'm telling you about where they get a smoothie and a fucking tremendous sandwich for $8. Oh yeah, that's a movie.

You understand? I don't fuck around, people. I do this all over the place. It's not that I'm a mooch. I'm trying to get you the most for your fucking deetus. You guys work hard like me.

Why are we going to drive BMW when Toyota gives you the same fucking thing? You can jump off fucking clips or you need a BMWs to tell you fucking faggot friends. Hi, look at me in a BMW. You don't really need a fucking BMW.

Your little Volkswagen works great. Even though you're Jewish, God forbid this fucking cock, I got a Jew driving a German car, hanging out with the fucking enemy. This is what I'm talking about. This is the youth of America. Oh, my God. I love it.

I have a question for you. What questions? What's with the question? We watched a movie yesterday. We watched, what's the Gene Wilder, Richard Pryor, when they go to jail? It's right here. Anyways, while I'm finding it,

I didn't realize that they actually filmed it while there were people in the jail. When you were filming Longestown, were the prisoners in the jail? On the other side. Oh, my God. Not on my side. Yeah. Rick Bama, Rick was telling me that they were in, like, the scenes or whatever.

What do you think they do with these invicts when you fucking shoot them? What even did they send it to the holiday in? I don't know. I thought they fucking had, like, old jails. It's called Sturr crazy. Sturcray. That's a good movie. Yeah.

That's a really good movie. How many movies that they make together? Four. Four. Okay. Look at Lee. Fucking work on it. It's from Rick.

But, God, I thought they had, like, old jails. Like, when they, when they brought it, when they went to a new jail, people would, they rent the other one out for stuff like that for films. I didn't realize they had fucking on the same jail. They had movie sets. Okay, when we did the longest yard. The building they built that, we built that. Paramount built that one fake entrance.

Okay. With that cover of jail that was abandoned. Mm-hmm. Please, let's do this right now. Google, Albuquerque, Santa Fe, Prison Riot. Okay, and let's just tell the story once and for all accurately, just so nobody gets there from you. New Mexico State Penitentary Prison, right? What's the name of the book?

Is it a book? Yes. The devil something, the butcher something. Let me find that for you? Put riot, Albuquerque, whatever, Santa Fe, Riot book, and it'll tell you. Okay. Where we filmed the longest yard was, was, I think a minimum security, not minimum, but the medium one, medium security.

The devil's butcher shop. The devil's butcher shop, okay? Before we got there, I don't know what year was when this riot occurred. 1980. 1980, there was a riot. Tell them what happened. There was a, 33 inmates died and more than 200 inmates were treated for injuries. None of the, they took 12 officers, they took 12 officers, captain,

but no, they didn't kill them. But they beat them and they raped them. Jesus Christ. How many invix got killed? 33 invix died? Yeah, 33. Okay, so let me tell you the fucking story here. Well, it will be great question.

Lee, because somebody else emailed me about this, and I go, it's too long of a fucking story. I think I touched on the Rogan podcast. Okay. I don't know the name of the jail. I'm not going to sit here and tell you, I don't know what the situation was. I know that when we got there, the first day,

I heard that there was Indian priests, rabbis, every religion came to bless the fucking, where we shot the practice. Okay. We did the practice field. We were fucking in the movie. You've seen the longest shot it was on last night. The practice field, that's all the back of the prison that was abandoned.

That was where the riot was, okay? Okay. The producers had an offer out for the six weeks. Whoever slept in the jail and spent the night. In the morning, we get a $1,000 cash bonus, no questions asked. Nobody fucking, two people tried it. They ran out of it. Oh my God.

That's how spooky it was. I wanted this picture. One day, they had to take pictures inside. They called me and go, you have to go inside and take pictures in this old jail. I didn't know much about it. And that's when they started telling me about why the floors, they painted, there was so much blood that they painted the floor is gray, but the blood would come up through the paint over the years.

Okay, they said that after the riot, they went in and turned the lights on. They thought it was water running through, it was blood. there was a river of blood running through the fucking place three four inches of blood that's how much blue they would cut people's heads off they put them on sticks this shit was fucking violent what's name of the book uh please devil's something to really get the accurate story i'm just giving you the synopsis that i heard the devil's butcher shop the devil's butcher shop how much is it you could order it's got to be on amazon if you go through the link on joaddea's

dot net it's 1853 okay order the fucking book i don't make nothing on and nothing i'm just saying to you A lot of people always hit me up for books. That's a great book. It's by Roger Morris, if you're looking for it. It explains the riot and stuff. I mean, it was a spooky jail. There was just so many fucking things. I can't remember right now.

It's too early about, but next to it, where we walked through, that prison was alive and kicking. We'd see the inmates, they'd wave at us. What's up, baby? What's happening, baby? What's up, please, you know, all that shit. We would walk through them. I'd have to walk through them to get the bus.

That must be crazy after you getting out of prison. Yeah, but I was 20 years earlier, but my trailer was on the property of the prison. Okay. Like Bert Reynolds' trailer, Adam Sandler, the quarterback's trailer, Nellie's trailer. It was on the old jail where they got kidnapped. Me, Lobo, Nick Detoural, Goldberg, the wrestlers, we all got put in whatever. We got paperwork. If they came in our trail and they found weed, we get charged federally.

Because we were on a federal fucking, whatever, jail property. So we couldn't bring that. We eat on the set. But that, you know, me, I don't give a fuck. I smoked weed in that trailer. Like, I was going on a smile like a fucking teepee. Oh, my God. So, that's, people always ask me about good books.

I read the book in Santa Fe. Like, it took me three nights to fucking read. Oh, they have a documentary on YouTube. Yeah. He searched 1980 New Mexico State Penitentiary Prison Riot. This is fucking craziness, guys. You've got to look this shit up. You know, you got what this is, this is fucking crazy.

Jesus. But, yeah, Rick was saying, and Pryor was saying, because we watched a clip from Live on the Sunset Strip that they were like the scene in the yard in that movie and Star Crazy, it was just inmates and like Gene Wilder was playing basketball with them

and oh my God, I can't imagine Listen man, it's men that have made a mistake you know, they have some pretty bad ones there's some pretty bad and good people there there was a kid that could hurt himself that was in there for you know, a vehicular homicide

he got drunk and killed his friend in the car You know, that poor kid was living in hell every day The sweetest kid in the world But walked around thinking he was going to get raped He had to make like 10 friends I liked the kid nobody ever touched I was going to do nothing to Where I was there wasn't none of that shit

Well, I didn't know about it You know, people getting raped And people get, it was very light You know, it's when you're getting those deep fucking prisons And they think they could get something out of you And I'll tell you, it's one of those places Where as soon as somebody says something to you You gotta go

You cannot let one thing One thing What do you mean? Hey, fat man. Yeah. That's it. You got to throw up your hands. Aye.

Because if not, then everybody's going to call you fat man. They're going to start praying on you. Hey, man, let me get some of your soup. Can you imagine some of your soup? Let me get some of your soup? I'm going to get your sandwich. Like, you get dinner three times a day, you eat. Can you imagine getting, like, the coarse meals like a meatball hero?

Okay. And some white, Ray, Aryan brother comes up to and goes, hey, Jew boy, give me your fucking sandwich. Hey. I was telling me. I was telling Rick, I've had a plan forever. If I ever, for whatever reason, go to jail, I'm punching a guard. I can't even punch that hard.

And as soon as they take me out of solitary, punch them again. I would spend the whole time in solitary. That'd be fine. What are you going to grow your fucking hair? Eat roaches like papillon. A little TV? Me in solitary? I could do that.

There's no TV. Oh, shit. Still, I would die. I would die in regular. In solitary, it's you push-ups in your head. And I'm a pen the piece of paper. Fuck, I can't. One day or fucking week, you go out and you walk around to give you two showers a week.

You know what your asshole smells like in that cell? It's better than fucking having been murdered. I don't think I could last eight seconds in jail. You'd be surprisedly. I didn't think so either. Oh, my God. It was a big lie for me. I walked in there and it was a big lie.

Really? Yeah, I couldn't fucking handle it. You want me to tell you, I can handle that shit. I couldn't handle it. That's why I prepared myself to go in. From the minute I got out on bail, I was already in the gym. I was already preparing myself mentally because I was. wasn't stupid. I was

coked up, but I was a little addicted, but I wasn't fucking stupid. I knew something. I was underpay my debt to somewhere, and somewhere I was going to have to justify my existence at some point in that fucking place. At some fucking point in that place. And let me tell you some, I got into a couple misunderstandings. I got beat up one time. I got punching the fucking head, and they broke it up.

And he was a friend of mine in the AIDS unit. He didn't have AIDS. We were in there watching TV. No, no. I don't know. And hopefully that'll never happen. You know, man? You'd be very surprised on what you can handle in your life.

You'd be very surprised what happens to people. I've lived, you know, I'm 50, and all of you guys are listen to this, and when you get to be 50, you're going to see the different phases in your life. You've had dark places like, I'm fucking dark in my head. I'm fucking dark. I think the worst shit in my head ever. I think about the worst stuff ever. It's embarrassing when I think of.

I've got to stop and fucking pray every once in a while and go, Lord, please help my fucking thoughts, you know. But you can handle yourself. People don't think you'd be surprised. It's not just prisons. It's anywhere where you think you have a social phobia for. Sometimes you're putting our head that we're not going to do good. I do it all the time.

That's why I'm talking to you about this shit. Listen, I don't know about the moon. I don't know about the stars. I don't know about fucking pyramids. I know about energies. I do know about one thing. Drug addiction because I lived it, how to get out of it and how to fucking make your life better.

How to take little fucking steps to adjust. When I go see John Evan, the guy who called it, And there's times I'm doing a jih Tzu move And John will say move your hand Three fucking inches Move this foot over here That's what I know about life How to enhance it?

How do I know? Because I live there I don't need a fucking degree I don't need a fuck Right now I could be the best drug counselor I could be right now If I quit today

I could talk myself Into some guy go Where's your degree? I don't need a degree I was out there 27 years Snort and banging out I even kidnapped somebody He went to prison for it

I don't need no fucking degree That's what you're wrong This is experience And I know how to trim it up I know how to trim the fat I don't know how you get your life jumpstart it. The rest is up to you. There's a way to jumpstart your life.

The same way you've seen us jumpstart the podcast. The same way, you know, you've got to jumpstart yourself. And that's what takes the fucking energy. That's the one that you got to think it out and go, how am I going to jumpstart this motherfucker? Because after you jumpstart it, there is no turning back. There ain't no turning back. You fail if you turn back.

There's no like, like, well, I'll give it a break for three weeks. No, motherfucker. Now you've got to keep punching, kick in the door, wave in the 4-4. Anyway, I get all excited. It's fucking Wednesday. It's Wednesday, March 12th. I'm going to Chicago, Italian hot beef sandwich. Don't worry, I'm bringing the medication

with a big dick and a lot of personality, people. We got Barry Katz calling him Monday, a very famous entertainment manager to talk about comedy, and he used to be Dane Cook's manager, and he had a couple big-time clients. Wednesday, we got Adam Carole, and the guys from nailed it with life. We got a full, fucking schedule here, bitches.

Yeah, we do. Fuck yeah. And that's how we roll. Right here. Fucking North Hollywood, California, motherfucker. I love it. So what are you... I've never been to Chicago.

What, is it awesome? I've heard it's pretty cool. It's awesome from A-D-Z. Yeah. It's awesome from A-D-Z. The attitude, the food, the fucking people. You're having a tour of, like, really good cities. Yeah.

I know. I know Chicago from the north side all the way to the fucking downside down there, fucking whatever city down there by a, by, uh, white-year. Castle and shake him whatever fuck steak and shake they got a steak and shake Have you been to Wrigley? Timley outside. Outside. I've walked around outside. I went during the game. I got there too late.

The people were supposed to pick me up didn't show up so I took the train up. I'd love to do that at some point. Not all of them because some of the new ones I don't care about but maybe go to Wrigley. I would have never got to go to Shager or Yankee Stadium but maybe go to like some of the major parks. I think that'd be fun. I have a friend

that does a tour every summer. His name is Ralph Afuso. Oh, I love Ralph. Yeah, you met Ralph. Ralph does artificial turf some of years. And then real turf, I guess. Oh, wow, wow. They mix it up or something like that.

So some summers, he starts up in San Francisco when he does Oakland, Anaheim, San Diego, and they take a plane, him and this kid. I'm not kidding. Wow. So he takes a plane out to San Fran, goes to see the Giants, D.A. is the next day or two,

they go to Anaheim, and they schedule it right. When everybody's around town, they might miss somebody, you know? At least they do it right Yeah It's a lot of fun It's a lot

You know years ago I was into that When I went to Baltimore the first time I had at that boo power place I went to I went to You know by Dallas Stadium That was a trip Not the new one

Okay The old one where Dallas played You know I went to the I never went to see New England But I went to see the bills You know That's my

You know at that time That was my life But it was all so easy to scout It was easy in and out Now I gotta go To get through 19 fucking hoops and whistles just to see my favorite fucking team or just to see somebody playing,

I can't deal with that. I was talking to Josh, and he said that for Anaheim, there's an easy train right down there, like you don't have to drive and sit in traffic like a crazy person. Apparently the train takes you and drops you off right in front of the stadium.

That's a, in Shea Stadium too. Take the train to the plane, take the train to the plane. Same thing with JFKF. The fuck am I talking about. I don't know. This vapor pen has got me stolen to the gills. I'm happy.

You people watch the church the last two days. days. We had some great fucking topics, some great people on the church this week. Like I said, we keep fucking buzzing along, whether you people on the program, whether you can hear it or not. I can see that nobody else complained of my little fucking rant on Monday, but I meant it from the heart because it gets this heartening. It's like when you give somebody a road, it's like that story, Tony's a Suprily to tell about the lady with the rose beef under her own that would complain because she had no bread. You know, I'm giving you a podcast for free. Sometimes it's going to be good, sometimes going to be fucking bad. You know, but at least my heart isn't it.

and that's all you fucking need to know. All right, cock suckers, maybe sometimes it sounds fucked up. Maybe sometimes a U-Stream is fucking up the video. I don't know what the fuck to tell you. You guys just know that my heart and soul is in this motherfucker, all right? You don't even need to listen to it. Just put your hand on the page on iTunes and close your fucking eyes. All right, cock-suckers, and grab your cock and salute the flag

and say to yourself, ain't nobody going to fuck with me today, motherfuckers. That's what the church of what's happening about is all about, bitches. I'm stoned. I got to get my life together. I love it. Is that it? Are we done? I can't tell. I can't. I don't know. I'm not sure doing people to see.

These people piss me off. I don't want to end it now. They piss me off the idea. What are you going to do? I don't know. I won't end it. I'll sit here and smoke this fucking vapor pen until I pass out of my eyeballs turning. You know me? Now that the show's over, don't forget to sign up for your free trial of Hulu Plus.

Hulu Plus let you binge on thousands of hit TV shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus. when you go to Huluplus.com slash Joey or go to Joey Diaz.net and click on the Hulu Plus banner. And now that the show's over, remember to go to naturebox.com and order great tasting, healthy snacks

at 50% off. Snacks smarter in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like everything bagel chips and bake sweet potato fries. Support this podcast and get half off of your first order. Go to naturebox.com promo code Joey. That's naturebox.com

promo code Joey. And again, thank you to NailsitLife.com. Get your vapor pen for 20% off and they'll be... 20% off vapor pen. It costs 50, so you get it for fucking 40. Cut it out there, my fucking brothers. Get the vapor pen. I'm going to thank the people international

and getting the vapor pens and everything. I love you, motherfuckers. One of the best vapor pens out there. We're going to preview them here next Wednesday. Come back, have a good weekend. Stay Black, and me and Lee love you with all our fucking hearts, cocksucker. Oh shit.

Oh shit. Here we go, motherfuckers. Little rage against the machine for you, Coxuckers. I don't want you leaving the house. with a half a heart on, you understand me? I want your dick to be hard. I want your heart to be there.

I want your shoes to be shined. You kick, your dick's clean, your pussy's washed, and somebody's going to pay you for what you fucking did today, cop-sucker. If not, I feel fucking pity out of those cock-suckers. Oh shit, here we go. Here we go. Break out the Asians.

Here we go. Get out the new chucks and the fucking sticks. What are the Asians going to do? They got fucking stars. Here we go. Just when you thought it was safe, motherfuckers. It's just getting started. The church motherfuckers.