The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #160 - The Church Of What's Happening Now

Episode Date: March 19, 2014

The nailed it life guys join in studio. Adam Carolla calls in to talk about the patent trolling case. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for 50% off your first order. Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by mentioning the Church. Streamed live on 03/19/2014

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus. When you go to Huluplus.com slash Joey, that's Huluplus.com slash Joey. And by DalaShaveClub.com. Get high-quality razors sent to your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to dollarshaveclub.com slash church. That's dollarshaveclub.com slash church.

Or just go to Joey Diaz. dot net and click on the dollar shave club banner the show is also sponsored by nature box where you can order great tasting healthy snacks right to your door snacks smarter in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like santa fe corn sticks and french toast granola support this podcast and get 50% off of your first order go to naturebox.com promo code joey that's naturebox dot com promo code joey and the guests of the hour nailed it life is here go to nailed at life.com all the wax and oil smokers out there they already have the best vapor pen for you.

I mentioned Joey Diaz, no spaces, and they're going to give you an extra 20% off, because that's how they roll. And they're in the house and mention the church when you go on to their website. Hello, podcast fans. Adam Carolla here. I'm leading the fight against patent trolls who are threatening this medium. It's not about me. It's about the podcast you're listening to right now.

If I go down, this show could be next. So visit fundanithing.com forward slash patent troll for more information on how you can keep podcasting alive. Thank you. Oh shit. Wednesday, March 19th. The devil was buried at sea 2,000 years ago today. Only you motherfuckers know that. It's a special edition.

Church of what's happening now, you bad motherfuckers. Here you go. I'm telling you. Nothing like a fucking Wednesday, Stoner Fest, hanging out with your Goombas. What? Oh shit, oh shit. This is as good as it fucking gets right here, motherfuckers. Wash your dick, shave your asshole, it's going down, it's Wednesday.

You control this motherfucker. Here you go. Boom, boom, boom. But what? Oh shit, Lee, eat the fucking Goomy. Okay. To help me God I'll hit you with this bong on the head talk sucker. Blast that motherfucker, Lee.

Lee let these motherfuckers know what's fracking. Is it too? Maybe you're at work, maybe you're fucking sit at your desk, it don't matter. Right now, make your leg tap. Play with your little humble, play with your show chat, right there at the desk. Let everybody know it's Wednesday. Lee, hit it. Got something.

It's over there choking. It's fucking, it's like putting... Can you believe this... You know when, if you have a pack of gummy bears, and then in your suitcase and the whole thing melts in one big bar, It's like the most intense fucking animal I've ever fucking, you guys don't mess around. That shit is, you know what?

The only reason I choked was because I tried to do the whole thing at once. That thing tastes great. I don't like the taste. It's jello. I don't like to taste a weed. That thing tastes delicious. It's jello. It's fucking jello and a gummy bear.

And 30 minutes later, you're in fucking la la la land. You're at original Joe's ordering the steak with fucking meatballs on the side and spaghetti. I'll tell you how strong this. This is this motherfuckering from it. Who coughed from eating a roomie bed? When we were in San Jose and you gave it to me, we went to original Joe's with Eddie Bravo and his friend.

It took me 30 minutes to get the courage to ask him to pass the butter for the bread. I was just sitting there. That chick wanted to sit on your face. You were too high to take her upstairs. Remember that chick? She was ready to suck your pipe. Yeah, but you gave me fucking

had Auntie Dolores headibles and then these guys and then we were smoking. Your dick would have been that night. You would have been sweet. I wanted to, but don't get me a little. Sweet dick with the fun on and shit shaking those fucking hips forget about it that little juice sperm comes out It stains your leg What's happening baby not much? You still recover from the earthquake the other day? I'm not I'm recovering from the edible last night

I don't do it two days in a row we gotta do you got to do you don't know that's it you got to the fucking What do you think fidel soldiers didn't commit? We think they just tapped out the day two and said we don't want to do this You're in there's a movement Some people around the country are taking anti-fifference fucking depressants. You're over here at 12 in the afternoon. There's 90 degrees out. 90 fucking degrees out there. The sun's out. Birds are chirping. And you're eating

a goomy bed drinking, what are you drinking? Champagne cocktails. Who's better than you? No one. What the fuck? My brothers from Nailed a life here. These gangsters look at them. I love these motherfuckers. I was just complimenting them because you meet all these people in your life and you meet all these fucking

my wife said a great word. They posers. I haven't heard that word in years. You meet all these fucking poses. these two fucking savages come along. You pull these guys over, you ask them for ID, they whip out of pipe. You understand me? They got a pipe in their fucking pocket ready on a pipe and a lighter

and a bag of weed. That's what I'm talking about. These people out here with medicine and all my neck hurts. Get the fuck out of it. And every time we see them, they have a new toolbox. A new machine? Because you're on the toolbox. Last year you came with one toolbox. This year you came in with another one. They come in with fucking toolboxes. So today we're going to fucking,

you know, in the last couple months. Look at this shit. Look at this. This is like travel. cases filled with shit in the last couple months the last couple of years you know I say some stupid shit sometimes and sometimes people get mad sometimes people know I'm an idiot and they just live with it and I appreciate that one but sometimes people get pissed off and they and I'll tell you what man this started a big thing the other day when I just said it and this is how I meant it let's clear the air I have a desk like everybody else I don't have a big computer I have a laptop because I'm

retarded so my wife could unplug it and fix it it's an area like this I have a printer around there Next to me, I have books. I have my little Abedicuna, you know, the fucking Cuban shit, my little Santa Rita shit. I got pictures of my friends. I got pictures. You know, it wouldn't look good

if somebody came in and there's a blow torch on my fucking desk. For years, when I go to the weed store, they always give me the stuff to sprinkle on the weed. That thing with the fucking, you know, with the paper clip

and all that. I don't like that on my papers. I don't like it on my hand. Remember when kids, when you ran out of weed during September and August, You cleaned out your pipe. You scrape the fucking resin.

Your fingers were black. All your pens were black. That was good for a couple days. Then you look at yourself and you go, what the fuck is wrong with my life? I'm scraping a fucking pipe to get high. What the fuck? You know, that's the truth.

And that's how I feel when I do that type of shit. I just feel dirty. I ain't going to lie to you guys. You guys brought me a beautiful bomb. Who's the guy that brought it for us? That's Mobius. Mobius. Look at this fucking thing.

I hand it to these people. Look at it. This thing weighs, this is a bond combination weapon, okay? If I tell you guys something, if I tell you guys something, you guys will not believe this. Legitimately, legitimately. I started smoking pot, maybe 11, maybe 12. 11? It was introduced to me maybe at 4 or 3.

I knew my mother smoked. Never smoked until about 12. Let's pretend 12. Sixth grade. So I'm 50. So that's 38 years, right, that I've been smoking dope. I've probably had a bong in my presence for 90 days of that time. I always felt in the back of my mind.

retarded mind that if I had a bong that was too much of a commitment and every time I've had a bung they always break one time we were talking about coke but I was the coke head I don't know how I became a coke head because I love marijuana so much growing up I was a type of dude that went into the city you know you're from West near we went into the city a cop that was the first thing I did when I got out of school there was no homework once I got the junior year whoever had a car bro we'll give you 20 for gas and 10 what no come on get in the car let's go to bro I've never been to New York I don't do a fuck take an adventure We take them up to Harlem, show them how to get a bag of people.

Get their mind blown. Then you stop and get fucking a slice of pizza for us. It was a way of life. Since I was a junior in high school, people couldn't have fathom that. A lot of people could not fathom how lucky I had it. You're younger than me, but you know what I'm talking about. Right there, oh yeah, that dude's get on the fucking bridge. And you had a candy store of life.

Bazookas, you could rent a fucking submachine gun in New York. You'd do anything. And that Harlem. So I don't know how I became a koker. And then I had a rubber bomb. Do you remember when they were making rubber bonds? you guys are too young. In 84, they had these combination-type bongs that were like a plexie glass. And you smoked and everything was fine. One night I went on a cocaine binge with bazookas.

That's why I don't grow wheat either from that experience. Because I had a plant that was half good. And I took it out and I started smoking. I eat me more without even a fucking growing. And I put the coke on it to fucking, remember the World Trade Center when they collapsed down? That's what happened to the bong. I smoked it and put so much heat to that rubber bowl. bomb. When I woke up the next morning, it was like an 18 inch bond. It was like a fucking three inch bond and melted right in the core.

It's fucking really amazing, guys. It really fucking is amazing. I can't believe my doctor calls me now this cock sucker. I know that's when they fucking call you when you're in the middle of a podcast. And that's, after that bomb, I didn't have a bomb for years. And last year, when I started the podcast, there was a company

who kept sending his bombs. But he had the company in Thailand. So it was like, basically, go to the post office so she'd give me a bag of glass it was fucking amazing every time three bongs they sent me from thailand there were glass and they were broken so i i stopped smoking bums i just smoked the pipe and now i'm smoked for 32 days so now i've been smoking the vapors and that's why you motherfuckers are here with the best vapor pet in the market yeah look at this guys this is amazing i hadn't seen this i had heard about it uh some guy emailed me and said joey

you got are you smoking out of that and i'm waiting for them to come there this is superb You could put wax in here and the oil. Yeah, as long as it's not too runny, like the consistency of, like, maybe a little bit more. Help you guys brought me some oil? Yes, we do. Okay, so I can put it in here. I want you to fill one of these up until the next time I see you. I don't want to fuck with this.

I put a chunk in here and put the earthquake relief. It's easy to fill. I brought it up for, like, maybe 100 films of that pen. Oh, my God. Thank you, brother. Thank you. No, no, no. So, let me ask you.

Let's get this out of the way. When I smoke it out of the pen like this, is it the same thing you guys are dead? only without the heat applied yeah it's the same it's the same one that was that was my point guys I never said nothing that was my point I didn't explain myself that's what I thought but when I go to fucking weed store in particular and I want to buy that chunk they had the guy told me when they goes don't buy that he goes that's made with fucking albatross you'll be in the hospital on six fucking weeks he sells the oil and he likes it but what was the other stuff that was going around. See, that's what I get confused with.

There was another shit that was going around. Boutane? Boutane. Yeah, most oil that you see in the dispensary is made with butane. So when they say they make it with CO2, that's how they make this one? There's a lot of places that are making C2. That's a different method, CO2. Okay. And what method is this that you guys use?

We have butane. Boutain oil. So this will fuck you up. Yeah. Your lungs, too. Yeah. No, it's lighter than dabbing because you're vaporizing with that pen as opposed to, with the dabbing you heat up the nail, if you get it a little hot, you're actually, you're burning it a bit more than you would with the penalty.

It hurts a lot more for a shorter period of time, and then you're good. You don't have to smoke. I mean, if you take the hits that I think. No, no, this is tremendous. So can you explain? Because after he said it, I said it just, because I watched a video online, and it literally looks like they fill a tube and they pour butane oil through it and, like, they filter it. It must be healthy if everyone's doing it, but on the surface of it, you're like, I'm going to ingest butane oil? Like, it seems like that. wouldn't be healthy like what's like the health risks like or like why is it

better to do this and smoking or like what how is it safe to ingest butane oil it seems like it wouldn't be it depends like you make it if you make it correctly you can eliminate most of the butane by purging okay and the proper heat and vacuum and they have tested facilities also that that test for residuals and to see if there's any butane left behind so okay that that's a selling point for some of these clubs you know like hey we have our stuff tested and it's got nothing in it. Okay.

Even though it was made with the U-Tayn. So if you're buying it from people who know what they're doing it's safe, but the video I watched was there's a bunch of idiots like who are like meth cookers trying to do it themselves. Probably don't buy it from them. Yeah. Okay. Definitely. Yeah, and then doing it indoors is a known.

Well, yesterday was a great article. I think it was yesterday the day before in the New York Times about the reinvention of this and how kids are smoking the fucking vapor pen with weed in it in school. But everybody's in a $10 million dollar corporation, 10 billion dollar fucking thing this year. year and this is it there's the future listen you know it's like when you work out to lose weight when you work out to lose weight if you do it for three months you're going to realize

even if you're working out hard five days a week you're going to realize you didn't lose a lot of weight and you're going to get discouraged and it's a little twists in your fucking diet you know what I'm saying that's what happened to me you know I probably 51 I got this baby I've been smoking

fucking refus since I was 12 with a paper you know old school with a paper and out of a bong or whatever. You know, I got the beginnings of emphysema. You don't have to be a fucking physician to know by listening to the podcast that you could hear me breathing, you know? So I just wanted to give it a break. You know, I'm really happy that it was a smooth transition from the vapor to the edibles

to the, you know what I'm saying? Because with the edibles, they help. You get sizzled on fucking edibles, especially when you don't smoke. See, the problem with me, guys, is I became a fucking Rifa gorilla. I always was a Rifa gorilla. This just added to it. You know, most people smoke a joint. I had to smoke two joints and a gummy bear.

You know what that is to eat one of these by yourself at two in the afternoon? And Lee says it, how do you do it? How do you do it? Because it motivates me. You know what I'm saying? For me, it motivates me. Reefing gets me fucking going. For some people, it knocks in the fuck out.

Last night at 6 o'clock, I was so high on my fucking couch. I ate a chibo chew and something else. A fudge. We got these new fudges. Try them. 250 milligrams. I was out of it. Out of it.

You took both at the same time? Both at the same time. 450 million, whatever. 175 and 250. So you got 375 and the 75, 425 right off the bat. Why fuck her right? It hit me like a fucking punch to the head. And Pepper Pig was on.

That cartoon I was watching with my daughter. My wife came and I go, you got to take it. Because I had forgotten. I had taken it. You got to take her. So she took her. I ate dinner. I walked around.

I drank some coffee. I took a shower. Then I was okay to go down to Dun Benson show last night. But that's guerrilla type shit, bro. People eat a quarter and they're fucking seeing the devil. So it was time to give it a break. I mean, in reality, I get up at 4.45. I wash my pussy.

I take a piss. You know, you brush your teeth, you make a protein shake. You get a cup of coffee. I'd sit out. I have no reason to lie to anybody in this room. I would do before I left the house to see Lee

three pipefuls oh yeah but a pipefuls you know when you get the whole button put it in there like and I'd spark that

motherfucker up that's how I leave the house then I get to the podcast Lee on an average how he joins that we smoke before fucking 730 well we have one

no one before one during and one half after you know no that being a that's five that's three bowls and five fucking

joints and it's not even 9 o'clock yet that's way past the fucking national requirement that's way past bro and then you go home you eat you play whatever you're right and you smoke again you know how it is and then all of a sudden it's 10 o'clock and you got to beat the weed store because you're out of weed or you got enough just to wake up with you know you got to I don't hate I hate going to bed with just enough weed where you got a bank in the morning you know what's going to happen in the morning you might get devastating news you need the fucking power of christ early and the thing is I would get higher off of half of that one joint like three or four head and off of that one joint, I'd be high.

And at the old place, you would be smoking the joint until, like, you were burning your fingers. And then, you know, and then they keep, then they're giving me, you guys are giving me this, you guys have given me ghoumies. I'm trying, like, I just got off the phone with a dear friend that had some fucking strawberry cough years ago. That was 28% that he was getting it.

Tested from up in the thing. This weed was sensational. I'm telling you, this weed was killing motherfuckers. I was trying it out on people. and I tried it on on Ari and Rogan in Philadelphia I even blew it into the crowd in the front row was fucking from the tear gas it was on

it was fucking on I remember like people dying and I'm smoking a whole fucking joint so you gotta give it a breather you know and that's what I wanted to do I wanted to give it a breather and the vapor helped me out so thank you guys this was thank you for opening my eyes

that's you and the other guys from no whole organic like fucking vapor that minute when you smoke weed with vapor It ain't gonna work out for you. But if you just stick to vapor, I know this chick that's 19, and she goes, I quit,

smoking weed, I just vapor. And I know this girl, bro. I know she's a fucking 24-7 stoner. But she said the same thing. I want to run. I want to do all this shit, and I can't breathe. So this is the fucking future, guys.

You know, we don't know what the health effects are yet. Nobody really fucking knows. It's like when you ask a doctor about these cigarettes, he looks at it and goes, you know, we assume it's fucking vapor. You assume because the, The NDA, whatever, the vitamin people approved it. Don't give a fuck.

That's an envelope. That's an envelope. Everybody wants to quit smoking. You know what I'm saying? Everybody wants to feel a little healthier in smoke. Now, why? Because I know in L.A., they just approved a partial ban on these in public. What do you, do anyone's saying why?

Like, what the reason is? Because if it's just vapor, they shouldn't be. Like, I don't know if anyone's heard, like, the reasoning why they're... I would guess because their medical testing is not there yet. They don't know. Okay. Well, they wouldn't have released them if the medical real testing this day. yet. They wouldn't fucking, that DA wouldn't

put these out. They got these kits that they're called builder kits. And you've got to see the amount of smoke that you can I mean, it's still considered vapor, but you can fill the whole room. Oh, like the hookah people? Yeah, they can really get it going. And those are the same thing as these. They're in the same category. So I imagine me just trying to get a few

puffs in versus that guy that's engulfing a room with this smoke. Yeah. It's still secondhand smoke. No matter what, you know, if you really maybe, maybe it's vapor. Joe, do you worry about that? Like, let's say you're walking mercy and there's someone smoking a cigarette outside do you like I go around them I go around them I can't yell at them okay I can't say nothing to nobody I can I say

something something that's a freedom bro oh no I'm just saying I didn't know if if you know they're doing some fucking listen if you don't want to smoke don't fucking smoke but shut you mouth just because somebody else smokes you don't know a fucking reason shut your fucking mouth what do you care if somebody smokes if they don't want to be healthy they know it how many fucking commercials are it's like McDonald's every year every day somebody tells you how bad the food McDonald's drive past McDonald's a dollar If you find a drive-tooth that's fucking empty.

I'll give you a dollar, dog. I'll give you $5 fucking a dollar. We'll drive around all fucking day. We'll drive around all day. If you get me for $10, you'll be fucking lucky. They're never empty. But they're bad for you. Right or wrong.

Crack is bad for you. How many fucking black chicks are walking around twinkling right now. You know, how many, you know what I'm saying? I mean, we love that shit. You know, what's the first thing would happen after that dude found dead with the heroin in his arm? They went looking for that heroin. They went looking for the heroin that killed. What's his name?

Philips Seymor Hopkins. Phillips Seymohan. That's what you go looking for. You figure if it's half cut, we got a party. If it killed him and he's a junkie, I'll do a bump and I'm off and running. I'm ice skating for three fucking days.

Well, I don't know if it's just Massachusetts. There were a bunch of articles in the globe at the beginning of the year that there's something in it, like a certain batch of heroin, that there were like 20 deaths in the first couple months of the year. They're cutting it with so many things. Even the cocaine. There was a rumor last year.

There was 16 states. reported cocaine had something in it that was eating people's skins or giving them infection oh i saw that remember about two years ago yes it's a great it was a great time for me to get away from all that shit thank god i never got into any of that stuff like stuff i can't imagine being addicted to something that eats away your skin and you're still like yeah but you don't know it eats away your skin that's something they came up with now you know not 25 years ago when it came out but once it starts the worst night what happens is you lose your house you know they tell you so as they saw you the first gram you don't lose your house fuck it

that good. Fuck it. So, you know, I mean, I think this is going to go somewhere. I really think people want to feel healthier, man. If it means, I've got to tell you something, I don't have that gunk in my lungs no more. I went to jih Tjitsu yesterday, guys,

and I, you know, usually you do technique for 45 minutes, you fuck around. Yesterday had the technique for like 20 minutes and the rest of the time I rolled around. Yesterday, even one of those days, I can't walk today, even with the fucking Shroom Tech. The Shroom Tech took me there. The Shroom Tech was tremendous yesterday.

But I think the Shroom Tech took me a little bit too much because today I'm fucking feeling, Jack. It gave me a little bit too much oxygen yesterday because today I'm fucking feeling it. So kudos to Shroom Tech, like I said. But it's amazing that you guys are putting this together to respond. You guys, these guys told me you're getting respond from all over the fucking world. UK. The UK, like a motherfucker. A little bit of Canada.

Everywhere in the United States, but Hawaii, Alaska. I got a couple of guys in Alaska. Now people that, let's say you buy this in Michigan. which is legal. They sell oils in Michigan to fill these up with? I mean, that's up to them to get their oils. Okay, like Michigan's legal. You know, there's a couple of states.

Colorado and Washington. Now, I heard something really interesting. I heard something last night that was real interesting. Because guys, I don't even want to get into this one. So the crime is up in Colorado, man? I didn't hear that. Let me check. I think I heard that one of those Nancy Grace ladies is trying to say that,

but it's not related to read. Let me say crime right. Yeah, I didn't hear that. Colorado. I hope not. Usually when crime like that goes up, it has to do, like, within the industry. People are robbing each other in the industry, so crime looks like it goes up. The only article I'm seeing right now that's popping up is that the weed cases are, like,

the number of them are, they're slowing down. But no, nothing, nothing at the front of Google. I think that's, I think that's what they're, worried about. I think a lot of like, it was weird. I saw something on CNN. It was a video piece. And it was like, is this going to make people drunk and drive or smoke and drive?

And is this going to cause things to go up? And they were saying it on CNN, but it was just like, they were saying, is this going to happen? So I think they're trying to, they're putting it out there. But it's not really news. It's like, could this happen? And it's just, they have to fill air time. So I don't think anything's happened yet.

The whole ancient alien tricks. Yeah. Could the aliens have done this? Oh, yeah, the big foot, same thing. It's really weird how people are very happy about this. Like, it's good that Denver did it, whatever happens with Colorado. You know, but like I said, listen, I was in Colorado 30 years ago, and it was the Wild Wild West for Rifa then. It was just, it was like a place where people moved anyway

because they knew. Like, you met everybody in Colorado at that time that I hung with smoked Rifa all ages. I remember getting on a ski lift one time. And three fucking middle-aged men got on there. And they got on there. very fucking professional, very white, very affluent, you know. And we started talking and they're like, yeah, I'm a surgeon, I'm a brain surgeon, I'm this,

they're all doctors, just different genres. And all of a sudden they looked at me like three little scared kids and I'm like, you might help we smoke pot? And I was like, no, and they started sparking. And they started telling me that where they were from, Cleveland, during the year they don't smoke. That these 10 days, they go. fucking nuts and they've been coming to Colorado 15 years with their kids but they have since they have so many programs for kids and families to ski these guys who get together and they'd smoke

fucking big weed and they'd show me how they had a bell boy that already knew them and he'd be saving weed for them all year so when they got up and at the end they'd give whatever they didn't smoke back to the bellboard and he'd have it for the next year plus new shit he picked up that was strong so Colorado has always been a haven for good weed there's always been fucking great when I got divorced I was broke guys I was fucking broke and some guy a waitress at this restaurant they used to hang out with

she'd always say my husband sent you this my husband sent you this my husband sent you this and I would take it upstairs and it was tremendous fucking refus the phone ring yep all right let's take this real quick Matt I'm gonna need to pull my car out Adam Carolla Joey Diaz

The Churchill what's happening now how are you brother Thank you for taking the time to call us I know you're busy with your TV show and the crusade and everything else you do what's happening i am you know i'm going to get my car and i'm going to see if i can switch this thing over to my like bluetooth so okay do what you do i'm right here for you brother all right let's see you a little bit over a lot of second you fucking savages i love it like i said you know the fuck is a 24-7 type of bastards you guys never take a dull moment never a dull moment so lee can you smell that a little bit but not i i don't know what

they're complaining that much. You smell it. Can you hear me? I can hear you, brother. Thank you. Sorry. Thank you for taking the time and calling, man.

My pleasure. I watched you on Chelsea the other night. You had me fucking rowing about the, you know, he does this shit because he could dance. And then at the end, you bust her balls at the video

and you go, hey, I can't dance. I was fucking howling, so. I do believe, I swear to God. I mean, I think that's how Michael Jackson got away with it for long as he did. And I'm telling you, no matter what you say about it, dude, if he can dance, that's what everyone will end the conversation with. That's very, you're right.

No, I've seen it happen. Yeah, I mean, you can dance. He's so talented singer. What a shame. What a shame that this has happened to him. Yeah, like, they'll go, like, hey, that guy was drowning puppies all day long. And someone to go, yeah, man, that's horrible. But he can move.

He can move. So what's happening? Talk to me a little bit more about this. I knew something was going on that a couple weeks ago, I did an episode of Mark Marin, and I heard them, you know, back and forth, and they filled me in,

and then I did some reading, but I want to hear it from you, brother. Fill me in on what's cracking. I said just use them to sue companies, and normally they sue big companies, and, you know, they sue Apple. and you go, well, they got a cajillion. Who cares? You know, they have a team of lawyers, who cares? This time, they decide to go after me. Now, I'm not sure why, but they've decided to come after podcasting.

Eventually, they'll get to everybody, I imagine, if this works. So what I'm doing is I'm reaching out to the podcasting community, and I'm saying to them, let's all join forces. Let's start a patent troll fund, like a legal defense fund. Let's get all our listeners united to donate to that fun, and then I will beat these patent trolls, and then once I beat them in court, they'll go away, and we're not going to have to deal with them. Is there a link?

Is there something that the listeners could read up more about this? Because I'm sure they're in on this also. They'll donate. They'll do anything it takes to keep this on it, to keep this movement along. Sure, sure. You can go to fund anything. You can go to fundanything.com and forward slash patent troll. And there's, you know, a lot of, a lot of the other podcasts are given out perks and things like that,

that you know, you could go to one of their shows and do that kind of stuff if you donate. It's that kind of a grassroots thing. Unfortunately, to fight a patent troll, it costs over a million. I know it sounds insane, but it's literally a million plus dollars in court in that control for everybody. So on their communities out there, we beat them, and once we beat them, they'll go away. Because they're not going to come after Joey Diaz if Adam Carolla beats them, and they're not going to come after Mark Barron and Joe Rogan. But if Adam Carolla can't defend himself or pays out or rolls over, everyone's going to be next.

then they're rock and roll. And Adam, I talked to your producer. I produced the show. He said even stuff like Netflix and the TV channels that stream online, that could go down too. It's not just podcasts. You could imagine, if you could successfully sue a pod, what on the internet couldn't you sue if you really just look at it that way, right?

I mean, that's crazy. So these guys didn't do anything. It's not like these guys are inventors. They bought a patent that had lapsed from somebody else, and they're literally just going after you for the money. Yeah, or a nutty professor or like hardworking guy, and we're ripping off his idea. No, these guys buy these things. They're basically dormant.

They buy them, and then they get together with their lawyers, and most of them are lawyers, and they figure out how they can apply them to businesses. even if there's almost no connection. For ours, it's not even podcasting. It's the playlist. They claim to have the patent to the playlist, meaning Monday's show comes out on Monday and Tuesday's show comes out on Tuesday.

That's what they're claiming. And obviously, that could apply to almost anything that's on the internet. That's crazy, man. I mean, I just, so, so what, like, what are you fighting? How are you fighting it? Is it the case? Like, what are you using the money for?

The case. That's where they choose to, that's where their courthouse is. That's where they do their battle. The letter and they hit you up for money. And they go, give us $3 million and we'll go away. And I don't know where they got that number. But, of course, we don't have $3 million to give them. And then they sue you.

And the lawyers very involved litigations, very complicated. Look, I barely graduated high school. I don't know the ins and outs of this. All I know is it's incredibly expensive, and you're being sued. You have to defend yourself. And what we're asking is everybody who loves podcasting, everyone who gets it for free, everyone who wants to keep it free, everyone who doesn't want the man sticking his nose in it

hey if you've been listening to Joey Diaz and you've been enjoying his show and he's giving you his show for free put in 20 bucks and keep it free that's tremendous no no I didn't know the ins and out of it before I got involved I thought they were going after the big guys and I didn't know and then between Lee and what and it's a damn shame you know

you think criminals have guns obviously they don't They have pens and attorneys. But no, we'll do whatever we can do to help out, Adam. Anything I could do to, you know. And the whole plan is what I don't think what they counted on was how powerful and how committed the podcast community was and that we have a platform and we have a voice. And when you go after some of these other companies, they don't have a voice, they don't have a microphone. They don't have a platform.

We have a pulpit. And we can all rally together and rally the troops and circle the wagon and fight these guys off. Done. So the GoFundMe page is ready to rock, fund anything.com. That's already up and active. It's all up. We've already raised over $165,000. Done.

I'm going to put a link on my web page and detour people with that link. and let's make this happen, because there's a damn shame. It's a beautiful medium for us, and I can't believe they want to cut the legs off, something that's so beautiful and free, and it's become such a part of the society now. Well, was the man going to stand by the sideline and let us do what we're doing without trying to wet their beak, you know?

It's a fucking nightmare out there, Adam Carrella. On the other thing, what nights is your new show? one on spike on new shows uh sunday night okay o'clock on spike that's a contractor did it premiere already yeah premiered uh two weeks ago it just just came on it'll be uh it'll be uh the third week will be this sunday yeah that's interesting that you were a contractor i was a roofer and an estimator so before this glorious fucking career. I was also on a

apprentice, a mason of an apprentice and I was also on the electricians union in Colorado. So I'm gonna, I like shows like this. Yeah,

I was a hustler. You gotta do it. You know, you had to get a ski pass. So to get the ski pass, I would, Chip Chilson was the ski instructor. So he'd tell me,

if you help me lay bricks, I'll give you a ski pass in the winter. And then the same with the electricians union and the roof and shit came later. came later on and I loved it so it's weird that you're a carpenter do you still mess around with it

or do when you look at when you go to a restaurant you see a table do you look at the table and go that guy fucked up do you ever do that because I do it all the time with roobes and bricks and shit yeah no you I think you do I you know my you know like a plastic surgeon looking at a boob job going shit, I would have done a better job on that, you know? No, it's weird how it's still in my roots. Like, sometimes I'm like, fuck this stand-up comedy shit. I'll get a job estimating and shit. I'm like, oh, that's fucking hard.

That's too hard for a 50-year-old. Being on the roof does suck. Oh. Oh, and I did flat roofs with rubber. And I never really got into the hot ruse in Colorado. It was all flat ruse or rubber, so it wasn't really that bad, you know, but you had to tear off the old things and it was a nightmare.

You were doing torchdown stuff. Yeah, I was doing torchdown stuff and ballasted when you got to lay stone down at the end of the day, you know, 40 yards of stone and shit. So it was an experience, but, you know, even I could tell that when you were talking about carpentry, in a way it made you who you are today.

Like you look at a lot of those lessons that you learn in carpentry, and I'm sure you're applying them today, you know, in different parts of your life. Hard work. and it also made me think in a sort of mechanical, logical way, because carpentry is very logical and it's very mechanical. You know, it's very linear, and it's very practical.

And so as a carpenter, you do learn to think in a very nuts and bolts kind of practical way versus comedian is kind of pie in the sky, you know, let's get a, let's rip a ball load and write down some jokes. this is very different than that. I ripped a couple bong loads and got on that fucking roof, Adam Carolla. So you have to. And when you're in Colorado, everybody was ripping bong hits. And this is 82, 83.

I mean, we'd rip a bong and a half apart and then lay bricks for 10 hours and make, you know, cement and all that shit. So it was, it's amazing. You know, I got to say, first off, I smoked pot and hung the lid, a drywall on a ceiling and went right over the lighting fixture and realized I wasn't much good when I was stone hanging sheetrock. But the main reason I didn't like getting stone before work when I was doing that kind of work because it made, I felt like the day took forever to go by. I don't know if that's your experience of pot or not, but for me, eight or nine hours

digging ditches, swinging a hammer, scraping a roof. On the pot, it felt like 20 hours. Yeah, but in a way, yes, it did in a way, you're right, yeah. The sun felt hotter. That's what I remember. When you get high and you go outside,

the sun feels so much fucking hot. Now, you did construction out here, or in the East Coast? It out here, born and bread out here. I didn't go to college. I went right from high school to digging ditches cleaning up garbage on a construction site. I still remember those days. That was quite the experience.

So now you have this show on Spike and you look at and you bust these fucking guys that take deposits and don't come back and all this stuff, which is a great angle. I can't wait to see it because I know this is a haven for that type of shit here. Yeah, no, you're, you're, It's on every corner, and, you know, look, I don't take credit for the show.

It's a great idea. It's a great idea. I didn't come up with it. You bust these guys. You bring them back, and you get them to do the job correctly, and, of course, in between, you got the homeowner screaming out. So that's always good. You know, I remember I did all that stuff in Colorado,

and in Colorado, what you have is you have hailstorms. So when it hails, all these scam roofers should shoot to those states, where it hails to do you know get the insurance work and these phony claims and it's amazing they would go into a neighborhood and you know do a roof and while they were doing the roof other roofers other homeowners that come across the street get estimates they would get deposits never deliver the material and then they'd lie to a whole neighborhood and they'd pack up and leave and you never get a hold of these guys they'd be like a scam thing from like kansas and that's what they do when you have like that's what probably happened in new Orleans after katrina i could i could

I could just imagine. Every, they were looking for construction people. They were turning bakers into contractors. So people go down there, they don't care. They just take a deposit. You just want the work done. They skip on you, and that's the end of that tune. So I could see how this show is going to be successful for you, Adam.

Turns out, the mayor was, in his beak, too. That motherfucker robbed them completely. Yeah, they send a lot of funds. People's fingers get sticky when that shit happens. Yeah. It happened with a, and, Joe. Jersey too. It happened in South Jersey this last year I read when I was back there this year. Somebody stole the funds for that. And then after they built Jersey, they lit it on fire all over again.

And it's hysterical because there was a fireman convention. They made sure it was like in Philadelphia. It was like two towns away, so they burnt down fucking seaside. So there you go. Yeah, well, you know, unfortunately, you know, I don't know if the nature of man is good or evil, but I do know one fucking thing. The nature of man is greedy. And when there's checks being cut, people are going to get in that line even if they don't deserve to be in that line.

And there's a lot of that going around, and we decided let's make a TV show about it. That's funny because years earlier, I got approach to do a show where people who borrowed money from people and didn't pay you back. Like a true TV show.

And we shot like a minute pilot. I don't know what happened to it. So if somebody lent you 500 and didn't give it back to you, they spied on them, they watched them go shopping, and they watched them go out to dinner, and then you showed up in a car, and you're like, hey, where's my 500 bucks? And they're like, I don't have it.

Well, we show you the video footage. This is you eating a steak. This is you jumping up and down the club in Beverly Hills. So it's a good contact. They'll probably come back now that you're doing this to find these fucking thieves and these fucking predators, whatever the hell it is. So that's it, brother.

What else you got for me? That's it. I mean, fund anything, catch a contractor, and, you know, support my pirate ship at Adamcarolla.com. You're a beautiful man, man. Thank you for, you know, thank you for fucking sticking your neck out for us, Adam. It means a lot of the guys like me, and I'm really appreciative of it. I appreciate it, and I think we all band together, we can beat these guys. I'll put this link up, and I'll talk about on every podcast, but thank you for being the fucking man.

for, you know, grabbing your balls for this one. And I'm behind you, brother. Anytime. Thanks, Joe. I appreciate it. Have a great day. Stay black and beautiful. You too.

Bye. That's fucked up, man. Yeah, there's always people trying to, you know, people come, people talk about the fucking mafia. You ever see what you pay for taxes? Don't get me started. Don't get me started. Don't get me started.

You ever look at what you pay for taxes at the end of the year. You look at it and you go, wow. Wow. And then the union comes in and they want a percentage. And then they want insurance. And you look there and you go, who's getting fucked in the fucking ass here? Who's getting fucking, you know, when does it end?

But I'm happy that he's sticking his fucking neck out first. You know, they've reached out to everybody. They've never reached out and said, you owe us money, but I'm sure the day's going to fucking come, you know? And by supporting Adam, if you go on iTunes, look how many fucking podcasts are up now. Thousands. From every genre.

So we could beat this fucking thing, you know? If this goes down, this is a big genre to go down. This will be a very disappointing blow for the fucking system if the system wins on something like this, you know? Well, the system doesn't win. Some fucking scumbagg, fucking that trolls win, whatever the fuck they are. So now you know what it feels to get rough. Fucking Adam Carole, ladies and gentlemen.

What's up, flying, Jew? Tell you something. That boomie hit you? It's time for another one. No, fuck you. I can tell you, you want another one. Give me another one. No, thank you.

Half's enough. No, I mean, it's just, it's too bad. We got a great sugar-free piece. I'll show it, but I can't have... You ain't showing nothing. You ain't showing us. I already had one, dude. No, so did I.

We're going to go eat Benny Hana. Who takes care of you like me? You're not going to Benny Hana. Yes, we are. We're all going home to sleep after this. No one. Maybe you are. I'm not letting you.

I'm tying you by the fucking neck and I'm dragging you. No more sleep on this shit, dog. We don't give you this shit for you to go home and waste it on fucking sleep. You got to do something. You got to be active. It's 90 degrees up. Let's go to Benny Hanna. Why would we go somewhere where there's fire on the table

if it's 90 degrees out? Because they got air-conditionally. Why do you break everything fucking down in your mind so much? What did you eat for breakfast? Nothing. So you haven't eaten nothing all day? No, I had a podcast at 9 a.m. So you didn't eat anything?

No. You didn't go across to 7-Eleven? I didn't have time. You're walking around on fucking empty. You know what's going on to your body right now? Fire. Nothing. Nothing.

Nothing. Nothing. You got to eat something in the morning. Something. A protein. We're going to get you some protein powder. It's over. That's it.

Okay. A little on it, protein shake in the fucking morning. With some water, you shake that motherfucker up. With some vitamins, you'll be a brand no matter. Your metabolism gets kicked. If you don't eat until 2 o'clock, I'm going to lose you. No, I normally don't do this. You do it all the fucking time.

I talked to you at one. Where did you eat? I didn't eat nothing. I know you. I know you. You wake up, you're fucking not hungry. I ate in the morning. You don't have no sterile?

No water, nothing. No. Coffee? I had water. Jesus. Christ. We're going to get you. That's it.

It's over. It's over. We're going to get just an honor in the morning. You mix it with some fucking water, the chocolate, and you feel tremendous. 16 grams of fucking protein, you're off and running. And if you want to eat something at 1 or 11, you want to eat something every five hours,

but your metabolism ain't going. You know, I love you, cock suck. I'm a fat fuck, but I'm trying to help you out. I appreciate it. I'm talking cock suck, will you? You're going to get headaches and shit. Your blood pressure is going to drop. You're going to get some fucking fuel in your engine cock,

liquor. You know, I love you? Suck a dick, do something, drink some fucking non-glutin sperm. I don't fucking know. They got out there no more, that fucking whole foods. What's up with you, savages? Did you guys feel the earthquake all the way up north? Nothing, but you had one last week.

You saw the video when you... Okay, you saw the video, but you hadn't one before. Nothing? Have you ever lived through an earthquake? I felt warming when I was in opening when I was in Oakland. Yeah, you know what the problem is? We used to live in a house that trucks used to drive by. So you didn't know what was going on? Was that earthquake?

Was that earthquake? We were always constantly like, And then one head and we're like that was weaker than the ones that we feel with the trucks So show us the tool of the day set something up here. Let's show these motherfuckers what we got here. Let's do it That's the that's the that's the vape pen. That's the one you guys sell. That's the top vapor pen That's the one you guys specialize in Now you guys build this from scratch? No, we don't we have this branded Okay, so you have this and you have a patent on this also and everything No, no, no, no, there's many companies that are you guys okay. Yeah, this is just my my brand on the pen

and that I felt a work the best. Okay. It's nice. It's metal. It's like heavy. No, it's heavy. I like this motherfucker. And what do you have?

It has oil and it has, you can put a chunk of shit in there too? Yeah, you can put a wax in there. Oil, as long as it's not too runny. And even if it is runny, I mean, as long as you keep it upright, like you can smoke out of it. It works off of a WIC system. So as long as you have a little bit oil in there, you can smoke. You're good to go. And so you get the gun, you get the pen in all 50 states.

Yeah, all 50 states. What you put in it, you can't get in all 50 states. That's up to you. No, no. Currently, if medical or legal states are the only ones that have what you can put in there. Do you guys know what the rules in Massachusetts are yet? Because that's just about to go medicinal. I think they're decriminalized, which is, it's still illegal, but it's like a slap on the rest.

Like misdemeanor or whatever. Okay. That's cool, man. To take it. So you guys have the pens and the gummy bears, loo. little gumes or manos. Yeah, and clothing. And clothing.

And you have the nail. T-shirts and nails it. Keep it simple. Hat pins. What else? Hat pins. So what's the other thing you guys are going to show us?

You're going to show us the whole fucking chemistry set. Real quick. We don't have to use it. Show these motherfuckers how you travel. You're like Bon Jovi. We figured since you don't like electric, since you don't like torches, we were bringing the electric now.

Show us how that works. Show us how that works. Let's just how that works real quick here. This is the same company as your piece. Moeus. Okay, so that's Mobius. Okay, yeah. I mean, we've been using Mobius before we met the guy.

We love their pieces. Damn. Yeah, it's like a whole contraption. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, this is tremendous. Put it together. Lee can't wait. I mean, Lee's not having a great battle. Oh, really long.

We buddyed up with the owner of this company. Like, not buddyed up, but like, you know, just through business, talked about his product. This guy knows his product well. He knows every little piece of component on here, and he knows how to make it better, and he's currently making it better. and it's like, oh, that's 1.1.

2.1 is coming out next week or whatever. It's just amazing. Tubes and shit. So this is what you guys have at home when you're living like doctors. Imagine. And you're trying to see the devil. Yeah. Imagine you're like, you want to get high all the time and you don't have kids and you don't have a wife

and you're playing video game all day. You just have this connected. It's on and you're hitting. Even in my house. I'll have it on in the garage. and I'll just go out to the garage and not hit it, like, keep it away from the face. Yeah, it stays on over there. So what is that right there you got in your hand there?

I got my first dab ready to go. That's your dab, and where do you put that? It's going to go around in the mail, which it's hot. It takes about a minute and I have to heat up once he plugs there. And you don't even, oh, you have to plug it. Look at it. Oh, my God. They have the automatic plug, Lee.

Can you imagine if I have an automatic plug? How much, how much power do you have in there? I got this thing runs on less electricity than Xbox at Idol. It's like real. light the electricity this thing uses that is fucking amazing people you understand me when I'm talking about amateurs and professionals you understand what I tell people I wish you were here which some people can't watch this but if you listen to this shit they got tubes they got fucking computers this is it this is the

future fucking seeing the devil you can even pick what devil you want to see the red one the Hindu one the Puerto Rico one you can fucking take you pick it look at this shit oh my god Lee how you doing over there you're gonna eat That goome, you're gonna keep staring out like it's a four. I had a gumme. That was only a little piece. You gotta eat the other half. You're taking a dab, right?

No, thank you. Talking about dosing, I have, of my own guvies. I usually do about two or three of them. Yeah, just to get a good gum. Now, when you burn that and you blow it out, how bad does it smell? It's not like refruit, old or this? It smells, it's more less like the pen.

Well, that's like the pen. I will do a dab. Did you move that a little piece of wax paper that had? I didn't touch it, I didn't touch it. No, the big ones. I don't touch nothing. Unless it's in one of the bags or something like that, my mistake. Look at this shit.

So, okay, so let's say, how does this compare to, like, a bonehead? When I smoke a joint. What happens to me when I smoke a joint? What happens? What's the difference? Why would I want to do a dab instead of just getting a fucking purple butt of deck? When you smoke, when you smoke tree, the flowers, the only part of the plant that gets you high is the oily part of the plant. When you smoke oil, that's the extraction of that oily part of the plant. So what's the difference? Cutting out the middle. No, no, no, I'm saying, I'm saying in my mind, you cut not the middle man. What's the difference? Yeah, you're cutting out

the plant material that when burned or smoked, it does no benefit to you. So it's doing harm. It turns into whatever, into smoke or however you're smoking it. Vaporizing it is cool. There's people who use like little vaporizers and the plant material stays behind and the oil get smoked. So that's why people vaporized because you're not really putting anything bad in your body. It's a whole science. Let's say we were talking about percentages before. You guys know more about this than I do. I'm just throwing numbers at you.

Years ago there was a company in L.A. that was burning weed or so they said and telling you what the weed came back at. There was a couple of stores that were using the service. One was a store on Sunset and there was one on Lyseniga, but there was one up here. that had it. And he kept saying that he had this weed that was 28%. And when I smoked it, it did fuck yum. Got Matcho G. No, it wasn't Matt. It was called

Strawberry Cough. Matt's O.G. said he was high. Remember he had the paperwork too. Now, when I convert that into oil, what is there ways to say like you say to me, Joe, I have three different types of oil. I have sour diesel. I have death. I have

suck my dick. Suck my dick is strong. What percentage of oil is it compared to 28% of the refa, is it stronger? Am I going to get higher? Well, no, a good oil is going to be upwards of 70% THC. Instead of the 28 from that weed. You're getting rid of all the plant materials, so you're just isolating the oils that have the compounds in the end up.

Like last night was very weird. We vaporized all night on the Doug Benson show. It was vapor, but it was a lot of vapor. When I woke up this morning, I felt it. But I was high last night. But I was high from a different scorn. Cool. Yeah, it hits you harder. Yeah, it's harder.

But it goes away real clean. Real clean, yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't have that like after like all like, like, um, like real like, right. It's the temperature that you're bringing in. I could have stayed up last night or I could have gone to bed. It was up to me. I could have had it either way. So I'm noticing little changes in my heart when you get stoned, you know, as a Cuban

step, you don't put up when a war war, you know, like I have retarded. Yeah. You drool like I do and your mouth is open and shit. You know, some people, I like getting stoned. I mean, I don't want to find. I don't want energy. I don't want to fly through the mountains. I don't know that fucking faggy shit.

I want to get stoned. When I get stoned is when I rap, my jokes, is when I have my thoughts, I think about my past, I think about my future, I think about what the fuck. You know, that shit should scare you. You ever think about something

there's a kid and it scares you, your heart starts pumping. That's being fucking lit. The paranoia. It's paranoia. I like all that shit. I like being paranoid. I like it, too.

You're careful this thing. The thing that is a little wiggly in there. And it's hot. And it's hot. I don't smoke out of you? Yeah, yeah. No torch. It stays hot the whole day.

I'm trying that off. Because they're going to smell it, and they're going to say something. I'll turn the fan on, I guess. Hey, you know what I'll send it? No. No, that'll blow it into the hall. Hey, check it out.

I'll send you something good. I'll check after the podcast if I have it. But I think the name of it is called the smoke buddy. Yeah, I have it. I have a green thing. I have it. One of my buddies, Brian, from Chicago gave me one. But this is intense today.

Holy shit. Yeah, I wish they need them bigger for the fuck out of here. Oh, Holy shit. That's all right. We'll take our chances. Columbus, that we just walk out of here like we own the joint. We're all patients. Let's tell them that those guys are medical and they were talking about medical stuff.

Like people get scared when you talk about medical. No, we just say we're smoking. Just ignore it and deny. What? No, no, no. What smoke? Not my room. I don't give a fuck. Hey, listen, man, we're trying to do a podcast here to educate people on certain fucking

habit of you. What's that music? What's a little fucking biggie, a little hypnotized? Kick this fucking mood up till they, Adam Carolla. My boy's from fucking nail the life. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.

Kick a Lee. Wiggle phone for Joey. Wiggle. What, Lee? Uh. Who's better than you, Lee? No one. Wednesday afternoon.

March 19th. You bad motherfuckers. We're here making it happen. Vapers. Blow torches. E-cigarettes. We're covering all the fucking spectrum. What?

All right, Lee, talk to me. Let me give us some. shout out to some fucking savages here. That a Go me bear hating you because I got another one for you. It's hitting you a little. Oscar Nunez. You know I love you down in Fort Laudale. Pats D. Keys Wolf hashtag, Albert

Jimenez, Stefan Quayle fucking waterbox. I love you motherfuckers. Thank you for always being there for me. You bad motherfuckers, I'm high. I'm high. I'm high on the Gumi Bear. I'm still high from last night. That's how I'm throwing it. You understand? Yeah, they were bringing those bags back a lot last night. Yeah.

There was 20 fucking bags going around, man. It was just really How did you feel the rest of the day After the earthquake? Did you feel anything different? You know what, man? No, I don't know if I've gotten used to it a little bit While I was here

I mean, you could tell it took me for like 20, 30 minutes Me too, I was a little shaking up. By the time I got out of there We were so busy that day that I just, I ran around. Just shrugged it off. Yeah. It was really weird I got a bunch of calls And did anybody call you from the East Coast

and say, what happened out there? Nobody cares. I got a bunch of calls like people. Like, what how? You know, because they think the 4.7 is just, but it's really weird to experience. Like, I could tell people who were off the rest of the day. I was a little off.

I mean, I wasn't fucking, I'm not going to lie the entire. I was scared of me. You seen your video that's going around? Yeah, oh, please. Who's that anchor guy that crawls under the desk? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the news guy. That's the L.A.

That's the New Zealand. That's the KTLA, you know. Hey, man, it's a scary thing for some people. It's not like, I just know. You know the, when you, once you hear those walls busting, You didn't see it moving Well, we were shaking in here I looked at these little head and I knew shit

was crackle-lacking But it really is amazing that Lee made a point No matter where you live You're gonna have floods Earthquakes There's nowhere I guess the best place would be the East Coast with just snow

But it's still snow sucks You're trapped for like a week or two Witting the snow sometimes Week Let me tell you guys you grew up in the West East Coast You grew up on the East Coast I don't know how long have you been gone from the East Coast. I know Lee's been gone for

a couple of years. It ain't that fucking, it's very cold. It's very cold. And the long of you're out here, you know, Lee's shipping pan. I'm a dog. I'm a street kid. I was out in that motherfucker. One glove missing some nights. You know, I'm not going to lie to you guys, but it's a different time.

The cold I got hit with in Chicago, Sunday morning when I was going to the Midway Airport this week, not Midway. The other one, O'Hara, that was cold. The cold weather I got hit with. It wasn't cold when I I went to New Jersey a couple weeks ago. That week I was there wasn't bad at all. I missed the snow, I missed everything.

The snow was that Monday. But it's felt like when I went to Minneapolis this year, that was fucking cold. When I went to Buffalo, that was cold. When I got stuck in Chicago this year, I'm away to Nashville, that was cold. I don't get that could handle it yet. You know, and it's true. Any way you move to, I mean, you go to Nashville and have tornadoes. You have to have a fucking basement.

You know, if you live somewhere else, you have, listen, you just have to have belief, you know. I can't believe I've made it here for so long. they keep talking about the end of the world these fucking earthquakes out of you and every day you wake up when you go to bed you say you know hopefully I'll wake up here in the house won't fucking shake

because that's what would be shitty to wake up at 4 in the morning you don't have no fucking power or nothing like that that's fucking scary right there so but it's okay what are you gonna do bro what the fuck you're gonna do

it's just a goddamn earthquake you know you go home you smoke some weed and you pray for the bed imagine you're getting off on a fucking edible gross and that you know how was it like being high during that because that would have been I was high during that you

I know that's what I'm saying how was it like hi what you saw me you saw my face at first I was scared for a minute because you you're looking at the rattling if it's rattling I would have ran out of here but it wasn't to that rattle yet it was it was going it was more pissed like he was pissed

like a rumbled it was like a fucking rumble so we live out of here man that's that's the fucking thing and if there's an earthquake you know what the best thing about it is you got your fucking phone and you watch Hulu Plus Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hau plus is where it's at huluplus dot com dog i don't how many times i gotta fucking tell you people it's not even about the price that's 799 a month for five and you get two weeks for free that's over you know what it's about enter fucking

tainment that's what it's about anywhere on your phone on your ipad on your fucking home tv on your on your stereo on the back of your hand whatever you want fucking television you could whatever you want to tame you could have it go to huluplus dot com or better yet go to joeydeers.net go to the Huluplus.com, box, and press. Joey. In the box, automatically, you get two weeks for fucking free. If you go to Hulu Plus directly, you got two weeks for free. You get one week for free.

Binge TV, watch all your fucking favorite shows. They got original program. What shows they got, Lee, every time I look at my wife's list, I can't believe it. It's too much to remember. I know they got that dirty show with the wife that blows everybody on CBS. I know they got Brooklyn 9-9. I know they got documentaries. I got some great fucking movies, though.

Go to Huluplus.com or go to Joey Diaz.com. Go to Huluplus. Dot com, box and press. Joey. Ooh, you bad, motherfucker. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. It's $7.99 a month. That's $8 a fucking month.

Times 12, that's $96. Dollars of fucking year. You got a fixed income on your entertainment, bitches. Cut this shit. It even leaves your $2 to donate to this fund anything.com. That's how we roll. You understand me. Who the fuck you got a kid?

Now, let me ask you this, Lee. Have you ever talked? thought about how much money got in the bank now 200 large 300 large now for what's on for what's not in my overseas accounts yes so let me ask you there's an earthquake here yeah they say that the electrical system goes out your fucking balance goes to zero what would you do leave I don't know man that's the thing I never have cash on me never what are you what are you going to do with there's an earthquake and you don't have no fun not even a dollar on you what kind of fucking gee are you how many times I got to tell you're going to

show up with a fucking juice jar You feel the penny and chains are going to spit in your face to fucking lout. Yeah, get it together, Cockleika. Has anyone pressured you into getting bitcoins, Joey? What are they?

That's the thing. And I know they've talked about it on another podcast, but it's like this all online currency that they're starting to gain traction, like they're putting Bitcoin ATMs out in public.

But like one of the sites got rated so everyone's balance with the zero. and it's just gone because it's not regulated. So it's like this online currency. I don't know. Why would I want to deal with? I don't know. I'm not giving my money.

You know, listen, when you get beat by those people, you deserve to get beat by them. You deserve to get beat by them. You deserve to get beat by me that fucking stupid. You know, I see those things. I just erase. I've got emails from those people. I got nothing to talk to you about.

What are you going to talk about? You're going to sell me what? What are you going to? Nothing. I don't even want to know. It's like, you don't even want to fucking. Like a, you've, you agree. It's not a joke, man.

Seriously, when I was a kid, remember the guys that were dressed up like women? I'm burglar on Avenue. Spanish people love dressing up. You know, there's no bigger fags in the fucking Spanish people. When they go south, they go deep. They get the wig, the eyebrows. When faggots go fucking sour, they go fucking into deep, deep waters. But Latinos, when they become faggots, they go deep.

They get Dracula out. I can't tell if it's a compliment or an insult. It sounds like you're almost proud of it. I'm proud of it. No one goes faggot. Nobody's a faggot like a fucking Latino or an Arab. When they commit the fagotry, they fucking go for it. But, listen, if you want to be a fag, that's one thing.

But when you want to be a cross-dresser, you're trying to convince motherfuckers you're a woman. In the back of your head, when you leave the house, you're like, I'm the hottest chick in this fucking room. Meanwhile, you're the ugliest fucking creature from the black-like-goo. Everybody knows you're a half a fagg. You got an Adam's apple. Your hands are big.

Look at the size of your fucking feet. Look at that big fucking toe with the fungi on your toe. I don't know no other woman that's got a fungi toe and a fucking heel. So you're trying to sell me you're a fucking woman in your head. Are you fucking retarded? But I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

I'll fuck it. You come fuck with me. I'll punch you the fucking egg. Because at the end of the day, it's the same feel. I've ripped that fucking wiggle off. I've done it before. But just thinking about Latin fags, they commit, dog, and they'll come up to you and try to suck your dick

and everything. I guarantee everybody who has a story about taking one of those fags home and going for their dick with their pussy and finding like a lump in their pants. Nine of ten of those men are fucking Latin. I guarantee you bro I've seen Latin men dressed up like women that I've taken a double take When you get up closer you see him at the light like if you go to La Brea and

Santa Monica and another block down or Highland on those blocks on Sunday mornings that's transvestite parade They're out all night they're out all night remember when any Murphy got caught with one on LeBrea That's where it's at La Brea and Santa Monica. There's a donut shop there or it's either Highland it's highland. They have a donut shop there Or it's Highland they have a donut shop that and they hang out in the corner. But if you go Sunday, like at 4.30, you'll see 15 of them on the fucking corner. And they're there because somebody stops with them. People stop.

Yeah, people stop on the way home. They can't find a chick. They say, fuck it out, it's something like, you know, when you're coped up and you've been drinking for 12 hours, anything to suck your dick. You know what I'm saying? If you're really working, if you're a predator that really wants to suck a dick, you could talk a druggie guy. I don't care how tough he is to let him suck your dick.

At 6 and 1, you've been drinking for 15, fuck. I've never talked to a faggers never talked me at the second my dick at five in the morning but I never really hung out with them at five I see a fagg at five in the morning I know he's looking for the same thing I'm looking for and we're not looking for each other's conversations over me you know what I'm saying you see a fucking guy dressed up like a woman at sixth of the morning he's looking for something he ain't looking for a career he ain't going to some fucking audition he's going to suck somebody's youth that's just the way it works out you know if you know if you know this or not

so just a little food for thought does you think homeless people have sex like with each other Last day, I took my baby to the fucking park. Oh, no. But I took her to the park on Sunday, and I could tell she was sick of that fucking park. This is more of an urban park. They got a little flavor, a couple of Mexican kids, a couple of black girls.

So I get out, there's a softball field there, and as I walk, I see something like a clothing by a tree. Oh, no. Like a piece of clothing. And as I get closer, this fucking homily comes out with, like, bruises in the head, like under her cheekbone, and like a lip. She's like, how you doing?

Can you help me out with some change? My husband, I got home, and he was with another woman, and he beat me out, and she had, like, a feet were too dirty. Like, she just didn't get thrown out. She had been thrown out, so I asked her, when did you get thrown out? She goes, this afternoon, you're lying. Look at your fucking feet. That's disgusting.

You've been walking around for three or four days, you dirty bitch. And I don't care. She asked me for change. I gave her a dollar, you know what I. So I walk in and with the baby, and I come back, like an hour later, and there she is talking to a guy laying on the grass. And he was homeless with her. pit bull so they're probably

still there why would you be homeless with a fucking dog why would you do that to yourself like the dog's gonna fucking help you like you gotta feed you and the dog why would you do that to somebody I read the other side of this like them talking yeah I need a companion is what they say

well maybe you know what maybe I'm being selfish maybe I'm being stupid maybe they save them from the shelter you know maybe they were going to die because anybody who takes a fucking dog or a cat on the shelter before there's a lot of them has one over by You know there's a Ralphs on Burbank and Van Nuys. It's one of the main ones.

And there was this homeless guy who was probably in his late 20s, early 30s. He had a homeless cat with him. On his shoulder. Yeah, he just walks around. I've seen that guy. I've never seen a cat like that. The cat was just hanging out. I gave money for food one day.

I gave my three bucks for cat food. There's a black dude on my corner. There's a black dude on my corner that has a shopping cart filled with stuff. I've spoken about him on the podcast before or somewhere. And he's very intelligent. with grim glasses. He's always reading outside. You can tell you, I know where he lives.

He lives by the bridge on, right before you hit Kofax. Yeah. Bridge that we hit. When you leave him my house down, he lives under that bridge. There's a side fence and they go in there and sleep there. And night they got rats and shit.

You can see like rat shit there because they probably bring food. But in the daytime, he stays by that bench. He makes a little fucking thing. He has two days ago, the cops will fuck him out. He won't take my money, but he'll take food. So, if I have him. food I'll give it to him if I go somewhere I'll buy an extra if I see him out there

buy a sandwich but he doesn't sit there every day he goes to a lot he leaves his shit he goes to the library he reads he takes a shower somewhere takes a shower somewhere in the morning so hey listen man you know there's nine different types of homeless people there's homeless people that are homeless because of a situation there's homeless people that are homeless because of mental health there's homeless people that are homeless because of God knows what you know were you ever homeless never I was homeless we have homeless we have homeless We homeless?

No. I was homeless. It's fucking crazy. Now, let me ask. When I left the podcast on Monday, we were taking out a box of bottles, and I thought I was going to throw it in the thing, I saw a guy looking through trash bins. And I went over to him. I said, hey, man, do you want these?

And he did. He took it. But I felt bad for a second. Like, should I have done that? Was that rude? No, no, no. You saved him time. Why would he want to pull a-up?

Yeah. I just felt bad about it. You imagine ripping a fucking three-day-old diaper out with that fucking snout. out what that fucking smells like. He knows. You say, I do the same thing, man. If I got 10 bottles in the car, it's amazing how much you have to give back to the coverage, you know.

And there's some fucking people that are just out there running a scam, you know. But there's some people that are homeless or whatever, and I try that, whatever. Even if I go to somewhere with my wife, I go buy an extra cheeseburger and a black dude on the corner. And I go over and he'll say, thank you,

brother. What are they call him? I don't know what's fucking there. Don't fucking tell me. I've asked them a thousand times. I don't worry about it. All right. None of my business. Leave it at that. Take the fucking cheese. burger. That's all you can do some time. You know, there's people who do like charity events and they want everybody to know their fucking business and they get hors d'oeuvres and you go to their house and you have to compliment them on how beautiful their house is. And it's

people, they want you to know what you do. You don't need that, man. You know, character is what you do and nobody's watching. You know what I'm saying? That's what you do and nobody's fucking watching. Those are little things you fucking do. But there's two different types of people I think that, you know, you see somebody who's fucked up. You just go up to him and give him two dollars. We know who's fucked up. You know, sometimes I see a girl that's fucked up. I go up and give it $3 or something. That's the first guy. The day that went up to him, didn't want

his dick sucked. Do you ever think about that? So obviously, you're fucking unique. You know, everybody else is probably, want to have to go. I'll give you $10 to me suck my dick. I gave it three bucks. You don't have to do nothing. What's it like the first night of being homeless? Like the first ever night. Let me tell you some guy, and I didn't have to be homeless.

I had made a decision to either snort coke or have an apartment. And I chose don't coke. So I would go to a bar and talk to people and you know how people are up or you want to come back to the house. You got a grandma blow. Yeah, let's go back to the house and that's fine. You go, don't drive. That's it. And I'd sleep there. What was the difference? So I always had Coke for later because somebody always say, come over, sleep on my, come on, stay on the couch. Where are you going to go? You know, and I wouldn't tell them I was homeless. I'd make up a place. And I'd make up my friends house. And if they drop me off there, I'd just walk into the yard.

Then I wait to the car pull away Then I walk out That's fucked up bro Then when I got really cold I'd just break into his fucking garage I slept in his garage a couple times This is 84 This is 1984

Bro I chose to be homeless From July of 84 To December of 84 I was homeless I was homeless I was homeless Every night when I went out I took a chance

If I made a couple dollars I'd get a fucking hotel room West New York Or one of those prostitution hotels until the avenue just to take a shower. Where did you keep your clothes? My friend's backyard. I would just go back there and switch fucking clothes at night

and socks and shit and I would take it to a laundry mat once a week. I don't know. It's a fucking horrible distance. I was homeless here. I lived in my car the first six months in L.A. I would take showers at the Comedy Store. I would take showers at Ralphie May's house. And that's not homeless to the extent is

homeless. But I will tell you this. In 84, there was nights I went home and just I went under a fucking I had $3. Nobody had turned to, I had fucked everybody over, you know. Not to nothing. It wasn't society's fault I was homeless. It was my fault I was homeless, you know?

And I know a lot of nights, man, I slept on, even with comedy, a lot of nights I'm just fucking, you know, they don't put you up. So a lot of nights, you just got to go into a town early and take your chances, bro. And you know what? Eventually, little by little, you're not fucking homeless no more. But it's fucked up to not have a place to sleep

and have your clothes out of your friend's house. But like I'm telling you guys, I chose the addiction over having a house. I was 20 years old. In 1984, I was 20 fucking one years old, guys. I was just, you know, you always think about, like I told you guys, you always think about what was I doing 10 years ago. You know what I was doing 10 years ago, getting ready for the longest yard? The breakdown had just come out all that shit.

20 years ago, what was I doing? Starting comedy, fucking dying on a vine, you know? And 30 years ago, oh, I was a fucking mess. That's when I was homeless. So you revolved, you know. You were fucking involved. Who was homeless? Somebody said somebody was homeless.

The other day, some famous somebody was homeless. People always, that's how you get your strength. I know Jim Carrey was. When you sleep in a fucking car and that's your night, you don't know what life. And you start to feel bad for yourself. You really do start to feel bad for yourself after a few nights. When you're in a bad situation, bro.

Remember I tell you the story? I used to break into my friend's house and he had a dog. Yeah. In the winter, they wouldn't let the dog go out and shit, so they let it shit downstairs, but down says there was a mattress on the wall. And I would break into his house and turn the mattress over and sleep on the mattress.

That had been pissed on, and I would use my jacket as a pillow. And one day I opened my eyes and there was a piece of shit three inches from my face, bro. The dog had just shit. Like, that's what woke me up, like the smell of shit.

And the dog had just shit three inches from my face. You know how bad you feel when you open up your eyes and it's a piece of shit? Three hours, three inches from your face. You probably got $2 in your pocket. In those days, I would get up, I'd have a toothbrush in my pocket, I'd brush my teeth on a fucking fire hose or whatever,

and I'd walk to Hashways deli, where I had credit. So I'd go in there, I'd get breakfast, I'd find out what was going on. I would say to them, Hashway, take a 20 out of the register, and I'll give it to you by 8 o'clock. So I had $20 to work with. That means I got me into the bar, and have a drink and talk shit. You got Coke, I got $300. You know, at least it got me fucking lying, you know what I'm saying?

What I took in my hand, I could have been at. 20 it could have been 19 singles but that's what I used to do it though well those bars I used to hustle there I used to walk from bar to bar what's going on nothing bro I got three kilos of coke no shit I buy it really where is he's it let me call them I can't get a hold of them so I'll give you an ounce can you just give me the money later no I can't yeah boom now you got an ounce to work for the day you know if that's a hustle and you know in some days you get a hotel and some days you don't fuck fuck it Lee you got to take a chance Columbus go into a bar with my friends in North Bergen and my friends knew I was homeless but they wouldn't say nothing to me

and I wouldn't have the balls to say something to them I didn't have they would they lived with their mothers what am I gonna do tell them all I live in your house so we would go on the topic wouldn't even come up like they go where you stay at Rummy's house and they'd say okay but they knew I was in staying then they go why we'd see you walk in the other day because then they wouldn't say nothing it's fucking that's why that's why I had Veneery call last week that's why I had people like Veneery he called last week he's on he's running for freeholder he was uh he had a funeral parlor on the end of kennedy boulevard on 50th street the one that goes all the way

through from burglar to kennedy there's a funeral parlor i used to sleep on his fucking pool table and he would tell me coach you can't sleep here every night but if he were in a bind call me if i was in a bind and i had nowhere else to go i would call for anything go leave your back door off he'd open up the door with his robe and i'd sleep on the fucking pool table with a uh a pillow and a fucking blanket you know it's a part of growing up guys it's a part of growing up it's who I was and I never forget about those times because I always want them in the back of my mind because I want you to always think about how fast you could be in the dumps things gonna happen you know things happen in life and you always have to keep

that in mind in fact when I go to sleep some times at night I make believe I'm homeless I'm like bro I'm under a fucking bridge right now and shit there's a road's crawling on my foot why I don't know it's a fucking exercise you know what I'm saying just in case you always have to be fucking you always have to be fucking thankful for what you got I'll never forget those times

I'll never ever forget that I'd rather forget a happy time than forget one of those times to keep me there to keep my balls to the fuck because that's how fast your life can change bro it's the fucking truth cuck sucker so what's the story what are you gonna eat after this

you're gonna eat another goo me with me you're gonna sit there like a fucking mama look at a year this is a lot of smooth than last night but this is fucking well let's make it smoother no why not make it smoother let's make this fucking journeys we go home I can't move right now so

put on the song of the end by the doors look for the end okay that's what I'm going to listen to you're going to eat a little gooomie before we turn this podcast let me talk some shit here right let me talk some shit I'm going to get on it on the fucking phone I'm going to send you some protein so you can make a nice on it shake

every morning with water two scoops 16 ounces of fucking water you'll be brand new. You understand me? Lee. On it, don't fuck around. I'm telling you, yes, that the Shroom Tech.

Not yet. Don't put it on yet. What is? It's apocalypse now? On it, that's the first thing I fucking do, Lee, and I take my medication with the fucking,

with the milkshake. You can put some glutamine in there to get your system going in the morning. And I tell you what, when I make those shakes, I'm not hungry for at least two hours. It gives me two hours to fucking do what I got to do,

and at least you got something in your stomach. I don't wake up hungry either, especially now I'm not fucking hitting that gazoo you know you wake up at 5 you hit that gazoo by 520 you got three eggs cheese you know you got half a fucking pig like ice cube and today was a good day so uh honit.com let me tell you some

honor does some great things I'm living an honor lifestyle I go on an alpha brain cycle every like four or five weeks just to give it a breather so I don't get too fucking crazy you know the strong bone I still use from time to time when I get pains and aches, but they got some great new stuff. They got some digestive stuff. You can take some papaya enzymes.

Like I said, they got kettlebells. They got so many things you cannot fucking lose on it. Go to Joey Diaz.net. Go to the on it, box, and press. Church. C-H-U-R-C-H. And get 10% off. They also have a stay-on-it program.

You get 20% off when you register, plus the fucking 10. Plus, they send you your medication right to your fucking house on the 1st. You never without your alpha brain. You never never without dick, okay? And like I told you before, here I love these guys I love them and respect them because of their commitment to the

fucking refurb society if you're gonna fucking smoke dope smoke dope don't show up with a tattoo and a picture of fucking Cheech and Chong you're gonna talk tell me my fucking business these guys live the lifestyle I'm happy they put a fucking web page together a lifestyle for you go to the vape pens you go I don't think you go to the gummi pairs unless they have medication that they don't ship but they have t-shirts they got a whole thing cracking for you go to nelditlife dot com order one of these fucking vape pens get the oil from your own fucking neighborhood and I guarantee you're gonna be

ecstatic about that high quality they come with a little stand they come with a nice little fucking box you can stash your shit in there who's better than you put tell them Joey Diaz church Leesayette I know Jewish people whatever they'll give you 20% off all right that's how they roll Nelditlife

dot com thank you I got excited because they're here kind of suck all right we don't fuck around what else Lee what else you got for me you're going to eat that gumme and you're going to sit there like a, you know, like a rampido. A vampire.

A vampire. A vampire, correct. You know what? You're talking about earlier, Spanish gay people? Paula's cousin is gay and lives in Arizona and him and his buddies once a month drive all the way to downtown L.A. to get, like, fabric and stuff for doing that.

To be gay? Yeah, well, did they dress up with women. So that's what I'm saying to you. That's crazy. They drive from another state. and I don't mean in a bad way but think of the confidence they have. You want to have that type of confidence.

As a man to put a fucking wig on, lipstick, a dress and go, I'm going to go out there and get a big dick to that. That's confidence right there. So if you're lacking confidence, you've got to hang out with transvestites. What do you think about that, Lee? I don't know.

That's it. Give another goomy beer. That's it. Somebody grab them by the head because I'm going to force feet of down to the mouth. What color is that? That one's orange. Which one you want?

Grape orange, Lee. I'll take one for later, but I don't know. No, no later. There's no later. Dude, I'll walk out right now. I can't do that much. Where are you going to go? Where are you going to go?

To die. I can confirm you won't die. You won't die? I know. I know you're going to get a lollipop at the end. No, thank you. The Mexican chick's working on. I don't know you like that.

The skinny Mexican chick. Look at the shape of you, Lee. What the fuck is wrong with this? You see what I'm saying? Uh-huh. Anyway. Their stuff works. No, their stuff is tremendous.

They wouldn't be sitting in those chairs. They were selling Susquehanna. What dispensions are you guys at in California? We're in four clubs in San Diego. Anything with any plan? I'm in it. and a handful of, like, private membership clubs in Oakland that they're not accepting anybody new.

Oh, cool. Yeah. We're not accepting any new orders anyway. We're pretty swamped with... Are you really? Yeah, it's crazy. Rape pens and everything? Ever since you've been mentioning it.

Well, thank you, bro. No, no, no. Listen, man, you motherfuckers are professionals. I don't want nobody to listen to this podcast. That's why when people say little things I get rid of them. I don't want nobody around. You know what? Go listen to somebody who jumps up and down

and talks nice and whatever the fuck I don't want you in unless you're fucking all in you ain't no jet here you understand me once you're in you're in this is son's anic it is the mafia for people who go to church and have a fucking certain belief stop smoking because we gotta get out of here five minutes when we walk out of him I don't want this

to look like grandpa's fucking house also grandpa from the monsters I want to give a tremendous shout out the dollar shave club they're with us to the end of the fucking year because we don't fuck around we got some men with fucking beards that need those motherfuckers to get shaved And again, they're also thinking about your pocket.

They have a dollar, a $6, and a $9 plan. You pick it, they mail it to your house. Four blades a month, tremendous. Right to the house. You don't have to go to a store and stand behind some fucking lady who smells like onions and shit. Their assholes stinks. You got to get out of the house.

You don't have to fucking leave the house. Just go to joey-deers.com. Go to the dollar-shaved club, Blink, and Press. Church. Boom. There you go. Who's better than fucking you? You get your razor scent to your house every fucking month.

A dollar, $6, or $9. dollars you understand me and what's nine times 12 Lee 8 108 1 08 so for 108 and 96 I get your beards shaved I get your asshole shades and dollar shave club also has one wife Charlie and they also have the cocoa butter shave stuff it takes away scars makes the razor go through your face like a hot fucking knife on Thanksgiving day that's how we wrote here Lee you're hungry what do you eat Lee I'm open to any suggestions what are you thinking about You want Cuban food?

You want Magnolia grill? You want Chinese food? No, not Chinese food. It's too much pieces. So what do you want? We get it together. A Cuban sandwich. A nice Cuban sandwich.

We got to stand online. That place is fucking packed. I don't know. That place. Which place? Portos is fucking padding. I was going to go to my wife. The other day out there,

20 afternoon. The lime was around the fucking corner. Well, that's the bakery? Yeah, you've got to catch them at 10.30. You got to catch them at 10.15 in the morning. Yeah, we've been there super early in the morning. Early, early. Not at seven.

Yeah. No, no, you can't go early. Like, if you go Christmas Day or fucking whatever, early. But the problem with their food, that shit will fucking kill you, bro. That food is Cuban food. Listen, a fucking hamburger,

a cheeseburger is eight points. A patty with a slice of cheese and two buns is eight points, nine points. A fucking Cuban sandwich is 26 points. Half of a Cuban sandwich is 13 fucking points, bro. that's like Mexican rice that'll kill you a little bit of Mexican rice

will kill you Benihana the rice that'll fucking kill you that shit will fucking kill you I love Cuban food I'm fucking Cuban till the end you know what I'm saying I ain't fucking around

but those Cuban sandwiches they're delicious for the reason they're 20 you know how many points you get for the day at way watches 40 and it's 26 so you tell me how good that fucking sandwiches you cuckeduckers

anyway if you want healthy fucking food we gotta get nature's box that's the motherfuckers You like them, Lee? What the fuck? I love them. I love the bagel sticks. What do you get from there? The bagel sticks.

This is my favorite with the cocoa almonds. Oh, my God. I like those fucking rice sticks. I like the sesame sticks. The cocoa almonds. They got the fucking French toast granola. They got the black and white granola. Guys, don't fuck around. Go to naturesbox.com or go to joeydeers.

Dot net. Go to nature's box and press the word. Joey. Joey, get yourself 50% off your first order. That's right. What? 50% there. 20% all fucking nailed it life.

A deal on fucking on it. A deal on Hulu Plus. A deal on Nature's Box. All I am is like a walking fucking deal for you people. You understand me? But that's how I make it roll on a Wednesday. Nature's Box.com, pressing the code word. And get 50% off your first order

and you get orders sent to your house every month, every month on the fifth like the fucking welfare check. You understand me? What do you put music on with for? What is that organ music for? What is your phone? My phone. That's not my phone.

My phone don't even ring. I told people, don't call me here. I'm busy. Whose phone is that? Turn those fucking phones off. We're trying to make it. That's the FBI. Trying to find out where the fuck you are, Alonzo.

Get it together. You know what I'm saying? Killing me, these motherfuckers. Thank you for chipping into the YMCA this week. Thank you for tuning into the church. Oh, what's happening now, you beautiful people. Don't forget I'll be in Fort Lauderdale next Thursday through Saturday at the Fort Lauderdale Improv. One show on Thursday.

Two on Friday and two on Saturday. The following week, April 3rd to the 5th. I'm in Tempe, Arizona, with my other best brother, the other fucking Jew. How high was he last night? Oh, yeah, you guys were both. Well, he had a Cheapachoo before he started. So did I. I had a Cheapuchin'en before fucking Fudgee.

You know how I do it. You guys are animals. Animals. And that's why you got to eat another piece because you've been slow to the fucking thing later. You know, you don't want to eat. You don't want to get high. You don't want to dance. You don't want to ruin the fart in your face.

Last night we were talking about eating ass and shit. You should have seen him. I don't want to do that. That's it. It's over. I got a tough and you up. Cocksuck. I love you guys.

Have a great week. I want to give a shout out to my sponsors again. Nature's Box, Hulu Plus. On it. Dollar Shave Club and NailedItLife.com. I love you, motherfuckers. I want to thank Adam Carolla. I want to thank my two dogs

for coming into the fucking studio today from Nailed It Life. I love you guys. Representing West New York, you bad. Motherfuckers. Always a little Jersey flavoring this motherfucker for you. And Lee, what are we doing? We're doing. dot com to get flying g t-shirts and don't forget this friday one o'clock special edition

eddie bravo uh he's doing metamoros next week so we're gonna get him in studio on the afternoon and talk a little jiu jitsu with the master just us three i got a bunch of beginning questions from a bunch of moos and stuff like that's going to be an intimate afternoon with eddie bravo thank you for tuning in have a great day stay black and be a bad motherfucker this is the end this is what lee's gonna hear tonight is he's laying that bed after eats the next Gouldment. Now as the show's over, don't forget to sign up

for your free trial of Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus let you binge on thousands of its shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast

and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to Huluplus.com slash Joey, or go to Joey Dias.net and click on the Hulu Plus banner. And don't forget to sign up for dollar shaveclub.com.

Get high quality raised your son to your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now go to Dollar Shave Club com forward slash church or go to joey dyes.net and click on the dollar shape club bainer and now that the show is over remember to go to naturebox.com and order great tasting healthy snacks at 50% off snack smarter in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like everything

bagel chips and baked sweet potato fries support this podcast and get 50% off of your first order go to naturebox.com promo code joey that's naturebox.com promo code joey and again go to nailed atlife.com to get one of these awesome vapor pens for oil and wax smokers. Mention Joey Diaz.