The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #161 - Eddie Bravo, Joey Diaz, and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: March 23, 2014

Jiu Jitsu Master Eddie Bravo joins Joey and Lee in studio for a special edition of The Church Of What's Happening Now. Eddie is preparing for his rematch against Royler Gracie.   No Ads today! Thank you for listening and the support!

This podcast is brought to you by us. Oh shit. It's Friday. March 21st. The day the devil was buried at sea. We ain't fucking around today. Oh, special preview. The church of what's happening now.

This is how it's done on a Friday. I usually get your start on fucking Monday to kick these motherfuckers' asses. Friday, it's more important. If you want to get your dicks up, this is where it starts. What? Kick that motherfucker lead. Oh shit. Oh shit, Lee.

What? Kick that wiggle for Uncle Joy. Let me see. Oh, oh, what? Do this motherfucker in the motherfucker house. What? Friday, bitches. Then Saturday, bitches.

Then a week. Eddie Bravo, Mereda Morris. What, motherfucker in the house now? Let's do this, Lisa. Turn that motherfucker off. What the fuck? Who the fuck do you think you're dealing with it here? It's March 21st.

motherfuckers. It's crack-a-lacking. You're still thinking it's fucking Christmas, you dumb motherfuckers. Get up. Wash your house, clean your assholes. Somebody's looking to fucking get robbed. Some of these guys your motherfucking money in their pocket, you're giggling at the bar. Thinking you're cool, you dumb motherfucker.

Get the Mickey Mouse shirt off. Fuck you. Huh? What? Eddie Bravo, you bad motherfucker in the house. Eight days away from a tremendous fucking thing. Let's wrap it up. We had to go fucking earthquake this week. A lot of shit cracked.

week, but it don't matter. Next Saturday night, a lot of doubts are going to be over fucking turn. This is a special jujitsu-type fucking podcast with my main man, one of my mentors,

Mr. Adi Bravo. What's happening, brother? Hey, how you doing, man? Thank you for having me, too. No, no, this is big. This is Debt Squad from the beginning.

So now, you know, with Debt Squad, we always try to celebrate everybody is what we have to do. Next Saturday, it's about you. You know, basically, December 25th was about me. Next Saturday is about you. Hopefully April 21st,

be about you and Cinco de Mayo is always about Victor motherfucking Davila, you know what I'm saying? Slinging dick and making kids a Mexican way. The old-fashioned way, you know what? These motherfuckers go to vitro and belitro and they try to have kids. A Mexican takes this

fucking dick out a little tequila and that fucking sperm helmet is good to go. You know what I'm saying? Boom! Like a fucking enchilada. Look at him. He's married to a Mexican chick pretty soon. Oh yeah. If he's fucking lucky. Yeah. Now when I see kids you have a kid I have a kid when I see couples that have three kids

and four kids I have the same respect for them like I would like a UFC fighter like God damn that's a bad motherfucker that's a I could barely handle one kid and I love it and I wouldn't trade it for the world but man how do people have two and three

kids it's incredible how did Victor got like 19 fucking kids Victor's got a neighborhood pins after him just for kids you know what I'm saying Victor will be spitting our kids till he's fucking 70. It'll be like the Danny and Asanto

of kids. It's scary. I have people my age who have like two or three kids. Nobody got that. You know what I got that? Nobody got that. So, bro, listen, I went back to Jersey and I bumped into a dear friend

Louis Genu that I grew up with Dominican kid. And I said, Louis, how's your mom? He goes, great. I go, how's your dad? He goes, great. I go, what's he up to these days? He goes, being a father, he just had his

fucking eighth kid, he's 74, bro. He's got a three-year-old. That means shit comes out of your dick when you're 71. Good shit. You can't care yourself. Did you imagine that? He's a Dominican dude. I go, what did he do? He goes,

he always walked. He was a big walker and he always hit the bag every fucking day. But you hit the bag, bro, that shit keeps your dick alive. How old was the woman? Like 48. He spirmed her right up at 48. That's a Spanish woman. Those bitches will spit out kids that were 150.

Mexican women? Shit. You get one of those big, fat Mexican women when they're 70s. She's still got good pussy left. She's still got good 6, 7 Brady Bunch type family left in that ass. You're lucky. I'm the only one that ate the goomy. What's happening, baby?

You're lucky I'm the only one that ate the Gumi. What's happening to eat? They, brother. Tell me something good, man. Just training really hard. just doing everything I can do to get that W. Just get my cardio on point, getting my strength on point with Jean-Jacques, getting my defense together. I'm doing what I can do, man.

I feel really confident, you know, but Holy Grae's a legend. There's no way you can predict a win over him. You just can't. I'm just hoping that I pull it off, but the guy's a gamer. He's probably out of all the graces, Hoyler Gracie and Hodger Gracie are the two most competitive as far as grappling. That, I think it's, I think it's, Hodger's probably number one and then Hoyler's probably number two.

He won the Mondiales. He won the world championships in the ghee. He won Abu Dhabi three times in a row, never had a point scored against him. And, man, and I'm, you know, the way I warm up before I work out, I get on the stairmaster and I fucking just get on YouTube and put Hoyler ADCC, bam, and I go through his fights. There's probably, ooh, maybe six or seven ADCC matches his. I watched the one with him and Salka back in 2000 and then in 2003. I warm up watching Hoyler Roll.

That's what I do. And man, that is the most motivating shit ever. Like the countdown video, that one, the Meta Morse Countdown video where he's doing kettlebells, that shit, right there. I just want to put that shit on and just fucking start. I want to run to the gym when I see that shit. When I see my opponent working out and working hard, oh, that's, I love it. That gives me so much motivation. I just want to stay on that Stairmaster forever and just keep watching videos.

And that's what I do. And, man, I've studied his game like, I've never studied anybody's game like I've never studied anybody's game like I've. studied his and he's not he's he doesn't do anything fancy and the fanciest thing he does is he likes footlocks and I've done everything I can to prepare for that and hopefully it's enough because he's really good at footlocks he's never been able to pull it off in Abu Dhabi that's the one thing I've noticed watching all his Abu Dhabi matches he always goes to that footlock he'd be going to it but he hasn't finished anybody with it in Abu Dhabi they all escape so you know hopefully I escape too when he goes for it

you go for it the first time you guys rolled no he did not go for it on me I I'm thinking you know in 2003 he didn't even go for it against Soka and they're uh he didn't so I'm thinking maybe he may have given up on it because he was always going for those footlocks in 99 and 2000 those Abu Dhabiaires but in 2003 I didn't see any I think he may have thought you know what they're not adrenaline proof you know

because footlocks work way better in the gym than they do in competition. They still work in competition. It's still very important. We at 10 planet are all, we push leg locks to the max. I want my guys to be well-versed in leg locks and all that. But, but that being said, a choke is way more adrenaline-proof than a leg-lock. Some guys will let their legs break and they won't even tap and they'll still win.

And they'll be on crutches after that W. But there's so much adrenaline going and there's so much on the line and guys have trained so long. In competition, leg locks, you can't trust them 100%. Dean Lister has dominated the world with leg locks. So they do work and Rousa Mar-Paharis and all that. But maybe he's given up on him is what I'm saying, because they didn't work early out by the time. Maybe they'll work now.

Maybe he'll catch me. Who knows? But I'm doing everything I can to prepare for those little footlocks. And then besides that, that's the fanciest shit he does. He's just super basic and super basic. and solid. He just leads with his knee and he has very good

flexibility. He's doing the splits. He's super low. Loves head and arm. Knee on the belly. He loves trying to get to the mouth with head and arm. Very basic. But very good. I mean, he's been doing jiu-jitsu since

he was six months probably and he was a black belt when I was doing karate. So there's just zero chance underestimating them. You know, it's funny. You said something, not to interrupt you about

Saturday, that's you're doing everything you can for the W. When I look at this, it's more than a W. It's less than a W as a win. It's more for what you mean. It's more for what you've done and where you've come from. This is a movement

that you've created with 10 Planet. You're not, you know, sometimes people go in the ring and they're fighting for themselves. you know, to have fancy cars and to be famous. For me, when I watch you do this, you have a lot of people that look up to you when I'm one of those people, you know. I'm 51 and I just got into Jiu-Jitsu a year ago,

not because I discovered it on YouTube because I heard you talk about it. And the beauty of you discussing it. But the beauty that I love about you is where you came from and how you came up and how you've made me fucking how with your stories about kiss and coming home and hiding the album and the fucking thing.

That's one of the funniest stories because I've been there. It is to walk home with a fucked-up album. You don't want no one to see and shit. And everyone thought I'd been like kids. No, and it's so funny. But to me, when I hear your stories and where you come from,

but what you did, what you did, I was talking to a, I was talking to a friend of mine that he's a big guy, a trading partner and he's like a purple belt. And he said to me that he didn't like trading with somebody. He's one of John Jock's black belts. Eddie, he said this to me

without him knowing that I'm friends with Eddie Bravo or nothing. I go so how is it training with that guy? He goes, you know, another kid's 25. He goes, you know, his jiu-jitsu sound and shit. But his moves are like from 1960. He was talking about me? No, he was just talking about

a John Jock blackie. I know. He's moves from 1960. And when I got in the car, I go, no wonder, Eddie did what he did. Like, this guy doesn't know I know Eddie Broadway, doesn't know that I know anything about Templar. He doesn't know that I know Eddie was it. He was just talking.

And I just said to him, so how is it training with a John John Jack Black? He goes, I bet it's cool, but this particular guy, he just got moves from the 70s and shit. Like, they're just basic. So I understand what you did. Like I've watched a lot of videos on YouTube about John Joc saying about what you did with your 10th Planet Movement, how he always supported it.

When I did Higgins, Machado's seminar, your name came up. He goes, I like that guy's think outside the box, you know. I'm still learning how to fucking breathe. So there's no thinking with me. I just grab onto your collar and pray for the best and lay on top of you until I remember a sweep or something. But it's a beautiful thing what you've done.

And I look at the tapes, and I'm scared tomorrow I'm going to go to know. gee with salami just to fuck around because he's doing passing the sweep i at least i can hold on to the shorts and do the step around and shit but for you this isn't just a win any bravo this is a movement bro and you've done really well with yourself with the movement and the biggest thing about a movement is belief if there's no belief there's no fucking movement you know that's the beauty about next saturday like i'm not looking any motherfucker could win a fight any motherfucker could lose a fight it's what you're going in there for

and that's why I got the respect for you that's why you're here today that's why I call you and ask you stupid questions about Jiu Jitsu every day stupid shit you've never asked me a stupid question but you know what I'm saying I ask you staked questions

you know and I'm just really proud of you and this I've been talking to you every day for the last I talk to you every day anyway but I could see that your heart's in the right place for this and I'm not calling in a fight I'm calling on a jiu jitsu match You know, this ain't a fight.

This is to display your beauty, brother. This is an art. This is the gentle artist. They claim nothing gentle to me when you're choking me out. And I'm seeing fucking birds and shit. But this is, you're displaying your art, bro. Some people show up on a Saturday to bring a picture of a bird. This is what you're doing.

You're bringing your fucking picture. You know, how does that feel, bro? How does that feel that? He's going in there with Healy, you know, his father was the great grandmaster of all time. And here you took that thing that he was showing and you twisted it around a little bit. Not to say nothing bad about it, but to make it better. Maybe you feel, how does that feel it to you? Do you feel it the same way I'm feeling?

You feel it? You feel it? Motherfucking. Do you feel it? Yeah, I do feel it. I feel it every day. And I get a rush of rushes, multiple rushes of joy every day. You know, I'm not going to lie.

It's, you know, when you're training for a fight, it's nerve-wracking and it's stressful. But for me, I just think of all the guys that fight in the UFC on pay-per-view in front of the world and what they must be going through, like, that is some shit to be worried about. Getting in a cage and smashing each other. If you lose the game, you are going to get your ass kicked. as well, which is worse than losing a game. You get that, too. So I think about what they're going through,

and then that just makes the stress just go away. Because this isn't, I'm going to go out there and I'm going to grab for this guy. So I'm trying not to think of it as a big deal, you know. I was shocked when the match happened and how it, called me and he really wanted to make this happen and I was down. Hoyler was hard to get him. But eventually he denied it.

Metamores 1. He didn't want to do it. They were already contacted me. Or after Metamorphs 1, 4 Metamores 2. In that area, Halleck was already trying to set up the rematch. And Hoyler was just too expensive. He wanted too much for cash. Just like in Abu Dhabi a couple years ago, he comes up with his,

$50,000 show fee that he wanted from the Sheik, which is incredible. But he finally got it. I think Hoyler saw how doing this rematch in Meta Morris could help his career, you know, and help his students and help his school. And they finally came to an agreement about the money. I don't know how much he's getting paid. And then, you know, it was on. but I asked Halleck, when are we going on?

Like, fourth, fifth, six. He goes, dude, you guys are headlining the show. I'm like, what? We haven't done shit. And I haven't done shit since 2003. How the fuck are we headlining? And neither is Hoyler. He hasn't grappled.

He's had a couple of MMA fights, but he hasn't grappled. That was his last grappling event. That was my last grappling event. Because how could we be headlining? So I was shocked. And then not only we, headline like whoa like is this gonna be a complete flop us was this

a bad decision I'm not even sure I'm like I haven't done anything there's all these guys like Haffa Mendez and Marcelo Garcia there's these there's yeah well I'm talking about guys that could have headline right right right right right right well you're headlining because any the bottom of the day

people want to see this well can we back up for a second because I know the story and I'm sure a lot of people listening to but there have to be some people who don't so do you want to bring us back to like 2003 and like where this started, Eddie? No, no, let Joey tell us. No, no, no.

I got to ask one question, though, real quick. Okay. In 2003, when you went to Abu Dhabi, did you know Hoyler was going to be somewhere in your future? Absolutely. So you knew it. I was training for him.

You knew it. Now, again, I'm like, Lee, Lee, don't fuck me up because I'm doubling you are. When I come to Jijitza, so when you went down there, your bracket, what was, how many people were in your bracket? 16. 16.

But you knew in the back of your mind. Well, once you saw the bracket. You know, you know. You knew. If I beat my first guy, which I did, and he beats his first guy, we get, we're the second match. Holy shit. Okay.

So I knew. I didn't, I don't think the brackets were released until like that day or the day before or whatever, but still there's a chance. I'm going to be in a tournament with Hoyla Gracie and there's 16 guys. There's a chance we're going to. And that was the match. That was the Super Bowl match. Right.

That was the one. And everybody knew. Yeah, at that point. No matter what happened. It's like when the A. see final game when it's New England against Baltimore you know no matter what happens in the

Super Bowl we all know that's the game you want to watch that Sunday. You follow me even if Baltimore wins and plays the Cowboys you don't want to see that game and nobody cares I'm just saying I'm just naming two teams so you guys this was not the championship bracket you guys were on the way up

and this was the most watched everybody knew this is the Mac Daddy and MacDaddies. Well no one knew me back then but everybody that knew me that was the goal. Can we get that match? It was a dream to have a... Not only did he dominate Abu Dhabi before that, again, no one has scored a point against him.

And he's won three years in a row. That was the dominator. He was the dominator. No one had ever scored against him? No. Holy shit. And he's the son of the Grand Master, Helio Grace. Now, let's go back to six months before Abu Dhabi.

What's going through you? fucking mind. Well, that was the trials. I had to win the trials to get to the trials in San Diego. Okay, so you won the trial now where were you at? You didn't have a school then. Nope. You had your system in the beginning you had in the back of your mind. No, no, no. I didn't. I didn't. I was work when I when I won the trials, I was working on Joe's show on Comedy Central as a writer. You know that man show when he did that during the man show is when I know I won the trials. before the man show

and six months later was Abu Dhabi in Sao Paulo, Brazil six months later I was working at Comedy Central with Joe and then we had we took it was in the contract we had to take a break at this point because we knew in six we knew exactly the date that we needed

to go to Brazil and Joe went with me so that was like they had to take a little break from filming in the middle of the season because Joe Joe's gangster to go to Brazil to fight in World Championships. You have to win your trials in like Europe, Australia, North America. I won the North American one and you get a free ticket to the sheet flies you out to Brazil

or wherever Abu Dhabi is being held at. ADCC, sometimes in China, Japan, I think they've been in Japan, States, UK, all over the fucking place. 2003, it was in Brazil. I was just happy that I was going to Brazil. To me, winning the trials was, you want a free trip to Brazil. Like I didn't, I was a brown belt, I didn't think I was going to do anything significant at Abu Dhaban. I was just happy to be there. That was zero pressure. There was no pressure. I'm like, here I am. A brown belt in this pool of world champion black belts. Leo Vieira, world champion black belt. Hoyler, same thing. Gustavo Dantes, black belts. Bear Ushida, there's all the Hanayaya. There's all these black belts. So I didn't expect shit. And first guy fought.

Well, before that, before that. So we get a free economy seat, right? To go to Brazil, I was happy about that. Joe goes gangster and goes, you know what? We're going to go first class to Brazil. And the tickets are like $9,000 for first class. But first class was sold out, so we ended up going business class, which was still $7,500.

That's how gangster Joe is. Joe said, Joe wanted to pay for first class. There weren't two seats available. But Joe said, fuck that economy. We're going first class. Gangster. Joe's like Frank Sinatra. So what?

We don't get on Asa. Who does that? Who the fuck does that? Nobody does that shit. There's time for you get to a place and he's like, you know, at 6 in the morning. And you and him are having like a good conversation about something. And he gets up to the windling. He goes, I ain't doing Joe Rogan.

Give me a ticket. And all of a sudden he'll look at you and go, where's Joe sitting? in the back what's it cause to go first class he'll just do it right there yeah he'll just do it right there

Joe's gangster you sit there and go Joe please I don't go to fuck we're having a good conversation yeah then he gets on the plane he tells you two things

and he passes up so you have a conversation by yourself from first fucking class dude I had a hernia a real bad hernia and didn't have insurance and was just living with it

and Joe paid for that shit it was like $6,000 or something like that Joe said fucking make it happened because there was a time when I when I beat Hoyler came back I quit the man show like that's when I decided what I was gonna do because while I was in the man show when I first got hired I thought okay my life was is gonna be hit show me

and Joe comedy team a writing team this we're gonna parlay this into making movies and then it's gonna be fucking huge that's what I was thinking where my life was going I wasn't thinking about 10th planet at all. There wasn't a 10th planet even in my brain. It was just me doing jujitsu. I'm going to Abu Dhabi to have some fun and see what happens with these black belts and then come back and then make some movies. That's what I thought.

And then usher in my music somehow. That's where I'll bring my music in through the soundtrack. That's what I was thinking. But it didn't work out that way. First day at Comedy Central was just a complete night. day one from the first five minutes. I'm like, oh shit, I made the biggest mistake of my motherfucking life. I just quit DJing at a strip club that I was working at for 10 years, making some serious cash nightly. And I just quit because I thought I was Mr.

Movie Star now, Mr. fucking Hughes Brothers. That's what I thought. In five minutes, those dreams vanished. Once I realized that everyone at Comedy Central just, they hated it. They hated it. me. They hated me because Joe made them hire me. So from day one they just treated me like shit. All of them. The producers, everybody day one. Because Joe said, if you want me to work on the show, you have to hire

Eddie. We're a writing team. And they fought like, I'm off. Joe had to yell at him. It was crazy. Because they said, no, because they said yes. They said yes. Yes. Okay, we'll do whatever you want. Just sign. He's like, oh dude, dude. They stabbed him in the fucking back. They told Joe said

I'm on NBC. see right now currently a fear factor is in its prime why the fuck would I want to do a cable show but me and Joe before that we would just write all these sketches out just for fun we'd get high and just fucking we were just writing sketches in our and we had a plan like one day we're gonna do a sketch comedy type show like the Chappelle show type shit we had all this shit written out and all written out ready to go and then he goes Joe calls him and goes hey the man show wants me to take over for Adam Carolla this is where we could do all our shit I said, oh, damn.

It was like destiny. You know, that's what I thought. You have all these fucking wild dreams in your head. And, you know, Joe, Joe said, okay, I'll, NBC said it was cool. NBC's been really cool with me letting me get on Comedy Central. But I got, I'm going to hire whoever the fuck I want to hire, and whatever I'm going to be able to have veto power on any sketches and any of my sketches, I'm going to be able to green love.

They said, yeah, yeah. Sign. right there. And dude, as soon as they signed, everything changed. Oh. Because we're not hiring this Eddie Bravo guy. He has no TV experience. He's never written.

We got all these comedians, these writers that we're going to choose from. And the crazy thing is Joe, Joe had the power to hire the head writer. He was the one who picked out the head writer, had dinners. They had to please Joe. They went on dinners. So he picked this, this douchebag. As soon as he got assigned, he didn't know that Joe didn't know that he also signed like an executive producer little thing. So he had power.

All of a sudden he was going to hire whoever the fuck he wanted to hire. And Joe couldn't hire who we wanted to hire. It was crazy. Stabbing the back. So Joe got pretty fucking crazy on that, man. Crazy screaming and yelling. I was like videotaping him on the phone with these producers at Comedy Central. It's like, fuck.

You guys fucking lie to me, you motherfucker. Joe went off. and he threatened. He goes, I'm going to do this fucking show. You guys are fucking bullshit me. You guys lied to me. So they said, okay, okay, okay, okay. Hire this motherfucker.

Just hire them. And just ignore them. Just hire them. That'll be our loss. So that's how they hired me. So anyways, I'm fucking depressed. I go to Brazil, beat Hoyler. Come back.

I say, fuck you guys. I walked off the show. Before, they didn't even have to fire me. I just walked off and opened 10 plan it up. at the bomb squad on Santa Monica Boulevard in West Hollywood day one it was a Thursday first Thursday in June 18 people showed up it was on I found my new call and I'm like this is what I need to be my own boss I can't work under all these idiots

I can't do it and I would rather be broke and unknown with a little school and a kickboxing gym and make money that way and have a you know and be the boss I gotta be able to run my own shit and I couldn't wait to walk off

that goddamn show I couldn't fucking wait it's amazing because I had the same fucking drama with them you know I you know Joe wanted me to

remember that incident holy shit I mean it's amazing that till this day they still hold that against me like they were really

and I I could, you know, listen, I could give a Frenchman's fuck. But it was so weird that Joe hired me to run out in front of the audience the first show naked. Yeah, yeah. Okay, we went, we did the camera roll, not naked, and I ran out there, and they loved it with a towel, and everybody was happy. Everyone went nuts. They were nothing.

Now, come Saturday, five o'clock, we're going to do two shows, so I have to do it twice. I get there Saturday, and there's already, they're starting to turn that back on me. Yeah. So I go outside. They rehearsing. The producers. and shit, the producers, I saw Comedy Central people, and I saw

a director acting weird. That's when I really learned about this town. Like, this is fucking crazy. I knew about this town. I had book Louise Guzman, and I had book Spider-Man. So Joe calls me for the Man Show, and I'm like, I really don't want to do a fucking

man show because they wanted me to do a, what did the girls called? Juggies. Damn, that was quick. I watched the original one a lot. They wanted me to be a juggette or something like that, like a guy. This crack of his ass came out. Would you be on the trampolines and stuff?

No, the first catch was me peeing in a urinal with other guys with my hair. I just didn't like it. So I'm there on a Saturday morning at fucking 8 in the morning to shoot this pilot. And don't shoot until 3 o'clock in the afternoon. And all I'm thinking about is Louis Guzman is going to pick up, and I'm wasting my time on this fucking show. And I'm going to shoot Spider-Man, too. I'm shooting this as a juggette or whatever.

And I appreciate what Joe did and everything. But I'm just sitting there to me. And on top of that, I'm fiendsing for a fucking line. It's Saturday. You know what I'm going to? I'm going to be here until 10. That's my... This is 2003.

This is 2003. I'm snorting like it's going on the style at that point. I'm doing a grandma and I got the Martel cartel. I got Else Compadre. I got fucking... I got three or four drug deals at the time. I'm going deep every night. I got sleep apnea.

I'm 290 pounds, 390 pounds at the time. I don't give a fuck. I'm 3.85. I'm smoking cigarettes. I get to fucking down on wherever we shoot it. Off Gower. Oh, no, no. It was whatever the fuck it is.

Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Gower studios, right now. Santa Monica? Santa Monica and LeBreya. And LeBreira. And LeBreya around there. And they're doing all this shit.

First, we sat in a writer's office for two hours. Then we got there, and Joe got there, and then Sussman, everybody's get there. Now, they're all inside. I'm sitting outside getting sun. And you know me, though, TikTok. I know it's time to smoke a joint. You know what I'm doing. I know what you guys are doing, but this is what I'm doing.

At that time, I was that crazy. I was that crazy. At that time, it sounds like. Don't make a difference. So the first time you came out and you ran naked, Joe was down for this. He thought this would be the greatest thing. He was down.

He goes, I want to open up the show. With the crowd screaming and Joe running out naked and saying, welcome to the man show or something like that, right? But here's where it gets fucking kinky. And then you run naked. So they're doing all this rehearsal. But you guys have done that during the rehearsal. We did it during the rehearsal.

They loved it. Now I'm outside and I see this black security guard out there. He's trying to look professional. If I catch his eye and he catches my eye and I look at him like him a wink. And he looks at me and he wants to be in a guy and he goes, absolutely, brother. So me and him go around the corner. And we smoke a half a number of this fucking death on a Sunday morning. So now, so now, boom, Saturday comes.

They put me in the end. That's in a throbe with a towel underneath. We're about an hour away from shooting. And I see people starting to squirm. So I walk behind the thing. Like, were you ready to rehearse? We don't know. The director's like, I don't know what's going on.

You know, and the producer's like, well, we don't think we're going to do this. and all of a sudden I told Joe Joe I just got fired you know they don't want to do it and Joe's like what his face he's hot already like Joe they didn't like none of their shit already

this was too much for guys like Joe yeah this is a little bit too much for guys like Joe there's certain people you know when people get those jobs and they get on substance abuse like Tim Allen and a lot of those people is the reason those shows

there's a reason why Dave Chappelle left because you argue for your life every day with an original idea. So I'm not arguing with any Bravo. If I'm a comic, why the fuck am I arguing with this fucking guy? If I got a problem with Jiu-Jitsu, I'll argue with this fucking guy.

But if he's got a problem with Jiu-Jitsu, why does he argue with me for? He's got a problem with comedy. He can't argue with me. I've been doing it's 20 years. So you got a guy like Joe with that strength arguing with college kids about choices.

These guys don't know how a comedy is, bro. That's why Chappelle left for the people at home. because you're getting told your business by people who don't know your business they're 20-something year old fucking kids so this is starting to steam up the way I'm starting to get hot they're starting to get hot

this is starting to get hot I see Joe go to Sussman Susman goes to Shandra people are dispersing but this is when it gets hot Susman and Shandra are Joe's manager this is when it gets hot Joe this is what nobody else saw that you know who was for this

the whole time the director I don't know what the fuck his name was I don't give a fuck because he sold his soul a long fucking time He's one of these white guys that thinks he's a bike And has a motorcycle in Beverly I know what you're talking about

You know what I'm saying? If you get him a line of meth They'll fucking suck your dick He's one of those fucking guys Big fucking tough guy Right so this is what broke my heart He was mugging it up with Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe I caught him

Guys this is what's Hollywood Hollywood is not what you see on the screen Hollywood is not Brad Pitt Surviving Hollywood with these people that this guy was just blowing smoke up Joe's ass. He told me that day. He goes, this is going to be one of the funniest things ever on Comedy Central when you run out of it. Eddie, he told me this to my face.

Look at my eyes. I'm telling you. I'm telling him the producers and Zoe Friedman and all the people from Comedy Central. I heard him. I was right there eight feet away. He goes, Joe Rogan's crazy. He likes this kid. I don't know why.

First off, he's a fucking ex-felon. And I don't think the stunt is funny. A fat guy running naked. never been funny. I'm right there. Wow. I'm right there, guys. I take my thing, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I go over. I tell Sussman Sussman comes up to me and he goes, Sussman tells me

like a man. He goes, dog, you do this? They're going to have a heart attack. And I said, I'm doing it. And I fucking first show, they said, coming out, and I ran out there and guess what? The place went by that. Is that he brought him? Yeah, I was right there. He was right there.

How could it not? How could it not? It's a no brain. We're comedians. We know stupid. Didn't they try to stop you from going out? Didn't they have like have a bodyguard? Like they, no, they came up to me and they're like, if you go, you're going to ruin your chances ever. This is my fuck, yeah. When I looked at Joe, it was like

when fucking Tom Cruise and... What did Joe say at that point? Do you remember? Joe was like, go for it. Joe, who goes a fuck? Let's go. You're a funny motherfucker. Ain't nothing going to happen. When you're funny, you're funny. If you weren't funny, you're going to have a problem. Is there a clip of that? Listen to me. On you too?

Listen to how fun. This is how unfunny it wasn't. That till this day Zoe Friedman, I swear to my mother's I swear to my daughter at the house right now. She was crying. She was so insulted. I don't want to see a fat man. Run naked. I'm a general executive.

It's not going to be funny. I never forget that. I've never forget those people from Comedy Central, those fucking Gentiles, because they're the same fucking people who don't have balls to be Jewish or fucking white. They're just pieces of shit. When they die, their souls are going to float.

fucking black people gonna jerk off on them that's what's gonna happen and their fucking soul these are the same people that are going that's not funny guys men men men selling their soul

going a fat guy and I'll never forget but I did it I killed I went I got changed we're gonna do two shoots we're gonna do two shoots for a pilot listen to me

so now I'm outside and my job as a man they were paying me 347 for the day I didn't give a fuck about the 347 if you know anything

about me, I was going to get my hands on that fucking director. It's all right. So now I'm sitting in the hallway and I see Judy Brown, all these people who are from Levity today. The Levity, that's them, early Levity. They're walking out of there and they're all looking at me like, you know, like with that little fucking pussy faces. But guess what I see walking by himself?

The director. And I'm right there. It's just me. And he goes, hey man, that was one of the funniest things you're seeing. He put his hand out to me like that. Uh-oh. And I grabbed his hand.

I grabbed him. I go, hey, I heard what you told, those white motherfuckers. I heard what you told him. And I'm going to tell him Joe and Jeff Sussman. And he tried to pull his hand. I held him, dog. I held him. And I was crazy.

I had that cocaine fire in me. It was 6 o'clock. They're wasting my time. I could have been fucking a grandma blow by that. I didn't have money. I didn't have money in those. You're wasting my time. You're wasting my time.

I could have had a gram of blow. By now on the arm. I'm working, wasting my time with you. Dante wouldn't deliver to the fucking lot. So I grabbed his arm and he said, get away from me. I'm calling security. And he ran out and called the black guy. And the black guy was like, tell it to the hand, bitch.

That's my dog. You're lucky, I don't smack you. And that's why he ran to Sussman. Remember, he ran off the property. He ran to the pipe. This is real on a Saturday at 5 o'clock. You never told the story? before on your podcast? No, Sussman had to walk me off the lot. This is epic. Epic shit. Walkman's

had a swathsman came up because, bro, they were a little scared. They asked if I could walk you off the lot. I mean, he had to walk me to Santa Monica Boulevard to my car. But that's how funny that day was. Because I told the guy, I know what you did, bro. It's all right. I ain't mad of you. We know what you did. What did I do? You told the producers it wasn't. No, I didn't. Then I grabbed his hand more. Oh, I love all that shit. I love all that. That man on fire. I love when you let somebody know you got them. I let him know we had them. And you have no guilt.

You have no guilt because you just know 100%. You heard it. You saw it. It is a piece of shit. And there's zero holding back now. Piece of shit. And he never went to an audition and saw him again? Never.

Like I just imagine like you're going to go to something now. He dated Sarah Suman for a while. That guy. He did a lot of like Holly Woody stuff. And it's just crazy. The people you meet along the way guys. It's really. The very first day you do, the very first day.

Me and Joe came in with 30 sketches written out, ready to go. Chris McGuire was in. Ready to go. Yeah, Joe also hired Chris McGuire and Maddie Kirsch. Maddie Kirsch. He got us three in. And they were okay with... Yeah, they were cool because they were experienced in writing and comedy.

Yeah, that's what they did. Chris McGuire at the head writer. Yeah, exactly. That's how he got started. And he had a lot of experience at that point. Yeah, yeah. So when Joe brought them in, they said, okay, we'll hire. We have 10 spots for riders.

There's a head writer, which the guy you're talking about was actually the head writer. And then 10 riders. So the head rider put all this is this. Porchay, what's that guy's name, Brian Porchay, put him in there. He was one of the riders. Yeah, Brian Pussain. Yeah, he was one of the riders. So he was on the team.

And they only had 10 spots and they wanted to give it to another guy that the head rider wanted to bring. And so then when Joe put a split down, they brought me in. They brought me in, but day one when we came in, day fucking one. we were to work on the Miami episode. Do you remember with the raps and all that? With the rafs? Yes. Well, before we were preparing for that.

The worst sketches of all time. Yes. Being dressed as Fidel on the raft with girls blown water at me with machine guns. I mean, it was ridiculous. I went to Miami for one sketch. I sat and I don't make Cuban food and snorted blow. And it never made it on air, right?

And we went to a UFC that had 16 people at the UVA. Yeah, yeah. That was the UFC. 2003, there was, I swear it got maybe 500 people. The big star was Shaquille O'Neal. That was the first UFC out of work. No, he was sitting in the side. Nobody showed up.

Barone and Rogan commentated Goldberg couldn't make that show, so there was no play-by-play guy, just two shit-talkers. It was very awkward. It was the most awkward broadcast in UFC history. My apple guy, not big. Jay Penn, but somebody from Hawaii, a fat guy? Cabbage. Cabbage.

You remember cabbage? Cabbage, fucking hysterical. I remember me and Joe ate the same, from the same Cuban restaurant nine times in four days. Yeah, we were all there. Yeah. You, me? Yeah.

Oh, my God. I remember that. Irish was bringing me Coke. Yeah. That was the very first, very first UFC I worked. That was the first one. Miami was show one. Nobody there.

I was interviewing doors. They didn't know what to do with me. They just hired and they're like, fuck, have them backstage interviewing people, but everyone closed the door. I'm like, hey, I'm mighty bravo. I'm backstage. There's like a door.

And I forget which fighters I was talking about, but it was just retarded. People just trashed me online. They fucking torched me, man. Mr. Door interviewer. That's a shit ain't that gummy band. Yeah, you need the whole thing? No, I saved it for some blind kids.

Yeah, ain't the whole fucking thing. Yeah. What's up, my brother? No, that's it. I told you, I got lost in the same area for three years, and I got lost four times going home on Wednesday from that shit. That shit is crazy. I call him, bro.

I call him like every hour, and he answered a phone. Hello. Come on, let's go. I'm outside. No, you're not. I'm not going out. That's crazy. All right, Eddie Brownville.

So now, you go to Abu Dhabi, you beat him. Well, I beat Gustavo Dantus. And right there, that was my first match. I thought, okay, I'm going to get smoked here, or maybe I could hang with them. I don't know what to expect. I'm a brown belt. This is like the highest level ever for me.

Now, at this time, how long total had you been training Jiu-Jitsu? Nine years. And what did you think of J-Jitsu at this time? Did you think you ever be making a living off it? Was it going to be a hobby? What were you thinking? You had already been, you had already created the Twister? The Twister is an old wrestling move called the Wrestler's guillotine.

And Brazilians started calling it the Twister. I was called it the Guillotine, but in grappling, the guillotine was a front headlock choke. So it just became a twister. But that, so after I beat my first guy, I thought, I choked him out. and I thought shit I can do that I got Hoyler next holy shit I think I felt confident I felt like wow the Hoyler doesn't look too strong anytime I look at someone that doesn't look as strong as I do I feel I have a lot of confidence let's just put it that way

if I feel you're stronger than me you're bigger than me that's when I think damn this guy might be able to stuff my shit this guy's a beast he might be able to block on my shit. But, you know, I looked at Hoyler and he's never had that Tyron Woodley type physique. You know, he's just regular dude just like me. So I just choked out a world champion

black belt. Now I got Hoyler next. He's standing across. Not to interrupt. Where's John Jock at this point? He didn't make that trip. Okay. He can go, Joe, it was just me and Joe. And so. And there was no cell phone to call John Jock and say, bitch, you ain't going to believe this shit.

Right or wrong? Like, it was just There was no Twitter then. No. For him to like tweet it. Is he Bradwell? Did he nothing? No. Imagine how much time has it changed?

Like then if you called from on sprint. No, there was an internet internet shit. Immediately banned. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People have been going for it. Yeah, they call him. Between the fight, when you beat the first guy, Gustavo? Gustavo.

Now I'm about to. How much time did you have? About maybe 30 minutes, maybe. Oh my, fuck you God. I don't remember to tell you the truth. No, no. How many minutes did you have? Did you go with this Gustavo guy?

Oh, nine minutes. Jesus, fuck, if I went nine minutes, but I'd have to take two days off. Yeah. That's what I was. But that was a weird match because the only reason it took so long is we both pulled guard.

And I forced him on top of me. It was really funny. Like, no one really fights like that. We're both trying to pull guard. And then I won. I clenched him up. Had double underhooks locked down. I threw a plan B on him

and ended up inside. control I swept him and I was just waiting I was just in Twister side control waiting for him to turn into me I was put him right into the use the truck transition to get the back because twisters were illegal but I was going to do everything Twister except the end just choke him out and he wouldn't move in side control he just stayed there so I was just waiting for him to move and it went on from like in that position probably five or six minutes where he just turtled up and wouldn't move and I was just waiting for him to move. And his coach was yelling in Portuguese.

His coach, forget who he was, but he was yelling in Portuguese to the rough. You know, he's Stalin, stand him up. You stall him like, you can't stand people up in a grappling match. It's ridiculous. Can't stand anybody up. I go, he's the one.

And then I thought about what Mark Lehman said about competing in Brazil in Brazilian jiu-jitsu. Like, you're always going to get the raw deal and decisions. And so I thought maybe they will stand me up. This is Brazil. He's a Brazilian ref, his coach.

So I started yelling at my corner and started going, Jamie Walsh was in my corner. He was my strength and conditioning guy. And I was yelling at Jamie. Argue for me. Don't let them stand me up because I'm about to tap this guy. So I had to get really cocky. Just so that they wouldn't stand us up,

I thought maybe they would. That would be fucked. I'm waiting for him to move. So we just stood there. We're arguing during the match. I'm arguing with these guys. So I had to get a little cocky just so they wouldn't stand me up. I started saying, I'm about to tap him.

I'm not stalling. I'm going to tap him right now. Watch this. You know what I mean? I had to go there and be an arrogant prick just so that they wouldn't stand us up. And the match was over in 10 minutes and like 9 minutes 30. He had to make a move. I go, I won technically.

I'm talking to these guys. I'm winning. I don't have. There's no standups in the rules. I'm right here. So he makes a move. Bam, transition to the truck. I'd shoot.

And then I went from the truck to the back and choked him out. And I thought, hmm, I can compete with these guys. They don't seem like they're very strong. So when I went against Hoyler, I looked across the ring for me. And it was weird. I was like starstruck. Like, this is my hero. This is the guy that I've watched hundreds of times on Gracie in action tapes.

And here, damn, he's right here. Holy shit. But when we locked up, he was way stronger than he looked. I remember thinking, fuck, this guy is strong as hell. Holy shit. And doubted myself throughout the whole map. I'm going to disguise an animal. But, you know, luckily I got him.

I caught him being aggressive. Because if he would have just stayed in my guard and let the time run out, he was up on points. He would have won. But he tried to pass. He stuck. I had him in some rubber guard. He knee sliced through.

And when he did, he sliced right to side control. I jailed break them right into Butterfly. And then bam, just did an old John Jock transition totally out of DNA. I didn't even remember how I set it up. Backstage after I got him in that triangle. I couldn't remember how I set him up. I thought I got him with Rubber Guard. I didn't remember.

I had to watch the tape going, oh, shit. I did the John Jock. I just did the basic shit. We always drilled. And overhook on one side. Jean-Joc is overhook heavy. A lot of Brazilian jiu-jitsu players know what the overhook game is, but Jean-Joc actually lives it.

So very few people have his style. So I just went right to Jean-Jacques style right there. Boom. Passed the guard. He should have stayed in the guard. He would have won. He passed. Jail braped him, transitioned right into butterfly.

Swept him. He base caught his wrist and pang. Hit him with the triangle. Once it was cinched, I knew there was no way he was going to get out. Impossible. As long as my legs were stayed cinch. So I grabbed my foot like this.

I never, ever did that before my life. Just because I knew it was like, here's the Super Bowl. Here's the Super Bowl. All I got to do is make sure this shit doesn't open up and he's done. And I was holding like this. It's crazy. And man, and, you know, shit, that changed my life right there. Larry calls me up afterwards when you get back.

back, but I got crushed the next match. In the quarterfinals, I was going against. That's the guy I was really afraid of. I wasn't afraid of Hoyler. Because if you would have beat me, so what? That's a legend. I wasn't like afraid to get beaten by a legend. I'm not afraid of that.

Just to get to roll with them and it's recorded. I'm like, shit, I'm in this motherfucker. You know what I mean? It's like I photo bombed this match somehow. Like, how am I competing against this? legend you I got lucky I won the trials and I got put in the same side bracket like that's like I just going against him I hit the lottery would have been good for you yeah yeah of course I wanted to win but to me I had zero pressure I'm like and the one guy that I was worried about was leo vera

because that guy's the new young gun didn't have a big name at all no one really knew about him so getting beat by him wouldn't be good you know he's just but if people that knew jujitsu well they knew that he was a beast. And the Abu Dhabi before, he was at 170. I was competing at 145. And he went against Jean-Joc at 170, the Abu-Dhabi before. Jean-Joc smoked him on points but couldn't finish him. So that scared me.

Like, damn, this guy, even though he got smoked on points, he survived with the John Jock? I'm like, I don't survive a Jean-Joc. John Jock smashes me, destroys me. So in the back of my head, the glory was, I hope I get matched up with Hoyler because whatever happens, I'm in a fucking match with Hoyler. I could show my grandkids, you know? That's all it was.

I'm not trying to be this world champion or anything like that. I've never, I'm going to be a world champion jihitou player or I'm going to win the gold at Abu Dhabi. I was just doing it just to see how far I could get and with no expectations at all. I was just like happy just that I won the trip to Brazil. I was like, oh, I got to compete too while I'm on vacation. But really, it's about a free trip to. Brazil in the middle of the dark ages in Comedy Central was so dark I was not suicidal

but I could sympathize with people that commit suicide over like bad business deals and shit like that that was the worst decision I made in my life quitting that strip club DJ job for this piece of shit job writing for the man show and everyone fucking hates me we come in day one with 30 sketches and say okay write new ones we don't even want to see those what day day one. They sat us in these fucking cubicles day one. Like, oh shit, what about all the shit I brought in? They're like, you write some new shit. You're going to sit with this guy in this room. Like all day, we're trying to come up with new shit. I'm like, oh, my best shit is right

there. You have that stack of shit. That's my best shit. I got to come up. So I knew they were, they just ignored all me and Joe shit and me and Joe at lunch. Like there's a problem there. And he goes, yeah, me and Joe, like, day one. That was hours into day one. First day of school going, oh shit, I fucked up. Worst nightmare ever. So that day, I couldn't come up with a new shit in one day. Dude, we got like three years of shit right there. You can't just come up with a great song right there.

Shit, what are these fucking guys? They don't have no idea. So at the end of the day, which was a nightmare, and I felt like shooting myself. Because I couldn't get those strip club because I was kind of like, I'm gone. Fuck you guys. I'm blowing up.

I deserve that shit. So at the end of the day, day one, I say, Joe, I can't fucking ride here in these fucking little looms with these other ride. I can't, this is not, I can't do this. Joe goes, I can't do it either. Because Joe couldn't come up with shit on the spot right there either. So me and, so Joe goes,

hey, listen, this is what we're going to do. He tells the producers, he sits them all down. This is what we're going to do. Me and Eddie, we can't ride in this environment. We need to be relaxed, my house, smoking weed and chill it out. So we're going to. our work is going to be at my house.

They said, okay, get the fuck out of here. We don't need you guys anyways. Just show up and do the work and memorize these lines. They just like, please, go. We'll pay him. So my job from that point on was to meet Joe at Joe's house and we're just chill and we write sketches there. Dude, night fucking mare.

Every day you had to come up with some new shit. Every day as a writer, you got to email him. a new sketch every day. Some new shit. And you just, most of it was dumb and it didn't get green lighted that you look at,

they look through all everyone's shit and they green light that one. They green light that one. They were just ignoring all the shit that I came up with and Joe's, but we'd come up, it would be ours

and me and George trying to think of a fucking idea at his house, stoned as fuck. I'm thinking, I want to shoot myself. I'm barely able to hold it in. I'm about to explode my hearts about.

And I'm just fucking keeping it all. And I'm about to fucking explode every day. I can't believe the decision I made. That's when I started thinking about doing MMA. I go, this show is going to get fucking canceled. And then what am I going to do? I might have to fucking do M. I can't go back to regular jobs.

Nightmare. Damn. But then we'd come up with an idea. And then we'd go, yeah. And then me and Joe will riff on it. Boom, boom. We got to save that day. Holy shit.

We got something legit that we could. sending that they're going to reject. It was always too dirty, too dirty, too expensive, all that shit. So, but as long as they kept paying, I go, every week I got to check. I would show up to the lot only during filming when they were filming sketches that, you know, they were, you know, and I'm watching these sketches thinking they're retarded. Like this is fucking stupid. This shit's getting green lit.

And I was honest because the shit that got green lit, that it was good, because the shit that got green lit, all the, they got a, all the writers got an email of the, of the sketch that got green lit. And I would see, I'm like, that's stupid. That's retarded. That's retarded. We, me and Joe got shit that would smash that shit. This is retarded. And then a good would come through. I'm like, that's a good one. Like Doug Stanhope's decapacac, when I read that shit, it was, it was incredible. It was a commercial parody for guys that wear, um, uh, fanny packs and like man purses, but they're really fucking ashamed of it. You know, they feel like too girly.

And then some people won't even wear fanny packs. So a decapac is a purse that looks like a chopped off head. And you grab it by the hair and you just walk around and look like a barbarian. And then you open up the top and you put your fucking wallet and your cell phone to close it up. So it's, it's a insecure fanny pack. Dudes for, you know, anyways, I thought that was awesome. And then there was this other one too, this other, it was like a Jamie Kennedy type sketch it was great and again Doug stanhope it was one of his he was a big part of it a long-haired

writer wrote it i forget that dude's name but it was a band audition like people easy to get people audition for this band with this big deal everyone will line up you just put an ad out you get all these motherfuckers coming in and they they film them being audition you know they start then it slowly slowly turns into it they're a gay band and they're doing gay shit and they're seeing how gay the guy would get for the gig. Some guys were just going for, some guys just unplugged their shit and they walked out. It was good.

So the Mancho did have some good shit. And I wrote a sketch. The only thing that they used, they used two things that I wrote, I always did commercial parody type shit. I don't know, just commercial parody. And there was one called the Fart Tube,

which is a tube that goes in your ass and it comes around and it comes right into your nose. so you get like, to get the full aroma of the, you know, because by the time, regular fart, such your nose,

like 80% of the gas is already dissipated. You don't get that clean. You don't really, the essence. So anyways, there was a fart tube. They used that.

And that was stupid. And also, a sketch where Dr. Phil is a Coke had, fucking whoremongers at strip clubs. I had this sketch where he's just like, this was party animal. He just banging all these tricks.

They ended up taking that sketch. and made it way better. They turned it into like a reality, like a Jamie Kennedy type thing where they got a look-a-like, a dude who looked like, what's his name, Dr. Phil. And he's signing books.

It's like a book signing, Dr. Phil books signing with fucking hidden cameras. He would ask him for their number and ask them for Coke and shit, and they'd be like, uh-huh, can you get me some of an eight ball or whatever? And it was so good that they did part two, two separate episodes.

So the reality part of it wasn't my idea. I actually had a fictional sketch written about it, but they did take the idea for me and ran it into two sketches. But that's basically it. They only used two things that I wrote. And man, it was the darkest period of my life. Dark.

So when I came back, Larry goes, dude, fuck. Because Larry knew how I was really feeling inside how the darkness was just melting my soul. And he said, dude, this is it. You open up a fucking school. I'll buy the mats for you. You're just paying me back. Get away from this fucking darkness.

And I thought, fuck, yeah. He called me from Vegas. He goes, dude, I'm in Vegas right now. And there's some dudes talking about you. Like, you know, I think it's time to open up a school. I think you're, you made your mark. Because, you know, I get crushed by Leo Vieira. Because back to the whole Leo Vieira thing, he, he, after I beat Hoyler, I already knew

Leo Vieira was next, man. So it was weird. Like, I won the Super Bowl. But, yeah, you just. won a Super Bowl. I got to go to Pro Bowl. Now you got to do the Super Bowl again. Again, yeah.

Again, you won this one. Why can't I be a Super Bowl champion for a year? At least for a night, they should have had those finals the next. The next, because they do that. Sometimes they split them up, but they wanted to get the first three matches done on Saturday. So I win the Super Bowl, tap out Horda Gracie in Brazil, but I already knew that this is going to all come to an end. It's like winning a billion dollars. But you know, the IRS is coming and is telling you you owe $2 billion.

Like, I want a billion dollars, but I know it's going to be taken away. So I was pretty depressed after that. It was like the twilight zone. Like I fucking did it. I pulled this fucking, the biggest upset off in Jiu-Jitsu history. And then I get smashed by Leo Barron. I got smashed because I had zero confidence now. Enter that match.

I'm like thinking, fuck, I'm backstage before the match going, fuck everyone's going dude you fucking want you want you pulled it off you know crazy this is and then i'm like yeah yeah it's pretty crazy huh i'm thinking about legal viera fuck god damn it john joc couldn't tap and this guy is a beast he's an animal he's the new super athletic super acrobatical very hard to handle just a like a specimen can do backflips and all sorts of shit so he's really worried about me though he was watching me back at the trial six months earlier and he talked about this in the interview was studying my style. He knew that I always invited people

to my strong side and half guard, and people were like, so damn, they were so appreciative that I'm just going to sit on my butt and let you have half guard, that they would just, they would always just take the offer because I'm giving them so much. I'm giving them an offer, they can't refuse. Just come to this side over here, an offer, but no one went the other way.

So he's talking about this interview, and that's how he approached my match. But before, I had so little confidence and was so just fucking spent from all that emotional trip I was going through with the hoiler one which is so weird. It was a Twilight Zone. If you watched the hoiler match

once it's over, you know you're done. I didn't know until you told me years later, I didn't know who the fuck Leo Vieira was or nothing. But anybody who knows, when Joe Rogan ran up to you and you woke up,

you were done emotionally. And if you're done emotionally, it ain't no fucking physical. Because these things the emotional lights your fucking firecracker under your fucking ass. You gotta go in there. Get some. So in a way, now I see it. Now I see it in my mind. I was crying and shit.

I was crying worse than BJ Penn. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyways, I come out and this is the crazy party. Come out and it's loud and shit. It's some arena in Sao Paulo and I walk out to the mat and we're about

to go and he's sitting like Indian style on the mat, yoga man and it's loud and shit. And I walk out and I watch him and he's doing like some yoga breathing like with his eyes closed and his hands out so he's sitting like and load getting ready for me.

Getting ready for me. He's like he's been watching me like oh shit I've been watching and studying this guy and look at him as a brown belt. He just tapped out two world champion black belts. Rear naked choke the first one triangle Hoyler Gracie he's scared of death

of me. He's sitting there, Comprito, his coach is yelling over, yelling at. I'm like, you, like, shit in Portuguese, like, you know, words of encouragement. Stay focused, you could do this. Meanwhile, I'm walking around watching him, going, that is so unnecessary. You were going to fuck me up. Why are you tripping? I don't have shit. There's no way I'm going to beat you. My mind was defeated. I went in there with the worst possible mental, he probably would beat me anyways. I'm not using that as an excuse. I'm just telling you exactly what was going on. This is the truth. So when we locked up, man, I couldn't do shit to him. He passed my, but he

wouldn't, he wouldn't stay engaged. He kept, he would, they say, man, he passed your guard nine times. I'm like, yeah, but you should pass once and then close the deal, maybe twice and and then close the deal. Why is he passed it nine times? Because he kept disengaging. He didn't really want me to get my mitts on him. Little did he know I had nothing. I was just listless out there. I was just listless. I had nothing. But halfway through that match, I woke up. He was already up like nine to nothing or whatever, but he was already killing me. But I woke up. I wouldn't like, what the fuck am I doing? He hasn't done shit to me. He was all over me, but he couldn't finish me. I go, I got to go after this dude. And I went after him, fucked up my rib while I decided to make

the big move. Would have lost anyways. But I popped my rib. But I popped my rib. in the process. And I survived, but he killed me by a million points. So I thought everyone was going to remember that. I thought that just killed winning the Super Bowl. So I thought, I was, like, kind of depressed. And everyone's like, dude, you fucking pulled it off. I'm like, yeah, they're just being nice.

But behind my back, they're saying, but you got killed by Leo Vieira. So that was like the thing. But once I started getting on the internet, people were just focused on, like, how the fuck did this brown belt tap out Holy Ligres? Like, how the fuck did that happen? He said I got lucky in interviews and it wouldn't, you know, everyone makes a mistake every now and then, but, you know, nine out of ten times, Holy would beat him, pop, blah, pa, all that kind of stuff. So that's when I thought shit. People don't believe it.

People think I was lucky. Beautiful. Then that means I might get another shot to fight him again. I could do this twice. I got lucky enough to face him once. And damn, I got a really good. excuse to go against him twice. I already beat him and he's saying I got lucky so I'm trying to get the rematch again just to get to go with him again you know what I mean win or lose I have the

opportunity to do it twice so that's why I went after it not because I want to prove that 10th plan of jiu-jitsu is better than you know gracey jiu-jitsu that's not what it's all about it's all jihitsu it's not what it's all about me dropping the ghee when I opened up my first school after I walked off the Comedy Central. I'm like every night my main focus at that point was not winning points tournaments or tournaments that score with advantages. That was not my main goal. That's all beautiful and everything. But my main goal with Jiu-Jitsu was to fix the problem in MMA. And the problem in MMA was the bottom game. There's problems all over the place. I mean, I could sit here for hours and talk about it, but the biggest glaring problem was the bottom game. You go to a

Giy jih Tzu tournament or just a Gigi Jiu Jitsu school. You see sweeps all over the place. You see finishes off your back all over the place. But in MMA and the UFC where we weren't seeing anything, we weren't seeing anything. There's no collar, there's no sleeve and a dude's trying to punch an elbow you. It's a whole different dimension. So for Jiu-Jitsu, I thought more people would agree with me and join in with me. Look, Jiu-Jitsu is looking like shit in the UFC. Let's, let's, I'm going to do what I can to try to fix that problem. That was priority number one.

Yes, I had a team that competed in, uh, no-gee tournaments, obviously. And that was awesome and we, we focused a little on that too. But the main focus has always been fixing the problems in Jiu-Jitsu. That's all. It was for Jiu-Jitsu work, not for wrestling, not. for Sambaa Bo, trying to fix the problem. So, man, when I opened up that school, that's what it was all about. We weren't going to work on wrestling.

Wrestling was not the problem with Jiu-Jitsu and MMA. Actually, it was, the takedowns and all and stuff. But when you're going against dudes that wrestle their whole life, you work on your wrestling. You could be wasting, even if you spent four or five straight years on your wrestling as a jiu-jitsu guy, you could be wasting your time. You're going against guys that have been wrestling 15, 60s. 16 years, 20 years.

So to me, I'm like, you got to work on your wrestling. It's a good thing, but don't come to me for fucking wrestling. Go to a real legit wrestling coach. What I'm going to do is we're going to be really heavy on finishing, submitting, get mastery in all angles of chokes. Focus on the bottom game. Let's fix it. That's what the rubber guard's all about.

That's what the lockdown half is all about. Bottom game, clinching bottom game, for MMA. If it works best for MMA, then it works best in any fight scenario, you know, percentage-wise. So that's what I was focused on the most. I wasn't focused.

We obviously every jiu-jitist school works on passing and top game and mounting. We always work on that. But as far as being heavy-based, we're bottom-heavy-based. That's what we've always been. And you have the average guy has two hours of drilling time a week. And, you know, you've got to figure out how you're going to divvy it up.

You're going to spend most of that time on what? You can spend half of it on defense and then half of it on offense. That's smart. That's a good thing to do. But that's not, the defense wasn't the problem in the UFC. It wasn't like the problem was, the problem wasn't jiu-jitsu fighters getting choked out by wrestlers or jiu-jitsu fighters getting, you know, submitted and like, fuck. We got to get better defense, man.

It's defensive. If that was the problem, 10th penalty jujitsu would be defense heavy if that was the problem. But that wasn't the problem. The problem was wrestlers were taking jiu-jitsu guys down and jiu-jitsu guys didn't have an offensive enough guard to do anything about it. They would get all these black belts. They come in and the prelims. If they survive the prelims and get to the main card, you see why they get cut. Look at all the jihitsu blackbells and look at why they got cut.

and they got cut most of the time because eventually they run into guys the higher they get the higher they're climbing they're gonna run into dudes they can't take down they're everywhere those dudes are everywhere so hard to take people down so then what are you gonna do

or you have a guy that takes you down at will now you don't really have that no-gee clenching guard that addresses punches and elbows and it's clear and obvious that it's being addressed you know most jihit-to guys you know, they, they, um, are convinced and there's this big, this big brainwash going on that that somehow yanking and pulling on collars and sleeves is better for clinching and squeezing

overhooks, hunter hooks and head control, then the clinching and squeezing itself doesn't make any sense. But the overall consensus is yes, if you're going to be an MMA fighter and you want to be a champion, train in the ghee. And, you know, that's one of those things that is mind-boggling for me. It's like, we see these guys that train mostly in the ghee in MMA. We see that they're doing very little off their back. It's very rare. But in the ghee, they do it all the time. What's the difference here? It's the ghee. And there's the lack of punches. That's why you're, you know, tournaments with the ghee, grappling with the ghee looks so much different than without the ghee with punches and strikes. And you have to address it.

And the brainwash that the yanking and the pulling of the collar somehow makes your clenching and squeezing better. It's insane. It's insane. But that's what people believe. It's like, it's incredible. It's like Tower 7. And it's like, fuck. You think fires brought that motherfucker down.

You've seen five different videos. You think fire, it's never happened ever. Control demo expert after control demo expert on video is watching it. And then they go control demo. It's a professional job. Fires brought it down. The geemakes you know key better. And fucking credible.

And fucking credible the world we live in. That's scary shit right there. So let's say, because I've seen, I know what you're talking about. So let's say you do have a UFC fighter. And he's doing well. All eyeballs are on him. And for some reason, he runs into a wrestler. Right?

Yeah. And maybe he doesn't get submitted, but he spends a lot of time in his back. The next, what do they call those? What do they show him on Mondays and Tuesdays about the fight coming up the week, you know, like the UFC preview? Yeah. They'll show him in a ghee somewhere. Like, he went back to the ghee, the training and shit. Yeah.

And now I know what you mean. training in. It's incredible. It's the same speech you gave me at Houston's. One of the best Jiu-Jitsu speeches I ever heard. It was like you know how people go crazy now? What's that thing that Pat Nileswell does up in Montreal?

The State of the Union address and comedy. For me this was the state of the unit address. I wish I would have taped it because it got me it got me even looking at the UFC differently. You were talking to me this has to be when Houston's were still around. This is four years ago, right? Four or five years ago.

And you were saying how the evolution that more wrestlers are coming in and how these guys got running out of their back, that, you know, what are you going to do? And I remember listening to that to Hart and going home watching videos and going that he's right, you know. And it's funny like now I'm just starting Jiu-Jitsu, and I'm on my back sometimes, and I can get on top, but I don't like it.

I like being on my back because I want to learn how to get myself out of a fucked-up position. Just because of the speeches you told me, I always try to work on my hip escapes. I do them slow. I'm fucking terrible. But I remembered that speech, how important it is, you know, and that's why it all works. You're right with what you're saying.

See, I didn't know the contrast in styles with no ghee and ghee meant. I just want to learn the basics and then come to you when I was good and ready. But it wasn't even about that. It was more about the breathing for me and getting into the shape for jihitsu-wise. And convenience for you. There's no way you're going to. I teach downtown. You hate traffic.

There's no way you're going to go. if I had a school next to your house, you'd be there every day. Every day, I'd be there, yeah. Yeah, so I did, I understand. Oh, I love it. I love it that. You understand.

I fucking hate driving. Yeah. I hate driving in Los Angeles, guys. I don't know why. It stops me from a lot of things. Like, when the guy from Modern Family won the Emmy this year, the guy that who plays a gay guy, I don't know if you watch Modern Family. The big guy or the little guy?

The little guy. He said, he got the Emmy? Well, the show got the Emmy. Okay. And he went up there and he goes, You know, for people who watch, and I always went to those auditions down at 545, down to Santa Monica.

That's like death of people. Yeah. When your agent calls you at 1, you think twice about answering that phone because it's always, hi, they want to see you 4.50 on Santa Monica in 5th Street. I wish it a motherfucking time. Oh, that is the whole drive down to you're cursing yourself.

You're thinking, why are you going on? Then you get on the 405, and they say, they're going to have 10 accidents. It's a horror show. But to go to those, it takes fucking. And for me, bro, I just tell the guy, I tell him the truth, would you ask your mother to go down there? I asked the first guy one time.

I ask him, and I don't ask him like that. I don't ask him like that. I go, can I ask you a question? You know, we're friends a long time. You were representing me. Yeah, what's up, Joey? This audition at 545. Would you ask your mother to go down there?

And there's just silence. And then they laugh. And they go, I get it. All right, thank you. What are you going to tell me? Tomorrow, decent hours, 545. on the fucking and they're always for Latino roles. That's what really pisses me off.

Every Latino role that the agent tries to get me out, it's always late. They don't like seeing Latino earlys and that pisses me the fuck off. I'm not even being funny here. Well, in their defense, most Latins don't wake up until after you. I don't give a fun. This Latin gets up fucking early. You want to see Papa? You see me on the normal fucking circumstances with no trafico.

You know what I'm saying? Normal fucking circumstances here. This card, this metamorous card. Now, do they always do it in San Diego, Eddie? Or they travel with this metamorphous card. No, there's not a... They did the first show in San Diego, the second show at the UCLA Polypavilion,

and then this one's in L.A. at the Peterson Museum event center. Oh, where they killed Biggie. Yes. Really? Yes. That's on Long Beach? No, that's...

on Fairfax and Walsh. Right, right, right. That's why they killed Biggie outside of the fucking thing. You know, for people who don't know, you're headlining a spectacular night of Jiu-Jitsu. It's just spectacular. Yeah, a lot of great fun. Just looking at the schedule, I was coming all over myself.

You really got Vinnie Magalish, you got Babelieu, you know, you got... Hatha Mendez, Guy Mendes, Guy Mendes, Sean Roberts, Keenan Cornelius. Shinya Eoki. No, no, he's not. Oh, he's not doing it. Brian Gracie. No, that's a lot. That's a...

Damn! That's M2. No, I think of Al-Val. No. God damn it. They gave me the wrong information. Motherfuckers. Well, you know who's headlining, so that's good enough.

That's all that matters, though. And you're ready spiritually? The Indian hasn't been out. Yeah, you know what's, you know what's been... You know, Jean-Han. Jacques training with him as just my defense is better than ever. He's a defensive master, so I wanted to clean up my defense. I think I have enough offense for him.

I don't think I need to come up with new shit or anything, but I don't need any new offense. I have plenty. But I do have gaping holes in my defense, so it was a good time to plug up as many holes as possible. So, I mean, Jean-Jacques just killing it with the way I look at defense now. And I'm way harder to tap now than ever before. Not saying that Hoyler can't tap me because I do can tap anybody. But it's harder now than ever before. I'm way harder to tap with leg locks than ever before. I could still get caught. You know, I've had so many people start on my back at John Jock just puts together these shark tanks that just destroy me.

We just start dudes on my back and the mount, knee on the belly, worked on that just. And now what that does to your confidence, and he always told me, he's like, man, the better your defense, the more confidence you have. And I just ignore that. I was only interested in offense. And I was proud of saying my offense is my defense. You know, I just attack. I'm not waiting for shit. I'm going after you.

I'm going to put you on defense. But, you know, that's a good attitude to have, like, in a strategy, in a match, a single match, but an overall jujitsu philosophy. That's, you could have both. You could be, you could have really good offense and really good defense. And now this is a new era in me. I'm really loving defense. And defense is 100 times more complicated than offense.

There's so much more because. to put together submission, whether it's a triangle or a choke, your body has to be in a certain position. It's like building a building. You have to put everything together correctly. But there's a million ways to take that building down. You could disrupt that shit. At any point of construction,

you could tear that shit apart in a whole new way. And, man, it's fascinating asking master after master their philosophy on like a rear naked choke, defense or leg lock defensive move or how do you get out of a triangle everybody has their own way of getting out of triangles and there's so much more defense it's become an obsession of mine i'm loving it you know and john jock he was right like always he's always right the more defense you have the more confidence you have and that has instilled a lot of confidence in me my defense now man all these shark tanks are just people just jump jump i still have holes i still there's

there will always be holes and um not always I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not gonna expose those holes there's still some positions that I still need to be a work on and I got another week and I'm gonna work on those positions all week too but um another thing that's really helped my confidence as well is doing the swimming sprints and man you know I'm not a professional athlete I haven't competed in 11 years I'm not like this I never had a dream of being a UFC champion or a Mundial champion or anything like that. You know, I've said this a million times.

My dreams were always in music. And so I never had those dreams, but I'm just, you know. But so I never really did that much cardio ever. I just did jiu-jitsu for the fun of it. I love sharing the knowledge. I love rolling with students, people coming through town, rolling on the road. It's the rolling itself.

That's like playing video games with your buddies. You know, I love that. and teaching and watching my students grow. I love all that stuff. So I never really did cardio. Never really did it. So I thought maybe in this camp, maybe I'll just do a lot of jiu-jitsu and not do cardio.

I thought about that for a second, but then I thought, you know what, that's only going to leave doubt in my mind. I don't want to leave any doubt. I want to walk onto that mat and know that I did everything possible. So I thought, okay, what am I going to do for cardio? Okay, am I going to run?

What am I going to, am I going to bike and all that shit? So I thought I'm going to swim because I did some swimming the first time I went to Abu Dhabi and I liked it. So I had to figure out what I'm going to, how I'm going to, I'm not a professional trainer. I don't know shit. What am I going to do? So I go to 24 hour fitness by myself, look at the pool. Oh, they got a clock up there. You got giant clock.

So I go, okay, people time themselves. And so I just decided to see how fast it would take for me to swim across. And I'm not a great swim. How fast it would take to sprint swim across the pool. and it takes about 25 to 30 seconds to go as fast as I can. So I thought, okay, this is what I'll do. I'll swim across and whatever's left in that minute, that's my rest time. So if I get across in 25 minutes, I have 35 seconds resting.

And every time that clock hits the 12, I got to go again. I got to sprint across again. So the cool thing about that is, you know at that 12, you've got to go. So no, I don't need a coach telling me to hurry. I don't need a coach telling me, come on. move it, you're going slow. Because you don't want to go slow. You want to sprint across so you have time to recover. That's what you want. So it's a crazy mind fuck that works beautifully. You're sprinting to rest. So I do that 20 times, man, and some people can do it 50, I guess. I'm not

like this professional athlete, but what it's done for me is when I sprint across, my heart rate is going a million miles an hour and I'm dying. And I know I got 30 seconds to rest. I'm looking at that clock and there's 15 seconds left. Then it's on the 50. Then it's on the 55. I'm like, I'm ready to go. No matter what, you're ready to go. So at the 10th time I do that, I'm done. I want to quit.

Because I'm swimming as fast as I can. And every time I get across the pool, I'm like, I mean, it's like, if I was doing that in Jiu-Jitsu, I would think, okay, let me hold this motherfucker and survive until this round is over. I need a rest for five to 10 minutes. I'm done. That's what I would think. I need to stop after this round.

I'm done. I hit that point where I'm done. It's that point. You're done. Take a break, an intermission. That's what I thought I needed to recover. An intermission. Five, ten minutes.

But with this, you realize you don't need that. You can recover in 30 fucking seconds. You can. And that's what happens. I get across the pools, like 30 seconds, 25 seconds. I'm dying. I'm looking at that clock. Dying.

And it's on the eight. I'm dying. But I know when it gets in between the 10 and the 11. You're back. You'll be back. I'm like, I take a big, I go, we got to do this again. So what it does for me now, now when I grapple, now when I'm doing these shark tanks, when I get to that point, I already know I just got to hang out for like 30 seconds

and I'll be able to attack again, as opposed to, oh my God, I'm done. So that mindset, that, oh my God, I'm done when you're really not done, that really makes you done and you're done. That'll kill you because then you panic and you're worried, oh, my God, I'm going to lose. That feels like shit. Just the panic and the fear of losing and it's all falling apart now. oh my god i have nothing left it's over that makes your that crushes your recovery now you're not going to recover so the swimming physically has gotten you know i get my heart rate to its maximum

and i'm dying and i recover 20 times so but but the mental aspect is where it comes in more to play is knowing that i could recover i don't panic so no panic i recover easy and you get to the point where that becomes unconscious exactly like your jiu-jitsu. It becomes unconscious. Like you're doing shit without thinking. You're out of fucking breath. You're not even thinking about it. You're out of breath and you're not fucking thinking about it.

And you know, because when you were thinking about it, you're going, okay, I'm going to recover. And you say that to yourself so much, okay, I'm going to recover. I'll be fine. Just hang out right here. I'll be fine. You don't have to explode 100% of the time. No one does that in striking. You explode and then you rest and you set it up.

You explode and then you rest. You might put together three times. explosion together, but then you've got to rest. It's all about recovering. You're not just exploding your recovering. So this is all, again, I'm not an athlete. This is all old fucking Jim Brown type shit. But doing sprints, whether it's running or swimming or any kind of sprint where you get your heart rate to the maximum and then you rest for 30 seconds and then you keep doing that. You learn so much about your recovery time. And that gives you, not only does it not deplete you of cardio because of fear.

That's gone. But you gain cardio because of your confidence. Your confidence gives you cardio. I got the Doche book. And I started doing the Doce thing a year ago. And I ain't going to lie to nobody here. It calls for four, six, and eight. It calls for walking at three, for 30 seconds, and sprinting,

and then going at whatever the fuck it is. I got to confuse six at sprinting and two and a half and walking. And I did that. And I'm not going to line nobody. I started doing it for eight minutes. And I kept doing it and doing it. And I'll tell you what, Eddie, I did this last week and two days in a row. And now you got a hero.

I do it. I do it like you. Because that was my biggest thing was the breathing. I slammed sleep apnea. I smoked three for 30 fucking years. I smoke cigarettes. Plus I got 100 pounds of weight on me. That ain't going nowhere.

I started with doing three fucking hip escapes. I'd have to get up, take my gear off and run outside and get in. I'd pee my underwear a little bit, just a little bit, Eddie. Now I could do the whole thing, but I started doing the doche thing. I'm going to lie nobody, bro. I go in there. I was a zero in there. I'd pee my pants in Jiu-Jitsu.

I'd have to go outside and take my belt off and everything. And now, because of the fucking bike, I put it on three, five, and seven. I time it. So now I walk at three, I jog at five for 30 seconds. but once to five minutes, once I do that, so every five minutes I switch, now I go from three to seven, but I only sprint for 15 seconds. So it's my mind, that's when you got me in side control, and I hip escape, and then getting back in position, and now I walk and I breathe.

That's Red Team Go. I'm doing the same thing in my fucking mind, and I die, that 15 second seven point, my little fat legs got to move, Jack. They got to move, Jack, and you know what, now I can do it 40 minutes. 42 minutes. Took me a dad with sore, but now I can do it. And now, so I see what you're saying

with this swim. I didn't know what you were saying after that. But listen, all the great people, before 20 years ago, they used swimming a lot because it gets you strong. It burns calorie.

It keeps you flexible. There's no injuries. I got it from Rocky. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, Rocky. Which one? You're going to use muscles you never thought you had before.

Let me get some more while I'm dehydrated. Remember that with Rocky. This is a dude. This is a fucking goomy bed. What? What? What? All right, so next Saturday night, what times it go down any, bro?

You can't watch it live, although it's in L.A. It's sold out in five hours, which was crazy. Crazy. I mean. $100 a ticket at the door. Watch it, looking at those flyers where there's my face and then Horther's face and said sold out. What the fuck is going on here? How did that happen? We haven't done shit.

People want to see this. We haven't done shit. You know, it's amazing that you did this when you were a brown bun than the nine-year point, and now you've been doing this for 20 years. and it's so crazy even as a comic you look at shit you did 10 years ago and you're like Jesus Christ I thought I was good back then

oh my God turn that shit off you know what I'm saying like that's how I feel like you've grown like you're a different person from 11 years ago you have different priorities and that's you know

that's what it's all the fuck about man I'm happy you came on today so it's next Saturday so let's say I want to order this fucking thing Eddie because they're gonna order it all look around the fucking world especially I have to listen to it. You hear it.

It's going for what now, 30 bucks? 20 bucks. 20 bucks. 20 fucking bucks. And you've got, if you're into Jiu-Jitsu or you're into the art of Jiu-Jitsu, a beer of Jitsu,

20 fucking bucks. You got how many matches? Seven, I think. You can watch it on metamoros.com, M-E-T-A-M-O-R-I-S dot com. That's where they're streaming it on pay-per-view. On your phone? No, no, I'm not on your phone,

but you can watch it on your iPad, right? I'm not too sure. I mean, that'd be a good move. You could probably watch it on your phone. I wouldn't be surprised if they had it. I'm going to be in Fort Lauderdale, so I want to watch this motherfucker. I'm going to bring my eye thing that, you know what Terry got me? What is that thing?

I don't know. I was assuming an iPad or something like that. I get the internet because I get on the plane. I got a go-go daddy, whatever the fuck it is. Yo, go-go, whatever the fuck it is. So let's say I want to do it from there. I can order it on there for 30 bucks, correct? Let me see.

I'm on the website now. It doesn't say what thing. But if they're using new stream, That's on the phone and iPad. Yeah, that's on the iPad. You can watch this anywhere, people. Don't not fucking miss this shit. What else, bro?

You're going to sit there like a fucking... Well, I'm ready. You know, I'm ready to do this right now. I know you are. I'm going to go out there and attack. I'm going to try. I hope that I go out there and attack them and put on a good show. It would suck if the reviews the next day were like,

boring match. It sucked. I want my money back. I would hate that shit. Win or lose? I hope the match is just epic And of course I hope to win And I'm gonna go out there and try to win

You're not gonna pull of Brindon Schwab No, no That was the last Metamorphous, right? I'm gonna try not to Who did he walk against him? Who knows? Maybe I go out there and get paralyzed Who would that happen? I don't know I don't know anything can happen

Anything could happen My mother used to say No can say yelling Who did he fight at that metamorphous last time What did your two eyes? Hoyler Hoyler never did No, Schwab.

He went against cybor. Sideball, okay. Yeah, yeah. And he stalled with something. And people got mad. Yeah, yeah. They didn't have it in the rules. He just played by the rules, you know.

The rules were, the rules should have been in a jiu-jitsu match. They should always be that if someone pulls guard, the top guy has to engage and try to pass. Because the guy who pulled guard, he's given up the position. Because when they're standing, they're trying to get each other on, they're trying to get takedowns on each other and trying to put their opponent on their back. If a guy volunteers that and you're still standing, what do you want to do? You go ahead and pull guard. Let's get the parties. What are we going to do?

You already took me down. I'm on my back. Just come on. What would you? Do you want to earn that somehow? You want to be a man and earn the take? Just come on. Just try to pass the guard.

But that should have been the rule. It wasn't the rules. So Brandon just went by the rules. You said, fuck it. I don't have to engage. There's nothing in the rules that says I have to engage. So that's a rule now. You have to engage.

If someone pulls guard, you know, what are you doing there? You're standing around? Jiu-jitsu is not standing. Jiu-jitsu's on the ground. A dude already volunteered to be on his back, and what do you want? You want him on face-down or something? What do you want?

So I think that's the rule. Now it's a good rule. That would be a good rule in stone. I would even throw yellow cards in there if someone is clearly stolen. Yellow card and deducts some of their pay, some of their purse, that kind of shit. You know, you get three DQs.

You lost. Something like that, you know. You got to have yellow cards. You got to make the guys try to attack. We need some action. There's people that are paying money. This is not your own little personal quest. This is entertainment.

You know, if you don't want to entertain, what the fuck? Did you convince me to put you on this card for, dude? You know, it's about entertainment. This is about your own personal quest. So I think that's all taken care of now. And this is submission only now. This Metamorphs 3 is back to submission only. first one was submission only second one was they decided to bring in judges if there was no

still no points but they brought judges in that didn't work out so well and so they're back to submission only and that's the most gangster of formats submission only no points the point system is just so it's just it's like like boxing when the UFC busted out like the boxing look like people are still boxing look at the UFC it's everything it's boxing plus everything else Why would you just want a part of everything? You have everything in MMA. So that's how I look at the point system in Jiu-Jitsu. We have a submission only now.

Why is there even still a point system out there? Point systems should be for children and for white belts. You know, blue belts and up, it should be submission only. So you're submission-only? Submission only. No points. So I'm what it that way? Yeah, let's go attack.

It makes, yeah, when, you know, you're in a point, point system, as soon as someone gets points, if the stakes are high, the guy who got points, that's the smart thing to do. If there was a million dollars on the line, you're coaching a guy and he got two points and there's a minute left, are you going to coach your guy to go attack them or just fucking hold it? You know, there's a million dollars on the line, right? You're going to tell the guy to stall and hold. How about if I go knee on belly them match and I got six nothing? I ain't going nowhere. Right? You could do that too, but still there's going to be holding at the end of the match.

One guy is generally going to be holding. In a points tournament, whoever is ahead on points, they want to get that W don't take chances. Generally, some guys do take chances. Some guys say, fuck that I want to finish them. But generally, it's a good idea that if you're up on points in a points tournament that you hold at the end. So end of matches overall just are boring

because of the dude in the lead holding. Submission only doesn't have that. Both guys are, nothing happens. It's a draw. if there's no submission. So the end of submission only matches, they're very exciting. And you don't need to be a jiu-jitsu expert to,

or even do jiu-jitsu to enjoy it when it's submission only. If you're a big MMA fan, you love the UFC, but you don't do jiu-jitsu. You can still watch a submission-only grappling match and be entertained. You can because you don't have to understand this ridiculous point system. And then it gets boring. So if a guy doesn't do Jiu-Jitzen's like boring, a guy's holding, he's trying to hold on to the leap. Fuck that.

I'd rather have dudes punching. So they're going to get turned off to points tournament. But your UFC fan who doesn't do Jiu-Jitsu will be into submission only. You know, so that's why I push it so much. I think it's just better for Jiu-Jitsu. Submission-only will make Jiu-Jitsu grow and can possibly bust it out into the mainstream. I mean, if you're a jiu-sfiending, you want to keep it underground and you want to keep it in Diyah. That's good too.

But I would like to see submission-only jiu-jitsu tournaments on TV, on HBO, on Showtime, on Fox. Can you imagine a submission-only 60-man tournament, the best of the best? Meta Morris on Fox. Every Wednesday night at 10 o'clock and shit, sponsored by Fogo to Chute. Stop it.

Delo to your house. Yeah, me and Victor Davila, Victor Davila is the Joe Rogan of the UFC in Spanish. He does a commentary for the UFC in Española. And he also does those shows. Fox de Port de shows. Like the inside UFC type stuff. What's the name of it?

UFC? He did one for the UFC. Yeah. I always see them when I'm working out of 24-hour fitness because they have the Spanish. One of the big screens is the Spanish and they're always showing the UFC on that. What the fuck is the name of the show he did for the UFC?

Alwayos or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Guerreros. We're putting together. EBI, Eddie Bravo Invitational, and it's going to be on Latin TV. It's going to be on a show called, the show is going to be called Latino Jiu-Jitsu for Spanish,

all through Latin America. He's making it happen. This is going to be all through Latin America and Spanish stations in the United States called Latino Jiu-Jitsu. And the show, that's the name of the show that has a bunch of different things in it. on Jiu-Jitsu. And one of the things that Victor's producing is the Eddie Bravo Invitational.

We're going to have a 16-man bracket and feature some Latin jujitsu players like Gio Martinez. He's Mexican and he's one of my black belts. He's going to be in the 145 division. And so they're going to submission only 16-man bracket on Spanish TV all across Latin America and in the United States too on the Spanish channels. That's going to be June 1st and the show is going to be in L.A. We're going to do a 1, a 145 and a 160, two 16-man brackets in Hollywood here. So you'll hear more about it.

It's happening and it's going down. If you're interested, if contact, you've got to come correct, though. I can't be handling too many emails. So if you don't get a response from me, I just do not have time, please. Do not be offended. I can barely handle emails now, but if you're legit and you want to jump in on this...

Don't email them because you choked out your girlfriend. That don't qualify because you got to stripe your shit. You got to be banging it out for at least 10 fucking knees you want to go up against these savages. Just because you shouldn't do the shot of deck of the robin and you got your fucking girlfriend

in a fucking knee ball, whatever the fuck it is. Don't show up, all right? We'll call you. By the way they shaved their heads, put a gold pig, got a tattoo on them. their back and go fucking what's the

what's the big one what's a scrape and the other guy what's the name of it? Look at the shape of you who the shape of you cocks sucker what scrapes company scrape out tap out right of the way they get it's shaped their head they got a tattoo they do

a shot of deck and they want a tap out shirt and by the way they want to show up to the ABI invitation it's fucking invitational cock sucker like the way they invited Bruce Lee on Hans Island same fucking thing. And you know what? That was probably a mistake.

What? Giving out my email. I didn't really think about that too much. Do not be offended if I don't return email because I'll probably get flooded with this. No, don't worry about nothing. Oh, you can't? Yeah, I agree if you want to.

Yeah, you know what? I'm not the guy to contact for that. Eat another one. Will you please? You're sitting there all emotional. Eat a fucking hour. Friday. What are you going to do tonight with the wife?

Where is she right now? She's in my house. Oh, shit. She's over there taking her bath and waiting for you. She's taking like a cow gun. I'm bad, she's cutting her toenails. It's over. What are you guys doing tonight?

I'm going to go look at dogs and then I'm not sure. Look at dogs. What do you mean? He wants to go adopt. He's 25. He must go adopt the dog already. What's all with the game dog? I can't even get him to go up the corner of the Ventura. He got his hot dog. He's going to get his dog. That poor dog is going to be fucking small. He's never going to be a vampire. He ain't ever going to see out.

Trust me, I was on Coke for years. I had a dog at one time. He didn't go out for four or five days. I make him pee in the corner and watch a shit. Got to make them hold their shit. That's a special. Don't fucking shit, fuck. Hold of that, motherfuckers. No movies tonight, nothing?

No, I don't think so. There's not really anything out, really. You know, he'd go to me, I'm a little bit. Did you ever tell that story about Fort Lauderdale where you dunked your nuts? You ever tell that story? I forgot about that. Don't even talk about Port Laudderale.

I'm going back this weekend and how about the bitch showing up. Unless you want me to dunk her nuts in the mouth. That's a long time ago. Oh, man. my nuts in her mouth and she didn't know in front of everybody in front of every this was like in the comedy club like in the lobby she dead me or something on video it's on video let's see if it's online and what did she say she was like she got on the ground something happened that she doubled dead me yeah dog it was crazy at one time she doubled dead me and something and i just put my

balls in the mountain she started crying they tasted weird so she started crying because her friends got mad at her Because she looked like a whore. Yeah, she is a whore. She's some of these balls. In front of everybody. You know, sucking balls in your house is one thing. Sucking balls in front of everybody else. They definitely got a wrong impression.

Oh, man. Her friends were so mad at her. She started crying. Eat a goomey. You're losing color. You're pale. I'm fine. I had two goo me this week.

That was this week. That was Tuesday and Wednesday. What about Friday? Why be a Jew if you ain't going to rob somebody? Why eat a gum me on Wednesday if you're not going to eat one on Friday? You know what I got a nice shirt on? Oh, shit. that video's online

which one that's not the ball video red bad assed it's so much I don't even think red band was around back yes he was around

that's when we go into those hotels with nine of us like a fucking band that's right like a high school band damn that was like 2005

or 2003 maybe damn some dumb some dumb fucking chick what about the chick I talked in San Diego I was on stage in San Diego

and some girl gets up on the stage guys she was fucking beautiful blonde big tits okay ass I'll take my clothes off she took her clothes off on stage I get out of stage like you gotta help me I'm a model I go woke my friend is Joe Rogan he's doing auditions tomorrow

for the fucking juggies you want to come up and she's like she I'll come up this is true story guys this fucking or it was like she was coming up like it was the next week so she calls me at the time I had a fucking pageer this is a true story This girl pages me.

Like, I thought that was it. She didn't suck my dick. And she just took her clothes off. I think I fingered her outside. That's what happened. I go, can I finger you? And she let me finger her. Who lets you fucking finger them?

Just like that. So she went home. About a week later, I get the page. I go, he's having the auditions Friday. She goes, I'm coming up Thursday night with an eight ball. Do you know that was like a four in the afternoon? Do you know, like that? I remember that.

Do you ever get involved doing something? Do you ever somebody call you and you make plans? but you get so involved in something you forget. And all of a sudden they call you and you're like, oh shit. When I looked at the phone, I go, what's up? Like, I just going to say, well, my boyfriend can be me. And I was like, whew, this bitch is like, I'm an El Capadre. I remember that.

I go outside and she's got a bikini bottom on with a bikini top on with heels on, a cooler filled of beer and six grams of fucking Coke. Not in powder, rock. and a wallet full of fucking money. And I don't even have a place to live. Did you know that? I didn't know that. I was living with Ralphie.

I would stay with Celine. I would stay on Jody's floor. Whoever was out of town, that's where I... So I took it to gentries and teddies. This is crazy. This girl took out blow, put it on the table, whatever. I did it. And she's like, what do you want to do?

I go, why don't you give me like a blowjob? I said it. And then I left to that. That wasn't the same chick that, remember, she wanted a locked stall or something? Remember that joke? That was a complete different one. Didn't you leave her at the hot tub or something? Isn't that what you told her?

No, so this is a complete different one. This is the one that, this was crazy. I left of that and came back. And she did the whole package by herself. She drank the whole case of beer. When I got there at 10 in the morning, she was fucking still up a night before. The people who lived there, Gentry had a roommate.

He called me. He's like, dog. I woke up to pee in the middle of the night. There's a naked hot girl on my fucking couch. He goes, my girlfriend was in my bed. Out of all the nights, his girlfriend was to sleep over. I went and picked up to the girl at 10, she hadn't slept. I don't know what happened. I took her to the audition at 3 o'clock.

That bitch one did. There really was an audition? Yeah, for the juggies. Oh, I thought you were just joking around. No, this bitch went out there and did something. Then she wanted to stay the weekend. and something happened. I took it to the improv, bro,

and she just went off at the improv, and I left for that. And that was the last time I saw her. Then she called me a few times. We stayed friends. And then she called again, and she was in Vegas. That's the last,

they could have stabbed that night. Who the fuck knows? You know what I'm saying? It's amazing, the people you meet. It really is when you look back of the fucking freaks you meet. And I would love for her to say hello today. I guarantee she's got two kids.

She's normal. She's married to a successful guy that doesn't even know she was crazy and she sucked 2,000 dicks. You're just guessing, right? I'm just guessing. Oh, you're right, though. Yeah. You know, she doesn't even remember that she let me finger her. I mean, who lets you finger her when you meet them?

You date them just for you to say, hey, and I just did it as a joke. It's that comedy, man. The comedy hypnotizes them. I did it as a joke. I go, let me finger you real quickly. She's like, okay, right outside of them. It wasn't a parking garage. It was where you park outside and perform.

$5 in the slot and push it through. Right there, there's a Denny's there. I remember just figuring, like, when a monkey, and I was like, that's tremendous. He's like, yeah, and that was it. I got my car and went home, dog. That's how fucking crazy life is.

That's what happens on a Friday, you understand me? And she saw you perform, right? You're hypnotizing. No, I don't hypnotize nobody. That was a terrible room. It was a bar. People used to yell up and send your shots. This bit was just fucking crazy, man.

And she wasn't just crazy Sometimes you mean people that are crazy They're missing a toenail Or they got a black eye or something This chick was crazy But she was the 12 How old could she be at age 26

25 Somewhere you can't even feel bad Like this is too easy This bitch drove from San Diego With an eight ball And a cooler filled with fucking beers This girl wasn't playing She didn't care about cops

I'm telling you She was drinking beers, throwing the bottles out the fucking window, taking the beer caps. This girl was, and she was a tent with a bikini on it. With a bikini. She drove with a fucking bikini on it. I'm going to forget that. She got out of the car and I was like, what did I get myself into?

How high was she? Damn. She was hot and cooked in it. And if it was five years younger, God knows. I would have fucked her eight hours. I didn't have it like that. She wanted to fuck that girl and do nasty things. I wasn't that nasty.

I think she sucked my dick and I went home. I think I went to Ralphies and hid the rest of the fucking night. Because I knew she was crazy so she wanted to talk. You hook up with those crazy girls. You got to fuck them and talk.

After four hours of talking, you ain't talking no more. You become the psychiatrist. I've been through those cocaine nights. They're not fucking fun with girls. Unless she's a solid girl, and you bummer. There's some girls.

That shit goes dark after like four hours of doing bloke. They keep talking about the same. same problem, you resolve it, and then they talk about it again, you have to remind we just resolved that problem a half an hour ago. I think Rick James burnt that bitch with the crack pipe. Shut the fuck up already with that story about your uncle. The same problem, the same problem.

And then you talk them through it, they agree, and then they go back to it. You're like, oh my God. I don't miss that shit at all. I don't miss drugging with people, the shit that came with it, the fucking stupidity. I remember the last time when I went to Boston this time. The time before that I was in Boston I was there with Joe and Ari and Tate who at the time

Tate become like Joe's watchman like you would tell her suspicious people here to see Joey you know what I'm saying? Yeah. He would fucking... Anybody who talked to me. Anybody who talked to me Tate would tell Joe

that guy's here selling Joey Coke or something like that. You know it's fucking hilarious. When I got the manager. I banged the fucking manager out in Boston. The manager finally cracked and came over. He's like, bro, people say you do party. You didn't ask me? I don't know.

I'm not interested. Because Tate was watching. So, I go, are you going to pay me? And he goes, yeah, I'll pay him. And then I go, boy, you got to get me like a fucking night ball and shit. It's over. Remember I used to leave as soon as Joe got on stage? Pee-hmm.

That's my left, right? Pam! Joe knew when he got off stage, he hugged me because you weren't seeing me the rest of the night. I already had the package in my pocket, the room number. I had beer in there. I was ready to go. There was no way you're going to fucking get me out of that room. That's it.

I was in for the night. Did you really drink beer with Coke? I would take like two beers upstairs just to get the party started. Then after that, it makes you piss. I'm paranoid. I don't want to go nowhere. I want to sit right here in my corner, look out windows, and keep pumping this motherfucker. Trying to make this dick get harder.

I don't miss that shit at all, brother. But anyway, thank you very much for joining us. You know, I wish you all the luck in the world. You don't need luck. You've worked very hard. Thank you very much. Thank you for having me here. No, no, no.

I'm happy. You even did it. I'm sorry about a lot of the Jiu-Jitsu knowledge, but you're a bad motherfucker dog. I love you. You wouldn't be here if you weren't. Thank you very much. And we'll all be watching.

All the people who listen to the church will be watching. Lysayette, you better watch, Cocksucker, you understand me. I already have my ticket. You're going to eat this Gumi? No. You got a ticket. Yeah.

You're going live? No, no, no, no. I'm watching it. Oh, cool. What are you watching? My house. By yourself? Yeah.

You're bringing a girlfriend over? What day of the week is it? Saturday. She'll be there. You know what the story? You're going to eat this gloomy? No. Why are you lying to me?

You told me if I brought your gloomy, you're going to eat half of it. No. Eat half of a quarter. Just so when you go see the dog, he talks to him. No. What are you going to go see a dog for if he ain't going to talk to you? Because I've did those twice this week. It's too much.

You did these one day. I'm going to cut this right here. I'm going to eat the big. I'm going to eat the big part. You eat the little tail. No, thank you. Let the ping-eat that. Like that.

You see his little... I don't want to take it from you. No, it's okay. What are you going to take it from? No, I don't want to... I don't want to hold it back. I want you to enjoy it. No, no, no.

This is that for you. I'm okay. Hey, say hi. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Let's see you guys. All right. God, idiot.

I hate the fucking go. There we go. There we go. One, two. Oh, that's fucking video. As usual. God. God.

Most goomies are mono dropping 250 milligrams of low on your fucking system. Lee, you depress me. to the total. Good. So we're playing a smoke serpent song on the way out, right? Okay. Ready, set.

Bang. No, what? Bang. So we're doing this again. Monday morning, 6 a.m. and Wednesday, 6 a.m. I'm at the Fort Lauderdale. I'll see you motherfuckers

at the Fort Lauderdale Improv. In the week after that, myself and Ari Shafia, I write the fucking Tempe Improv. Thursday through Saturday. Tickets are still available. Lee, what's going on? You ready for these motherfuckers?

Can't wait. Eddie Bravo next Saturday. I love you all in my heart. Thank you for being here today. Stay black. Have a great weekend and stay safe. Mmm. Come in with it from the start to the finish.

Strictly business when I bring it to your attention. This honorable mention piss. All in your invention misses can't afford to mention. This is only my suggestion. My emergency. Psycho-metabolic message for the politics. Shawlitz. Evil inside the hearts of many people beneath my penitist.

Eagle attack and common says, Regal and potcha, most of corporate and pompant. I spot ya. Funny Nirvana never treated me proper. Never enough, nod to cock on my trauma. Little sharp of horrors and calamity stop thinking saddened to the show. Balancing out with the code, watch the story and he's soul.

At any moment, because I know I get trapped.