The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #165 | CHAZZ PALMINTERI | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: May 23, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT..... It's Monday, May 23rd.... Today we talked with the Great & Powerful, CHAZZ PALMINTERI!! https://chazzpalminteri.net/ https://instagram.com/chazzpalminteri?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= https://twitter.com/chazzpalminteri This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by Manscaped & The Freeze Pipe.…. Get 20% off plus free shipping with the code DIAZ at https://manscaped.com Support the show and get 10% off with the code JOEY at https://TheFreezepipe.com Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #Onnit #TheFreezePipe #Manscaped #ChazzPalminteri The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

This podcast is brought to you by Onit. Go to Onit.com and look at the great selection of supplements. If you find something you like, press in code Joey and get 10% off delivered right to your house. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? It's Monday the 23rd of May. Listen, the joint is brought to you by Manscape. Are you ready to go ultra smooth?

Our friends of Manscape are here to help. grab your handy Lawmore 4.0 for a nice trim. Then you pull out the crop exfoliator and you exfoliate around the fucking pogo stick. Then you lather up and you see your shaving with their clear crop gel just for the fucking groin area. And then it's time to shave. You use the crop shaver. It's designed for shaving around the fucking helmet of the cock.

And all the products in the ultra-smooth package are vegan, cruelty free and sulfate-free. No animals got kicked in the head with this experiment. Get 20% off plus free shipping at manscape.com with Code Joey. J-O-E-Y. It's summertime. You want to keep that fucking area spotless. If it's looking like the wolfman,

you're going to jerk off to your fucking 90. Nothing's going to happen for you. I'm going to give you 20% off on a Monday plus free shipping with code Joey. at Manscape.com. Smooth out the fucking dick area and relaunch the ultra-smooth package from the fellas at manscape.com.

Listen, I'm going to thank you. Manscape is going to thank you, but most importantly, your fucking balls are going to thank you. When was the last time they said thank you about anything? The joint is also brought to you by the bong of the year. Freeze pipe. No matter if it's 100 degrees, like it is today,

you keep your bong ice fucking cold. Here's how it works. You freeze a portion of the bomb. Then when you're ready to fucking smoke it, you pack it with the fucking reef for a deck, laughing gas. And then you take that piece out of the freezer. You're pip it into your fucking bubbler or bong, whatever. And when you rip the hot smoke passes through the frozen pipe,

cooling down the smoke as you inhale. Ah, like a bad motherfucker. Your smoke will be so cold. You think you're blowing ice cubes up people's assholes. Listen, I love freeze pipe. It takes me back to 83. Snow masks. Just getting a scoop of snow and putting it in a bung.

It's non-toxic. It freezes faster than water. And guess what? It stays frozen longer. It must be on Bluetooth. Freeze pipe cools down the smoke by hundreds of degrees. What happens is your fucking throat doesn't burn. You're living like a doctor.

You can sing opera and shit. And your Uncle Joey's taking care of you on a Monday morning. Go to freezepipe.com. Pressing code Joey to save 10% or 10% of. off your first order. Listen, I'd start off with the fucking buggler and work yourself up to the bong, the pipe, the whole fucking thing. That's the freezepipe.com pressing code Joey, J-O-E-Y, to save 10%. If you could smoke from it, freeze pipe mason, cock suckers, I love you. Let's get this party started on a Monday morning. Bruce Lee was the real deal. It was the real deal, no, he could

fight. Fight? That motherfucker turned the nation around. I mean, I grew up in the, A lot of people, though, well, some people know, but I grew up in the fight game because my dad was a bus driver, obviously, obviously from Bronxdale, but he also was a professional fight trainer. And so I grew up boxing, never professionally, never. I just trained, you know, and I grew up,

and I didn't want to be a fight. I wanted to be, you know, I wanted to be an actor. But my dad always said that, you know, you could be good with your hands, but if you fight a guy who's good with his, like a wrestler, Arressa was the toughest guy to fight in the street. In the street.

Yeah, the street. Arressa. I bounced Joey, and my son said, you got to tell Joey that story, because he's into martial arts. I said, oh, and I'll tell him. When I was a bouncer in 1981, I was a bouncing in the limelight in Manhattan.

Wow. It was like the hottest club in the name. I must have to, because I used to work the door. And the only guy, you know, I got it to some people. I was always, they called me the pericomo, because I was always, like, cool, like I wouldn't like. I said, come on, relax. You don't want to fight.

I was a good talker, right? But this one fucking guy got into, and I was about, I squared him up to hit him, and he went down on me. And he, you know, he gave me a double leg, yeah. Double leg, I'll never forget. I told him the story. And he got, he, I found out later, he was an all-American college wrestler. He got me down on the floor. And then I remember, I'll never forget to Joey.

I grabbed his shoulders to roll him. It was like I was picking up a building, Joey. I couldn't move. No. Like he just knew how to brace me Joey, I was like I felt like a child I felt like a baby

and thank God the cavalry came my other bounces and they got him but if they didn't come forget it I was getting my ass kicked bad It's crazy the power that a wrestler has They have a lot of strength because they train an endurance based Right

And the more the years that you keep wrestling You just get this brute strength That you can't get from weights Wates can't give you that type of strength Right You learn to be heavy. You know, they learn how to be heavy. Yes.

It's a tough thing. I didn't like wrestling. At that age, at 15, I didn't want to hug no guys. You know what I'm saying? I wanted to play basketball. Right. But you did jiu-jitsu, right? I did jiu-jitsu.

I joined when I was 50. 50? Yeah. Wow. And I go today. You still go? Yeah. But Gracie and O'Bridge, they have an old guy class.

Wow. Every day from 12. An old guy class. There's a guy in there, Charlie. He's a gangster from Stats. No, he's fucking 60. I asked him, Charlie, what do you do? He goes, I sell businesses.

I buy and sell businesses. I'm 60 years old, I bet you better not fuck with this guy. This guy is a black belt and karate all his life. And then he started running again to when he was 55. And the other day, me and him were fucking around having a great time. We're both old-timers. Really? Went to scissors-sweep him.

So I pulled them into my guard, and I put my leg in between him. And I just thought I was ready to scissors-sweep him. He didn't bud. he didn't fucking budge guys all the technique in the world because you got to put their weight on top of yours he's a big Italian dude and I went to sweep him nothing

it was like pushing against the wall and the lady he told me he was a wrestler because I wrestled in college because I dropped it after college but I picked it up again with jujitsu but what you said is an interesting thing that even weight it's like they get that strength in their hands

the grip strength you know it's a different strength it's funny because I joined Jiu-Jitsu because I was sick and tired of watching people watch stuff and put down Jiu-Jitsu. I wanted to make sure I knew what I was talking about. Right. You know, I wanted to make sure I understood it.

And I went to Vegas at Rogan one time, and that was when McGregor was going to fight Diaz the first time. Right. And I'll never forget that Diaz went like this, and McGregor squinted. And I went and I thought about it all night. Like, after the way in, I bet like maybe $20. Yeah.

Just to watch the fight. And then I went up to my room, I started thinking about it. I'm like, Diaz is a jiu-jitsu guy. Right. All his life from the beginning. That's a different strength. That's a different strength. Right.

That's a different endurance level. I go, you know what? I'm going to bet D. I never forget calling my wife and go and put money in the ATM account. And she's like, for what? What are you? I go, I'll show you. I bet like a thousand on Diaz.

I couldn't believe. He probably got good odds, too, right? No, he beat him. I know. He beat him. He beat him, yeah, because it was underdog. He choked him out. He choked them out because that was the only reason I bet him.

I could tell you all that. That's the only reason because that discipline, you can't. You can't take that for somebody. He actually thought they told Joey who you wrestled with. No, I can't do that. Yeah. My old juditsu trainer was really close with the Gracies. Okay.

And Hoyce came in and did like a small class. And we all got to spar him when I was like 11. How was it? It was the most insane thing ever. He let us get him in like, you know, he let us get him in like, and he tapped out. We're like, ah, ah, tapped out of him crazy. And he just showed us like some fundamentals.

And it was pretty wild to roll with, Horses Gracie. It's crazy. Joe, you remember when they had the tournament, you know, it was like he used to win all the time in the beginning, Hoy's Gracie. And then everybody kind of just caught up. Caught up to him. Jitoo was very special.

Now, you grew up in New York. I grew up in the Bronx. You remember the martial arts thing they did at the garden every year? No, I don't. They used to have a martial arts thing every year, Aaron Banks. Little hippie dude from New York, a Jewish guy, I think he was. He had a fucking all-day tournament. And it ended with a guy, they shot him with a 22,

and they bit the bullet out of the air. And how he would do it was they put a glass in front of him. You can see this on YouTube. This ain't news. He put a glass in front of him. Some little French guy would come out and shoot. It would break the glass, and then he would time the bullet when they hit the glass. I don't know.

He died. He died. Eventually got shot. Eventually the bullets got the... Because it was a 22. He must have gone for like a fucking 9mm. And he had a special jaw they made. And he'd catch the bullet.

He caught the bullet and then spit it on a frying pan because it was hot. And he did it on wide world of sports. So like two or three Saturdays in a row. And what you could do, Mike, put that insert in, like show them whatever. They have it on YouTube. Wow. Wide World of Sports. Well, I remember the Wide World of Sports.

Absolutely. The agony of defeat. Oh, my God. Boom, bang. And they don't have that show on anymore. They don't know. Which baffles me because it was such a great... Everybody was all Saturday at 5.

And even if they were playing ping pong, you didn't give a fuck. It was the guy falling from skiing. Right. And you did not want to miss that. You wanted to miss it. That dude, fall on him. his neck and bouncing, the agony of defeat and all that shit.

I mean, that guy's got to be, I don't know if he's still alive. No, he got defeated. That's the defeat right there. If he lost an arm, that dude, something, he lost something in that accident. There was bodies bouncing and shit, and there was no woke culture, no big up his throat.

Wow, that's right. It's so weird, a fact that people don't know, I googled this years ago. Do you motherfuckers know how many famous people came out of the Bronx. You'll never count the amount. There's something in the water

in the Bronx. If I could do, you know what it is? Is that leftover fucking fried banana juice that they put in the sink? That shit goes right now. I grew up in the Bronx originally? My mother had a bookmaking operation. She had a quality cleaners. It was on Tremont Avenue. Yeah. Up there. I remember I used to go up there.

I used to get chased by the royal javelins. There was a bunch of street gangs. I would just go to buy Italian ice on the corner. That was my first real experience with Italian people. On the corner there was a guy that would make Sherbert. And you put seven up in it.

Fucking Luzre. Bronx had shit and you never tasted before. You know, they had those candy stores that they'd make you the egg creams. The fucking pizza was to die for. But then we got rid of it like in 71 and then I used to go to the Bronx and do Santa Maria stuff

or like to eat fried bananas and pork chops because nobody makes a fucking pork chop like a poor chop. like a Puerto Rican. I don't give a fuck when anybody tells you that skinny pork chop with some red beans

and fried rice I love red beans and fried beans and my god when I used to have I used to date these Puerto Rican girls and they would make me

Aras Campoyo which I loved that's how I got introduced to Puerto Rican food and I love all that shit I loved all that shit I love yeah I love growing up in the Bronx

people always go how did you you know your childhood must have been really rough and I go it really wasn't it was a beautiful childhood

I loved that it. It really was. I mean, did I see some violent things? I mean, obviously I wrote Bronx Tale from the killing that I saw when I was sitting on my stoop. But I had a great childhood. I can't complain about it. I really can't. I don't want people to think I lived in this drug-infested

area. No, it was a tie-in neighbor. Everybody was Italian. Everybody hung out. Everybody stuck together. Nobody locked their doors. Was there violent shit that happened? Yes. But I loved growing up there, man. You know, I just, I loved growing up there. I can't help it, man.

It's a real life. when I would go up there as a child I looked at it as a real I even went to the the boys club because we were there and my mother put me in the camp at the boys club

that's the first time I realized I was a failure because I couldn't pass the test to get the president's exam you got to do like 50 push-ups 50 sit-ups and I couldn't do the pull-ups I couldn't do the pull-ups

so hard man pull-up so hard and they used to give us like a little box lunch and I just remember the pizza if I really got to remember something in the Bronx in those days was how the cheese

just dripped and the flavor. I never got that again. It was just, that's why I learned how to eat all that stuff. And the sandwiches, wet muts, fucking tremendous. Oh, mutts. You're like Italian.

Fucking, dog, I grew, I ate that shit from the time I was four to like six. And then it got taken away from me. And then I was back in New York City and Puerto Rican food, pizza, all that shit. And then my mom had a bar in Union City. Right.

So I would have to go. go visit her. And then finally one day she goes, we'll move into Jersey. I can't take the commute no more. So we moved to a town called North Bergen. And what happened in North Bergen in the early 70s, it was the influx from the Italians in Hoboken, who were now got like good jobs. Yeah. It's like moving on up. The Jefferson's moved up to the Brooklyn got a house. We move out of the project. Brooklyn went to Jersey. Brooklyn went to Jersey. That's right. Bronx went to Westchester. Yes. So it was funny that how. I never really had Italians around me again to 73.

I went back to North Bergen and North Bergen, and I didn't know those Italian people I was raised with were very special. That era of Italian were very special, and I couldn't put my fucking finger on it. What made these, like we won the States when I was in the eighth grade. My high school won the fucking number one seed. And that one kid was over 5'8. their names were a villa

and Rick Caposie and there were these little fire plugs and they ran behind the high school with helmets and 90 degree weather to get better they brought the Italian work ethic to football and they became this team and then I watched the HBO thing on Sinatra

and that's why I put it all together I always tell people I was raised by Hoboken Italians because pretty much everybody I hang out from the Barones to Messinas Philanos they're all from Hoboken it said that those Hoboken Italians used to get tortured

by the Irish. They were not allowed to go up by 9th Street. They weren't allowed to pass 9th Street, the Irish. You can't tell Italian people not to walk past 9th Street. So they probably had so much anger. Then they moved up to North Bergen and that anger got passed

on to me because I grew up with them. Now I had my own anger from being a revolutionary Cuban. I remember in my house, when you walked in, they had a picture of Fidel with blood coming out of his head next to fucking Jesus because the pre-revolutionary Cubans hate Fidel.

They were first generation They got their shit taken from them. That's right. That's right. So they would cry. They would fucking go we're going to kill that motherfucker. So here I had these anti Italians that were held back and here I'm coming from an anti-revolutionary

house. It's a perfect fucking combination in heaven. For anger. For anger and throwing things and robbing trains and fucking lighting bowls on fire like A lady and our neighborhood had a little bone house with goldfish. Every night we put a licking fire on it. And light it on fire, we burned the fucking goldfish.

Every morning the chick had fish and chips for breakfast. It was fucking crazy. And I learned that heart that they had. And even now, I've moved back here now to Jersey. There's a lot of Staten Island Italians. I've been here two years. I've not heard the language of Italian. You haven't?

No. Wow. These generations didn't pass that. No, we didn't do it. my mother father, they said, hey, we're Americans now. We don't speak that language. And my mother did the same thing. They did that to me. My mother also said

outside, you've got to speak English because you're an American. Right. And here, we're still Cuban. See, my kids, he's learning Italian, my daughter speaks time, and my wife speaks time. All three, except me. I'm the only one. I'm the only one. I fucking believe that. You didn't take it in high school? Nothing like that? Yeah, but

I, you know, I was terrible in high school. When I went to Bronx Community College, I went to the Community College, I started learning I started applying myself to really to better myself. Well, when I was in high school, I just wanted to fucking my own girls, you know,

fuck around with my friends, you know, it was terrible. And you went to college, what did you major in? Did you? Yes. Oh, I always wanted to be an actor. Okay.

Always, even when I was like 10, 11. 10, 11 years old, because I saw, I remember my mother used to take me to the movies, and I saw Marlon Brando, and, you know, a few years after it came out, I saw it on TV, and my mother showed me Marlon Brando on the waterfront,

which was my best movie of all time for me. And I just always wanted to be an actor. I just always wanted to be an actor. And I wanted to write. I used to write poetry back then. I wrote lyrics for a song, for songs. And I just, I knew what I wanted to do, and that was it. And you were part of a musician also?

I was a singer in the band. I wasn't a musician, no, no. But I would write lyrics. I had a hit song on the R&B charts, went to number 28. a group called the song was Meat to Beat. I can't remember the group that. All black group that did it.

I just can't remember them. But RSO records. But it went to 28. Didn't make any money. I got fucked out of it. You know, but that's all right. You know, back then they just said, yeah, give them a fucking cheese sandwich.

You know, and so I didn't do that. But no, but I enjoyed writing. I always wrote. I always write short stories and things. And then obviously what happened was when I couldn't make it, anymore but it's everybody knows the story i wrote bronx tale um and my career just took off it just exploded you know it just fucking exploded did you see it coming no i wrote bronx tale to get an agent i had to get an agent i just no no no not at all no no i i just said i got to get noticed i got

fired i was working at this fucking club bouncing because i ran out of money i guess when i got to I hit it. I mean, I got hot for about a year and a half. Hill Street Blues, Dallas, you know, I did a bunch of shows. They did a TV movie. And then I ran out of money. I started running out of money again.

And finally, I was working at a door, and this guy comes over to me, and he really snobby motherfucker. He treated me like, he goes, come on, don't you know who I am? And when I work a door, and you tell me, don't you know who I am, that's like the kiss of fucking death.

I said, yeah, you're the guy who's not getting in tonight. That's all. He goes, you'll be fired at 15 minutes, and I said, fuck you, I'll be fired. 15 minutes later, the man comes, the owner comes out because he was making a, who was it, Swifty Lazzar. Swifty Lazzar was the biggest agent in the world. And I just told him he can't come into his own party. It was his party.

That's why he wanted to get in there. And I got fired, and I went home, and I, in North Hollywood, this fucking dump, I was a shitty apartment, shitty car. and I wrote, I said, I'll write this, I'm going to write about this killing. And I just wrote five minutes of it. Then I performed it from my theater workshop. And then everybody loved it. And then I would write during the week and I would perform it on Monday. And people would comment.

They tell me, people would say what they liked, what they didn't like. And I filled, and I recorded it all on cassettes. And it was great, Joey, because I had a lot of feedback from a lot of people. You know, I was, all right, this works, that works, this doesn't work. and after a year I had this 90 minutes of a one-man show and then my friend lent me money and my fucking career just busted like I literally went from

you know I had credits as an act of Broadway credits but I didn't and nobody knew me and then I just, boom, starring at the movies you know, Robert and everyone. It was pretty crazy man but it was like the legend story I turned it down and they offered me $250,000 I said no

I want to play sunny I want to write the screen They said, no, fuck, not happening. I said, all right, forget it. Then they offered me $500. I said, no. Then he offered me $1 million. I had $200 in the bank, swear my mother and father. And I said, I want to play Sonny.

I want to write this screenplay. And the guy said to me, we can't make this money. We can't make this movie with you, Chaz, because Pacino wanted to do a nickel. They all wanted to do it. And I said, no. And then finally two weeks later, I did the show. Did you ever see the one-man show?

No. No, you've got to come and see it. I don't see it. I did it, and I got off the stage, and the guy walks over to me, and he says, hey, Robert De Niro was in the dressing room. He just saw the show, and I said, Robert De Niro. He goes, yeah, I went in the dress room, there was Bob De Niro. And he said, man, he goes, I fucking one man.

He goes, you did a movie on stage. He goes, that's amazing. I said, oh, thanks, Bob. He goes, look, if you fucking sell this thing eventually, they're going to come to me anyway. So he goes, let me tell you how I feel. He goes, you should play Sonny, you should write the screenplay because it's your life, and it'll be honest. He goes, I'll play your father, and I'll direct it,

and if you shake my hand, that's the way it'll be. I shook his hand, and that was it, man. I took off. What are the fucking odds on that, right? But it was pretty incredible. It was pretty amazing, and that's what happened. I still remember walking out of that movie. I was just getting into comedy.

I got into comedy in 91. and you're searching. You know, the first year you're imitating dice clay. Yeah, true. You're imitating Kennison. I got no, I'm not stealing their jokes. Right. I'm using their character.

Right. You know, you're just trying to feel your world. Right. I'm doing Kennison one week. I'm doing dice the other week. You're doing Eddie Murphy one week. Yeah. I went back to pride, you know, that style of, you know, talking about drugs.

One week, you're talking about pussy. And I used to wear a suit like Lenny Clark. You're trying to find your voice. It takes about two years to find your voice. So true. And I come to New York. I'm out of money in Boulder. I'm divorced.

I'm out. I mean, I'm just out. And I call my brother, come to see Cork and stay here. And I start hustling in the city. And I start doing spots in the city. I'm getting spots. I'm okay, you know. And one night I had nothing to do.

And I went to Guttnberg to the fucking galaxy building there on a Saturday night. and I walked in to see your movie. God's honest. When did that movie come out? 93 or 94. I saw it in like 93. It had to be 93 August, September. Because I left New York in October.

Because by watching your movie, it gave me a plan. First of all, between me and you, I was going to shoot you. Because I felt you stole my idea because my mother died and I got raised by Italian. So somewhere in my... Do you know how many people have said that to me? The only people have said, I had comics. Say to me, what was that comic's name? I think he passed away recently.

He said, you stole my fucking act. You stole my fucking act. Big Pity, Louis, Pedy, fat Joe. Oh, Domrera used to say. No, it wasn't Dom. It wasn't Dom. Because I love Dom. He's great.

I can't think of the guy's name. But he told people, you told that guy, I'm suing that motherfucker. And I said, you know what? Fucking sue me. I mean, every entire neighbor there was always a fat guy, a small guy, a big guy. You know what I mean? Everybody thinks, you know, Stevensonberg said, one thing, I'll never forget him.

He said success, he goes failure, he goes, success has one father. Failures is an orphan. You know, every movie he ever said he made, somebody fucking they stole your idea. So you just deal with that, you go, all right, you fucking sue me, whatever you want to.

But I didn't, in my mind, I wasn't going to sue you, I just left going, this is the story, I got to tell. This is the type of comic I have to be. Right. I have to tell my story from a sympathetic way. It's such a great movie

because it's got so much heart. At the end, when he meets Joe Pesci and the movie has so many fucking things. But when I left that movie, I didn't have a car. I got no reason to lie to know, but I didn't have a car. I probably had $8 in my pocket and I walked home going now I have

a direction. Jesus, really? I have a direction where to take this. I know that what I have in my heart, the story I have in my heart to tell is going to work from watching your story. When I became a comic, I was dirty, I was older, so nobody really dug me.

But I always knew in the back of my mind if I got a chance to tell my story, I'm going to eat these motherfuckers up alive. I got to tell my story and how it connects and what happened. As soon as I used to watch those boxing things inside HBO, you know, inside... Yeah.

Before somebody's going to fight. Right, yeah, 24-7. 24-7. I might hate you, Dante. I'm talking to Dante Puma. I might hate you, Dante. But I watch, I'm going to bet your father against you in that fight. But because that showed me your house, it showed me your wife, it showed me your child, it showed me your pool.

It's not just you. I'm going to kill him. My rights are great punch. I'm a bad Italian, stallion. No. I got to see the real Dante. Right. So I always knew if I could open my heart out.

And that's what happened with you. Yeah. You got to open what was in your heart. And then you've got to stop the calls. Oh, my God. You got to stop the call. Forget it. I ain't got a heart.

I lied. No, I don't know nothing. If you say, right. If you say, from here. I don't know nothing about little peedy. When you say this, when this comes into the whole thing and you put it on the stage. That's it. And there's a difference between killing, like making people laugh.

Right. And the difference between leaving your heart on stage. Right. Jesus Christ, when you leave your heart. And that's why I can't do comedy no more. Because I'm 60. I'm going to die. When I go on, it's like I tell a joke now.

Right. I didn't realize this so I moved back to Jersey. When we were kids, I want you to think about this, we look at your son. When we were kids, we didn't go out to play. We went out to die. When we were 12, we went out to die because your friend said to you, I got a go cart with no brakes. Go! Come on.

We're going downhill. No elbow. Yes, yes. Nobody was lorgy to peanuts. There was no elbow braces. You know, right. We went out to die. You know, people say, what is the difference?

of friendship today as a friendship when we grew up. And here's what I say. Because I really, I kind of dissected it one day. I was thinking about it because somebody was, I had to speak about it on a show. I was working, I did this thing with Michael Francis and who I love. You've seen his podcast. Michael Francis, who is with the Colombo family. Who's just wonderful and brilliant.

He's got a great podcast. And I was a guest on his podcast. He became a guest on my podcast. But anyway, I said to them once. I said, the difference, Michael, is. is what is the essence of what makes people remember each other forever's friends? Combat. You could be in a war with a guy.

Think about that. And then maybe you don't see him for 20 years. But if you were in Vietnam with him or if you were in World War II, when you see each other, there's a fucking brotherhood there. You were in war together. Okay, so take that down a few levels, obviously, a lot of levels. When we grew up in the street, just like you said, When you're friends, we were like fucking brothers.

We bled for each other. We fucking died for each other. We fought for each other. It was no online or play date. It was like walk down the street. You had 20 fucking guys. You hung out together. Hey, this crew's coming here.

Fuck that crew. You know, and you fought together. It was like a brotherhood. So that's what cemented our friendship. I'm still friends with all these guys. For 20, 40 years, we have dinner. Once a year. Every year, we have dinner in my house.

Once a year. A lot of guys passed on now, but that was the difference, Joey. The kids today, they don't have that, Joey. I've noticed since I've been back to Jersey that the friendships I developed 40 years ago, we're still friends. You're still friends. There's one. There you go.

But 40 years has passed. Yes. Between us. And I could see that. But when we get on the phone, it's like nothing, it's like freaking frack again. You know, it's right. It's a really brilliant thing, and that's why I moved here, because I wanted my daughter to have that. In California, she would never have that growing up.

They just come and go in California. Here, like I said, she's a different child because of the shit she's made, the friends she's done. But how great is that? That's what your job is, is the father, is to give your children a life, is to make them, to give them, to show them, hey, man, there's more than this than out there. You know what I mean, I try to protect my children. I try to do as best as I can, but I try to teach them the street too as much as I could. But obviously, they didn't have the life that we have,

but, and good that they did. And that's good. So let them learn it a little later, and that's okay by me. That's how I feel, you know. You know, look at my daughter, I said at the other night on stage, my daughter's nine, she got no fucking resume.

None. Right. She knows how to play softball. That's it. When I was nine, I ran numbers. Exactly. Look out. You know what I'm saying?

You're a lookout. I was a look at it. I went to the Bronx on Saturday. You'd think like when I would tell my mom, Saturday I want you to drive me to Luli. Ain't no little league. Lewis is paying you $50 to run numbers and get sandwich for the guys on Saturday.

And if the number hits, you get fucking 75. You know, that's what I did in the Bronx and they switch operations every week. I got to go to different addresses. Exactly. Fucking tremendous. I will never, I cannot be mad at my mother for that lifestyle. Right.

I mean, when he was nine years old, almost 10. Because I was almost 10. I looked at him and I looked at my wife and I said, John, just look at Dante. I said, I was that age when I saw that man kill a man. I said, if that happened to him right now, I would be devastated.

Devastated. You know, I was 15. I was 15 and this guy, he's dead now. Little Sally ran a fucking, a hooey joint, you know, on top of the card games. And I would go up there and he'd go, hey, come here, get me some cigarettes, go. go and I would go go get us some sandwiches

at butcher's dully I would go get sandwiches and finally they would give me tips and one of them he looked at me I'm 15 Joe he goes he goes he goes they see call me C he goes I see you want a tip or you want one of the girls and I was like what

he said no no he goes oh I'll never forget her name my name was Foxy Foxy come here take care of the kid just like that I'll never forget it And I was like, I just looked at him. He said, no, no, go ahead, go ahead.

I mean, I walked in, right, you know, and she, I'll never forget it, you know. She took care of me, of course, right? Fuck a man, every day I'm going back. Yo, but you want to say what you're saying? You want anything to say? My treat. Don't worry about it. My treat.

I was fucking back there every day. I never forgot it, man. Every day. Now you go to jail? Oh, yeah. Throw that chicken jail? I was 15. I have a little kid around the corner.

He's like six, and he's always bugging me, but I see him looking at women. And I told the mother, I go, do you see this kid? He looks at women when they walk by, and she goes, I know. She goes, last time, when he was four, he used me as a wingman to go talk to a chick.

So I know he's already thinking of women, so I asked him to one there. How's that hammer doing? He's like, huh? He didn't even know what I was talking about, so I go, let me leave it there. Yeah. Because this is not 2020.

I had a guy at my mother's bar. His name is Al-Naldo. Yeah. Arnardo de Campo, a fat little Cuban dude that was a daily bookmaker. Right. And every day he'd say,

Coco, come here. You pissing sweet yet? Why? You pissing sweet yet? Because in Cuban, the term is Madduce is your piss sweet yet. Wow.

And I would go, what the fuck are you talking about? And then you always say, Joey, Coco, you get your dick sucked yet? And I would go, what are you talking? Like, from the time I was seven.

Right. You're going to show for that today. Oh, yeah. Don't throw you under the fucking joke. Under the fucking Joe. And he sat in front of my mother. Who was Antonio, you get your dick suck today? Leave me along.

You know, without all the thing. And I was like, 17 once. I saw him at a bar, right? In Union City. I'm like, I'm not. I get my hug. And he's telling me, like, he goes, you look good. He goes, you're jerking off.

Oh. And I'm like, I don't know. Oh, man. I'm 17. Now, he's at this bar, and he's on a chair. All right? He's talking to me and there's stools. You know, like Mike's got a stool.

They're all on the bar. He's talking with me and my, because Union City, right there was when we catch the bus to go into Manhattan. Right. So right by Union City is a post office. It's the last stop on that side. Right. So I would go to 29th, get a hot dog from the

sat break guy there, and then take the bus into the city. So I forget the name of that bar. I went in there, and he's in there in the afternoon, you know. And he goes, you jerking off, you look good. He goes, you got to jerk off. He goes, I'm married 30 years. I jerk off every day. And he was sitting in a chair like this.

And he goes, I go home at night. I wait for my wife to take a shower. and when she's in there, I start fucking, ah. And he's doing this. Like, he's living, he's going, ah, a-e, aye, and he's just, he ain't jerking off, but he's going through the noises. He's going, aye, aye, aye. And I switch hands.

And then I do a cappuccino. And then when I come, he goes, bah! And he just jumped backwards. The chair went down, and he's like, bah, ba, ba, bah. That's the explosion between his legs. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? And then when I was 13, I was swap and spit with a girl in my room. And my mother, Cuban mother would say,

because Antonio, you got to leave the fucking door open. You got to leave the door. And you know, when you're 13. You try to crack it. You try to, but the door is fucking open. There's an inch. I mean open. I want her to blow it.

You know, my mom was one of those. So she came home when they went Arnaud, and my stepfather. They were going to barbecue, and I'm in the bedroom with him. So I go, shut up. We got to find out what he's doing out there. So Arnaudel goes, I got it. So he got to a ladder, and he puts it at the side of the building.

And I hear something. I'm dry humping of the earthmen and fire. Fucking, you know, I'm just, there was no sex. No, yeah, yeah. Not even a tit. We were in the sixth grade just dry humping. And I was trying to hear, boom, boom. I'm like, what the fuck?

I was going to hear, boom. Ah, the fucking ladder went down. He broke his leg. They had to take him to the hospital. I go, what the fuck happened? They tried to hide it from me. I'm not doing walking up the stairs to see what you were going to fucking do. But it's funny how those are the characters that we talk about in our lives.

Those are the characters. You can't make those people up. You can't make those people up. You know, Eddie Mush. That was Eddie Mush in the movie in Bronx Tale. That was Eddie Mush. He was a, you know, Bob said, we got to go find this fucking guy. And we went up to my neighborhood.

And we cast Eddie Mush in Bronx Hill. That's him. This fucking guy, he was so bad luck that the bookmakers would not take his bed. No more. Now, you would say, why wouldn't they take his bet? He always lost. I'll tell you the reason why. Because all the fucking guys would wait to see who he bet,

and they would bet the other way. So he was killing the fucking bookmakers. They said, Eddie, you can't fucking, we can't take your fucking action no more. This is how bad this fucking guy was. No, it's Mush passed. Much passed. Okay.

Now, hold on a second. If we get another Bronx Tale 2, Mush is going to be Lee. You know that motherfucker call me on that? He's like, God damn it. I don't know where. He calls me like an 8 o'clock. God damn it.

God damn it. I'm like, Lee, what? He goes, you motherfucker? He goes, I would have bet the Celtics tonight. But you always tell me I'm mush, so I bet the Sixers. Oh, you told him that? No, we, since we saw the movie, we've been calling him mush. Oh, God.

Lee Sayette is the original. I can't even want to. When this is a UFC, I didn't want him on my phone call. Yeah. Because that call, that wire is bad luck. I didn't want him on the wall. Oh, yeah. That was like that.

He was like that. I would not talk to him before I put a bet in. I don't even want to hear his bets because they're going to fuck my thinking up. If he would tell me, I like, ah, the Southexamite. That's it. That's it. I'm not even going on drag.

Bush was so bad. He always tells this story, and it's true story. You say, nah, come on, Chazz. You're exaggerated. He had two horses that finished first that he bet. One, Jockey fell off 10 yards before the fucking finished way. So you disqualified. Once you fall off.

He got hit. Jockey, he fell, fell off the horse. The other one was Trotters, Yonka. horse gets a fucking heart attack and dies halfway around and you would say bullshit I'll tell you another when Muzh died a friend of our lady of Montcalm

church okay when he came out we all people went to the funeral when he came out they carried the fucking coffin they put the coffin in the hush Joey a fucking flat on the hush so now

they can't you know jack it up But thank God it was Joe Boddy, funeral Paul. They had another hearse. They had to come there, bring that one. They took the hearse. Everybody in the front of churches going, you fucking believe this, even in debt. And on his tombstone, it says,

Eddie Mush Montanero, the original Bronx tale. You know what? I love doing it for him because he made the guy famous, you know. And he did. And these guys made us famous by us talking about them. Fucking mush. By us fucking talk. I have a friend that.

I grew up with his past Buck Wild, Italian kid, Darren Raygo, 5'6, 200 pounds, bodybuilder. You know, he came to my house, and they goes, can I tell you a secret? I go, yeah, he goes, hold on one second. He starts doing push-ups. Why are you doing push-ups? He takes his shirt off because I'm on steroids in high school. So this went on for years.

And then, you know, his mother died and everything got a little fucked up, and he got fucked up with the drugs. So when I'm talking to a buddy, my Mikey Asked him, he asks a lease, and he goes, I got to tell you, Darren's story. I go, what? He goes, Darren came to Hoboken. He was working at this club called Shooters' Galleria. He goes, Darren came down, awesome.

The buzz went off, like an alarm. He goes, I see Darren, but I don't think, you know, I go, Darren, how are you doing? And he goes, I see Darren, and he goes, I forget all about Darren. There's an alarm. Something's going on in the building, like a fight or something. So he goes, people are running around. I don't know what happened. He goes, Darren comes over, no shirt on, in a disco, in a club.

and he gives him a 20 but it's ripped. He goes, Darren, he goes, Mike, give me a drink. He goes, Darren, the 20's ripped. How is that ripped? He goes, just give me a fucking drink. You know, we grew up together. Mike gives him a drink. He goes, he took the 20, and he asked him for Scotch tape.

He goes, you got any Scotts tape? Mike goes, I'll get it. Come back in 10 minutes. He goes, within 10 minutes, guess who comes down? The bathroom attendant. He's bleeding from everywhere. Darren jacked them up in the bathroom for Coke money. the reason why the bills were ripped

because the guy was home on the money and that ripped the fucking money from him you know those people they don't make them no more they don't make them no more they don't want to make those people no more characters like that there was this fucking legendary story in my name with this guy Mike he was a tough guy

tattoos all over and this is you know early 60s and they said you know we heard that Mike he's gay I said no get the fuck out of here they said I'm telling you these guys hanging around people the neighbors who's talking about Mike's gay. I said, no.

I said, you sure? And everybody starts talking about it. So I'm on a fucking, I'm on Florida Road once. I got to get up to Alexandria. Well, Alexander's was, I'm waiting for the bus. And it's raining like crazy. The car pulls up in a green 61 Mustang. I'll never forget it.

And he goes, yo, Chas, come on in. He goes, I'll give you a lift. Where are you going? I saw I'm going up to, you know, Alexander's on Fordham Road. He goes, come on, I'll give you a lift. power. In my mind, I'm going, yeah, no, it's all right. I know the guy from the neighbor, so I get in the fucking car. He's older than me. So we're driving up, and he goes, ah, fuck, man, you hear that? I go, hear what? He says, something's with the car. So he pulls over,

and he pulls over by the botanical gardens. You know, he pulls over on a side street. Not mind, mind, I'm going, nah, can't be, right? So he gets out of the fucking car, opens up the fucking hood and he's standing there with his hand on the hood like this looking down at the engine. I wait one minute, two minutes, three minutes. I go, what the fuck's he doing? So I get out of the car.

I go, hey, Mike, what's going on? He goes, could I blow you? I went, what? He goes, could I walk? I said, what the fuck? I said, are you fucking crazy? And this was a tough fucking guy. I said, oh my shit.

I said, what the fuck I'm going to do? I said, this guy might kick my fucking ass and force me. So I said, hey, pow, take me to fuck home. I said, no, just get. He goes, I swear to God, I'm sorry. Don't tell anybody. Don't tell anybody. He goes, just get back on the car, drop you off up down.

Get back in the car, and drive him. He goes, listen, don't just tell anybody. I said, all right. I couldn't write this. I'm getting out of the car, right? He goes, Chas, please don't tell nobody. I said, I won't. He goes, I'm sorry, man.

He goes, there's only two things I like to do in this world. fight and suck. I said, all right, Mike, well, listen, man, I appreciate that. Thanks for telling me that. I got out of the fucking car. I couldn't write a scene like that. What are a fucking odds out? And he was a tough guy, but he was gay. But nobody would say nothing because I said, I ain't telling

nobody, and I didn't. Until finally it came out. Everybody knew that. Oh, my God. Since you said something before, I want to ask you to see what you're hearing, because I just caught the tail end of it. What is going on? Yeah. With Mikey Franchise and Sammy. What is what?

What's going on with Mikey Franchise and Sammy? Sammy. Oh, Sammy. They're at war. Yeah. Something happened. I don't know what happened. I don't know what happened, but I did this thing with him.

But I wasn't, obviously, I wasn't in the middle when they were there. But I heard they just had some bad words with each other. I don't know. I don't know what happened because I wasn't there when they filmed it. But I don't know. I really don't know. Yeah, it's not good. It's been on a lot.

They've been fighting. I don't know what it's about. I just saw a clip that Sammy said, and that was it. Sammy's doing a good job with the podcast. I know you would. He's a good storyteller. Yeah, he's a good. And it's a good.

And the real is real. Yeah, he's a real dude. So I'm happy that he's doing a podcast. I think he's shooting a movie. Yeah, I think if I had to guess, and this is truly a guess, I think there's some animosity between them because Sammy feels like he's a he's a he's a he's a he's a gangster and Michael was a racketeer where it was a

difference where Michael you know I I so I think there's some resentment there I could be wrong so I really don't know really what happened but I don't know Sammy I never met Sammy but I know Michael really well in fact him and I are going to do a podcast together our own podcast aside from my own but he's just fucking great guy I love the guy and I think he's a stand-up guy, man. He really is, man. He's a great storyteller. Great storyteller.

Great storyteller. I'm real smart. And, you know, he's really like a guy who gives his heart. He's a born-again Christian. Comes from a great family. Like you said, 24-7, you see a man how he operates, how he lives. And I see how he lives. You know, he talks to talk, but he walks to walk, man, this guy. So, again, I don't know what's going on between him.

And I can't speak for Sammy because I don't know Sammy at all. but I know Michael, and Michael is just a great guy. Just a stand-up, solid guy, man. Definitely, definitely. But it's kind of weird, Joey. Do you find that weird? I mean, you got to admit it, Joey. You have a podcast, I have a podcast.

Sammy the Bull, 19 murders, has a podcast. I mean, do you find, and I find that, do you, like, wow. Like, this country, no matter what you do, you got a shot. to make it somehow. Think about that. He did his time. He did more than enough time. He did time for his son and the whole thing.

And if you know anything about Sammy, he's fucking very smart. Yeah, I don't know. Oh, if you read those, did you read his book? No, I did not. If you read his, I mean, listen, a situation arose where I was thinking of doing a podcast with Sammy. Right. And then I had to think about my world.

And I think about the people, I mean, people have. forgotten about it, but some people have it. That's what I heard. Is that true? And, well, you know, it's just some people feel like, you know, and how good my mother died, the Italians were there for me, I can't tell you how many

times. So in my heart, I felt like if I did a project like that, I would spit in the faces of the people who help me, because that's their culture and that's their beliefs. And that's the only reason why I wouldn't do it. Really? I think Sammy, I think Sammy ratted, but I think he had his

reasons why he read it. It wasn't the first thing on his mind. I think he was a real wise guy. Oh, no question. I think that everything was played against him for him to rat. But, you know, I was in the roofing business and a construction 10 costs $200 in Colorado. A construction 10 in New York, the same 10 cost $2,000. And that was because of the mafia tax. That's, you know, nobody could build anything in 1985. Right. He didn't talk to Sammy. You know, John Gotti was the boss of the Gambinos, but nothing got done. The guy ran construction projects. I talked to an FBI guy at Jiu-Jitsu, and he's going to find out for me.

When I told him, his face went white. He's never going to tell me the truth. Sammy was so businessy that part of his deal was the feds collecting his loan shark payments. Really? They'll deny it. Everybody will deny it. But people in Brooklyn will tell you. I believe it.

For about six or seven months. I believe it. That's how much of a businessman he is. I believe that. They paid off the juror. He's the one that told him to pay him in segments because the guy can slip on his neck and break his neck and we already gave him 60 grand. Why do that? Let's pay.

He's a very good money guy. So you can actually say he was a gangster and a racketeer. Anoracta. Yeah. I mean, you actually could say that. He had a company for everything. A construction company, a painting company. He had a construction.

And what he'd do is, you know, again, this is Sammy. he blossom the business he'd give you a shot Sammy let's open up a paint store The place starts making money You're dead He ain't paying you So he killed most of his partners

Most of those 19 people were partners He no way Architects Anybody who did something for him He iced He iced D-BDBettado The Bidetto

That guy owed him $200,000 That guy owned all the great The tire shop So he would kill his partners He would kill his partners And then take the business That's not too cool, though.

He killed his brother-in-law. That's right. He killed his fucking brother-law. And I heard, he said, when he said, when he was in the coffin, I remember that. I saw that podcast, he said, look what you made me do, you motherfucker. And then supposedly he cut the hand off so he couldn't find the body. And one day he was in the house, and the dog brought the hand in from the backyard. A dog.

He killed his wife's brother over money. Wow. He fucking, you know, he did so many things like he was on the out of Paul Castellano for a long time. Because he was fucking ice. He killed the people from the casino. What's that place in Brooklyn? You remember it. Gemini?

The snow. The plaza lounge. The plaza lounge. He shot the guy in the eyeball. The guy came in, paid him the $3 million. He was going to take over the club. Sammy killed him before he could take over the club. I'm telling you, the guy was a fucking...

But what happened was, like, when he went into the FBI, a lot of people don't know about this. He went into the FBI, and he ratted. And he ratted so well. He was so... Yeah, they said that. Yeah, he was retarded. No, he's not retarded, but even though he's got like dyslexia.

Right. He was so professional. They fell in love with him. So people would come in that wanted a turn and they go, yeah, me and Sammy did this. And they look at each other and go, get him out of here. He's lying. That's how much they love Sammy. So 10 people flipped and would say I sold drugs with Sammy and they go, get them out of there.

Sammy never sold drugs. And then finally they got together and they go, dog, how can 11 people walk in here and say they were moving quays and they were moving alludes with Sammy. So they had to go back to Sammy. And how they nailed Sammy was the last time was the ice man. The ice man made those tapes. Right. And he said he goes, one time Gravano came up to me to kill a cop. When he signed with the FBI, they said, the only way we'll take is if you didn't kill a cop. Have you killed a cop or a sanction? He did kill a cop? He paid somebody to kill a cop in Burden County. Wow.

So, yeah. So Sammy was a smart dude, you know, I mean, and I think the podcast will do great. Oh, yeah. Because people will look at that. People, you know, his podcast does, his podcast does the great. He's a great story to him. He's a great story to him. He's on Patreon.

Yeah. I think he's shooting a movie. Right. You know, anybody, listen, the great thing about this country is everybody gets a second chance. I got locked up. Yeah. I thought my life was dead. You got a second.

If you really wanted. If you really wanted, I agree with you. You make a mistake. Mike Tyson made a mistake. Let's talk about Mike Tyson. This guy didn't punch a guy in the face. This guy didn't beat up bikers in the Bronx. This guy raped a woman, okay?

Have you ever seen Mike when he gets on a plane? The first people take him pictures of him are white women. You see Mike in an airport? Yeah. Everybody loves Mike. Yeah. Everybody loves Mike Tyson. Yeah.

This guy did one of the worst things you could do in life. Right. We live in a country. He came back. He came back. You have to come back. You know, arm, what's that expression? Your arm and your fucking, you know, be humble.

And, you know, Michael Vick, kind of. Kind of. Kind of. Kind of. Kind of. Yeah. Kind of. He fucked with white people's main thing.

Dogs. You don't do that. Don't do that. But Mike Tyson, Mike Tyson came to see my one-man show, Joey, and he cried. I believe it. Chuck Zito brought him. Yeah, I believe it. He cried.

And he brought him again. And he came over to me, and one thing I've got to say about Mike, and I met Mike a bunch of times. And he said to me, you know, you really inspired me to do that, to do a one-person show. And nobody said this to me. A lot of people have said that when they saw my show. They say, you inspire me to do it. Nobody ever does it.

They say it, nobody ever does it. One of the hardest things in the world is the right of one-man show. You know that. All of a sudden, I hear he's doing it. He goes on fucking Broadway. Spike Lee's directing it. I see the show. It's fucking great.

And I said to him, I always told myself, let me tell you something, Mike Tyson. You fucking did it. I respect you more for that than even all your fights because nobody could fucking do what you did. He said he was going to do it. He wrote it. He put his heart out there, videos, customality, all his life. It was fucking great. It was great.

And he did a great job, man. And he did it. I respect the guy. I love him to death. Yeah. He's a great guy. I like the guy a lot. And this country's good with that.

Like now that they've implemented cancel culture. Right. And I don't even. respect it. You know, you have Mike Tyson, he went in front of a judge. Right. A judge sentenced him. I went in front of a judge.

He sentenced me. Right. Who the fuck are you to sentence me? Who the fuck are you to sentence me? Right. You can't judge me. It wasn't the fuck. And the people that are doing it are people that are saying they're woke.

So you're woke, but you don't believe in a second chance. I believe in a second chance. You got to take everything from a guy and make him an virus because you say a girl 12 years ago. Now, I sympathize for her. I have a daughter, I understand. Absolutely. But you can't come back from 20 fucking years ago. There's a different time.

We don't know what's going on. Well, Chris Knotch walked into a restaurant and he grabbed my ass. He was Chris Knotch, bitch. He was on sex in the city. I'm sure you didn't smile at him or nothing. But why would you... See, what bothers me is I don't like you come back 15, 20 years ago. Can't.

I mean, because I think about when I was single. Okay, I didn't do anything like that. But when you're a single guy, you come on to a girl. Girl. If long as you do it like a gentleman, well, he was inappropriate what he said. I was fucking coming on to you. I was fucking 22 years old.

What the fuck you want for me? Now, time out. He was inappropriate what he said. Now, ladies, how many guys come up to you on a daily basis and say, can I have you a number? And you're like, I'm flattered, but I don't want to. Or, hi, can we walk on a date and you're flattered, but you don't want to, don't you want a guy to come up to you and say,

because I'm no handsome guy. But whenever I said this line, it was to go. First man who talks losers. How about we go back to my place? I got a gram of Coke and I'll suck your fucking uterus out. You don't say nothing after that. You just look at the bar and you turn it on the walk. Oh, Jesus.

If they follow you, you got a hitter. If they don't follow you, everybody goes their own way. I had a friend, an Italian kid with blue eyes. Guy got more pussy than anybody. I saw him when he was 17, pick up a girl on the beach and take her under the boardwalk, and they came back holding hands whistling. and they fucked in 69 under the seaside boardwalk. And I said, enough with this shit.

I got to listen to what this motherfucker is following girls. Right. He's Indian. He was Italian, but his mother had a little bit of Indian, and when he got drunk, he got Ubots. Right. So he would tell women, like, and his eye would roll, I'm going to fucking suck every pubic hair out of your pussy.

Girls want to hear that. They don't want to hear that I'm going to take you to dinner. I have insurance. I got a 401K. Oh, God. You don't want to hear that. You want to hear, you're going to suck my ass. Do you smell my liver?

That's the thing. I'm going to smell your fucking. I'm going to put my asshole right in your, my nose in your ass, I want to smell your liver. You tell that to a chick, you'll look at you. And at first it's like this sexual harassment, but it sounds like fun. It sounds like fun.

This sounds like fucking Disneyland here. So you don't really know how to, I know that's the only thing that works for me. When I went up to a woman as a gentleman, they didn't want to talk to me. I'd like to take you out. No, I have to admit. I was always a gentleman.

Yeah, you've got to admit. But after a while, you're 30, you're like enough with, you know, when a girl's 20, I want a guy that's dark and, you know, he smells like Colombo and the bitch is 30, yeah, he could be a little chubby, could be missing a tooth. Well, the standards drop a little bit. Yeah, the standards keep dropping as you get older because that fucking prince ain't showing up to your house, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, when they're young, when they're in their early 20s, they're like the handsome guy with the six parks. But as they get older, they go, well, this guy just wants to bang me.

This older guy here is going to take care of me a little bit. And that's why I won't talk to young girls. Yeah, no. Like, listen, I didn't like, when I was 18, I still like 29-year-old women. Right. I didn't want to hear that chitter-chatter. Right. You take a Catholic girl home, she gives you a tip.

You got to walk home and pat her the whole way. She's crying. These Irish chicks, they cry on the way home. And I love Irish chicks. You know that. Right, right. I love Italian women, but they yell too much. They yell too much.

They yell too much. The Irish chicks like me because I'm their father. Irish women have crazy dads. That's true. They beat the kids. Call them cock suckers, they drink. So the only women who ever wanted to have anything to do with me was Irish chicks.

I'm cool with Irish chicks. They're like, he's okay. He's like my dad. Right. Well. Even my wife says it to me. She's like, he'll become my dad. Holy shit. I love Irish women. Yeah, they got dirty feet. They got that little dirt on the heel. You know what I'm saying?

Like when you go to fucking, what was the porno chick on 42nd Street? When we were kids, you go in there, space land, sex land. Sex land. You went in there, the thing opened up, and you put your head in the thing, and you would suck the tip for like a quarter. But if you didn't put a quarter in the slot, the thing shut on your window. I have a friend, Paris. He's a cop in San Diego.

Right. In the eighth grade, we play hooky. We went over the sex land. The window caught him. We walked out like, we didn't know nothing. We just walked out. It was a circle with rooms. Right.

A guy would walk out, Dante tremendous. And a guy would come in with a bucket with hot water, and you're free to go in there, and your feet would be sticky and shit on the wall there. And it'd be like, I would take the bus into the city, and I'd come out of Port Authority, maybe quarter of eight, and I would see the Hasidic Jews walking into sex land by the fucking dozens. And at 8 a.m., it was the chicks that were hooking, and they're just coming in for one last $20.

So it would be like a rotating stage. It would be like a rotating stage, and this chick would be on heroin, and she'd be passed on there'd be some guy like banging her. and you're like sitting there like what the fuck is going out what's happening with my life but I'm in here

I might as well bang one out you know what I'm saying and then this little ugly chick walking around from window to window do you want to suck my tit for a dollar do you want to suck because you have that little hood so you could stick your head and just like kids

when you're in the eighth grade you know you're living like a doctor that's living in New York man that's the New York fucking experience that's the New York experience you're right man you're fucking right

so he tells me he goes you know dad you should have brought I mean, you know, we should bring something to Joe. We were going to his house. I said, well, we can't stop now. It's too fucking late. I don't want to be so late. I go, yeah, I should have brought him like, next time I come, I said, I'm going to get him some Cuban rum.

He goes, Cuban rum, he don't want no fucking rum. He goes, give him an ounce of fucking weed. I said, I'm not giving him no fucking, I can't do that. That's terrible. You don't smoke? No, I don't. I did. You did?

Oh, yeah. Oh, years ago. My thing was LSD. I loved LSD. I loved LSD. Don't bring that up. And that's a city? Yeah, my thing is LSD.

But I'm older than you, but when I took LSD in the late 60s, we used to have a, it was really fucking strong, Joey. We used to go, I was in a band. You know, I had a long hair,

down of here. So we used to go to this guy's house. We all walk in. He goes, all right, guys, I made some good shit today. You have an eyedropper. Like, you know, you go like this, stick out your tongues.

We'd all stick out of tongues. He'd go, do, do, do, do, do. And we all go, all right, man. You pay him. walk out of there. See, the thing about LSD, you know,

was like, this is it for 12 hours. Eight to 12 hours, this is it. There ain't no coming down, motherfucker. There ain't no coming back. There ain't no coming back. This was it. He didn't know that I took a drug until he was about 22 years old.

He used to ask me growing up. Dad, come on. You never fucking smoked pot. I go, never, never. When he was 22, finally, when I started writing this book that I wrote, then I started coming out. I said, I went to wait until he was older

because I didn't want to give him, permission at that age. You know what I mean? But, but no, I was LSD, we used to spike each other. Joey, me and my friends, we used to spike each other. We'd never eat in front of each other. We'd never eat, because I wouldn't, and I was, I was one of the last guys to get fucking spiked.

So I'm sitting around my friend, Timmy Napkin, God rest his soul. I said, Timmy, we got to spike the guys. I said, but what is the food that nobody couldn't resist? And he goes, I don't know. He goes, should we get mustard? I go, no, it's too big. He goes, Oreos. Oreo crackers

So we get Oreo crackers Joey So he's like there I'm over here just like this So I said he goes Do you want a trip? I said no I don't want a trip He goes alright let's just spike him

I said okay He goes but I want to eat something I go it's very simple The good piles here The bad pile's there That's the bad pile That's the good pile I said we take out of the good pile

So we're doing like I'm getting the purple Purple Haze Was the fucking acid And we grind We smashed it all up A powder form We're going like this

open up the Oreo cookie right so I'm putting in the bad pile so fucking bad you know this so he ain't looking I'm putting some of the bad ones in the good pile I'm throwing him in like I'm throwing him in right

so he's going like this he's taken from the good pal 20 minutes 30 minutes got by he goes hey chaz this shit comes through your hands I said what are you talking about Timmy he goes he goes man I feel like I'm fucking you know you get that foot in your mouth you know he goes I said

Timmy Come on, stop it. That's the good pile. That's the bad pile. He goes, I keep throwing shit in the fucking. He goes, what the fuck? He goes, something's going on. I can't fucking believe it.

I'm tripping. I go, you can't be tripping. He goes, please tell me you fucking spike me. I said, all right, I fucking spike you. But he goes, oh, thank God. He thought he was losing his fucking mind. So I took some of the fucking bad ones. I said, are you happy now?

Look, so we both started tripping. We waited until all the guys come in. So everything's on top of the fucking. right Oreo cookies every guy walks in just like I said Joey hey every guy's grabbing it taking a while I'm saying we're fucking laughing right knock on the door open the door it's the fucking super the building older guy back then he must have been like 50

he walks in he goes how are you guys doing everything all right you guys are okay I say yeah we're okay he goes oh he goes can I have a couple so everybody's standing there so what the fuck you're gonna we go yeah yeah go ahead he takes a fucking couple make a long story short. We're like,

holy shit, fucking Bill Bailey. His name was Bill Bailey. Bill Bailey took the fucking Oreos. All of a sudden, by the night, now we told everybody they were all fucking laughing

that pissed off with us, but we're all laughing. We find out that Bill Billy was power walking by the Bronx who he was walking like this. I mean, you know, but my thing was Ellis thing. We used to take that,

I love that shot. I got three hits in the drum. No, yeah? No, I couldn't. Joey, they would have to take me to the hospital right now. No.

If I ever took it now, seriously. I can't do it, Jo. We'll take three hits and then have your sun dry. We'll go all around. We'll go down the shore. We'll go down to point place and jump up and down. I would say, take me to the fucking hospital because shoot me up with Dorazine

and just let me fucking rest. Let me tell you something. If you took this, you'd be disappointed. It's not what we were getting. Oh, it's three hours. Three hours. Oh, this was 12, 8 to 12. This is three hours, maybe a two hour laps afterwards.

afterward where you see like a streak or something. You feel something's scratching your neck, but it's not what we were getting. I used to look at a mirror. I used to look at the mirror. Oh, yeah, and everything melts. Everything melts. I used to go, that's right. I used to grab my nose and it was like right off my face, my eyes.

I remember sitting in a chair. I remember when I went to this party once. It was like 9 o'clock at night. I'm sitting in the chair. I said, look, the time was right there. It was at 9 o'clock. I went, oh, fuck, 9 o'clock. All right, man, come on, we've got a great part.

I look up. I see the ceiling go. like this. Fucking breathing. And I went, yeah, man, that's cool. All of a sudden I looked down. And all of a sudden I turned back and look at the clock. It's fucking two in the morning.

I said, how to fuck the death? Four hours fly. They fly. Hours fly. The ceilings where the things would fall from? Yeah. I don't know one time. That's the same thing.

Because they go like that. And then if a thing happens to fall, you start thinking the whole roof. Yes. It's going to fucking fall down. But you get these fucking things. It was like, and sex was like off the fucking charts. You know, that was like when you and the girl both did it, I mean.

Yeah, I never found the girl that could do that shit I was doing. I was doing the double barrel sunshine. Sunshine, yeah, fucking brown dot. The brown dot window paint I did for the stones and foreigner in Philadelphia. I wouldn't leave the hotel room. I was like the kid in the apocalypse. Now, I don't want to go. I don't want to go.

I don't want to go. And they're like, you got to go. It's going to be okay. Yeah. No, but that shit was... It's good shit. I like it. Yeah, I won't forget that.

How about mushrooms? Never did mushrooms. Give me diarrhea. Never did mushrooms. They gave me diarrhea. I couldn't do much. I just never did it. I just...

And the pot today is too fucking strong. And the pot today is stronger. Too strong. Too strong. Really? Violently strong. Stronger than what we had. Yeah, we were smoking Mexican gold, red, 18, no.

Black dungy. Black dungy, maybe 14%. this shit in house 37, 40. That shit, you could smoke with a fucking blow torch. I don't do none of that stuff. I just smoke pot. That's it. I can't.

I don't drink no more. No, I haven't gotten high since the 70s, man. I mean, I just said, boom, that was it. I just don't do anything, man. But I remember this guy came into, I was living in St. Thomas in the Virgin Islands with the band, and the guy said, hey, I got some opium. I said, opium. He says, yeah, want to smoke some opium?

I said, I don't know, I never smoked opium before. He goes, and we're all sitting around. We're all like, we said, yeah, let's give it a shot. So I said, anything you want to tell me? He goes, yeah, where you smoke it, that's where you'll be. And I went, oh, I said, come on. I said, we get high. I said, give me the fuck a day.

I took a few hits. Joey, I leaned against the wall, and I went, I started sliding down the wall. And I fucking stayed right there. It's like a dream thing. That's why they have some opium dems. I didn't realize that. He explained to me to have dreams where you just like, you know, you go into a, you just dream, you smoke,

I did it once and I was it. I could never do it again. I couldn't, it scared me because LSD didn't scare me, this fucking scared me. And once you start getting older, you're like, I can't, I don't want to even do that shit. Yeah, no, I can't. I would love to go to a Chinese thing and smoke opium,

eat egg rolls and shit, but that time passed, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, no, I couldn't, I just, and especially now, I have this thing about wasted talent, and I tried to tell the, you know, I had this thing about telling the kids, you know. I said, look, I got high and I did it. I understand, you know, but, you know, you got to, after a while, you got to just get your shit together, man.

And so, I don't know. I got my shit together and everything worked out from there. But, dog, this has been an honor having you on here. Thank you, Julie. Like I said, Bronx tail woke me up. Wow. And it gave me a direction. Now, I knew what I wanted to do.

I am so fucking flattered that you, I mean, I didn't know that. I never knew that. But what I hear people say about Bronx, Tom's Tale, you know. I hope you get a chance one day to come and see you. I am. I think I'm going to go to September 10th. Yeah.

You got a show in Pittsburgh. Yeah. Is it? Pennsylvania. No. Pennsylvania. Yeah. If you just go to chas, palmetry.

Dot, everything is up. My schedule is on there. And my niece saw you at the St. George's theater. Oh, she came? Yeah. Oh, fuck. The one in Red Bank, the same. Because when she came to me and she goes, I went to see Chad fucking tremendous.

I go, what are you telling me? Oh. Anytime you want to come, you got to let you know. I'll let you know. I'll love you not. I'm going to give a shout out to my buddy. Dante, looking good. Nice Italian smiles.

He looks like something out of fucking GQ magazine. He does. He does. Very handsome. I always tell people my son is an actor, sing a songwriter. Go to Dante Palmetari. com. You'll see you read all about it.

You hear all about him. And I'm happy he came for that. I love you, Coxuckers. Thank you for supporting. I'll be back Wednesday. Don't forget to follow the man of the hour. Chaz P. I love you.

See you Monday. And now for a word from my. sponsors. All right, you filthy animals. I want to thank Chaz. I want to thank fucking Mike. I want to thank Chas. Everybody who fucking showed up today,

especially you cock suckers on a Monday morning. I love you. Listen, the joint is brought to you by, freeze pipe. Listen, you're sitting there, you're about to watch a good movie. You're like, I need a little breath of fresh air. You rip out that fucking freeze pipe. You put it in the

freezer, you pack your little bong, you rip out of the freezer, you connect to the bong or the bubbler or the pipe and you fucking blast off when you rip the hot smoke passes through your fucking frozen part cooling down the smoke as you inhale listen your smoke will be so cold you could blow ice cubes up people's assholes listen I love this fucking freeze pipe it's tremendous I live off the fucking pipe it takes me to a different level I see the devil on a daily basis freeze pipe cools down the smoke by hundreds of degrees and I'm getting flashbacks of snowmast village 83 And your uncle Joey's going to take care of you on a Monday morning. Go to the freezepipe.com, pressing code Joey, and save 10% off your first order. Who takes care of you like that on the Monday? Nobody gets your bong, piper, bubbler today, not tomorrow, today.

That's the freezepipe.com, pressing code Joey to save 10%. If you could smoke from it, freezepipe makes it. They're about to come out with a frozen apple. Fucking tremendous. The joint is also brought to you by Manscape. Listen, it's the fucking, the summer's coming, beach weather. You want to have your dick, balls, everything, ready to go, tip-top. When you want to smell good.

That's why you got to get the ultra-smoved package. You understand me? What are you talking about, Joey? First off, you ladder up, you see where you're going with the shaving, with the clear crop gel shaving gel. Tremendous, and it refreshes. It feels like you got ice cubes in that area. It's time to shave now, right?

Dik-tok! You use the crop shave. It's designed for shaving around the fucking. fucking cacuzza or the minkia stick or the products are ultra smooth package of vegan cruelty free and sulfate free you get 20% off your first order and shipping with code joey at manscape.com did you hear what i'm fucking saying to you why do you have that clown living between your fucking legs it looks like bozo that's 20% off plus free shipping with co joey at manscape com smooth out the fellas with the relaunch of the ultra smooth package from the fellas at manscape

listen everybody's gonna thank you especially your fucking nutsack that down there sweating all fucking day i want to thank manscape i want to thank freeze pipe but i want to thank you savages for being savages on a monday morning stay black i love you see you wednesday