The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #167 - Peter Segal, Joey Diaz, and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: April 9, 2014

Director Peter Segal calls in to talk to Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Dollar Shave Club. Use promo code CHURCH and get high quality razors sent to your door. Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for 50% off your first order. Naileditlife.com Use promo code joeydiaz to get 20% off of the premier vapor pen on the market. Recorded live on 04/08/2014.  

This show is sponsored by Dollar Shave Club. Get high-quality razors sent to your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Now, go to Dollar Shaveclub.com slash church. That's dollarshaveclub.com slash church. Or just go to Joey Diaz.net and click on the Dollar Shave Club banner. The show is also sponsored by Nature Box, where you can order great tasting, healthy snacks right to your door. Snacks smarter in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like Santa Fe corn sticks and French toast granola. Support this podcast and get 50% off of your first order.

half off of your first order, go to naturebox.com promo code Joey. That's naturebox.com promo code Joey. And for all of you oil and wax smokers out there, check out the premier vapor pen on the market at nailed itlife.com. That's nailed at life.com. Don't forget to enter the discount code. Joey Diaz, no spaces, and receive 20% off of your first order. Crank that up, Lee.

Can you hear it? Oh shit. We're back, bitches like aerosceles. Smith in 76. They wrote them off but we're back Tuesday, April 8th, 2014, the day the devil was buried in seat and they stepped on his fucking head and left them there. It's a beautiful day to be alive. Oh shit, crank that motherfucker Lee. Are you kidding me or what? A little special edition church this morning. Sorry about this, I'm got some traveling this week and this is how it pans out. But you don't have to worry about that.

All you have to worry about is being here, bitches. Let's do this. Leap, what's happening, you bad motherfucker? Now that I feel, the only good thing about edibles is you sleep like a baby. I told you that, Doug. I've been trying it after years. My dad called me at 9 o'clock and I was out. I had to call him this morning.

He's like, why didn't you pick up the phone last night? I was like, you called me at 9 o'clock, and I had a podcast with Joey Diaz. I was out. I was out. Yes, that was out at 9. I got up at 3.30 from the anger. I had anger in my heart. I woke up to pee, and the one of a sudden it hit me.

that happened here yesterday. You know, we moved to this office. We, we, as you know, I don't smoke pot since February 17th. We move in here. And every day, we got accused of smoking pot or being loud or talking dirty. Listen, man, I went home and thought about it. Our money's as green as everybody else

in this fucking office. And the guy rented it to us, he knew what the fuck this was. This was a podcast, okay? If they get insulted by the language is 2014 and Cuba's 90 miles away from Florida. So that ain't going to work for you. We're not smoking pot. They threaten this by calling the cops. They can't throw us out. I called my attorney. I called the renters bureau yesterday. We're here

to the 30 first or whatever the fuck we decide to get the fuck out. They want to take us to court. I'll sit here to my ass grow fucking roots. You understand me? I don't give a fuck. Ruin my credit. I had ruined credit before, but I proved my motherfucking point. So this is what it is. This is how we talk and this is how the church of what's happening now is all about. Okay. And that's it. I know it was hilarious when she knocked and I totally shut the fucking door because I don't give a fuck. One thing people don't really, really, really understand in this society when the podcast world, not you guys.

You guys listen to this podcast because you know what time it is. But a lot of people don't really know one thing about me. That at the end of the day, I really don't give a fuck. I really don't give a fuck about these comics that don't like me or whatever don't like me or like me or whatever. I really don't give a fuck because I'm still going to sling dick. Okay? Before I was a

comedian, all this dumb shit, I was a fucking man. And when I was a man, when I walked in a room, my dick was always the biggest, even if it wasn't. Do you understand me? So I don't give a Frenchman's fuck about anybody of respect or nothing like that. I'm a great guy to a point. Then it gets fucking dark on your fucking ass. So to me, you know, I'm a nice guy. Yeah, we can have a great time and stuff. Don't knock on my fucking door when I'm doing a podcast. I don't give a fuck how insulted you are about the language or whatever. It's 2014. If you're a Christian, put a tambourine

over the ears. I don't give a fuck. This is how we do it in the church of what's happening now. And if you're not living your life like that, then you've got a fucking problem. If you give the fuck about somebody then you got problems okay so I'm here doing my thing the church is back it's Tuesday November 8th what's happening with you nothing dude I feel great it's uh I'm just I don't know I just I thought they just knocked so it took me out of it no no I wish I was more like that there's a there's a part of me that I'm always very reserved reserved reserved to a point to a point but you have to be reserved to a point but you have to be a gentleman to a point like to me yesterday I what they were talking

there and they were like because you pay the rent so like we're not saying you do what we're saying your employee does it and I'm just sitting in here high so I couldn't say anything but when I was home last night I was I was like what the like first of all I'm in here and I'm not smoking second of all just because you don't think I'm here you can insult me because you don't see me like that's it's kind of bullshit no you know and then I understand Felipe was loud yesterday and he kept being loud and he kept continuing to be loud I thought he would have the sense to lower it after the lady knocked but that's why I love it Felipe because he don't give a fuck either.

So we're all one big, happy family. Yeah. You know, and... Fuck those pictures. Yeah. Lee, you know, man, we're all built differently. When I was a little kid, I used to worry a lot about things. In fact, I got an ulcer at 19. I was shitting blood at 19 because I was worried about everything. I was a little scared kid.

And then I figured, what are you scared about? You got to go for your life. People, you know what, man? People are going to get their feelings hurt. To make an arm, you're going to have to break some eggs all the time. time in life. And if you sit around worrying about people who gets insulted, who doesn't get insulted, that was my promise of a stand-up comic

for years. I thought I would go on stage and see all these people, and I prejudge myself on what they were going to like and what they're not going to like. You know what, it's your fucking world. Either they like it or they could walk the fuck out. It's that simple. You said that on Saturday night in Tempe? I could care less. You were like,

if I had seen them before, I would have got nervous and then they were the ones who give you the biggest hug. The biggest hug. So why are we preempting ourselves? Listen to people in life, you're going to piss people off, you know, make people upset. I had a situation after the night when I had a dear friend of mine bring somebody who was a fucking enemy around me.

Where I came from, your enemies become my fucking enemies. That's the way I was raised. This new Pepsi generation, they think it's cool or I'm hanging out with this guy. I had a call the guy in the back and tell him, hey, don't bring this dumb motherfucker around me ever again.

On top of that, he was giving out my fucking shirts for free this fucking moron. Who I can't stand his fucking guts. You know, and it's like, people get insulted because you call them out in this fucking society. No, man. Don't bring fucking people I don't like around me at all, whatsoever. And if you get insulted, then you shouldn't be my fucking friend either.

You know what? I have three people to fucking answer to my daughter, my wife, and God, whoever the fuck that is. And Lee, part-time. So beside that, you got a long road ahead of you're fucking with me. You know, you really do, Lee. I mean, not Lee. I mean, anybody in any situation, because I really, at the end of the week, guys, I don't give a fuck about agents, about none of these people, about Hollywood producers, directors, at the end they could all suck my dick. I'm very nice to a degree.

Ha-ha, nice to see you. But once you cross a line with me in any facet, with a friend, a thought, you know what? You got yourself a fucking nightmare. I'm not going to beat you. I'm too old to fucking beat you up, but I'll make your life a fucking living nightmare. So that's it, plain and simple.

I hope you enjoy them. What's up with you, baby boy? Felipe's a fucking, he's crazy. I love him today. I love it. It's a, you know what? For me, like, I never got an ulcer. Like, I never got to that point.

but I do get nervous a lot so like that's why I had to play fucking I wanted me around after just to calm me down but it's like I don't know it's there's not much I would change about my

like I was saying to somebody that right now this is the happiest I've ever been like in college it was in high school like right now is probably the best time in my life but there are a few things I'd like to change I'd like to get in shape but I would love to be

I've always been the guy who if someone was mean to me I think of a comeback later that night or something, and I would never say it. And I'm always in my head. That's why when you say you stop stuttering, it's like, I think everything out. I think everything out too, Lee.

And then it's, no, but it's, I don't feel bad about it, but when I think everything out, it can't come out fast enough. So that's why I would love to, it'd be great if you could practice that somehow, like practice, like, yelling at people.

It's a passion. It's not, it's not, you don't practice. You just, it's sticking up. yourself for a degree for years I didn't stick up for myself for years I gotta tell you something my first from 97 to 2006 while I was addicted I didn't do

anything when I was on drugs I didn't do anything because God forbid but that was part of my addiction dealing and not being able to say what I wanted to say when I went into a casting office people think they could say whatever the fuck they want to say it when you're doing a movie people could say what the fuck they want to do you know last night I saw

the end the longest yard I don't know if it's been on showtime a lot later. I was switching the channels. I had my daughter. And it was just the last scene when Adam Sandler's going to go pick up the ball and the guys want to shoot him. And if you guys notice, I was in that whole fucking movie, but they put me all

the way at the end. They didn't even put me with the players. They put me at the cons. That's what producers do to you when they want to fuck with you. When they're angry about you, if you watch a league of their own, that girl was in that movie that did Bad Boy. She was one of the leads in the league of her own.

Tia for Tia Marie or Tia, if you look at the ID, I-M-D-B, she must have had a problem with a director or producer because they cut all her lines out and they showed her like four times. Same thing with Paul Rodriguez and Ali. If you watch Paul Rodriguez and Ali, they cut them out of everything.

They didn't even give him a fucking line in the movie. Wow. With the longest yard, the problem with me was there was a cunt producer named Jack Jeroputo. And the guy's got a thousand fucking gambling. I don't know what the fuck you got. And one day he said something, I said something to him, and it must escalate it. Yeah, I was doing blow when I was doing that fucking movie.

Not on the set. I was doing blow at night. But that's what they used to justify that whatever. I had a problem with Jack. And I could care less if he hears the podcast and I don't give a fuck about him or what the fuck he thinks he is. Yeah. And so the way to punish me, he couldn't cut my scenes out because Paramount would have said, what the fuck guy?

This guy's throwing heat. So his punishment is to take me off the box cover. If you've seen I came out in the first box, then they replaced me. They took me off the poster. And then he took me off. So just so you people know, that's what really happened. Yeah. Me, I don't give a fuck.

I'm in the movie. I'll be in the movie forever. Jack is what, a whore. He's just a produce that uses somebody else's talent and makes millions. So I don't give a fuck. That guy will burn in hell eventually. You know, that's what they all do. Now, were you that way, were you quiet because of the way your mom was?

Like, the reason I think I'm more reserved is my dad, unless to accept my mom, but mostly my dad, if, like, if he felt like someone with disrespecting him in a restaurant, like it would go from zero to 70. And your father too? Oh yeah. Yeah, me too. So that's why I feel like, for me, that's why I'm more quiet because it made me feel uncomfortable as a kid. And I mean, now I wish I could do it, but it's just I feel like that's maybe why I hold back.

Well, sometimes you have to speak your mind. You have to stick up for yourself in this life. It's very, very, very important. And you notice what happens when you don't. You go home and it eats away. Yeah. It eats away. You have to stick up for yourself in this life.

from day one. And sometimes it could get ugly, but if you're really sticking up for yourself and you're really telling the truth, it will never get ugly. If you really tell the truth, it will never get ugly. Even after you go home,

that person will think about it, who'll call you and apologize. That's what happens. The truth is the truth. Some people don't like to fucking hear it. And when you tell somebody, they get insulted with you. And this society that we're living out here

is very sensitive. If somebody does something, you say something, You got two options. Either they get mad at you, they call the cops on you. That's their answer for everything. We call the cops. Cops can't be there all the time.

Ask Nicole Kidman. Nicole Simpson. Cops can't be there for you all the time. Yeah. You know, so I don't know what the big deal is. Deal with it. You deal with it. As a man, you deal with it.

As a human being, you deal with situations. You know, it doesn't all have to be a fight or a punch or a threat. When somebody tells you the truth, it hurts. But after you realize it, it doesn't hurt no more because they're helping you, you know. Yeah. So if you get mad at somebody for telling you the truth, shame on you. And that's what most people do. In our society, they get mad when somebody tells you the truth.

And I'm one of those, I've been mad at people. But then after I've gone home and think about it, I'm not mad no more because I understand where they were coming from. Yeah. Somebody asked me a question about a month ago about somebody being a thief, not a joke thief, just a thief. And I told them before I could say that. I have to know for sure because I know what it is to be called a thief.

When you're not. I know what it is to be accused of something when you're not. Like I told you guys last week with the Ligio story. You know, I thought I robbed a thousand things. I never robbed the Ligio story.

They could tell that story all they want. Some people are going to believe it because the situation I put myself in that situation. But I could care less what they think or what they feel or,

you know what I'm saying? So that's how you have to think as a human being yourself. You have to stick up for yourself. First thing I'm going to teach my door to stick up for yourself. Open your fucking mouth. Especially for these Hollywood little fucks out here.

You have to say something because they think because they made a movie or they're directed that they're better than you and they put their pants on one like at a time, bro. Yeah. And my addiction got beat. Not because I'm better than anybody else, not because God touched me.

My addiction got beat because I became a man. I fully developed, and I remember in my life what was important and what I was going to do and what I wasn't going to do. That beats addiction all the time, whether you're a man or a woman is coming up and being a man and going, this is not what I'm going to do no more. You know, when you're addicted to drugs,

it's something that you're not happening. It's some type of unhappiness or some type of pain or something like that. And it could be associated with people. Like for me, it was associated with swallowing shit when I first moved here. You know, you're not going to Montreal and you've got to see these people and be nice. You don't like me. Why are you being nice to me go fuck yourself? You don't like me?

You don't like somebody. Why are you being nice to them? Just move. I'd rather you not talk to me and stand the same room because I don't want to talk to you either. Yeah. You know? Why do you think, and it's not everybody, but I think money has a lot to do with it. I told the story, I think it was, yes.

or something about how, when I worked at CVS, a drunk photo guy pulled a knife on me. And CVS corporate got so paranoid that they came out and they fired the guy and they transferred me to another CVS. And it was in a lower-class, lower, like a lower-middle-class town right next to me.

But I loved the people who came into that store more than the people who came into the store where I grew up, that were rich, because they always had problems. Paula calls it white people problems. It's not only white people problems, But it's like, I'm richer by people's problems. I always felt, I always liked working in the areas where... A little more urban.

People were a little real. Yeah. People were more real. People treated you with the respect if you treated them with respect. Yeah, you're going to get knuckleheads everywhere. Yeah. I feel the same way, Lee. I go drink coffee at a place where they're all supposed to be decent people and they're like fucking animals.

They leave their dishes on the table. They leave dirty ashtrays. They leave their cups like their mother's going to pick up for them. that same people same people go to that coffee shop up there they're all aristocrats and they're all international

they've all been to Europe and they drink green tea but at the end of the week they don't got no fucking class and that's the most you know you can't buy class Lee you cannot buy you know what I'm saying

you can't buy being a gentleman you can't buy those things you either become them or you don't and it's funny because that's what I always say I expect certain things from certain people you know I expect

certain people to act a certain way you know, regardless of that. I hate people with money. It's people with money that don't make you want to have money. Because it says to you, if I'm going to turn into that person, I don't want to have money. But you think it is that there's not everybody

or the art definitely people who are rich. There's people who are filthy rich or you don't even know. Yeah. I know people in Colorado are filthy rich. Parents, it's amazing. They own corona beer. It's amazing. And you wouldn't know it. They wore sneakers. They wore regular pants.

They treat everybody with respect. But then there's other people. you know, wives that think because they're husband, you know, you see it. Right here, Studio City, you see it with these people pulling up the cars with the yoga pants on and their little, why? You know, and it's the husband's fault

because they have so much money. He just throws money at the wife to shut up so he can live his lifestyle. You know, and that's what happens to your fucking stupid wife after fucking time because all of a sudden she thinks she made the fucking money. What'd you make? What'd you make you're walking around

the fucking land cruise like you do something, like you do something, get the fuck out of you. Go suck a dick somewhere and fucking, you know. but it's it really is amazing how the people with money act sometimes or how they're better than you I see it when I fly

I see the people in first class how they act towards the people sit in the back and it's like fuck you motherfuckers that's why when I get upgraded I always wear a t-shirt a white t-shirt and shorts and sneakers to show them that

I ain't rich and I'm still doing this because I fly a lot so do you get looks oh yeah really oh yeah I put my ip pod on loud I fart I burp

I get up when I want to You know me. I sit in the edge seat. Yeah, man. My money is just as green as yours, brother. I put my pants on one look at a time just like you. So, you know, the difference between you having money and me not having money, I could take it from you.

And there's nothing you can do. So you're lucky I don't take it from me. So sit down and shut your mouth. You didn't even know about that legal? I used to just shake people down for 20s, for years. You've told me with your friends, you would say, can come on, I have no money? Can I follow it?

I didn't know it was like every time he went out. fuck you God it wouldn't work on me it didn't work on pay it was my friends I mean Felipe

Mike Kessler you know there's street guys not everybody lives that way street guys live that way they know that the money shifts yeah if you're a street guy

you know that one day you're lucky one day you're not I got nothing by giving Lee 50 bucks because I know one day I'm gonna say Lee I'm broke come on take a ride on I just got a check

give me a ride to the ATM machine I'll give you hundred bucks. Yeah. That's what street guy. And that's how we meant it more. But if you got an embal or you came back Monday, you knew to come see me. Even if it's a 20th of a weed, Ralphie always did it for years.

As soon as Ralphie got off the plane, he come get me and we go buy a fucking, I ate the weed and I go home and he was happy. I was happy. He knew he took care of me. Because I took care of that. I take care of my friends. So that's what you have to do. That's why.

On a lower scale, I think we've talked about before, if I go out to a dinner or something because around my age some people don't have money but if I go out to dinner and people spend 30 minutes trying to figure out exactly to the penny what they owe I won't go out with them anymore really like for tips and stuff and just it drives me I understand if like I ordered a drink or something or if I got a steak and you got a sandwich but if we got around the same thing just put it three ways and and let it be over with just put the 20 down or the 30 or whatever I don't hang out cheap people at all they they nitpick they bother the hell on me once I

see somebody on a calculator figuring out a tip. Our friendship is over, my friend. Our friendship is over. I don't want to be friends with you no more. Yeah, sit down. I calculate. Girls did great work. Just give her a five. Who cares about the fucking whatever. You know, I always try to that. That's one thing I learned about Joe

and Ari mentioned it to me this week. We talked about all the things we learned at working with Joe Rogan. Joe Rogan gives everybody a hundred bucks. Really? A hundred bucks. That's the minimum. Wow. That's the minimum. Last of a little, if you look, I'm remember of being a server. That must feel great for them.

Like, it makes it a whole night. Yeah. $100. You know, when you go out to eat with Joe, he doesn't even play. He doesn't even let you look at the check. It doesn't even let you look at the check. He just picks it up, adds a tip on there. He doesn't even look at, you know? And I know why he does?

You know why he does it? Because he doesn't want people figuring out tips in front of him. Figuring out, well, I didn't have the lobster tail. I had the steak patto. Just pick up the tab, and you're not going to have this problem. I have a problem with that. If I go out with people, I know they're going to start fidgeting around chicken before I get embarrassed from them.

I start hating their guts. I just pick up the tap. Why am I going to mess around with them? You know what I'm saying? Why the fuck am I going to mess around with them? But no, it's really weird. But I thought about it all night and I was very angry. I was angry.

I got a couple things yesterday when I left here. First of I was in shell shock because I was getting off on that cookie. I was just starting to get off on that cookie. And next thing, you know, people are knocking and stuff. So I didn't know what to say. When I left yesterday, I was gone. You know, I was gone. I went home and basically took the baby.

be to the park and made a few calls. My day was shot, but last night I started thinking about what had happened. And it was very weird. Tonight we got the storyteller show. Oh, cool, yeah. I don't know if you're coming down. The guys nailed it.

Life are coming down. What time are you leaving? Probably going to leave at 930. The show starts to 10. I'll leave from... Show starts to 10, you know, and then it's going to go down there. Like I said, the role model, did you think about

it all? You didn't think about it? I didn't, because I was so fucked up. I don't... I think I try to take. things from people I guess because I was I never was really big an I never thought I was gonna be an athlete so I never thought about like that but like I think it was like the guy who taught me when I was here I had a couple really great teachers who who really affected me do you still like I talked to mr. T

this morning the teacher that made me laugh all the time that you know play Woodstock and talk about Alvin Lee and I call them this morning and said hello you guys made me think about that this morning I yeah I would have a couple of my teachers have unfortunately passed away but then it kind of bummed me out. When I first moving to LA, I went back to my high school film professor. And him and I were super tight. And I went to tell him I got this job on a TV show.

And I don't know if I just got him on a bad day or something. But he almost, like, he didn't even know me or like he wasn't that proud. I expected to go and he'd be really excited because how many kids actually go and do that with their life. And it just wasn't what I was expecting. So maybe I just got him on a busy day. Or maybe after a few years of college, he didn't remember who I was. But it's, no, I don't want to talk to any of them. It would be nice, too.

Now, this guy that was your mentor kind of here for editing. Yeah. Do you still talk to him? Oh, yeah, yeah. When do you talk to him? Every few weeks we'll text back and forth, and he's really proud. Everyone at that show has been there for, like, at least a decade, just because it's been going off for 25 years, and it's a good gig to have.

But they're proud of me for leaving. because I would have still been building furniture but I was there. Because when you go to it, when you start working in a place that everyone has been there's been there for a decade, you're always going to be the new guy, even five years in.

You're still going to be the new guy. So I get text from them all the time. Like, we're happy for you because they saw the T-shirts went out and I sent them a T-shirt and they see when I post stuff about podcasts. Now, there's a guy that's your mentor. Does he still work?

Oh, yeah. What's he work on now? He works still works on AFV. He works on cops. He works on movies. He does a lot of cool stuff. It's a lot of cool stuff. And he's, he was great to me.

Like looking back at it, having, it'd be like if I had an 18-year-old kid just sitting right here when we were doing this for the, for months and months on end asking, what happens when you press that button? Why are you doing that? Because I just, I went to school and I learned basics. Of editing. I'm editing. But just when you go in and. see what they're really doing. It's just so much to learn.

Is it different from when they teach you to what you're really doing? Yeah. I mean, they're teaching you more theory behind it and why, like, like, why would you make the cut there? Building story and stuff like that, but he's going in and he's, he's changing the colors on a shirt, or he's, he's blurring out a logo because we can't have it in there, or he's cutting it even shorter. So it's, uh, it's very interesting for me.

And I was in his office half the day, just asking questions. It's funny because I'm surrounded by others. And they each have pretty similar personalities. John Budd, one of my jitistro teachers, an editor, Hassan, one of Alders 10th Planet Purple Belt's, another that also goes to VMA, you, and another friend Butch, that's an editor. And if I have to think, you guys are pretty much all a little bit the same. You have the same, you have a party going on in your head at all times

because you need that to be an editor. To do what you do or to be a writer or do something, do something you need to be yourself to make that job go by easier. You have to have a party in your head. That's why you still say that you don't get in it before you go to edit and you go now. I can't imagine doing that. Are you still getting calls for editing from time to time? Yeah.

And it's, some of it would be, if I got a call for like a feature film, I would take it. but it's just, I'm having, even though I'm worried about money, that's not the worst thing to be worried, but I'm having so much more fun. Like I was talking to Agostino, and I just, I know his pain because he doesn't want to go where he's going. And anyone who has a job where you wake up in the morning, or you wake up and you're like, okay, I have four hours until I have to be there.

Okay, I have three hours. I have two hours. And it's just a dread in your stomach. It's the worst feeling in the world. So right now, But as long as I can afford to not have to do it, I'm going to try not to do it. It's really weird when you get caught up on a job that you don't like. You know, I answer anywhere from 80 to 100 emails a week.

And five of those emails are people that are really sick of their job. Yeah. They don't know what else to do. They want to quit. And you get to the point where you're so angry at yourself and your job and so frustrated that you want to quit, but you can't. Yeah. You can't. So you get into a deeper emotional rut.

and it keeps building and building. And now whatever you want to do on the artistic side, you're so fucking buried in anguish and confusion and anger. You don't even have the creativity to do what you really want to do. And it's tough. And, hey, man, I remember when I just wanted to be a comic and I had to pay $635 worth of child support. And I still had to sell cars and still get up early.

And to have this dream and you really want to do it. And then one day you just got to go, you know what? I'm doing it. I'm going to get a piece of paper and a pen. I'm going to figure out what budget I need. Not 6,000 for Chinese food a month. But woman, what do I barely need? I remember when I got into, I'm not lying to anybody here,

but when I went back to Boulder in 94 to get, to be a dad, and to work on my comedy in 93, my budget per month with child support was basically $1,600 on. $1,600, I could live. I could pay rent. I can not pay a car payment. I was putting gas in some beat-up fucking car. I had food

that didn't include the blow. The blow was optional. Some months I was going to make $2,000 but spend $1,000 on blow. But that part of my life is so confusing for me because I had so much pain because it was so much more I wanted to do. I just couldn't do it.

I had to keep a day job. I wanted to travel, but I had to keep a day job. I had to keep a day job because I was going through a divorce and I was so fucking frustrated I can't tell you how frustrated I was until finally one day I took a budget wrote it out and said this is what I'm going to do and I mean guys listen

do you think right off the bat you're going to make $1,600 a month when you need to you know no and I had a fill in the void I had a shoplift I had to hang around fucking Kmart and you know steal shit and you know try to hustle that way if my buddy sent me a stolen shit

from New York, I had to hustle it that way. You know, there's so many things, but throughout the months, the more and more comedy I started to do, I started picking up little gigs, and eventually I could stop doing those extra things. And yeah, from time to time, listen, guys, there's nothing wrong with doing comedy and delivering Chinese food on Monday and Tuesday night.

You can make 100 a night. That's 800 a month you got covered, because there's no real comedy Monday and Tuesday. There's a couple open mics and stuff like that, but you could still make them a tent if you deliver Chinese food. Exactly, yeah. We got a call?

Yeah. What's happening, my brother? Hey, my friend, how you doing? How are you, Uncle Pete? I know you're having a busy day today, and I know I'm thanking you for calling in and making time. What's going on? Just talking to you, my friend.

How's everything with you? Everything's good. I'm excited about grudge matches out today on DVD. Yep. So I'm very excited about that. But my buddy called me Monday, and he said he was on a plane last week. Yeah?

Oh, the movie was on a plane? Yeah. He caught the first 10 minutes of it. it and then they had a land, something happened. I don't know. Yeah, I also had a buddy of mine who was on a plane. Next to him, an Asian gentleman was watching a pirated version, subtitled. And so when you say watch it on a plane, that could almost mean anything these days.

Yeah, no, no. My buddy, well, no money in my pocket, but at least was the guy laughing. My buddy said the plane was having a good time where he was sitting, that they were giggling. That's good. No, that's good, man. Yep. You know, Grudge match. I took a bunch, about 70 people from the podcast, came out,

and we all met Christmas night, and we went to watch the movie together. That's right. What was the theater you took? Lemley Five on Lankishing. Nice. And we had a great time. And, you know, listen, we got great responses to the film.

But as you know, it wasn't a blockbuster that we expected to be, you know. And it was still a great film. I mean, I think a thousand more people are going to see it. Now that's on DVD. Well, that's what Tommy Boy Was not a big hit in the theaters And, you know, on DVD And then HBO

Suddenly people started, you know, coming out of the woodworks And sometimes movies, you know, have to find their audience And on the freeway, it was a tough crowd, you know? It was a very... It was a very... I remember your partner once, Michael Ewing, telling me that You know, it takes levels of a film For people to really see you in it

And after a while, you'll see that it takes levels And even now, if you've noticed they've been playing the longest yard, every night on Showtime. Yeah. Yeah, it's crazy how many times. Every night. Every night. It's a seasonal thing, I guess. You know, then 50 first dates will get played a whole bunch in a row, and then it's off the air for a few months, then it'll come back. I don't exactly know how and seasonal programming works, but. Yeah, no. You know, Mr. Seagler, I want to ask you something that's really, I think in all my years of being out in L.A.,

I mean, I thought that Grudge match had some of the best marketing behind that I had ever seen in my life. Yeah. Well, Warner Brothers is the best. But, you know, sometimes getting the message out there is one thing, getting the right message out there. So I have a reason. As you know, when people are in the theater, you know, it tested in the 90s. Every single time we had a grassy. It's fantastic in Athens putting it at Christmas.

But something about it was, you know, not attracting people and it didn't, you know, pique their appetite. And they felt like this is a kind of movie that they could wait to rent it, you know. And so the good news is today they can happen, you know. I'm really happy, man. I'm really happy. Because already people were sending it out on Twitter last night to me, you know, cutting little scenes and putting it out to me.

So it was great. Have you spoken to anybody from the film since then? The story. Oh, yeah. I'm working on something now with, that, well, Bob and Sly and myself, and to promote it, you know, right after Christmas. And so that was fun. It was really nice. And the European press was very enthusiastic, and the crowds were great. That was really nice. We got to just relax and have some good meals and laugh. Rocky on Broadway.

On Broadway, I saw that. And Bob and I've been, yeah, right around the time the movie came out. That is an experience in itself having Kevin Hart next to you, Courtside, Laker, Gamen, him hackling, LeBron James and getting in to laugh as he's shooting free throws, I thought we were going to get kicked out. That sounds like that they ended up winning or no? What's that? They didn't beat Miami, did they? No, no, I don't think so.

No, are you kidding? This year, we couldn't beat my local high school team. Oh, my God. I watched them against the Clippers on Sunday or something. Oh, my God. I felt so bad. This is a reboot. I just want to forget this season and get to next season and hopefully, you know, good things.

I just hope, you know, Kobe comes back. So many injuries this year, but, you know, we just fell apart. Listen, Peter Singer, you know, I love you at all my heart. Kobe's got one foot in the grave, one of the banana peel. I love him to death. He's one of the greatest players of all time, but he's done. Nash, I don't even know why we got that guy. I have no idea.

I have no idea. You can't break it down to me. There's no level of breakdown to me. And what I saw the other day, they just need an overhaul. They need three new guys, and two white guys missing a tooth that got nothing but heart. And let's start this team all over again. Jack's not even going for the games no more, right? Yeah.

When Jack don't go no more, it's bad. I mean, you know, a couple years ago when they brought in, you know, the big blockbuster trade, and, you know, if you looked at the bench, there was nobody there. And meanwhile, the clippers were three deep at every position, and it's been paying off. You know, somebody can get injured. Chris Paul can get injured and they still have, you know, two other guys that can fill in. We don't, you know, when our starters are out, that's it. You know, we're like a D-Leat team.

No, it's mind-boggling to watch. What are you working on now, Uncle Pete? Working on a remake of Harvey, the 1956 Jimmy Stewart movie. And it's a nice adaptation. It's not the exact same play screen, which won an academy of the lady who played. we're quietly casting it right now and you know hoping to get that going first of the year

and I might need you know the help of a mad flavor kind of guy I don't know we'll have to see that'd be great but you know I love you either way brother I have mad love for you no matter what whether you put me in a movie or not that's the worst thing about having friends in the movie business when they do something they won't call you because they

feel ashamed and they don't understand my perspective, Pete, from where I've been and what happened in my life and everything, you put me in a movie, even if somebody calls me into audition, if you go, Joey, I mention your name, they want you to audition. I love you forever, whether I get the movie or not, just somebody thinking about me. So that doesn't make my friends. You know, you're my buddy until the end of time, brother. Well, and likewise.

And, you know what, the thing for me is I like to work with people that I like, you know, not, you know, life is too short. I want to have a good time. And so that's why you see, you know, Sandler will work with a lot of the same people over and over again. And, you know, whether he gets criticized or not, he wants to have a good time, you know. And you're in my stable, pal, you know, whether you like it or not. And having you on the set is always a joy. This time, you know, we had to go to the bullpen to L.A., fly you into New Orleans,

and you knocked it out of the park, you know, and I was, you know, I'm proud of you because, you know, I got producers looking at me saying, well, this guy's costing more than a local guy from, you know, Louisiana. I said, yeah, but it's going to be worth it. And so, and you proved me right again. So, you know, I love you. I love you too, buddy. Hey, I hope this DVD does well. I hope people buy it and take it home because I thought it was a great movie.

I really did. I sat there and I cried. I couldn't believe that that was me across from De Niro. So I really hope that people grasp this and see this. This is an American classic because it's the two biggest guys of our generation. For me, I grew up watching those guys. It's true, and it was an honor to work with them, and it was, regardless, you know, these things are judged, you know, they have a shelf life, you know,

and 20 years from now you don't remember what number it opened at the box office. You just, you know, when it comes on HBO, you're just going to enjoy it and take it for what it is. and we're proud of it. We had a great time making it. And I think it's actually one of the better movies I've made. So I'm hoping, you know, a lot more people get to see it now that it's out, you know. You know, it's crazy how I spoke to Nick the tour Monday. Well, Friday I spoke to Nick.

And he reminded me that this, you know, this July is 10 years when we shot the longest yard. That's when we started. Dude, tell me about it. I forgot. I forgot about it. You know, I cannot believe it's 10 years. Actually, it's 10 years right now because we were filming it in 2004. It came out in 05.

No, it was April. We didn't start shooting until July. Oh, July of 04, though. Oh, you're right. Yeah. July of 04. You're absolutely right. I met with you like the first week of May.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you're right. You're right. And then... You're absolutely right, because I remember, yeah, July was right. after July 4th weekend we shipped off to prison you know how funny was that that you guys called and said hey will you be willing to come to a table read tomorrow and I'm like sure and then they call three hours later they're like hey we don't mean to bother you will you be able to go to Santa

Faye New Mexico tomorrow and I'm like what sure and the next day I get picked up in a car and I pull up and there's Adam Sandlin with flippers on slippers yeah and he grabbed my luggage Pete I have no reason to lie to you 10 years later I had four or five cigarettes, a joint, and $7 in my pocket. I gave five to a limo drive. I walked into that table read with $5. And when I sat next to Burt Reynolds, I almost ran out of that. I was like, this is a dream.

And then across from me was the guy from 48 hours. Yeah. You know, what's his name? Oh, my God. Patrick, what's his name, James Patrick, whatever? He played the psycho. Yeah, you know, and I'm sitting next to Romanoski, and I'm looking over at Michael Irvin,

who I knew from before, from the Best Dance Sports Show, and next thing you know, we're on a plane to Santa Fe, me, the leap, Bob Sapp, and somebody else on a four-man plane. And I get to this hotel, Santa Fe,

and I swear to God, Pete, I got. And my wife had... That was a crazy group. That was crazy. And my wife had no... We were both broke, broke. And the first day,

they gave me an envelope, and then the envelope was $800 for per diem. And that was it. I paid my rent. you can't even believe this. So I'll never forget that, man. Oh, yeah, I remember some high school, and it was like a lightning storm,

and Romanovsky was going around, like, the real deal. Like, this was like a real, you know, NFL practice telling people to, I remember he says, tuck that shit in. You know, there's some guy who's Jersey wasn't, you know, tucked in, and I'm like, whoa, he's taking this really seriously. And for any kid who grows up to, you know, dreaming of maybe one day whether you play in the NFL or coach in the NFL, I felt like Tom Landry.

You know, I was walking around with my rolled-up script of all the plays and, you know, all these legendary, you know, Hall of Famers are out on the field and then a lot of great college athletes and arena football athletes, you know, it's just unbelievable, you know, the amount of talent that goes into making a, you know, make-believe football team. That ain't make-believe when you're out there filming it. Those guys really hit. And as it's been playing lately on cable, I look at some of these hits and I go,

my God, some of these guys must have had concussions and just not told us. You know, I mean, that was back before, you know, all of the heightened awareness about, you know, helmet injuries and stuff like that. And so God knows what... You know, it's really funny. There was this little Italian guy that was...

He played at New England. He was on the developmental squad. I don't know if you remember him. And towards the end, he'd knock somebody's shoulder out of place. He was maybe 5'9, really compact guy. And the scene when Romanowski hits me, that's what happened. Romanowski and this little guy came up to me. And you were there and they were talking to me.

And I said something to either you. I go, I'd rather have Romanowski hit me than that little guy. And Romo heard me. And in his mind, he's like, really, you fat fuck? Okay. And if you watch those shots when he was hitting me, Pete, he was hitting me. Oh, yeah. And the first two, I mean, I was angry and I wanted to cry.

It hurt so bad, but I couldn't because I know where his head's coming from. So I stood there. And I'm like, that's all you got, bitch. And there's one shot where he hits me that my helmet turns around. That's not a stunt. That's not a cut. Let's turn the helmet around. That was real.

Yeah. And he took pity on me. There were a couple of times when Romo told me right. before we started filming that, he said, I'm either going to play my, I guess it was his 16th NFL season. I said, really, based on whether, you know, we say yes or no to you getting this part, you're going to change your, you know, Hall of Fame career, goes, yep, do I have the part? I said, yeah, you got the part, but am I ending your career as a football player?

Yeah, I'm done, I'm done. I said, well, let me ask you something. You've had, you know, what, three, four concussions, you know, during your playing career? He goes, Pete, more like 24. 24 concussions? So when we were on the field, you know, going through, you know, shooting, there were a couple times when some of the other players. I remember there's one guy who played for the Denver Broncos, you know, I forgot his name, but he came over and he said, Pete, you got to take Rome out.

I said, why? What's going on? He goes, well, I think he took another one to the head, and he's saying, like, he, He really wants to kill it. And I don't think he realizes it's a movie anymore. I think he thinks he's back on the field. I'm like, ooh, you know, that's how hard he was hitting, you know, on that movie. You know, and then it got to a point where, you know, where was the line between fiction and nonfiction?

So it got a little crazy. I still remember that there was, I don't know if you stayed in the hotel with us. I don't think so. No, I was in a different hotel. A much nicer one. Well, the hotel had an end. theme. No, because the Hotel Santa Fe was a beautiful hotel.

If you look and see, that thing's got like six stars. I remember the Mac of the You know, I might have actually been in the same hotel. You were the same hotel with Nick Turturro, right? Yeah, I was upstairs. Okay, then I was at the same one because I would be in by the pool sometimes. Right, we were at the Santa Fe Inn. There was only two hotels. That was

the big one, and then the one down the block was like a crack hotel. Yeah, they had some of the football players, but they had me in the big one with Dalip and I still Remember that the theme of the hotel was very American Indian. It was very southwestern. Yes, yes.

And when we got that, I don't know if you remember, there was a guy that was playing a flute. The guy playing the flute? Yeah, he would just play that, ooh, that Indian stuff. He played for breakfast, and he played it at night. You know that after like two weeks we were there, the guy disappeared. Oh, really? Yeah, because they threatened them.

Oh. The footballer, the guys at night. Yeah, the guys at night told him to get the flute and get out of there one night. but those guys at night it was Kevin Nash the other guy and then the coordinator remember not the talent coordinator

but the football coordinator he was a little older guy Mark Ellis Mark Ellis so Mark Ellis Romo Kevin Nash and Steve Austin

I think it was somebody else in that crew the guy that played for the Giants he played for the championship giants yeah They would stay downstairs and just drink to the bar clothes. And they broke into the bar one night.

Remember they broke the bar. Then after they got warned about breaking into the bar, one night I'm sleeping, and he had knocked on my door. And it's Steve Austin. He goes, I want your refrigerator. We had those little refrigerators in our room, and they had those bottles of them. And he was like, I want your refrigerator.

Can I give you the money in the morning? I go, just take him. He left me everything but like harvest juice. He took everything. I think he left the honor. juice and water or something. The next day, when I got up, they had all those little bottles upside down on the table.

They must have gotten into like eight rooms. It was, you know, Pete, I want to thank you because it was a great time for me. I learned a lot. I learned to never be involved in a football movie again. That's the one thing I learned. I never want to be in that involved again, not because of the hits,

because it really, really was a lot of work. And I didn't think anybody knew how much work it was going to be until we got there. Not only how much work, but how hot it was, and we didn't read the fine print on what monsoon season meant. Every day, we had lightning storms and rain for like hour to 90 minutes. And twice, I don't know if you remember this, the set got struck by lightning. Yes. You remember the first day when we had like a tornado went through the set?

We all had to like abandon ship and I literally dove into an 18-wheeler to take cover. That's right. That's right. No, it was horrible because we had to stop everything we were doing every afternoon at 2 o'clock. Yeah. And people think that the hottest part of the day is 12 noon. It's about 5 o'clock, you know, because it gets dark in the summer 7.30, so 5 o'clock was absolutely blistering.

And I couldn't understand how you guys, you know, got through it in your pads and helmet. I was 400 pounds, Uncle Pete, when I shot that. I'm 310 now. I was 400 pounds. Nice. And no shape at all, no working out, nothing. They had to put me on the oxygen therapy. Bob Sapp couldn't even pick me up.

I was so heavy. Uncle Pete, I want to thank you. I know you're busy today, and I really want to thank you for everything you've done for me and for calling the podcast and for enlightening these guys. And that's it, man. You know, I love it all my heart, man. My pleasure. And I'll email you if I need you again.

You know, I'm always there for you, man. I'm always here for you, my friend. All right. you my best of the family, your wife and the kids brother. You too. Thank you very much. Bye-bye. Okay, bye. How's that for you, Lisa? So cool. I love it. And it's, you know what,

Mayor, especially around Christmas time, it's not inexpensive to go to the movies anymore. It's probably for a family of four going to be a minimum of $150. Yeah. So Red Box is a dollar now? I wouldn't be surprised if Red Box is, Red Box and pay-per-view is the thing that makes the movie.

Listen, man I told you guys In November many times before I was just happy to be a part of the movie That was it And if you're from my world You know If you went until you got locked up

And you come here You got no agent And nobody will help you And nobody will fucking Then for me It was even more of a feather in my cap So I'm just happy If you want to rent it on DVD

If you want to buy it Go for it If you want to buy it And bring it to one of the shows And I'll sign it Go for it If you don't want to do dick I ain't mad at you either.

You know what I'm saying? Just want to mind your business Keep being you. I ain't mad at you. I keep being me myself. You know what I'm saying? So don't worry about nothing. I'm going to give some shout-outs here.

There's some beautiful people that support the puck. So there's my glasses. I don't even fucking know. No. You know what I'm saying? We got Joey Rookman, who's always there from Med Diego Ringoed. Adam Wheeler,

Joey Romero, Brian Rubin, James Harrison, Happy Birthday, and PuckPipe.com. Send me a fucking pipe. I was going to bring it with me by a left in a rush. You got to see this.

thing. Oh, cool. It's this pipe that you spin around and has five different cartridges so you can put five different weeds in there one time. It's a little word. It's spinning around. Once you start smoking again, we're going to make you smoke it each a hit from each weed and send it in for a video. That's that because I love it. So I want to thank the guys I puck pipe. I want on their

website. It's some pretty interesting stuff there. So if you get them and it's really weird how I haven't smoked Lee. Yeah. And I have no desire to smoke. I don't know why. Are you still getting high off the vapors? Yes, I am. I am really getting blasted in the mornings. I get really blasted.

Then I pop an edible and that carries me over for the rest of the day. You know what I'm saying? Like that goomy bear, I pop this morning. You don't see me complaining though. But it's really weird. You know, sometimes you think something's going to be really, really bad. Let me tell you some guys. There's a couple things I've done since I started the podcast and I've done it for you guys

to show you, you know. And it's not to show you or to show you I'm better than you, because that's not what I've ever intended with this podcast. to show you that we can do anything. We can do whatever the fuck we want, bro. We just have it in our heads that we can't. You know, when I'm 51, I go to Jiu-Jitsu. Am I the best at it? Fucking hell no.

You know, I can't go this week because my knee is fucking jacked. It's still swollen on the side, then. But, you know what? That's why I joined for it. I kept going because I wanted to overcome my breathing and my fears. That's what we talk about in this show. With the weed, it's an addiction.

You know what I'm saying? I'm not saying I'm not addicted no more. I'm just saying maybe I jump fucking shit. But I never thought. could physically stop smoking. I thought I'd be in pain or I thought I'd be in a bad mood. I just made a decision. And sometimes in life, man, like the decision, you've made decisions that I've made. Sometimes you just make a decision, not what to do. Does the vapor pen fulfill the weed? You want me to lie to you? Is that what you want me to people to do and say, oh yeah,

no, it doesn't. It's a different eye. It's 30, 40 minutes. I get higher sometimes. Like, sometimes I wondered that I eat an edible, but it's really vapor. But I missed the whole process. I the breaking the weed and rolling it and being out of rolling papers I'm looking for a lighter but I broke it I broke it I wanted to give my lungs a chance so that's all this podcast is about man letting you fucking know you do whatever fucker you want

who gives a shit no more they got no restrictions you know something yeah fuck them is it a is it more expensive or less expensive to do vapor they give me a deal you know I love Eureka I love no whole organic I've been with no organic as long as I was with divine wellness

divine wellness move to Canoga Park I love these tubes I think the tubes are 60 bucks they charge me 50 or 40 or something like that whatever Eureka's great I love No Organic

You know now I'm not smoking No organic has some fucking We're strong And the shit we were getting before I smelled one of them last Sunday It was just unbelievable I could see the pearls on He even said

You want to do a bongan And I was this close But I'm gonna hold off till May I'm gonna go 90 days You know 90 days Let's see what we can do with people 90 fucking days We do it together.

Yeah. Then if you can do 90 days, you go for an 180 days. Do I want to stop smoking forever? Guys, you don't know what it's like when I get to a fucking gym. And I start doing the basics at first. And all of a sudden, I got to breathe and tell myself, I don't know the serenity, I know the serenity, I know the serenity, and also this skunk sweat comes out of me,

that I feel come out of me through all my body from my head to my fucking toes. And even has a weave. And I think I'm going to have a heart attack. And during this time, I think about you, I think about my wife, my daughter, I'm North Bergen. I think about the people at home. And Austin, I start breathing again. But for fucking two minutes, it's the most uncomfortable fucking time in my life.

I get so many dots. And maybe this is a heart attack. You know, I always take the... Aspen. I always take up two baby aspenes, and I take the honor to Shumtech sport an hour and a half before I fucking go work out. So I don't know what's going on half the time. You know what I'm saying?

I take the alpha brain in the morning with the blood pressure medication and my fish oils and all the other shit, I take in the morning, all the other nutrients I'd take in the morning. But every time I go, it's like two minutes. I figured if I could stop smoking, they would take away those two minutes. You don't know how it was in kettlebells.

Sometimes, you know, he told me how, he goes, I know your cardio's getting better because you don't go outside no more. But you know what I found the last couple weeks? I like working out outside. Jesus Christ, you get some kettlebells, and you go outside under the sun, you bring some water with you.

it's amazing and you get a fucking sun at the same time it's fucking amazing that North Hollywood Park or that Bainbridge Park has a dirt road on it and it's a little smaller. Off of more park, off a more park and Tunga, two blocks down

towards violent. There's a park on the right-hand side. There's never nobody in the daytime. They have a little workout area there like swings and push-ups and sit-ups and they have this dirt road, dirt track that isn't huge at all, But it's dirt. It's dirt, which is a little better for your knees, you know what I'm saying?

Okay. You go there's a little tree. You could put your little kettlebells there. You could put a 45 pound in 2.35s or 225s on 115, whatever the fuck weight you're using. Walk around, do swings. You can drink your little water. You can sit under the tree there, and then you can walk around in circles. It's not bad.

And I prefer that sometimes. I love going to... The class. I love going to the class. I love going to Got Bells with Dave. Yeah. But sometimes I don't have the fucking time no more. You know, these last two weeks I'll leave it day earlier.

Anyway, I'm in Grand Rapids this fucking Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Forget about it. Dr. Grins. Call up down there. And I know we're at the Ice House for a live podcast the last week of April. I will be in Orlando and I will be in Baltimore with Joe Rogan also. But next week for sure. This week coming, whatever fuck it is.

The 10th through the 12th. I'm definitely at Dr. Grins in Michigan. Let me give some shoutouts to my sponsors. On it, I love you guys. Like I said, I take Frum Tech before I work out. I take my alpha brain, the Hemp Force chocolate shake. I live off these things. You know, I do the alpha brain and cycles.

I do the Hemp Force all the time, and I do the Shroom Tech all the time. For the kettlebell workouts, I don't take the Shroom Tech. For the Jitsu workouts, I take the Shroom Tech. I don't know why. You know me. I'm kind of stupid. I like to save one of my cheap. I also like to give.

Go to www.com. Go to Joey Dears. Dot net. Get tour dates. Also, I got pre-sales on T-Sales. shirts, mugs and patches, half the fucking patches

are gone. Gonely, half the patches are gone. I knew people going to love the packets. Thank God the G-Mack, V-Mack, the J-Jitsu kids there

who told me to make a patch because people would buy patches for their Gie. There's also long-sleeve shirts and short-sleeve shirts and coffee mugs. Yeah, if you want a weapon, this is the weapon.

This is the weapon. You know what I'm saying? Go to Lee's website. He's got Jew Radio shirts there. Also, he sold a bunch of them in Tampa. People were happy with you that you went and we're going to get you hooked up for Austin.

So go to Joy Deers.net, go to your honor, pushing your order, press in. Church. Church, C-H-U-R-C-H and get your order from Monnet. They also have stay on it, which gives you a monthly package delivered to your house on the first every month. All right. Also, dollar shave club, I can't, you know, I can't say a good thing. I can't say better things about them. As you notice, they've been our sponsor.

I love working with them. They send me razors. I use the razors. You know, the handle is a fucking weapon. The razors are tremendously sharp. They have aloe on them. They have two different pro, three different programs. The dollar program, the $6 program or a $9 program.

I don't give a fuck which one you get. Just get one of them. If you go with the $6 one, what's it going to cost you? $72 a year. You get rages. $72, you're not paying just for razor. You're paying for your time. You don't have to drive somewhere.

You have to show up with a coupon because they're too expensive. It's $72 a year. Go to Dollar ShaveClub.com. See what they got the offer. If you're going to order it, go through joeydeers.net, use my box and use the code word. Church. Church, C-H-U-R-C-H. Press that in there.

And what do they get me? It's just like the better deals on. The promo codes. And you get, if you order, I think it's the $9 one, you get the shave butter in your first order. Okay, so you get the shave butter, which isn't bad. No more ingrown hairs, no more fucking bumps or humps or nothing like that. I use it for my neck. Do you?

It's especially for people who have beards. when you have to do that you don't have to buy razors that often so every once in a while you'd be like fuck I'm out so this is always going to come to your house you can do it once every you can slow it down and once every two months every once every two months every one every two months it'll be on yeah yeah because

I'm cheap with the razors too I use in two weeks too I got a backlog and we get bombed by nuclear I have to stop shaving like you can buy a crane so also remember dollar shave but also some of the best snacks out there how do I notice I eat them I eat them, Eastino eats them

Lee eats them. My wife eats and we just finished the white and black rinola. You slice some bananas with some vanilla yogurt. Forget about it. White and black ronola. Delicious. I'm talking about naturebox.com. Naturebox.com.

They're healthy snacks. Nutritionalist approved. My favorites, the cocoa almonds, the rice sticks, and I love the other ones. The ginger. They have a couple things. They have so many things that are so different. different and unique, not the ginger ones, but the sesame sticks.

Oh, sesame sticks are so good. They're low in calorie, all organic, all natural. Like I said, nutritionless approved. I'm a fat fuck. I love these things. When you place your first order of Nature Box, you get 50% off, 50% off. Then they'll send to your house monthly, but you get 50% off the first order. That's a gift and a half.

Go to NatureBox.com. What do they got on there? Retail it's promo code Joey. They have some new stuff. First of all, they have roasted chickpeas. So I got hummus for you. But then they have peanut butter and jelly granola. They have poppy seed sticks, which I have to try now because I love poppy seed labels.

I love poppy seed, too. They have apple pie oak clusters. They have honey macadena. They're good. They're good. The apple pie, my daughter eats them and my wife ate them. I'm delicious. I'll try that.

They have honey macadamia pretzapops. That has to be good. That has to be good. They have fruit chews. They have pumpkin seeds. They have seaweed, rice, popcorn. for whole wheat, apple fig bars,

they look like they look like the other fig bars. He's getting red, he's getting lost side. He's only going to go home and master bit on that webpage. Go to naturesbox.com. I'm telling you right now.

Go to joeydeers.com. What's the code, brother? Joey. Joey. They really have to figure something out. If you're listening from Naturebox, figure something out. Work a deal out with a dispensary or something.

Because if these were, on the edibles, I can't tell you how much I eat. And if these were at a dispensary, I'm telling you. They have the gross. They have stuff that you sit there and go, this is delicious. The black and white granola, man, I advise it to anybody who likes granola. They got that apple fig bar, it's thick. My daughter chews on them. My wife loves that. I'm telling you. Nature's box.com. They have yogurt dip pretzels. That's my favorite. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're

good, too. That's really good too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't play around. I'm telling you. I wouldn't have them on there. Listen, naturesbox.com. StoneAproof. Stoner approved. Joey is approved. Lysiat approved. Oh, God, yeah. They have cocoa wafers. How does that, how can that not be good?

Cocoa waffle wafers. Get your shit together, people. Nature's boggs.com, pressing the code. Joey. Joey. And also, my main people. Oh, yeah, yeah. Turn that off.

You're killing yourself to live. Your face is ready. You didn't even need to cook you or nothing like that. Also, to my boys up at NailedatLife.com supplying the vapor pens. The vapor pen is the best vapor pen out there. They also have the t-shirts. What else they got? They got everything else.

Yeah, they got the vapor pens. It's mainly the vapor pen, the T-shirt, they've got Los Gumi-Sermanos. That's right, those Gumi-Sermanos. Which are. Oh, my God. It put Lee over the top. We had a 35-mogram setiva and the head.

The head, the top of the head. We just chopped his head off. I remember the black guy and Dawn of the Dead when the helicopter chops his head off in the beginning. We just gave him that little piece. And it put me over the top. Done. Los Gumi's Hermannos.

They will be at the improv night. So let me see who else Those Gumi's and Monos, Naturebox.com, Dollar Shave Club, and my people, I'm there. We take care of everybody. You know what I'm saying? I'm going to give a shout to HuluPlus.

No matter what, I still love Huluplus.com. Huluplus.com. Go see them. And that's it, Lee. I'm going to Michigan Thursday morning, nice and early. Tomorrow I got to shoot some stupid films so I'll be shooting all day.

I'm looking forward to Michigan. Last time I was in Michigan was at Joey's in Dearborn Michigan. That's why I started County. A lot of people don't know that. I went to I drove from Colorado and Michigan. That was my first paid gig on the road. That's a long drive, isn't it?

It's two days, maybe. But it was still great. And then after that I started working for Yoda and I would go to like, you know, Battle Creek. You work for who? Yoda? Yoda. That's his name. John Yoda. He's a great guy. He books all the rooms up there in that part of the country. He's got a thousand rooms

from Toledo all the way up to Isbamian and all that. No, no, no, no, listen, guys, if you're from Michigan, I can't wait to get there. The only sadness is I'm not renting a car because at least years ago they had the best radio in the world. I fell in love with a girl from Michigan. I was with a girl from Michigan for four years. From now's Michigan, brother.

Wait, why are you upsetly renting a car? Because they have the best radio in the country. Like radio stations? The best rock, rock music. Oh, shit. You like rock music. You get your car in Michigan. brother from the top to the bottom

from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from the way to Detroit all the way to you know Niles Mishawaka that place is crack a lacquack and with music I love it I love it I really do love it I'm excited to go I'm sad I'm not going to Detroit to go to Greek town and to throw down over there but you know what next time hopefully let's just do this grand rapids one let's get some people out there let's show Yoder we could pack some rooms and then we'll do Detroit and we'll do uh you know a couple of other towns I'm keen on that, you know.

And make it dry. How far is it from Detroit? A couple hours? Two hours maybe, Grand Rapids, I think, if I remember right? But I, you know, I went to see Cheryl Crow at the Detroit Palace. I used to go to the, I went to a couple comedy clubs, man, in that place. Like Saginaw, Michigan, Skaginaw, Bay City. I went to everywhere in Michigan. So I'm looking forward to going back. This is like a little homecoming for me.

I loved it. I loved it, man. I fucking really did. I wish you were coming to. This only, it's just, you got to either. I didn't know that I could fly into Detroit and drive. Tom Segura told me yesterday. By the way, I spoke to Tom Segura. He's doing a lot better.

He said, thank you for letting me know, because I called and he called me back. He got a virus. Jesus Christ. He got a virus on a plane or something. He got on the plane? Oh. Listen to me, something that is my biggest fear. That is my biggest fear with edibles.

That as soon as you click on the seatbelt, you're just going to an anxiety attack. Yeah. And that is harm. That's a horrible thing to ever have You've been sick on a plane? I've got the beginning of a cold, yeah. I had diarrhea on a plane one time. This had to be on a one way, two-hour flight.

From the morning I woke up, and it was one of those things that you drink and you go. Yeah. Like it was like a 24-hour bug, and it was horrible. Tom Cigur said he snapped on his seatbelt and right away. He had to run to the bathroom.

He started puking, and then he sat down on the next trip. He started puking, coming out of his muffled. So he had to come back from Virginia? He stopped in Minneapolis. It was a connecting flight. Oh.

He stopped in Minneapolis. In Minneapolis, he went to the plane. He said he wanted his luggage. He couldn't do it. He couldn't. So he's got a hotel room in Minneapolis. He spent the night. He called the club, and he said he wasn't going.

How often does that happen? Because I can't remember you canceling for being sick, but that must happen. Comics are people that get sick. Listen, I couldn't imagine, I used to cancel a lot of gigs when I had the anxiety from the cocaine. I used to get so paranoid that I wouldn't be able to leave in the mornings. I couldn't be able to walk out the door. And then after I got off code for about a year, I had this anxiety.

Really bad anxiety. I mean, it was just atrocious anxiety. And it really used to get me on planes, and I had to get off. And I had one time they called the police on me, and I had to wait until the car. cops came and they searched my stuff and they wanted to see why I was getting off a plane. I had to have him call a doctor. That's how bad my anxiety was people. So those are the only times.

But I mean, you know what? If you have the flu or you lose your voice, why are you going to get on that plane? Yeah. I understand that some comics need the money, but if I'm going to go give you a bad show because of my voice, I'd rather cancel and come back when I'm healthy. And I think people's first reaction is to be angry, but then they'll say he would. sick. I didn't want him here sick. I don't want a sick Joe Diaz. I don't want a sick Lee. I don't want a sick Lee. I don't know what it is to come in here sick. I have to do something half ass. So that's the other side of the corn. So, you know, I guess the club was a little angered at him, but he was thinking about himself. He was thinking about his crowd. He was thinking about the people that come to the podcast and I go to see him and Christine. And I understand that. I understand that. We're doing a podcast. I understand that that happens. sometimes in life, you know?

It's going to happen, bro. And so the club probably gets over and then you move on with your life, you know? Yeah. I mean, it's just, it's kind of, Bob Bost's give you a lot of shit. Sometimes we're calling in sick. So I can see where the club is like, oh, we had this whole thing going on, but you can't, if he was that sick on the plane, he knew. No, you can't.

You're not going to, what are you going to do? You're on another plane and embarrass yourself more? Yeah. What are you going to keep getting up and going? The bathroom stinks. Oh, yeah. You know, I wouldn't want that. I wouldn't want somebody that could be.

sick on a plane, you know, so that just makes sense. I love that story. I think you were going to Miami. You were taking edibles. It was like a year ago. You were taking edibles and you had like cinnamon gum or something. It was giving us a panic attack. I did. And I couldn't stop sweating.

It was horrible sweats that I had, you know. And the next thing, you know, it was a five out. Listen, I learned the lesson about eight years ago about going, traveling on red eyes. You know, I'm an all. Renaissance man, but red eyes and me just don't get along. Okay.

Because I can't fall asleep. I can't fall asleep. I just get restless. And at playing at night, it's quiet. The lights are out. It's really tough to read. The person in the middle wants to read, so you really can't have your lights out.

They don't really serve a lot of food. There's no store. This is walking around. They don't make a lot of announcements. It's a different thing. It's brutal for a guy like me. Why? Because I can't sit still.

I don't know what it is. Red eyes and me just don't get along. And I used to do them. I used to do them years ago because I got the concept if you're going to sleep, sleep five hours on a plane and go cross-country.

I get that concept. That's a no-brainer. I'd rather get on a plane at 11 o'clock at night and know I'm going to fall asleep and sleep all the way through Miami. That's a plane ride. You don't waste no time.

Yeah. You get up, boom. You're still a little tired. Even when you sleep red eyes, you're still a little tired when you wake up. That's why they have that honor thing with a turnaround. You're still a little tired

when you, but you're not. wasting time. When I got on a plane and do a red eye, you know what's going to happen? I'm going to stay up all night, then the next day is going to go to waste. That's what happens for me. Why are you so, because why are you like so restless? Because even when the couple of times I've been on a plane with you, you're always walking up and down the aisles. Do you get like nervous or like what is it? Look at me, you know. I'm a man on the move.

My mind is always thinking. Yeah. It's just the way some people cut. I don't want to sit there for four hours. I finally learned how to relax the last 10 years. and that's going prepared. You know, listen, man, when you shoot a movie, when you guys go to a movie, you see a movie, Captain America,

you see all the fun stuff. You're like, oh, my God, how fun is that? Well, they have to set up for those scenes. And that's taken hour. It could take 15 minutes. You know, those big scenes in Captain America, a movie like that takes nine months, seven months. It's not because it's hard.

You have to do the 3G and all that, the, you know, the big screen, all that stuff. Green screen stuff. And you add that later. It's very tough, but what's tougher is in between those, you've got to wait two, three hours. Sometimes you get there at six and the morning, you don't shoot until 10. That's what aggravates people. Yeah.

They used to aggravate me. Now, I bring the iPod, the laptop, the book, you know, a little uts-y-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-s. When you're in a hotel room or a trailer, do you just sit down? Are you, like, pacing around the room? No, I sit down. I sit down. Well, you're going to pace around. I don't know.

But there's one point I gotta get out. I'm the type of guy. When I get up, I gotta get out. Okay. So now what I do is in a hotel when I get up, and as I'm showering in the morning, the coffee's brewing. Okay. So when I get out, I put my car. My sugar in there, my sweetener.

I saw on the computer. There's no waste of time. I blast out because I've got to get something in my stomach to get my metabolism going. So I do Twitter. When I'm on the road, I don't tweet too much or whatever, because I'm on the move. I got to do radio or whatever.

So I just tweet and go down and eat breakfast. And then I walk around a little bit to see what's around town. You know, you want to see, even if you've been there before, what the hell? You want to walk around, maybe they opened up this. Then I may go back, take a nap. And then I got to get out. Then I'll wake up and go to the gym. You know, years ago, I didn't do anything, guys.

I just sat in a hotel room all day plotting that night to do blow. Now, like, already when they sent me the hotel info, I went on to see if they had a pool, a gym, so I bring shorts, a T-shirt. I'd tell you that my, I went swimming on Saturday with Ari. I hung my shorts on the balcony. Yeah. And the next night when I came home, my shorts had fell and fallen through the balcony in front of me. These big fucking green shorts are looking at they belong to some fucking zombo or something.

Those people are going to open up that window in the morning and see that big balcony. They're going to think some guy jumped off. My shorts tried to commit suicide. So you didn't go get them? Oh, yeah, yeah. What am I going to do? Hang my hanger down there there? What am I going to do?

I'm knocking the door. We're called the front desk. At two in the morning. Oh, another next day. Yeah, I left at seven. Oh, it was the day before you left. It was the night before I left, so I left at 7 o'clock in the morning, so I wasn't going to go upstairs and knocking the people's door.

That's my fault for not pulling the shorts down. It's Arizona. You put your t-shirt on the balcony for one minute. It's going to drive. Oh, yeah. Fuck. I'm excited about maybe going to Austin. I've heard it's great.

Austin's great. You'll eat some good barbecue. Oh, shit. Some good music, Papacitos, Papadose. You know how we do. Just those two restaurants. Never mind. the barbecue on the gate,

the one that you wait online an hour for. You're going to have to go wait online. You're on a mission that day. I'll give you a cat, for the whole thing. It's fine with me. You go to wait online. I've heard great. No, it is great.

And you know when I go there, people usually go and bring stuff to the club on Saturday night. It's really, really delicious. What do you like? Let me tell you something. I don't know if you know this about me, but I'm excited to every place I go. Because every place I go has something that I want to eat,

something. As soon as I get there to remind me, and I go, oh, shit, that's right. Let's go down. I've been to Grand Rapids. before? What do they have in Michigan? Food. Good food. It's warm food, but it's going to be warm this time. I don't even think it's that warm

in Michigan. I think it's still got some nip in the air. It was snowing in the coast last week. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's still cold up in Michigan. So I'm going to bring a little sweater. Not in those ski boots and not like that. But it's funny. Once I get, I haven't been to Grand Rapids in, it's got to be 15 years. 1999,

2000. I was in Grand Rapids the last time over the holidays one year. And I don't remember, you know, I would drive up there at night. They didn't put me up that. I was a feature act. So I would drive from Michiwaka up at night. I think I rented a hotel that one night's dip there by myself. I don't remember

it was a long time ago. But, no, I'm excited about going to Michigan because I would go to Michigan, I could go back and go to a couple different places. You know, I like these towns I go to. And once I go to the ones I like, I keep going back and back and back. And you just build relationships like anything else.

At restaurants, they know you're there for three days. I just emailed back with a guy that's a bartender at my favorite fucking. lunch place in Minneapolis. That's a terrible. Anthony, Anthony, yeah. He just emailed me a couple of weeks when I was thinking about him, good kid.

So that's how we do it, Lee. That's how you do it. Everybody thought that the mob was some big thing, some secret thing. No, it's about relationships. This life is about relationships. And everywhere you go, you have a relationship. You have a good relationship.

When you're with them, your family, it's like going to fucking olive garden. You walk in, you get a hug, you eat something. And that's it. You know, we made it through today. We're going to be here towards the end of the month. We don't get the fuck out of here. We don't belong here.

We don't want to be nowhere where we don't want to be. You know what I'm saying? That's a beat about me and Lisa yet. We don't want to be nowhere where we don't need to be. Okay? Okay, okay, okay. They don't want us here. We'll happily go.

But the church will continue here to the 30. We've got to get out of here. We want to amp up this show a little bit. We want to put a microphone in here. We want to give you a full fucking morning show in the morning. When you turn this on at 6 in the morning until 7.30. Once you stop watching our show at 7. two options. Either you're going to go and shoot your boss

or you're just going to get in the car and go to California. That's the options we're going to give you. So we love you. Have a great weekend. Thank you for listening. It's only Tuesday. Have a great week. I'll see you people in Michigan. The rest of the years I'll see in Orlando next Monday and next Wednesday we're on. Same back time

at 6 a.m. will be rocking your world. I'm a leave with my main man. Lee Boom, boom, Salliet. Now that the show is over, don't forget to sign up for dollar shaveclub.com. get high-quality razors sent to your door every month for a fraction what you pay at retail. Now go to dollar-shapeclub.com forward slash church or go to joey dyes.net and click on the dollar-shape club bainer. The show is over. Also remember go to naturebox.com.

Order great tasting healthy snacks at 50% off. Snacks smarter in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like everything bagel chips and baked sweet potato fries. Support this podcast and get half off from your first order. Go to naturebox.com promo code Joey. NatureBox.com promo code Joey. And again, go to NaileditLife.com for all of the oil and wax smokers out there and mention Joey Diaz and you're going to get 20% off of your first order.