The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #167 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: May 30, 2022

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT..... It's Monday, May 30th.... Happy Memorial Day! This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! https://www.onnit.com This episode is also brought to you by Blue Chew.…. Support the show and receive your first month free at https://BlueChew.com with promo code JOEY Go to https://www.onnit.com & Enter PROMO CODE: JOEY, JOINT or CHURCH for 10% OFF! Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #Onnit #BlueChew The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

This podcast is brought to you by Onit. Go to Onit.com and look at the great selection of supplements. If you find something you like, press in code Joey and get 10% off delivered right to your house. Greetings from Podcastville. It's Monday Memorial Day. The joint is brought to you by Blue Chew. Listen, summer's here and it's time to go shoot that fucking rocket between your legs of somebody's fucking muffler. You understand me?

Blue Chew is tremendous. You could take it any time, day or night. If you have erectile dysfunction, you know, like if your dick still works, but you want some extra fucking competence, Bluetooth is the answer. I like Blue Chew. It comes in a little personalized package.

You open up, you can put it in your fucking pocket. And when you're ready to sling dick, you open it, pop the pill in your mouth, give yourself 40 minutes, and it's all over from the shouting. The process is simple. You sign up. at bluechew.com and talk to one of their licensed medical providers.

Once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days. It's all online, no doctor's office, no pharmacy, no judgment. It ships right to your door in a discreet package. Blue chute tablets are made in the USA and they're way cheaper than the pharmacy. You know how much fucking they want to charge me for Viagra without insurance, even with insurance because the pharmacy won't take it anymore. $80 a pill. Tell them to suck your dick and call you shorthy.

So if you can benefit from the extra competence when it's time to sling dick and perform, Bluetooth can help. And they got a special deal for the joint family. Try Bluetooth for free when you use my promo code Joey at checkout, J-O-E-Y. Just pay $5 for shipping. That's bluechute.com promo.

code Joey to receive your first month free. Visit bluchu.com for more details and safety information. And I want to thank Bluechoo for sponsoring the fucking joint. The joint is also brought to you by Onit. Honit has been around with me for fucking 10 years. Whether it's some new mood, whether it's the Shroom Tech immune or Shroom Tech Sport or the new black label, motherfucking Alpha Brain. I'm sorry, I had a brain fart there.

Alpha brain, the new black label, is fucking tremendous. By the looks of me stuttering, it's time for me to fucking take some more fucking alpha brain. But this whole situation, did you see the fucking... Anyway, it doesn't fucking matter. Go to honor.com. They're having a tremendous sale on clubbats and fucking mace and all that stuff. I can't get you a discount. But the sale will be enough.

But if there's a supplement you want, pressing code, Joey joint. or church and get 10% off your first daughter. Let's get this fucking party started with a little on it and a little motherfucking blue chew. You can't lose. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? Happy Memorial Day to everybody. I know you should be barbecue by now or whatever.

But hey, some people like podcasts on Memorial Day. You know me. I got to fucking fill the void. I'm not going to keep you here all fucking day or whatever. I know you got shit to go to and so the fuck do I. But it was a great weekend. All no, you know, it rained in Jersey, fucking Friday. We opened up Saturday with a little fucking rain.

But, hey, for the most part, it was great. I'm headed to a fucking game tonight. My first baseball game in like, I don't know, fucking three years. Yeah, I just got, I'm in the mood for a fucking game just to sit and breathe. You think, you know, people, I don't know. I go to baseball games. I love it, especially in the daytime. You know, if it's too fucking hot, it's a nightmare.

I remember when Ralphie May first hit. When he first hit, he was spending fucking money like a savage. And he asked me if I wanted to go to a Dodger game. They were playing the Houston Astros and Clemens was pitching. And I go, Ralphie, whatever the fuck you want. You know, Ralphie didn't think about shit. None of us do, you know. We just, so he called the scalper and pecky.

paid like, you know, $2,000 for the best ticket in fucking, uh, at the LA Dodger game. Now, this is before little edibles, like all these little edibles we have now. This is when we were going to a weed shop next to Dukes that had, like, just beautiful cakes. Like, these people make cakes. So everything was a fucking cake this big to get you high, you know? And the cakes were good. I mean, don't get me wrong. The THC was great.

We didn't know about milligrams and none of that shit then. But you had to eat this whole big fucking piece of cake, you know, like to get high. So Ralphie picks me up and he's like, I just got back from that fucking place. I got all types of weed, all types of edibles. But he had, in those days, guys, they gave him a bag this small for the weed. He had probably some joints in there. and like maybe three quarter ounces or an ounce of weed, whatever it was. But the other two bags were huge grocery bags because of the size of these fucking cakes.

And Ralphie didn't know what I wanted, so he bought one of each. God bless this motherfucker. So we're sitting outside Dodger Stadium in his fucking brand new car living like doctors, right? Just eating that, eating fucking cakes with no milk. Just eating cakes, eating cakes. Horrible, horrible. And as we're walking in, yeah. We got overwhelmed with the fucking, we get overwhelmed.

As soon as we walk out of the fucking car, guys, we walk out. And guys, it's 100 fucking degrees. It is brutal. It's like an August day. It is fucking brutal. So we walk into the fucking stadium. As I'm walking in, I'm already fucking high. Like all this sugar and all this.

frosting, you know, it was like three pieces of cake. I haven't eaten three pieces of cake in 30 fucking years. So I was out of it. We walk in. And yes, they were the best seats in the house. There was only one problem. The sun was right above us. And you could see, like when we got there, we were sitting by ourselves.

We're like, Ralph, you got great seats. No, nobody sits in that area because they know you're going to burn the fucking debt. So we're sitting in that fucking area I'm talking about the THC from the cake is hitting me The fucking sugar's hitting me The frosting is hitting me Everything's hitting me

I got fucking cotton mouth Because you know how they show up Every water water beer Whatever the fuck And I'm sitting there Fucking melting under this fucking sun It was the most uncomfortable Anything I've been in years

I mean I couldn't believe I was uncomfortable being high You know You never get uncomfortable being high I was fucking uncomfortable. We looked at each other like after two innings. He was covered in sweat. He had sweat coming from everywhere.

And he was a diehard, Ralphie. God bless his soul. He was like, man, I'm okay. Ralphie, I looked like, Ralphie, not me. I'm about to fucking pass out. When I got home, my wife had a rub aloe juice, fucking triple antibiotic on me. I had blisters for a fucking month.

So sometimes a daytime game ain't that fucking good. You know what I'm saying? Just a little Ralphie story there. I was thinking about that when he fucking did that. And that was just a fucked up day. You know, I was having a great week this week. And listen, it's been great. Thank God to Chad Pum and Terry.

Thank God to my man, Ricky Williams, who came on. I know a lot of you people don't like the Zoom. He's in L.A. What do you want to do? Helicopter a minute. Listen, it is what the fuck it is, guys. At least I'm fucking trying, okay? That's the most important thing that we put effort into.

us and we try and we write a little bit before I come on here and come in on here prepared. I'm fucking trying. So it was a great week. I did some good things this week. I didn't get on stage last week, but this week I got like four fucking shows, which leads into Friday night with Joe. Because I knew if I spaced it out, I'm not going to be the same. I need to be loose the week of.

So I need to be loose like the week of. I don't need to be, listen, right now, I, guys, I fell a, sleep. I didn't, I wrote, but I didn't execute like I was going to, but in the meantime, I knew that if I got on stage twice a week, it wasn't going to be enough. Like, it wasn't going to be enough. Nothing was going to be enough for me to get back to top fucking form. But I figure if I get out Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, I'll be a lot looser for Friday. I got, I got a half a set written out, you know, but I'm happy. I'm happy because I just want to get the over with to see how I feel to see how I react to 6,000 people so I could make a decision

of what I'm going to do the rest of my fucking life guys that's basically where I'm at but this week was a little bit on the fucking weird side for me man and it had to do with that shooting in Texas I gotta be honest with you I don't really get affected by news but I was thinking about something you know what one of the worst drug weeks for me was that I'll never ever forget the week of the Oklahoma bombing. That was, I started snorting on Monday and I was just finishing up on Tuesday.

I woke up. I went out, I tried to get my life back in all, and there was a bombing, and I think I started snorting that Tuesday night. I didn't stop until Saturday. I don't know what triggered that. For years, I couldn't figure out

what the fuck happened that week. Let me tell you how much Coke I did that week. I couldn't go out for a week after that because I had burn marks on my nose from the straw. I had cut the Coke with, like, vitamin C, and now I was stuck with it, so I had to snort it. And it destroyed everything in me.

I mean, I was fucking ashamed. And for four days, I just sat there, guys, drinking fucking fat tires and snorting coke, looking at them, take the rubble off these kids. You know, it was, and guys, I was, it was 95, so I was, what, 32? I was still a fucking savage with no remorse. It just tore into me like nothing that week. Like it just really tore into me.

And this week I was fine on fucking Tuesday. We did the podcast with Ricky. And later on that day I hear about this shooting. You know what guys, you try to, I really try to block the negative shit out of my mind, especially since the pandemic with the information and everything. But there's some shit that's. just gets under your fingernails that you can't avoid.

And this has been this thing, you know. And I saw a video of the parents outside yelling for the cops to go in. And I saw them tase a mom. And I know that they handcuffed another mom. And the system failed us guys. And I don't want anybody to think, like, most people attack the gun issue. And yes, there's no reason why an 18-year-old boy on the day of his birthday should be able to go to a fucking gun store and buy on AR 15 and guys you know me you know I like violence I like shooting

I like burning people I like all that shit but I'm telling you right now with all the faults I had growing up I never had the fault of getting a gun and going in in front of my friends and shooting them I never had that fault and I was a dangerous person obviously I went to jail they threw me in jail for my actions but that was never me or hurting my friends or wanting to hurt a child or that's never been me i've never been a heavy i'm just a fucking i got a bad tempo and a bad attitude sometimes and i don't think before i strike but i never ever ever in all my life with the situation i was in at 16 guys this kid got into a fight with his fucking mother about wifi or something you know and he left and i did you know all the reports about transgender and this doesn't matter you know why guys

because at the age of 18, I was in worse shape than that kid, than the kid who shot Buffalo up, then half these fucking teenagers that are doing these horrific acts. I was broken at 18 years old. I killed bugs.

I kicked animals. I did not care about life. Life fucking took a shit on my head. And I never, ever, was that fucked up that I wanted to get. a gun and inflict damage to my friends. This isn't a gun problem, guys. This is a fucking mental hug problem.

For you motherfuckers who locked us in for three fucking years, now you're getting to reap what happened to these kids. They've been telling us for years, 60 minutes had a fucking show about it two times in the last three months about what has happened to children since this fucking pandemic. What the fuck is going on? But for 19 cops to be outside and for not one of those fucking cowboys to go in there with their fucking hats and go in there.

And then you guys saw the press conference. Abbott looks fucking stunned. You know, his plan backfired. Him, that Senator Cruz, I mean, when you look at them, they're all a bunch of fucking miserable bastards. Doesn't take a genius. You don't need to be a PhD. those people don't give a fuck about anything. You know, for the first time my life,

I'm a little scared about this situation. This, you know, I thought by today, with the NRA convention in Houston and all those parents, I mean, my heart goes out to those fucking parents. I can't. You know, I got a daughter. She's nine years old.

Mike's got children. I thought about... teacher friends at fucking North Bergen High, I thought about, you know, my other teacher friends that are at the grammar school in Northburg. And I thought about all these fucking things because you have to, you have to, how does an American parent right now feel? Mike's got two young kids at home. If at one point in the next two weeks, Mike's girlfriend, fiancé, is going to come up to him and go, what are we going to do with our kid? I mean, do you have, if you're a parent, do you have trust in the school system anymore? I mean, especially after reading the articles that you're about to read the next fucking four days.

I don't know how. I don't know how they could regain trust. One of the things that keeps me, you know, lets me go to sleep at night is that there's two cops at my daughter's school. So there's two cops at her school, maybe one cop at her school, and one cop at the other school and they're right across the street from each other. So the only thing that I see is that there's a shoot out here and there's a fucking partner and he starts shooting the kids in here. But I don't even want to think about that as a parent.

I don't even want to think about that as my little girl. You know, everybody. And I've been saying this since the fucking church to keep your fucking eyes open. Not look at your fucking phone. It doesn't matter who's texting you. It doesn't matter what fucking Brian Callan told Joe Rogan. when you're out there you gotta pay fucking attention to everything i am sick and tired of saying this that life is not a fucking bingo game it's not a fucking bingo game it's getting serious out there

everything i spoke about when i moved here everything i spoke about the pandemic is now coming to fucking light right in front of our eyes you know a thousand flights got canceled last weekend. Shortage of staff, no planes. Thousand fucking flights, God. How is the American family going to take a fucking vacation? You ever think about that? Mike, can you afford four tickets of $1,000 to go to Disneyland? You know, this is the things I think of.

Can you afford four fucking tickets to go with a Yankee game with your family? I have a book 25 a ticket. All your kid wants to see is a business. baseball game. I am fucking depressed about the middle class in this town in this country. They have gotten rid of it.

I'm not here to bring Doomty on a Monday. I'm here to bring you light into you guys to open your eyes because it ain't going to get no fucking better. And all we have during these times are ourselves and our family

and you got to protect what the fuck you got. I am lost about last week and you guys know me i don't care about fucking anything and every day i walk past that i don't even want to look like all week and i didn't even want to look at that fucking computer i didn't want to know what the fuck happened i don't give a fuck anymore i just know that somewhere the system fucking failed us somewhere somewhere these are our children if we don't feel safe about sending our children to school what you don't think i'm going to drive by that my daughter's school twice a day from now on

You don't think that's the type of person I am. At night, when I go out, if I ever go out, before I come home, I drive by Jimmy's house. I drive by my friend Christina's house because I know she's there alone. I'm one of those fucking jerkos. So you don't think now I've got to drive by the school, two, three times a fucking day. Instead of going to the Little League Field and walking, I'm going to walk by the school from now on. Instead of making my calls by the Little League Field, I'm going to make my calls by the fucking school right now. Because what else do we have, guys?

when the system fails us what can we fucking do 19 cops waiting there for somebody to tell them to go in we're not even human anymore guys we've become fucking computers like well he said not there's kids in there getting shot now to those 19 cops

not one of those motherfuckers had a child to at least say to himself fuck how can these parents They tased a woman. They handcuffed another mom. This is crazy. And she went back in and got her kids. And she went back in.

Guys, what is it coming down to? So this is what? I say to you, if you're a parent, listen, a couple weeks ago, you know, we get these games. My daughter watches, gets these games. So all her friends sign up on these fucking games. Before, she downloads them.

My wife looks back and forth. what she calls our friend Sean and LA who works on games and we go over the game. You know, I don't know anything about it. Listen, I don't even download a fucking app, okay? I don't know anything about this shit, okay? When I played, when I was a kid, I played life. I didn't play games. I don't know how to play tractors.

That's what you do on a rainy day. You know what I'm saying? When this sun out, you attack the fucking sun. So I don't know anything about this. But these fucking kids today with their apps and all these shit, shit so they're all downloading that again you know i talked to mercy about two weeks ago mercy pulls me on this line she goes dad i went upstairs and uh and a guy had said something to me to send me pictures or something like that i don't fucking know i go mercy you know what your mom

told you i don't want no fucking problems with these apps if you think they're a little kinky do not answer anybody do not talk to them they're not going to threaten your dad they don't even fucking know my number Well, what happened? One of the moms fucking, her daughter forgot the phone at the house. So she went in to get it. And when she went in, she was getting text messages from one of the guys to send the nude pictures and fucking videotape and all this shit.

So she called all the fucking moms, the moms. And I spoke to the woman a week later at the field. And I'm like, what happened? And she was telling me what these people were saying? What the fuck is going on, guys? What the fuck is going on? Are they making these games, these kids get,

I mean, there's no fucking protection for our kids no more. You have to look at their fucking iPads and their fucking codes. You have to share them. They cannot run a world by themselves. There's shitty people. There's a bunch of people walking around

like I was after my mother died right now. You know, a bunch of people walking around. I don't blame them. I don't blame them for two years. They've been told they're going to die. They're getting checks. They need a vaccine. They've got to get a vaccine and it'll lose your fucking job.

What the fuck has happened to here the last three years? So I can't imagine. That's why I tell you people. I don't care how tough somebody is. I don't care if they cut you off. Keep driving. Don't get into an argument. Nobody on the street because, listen,

20 years when I was growing up, things were bad. Now, think about it. The last two years, we've been treated like fucking monkeys. Like fucking monkeys the last two years. Can you imagine working all fucking year after the pandemic? Have you looked at a plane ticket lately, ladies and gentlemen? Go look at a plane ticket. Go find your favorite destination and go look at a plane ticket.

Lee had to cancel his plane ticket to L.A.'s trip because they won $1,000 for a fucking ticket to L.A. round trip in the back with fucking victims. Yeah. They want. The hotel Lee used to stay at was $1.35. they want $2.90. It's going to cost him $3,000 to go to L.A. for a rental car.

Guys, what the fuck? And the more we support this shit, the higher they're going to raise the fucking prices. Guys, I paid $9.80 for a ticket. It was my favorite ticket to the East Coast. The club, for you people who don't know, they give you $750. So for a plane ticket. So for the difference of $150 or whatever the fuck it is, you could live like a fucking doctor or you could sit in the back like a fucking mutt.

They're giving you $750. And I took it for years. It wasn't taking money out of my family's pocket. I wasn't being a fucking tough guy. I just liked sitting by myself to have a little bed if I want to nod. And it was $8.90. And I'm fucking JetBlue. You know what that ticket is now?

So what's double? Double would be 1,800? 70%. Plain ticket went up with the same amenities. And I got to wear a mask or I got to sit next to somebody who's fucking angry. I'm not flying nowhere.

I just got my jersey license. I was supposed to get an ID because you're not supposed to fly in a year or two without ID. And my wife was like ragging on me about the fucking ID. And I go, listen, I told you the other day.

I'm not going nowhere. I'm not planning on taking any fucking trips. Not at all this year. Not at all. Not while things are like this. Why would I? I could go down the fucking shore and just sit on a fucking beach.

I go Long Branch every fucking day. I'm going to start doing that on Wednesdays. You know, Carlos, my buddy Carlos who looked at this fucking house, he's up north and he's like, I'm sick and tired of sitting at home. Him and I like the same shit. I go, you know what?

From now on Wednesday, just pick me up. Just pick me up. go somewhere. I gotta be back by three, so it's perfect. It's one of those short days. I don't need to do much. I don't need to be a big shot.

I'm in Hawaii for what? To pay $22 for a fucking water to get raped from A to Z? Not really. Wait until all this shit goes away and then we'll move on. But man, it's just been a fucking shitstorm lately.

And I came down the other day and I didn't really think about it. the first press conference. Like I don't like, listen, I don't care less about Amber Heard and Johnny. They don't put a dime in my pocket. I really don't give a fuck. I haven't watched a minute of that. I have people who sent me things.

Do you think she's snorting coke? Yeah, she's snorting coke from my fucking tissue. Leave me the fuck alone. You know, I have 20,000 people that besides that, I don't give a fuck. I don't need to watch that shit. You know, they get home and I'm scrolling through the thing, and I see a CNN thing, and I see all these fucking old dinosaurs. old dinosaur politicians up there

with a bunch of, with 22 dummies behind them. You know those dudes that stand behind you? Why are you standing there? Then they look at the camera like to show their wives. Did you see me? I was standing behind Governor of Judge Abbott. Who gives a fuck?

I wouldn't want to stand behind them in front of them to the fucking side. That guy's got the stink of death on them. 19 fucking 21 fucking bodies. I don't want to be around that. fucking dead motherfucker. And that's the fact, guys. Somebody, listen, I've always told you,

somebody's got to answer. I've been around for a long time and all these little stupid debts, somebody's got to answer. And within four or five years, you see the cancer start coming, you see all the fucking bad luck, because somebody's got to answer

for these little kids. 19 kids that went to school, they were going to graduate Thursday. I mean, what the fuck? I got a third grade. I got a nine-year-old girl. The youngest person, they shout. was eight and that shooter why would you shoot him 18 times i would have shot him in his fucking

legs i would have taken his fucking legs out now he's a fucking cripple in a texas fucking prison forget the fucking death penalty that's off the table that guy's got to live for 50 fucking years i want that prison to get him the best doctor in the world because i want that motherfucker to live though he's 80 years old. I want him to be in that type of shape because I know for a fact he's going to get raped and fucking mangled

every goddamn day of his life for what he did to those little kids who never did a thing in their life. Never did anything. The worst thing they did was maybe fucking shit their pants or not put their toys back in the garage. That was the only crime

these kids fucking never did. So this is really fucking taking me for a loop and I'm sorry. I gotta talk about. about this on a Monday, but I want to open your guys eyes that guys hug your kids every day, kiss them every day, telling me you fucking love them every day. It's gotten back to, this is it. This is Defcom 4. Level 4, this is it. This is everybody, volume 4, level 4, this is it. This is it. When cops are scared to go in to save children because they're

commanded not to, I don't know what to tell you guys. We've lost touch with humanity. Again, I want to repeat, one of my guys on Patreon said to me that nearly swept me off my feet. Everybody's worried about the milk shortage and the bottle and baby formula shortage and the lumber shortage.

Nobody's worried about the love shortage. That's what worries me. That's what worries me. It takes everything out of everything I want to do because I got love for everything I do. I love you motherfuckers. I do this because I love talking to you motherfuckers and talking shit and bringing your interesting people that listen to their story

to let you know you're not fucked up. I do this podcast to let you know there's nothing wrong with you. Because if there's something wrong with you, there's something wrong with me. And I made it happen. I made it work for me. I don't give a fuck. So there's nothing wrong with you. But now, while there's nothing wrong with you,

there's nothing wrong with you. There's something wrong with the people around you right now. The people around this fucking need us. You know, a kid's shooting up a school, a kid shooting up a supermarket. If that's not a fucking yell for help, if that's not a fucking yell for help, shooting fucking a supermarket on a Saturday afternoon, you know, it's just something that you have to pay attention to as an American right now

and go, wow, we're living in different times. I've got to make different priorities and do different fucking things, you know. I'm trying to find a way to maybe donate some money to the families. I mean, I wouldn't even know where to start. When you lost a child, what can I do to replace that child? The boat? What can I do to replace that child? The fucking house?

What can replace that child? Nothing. You could never fix the pain in your heart when you have something like that, especially knowing that you could have saved that little child that didn't do anything didn't do anything you could have saved that little child i feel bad for the fucking 19 cops or how many cops that were out there you know my god fucking bless their souls when they're in fucking hell taking it up to the ass by hitler for not going in there if i'm walking down the street and there's a fire my 60 year old raggedy ass and somebody says to me there's a kid in there i'm going in that house

I don't care about my life. I already did what I had to do. I already made enough mistakes for three lifetimes. You know, so if you're one of those cops, then, you have a child. Nothing. Nothing. You got to worry about the, you know, you call your dentist, you get a fucking machine. You call your lawyer, you got a machine.

You call the fucking driver's license bureau. You get a fucking machine. What happened to humanity, man? What happened to fucking humanity? They just showing people you're a little human from that. It's not about the fucking rules. If it was about the rules for me, I broke them a long fucking time ago.

This is when your inner voice comes out. You go, this is what I need to do to do the right thing. Guys, I've fucked up enough in my life. I don't have to fucking brag to you guys about it. But I've always said, how can I be a better person the next day? How can I be better after this? How can I be the bigger fucking man?

How can I, you know, how can I get away from this to make my life that much better? And I've been doing this my whole fucking life, guys. I had a serious fucking problem. I had a couple fucking problems. You know what I'm saying? Who are fucking my kidding? I had a couple problems. And I dealt with them.

And here we are today. And I'm very proud that I fucking dealt with them. But this shit that's going on, I don't even know where to start. Is it going to change if I go on stage and crack jokes and take you away? for 30 minutes or 45 minutes. Not really. It's just a fucking band-aid. This thing that we're going through as Americans right now

is going to take time. It's going to fucking take time. The world's not healthy. We got a war going on. We're putting sanctions on Korea. You know, and guys, yeah, I'm from the old school that whatever's going to happen is going to happen. We still got to push forward and do what the fuck we do, right?

But for the first time, I even had a break from that and go, what the fuck is really going on here? We could laugh, we can get high, we can do everything we can't to forget about it, but it's right in front of us. So it starts with you as an American. Don't start with me. Doesn't start with Mike. It starts with us.

In the words or whatever, you know, it's time to clean up a backyard. Who says that? is it Cypress Hill or jump up or something like that one of those old rap song it's time to look at you know clean up your own fucking backyard right now we've all gone through a lot of shit the last two years all of us have but now it's time to say what the fuck is really going on you know they opened up the country and we fucking as Americans ran out there thinking that that was it the end of the world you know there's 92 fucking

bands on tour right now. There's a thousand productions. There's a million comedians on tour. And you guys think you're going to take care of your life by going to a show or going to a Broadway show or to see some fucking comedian or go see some fucking movie?

You think Top Gun is going to change what's going on the fucking world today? What do you think? What do you think? Fucking, he's going to get Val Kilmer with his scarf around his neck and they're going to go fight the villains of the fucking world. Good luck, my friend. it's time for us to

sit down and go, wow, what are my capabilities and what are my capabilities? What could happen? You know, it used to be 10 years ago, that'll never happen in my school. That'll never happen.

In my son's school, that'll never happen. That'll never happen. You know, guess what? It's fucking happening, guys. It's happening, and it's happening in your own backyard. I'm one of those people.

Who cares what happened in Ohio? That don't ever happen in Jersey. Bitch, Give it a week or two, especially at this momentum. Give it a fucking week or two. So it's really time to lift your head up a little bit and go, what the fuck is going on? What can I do?

What can I do as an American to make my life better and Mike's? I'm not going to, you know, you can't save the fucking world, guys. We're just trying to make each other lives better, the people we love, the people we care for. You know, but like I said to you guys, for years I always thought about what the fuck happened in 95 when I went off the fuck I mean guys I was doing coke two three days a week in those days

but seven days and five days in a row that never was me I didn't care about comedy I didn't take a shower I remember that I ran out of Coke and I used to have a wall behind the shower where he threw entry packages I took the whole wall down

there must have been 300 packages in there not one package had shit in it I mean guys I could sit here for hours and tell you these disgusting drug stories because I went through them. But for years, I wondered why I did things like that. What would make a human being want to fucking have two streaks going down his nose? My nose looked like the Batmobile. When the fire came out like that, for weeks, I had fucking two little scars from the straw scraping up the skin

and from the shitty coke burning through my fucking skin. For years, I thought about what it was. I never understood that it was something to do with kids. When it comes to kids, man, I am not good. My anger goes up quickly, whether it's a fucking pedophile, whether it's somebody hitting your kid and they're not supposed to, whether it's going online and bothering the kid. All that shit gets to me.

And it gets to me for a couple of reasons. It gets me because the kids, kids today and i'm sick of talking about this and i if you watch earthquake special on showtime or on netflix you know our kids today are not who we were not by a fucking long shot and i i don't know what to tell you i don't know what happened you know i got into this in 92 i tried to become a human being in 95 and in fucking uh 2010 there's no kids on the streets there's no you know, I don't know what the fuck happened. But these people attack these children

because they don't... Our children today, as sad as this seems, they got no fucking common sense. Look at these kids. They got no common sense. And us and parents are not doing anything to help these fucking kids. Oh, he likes to play video games.

Are you fucking crazy? That's okay to play a video. video game a night but not when you're a kid your whole world is video games how's that child gonna adjust socially to anything i mean this is the shit i think about i look at my daughter you don't think i worry i fucking worry man i worry i think about all this shit that went on with girls in the comedy store and fucking you know all the lies and everything guys i'm trying to raise a daughter that this will not happen to this one these things will not happen to her. You know, what makes a nice American girl that comes from a nice family

move to L.A. and suck Bickram's Dick, the yoga guy, with that little bikini on. And yes, it was one of my jokes, but it was one of my jokes because it was how my world collides with the rest of the world. I don't know how a white girl from Ohio can move to L.A. And next thing you No, she's blowing some fucking dirty fucking, I don't even know what the fuck he is, Tunisian. That smells like Kerry and God knows what else. That's a yoga teacher that's got fucking hummus coming out of his ball sack. What would make a woman do that to get ahead? What would you, what do you do by getting ahead by blowing some yoga guy?

You know how many fucking guys are walking around LA telling young girls that producers? Meanwhile, they're fucking guys with accents who drenched themselves like Cologne. When you ever smell those guys that don't even shower, they just put a cologne over sweat, and it's got that fucking hummus odor to you, and these girls are telling how I'm a producer. What film have you worked on? Oh, I don't know.

And they're going to sleep with these guys. So when I saw all that shit going on, I'm like, you know what? I got to raise my daughter the right fucking way, because these women are out of their fucking minds. Every day I open a fucking Twitter. You go on Twitter. There's a chick on my Twitter that's fucking.

and sucking every day on Twitter. I mean, fucking and sucking on Twitter. I got like Twitter. I don't follow them. I don't even know these people are. They just fucking show up on my Twitter fucking. I got some chick that is the ugliest woman in North America. Like, you could tell

this girl got hit with all types of shit and she's like a Patreon chick that shows a pussy and stuff like that. She calls herself some, who fucking raised you? Who fucking raised you? So this is my concern. This has been my concern. since I left Los Angeles.

This has been my concern. You know, they're just, the kid thing is all out now. So now I've got to take my fucking daughter. I already had a long talk with my wife. I'm going to be talking to a lot. Things are going to change in this fucking house. And that's it, man,

because I can't deal with this shit no more. I really can't. You know, I've had some struggles later. I was telling Mike when he came in. I've been struggling a lot lately with the fucking podcast, whether or not to do a podcast. If you don't have a Zoom to move to your office, my wife, my fucking house, I'm bored to death. Should I do stand-up?

Should I not do fucking stand-up? Guys, I don't want to do anything. I don't want to do anything. I just want to rest, smoke fucking pot and sell some fucking good weed to you motherfuckers. That's all I want to do. I don't want to do anything. I did everything I had to do. My fucking soul is filled with bullshit.

I'm just, I just want to have a good time. raised my fucking daughter. I don't want to stay out late. I don't want to go to Studio 54. I don't want to do nothing. I don't want to do nothing. I don't want to see nobody. I want to go see Jelly Roll.

I'm going to go see fucking Allison Chains and Bush at the PNC, whatever. You know, I'm keeping it fucking local this summer. I'm minding my P's and Q's. I'm doing this for Joe next weekend. I don't know what's going to happen after that. I have no fucking idea. All I know is.

that I'm going to try my hardest Friday and Saturday. I'm going to, you know, just be me. That's it. I'm not worried about it at all anymore. I can't. There's so many other things I need to worry about my life right now that are fucking just. And like I said, I never cared about nothing outside. I live my life, guys, being the fucking pro.

Like, I don't give a fuck what's going on in the world. I got to get up every morning. I preach this for years. You guys have heard me. You guys have heard me talk about it. I don't give a fuck. Guess what, guys, for the first time in a long time, I got to give a fuck now.

I got to give a fuck now. Because like I said, for years, we're like that. That'll never happen to us. I don't think the people, and I'll lose the whatever fucking part of Texas thought of that. I don't think the people in Buffalo ever thought that. You know, so do me a favor.

Please keep your fucking eyes open, you know. Hug your kids, kiss them before they go to school. when they come back because we're living in a new fucking world with a new fucking set of rules and that's why you could do is a smoke pot in your house

you gotta fucking be attentive when you're outside you know my neighbor told me she was walking to work the day and you know 10 feet from her homeless guy stabbed a guy on the 42nd Street she could try to even hear it go down

all I heard was a yelling people screaming fucking 915 in the morning What possesses some guy? What possesses some stinky fucking bum that's leaping on a box To get up and just stab a fucking guy on Times Square? I don't know I don't fucking know anymore, guys But this is the world as we see it

Like I said, it's Memorial Day I didn't want to come on here on a fucking Monday And talk this nonsense But sometimes guys, we just got to have somebody open our eyes To what's going on. Sometimes we don't pay attention. I'm one of those guys. I always appreciate

when somebody makes me aware of something. We got monkey pox. How the fuck did this start? Can somebody tell me how to fuck monkey? They got ten people with monkey pox. Some guy went to France and fuck some guy. I'm not doing this. You guys got me with the bat in fucking China

that spread fucking COVID. Then they come from a bat in a laboratory. Now it's a fucking monkey pox. When does it end? When does it fucking end? We're getting it from all over. Every fucking day. I mean, thank God.

Yahoo is a fucking thing I got to click, and most of the time I don't click on to it. I even get my sports from ESPN Sports now, because I'm so sick of clicking on fucking Yahoo. It's absurd. The fucking, how can the fuck, if somebody said it the other day, how can the Chris Rock Smack be so relevant,

and the Buffalo shooting is gone now? Like that's what we focus on. Like we're still talking about a stupid fucking actor smacking a dummy fucking comic at a great fucking event and we're still fucking stuck on that. That's how, you know, we're still stuck on,

man, Amber Hurd, dog, it's over. Like I told you, by watching this, I hope you learned that what Uncle Joey was telling you I was cutting through the lines. What's that expression? When you read between the lines, I'm going to tell you right now what that whole Amber Hurd Johnny Depp thing is about.

Hollywood people You people are watching that You can't, Doug I'm 50 years old I never dream A fucking shit on somebody's bed I'll shit in my fucking toilet I'll shit in a box

And put it in your drawer I've never dreamed Of shit in the bed I don't know about you That girl's white She looks like she's educated She looks like a family has money That's the shit

That goes out to L.A. To sell their soul Those are the girls That come back to you in 10 years And go Chris North Made me suck his dick Well, look at you.

Look at you. You're all over it. You're all fucking over it. Now you, when you look at that Amber Hurd and Johnny Depp, look at both of them and go, they're both too disgusting Hollywood people. Don't even listen to that stuff. It's disgusting. I was at dinner a couple nights ago with like three friends and they were telling me what. And I'm like, guys, now you know why I left that way.

Listen to that shit. Listen to that gibberish. Listen to who their friends are. Who's her friends? The rapist and fucking Elon Musk. Whatever's name is. Orange pineapple. Pineapple Express.

Yeah, Pineapple Express. That's who they hang out with. They got no normal people in their lives. So they bring more fucking creepy Hollywood people in their lives. And Johnny Depp, I don't know. I don't know. Every time I see the singer from Arrow Smith, I think somebody robbed him.

That's it. Did you watch Stephen Tyler on fucking Rogan? watch Stephen Tyler on Rogan Watch him talk and then look at fucking This fucking wannabe fucking guitar player You know you don't see me fucking With bracelets and a chain And yeah then he fucking almost killed Joe Perry in Long Island

He gave him some fucking pill His heart stopped beating in 10 fucking minutes That's the guy ya ha Yanny death ha That's what Hollywood is Get a real fucking look at it That's why guys like me would never ever make it Hollywood. I don't know about that shit.

Dating somebody just to get ahead. You can't tell that what that was. There was no love there. And he don't give a fuck either, because he gets his dicks up 18 times a day. This is something. He found the stupid chick that wanted to move in with him.

Here's another fucking dummy that wants to move in with me. That's all that is. That's all guys, this is all this is. Why do you guys even watch this shit, support this shit? This is what I've been telling you about years. those people are fucking disgusting. They got no souls.

Like that shooting should happen in L.A. Because those people don't care about their kids. They just have kids to tell people. My kids, they don't care of kids. You go to a pool, they're with their Mexican nanny. You go to a restaurant, they're with their Mexican nanny. Those people don't care about anybody. They just talk and you fall through.

Oh, he's so sweet. No, they're not. They're garbage. They will sell their mother. for fucking a movie. They saw their mother. It's like my man fucking, by the way,

he's got some shit last week for being too real. Ricky Jervais. You know, nobody likes the truth anymore, guys. We're living in a society that God forbid you tell the truth. Oh, God forbid you tell the truth

about anything today. You're fucking ostracized. You know, Bill Maher. Did you see Bill Maher last week? What he had to say? That it was trendy, being fucking, you know, it was just trend.

which it really is. You don't even know why you're doing it. I told you guys, 20 years ago, I was at the Gaucho Grill across the street from the Laugh Factory. And there was a gentleman in the table behind me. And he was so gay,

I had nothing against him. But in the back of my mind, I go, nobody could be that gay. Nobody. They're so confused when they move out there, they become gay. Look at the chick from Donnie Brasco.

The chick that used to be a lesbian with Ellen. Now she's married with two fucking kids. they will say or do anything to get ahead. And trust me, when they go to L.A., bro, listen, you see it. It doesn't take a genius to see people who have turned gay, just to have something to do, just to talk to people, just to get invited to parties. That's how far.

You know what goes to L.A.? All the broken people from all the good states. That's what heads out in LA And once you get They get brainwashed Like 90% of them do And 10% of them don't I saw them for what the fuck they were

They're nasty fucking people That think that somebody's got to say something to them Let me tell you something I fell under that spell At one time when I was weak Because of the Coke I didn't want to lose the Coke Out of my life

Once I got rid of the Coke I had nothing holding me down I told you exactly what I was on my fucking mind On all those sets Oh my God This lady wants me to do one of her fucking commercials. She's one of those people that always wears a hat, which I can't stand.

You know, those fucking, you know, like when you see a guy with a hat, his girlfriend told him he looked cute in that hat. And that dumb motherfucker actually listened to him instead of saying, shut the fuck up! Only Sinatra can wear this fucking hat. But all these, these people wear hats to everything.

Every time I look at their Instagram, and she asked me, can I fucking, can you shoot this for me? And I go, on one condition, that there ain't nobody there the fucking hat on. I don't want to see a hat. She was like, what are you saying?

And I'm bringing my own director. Because I see the okie-doke directors you hang out with, with the tattoo, rolled up t-shirt, with a pigeon on their arm. I don't want that. I got Bonnie McFarlane. She could direct fucking better than half of you motherfuckers. And that's the way life is, guys.

Hey, it's Memorial Day, motherfuckers. I just can't. We weren't even going to do a podcast, but I go, with everything that's going on in the fucking world, let's talk to these beautiful people on a Monday morning. God knows if they had a fucking horrible weekend like I did. I didn't have a horrible weekend, but like I told you guys,

this shit just, it just didn't settle with me like most things do. But anyway, with that in mind, we'll be back Wednesday. It might be a Zoom. It might be a fucking guest. It might be being by myself.

I'm not sure yet. I don't know. But whatever I fucking do, I'm going to do the best job I can. If you don't like the Zoom, then don't watch it. If you don't like the live guest, then don't watch. If you don't like me by myself, then don't watch. I know what to tell you, guys.

The end is near. That's it. You follow me? The end is fucking near. So I want you guys to think about what I talked about today. See what you could do as an American to be a better fucking American to make the people around you grow a little bit. and just pray pray that no of this shit

happens to our families that we could raise our families without any of this shit and that it gets better for us that's all I could say you know keep writing keep writing your fucking goals and we keep

worrying about us we can't control what happens outside but you keep an eye on them that's the best we could fucking do I can't tell you what to do all I could tell you is keep your eyes open do the best you can don't go anywhere you don't belong to be

and don't believe the fucking hype we are in a short supply of love right now but you know I love you motherfuckers I'm always here I show up tip top McGoo whether I'm fucked up well I'm doing all right

and I'm doing all right thanks to you motherfuckers have a great memorial day with your families eat smoke eat some ass do whatever the fuck makes you happy it's your fucking world As long as you do it in your backyard and you don't get fucking shot or whatever to fuck by these crazy people or Jesse Smolett. And now for a word from my motherfucking sponsor, Jack. First of all, I want to wish you a happy Memorial Day.

Number two, thank you for watching the joint today. And also thank you for supporting me. I'm sorry that it wasn't an upbeat fucking joint today. But this type of situation takes me to fuck down. I'm sorry, brought it into your life. But anyway, the joint is brought to you by Blue Chew. If you're ready to sling dick, Blue Chew got you. Summer's here and it's time to set off bottle rockets

plus the bottle rocket between your fucking legs. Blue Chew is tremendous. You can take it anytime anywhere. I don't want you to show up with dead dick. I want you to show up with heart and a smile on your face because that smile is motherfucking contagious when your dick is hard. Am I lying? And the process is simple.

Sign up at Bluechoo.com. talk to one of their medical license providers. Once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days. It's all online. No doctor's office, no pharmacy, no judgment. It ships right to your door in a discrete package. Bluetooth tablets are made in the U.S. A motherfuckering A, the strongest fucking country in the goddamn world.

So if you can benefit from extra confidence when it's time to slick dick, Blue Chew can help and they got a special deal for the joint listeners. You ready? Try Blue Chew for free when you use promo code Joey at checkout.

Just pay $5 for shipping. That's bluechoo.com promo code Joey to receive your first month free. That's bluechew.com for more details. Thanks to Bluechoo for sponsoring the joint. I want to thank Audit a fucking tremendous support.

them and company. I fucking love them. This new black label, Alpha Brain, is tremendous. They even got the packages that you could rip open lemon, lime, fruit. And it's like fucking, like the way I do with liquid IV, only with hydration from fucking Onet

the best. So do yourself a favor right now, whether you need the new mood, the Shroom Tech smart, or the Shroom Tech immune. We got you at Honet. So right now, go to honor.com. Look at the fucking kettlebells, club maze. I can't give you a discount on them, but I got you with 10% off on the supplements on your

first order. Pressing Joey joint or church and get 10% off from Audit. I want to thank Audit and I want to thank motherfucking Bluechoo. Have a great week and I'll see you Coxuckers Wednesday. Tip Top Magoo.