The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #165 - Emilio Rivera, Joey Diaz, and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: April 2, 2014

Emilio Rivera joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt in studio to talk about his new film Water and Power. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Dollar Shave Club. Use promo code CHURCH and get high quality razors sent to your door. Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for 50% off your first order. Naileditlife.com Use promo code joeydiaz to get 20% off of the premier vapor pen on the market. Recorded live on 04/02/2014.

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Here from the beginning. That's the whole song. There you go. You bad motherfuckers, Wednesday, April 2nd. Are you fucking kidding me? What? Crank that motherfucker Lee. Even it out.

That's Carlos Santana dropping. Used to sell fucking bubblegum on the border and shit. With a guitar and a fucking switchblade. Are you kidding me? Hit that motherfucker. Crank that motherfucker. 60 years old. Still whacked on a Wednesday.

Motherfucker changed the game. They didn't know what was going on. He's got bongos. Who gives a fuck? Drop it. The church of what's happening now, bitches. Wednesday. April 2nd, you bad motherfuckers.

Watch that muffler. We're making it happen today, baby. Oh, shit, the flying Jew. Emilia Rivera. Oh, shit. What's the story? Lee? Talked Uncle Joey. Cogsucker.

I'm excited. I feel great, man. I'm excited. Mediterranean lunch? What happened? Eh, wasn't that good. And the Jews fucking kill you. They kill you.

They charge you extra 10? It's kind of the same thing with my girlfriend. We always try to go to new places, but just go to the same place you always go to. Every time I've gone to two new Mediterranean places. this week and each one is disappointed me. Unfucking believe

What's the combination? It's Jews. The last two ones I went to who were owned by like Jews. You should have seen the picture I tweeted you today with the beard. It was like down to here. But they gouged the prices

and it wasn't good. Took like 30 minutes. I had this whole plan for in-between podcast and I couldn't do any of it. So now, the other place you used to go to just all Mexicans.

Even the guy at the county is Mexican and they're selling Mediterranean. Yep. You understand that could have been Carlos Santana's fucking nephew. You understand me? Dropping it. Yeah. At the Mediterranean place.

At the Mediterranean. But, I mean, you know what? You get what you get. Fuck it. No more Mediterranean food. Why? Because you got to go to the one that took you to the dance. Stop trying other places. If one is solid, that's it. It's over. You never get the urge to go to a new place? No. Not with

one word for me. I go to a green apple Chinese restaurant. Their food is maybe a seven if it's fucking on a good day. If the good Chinese guy's cooking. It's a seven. But I go on there, the Baby likes it. I get some hot and sour soup. I get the French-style fucking filet mignon with some steam rice. Tremendous.

Like you says, if it sticks with it. If it sticks with it. Everybody wants to go to the new place. Ain't no fucking new place. That's what Chinese foods are bought. That's why they got the lunch special. You hit that motherfucker up for the lunch special. What are we talking about here? I was telling Emilio and Lee today that this is how I started my day.

I got up early, you know, wrote, tweeted, took a shower. I had a protein shake. The kettlebells got home. hooked up with my wife and we're gonna come over here and hang the poster and clean it up a little bit and uh we stopped the 7 11 my wife was thirsty and so was that my wife wanted the little diet water the watermelon water from fucking 7 11 i was just gonna get a container water i go in but when i'm paying for it i see some dude with uh uh uh earphones and like uh a hood trying to be cute in front of the 7 11 and he's trying to get my wife's attention my wife is looking at the fucking

cell phone. So finally I come out he looks at me and like, what's up dog? You know, and he's like, you know, it was weird. He was, I know he was crazy. He didn't look like he was on drugs. He just looked like he was out to ruin somebody's day today. Yeah.

So I said to, yeah, I know so. There's people that, that's their mission, dog. They're out to They don't know what to fuck up their own day. Yeah, they don't know what they want. They don't know what they want by their life, so they're going to go out and start trouble with somebody and just, you could see he was just looking for something. And I come And I say nothing to him.

Like, all right, no problem, you know, whatever. All right, whatever. And I close going, whatever, fucking idiot. And as I look up, he's giving me the fucking finger. And then he's like, fuck your fucking wife, too, motherfucker. Dog, I put the car in drive, and I just drove at him. And I could feel like the car drove up over the thing at 7-Eleven. You know, like the time?

Oh, fuck, yeah, dog. You know I'm out of my mind. I don't give a fuck. And he went back, so as I pulled away, he ran towards the car. Look, look at him. Look, look at him. So, now I was just going to go at him with the car. But I wanted to see.

I didn't think he had a weapon on him, but he punched the glass on my dog. He punched that fucking, what kind of car do I have? Not the Subaru. The other one. The one of my wife, 10-year warranty,

not Mitsubishi, but the other one, the one, the car, the car, and driver. Are you fucking kidding me? He punched that car twice. In the second, first time he hit it,

I heard a shatter, but I thought it was the glass. Then he hit it again, a Hyundai. Sonata, he hit it again, and I heard his shatter again, and I knew his hand was done. And I seen him hold his hand that he kicked the car.

Then I went on him with the car and I seen him fly out like a TV show. And I just kept going. And he didn't throw nothing to the car. He's like, fuck you. And people were there. It was fucking ugly. And I just kept driving. I don't give a fuck.

And my wife was like, what the fuck was that, Joey? You tried. And I'm going to know, no, I didn't try to hump the car. The car went out of control on its own. You know what I was on those fucking bad sonatas. One of those ones that goes crazy that. Hyundai got a recall that motherfucker. And you know what's crazy guys?

I would have hit that motherfucker. with the car. Like, I'm that stupid sometimes. Like, I forget, you know what, you want to fuck with me? That's one thing. I don't give a fuck. But with my wife, my wife don't bother nobody. My wife don't know nothing about nothing. You don't know nothing. So I made a U-turn, I looked at the guy, and he was still holding on to his hand. He's definitely going

to a hospital because I heard the hand shatter twice. Fuck him. Like I said, he was out to ruin somebody's day and dole. You know, my main man's in the house today, Emilio Rivera, from fucking everything. I was going to say that. He's from everything. It doesn't even matter. But on IMDB.

Like some people work once a year. I don't think you've stopped. I don't think you've stopped. It has like 80 things. It's amazing. And you go to a hotel room. You're trying to relax and collateral comes on the other day. I'm watching that scene.

That's one of my own time. Get it out of the way. You know, that whole fucking thing he says to you. But on top of that, you're on here because you're a super fucking good guy. And you've been there. You've woken up some morning. Is it nine in the morning? Going to the store to get.

And you bumped into a motherfucker, Emilio. Maybe 20 years ago. I was probably the other guy. The other guy, yeah, trying to ruin somebody's there. You know. You know, a lot of times I woke up just trying to fuck them out. The hot, how I could fuck them, my heart. My life was pretty cool, man.

It's just like I would find ways to mess it up, you know? Because sometimes I was too, I think I was just too hyper, bro. I was just too fucking hyper. I needed to do something. Always, it's stupid. You know, it was stupid. Are you young? That's what it means to be young, really.

And be younger on drugs, you know, I'm talking about that. Be young and on drugs. You're even dumber. You know, you're even stupiler. Oh, my God. You know, you wake up. And I saw this kid when I pulled the way I was a man. I would never have been dream of calling the cops.

You know, it's not my style. It was just one of these things that I felt bad for him. After it all went down, it didn't even have to go down that way. You know, I feel bad because I would have fucking ran over his toe. When he flew out, it looked like a TV show. Like, he just got... T.J. Hook or something. It was like T.J. Hook over the hood.

And, you know, I will hit a motherfucker with a car. I mean, that's the saddest thing. It's the saddest fucking thing. But, you know, what the fuck we are? Well, that's too bad that you had to go to that. You know, like, we know you're tough guy, Joey, back in the day. No, no, no, no, no. But see, what happens is that that don't ever go away.

That doesn't ever go away. You know, it's locked in there. It's locked in a lot of times we're holding our mother, man. Once in a while, something like that, it all explodes, all the stuff that you've been holding down will come out. That's dangerous, man. You know, it's funny that I was never one of those guys. And if something did go down, night out of ten,

it was over a friend of mine that I got involved or something. but that's been for a long time. And today it was just a real... Usually I walk away from those things. I see what that's... I saw what it was. I saw what it was as soon as I got in the car. But if he would have kept talking to me,

I would have kept giggling. I told you that fucking Judey yesterday and Miami told me to go fuck myself. And I just laughed because he was Jewish. I love when somebody's Jewish telling me to go fuck myself. Finally, somebody's real. These motherfuckers walk away and tell you, because we wrote the project out.

We wrote that character out. This Jew in Miami told me, Go fuck yourself. Okay. Well, I mean, it's... I'm not gonna say it's good that you hit him because, like, God forbid, what if you knocked him and then he knocked his head

and he died and now you're in jail forever. But, like, I'm a timid guy, and I've always gone home after a situation like that. Like, I wish I'd hit him or done something like that. So, like, what do you feel after that? I felt the same thing I felt when I was there. If I would have saw him reaching, I would have ran him over. Like, I would have had a justification.

If I would have saw him reaching for a weapon or a knife, I would have run him over. but I didn't and that's why I kept going and listen man I've been in those situations before when I was younger and I went back

for no reason that's when you get crazy when you go back you already got out of the situation you got out of the situation why the fuck are you going back because he tore your shirt because he called you a faggot

because he hurt your feelings you're out of the situation you know what seven out of ten you got to think the cops are on their way and you don't want to be there let them look for you if they're going to look for you let them look for you

let them look for you Let them do the fucking footwork. Get the fuck out of that. Once I'm out of a situation, I'm out. That's experience right there. See when you're 21, you come back. That pride will fuck you up. Yeah, that pride will fuck you up every single time, brother.

Are you nervous about parking in this area now? Do I look fucking nervous to you? I don't know. I almost, I was on the last day of getting my sticker back for re-registering my car, and I was nervous about driving it. So, I mean, I don't know. I get nervous about everything, so I don't know. No, don't worry about too much, bro.

All this is going to be a little warning, bro. nothing going to happen, bro. You know what I'm saying? It's amazing when you've had a couple different lives like Emilio has had. Yeah, man. You've had a couple. If you sit there. I've had about eight different lives.

Yeah. I've been lucky, man. You know, God's been building me. You know, I got my back, bro. You really did. Sometimes I understand why I, but thank you, man. He does. He does.

I look at this baby girl. It's 14 months old. So after that, after all that drama, I went home. And I had a half of a medical marijuana, chocolate bar, and I ate that motherfucker. Right? To calm me down. Right, because you know me.

Come me down. Why am I going to eat a Valium for it? You got a chocolate fucking chip cookie or whatever. It's got T.H. I would never even dream of eating a Valium or a drug anymore when you got half a fucking Calubi bar. It's got about 100 fucking whatever's in it. And I ate half of that.

And then I went to Studio City, and I went to Storytime. My wife and my daughter was like 40 fucking kids. And I sat there with a bunch of kids and watched the ladies sing. It was one of the most entertaining things. I thought she was just going to read a book. No, no, no. They fucking sing songs. the fucking busk rolls around the track, around the track, whatever the fucking.

You got to move your arms. Hello, you got to wave you. Oh, it's fucking tremendous. She caught me. She caught me to fuck up. After 20 minutes, I caught myself. I had to sit down. I was embarrassed.

I was jumping up and down with little fucking kids. When you eat one of these candy bars, I haven't got hired in 23 years ago. But how long does it take for you to hit? 30 minutes. It takes a while. Before you can't just take a hit of a joint form, you're there. You're there. No, no.

This takes, and you know what? If you know how to chew it. And it gets into your mouth. Your mouth takes those motherfuckers right to your soul. You know, you got to chew that T-8C in your mouth, like those Krispies. Like today, it was like a Nestle's crunch, only even out white chocolate. So I had half of it from last night. That's what I ate.

The last, but when I went on the road this week, I didn't sleep well. So when I came back, I didn't want to fuck around. I wanted to get good rest. Because I'm one of those motherfuckers that I go to bed at 12 and be walking around at 4. I'm one of those retarded motherfuckers. I get up every night at 4 just to look around. it's what I do with it. Sometimes I close my eyes and pray and go, Lord, give me another hour.

If it gives me another hour, I'm fucking good. Sometimes I stay awake. You know, my mind goes. That's your clock. That's your clock. So today I slept until 6.30. That's fucking tremendous. And I went to about 11.

You know, I ate one of those Jupiter bars, and I was fucking googots. And then, on the Monday, we ate the thing in the morning. I gave him a half a gummy bear. You know, like a gummy bear, at 630, we were fucked up by it. and then I ate another because I didn't sleep so I wanted to sleep when I went home but I had breakfast I couldn't fall asleep because I had too many things to do so I did them in the morning I had to answer emails and send emails and about one o'clock I said let me lay down I was pretty high and a half a gummy bit and all so I'm like it's fucking 80 degrees out I ate a hole

I had another whole one I ate the whole fucking thing I put my track sneakers on I put my shorts and I went to the park with my iPod I did wind sprints and I threw some kettlebells for like 45 minutes under the sun like a fucking soldier. I'm 51. I got to get those bones strong. My daughter's going to be fucking three years old in six months. I got to get it ready for a draft in fucking 16 years. I don't know what type of draft. Anything. Soccer, golf, whatever the fuck type of draft. You know what I'm saying?

Fuck. So no, that's what you got to do. I don't know how. That's what I do with it. I get motivated. When I smoke weed, I don't know nothing about sitting around and playing fucking Nintendo. When I smoke weed, that's when I, bro, when I want to play, like, if you come to me and say, Joe, I got this dude, he's got to half a kilo. He lives on Kowanga and Burbank. We could get him from the back.

I'd just say, let me smoke a joint, go look at the situation. We smoke that number. We go look at the situation. The path comes right to you. And also next... Well, smoking a joint, eating a guillion and a half. It's the same thing. Oh, no, it's not... This weed that's out now. How high? You used to get high on the weed. Not as high as the edibles. But you get fucked up. You'd pass right to fuck out. It never made you get up and do

ballet. That's true. Which is my point. It's what you do with that fucking energy. You know, when you smoke that plant, it's an It goes into your system now. If you want to pass out and eat a white castle, that's your fucking dilemma. I'm telling you that there's all, when the sun is shining on your face and you're a little stone, you feel like fucking God's touching you. And you're Jewish. You don't need to say.

You're fucking Jewish, Lee. Cock sucker. Cock sucker. Everything all really? Everything is great. You know what? I'm interested to hear what you guys have to say. I've been spending a lot of time with this girl who's Mexican and she lives in Inglewood and her mom's like from Mexico.

and I grew up in a very white neighborhood so like being white has never really been part of who I am like I never really think about it but every time we talk it's like she's like she's in law school and she's she's talking about how she's in like the Mexican Association and how how this affects her and like is it part of like your guys everyday life like just I don't think it registers with white people really it's like everything she does she relates back to being Mexican I just doesn't

That's her own insecurities for me bro You dig what I'm saying You know what I'm proud of being Mexican You know but I don't hold it back for anything I don't say hey man You know we were dishing that back in the day Yeah we had it a little bit rough But you know you can't be dwelling on that shit

Man you gotta just do your thing You know what I mean Otherwise you won't go nowhere you know It's not even negative But she's just like She I think she feels like responsibility To other Mexican people like her That's a good thing right there

That's a good thing If she's doing it that one And I got the question wrong. Then, no, that's a good thing right there. She wants to represent and represent Brian. That's a beautiful thing, in fact, though. You know what I'm saying? You meant that, like, when you see certain people

mention being Mexican a lot. Yeah, there's... Oh, there's... Oh, there's... Oh, you know, I'm Mexican. That's going on to get the... The job. ...opportunities and this and that.

No, she's... Actually, she's... She's... That's a good thing. Oh, no, it's a great thing, but it's just... For me, a white kid from Boston, and it's never really part of my thought process. I'm not, like, I got to do this

for the other white Russian Jews. No, because, no, because if you think about it, everything's been done, you know, pretty much as an accomplished that has been allowed by a white man. You know what I mean? So it's just like me, I do my thing, and I represent my people. When I have times the characters I play, they're not positive characters, but you know what, they got a lot of dignity, bro.

You know what I'm talking about? And I always will give you that, you know what I'm saying? Because, you know, even the bad guys got dignity. They got hard and they got morals. You digger on me. I've met his girlfriend. Let me tell you a couple weeks ago. We were talking him and I.

and she's a first year law student which for a girl where she's from you gotta give a problem right on that's beautiful and there ain't nobody there's splitting that bill that girl is she ain't singing the blues she gets on the train

you know what I'm saying she gets on a train and comes here and he picks her up so this bitch ain't singing no blues and she got a job with the DA's department just from meeting her she got an internship in the summer

and I could tell that she's gonna be good at what she does. She's going to be a proud Latino woman. She's going to be good at what she does. But in the same token, she's going to do something. You know what I'm saying? She's going to really try. She's going to do something special.

You know, when people get in trouble, you and I have gotten in trouble, you know when we get in trouble, whacked out of something, it's and it's somebody who talks to us who turns out life around. It's somebody who, and she has the potential to do that. Sometimes

it's a DA. Sometimes it's a DA, who comes into the room and says, listen, man, I've been where you've been, and this is where I am now. Let's get out of this mess. Let's move on. And you sit there and go, I just gave myself up or whatever, but I know that there's hope, because this lady just told me where she fucking grew up.

You know, anybody could go to law school with credit cards. I could tell that she's getting it all on loans. My family ain't fucking rich. They don't have a cup, you know. And it's very nice to see, man. How old is she, bro? 23? Oh, yeah?

She's younger. He's 25. She's 23. This is a young little fucking love. A long time ago. It turns on your side, but that's beautiful, man. It's great, but it's just like, every time I go to visit her, I'm not nervous anymore, but like somebody got shot in her complex. The other day, it's like a new gang came back.

And her mom's like a 60-year-old mom, but apparently like whenever we walk in the neighborhood, everyone waves to her. But it's just like, I can't imagine growing up in that situation. And it's just... You know, it's because you're foreign to it. I mean, that's how I grew up in, it was just part of everyday life, bro. I mean, people were dying around you, man, you know? I mean, it's a fucked-up way of life, but it is what it is,

but at the while it just becomes, that's home. You know what I'm saying? You just learn how to duck, man. You know, you hear gunshots hit that floor. You know, even in the house, you know, that's the house. You know, my mom, all of us knew, you know, everybody hit the floor, you know. And even sometimes I give a backfire, you could tell it was a backfire because they, you could, there's a difference in the drag fire when you hear a bullet,

because a bullet, it is just breaking the sound. barriers what's the noise is for you don't talk about so okay it's amazing I didn't like what happened this morning because it happened in front of my wife that's the thing but you see you see we walked away people you were by yourself yeah I don't like that shit I don't like my wife seeing me trying to hit the motherfucker with a car I don't like my wife to uh you know I love my wife and I respect my wife a lot and it's amazing the life I used to lead that I had no respect for the person in the car with me or the person waiting for me and I don't want her to see You know, so when I talked about that today, it was just to tell you about my fucking day.

It wasn't in a way to, I didn't want my way. I felt a little embarrassed the rest of the day. You could tell something was up when she was hanging the curtains. Wasn't that I was mad at her. She's not mad at me. We had a good time this morning. You're protecting her, bro. Yeah, I don't like her to see me go off.

I don't like her to see my potential, you know. And it's amazing what you could do. And when it scares you when you say, you know what, I'm not going to do that no more than I moved on, you know. Did you have a particular moment? in your life and you say, I don't want to do this no more. I got this little acting gig going, I'm going to stick with it, and maybe something will happen. But you know what, brother? You know, and that's the thing

because my life was, most of my life was a violin guy, and then when I got King, like I say, it just settles there. It's never going to go away. It's there, you dig. And you don't want, and you know what, bro, you learn to smile because you don't want that to come out of you because you know the damage you can do, you know? Because when you go,

I go, I'm gone. You dig what I'm I'm saying? You don't want that I come out. And even being king and sober, it's had to come out maybe like maybe nine times, you know, in my 23 years, which is pretty good because he's come out all the time. But it was stuff that, you know, somebody broke in my car. I caught him. It was beautiful, you know, I mean, he broke your car. You actually cast a thief. You know, there was two of them, and it was, I went off.

You know, I mean, it was, I did more than I should have, but, you know, hey, you know what, disrespectful, you know, you're going to learn. Maybe I saved their life by doing what I did. You did what I'm saying? but yeah you know maybe 19 to 23 years which is pretty damn good but that monster's always sitting there bro just don't want and you and you find ways that the best thing enjoy is smile smile and counting you know count it sounds stupid but it works man at least it does for me you dig you know but it's you know sometimes it's instant you know it's like that it's like it's you know you threaten me it's on bro you know so you push me you don't touch me you know it's gonna go

you know and and like I said I've been blessed you know because man if I don't fight again in my life or hurt somebody or getting into altercation, I'll be the happiest man, brother, because because now it's really weird because even when you do something bad, I have that feeling that it bothers. Like you said, you felt bad. I like that because you're a good man, bro. You know, like even after you did something, even though they fucked up and you hurt them because they fucked up, they tried to do something bad to you, it hurts me, my heart

hurts, bro. You know what I'm saying? And when you get clean and sober, it took so long to get my heart clean again. You know, you start reminiscing all this shit you did, all the bad shit. And then you get clean again. Now you got to fucking cleanse yourself all over again because it stays with you, bro. It does stay with you.

You know what I mean? It's not good, man. That's because you're a good man, though, bro. That's what you do. Not what I have to. You've been clean soap with 23 years. Yes, sir. Coming up in May would be 24.

And when did you get into acting? Riley, about a year later, when I started when he was able to talk. I was crack cocaine, I really messed me up, so I couldn't really keep my words together. So about a year of recovery, I was able to speak.

I wasn't twitching no more. My hand wasn't twitching no more. and then I started getting into it, you know. So how do you get in? Okay, so Joey, you started with weed, did a little bit, did Coke, and did a couple of other things, but mostly Coke. How do you get to crack? I was hooked on crack for about four weeks myself in 1998.

I'm the way home from the comedy store. I used to sell it right by Man's Chinese theater. In between Sunset and Hollywood Boulevard, and one night I saw him out there, and I thought it was Coke. So I pulled over and bought it, brought it home. I tried to snort it, and I realized it was crack. No. And then I fucking, the next night I got a Coke can.

Yeah. And I went over and I kept doing it. Every night I go and I get $40 worth of a rock and smoking them. Then one night they gave me soap. And I really pissed. Or wax, bro. Yeah. They fucking pissed me off.

And it was funny. I went to El Paso. To stop smoking crack, I went to do a weekend in El Paso. And El Paso's big blow. So I said, well, I'm down here. I won't do cracking anymore. I just do Coke. When I did Coke for the five days and I got off the crack.

So if not I would have been hooked on fucking crack with dirty fingers and shit. Yeah, well, see, my thing was I was on heroin for 11 years, and I kicked heroin by doing crack. What, shooting you? Yeah, yeah. What, fuck. I can't do needles, man. No, you know what? I hate needles, bro, but it made you, you know, you just, the high overtakes the needle part, you know.

But what it was, you know, is that crack cocaine is, that's a devil. See, it took me 10 times, bro, to do it. And then finally, I didn't get, like, what's a big deal? And then finally, I guess I was hearing it wrong. When I finally hit the 10th time, I said, oh, shit, this is what they're talking about. And I ran with it. It was ugly, bro. It was ugly.

Jesus Christ. What made you go from heroin to crack? I was a too different kind of. I was what you called trash can. See, because I was such a hyper guy. I was just, I wanted, I was wild, but I was a wild man. So the heroin would bring me, you know, stole me down a little bit because I was on a row, you know.

And I was a trash, which called trash gun, I did a trash can junkie. I tried everything. I would try, like, I put heroin with, done to do some acid and some PCP and see what it would take me, you know. And some of the most. trippiest places in you ever, I'll never go back and I hope to never go back again. But that crack will came, man,

really, it really, and that's, there's no, you can't stop. You don't stop. Jesus. You know what, man, I have a weight problem. Thank God, I never did. None of that ever came into me. We'll put you on a four-week crack diet. You'll be looking like slim gym.

You're going to lose your mind, too, brother. You know. Fuck it. I can't even. You need that. Getting up in the morning, stabbing people at the 7-11. You'll be down the 1-4. But, fuck, at that point. You have some way.

You have your ideas running you over, bro. I know, Jesus. I saw this video today. It's an old video, but it's this woman on, like, the streets of, like, New York or something. And she's covered in paint. And she's just, like, kind of rolling on the streets. And, like, her friend came by. And she said she was a heroin in crack smoker.

I was like, fuck. Like, I can't imagine what that's, like, seeing what it does to people, but then having the urge to do it still. I can't. Like, thank God. It's like fucking smoking cigarettes. You go walk into 7-Eleven and buy a pack of cigarettes.

It's like fucking, you know, so many other things. That are bad for you that... Yeah, you're very good put, bro. Because you don't know what's messing you up, but what is it is like you're starting to get a bigger tolerance for you're thinking, wow, I could do more and more, but it's really, that's when you started getting messed up.

But at the while, it just tastes control. You're not getting in your hand more. You're just doing it to be normal. Fuck. Yeah, man. So what we know, our listeners probably know what got Joey off of it. Like, what made you change? sure stop.

I was, well, like I was, I was twitching, my eyes were, you know, you remember Marty Feldman that crazy eye,

that's what my eye was doing. I couldn't, I was pointing out my own teeth, I was putting out my own teeth, bro, because I could. Just because you could?

Well, they're all loose now, you know what I'm saying? They were all loose, you know? What? Sometimes to, like, to show off,

you know, fucking stupid shit, right? And, yeah, I was, I was, I was,

I started thinking I was invincible, bro. I was doing some, I can't talk about some stuff that I did because I don't want to criminal in myself, but I did some fuck them shit, you know. You all do when you're in that fucking level. I still, every time I'm on Sunset Boulevard, yesterday or the day before I had to go to

Hollywood and that was on Sunset on that side by Vermont. And I was thinking about this guy I had, they used to sell me Coke on Western and Sunset. Emil, I didn't know his name. I didn't know where he came from. I knew nothing. All you knew that after about 12, you went to Sunset. And you went to that Burger King and made a U-turn. And he'd come running from behind the car somewhere.

He spoke Spanish. He didn't talk to you. He asked you what you wanted. And the first thing he did was put a Coke rock in your nose to make sure you weren't a cut. There was no talking. There was no conversation. He'd go pull over.

He put a Coke rock in your nose. And he didn't have it in paper. He'd just give it to you in your hand. And then he'd run away. And that was it. That was his fucking day. You know, so... Can you imagine that shit?

That's not a fucking horrible. a whole week. But that's the thing, guys. Luckily, for most of the people listening, like, this is, you can say that it's just what happens when you're on it. Most of the people who listen to this are like, what the fuck you're talking about? Anybody who has been on drugs,

anybody that listens to this, and has been on drugs for two years and over, and has gotten into the late-night vampire world of drugs, knows that there's no boundaries. There's no boundaries what you're going to see at night. I remember living in Seattle, 95. If I'd stay out to do comedy, I would miss the bus to go over to where I live with Josh Wolf. So I'd have to stay at this cook's house. This cook was crazy.

He had a long hair. He was a guitar player for a bang. He looked like the guy from Sound Guard. But where he lived that night, everybody knew that you could go to his house. So they'd throw rocks at his window. I remember waking up on his couch and seeing two black guys and Lionel. That was his name, White Lionel, smoking crack. And going, what the fuck?

No other night, he woke me out and said, there's a party. in the building. And there was a naked ladies dancing in a fucking cage. And I'm sitting there going, and people doing heroin. This is the world you step into when you go into those levels of it. There's the first level of me and you, Amelia, and you

getting together at a bar. And doing a couple bumps. And then there comes the level of you buying a package and taking it home with you. Then now you're taking two packages. Now you find a girl that's into it that sucks your dick with ice cubes in the mound and sticks a tongue up your ass when you're coked up and pulls a

dildo up your ass and she don't tell nobody. That's a fucking tremendous party right there. You're just seeing it all right now. And then you fucking start, then you throw her out. Because you ain't got enough coke for her no more. You ain't sharing no more. You ain't sharing no more. And this is 10, 12 years in,

you're starting to slip at your job. You're already tapped into your 401k. You remorgans the house. This is, this gets out. Now you're in a dark world. Now your wife leaves you. You got child support. It's a progressive disease.

It's a progressive fucking disease. And it's, you know, I tell my wife the other and I go, I don't know what the biggest miracle God pulled here, whether it give me this beautiful little 14-month-old baby or taking me off the blow. If you look at what I wrote, and I didn't know we were going to even talk about this today. But last night, we were talking about what would happen to me

at 10 to 8 at night every night. If I didn't have a set, eight years ago, because I haven't cleaned seven years, eight years in November, if I didn't have a comedy set at night, I would be okay until after dinner. I would eat dinner, and then I would start declining. By 7.30, the fucking stomach would hurt. My bones would start hurting, and I would go deaf.

And at that time, I didn't care what that money was in the bank, who I owed it to when the payment was due. I would get in the fucking car, and I wouldn't even think. I wouldn't even stop for red lights. I would go straight to the Rouse on Sunset, Rock and Roll Rouse, They have an ATM. They have an ATM right there. I'd pull up in front of the ATM.

I didn't give a fuck about no ticket. And I'd take $60. And right from there, I'd make a U-turn on sunset. Regardless, cops, no cops. And I dipped up in Highland, and right there was with my drug deal there. That was the one guy. I had a little Mexican guitar player at El Campanre.

I had that guy, and I would go over there, and I would snort the Coke because I was driving. I would crush it in my hand. And at the first light on Sunset and Shreder, I would put the dollar bill in and do the whole bag in one shot or 60. Then I would go upstairs, jerk off, and take a big fucking shit and look out the window for 15 minutes.

And devise how I was going to get my next package at 1 o'clock. Would I get delivered or do I have to get dressed again? I thought. Very good, man. That's your whole life. That's your whole life. That's your whole life. What percentage of people in America, maybe not to that level,

maybe not to 10 years in, but five years. or something like get to a problem where it's a problem. Well, you know, like I said, I did heavy drugs for 11 years and then after 14 months of crack, I was done. Because, you know,

I was doing $400 a day, bro. $400? Yeah, man. It's so easy to do. And she would help. I would sell dope not to get to help. I always had a good job. I was a mechanical engineer.

I was a functional addict. But what it was, that money that I made there was take care of my family, you know, a responsible man. The money I, the dope, the money I made selling dope

would just keep me high all the time. You dig what I'm saying? And there was a lot of money to be made, bro. But it was just too... Was it really... So how much could... If you wanted to go out there and not... Let's say you weren't addicted,

but you just wanted to sell crack. How much money could you make in a day? A lot. Especially if you're a person you can trust and you always have. You always carry. You can make a lot of money, bro. But my thing was just a suck. I needed it, bro.

I needed to stay high. I was... It was almost like to keep me... Even though I was insane. I thought I was being it kept me shame you did what I'm saying I got it's I can't even imagine it man like you're saying these words to me

and I'm here I just put it's it's too like I can't imagine working that hard working a job and then working another job to make 400 a day which is a lot of fucking money it's a lot of crack come I paid I paid 700 a month my car payment was $300 I paid $300 a month for child support

and groceries. Me and Terry were splitting 2,000 a month. We kept our nut low. I was doing $120 a day, five days a week. I don't know how I was getting the money. I don't know who I was getting the money from.

When you add that up, it's a lot of money a month. That's a lot of money in a year. That's $600 a week. That's my last three months of my addiction, though. You know, it started only like about $40, 60 bucks, $100 a day. And the last three months of my addiction,

That's when I was losing my mind because it was too many drugs going to my system, bro. You know what I'm saying? I mean, I was, bro, I was like this. And my mom would look at me and cry and she'd say, what are you doing yourself? You know, I kind of your eye. I mean, literally, bro, my eye would just go that way, it would be all white. And I'd be like, I'm okay, mom, I'm okay, mom, come on, I'm okay. And still working, bro.

And then I would try to put my hand in my pocket so people wouldn't see this, this thing I had, this little twitch. Because it wouldn't, it would always all the time, we would just come. You could sit, also we're talking, I'll start doing this. So I tried to put in my pocket, and then it looked kind of weird doing this shit in my pocket. You know what I'm saying? It was a... Fuck.

Bad times, bro. Is that what make you guys work so hard? Because, like, if you think about it, to make enough money to support $600 a week and $400 a day for a few months, you have to work pretty goddamn hard. Well, no, because you already have your connections, bro. You know what you know. Because I was getting it so dirt cheap, and I knew how to make my own stuff. And then, you know, because you get it, you powdery and nothing.

If you know how to put your stuff together with a baking, so and all that shit, it's really easy to make, bro. You did. And people just want to go to do it. that trouble, they just rather buy it. Wow. It's fucking amazing. When you start dealing coke and fucking around

just to keep your thing intact, you know, your little fucking secret intact. I would do comedy any... Listen, it's no secret because from the time I stepped off that fucking car in 97 in this town

to 2006, I did a set to two sets every night. Because you had the comedy store and stuff and they paid you with a check. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That wasn't my thing. I'll swing by that

because that's where I got my Coke on the way home. So I'm going to be there. Might as well do a set. But it was those early sets that I would go into fucking all those Casal Latinas because those things paid your 40 and 50.

Rudy at the Ace House. They pay your cash. So I always booked those. I had those five nights a week, bro. Five nights a week because I had to feed that fucking hole. I remember, the guy I had, it was 60 a gram.

If I showed up with Ford, he wouldn't come on. You know what I see. See what was good up with that. If you buy an eight ball piece by piece, it costs you $225. I get a whole eight ball for $80,000. So that's what I could do my thing. That's what you do your thing. So somebody calls you and says, I want a gram.

You got 60. I got an eight ball for 90. Bam. I get fucking two and a half grams for fucking 90 bucks. I can find. Now, I'll call Lee. I won't go Lee. What do you pay for a gram?

I pay $100. Give me $60. Look at this fucking boulder. I'm going to drop on you. I still got a gram and a half. and I got a hundred dollars to throw away and 50 bucks cash. You make it happen every day.

Like I used to tell you, I used to wake up in the morning when I lived in Jersey and I was 19, I wake up in the morning, go to Charlie's Diner, who's still on Facebook, I still talk to him on Facebook, and go in there, have breakfast and make him give me a 20. It's like Sean Penn in that movie he did. When he went crazy and then he came out,

he went to the movie theater with John Tuval. You see that movie? With John Travolta and the old guy, great fucking movie, very independent. It was an independent movie, but he came on. for the movie with the girl with his wife and she goes listen I don't have no money to pay for the ticket she's so lovely she's so lovely and he pays for it and he goes how about $40 for drinks so he got the he signed at the in the old days you could sign 20 bucks from the register and a

fucking uh a ticket I used I would go to a chari's get breakfast and go charity give me breakfast take a $20 on the register I'll be back this afternoon to give you that before you close at five that 20 got me going now I picked up a 20 from him And I give you two bumps and you go get me a gram and I get me a hunt and now the party started Bam, bam, bam you're ahead now I'm ahead now it's two in the afternoon. I'm already ahead How do you worry about rent like how like I understand rent is do one the first I'm I worry about rent on the 31st that's how the real prims do it exactly bro real pimps don't worry about rents you don't worry about shit the first time rent comes into your mind is the 26 you're like

Ooh five days you got you got the one dude that you were gonna borrow money from that you got them on a hook Because I would call a guy like Lee, go Lee, I'm going to bind. I need $300. And you go, all right, call me, call me, and I write you a check. I got Lee. But then I call you an hour later and go leave, forget the $300. I got a handle. My buddy's going to give me a gram.

I wouldn't tell you, he's going to give me a gram money on. So I already got you for $300. My rent's $450. So I would just wait two weeks. If I didn't make the $4.50, I'd call Lee on the 26 and go, Lee, I need that $300. And I'll come up with $150 at the bar. You just put pieces together. I wouldn't worry about rent to the 30 first.

That's right. No, you don't worry about shit. Nothing. To the day before. You worry about what's in front of you. What's in front of you today. But you know what? Today.

But you know what? In my real life nowadays, I don't worry about shit now. We neither. I don't worry. You know, I never worried about shit, bro. You know, I don't go. Because it don't help nothing, bro. Don't do nothing for you.

It's going to be. It's going to be what it's going to be. At the end of the day, worry and it makes you get old. It makes you get depressed because you're worrying it. But now a sudden, it comes out to be okay. So what's the fuck? You think what I'm saying?

You know why he works so much? Why? Because he believes. Because at the first of the month, me and him have the same amount of money in the bank. Zero. At the first of the month, we all have zero. A lot of people have to go to work, they can't.

There's a lot of people that have to get on a bus and take a train and go to work and commit to a job. He commits when he has a job. But there's something to, for it to be the tent and for you haven't worked yet. And you're like, I don't know I'll book something by the other month. I'm going to go, bro. You understand me?

You understand me? You know? That's a state of mind. And you know, and you're worried about shit. When you go to a room to go read, they do look like you. They know you're worried. They smell a fuck. They smell you, bro.

They see people fucking hundred people a day, bro. They know who's worried and who's mad. He's a motherfucker who's all right, you know? He's going to be comfortable on the set because he's coming. He's comfortable. He ain't worried about shit. He's ready to take care of what you got to take care of in front of him, you know? When I walk in that set, even though I need that money to snark coat tonight.

I need to rent. I need to get a plane ticket next week to New York. I'm walking I'm gonna shed all that I'm gonna that's when you become a real actor when you walk in there you shed that fucking

desperation I used to sell cars you gotta shed that desperation even though I need this motherfucker God no either you do it or you don't

you walk in there cool as motherfucker what I was looking for a job when I found this one and shit stop it it's hard

it's harder to I mean fucking The joke is the Jews always worry about, but it's hard not to worry about stuff sometimes. Can't worry about nothing. How did it? Do you believe in anything they taught you when you were a little Jew? No. Do you believe in any of the gods or Jeremiah to walk into it?

Not really. You got to believe in something. You got to believe in something. You got a liar of power, brother. And like I tell people all the time, you know what? If you don't believe in something, it's great. Just believe in yourself. Okay?

You're an atheist, but do me a fair book. Because once you start believing yourself, you go, damn, this shit ain't happening because of me. I'm getting this good fortune from somewhere else. And then you'll deter and go, wow, something out there. It may not be gone. Maybe it's fucking Lucifer with a haircut. You never fucking know what you say that. You know what I'm saying?

You never fucking know. It's just amazing when you think back at this time. That's where you get your strength from. Sometimes I wake up in the morning. I'm like, fuck. I remember when I used to wake up struggling, no money, you know, because it's one thing not having an egg. but it's another thing not having an egg

and not having $40 for the fix that night because the whole day that's on your mind when you're talking to people, you're looking at their teeth to see if you can't rip out a gold tooth because you need $40 you can't focus. You're like, oh, you know what, maybe you'll send me a check today from fine. You wait for that mailman

to walk down the block. As soon as that motherfucker walks out the building, you walk in and check your mail and you got nothing in there. You know, my thing is, you know, like even now, it's like about being clean is that, I don't I got less to worry about you, dig what I'm saying? Because I don't got to worry about getting high home.

I just take care of my family. My boy and my wife, you know, that's my life, you know what I'm saying? And we're okay. You know what I mean? We're going to be okay. You know, a hug house. That's enough for my boy. I mean, he loves his little toys and digital Nintendo and all that stuff.

But you know what? Give me a hug, dad. He just goes, give me a hug, dad. And I love that, homie. Can't buy that stuff, brother. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. No, I mean, it's crazy.

It's inspiring to hear. And of course, you never wish that someone would go through that. But it's cool seeing, I'm sure the people who are listening. Because you said, Joe, you get, like, a bunch of emails about addiction. Every fucking. It must be cool seeing two people who've gone through it and come out the other side. Because there's a lot of it. There's a lot of examples of people who haven't made it out.

Most don't, bro. You dig what I'm saying? And that's honest truth, bro. And it's fucked up. You know, it just got to give sobriety a chance, bro. Because, you know, I'm not going to say, it makes life easier. Life is still going to hit you, bro. I mean, life hits me once in a while.

You dig what I'm saying? I'm so, you know, I can manage that shit. I can say, okay, I know how to duck it a little bit. When you're fucking, when you're stoned and she, you're just standing there getting hit. You know what I mean? Fuck that. It's amazing.

I didn't put this together until about a month ago on the podcast. I have a friend that moved here with me, and she still fucked up. And I thought that after, you know, she saw me get off the powder and get it together and shit. You know, it's amazing, Emilio, that you made one little sacrifice, but so many doors open for you. by making one little sacrifice.

You know it wasn't a sacrifice. It wasn't good for you. It wasn't good for you, bro. It wasn't healthy. It wasn't getting you fucking nowhere. It's amazing when you could tell something. Like now, this is what I tell people. I'm like, listen, man, let me tell you what happened to me.

It was such, it was so mind-boggling to stop getting high that, you want to close that door plane? It was so mind-boggling. I stopped getting high that opened up all these other, I mean, it just opened up the podcast. It opened up, you know, going on the road. It opened up my door. It opened up getting married.

I did so many things after I stopped and I. Like, it opened so many fucking doors by taking care of this one little fucking problem. This one little nagging fucking problem that you, unless you take care of it, it's not going to go away. It's going to scratch it you every fucking night. And yeah, you might be able to chuck and John. for three or four months because we all did you chuck and jive but you know what it's always there there's only one way to fuck with it

it's just locked the door and turn off the light but you know it's easier to say than to do it I just wish that when people watch this podcast they'll listen whatever the fuck it could be done and it's a beautiful fucking life out there people think bro if I don't get high I'm not gonna be

social no more fuck those bitches anyway fuck those punk ass bitches you get a cut it's hard to do bro but let me tell you this is my thing you know You know, when I used to get hanged, like I could say if I bought a, say I bought a bag, you know, I'd buy two bags. One bag was for me, and you guys can share that. I would always be, I always buy it for everybody, bro. But I would buy two, like I said, whatever it was.

If it was two bags, it was two dippers. Once for me, you guys share that. That's enough for you guys. I just don't want to share my shit. I bought my shit for you guys just because I was a pig with my drugs. You did what I'm saying, bro? You know, I was no good at that, but I really was, you know? It's amazing.

And now you have it stopped. Oh, what the point I'm trying to make. The point I'm trying to make. So when I got to come, my, the guy that helped me get clean. He goes, you got to cut your friends juice. I go, hey, I can't cut my friend of loose, bro. He goes, he goes, you're going to have to cut your friends juice. He goes, when they come and ask you, let's go party, just say no.

And they'll cut you loose, bro. And you know what, bro? In two weeks, you find out who your friends are. You know what I'm saying? Because I ain't buying for you no more, homie. You don't what I'm saying? You got to find somebody else to buy my shit. You know what I mean?

and you'll find out your friends who are real quick, bro, real quick. And that's a complete different other fucking animal. That's a complete different level of life when you think that when you realize it was all a party for them. It hurts more than anything in the fucking world when you realize. All you guys say the role is fuck damn real quick and get on with your own self, you know what I mean? Because ain't nobody give a fuck at the end, bro,

but your family really is, that's what it is, bro. And all you're doing is hurting them because nobody else gives a fuck. Yeah. You know, like I always say, man, doing time for me was like another fucking day outside. It was when people loved me, came in to see me, had to look at their face. Had to sit in the box and look at their face. And I could see their, not pity, but they had this look on their face. Like, you let them down.

That's a fucking horrible feeling for me. Anything else that bothered me about prison didn't. Yeah, guys kicking my bed and saying, wake the fuck up, cock sucker. It's whatever time. That bothered me. But when my people came to visit me and I had to look at people. who cared about me because the people would make the trip and people care about you and when they're sitting across from you and they can't touch you and you got a glass in

between you and that fucking hurts you know you go back to yourself thinking look what I did to the people that really care about me because the motherfuckers at the bar that you were drinking with they ain't gonna make the hike on a Sunday morning on Monday after them to come see you they're too busy still they're out there keeping it down for you that's what they'll tell you when you get out right bro was keeping it down for you I was only I was running down for you But if you look at it now, bro, even until now, the same people that have been holding it down for me the past 20th years is my mom, you know, my brothers, you know what I'm saying? My new wife, you know, those are the ones that are holding it down for me, but the ones that are going to take me when I wasn't partying them out, bro.

You know, they were trying to tell me to get clean, you know, and I mean, now they're proud that I've been clean, you know, but they've been there from the get, bro, never left, you know, never left. Is it a struggle for you guys? I mean, I know Joey, I mean, you said you don't really get urges. Do you get urges to, like, do any of that stuff? Or it's been so long, like, fuck. You know what, man? You know, my thing is, like, of course, I'm an addict for life. I always get urges, you know?

But you know what scares me, bro, is that, you know, God has been good to me, bro. He, you know, I believe in God. You know, I'm not church-going guy, but I'm a God for your man, you dig. And he's giving me so much to spread the word that, you know what, don't do this. Don't do that to the young kids, the new generation. and if and um but i'm i'm scared bro you did guy's been he's giving me a gift and you know what i'm gonna run with it

and if i were the back you know slap him in the face he would give me that back hand that that would fuck everything up you know what i'm saying bro so you know it's uh sometimes you know like i said you get hit by life bro and sometimes sometimes you say man what the fuck's going on over here and uh and sometimes you think about that don't get me wrong you know i've been there you know that's that was my life for a long time and uh then you like i said i count counting has been a big thing for me i look at my boy, I'll fuck him up more than anything else, but I can't fuck up my boy and my wife.

You know what I'm saying, bro? You can't be selfish no more. See, he's selfish, bro. You got to think about how many people you all heard, you know? The big circle. You know what I'm saying, bro? Yeah, because it's, I mean, it's old news now, and there's been more people who've done it,

but there's this story with Philip Seymour Hoffman where he was sober for 20-some years, and then, like, just the story that, like, what do you think about when you hear something like that? It's terrible, but you know what? I see it. I mean, that shit happens, bro. I mean, there's been guys that have been keen 24 years.

They said, I'm going to get high one more time. And that one time they get hired, they're done, you know? No, it's happened. It happens a lot more than you. It's just that he's known that these other people are not. You know what I mean? But it happens more than you know. It's very sad when you go back.

That's why once I go forward, you can't go fucking back. Yeah, man. It'll come back the bite in the fucking ass. Who was your first casting person that cast your brother? My first casting person was, oh, man. Who was the first casting director? I know it was Renegade was Dick Wolf Project you know what I'm saying but That was your first job? A long order or so no no it was a renegade bro you know

Derenegade no shit yeah with the Lorenzo Lama's a biker show and here I'm doing the bikeer show all these years later you know so before you did renegades did you ride a motorcycle Oh I've been writing for since I was 14 no shit yeah since I was 14 oh yeah okay all right I've been writing for 30s shit almost 40 years bro so how long when you're on renegades for I was a two-week gig up in San Diego in And it was a good time. You know, you know, Jesse bought him until I was working with him as well. He at the time he was married out the governor.

And he saw me. You know, you know, when you were first on TV, they tapped hardly you. And that's like it means you're green, you know, the first time, your first gig. So he's looking down. He goes, who's taft hardly? And I go, that's me, Jesse. And, you know, he's a big dude. He picked me up over his shoulder.

And I was a lot lighter, too. And he started bouncing me off his shoulders going, welcome to the sag. It was a nice introduction, though. You know, it was really cool. Well, how did you make the transition? from drug addict for 11 years to being in that doing do you go to acting classes or like at the theater bro this is what happened right is not just stand-up comedy but the thing

was happened was that I was watched I always love TV and cinema bro you know and I would watch these guys trying to play guys like me and I'm thinking they ain't doing a good job bro you know so I get I said I can do better than that because they're trying to be me and I didn't and at the time it was me and Danny trejo and you know we ran with the shit bro we really did and it just after three years I was able to make a living out of it you know It really worked out, you know. It was good, man.

I want to be known Danny Trey how far? I've known Danny for about 20 years, bro. Jesus. We did 20 years because we were always, me and him against each other. It was just me and Danny all the time. And then in Conair, we did Conair in 95, and we were together for three months on the road,

you know, because we were filming out of the state, you know, went over Nevada, so we really hooked it up then, we really became good friends. And Danny's, that's a solid motherfucker, bro. That's a, I love his stories, and he's there, he gives his time. He gets himself a lot, bro.

He's a good guy, bro. It's funny. I met him at a NYPD Blue audition summer of 1998. And it was one of the best times I had an audition. He walked in there with the warm-up suit, you know, just to see him. And I talked to him, and it was just a great conversation. And I saw him when I do the meetings. I do the comedy for the shows.

And I always see when he walks in for the conventions. how everybody treats him and he talks to everybody he's not danny trail he's just a regular guy from the hood and that's where you really see what the guy's about you know and you you see his success and you're so happy i just watch machete too on the fucking plane the end of the hell you have a fuck that's my boy you know i watch that i giggle for a little while and it's amazing what he's done in this town and what you've done in this time thank you bro it's been a blessing and the thing is that we come we come from we come from we come from we come from the street bro we come from below scratch, you know what I'm saying?

And so we appreciate everything. You did what I'm saying, bro? And that's the thing is people appreciate what you got because it began a murder that quick, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? And I appreciate it. And I appreciate what coming from nothing. I mean, it's been a blessing, man.

It really has been. What would you have said if, like, you in the middle of your drug addiction, someone told you the ones that you'd be acting in movies and being doing a Dick Wolf production? I'm like, what would, like, how would you have responded to that if someone said that? At the time? Yeah. That was so fucking cocky. I said, I know I could.

You know what I'm saying? You know, I used to walk the neighborhood, you know, I'll look what up, but I would always be, um, with dark shades. It would be two in the morning. The cops go, you think you're Hollywood. That's right. I'm a motherfucker. I'm hollied. And then they want to me.

You know what I mean? Dats have been broken on my face, bro. You know what I'm saying? Back to the cops where there was nobody with cameras filming you and shit. They would be the fuck, I. Especially in the east side, you know? Jesus. Yeah.

your first big, big project that you said, fuck, I'm on to something here. Conair, bro, in 95, you know, they cut me out a lot of the movie, but I made a chunk of change. And a year later, I was able to buy four homes in my neighborhood, you know, and I never looked back. That was, that was when I quit my day job, you know, and I already had four years clean, you know. I got clean in 90, and five years clean. And I didn't have to work again. You bought four homes in your neighborhood? In my neighborhood.

For who? For me, you know, man, you know, my wonderful, well, for me, my kids were seven and eight. no 12 and 11 and I bought one they stayed you I gave them one and I ran it out too it was good oh shit yeah it was nice how was in that with you a lot of people oh yeah and just before Chappelle was Chappelle was yeah it was funny already so we we would go in his room because Chappelle was a story he could tell stories bro and he would go in there and we would just smoke a joint and then he would just we all sit down and just listen to his story he would just talk bro and we would just fucking laugh our asses off and he would say he would say I'm gonna be a

a household name he would say I want to be a household name you know and and Sure enough. Chappelle was, Chappelle got big, bro. But that was back in 1995 before Chappelle was Chappelle. You did? How long were you on Conner for? Four months. Wow, that's a great check, yeah. Yeah, it was a great gig, man.

And that's when the movies were the movies, they gave you everything. Exactly. I'm still getting checks now from Conair, bro. Yeah, please. They still fucking play that. And they're still decent, you know? Because I've gotten a check for, I did a movie Call Me Familia

that 20 years ago. I got a check the other day for one penny, bro. I swear to God, but I still get checks from O'Connor at $1,500,000. This is, what, 15 years later, bro. What were you on me familiar? Me and Jimmy Smith, who's working with me on Sons of Anarchy now, I mean him, robbed the store. He breaks her dad. In the beginning.

In the beginning, you know, he went away from his side of jail. I go, you fucking know. If I tell you something, that's one of my all-time favorite movies. Is that right? Bro, when that little kid jumps on the table and from his in-laws and he goes, Pinchap, whatever, Pinchaputo Blanco, whatever, I fucking lost it the first time I see it. I love that movie. I think it's a beautiful story.

I think they did a fucking great job. You know, half the people in the movie were Puerto Rican, but that's all right. You know, I was a big joke of the movie, Jennifer Lopez, Jimmy Smith. Let me tell you something, because I didn't want to speed up this much, but that motherfucker, you know, the last episode of last season, it's you and him talking. Jimmy Smith, yeah. You called him and giving him an ultimatum, yeah. And it was a great episode. And I'm looking at him, episode four from the first season before he came back.

When he goes to other friends of mine, I forget what his kid is, he used to be friends of Montoya, and he shoots him in the head, and he goes, you want me back? I'm back, hey. Oh, yeah. And it's amazing how,

the first time I seen this motherfucker was on the pilot from Miami Vice. Nobody knows that. Nobody knows that. Jimmy Smith was on a pilot from Miami Vice. He's the first cop. He's before the black guy. Is that right?

In the beginning there, he's married to a Cuban. I didn't know that. He plays a Cuban. And he's talking about his wife, the crib, and what the fuck you're going to do, and Don Johnson's giving him an earbeaten, then they go to meet a drug dealer, and there's a bomb. And they blow him up, and they fly him in. It doesn't matter.

What my point is? That's 1984. It's 2014. Oh, wow. Do you understand me, guys? You know how good fucking Jimmy Smith is? Do you have any fucking idea how good that motherfucker is 30 years later? 30 years later.

He's a cool guy. And he, bro, I met him on a Janet Jackson. concert and he asked me wanting something to drink. When he was on NYPD Blue, he didn't know me, I was just sitting next to him by mistake. Somebody gave his tickets to, somebody just gave me tickets from a radio station. He went to get up and he goes, can I get

you something? I said, sure, water. He brought the fucking water back. Great guy, man. And it's funny because when we did me, Familia, he was, me and him Robert Storr together in the movie, and he was wearing a penalty, I go, bro, don't put it on. And then some lady was trying to, wardrobe was trying to fix it. That's not the way where he goes, listen. He goes, tells the girl,

I'm going to go, what he tells me. He goes, How do you word this bro? And it's funny, 20 years later, who we are working together. I love Jimmy, bro. Jimmy's a great guy, man, really is. It's amazing that I've been saying for years, like we write people off because they're not a star,

but they continually get better. Just because you don't see them in the show. They're doing movies in Yugoslavia with Armand Asante, who's no fucking, you know, you stand in front of Arm of Santhe, you better bring your fucking A game. He's a badass, bro. And, you know, so these people continue to get better.

Now they come back to TV by some flute, Their number comes back and they come back to the I mean I don't think he's ever been off TV Well he had a show called Kane which was great show I don't know why they yeah and he was on Dexter He was on Dexter he was on Dexter he did a great job on Dexter so you look at this guy and you go How good is this motherfucker how good is this guy that he's still working he's coming back with another season of the sons Which would be three he'll be and then you know another thing to I mean in his character and now I'm really I'm really digging his character and I'm feeling sorry for the guy I'm really I mean he's really I mean he's really I mean he's He was trying, he was doing great.

He ran into Gemma. Now, Jemma's, you know, making him... She's bringing him back into the game, you know what? He was trying to get out of the game. And I'm pretty sorry for his character, man. I really am. How important is that to you guys? Like, the relationships that you...

Not that you have to be best friends with everybody, but you worked with Jimmy Smith. I don't know when Meant Familiar was made, like, a while ago. And now you're working together now. Ninety-four. If you were an asshole to him, I'm infimilia. Or if he was an asshole to you, now when you're working together might not be as nice.

Like how, like, do you have to think about that every day. You're not going to like everybody. Well, the thing that just, you know, and I do,

though, you know, even if I don't, I do. You did? Because in this business, one thing that tastes you a long way is,

is, is be cool to everybody. You don't know who the fuck, who is, bro. I mean, I mean, I just love being nice.

You know, it makes a, you got to get to get a 14, 60 hours, bro. I'm going to be fucking nice because I don't want you to be an asshole because ain't know,

because now I got to see you all fucking day for 16 hours, you know? So let's get along, you know? And that goes a long way it really does, man. It does go. Yeah, man. It does. It makes a lot. You know, the first two movies I did, I was a comedian.

I want to get there. I want to shoot because I got shit to do. I got coke to snort. And it's a fucking horror show. It's a horror show for a guy like me, maybe for a guy like you like to move. We're in the move. When are we shooting next? And you're like, what the fuck?

And then you eat lunch and another hour, another hour. And you're like that. You got there at five in the morning. Yeah. And then one day it comes to you, like during the longest shot, I would go in to, I'm going in to make a fucking living. A living that 100,000 people in L.A. would want. Why am I sitting in a trailer, mad? Bring your iPod.

Bring your book. Bring your notebook. Bring three DVDs. There's a DVD player in the fucking trailer. You don't have to be bored if you don't want to. Take a flight. When you take a flight, you're going to fly from L.A.X. The Jake.

Don't tell me, I'll have it. It was the longest flight ever was telling you come prepared. Bring your right power with 600 songs. You know what? Eat a pot chocolate ball for the last three hours. So when you're in the air, you're fucked up. I always do. I eat a fucking chocolate candy or something when I'm in the air.

So for an hour or two, I'm fucked up. I got the pad, you got the book, and you got the notebook. Plus, they play a fucking movie. What are you bought? What the fuck are you bought? How are you bored? So you're not worried about your line? Because I have no acting experience at all,

but I would think you'd be worried about your lines the whole time. Well, I have a bad memory. I have a, because I did so many drugs, my mind is shot. Okay. And I'm one of those guys. I'll be studying my lens until they say action, brother. You know what I'm saying? I got a bad memory, but you know what?

And now I got to act. It's not just saying lands, bro. You got to fucking act behind those lines. You got to put some band on words. So I'm always like, if I, like, I have a, I'm starting a movie in June. I got to the movie on Book 4 in June. I got the script right now. And every day, I just look at the motherfucker's script.

You know, I don't put it this solid in my head. But I always read, I'll read like five pages a night. tomorrow within the five pages and keep on doing it so that way when it comes it makes it it that easier you lot of times you don't have that that that it's not that uh how do you say that uh that uh privilege to do that that uh that uh privilege to do that times you today though you're higher to day you'll be working tomorrow you i mean and then i really got burnt i mean burn my brain but um well i have a i do a couple podcasts and i was doing one yesterday with a guy we talked about movies and we were saying we're talking about how joey like you you you might we're talking about

editing and how you're hard to edit for sometimes for comedy because you never tell the same joke twice. But I'm sure on TV and movies directors, like you were saying, you started acting because the people who were playing you weren't doing a good job. If you don't get the line to the word

exactly right, do you ever have a director to be like, just say this how you would say this. Most of them do. Most of the time. Yeah. They make it your own. It becomes you. But there's a couple of people that you cannot change a fucking thing. Okay. There's a couple but some writers are just like, you know what, I want to hear my words.

And it's like an actor wants to say, you want to do your actions? Well, he has his right to hear his words. You dig what I'm saying, bro? You know? But if it's sometimes, if it's not, if it's not the character, I'll argue that. I'll say, wait a minute. I wouldn't say that, bro. That's not my vocabulary.

You dig it. And a good writer and good director will understand that, you know. It's pretty weird because when I do TV, I have a hard time. But I know now at this level that when you do TV, you stick to the word. Exactly. Because that then, you don't think it's important, that then is there for some fucking reason. And mainly on TV, with comedy,

you got to see it to the word, because they're setting up the punchline. You digger what I'm saying? Right. Okay. It's a set up punch line. So that has to be on point right there. On point.

When you do a movie, nine or ten times, you could add a flavor to it. The director will tell you, we're going to do three takes you. My way, your way, and one for the fucking stars. Exactly. Let's rock this motherfucker. And they'll say,

and you're done with all those shit that they wrote already, and say, hey, hey, me, try one year away. You see what you got. Boom. And it's fine, you know? And usually do the one that you did, you know what I mean? Yeah.

Now, do you ever get pissed off? Like, let's say a writer who wants to hear his words. It's like a guy who looks like me, like a white guy. And he's writing for what your character would say it. Like, why don't you just like, why don't you have me writing or why? Like, do you ever get pissed off when that happens? You know, when it's like that, I'll just tell him, like, and I do it a lot. I always say, you know, I wouldn't say that, bro.

And I do it very politely, you know, because you don't want her to finish things either because you don't want them to kill you off. And, you know, and they want you to write for you down the road as well, you know. And the writer is a pretty powerful, bro. And they write for you. And they write with your mind, which has been happening lately. And I love it, boy, because it's respect. You know what I'm saying? You got to respect them.

It's really weird when you add a line to something. You know, I'm the same way. I'm respectful with their words. But sometimes one problem. I really had was on the Louis Guzman pilot. Oh, yeah, how did that go, man? Luzmant was a guy that I looked up to, you know. I'm ugly than him.

You know, there's only two ugly Latinos, me and him, that's it. And I got the pilot, and I was going to recur. And at the pilot shoot, they gave me a line that said, hey, Amigo. And I went to the director, and I go, not for nothing. There's 164th Street. There ain't no motherfucker amigos here, Jack. They don't use this word, Puerto Ricans. Bro, he fucking started a war.

The director went to the writers and the producers and said, Joey. And I go, no, no, no, no. What I said was he wouldn't say Amigo. Lewis Guzman came over. He goes, he wouldn't. But we're saying, you know, like, he was like, just for the sake of argument, I go, it's not the point. The point is he wouldn't say Amigo on 160 fucking First Street.

He would say something else. And they shot the pile. Everything was good. and they hired a different cop. Which wasn't you? Which wasn't me. And the show got canceled after four episodes, so I didn't give a fuck.

But the point being, because of that, and I said it the right way, I was great for that pilot. You know, it was a Julie Ashton. It was one of the Fox pilots I had booked. I was cool till that moment. Up to that moment, I was gone. You know who the producers were in that movie?

The main producer of Scarface, this was his son. Remember he did a couple movies? He did the Carlito's Way, too. Remember they did the cover before? He was the director on that. He was the producer on that because they were telling me

you're going to probably get a role in that because they didn't recur me after that but it was all because of that word. Because you didn't want to see Amigo. And it's funny. Years later, I bumped into the director at the comedy store. Hey, how are you doing?

Bro, it wasn't up to me. They didn't like it. It was you cuck sucker. Why you mind? They were in a bar. It's darker. Who cares? So now if you were in the same situation

when you just not say anything? Yeah. I wouldn't say nothing. I would say nothing if he came up to me and said, how do you feel? If after I said the line, he goes, how do you feel and I already had it in the can, the Amigo, I would say, can I shoot it a different way?

That's how I would do. Let them decide it editing. That's how I would do it. Let them decide it. Okay. Let them decide later. Oh, we like that line. You should have said that already.

Say it again. And all of a sudden you want them over. And the writers, like, I like that. Bam, you didn't disrespect nobody. But if you go in there fighting it, can I try a different way? That's a way to do it. And that's, you know, after 20 years,

I've been here 13 years and I've acted fucking in big movies every year in TV shows. So at that point, I've gotten better. I've improved. I know that when I'm on a set now, you don't have to tell me nothing. When I walk on a set now, you don't have to tell me fucking dick. I have a new series coming out in May 26

and it's called Gang We Needed, and we have 12 people that write for that show. And some great writers. But Cherell? People do watch this? Fox. 11, yeah, after the American Idol finale, it's going to be great, you know, 9 p.m. But the writers we have there, it's a mixed group. It's Latino, black and white, and they all

got flavor, man, you know what I'm saying? And once in a while, they say something that, they, what do you think, Emilio, or they'll ask anybody that the cast members, how can I do this? They go, go right ahead. Of course, they talk about it, and they go, you know, we'll go right ahead, you know, so that's really cool, man, because, you know, you want to keep it real as possible. What you did there, it was not wrong, Joey. It's just, I would, like you said, I would I tried to be Al Pacino. I would have done it one way. I should have done it.

That's how he learned. That's experience. So I would do it for them. I'd say, can I try one for you now? Can I just try something different, you know? And then you would probably got your part at the end of the day, you know what I'm saying? That's the way to do it.

You learn it with experience. You learn it with experience. Now, this gang related, you know, I'm a faithful law and or not a son's an anarchy guy. Every Tuesday on there at 7 o'clock. You know, last season I fucking waited. And I waited. And I waited.

And finally, I think I called you. I said, what the fuck, guy? What happened? You're like, oh, no, no, no, no. I'm working on gang-related. That was on my series, yeah. And then they put you in the ninth episode, the last episode. The last two episodes.

The last two episodes. So I was, I didn't know, because they cut out. Even Danny wasn't around no more. Danny's been busy, bro. Yeah, man. He's always fucking busy now. But it's so funny, you were doing gang-related. But now you came in with a movie you shot.

See you? I said, don't go in you. I'm sorry. Water. A movie you shot two years ago. Tell us the story. 600,000 budget the whole thing. Yeah, it's a, it's a movie.

We did the play six years ago, seven years ago at the Martyr Forum. And it was well received. It's a very, very good play, bro. At the time, I always played a different character. You know culture class, right? Culture Class, where they were the lead characters in this movie. They liked the movie, I mean, the play, so they made into a movie.

And me, Samarales, and Jesse Borego were invited to a Sundance to workshop it with Richard Montoya, the writer-director. That went good. And then finally we got the funds to do it, man. And, you know, you got two years later, and we're coming out on May 2nd. And so it's a real good story, man, about two brothers. It's a love story, I call it, you know, about what brothers would, who are tight brothers would do for each other. And one makes the ultimate sacrifice.

So they fuck, they do it. They fuck up big corruption back in the day. And it comes to bite them in the ass. And it's really, it's hard wrenching, man, you know. And I'm again, my guy, the cop, one of the brothers, he's a cop. and I'm in a wheelchair. He shot me in the back, and I'm paralyzed

in the whole movie, but I'm his eyes in the street and we're like brothers bonded by the street, you know what I'm saying? We're looking out for each other, but we know it's going to be not a good ending,

you know what I mean? And ultimately, yeah, it's not and it's just really good, man, you know? And you got Edward James to executive a producer? Yeah, man, you know, Eddie came aboard, man, Mr. Edwin James Holmes came aboard and he, he opened that doors for us, man.

I mean, you know, it's a small movie, you know, a great, well done though and Eddie we had a private screening for Eddie and he saw it he goes you know what I like this movie people need to see it and he got us 20 screens at AMC man you know what I mean and he just got his huge billboard right throwing the five feet with you know Citadel you know those blinking billboards he hooked it up man you know so and actually

May 3rd and 4th me and Eddie will be there signing pictures taking pictures for for three hours where's the premiere at well the premiere is gonna be right here in downtown That's just going to be a premier floor, you know. Well, you know, the Gloria Molina's throwing a nice party for us and stuff, you know. But when we open on second, the 30 and 40 will be the city, don't mean that you were James almost in our taking pictures of the fans, you know, to show our appreciation, you know. That's cool. And this is the son's last fucking season.

And this is the sons of anarchy last season. Jesus Christ. I know. I hate it, right, bro? I'm sick to my fucking stomach. That's my Tuesday night. I already watched these season fucking three times. I can't do it anymore.

Exactly. Exactly. I mean, not because I'm on the show, but I'm also a big fan. of the show, bro. It's really forwarded. It has a little bit of everything going on. They've got some funny going on. You guys, you got the love story going on. And it's got a lot of violence, you know. I know, I'm stuck too. I don't know what's going to happen. No, no, no, no. Gangrelated.

Gangrelated is not FX. It's Fox. But you know what? You're going to have your fill of violence. What's like, what's it about? It's a, oh, gang we need is a cop. A player Ramon Rodriguez. He grew up in the streets. He was like an orphan. And he, my father, I mean, my, my boss was an ex-gang member, and he brought up the kid. You know, what happened now he's a big, big-time cartel guy. And that guy, he has two.

So one cop is one of his sons paid by Regalgo Legals is still the gangbanger. Jay Hernandez is the banker of the family. And then that one guy, the do kid, he's a cop now. Wow. He works for the, you know, the SWAT squad. You know, the police squad for the gangs, right, for the gang until. But that's what saves us because he knows, well, he says, hey, don't go here. You know, he's in between, bro.

You know what I'm talking about? Okay. And I'm the hit man for the family, you know. It's really good stuff, man. I mean, he's caught in between because we're trying to get out and try to make our own everything legit. But when you try to do that, bro, they keep bringing you back in, you know. It's really good stuff, man. I'm really really proud of it, you know.

That sounds cool. You're always doing something, bro. You're blessed, bro. I've been pretty. I've been blessed, bro, man. It's been a lot of fun, man. You're a nice guy, man. People always say good things about you.

Every time I see you put a fucking smile on my face. Right on. I think, too, and I see if I go to an audition, we go there, it's just like an instant laughable. Instant we just start. Do you guys go up for the same roles? It seems like you were. Sometimes.

Do we really? Yeah, we've been a few times. Mainly commercials, though. You don't talk about it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you been going out for commercials? I just did a commercial on Sunday with William Shatner, bro. No.

Yeah, he pays a bikeer, bro. One of those price-line commercials? Exactly. He had to help him. He looks really cool, though, man. So I have no acting dreams or whatever, but I realize I'm in a role with, like, two huge actors. Like, people listening who might want to act,

do you have any, like, advice that you would give? Yeah, I got that advice to give, bro. The thing is, first of all, if you can't go to community college, this is the cheapest way of doing it, bro. Go to community college and take a little stage, take a little acting for the camera because it's a lot cheaper. Because those schools are really expensive. And half of them, bro, it's a real.

rip off. You dig what I'm saying? So see if you can really do it, you know, get your tape and see if you look at yourself and see if you believe yourself because you can't believe yourself by wrong with your tongue, but when you see yourself, say, shit, I didn't believe that because you got to make the audience believe, you dig what I'm saying? So that's just start off like that first.

Okay, that's cool. What about you, Joey? What do you say? You know, man, I have 10 different schools of thought, you know, I like to play away. Yeah. You know, my whole thing was I never really did theater, so I would love to go to New York. like they just did.

I just found out they're doing bullets over Broadway in New York. I would love to audition for that. There was something in there for me I would have got. Right off Broadway, fucking whatever, you know, whatever that guy's fucking name is. I wish I would have done things like that, you know. I didn't. I started as an act as a stand-up comic.

I went to an acting class in Hollywood, and I did 12 or 13 weeks, and I started auditioning. Is that right bad? Oh, wow. But it was funny because when I was auditioning at the beginning, there was a lot to audition for. And I'm a hustler, so I would buy the backstage and send submissions and audition for college movies. I would leave the store and go up to mountain and shoot a fucking movie from 3 in the morning to 7 for no money and sleep in my fucking car and eat and take the fucking rolls for the morning.

You know, it was, I wanted to be a good actor. You know, I knew that staying in acting class for 10 years ain't going to do it. You got to do it. It's like anything else. You got to do it. Now, I go on a set and I'm a bad motherfucker on a set. I can tell you that that now I'm so comfortable. You know, I tell about a story, I got General Hospital.

If I would have got General Hospital 10 years ago, I would have got five. Have you ever done this soap, John? Yeah, yeah, I did all of them. And General Hospital, they don't fuck around. They don't even talk to you. No, but that's all so. That's come, someone or not, it's not that the actions are bad. It's just that there's no time.

There's no time. They'll come into your room and say, here's some more pages, I can we'll see you 15, you know, is that kind of stuff. So it's really, it's no time. It's not that they're bad. It's just that there's no time. No, I didn't say they were bad. I said that because of the years I put in as a regular actor,

when I got on a soap, I couldn't believe it, that there's no fucking around. If I would have came in here new, if I would have came in here new and not knowing what I know, I would have failed. It's like doing a, it's like when you do a Spider-Man 2, you did Spider-Man 3. When I did Spider-Man 2, it's completely different than doing a $100 a day movie. Yeah, because you know what, you're going to be shooting the same thing over and over and over and over again. I mean, sometimes I don't even get it, go, we nailed it in there, so yeah, I just do it 10 more time. It's like, it's a different budget. It's fucking amazing.

Yeah, yeah. No, and I'm not even talking about it. I'm talking about the guy who opens the door for you. The chick who brings your food in the morning. The chick who brings your clothes. And when you do a fucking $100 day movie, guess who brings your clothes? You do. Guess who irides your clothes?

You do. Guess who brings that sandwich. You got to go get it. You know, when you learn the differences in different type of movie making. Exactly. What you, and a lot of people, you know, I can't see if I would have just move with here and would have just done a bunch of movies that's great but someday a friend is gonna say man I got this movie six thousand dollars I want you to shoot it three days and you're like you don't

have a luxury to yeah better be ready brother you know what you gotta be ready you got to be ready you got to make you better it was it was good as it makes you better bro you know I mean because I remember we did a movie called Road Dogs one of my favorite movies I've ever made was Road Dogs and we did it for 200,000 we shot in 14 days and we shot on film and we literally they'll be like it was a big scene there'll be Emilio look bro we only got like 200 feet of film but this is pretty much enough for one take, are you ready to go? Like that, bro.

And I say, this is good, you know what I mean? Fuck. Yeah, man. Where I work with you, I've been blessed to work, Jim Carrey, in three different films. And you work with Jim Carrey, you're like, he'll do it 26 times, bro. He'll go, and he'll watch every playback.

He'll do it, and he'll come back and go, he'll watch it. Okay, I'm going to try some different, come around. Oh, Jim, or he goes, don't worry, I'll pay for it. No, no way. Jim Carrey's a badass motherfucker, girl. I love that guy. I grew up loving him, like Ace Ventura. He's the best, bro.

He's a tour is solid. I audition for that with you. That was at Bruce Almighty. Yes. We've seen each other. It was supposed to be a two-day gig trying to be six weeks, bro. It was beautiful, man. Really?

It was beautiful. Wow. Jim Carrey, that's a good guy right there, man. A two-day gig that became six weeks. How about you, Pee, be going for your job? You're going to work with Jim Carrey. You get into the first day. You do the job.

Then as you leave, they go, can we talk to you for a second? Yeah. Are you available next week? And you know, what's so good up. Check out. This is how cool you is, man. You know, I was done on a Friday. But I had to go to Mexico because I was filming with the Shield

You know, so on a Monday And so they call it they call on a Friday night Go and Jim Carrey needs to me to go back for one more day And they'll pay for them and I and so we had to work it out with the shield And shield was good because I wasn't going to film it on Tuesday So we came back and do the little reshoot on Monday And he offered me his helicopter guy to flag me to to to To DJ bro right

And then my friend Rolando Molina was working on me He goes dude, dude bro that's that status Yeah, but I don't like no helicopters, bro. So, you know what he did? He got me a chauffeur limousine and he showed over to me. He had somebody drive me over there. But he actually offered me his helicopter. Can he ride around every one in helicopters with Jim Carrey?

Does he really? Oh, yeah, bro. That's why he gets around. Fuck. And he offered, is that cool or well, bro? God, damn. He goes, Jim, Jim, Mr. Carey, you really appreciate you came back today, you know, change his schedule for him.

So he wanted he offered you. That was really cool, man. I turned it down, but he needs to give me a car, you know? You know what, man? I mean, being here for a few years, I've met some people and some of the people who you hope are nice aren't. It's nice when I love Jim Carrey since I was a little kid. It's nice to know that when, like, he's made millions and then he's still like,

he can be like a cool guy. You would hate to have him, me an asshole. Exactly. You know, and we know, on our breaks, bro, he, you know, his bad guys who just go straight to the trader. He'll come on. They were hanging out. He'll come out.

And he would do impressions for us, bro. He's so good, bro. You know what I mean? Were you ever at the store when he was there? Because he was there for, like, a very little. amount of time right yeah never I've never seen him anywhere never anywhere

I wish you know I love to say a fucking one I saw he's been through I nearly shit my pants too like everybody else but it's uh let me give some shoutouts real quick here real quick my main man Michael silver fucking Susan Marie Rasmussen Bill Downey Jewish Lightning shung F Kennedy and my man Oscar Nunes

down there and fucking Fort Laude he became to all the shows. He told me to give him a shout out. He came to like three of the fucking shows. Also our sponsors nailed their life, you bad motherfuckers. Vapor pens, Los Guimis and Mano on it. I can't tell you, they just sent me another box of shit. The Alpha Brain, I'm back on it on Monday.

But the Shroom Tech, that's what I took this morning. I did that kettlebell workout. It was fucking deep, dog. I did 10 swings of like 15 to 17 before. I've never done that shit before. I was huffing and puffing. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I did cleaning.

jerks that did five squattuck. The set to cleaning jerk. I tell you, I'm getting a little better shape, but it's a fucking shroom tech sport. That shit, those mushrooms, that shit gives you some fucking energy. Go to Onet.com, pressing the code word. Church. Are you fucking kidding me? Or what? C-H-U-R-C-H.

Get 10% off, and if you stay with it and do the On-It by the month, they give you 20% off, and it gets delivered right to your door. Also, it's the weekend. You want to look sharp. You want to shave your face? You want to shave your fucking monkey, everything's got to be beautiful. Dollar Shave Club, that's how they do it. Dollar Shave Club, it's tremendous. No more rusty razors. You don't got to stand at some pharmacy online with

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They were gone during the whole fucking episode of, I don't know, take me to your mother. Me and my wife, Devour. You ever have Nature's Box? They're fucking snacks, nutrition fucking picked. Whether you get the Sesame Sticks, whether you get the rice sticks, whether you get the black and white granola. Whatever you do, it's fucking murder.

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50% order. And after that, you go back to prices and you guarantee you order more every goddamn month. That's how we do it here at the church. What's happening now? What else you want from me? Cops up. Nailed the life on it.

Dollar Shave Club. And who else? NatureBod. That's how we do it here at fucking the church or what's happening now, you know what I'm saying? Did he see what Jordan Lee put on Facebook today? He called it into the podcast where when he did his first sag gig today. He was a hand model, a hand double.

Did he really? Yeah. So he did his first sag thing. Some kid called. I know this kid. He's been bugging me. He sent me an email. How do I do it again to acting?

This one of those, you know that everybody asks you in this town? And you see him a year later and they're fucking sweeping. You're like, what happened to acting? Ah, it was hard. This motherfucker stuck it out. And I had him call in and he called me and he goes, can I call you? I go, yeah, what's up? He goes, I'm eligible for SAG, but everybody's time me not to join SAG.

Go, why be an active? You're not going to be SAG? Yeah, well, this is, but the thing is this, watch what happens is on this, on this part of that, because people ask me all the time, if you're SAG eligible, there's a lot of stuff that's non-union out there that pay pretty good still, plus you're going to need tape and sees he's just do non-union stuff and get that tape because nowadays, if you don't got a real, bro, it's pretty tough to get an agent, you know what I'm saying? So, and if you're just to get an agent, you know what I'm saying?

So, and if you're just getting in SAG, and you pay ready to get in, now you're going up against 100 guys who've been in SAG for a long time, who are very experienced, you dig what I'm saying, and it's going to be hard. You're going to be competing against them, but you need that demo really going to get an agent. Now, how are you going to get an agent? If you don't get into an audition, if you ain't got no agent.

It's a catch-22, bro, you know? So if I say, if you don't have to get into SAG, because then if the second gig, if you get another SAG gig, you got to get in regardless, you dig. But I say, don't have a man. Oh, yo, yo, he had to get into it. Okay, I said what you're saying. don't care yeah no choice don't get in until you have to get in and get and get some of that

non-union stuff bro because once you're sad you're not doing them or non-union stuff you're dig in them you better not be doing it so yeah you need that demo get get a real man get a fucking real because it's hard to get an agent without her because that's the first thing let me see you're real send me a real what can i see you're real that's not about resume everybody's fucking nice on the resume anyway you dig let me see what you're doing that's amazing i never thought yeah you can look people used to ask me for my real for stand-up comment i sent them a blank tape They'd say it was fucking great. When can I hide?

That's funny, bro. Mark Babin, Houston kept abusing me. Me and Freddy sold it. I need tape. He tapped to Freddy. You got to send him tape. Yeah, I said, let me try something. Because I knew it was a power game.

Because when you go to a club, they all have all the tapes on top of a TV with dust on him. And I sent them a tape with nothing on it. He called me back a week later. That tape is fucking funny as shit. Can I book you? Fuck yeah. He booked me as a feature. I'll book Bobby Slating.

So all that shit is bullshit. I went to a cast, you know, and I won't say any names, because we all know each other's comics, you know, and I've done comic, you know, me, don't know everybody, that we worked together on stage. And I went to an audition, man, and there was two of my friends' demo tapes. There were comedy tapes that were sent in,

and they were just in the trash. And I said, I said, why there's the funny guys, man, they go, we didn't have time to watch it. They were just like, but you know how you have a little headshot on the tape. You know, it was before the DVDs. It was, you know, that big old VHS, you know.

I felt kind of bad, bro. That's what kills me, because I, like, I just started doing this full time. not applying jobs. When you're applying the jobs out here, even like I was in editing, if you don't apply within the first hour of the posting being up, it doesn't matter how good you are. Or if you don't know somebody, it just can get thrown away. So it's...

That's submissions, bro. Yeah, that's tough. And it's tough being the person hiring, too. Like, I can't imagine getting all those submissions and you find your person, but then there's still 800 people who applied. Well, just like, even when there's cats. You know, it's the same thing with casting. They already know sometimes who they want.

But they put the word out. So you've still got to see these dirty people. And that's us because they already know who they want already. It's really weird sometimes. When you go into an audition, they already know. They know they already have an offer out just in case. You know, that's great. That's something.

You know, sometimes you go to those things, you do really well and something else. Really? It happens. Okay. You'd be surprised how many people go to an audition and they're not really prepared. You'd be surprised how many people don't know the game and they go to auditions. They got opportunities to go to big auditions

In front of big casting people I know I was that guy I got put in front of some I remember they kept calling me into NYPD Blue I booked Basketball and they kept calling me in I went in for something one day and it was nine fucking pages And dog I fumbled every page

And they were like Joey that's it You gotta get it together You gotta take an acting class Yeah and I came back And then they booked me again Like they like me they booked me for a pilot NYPD Blue 2069

Okay, yeah I remember New York in 2016 Yeah I remember that Really? Yeah I played the guy

At the corner computer that was Sellet Download so you To put It was like What a new stand Guy would do

But they But they hired you though They hired me See they saw something In you already Bro You know what I'm saying You just had to do the work

though Nine other ten times Somebody was mad at me Once And I wrote him a letter And he seen me Hey man You know

You have to think outside the box for a longest yard they didn't want to see me and I sent the fucking went to Houston and made my own tape I put a football helmet on with a tight shirt with my stomach hanging out and I sent it. Unforgettable carry you seen Longest yard right? That's what you have to fucking do in this

business you have to if you want a job if you want a job a thousand people are going to go into that room and say the same shit that's why when I go to an audition I always sign a little late and I sit and sit by the door because I want to hear everybody doing this shit I want to go on there and do what they're not doing that's the key bro. Do it

they're not doing because they'll go fuck it this guy's independent I remember taking my pants off an audition they said they go hold on Joey they turned around I kept looking I didn't think about it until I got to the audition the neighbor had the guy's water the guys like a a fucking one of those neighbors that's white trash he's in front of his house with a kid pool with his wife don't even have a kid and he's got a thong on and he's outside with a hose and the neighbor looks oh and he goes it's a beautiful world you know something like that and I went in there and said what are you fucking crazy

I had sweatpants on it, tidy wadies, I said, I'm going there and take my fucking underwear off and my shirt off before they even know what's going on. It was like, God, I was in the room. I walked in and they go, hi, Joey, great to see you. Hold on, give us one minute. And when they turned around, I took the shirt off

and the sweats fell right off. And I came back out, and I go, you ready? They go, hold on. When they turned around, there I was with these tidy wailies. And they started laughing. That's the first thing they were like, what the fuck? And then the line that they gave me, fuck you.

I yelled and go, yo, living like a doctor. And that was it. That's the line they used. It was over. Fuck it. They were like gone. When you walk out, you know you took the air out of the room. I never forgot about that.

I never forget your character in that movie. It's so hilarious, bro. It's just so, you always want to see, you wanted to see more of you, bro. And it was fucking, because I didn't know nothing. How long were you on there for? 13, 17 weeks. And I didn't know nothing about nothing.

I didn't know nothing about acting. I just knew that I was fucking crazy. And I had to put that into the role. and, you know, they hired me for four weeks first. And then they came to me after the fat scene on the track and they're like, dog, you got to sign a contract. We're keeping you for the whole thing. They had different.

They were going to leave me at the prison or something was going to happen to me. You had to stay there. And they made me stay, so I was very happy. And it's on every night on showtime. People hit me up on Twitter every night the last two weeks. And it did well at the box office. Yeah, no.

Because I went up for that rule. I was up for that. At the end, it was between me and my boy Lobo got it. That's right. Lovebo, Lobo. Lobo was a lot of fun. You know, man, I've been very fortunate also. I came here as a stand-up comic with felonies. I was just killing fucking time, and all of a sudden, I took it into my own hands.

I knew how to get pieces to get my stand-up up, and I kept booking stuff, and it's been quite a journey. I never fucking knew I'd be in movies, bro. I always was such a fan. But I've been watching you forever on stage, bro, and one of the funniest motherfuckers out there, bro. He really doesn't want to, because he just don't give what shit. He just don't give a shit, you know. And he don't have no, he don't have no sets set. I mean, you don't have like a, it don't seem like that at least.

Like he has a set up to what he's going to know what he's going to say. He just goes up there and just does it, you know, it's beautiful, man. That's, you know, man, I do my set, how I live my life. Fucking go up there, take a chance, Columbus dick, right or wrong? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this movie comes out. May 2nd. May 2nd.

Yeah, and it's really, oh, I mean, everybody's been, you know, being real supportive, man. If you can, check it out. Like I said, what happens is real important. the first weekend because if nobody goes, they pull them from the theaters, man. And what's the name of it? A water and power. Water and Power. AMC.

And if you go on my Facebook or my Twitter, I have all the places where it's going to be showing you, there's 20 theaters, you know, and trying to fill them up, you know. And there's going to be, I'm going to visit eight theaters that weekend. Whoever's like signed up the pads, me and the cast members are going to pull up and we're going to sign autographs, give all some posters and, so try to get out there, man. It'll be great. Now, what, it's going to be in Studio City in North Hollywood at.

Yeah, it's going to be at the City Walk for sure. Over here. Okay. It's going to be AMC. It's going to be AMC in North Hollywood up there in victory. It's going to be there. That's a good movie theater. Like a little thing, it's cheap.

Let's have a fucking party up there. And it's really cool that AMC's doing it. Especially for movies like that, most people might never get a chance to see it. But AMC's trying to do that. AMC played Shashank Redemption the other day, and I didn't have time to go see it. They did, huh?

Yeah, they put it up in Burbank. But it's like, for people watching or listening, go support this. Even if, like, you don't know anything about the movie, just so someday another movie you can get in because like all these movies, all these shitty movies that are coming out nowadays that are in for eight weeks and

Anchorman 2 and all that if you support these kind of movies AMC is going to say okay we can make money with this This one is and this one it has a It's a great story man it's a touching story And if you're about the family It's something that you would do for your brother And vice versa if he's a good brother

You dig what I'm saying I mean they take it to a little bit to the extreme I mean I can't say what happens but it's a it's really sad man it really is you know but they fucked up and like you say

whenever you fuck up it's Bonabitian somewhere when your life is at his peak when it's great that's when it comes down you know

is there a website for the movie oh yeah there's a water and power film at the phone on Facebook they have a

I don't know about the website let check what it's called water power film I'm happy I'm happy and if you look

the trade the trade is really good and not only I start in the movie I also narrate the whole movie bro oh cool

now did you have anything to do. I know you said it was a play, but are you producing it? I want to producers in the movie as well, bro. What's it like just starting to do that now? Not just acting. That's a lot of work, bro. Yeah? A lot of work, you know, it's a lot of work. And then it's, I mean, I'm doing one of the podcasts, a radio station, TV show every day just about. It seems like,

you know, but I'm, I'm digging. I love to work, but I'm happy is when I'm working, you know. So I'm good with it, you know. I'm ready to go, man. So yeah, they don't have a website. It doesn't look like, but it is on Facebook, water and power film. Water and Power Film, yeah. And also on Twitter. as well. They'll tell you what theaters it's at. And we'll be at the M.C. and Burbank as well, bro.

Oh, that's cool. We got all the good theaters, which is nice, you know what I mean? That's really. So for people, let me just look. Okay. Oh, this guy did a bunch of good movies. So, like, just for people who, like, go for directors, it's the same guy who did Nacho Libre.

He did Larry Crown. He did a bunch of cool. So this is like, he did Encino Man. He's a writer for Coch. He's a main guy in Coach. There's three of them is Riches Linus, Erix Linus, Richard Montoya. who's a writer and Gregor on Hibberts.

Heberts, he's going to Bigel on 25 years now, bro. Funny cats, man. That's really cool. So there's not a humor in this, but, you know, with humor comes, you know, the drama, you know what I mean? It's like life, bro, you know?

Absolutely fucking movie. Emilio, man, you know, I love you. You're one of my favorite people in the fucking world. From the get, bro. I'm happy you came down. You know, I wanted to get you on and talk about the movies, so these people from the church, you go down, you know, when Grudge Match came out,

I had them all meet me Christmas night. And like 60 people met at a movie theater. I'm not doing the same for this. So as the movie gets closer, we'll make more announcements on it. Thank you, Joey, man. Amelia, man, I love that you came down here until you don't have to do this.

You'll last to a real fucking mohe. No, you know what, man? I want to give it up to Joey, man. This guy from the gig, we've hit it off from the beginning we first met, we've supported each other over the years, man. And any time I call Joey for anything, you say, come on down.

And that love, bro, you got right back from me. You know that, right? Thank you, I love you. I love you, too, man. So the church, what's happening now? Like I said, this weekend, I'll be in Tempe. and next weekend I'll be in Dr. Grins at Graham Rapids the 10th to the 12th.

I'll see you motherfuckers on Monday morning. Lee, what are you going to do this weekend? I'm coming to Tempe this weekend. He'll be with us Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. He's getting on stage. He's doing 18 minutes. He's fucking doing the troas. He's eating gummy bears.

That's going to happen. I love you guys. Stay black and have a great fucking weekend. Thank you again, Emilio. Waterpower. Don't forget, Cucksuckers. And Sons of Anarchy, the last season next year. And do you have a Twitter? Oh yeah

Imidavita 48 And also my Instagram is the same And I have my fan page On Facebook You DiVita Awesome And I'm Lee Siat

Don't forget to sign up For Dollar Shave Club.com Get high quality razors Sent to your door Each and every month For a fraction of what you pay At retail Go to dollarshave club

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healthy snacks at 50% off, snacks smarter in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like everything bagel chips and bake sweet potato fries, support this podcast and get half off of your first order. Go to naturebox.com, promo code Joey. That's naturebox.com promo code Joey. And thank you

to NaileditLife.com. Use promo code Joey Diaz and get 20% off of the best vapor pen on the market. every single day. May I kick a little something for the G's and make a few wins as I breeze through two in the morning and the party still jumping because my mama ain't home. I got bitches in the living room getting it on and they ain't leaving till six in the morning. So what you want to do?

Shit, I got a pocket full of ruffers and my homeboys do too. So turn off the lights and close the dose. But what? We don't let him hold. Yeah. So we don't smoke an ounce to this jeans up holes. Why you motherfuckers bounce to this Now that I got me some sequence gene

Everybody got their cups but they ain't chipped in Now this type of shit happens all the time You gotta get yours, a fool I gotta get mine Everything is fine when you're listening to the DOG I got the cultivating music that be captivating heat Who listens to the words that I speak As I take me a drink to the middle of the street And get to Mac into this bitch name's say

She used to be the homeboy's lady Oh, that bitch. 80 degrees, when I tell that bitch, please, raise up off these in you tease, because you get none of these at eve. As I mob with the dog pound, feel the breeze. Bia, jump just. Bowling down the street, smoking in now,

sipping I'm gin and juice. Lay back. Siping I'm getting juice. Lay back. Later on that day, my homie, Dr. Drake came through with a gang to tango-ray. And a fat-ass jay of some boobonic product that made me choke. Shit, this ain't no joke.

I had to back up off of it and sit my cup down. Tangoray and chronic, yeah, I'm fucked up now. But it ain't no stopping. I'm still popping. Joy got some bitches from the city of Compton to serve me. Not with a cherry on top, because when I bust my nut, I'm raising a box a cop. Don't get upset, girl, that's just hot ghosts. I don't love you, hones.

I'm out the door, and I'll be. Rolling down the street, smoking in now, slipping out. Lay back. my money.