The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #164 | CARMEN MORALES | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: May 18, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT..... It's Wednesday, May 18th.... Today we talked with the Great CARMEN MORALES!! Check out Her 15 Minutes on Entre Nos on HBO Max! This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by ExpressVPN & CBD Lion.…. Visit https://EXPRESSVPN.com/JOEY today and get an extra three months free on a one-year package. Go to https://www.cbdlion.com Use Promo Code: JOEY For 20% OFF Your Order! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #Onnit #ExpressVPN #CBDLion #CarmenMorales   The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

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Now, let's get this fucking party started. Because it's a beautiful day to be alive. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? It's Wednesday, the 18th. Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint. Fucking been hot in Jersey last couple days. Humid is fuck. Not my favorite weather.

When I left Jersey 40 years ago That was guys as stupid as this sound yes I had to leave because I was looking for a new life But at the same time I fucking hate the humidity I do not do well In fucking humidity you get this Like I took three showers yesterday Three fucking showers because I just felt dirty

You know what I'm saying? And somebody in my wife said Why do you take so many showers? Because I'm a fat dude When you're a fat dude you got to stay in front of it Unless the tits wet starts to fucking stink up a little bit You know I'm saying So you got to say

stay on top of it. But I don't give a fuck. It's summertime. I put my thick hooded sweatshirts are gone. Now I got the couple light ones left and in two or three weeks. Those are motherfuckers will be gone too. So it's that time of the year. Celebrate. What scares me a little bit is that New Jersey, I saw it today at the gym. We got 3,200 cases of COVID. I mean, listen, nobody's dying. Nobody's going to the hospital. But it makes you think about December. So whatever plans I'm doing this year, December, I'm not. I'm going. Because there's 3,200 fucking new cases in May and people are out. What's it going to be like in fucking December?

By that time, we'll have another fucking variant. Who the fuck knows? So I'm just letting you know right now, plan ahead. Don't get too crazy in fucking December. The first week or so, you could mingle. And after that, COVID will be out. Who gives a fuck anymore, guys? It's just a fucking headache.

But it slows you down for a few days. But somebody was telling me now, if you have COVID, You can still go to work with a mask on If you're whatever the fuck Vaccinated I don't know That's what I heard I don't know how fucking true it is

But it's a new day It's a new fucking week I'm excited I'm doing a little comedy tomorrow night 15 minutes I ain't fucking I ain't gonna change the world But at least I get to do some time

Get to try out the new material I've been writing Get to see if this shit still works For Uncle Joey And I'm excited about that That's it You know I miss it

the comedy store. I miss my friends. You know, I miss going down there. I mean, I got a new life now and stuff, and it's great. But from time to time, you think of all the people and what they're doing. And a lot of people still keep in touch from me, you know, from time to time. A lot of people really do. Like, this week

I talked to Whitney a lot. You know, I was saying, uh, Whitney was in town this weekend, I was going to go see her Saturday night, but I fucking, my daughter came downstairs. We started talking. She busted out cherry Italian ice. The guy who was picking me up was running late.

And I felt bad. I called her. We spoke a little bit. But last night, as you guys will hear later on, Whitney went to a Fox party, Monday night in New York. And one of the kids, the guy that took, remember I talked about Mr. T in the church a lot, Mr. T? Mr. T's son, the guy who saved me, who I still talked. I still talked to Mr. T maybe once a month. Mr. T. Whitney sent me a picture Monday night of her with Mr. T's son.

son, Nicholas. And it was, like, I looked at it. I thought, what fuck is that? It looks like Nicholas. So I called Nicholas, and he texted me back that he couldn't talk because he was at a Fox party, obviously. And then later on, he called me, he goes, no, I bumped into Whitney, and I told him I was friends with you, and I told her that. You used to babysit me. It was so fucking weird. You know, I had no, I couldn't go to a rehab, so I stayed with Mr. T, and he had two kids, Chris and Nick, Chris was like six, and maybe Nick was like four. And Nick took to me when I was, you know, 21. I like you. I like you. I like you. kids. So I'm throwing him around up in the air and shit. One day I fucking were playing and I

threw him up in the air and his head hits the pipe in the basement shit. He's crying. He ain't believing in nothing. But I'm like, that kid's not going to have much of a future with that fucking bang to the head. Well, he's fucking proved me wrong. He's an executive of fucking Fox now. He calls me with shit from time to time, but I don't want him to think that's why he's my friend. I love him like a nephew, you know. But I was talking to Carmen Morales, you know, about two months ago. We were just talking about she was shooting a special in New York, and she called me and she goes,

would you like to come, her, Ada, Alfred Robles. They go, you know, come over one night. But I was busy. I don't know what I was doing. But I thought about it. I watched Ada's special on HBO, Max. You know, I think you could push it up at any time. And I was very proud of her.

Ada was the girl that came on the podcast. Ada starred towards the end of the podcast. And then when she got home, it was fully activated. and she ended up in the fucking hospital. And she told the doctor, the doctor's like, listen, just don't eat that stuff anymore, drink some water and get some rest. And she looked at the doctor and she goes, but doc, that's the first time I ate an edible. And he goes, sure it is.

And he just turned around and walked out there. And she's like, but it is, it is. Joey. So anyway, all those Spanish dudes got some HBO Max love. And I got to tell you something, I was so fucking happy. When I see door people at the store, I know that they got a 50-50 chance of making it. They really do.

Just because they're watching comedy, they're living it, they're involved with comedy, and they're working on their comedy. That's a hell of a fucking combination to beat. You know, I worked at the store as an MC. I also worked at the store as a doorman. And it was great.

It was great to pay your penance. It was embarrassing when the higher comics see you. Like, you work here, And you're like, yeah, and they're like, ugh. But I think they still have a little bit of respect for you somewhere. They go, you know what, it takes a lot to do what they do. And they stick around until 3 in the morning and they get the spots. If somebody doesn't show up, they get to shine for 15 minutes.

So you see the process. And it kind of makes you happy because it would break most people. You know, it would break most people. But when you, I don't know what it is about comedy. I don't know if it's the same for music. I don't know what it is. When you love something so much that you forget about everything else in life, except for that.

That's got to be something fucking strong. And that's the way it was for me. So when I see those girls, you know, when I got to the store, it was just door guys and door guys would do all that stuff. But when I got there in 2014, you know, the world was changing. They had some door girls there. And her, Jessica Wellington, Jesus Trejo,

listen to all those names. These are names that were door guys at the store. And today they've all shot specials or they've all got popular fucking podcasts. So what I'm telling you is right. Just being in that mix is really good for you. It's like for a kid to get really good in basketball, football, baseball, he would have to go to a camp.

It's a one week of 24-7. You just focus on that particular sport. Think if you're focused on that same thing in that realm for two or three years. The results could only be great. If you fail, it's only because you fail. But I see all those kids. There's a kid from there, a little Indian kid that quit. He was a doorman.

He's got a great podcast now. He's just shot something. I'm seeing these kids branch out. So if you're thinking of getting into comedy, you're thinking of getting into a band, you're thinking of drawing pictures, whatever the fuck you're thinking of drawing. Remember, it'll be a lot much better for you later

if you do that work now. A lot of people like, I don't need to do that. I'm better than that. Okay, but it's going to come back to haunch in the ass. in the words of pens oil you can either pay me now or you can pay me later but you will fucking pay me

you will fucking pay me and that's why when I had the option of doing the hard work and the heavy lifting I didn't run from it guys don't ever run from it there's no shame in it and whatever art you pick

sucking dick stand up playing the chopsticks hitting a fucking triangle I don't give a fuck what it is all this shit applies to that it's an art and if you put the work in you're going to get great results. But if you consume yourself with it

and jump into that fucking ocean like a savage, and sometimes that's not good for people. Because when I jumped in that ocean, that's where the blow came, that's where the fucking careless living came. But who gives a fuck? You're working on your art. So sometimes, like the man said,

you've got to break a couple of eggs to make an omelet, right? You've got to bring a couple of eggs to make an omel? It's the same thing with your life and your career. And you heard that from me. Nobody gave me dick. Anyway. On today's podcast, I had Carmen Morales on. We talk about HBO.

We talk about Bean Spicks. We talk about a lot of things. I don't know what to tell you. I hope you enjoy it. Carmen Morales. Oh, shit. Oh, there he is. Oh, shit.

The fucking Queen of Salsa. Letting these motherfuckers know on the HBO special about Celia Cruz. I fucking love it. How are you, Carmen? I'm good. How are you? Great to see you. We didn't connect before the special.

I know you were in Spain, eating pares, taking pictures, making fat motherfucking Spanish guys like me fucking drool over you. Yeah, it was fun. I'm not going to lie. I went to boss country. It was great. Did you do any comedy there? Hell no.

Really? You just went to... I just went to see my family and have a time of my life. Was anybody... Is stand-up comedy a thing in fucking Spain? Yeah, yeah. There's definitely spots. Barcelona has a pretty...

like small scene and then there's also a smaller a small one in Madrid as well. I mean, yeah, there's cool places in Portugal to go up. There's places to go up, but. English? Yeah, English. There's like a bunch of expats that live there. So they all go and see the stand-up in English.

I would love to go there and just goof on those Spanish motherfuckers talk like the people. Me gustavilla, but don't me Uta la Noche, the way Spain, people from Spain. Yeah, that little Spanish fucking Lisp. Yeah. You know, it's funny how, you know, like, there's a Jose Diaz, myself, which I'm from Cuba, and then there's like Nate Diaz, who's Mexican.

But I think we've all come through fucking Spain at one point or another. Oh, okay. Like, I don't know. I don't know. Essentially, it's, yeah, the conquistadors basically went to all those islands and all, of South America and like rape the Aztecs and made Mexicans and made everybody else. I mean, that's how that's how that shit works. That's why there's people speaking Spanish in South America.

It's not because they're like, you know what, we like this language. It's because of the conquistadors, man. It was funny because when I was growing up, I was Cuban, but the Diaz side is from Spain. So remember, the Valdez's were fucking peasants from Nevada. That's where I get my balls and heart from. The Diases were from Camaway. They dressed in white and they drank wine. I remember, like, being a kid, and my mom going, like,

we've got to go to your grandmother's house. You know, after my father died, I want you to have a relationship with his mother. I went over there twice, and after the second time, I told my mom something. All I remember is my mom cursing that bitch out in the living room. Yeah, my grandmother, they were from Spain, but they were uppity people. So when I went over there, she was like,

your sneakers are dirty. My sneakers were fucking pro-kids. My mom lived on that, you know, me being clean. Like, take your sneakers off. And next time your son comes here, his hair better be combed. And I just remember saying, like, my mom going, listen, next time you tell me about my kid, I'm going to tell you something. You want to tell me about my kid, have your own fucking kid. You've got to get fucked in the air. I'll never forget the look on my grandmother's face. The last time I saw, I know she died, lived. It was not a great relationship, me and my grandparents, that side. And after like two visits, my mom pulled the plug.

And then my mom started cursing around going, who the fuck did you think you were when I was 19 to make me move in with your families? You could teach me how to cook for your fucking dead son. Oh, my God. You know, you had some balls. If I was the lady I was then, I would have told you to eat my pussy. You know how Cuban women are getting my mama la papaya and all that.

I was like, oh, you know, how can your grandmother suck my mom? mom's pussy. You know, I was something. My head was about to blow up in the cab. Your head's blown, yeah. Oh my God. But I never saw those motherfuckers again. I never heard from the Diaz's again.

Never. I mean, it makes sense. It seems like she was mad about more than just her giving you shit about your sneakers. It seems like there might have been a... Well, there was a little back history there, but I think that... It's like me. I always tell people, if I had a chance again, I would have never gone on that date with that Cuban girl with a grandmother.

Like, if I am who I am today when I was born 13, if that bitch would have said to me, yeah, I could go on a date. My grandmother's got to come. Fuck your grandmother. I'm never doing that again. You know, I had to go to her. I went to a date with a Spanish girl, and every time I took her out,

our grandmother would come and sit in between us. Yeah. And then I still remember. She was leaving space for God. That's all. Yes. And then she was sitting between us through Donnie and Cher, like Donnie and Marie.

And anytime we watch TV, the grandmother would sit in between us. For people who don't know what that's like, it sucks. Especially when you're 13 and have a fucking hard dick the whole time, you know, because you're still,

you're still 13 and want to fucking hold hands with your girlfriend and make out of it. And they don't know when you're 13, a grandma blowjob is just as good as the fucking victim. You know what I'm saying? You get grandma to take out those false teeth

and gum that helmet to death. Forget about it. Yeah, I had a friend whose mother-in-law had no teeth and I would go, you don't go over there in the breakfast and let her gum that little helmet to death to me what Jesus chose.

where's your pride, where's your dignity? Everybody likes to start their day off with a smoothie. Who doesn't love that? That's true. It's good for you. A lot of nutrients in there. It's really good to see you, Carmen. It's great to see you.

You know, when you kick me. Because you invited me to the shooting of your special. You did. You called me up and said, you know, if you'd like to come over and I was going through my anxiety, I didn't want to be around people, my COVID blues. I didn't want to be around nobody.

And now, a couple of people. a couple weeks ago, I was like, yeah, Carmine's going to be on that. Carmen, Carmine's going to be on the podcast, you know. Then you called me when you were in New York to go eat Cuban food. I mean, you were a fucking star. You tried to get me out of the house. And I found the Cuban place down here, dog. Next time you come down.

I got to go. I got to go. You train down and I'll take you and I'll drive you back up north. The Cuban dude from Union City, it's called La Flood de Cuba in Freehold, New Jersey. Not bad. And the guy finally came out of the kitchen and started talking to me. We know the same people. He invited me to his house and Coltsneck.

So I think I'm going to get myself some nice little Cuban friends. He's a hunter. Hell you. That's awesome. A Cuban man that's a hunter. He's 61. He says he hunts on his own property. Then he smokes cigars, drinks rum, and cooks whatever the fuck he hunted. Yeah.

That sounds awesome. A Cuban Ted Nugent. Without the fucking hating the Democrats and shit. Yeah. My dad was actually when he immigrated here. they lived in Union City in New Jersey or like a lot of Cubans went there That was the number two spot

In the country for Cubans And listen I don't know if you went to Union City Last time you were here Like I was I was definitely gonna meet you on 54th 54th Palluset It was a nightmare that week before I got to film It was like every day it was something

And then it was like the week leading up to it Like the minute from when I got to New York Till after we finished filming it was like uncut gems. It was just one thing after another after another. I got a needle in my foot. I had lost my phone. It was just like one thing.

The dress that I was supposed to wear for the special didn't show up until like 6.15 when we started filming at 7. You know what I'm saying? It was just like thing after thing after thing. And like it was just, there was so much shit that went wrong. I mean, I don't work out at the end finally. But, you know, it was just nothing but stress.

But I still got to go to Peter Lugar. so I felt good about that. How good was Peter Lugas? Oh, it was amazing. That fucking steak, they chop it up for you in little chunks right there. I was going to go

and I got scared because they shot a motherfucker. Oh my God. They shot a motherfucker Peter Luga about a year ago. Four months. Four months before I was there, they shot a motherfow.

They're still legit. That steak is great but it ain't fucking worth getting shot over it right in front. You went in the afternoon, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't get a table at night. It's like fucking unless you know.

Well, I couldn't Anyways, I had shows. Oh, that's right. You had preps and all that shit. I was very happy for you that you got the whole flavor. And that would have been great. Like, the compliment Peter Lugas with a little motherfucking Cuban food, walk around Union City.

I would have showed you all. There's not even any Cuban spots anymore. Really? Yeah. Listen, it's all apocalyptic. You know, it's like South American. They're all mixed. There's some Cuban in there mixed, but not really.

And like the people said, the Cuban that are coming over now. are not the same Cubans we grew up with. It's a different breed that's coming over there. I mean, the way things are over there, it's awful. I mean, I get it. They're legitimately fleeing from Cuba because, like, things are horrible there right now. They cut off the Internet for the whole island,

so these people couldn't tell the rest of the world that they're just murdering their kids in the street and stuff. Like, it's awful. And they've got no meat. No meat. They're vegetarians now by fucking... By necessary. By choice.

By necessity. I'm sorry, not by choice. Because you go to jail for you fish. Yep. If they catch you fish and you go to jail, that's the best fish in the world. That water is unpolluted. And there's the dirt. The meat isn't enough for the people now.

So the meat just goes to the government and, you know, some big shots. Everybody else lives on eggs, milk, rice. You got to know a guy. You got to know a guy that knows when the truck is coming. And this is like probably once or twice a year. when there's a chicken truck coming and then you have to you have to know the guy it's almost like you're buying stolen goods you got to know the guy you got to bring your little book and just hope you get some titty meat or hope you get some kind of chicken you know it's uh it's rough dude it's real rough that's why anytime anybody somebody immigrants dude it's fucking awful well Biden reopened it up yesterday oh shit really said yeah Cubans with Trump closed Biden opened up now so now Cubans could go back and now my sister died in federal So I got it in Cuba. My sister died in February.

Yeah. And I had no fucking way to go back down there. No. And they, they bury them quick next day, max two days. Like it's, it's so fast,

too. They don't fuck around in Cuba. No. They gave her a week. They gave her a week and she died in a week. And like my uncle said, if they couldn't fix her, like Cuban medical system isn't designed for you to go home with a pill.

No, well, they don't have, they just don't have the equipment. They don't have the equipment. That's the other thing, too. They don't have the equipment. So when they send you home, they send you home healthy. Like, you're fucking healthy. Like that, they don't want to just put a band-aid on it with a pill. So he told me, because if you're going to live, she'll live.

But if they gave her seven days, the Cuban doctors are on the money. They're like fucking tremendous. So, you know, it's something, a sorrow that you live with. If you're an immigrant from anywhere, you know, whether you're from Iran, look at the people that came off from Ukraine, running in the middle of the fucking night. You know, being an immigrant is fucking tough, you know, and, uh, listen, being a human being in today's world is fucking tough. It's tough, man. Forget about a fucking immigrant.

But, you know, I was confused, Carmen, because I kept seeing when the special came out, May 5th. It's May 6th, yeah, like a week ago. I saw that it was like you and Robles. So I'm like, what are they doing? Does she have a 15-minute special, a 30-minute special, and then HBO? gave her like a half hour with Edwin with Mr. Robles to fucking explain like Spanish fucking world.

I didn't know what it was. No, we both did 15s. We both did 15th. That's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You look beautiful. Thank you. You look fucking beautiful.

And have you gotten a lot of calls from it? I mean, what's your expectation from it? I mean, it's been a week. So it's like it's been like a pretty like a slow trickle as far as like internet stuff. It's just people of just more and more people are like discovering it, which is cool. Like HBO's done a really nice job of their placement. Like when you go to the comedy section, I'm right there, you know.

Well, I went and I saw fucking other guys, I was, but I didn't see yours. Actually fucking, you know. Oh, you had to look for it. I had to look for it. I was pissed. I had Gerard Carmichael special out, but they didn't have yours. And it's Asian Pacific Month. You know, what the fuck?

I mean, if you're not going to have Carmen on, you can't have. have a brother on there either. What's fair as fair. So I thought they're going to have like that fan on there or Chin Luing doing a fucking chopstick trick. I didn't fucking know. And then I went looking for you. And I got to tell you, it was shot beautifully.

You look beautiful. Yeah, I really like the colors. They did a good job. They did it in like a, in the Chelsea Music Hall, which was in a basement. And we had like a hundred people. So it was small because I talked to the producer about it. And it was like, I think originally was going to be like a more of a. theater space, but he was like, I was, he asked me about it and was like, and I was like,

I'd rather have it in a, like a club space, like that low ceiling. I want to, I want, I want to feel feel comfortable for the first big thing I do. And that's my element, you know, so, um, I'm so glad that they did it at the Chelsea Music Hall. And yeah, it's got the exposed pipes and stuff. And it's really like well lit. I loved it. I loved it. I loved the way it looked. And it felt like a party in there, which made it even better. It made it more fun. I don't like perfection in a special. Yeah.

I don't want everything to be just right, because everybody knows that's not a special. Right. When I think a stand-up comedy, I think of you on stage, telling your hard work materials, eight months on stages here, there, and also no waitress drops a glass.

Yeah. And you have to react. So your comedy goes out the fucking window, you know? So I always say, I like, you know, that's why I don't do well in specials, But I've always loved the listening aspect of a comedy. Like right now, we don't know where specials are going anymore. I don't know what Netflix is going to do.

They don't want to be woke. These people are woke. We don't know what the thing of fucking specials are going to be. And the way I'm kind of happy because that means people go back to those albums again. I love vinyl stand-up. Oh, yeah. I fucking love it. I still buy vinyl now.

I still. There's something about, you can listen to Pryor on YouTube. That's great. You listen to Prya, you know, it's not the same. I said. But when you put that fucking turntable on, you put that needle on, and the album is a little old, and you hear those couple of kicks. Those little cracks in between. You know, it just still does something to me because that's how I fell in love with stand-up comedy.

I didn't go to live comedy. I never went to a live show before I got on stage. Really? Never. Never? Wow. Never. Didn't like it.

Never wanted a date like that. I don't fucking stand up. I went to New York to snort Coke. I don't go to New York to watch fucking people crack jokes. I go to New York to see big tits. It's 1982. I'm going to go over to see some guy on stage. Get the fuck out of it.

That was the year of the big tints, for sure. Nah. Like my friends went to see Eddie Murphy and all that shit. I never get there. We spent 150 for, you know, they went to the garden and went to dinner. The 50 you spent, that's a gram of blow in my world. I don't want to see nobody. I'll do it myself.

But I always listen to those albums or watch it on TV. I never really saw it live. So that's why I like, when I watch a special, it's like, you know, it's like some are really good. Some, I don't know what they're doing. I think they went away from the special. They showed the audience too much for a while. I don't know what's going on with specials no more. But yours was pretty fucking impressive.

I liked it. Well, I think what helps is the editor that did it is, he's also a stand-up fan. So a lot of times you just get a dude who's doing a job. But this dude, like, loves stand. Like, he followed me. We went to the cellar, and we went to the stand, and we went to all these places in New York.

And he was just like, oh, my God. Like, he was just, like, a genuine fan of stand-ups. So then I was like, oh, then I would talk to him, you know, about it and stuff like that and talk about, like, because he would ask me about specials. And I was like, I hate when they ruin the art that we do by the way that they cut it, you know? Because sometimes they,

cut away when you're making a face or whatever and all that stuff is like a facial expression could be a punchline you know so without that kind of like mindfulness I was like I think it can steal the essence of something really cool that's happening and I thought he did a great job I really did I mean there wasn't very many there wasn't it was a tiny place so there wasn't very many options as far as like you know you cutting to the audience or something like that like there's there wasn't a room to have a jib in there or whatever you know so it's uh they're were like limited so it was going to be mainly us which i was also fine with i was like you can hear people laughing and usually they only cut to the audience if there's a fuck up you know if somebody

messed up or they got a reshoot or you know they're they're cutting from the second show or whatever um but they basically took my entire they didn't edit anything out i think they edited out maybe 30 seconds so you're seeing my entire set so there's nothing that's been done no fucking laugh track yep no showtime special fucking lap The guy's joke ain't funny And they're fucking laughing You hear this raw But nobody's head is going up and down

They're just sitting there Like they're watching a fucking Old porno or something like that Exactly Now let me ask you something Because as you've been I don't know if you've noticed I know you don't give a fuck

You're like me There's been a lot of controversies With specials and whatnot So let me get to this How many years have you been doing common? 16 now? 16. Was it a hard 16?

Was it? Has it been like for me, if you say to me, Joe, how long have you been doing coming on paper? I started in 91, but not really. Right. I started in 91, but I knew what I was doing in 93. Sure. It took me two years of putting around and telling people I'm going to stand up and, you know, bombing and shit like that to realize what my goal was, how to work it, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, everybody says, you should take five years to do a special, six years to do a special.

everybody has their own thing. For you, it took 16 years. Yeah. Have you put a CD out before this? No, I never did that. I was always just working all the time. So I was just never thinking about that. Like, I was always just thinking about getting better.

I wasn't thinking about marketing it, which is, you know, to my detriment. But so that's why when it's like, oh, you know, like now I know I'm going to get the up and coming and the, you know, the new face and all this other stuff. And it's like, bitch, I've been around. This is just the first time you noticed, you know? Yeah, it's kind of weird. And you put the work in, Carmen, the reason why you're on this podcast is because, you know, and I told people, I get people calling me all the time.

Of course. Everybody always has a story in L.A. Everybody's got it. Not anymore. But when I was in L.A. full time, even before the podcast and stuff, there's always a story. There's always somebody who comes around you

that tries to make you feel bad for you making moves. And they'll come to you and cry and tell you how nothing's going to, going on for them. The manager is not helping them. This, this, that, you know. I've never heard you complain. I got no complaints. I saw you at the store picking up garbage cans.

I don't give me shit. Fucking garbage cans, you know. And I know no woman wants to be carrying our garbage cans at a fucking bar. No, that's your fucking job. We sell dick so you can take out the trash. Yeah. And it's like when people said to me, Joe, we don't understand. how you got so big from being a

lifter and a guy who how did you get to be 418? Well, when you get to L.A., you fall in love with something. You fall in love with the art of comedy. And you know what? Like they say, like Metallica said, nothing else matters. Nothing else fucking matters. Yeah, exactly.

You don't care about your health. All you care about is sleeping. You get a bag of chips before you go up at night. When we go to the store, there's no food there till now. Yeah, till now. Even now it's not there now. There was no fucking food there. there was peanuts or something like that. Yeah.

I read a book with Kennison and Carl Aboe would eat all the bar fruit. The bartender would go, stop eating the bar fruit because they were so broke. Because they'd have to cut more of it. Yeah, they don't want to do work more. But it doesn't matter because, you know, there's some people who said, you know what? I could do the comedy thing. I'm the funniest guy, but I don't know about not struggling. I can't do it.

The same for you. Yeah. Which is because I hate when people say that because then they don't respect the work that actually it comes to. Sure. Anyone can make people that already love them laugh. Now, like, we have to convince people not only to laugh, but to pay attention and to allow themselves to have a good time. Because they're all coming from various places, various jobs. I can't tell you how many times, like, I've had, like, a cop come up to me after the show and say that they had to watch a little kid get shot to death today. And for, for like, a moment during the show, they got to forget about that.

Like, that's the kind of shit. You're never going to, I'm never going to forget. Did you do that? friends. We're almost so funny. Go fuck yourself. You know what I'm saying? It's not, it's not, it's easy because we're good at it. When you see people that are good at it, it looks easy

because that's how good we are at it. But anybody that's ever gone to an open mic, you can see how fucking brutal this shit really is. We're just talking about open mics on Monday morning's podcast. That some people go to open mics to see the train wreck. Yeah, yeah.

Everybody has a different reason to go to an open mic, you know, as a spectator. Yeah. Some people want to see comedy in the purest of purest forms, which I really like. I like that. You know, I tell people all the time, especially now that I've been here for a while and I can look back, I like to struggle more. Yeah. Than that going to the store and people like, Joey, what time?

You know, I didn't like that for a while. I like going up there with people like, what time is your spot, 1245? Oh, fuck. You're there at nine just to see if you get a fallout and go home and catch fucking TV every one night. And that's the night that everybody shows up And you're going to be there until two in the fucking morning You know those are the things that I forgot about Until I got here

I really enjoyed the struggle Like the struggle You know, leaving the store at three And going to Pink Dot And sharing a sandwich with Duncan Because that's all the money we had You know Yeah

And for two drinks or something We used to eat those meatball sandwiches Fucking delicious The turkey I mean you know Every night that was our late dinner Was the store There was no

standard hotel a blue burger you know it was the fight you know that struggle the best time you'll ever have is the open mic struggle in your hometown for you it might have been florida oh yeah you're west palm or up north orlando i was in the middle you know when you're you're starting out at some fucking bar the tv hotel bar hotel bars bars the banner yeah with a banner yeah with a banner and then you move into like a fucking saturday remember the first time you did a saturday oh yeah I was a big wig. I got to do a guest spot. You couldn't fucking talk to me

the whole next week at open mics. You're on CIA with the phone on Monday. Mr. CAA, I did 18 strong at the Orlando Improv the other night. And they're like, call me back when you got three hours. Got back.

Fuck, three hours. That's a lot of work. Yeah, it is. My favorite is to when people first started and they go, oh,

I have like hours of material. I've been writing since I was like 15. And it's just like, yeah, just because you had a funny thought. doesn't mean you were writing. Just because you had fucking Dixie comedy cups. Remember those Dixie Cups?

You're too young for that. No, I remember. I remember the fucking Dixie Cups. Those Dixie fucking jokes. Without them, don't you play cards with? A cheetah, you know, all that dumb shit.

Or the bazooka gum always had a joke on it, too, or the end of a popsicle stick? I've not seen fucking bazooka gum in a while here. I got to get some fucking bazooka gum. Good luck. That shit will break your teeth. It'll pop out your molars. Be careful.

But that shit is good for cocksuckuckers because it strengthens your gums. against that fucking jaw in there sucking that pipe. That's why when you want a date for the first time, you got to throw her off with a piece of hard gum and see where the jaw is at. If the jaw's not fucking coalition, drop her off and fucking mic-castleman.

Then you go Dutch. Then you go Dutch and you go home. But I'm really proud of you, man. I like what you've been doing. Every week you're out there, fucking slinging dick at the loony bins and fucking comedy caravans, you know. Yeah. And that's a lot of respect from me, man.

You know, no complaining. And all you hear is, you know, females, nobody gives me a spot. You know, it's very nice to see a female that just took the bull by the horns and ran with that motherfucker. Yeah. I mean, that's always my move with everything. To run with it. So I really appreciate you, man. I appreciate you made some time for me today.

Absolutely. You're fucking great, Carmen. And I really was happy when you went to Spain And I made me happy after our conversation Because you took it as a trip Yeah You took a trip You did everything you had to do

You shot your special And now it's time to see life again So I could write more Yeah And I did It was also like I had booked it in January And then in February My sister passed away

And of course like it was like So that was like I was like I don't know if I should go You know Then I should start feeling guilty About going anywhere or like in but it it helped so much like there's like you know I'm certain you know you have you have family that you like and that you love and then there are certain people in your family that you

just fucking connect with where you know what I'm saying and I don't know if this is like some ancient Spain shit in my lineage where I'm just like we fuck I we fucking get each other you know and um that's kind of how it was and like we it was there was plenty of unspoken like like at one point where we were both fucking hammered drinking just drinking rum all night, my cousin goes, hey, I want you to know that I know that you're sad

but and we don't have to talk and I want you but I don't want you to think I don't know and but I want you to be able to try to remember how to feel outside of the pain that you're in and

that was the whole thing is like because I don't. I don't talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. It's not really how I deal with it. The day I started feeling good about it was the day I started talking about it on stage. Because it was like two months or almost a month and a half before I saw like another comedian friend of mine, somebody I felt comfortable with. And I immediately was like, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, because it was just all family and stuff like that. And you can't be like that. You can't be a comic all the time. Otherwise, then your family ostracizes you, you know, because you end up being a dick because it's the funniest thing you can.

could have said at that moment. You know, so I try to be conscious of that. And so then it was like, it was such a relief for me because I was being a support for my mom, you know, because that's the worst pain anybody could ever go through, the worst pain. And it's unimaginable. So it was like, I was kind of like helping her bear that burden. And then, you know, and then I see a comedian and I'm like, oh, my God, you got to

fuck, I'm going to talk so much shit about my say. And, you know, I start saying it. And I'm now here, my catharsis is happening. Now, me and other people laughing about these silly thoughts that I have about her and stuff like that makes me feel better. You know, it just genuinely does. And so it's like the shit, like, I guess that's why I'm, I don't know, as far as the spectrum goes, I feel like I'm pretty in the middle as far as like being socially conscious and being annoying, you know, in that like, I think I should be able to talk about fucking anything I want to ever. I do. I genuinely think that.

is it always going to be the right thing or like you know like the career like not even the correct but the most the most I guess conscious thing or like the most but the only way you get to those places is by figuring it out and sometimes you're figuring it out on stage and definitely for me because I don't write I don't write I'm bullet points and I figure it all out on stage and I record it and then listen back that's how I do it so it's like sometimes you're going to be wrong because you're just thinking all the thoughts and seeing which one is the one that makes the most sense. And I think sometimes when people will watch stand-up or they'll see a leaked video or something, they're seeing something that's incomplete and then judging you on that.

Like if you ever see somebody painting in the park or something like that, they're in the middle of working on something. And then this, if you looked at that and you're like, oh, that's shit. Well, yeah, it's not fucking done. What do you let me finish cooking it before you criticize it? Come to the gallery, cuck-sucker. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Wait till it's hung in the wall, you prick. Yeah. Well, I got to be honest with you. You know, I think back to my life and I think about when I found my mother on the floor.

The first thing I did, I cracked a joke. You know, I got left back. I never told her. And I kept thinking to myself, I'm never going to have to tell I got left back. I don't know what's going to happen. And I found her on the floor. And the first thing I said to myself was, fuck. I never had to tell her about getting left back.

I knew that I was right. And then it all hit me And a couple weeks ago Now that was 79 It was November in 1979 Then I did something two weeks ago here I had a guest on the podcast And it was my mother's anniversary

Of being dead It was her birthday May 9th And I said happy birthday to my mom in hell And it was a stupid joke And that night I felt bad Because I had said that on the podcast But I go no

I'm still a comic Yeah Because that was I went to the immediate thing That a comic does He heals himself with the fucking thing, whether it's putting a band-aid on it or pushing it in the back. We heal ourselves. We don't want to think about that right now.

When I found my mom for the first 10 minutes, I was like, what do I do? Yeah. Do I put a head? What do I tickle? What do I do? After the ambulance took her and I was sitting there, I started crack. That's when it started hitting me. And then the jokes weren't that good anymore.

Of course. Yeah. But a comic's life. is fueled. A comic's material is fueled by pain. That's why it's great to be a comic because when something good happens, you can talk about it. And when something bad

happens, when you're ready, and you have the balls, you could talk about it. I.e. lesson number one from the great Mr. Doug Stahoe. Doug Stanhope taught me that in 1997. When something good happens, go out there. You got your dick sucks. She had a missing tooth. Ha-ha!

My mother got... And every type of for death. I want you to know this and for the people at home. And I don't give a fuck, unless you're a fucking woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke. In every death, you could stop and go, like, every death, where Elvis shitting himself on the toilet. Okay, and I loved Elvis, the same thing, you know. So when you go to a wake, like, my first, like, if I come, like, if I find out your dad dies. Somebody goes, Carmen's dad died. I'm going to come up to your store and go, Carmen, you got a minute. I don't want to bring it up here.

but I'm really sorry about your dad and you'll hug me and when I pull away I'm looking at your eyes and if you're okay I'm gonna take a pause you're gonna go thank you Joey I'm still whatever pride and I'll go okay and then I'll take a pause for like three minutes

and I go what's the story with the will what are we getting? That's how I know that you're a comic that's a real comic the guy that has the balls to say that to you Yeah. Because that motherfucker's going to look at you and go, Joey, they just,

you scumbag, motherfucker. I kill at a funeral. Yeah, me too. People want that release. People want the release. I'm an experienced funeral fucking comic. You know what I'm saying? I go into a comic and start smelling, because it's true.

Look at my grandmother's dress. Oh my God. Look at it. You know, when my mother's wake, I was making fun of everybody to myself. Look at this fucking puke with purple shoes on. Look at this motherfucker of Puerto Rican. I would make jokes at the casket and shit like that where it was just like, this bitch would never wear this shade.

I don't know who. Fact check this. That's why people say to me, well, I'm going through a rough patch. I can't do stand-up right now. You're a retard. Because this is when I'm out there talking about all that shit.

And if you watch Stanhope's early work, he tackled a lot of his pain. It was fucking hilarious. I knew Stanhope's mom. I knew Stanhope's mom. with the fake tits from 1930, the whole thing, the wooden tits. She was a great lady. She used to fucking, you could tell where Doug came from when you met her immediately,

not in a funny way, but in a wise guy type of way. And I'll never forget that he had like 18 cats. Did you know that story? No. She lived next to Doug in Hollywood. It was her and Doug, and Doug lived, and Doug had Ralphie Mae in the house with him. So they would torture.

Doug's mother all day. And one day they went over there and they saw that one of the cats died. You think Mrs. Stanhope called the cops or anybody? No. No. She took the TV off to stand and put a towel on it and put a shoebox and put a sheet on that and then put the cat on there. Now this cat is dead so all the other cats could say goodbye to her.

Guys, this is legit. Check the Doug Stanhope podcast when we did it. Okay. So she had all the other cats because she adopted cats that were missing in eye, missing a foot, missing a leg, didn't have a tail, they got hit by a car. So she had like six cats standing around with slings on and shit, and they're looking at this cat going, hey, I can use that leg.

I can use that eye, I can use that ear. So I never forget telling Doug that for the first time. We were on radio in Boston. I go, Doug, I, you know, called your mom to say something about the cats. And he's like, yeah, she's really upset. I said, Doug, did you see the wake she did? And right there, both of us were like, wah!

Because nobody ever wants to bring it up. You know? Nobody wants to be the fucking insensitive one. Yeah. But that's what makes a comic. Yeah. We don't have that sensitivity. Because that's the whole thing is we're observing it all.

And then we take the funny part out of the whole thing. And then we go, look at this. Isn't this hilarious? And it is. And it doesn't mean it's not deaf. It's not, you know, it's not defaming whoever we're talking about or the situation or making it instance. We're just laughing at the funny part of the situation, you know? You know, I was thinking about my knee surgery when I woke up.

It was two hours longer than what it was supposed to be. And when I woke up, dog, I woke up with nothing but pain and no dick. Because if you think the cold water makes your dick disappear, pain will make your dick disappear. Walls included. It just comes in there. You had an any all of a sudden. And I'll never forget waking up, just yelling. Like, I wish I had footage of me just yelling.

going, what the fuck is this pain? And I'm like, hold on, hold on. We're going to shoot you with something. But we've got to go backing your leg and turn off the nerve. I'm like, what? What? What the fuck are you talking? Like, you know, I wish I would have had footage of me then because I was crying.

I wasn't just yelling like a man. I was crying like a fucking pussy, you know. Yeah. But I think about that moment. I'm laughing because if you can't laugh at yourself, you're fucking done. I love laughing at any. I don't give it. I saw fucking Mickey, whatever.

Don Rickles getting beat up the other day on fucking casino. Oh, I forgot about that scene. That shit is so funny. Gets him up with the phone and he goes down. He looks like a fucking, he looks like a lizard on the floor and shit. You know, and you can't laugh at that,

but you do. That's what life is all about, that we fucking take a minute and laugh at ourselves. And that, you know what, when something bad really dies that you could still take a minute and go, wow,

this is funny. And you don't have to tell them, about it. Nobody's going to say, well, how can you think of that in a moment like this? Well, I'm trying to put a little levity into the fucking... Yeah. Trying to make a palatable, you know? Yeah, trying to make this as fucking painless as possible and shit.

So what are your plans for the future? Talk to me. What are you got going on? Well, I'm hoping that maybe this turns into a half hour since it's being so well received. I know it was turning into a half hour. And that's what I liked about the 15 minutes. that it's enough, but it's not enough. Yeah, it's enough for me to fall in love with you.

Yeah, that's all I'm open. Yeah. I think that 15 minutes is enough for me to fall in love with you. I think the hour special, you still do it as a headliner because we want to flex our hour muscle one time. Of course. If you think about the whole situation, think about the whole special viewing process,

think about how you view specials. When you're on the move, I don't have a whole hour to watch a special unless I'm on the road in a hotel room on a Saturday or Friday night. If I am here, no. With the kid walking upstairs and my wife asking me

how I am, I can't watch a fucking special. You can't watch a special and focus, you know? Yeah. So that's why I think like sometimes a 15 or 30 minute special is fucking just enough, man. Yeah. And it keeps them wanting more, which is the most important thing.

Well, because stand-up, it's like, it's not like you could just put on a movie in the background. You have to actively listen. And it's difficult to ask people to actively listen to anything for an hour because there's always notifications on everything. The microwave's going off. All the coffee's done.

Somebody's calling me. Why is my FaceTime going off? There's always some shit happening. There's constant distractions. So I think shorter form, like, I'm still an old school purist, and I love an hour because I love an arc. I love taking people on a journey.

and all that shit. That's my favorite. And I have an hour ready, you know, but the, I will do a half hour that's going to have nothing to do with the hour because it's like, I also, at the end of the day, like most people are going to consume it in clip form. They're going to watch it at a minute to two minutes at a time, you know? So, um, I also understand that and I'm, I'm okay with that too. It's just, then the people who are really into it, like the people who like stand up like that when they have an hour, they will, they'll go to YouTube. and watch Joe List or something like that. They'll go and watch an hour and seek it out, you know. But I think you're right, for the most part. People are just trying to watch it as much as they can, and it's usually passive. It's usually like 15, 30 minutes at a time, you know? Just at the store? Yeah.

How they treat you? It's great. It's really great. I think, I think, I think Emily's doing a wonderful job. The vibe there is super fun. The vibe there is super fun. and it's awesome. I love the fucking store.

Always and forever. I mean, that place has been so kind to me and I feel like I'm part of comedy history there. And so they'll always have my loyalty for sure. I never did shit. But I'm part of the Comedy Store history and that's all that fucking matters to me.

I never did shit. Any dates coming up that you want to push on here? Oh my God. I have a bunch of them actually. I'm going to be. Oh, so all over the place. I'm going to Seattle. I'm going on the road with Funches for a little bit.

Funches, I saw that. That's great. He's a good dude. You're doing the Neptune Theater in Seattle. You might sit on a fucking heroin syringe. Don't come trying to me. That's not a fucking one of those whoopee bags. That's a syringe.

Listen, I already had gotten a needle in my foot during the... So listen, I'm all right. I'm fine. You're ready to go. I'm going. And if anything, that just means free drugs. You know, there's like... some residue left there.

It's just more drugs I didn't have to buy. It's a good hide, but you're going to have to take a tetanus shot. So that's a motherfucker right there. It's the shot that requires a second shot. Where can they find you? Where's your website at, Carmen. Marales.com for all of your Carmen Morales needs. Follow me on all the assorted social media at the funny Carmen.

And yeah, please check out. It's called Enteranos is the name. It's kind of like a Latinx. you know, Comedy Central Presents where they take a... And the thing I... The thing actually I did want to talk to you about this is the thing that I liked about these producers that are making these is it's not all just

Latin people be like type of shit, you know? It's not just diversity in the sense of like... Just put a bunch of spicks together. Like, it's not like that at all. It's a diversity of thought. So you have, you know, people who are super quiet and, like, are, you know, clean and stuff. and you have people that are like loud and big energy

and like talk about their family and people that, you know, that are just quirky and shit. Like it's just look, look at how diverse Latin people are. And like it's not just, you know, like I'm certain, especially around Los Angeles that like refried comedy and stuff like that where they just want a particular, it was almost like the Chitlin circuit for Latin people is basically what it was.

And that's like it was like, you know, and that's like what a lot of promoters and stuff like that were looking for. But what I loved about the producers, Edwin and, Victor, what I loved about both of them, is they wanted genuine diversity, which is like a diversity of thought, which is like people with different perspectives, people with different walks of life, different kinds of Latin people, you know? And, and that's the thing that they've done that they've done great. I mean, like, they help prop up Ida, who's like one of my absolute and utter favorites. Like, she's such a bad bitch. Oh, my God. She's amazing. And her and I always

Talk about you, which is funny. Yeah, when she ate the edible, ended up in the hospital. Yeah. I didn't even know. She called me the next day. I was in the hospital, motherfucker. What?

What are you talking about? You just ate an edible and went home, but I could tell when her eye crooked, I thought, you know, her eye just went, and you could tell that this edible is not working the right way for my love. I love her, too.

Another hardworking fucking savage. So I'm proud of you guys, man. This is what it is. and he thinks it's the fucking Oh, well, you're going to go on the Rogan button Listen, you got to do your work Forget fucking Rogan, forget the Tonight Show Forget a Netflix special

You gotta do the fucking work And you can cry all you want about Not getting spots and this and this And I'm gonna point my finger to Carmen Morales And Ida Fannie Ida and Felicia Who never complains She just started a new show

Rage Against the Machine This shit age against the machine She was out there fucking bitching at people I like all this stuff man so I'm really happy I miss you guys with all my heart I miss my comedy store girls Whitney was just here Whitney hit me up last night

Tuesday night Monday night it Whitney hook hit me up you ready for this yeah she was at a fox party with one of my nephews this kid this kid I've been throwing this kid when he was five I threw him up in the air I forgot there was a pipe up there

and I never thought he was gonna be okay he gave him one of those little dance in the Yeah, this motherfucker is a big time executive for Fox. Nick, Nikki T. Like I knew him and his brother. His father saved me from drugs in 85. His father moved me in, instead of me going to a rehab, help me out.

And now today that kid's son is a big shot at Fox. And he calls me once a week ago. I heard your name today. It made me proud. It made me proud. So that's how I miss Whitney. I miss you. I miss Eliza.

I miss a lot of you fucking. Dude, I miss you coming there and watching you work out, too. Like, that's the other thing, too, is, like, because I wasn't in L.A. for, like, a year because I was with my folks, you know. And that was, like, probably what I missed the most is, like, being able to constantly be around it, whether you're not going up or whatever, just because, like, the energy, I think, and it's just, like, watching people think things through and how they're, like, you know,

all of that shit is just so inspiring to me. I just love being around it. And this jazz on next Tuesdays and Thursdays, this Tripoli. And this fucking, the little Jewish kid who was getting fucking funny towards the end. He went up before me on a Saturday. And I'm like, I'm going to follow this cock sucker. You see these little guys, you know, because I would want to do the early spots. Those early, those are those young fucking killers, you know.

They ain't fucking around down there at the store. And I'm going to go, I'm going to know this fucking kid. He's up there jumping and dying. And, you know, so I miss the whole thing. and hopefully they offered me a movie. I was supposed to be in LA tomorrow, but it was just the 19th and then June 10th. For one day?

Yeah, that seems weird. They'd fly out for the 19th and then either sit around or come back on June 10th. I don't know if you've seen the price of plane tickets. They're not fucking around. It's insane. Dude, I just had to cancel a gig because the flight was more than I was getting paid

for the fucking gig. Yeah. It's insane. I'm not cheap, but you know what, man? You know how many times I'd spent like, $800 on like a late ticket. Like you would call me and go, Joe, I got this show. You know, and I go, listen, Carmen,

don't worry about the plane ticket. I got so many miles and shit. You know, when you got miles, a $600 plane ticket ain't going to kill you. You pay two. I just saw April Macy got a $700 ticket for $4, you know. But when I don't have my, I still got some miles on some people,

but the tickets I saw to go to L.A. And again, it's going to be a loser deal no matter what. Yep. I'm getting $6.50 a day, right? That scale? for SAG, whatever fucking is, it's like 49 a day. You know, they're not going to hit ice ice. That's not, that's not even going to cover your flight out there.

That's what I'm saying. And I would do it for the guy. He put me in two movies before. I really liked him. I like his writing. It wasn't about, and it, dog, you know who's in the movie? What's the black guy that narrates everything? Morgan Freeman?

Morgan Freeman. He's in the fucking movie. I just wanted to do the movie for him, just to meet him. And I was like, again, I want to go to L.A. I need to go to the ice cream shop. I need to. stop by the store and see some people, but I can't take a $1,500 loser.

Yeah. Because it was a, what do you call that? It's a local hire. So for people who don't know what a local hire is, you're in a union, you pay them dues, you pay fucking yearly dues and quarterly dues, and then they come out with these movies that they pay you to do the work,

but they don't pay you for your plane ticket or your hotel. And I really did that with a movie And I talked to Tom Papa once And he's like Joey I did three movies where I just broke even I just waited for residuals I prayed on the residuals being good I just couldn't do it this time

I saw the amount of that plane ticket And I'm like you know what The hotel was still in the valley If you stayed in Los Angeles Dude that's like that's like a few weeks You gotta put you gotta put you know That's a lot of money Yeah

It's a lot of money So I was like you know what Catch me on the next one It was like, that's cool, you know. So I'm going to go to, I got to go to Austin next month, and I'm doing a couple dates at Rogan here, and a couple dates with Bert, and then I'll evaluate comedy. I'm doing too much with my daughter now to go out on the weekend,

so I'm happy about that shit. I can't be doing what I was doing anymore. I don't even think I could do a late show. That 10-30 shit, fuck you. At 9-15. That's why you're the perfect person for someone like me to work with, because then I'll headline the late show. Perfect.

Perfect. That's a great idea. Love that split week shit. I love that. That is a good idea. Oh, wait. They don't want to do the Sunday show? I'll have to join the Sunday show.

Yeah, I don't want to work on a large day. Carmisville. I love you, Carmen. Thank you very much for taking the time. I love you too. Thanks so much. I'm really fucking proud of you. You fucking savage Cuban from Orlando.

Fucking still at the store, knocking it out of the park. Say hello to everybody for me. I will. And I'll be in touch, Carmen Morales. Thank you for taking the time. Thanks for having me. fucking joint. Anytime.

Teiro me, manna. Lava de Chochu. Yes, yeah, si, yeah, yeah,

yeah. You gotta tell them to wash the movie and you're in a different language. Love you guys. Thank you.

Bang! Uncle Joey's back, cock suckers. We had a nice little chit-chat. I don't know if it's up your fucking alley,

if it is. Thank you for watching. If not, I don't know what to fucking tell you. You know what I'm saying? That's a real

fucking woman. That's what you want a woman to be nowadays, right? You want them to work, you want them to get equal opportunity, and you want them to be excited about it. That's Carmen Morales.

She ain't crying. I swear to God, I've known her for years. She's never hit me with an excuse, never give me no bullshit about it. I mean, I'm not getting spots. Well, carry the garbage. Don't give you spots. And she did it. And that's why she got a special.

So stop your fucking crying. Strap on a pair of fucking nuts and go for it. Whatever your plans are, whatever your dreams are, they're available to you. Stay black. I love you. I'll see you some of you tomorrow night at Uncle Vinny's. The rest of you, cock suckers. I'll see you next Monday.

Tip Top McGoo. Stay black. And now for a word for my motherfucking sponsors, Jack. All right, you fucking savages. I want to thank Carmen Morales. I want to thank you motherfuckers. I want to thank Mike Lee. I want to thank everybody for having my back.

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