The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #159 - The Church Of What's Happening Now

Episode Date: March 17, 2014

Comedian Rick Ramos (host of Watch This) joins Joey and Lee in studio. Comedy manager Barry Katz calls in for one of the best calls in the shows history. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Use promo code CHURCH and get high quality razors sent to your door. Escapepodtank.com Mention Joey or the Church and get $250 off. Recorded live on 03/17/2014.

And on that note, this show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus. When you go to Huluplus.com slash Joey, that's Huluplus.com slash joey. And by Dollar Shaveclub.com. Get high-quality razors sent to your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollarshaveclub.com slash church. That's dollarshaveclub.com slash church.

Or just go to Joey Diaz.com and click. on the Dollar Shave Club banner and go to Escapepodtank.com for all of your sensory deprivation tank needs. You're already going to save thousands with them but if you mention Joe Diaz, the church Lysai, anything, you're getting get $250 off.

Oh shit. Oh shit. Monday, March 17th the day the devil and some fucking chick were buried at sea she wouldn't suck his dick. Fuck it. What? Happy Irish Day to all you bad motherfucking savages

I love you. Without you, I wouldn't even know what balls were. Hit it. Kick a leap. What? Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.

Monday, motherfucker. Watch that pussy. Let's do this shit. Why be a fucking mutt like everybody else? It's Monday, motherfucker. What, Lee? Why be a Jew if you ain't going to rob somebody. Fuck it.

Let's do this shit. Un-uh. Jump, get up. Wash your pussy. Clean that helmet. Pull the skin back. Wash the bonicles out of it. somebody out there's dying to give you a rim job what someone's dying to give me a

room job but right here jump right here jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump oh shit oh shit happy st patty's day to all the real motherfuckers out there in the struggle i love you happy monday it's march 17 today dirty days they have not smoked refa How's that for you, motherfuckers? How's that for you, motherfuckers? 28 years on the blow, I quit without a hug and rehab. No, because my kid molested me. Go fuck yourself.

You look at something, you go, fuck it, it's over. One day I got up, and I go, you know what? I'm doing kettlebell classes. I go for a walk with a stroller. I fucking go to Jiu-Jitsu, and my lungs fucking suck dick. I got to do something. So I said, fuck it, no more reefer. I didn't come.

Day three, I can't take it no more. I got the fuck. You grab your nuts, and you tell the addiction to suck your dut. dick and that's it. I'm still smoking vapors. I ate at a Cheeboji yesterday but I heard a rumor you were jumping up and down. You said that on day four. What do you mean? Oh, I missed the way you for it.

The fuck is wrong with you. You know, I'm a fucking savage like that. Shit. If you're not going to just look at something and tell up to suck your dick, you got problems, you know what I'm saying? Rick Ramo's in the house here. My favorite fucking movie guy in Mexico in the world since Viva Sepata. And La Bambo, that's his new

name. La Bambo. The Mexican movie dude. La Bambo. What's going on, Lisa? How was the weekend? It was great. I had a weekend alone for the first time, which I thought I would be like, I was lonely.

I missed her, but it was great to be alone for a weekend. Especially in your new apartment. You got the, you're still unpacking that person. No, no, I'm pretty much done.

That's not going to end until 2019. I got to do some electronic stuff hanging pictures, but I'm done. You still got to hang the posters and all that shit? Yeah. He's got like 92 fucking. Do you think he's been there?

No. I'm going to bring him. I'm going to bring him a flag back here. He's got everything. He's got everything. this fucking. Fuck yeah. G.

C. Lopez. What else? Let me try and you bang one out. I hurt my back.

I don't know what it is. You heard your back jerking off. No, moving. Not jerking off, you asshole. He's fucking kids.

They don't know how to go. What did you pick up? What'd you pick up? No, you had movers come over, Cucks up. What'd you move?

What'd you move? You had movers come out. I know, but I had to pack and then I would I help the movers and then I was moving stuff around my place.

It's over the time I hurt my back. You didn't pick up the juicer. You said him a bit. You hurt your back picking up the juices. Did you sell that juicer yet? No. Why don't you raffle it off? What are you doing?

What's the questions? Why don't you mind your business? You never going to drink another fucking juice again. You said fuck that shit. That was one of the roughest things. That's worse than being in a Nazi Germany. Take it just juice a motherfucker. I'm not going to support that statement.

I'm sorry, Rabbi. I still got it on a Monday. St. Paddy's Day. you fucking Jews. I love you, motherhubber. Can you imagine it? What? Tell him what would you rather do? Juice this fucking carrot cucumber mix or getting that fucking camp and get

a tattoo. This is a man to this. This podcast is brought to you by Hulu Plaza. This podcast is brought to you by fucking love. That's what we're talking about. He's just jokes. You should have seen Lee's face when he was juicing. You wish you were to

I would say how that's juices and he would tell me yes. Well, he just died. Painful. It's like, I'd rather get a 20 and light on fire in front of him. He was struggling with that fucking juice. Well, that juicing is fucking rough, man. You don't feel full. You're shitting all the time.

No, you're not shitting. You're not shitting? After about the first week, you don't shit. I didn't shit for about three weeks. You didn't drop some flaxseed oil, flaxseed shit in there? I did fish oil. Fish oil is, that won't make you shit.

The flaxseed is what's going to. taken out. You got like little pellets, but when you're just juicing, it's not much. Oh my God. Jesus Christ. I can't do it. I don't mind a fruit juicy. That place you took me to in Hollywood was good. That's delicious. Which one? The Mexicans over there on Hollywood Boulevard? That's a good spot. We've been going over there

since Jesus left Chicago, man. They were on Vine. All those hotels and all those buildings threw them out. They were an empty parking lot. It looked like a fucking Clint Eastwood movie. It was a dead fucking parking lot with bushes growing up. And there was a little hut in the middle, like the last hut on earth. Like, where

And you, that's what it looked like from Hollywood Boulevard when I moved here. There was that big hotel on the corner on Hollywood, Van Vine, where Joey lived. And then as you went down, that was abandoned buildings and rats. And it was a little fucking hut in the middle of that. It looked like that there was a nuclear war. Okay. And bombed everything. And this is the only hut that lived.

And you went in this hut. And there were pictures of all these fucking movie stars. I remember the... Oh, the pictures. I thought you meant about the drawings on the wall, the things and all that shit. Yeah. Fucking crazy place, man. They make a pink cloud, the milk with the honey and the strawberries that you know.

I know I had the one thing with orange. They don't fuck around. They deliver. They make a good sandwich. They make the juice. Chicken salad. When you introduced me to that, that was like, oh, shit. $8 for a smoothie and a fucking sandwich, bro.

You can't lose it. That whole thing has changed everything. Remember, we used to have some great places to eat. What were the Mexicans that had the barbecue spot? It's a beer place now. It's fucking horrible now. That's what we used to fucking make all the Joey Karate viz. He was really Bravo.

That spot was the original place, bro. The barbecue beef in there. There was something in there, and you could go in there when you were losing weight. Like, I went on on Weight Watchers. We were in there all the time over it. They had shit. That was a reward to ourselves.

They had little fucking things over there and stuff. There was some spots in Hollywood. Then they got corporate, and the weed came in and the weed stores, and that was the end of that. But there was a lot of bad food in Hollywood, too. A lot of bad food, bro. And I told Lee the one that you got to watch Hollywood Boulevard.

It's bad. 90% of the You know you got Moussa and Franks Even Michelis Mechellis Let me tell you something My loyalty to Italian food I love it

I love it But Michelli's I'll go to And it's a 60-40 shot You can't eat the bread The bread will break your heart And they're from Chicago It's popping fresh dough Which just don't even bring it to the table

Do me that favor Don't even insult me What's wrong with this? Too hard or? Popping fresh dough That's what's fucking wrong with it okay What does that mean? You're an Italian place.

Give me Italian bread. That's what it fucking means, Lee. That's what it fucking means, okay? But the meatballs aren't bad. The meatball sausage combination with half order of pasta isn't bad. You know, it's not. Can you find good Italian food in L.A., though? Is there anywhere?

I mean, it's like, I've given up. Is it a place that's a salmon bar. What you have is two different type of Italian places. You have the old-fashioned places, which it's a recipe passed on to Mexicans, and they make the sauce. Do they know what they're doing? Yes, they do. I got two stories for you.

And then you have the people that are trying to do the new wave of Italian. The chicken, cut your tour, read with the wine, and shit that Italians don't even know. You know what I'm saying? It's a chabada bread. They don't even know what you're asking Italian. You know about chabata, chabada.

What are you talking about? What are we talking? Italian food? Italian food. Italian food. I went to a place Marios, Mario's Gulf Coast in Chicago this week. I was across in the hotel.

I didn't go on expecting much. It was an old school family restaurant. They've been there since 1985, whatever, 19, 20. I don't even know. I'm sitting there. I order the fucking mussels, white wine, and I order spaghetti and meatballs, because why fuck around?

If the meatballs suck, then we've got none of the discussed business way. And the muscles came, and they're very delicious, and I didn't touch the bread. I ate the salad they gave me, and I just ate the muscles. I didn't dip the bread in the fucking sauce, and I should have, you're in Chicago. Then I had the pasta. But while I was eating, I kept seeing a guy.

Not the best-looking guy in the world. Not a guy in a tuxedo or a suit or a leather jacket. This is a guy. He was a construction worker. Going from table to table, sending over wines, sending over a sample desserts. And I watched it until he came up to my table. And by that time, I was paying my cat,

and I was wiping my face. And he goes, hey, you know, what did you think of the meal? And I'm like, thank you. He goes, I'm Mario. I own the joint. Thank you for coming in today. you think? And we got to a conversation about a grill calamari

that his is the best. He marinerates it with cheese and all this shit. And I'm fucking full if not I would have ordered it. And I stopped him. I go, can I tell you something? I stopped. I go, you just gave me belief in society again. You know, when you deal with all these corporations on a daily basis, whether it's

Sprint, American Airlines. And I'm not putting anybody down here. I'm just stating a fact even Starbucks. When you deal with anything of that nature, they've really taken away something from that and that's called customer service some people it's their nature like lee no matter what lee would do lee always strives you know i'll stop and get you something you're always to make it right and there's people that do that individual basis but that's not what these corporations teach

that's not what they're teaching they're not to see this guy go from every table now he told me he even said to me right there goes you finished because i'll send it over a little play a little sample play for you and i said no but thank you thank you for bringing customer service back into people's lives again and I noticed I'm right there I said you know if I had a McDonald's me who I am Joey Diaz I would have somebody who would walk the floor

ugly white chick whatever who gives a fuck it just feels good that somebody cares that you spend five dollars or five hundred dollars that's what's the difference when you spend five dollars that I make you feel good about it you know what's the weird thing though is that you come from a time when that was popular that's what you

were supposed to do now if somebody comes up to him I'm like what the fuck why are you hanging over me? You know, it's like, because it's such an unnatural thing because nobody gives this shit. Nobody cares about your fucking enjoyment of the meal, or did we do it right,

or, oh, we can't have that. Let me, let me do this for you. I'll bring something out. I'll make something real nice, special for you. That shit doesn't exist anymore. Nobody gives a fuck. They want you in, they want you finished, they want you out within a reasonable amount of time

so they can turn that fucking table over and get somebody else in there doing the same bullshit. It sucks. It really is amazing. And I shook his hand, and I'll tell you what I did. I said, what time you opened up tomorrow? It was 4.30.

I fucking worked out at 2. I ran. I did the Dolce run for 40 minutes, bro. I went upstairs. I stretched. I did a couple things with your stomach. And I said, when I got in there, I was good and fucking hungry. And I walked in that 440 to my word.

Because of his commitment, to his job. I walked in there at 440 on my word. And I went in there, he came into the grill. As soon as I walked in, Sidney, Joey's here. He knew my name. That was the guy's name, Sydney. Sydney. Don't say another fucking word.

Don't say another fucking word. Find the best of Jimmy Sorano on YouTube please. There's my boy is here. I'll stab you with his fucking pencil. Sidney get a cream soda. Sidney, that's the guy's name. Sidney, Joey's here.

He remembered my name. He goes, give him the thing. I got that and I got something else. What did I get to get that? Oh, I got the fucking Mahi Mahi with spinach. And it was delicious. I got some great, talking to witch. The next day, I went to Rosemary.

Let me taste some. The weekend in Chicago was just superb. Chicago is its own city. It stands on its own two legs. It does. You know, I got to say something, and I'm going to go on a limb by saying this. A lot of people are going to be pissed at me. I look at this country as two major fucking cities. New York and Chicago. You know, L.A., I don't fucking know about sometimes.

I really don't know about it. It doesn't even fucking feel like a city. But fucking Chicago, I'll tell you what, my hearts go out to you people. Zanis downtown. Zanis, Roma. I don't give a fucking Rosemont. I don't care where you came from. I had a great time all five shows.

I really did. The food was great. I went to a Hyatt. They put me in a Hyatt the next day, next to the Rosemont site. It's a big mall there, and they have a ton of hotels. They have expensive hotels.

They have a court worth of the Hyatt. I walked in, I was fucking starving. Okay, I was fucking starving because you have to drive from downtown to Rosemont, and it was lunchtime. I didn't eat lunch. I just got in the car,

and it was like 45 minutes. It was traffic. It was a parade. I got out of that fucking car, and I checked in. I went upstairs and looked at the menu. I'm like, this is one of these fucking hotels,

I go downstairs, bro, everybody spoke Spanish. There wasn't one fucking American. I go to the fucking thing. I'm already scared. I go to the fucking thing. I table for one. The guy puts me all the way in the back. I tell him, conio, I start talking to him in Spanish.

You got me in a cule of the world. Then once he knew I was Spanish, he gave me a good fucking table. I could put me over there with, you know, around people and daylight. You got me back there like a fucking vambito, like a vampire. So I'm sitting there and I order, guess what I open up with a nice salad? I keep on the salad with bone. delicious. Lettuce was fucking superb.

You know, you bite into lettuce and it's cracks and crackle. That's got that mist on it. They put pepper on it. Oh, it was delicious. I inhaled that fucking salad. And then I asked the guy, what do you think? Against my fucking wishes. Just something. I had a belief in the Mexican. Against my

wishes, I said, well, how's the salmon? He goes, off the chain. But the thing said it was an oleolioli sauce, lemon oliole sauce, a-o. A-O-I-O-I. I call it Oli-Oli. and he said it was blackened. I don't like black and shit.

I go, holy, holy. I mean, you don't like fish? You know, with spinach and the fucking little mashed potatoes. This motherfucking salmon dog was world class. I mean, world fucking class. It was perfect. I looked behind the line, two Mexicans and a black motherfucker. I'm back there sweating up sweat on that fucking thing.

I love it. That's what the fish was. It was black sweat on my fish. You can't burn that off. You understand me? That's the flavor, motherfucker. why I love black people. This motherfucker was serious.

The next morning I had breakfast in there, the eggs were suit fucking purve. I had eggs with two slices of wheat toast and tomatoes. Guys, fucking amazing. You know, we get shit fucking vegetation out here. It's horrible. It's shit fucking vegetation. Well, because it can't grow out here.

You go to the Midwest. God damn, those tomatoes, you're dink. It's like blood's in them. Like blood drips down. It's like being in a fucking breaking bad, whatever. I was telling somebody, If things continue to be what they are in LA, and you can't get the work and things don't go right,

and once my parents are just, you know, they're not a thought anymore, I'm getting the fuck out of LA, I'm going to Chicago. And I hope it's still what it is because Chicago, I did four years in Chicago, I love Chicago. I love that seat. It's got a fucking life to it. It's got vibrancy.

Character, the neighborhoods are cool as shit. You can get any food that you want. The people are cool as all hell. I miss that place more than anything. I really missed it when I was. back this time and I saw one time I was there my phone broke and I had a take note for the UFC I was there with Joe for the UFC on Saturday before the fucking fight my phone broke I had a shoot through the sprint store take a cab and it was right in the same neighborhood so I

knew where I was I got the first thing I did when I got off the plane Thursday I got up the plane the fucking 12 o'clock the plane was early and I got off went right to the hotel and I just threw my luggage I washed my hand and I walked over and got Italian hot beef with a sausage dog Oh, God damn. Fucking delicious. I had only one on Thursday, and I didn't work out Thursday night, but I ran fucking Friday and Saturday. So hopefully I melted it off.

Maybe I didn't. But no fries, you know? Yeah. You know, that's what we learn from Weight Watchers. We always learned to avoid those secondary calories. Remember, we used to go to In-N-Out. Yeah, we used to do for 13 points. Oh, yeah.

In-and-out, 13 fucking points. The burger, boom. Half the fries and a Diet Pepsi. Or I get like a tea or something like that. A tea, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't waste it on shit that it. That was the good thing about weight watches. Like I would find myself in the situation where like

Like I'd be hanging out with my friends and everybody's drinking And they'd be like we'll have a beer I was like well what kind they have? If they don't have Guinness I got no There's no point in doing it That's the only beer that I like Why am I gonna fuck up my point for a fucking Corona? You know what I mean?

I don't like Corona? I don't like Corona. I can take a Corona with wings with Buffalo With Buffalo wings and Blue Cheese Corona goes down fucking good dog And I don't drink I'm telling you I'm not a beer person that makes me feel like a bitch, but I've gotten really into the ciders recently.

I don't know. I've made you feel like a girl a little bit, but some of them are fucking good. Apple is good? Yeah. I almost got some today, but I didn't know if we could drink in here for St. Patty's Day almost stopped and got a few. You should have got a few. You've eaten a goomy at 7 in the fucking morning.

What's a fucking... It's a little easier to hide. I'm saying, what's a little gazanga, fucking whatever fun. Gazzanga, what the fuck? I see a little Jimmy Serrano. I haven't heard this in a long time. Is this moron number one? Put moron number two on the phone.

Yeah, Jimmy, he's right here. Hold on. He's pissed. This is what Chicago's all about. I love this fucking, I love this movie. Yeah. I thought you told me this guy was going to be on the plane. That's the information we got, Jimmy. That's the information we got.

I'm going to tell you something. I want this guy taking off, I want him taking off fast. You and that other dummy better stuff. You're more personally involved in your work, or I'm going to stab you through the heart with a fucking pencil. You understand me? You got it, Jimmy. What are you hanging around for?

I heard somebody picked up my dukes in New York. It's old news, Sidney, I'm already on it. I don't have to tell you what'll happen if he becomes a government witness. I can assure you that will not be the case. Yeah, I assume you were taking that position, but I'm supposed to advise you against such acts. Sidney, relax. Have a cream soda. Everything is... It didn't happen.

It didn't happen. Say that again, Tony. It just didn't happen. I mean, there was cops all over the place. There was a million fucking feds all over. Jimmy, it was a mess. It was a real mess. You better get off the lines on you, Sidney.

If they've got a tap. on that line there. Sidney, shut your fucking mouth. Now listen to me, dummy. Poor Sidney. Do they have Mardukas in custody or not? I don't, I don't know. I mean, the cops are sworn all over the place. Let me tell you two stupid motherfuck or something. I don't want to get another phone call like this because if I'm going to get on a fucking plane

and I'm going to blow torch the boat of you. Do you understand? You want to stop? I'm on the phone. I'm talking to Jimmy. What are you doing? I should have killed Walsh in Chicago a long time ago. Don't say a word to me, Sidney.

I don't say a fucking word about. Holy dead. I don't understand the problem with you. This is real, people. You just got an earthquake in California. You heard it fucking live on the church of what's happening now, motherfucker. That's the spirit of Dennis Farina. That's the spirit of Dennis Farina.

Who? I got a little bit scared of her a minute. My fucking breath away, people. Oh, shit. I was like, this is the fucking end. This is the end. If that was an adrenaline, And rush, motherfucker, you witnessed it live.

I'm the church of what's happening now. And we're still balls deep. Fucking vapor. Look at the vapor tipped over, but it didn't break. I'm not. Mom, I'm coming home. I'm going home. I'll see you in Boston.

Nice to know you. You're in this motherfucker until the end. That was the biggest one I ever felt. Oh, my God. I would have slept right through that. I would have slept right through that, man. Oh, fuck. That's crazy.

I was trying to pay attention. Jimmy Serrano was like, all right. I thought I was imagining it for a minute. I didn't know what the hell that was. Oh, shit. That was insane. Do you want to pause it so you can call Terry? No, no, no, we're fine. She'll call us.

There's a problem. Jesus Christ, you witnessed it live on the church and what's happening now, motherfuckers. Living in Los Angeles, we're going, going back, back to Cali, Callie. I need this for a second alone. We're going back, back to Cali, Callie. Oh, my God, that was fucking.

insane man anything come up on it oh my god Monday March 17th that's the fucking Irish I love you motherfuckers you motherfuckers some somebody twice as smart oh my god

oh my god I was ready to run over there somebody who to be true as you used to do I love you guys I love you too that was fucking rocked that was fucking rocked

my phone is all fucked up bitches be sucking my dick but this shit oh shit I mean I want to be around we're still gonna be around to see how he doesn't oh shit

shit. Let's see if the puzzle fits. A fucking earthquake, ladies and gentlemen. He said Chicago was nice. You want to hit there now? Yeah. You just call? You okay?

You feel the earthquake? Tremendous. All right. Call me back. Love you. We're on the podcast live. Well, you know what was weird? I saw something this weekend that I hadn't really noticed.

What was that? I've lived in the valley for three years since I've been here. I haven't really ventured out of it. And I had to come back from Culver City because I was getting the T-shirts. And I went through Beverly Hills because the 405 is crazy. The Beverly Hills doesn't seem like a place I'd want to live. All the houses, like, they're all mansions, but they're all like right on top of each other. Like no one has a yard in Beverly Hills.

There's like a ton of traffic going through it. I didn't really, like, when you hear Beverly Hills, you think it seemed like winding streets. And I was coming back through it to get back to the valley. And it was like kind of gross. It was like really gloved. Yeah, it's weird. I don't like it down at all either. It's, it's, uh, stature.

It's where you live. It's telling somebody you live in belly hills, you know, with a look of a brow. Like, I live in Beverly Hills. Oh, my God. You know, I love yogurt. You know, it's just a, you know, I mean, you have to have those tastes. That's what you suit you want. There's people, you know, on the way, uh,

On the way to Chicago, I sat next to a so-called friend. I know him from the business, and we discussed, and he's telling me how he's having a hard time. And I know since I know him, he's always want to be, like, hanging with the Jones, motherfuckers. You know, he just can't be the best at what he does. He has to be to hanging with the Jones. Like, he went out, he had a little bit of success,

and he went and bought a house on Mo Holland Drive. That you go up there and you're like, it's beautiful. but this is out of your round guy what you do and you knew it 10 years ago when I went over to the first time I fucking knew it and I know as a comic rule number one

don't buy nothing to your fourth fucking year on the TV show don't buy nothing oh wow okay don't buy fucking nothing you know and what happens second year in the TV show the show goes under and now he has to go on the road to make a fucking living and there's no Twitter

there's no Facebook and his numbers are going fucking down and you know every once in a while he gets a savior from here or there but eventually you're dipping Well, I bumped into him the other day, and absolutely, he told me. They yanked all his credit cards. He's paying his mortgage with a fucking cash every month.

He can't answer the phone. You know, he can't put his dates on his website, you know. And I said to him, you know, at the end of the day, I go, and he was telling me how his family is sick, somebody's sick, and the insurance won't cover this percentage. And I just said to him passingly, I go, you know, what if he sold the house? How much you do? And he already, he already did the math. He goes, I would clear $700,000. But he goes, I just can't do that.

Oh, geez. You know why he can't do it? Because of what people would think. Me? I don't give a fucking fucking. If I could clear $700,000. I would have done it yesterday. For $200,000, I could buy a house in Kentucky

that rivals those homes. Yeah. And for $300,000 in Kentucky, you know what kind of house I got? I got a helicopter pad, I got pulled. They even throw in three Chinese women. They even throw them in. No ID, no nothing. Do what you want with them.

Butler's kill them. staff, whatever the fuck you want. That's what you get. And you have $400,000. So no matter how bad things are, you could still go out every week, whether there's three or 20 people and do this to your 60.

He looked at me, he goes, I can't do that. That told me, right there, our conversation is it. The reason why he's broke isn't because he doesn't make money. To the normal inhuman being, he makes 120, 30 grand a year.

A person, a normal person, an American, the national income average is 53,000. So 120,000 would do somebody you just fucking fine. This guy, his mortgage, is 16, 15 grand a month. Jesus Christ. You can't, you can't.

You got a ban on that. That's the problem with fucking people. And this is the reason, this is what debt increased, you know. Some people, I never could imagine putting debt from a credit card to go to Vegas. Like, I could never even fathom that. Like, I'm going to Vegas on a credit. People live outside of the means all the time. People live outside their means.

And then you have to come to a dose of reality. When I was married the first time, and I went through what I went through with the credit cards, I, towards the end, I was just lazy. I just wanted to be a lazy comic. I wanted to try to be an artist, you know, drink coffee all day, which at that time I didn't. I just smoked fucking pot all that. But it's, you know, you try to be this thing and I live off cards. Well, you got to fucking pay those goddamn cards.

That makes me nervous. No, they come after you. They'll fucking find you. They want their money and they want the interest and the penalties and all. all that shit. And if you don't have it, they'll take every guy. They're fucking,

they don't care. Their soul is bastards. They don't get it. You know, I was working, I was working, this is about 15 years ago, I was working collections,

gas cards, 220 day overdues. All we were supposed to do, we would have a queue of about 30 or 40 people in this thing. And all we had to do with make a collection

so that we could kick them back to another one. Next month we were going to see them again, but I had to get a, I had to get a minimum payment. And it was like, I got on the phone with this woman. And she was just like, you know what?

I just got out of the hospital. They took away one of my lungs. I'm losing my house. And you think I'm going to give you $25 fucking. And I just sat there and I was like, why am I doing this? Why am I fucking, you know, this is where people are at. They get themselves into this situation. Sometimes by their own fault.

A show of your own fault. Sometimes just by boom, you know. big spenders. It moves quick. But it could easily turn into something else. Like your friend, like I tell people this. It's like, what I want, I want a small little place with a yard big enough for

a dog. Anything else? Fuck it. I don't need anything else. I know what's important to me. My comfort, place to watch my movies and a fucking dog that I'm, you know, because I don't want a wife. I don't want kids. I don't want, you know, I don't think I could deal with that kind of responsibility

but a dog. You know? You want to die fucking alone. I'll bronzes. Yeah, just like that. You're fucking crazy. The fuck is wrong. I've never met a woman that could, I've never met a woman. You don't meet a woman.

Are you kidding? You got to get it together. You know, I don't get it together. You got to stop. You got to watch movies at the house. You know, you pick up a movie that you have to ten minutes, the chick thinks she's in a fucking movie. I know, I know.

She's like, what the fucking money is? You got lucky. You met a great woman. No, I didn't. It wasn't a great woman. You just put commitment in and it becomes something. Oh, is that what it is? Sure, because I wasn't a great man.

you better you know I've always wondered about that yeah how does that look it's it's it's it's two lost fucking souls yeah it's two lost fucking souls that's what it fucking is you know Lee told me a year ago he was sick and tired you never had a good time going on and the fucking Jew God bless Lee he connected them with his fucking soulmate some people got to kiss 50 fucking people some people got a kiss three you never know but you can't just say you want to listen man five years ago I was saying I didn't want a fucking kid I was so angry from Jackie from my first I never wanted a kid again.

Look at the position on me. I got to go home at 8 o'clock and sit there and watch Tebowozy. Go to be a fucking 9 o'clock. With a girl that eats everything I want, you know. Why don't be school her house? Put on the wild bunch. Make her watch some shit, you know?

She's just 14 months. Let me say something. You can't stand in her way when she's watching TV. Sometimes I hear her yelling. Terry's talking and I go, Terry, get out of the fucking way. She's in the work. Get out of the way, dog. She don't like that.

She's, I know, because I know how I am. When she's watching her, goomy, whatever, nothing, you can let your asshole on fire. She'll look, and hey, all right, good. And she goes right back to me. That's just the way life is. And sometimes you worry about, you know, oh, your kid watches too. My kid, my daughter watches TV from 8 to 9,

and then she does other shit, and then she watches TV. This is her TV hours from 5 to 6.30 before she goes down. She likes that team when we zoom it, but it's weird. At first I was like, she watches two hours of TV. I'm like, who the fuck am I kid? I watch nine hours of TV. Yeah, exactly. I'm a hustle.

It's what you fucking put into the kid. Right now she's learning words. She's learning little things. That's what they do. It's colors. You know what I'm saying? She'll come over and the thing will ask a question. I don't answer for her.

She'll look at me like, I'm a genius. Dad, fucking knows. No. I know what's dirty and lives in a yard. A pig. You know what I'm saying? I fucking know this shit. The other day, guys, you know,

you watch your children grow or your children not grow or whatever. The other day we took it to a park. It was 90 degrees on Wednesday. Just another fucking day. got out there. I didn't bring water. I left in the car. That's about 15 minutes. I'm looking at her playing the sand. She's got it all over. And I go over to the ice cream man. Some fucking Russian. $4 for two fucking creamsicles. You know those orange vanilla?

Yeah. I went on. So I get one. I open one up. I get one to Terry. And I take the other one with the impression to go over and give a piece to mercy. So she's not looking at me. She's playing with the sand. I walk over. I put the cone in front of her face. She's got sand on her hands. I put the cone in front of her face. And she reluctant She ultimately licks it and once you licked it guys, fucking her eyes blew up. She put the fucking point down and with her sandy hands grab my fucking thing, yanked it from me. And I'm like, Mercy, relax, let me clean your hands.

And she's over there going, ah, ah, ah, and I'm grabbing. And finally go, Terry help me, and she comes over. I'm trying to brush the sand off the fucking ice cream. She's going nuts. Ah! Terry gives her her ice cream. She takes it, starts eating it, and put sand on that. put sand on that one and then looks at us

and takes off. Just starts fucking mud. No, you ain't taking this from me. We're chasing her. She's running up the fucking thing. Her little legs are moving, Jack. It is classic. And it's getting hot out, and the ice cream's melting, and it's falling. As she's going along, it's just melting, and she's eating it. And finally,

the fucking thing was down to a stick. Guys, we couldn't take the stick from her till that night. She fell asleep with the fucking stick in the hand. It's amazing when you see a kid go crazy over a fucking ice cream cone. She never tasted anything like that before in her life. I don't know. I don't fucking know. I don't fucking know. She, an ice cream cone, like the

orange, she just went nuts. She just went fucking bananas. I went home thinking from that. It's amazing what you learn, like what you forget from little things in life. Yeah. The little things. When my cousins came from Cuba and I met the McCantys, they were singing, stay away to heaven. Like at the table and it meant so much to them that they couldn't do this in Cuba. there's the freedom that we have I could belt into a fucking song at a restaurant right now we could be at Arnie Morton's awesome I could get up and sing the national anthem

and don't go throw you in jail in Cuba she can't just sing you know and as you wind up down the road they couldn't do it they were harmonizing at the table they couldn't fucking and these are little things in life we overlooked so

no one do you have everything and everything's good to you and you don't I mean shit it's like this is name me another place in the world where you can get up at 2.30 in the morning and go shopping for your entire week. You know what I mean? We have such privileges

in this country and this opportunity and privileges and we can do it. You can buy a tuba at fucking 4 in the morning in Mexico. You get up at 4 in the morning Mexico, you know what, today I feel like playing that tuba and go down to the corner there's a guy, you need a tub. What do you get this shit from? It's the truth. Mexico

my friend's going down and they got a fucking liver. She's getting a liver next week. Oh my God. A month later, they're giving her a fucking liver. That means you can buy anything in Mexico. When you have a liver on call, that's true. Come on, guys. Mexicans don't fuck around. I've never been there, but Paul and her family won't go.

Like, her mom and her, they're like, no, we're not going back. Mexican's are afraid of it. It's like, it's a different world. It's a completely... It's a really. It's a really. See, white people love going to Mexico because it's an adventure and it's different. White people... Until they get mugged. Yeah. Until they get mugged or

your dick is purple from getting that good blowjub that Mexican chick charge you three pesos for you like went home i got my dick's up for three pesos wait for that motherfucker grows a third head and then get back to me do you see that baby in china or me it was china or mexico it was a kid born with two heads oh fucking scary shit that's that's that's you know you go into that third world country shit you're like imagine being that father those two heads come like i told you not to watch fucking walk in dead and eat spare ribs that's what happened when you watch walking dead eat spare ribs and smoke a cigarette

kid comes out with two fucking heads. I got to tell you, man, that was pretty much a rushed. What happened this morning? It was a 4.7. That was a 4.7? That's what they've been saying on Twitter. We were a little panic there for a minute.

I didn't think it was going to stop. I didn't think we could run out. I was looking like that. That's the first thing I looked at what's overhead. That's the first thing. It becomes a fucking Godzilla movie. There was an earthquake somewhere last week. Listen, we lived here a long time

with a catastrophe. This is what I fear. This is what I fear for my family. This is what I fear for, you know, that if you're throwing a spaghetti against the wall, something's going to happen. There hasn't been an earthquake. And I don't know, since 94, the big ones. So it's 20 fucking years, guys. Well, what I learned in school, I took a class in this.

And what it was is that the longer you go without an earthquake, see, these little earthquakes like we just had right now, these are good. Because it lessens it up, you know? Yeah, it just boom, boom, boom. When it goes for a long time, it's just, it's a lot. time it just builds. It's like that rubber band that pulls and pulls and pulls. So when that fucker snaps, bam, it's all over the place you know, and that's what happened with, what was it,

the Northridge earthquake back in, you know? What about Japan a couple years ago? Just the videos of like 30 seconds, two minutes and people running from the, like thank you, we're not really near water here. Yeah. Like when we were sitting here right, that couldn't have been more than about what, seven, eight seconds? Yeah.

I felt like a lot longer than that because you're wondering is this going to rise, it's going to crescendo, is it's going to be a much worse thing. For a second thing, I thought fuck, are we going to be able to get out of here? I don't, I don't, oh shit. And where do we go? Instead, we still got a long fucking hallway to run down.

We'll fucking taping and we'll go right to that window. We'll land and fuck in the black attorney's office and we'll run the fuck out of here. Will it just be a silhouette of your body like in the cartoons? Like, no, like on Fist of Fury. When Bruce Lee punches the guy to the wood and his arm goes right through the fucking wood like that, it really

is amazing. You know what? I'm going to do it today. I laughed at my mom I moved here because she gave me stuff for earthquake kit. I just never did it. I'm going to do it today. Two cases of water. You know, peanut butter, tuna, tuna, extra mayonnaise in the fucking refrigerator. Some money.

Some money, you know, cash, you know, how much... And batteries. You need batteries and a flashlight. I'm not staying home. I'm going to fuck. I'm going back east. Fuck. That used to be a joke when I first moved here that if there was an earthquake,

I wouldn't come to work the next day. It ain't that bad. That shit happened. This was nothing. This was... I was listening. toughen this kid up you know. Tell him where I lived before this, the apartment with bricks.

He lived over at the spot on, what was it, Selma? And you moved with her by the Fag Museum or something, right? Tremendous. But the building was 1900, and it was made of bricks. And you can see that it had already gone through an earthquake. They put steel rods through the fucking building. Right. And next thing you know, fucking, I'm sitting in the office one day,

and this thing starts trembling worse than this. And I saw the cats. The cats were drinking from the bus. bowl and all of a sudden the building went this little bit. I saw the cat on the floor and the bowl was in the air spinning. It was amazing. I saw the building tip and the bowl stay at that level. You understand me?

No. And then he ran away and when the bowl landed, water went everywhere. And I could hear the bricks going, you know how you hear bricks hitting together? They're like, marries, come out to play. They're hitting, hitting, hitting, hitting, and hitting. And you can hear the scratch and I remember when it stopped, the phone. It was Terry. She goes, get right home. I'm already home. I'm right there.

I knew. The next level of this is this building collapsing. But there's nowhere in America you can live really without, because I'm thinking about it. In the middle of the country, there's hurricanes. Tornadoes and whatever in the Midwest. You have fucking, look at the floods in Jersey and New York and Boston.

And there's snow on the East Coast. There's like no one really safe. You know, really safe. And even, and no matter how well you build it, there is nothing that man can build that nature can't destroyed. They'll fuck it up, man. You know, you could build a wall in front of the water. The water will come right over that fucking wall. It doesn't

matter. It depends on what... It depends on the right conditions occurring. Boom, you're fucked. Nothing going to happen, you know? Those Japan videos of people running away from the water still freak me out. You're finally. You better come tomorrow. I'll fucking hunt you down. I'll hunt you down like midnight run.

I swear to fucking God, I will come to Boston. I'll hit every synagogue until I find your cock-sucker. I will hang out of every fucking chase You might have to buy me a lot of seafoods. I'll find you. Oh, my God. Listen, Lee, this is...

No, I'm fine. You know what I think about my uncle? My uncle's been here, how long? Did you say, like 30 years? How long has he been? Even longer. 50 years. What do you say, Lee?

I'm talking to you. Well, I was I... My uncle, how long was he? Do you say, we got here? 50s? 50s? He's here. He lives in Glendale and he lived downtown.

It's what, you know, you have to have a belief, bro, and not. It's... You got to have a purpose and nothing else fucking matters, you know? Because you're doing what you got to do. You're doing what you were put here to do. You've found your path. You're making it work. You're doing whatever the hell it is that make...

I mean, think about the work that you guys put into putting together a podcast and creating this network that you have, the podcast that you got running, the future. I mean, because it doesn't end right there. You're going to fuck about it anyway. Oh, no, I'm fine. I'm just saying, oh, we got a call coming. Mr. Katz, good morning, my friend. What's up, my friend?

What's happening, buddy? On the line is Barry Katz, a badass motherfucker. and manager, producer and a friend, a comedy guru in sorts. What's happened, Mr. Katz? All right, church of what's happening. I have to tell you what's happening before we start. Let's do this. I made it a point because I have so much respect for you

that I actually slept in my office last night on the couch so I could be here on a hard line early if there's no hard lines anymore or anywhere in the world within your office. I don't know anyone who has one in their house except for the church or what's happening probably. So I'm here, and I have like, you know, you have your iPhone and you have these settings where you can set the alarm anytime you want an alarm going off. It's like, you know, 615, 620, 630, everything, so I will not miss this particular event. And so I'm like half semi-conscious and the building starts shaking.

Can you fucking believe that? Can you fucking believe this, Barry Katz? You know, there's like an earthquake happening. Glass is shaking. I'm on the 24th floor of a 26th floor building. I'm thinking, okay, this is a great way to die. On my way to the church is what happening. Barry Katz, I'm going to tell you why you're on this podcast.

You want me to tell you why? Because... I'd be... I love to. Out of all the fucking jerk-off people I know and all the stories I've heard the last two years about management. and agencies, you're the only motherfucker that gets it. And I'm reaching out to you with much respect.

And now I know why you had the clients you had and you've had the success you had. Because nobody, you have a podcast called Industry Standard. And every time you get on that fucking microphone, I hear that industry people fucking run. That's the last thing they want to do. But you are out there living the future. There are so many stories out there of clients

going to their managers in San Francisco. and talking about podcasts. One in particular that we all know. And the manager going, are you fucking retarded? What is a podcast? And he fired him, and now the guy is...

So this is why you're on the podcast, brother, because you are a manager with growth and vision. And this is why. I love this genre, you know, all from my entire life. I was always known as kind of like... I've always been a great listener, but I'm also a very long-winded storyteller.

and I always, like, I always had these stories. I didn't know that I was a storyteller. I was just being me. But, and I loved engaging people in questions and conversations, and I've always loved that. And, you know, it's just funny you said that because when Jay Moore, who I represented for about 20, almost 25 years, God, I'm old.

And he asked me to do his first podcast. podcast and I was like Jay this you know this I'm not the kind of person that you should have on your first podcast you should have you're going to have celebrities everybody in the world is going to want to do your podcast except maybe you know people who you know people who you've gone off the deep end with if there's anybody like that in the business but everybody else will want to do it I mean there's like hundreds of people that I could think of but he said no I want you to do it. And I got in like a little argument with him. I don't, you know,

I'm not an arguer with him, but and he said, Barry, be at my house at this day, and I'm not going to talk about it anymore. And I'd never done anything like this before, and so I do his first podcast, and, you know, he's not the kind of guy

that really has a sense of social networking and anything at the time. I mean, he doesn't even have a printer at his house to print up anything or a tax machine or anything remotely like that. At the time, he doesn't have, I don't even think he has an iPhone.

He just had like some kind of a flip phone or something, probably. And he does the first podcast, and I get a call from him I think it was about a week later that his producer or somebody at the, where he was, I think he started with

Kevin Smith Network, had said that like over 300,000 people had listened to that podcast and it was the number one podcast. you know, in the world, not just in comedy in the world. And, you know, he wasn't really promoting it. I was the recipient of that. And so then he called me up again.

He said, I want you to do the third episode. And then the 10th episode. But before I knew it, there were like over a million people that had listened to us together and were kind of like a yin and the yang. And I would just go at him in terms of show business and how it was. and he was accepting of it, of his fault and my faults. And then it was just a natural progression to try to do something on my own. And that's where industry standard came from.

I'm going to ask you something, point blank, and I want an answer from you, Mr. Katz, because you're the best in your business. My co-host today is the Flying Jew. He's the producer, Lee Syatt. He's also from Boston. Hey, Mr. Katz. And we just had an interesting question this morning.

What is a fucking manager? what are the duties of a manager? And Rick Ramos also. Do you want to know what a fucking manager is or what a manager? What was Barry Katz? Why did Barry Katz have Chappelle and Louis C.K. And not to mention one of the greats. And not only a great as a comic,

but you put them into a different forefront with media, Dane Cook. What makes a good manager? Well, first of all, let's start off with what a man. is, in my opinion. And again, I hope you don't mind the rambling. Go. Go. We're here to whatever. Go. Get coffee. Do what you do. Because I have no time limit here. So this is the thing. I want to share this with you and your audience because I think it's really fascinating and important. For all of you out there, there's no management college. There's no place in

the country or the world where you can go and there is a class that says management 101 this is how you do this is how you do that so the profession is kind of in a way it's like a i'd like to call it like almost like a bastard stepchild to professions all over the world because you want to be a lawyer you've got a four years of school three years of law school you want to be a doctor, you know exactly what to do. There's courses. There's nothing on being a manager. So what I'm about to tell you by what a manager does, that's my opinion of what a manager

does. And, you know, a lot of people do that, but some don't. So a manager is somebody traditionally in the entertainment business who you utilize as being almost like your cabinet. like if you, if Joey Diaz is the president of his career, so if he's Obama, then the cabinet that he assembles to help him make his decisions in his career normally comes down to the team around him. And normally a manager is the point person of that cabinet. He's the guy who helps you make decisions that are going to help drive your career forward, whether you be an actor. a musician, a magician, a variety performer, or a group of performers, an improv troupe, he's the one who's there.

So in other words, that's the first thing. If things come to you, you talk about them, he gives you the pros and cons of every decision, and he helps guide you in the way you're supposed to go. He also is in a situation where he brings things to you that have. happen in his mind. He brings ideas to you, concepts, things that he thinks could work. There might be other things that come to him throughout the universe and his profession that he might bring to you. Maybe there's an idea for a television show. Maybe there's a reality show that somebody pitched in. It's right for hosting. Maybe it's having a conversation with Lauren

Michael's or Marcy Klein that's Saturday Live and they just let you know, hey, we're doing these showcases again the spring is there anybody you think might be right for it to give you an example of something i think is it probably the best example of what i feel the strength that i have that that that maybe uh i don't know who hasn't and who doesn't because like great comedian headliners they don't know each other they don't know they don't work with each other so joey d is not working with louis k unless he stopped stops by on a showcase club in Hollywood for, you know, 10 or 15 minutes and sees them. He's not focusing in on them, so I don't know what the other managers do or they don't do.

But one of the things that has always happened with me, which is unquantifiable, and I could never prove this in a court of law, and it's almost going to seem ludicrous to you and your co-host and your audience. I've always had this like six cents, this psychic thing that lets me know an artist that's going to do extraordinary things in film, television, you know, radio, multimedia things, acting, and we'll cross over to both situations. And I don't know what it is. And I'm not saying it happens with every single artist out there that can walk up to everyone and say this or that. but just to give you an example of something that was crazy, and I guess I'll tie it to the Jay Moore thing because of what I talked about earlier,

I was at the Sundance Film Festival, and Jay was hosting a thing called Festival Daily, where you host that area of things, you talk to people, and he said, Barry, there's this girl that's, you know, been busting my balls here, and she comes right at me all the time. You should meet her,

and you should take a serious look at her for representation. And, you know, I haven't met her yet, but I did end up meeting her, and immediately my thought that came into my head was this person could be an amazing writer, an amazing actress, an amazing comedian, and an amazing creator.

It's just like, it was like, it just snapped in my head. And this is a person who was just being, a correspondent. This person had probably made like $6 in a bucket of chicken in their career. They hadn't done anything. And I met with this person and I said, you know, I see you as all these things. And I think that you could do these things. And she said, well, I just really am gearing towards hosting and corresponding. I said, there's much more to that. Well, to make a long story short, This person went on to be a very capable stand-up comedian who just filmed their second hour special. This person went on to act in several films and television shows.

This person went on to create three television shows in one year, which was one on E, the Whitney show, and two bro girls, and that's Whitney Cummings. and and so these things happen and just to tell you another story that will kind of freak you out but solidify this kind of thing because I don't again I can't quantify this this isn't something I went to school for and just happened

I sat down with Chappelle about I'd say maybe less than a year ago at Real Food Daily in Santa Monica and he was with his wife and one of his children and he when I sat down

and my ass hit the pillow of the chair he said do you know what month it is I said yeah

I do he said and I told him the month and he said no no Barry it's 20 years ago

today I'm sorry this month that we met do you remember what you said to me and where it was and the circumstances.

And I said, of course. We were at the Boston Comedy Club, which was a comedy club that I ran in, in Credit's Village. I had a manager, Jason Steinberg, at the Comedy Club, a Comedy Club manager who saw you on open mic and invited you down on Tuesday. And I met you in the middle of the comedy room before the show started.

I shook your hand, and I said, I want to represent you. I think you're going to be one of the biggest stars in film, television, and comedy, and I think you're going to change the face of comedy. And at the table, it was the weirdest thing. Like, he said, do you remember anything else? All I remember was is you saying to me, what are you talking about? I mean, it's like you haven't seen me perform.

You don't know me. you've never seen a video of me. How could you say that to me? How would you know that? And I said, because when I shake your hand, it's like that movie The Dead Zone, I can see the future, only I don't see bad things.

I see good things. And when I said that, he slapped the tape. You know what somebody you're in a restaurant, somebody slaps table and the dishes and the plates and the silverware shake and everybody, like, looks around. He slapped the table so hard, and he got into this mode, which I, you know, I never seen.

It was almost like an angry Dave Chappelle, but he wasn't really that angry, but he was like, he was like, that's right. That's right. And it haunts me every single time I think about it. And I'm like, Dave, please, I just sat down. I mean, I'm just, I'm just, I'm going to want to have a good time and hang out. And then he went into the sort of the solemn day, but he's like, I'm sorry, man, it's just, every time I think about that moment, I just say to myself, how the fuck did he know?

How did he know? And then he said, how did you know? And I said exactly what I said to you. It's just that, that sixth sense. So in an answer, that's that. And then when you get there and when you have the confidence of signing an artist and they decide that they want to work with you. Then it's a question of moving the needle

and exceeding all expectations. It's no different than your podcast. When you start your podcast, just pretend you were a manager, and your podcast was the client. Think about the work you put into it. You're getting up at 6 o'clock, 5.30 in the morning to do this podcast. There's a reason why this podcast is always in the top 50 or whatever it is.

Because you work hard and you try to bring something to the table that nobody else brings. And so as a manager, I always try to bring something to the table that nobody else brought and think outside of the box. And it's the same thing I talk about. Like with Jimmy Fallon, there's a, you know, Jimmy Fallon, he can't lose. He cannot fail. And the reason why he can't fail is he brings six things to the table that no one else brings. in late night television. He sings,

he dances, he plays a musical instrument, he does impressions, he has humility, and he's 40 years old. And so when you go to late night television

and you have choices of who you want to see, if you're interested in monologue, then you're, you know, Jimmy's in trouble because there's a lot of people who, you know, I'm not saying you're in trouble, but there's a lot of competition there. If you want to go to late night to see those desk pieces, then he's got competition.

If you want to go to late night to see somebody interviewing guests or guests, then he's got competition. But if you're going to late night to get a bunch of things that no one else can offer, you're going there. And so for me, you know, I don't represent Jim Carrey or Adam Sandler or, and I never have. You know, I've had some extraordinary situations that we might talk about later,

but I look at it this way, for some reason, in comedy, I always felt like people talked about me in the same breath of anybody because I think I'm a hard worker. They know the kind of people I've represented, and even though I don't represent all of them still, and I would have loved to, along the way

you learn and you take notes and then you move forward and I hopefully I think I have a friendly relationship of all the people I work with and who I work with and I just

I just want to do a great job I want to exceed all expectations and I want to pretend the people watching me have the highest fucking expectations which clients do and so that's what a manager does you know it's very simple

it's the last thing I'll say the simplest thing about being a manager is like all it is if I were to represent Joey Diaz, he's going to come to me with his bucket list of the things that he wants to accomplish in his career. And, you know, who knows? Maybe number one is I want to be the star of my own sitcom. Maybe number two is I want to do three studio films when I say studio like big studios and not independent films a year. Maybe number seven is I want to

host my own radio show on a syndicated level. Maybe number nine is I want to headline the A-rooms, the improvs all 18 or 19 rooms or whatever it is. And then it's up to me to go through that checklist

and help him accomplish all of his goals, one by one. And if Joe, Joey Diaz is a great artist, that's not going to satisfy him. You know, I'll never forget when I work with Jim Gaffigan. I actually produced Jim Gaffigan's first television show with, and David Letterman's first television show with him, called Welcome to New York.

And when I sat down with Jim, it was fascinating. I had the small office in New York. It was a corner office, but it was like six feet by six feet. It was literally like Kenny Youngman says, you put the key in the door and you break the window. That's how small it was. And when Jim sat down across from me, he only had one thing on his mind.

If I sign with you, will you get me on the Letterman show? And I said, yes, I will. I said, there's no way I will fail to get you on the Letterman show. He's like, how can you guarantee that? I said, Jim, I know this sounds weird, but I just know. and I put people on the show before, and I know the kind of artist that I can get on the show and knows I can't,

and I will get you on that show. I'll never forget the first time he did the show, and it was one of the greatest moments in his life, and he will always remember that moment, and I'm proud that I was there when it happened. He got off stage, and I got out of the dress, and I went to hug him, and I'd say that Jim, congratulations, you did it.

And he wanted to know, what the first thing he said to me was, he said, Barry, when are we doing this again? And that's the nature of an artist. It doesn't matter if you're Dane Cook, and you do a 30 city tour where you sell out, you know, arenas for the first time of anybody. I mean, it doesn't matter.

Like, I remember when I was in Toronto with Dane Cook, the first date of the first tour, 21,000, 500 seats sold. out in Toronto at Air Canada Arena. The place where the Toronto Raptors and the Toronto Maple Leafs play, okay? So that way. Get to the arena early and he's got his head in his hands. He's like down in the dumps.

And, you know, there might be reasons for that other than being a driven artist. And there might have been things that he was going. through that might have been bringing him down. But the point being is that if you pick off something on your list that big, that you're selling out an arena for the first, there's only been Andrew Dice Clay and, you know, God knows who else at that point that's done it as a comedian, and you're doing it and you're down,

I don't care what happened in your life that day or that week. that lets you know that as an artist, you're driven, and you're not going to stop until you get to where you're going to go. And that's an example of this podcast of yours. The great part about your podcast, looking at it from a managerial point of view, no manager did anything for you. You were your own manager. You decided what, I don't know how much you talk about it,

but I'm blown away and I have so much respect. for you in this podcast because just to let your audience know if he hasn't shared this with you. I'm going to tell you straight. You know, Joey Diaz is probably closer to 60 than

he is 40. I don't know how old he is, but if you look at the trajectory of stand-up comedians in the world who are of a certain age, every age you are in show business, unless you're

Betty White or, you know, or Gary Marshall or somebody like that, there's this thing that just happens and you wonder if your time is up. You wonder what's happening, how's it going to be. It's like it's almost like how, I don't mean it to be a disingenuous, but like sort of that pressure that I feel that women's society have as the age ticks up where men don't feel that. So almost like comedians are like what society the pressure puts on women. And so

he's going forward and here's a guy who's never really headlined the kind of room is that other peers headline that he looked at and he said well, why the fuck aren't I headlining those rooms? I'm just as funny.

And the reason being is those guys had been on sitcom or they'd been on, they'd had their hour specials, or they'd, you know, they'd done a lot of prominent roles in films as opposed to maybe ones that weren't as prominent. And maybe they were more useful. Who the hell knows? But the fact is, is that this guy was doing his thing.

He was always funny. There was never a show where you would go to in Hollywood, with Joey Diaz on the lineup, and not leave. the club and be on your ride home and say, God, that fucking guy stole the show. Who is that guy? Who is that guy? And the sweatshirt and the quasi-pants,

sweatpants look, and the tennis shoes who's limping around on its way out and man, is he limping? Is that the walk of an elder statesman Italian comic? Who the fuck knows? Or Mexican comedy? Who knows what it is? You don't know what it is, but you had this persona about you. but you always stole the show.

And I always say to any comedian who wants to make it, go to your home club and do 10 sets. And if the audience members, the barbec, the waitresses, the manager, the comedians that hate you, if they all say, that guy I have to hand it to him, he was the best of the night, do that 10 times in a row, get a helmet. But this is where I'm wrong.

Joey Diaz did that. Every time. Yet the needle wasn't moving. Now, the audience thinks it's moving because they see him in a movie here, a movie there, a guest spot there, and they think, hey, this guy's doing it. But in the real world, perception

isn't reality for a comic. There's very few people that are really making it. We'll give you an example. Chris Rock said to me one time, Barry, I don't really understand. women in comedy. I said, what don't you understand? He said, there's only about seven millionaires.

How is that possible? I mean, if women would just figure out the formula of how to succeed in terms of the stand-up area and get that hour together in a way where the material and the content is right, there'd be so many more women who are million, but there's only seven or so. That's how tough it is, but you perceive that people are doing it.

Like you see a comic, let's say, on, you see a comic do an hour special on Comedy Central, and in an audience you think, hey, that guy's doing it. He's making a shitload of money. Well, he's not. There's a lot of guys who aren't. And that's the thing. And so Joey was one of those guys who wasn't making it happen. And he wasn't moving the needle, yet he was doing.

everything that moved the needle, every set. There wasn't a set the guy ever did. I never saw the guy bomb in my life. I never saw the guy even have a set that was remotely average, always killed. But it would a need, something wasn't happening. So he said, you know what? I'm going to go and do this because, you know,

I'm going to try this out or else probably, he probably said I'm going to pack it up and go home. and he's not a quitter, but this business will squash you like a fucking bug. It will demoralize you, it will systematically just take away every level of enjoyment that you have, no matter what it is. It's designed that way. And so he says, you know what, I'm going to take control of another area like I'm good storyteller, I'm good, you know, let me try this form and go into podcasting and work just as hard as I haven't.

a stand-up and his acting and in all areas in my career. Let me go for it. And wouldn't you know it? America spoke. And he wasn't beholden to comedy club bookers who had their fucking nose up because he wasn't the kind of guy that

normally they put in their club. Or the sitcom television executive was like, hey, you know, I can't really build a lead around this guy because, you know, he's not necessarily that appealing. I mean, I need somebody's appealing.

But Joey Diaz said, you know what? I'm going to let America talk. I'm going to let America be the decision maker. I'm going to let the world be the decision maker. They're in control. They're my cabinet. They're my manager. I'm still the president of my

career, but I'm going for it. I'm going to take control over my career and do it my way. And, hey, if they speak and say, you suck, go for it and I'm getting another job and I'm getting out of this fucking business. But I think they're going to like me. They're really, really going to like me.

And true to form, you were your own manager and you made it happen and you should be very, very proud. Thank you, brother. No, no, that's, listen, I really had no help. So a couple of years ago, I made a decision that everything I was going to do, I was going to starting to finish on my own or I wasn't going to do it. It was just too much. Everybody reached out, a TV show, and then it would go away. And I have a partner, Lisa Ayat, the Flying Jew,

who we were discussing him going into management. This is, we have been discussing this for a while because he's been here with me since day one. Since the video, I did Gabriel Lacey's show on Comedy Central, and he gave me a little bloggy. And I didn't know how to download. It was like the 10th camera somebody had given me.

And I started following myself with the camera and I gave me $100 a week to edit it. And we put eight videos up and that's how we started. And then we did a documentary. We got the money from Twitter, $3,000. And we shot a documentary. And I was still doing a podcast with Felicia and he kept saying, listen,

you have this audience in the morning. Let's do this podcast in the morning. And this is why I do this. And no, Barry, you hit it on the head. And this is why you're a tremendous fucking manager. I'm really happy you came on today because you enlightened them in a couple of things. But, Lee, do you have a question for back? I have about 8,000 questions.

Hit it. So let me try to condense it. It sounds great to like say you're going to work this and do this for so much for us people. But in reality, you have to be successful. You probably have to have at least have like eight or ten people who you're managing. How do you like, how do you manage your time? Because, like, I've worked for, I've worked with Joey for three years, and up until two, three months ago, he was the only one I worked with.

But now I've added people. And every comic, every person, it's not even a comic, every person thinks they're the most important. And to them, they are the most important. So how are you in Toronto with Dane Cook? And then there are other people? Like, how do you manage your time and, like, make it seem like everyone is the most important person? and like it seems like you must not have slept for 20 years.

I don't understand. I don't know how that works. Well, I'll tell you how it works. And I'll tell your audience how it works. It's a flawed system. It's a cracked foundation. You know, every person that wants to be represented, whether they buy a manager or an agent or agency or a lawyer,

it's like you're in a situation where you, it's designed to be very frustrating. The days of Colonel Parker and Elvis, you know, are long gone. You know, he had one client, and that was Elvis Presley. And he took all his time and energy and focus in that. And the reason why, you know, Joey and you are probably as successful as you are, is because, like I said, you know, you're giving your attention 100% to what he does. Now, that doesn't mean that, you know, 40 hours a week you're dedicating to Joey.

Maybe you are. Who knows? But for me, it's always been a situation where you have to be a great multitasker. Because when you look at it, you have to always be working. And thankfully, in the day and age of this new technology age where you have, you know, laptops and cell phones that are smarter than the average bear and you can be anywhere in the world and do your work. I'm embarrassed to say this, but sometimes, like,

I'll be on my way to work, and I get up really, really early, and sometimes, and I love my office, but sometimes I'll stop at a Starbucks, and I'll get, you know, a tea or some breakfast or something like that, pop out my laptop. And before I know it, I'm there like two or three hours, and I don't even know what happened. And I'm not in an office, but I'm doing my work and electronically,

and you can get things done. But an answer to your question is it's very, very difficult because every artist wants 100% of your time. Every artist wants to know they're a number one priority. And every artist is disappointed. Number one, they're disappointed. This will make you laugh. An artist is disappointed when he's the number one guy in your list.

Because he's thinking to himself, well, how come I'm number one on the list? Isn't there other people that are, like, you know, up there with me? Or they're disappointed that you're not one at number one list. They're like, you're giving all your attention to that guy. Who said that quote? Like, I don't want to be a part of a club that would have me as a member. Groucho. It was that.

Yeah, like. Yeah, that was Groucho, Mark. And he said, one of the things I'll share with you that I think is a great metaphor for the business is that when I was, running my comedy club in Greenwich Village. I remember the manager, they hired this new manager, and they were so excited because they put this availability line in, and they got everything organized,

and people were calling in, and they put the lineup together for the first weekend of, you know, when they started, and they came to me, they were so excited, I said to them, listen, I don't know how to tell you this, but I don't want you to, you know, they were looking for my approval

of this lineup before they called them and booked them. I should prep of that. And it was a great lineup and I looked at her and I said, listen, I don't want any of those people on the show. And she said, what are you talking about?

Like, we've got a system in place, everything is going well. It's like, she's like a management company. I have a system and it worked. I put in the place and I actualized it and it's going well. And I said, I don't want those people. She said, why not. I said, look, I want the people to work at my club that don't want to work at the club.

Those are the people I want. I said, get me all those people. I want Bill Hicks in here. I want Romano in here. You know, I want those people. I want, I want a tell. I want Chris Rock. get them in here. And we did. It was hard. But that's the thing you want. And when you're putting your list together of things, you know, and you have your clients or whatever,

it's the same thing. You want people who you don't. You want people you don't want as a manager. You know what somebody comes to you and says, well, you manage me. It's almost like a guy going to a girl saying, will you fuck me? Well, no.

I've got like a hundred motherfuckers who want to fuck me. I don't want you. You've got to dance and sing a dance or do something or take me out before I'm going to touch you. But, you know, it's the same as a manager. People will come to you and they'll say, well, you represent me. I'm great. I'm doing this, this and that. And normally the people who come to you are people, they're coming to you for a reason.

They're sitting on the couch for a reason. It's because something's broken, something not working and they want you to try to fix it. or else they're new in the business. You know, occasionally somebody comes up to you and says, will you manage me who really is somebody who you want to manage and you'd be honored to manage? And just in full disclosure, this is something that's a fascinating thing because I think I should shine the spotlight on this if you don't want,

and this will probably call me out as well. You know, Joey is the kind of guy who, I believe at times has made it known that he would entertain the opportunity for me to represent him as a manager.

But I never did. I never went for it. I never pulled the trigger. I never fought hard to be in his life as a manager. And true to form, like what I'm saying about that psychic

thing that I have or whatever, it doesn't always work. It's not always that way, or else it gives me the six cents or whatever puts me at a place where I think I can win. So I'd have to ask myself if I was on a therapy couch why I haven't fought to represent Joey Diaz. And the only thing I can probably come up with

is the fact that probably in my mind, I say to myself that I want to win and I want to be great for somebody. And maybe in my mind, I think to myself, maybe I'm not the guy. There is a guy or a woman out there like yourself that can be that person. I took, I started to represent somebody about two years ago

that is similar to, I'll just say similar to Joey's vibe in the business and where he's at, similar people knowing that person. And I just, there was somebody in their life that was there in their life every day, like you. And, but they wanted to bring me in. And for some reason, I just felt throughout that year or a year and a half,

this person called them five times a day, spoke to them all the time, did all the little things that the artist love like travel and details and things like that. And their relationship was a bond that was like unbelievable. And before it started, I said, like, why are you having me? Why do you want me to represent you? Because we need this, this, and this.

But I never felt like I was deserving. I never felt right. I never felt like I was doing any kind of semblance of a good job. and I always felt that that person was the person that should be the true manager of that artist. And so there's times when things don't work out. And those things are similar on an artist's brain as they are on a manager's brain. And it's great. I mean, I got in with Joey at probably the exact right time,

because if it had happened two months later, he would have been too big and he wouldn't have responded. I wrote to him on Facebook. I mean, I had no business meeting. with him and uh but i got in at the exact right time and it's i'm by no means his manager at all people people like some people think i am but it's just i do video and audio stuff and maybe managing is in my future i'm not sure yet but it's uh it's crazy and it's it's hard to have that much uh belief in somebody because it hasn't know with i worked for joey for three years before i could like i I still had a full-time job on TV shows,

and I literally just stopped doing that, and it's been tough, but it's hard, because anyone I want to manage is probably too big right now, and anyone I could manage might take six or seven years before they start making any money. So it's a weird point, and it's just, like, how do you, how do you get through that beginning stages?

Like, how would I... I'll tell you how I got through it, and this is just me. The first rule for me, as crazy as it sounds, and I know this is ludicrous. And to this day, it's the same way.

It's like, I never think about the money. I never think about, you know, I used to be, I never forget when I was in New York, I shared office space with this manager

and who represented Dennis Leary at the time. and the guy, like, had, he was like, typed AAA, and he always had this calculator on his desk. And he was always calculating the amount of money he was making from each artist. He would actually charge a commission on a $50 spot in town in New York City. And he would have any charge 15% of the time. Most managers charge 10.

And so, you know, he'd have these lists of things in a UDICU.S. spot in New York City, it would be $7.50 or whatever it was. It would be, you know, if you have all these, and you'd add them all up. And I never, I never did that. Now, don't tell me wrong, you know, I still would like to have the rent paid, and I'd love to have my mortgage paid. And, you know, you have to think about those things. And there's times when, you know, I've experienced some, you know,

many, many difficult problems with money and cash flow. But for me, it was the first thing was just, just worry about doing a great job and everything will follow. It's so funny. It's really funny that you say that because Joey actually, he yells at me about every other day because he'll have his wife pay me or he'll hand me a check. And he'll like, did he deposit that yet? Or did you look to see if it was there if it was just a deposit online?

And I'm so busy. Like, I'm working now with Joey and then like four or five other comics that I'm making no money from. Like that I just, when someone says they pay me, like I just, I believe him. And he'll call me. be like, have you checked your bank account today? It's crazy. Like, I just did my taxes, and I'm probably making, like, a quarter of what I made last year now. And it's scary, but it's, I don't know, I don't know what you did before.

It is scary, but you're taking the risk. I will tell you this, that something that probably Joey won't tell you, and any artist won't tell you. If you think that Joey Diaz wants any of those five people that you're working, win. You're sadly mistaken. He might want to support you. He might be in a situation where he believes in you and he wants to see you do well and wants to see you make money. And he might be supportive of all those five people. But I tell you right now, no one wants to see anyone pass them. I don't care if you're in the kid at Comedy Central as an assistant.

I don't care if you're in a law firm. I don't care who you are. They might be happy for you. They might be excited. But no one wants to see anyone win more than they do. And so when you're doing this thing, one of the most difficult things you're going to run into is that there's a possibility. There is a possibility that somebody you'll find will catch lightning in a bottle and will do the kinds of things. that say let's say like a Gabriel and Glacius did because again you know when

Gabe was starting well who was out there in his genre there was Paul Rodriguez George Lopez Carlos Menzia you know maybe three people right so he came when he was coming up so were the other Latino comics so what were the chances that he was gonna come up and get more of an audience than those people. Very slim, but it happened. And so it can happen with one of your guys, too.

And that's the worst thing in the world for a relationship, because the artist sees how much work that you guys did together. He sees the relationship. But then he sees attention starting to slip away. He sees the person that's starting to become a star and get hot. He sees that thing going. you know and it can happen to anybody some of the people I respect the most in my life

in comedy like Chris Rock when I represented Chappelle you know he's 18 when he came to town you know Chris Chris is one of them I mean for those of you don't know him or whatever this is a guy who's just

he's just an amazing I mean the guy is like the guy's on Facebook the guy answers things on faith he just he's like as Dean Del Rey told me this comic, a musical comic or whatever, even from the music business told me in the improv. He said, look, you know, comedy is the only place in the world

where, like, a huge headliner will be in a comedy club with an open micer, and an open micer could just come up to Chris Rock and say, hey, man, you know that, you know that bit you do, I've got a tag for you. I think it'd be better if you did this. You know, it's like, but the point I'm trying to make is when Chappelle came into New York City. Chris Rock,

for the first time, I'd never seen this in him. He was not warm. He wasn't overtly mean. He wasn't overtly like, you know, being a dick.

But to Chappelle, he was not like all embrace, in other words, if an all-embracing, all-uncred, encompassing love fest of, you know, he'll help you with anything you want is number 100, and zero is, go fuck yourself, kid.

I'm never talking to you. He wasn't zero, he wasn't 100, but he certainly wasn't 50. He just kind of, he saw this kid, and he knew, he knew right away.

I have a formidable opponent here, who is going to do unbelievable things. And I've got to stay on top and I've got to stay on my game because in a couple of years, this guy is going to make some serious noise.

And I really believe that's what he felt. Now, he might disagree with me if I talk to him. And he might say, I don't know what you're talking about. But that's my perception. And that will be your perception when you start managing these people.

Because if you think that one of the guys you If you start stealing what Gabe does, if you think that your relationship with Joey Diaz is going to stay the same, you're sadly mistaken because it's not. And that's the difficult thing about management. Barry Katz, you're a bad motherfucker. I always respect and love you, but I tell you, I've got even more respect and love for you because you hit it out of the park here, man.

Now, how many podcasts do you do a week with Industry Standard? Well, I do, I have one that goes out every Monday. This week is Neil Brennan. Next week I have Dr. Phil. And the way the podcast normally works is, again, I wanted to do something that wasn't being out there. And one of the things I, again, I don't want to take up too much your time, but I think this is important. you know because all the artists out there listening like I did something that I told artists not to do

when I wanted to do this podcast I said I can't do this what will other people think in the business what will they think about me if I do a podcast that I don't want to have people think negative things about me doing this and then I said to myself what is wrong with you like you're like this is what you tell every artist not to worry about

because the thing about management that you talked about with your partner here is that I love management I love sitting on a couch across from somebody or strategizing or planning things I love when an artist accomplishes their goals and I facilitate them with my talent and theirs it's wonderful I love when I make a difference the negative thing I found about management was, I only made the difference to one person. And yes, the audience, you know, if I got Daryl Hammond with his talent and mine on Saturday Night Live and he's the longest running cast member in history, yes, millions of people were inspired by him and, you know, it was a great thing. But as far as artists go, he was only one guy that I got to do that with.

and I looked to the landscape of all the podcasting and noticed that no one was interviewing the people that I perceived to be the stars which are the guys behind the scenes that are the network presidents, the studio executives, the showrunners, the people that are the real trailblazers,

the people like that, you know, people don't realize this. Dr. Phil run stage 29. He has three different shows. He has Dr. Phil. He has the doctors with his son. He has the tests.

with his son. And this is a guy who started off his life, homeless, living in a car with his dad when he was a teenager. Chris Albrecht, who I interviewed, who was the president of HBO responsible for every extraordinary show you can ever imagine on HBO and now the president of stars. He was homeless.

He was living in a 99-seat theater in New York that he was helping renovate for cash. And he was doing a comedy act with a guy named Bob Zimuda, who he later created. created comic relief with and they were doing an act with a banana and a glass, I'm sorry, and a jar of Vaseline. And every night they'd have to go a different store to get it, so people wouldn't think they were some alternatively gay couple. But the point I'm trying to make is that I

saw an opening in a place in an area where I could make a difference for people, not just in this business, but in any business, who were trying to move the needs. and move their career in the next level. And what better way to do it through the people who started life in an area that wasn't in show business. We're doing things that necessarily wasn't in show business, but to figure out a way to get to where they were going and the steps that they took to get where they are. Because everybody listened to your podcast is in a certain place in their life and their career. There's people in cubicles.

there's people in offices, there's people working in McDonald's, there's people everywhere. And every single person like you is wondering, what do I have to do to take things to the next level? Because everybody I'm staring at in the place where I'm working, all is nice to me, and they've done, you know, they shake my hand, they say good job. but I know every single person in this company wants to get to that next level before me. So what do I have to do to be the last man standing? And I think that's part of the inspirational nature of the podcast is the trajectory of what needs to happen in life and your journey to get there. And the things I always preach, and I don't need to be long-winded again,

but I think it's really important. And it's something that you can live your life by, Joe, is that you have to be undeniable. You have to be in a situation where what that means and what it resonates when you say undeniable. When you go into a comedy club, being undeniable is blowing everyone off the stage. Now again, your friends with these people.

You're shaking their hands. You're hugging them. They're making chit-chat with you. But in your mind, when you get off stage, the first thing you need to say to your, yourself is take that motherfucker follow that you're not verbalizing it but you're saying it in your mind because you know to get to the next level and to take those guys out of their game you gotta do that you have to create a problem when I

say create a problem Gabriel and Glacius created a problem you know there were a lot of young Latino comments trying to get to where they were going to go. None of them were creating a problem. So the same tier of Carlos Menci at Paul Rodriguez, George Lopez, same tier, year after year after year, because no one created a problem. But Gabe figured out a way to do something that nobody else was doing. And part of it was physicality.

You know, America loves the lovable. fat guy. Just ask Louis Anderson from the early days. And that's a big thing, which is my third thing. Don't be an asshole. Be huggable and lovable.

Your persona, if you are a comic, could be that of a dark soul, and that could be what helps you win. It works for Marion. It works for Lewis Black. It works for a number of people, Dennis Leary. But it's like one.

percent of one percent it works for. So if you want to be getting somewhere in the business, it doesn't mean that those people are assholes, just means that the persona they have. But in life, in your business, wherever you are, if you're an asshole, you could win. Look, Roseanne, when she did her sitcom, after the pilot was shot, she sat down and she made a list and put names on, a long list. You know what that list was? When I get to number one, these are the motherfuckers I'm going to fire.

Now Roseanne Barr fired probably more people than you know in your life. And yes, she did it her way and she made it work and she's one of the biggest stars in television and comedy and all around. But she's not really working right now. And she's fucking talented. And I think the reason why she's not working is because people want to work around people that they want to be around. You want to be around people. And that's the thing.

When you're working with Joey, the thing is, know this. And this is what it is about our business or anything or any business that anybody's in. Believe it or not, I know this is the hardest thing to believe. Nobody cares. Nobody needs you. nobody needs you. I can guarantee you if any of the three of us

kick the bucket tomorrow, the world would go on. So you have to figure out a way to be a necessary component in people's lives to where they're fearful of even stepping away from you. They're fearful of being... They just know that it's better to be with you

than not be with you. They love that feeling. And that's the feeling you have to give them. And the last thing I'll tell you guys. Barry, hold on, I got a peep, brother. Hold on, Barry, I got a peat. Because we're way over the time limit by now. So hold on one second.

Talk to the flying, you know. I'm not trying to be rude. I just got to fucking pee. No, please pee. I can hold on. I can do whatever you want me to do. So, Rick, what are you? Like, another comic in here is Rick Ramos.

What are your comments, right? Because for someone who's still trying to make it, and like, what do you have to say about it? Well, the business is scary, man. You know, you come out here. This is not a regular 9 to 5 job. This is not a job that you can go into and say, hey, I'm going to do this.

I'm going to do that. You know, I'm not working the line like my old man did at the post office for 40 years. I mean, I got to wake up. I got to set my schedule. I got to make my calls. I got to talk to these people. I got to make sure that I write,

that I get up in that night. And it's like, unless you're disciplined and focused and know what it's got to be. See, I skated with, I skated for a long time on just going up and being, you know, funny, but not putting enough work into it. So that's why my career is where it's at. Because I don't know if you, I don't, you know, Mr. Katz,

it's like I came out here with that idea that you find in the movies where you kind of bust your ass doing the stage time, getting people to see you. And somebody says, hey, that kid's got talent. I can do something with that. That doesn't seem to be the case. Now it's like you've got to be on social network. You've got to be, I mean, do you find that you ever find somebody out there?

Like you're in the club and you say, that kid's got some talent. I think I can do something with him. Or is it so much more with the managers now that I've seen at least? Oh, this kid's got a groundswell. He's got so many Twitter followers. He's got so many Facebook friends. Now we can do something with it. because, I mean, that just seems to be what I see.

Well, I think the biggest thing is that you should see more than anything else is that if any of you listening or anybody, you guys in your studio where you're recording, if you just look at the people that are moving the needle in, let's say, stand-up comedy, it all comes down to the content. of the person's act, you'll find very few examples

where you'll see somebody who's moving the needle where the content of their act is pedestrian, is mediocre, is ordinary. It's very rare. And if you do see that person, genuinely what you'll find is that person has booked a significant acting job. And that's the other side.

side that drives it. I'll give you an example. Aziz Ansari was like a, he was like an open micer at the comedy seller. I mean, he was doing like 130 spots. And as an actor, I could assure you that the roles for people who look like Aziz Ansari

in half-hour sitcoms are probably as prevalent as roles for little people. But there was a role that came around. He went in, auditioned, and he created a fucking problem. And the problem he created was, in the room, he was better than every other actor that went in that had a hundred times more experience than him

and had tons of film and television experience under their belt. But he was the choice, similar to how best bears and two bro-girls, the blonde girl, create a fucking problem. Best Bears booked one guest job in three years. Okay? That was what was on her resume. She had nothing.

And this is the Tiffany Network. This is less Moonbezz making decisions on who gets passed. But she went in, and she created a fucking problem. She was better than everybody else by 10 times. and one of the things for you, if you don't mind me saying it straight, is that you haven't created a problem.

You go in and you work just enough to get you where you're going to go, and your content has material in it that is not like a bit like, let's say, Chris Rocks, where he's talking about black supermarkets or white suit supermarket. or Chappelle with the crack baby that's selling drugs on the corner in Compton, or Ellen DeGenerative's Conversations with God, or Bob Newhart's driving instructor, or Mel Brooks' 2,000-year-old man, or Cat Williams' routines about his dysfunctional family,

or, you know, Jim Gaffigan's Midwestern kind of comedy. or, you know, or the stories of, let's say, that Gabriel and Gleuze tells that tie together in these unique, interesting ways, now it's become more of a parody of itself, but when you become more successful, you have more leeway,

and you have, like, a get-out-of-jail-free cards. Like when you see Chris Rock doing a special and he opens up with, let's say, 10 minutes of Michael Jackson material, yes, every comic watching says, are you fucking kidding me this guy's supposed to be the best guy in the fucking comedy

he's doing 10 minutes of Michael Jackson well he's got to get out of jail free card he's done like three specials before that and what are you written today and so you know and so yeah the Michael Jackson shit's the funniest Michael Jackson shit you ever seen your life

but it's Michael Jackson stuff it's like you can do that you know Chappelle can go on the page and do a bid you know he could probably go on stage and do a bit on, you know, what part of the chicken does the McNugget come from? And people would be like, I'll give them a pass on that one. And so, but for you, you haven't created the content that's blown people to fuck away. And so if you have that content, it doesn't matter.

Honestly, I know this is not a form. It doesn't even matter if you're as hard a worker as everybody else. if you have material like the guys I mentioned or like, you know, Louis C.Ks put together in certain chunks, you know, get a fucking helmet. It's over. The social network, and they always laugh about that, you know.

It's like Dave Chappelle was even a fucking website. You know, you don't have anything. You didn't care. But Dave Chappelle calls a Houston radio station this morning and says, I'm performing at the 5thousand, you to remit in town tonight, and that's the first time anybody hears, it sold out in like five minutes because of the content. And that's the thing that you have to look at, and everybody has to look at.

And for you and Joey and any comic listening, do an exercise. It's a great exercise. Pick who your Mount Rushmore of comedy is. Who are the four that are on the mountain for you? maybe it's prior Cosby who knows Carlin

and pretend that you're in a room with them and pretend with no interruptions that you are playing every one of your routines the best it's ever done

like you have a videotape or the best each bit is done even though you don't and you can write on an index card what that bid is okay dogs and cats three minutes and 43 seconds.

And start visualizing what all of them would say about your bits. Would they be routines that they would do? And look at the routines that are the ones on one side of your wall. You can put the sticky tape on the back of these index cards and put them up on the wall.

So you got your ones that are the best bits ever that you know that these guys would look at and say, wow, that's a great bit, man. That's a great fit. And then there's the bit that you do that, let's say, involves, you know, having sex with a girl and whatever, something crazy happened, and they look at them, and they look at you prior to, Carl and they look, man, you can't,

you can't, you're not going to get anywhere with that. Everybody doesn't bit about a guy and a girl having sex and what happened. And you're like, what are you talking about? Just getting a standing ovation. This is my closer. But you can visualize them saying, look, I don't care to get the standing ovation. That bit is not going to get you where you're going to go, where you want to go. Get rid of it.

And you know the routines that you have that are your smartest, best routines that any comic looks at and says, that's incredible. And you know the routines that aren't. You know, there's a guy who hosted First Amendment, Doug Williams. And Doug Williams is a guy who's booked acting jobs. he's a book posting game, he's created things, but he's never really moved the needle as a stand-of comic, and he has certain routines that are, like,

incredible. I mean, like, I've never seen any of you do, and little spurts, like a two-minute bit here or a four-minute bit there, but the majority of the material is probably material that kills, but it's not moving the needle, it's not content that you'll rally around. But when he does a 10-minute routine

of how relationships are, like, sports and how he ties everything in the girl and the ring and everything else and this long drawn-out thing with the coach and another player going in and it's pretty impressive or when he does a routine on domestic violence of how he's you know how he's outside of the police office trying to explain your story every time explains it the police officer does a different thing like a handcuff or something but it's not enough to have moved the needle for him where he really wants to go. And I think you have to look at that as well,

and every comic has to look at that and see what it is, because I'm telling you, content, you know, Steve Jobs, content is king. If you have undeniable content, you cannot lose,

and he just can't lose. Barry Katz, it's been a fucking education. And I want people to tune into your podcast, and I want to get you on one of the live podcast, because you're going to do fucking great. Thank you. I appreciate it, man.

Thank you so much for... Thank you for doing this to this. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I took so long. No, it broke it down. No, no, no. You broke it down in a way that

I think everybody's going to get an education from the open mic to the fucking top-notch comic. I know I'm sitting here. I even made a few notes, so... I love you, Barry Katz. I'll give you a call during a week or something. We'll do lunch in a week or something. I'm home for the next 10 days, so I love to see it.

you bad love you too and I truly love you too and I truly have so much respect for you and I hope that you know how sincere I am no I know you're all right you're doing it then I'm so honored that you have me on thank you guys I love you Barry have a great week buddy

love you too bye wow it's interesting because when I came in we were talking about a different podcast he said you don't have a a professor that really touched you or anything like that. I was thinking because I said no.

And I think I had one guy when I was working TV that did. And I do this podcast because I love talking with you and it's fun and it's nice meeting all the people. That and Rocco or B.C. are two that are like, if everyone else hates it, those two conversations are just for me. Like I just, I can't. I almost want to end the podcast because I have stuff. want to do now. No, it's a couple months ago you asked me what I did with my day. It was a very interesting question.

You can't take this would work. You could be as busy as you want to be. It's up to you. This is bullshit. The way people live is bullshit. You know, everybody's complaining about unemployment and this and this and this. The way you want to live is how you want to live. You know, when I got up at 4.45 this morning, I got up at 3.

I got up at 3, 10 to 4 on my own. I went to bed at 9. And I got up and I could have done a lot of things. I could have gone and sat in front of the TV and put the TV on. No, I made a few notes in the fucking book. I came up with something to write on Facebook. I came up with three fucking songs, you know. And this is work.

This is, you're putting something out into the universe. Anything is better than not putting something out into the universe. When I leave here, I go home. I play with the baby. At 9, I go to kettlebell class. I'm taking care of my health, but I'm putting something out of the universe. I might think of a fucking joke. Everything goes, leads to one thing, man.

and you're always busy. There's nothing I can't. I got to come back here later and hang that post. There's always a thousand things to do. People who say to me, I don't know what the fuck to do. You want a sponsor? Get the fucking yellow pages. Get the yellow pages and start for me.

Hey, how you don't? Click! Click! And you'll learn. But that effort, that hundredth phone call, they're going to go, how much, and how many people do you, you know, that's what this is, guys. So, and it's like I was telling me a couple weeks ago, I called them up. I can't believe you're working again.

You have the world by the balls. It's time to attack this. You're going to go sell insurance where you could be doing this for yourself. You're going to get the same results in 90 days. Same results. It's going to take you six months to build a bank when you're a salesman.

You're going to go sell for somebody else? Go sell for you. Who knows you better than fucking you? And that's the problem with this shit today. Nobody knows us. He hit it on the head. Guys, I had no options. Me and Rick been friends for 20 years.

I've been doing everything I can. I've got no options. I never moved ahead. You know what I had? I had a life. I had a light that was fucking interesting. I had a life that I didn't know was interesting. But when you see that, listen, man,

you know why Barry Katz never signed me? Because the time he gave me an opportunity, I went to half-coaked up. I don't get mad at nobody for what happened to me in my career. I was fucking coked up for a long time. But now I'm off to cope. And now we're making moves,

and this is what you have to do. Yeah, we all have a dark spot in our lives. We all have a loss. We all have something. That's great. That's fucking great. Now grab your fucking cop. the flag and go, this is why I'm here.

This isn't why I'm in Croatia, getting hit in the head right now with a fucking stick. You know what I'm saying? This is why. God put you here. If not he would have put you in Croatia right now, you're getting kicked on the fucking stomach in the middle of the street. Okay, that's it. That's the plan. Your day could always be filled. Look at that guy's resume.

The comics he's had, the people he's had. And today, he proved it to me. You know, you can't be a manager unless you know this business. You have to know, you have to love what you do. He knows it. He mentioned 15 fucking comics, jokes. bits. That means you do your time at clubs. This is a

lifestyle. You know, I love these people that, you know, I'm going to get a job. What fucking weekend? You think he had a weekend? What fucking weekend are you talking about? What weekend? When you have to spend your time with kids? Yeah, but the kids can't go to daycare unless I go out and make a mug somebody

every fucking day. So, this is life, guys. This is life. There's no 40-hour job. If you're working 40 hours, that's why you're in the position you're fucking in. If you're not working 90 fucking hours a week, if you're not thinking about your life 90 fucking hours a week, if you're sitting there going,

and the Beatles are making a comeback. That's great. You know, who would win? Charles Grunson and the Clint Eastwood. That's great. That's what I want to fucking think about today. No, I want to think about how I'm going to fucking move ahead. And with that, let's give some shout-outs, you bad motherfuckers today.

Johnny in the UK, my man, Andre, Phil Drapper in Chicago, you bad motherfucker. J.J. Morales and Tabi Abder. Happy birthday, your girlfriend loves you, just gonna suck your dick and lick your nutsack today. How's that one for the other. How romantic. Jesus fucking crazy. What are you want on your birthday?

You want a cake with candles? One that keeps popping back on, everybody digger. No, no, no. You want to check the stuff with a candle up. Like the balls. And Sue Kalaminkin. Take that Staminkia juice out of your helmet, you know what I'm saying? Look at you.

You're fucking, you're swollen from the night whacking off this weekend. You didn't get that Mexican obazzy. And then. You're dirty bastard. Let's give a shout out to my main fucking sponsor. I love my honor. I love you, motherfucker. that thank you for Alpha Brain.

I become a better fucking comic. Let me tell you, Alfa, on it, keeps getting better and better. They got that fucking power food. Plus, you get that stay on it. The thing that they mail your package every fucking month to your door, you sign up, you get 20% off,

plus the 10 I'm giving you, who's fucking better than you. You got Hulu Plus. Let me tell you something about Hulu Plus. You have the shows they watch on Hulu Plus. You know what? I was watching at the web page yesterday, Huluplus.com.

Because it's Huluplus.com. Okay, I always fucking forget. You look at that web page. You see the fucking shows they have on there? They're not fucking around. I don't have the time to recite the fucking shows. Listen, if you go to the web page, they're going to give you a Hulu for $799,

and it's one week for free. Bang! That's what Mad Flavor comes in, like the earthquake up your ass. I'm giving you two weeks. Two weeks, you see what the fuck you want? You can binge watch. You don't have to go to no fucking corner

and get a movie. You have to do nothing like this. What you do is going on your computer. You can watch it from your iPad, your fucking PC, your fucking your iPhone, a midget thing on your YouTube. eyeball anything with a screen anything with a fucking screen Hulu plus is there for you

go to joey deers.net go to a Huluplus.com box and put in Joey in the box get two weeks for free and 799 a month that's fucking what a year 80s 96 dollars a year for full entertainment binge watching you can smoke brief you can scratch your dog whatever you want to do just press your fucking finger and Hulu plus is there for you who's better than you when you need them Hulu plus also I like to give a shot out of to my sponsors. Dollar Shave Club always there for you. Pick your program and get razors delivered right to your house.

You don't have to go to some pharmacy and stand online with a bunch of fucking junkies. Waiting people coughing on you with the flu. Who needs that shit? Get the razors sent to your house. Just open the box with fucking gloves. Maybe the mailman's got the flu. Open the box. You get four blades. You get a fucking razor. What else

they got? They got the hang out. You got Wormap Charleys. Warma Chavez. You got the shave butter. You got the shave butter. It makes your face look like a fucking Richard Gia. In the Office of the gentleman nice and smooth and but the razors are where it's half people why go sit on the fucking line why go out of the house and deal with rusty razors that get rusty front of fuck all that shit you get the razors sent to your house you don't have to go nowhere let's say

you're a hermit you all you do is watch hulu plus take on it and shave your nut sack with the fucking razors you get from dollar shave club go to the dollar shave club go to joey deers. go to the dollar shave club boxing press church church ch h u r c h in case you don't watch sesame Street. Bam! And get your fucking deal from dollar

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Go, my man will fucking take good care. That's how we do it here on a Monday morning. On it, for all your fucking health needs. Yeah. Dollar Shave Club, if you want to rent your head. Let's say you want to shave your head. You've got even a better deal because now you've got to raise it for your head, your face and your nutsack. All for fucking $1, $6 or $9 a month.

I don't know how many dues are out there. Because I have, I have, Jews have hairy backs. I use it for the back. Because I don't know what. Who shows your back? I do for, I do the top. I have something that gets, that ridges down. Let me tell you a little stick around the fucking razor or thing.

They have something for it. Why don't you just put in a Japanese chick 20 bucks to shave your back? Give you a little massage. Put some cleaning. What about the Mexican shake? You don't have a shave your back. Why not? A mother will shave your back.

You go down there when she cooks for you. Because with Jews, when it comes off the head, it goes straight to the back. It's like a sweater. I wouldn't tell you something. I wouldn't show that to anybody. Next time you go down at the grandma's house and you read, ask her. I want you to shake her. I don't want her hands touching this.

She's touching the food. Who gives up? That's even better. A little Jew back fingers and the fucking salsa. She's a fucking millionaire. Jed's a millionaire. That was a very interesting conversation today because I didn't really know. I knew what a manager did and I knew what it entailed it, but I know that this,

hey listen, to be good at anything in life, you got to fucking sleep it, chew it, eat it. Absolutely. That's it. You know, I love to tell you that. This is a quasi-whide, whatever. You know, this weekend in Chicago, a couple open mic guys came up to me in downtown. That day I was eating, and some guys came along with that.

We're coming to the show tonight, man. And it was just, I was jealous to be them. Like, I would be jealous. I don't want another life. I'd be jealous to start comedy all over. Yeah. The things I would do and what wouldn't I do, you know? Fuck.

There's so many things. The bad choices we made, fixing that shit. But I had a great time. in the beginning. Like I committed. At first I was a little juggler. It took me three years to really put it together. So I don't want people to think, hey, well, it's like me with Jitsu now. As long as I show up once a week,

I'm good for right now. This week I'm going to go two, three times a week because I'm in town all week. But when I'm in town three fucking days, I don't have, you know, I go to kettlebell class, I've got the baby. You can just do so much. You're not 22. The thing I always stress is going. Sometimes things get slow when you get on stage a lot more. But at least you're in the game.

Don't stop fucking showing up. Don't stop showing up. I went out last night. I went out last night. There's not an open mic, but it's a semi-professional thing over at Hooters on Hollywood Boulevard. Just a bunch of 19, 20-year-old girls in the front row, fresh out of NAU. I had a great time with them. They were there.

I was talking shit. They do comedy there? Yeah, they do comedy there. Who hosted? I don't know who hosted it, but Dave Taylor told me about it. Dave Taylor and I have been friends for a long time since the comedy store. He's still hustling that shit. I can't stand.

For me, it's. It's hard to walk back into that place, going through what we went through. But, you know, he called me. I was like, come and do this show. I had a great time. And I wouldn't have. No, but he knows the people. He knows the people.

It's amazing, bro. You want to do something. Yeah. But it's like, it's like working out. Every once in a while you're like, I don't want to fucking do it. I don't want to get up. My back hurts. My legs are aching.

You know, but once you're in there and you're lifting the weights or you're on the machine, it feels good and you feel good about yourself. and you realize I'm not a fucking pig. I'm not an animal that's just sitting at home, eating potato chips and watching TV. No, I'm doing something. And it's that step. You've got to take that step.

Always take that fucking step. And I didn't do it for so long. Remember, you and I had that conversation. Remember when Marilyn says, why am I going to go there for 50 bucks? And you're just like, wow. I always told you. It was the beginning of the end.

Yeah. She was going on the road with Paul Rodriguez for 2,000 a date. And one night they gave her a spot in the main room. And I called and I go, Maryland, you have a spot in the main room? She goes to me, why would I go down there for $50? And I knew right there, she was done in more ways than, I didn't know she was going to die three years later. But I knew that her career, you know, at the time of Maryland died,

we weren't talking because she had this anger. She had this anger, and there was no reason for the anger. The only person you could have been angry is yourself. And God wish her soul. I'm not talking nothing bad about it, but this is what happens to people. You know, you can't be this guy I flew it on Friday. When I got off the plane I was disgusted that he was even a comedian because the way he was talking, he had given up in his fucking mind. You know, you're walking around.

I love that expression. You're a fat lady with a ham under your arm, but you're pissed off because you have no white bread. How the fuck can you be pissed off? You have a ham under your fucking arm. Take that ham and now work for the bread, but don't be pissed off and don't be angry at society. And I got to tell you, for years, I was that person also. That's called claiming responsibility. That's what that's called.

Claiming responsibility going, what the fuck am I saying? I have a book I want to sell. This guy's telling me, he's got a book, and he's broke. He's got a great book, guys. He's been around for 30 fucking years. Stories out the ass. I read a chapter.

I was blown away. He read, I go, why don't you sell the book? He goes, I'm not going to fucking put it out there until I could get a hard cover. It costs 10 grand to get a hard cover. And like that when I go on Craig Ferguson, I have a cover, and I'm thinking to myself, does this guy not know that Barnes and Nobles

went out of business? Who went out of business? Yeah. Borders went out of, yeah. So you're trying to, you understand me? So part of it is an excuse to fail, and part of it is just a stupid excuse. But at this point in my life, after what I've been through,

I do not accept from anybody anymore. Right, you're right. I do not accept this from anybody because there was tons of times when I was looking at a fucking dark hole. And I said, there's no way I'm going out this way. There's no way. Any other way I'll go out.

Any other way I'll go out. go out. You know, I called Fred Coleman this week. His wife died. He was my old agent. He was one of the three agents I had when I got the longest yard. I had three of them. Fred was my unofficial agent. I paid him. And then I had Greg who, I fired him when I got the longest yard and I had JKA. Whoever got me the longest yard was going to get to the top spot. Whoever was second was going to get fired. And I was always going to have Fred. Fred was my coverage. Fred, you know, it's really weird when I had three different agents. I could see what each person thought of me. person perceived me. Not each person

sent me out for the same roles. So I got to learn a lot. I had three agents. You can't do that today because it was on computer. When he wants to click you, he'll go, oh my God, why are you with J.K.A? But in those days, I had J.K.A., Fred Coleman, and fucking, whatever Greg's business was.

And it was 10 years ago this month. It was 10 years ago in March of 2004 where I got a call from Fred Coleman saying to me, hey, Adam Sandler's during the longest yard. I just saw the preliminary breakdown. The breakdown came out March 5th of 2004 because I saved the years. I might still have it. And it had the roles of Michael

Irvin, Nelly, Goldberg, but no names attached. This was the very first thing. And he goes, let's get in on it. He couldn't get an answer for a month and a half. And then May is when it started coming up. May was when it started popping up. More rows. The script wasn't finished. They didn't really know if it was going to be exactly the same or Adam Sandel was going to improvise and that's when he got a hold of somebody. He was the first person to make contact and they told Fred Coleman that they would not see me

because I was not a star. And Fred's like, it doesn't matter. He's funny. That's what Adam Sandler does. No, no, no, no, no. For those roles, they're only going to see stars. And when he told me I got sad, I got a little sad for a few days

and then I went to Houston and all my cocaine in those days and all my fucked-up shit. I fucking got Chuck Savage to tape me and I sent that tape and I got the roll and I learned a lot that day I learned that you can't just say fucking no lay down if you believe in yourself belief is

fucking everything guys the reason why you quit your job is belief you gotta close your eyes and go at the beginning of the month me Joey Diaz Joe Rogan and Rick Ramers are the same we're at zero yeah we got nothing on the first of the month all four of us have none we're all on commission here

everybody here's on commission Nobody makes a fucking dime. It's what you do with it. We're all on zero. That's what makes this. That's why this is no better than nothing. That's why this is how I understood this lifestyle. I understood this lifestyle.

On the first, I have zero. But on the 30th, I better have something. And, you know, a lot of people do this. This is where a lot of people mistakes is. They flack off the first 10 days a month. It's a vacation. The credit card, whatever. You're never going to get back.

You got to come out of the fucking gate on the first, like a fucking savage. In fact, you got to come out on the 31st. You follow me? You got to come on the 30th, like a fucking savage for the next month. So on the fifth, you get a fucking paycheck. So you start the month off on a fucking positive. So whatever happens, because if you put it to the rest, and you know what?

Some months, you're not going to hit the first of the month. Some months, but at least as you know that you're going to hit. If you're making the effort, if you make the effort. This is very important. This is what it is, guys. So it's life, motherfuckers. And it's Monday. March the 17th, St. Patty's Day.

Do me a favor. Don't drink and drive today. smoke reef run drive. It makes your response time a lot fucking better. And I love you, motherfuckers. I want to thank our sponsors. Hulu Plus. On it, Dollar Shave Club, and Escapodtank.com for always having

our back on. Thank you guys. I want to thank the people in Chicago this last week. That was ForSold Our Shows. And I love you guys, and it meant a lot to me. Three years ago, we never dreamt. I never dreamed. We never even discussed this. And now people coming out, and the reason is this podcast on what we do

the effort. Absolutely. This isn't easy, guys. I never said this was easy. We got to get up every morning. You think I want to be here 4.45? I would be back in bed. I used to get up at four smoke pot.

I get so stoned, but I had to go back to the fucking bed. You know what I'm saying? So I love you guys for sticking around this week. There's no dates to promote. What I want to tell you is the shirts are coming. Shirts are coming. The patches have been ordered. The fucking mugs have been ordered.

We're moving into a bigger office. Big things are happening. So thank you for supporting everything. And we love you. Stay Black. We'll see you Wednesday with Adam Carolla. And quickly, my shirts are here. If you go to Lee Sciat.com, L-E-E-E-S-Y-A-T-T, they're just 20 bucks. And Mike Maxwell designed it, so I'd appreciate it.

If you just want to check it out, I have stickers too. And then Rick Ramos here, we do a podcast called Watch This Every Tuesday. Yeah, we're going to have some fun tomorrow. We're going to be Muppets are coming out next week. We want to take us back to childhood. This one's going to be for the kids. Every once in a while, you've got to find some people that are. people that are disappointed with the shit that's out there watch our show and we'll give you advice

we'll let you know DVD blue ray Netflix Hulu red box anything that you need in order to entertain your family you don't have to go and see this shit we hey we've seen enough i've seen enough shitty movies in my life that i'm here to tell you what is good and why it's good and that's what we talk about every tuesday for an hour and a half two hours and i'm looking forward to tomorrow it's going to be fun now that the show is over don't forget to sign up for your free trial of hulu plus hulu plus let's you binge on that thousands of head shows anytime anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast to get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus.

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Get your sensory deprivation tank Get it sent to your house They'll put it together You put it together Just mention the church And save $250 Stay black cocksuckers Six in the morning

Crack of dawning Now I'm yawning White the cold out my eyes See who's this page And why It's my nigga pop From the barber shop Told me he was in the gamut

Spot and heard the intricate A niggas want to stick me Like fly paper neighbor Slow down love Please chill drop the taper Remember Remember them Niggas from the hill up in my nigger fame up in prospect.

Nah, then my niggins, nah, love wouldn't disrespect. I didn't say them, they school me to some niggins that you knew from the night, do you? Just wanna stick me from my paper, damn, niggas wanna stick me from my paper, damn, niggas wanna stick me from my paper, damn, niggins want to stick me from my paper. They heard about the Rolex, right, out of state. And if my burglar alarm starts ringing, what you think, and I feed them gunpowder so they can devour, The criminals, trying to let smoke blunt with you, see a picture. Now they want to grab the bet you big he won't slip.